


I Need You

by EvienStark



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cheese, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn, it's a big ol thing ya'll, much sarcasticness, much snark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2020-09-14 12:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 170
Words: 696,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20275339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvienStark/pseuds/EvienStark
Summary: You were sure you had one purpose with your powers of super sensory and heightened empathy. Save the world. First from Tony Stark, and then maybe him from himself if you could help it. After begging Pepper to get you a job, your life turns upside down. And when she's had enough and asks you to step in, well... things get complicated.[Okay 130 chapters in. It's a huge fix-it fic. Huge. I made a comprehensive MCU timeline (including sister shows) and kind of went a little crazy with it. Most things get tied in or at least mentioned. The focal point of the fic is reader and Tony's deep, DEEP love for one another. While also growing and learning and fighting all the big bads because that's what heroes do.]





	1. Chapter 1 [Begin: Iron Man]

“_Come on, Pep. **Please.**_” 

You remembered sitting in this exact cafe, in the exact same spot. Pepper sitting across from you, hands underneath her chin in the same way she had them now. Except she was doing the talking, leading into pleading, this time, and you were a million miles away.

“_I don’t know… I’m not really- I can’t just **do** that. I can’t just setup a meeting like that-_”

“_You’re his personal assistant.” You had to make her see. “Just… slip it onto his docket. By the time he’s in the room with me, he won’t even know what hit him.” _

_ She scoffed. “He’ll know  **exactly** what hit him, and then it’ll hit  **me** . -bite me in the ass, more like it. I need this job just as much as you think you need yours, you know.”  _

_Sitting back you let out a more dramatic than you meant sigh. She wasn’t going for it. And if she didn’t do you this one solid… you weren’t sure where you’d be sleeping come next month. This was the only thing you knew you could do. The only thing you’d set yourself up for. Maybe that saying about all the eggs in one basket was proving too true. _

“_**This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, was it**?” Pepper caught you off guard in saying that. Something about that phrase…_

“What did you just say?” Your attention snapped back to the present.

She laughed derisively with a shake of her head. “You two- I swear. It’s like I’m invisible. But that’s what I’m saying. You were _made_ for this. For him.”

You couldn’t help the grimace. “I get enough as it is now. I don’t know that I can handle what you do.” It was exactly what she’d been doing that had gotten her to where she was now.

Begging you to take her job. You almost couldn’t believe it. Pepper never quit on anything unless it was severe. And Tony-… well, he was more than a handful. More than she could handle these days, it seemed.

“Yeah, well… whether or not you do it, I’m handing in my resignation tomorrow morning. Preferably not while also telling another one of his one night stands to get out.”

“Maybe you could get her to take your goodbye letter to him?” Only slyly offered, definitely more joking. And you felt at least a little better when she couldn’t hold back a little snort. But at the mere thought that that’s what he’d had her doing for the past few years, “It’s that bad, huh?”

She drooped back in her seat. “_Worse,_ if you can imagine. Every morning I’m on the maid’s end of cleaning up his bedroom, women included. And today- **today** one of them said something really… really...”

You had the faintest idea, “True?”

Her eyes rolled up and then closed. “Yeah. About this being the height of my potential. About being more his mother than his secretary. I might as well start wiping his ass while I’m at it.”

“I’d heard he has a fancy toilet robot that does that for him.”

“No that’s just what you tell people.”

The laughter you shared in that moment was at least genuine. When the air slid back to silence, her hands came down atop yours.

“_Pep, **please**.” You were almost willing her to at this point, clutching her hands in yours. _

“_I… oh- alright. But if I get fired, I’m living with you rent free for a year- two. At the minimum.” Successfully managing to persuade her to your cause. _

_Now if only you could do the same to Tony Stark. _

_The meeting got off to a rocky start the next morning. You could tell he was hung over and more than just a little annoyed at having to sit down with you. As you went to try and shake his hand he held his up. _

“_Five minutes. That’s all I’m wasting on this. My time is very valuable. As Ms. Potts seems to have forgotten.” So you sat, and he crossed his arms. “Why should I hire you?” _

_For all you’d rehearsed, words seemed to leave you. Stumbling, you said the only thing you could think, “You need me.” _

_ His grin almost got you believing he was on your side until the laugh came out of his mouth and the wave of his hand, “We’re done here. Nice meeting you.” Standing up he offered his hand for a shake, “Oh and just a little tip, next time try bringing a resume instead of a line  _ _ **I ** _ _ use when I’m shilling weapons. Not as effective on people who hear it every day.” He rounded the corner of his desk,  
“Ms. Potts will see you out, and on her way back I’d suggest she also thinks about her position as assistant- not talent management.”  _

_So, that was it._  
You blew it.  
And got Pepper in trouble. 

_All that fuss for nothing. _

_No. No of course that wasn’t it. Whatever confidence you had you built like a tornado, propelling you to your feet in front of him. What else did you have to lose? _

“_Tell me the top ten recent polls of American opinions in your involvement with the war in the middle east- and how that effects your bottom line?” _

_For a moment, brief, it seemed Tony was stunned. His mouth opened but closed quickly and he shook his head with a few quick blinks of disbelief. “What?” _

“_Tell me just five things you know about the burgeoning social web market and how to advertise effectively on it.” You let only a few seconds more of that beautiful stunned silence sit between you, not leaving his gaze for a moment. “How about telling me what you think your average worker gets paid versus what public opinion thinks?” Counting out a brief pause before finishing, “Okay, easy one. Can you even tell me what MySpace is for?” _

“_It’s-...” Lingering on the hiss of the ‘s’ as he angled back in his stance, waving his hand lightly. “-a place where people post pictures no one wants to look at and music no one wants to hear-” Said extremely quickly, trying to bolster himself like he knew what he was talking about. No one put Tony Stark out of his element, after all. “What was your name again?” Craning his head closer to you, squinting. _

“_Don’t even know that one?” Grinning. Trying to be as compelling as possible. Tony __S__tark was the world’s biggest confident jackass. Being his reflection would only entice him, right? For all the doubts you’d had all last night and walking in this morning, it seems like you’d actually won. He had this dumb little impressed half-smile. So you decided to finish strong, “__**You need me.**__” _

“_I need you.” Sounding like he was hypnotized, repeating you mindlessly. Something you were almost ready to cheer over until he shook his head again. “I need you? I’m my own marketing campaign. My own __spokesperson__.” _

“_You’d have a lot more free time if you weren’t. And a lot more market share.” Tony might have been a genius, and inventor, but he was also a rich kid. Silver spoon in his mouth from birth. What other language would be more effective than __**money**__? _

** _You need me… you need me… _ ** _ you thought it as strongly as possible, confidence brimming over the top.  _

_ He seemed to be more considering the idea than dismissing it, but you couldn’t help the brief sink of your heart when he stepped around you, head shaking yet again. Once he was at the door he turned, pointing a finger, “Fine. You start next week.” Turning around you heard him mutter, “I need you.” sarcastically. But he hung back one moment more, “Pepper can get you your papers. And seriously mull over that this is the  _ ** _last_ ** _ time something like this happens. And if it goes sour it’s on her head.”  _

Pepper had looked so ecstatic for the both of you then. Now she looked distraught. Tired. “Why now?” There had to be more here than just an angry blonde spitting venom at her. Regardless of how long she’d had to deal with them by now.

“I’ve got a few offers… from… some places. Promising stuff. Not like- not like what I’m doing now.” The fact that she didn’t want to say where these _places_ were was more than enough for you to know. Competitors. If she didn’t want to share, it was none of your business. Better that, too, since she was trying to saddle Tony on you. The less you knew the better. 

Even though it wasn’t like he couldn’t find out.

“But if you’re so keen on going, why even ask me to do this?” Why burden you with all this? Your job was demanding enough. He put enough fires in the world that you already had to put out. Sometimes daily. Why even bother you with being _more_ responsible for him? 

Her eyes dropped. “Look, I know this isn’t the greatest sales pitch. And… I can’t say he’s the best guy. He’s only forgotten my birthday every single year and he treats me like just another one of his machines that he can order around. But… underneath all of that… I don’t know… I thought I could help him. But things are starting to line up elsewhere for me. And I’m  _ clearly  _ not having any effect on him.” 

Sometimes you wondered what she thought that was. What she’d hoped for.

“And you think I can?” Trying to keep your tone as gentle as possible. Non-assuming. Non-accusing.

Her lips pressed together, thinking before she spoke again. “If anyone has a chance, it’s you. I know he’s a jerk, but there are moments where he’s  _ not _ . Where he’s more than… more than this image of Tony Stark. I don’t want to leave him without someone. He won’t make it. But I can’t do this anymore.” 

And bless her heart for trying, although it wasn’t something you thought you should say. She’d been through more than enough.

“You already know almost everything. His schedules, his habits, his needs, his expenses… and you’re _you_. How many other people won Tony over the way you did?” Now she was just trying to butter you up. 

The truth was, you’d already decided.

Sighing, you scratched the side of your face. Let a moment of silence sit. And then, “How do you want me to break it to him?”

There was a gentle light in her face, and you felt the relief wash over her. Unfortunately that didn’t help you at all. “I have my resignation. And all the things- my planner for the next two years, all the stuff-” She seemed winded very suddenly, digging in her bag to get everything. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d actually say yes.” Confessed in a small voice under the table as she continued to root around before producing a stack of journals, papers, and various other oddities that were probably important. “He’s out at a party tonight. Happy will drive him home. Tomorrow morning… that’s when you can hand it to him.”

You took the thin manila folder that no doubt housed a paper with less than a thousand words of goodbye. Succinct and beautiful, if you had to guess. But you wouldn’t read it.

“Tomorrow morning,” You repeated wryly, “after I kick out another sexcapade of his, yes?”

She smiled bashfully with a raise of her shoulders. “Well it’s best to get some on-the-job training early.”

The meeting didn’t last too much longer than that. Pepper seemed eager to get on with her new life. It ended with a hug, a sincere thanks, and a promise to keep in touch. She’d be moving soon. To New York. It seemed she really had been intent on getting out of there no matter the cost.

All the more reason you had to pick up the slack. Even if you didn’t really want to.

Talking for Tony was already more than you could handle. Cleaning up his mistakes, purposeful or not, on television and in articles, singing his praises no matter the cost. And now…

_ Now… _

“Good morning, Ms. INY.” JARVIS greeted you as you let yourself in to Tony’s cliff side manor.

“I’ve asked you a thousand times not to call me that.” Not really angry at the program. After all… he was only just that.

“My apologies, ma’am. Mr. Stark has not updated your name in my files.” Or given JARVIS permission to call you anything else. Of course.

Heading upstairs, “That’s alright. Tony’s in the workshop?” You had to head to the bedroom, first. New duty called.

“Yes. Shall I call him for you?”

“No, that’s alright. Thank you.” You let him fall silent as you opened the bedroom door, unsurprised to see pillows, blankets, sheets, and clothes tossed everywhere in a haphazard mess. Glasses of half empty alcohol on almost every surface, too. Walking over to the sleeping brunette (a surprise to be sure) you nudged her. “Morning. Get up. Get dressed. Get out.”

She grumbled something, swatting her hand at you. All you could make out was, “Go away.” Oh- no, a second thing, “Where’s Tony??”

“Tony’s out for the day and you need to leave or I’ll be happy to call the cops. Out. Now.”

Looking up she cast a dark gaze your way, “You’re not Pepper.”

“You’re right, I’m not. I’ll call you a cab or the cops. Either way you’re leaving in five minutes. So which will it be?”

It took her less than four to get up and put her clothes on, all the while getting louder and louder about how angry she was, that Tony better call her, that this was not how you treat a person. When she was gone you left the bedroom, heading down the winding core stairwell of the house.

“Ms. Potts is usually a touch gentler with Mr. Stark’s evening guests.” JARVIS chimed in. For what reason you couldn’t say.

“Yeah, she is, isn’t she?” Which might explain why that one had been hoping to see her. Much less of a rude awakening. Then again, it was just very common knowledge that Pepper Potts oversaw all of Tony’s affairs. Lewd or otherwise.

But today was a new day. And Tony now had a new personal assistant, whether he or the world liked it or not.

You keyed yourself into his workshop with your  personal code , finding him sitting on  a crate , hand underneath the hood of some old vintage car. He didn’t even look up at you. 

“Pepper’s gone, huh?” His tone was dead and quiet.

But you felt the trickle of sadness hidden behind a river of disdain. You placed the folder down on the counter nearest. “Yeah.”

Of course he knew. He’d probably known for months. There was a pang of abandonment that shot through him that almost got you to wince but you held steady.

“Don’t leave trash in my lab.” He knew exactly what you were delivering. “Throw it out.”

Stepping around the corner of the table, you got closer. “You’re supposed to be on a plane in an hour. Will you be ready by then?”

He scoffed, sad smirk on his lips. “You know, it being a private plane and all, I was thinking it’ll wait for me.” Getting up he went over to the work sink to start washing oil and dirt off his hands.

You dared yourself about as close as you could get. You had to break him in or this would never work. Like being back at square one. And you’d gotten too far with him after all this time to start there now. “Listen, I know it sucks that Pepper had enough and had to leave, but she did. And you’re stuck with me now. And I’m _not_ Pepper.” Determined to let him know right now you weren’t going to placate him just because he was the big boss.

Tony turned on you very suddenly, eyeing you up. He was hot with anger. So much so that it infected you just a quarter. “I could fire you right now. It wasn’t Pep’s call to just hand me off like I’m- ...” He mashed his lips together, gaze moving to a glare. “It wasn’t her call. And I don’t need you.”

_I don’t need anyone._

You heard it as an aftereffect, but it didn’t need his voice to be any less true.

Regardless, “JARVIS.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Tony braced the sink with his hands, half leaning over it, not looking at you any longer.

“What did you call me this morning?”

“Ms. INY.”

“Why did you call me that?”

“Because that is what Mr. Stark has designated your name as.”

“JARVIS what does INY stand for?”

“INY stands for I Need-”

“**Alright**, that’s _**enough**_ JARVIS.” Tony’s ire had died down but he was still upset. “Do any more of her bidding and you may as well be _her_ assistant.” 

“Apologies, sir.”

The next few moves were critical. Tony was like a caged animal. Wild and upset. You understood it. He felt like Pepper had dumped him off on someone that may be less qualified to handle the  _ personal _ load that was his life. He had trusted her. And it hadn’t pa nned out . He was unused to making bets that didn’t pay off like that. 

Letting some of him seep into you, you crossed your arms but still turned to him. “Tony… I know this isn’t ideal. But we’ve always gotten along. ...for the most part.” A few scraps here and there when he disliked what you had to say about him in a few interviews. Dropping in just a few inches closer, “I wouldn’t have said yes if I didn’t want to do this.”

He turned his head, eyes on you, expression still guarded but you could feel the anxiousness. The deep dissatisfaction. “And what is  _ this? _ ” 

“This is your life, Tony. It’s where you go, it’s who you talk to. Sometimes it’s how you get home at two in the morning. Sometimes it’s what you’re eating for breakfast or what you’re having to drink with dinner. It’s your business. It’s your livelihood.  I’m not Pepper. But I think I’m the best you’ve got.” 

A huff of snarky air escaped him and he dropped his head again with another shake. You felt him pulling himself together. Putting back on that perfect smarmy mask. The moment of realness was gone and no one else would ever see something like that. You imagined Pepper had seen more than a few. However, this was not that new to you. And it’s not like you thought he was any less than the human he tried not to be.

“Right, well.” He pushed away from the sink, wringing his hands dry on a nearby towel. “If that’s how you’re gonna be about it, I’m not changing your name.”

The whole time that had been established, you had known it as an annoying joke meant to get on your nerves. To throw it back in your face for even daring to say such a silly thing to Tony Stark.

_You need me.  
I need you. _

But now…

He was halfway to the door of the lab before you realized he was trying to make an escape. “The plane, Tony?” Moving after him.

“It can wait. It’s _my _plane. That’s what I pay them to do. I need breakfast. Who serves the best bloody Marys in town?” 

Stepping to his side up the stairs you fell in sync with him. “There’s this hole in the wall downtown that I know of.”

“Perfect. Hey, maybe you won’t be half bad at this.” At the top of the stairs he turned to offer his hand.

Grasping it firmly in a shake, you couldn’t help a smile. “If you’re lucky.”

Tony was firmly back to being Tony. Carefree, sarcastic, lovable jackass. But his hand in yours stayed longer than a normal handshake. Just a few seconds too long. Barely noticeable. It was more the look in his eyes. The glance you exchanged.

Pepper had handed you more than just a job.

She’d handed you someone else’s entire world.

And right then, right in that moment looking into his eyes you promised. You’d do everything you had to to protect it.


	2. Chapter 2

A nauseating amount of nervousness mixed with the usual heated overconfidence in the back of Tony’s limousine. The contrasting emotions nearly made you sick to your stomach, or maybe that was just Happy’s driving. Tony had told him to hurry it up, even though he was the reason he’d be several long hours late now to the airport. It was unlike him to be so nervous for something as routine as this…

“You alright?” He asked, startling you, worried for a moment he’d become a sudden mind reader.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Taking your chances on bridging that gap. If something felt off about this to Tony, then he probably shouldn’t go. And you were the one that had to make excuses for him when things went wrong.

“Me?” Eyebrow raised over the lens of his tinted sunglasses. As if you would even dare to ask such a silly thing. “You’re the one that looks sick. Hey-” Reaching up he knocked hard on the dividing glass, raising his voice, “Could you drive less like a maniac, please? You’re spooking my _assistant_.”

There was a thrum of satisfaction here. Despite the rocky start this morning, Tony seemed to be adapting well to the change. One of his better traits. Happy grumbled something from the other side, probably none too pleased with the situation.

“Sorry- can’t hear you.” Tony grinned with the usual self satisfaction before directing his attention back to you. “So. What’s the matter with me? Hair out of place? Tie not straight?” Not that it would matter, which was why he was baiting you into responding. He’d be on a plane for hours and have time to fix himself up, had that been what was wrong.

But no. It was something you couldn’t quite explain.  
Well, you _could_. But very few people believed you.

“Tony’ll be fine.” Obadiah reached over to give a firm clasp of his hand on Tony’s shoulder, shaking him a little. “He does this for a living, remember.” Obi seemed not entirely pleased with Pepper’s disappearance. Then again, you always sensed he never really liked you. You just couldn’t put a finger on why.

Hard to do when you could only feel the distaste and everyone else saw a smile.

“Not the first time I’ve blown up a deserted mountain range to sell weapons to our desperate military.”

“And not the last, either.”

Tony and Obi would get into a feedback loop of smug self-egoism if you let them. Best not. “Right, well. Here’s your itinerary. Rhodey will keep you in check.” At least one person you could count on to keep an eye on him. Something wasn’t right here.

He waved a dismissive hand at you, “Get on a plane. Get off a plane. Sell weapons. Are there more bullet points on that piece of paper than that? Because that’s a waste of company ink.” Despite his snark, though, he leveled a more human look your way one last time. “If you’re so worried about it, why don’t you come?”

“I’m not worried.”

“**Good**. Because I’d be very insulted otherwise.” Basically putting an ax to the rest of whatever that conversation could have been.

You opened your messenger bag and slipped his unwanted itinerary away. “I have an interview anyway.” He knew that, too, which was why he even offered in the first place. He didn’t want you around babysitting, especially not after this morning, and knew you weren’t obliged to go. So why not get a few digs in.

The car stopped and there was a sudden chill that descended. “About that-” Obi leveled a passive, hidden, glare your way. But you didn’t need to see it to feel it.

You smiled as sweetly as possible, ready to defend yourself in an overly saccharine way. The only way to deal with men like him-

“She doesn’t need pointers.” But surprisingly it was Tony who came to your rescue. When Obi faltered, “I sell weapons, she sells the public. Remember?”

Obi’s hands went up in a non-defensive gesture. “I’m not worried about it.”

“So just to be clear. She’s not worried. You’re not worried. I’m not worried.” Happy opened Tony’s door and he stepped out of the car but put his hand on the top, leaning in. “Great. Everyone’s happy. Play nice while I’m gone, will you?”

“We’ll see you in 72 hours.”

You watched through the tinted glass as he strolled up the walk to Rhodey who was waiting, looking vexed as ever. Tony had that effect on people. Happy wasted no time getting back into the car, pulling around and taking off. The divider came down, “CNN building, right?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Tony must have infected you. Because the feeling of nervousness hadn’t left with him.

Lost in thought, you barely realized Obi was talking. When you tuned back in, you caught the tail end of a lecture, no doubt, disguised as pointers. Because Obi knew better. Had been in the business longer. A business you easily threatened because he didn’t trust you very much. “-they know to give you softballs so it shouldn’t be an issue.”

“I’ll stick to the script.”

He looked extremely displeased. “That’s what I said.” You decided against saying anything to that. “Don’t mention Pepper or any of that business. We’ll put out a company memo. It’s not important.”

_You’re not important. _

“I’m not there to talk about me.”

Obadiah didn’t like you and probably never would. That was about half Tony’s fault, acting impulsively, _irrationally_ as he was prone to do, and hiring you as company spokeswoman and PR rep without asking anyone. Like, for instance say, his partner. And the other half… well. That was yours. For not listening.

_The interview in theory had gone well, in your mind at least. Unheard of, to say the least, and you were expecting more than just a tiny bit of consequence as you disembarked the elevator at the top of the Stark Industries tower. _

_What you hadn’t been expecting was a heavy hand on your shoulder and a firm turn around into a dead quiet and dark office, the door not quite closed behind you. Because a good reaming out required all employees within the vicinity heard it. _

_Being made an example of was important in an environment like this. _

“_You don’t get to play with this company no matter what Tony thinks.”_

“_Look, I know it’s unorthodox-” How to explain it? How to explain this would help? All your confidence was slipping away in front of Obi’s red face, the veins bulging in his thick neck, his finger wagging in your face. Too close for comfort. _

“_**Unorthodox**?! You’re undermining the confidence of the investors for God’s sake! This isn’t amateur hour- who told you telling the whole world our project isn’t on track is- this is **unbelievable**!” _

_You were backed up against a wall with nowhere to go. Literally. “They’ll appreciate the honesty- they’ll appreciate-”_

“_You don’t get to play with company money!! You have no right!” _

_How to explain that you exuded confidence in your serene smile, letting the people know how hard Stark Industries was working on this new project J, and what a big boon it would be for the American people? How many jobs were being put into place- how many workers- how many- _

_That you had **control** of those airwaves- that- _

“_You think you can come in here and mess with **my** bottom line, you’re wrong. Every single cent in stock cash in and crash is coming directly out of your bank account. I’m gonna put you so far into the ground you’ll have to dig your way out from China-” _

“_Hey-!” Tony slipped in suddenly, closing the door behind him. “Could you two keep it down in here?” Without a word, not even sure how he did it, still unable to remember and fill in some of those blanks in the threatening face of Obadiah Stane, Tony had put himself between the two of you. “No reason to make even more of a scene, we don’t want people throwing themselves out windows.” _

“_Tony you can’t be serious-!” _

_Just like that, Obi’s anger was redirected to Tony’s flippantness. You felt a tap on your hand, a push, and not needing more than that you let yourself out of that entirely too small corner office and ran for your life. _

_There had been murder in his eyes. _

_It was only the good news of stocks skyrocketing that allowed you to go back to work the next afternoon. Because, of course, you’d been right. Still, the knock on your door caused you to jump, but relief swelled when you saw it was Tony who came to call. _

_With a bouquet of daisies no less- _

_That had been plucked from the receptionist desk on the first floor.  
Charming. _

“_So… Obi may have been a little overbearing last night. And in the wake of such good news, I thought I’d take you to dinner. So there’s no hard feelings. Or a lawsuit.” _

_You placed your chin in your folded hands, elbows propped up on the desk. “Shouldn’t Obi be the one in here apologizing to me?” _

_Tony left the flowers on the corner of the desk with a grin, “You’d rather him take you to dinner?” _

“_Out of the question.” _

“_I thought so. In that case, Providence? Eight-ish?” There was a boyish charm playing on his handsome features. It was no wonder he was in bed with a different woman every night. Who could resist Tony Stark? _

_You made a long noise of contemplation, but your mind was already made up. No better way to get in than to have dinner with the boss. And you deserved it. “Sure. But I have to be home by midnight.” _

_He eased up off the desk, “Curfew? Tomorrow’s Saturday. Live a little.” What he was doing was dangerous. But that was normal for him. And it was almost too easy to get sucked into it. _

“_I thought you were trying to avoid a lawsuit?” _

_Your eyes met, gazes held for a moment longer than appropriate. Then again, he was asking you to dinner. With flowers. Even if they were pilfered. None of this was exactly up to code. But he broke with a little laugh and a turn away. Some part of you was disappointed. “Have it your way.” _

Obi had never ended up apologizing for that incident. And you had long since given up holding your breath waiting for it. At the very least you’d never seen him that angry ever again. You suspected even he’d been surprised at how out of control he was. His image was so perfectly crafted.

For the good of the business, the reason he’d flown off the handle, the whispers had gone around. And no doubt he’d started them. Tony was too reckless to handle situations like that, so of course poor ol’ Obi had to do what was necessary.

Whether Tony knew or cared that Obi spent a lifetime infantilizing his image…

None of your business.  
You had to keep telling yourself this.

You had your own things to attend to, like the sudden meaty, strong hand on your arm as you moved to get out of the car. Obi tended to get gutsy when Tony wasn’t around. You’d learned to live with it. But Happy opening the door got him to smile, “Have fun.”

You smiled back. Just as much a liar. “Why else would I do it?”

He laughed. You laughed. Happy laughed just to be in on it. Each one as fake as the next. The only relief came when the door of the car closed and each step got you further and further away. The two of you had some silent agreement to keep away from each other and pretend to be pleased in each other’s presence since _ the incident _. But sometimes that wasn’t enough. And for whose benefit, you weren’t sure. Surely Tony wasn’t buying any of it. It was better if you got along, though, so it would continue until… well, who really knew…

You spent a couple of hours in the green room prepping for an interview that was no doubt going to bore you to tears. Routine and trite. Smile for the camera, get people jazzed about the latest Stark thing. Drop some details about appearances. Talk about the tech. God bless America.

When you went live, that’s all it ended up being. Sometimes the boring things were good, too, though, you had to remind yourself. Idly you wondered if Pepper was watching. Tony, no doubt, was blasted and unaware of his surroundings except maybe for a pair of boobs in his face.

Everyone was having a normal night.

You patted yourself on the back with takeout, a book, and an early night in. Work droned on the next morning. Obi, as usual, barely gave a wave as he walked by to his office. It wasn’t until late afternoon that a strange buzz worked its way through the entire building. People were whispering. Murmuring. Everyone was suddenly on edge.

The landline in Obi’s office rang, shrill. Sending you into alarm. He never had calls in his office on the desk phone. It was basically for show.

You watched the secretaries creep around his office door as you leaned out your own. In contrast to this anxiousness enveloping the office building, a sudden trickle of relief leaked out in a cool drip, from where you just couldn’t tell in the oncoming cloud. You could barely catch your breath, head spinning.

When the phone on your desk rang you jumped.

Something was happening.

Something bad.

The sale went wrong, maybe? Tony had blown up a mountain people were living on by accident?

“Stark Industries, this is-”

Rhodey’s voice cut you off. Rough and uneven. You barely recognized your own name.

“I lost him.”

The world fell out from under you.

“What?”

_What was he saying?_

“They took Tony.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's really start this crazy journey. Updates to come Monday/Wednesday/Friday. But also please leave some love if you loved it comments feed me.


	3. Chapter 3

**The First 24 Hours**

Rhodey had called as a personal favor, but there were other reasons. Underlying _failure_ was one of them. But you were in too much shock to really pick up on much else when he was so far away. Nothing he was saying was making sense and before too long, the call was over.

Only to be resumed several more times in several more conference rooms. Employees big and small had to be alerted. The media was already talking. The media was always talking. Which meant you were up.

And you had no idea what to do.

Sitting in your office, shaking like a leaf, trying desperately to get a press release together. The facts. You just had to stick to the facts. Tony Stark had been most likely injured and then captured by a terrorist organization after a weapons demonstration for the military in the middle east. The exact location of the kidnapping was not being released to the public. The military is leading a search and rescue effort. No one has yet claimed the attack on the caravan that was leading him out of the demonstration. American soldiers were confirmed dead. Names only being released to the families right now.

Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes, one of your most trusted liaisons was injured but not critically and at the head of the rescue mission. That Rhodey is a close personal friend of Tony’s didn’t need saying. And that you needed to speak with him soon needed even less saying. He’d have no time for you. And that was fine. As long as he found Tony.

The over stimulation from the office building was almost too much to think through, feeling like you were swimming through a dense fog as you stepped down to the press room. Reporters were already gathered making a ruckus. You weren’t sure you could do this.

“Look, now, everything’s gonna be alright.” A wash of calm rolled off of Obi, who had taken you by the shoulders. “I’d do it myself, but maybe a prettier face will be more helpful.” Joking, too, at a time like this. “Anyway, I’ve got your statement on the teleprompters.”

“But, I- I worked on a release-”

“Just take a deep breath. Rhodes is on this. He’ll figure it out. We’ll have Tony back in no time. You’ll see. For now just calm down, go out there, read off the glass and take no questions. Easy.”

Without giving you time to think he shoved you past the doorway and the flash of bulbs nearly blinded you. Going into any sort of competency seemed impossible as you counted your steps up to the podium. Already the press was going at it, yelling over one another to get you to say anything.

So you finally took that big breath, “Let me speak.” And shut them up.

It was just unfortunate that Obi’s briefing was short and as impersonal as it got. Maybe that was the point. Scaring everyone wouldn’t do any good. It’d probably hurt the company, too. But…

_Tony Stark has been confirmed missing by the US military after a successful weapons demonstration. No further information is available at this time. Thank you. _

How could that be it?

How could you callously say a thing like that about a man like Tony? About the people around him at the time of the attack?

Worse yet, as the words poured out of you, what would you do without Tony standing between you and the booming wave of anger just outside as you spoke?

“Over twenty-four hours ago, Tony Stark left on a plane to deliver Project Jericho to the military in a tested weapons demonstration in Afghanistan. And six hours ago, after negotiating a price, he got into a protected military caravan that was then subsequently attacked by an, as of now, unnamed terrorist organization. Four U.S. soldiers were murdered in the attack, several more were injured and taken to the nearby base hospital. Tony was reported missing.

Among those injured, our military liaison Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes confirmed with certainty that Tony had been injured in a missile blast. He is certain that with no body recovered, Tony has been taken hostage. No demands have yet been made. We will work tirelessly with a search and rescue effort led by Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes on known targeted villages nearby.

Any valid updates will come through me. Here.”

When they leapt to their feet, voices roaring, demanding more information, “No questions today.”

Then you left the podium, feeling much more clearer. You gave them a mission statement that you had also accepted. You would find Tony- maybe not _you_, personally. But he’d be brought back. And with that calm mind, the bruising grip of Obi out of the public eye made no difference.

“You think because you're Tony’s golden girl nothing can touch you? You think I can’t fire Stark’s spokeswoman right here? Right now? Who’s gonna stop me?”

Obi was a shrewd businessman. Two-faced, like all good dealers were. Maybe that’s why you never really got along with him. His utter disrespect with such a brazen smile. Not to mention he seemed to think he owned the world and everyone in it.

“You have one catastrophe on your hands. Try not to make it two so soon.”

An older but firm voice entered the room. “Wonderful press briefing. Eating right out of your hands. That’s the way to do it.”

If Tony couldn’t keep you safe from Obi’s wrath and you couldn’t, either, at least some of the Board liked you. About the only thing standing between you and a help wanted internet search come tomorrow.

“Thank you, sir.” Edging away from Obi. Preferably as far as you could get.

He chuckled, darkly (maybe only something _you_ could pick up on), wringing his hands, “Pretty face, pretty words. That’s why Tony hired her, I bet.”

“We could use some of that right now.”

They started talking at each other and the more they said the less you really wanted to listen, so you politely excused yourself. They were so calm and cheery in the face of it all. How could they be? It was like Tony was an easy expense to lose if it came to that. You knew they valued human lives very little, but even him?

Sleep evaded you that night.

* * *

**The First Week**

“_You ever think about getting out of the weapons business?” This was your third dinner with Tony. You were starting to think he was taking a liking to you. Or using you when he couldn’t find a suitable woman for the evening._

_Suitable meaning someone that would go to bed with him. But at least the company was good. _

“_Obi would have a heart attack. He’d never let me.” Grinning, half drunk by now. _

“_Oh, right, that’s why it’s Stane Industries. Must’ve slipped my mind.” Clinking your glass against his when he raised it for a toast. Toasting what, you had no idea, you just sort of went with most things he proposed these days. _

_As long as they weren’t overtly ridiculous. _

“_A new business proposal, is it? Alright. Lay it on me." _

_You hadn’t expected that, which amused him all the more, your blank stare. “You’re smart. You’ll think of something.” _

_At that he just started laughing. “Smarter than you.” _

“_Smarter than everyone.” Soon you found yourself giggling, too. Maybe too much to drink. Best stop now. “Or so I hear.” _

_Another toast. _

Life had become a living hell. You tried not to fall into the endless spiral of chaos. Going to work was just asking for trouble, but you had no choice. More than that, you couldn’t show your fear to Obadiah. You could not afford to be scared of him. It would only empower him all the more. Reporters waited outside the building day and night and you had to constantly tell them there were no comments at this time, no updates to be made.

But surely Rhodey was working on it… even if you two had only spoken in clipped sentences over the past few days. He was busy. He was going to find Tony. And he could only do that if you left him alone to do his job.

You’d turned your personal cell off after some time, not surprised when _somehow_ it had been leaked to the public. Such wonderful timing. Letting them know how to reach the exact person who said she’d be the only one to talk to. You had no doubt who was behind it. But you wouldn’t let it get to you.

New phones were easy to get these days.  
And now, more than ever, even easier to live without.

It was just unfortunate that you were slowly coming undone. There was nowhere to go. Security could only do so much. Even in the company’s cafeteria the employees were bombarding you. Wondering if they should go get another job. If this was it- yet _surprisingly_, stocks had not dipped.

Obi was doing the rounds, smiling that grand smile, making everyone feel warm and fuzzy. Tony was fine, he said. Tony would be back soon. And hey, in the meantime, the company is working on some really great stuff. Stuff that will kick the ass of whoever dared to touch Tony!!!

But would it be too late by then?

You only slept in bits and pieces. Home was starting to feel like the only safe place.

Until it wasn’t anymore.

* * *

**The First Month**

Halfway into the third week, you arrived home to reporters swarming. Security should have been on something like that, and when you exited your company car, they got you. You’d made only a few sparse updates since the first, and none of them were good enough. Not for you, not for anyone.

They wanted more. More, more, _more_. More of anything. More of you. But you had so little left to give.

What would it really have mattered, if you’d missed that interview and gone with Tony? Could you have talked terrorists out of kidnapping him from the convoy? Would there have been any chance that you wouldn’t have immediately died like those soldiers?

_You need me._

_I need you._

Yet where were you when Tony needed you?

Giving some upended interview to a CNN rep who wasn’t really listening to viewers who didn’t really care. Did anything you were doing matter? _Had it ever?_

“Hey! Back off ya bunch of vultures!”

You had no idea where you were until the noise died down. Until the lights went away. And then the overwhelmingly empty backseat of Tony’s usual car, driven by his usual driver, consumed you.

The tears just started. Your hands came up to your face and you just let them go. _Blueness_ bloomed inside of the backseat.

Happy put a hand to his eye, wiping away a stray tear, hiding a sniffle. He was _infected _immediately as you lost control, but probably just feeling overwhelmed himself. “I’m sorry about that.” He got the words out after he gained a little of himself back. “I came as soon as I heard.”

“Heard?” News? Maybe? Something good? You put your tears at bay.

“They cut your personal security. Something about company funds...” Not even bothering to finish that sentence. They being Obi. And company funds being bullshit.

“Did _they _also leak my address? Like _they _leaked my phone number?” What did he want from you? He really wanted you to just crack? And then what? Take a long walk off a short pier, presumably. But you wouldn’t. Not for him. Not for anyone.

Even if things seemed hopeless.

But then you realized what Happy was saying and you looked up into the rear view mirror, finding his eyes there as the car waited at a light. “I’ll- I’ll have HR direct my pay-” What more could you do for him? He’d come to pick you up realizing Obi had cut you off, which meant he had been more than cut off.

Personal body guard and driver of Tony Stark had been without Tony Stark for weeks now.

“Eh. Don’t worry about it.” Waving a hand in dismissal. “He’ll just pay me triple when he gets back.”

You nodded helplessly, running the backs of your hands across your eyes and cheeks, looking out the windows as the scenery started moving again. “Where are we going?”

“Safest place I know.”

The drive up to the mansion was both shorter and longer than you remembered it being. And once around the security gates and up in the main drive, you felt sheepish. Did you really belong here? A hotel room would have done just as well. You could work out of a hotel. And if it was cash, maybe Obi wouldn’t know where you’d gone to, and then he couldn’t turn that over-

It was strange, the life you’d been forced into. Maybe by nobody’s fault other than your own.

Happy accompanied you up the walk and through the front door, the rush of cool air was almost enough to calm your nerves. “Good evening, Ms. INY.” Until JARVIS sucked the life right out of you again. “Shall I call Mr. Stane?”

“Why would you do that?” Happy seemed about as clueless as you felt.

“He’s currently in the lab.”

Anger consumed you in a white hot flash. “No, thank you, JARVIS. I’ll go see him myself.”

Happy was right behind you as you crept down the stairs, already somehow knowing what you’d see. Obi picking through Tony’s things. Opening drawers. Papers everywhere. It took all your strength to not break the glass when you opened the door. “What are you doing?”

“Tony didn’t give you permission to be here.” Happy immediately edged out in front of you, incensed no doubt by your own emotions. There had never been trouble like this before.

“Well Tony’s _not_ here. So.” Whatever fight the three of you had seemed best left for another day, at least that’s what Obi appeared to be thinking as his hands came up. “I’m just looking for something- a project I gave Tony a little while back. I wanted to know if he’d been working on it. I need it for the board meeting...” Trying to smear on that charm.

Something had been wrong from moment one.

_**Was it really Tony that had been nervous in the car?** _

“What are you two doing here, if you don’t mind my asking?” Trying to turn it back on you.

“Well her place was-” You grabbed Happy by the arm, silencing him. He was too easy to push sometimes.

Obi wasn’t exactly smirking, but you didn’t need eyes to see it. Tense silence hung before he just laughed, one-note, breathless and moved to get by the both of you. “I can read the room. I know when I’m not wanted.” And up the stairs he went, but he stopped briefly to turn back to you, “You have a press meeting tomorrow. Eight sharp. Rhodey had some updates...”

_Liar._

He was just trying to get to you. If Rhodey knew something, he’d have told you.

“You should get some sleep. You look like hell.”  
  
  


_Pretty face with pretty words. And when that’s all gone…_

You let him go. Creeping up after him, watching his car pull out of the driveway and down, down, down…

“JARVIS.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Revoke Obadiah Stane’s manor security clearance while I’m staying here.”

Happy’s eyes practically bulged from his head. “You can do that?”

“How long will you be staying, Ms. INY?”

You were set on not letting this get away from you. You’d get to the bottom of everything. You’d do everything you could.

“Until Tony comes home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment! They feed my soul and make me happy.


	4. Chapter 4

Nearing the end of the second month you no longer felt like a person. Just a vessel moving from one place to the next, the light dying behind your eyes more and more with each passing day. Was there a point to any of this anymore? Was Tony even alive? Were you?

Everyone seemed to be slowly moving on. In bits and pieces, whispers and murmurs, just accepting that he was never coming back.

“_Will Stark Industries be rebranded?”_

You barely knew what to say to a question like that. Rebranded to what? And by who? Who owned Stark Industries after Tony had left? -was taken. _**Taken**_. You had to keep reminding yourself that because the way some people were talking it just sounded like he’d gone on a vacation he was never returning from. And conspiracy theories about government murders and faked deaths were more than you could handle.

Happy barely spoke to you anymore when he picked you up every morning to drive you to the office and took you back home every late afternoon. _ Home _. Not yours, though. The Malibu Mansion was empty and desolate. You didn’t belong there. But at least there you didn’t have to contend with thousands of unhinged emotions. You were losing control. The world had become much louder lately.

“_I had payroll deposit your missing pay into your accounts.” _

“_You didn’t have to do that.” _

Yes, you did. Most days it seemed like Happy was the only one who cared anymore. Obi was slowly wrestling away control. You didn’t see any members of the Board most days, and when you did they remained shadowy figures at the end of an office corridor that fled when they caught you staring. Your job dismissal was imminent. You were sure of it.

Tony was a missing person, soon to be declared dead. Questions then turned to his will. His estates. His technology. His money. His company. Who would be the lucky winner in the Tony Stark death lotto? You could barely stand listening to it all. Even if it was only talk behind closed doors. You could still hear it. And every morning the reporters ramped up, grew bolder and bolder in asking such things. Obi hadn’t come to brief you the past few times. Leaving you to your own devices. No doubt hoping you’d say the wrong things and let yourself dig your own grave.

Less work for him to do.

The only thing that was clear is that nothing was. Everything was muddied under sudden greed.  
  
“_I’m so sorry..._” Pepper had called more than once to give her condolences. Things you didn’t want to hear. Not because she didn’t mean them, she did. She may have been one of the only honest and true people left in your world. But you just couldn’t handle them.

You hadn’t gone to work in two weeks. You hadn’t slept much longer than that. The end was coming. You had nothing. No answers. Soon you’d have even less than that. Happy lingered in the doorway of the lab. This was probably the last time you’d see him. He’d been talking for a few minutes, not really to you. Not really to anyone.

“_This wasn’t how it was supposed to be._”

Your eyes lifted. “What did you just say?”

He looked at you, gaze hollow, shaking his head. “Nothing- don’t listen to me. I’m just- ...I’m gonna go.”

Whether or not the two of you even said goodbye to each other you couldn’t remember in mere seconds. It was like he was a ghost who may not have even been there at all. You watched on the security monitors as he climbed in his car and sat there for a long time. A long, long time. But eventually he pulled away from the drive and was really gone.

The end was near.

“JARVIS can’t you help?” You were desperate, voice barely there. You’d been sitting in Tony’s lab for hours, pale glow of the screen helping your insomnia. Not quite as much as the nightmares that slipped in every time you closed your eyes, though.

“What would you like me to assist with?”

“No- like- can’t you do something?” JARVIS may have only been a computer program Tony designed, but he seemed like a real person most of the time.

“What would you like me to do?”

Except now, when you needed him the most. He was just an AI. Trained to follow commands. Lines of code that couldn’t help Tony any more than you could. “I don’t know… couldn’t you like… can you bring up pictures of the convoy site where Tony was attacked?”

“Yes, ma’am. One moment.”

Access came through Rhodey’s authorization. Something you’d requested a long time ago but never did anything with. The media didn’t deserve photos like that. They didn’t deserve information like that. Maybe you were guarding too closely.

Pixelated pictures flooded the lab screens from surveillance satellites with the coordinates of the track of land between the demonstration and the base camp. You stared at them. You’d seen them before. Looking at them now didn’t help. You had nothing much to look at. “Can’t you… track nearby known terrorist base camps? Find the closest that would have had access to the demonstration information?”

“The military has likely already done that.”

JARVIS seemed not to want to do work that had already been done. Like father like son…

“Yes, but _we_ haven’t.” This was the last thing you had in the world, you knew that. If you couldn’t find something here, if you couldn’t make this work, couldn’t find one shred of information maybe Rhodey had overlooked… this was where it ended.

“What can we accomplish that the military has not already worked on?”

Was he testing you? Or just being unruly? Maybe because you weren’t Tony he didn’t want to listen to you. He’d never seemed disrespectful. But maybe he was upset, too. Although would Tony program an AI like that? Seemed like a lot of trouble down the line.

“The military asks for you all the time. And Tony always says _no_. _Not JARVIS. You’ll never get your hands on JARVIS._ You’re more capable than you’re making yourself out to be.” Right? He had to be. Tony had always been hard pressed about that. JARVIS would have had all sorts of things to offer the military. All sorts of information and processing power, intelligence, self-awareness…

Dead silence filled the lab.

You got the feeling he may have just abandoned you. You pushed too far. Asked for things you shouldn’t.

Putting your arms on the desk, you laid your head down. Some repo team would come find you eventually, no doubt. If you were lucky, Obi would give you a modest funeral.

“...I’ve listed the nearest known camps and their latest tracked activities.”

Picking your head up, assuming you were dreaming, you squinted at the information projected on the big screen in front of you. This was a sink or swim moment. And it was the last one you were going to have.

“Let’s pick this desert with a fine toothed comb.”

Resolved as you had been, sure that you would be able to find something here, some detail someone higher up and more trained than you had overlooked, it brought nothing. The morning, then afternoon came and went. Night swiftly after that. When Happy returned again you were half bent over a hot computer, papers with scribbled notes lying in your wake, and big crossed out facts and figures on the whiteboard.

“I brought coffee...”

“Thanks.” Five seconds away from giving up. Maybe there really was nothing here. Maybe this was just how it all ended.

“What uh… what have you been doing?”

“Nothing.” Nothing at all.

“Doesn’t look like nothing.” He was leaned over some of the papers to your left, trying to read what you’d been hectically researching. You didn’t bother to stop him.

“It ended in nothing. So it is nothing.”

He stepped away, seeming like he might leave. Instead, in the doorway, quietly, “You’re doing more than anyone else on this side of the planet. That’s not nothing. That’s everything.”

Happy didn’t want you to give up. You didn’t want to, either, but what was left? If this was everything Rhodey had… of course it was going to lead to nothing. Were you really that distrusting? Rhodey had been doing everything he could.

...everything _he_ could. The realization came much too late. Hours too late. Your head jerked up from the desk, feeling the sting of red where your cheek had been resting against the surface for far too long.

The question had evaded you all this time. If a ransom had never been demanded from the company, from the public, from the USA, then why had they taken Tony? If they were going to kill him they would have released a tape.

_Why had they taken Tony Stark? Never said a word? _

They were using him.

Like everyone else in his life.

“Can you find more recent tracked activity than that? Maybe our military is looking at the wrong stuff.” God bless Rhodey, but he hadn’t made any significant progress. Or at least none he wanted to share with you. Either way, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t working. And any longer than this and Tony really may as well have been dead.

“And whose military do you suggest we contact?”

You weren’t as well versed in this. Maybe if you called Rhodey and told him you were going to do some unethical things in the name of saving Tony… no. No he’d never go for that. He was too straight-laced. “What’s Russia been spying on these days?”

“Let me be clear, Ms. INY, I do not have authorization to look at Russian military files.”

About as much as you expected. But… “Could you find some? I’m not looking for much- I don’t know what I’m looking for at all...” Honest where you had nothing left. “Just something like… somebody noticing some stuff moving where it shouldn’t be? Does that make sense?”

More silence. You didn’t know what to hope for. Maybe he was calling Rhodey in the background and telling him you needed to be put in a nice padded cell.

And then, like the break of dawn-

“I seem to have found some security clearance back door.” Was JARVIS being sarcastic? _Seem to have found_. It almost sounded like… better not think about it right now. “What do you suggest we look at first?”

Taking a deep breath you craned in over the computer. “Let’s start with just Afghanistan. Anything unusual that they’re noting- please translate the text for me. Russian is not my forte.”

“Cyrillic is difficult for beginners. I will go through it for you.” And now he was giving you sass? But for one reason or another, it put a smile on your face.

“Thank you, JARVIS.”

The two of you worked through the rest of the evening. You didn’t want to miss a single thing, so you had him pull all of it. Everything within the last three months in that area that they were checking in on, looking over, feeling suspicious of. Your eyes were tired, you still felt like crying a little, but you were bolstered by your resolve to see this through. After all, it was the last thing you had.

Just as dawn cleared, there seemed to be a break. Upon asking JARVIS to open a selected extra-secret file labeled **10к**, things started to fall into place. Whether it was a group name or some documentation of the area your failing brain didn’t understand mattered very little when JARVIS spoke up next.

“I’ve pulled some of their most recent photos. There appears to be unusual heightened weapons and military materials trafficking near a village called Gulmira.”

“Call Rhodey- please, on screen, don’t let him put me on hold.” You could barely breathe. This was about the absolute last chance everyone had. The last thread to follow. Everywhere else had been very quiet- and if this fit in line with your theory… why suddenly bring in raw materials to this one remote location? You hoped you were right.

“I know you want an update…” Rhodey was utterly defeated. At wit’s end. Ready to tell you they were done. Probably had been done for a while.

“You can hand me right over to the Russians if the information doesn’t pan out, but Rhodey I think I found something.” What would be the worst they could do after the hell you’d lived through?

Very suddenly he turned stern, “What did you do?”

“Why did they take him, Rhodey? Why? For what? I know why. They’re making him work.” You were sure of it now. How hadn’t you seen it before? How hadn’t you put it all together?

“We-… we don’t know that. We don’t know that he’s not...-” It killed him to approach those words, but he was trying to bring you down from what must have seemed like a lapse of sanity.

“He’s not dead! They’re _using_ him, Rhodey! You bomb us, we’ll bomb you!” You had slyly tried for years to talk him out of big weapons. It was the entire reason you’d even tried to be where you were in the first place. Things had shifted, after the first couple of non-dates, but… not important, now. You’d do the whole _I told you so_ later.

“Can you slow down? What are you even trying to say to me?”

Taking a breath, trying to do just that, “I had JARVIS look at some stuff.” Suddenly you were getting shy about _ what sort of _ stuff. Because Rhodey had been doing his damnedest. Trying harder than any of you. And you didn’t want to step on all of that. “Stuff- that- may not have exactly been legal to look at-”

“Why don’t you just shout it so the whole base can hear you?”

It was hard to tell if he was joking or serious. If this didn’t come to a meaningful end here, he probably would have to haul you away in handcuffs, much as neither of you would have liked it. You could imagine the field day Obi would have distancing himself from the crazy woman Tony had hired, hacking foreign governments in his absence. He’d just love to run those headlines. “I’m going to have JARVIS send you over the data- the coordinates- Rhodey… I think this is really it.”

One way or the other.

This was how it ended.

“_Why don’t you come to bed?” Tony was absolutely wrecked. It was your fault, letting him get that way. Then again, who could tell Tony no? Not a damn person in the world. At least that’s what he believed. _

“_Why don’t you **go**_ _to bed.” It was easy to get him there with a little push, gravity was not exactly his friend right now. What you weren’t expecting was for him to pull the side of your dress, not only ripping it, but bringing you down with him. _

“_Come on- stay. Stay here. Don’t run. What are you afraid of? I don’t bite hard.” Words slipping out of him effortlessly. All automated responses he’d no doubt used on countless other women. But he seemed not to want to let you go. _

“_I have to be at work at eight in the morning. And this is not a thing that’s happening.” You’d told him that many times. He just never seemed to want to hear it._

_You can’t have that- you can’t have **me.  
**Ah, a challenge, is it?_

“_You don’t have to tell the press. We’ll keep it our dirty little secret.” Whispering hotly in your ear. This probably worked on all the other ladies he picked up in bars and casinos. _

_It was kind of working now. _

_Not that you’d admit it. “No, Tony.” Easing him away with one hand, you pushed yourself up above him, laying the opposite on his shoulder. His desire was burning through you, but everything else about him remained gentle. _

_He laid there, playing defeated. Looking the part pretty well, actually. “What if I said I need you?” _

“_You do need me.” _

“_So we’re in agreement then.” Grinning to himself, very pleased. _

_Despite your better judgment you leaned back in and he seemed very ready and willing to accept the tryst as it came. But instead, you laid a gentle kiss at his temple, something that seemed to soothe him as he melted beneath you. He let a soft breath go that he’d been holding onto. _

_ Tony was a very broken man. Only a few people on earth knew how much. You wished you weren’t one of them, at times. But that’s what you’d begged for. _

“_Go to bed now.” _

“_Will you stay?” He was seconds from being gone, eyes glassed, half-lidded. It didn’t really matter what you said. He probably wouldn’t remember it come tomorrow. _

“_Will you get out of weapons?” Teasing him now was cruel. _

“_You’re always asking that. Why’re you always asking me that?” _

_The answer came easy, “I care about you.” And the grand scheme of things. Obviously. But… like this, how could you be any less honest than that?_

_His smile was dazed, “I’ll think about it.” _

_He wouldn’t. You were very close to giving up on it and surrendering to your life of playing clean-up for war monger Tony Stark. That was the life you’d chosen. “An hour.” _

_ As was that. And the humiliating morning after, waking up in Tony’s empty bed. Not that you’d slept with him the way he wanted. But you’d let him have his way. For a brief moment, you’d given in. And that would only encourage him more in the moments that mattered. _

_The ones that didn’t settled back to a despairing chill. His own humiliation at being really seen for who he was never sat right with him. Especially when it wasn’t someone he could just expel out of his life with a wave of his hand, or a well placed Pepper Potts to say “good morning and good bye". You’d get back to joking and being coy with one another in a month. If you were lucky._

Happy’s hand clasped your shoulder as the phone rang. Harder still when Rhodey’s voice came over.

“We’re starting the sweep near the camp. There were several explosions in that area.”

Please.  
_ Please, _ you begged the universe.

_Please give Tony Stark back to me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it remember to leave a comment! They make my day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Life got in the way. But we're here now! Enjoy!

It was extremely quiet that morning at Stark Industries. Obadiah had come in early, same time as always these past few weeks. Taking over a business fully was hard work. Easier when much of it was self-orchestrated. He had a few meaningful changes to make today, and a few loose ends to tie up very soon. But things were looking up.

No more so than when his door opened and his PA put a piece of paper on his desk. “Tony’s secretary released a press statement.”

_That woman._ No one was allowed to say her name. Easier to phase her out. A real nobody, anyway. He couldn’t help but laugh. “About time.” Probably about how she was going to step away from the company for the better of her mental health. He couldn’t accost her with reporters and lurkers at the mansion, annoying that she’d holed herself up in there for some time now, but starving her out was just as good.

For a moment he wondered why Pepper couldn’t have just stayed. He had liked her. And she wouldn’t have caused as much trouble.

  
  
_ Tony Stark has been located during the military’s latest search and rescue effort. He is being treated for his injuries at the military hospital at the base camp and flown home shortly. A longer press briefing to follow in the coming days. Thank you._

  
  
Her name, hand signed, at the bottom of the release seemed to mock him.

In one quick sweep of his arm, the contents of his desk went flying towards the nearest wall.

There would be hell to pay for this.

* * *

You barely had any idea what to do with yourself when the call finally came in that yes, yes thank whoever it was who had answered you, Tony Stark had been located. Rhodey said he’d been miles from the camp, injured, severely dehydrated, a little out of his mind, but alive.

_Tony was alive._

And he’d be on a plane about as soon as they’d let him, because he was itching to come home. He had to go through the base hospital first, get some fluids in him, get some places patched up- about all the information Rhodey would give you, leading you to wonder if he wasn’t saying something. Tony had been in captivity for three months. He was alive, but how hurt was he?

Questions for later. He was alive, that was what mattered. And what to do before he got home?

Well first was the initial celebration with Happy who had been adamant about staying at your side once things had gone down. And when that news came in, after Rhodey had hung up, the two of you just hugged, maybe cried together for a few seconds. Brief. Really. Which was a shame, because it honestly wasn’t enough. You had too much inside you, but now was not a good time. You’d exorcise it in private.

Happy left a little while after, saying he needed to get himself together and get the car washed and shined for the second Tony got off that plane. But, of course, “You let me know so we can pick him up.” Clearly keen on keeping you close. Which you appreciated.

But with him gone, what were you going to do? Well, you decided, you needed to clean up the sparse mess you’d left in Tony’s home while you’d been using it. Without his permission. But you were sure… at least you _hoped_ he wouldn’t mind. So you made sure to clean extra, scrubbing on your hands and knees where necessary, all the places you’d left your mark. Mostly just the living room and the lab. The lab especially you were careful with, making sure to put everything back in its proper place.

Before you turned off the light to leave, even though he’d hear you in every room in the house, “JARVIS, did you hear?”

“Hear what, ma’am?”

Leaning your head against the door, tired smile on your lips, “Tony’s coming home. They found him.”

“I did hear that, yes.” JARVIS, no doubt, was always listening. The thought should have been unnerving, but you couldn’t help but feel comforted by it. For one reason or another.

“Thank you.”

“For what, Ms. INY?”

“Your help.” None of it would have been possible without him, after all. Perhaps you were getting too attached. He was, after all, not even a he, but a computer program. Still…

“I only did what you asked of me.”

“You did everything.” Not ready to let him count himself out.

Turning off the lights in the lab, you shut the door behind yourself and headed back up the stairs. Some more things needed tending to. As you were making a list of things to restock the fridge with, “You’re welcome. And thank you, as well.”

The lag in his response time was a little alarming. Weren’t you just convincing yourself he was only an AI program…? “What are you thanking me for?”

“Not giving up on him.”

“JARVIS...” Slightly awed. Was he… did he… should you even ask…?

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Nothing.”

Better not.

* * *

You made very certain to keep the timing of the release on the memo as close to the timing of Tony’s landing as possible. You didn’t want any interlopers bothering him as soon as he stepped off the runway, and they’d be scrambling like mad to talk to him. To find out what happened. To hear everything he had to say. Almost business as usual but not quite.

The Air Force flight he was on seemed to drag on forever, not helped by the fact that you were checking the clock every couple of minutes or so. There was no way to track it, of course, even if you’d been cheeky and asked Rhodey anyway.

“_He’ll get there when he gets there.” _And he’d been cheeky right on back. Which you probably deserved.

You made sure to take a long, but not too long, shower, wanting to at least look like a presentable person and not death walking. He’d been through so much more than you had, and more than you could ever imagine. It wasn’t right to greet him looking like a mess. You still hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in what felt like years now, and it might have been worse to meet him when your seams were still coming apart.

There was nothing to be done about it now. Out of the shower, into some fresh clothes. Taking a longer time than you meant looking at yourself in the mirror. Just _breathing._ Getting yourself under control. It would be worse yet if Tony was unraveled, as he’d have every right to be. You had no idea what to expect.

But when the hour drew near, you got into the car with Happy and drove to the airport, leg bouncing the entire way, anxious down to your core. Ecstatic, too, no denying it. Security let you pass with enough badge flashing and ID, Happy pulling the car right onto the tarmac. Less ground Tony would have to cover getting out.

While you knew that he’d already been treated, Rhodey had called ahead for a med team who were also patiently awaiting with a stretcher. Tony would no doubt need to be looked at further than what he’d allowed them to do (see: the bare minimum in order to be able to leave), but you weren’t sure that would be right this second.

You thought you were ready. You thought there really could have been nothing else that would have moved you than that initial news. But the sight of that plane coming down had your heart thudding in your chest.

What if you’d dozed off in the lab? What if this was all a dream?

Swallowing hard, you held your hands tightly together, trying to keep any sense of composure you had left. This was no way to greet him.

It seemed like it took forever for the plane to stop moving, but when it did, the ramp descended from the back of the plane and you felt a full body shake come on. Shivering like a leaf, really. No idea what to do with yourself, feeling like the smallest, most insignificant speck on the planet at the time.

Then you saw him. Hand in hand with Rhodey, arm in a sling, in a pristine dark suit and tie, slowly walking down. Rhodey was being extra careful with him. The tears started before you could really stop them, but at least they didn’t leak past your lashes.

You saw Rhodey wave away the medical team as they swooped in, no doubt something you missed (although you absolutely could guess Tony told them to get out of here). Instead he seemed to just zero in on you, gluing you to your spot as he came closer. Unable to help yourself, a smile blossomed on your lips.

Closer still he came, stopping within just a foot of you, seeming to be scrutinizing you. “Hm. Crying already? I only just got back.”

Reaching up, you caught the one sneaky stray tear that had managed to escape just in time for him to see it. Sniffling, “Crying of relief. You have no idea how boring it’s been without you.”

A total complete and utter lie. Life had been hectic hell without him. But you were sure he knew. And even despite what he’d gone through, you couldn’t just keel to his ego _now._

“Yeah, vacation’s over.”

It’s not exactly what you wanted to hear, but it was good enough. He side-stepped you, and you let him, to go to the car, but you went to Rhodey. “Am I allowed to hug you or does that break military code?”

“Just one. Any more than that, I might get court martialed. Or picked on.”

His bright smile was all you needed to reach up and take him in a tight squeeze. It was just as gratifying when he wrapped his arms around you for an equally crushing embrace. But it was nice. After everything else, this was very nice.

There was a tap on the window of the car door, though, and the sound of it being lowered. “Reunion time’s over. Come on, or we’ll leave you here.”

“Gotta go.” You gave him just one more hug, even if it was against the rules, “Thank you.”

“Yeah. Thank you, too.”

There was a lot of that going around. But really it was entirely unnecessary. You hadn’t done what anyone else wouldn’t have done- that anyone else wasn’t doing. Everyone had been working for this moment. You weren’t in more debt of gratitude than anyone else.

Letting go, you scampered around to the other side of the car and let yourself in, closing the door behind yourself. “I’m guessing it’s a no to a hospital.” The last thing you wanted to do was argue with him right now, and you absolutely _knew_ it was a no.

“I’m touched you still read me so well. No hospital. I want a couple of things right now- one, I want an American cheeseburger. And two- ...” He seemed to stall, perhaps rethinking his secondary need?

It urged a flare of disappointment in you that you tamped down into a look of ire. “Really, Tony?”

“-two is not what you think. But I need a cheeseburger first. Hogan, drive.”

It was lucky there was a Burger King only a couple miles away. Less time to stew in things you wanted to say. You worried he was about to throw himself back into everything. At least getting food wasn’t so bad, but there was just this _feeling_ in the car. Less than you were used to, for sure, which was alarming on its own. Was it just your own anxiousness? You tried to reel yourself in.

As Happy pulled around, you noted the line in the drive-thru. Almost a perfect amount of inane chaos was going on today, and you couldn’t have been happier for things to be so boringly normal. Something like this would have been an upsetting inconvenience in your and Tony’s usually fast paced world, but now it was nice to just have some time to breathe.

“You want me to wait?” Happy asked before making a decision whether or not to put the car in the line.

“I can just go in and put in an order.” You offered helpfully. Anything you could do at this point was great.

Before Tony could even get a word out, Happy was pulling into a parking spot, “No I’ll get it. What do you want, boss?”

“Three- no, four double cheeseburgers. Water.” A small pause, and then if only now registering you were in the car, “Oh. Do you want anything?”

His usual callousness could not have been more appreciated. “No, thank you.” Serving the sweetest of smiles. Compared to everything else you’d been through, this was heaven.

Happy repeated the order in a rushed murmur to himself as he got out of the car and made his way inside. The silence inside the backseat then was amicable- at least you thought so. You _hoped_ so. The trouble was… you weren’t really getting anything off of Tony. And that was at least a little unusual. Most days he had a good guard up, but you were able to sneak on through to the truth of things. Now… now he felt like an entirely different person.

“So.” He spooked you with his quiet start up. You weren’t expecting him to talk. And he wasn’t looking at you, instead gazing out the window, hand to his chin. “Rhodey said you had something to do with the survey that found me.” You really had no idea what to say to that. But you wish you had as he followed up with, “Said you were using JARVIS.”

This could have been a huge no-no. No one, _no one_, but Tony was really allowed to use JARVIS for the things you had. Worse yet, he was more guarded than he’d ever been. You had no idea what to make of things. Was this what it was like being a relatively normal person? Drowning in having no idea what the next move should be?

You decided on how things usually were. “Yes.” Turning to look at him even if he wasn’t looking at you. “And I’m sure I left a wide e-trail, if you’d like to throw me in jail or hand me over to the Russian authori-”

A white crack of emotional lightning blazed inside the cab as his hand touched yours. Clutching. Just for a moment. “Thanks.” He still wasn’t looking at you.

Now you really had no idea what to do. You tried to not read in to it so much, just chalking it up to his need for any kind of human contact, any sort of intimacy, after being locked up for three months.

Still. Your face was terribly hot. You averted your gaze out the windshield. “You’re welcome.” There were a long couple of moments there you would have done anything to get him back.

But that didn’t need to be said.

Silence loomed. A little strained. A little content. You tested your luck, and found it still held a little in your favor, as you turned your hand over, giving his a squeeze back. The moment didn’t last long after that.

“No, really, thanks- I mean, I did most of the work. I was already out. They just plucked me out of the desert. But, thanks.” Talking a little quickly, trying to bridge the gap. His hand was no longer in yours. Instead it was almost protectively cradling his chest atop his tie. He suddenly seemed rushed and defensive.

It couldn’t have been good. “Are we… gonna talk about how you are?” You had to know eventually. Had they done something to him? Tortured him? Was he permanently physically damaged?

“Not right now. What we are going to talk about-” He turned his head and you did the same, looking at him, “I think after all your hard work- I’m going to give you a gift.” Clearly he was just playing around now, smiling.

“Uh-huh.” Unimpressed with his quick segue. You’d bring it up again later. “And what gift shall I receive?”

“Call a press conference.”

This stunned you, unable to cull your overwhelming emotional groan. You were _so fucking tired _at this point, you didn’t know if you could handle a press meeting. They’d get one soon. Not now. You hadn’t planned for one right as he’d gotten home. “Tony-”

His smile had moved to a grin. “Listen, hear me out on this one. _I’ll _do all the talking.”

“That’s so much less a gift than the first option.”

Dangerous. _Dangerous_, far more dangerous than you think he understood. After everything, the last thing he needed was to be hounded by the media. You’d already put several US agency meetings on a docket you weren’t sure you’d look at for a long time. Everyone wanted a piece of him right now. Why offer himself up on a silver platter?

“I think it’s a great idea.” He was determined. What for? ...you couldn’t say.

Heaving a sigh you just looked him over. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

Tony just grinned. “Come on, now.”

As Happy got back into the car with a couple bags of food, you turned to your company phone which was already blowing up every which way. You went to the secure Stark Industries media server, making several quick announcements. Nixing the previous “press to follow in a few days” memo. Going against your word so soon didn’t feel great, either.

No, Tony Stark wanted to talk now. First come first serve. Be in the lobby of Stark Industries within the hour.

Just a little more _professional_ than that. Whatever last bits you had in you.

“Do you want me to write something for you?” Tone softening as you pulled papers from the folder you’d brought, the only item that would make it look passable that you were doing a job and not just going to see Tony first because you needed to. It had things in there for him to look at, meetings to sign off on and…

Useless nonsense.

He should be going home.

“I’m gonna go off the cuff. If that’s okay with you.” He was currently wolfing down the second cheeseburger of the day. You paid no mind.

Something in you was very close to snapping. You hadn’t wanted to come back like this. Like nothing had happened. “You’re the boss.”

He angled back in his seat so he could level a sharp look your way, suddenly taking an air of offense, “I’m sorry- Are you gonna be alright? You’re acting like you’re the one who just stepped off that plane.”

You sensed Happy looking up into the rear view, tension amping. “No- no. You’re right. We’re going to do whatever you need to do. Whatever you have planned. I’m here.” You had to just ride this out until you were home. If home was safe. You had forgotten to check, but surely with Tony back the press would stop bothering you.

Tony clearly had a different vision for his arrival. You couldn’t do anything but heed it. That was your job. It was just… you hadn’t gone through everything to only keep your job. You’d just wanted him back. But there was no explaining that feeling. There was no _anything_ with that. His gratitude went only so far. No less genuine, but maybe… maybe it was the letdown of not being what you expected. Not even knowing what you had wanted.

He was back.

That’s what mattered.

The front roundabout of Stark Industries was buzzing with activity. Reporters were all over the lawn, already taking pictures as the car crept in through the drive. The last face you wanted to see was standing in the front pathway and very suddenly you reached for Tony’s arm.

Highly inappropriate considering what had just gone on. He seemed startled but before he had a chance to either snark it off or question it, “We need to have a serious talk.” His brows knit and his mouth opened but you cut him off again, “Tony. When you have the time. Just you and me. I have… I have a lot I have to talk to you. About what went on when you were gone.”

Idiot.

_Idiot!_

Obi was going to get to him before you could. You hadn’t even thought about that. Because you weren’t doing your job. There would be no way to explain the things you only _felt_. You’d learned that lesson that hard way only a few times. Better to just never talk about that with another human being ever again. You were alone there.

But what Obi had done, not only to you, but to Happy. To the company. To the foundation. To everything. It had to be worth something. But now it was too little too late.

Tony was getting out of the car and Obi was taking him triumphantly by the shoulders. Leading him far, far away. You did all you could to keep up but you were being swallowed by the press following the two of them, the thunderous applause hailing Tony’s return, their long strides up to the building.

You were being left behind.

This was not a gift to you, it was an absolute nightmare. You held your hand up to several reporters wanting to question you, not only about him but no doubt about the things that had gone on with you as well. Who knew what stories Obi had been secretly putting out to the press that you had been ignoring? Crazy Stark Industries woman stops coming to work, holes herself up in her boss’ mansion for weeks on end. Yes, yes. Fantastic.

Standing at the back of the crowd you took a silent breath, the media centering its attention on Tony who was… currently moving to sit in front of the podium. Part of you ached. You wondered if he really was okay to do this right now. But he could handle himself.

A faint voice calling your name finally got your attention and an automated response came through, “I’m not taking questions right now. Tony’s about to speak, he might answer whatever you have.”

“I’m not a reporter.” At this you turned your head, seeing the short, sharped dressed man who had called you out. “I’m Agent Phil Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.”

You barely caught half those words, clearly he was very practiced with them, but they came out so fast in a soft timbre that you were grateful for him handing you his card. “You might want to shorten that...”

“We’re working on it.” He seemed jovial, at least.

Slipping his card into your folder, “I have meetings lined up for at least the next few months with a lot of other government agencies-”

“We’re a specialized division.” He was just ready to go. You weren’t really sure you liked where this was headed. You’d never even heard of the Strategic whatever-whatever. “-with a more specific focus. We need to debrief Mr. Stark about the circumstances of his escape.”

Looking at him, and having first hand experience with his type, you knew he was not going to take no for an answer, and Obi was calling for the meeting to start. So you gave him a curt nod. Just one more thing to look after. “I’ll see where I can pencil you in.”

“Thank you.” At least his smile was genuine.

Just as Agent Coulson was scuttling away, you turned your attention back to Tony who was pulling another cheeseburger from his jacket pocket. When he’d even stuffed it in there you had no idea. “Hey would it be alright if everyone just sat down? Why don’t you just sit down. That way you can see me and I… it’s a little less formal...” He seemed out of breath, although it didn’t stop him from taking a big bite of that burger.

Your heart clenched. This was wrong. He should be resting at home. What was so important? Although it was at least amusing the control he had on the crowd. You’d never seen so many adults respond to being told to sit in a room as big as this before.

He and Obi exchanged some words, you had no idea what, but suddenly- “I never got to say goodbye to my father.” And if you thought your heart ached before, it was nothing compared to this. His guard slipped a little, and you felt the blue spread around the room.

“There’s questions I would’ve asked him. I would’ve asked him about how he felt about what this company did. If he was conflicted. If he ever had doubts. -or maybe he was every inch the man we all remember from the newsreels.” Whatever Tony was doing, the room had been lulled into a complete silence, only penetrated by a few flashbulbs going off every now and again.

You had no idea what to think.

“I saw young Americans killed by the very weapons I created to defend them and protect them. And I saw that I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero accountability.”

For a moment you _really_ couldn’t breathe.

_I’m going to give you a gift._

The one thing, the _only_ thing you’d ever asked for.

“What happened over there?” You missed him calling on a reporter, daze taking hold of you. None of this was real. You were still asleep in the lab. You were sure of it now.

“Uh- I- I had my eyes open.” He suddenly pushed himself to his feet and moved around to the podium, voice raised. “I came to realize that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up. And that is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark Industries-”

The crowd was in a sudden uproar. Obi had gotten up and was making a great effort to push Tony away from the microphones, although in his ever so kind and _careful _way. Tony tried to keep talking but both Obi and the reporters were overpowering him, Obi taking the charge to make sure nothing else Tony was saying was getting out.

But the damage was already done. There was no coming back from this.

It seemed when Tony realized he wasn’t being listened to anymore, he stepped down off the podium, making a line through the reporters straight to you- no, past you, but he waited in the double doorway until you could find yourself, find your legs, so that you could go after him.

He boarded the elevator without you, too, almost seeming ready to leave you behind, but you got in just before the doors started closing. To say that you were stunned into silence at this point would be putting it mildly.

“So. That covers about every holiday and birthday I missed, right?”

Finally, _finally_, as you looked at him, and for the first time ever without the aid of alcohol, Tony’s guard had dropped completely. He only ever looked at you like he was now in late night moments that never amounted to anything. The same kind where you’d begged him to do what he’d just done.

“Tony...” But it wasn’t _for_ you. This was for the world. What had happened to him had changed him. Permanently. For the better…? You hoped. There was nowhere to go, and you were both already uncomfortably close in the small space, so you moved closer than that, hoping to making it a little more tolerable by choice. “What happened?”

Hedging all your bets you reached up, touching one of the cuts on his face before palming his cheek in your hand. It did you all the good in the world when his eyes closed and he leaned in, even if it was very brief. The sound of velcro ripping cut the air as he undid his sling and then loosened his tie after. You dropped your hands, wringing them again, nervous very suddenly.

There was a glow that leaked out as he undid only the top two buttons of his shirt and you tried to stifle your horror. Metal was permanently welded with flesh. Embedded in his chest. “What-” You felt the breath leave you in a punch. “What is that- what did they do to you?”

“I did this to me. You know the big thing sitting over in lab seven? Big giant glowy thing. We pay scientists to walk around with clipboards on that deck even though they don’t ever do any research. That thing.”

“The Arc Reactor?”

His relieved and brief smile could have melted steel. You keeping up had been one of the most important things for some time. “It’s keeping me alive. The convoy got attacked- by our- by _my_ weapons. Big S-T-A-R-K on the side. And the shrapnel-”

Quickly you nodded. You knew what those weapons were designed to do. “Tony, I’m sorry...” What more could you be?

“I’m not. I’m awake now. This is the consequence of being deaf for-… how many years have we been together? -known each other, I mean.” You’d look the other way on the Freudian slip for now. If only because you had barely had enough energy to get home at this point before passing out. Any more emotional exhaustion and you’d collapse. “Whatever. Point is… you were the only one not looking the other way on me. Even on my payroll. You knew what was right. And you never compromised.”

“On a lot of things.” Now you couldn’t help a small smile. An I-told-you-so moment was imminent.

His head rocked from side to side, mock considering it. “Some things are still yet resolvable.” And that was _twice_ now. And twice you’d had to ignore him. He started buttoning up his shirt. “What’s that annoying thing you’re always saying?”

Alright. For this one, you’d give in. “You need me.”

Softly he nodded as the elevator doors finally opened and the both of you stepped out. You were sure he was heading to his office, but he didn’t move any further. “Can you take a car to the house and wait for me?”

It was like a slap in the face. “You brought me ten floors up just to tell me to go back downstairs?”

“We got caught up.” Giving you a little shrug as he reset his sling, something you wondered now if it was only for show.

“_You_ caught me up.” After all that and he was still, could only ever be, his charmingly annoying self.

And with a grin no less, “We had a moment. Don’t lie.” Then, tilting his head in. “I have to go down to the lab. Can I count on you to be home when I get there?”

“Wait- you brought both of us up to your office only to tell me to go to your house and so you can go back down to the labs?” What the hell was wrong with him? Honestly.

“No cameras but my own.” Quietly as he said this. It had a lot more weight to it than just a simple statement. More than just, _I didn’t want reporters bothering us_. He had shared something very personal with you. And that’s where it was meant to stay.

“Yes, Tony, fine. I’ll be there when you get back.” Turning away from him, you hit the button to call the elevator back.

His gentle touch at your shoulder was unanticipated but not thoroughly unwanted and you turned to look at him as he spoke. “Thank you.” Then, softer still, “I mean it.”

_For all of it._

_For everything._

“I know. You’re welcome.” Smiling at him as the doors pinged, the two of you locked eyes. “Thanks for coming back.”

His smile was so charasmatically warm, as were the waves rolling off of him, it threatened to undo you. He pointed a finger your way. “Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave some love!


	6. Chapter 6

Tony had spent more time than he meant to smoothing things over with Obi. It was his penance to pay after the stunt he’d pulled, he knew, but he really would have rathered everyone jump on board now. It would make the transition that much easier, because he absolutely _did not_ plan on reversing his decision. Not after everything he’d been through.

It made it worse that Obi seemed even less thrilled than he’d been hoping for. Optimism killed. Showing off the Arc Reactor really had been his only play, and it seemed like talk was going around somehow, one way or another. Obi’s acting skills were as bad as his poker face.

But there was a future in this. He knew it. He had his hands on something very real here. And he’d do whatever it took to bring it to fruition. Even if his business partner seemed less than on board. He’d get him there.

The ride back up to the mansion was quiet, something he both hated and appreciated all the same. Left alone with his thoughts was almost the last thing he wanted right now, but it was also better that he had some peace to plan out his next moves. Strangely, he was looking forward to getting home so that he could work on those exact plans with the only woman who seemed to be taking him seriously just now. How quickly those tables had turned. It was funny, almost.

He’d thought of her more times than he would ever admit, should anyone ask, when he was holed up in that cave. With only his blood and sweat and Yinsen’s help…

“You okay, boss?” Happy broke him from his thoughts.

“Better than ever.” The lie he’d keep telling himself and everyone else until it became true. “Did you take the highway? Because I explicitly asked you to get me home in less than thirty minutes.” A little ball breaking wouldn’t hurt, either.

Despite his moaning about it, the drive didn’t last ten minutes more, and falling into his usual cadence with Happy left him feeling a little bit more fulfilled. A good mood to start up the steps with. The next few days were really crucial, even if Obi had told him to lie low- and he planned to. Sort of.

“Daddy’s home.” Everything felt normal again as he stepped inside the house.

“Welcome back, sir.” JARVIS greeted him in his usual smooth chipper tone.

And there she was.

Doing nothing at all.

There were papers spread out along the coffee table, and the TV on the wall was watching the stock channels, but muted. A laptop that had long since gone to sleep sat crooked half off her lap, half spilled onto the couch. Her head was angled along the back of the couch. “Hey, sleeping beauty, no naps on the clock.”

But a clap of his hands didn’t even get her to budge.

Then he _really_ saw her. Hair a mess, half falling out of the neat bun she’d tied it up in, deep **dark **circles under her eyes, tired lines all over her face, curled into herself protectively with her knees pulled up on the couch.

“JARVIS, how long has she been like this.” Not a question, demanding to be answered.

“Just under an hour.”

She really had been working, waiting for him to get back, like he’d asked. But unable to keep it together had just passed out. “Tony...” Happy gave him a little touch to the arm, something he looked at briefly before casting his glance back at her.

What a mess.

“She was up from sunrise to sunrise busting her ass harder than I’ve ever seen anyone-” Despite himself, despite wanting to hear what had transpired in his absence, he cast a harsh glare that sent Happy into correction. “-except for you, obviously. But. She went through a lot- and that’s not to say you haven’t been through _more_ but. When she wants to talk about it, you need to listen to her.”

The snap reaction was almost too easy to feed into, _ oh, I _ _ **need** _ _ to? _ But he swallowed it whole. He was trying to get better. She had been trying to say something in the car… what had startled her so suddenly? “And what do _ you _ want to talk about?”

“Just that. She’s a good person, Tony. And she really cares about you. No one that didn’t would have done what she did. Would have put up with what she put up with.”

He turned, giving Happy a squint of his eyes, a little tilt of his head. He didn’t like the avoidance going on here, the secrets and the having to wait it out until someone was ready to say something. “You keep saying that. What exactly are we talking about here?”

Happy seemed hesitant, “You should ask her-”

“I’m asking _you_.” Why was everyone playing games with him now? It was frustrating and beyond angering. “I got kidnapped, so my press secretary had to deal with the media for three months. Is that all?” He hated himself for saying that as soon as it left his mouth, and he was damn glad she wasn’t awake to hear him say it.

He didn’t mean it at all.

Happy turned to glowering very quickly and let a silence hang before speaking. “You remember that day at the office, after **the** interview?” The famous one, they’d all never forget. The one that was her make or break moment. “When I took her home for you, she was shivering in the backseat of my car. You and I pretend like we don’t pay enough attention to get in the middle of what’s going on sometimes. But more often than not you step in when you have to.”

Tony very quickly did not like where this was headed. At all. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the rest of it. He’d been taken- of course there had been some rupturing with company personnel. Obi had probably just been trying to do his best, and she’d been so dead-set on him that she probably hadn’t been keen on taking orders. She never had been.

“Smaller words. Give me four more sentences. Spell it out for me. Pretend I’m stupid.” He wanted to hear it in plain terms. All of it.

What was he going to say? Obi went after her deliberately? In broad daylight? Impossible. Obi wasn’t like that. Even when he got angry, there was always a reason. It was always for the company. He was always just trying to do right by that.

“You think it gets bad sometimes even when you _are_ here. Just… just think about that you weren’t for three months. With no certainty you’d be back. That’s all.” And even still after all that, Happy wasn’t really telling the whole story, leaving Tony to his imagination. Which, right now, wasn’t the best place.

He waved a hand dismissively at him. “Out. I’ve had enough.” He’d heard very little, but even still, he was growing extremely tired. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“You got it, boss.”

Tony waited until he was absolutely sure Happy’s car was a mile away before moving again. Instead he stood there, still studying the shape of her lying on his couch. Comfy. Dead asleep. Maybe she’d earned it. It didn’t matter anyway, he couldn’t use her if she was as tired as Happy claimed she was.

Stepping closer he took off his sling, leaving it on the table. He made sure to confiscate her laptop and close it, setting it aside. With the gentlest of motions, he cradled her shoulders and then her head as he eased her down on her side. Pulling the blanket off the back of the couch, he draped it over her. And stood there for a few more moments still, not really looking at her, but seeing past her. Thinking. Lost in his head.

“JARVIS turn the TV off.”

Despite himself, despite everything, he cast one last long glance at her before shaking his head, making his mind up, and disappearing down the stairwell. His lab seemed much cleaner than he remembered. But then again, she’d been in there messing around for who knew how long.

_ Messing around _ too harsh a phrase, he chided himself. After all, according to Rhodey, she’d done some unscrupulous things to help with the search effort. Just the way he liked it.

Pulling up to his work space, he started idly drawing on the tablet top, plans still fresh in his mind. But he still couldn’t stop thinking about… “JARVIS, how long was Ms. INY here for while I was gone?” Still terribly pleased with the name she’d made for herself that still bothered her when spoken like that.

_Eeny. _  
_Little. Like you._  
_ With a giant hiding underneath._

“Ms. INY stayed at the manor for approximately sixty-three days.”

The number punched him straight in his gut, reeling back in his chair. “_ What? _”

“Ms. INY stayed-”

“I heard you. Why was she here that long?” That was two months and a handful of days. What on earth was she doing here all this time? And why?

“We never discussed the nature of her stay, sir.”

“That’s very cute. Did you play that dumb with her? Why was she here for that long, JARVIS?” Not in the mood to be talked down to any longer. Especially not by his own creations.

There was a brief silence, probably about as long as JARVIS dared to keep this charade up for any longer. “I’ve pulled some videos for you that may shed some light on the subject matter.”

“Front screen.”

Sitting back in his chair, he folded his arms. He was expecting to be shown something he really didn’t want to see. Recordings of her in the house. Doing things she shouldn’t be doing. Maybe everyone else had been wrong. Maybe Obi had been treating her poorly, according to Happy, because he knew she was up to something. It was almost like the second he’d been gone she’d come right up to the house-

The thunder of a hundred voices filled the lab, calling he name. Tony recognized the house she lived in, the small and modest front lawn, the heavy curtains framing all the windows. Less familiar was the look on her face, completely surprised and terribly frightened as she seemed to be dumped on her own sidewalk by a car that carried his company logo.

She was being swarmed; the vantage point of one of the reporters recording everything, shouting himself, was the lens he was being forced to watch this through. What were they doing at her house?

“_Hey back off ya bunch of vultures!” _He immediately recognized the sound of Happy’s voice, the camera whipping around to see him pushing through the crowd that had engulfed her and taking her by the arm, practically beating off the hands and microphones and flashbulbs as he settled her in the backseat and then got in front and drove off.

Tony breathed in with a sniff, hugging his arms tighter to his chest. “What else?” JARVIS had said videos, after all.

The next seemed not too far from the first, although it was one of the house cameras picking up the two of them arriving. So Happy had brought her here after her address had been dug up by the frenzied media. Smart move. He was stunned yet again as JARVIS alerted them to Obi’s presence _ also _ in the house, and the recording moved down to the lab where he watched his normally cheerful business partner ripping apart his things.

He couldn’t fix the twitch in the corner of his mouth as she and Happy confronted him.

“_Well Tony’s **not **here. So.” _He was confused which project he’d been scouring the lab for. Something Tony would have to ask him about later. Maybe it all made sense. But… he felt like he should know better than that.

Being this willfully blind was something he would have done before.

He shouldn’t do it now.

Especially not when she was involved.

“_You should get some sleep. You look like hell.” _

Obi usually had more class than that. It seemed like things fell to pieces when he wasn’t around. Everyone’s masks were gone when he was treated to the world in this way. Yet despite everything, he couldn’t help a laugh when she demanded JARVIS take away Obi’s clearance.

Cunning. Smart. That’s one of the reasons he liked her so much.

“You still have a hold on that house clearance, JARVIS?”

“Yes, sir.”

He’d really have to have a long, _long_ talk with her about everything. “Well, I’m home now.”

“That’s correct.” So the ban would be lifted.

For a moment he was really worried he was going to have to play guidance counselor to two rowdy teens who didn’t get along. But, then again, he also hoped that was _all_ it was. The next house recording was very brief. JARVIS was pulling things he apparently thought were relevant to the truth of the situation and nothing more.

God bless technology.

She and Happy were having a very distanced conversation that ended in something he really hadn’t expected. How many times was that now?

“_I had payroll deposit your missing pay into your accounts.” _

“_You didn’t have to do that.” _

“Pause. JARVIS, context?”

“Mr. Hogan’s accounts were suspended from the company’s payroll department due to your absence.”

Things were headed down a rabbit hole he really didn’t want to deal with, didn’t know if he had the energy left to deal with. “If that’s true how did she get them to do that?” Especially if that order came from the very top, which he imagined it may have.

“She simply moved her own money.”

His head started shaking, eyes going up and around in a roll that ended with a hard stare on the floor. The screen starting to move recaptured his attention. The image of her in the lab, doing something on the computer- he couldn’t see, but he could request it if it was important. It probably wasn’t.

She put her arms down on the desk very soon after, and laid her head in them.

And began to cry.

The flare of warring emotions nearly jarred him out of his seat. It was first the flash of disappointment, not only in her but in himself. That he’d led her on enough for her to feel that deeply about his disappearance. Were those the right terms? Led on? He certainly enjoyed her company, liked having her around, even sometimes in the not entirely professional capacity… He’d have to think about it later.

But very quickly after that was a hard swallow as deep sadness and fierce protectiveness consumed him. He didn’t want to see her like that. Not now. Not ever again. And he’d do whatever it took to make sure not only that, but that no one else would ever catch her low like that either.

“JARVIS shut that off! What’s the matter with you?” It had been easy to focus on only himself when he was in their clutches, that was the only way he had survived. But he hadn’t had enough time yet to focus on the hole he’d left in everyone else’s life. Now he was being literally bombarded with too much information about all of it.

“Erase that- and every other recording you have from when she was here. Permanently. I want it to be like it never happened. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

He wheeled back around to his own computer, but it still didn’t sit right with him. Waiting almost too long a time to finally ask, “Why would you show me that?”

“I thought it was important.”

His face screwed in disbelief. “Did you catch a bug while I was gone?” What had gotten into him? “JARVIS, why did you show me that.” Demanding, again, as he was accustomed to. But he was starting to get really angry.

“That was the night she asked me to go over the military documents with her. There was more, but you demanded I erase it before you could see the end.”

What a shame. He really had been interested in watching her command JARVIS. He’d been thinking about that a lot, ever since Rhodey had told him. No one else had ever dared, mostly because no one else was ever allowed. And JARVIS was programmed to not really listen to people who weren’t him. For very good reasons.

Many interesting variables were at play here.

“You trust her, JARVIS? Is that why you helped her?” It was a strange thing to be earnestly asking a computer program whether or not it trusted a human being. But he’d seen far stranger things in his life at this point.

“It seemed the appropriate thing to do, sir.”

Tony found himself nodding, to no one in particular, spreading his hands up in a stretch and then letting them down onto the desk. “Alright. Enough chit chat. I’ve got work to do.”

Yet even stranger things were coming. He could feel it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it, don't forget to leave some love! Comments are the best 💙💙💙


	7. Chapter 7

When you got home from the office- well, not _home_ home, but Tony’s house (you’d have to eventually get around to figuring out if yours was safe to return to or if you’d have to find new property), there was a list of things to be done. Meetings upon meetings upon meetings, interviews, press releases, statements… really there was no shortage of things to be done after his momentous announcement, but the problem was in order to do any of it you needed to have a _long_ talk with him. You needed to really sit down and speak eye to eye about whatever his new vision for the company was. Not that you weren’t ecstatic about Stark Industries getting out of weapons. 

You’d never imagined it would come like this. Then again, three months ago, you had never even considered the possibility that Tony would be kidnapped. Tortured. Used (if the theory still held, you’d have to ask him about that, too, when he was ready to talk). Tony seemed impervious to all the chaos he caused. Until very recently.

Regardless, all that gave you a chance to work while you waited for him. You might not have known exactly what to say to any of these people, but that didn’t matter, because you were setting meetings up weeks out from now. That was the safest bet. It would piss a lot of people off, but better to have a concise and clear understanding of Tony’s mind before putting it all out to the world. Careful footing was necessary now, more so than ever. You wanted to take his company to the next level. You’d have to do it right. So for now it was about prioritization. Who got spoken to first.

The government agencies all wanted a shot at him, nothing new admittedly, but some of them not exactly for the right reasons. You’d had more than a few unsatisfied texts from Rhodey waiting on your phone.

_We need to talk as soon as possible._

But everyone else had sent messages saying more or less the exact same thing.  _Everyone_ wanted to talk. You just had no idea what to say yet.  After making a few rough lists that you could go over with him, you turned to watching stocks dip. It was inevitable, but it still hurt to see. No matter, things would be back to normal, maybe better, in no time. You had to hope for the best. Tony had to have known what he was doing, and even if he didn’t, it was your job to follow him wherever that led. 

Maybe it was best to start looking into some face-lifting for the company in the time being… there were quite a lot of charity balls and dinners on the docket that you’d ignored in his absence, no mind to go, no strength to smile. Tony may not have been the best candidate to attend them himself, but, you had long since cemented yourself as his extension. And after everything  _else_ that had happened, no better time to not only remind yourself that, but everyone else, too. 

Tony needed time off. And it was probably better that he take it easy and maybe not make any grand public appearances for a while. Better for everyone that way…

You hadn’t expected Tony to take hours to come home. Your eyes were tired and your body even more exhausted than that. Your mind had started to wane, and all too soon despite your best efforts to fight it off, you were going, going, gone.

For once, hopefully a good shift in adjustment to a better life now that things were about forty percent returning to normal, there sleep was blissful. And empty. Better to dream nothing than something terrible.

There was no way of telling how long you’d been out. A little too long, perhaps, as when consciousness returned in small drips, you had almost no idea where you were. A little too disoriented for your liking. Vision didn’t come until you actually rubbed the literal sleep out of your eyes, and after that you saw a blurry figure standing over you-

With a  _weapon._

The shriek that had been almost too automatic came out as more of an undignified gargle, your throat dry and scratchy. “Hey- whoa- hey! Will you chill out?!” The sound of Tony’s voice was a godsend.

Heart hammering in your chest, you shifted back against the couch- couch, yes, his couch. In his living room. And it was Tony, not some intruder (not Obi as your mind raced to think he’d come to put an end to things himself), and not holding a weapon, but a frying pan. “What- what are you doing…?” It was embarrassing how out of breath you were.

“I’m making eggs. In my house. Is that alright with you?”

You took the sight of him in standing there in his robe half tied, Arc Reactor peeking out, something you tried not to focus too hard on,  light blue striped  pajama pants, and looking for all the world like he hadn’t just been missing for an extended period of time. Rosy and well rested. “You scared the shit out of me.” 

“I was going to ask if you wanted breakfast, but if that’s how you’re gonna be, that’s off the table.” Swiftly he turned back around so he could make his way back to the kitchen where you heard him set the pan down on the stove and the crackle and sizzle of food resumed.

It smelled wonderful. Getting up you realized you’d been covered in the Afghan from the back of the couch and all of your papers had been cleaned up into a neat pile on the corner of the coffee table. Your laptop was mysteriously missing. “How long have I been asleep?” Breakfast, he’d said…

“Seventeen hours.”

That figure absolutely floored you. “Why would you let me sleep that long?” Approaching the kitchen bar you had a seat at the island, shuffling your hands through your hair before setting your palms to your forehead. You really needed a shower.

“It’s not my job to wake you up from nap time.” His back was turned to you as he plated the omelet he’d been making. “Besides, you seemed like you could use it.” Voice softer then, barely heard above the clink of cutlery. 

“Thanks...”

Turning around, he came around to sit next to you, leaving a plate in front of you, starting in on his own. “Don’t thank me. I tried to wake you up. You wouldn’t budge.” As if letting you know he hadn’t really done you a favor. You’d just been an inconvenience.

But that’s not really what he meant at all.

Picking up your fork, you awkwardly cut into and then just pushed around the food he’d made. Some omelet with way too many types of cheese, peppers and onions. “Did you sleep at all last night?” You wouldn’t know it from looking at him if the answer was no, but you had your suspicions.

“Like a baby.” And he was just as unlikely to confirm.

A small silence sliced between the two of you as you ate, it wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but it wasn’t the most pleasant thing either. “I’ll call a car after this. I need to go home and take a shower.”

“Just take one here.” Really the most logical thing but it was also a little awkward. Even if Tony made it sound extremely simple. “I think you need to talk to Lansen.”

There was only  _one_ reason  he’d say his real estate agent’s name . But you had to confirm it, even as the pit of dread formed. “Why?” 

“You’ve got people parked outside on your lawn, why do you think?” He set the tines of his fork down hard on his plate as he turned to stare at you, annoyed that you’d even bother to ask such a thing.

“Still?” There was a deadness to this as you asked that you couldn’t help. You’d hoped they’d have left by now but… that wasn’t likely, was it. After yesterday, with no way to get to Tony and no doubt everyone at the office telling them to go away, _of course_ they’d still be at your house. It upset you to no end, something you couldn’t exactly hide as you breathed out hard, ending with a nice succinct, “Fuck.” But then- “Wait, you know about that?” 

He shoved a forkful into his mouth, chewing noisily. “I know everything. It took a lot longer than if you’d just been awake when I’d gotten back, but.  Can’t get everything I want  _all_ the time. ” There was a small grin he turned away to try to pretend to hide. 

Now he really was busting your chops. “ So you know that my address got leaked. You know about my phone, too?” 

It was only a little pleasant that the short raise of his brow told you  _no_ he hadn’t known about that one, smaller detail that it was. It did make you feel good though that he seemed displeased. “ We’ll get you a new phone. And we’ll work on a new house.” 

“Oh, _we_ will, will we?” You didn’t mean to throw your anger on him, but now that he’d brought it up, it’s the last feeling you had attached to it. No shaking it yet. “You know who leaked all of that info?” Now was as good a time as any to have this conversation. When he gave you an open stare, ready to hear it, “Obi. Obi was a menace the entire time you were gone. Not just to me but-” 

“Stop. Look, alright, it’s no secret you and he have never gotten along, but I’ve tried my best to mitigate. I need you both.” When you opened your mouth to start arguing, _hurt_ that he wouldn’t even listen, “Why- why would he do that? Can you tell me one good reason he’d make your life hell? What’s the sense in that?” 

You wanted to tell him. You think you’d worked it out.

He’d been nervous in the car before Tony got on that plane. You’d misattributed it. But Obi had been nervous because he’d had plans. And when Tony was reported missing, there was that brief stench of relief wafting from the top floor corner office. Because he’d succeeded.

But how crazy did you really want to appear?

Aside that, you had a case of he-said-she-said from the first day’s press conference when he’d grabbed you. What else…? Turning your head away, you had to fight back tears. This was not how you imagined this moment going, mostly because your mind had been too stuck on finding Tony to begin with to even think about how to talk to him once he got back.

He didn’t trust you.

He didn’t believe you.

You had nothing on Obadiah.

“Everything Obi has done, he’s done for the company. He’s always looked after me- and the company. Especially after my dad died.” It was unbearable to try and see it from his point of view because you were _so sure_ that was not even remotely the case, but there was little you could do about it. “If he accused you of something like that, I’d tell him the same thing. There’s no way.” Trying to give you a little solace. 

At least there was that.

Sighing, you rubbed your fingers along the side of your eye, stowing a shake of your head. He had enough on his plate. As long as Obi behaved now that he was home… “Alright, Tony.” Your appetite had shriveled up, but you made an attempt at one last bite. With all that unpleasantness out of the way, “So- I have a long list of people I have to talk to, so could you tell me some words you’d like to say-”

“Let’s not do work right now, huh? Let’s play house for five more minutes.” This at least got a little smile out of you. He pointed his fork your way, “And if you don’t finish that food I so lovingly slaved over a hot stove for, I’ve got nothing to say to anybody.” With a dramatic sway of your head over your shoulder, giving him a bat of your eyelashes, you shoveled more egg down the hatch. His own smile in comparison was winsome. “That’s what I thought.” 

* * *

F or the time being until you could look at new real estate (who knew when you’d have time for that), you’d stay at the manor.  _Cheaper than a hotel,_ Tony had said,  _but not by much_ . Whether or not he was actually going to charge you rent remained to be seen,  five days since you’d had that conversation without it being brought up again . You doubted it, but…

Happy had been called to get some of your things, really only the most important stuff. The most important of which were some clothes that you thanked him for despite how crumpled they’d gotten in the plastic bags he’d brought. It was nice to take a long shower every morning and have a nice bed to sleep in at night- and not worry about too much for the moment. This morning, Tony said he’d get down to business with you, he promised, by the end of the day. You’d hold him to it no matter what.

Then he’d disappeared to go down to the lab,  as he had every day you’d been there .  You were beginning to think he was spending nights down there instead of sleeping, too. Despite his saying otherwise, he couldn’t fool you. It seemed so normal, he spent most of his time down there before this whole thing happened, but still it felt like this wasn’t  _the usual_ . Something you couldn’t put your finger on until it was presented to you in full. 

Watching the stocks drop another fifteen points, you’d been finalizing a list for approval. It didn’t really matter if he cared (which he wouldn’t anyway) who you spoke to first, but the government agencies wouldn’t wait too long before agents started showing up.

...like that one who had already talked to you in person. Did that mean he should be up top? Or way at the bottom…

It was that thought you were stuck on when Tony called through one of the intercom panels. “Hey, how  big are your hands?” 

The question was so absurd you didn’t even know how to answer it. “What??”

“How big are your hands?” Repeated in just the same way. When only a confused sound left you, not sure what words to say to something like that, “Get down here. I need you.” 

That was all it took to get you to your feet. The list could wait. He’d said those three magic words and so you had no choice but to go to his aid.  As you neared the bottom of the winding staircase, you saw him beyond the glass inside of the lab, sitting half leaned back in one of his chairs-  table? Table chair?- , shirtless, with wires stuck to him. 

It looked like a little makeshift hospital room, and as you keyed yourself into the lab, you heard the steady beep of a heart monitor. “ Hey...” He called out to you as you entered. 

Unsteadily so, not knowing what was about to happen. He was holding what looked to be another Arc Reactor in his hand, towel on his lap. “What are you...” Words would not come.

“Let’s seem ‘em. Show me your hands.” At the simple command you held your hands up as you came closer, suddenly afraid for the worst. “Oh, good. They are small. Very petite.” Nodding to himself, he looked down at the Reactor. “I just, uh, need your help for a sec.”

You came to a stop at his side, finally taking a really good look at what he’d done. What had happened to him. The device was implanted in his chest, no telling how deep. You had a hard time keeping your voice steady. “Is there something wrong with it?” That had to be why he called you down.

He’d built it while imprisoned in a cave. Duh. Of course the first thing he’d done when he’d gone home was manufacture a much better one. “Not wrong- just outdated. I’m swapping it out for an upgrade. -I was, but I ran into a little speed bump.”

It was easy not to focus on that thing in his chest when he was looking at you the way he was. So different from breakfast this morning. Because now he was laid bare, with only your assistance to get him through whatever this was. “Speed bump?” But to say that you weren’t terrified would be a huge lie.

“Don’t get antsy, it’s nothing. There’s just an exposed wire,” As he was speaking he’d curled his fingers around the Arc Reactor and you heard the sound of metal unlocking as he lifted it up, unfortunately now drawing your attention back there, “-under this device and it’s contacting the socket wall and it’s causing a little bit of a-” He suddenly yanked and you were having a hard time breathing as the wires snapped, “bit of a short.”

A rush of half finished sounds escaped you, your hands flying up as you went up on your tiptoes. “Ur- what-” He’d just yanked the entire thing out like it was no big deal, exposing the cavernous metal plated hole deep in his chest.

“It’s fine.” His voice stayed at that soft level, like this was no big deal. Maybe more trying to keep you calm. “Put this over there-” Your hands flailed before taking a hold of it carefully, “-it’s irrelevant now.”

Quick to get rid of it when the new one was just around the corner. “Is this okay?” You set it down on the table, turning back to him soon after. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Take a deep breath.” Yes definitely trying to steady you. “Okay, hey, look at me.” You did, briefly, before he continued talking. “I just need you to gently lift the wire out.” He was making it sound like the easiest thing in the world.

But nothing seemed more difficult. He wanted you to stick your hand  _inside of his chest_ . “That’s- is this safe?” Either for him or you. You weren’t sure you were really qualified to do this. 

“Yeah it’s fine. It’s like Operation, just don’t let it touch the socket wall where it goes beep.” Circling his hand around the empty unit.

“Operation- Tony-” Making jokes at a time like this.

“Never mind. Deep breath.” He turned his head, attention fully on you. “Just gently lift the wire.”

There was no getting out of this. Clearly he couldn’t do it himself, and you couldn’t say no. “Okay- okay...” Raising your hand, lowering it- lowering… inch by inch- Until you curled your fingers and yanked it away briefly, startled. “Tony, I don’t know if I can do this.”

How were you just supposed to plunge your hand into his chest! Really!!

“No, you’re fine.” He was still being gentle. “You are the most capable, qualified, trustworthy person I’ve ever met. You’re gonna do great.”

“Because of my hands?” That was really the only reason he’d called you down here, right?

“Is this too much of a problem to ask? Because I really need your help here.”

He really was laid bare to you right now. And he’d just pulled the other device out. The heart monitors were steady, but how long would they stay that way if you continued to be scared? You had to do this for him. “Okay. Okay...”

Taking a deep breath you lowered your hand back down, fingers curved together, trying not to think too hard about what it is you were doing as your hand went down into his chest. It was mere seconds before you felt thick liquid and you couldn’t hold the noise back. “Oh- god- what is that-” You hoped not pus or blood or-

“It’s just an inorganic plasmic discharge. It’s- from the device- not from my body.” Some of those words were a little stilted as your hand plunged deeper, feeling around. You had no idea if you were hurting him or not.

“Inorganic plasmic discharge smells terrible.” The second thing you noticed besides the sensation, trying to take your mind off of what you were doing.

“Yeah, it does.” He seemed so calm about all this. That might have been rattling you all the more. “-the copper wire- you got it?”

He asked this at just the perfect time as you felt the metallic thread he was asking you for. “Yes- I feel it-” Wrapping your fingers around it you gave it a small little lift, trying not to tug on it.

“Good- now- don’t let it touch the-” The rest of that was caught off by a short yelp and the sound of buzzing. “-that’s what I was saying! Don’t let it touch the sides when you come up!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Twisting your hand you tried to turn it away. “I have no idea where the beginning is!” You almost didn’t even know what you were saying, but now you were spooked. It was much longer than you imagined, pulling it up (hand finally free from that chest hole) until you felt a little resistance.

“Okay- just- make sure when you pull it up you don’t pull up-” His words punctuated and swift, but not swift enough as you lifted the entire wire up suddenly, feeling the catch of resistance gone while the heart monitors started going crazy, “-the magnet at the end of it.”

“Oh god- oh what- what do I do- are you going to be okay?” Really the most important thing.

“Yeah I’m fine I’m just going into cardiac arrest because you did the thing I said not to do.”

“You didn’t-! What do I do?! Do I put it-” Mind racing as you panicked, lowering it back down.

His hand came up. “No no-! Don’t put it back in. We gotta hurry-”  _Obviously_ you wanted to shout at him. He handed up the new Arc Reactor. “ Take this- take this.” 

Grabbing a hold of the top piece in one hand and the extending wires in the other, you leaned in closer. “Tony everything is gonna be okay, I’m gonna fix this.” You were really telling yourself this more than him, which may have been a little selfish since he was the one having a heart attack.

“Let’s hope.” His voice was short and breathy. Wasting no more time you lowered the machine with the wires first back into that cavern. “You’re just… gonna attach that… to the base plate...” You tried to follow his instructions, but you had no idea what they really meant. “And… make sure… you...” Lower it went still until you could feel it connect with the bottom of the structure.

Very suddenly he yelped again, this one a little more energized, getting another start and a returning shout from you. But  _thank god_ the monitors had stopped, signaling good things had happened, so you continued to lower  it the rest of the way in, settling it fully in its housing. 

“Was that so hard?” He was grinning up at you. “That was fine, right? Here, I got it-” Taking over _finally_, twisting the brand new Arc Reactor into place as you yanked your hands back and away. 

You felt like you’d run a marathon. “Are you okay…?”

“Yeah, I feel great.” His entire face went sunny as he laughed. “Are you okay?”

Trying not to shoot him an annoyed look you just shook your head at him. “I’m glad. I’m really glad. But please- please don’t ever ask me to do anything like that again.” You weren’t sure you’d live through it.

The smile evaporated off his lips as he looked at you. “I don’t have anyone else but you.” The two of you lingered in that gaze, unsure of what the next right words were. He seemed not to have the time to figure them out as he slid away and off the chair.

You were fine with that. Ruminating now was a bad idea. A second shower might have been imminent… Turning back to the small table where you’d set down the other Reactor, you picked it up. “What do you want me to do with this one?” Still aglow.

“That? Destroy it. Incinerate it.” He tapped on the new one resting in his chest.

There was probably a lot of weight to consider, here. If Tony wanted one of his own inventions destroyed, you should have heeded his call. But something about that made you uneasy. Maybe even a little melancholic. “Are you sure? You don’t wanna keep it?”

“I have been called many things. Nostalgic is not one of them.” 

Dropping your eyes, you knew arguing with him would prove pointless. “Alright, Tony.” Far from, but it didn’t matter anyway. “Do you want me to bring you down some lunch?” Turning away, you started formulating exactly how to disobey him.

“Don’t bother. I’m going out in a bit.”

This news shocked you, getting you to turn on your heel. “To where?”

“I gotta talk to Rhodey.” His back was turned to you, murmuring something to his hand assistance robot, DUM-E.

That was not going to be an easy chat. “...you want me to go with you?”

Looking your way he smiled, albeit brief. “Not this time. You’ve done enough, haven’t you? Why don’t you take some time off. Call Lansen. I hear there’s a very nice property opening up just down the road.” He was deflecting, turning away again.

Something felt off.

Definitely hiding something, and apparently a hint of regret mixed weirdly with a hint of excitement. Looking forward to a good chat? After what he’d done? Rhodey was not likely to be very amenable.

When you didn’t move, he gestured at you. “Go, go. Do I have to order you?”

At this you couldn’t help a small twitch of your lips. “Does that ever work?” Turning away, you pulled the door open to the lab.

“One day it might.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying the story don't forget to leave a comment!


	8. Chapter 8

“Uh huh. And then what?” Tony sounded tired from the other end of the phone, and like he was in the middle of working on something that he didn’t want to be working on any longer.

Thus why he was calling you on your long personal flight. 

“Well, I have a transition team meeting. Then back on the plane to New York. And then an investor’s lunch where I get to sit and smile pretty. And then the board of directors dinner, if I’m lucky.” You were flipping through today’s agenda, almost too much packed into not enough time. Living the dream, as they say.

“What’s that first one?” You heard a metal clank in the background and him curse under his breath. What he was working on you still had yet to discover. It wasn’t really your position to ask why he was holed up in his lab all the time. You figured he had a good reason for it, and he’d tell you in time.

“Transition team. I have about an hour after I step off the plane in Willamette to talk with the teams at the warehouses and see what progress we’ve been making on shutting down, and what progress we’re making on transitioning the five thousand or so employees working there to other jobs within the company.” An hour was not even close to being enough time to even get down to basics about any of that.

Really you were more concerned with the personnel, but the dismantling of the weapons was a _very_ close second.  They’d need to all be torn down and hauled away safely and securely… But the people needed to be re-positioned, too. If Tony had just gone on record and laid off thousands of workers without a care in the world, the stocks really would crash and never come back. But that was what you were for.

Sort of.

“Sounds like something I should be putting face time into.” At least he had the wherewithal to think about that.

“That’s what you have me for. Besides, you’re on sabbatical. And also thinking up all the wonderful new directions your company is going. Which you _are_ going to tell me eventually, right?” It had been far too long without an update. You couldn’t keep bullshitting your way through interviews and face-to-face meetings with supposedly important people. You trusted Tony, but this couldn’t go on forever. 

Silence entered the conversation and you peered out at the clouds waiting for him to think of something. “I have a plan.”

“I know you do.”

“-I’m serious. And the people in those warehouses are not gonna be out of work.” For some reason that one was really on his mind.

“I know they’re not. That’s why I’m going.”

You could practically hear him running his hands through his hair in frustration. “Yeah- and look, if you need to set money aside for a grant or a loan or something for them in the meantime...” It really was touching that he cared so much about the little worker-bees. Maybe he was more aware of the harm that he’d done, albeit for the ultimate good, by not thinking ten steps ahead and just spouting words at reporters.

Writing a few things down in the margin of your planner, “Got it. I’ll work on that as soon as I can.”

There was another pause before finally he gave you something. “We’re gonna lean hard in on technology. The Arc Reactor… I’m gonna put people on it who really understand what I’m looking at here. The specs and… I think we’re going down the clean energy road.”

“How wonderful.” Not sarcastic in the least, really happy he was finally giving you something. Anything. “Just to be clear, we’re talking about the big one, not that you’re going to clean up pollution with the one in your chest right?” Teasing if only just a little.

“Yes. The big one. And more big ones like it. Anyone that worked in those factories can move on to that. We’ll need parts and pieces and assembly-workers...” Despite him finally giving you news after this extended period, it still sounded like he was miles away. Like he wasn’t really thinking about any of this.

“They’ll be glad to hear it.” You were, at least. “This is on the record?” If it wasn’t that complicated things. You wanted to be able to give people something to latch onto finally. But that wasn’t up to you. And you’d never break his trust.

He hummed out a soft sound in thought. “Word it lightly. Vague. Just for now.” Knowing it would be only a couple of hours before you delivered the news. It would be out of his hands after that. No getting it back. “Hey, are you coming home tonight?”

A sigh escaped you as you twirled your pen in between your fingers. “I don’t know. It depends on how the evening goes. If Obi actually lets me sit in the meeting I might just sleep in a hotel.” Sleeping in a hotel room was far more preferable to sharing a plane home with him. You doubted he would, though. “If not I’ll try and make it back. ...why? What’s up?”  Suddenly you felt worried that he was asking such a thing. 

“Nothing. Just curious.”

You hoped he could  _feel_ your suspicious squint across the phone. “Tony.” 

“_What_? Will you stop with that? Really, it’s nothing. I have to go. Enjoy your meetings.” And just like that he was gone. 

One of these days, very soon, you were going to have to put a stop to all of this and ask what he was up to. This couldn’t go on forever. It was unfortunate you were frightened what the answer might be, and that’s what kept you from doing so. Every time.

* * *

By the time the day was drawing to a close, you felt dead on your feet. It was almost a blessing that Obadiah had told you to stay away from the director’s meeting, you hadn’t really wanted to go. You  _should_ have, as Tony’s representative and only voice right now, it was the right thing to do. But you also couldn’t stomp your feet and make a scene. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered if you were there anyway. Obi would bring home news of how it went and you’d just have to navigate through it like everything else. 

“_You’ll do more harm than good. I’m smoothing things over still.”_ Yeah, right. 

The transition team meeting had gone swell, everyone jazzed and excited to hear Mr. Stark was looking out for them and had them in mind. No one would go broke and everyone’s families would continue to have dinner on the table. Hurrahs all around.

The investor meeting was less pleasant, but being around yuppie douchebags all wanting a slice of whatever new pie they could stick their fingers into never was your most fun thing to sit through. Neither were their stares, but at least their hands had gotten considerably less grabby since the last time you’d seen them. Must have had something to do with your new position.

There was nothing more you wanted than to get on the plane and go home, but they needed to refuel which was oh-so-inconvenient to your life. You tried to remind yourself of your good fortune that you were stuck waiting for a private plane and not… literally anywhere else. The drinks in the gold lounge were free, after all, and the flight crew would come get you soon.

Tony had made no effort to contact you for the rest of the day, but that was just as well, too. You’d been in nonstop motion, even while on the plane between cities. This life was too much. Spokeswoman was already hard enough, but doing all Tony’s work for him? Were you getting paid enough for this? Was the satisfaction that you were helping him relax after he’d been kidnapped and tortured enough?

...yes. Surely.

Although you had second thoughts as a hand came down on your shoulder. “What a fun little surprise, seeing you here.” And a voice that just grated on you like nails on a chalkboard.

You tipped your drink back, ice cubes clinking against the glass. “What do you want?”

Justin put his hands up to signify he meant no ill will and sat down on the bar stool next to you. “Is that any way to talk to an old friend?”

“Since when?”

Justin Hammer was a leech. A parasite. And you didn’t only think so just because that’s all Tony had to say about him. He was the same sort of unpleasant as Obi. All smiles up top and trash underneath. Would stick a knife into your back as soon as you turned it on him.

He put his hand to his chest. “I am wounded. We’ve always gotten along.” Grinning like the king of shit mountain that he was. Up to something, no doubt.

“_Since when_?” When there were reporters and cameras around, always. Because everyone had a face to maintain. Even you. Especially when it was attached to Tony. Maybe it would just be easier to cut to the chase. “What do you want?” Despite all your intelligence, you set your drink down on the bar and actually gave him your full attention.

Maybe if you listened this would go faster and then he’d fuck off.

He aimed a smile your way, one of the ones he thought was especially charming. “Listen, I know it has to have been a terribly tough period for you with the way Stark Industries is right now. And I want you to know I’m here if you need anything.” He put his hand on your shoulder again and you for a moment escaped to a world where you broke his wrist without repercussion.

“Thanks. But we’re more than fine. Tony is taking the company in a brand new direction-”

“Yeah. The no-weapons thing. I heard. About that...” Oh he had to have been _fucking dreaming_ coming to you with whatever scheme this was. You wish your stare would just melt him down to mud in his spot, but alas, that was not your super power. “So much tech being junked, don’t you think? Very wasteful.” 

Oh!  
OH!   
More than dreaming. He was living in another fucking reality!

He met your ice cold stare with a little bout of laughter, a little shake of his head, a push up of his glasses with his pointer knuckle. “Maybe this will just be easier if I give you the quid-pro-quo I’m working on.”

“I’ve stopped entertaining this discussion about five minutes ago, but go ahead. Continue.” You really wished he wouldn’t.

Setting his hands together, “The weapons that aren’t supposed to be weapons aren’t just sitting around in warehouses, I’ve heard… and I have a  _very_ good source. In fact, so good, that I’m prepared to exchange some information, if you’d like to give me some goodies from the ashes of the fire that is Stark Industries- ah, the weapons division, anyway.” Trying to place nice. 

What he was asking for was entirely unreal, you could barely believe it. And asking  _you_ of all people. Why? You’d never once let the world think you’d do anything to betray Tony- ...at least you hoped you’d never given off that image. But you could scarcely even begin to think about any of that, when it was the first cryptic thing you were far more focused in on. “What are you getting at, exactly?” 

“Well I want some schematics- or, hell, I’ll take actual product-”

“Not that. I _got_ that. The first part.” Curbing your tone hard. 

His hands wheeled around in a circle, “Just that, for a division that got shut down, I think some things are moving around in the shadows that Tony’s not paying attention to while he’s sleeping on his couch all day. Or is he?”

Your blood ran cold for a few seconds, but you had to remind yourself this was Justin. He loved to stir up trouble, usually where there was none. You couldn’t feed into this so easily. What he was saying… could you believe someone was moving Tony’s weapons even though express orders had gone out? You hadn’t seen anything at the warehouse to suggest that but… there were others… “What sort of things, exactly?”

“Ah ah ah. You want something. I want something. It’s a nice little give and take, see? You have to work with me here.” His palms were spread open like you might put a thumb drive of information into them right this second.

_Eat shit _ almost escaped you. Or  _why me_ . The universe was testing you these days. “I need a good faith payment before I even begin to entertain these wild  _theories_ .” Because that’s all they were. Not even that. Just words falling out of his mouth. He had no evidence to back them up. 

You were sure of it. ...right?  He started nodding, drumming his fingers on the bar top. “I get it. Look, really, I get it. I’m asking you to cross a big line here-”

“Corporate espionage is more than a big line, Justin. You might as well ask me to embezzle while you’re at it.”

“I mean I wouldn’t look the other way on a deposit in my bank account.” And there he went, laughing at his own jokes. “No. I’m kidding. But seriously. You might be thinking _why is he asking me this_ and I’ll tell you why _you_. I think you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like being lied to.” You resisted the urge to tell him no one liked being lied to, and that he wasn’t being nearly as cute as he thought he was being. “And Tony… well, Tony… Tony’s authorizing some seriously shady stuff behind your back while you’re running around doing all his love-and-peace spiel. And I think that’s very disrespectful. _I’d_ never do that to you, anyway.” 

Now you knew he was lying. Tony wouldn’t go behind your back to do anything. He  _couldn’t_ . ...sure, he’d been working pretty isolated on something or other in his lab since the time he’d come home. But why make a big deal about shutting down weapons to a hundred reporters only to lie about it? 

...lie to you?

No. Impossible. He’d set it up too much for it all to be a lie. It just  _couldn’t be_ . 

“Your silence leaves me wondering.”

God damn him. “What information do you have?” Not that you believed it, but if he  _thought_ he had something, it was your duty to find out what before he put it public. At least that’s what you were telling yourself. “-I  _might_ , very small  _might_ , be willing to hand over some unused designs that are going right in the trash.  _Might_ . But I need to know what you know first. Not after. You understand?” 

“Fantastic. That’s- that’s just fantastic. Well- I don’t have it on me- I know how it looks, like I just wandered up here and thought I’d wring you out with nothing in return, but that’s not it at all.” It really wasn’t, as you assumed he had someone spy on your plans so that he could catch you. Worse than he was telling it, for certain. “But it already looks suspicious, me. You. At a bar, talking quietly… that’s why I have a connect. You hand over the stuff, she hands over the other stuff, we all go our merry way. Easy.”

The longer you put up with this, the fewer years you had on your life. “Where? And who is this now?” Involving a third party was even worse. But it wasn’t like you were  _really_ going to hand over anything. 

“You’re going to that charity gala thing tomorrow right?”

_Charity gala thing_ how dare he. “You mean the Stark Firefighter Family Fund benefit?” You had spearheaded that charity with Tony. You wouldn’t let anyone talk it down. 

“Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever.” He was losing his patience, not rare for him. Just as well, so were you. “You’re going. She’ll be there. You can make the drop off then.”

One of the flight crew came with a gentle touch to your arm and a murmur that your plane was ready. You stood, placing a few bills down for the bartender. “The information better be solid, Justin.”

“Would I lie to you?” Hand to his chest again, playing wounded.

You gave him a last stare over your shoulder before plainly letting him know where you stood. “Yes.” Absolutely. All the time. That’s the only language he knew.

“Good talking with you!”

* * *

You had wanted to sleep a little on the plane ride home. But instead it turned into a long few hours of hell, contemplating what all of this meant. There was no way Justin would lie just to beg for schematics. He had  _something_ . You had to determine what that something was. And more painful yet…

If Tony really had anything to do with it.

Worse still, you had just sort of co-conspired with one of his competitors. Not seriously, of course. But if it got out how would it look? ...had Justin set you up?

Shit. How could you be so stupid? That’s probably what it was. But why? To tell Tony you were trying to stab him in the back? What good would that be worth, in the end? Justin was now leading in the weapons market since Tony had backed out. He wouldn’t gain anything maybe except emotional pain-  _maybe_ . No one even knew how close the two of you were. On paper you just worked for him.

So it had to be the first thing. The worse thing.

As the plane touched down on the runway your brain was overloaded. Should you really go this alone? What if it  _was_ true, that weapons were still moving, and Tony found out you had found that out and never said anything? This was too much. 

“Tony.” You’d decided what you needed to do on the car ride home.

Getting in you saw him in the living room, a nice change from not seeing him at all, currently watching something on TV with some Chinese food in hand. “I got take out.” Only faintly did it register he’d gone to cutting his shirts to show off the Arc Reactor. No looking away from it now. No escape. Just a part of him. Glowing warmly from the center of his chest. He set his container aside as you came to sit down. “What’s the matter? Bad news?”

From the investors, he must have meant, or the transition team- he hadn’t bothered to call and check up. Then again, you hadn’t bothered to call to keep him in the loop. “I know you don’t know, but the Firefighter benefit is tomorrow.” He wouldn’t know because you hadn’t told him, because that wasn’t a thing he would want to know. And he’d been too busy, besides.

He sat back, half turned to you, folding his arms. “Uh huh.”

“I know… I know you’re busy. And I know you’re laying low but I need you to be my plus-one.” _Come with me_ felt a little too much like asking him out. But what you’d said was a mistake, too. 

“Oh. Plus-one, huh? And, remind me again, whose name is on that charity?” He was in a good mood, teasing you like that. It sucked you had to ruin it.

Breathing out, you tried to keep your cool. No use spooking him, too. “I need you to come with me.” You should have just said it in the first place.

“Need or want? You wanna walk down the red carpet arm in arm? Pose for photos?”

He was about to say something else as snarky, so you reached out to put a hand on his knee and when he let his arms down, suddenly perturbed by the gesture, you took his hand and held it. His eyes stayed with yours. “I was just given information that will either be verified or turn out to be a hoax tomorrow night.” His eyes narrowed in confusion, probably a little annoyance, too. “And I need you there with me.”

The corner of his mouth quirked. “What kind of information are we talking about here? -and by who? Someone approached you?”

It was absolutely better if you didn’t name names. “Company information.” Something unusual stood out to you, the pang of guilt…? Anxiety… Was he hiding something?

“And you can’t handle that alone?” He wasn’t judging you, this was a sincere question. Maybe worrying you’d taken on too much now. Could he see how tired you were?

“If it turns out to be true, I need you to be there to hear it first. And I didn’t want you thinking I was doing anything behind your back. Or hiding something from you.” Nothing good would have come from that. Nothing good _ever_ came of it.

He took a deep breath, also taking his hand back, settling his arms along the back of the couch. “Considering I don’t even know who said what to you, there still may be a little bit of hiding going on.” Telling him wasn’t the best idea. Not that it was Justin Hammer, not what it was about. Both would send him into a frenzy, and if it was over nothing that would be just time and emotion wasted. “But… look. I trust you.”

You tried so very hard not to let warmth consume you. It wasn’t like you had no idea, but hearing him say it… “Good.”

“I’ve been trying to figure out a way to-… you’re more than just a good assistant. A good voice.” He was trying to ramp up to something you weren’t sure you could deal with right now.

How many times would that make it? Was it fair to keep putting him off? “ Thanks, Tony. But-”

“I know it’s been hard.” This came so suddenly it shut you right up, as did the simultaneous twist you shared in your chest. He struggled for more words.

Sitting forward you put your hands on his knee  again . “It gets easier every day. And it’s not stuff I don’t want to do.” You couldn’t have him thinking that. He nodded absently, eyes lowering to where your hand rested on his leg. “This might turn out to be nothing. It probably  _is_ nothing.” You hoped.

God, you hoped.

Looking up, you found him gazing at you. Burning you. “And if it isn’t?”

“If it isn’t we’ll deal with it _together_. Okay?” If this really wasn’t nothing, he was going to blow up. Because there was really only one other person capable of authorizing the kind of shit Justin had been talking about. 

And that wouldn’t be a very good time to say I-told-you-so, would it. It would be the end of something huge. And the mess would be unbearable. But you didn’t want him to tackle it alone if that’s what it was.

You’d long since abandoned the notion he was behind it. There was just no way. Looking at him now, you just knew.

“Okay.” He breathed in quickly, nodding. “Okay.”

_Please let it be nothing… _

_**Please it it be nothing**……_

When was life going to return to normal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to spice up! If you liked it please leave a comment! They make my day.


	9. Chapter 9

Your nerves were absolutely shot and it wasn’t even past one o’clock yet. Laptop open in hand, uselessly trying to finish up an email that you’d been working on for the better part of an hour now, Happy opened the door of the Stark Manor for you, special brown packaged parcel in hand. You didn’t even have to count the steps or look where you were going to know how many it’d take you to get downstairs.

“Can you go get the dry cleaning please, my ticket-” Lowering the laptop at the sound of slightly raised voices, you saw Tony and Obi standing in the middle of the living room with a box of pizza.  
  
“You gotta give me something. Let me have the guys take a look at that and draw up some specs-” Pointing to the Reactor sitting in his chest.

“...what’s going on?” Nothing good. That was absolutely for sure.

“He’ll tell you. I’m going back to the lab.” Tony snatched two slices out of the box before turning on his heel to make his way down the stairs.

“Tony! Come on!”

This had to have been awful news coming back from the Board meeting. You didn’t really want to ask, but you had to. You had to know what things were going on. You and Obi had come to an unspoken agreement to spend as little time as possible near each other.

Awkwardness intensified the longer the two of you stood there. “What happened?” Since he wasn’t going to just offer the information.

Dropping the pizza box on the coffee table he slid his hand over his head. “The Board is filing an injunction.”

What a slap in the face. “For what? We’re working really hard-”

“You know what. We’re not the only ones watching stocks, watching the havoc this is wreaking on the company, and they don’t think he’s playing in _everyone’s_ best interest right now.” Heavily he dropped down onto one of the chairs. Which was unfortunate. You wanted him to leave.

It left you with little option but to sit across from him on the couch, setting your laptop down. Happy, thankfully, stayed nearby at the door, holding your package for Tony under his arm almost protectively. Not that Obi even knew he was there, likely. “So I’ll counter file. We’ll take it to court if we have to. I-”

“Don’t. Just don’t. Not now. Look, I’ll talk to them and try and smooth things over.” _Smooth thin__g__s over._ You felt like he kept on saying that. And to say that you could feel he was being dishonest with you about any number of things would be putting it too plainly. It was just unfortunate that he had so much to lie about.

You had no idea what he was lying about to your face right this moment.

“I’m not gonna let them take his company away from him-”

“It’s not just his company. And the two of you need to stop playing on a team against the rest of us. It’s not a toy on the playground.” It sucked that he was partially right about this. He sighed, folding his hands together in his lap. “Their main filing statement is that they believe he has post traumatic stress from the incident and because of it he’s lost clarity and it’s hurting the company.”

How bad was it that you never considered that? Tony seemed indestructible despite… a few certain things that had happened. But he’d come home and seemed to stand stronger and taller than ever. Yet you continually wondered what he was doing in the lab. Why he was so withdrawn at times.

You were terrible, you decided.

“They need… I’ll take him to a doctor. They can’t just _say_ that, it needs an official diagnosis.” But at least you had this. Kill two birds with one stone. They couldn’t file on that alone without a doctor’s note. And if it _was_ true at least then you could get him help.

“They haven’t filed yet. Maybe I can get them not to. But it’s best right now for him to keep staying off the radar. If he stays quiet enough I think I can get them to drop it.” This felt wrong. Like he was being sent to his room. “But until then, there’s a lockout.”

Did this play with Hammer’s information? Or was this just entirely some other bullshit you’d have to deal with? Maybe the Board had found out that weapons were moving despite the press meeting. And going under the table like that would have made a very complicated image- but why would Tony _do_ something like that? It made no sense. It couldn’t be him. You were still decided on that.

He stood suddenly when your quietness, lost in your thoughts, became too boring for him to sit through any longer. Reaching down he gave you a pat on your shoulder. “We appreciate all the work you’ve been doing, and just because he’s out doesn’t mean you’re out too, you know?” You didn’t bother to look at him. You didn’t want to know what tree he was trying to bark up. You wanted no part of it. One much harder pat came down and then he turned to leave. “I’m still looking forward to seeing you at the benefit tonight.”

You waited until you heard the door close, the roar of his engine in the driveway, and then the sound of the car fading into the distance before removing yourself from your spot. “Ma’am? The dry cleaning-”

“My ticket. Yeah.” Going back to what your mind had been in before yet _another_ whirlwind of garbage had found you. You dug around in your pocket to get it, sharing what you hoped was an understanding look between the two of you as you handed it over. Happy just gave a nod, trading with you, ticket for package, and then left.

It was a shame Obi wanted Tony nowhere near any of the company functions. Immediately disobeying him was not the smart thing to do. Walking downstairs, you keyed yourself into the lab where he was sitting on a stool, conducting something on the holographic worktop. That’s what it looked like, anyway, the way he was waving his hands.

“We’re still on for tonight, right?” He didn’t look up as he asked.

You couldn’t help a smile. “A little rule breaking never hurt anyone.” Except this could have huge ramifications. Something that immediately soured you. How dare they do that to him? “Fuck the Board.”

His eyes finally came up, head inclined back. “You’re that worried about it? I’m not worried.”

It was easy to sense that wasn’t entirely true. Coming closer, you sat on a nearby chair, setting the parcel on the table. “I’m going to do the paperwork to get a reversal. I don’t think this is in full swing yet anyway. Maybe if I can talk to them personally...” Maybe you could _persuade_ them this was a mistake.

You should have gone to that meeting.

This was your fault.

Again.

“Don’t stress about it. We have bigger fish to fry.” Sitting back, he put his hands over his head. “Like our big secret agent meeting tonight.” He had firmly settled on not believing your wild story about information exchange at a charity gala. You weren’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

Still, you couldn’t help a smile. “If I wanted to ask you out, I’d just ask you out, you know.” Couldn’t let his ego balloon too much. “I don’t need a crazy story to get you to go somewhere with me.”

“You think so, huh? I’m just _that easy_?” He wasn’t really too offended. “As I recall, every single dinner we’ve been to was on my invitation.”

“Which is why you’d leap at the chance to go somewhere if I was the one doing the asking for a change.” _Check mate, Mr. Stark. _

“You’re that sure?” The two of you were smirking at each other at this point, as he closed his work progress.

“You’re coming tonight aren’t you?” He hadn’t really made that much of a fuss about it at all. In fact, he seemed a little excited.

Pointing at you, “So this _is _a date.” _Check mate, Ms. INY. _

Letting stunned silence take you for too long was a large mistake to make. “You and I are going someplace together for a little while, with the express purpose of finding someone else. Not spending time together.”

“We could spend _a little_ time together.” He was utterly relentless. But maybe that was one of his better qualities.

Right now was not the best time to be feeding into it, though, no matter how much you may have wanted to- a revelation you were trying to keep under wraps. You’d always put Tony off because he wasn’t serious about relationships. Dating. A different woman every night. You hadn’t wanted to become just another one of his one-night stands. For more reasons than just because you worked for him, although that played a big part, too. You didn’t want people talking.

Had he changed now? Was his whole attitude different? He seemed in some parts like a different man, a _changed_ man and in others the same exact one you remembered. You weren’t sure you could trust him, or even yourself, yet. “We’ll see how things go.” Standing up after offering only this minuscule hope.

“I’m accepting either a yes or a no, not a maybe.” Leaning over his desk, he put his arms over top, palms held outward. His walls were down.

You felt the coolness of his resolve, and the severity of his plea.

Maybe he _had _changed his outlook on dating. But maybe he also was just going to end up using you as you were the only closest person near him since he’d holed up in the house. Too risky.

“I have to go. We can talk about it after tonight.” At least trying to be fair to him. It wasn’t like you didn’t have feelings. It was Tony, after all. There were just too many other things in play. Turning away, “I’ll meet you at the benefit. Don’t be late, okay?”

“You’re not gonna drive in with me?”

You gave a half look back, feeling sorry that he looked so hurt over such a small thing. “Is that a good idea? I don’t want to get stranded there when you decide to leave early. Like you _always_ do. I have to be there for a certain amount of time.”

“I’m not gonna dump you there.” You sensed he was telling the truth about this. Wanting to be with you the whole night. But still… if you arrived together the press might talk. That was the last thing you needed. “What if I said it’s more environmentally friendly to take one car. Is that more up your alley?” Grinning at you.

It coerced a smile back in his direction. “And we’re all about saving the planet these days, aren’t we.”

“You have no idea.” There was slip in mask here, strange as you had thought he wasn’t hiding behind anything. He didn’t give you too much time to think about it, clearing his throat. “You’re going with me.”

Shaking your head, albeit still with a little quirk of your lips, “You’re the boss.”

“Don’t forget it.” You were halfway to the door before he spoke up again. “Don’t forget your stuff, also.”

You waved a hand over your head without looking at him. “That’s all for you.”

“_Oh_, are we at the buying gifts stage of our relationship? I had no idea.” If he decided to snark on, you had no idea as the lab door closed behind you and you hightailed it up the stairs. You didn’t want to be there when he opened the little package you’d prepared for him (perhaps at the loving guidance of Ms. Pepper Potts who was far more clever and sentimental about things like this…).

The Arc Reactor encased in a small glass box, proudly on display.

Engraved on the bottom of the case:

_Our new future started here. _

You weren’t sure, still, about the wording, but it had been fine enough. What happened to Tony was terrible, awful, and something that may never have been able to fully gotten over (when and if he ever opened up to you about it). But it was also a turning point. A phoenix rising out of the ashes.

That didn’t deserve to be thrown away carelessly.

But, really, he could do whatever he wanted with it now that it was out of your hands.

A small part of you hoped he kept it.

* * *

Getting ready for big ritzy events was absolutely terrible, second only to actually going to and attending said big ritzy events. You thought you’d sort of settled into the lifestyle after a while. Of spending too much money on clothes and shoes so that you could present well (all for the company and Tony’s image, you had to remind yourself). Of doing your make up and hair (or getting it done).

But somehow it still didn’t feel right. It probably never would. People paying a starting plate fee of 20k to even get into the event was still ridiculous, even if it was for a good cause. You didn’t belong among all these rich people yucking it up with one another, not really caring at all where the money was going. They barely even noticed it out of their pocket until it was time to let their tax accountants call on it for relief. Really what they cared about was the press and presenting like good people.

Most of them rarely were. You tried not to judge but… being in this world this long had left you cynical.

For this evening you’d chosen a far too lovely (and far too expensive) ball gown with not too much volume on the bottom, off the shoulder, black with gold trim on the shoulders, bodice, and detailing the skirt. Just comfortable enough to be in a mild state of discomfort for the rest of the evening, but nothing too terrible. The heels were unremarkable, no one would see them anyway. Your hair you’d done in glamorous curls befitting of a pretend Californian socialite. Makeup just right for the event.

Really the most important part of this whole outfit was the clutch you carried with you in an iron grip, inside of which carried a thumb drive of absolute garbage nonsense that would in no way satisfy the conditions of your agreement with Justin. As long as you could weasel enough information out of his informant, it really wouldn’t matter one way or the other.

You’d just ignore his phone calls full of bitching for the next month or so until he moved on to the next annoying thing he’d focus his attention on. There was always the chance this was still all a made up story. For what reason he’d go to such lengths, you still couldn’t puzzle out. But that would have actually been preferable to finding out… whatever it was he was trying to tell you.

You would take being made a fool of any day of the week over the storm that was brewing in the distance. What it meant for Tony. The company. You, least of all.

Who was this mystery woman you were supposed to meet? Who was working for Justin enough, that he trusted, to deliver and retrieve sensitive information like this? More over, was it someone you could also trust? They might have a camera planted somewhere, recording… watching everything. To expose you for what, though? And clearly he had thought you’d keep Tony out of it. But you liked to think you were smarter than that. You might not have been able to see into the future but you’d hoped you’d gotten better at mitigating disaster by just using your words and talking things through.

Only time would tell.

So in your head as you walked down the stairs, you missed the first rush of breath through Tony’s lungs as he waited for you in the living room. It was a veritable 80s prom moment and you’d been in the clouds through most of it. At least until you reached the bottom step and finally your attention came through- as did his swirl of _affection_ and _awe_ that pierced right through you.

_Keep it together,_ you told yourself.

Maybe Tony had been serious about dating after all, if he was feeling like that.

“You look-” Gesturing to roughly all of you, clumsily while he was at it, only making you feel better. It was always a treat to catch him off guard. Strange, though, as he’d seen you at many a gala, dressed up like this. Why was now different? Coughing to get his words to go he brought his hand back to his side. “Good. You look good.”

Smiling, deciding that _just for only a little while_ you might be able to play pretend, you took his arm in yours, holding him close. “You clean up very well, too.” Tony always had a keen sense for fashion, and you really admired some of his more laid back styles. But there was just no replacement for a sharp dressed man. Tuxedos really worked for him.

There was a certain warmth rolling off Happy, too, who was standing by the front door and opened it when you two got close enough. Though Tony waved his hand almost impatiently. “Put your keys away.”

“Wha- no, I’m going to drive you.” It seemed Tony had not let him in on the rest of the plans. Maybe you should have let him know you were going together… slipped through the cracks with everything else on your mind.

“I’m sorry, Happy.” Offered genuinely, hoping he wouldn’t be too upset. You tried to be more careful than that. Usually.

Tony gave him a little grin and a shrug, “Don’t wait up.”

As the two of you passed the threshold, “Have a good time.” You waved back to him, smiling sweetly, and felt better when he smiled back with a little return wave. Like a concerned parent, he waited on the doorstep with the door open as Tony led you to his slick silver R8.

He opened the door for you, something you thanked him silently for with a little demure pat on the arm, settling into your persona of dignified, saccharine, and unassuming Stark Spokeswoman party goer. Images were much easier to maintain when you didn’t step on a lot of toes and had nothing to smooth over. A little bat of the eyelashes and a warm smile went a long way most of the time. Along with your other more innate gifts.

Once he crossed to the other side after shutting your door and climbed in, he initiated the roar of the engine and gunned it down the driveway. Something that left you reaching up to hang on to the door. “Could we please not die in a car accident tonight?”

“We’re late for our secret agent meeting.” His laughter was almost infectious, as was his certain feeling of freedom flitting around.

You guessed you should have let him have a little fun after being cooped up in his house for weeks on end now. Driving fast was just one of the things Tony was known for. He liked being in control. But that’s why you preferred driving with Happy behind the wheel. It also left little room for conversation as he zoomed around corners and through street traffic. He was too busy having fun and you were too busy trying not to puke on your nice dress.

Despite all of that interference, as soon as you turned onto the lane with all the flashing lights and noise, anxiety swirled. You played a perfect part, sure, but these parties always did something to you that you didn’t like. Loud and obnoxious, both outwardly and inwardly. It was a lot to contend with. More reason to just put on a pretty smile and simply _get_ _through_ the evening. Now on top of it all you had to meet with someone who may or may not have had bad information on the company, or may have been trying to set you up.

And also you were now on the arm of Tony Stark as he lifted your hand from the car and your heels hit the ground. Cameras were going off everywhere. He’d already handed his keys to the valet, and somehow you’d already started walking. Voices were screaming, calling out to you- well, Tony more than you. Because they were starved for him.

Maybe asking him to come had been a _really bad idea. _

The public had not seen him in ages, a fact enhanced by the squeal of the women standing outside the perimeter of the event. Nobody was expecting him to be here. Least of all Obadiah who was chatting it up with some members of the press several feet away, and who was now turning to glare. You pretended not to notice, keeping your hold on Tony tight.

“No questions- thank you-” Tony was more trained than you this evening, it seemed.

You pulled him to a stop. If you didn’t say something this would look like more than it was. And you certainly didn’t need that on your plate. “Of course after everything we couldn’t pass up the opportunity to attend. It’s important to not just send a donation, you know?”

“-well it _is_ Mr. Stark’s event.” The reporter trying to ham it up with Tony more than you was doing just that. Trying to get in good. That’s all they ever did.

Tony pointed a finger his way. “You are right about that. -ah, Obi!” Using Obi as an excuse to get away from reporters was probably a bad idea, too. You’d have much rathered stay and talk to microphones than to him. But Tony was already doing it, and since your arm was locked in his, you had no choice but to let yourself be tugged away.

Obi pretended to be happy to see him, putting an arm around his shoulders and immediately cutting you out. You kept both hands on your clutch, squeezing the life out of it. This was already going very poorly. “I thought we _just _had a conversation about lying low.” Keeping his voice down more so the media didn’t hear it, because he was definitely admonishing the both of you like children.

Tony gave him a pat. “Just cabin fever. Dragged her in. I’ll be gone before you know it.”

“Stay out of trouble, alright? I just got off the phone with the Board, I’ve got them right where I want them.” How many times had he said that now? You really doubted it at this point, not to mention you could practically _smell_ the deception wafting off of him. Which was a huge problem. But that one would have to be tackled after tonight. Just another one in a long list of things you had to do.

“You got it.” Just as keen to stay out of Obi’s way as the people meandering out front, Tony was quick to cut loose and take you by the arm again to lead you up the stairs and inside.

You were at least grateful for the cooler air inside the venue and the calm band playing away. The murmur of party-goer voices all blending together was at least tolerable. Someone called your name above the hubbub, and it sent a spike of panic through you. Though once you saw it was another chairmember of one of your downline companies, you forced yourself to breathe. This woman, whoever she was, would probably be more discreet. Unlatching yourself from Tony, “I have to go put in some time. Please don’t cause a scene.”

“Me?” He looked absolutely wounded by that accusation, but grinned it off in a matter of moments. “Go. Do the corporate talk. I’ll be at the bar.” Waving his hands as if giving you permission to do his bidding. How lucky you were.

“Come rescue me in a couple of minutes, alright?” Reaching up despite the prying eyes, you gave him a little touch to his cheek. At least you could use him as a fallback to escape hours of agonizing corporate talk. He gave a fairly casual, and mostly sarcastic, salute before turning his back. You allowed yourself to be sucked into the ooze of ladder climbers and ass kissers.

What more were events like this for, other than showing your _good nature_ of donating to the less fortunate, than to escalate within social circles? Maybe some good gossip here and there. None of which you were listening to. You’d long since gone on auto-pilot mode. No one was climbing anything past you. And they’d get nothing good from you.

Although tonight was especially bad as many voices were asking, _did you come here with Tony Stark? You know… __**like that**__. _And, no no, you had to say. Not _like that_. You were just escorting him. You’d gotten used to people asking that. The question wasn’t new. You’d gone to a few events like this with him, and had been the subject of paparazzi photos inside restaurants with him more times than you’d like.

You should have been a pro at denying anything going on behind the scenes. Yet tonight presented some sort of emotional challenge to saying _ no no _. Clearly you were spending far too much time with him. You were starting to maybe like the idea of never actually looking for a new place to stay and just sort of… accepting your fate.

Almost too much time had passed talking to people who had nothing to say, trying not to feel Tony’s eyes on you as he lazed at the bar- or perhaps you weren’t paying enough attention and just thought too highly of yourself, startled as he called for your attention on his approach. “I’m sorry, can I steal her for a dance?”

Because of the sensitive nature of the evening, you immediately thought something had gone wrong. “Everything alright?”

“Just needed a convenient cover to avoid a government agent.”

His arm was already around you, leading you to the dance floor as you tried to process that. “What??”

Looking over both your shoulders, you spotted one Agent Coulson at the bar. What he was doing here you had no idea, you’d certainly not put his name on any invites. You had only briefly mentioned him and his agency to Tony, along with the multitude of others either of you had yet to speak to. To see him here, especially with what you were doing tonight… it seemed off. “Yeah, I might have just set a date to meet with him. Can’t remember. Not important.”

_ Oh. _ So the agent had come here with the express purpose, no doubt, of either speaking to you or Obi. You’d call him impatient, but you hadn’t taken a single one of his calls or answered any of his emails since the first time you’d spoken. Persistent, was more like it. He was the only one trying to keep in touch. The other ones had just accepted your _ I’ll get back to you _ and left it at that.

Everything else fizzled away as Tony took your hand in his and put his opposite arm around your waist, pulling you in close. Automatically you put your other hand, still half holding your clutch, on his arm. “Is everyone staring at us?”

He gave a brief shrug, a small close of his eyes before setting them back on you. He was really too close now. Heat was bouncing between the two of you. “Aren’t they always?”

It was too much to ask to keep your face from going slightly pink. “Tonight’s not a good night to play pretend.” Already the rumors were louder and heavier than they’d ever been before. You’d banked more questions about a potential relationship between you and Tony Stark than you had listened to people asking to make plans with you to further their own careers.

And when _ those _ sort of people were only interested in your personal affairs, things were getting really dangerous.

“Who’s playing?” The feeling of _longing_ threatened to destroy your core, if only because it was the look in his eyes paired with it. This wasn’t real, you reminded yourself. He was just latching on to you because you were closest.

In a couple months when things were finally back to normal he’d be back to fucking a different woman every night. You couldn’t let him do that to you.

“We are. And everyone else we work with is, too, if we keep doing it. Except they don’t know it’s not real.” You were trying to let him down easy, keep him at bay, as you’d done a hundred times now. You didn’t want to hurt him, but you also very much wanted (and deserved) not to get hurt either.

A smirk came to his lips. “I could fire you if it would take the edge off.”

At least this got you to grin. “You wouldn’t make it a week without me.” _ You need me. _

His brows knit with a squint of his eyes in mock offense, head inclining back just an inch. “I’d make it two.”

“Oh really? What’s your social security number? Or how about your corporate tax ID? Do you even know your own phone number?” You weren’t really offended, same as him. Just teasing. Even if it was all true.

Tony seemed to consider, or think, about any of the questions you’d posed him, silence in between you, his eyes off in the distance as you moved to the music. Finally, “Three.”

Embarrassingly, you couldn’t help the giggle that escaped you. But he seemed to light up when it came. You put a hand to your mouth to silence it. “Three, huh? I think you’re missing nine more numbers.” If it was even the phone number he was answering to. Didn’t matter. It was comically wrong nonetheless.

“I’ve got you for the other nine.” _I need you_.

The smiles and laughter stopped dead underneath the weight of what he was saying. And the _ need _ compounding deep in his chest, and starting to blossom from your own. You couldn’t keep doing this with him. He was closer than you remembered, or was it you who had gotten closer?

“How ‘bout a little air?” Thankfully he saved you for once, offering this.

You jumped. “Yes, let’s go.”

A very serious talk had to be had. He grabbed your hand, leading you through the dance floor and out onto the venue balcony, murmurs and whispers all around you as you left. Stopping at the railing, you put your arm up on it, looking out at the city, taking a deep breath. Was now the best time to have this talk?

“That was-” Any number of things. Inappropriate sprung to mind.

“Harmless. It was totally harmless.” He seemed to have a different opinion.

Turning to him, you set yourself straight. This was not going to be fun. “It wasn’t harmless, Tony. Everyone who’s anyone is there. People we work with. People who _ talk _.” And they’d be talk, talk, talking the night away about this. For sure. Well into tomorrow. Well into next week.

And it wasn’t even real. You had to keep playing this in your head. Not real, not real, not real…

“I think you’re losing objectivity here. It was just a dance- people just saw us dancing. That’s it.” Quick to defend not only himself but his actions. Like nobody there could hear what he was saying. At least you were the only one who could feel what he felt. Your only saving grace.

“It’s not just a dance in a place like this- or- at the house- or anywhere. I think you don’t understand, because you’re _you_.” The words came out in a rush. This was not how you wanted to have this conversation. “People know how you are. _I _know how you are with women. And I’m not...”

“I really don’t think-”

“No because it makes me look like-”

“I don’t think anyone took it that way-” The two of you talked over each other.

“No, Tony.” You shut him down. “Because it- it makes me look like… it’s always going to be to them like I’m the one who’s trying to...” Take advantage? Use him to get ahead? It was always the woman’s fault. It’d never be his fault. Whether he meant it or not. Your image was important, too. Not to mention that he didn’t mean any of this-

“I don’t care about them.” A sigh escaped you as he said this, feeling defeated. He was determined not to understand. “I don’t care what they think. They’re not important. _You_’_re _important.” You made the mistake of looking at him again. He’d gotten close. “You want me to put out a statement that I’m the one who’s been doing all the asking? I will. But I need you to stop putting me off because honestly-… I mean aside the huge blow to my ego, I… it’s killing me.” Trying to make light to soften the blow of what he was actually saying. “I don’t honestly know if I can take another _we’ll talk later_.”

“Tony...” Why now? Why here? He didn’t say anything, instead waiting for you to say something. Probably waiting for you to return the sentiment, or least explain finally why you wouldn’t. He deserved at least that much. “You’re _you_. And things have been hard. And different. And I think when they’re not anymore you’ll… go back to being you.”

And if the two of you went after one another and then broke it off, it led down a difficult road. One that would keep you both at length until you probably would just leave as it became unbearable. You liked to picture yourself stronger. But you knew you weren’t. You wouldn’t survive that one. He might not, either.

Leaning in, eyes watching yours almost desperately, “You’re not going to lose me. Not this time.” Closer still, “Not anymore.”

The air stilled outside. The sounds of the city and the party died. There was only the pounding of his heart, your heart. The heat between you. The warmth of his eyes before they disappeared as yours slipped shut.

The briefest, faintest, tiniest feeling of his lips.

Right there.

Against yours.

Your senses snapped to and you put a hand on his arm. “This is not the place.” When you dared to look again, he seemed hauntingly neutral. But at least not upset. Maybe it was worse that there was nothing there. “I need a drink. ...and we’ll talk about it.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Despite all your efforts you were getting caught in the trap anyway.

“A drink. Got it. I’ll get you a drink.” He was already turning to go and the absence of him made things easier to process. “The usual?”

“A little more alcohol than usual.”

You turned away as he left the balcony, putting your hands up and staring out at the tall buildings and glimmering lights. The cars down on the street. The party bled back into your senses. What were you doing falling like that? And here of all places, when you had _ just _ chastised Tony for pulling this stunt in such a public place? Yet you were sure you were further into that kiss than he had been.

_ Stupid _.

Losing it all would be too much. Like Pepper had said, it was unlikely he’d get very far without someone at his side. You’d maybe grown too content with the thought it was you. But _ not like that _ . Because doing it _ like that _ had too many problems. And you were sure you were right. Tony was going to wake up one morning a few months from now with the same usual lust for short companionship.

You wanted to stay, damn it. You could survive him being with a different girl every night if it wasn’t meant to hurt you. If it _ couldn’t _. And it couldn’t if you stayed away from him in that capacity. You had to. You just had to. These were the words you decided on. They might not be fun to listen to, Tony might not speak to you for a few days once you finally laid it bare that this thing between you had to stop. But it would be worth it in the end.

Because at least you two would still have each other.

Even if not _ like that _ .  
Even if it made you a liar to even begin to think about.

His feelings were too great to ignore. Even more so because he seemed to be entirely truthful about them. And you…

Maybe you should start being as truthful… Taking him seriously. Building something. Maybe it was really time to stop putting it all off.

Little butterflies formed.

Deciding on all of this, you felt a little better. And then immediately worse. It had been fifteen minutes. There was no way the line at the bar was that long. Had he gotten caught- _ shit _. Had your little intel meeting gone on without you? Or something worse than that?

Rushing back inside, your eyes scanned the floor for him. Nowhere to be seen. The bar? Nothing. He’d completely vanished. No. He wouldn’t do this to you, right? There was no way. He wouldn’t just _ leave _.

But as you made your way outside, trying not to run as the panic spread through you, desperation sank in a pit of seething heartbreak. His car turned around on the street and screeched as the tires scorched the pavement.

_How could he?_

Why? Why would he do that to you?

_I don’t honestly know if I can take another _**we’ll talk later**.

And then you’d…

Oh.

Fumbling around in your clutch, you pulled out your cell phone to ask Happy to come get you, ignoring the hundreds of questions about Tony. What answers could you give? He wasn’t here. He’d probably gone home with someone. Finally breaking out of his stupor- because _ you’d _ told him how things were supposed to be. How _ he _ was supposed to be. Maybe he’d just taken your advice.

The night had been a bust. No information. No anything. Maybe Justin had planted a woman to take him home. Maybe this was a folly on you. Maybe you deserved it.

You tried not to cry in the backseat, dignified woman that you were, when Happy came to get you. The way back to the house you felt yourself getting both angrier and sadder. Things had been going so well. Why would he do this to you?

Why. Why. Why.

Storming into the house, “JARVIS where is Tony?” You expected two things. Better for everyone would be in the lab. Bad for the entire world would be in his bedroom with somebody. Because despite just telling him things wouldn’t work out- you two had almost kissed. Despite yourself and your resolve- for all he knew you were about to crack. And for a few moments there, you really had been.

If he’d brought somebody home-

“Mr. Stark is not here, Ms. INY.” That name more than ever was a huge slap in the face.

But if not here… “Call him.”

“Mr. Stark is not taking phone calls at this time.”

_ From you _, you decided as you slumped into the chair by the door, face in your hands. What had you done to deserve this? After everything you’d been through? All the work you’d put in? Happy’s gentle touch at your shoulder broke you. “I want- I want to go to a hotel.”

Maybe you’d been foolish enough to think Tony Stark would wait around forever.

Maybe even he didn’t deserve that.

“He’ll be back.” Trying to soothe you. Of course Tony would be back.

You didn’t want to see him when he was. “Can you take me to a hotel? And- tomorrow I’ll get my things.” You couldn’t be here anymore. This was what you’d been afraid of happening. You just had no idea it would start so soon. After barely even anything. You hadn’t even gotten to go to bed with him.

Or tell him you loved him like crazy and had for such a long time. That putting him off every time killed you a little bit. Because you wanted to hold him. To be with him. To tell him everything was going to be okay. To face the world together. To come home and just _ be _ together.

Yes, you’d wanted all of it.

You barely registered leaving the manor, saying goodbye to Happy at the front desk of some ritzy hotel- only coming back to see the overly decorated walls of a room you didn’t want to be in. You broke down and cried.

Funny, how the last time you cried this hard was because of Tony, too.  
At least that one hadn’t personally been his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to do it to 'em.  
(Sorry!!!!!)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strap in for this one. It's gonna be a ride.

You allowed a dead cold to take hold of you. Better to feel nothing than to do what you did last night. Maybe you’d cried it all out, you tried to lie to yourself. Maybe at least it wouldn’t hurt as bad as that anymore.

You’d gotten played. By Justin Hammer, who no doubt had a part in it. Who had set you up to go, _knowing,_ you’d re-decided, that you’d involve Tony so that he could send some sexy blonde that Tony couldn’t resist. The world wasn’t as dumb as you tried to believe. People knew you were staying in his house. People knew you hadn’t left his side since he’d been back.

That he’d made you breakfast some mornings, and you’d bring him lunch. That you’d eat dinner together sometimes, and things felt nice. Some new sense of normal. That the two of you were falling in love with each other, had been for quite some time before this. And that even if he’d been holed up- disappeared in his lab for long hours, and deep into the night, that you’d always get at least one smile out of him before the day was through. And that meant the world to you.

Okay. Maybe the public didn’t know _all_ of that.

But it was easier to say that they did, or maybe that Justin did. And that’s why he’d done what he’d done. And Tony- well. Tony was Tony. It was exactly as you’d said. The second he got a whiff of something else, he’d fall right back in the hole. And you’d been lying to yourself this whole time about your feelings, rebuffing his advances, trying to avoid the exact thing that had happened.

He had broken your heart.

And the worst part was, maybe you’d deserved it.

And now came the time to make a new life for yourself. You’d accomplished what you’d wanted, right? Tony had finally gotten out of weapons. The world was better off for it. Hopefully, so was he. And he was a grown man. He could do whatever he wanted, fuck whoever he wanted. He’d warned you _a single time_ to stop putting him off. But that was how Tony was.

No time wasted.

You didn’t want to be around for it anymore. It killed you, to come to that realization. Idly, you wondered if Pepper had actually fallen into this the same way you had. You wondered if she felt as heavy and as defeated and torn as you had typing up your resignation a couple days later. Listening to a press briefing that had nothing to do with you anymore. Rhodey droning in and out about something until you finally muted him.

At least you had the courage to bring it to Tony yourself. In Pep’s defense she had had you to count on. You, similarly, only had yourself. It was why you found yourself entering Stark Manor with a heavy heart and a hard resolve. He’d probably apologize. Try to talk you out of it. You wouldn’t let him.

Once you handed it in, you could go catch happy hour at some bar and rethink your life. You had enough money to fall back on, living the cushy life for far too long, that you might not have had to find something immediately. Maybe you’d see if Justin wanted to take you. If only so you could make his life hell for a little while.

Although it seemed impossible now, your heart dropped even further as you saw the windows of the lab shattered, glass scattered everywhere on your final descent on the steps. What you saw inside broke you even further.

The world stopped making sense.

Tony was strapped into some kind of machine- a… a suit of armor? Mechanized hands trying to take it off of him, it looked like he was struggling. It was damaged, red and gold paint chipped_, _ dented from what looked like extreme force. Holes- _ **bullet holes** _ you realized- littering some of the frame.

“What the hell is this?” You could barely find your voice.

He stopped squirming, turning his attention to you. The two of you shared a long stare before he finally spoke. “Look- let’s face it. This isn’t the worst thing you’ve caught me doing.”

Some other force of terrible nature took hold of you as you stepped closer. “_What the hell is this_?!” You were trying not to turn into a shrieking banshee but you finally got it.

_You got it._

Breath whooshed out from your lungs as the accusations flew, “I thought you were getting out of weapons, Tony! Is that a fucking suit of armor? Are you doing something for the military?!” Briefly in the back of your brain you registered the press conference that had been going on this afternoon. Rhodey had been talking about some training exercise going awry near-

Near…

_ **Gulmira. ** _

“_You lied to me?_” Not an accusation, not needing to make one. Instead a broken down plea. Tears were quick. He’d lied. He’d lied about everything. He’d shut down his weapons department, supposedly, maybe he was moving all the parts _to himself_ so that he could make the world right with his own hands? That talk in the car had been for nothing. The press conference- every moment you’d spent here with him, all nothing. Right underneath you after those gentle mornings he’d been making, designing, _test driving weapons suits like they were cars. _“This is sick-”

“Hey! Hey- please- will you take a breath? Will you calm down? I need- OW!” One of the machines pulled at him. “I need to get out of this- we need to talk- look I’ll explain everything- I didn’t _lie _to you-”

“This is what you’ve been doing in your lab? Building this thing? So that you could- what- go drop nukes or fire missiles on villages- so you could wring the blood out of every last person in the middle east yourself?! Sell the military kill robots?!”

He shouted your name, startling you. Then said it again softer, waving the mechanical hands off. He’d gotten out of most of it while you’d been screaming, stepping down off his dais with just the chest piece on. The Arc Reactor glowing hot. “I’ve been doing what needs to be done. _Please-_” He begged, “please just listen to me.”

When he reached out to touch you, you recoiled. “_**Don’t.**_” He was sick. Maybe Obi had been right, and the Board. The whole world, for that matter. Tony Stark would never change. He’d only evolve in more drastic ways. “Don’t touch me.” You quickly wiped away the tears that had fought past your lashes despite your best efforts and sniffled in a breath of air. “I’ll stay. For ten minutes. After that I’m gone.”

_Forever_ .   
  
  


* * *

You excused yourself for your benefit, but his as well, the two of you needing to get cleaned up. You didn’t want to see him like that anyway. Deeper down the spiral you went as you washed your face in the bathroom upstairs. What had any of this been for? What had any of it meant? Why you? You’d been so sure of your purpose. But after all this maybe you were meant for nothing. Just another cog in the machine.

Worse than your minimal cosmic fate was that Tony had lied to you. And every moment he’d stepped off that plane had been for nothing. He’d just kept you around to be a good little lapdog for the company. A good face. Everyone knew that while you’d always stand by Tony and Stark Industries, you’d always been more for peace than war. Even though you’d never said it out loud, people knew what you’d been trying to convince Tony of all these years. What a perfect face of the “we’re shutting down weapons” movement.

Someone who believed that lie.

He’d used you.

This was even worse than finding him in bed with someone else. This one was personal. It cut deep.

Getting a hold of yourself, you dried your face and then went back down to the side doors on the lab, not wanting to step on more broken shit. You had enough to deal with. Tony was standing at a console, doing who knew what. You didn’t want to know anymore. You didn’t want to _care_ anymore.

Standing just beyond the doorway, you held your arms together. “So this is what you’ve been doing the whole time.” You had to get it all out. “Getting out of weapons by becoming a weapon.”

“It turns out we were just part of a cyclical problem with my name and my money stamped heavy across it.”

Too tired to play any more word or mind games, you just shook your head. “So it _is_ a weapon. The thing you were in.” You kept your voice dry.

His hands came down from the screen he’d been poking at and he turned to look at you. You held his gaze, if only in defiance. “What you said about Obi. That was right.”

You thought life couldn’t throw you any more curve balls. “What?”

“And the night at the gala? You were right about that, too. And maybe I would have seen it sooner if I’d just stop trying to do everything myself and listen to the _one_ person who always seems to know what’s going on. Because hell, it’s clearly never been me.” He came over, workspace still separating you two, but he was still too close for comfort. His hands came down and he leaned in. “I should have been honest with you.”

“Then why weren’t you?” God damn yourself, you felt the tears glossing over your eyes again as your voice wavered.

His shoulders came up in a shrug. “I’m a self-invested moron. And-… I didn’t want you to get hurt- to get involved. But I’ve fucked up enough.” He took a deep breath in. “They’re dealing under the table. Probably always have been. Obi probably cut the gang off that kidnapped me. They asked me to make the Jericho for them- when they had me. And now, the night at the gala, I saw pictures- courtesy of your little informant- that someone had it. How could they- if I shut it down?”

Tony had never shared with you what really went on in that cave. A chill crept across your skin. And now all this time Stark Industries was still pushing weapons? And not even to the military. To… “But- Tony you… there’s other ways to deal with this-”

“There is _no other way_ to deal with this. I have to do it.” So that was it. He’d built a suit of armor to go shut down the people who had taken him. To _**kill **_all the _bad guys_ himself.

“Why you?!” You startled yourself with how loud you’d shouted. His head had whipped up to look at you. “When I told you about what was going to happen at the benefit, what did we agree to? We said we’d deal with it _together_\- and- not like this, Tony. We’ll figure out how to shut them down some other way- it doesn’t have to be like this-”

“_**There is nothing except this.**_” Blowing past everything you were saying with such force and sincerity. Rounding the table he approached you and you suddenly felt like you were caged in with a tiger, backing up. “There is no art opening.” His voice was raising, growing harsher with every word. “There is no benefit. There’s nothing to sign.” But it all died as he stopped inches away from you. “There is the next mission. And nothing else.”

_Nothing else._

Not you. Not together. Not anything. Just what he wanted to do. On his own terms. Flying around in some tech until someone snapped his neck, or yanked the Reactor out of his chest, or he got blown to pieces- because he’d become too damaged to see past anything else.

He certainly had stopped seeing you.

You swallowed, trying to make the words go. “I quit.” You forced yourself to look at him one last time before you turned on your heel and made your way for the door. You would not be part of this any longer.

“You were right. The whole time.” His voice was faraway, but you stopped. If only to hear his last words. “The whole time you asked me to get out of weapons because of the damage it was causing- that I was responsible for- I didn’t wanna listen. But you were right. Yet you still stood by my side every night while I reaped the benefits of destruction.” You turned again to look at him. “And now that I’m trying to protect the people that I’ve put in harm’s way, you’re gonna walk out?”

“I _will not_ stand here any more while you play judge, jury, and executioner. And I am not- _I can’t_ watch you kill yourself. This is going to be the end of you.” If nothing else you needed him to understand. You were not strong enough for that.

He suddenly slumped into his work chair, “I shouldn’t be alive.” Everything in you shut down, you almost dropped to the ground with how hard that had hit you. He took a shivering breath, his voice a mere croak, “...unless it was for a reason.” He was gripping with real desperation here, and you felt the tears fall. “I’m not crazy.” Tilting his head up he looked at you, and you saw the tears shining in his eyes, too. “I just finally know what I have to do. I know in my heart that it’s right.” A breath was shared between you, “And _I need you_ .”   
  


_Please don’t abandon me.  
Not now._

Your focus sharpened up as your legs started walking, rounding the work table and going to him. He turned, following your every movement. Dropping to your knees you groveled, staring up at him. Studying him. Trying to feel everything you’d been ignoring. He’d been struggling every moment since he’d gotten home. And you’d been too delighted in your self satisfaction, and then too in depression with your wild theories, to give him any real thought.

You thought you had. But he was so much further than you’d been reaching.

Something in you snapped. The thing that had been twisting tighter and tighter from the moment he’d been kidnapped. You’d been dealing with too much. As had he. More than you, really, but all the same, you couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Putting your arms around him, you held him close, resting your head on his shoulder. Feeling only the hot wash of terrible shame and grief- and then a deeply penetrating feeling of _relief, _of _need_, of _**anguish**_ that rolled off of him as his head hit your shoulder in return. Exhaustion wrapped it all up in a thick fog. All of this was wrong. He shouldn’t be doing what he was doing. But he wasn’t going to stop doing it. Not with the way he was feeling. “I need you, too, you know. ...but I don’t want you to die.” You’d whispered that to yourself countless times when he’d been taken.

_Please bring him back…_ the universe had answered. And just because it hadn’t brought him back the exact way you wanted didn’t mean you could turn your back on him. Not now.

Not ever.

There was a swell of relief as he squeezed you tight. “Don’t worry. I’ve got too much to do to die.”

There was a watery croak of a laugh shared between you two as you eased back. Reaching up, you wiped away the tears that were still falling. “Promise?”

He settled his hands on your arms. “I promise. So long as you stick around.”

That was a lot to put on you, but for now you’d easily let it slide. He was probably just kidding, anyway. So you gave a nod and got to your feet. “What do you need me to do, then?”

Shifting back to his work table after a deep breath, he produced a USB that he held up to you. “I need you to go to my office and hack into the mainframe. You’re going to retrieve all the recent shipping manifests. This is a lock chip, it’ll get you in.”

Taking hold of the device you let it settle over you what he was really asking you to do. “Just that easy, huh?” Slipping the drive into your pocket.

His smile was brief. “Simple. It’s probably under executive files, if not, they put it on a ghost drive in which case you need to look for the lowest numeric heading.”

You repeated that all back in your head. You wouldn’t fail him. “And when I bring it back here, what are you going to do?”

“Same drill. They’ve been dealing under the table and I’m gonna stop them.” He only paused briefly before putting a hand over yours. “_We’re_ going to stop them. We’re going to find the weapons and destroy them.”

This wasn’t going to be easy, but nothing ever was. Breaking into his computer would be simple enough. Really the highest risk was just not getting caught. And if you did… You were halfway to the door in your resolve before you wavered, putting your hand on the frame and turning back to him. “Tony… I… need to talk to you about something.”

“Important?” It must have been, for you to bring it up _right now_.

But it was stupid. And you couldn’t. No one believed you. No one should, for that matter. But in the midst of all the chaos, maybe it _was_ important. Maybe with the two of you agreeing on this new mutual closeness, he needed to know. If he’d listen. “The day in the car… before you were taken… Obi was...” But how on earth to explain this? How could you? Stupid. Never. You just couldn’t. Shaking your head, “Never mind.”

He was like a bat out of hell, pacing around the desk and going to grab your arm to keep you from going. “Obi was what?”

You took a deep breath. “Whatever you think about what I’m about to say- it’s fine. And, hey, I think at this point you’re in too deep to throw me away if you think I’m crazy.” At least he couldn’t do that, right?

His brows knit. “I would never _throw you away_. What are you going on about?”

Your heart was slamming against your chest. You licked your lips, pressing them together, swallowing hard. There was no way to do this. “Ever since high school I just sort of- I can- ...I _feel_ things. What everyone else around me is feeling. And I know how that sounds, and I don’t want to hear about it- just- when we were in the car- I thought you were nervous about something- because I _felt _ it. That’s why I asked about it then- if you remember… but I think it was Obi. And when we got the news that you were gone I- ...felt some sense of _relief._ And… Look I know it’s crazy, okay? You don’t have to tell me. But… I think Obi set you up.”

Which was really the more important assessment here. Not just the nonsensical things you lived with every day that no one wanted to believe. You’d gotten used to that. Really you had no want to hear Tony dismiss you like everyone else. But he had to know that the connecting thread to all of this was that first moment. It was Obi.

“Anyway- look. Just forget I said most of that. I don’t have any proof but I just thought it was important.” Trying to talk your way awkwardly out of it.

The silence was killing you but finally he dropped his hand. “...I think you’re right.” He’d been looking away when he said it but then back at you when he waved his hand, “-about.. that, anyway. The other thing- uh. That’s- wow. You’re gonna have to give me some time on that. That’s a lot to take in.”

Your lips pulled thin in your smile up to him. “More to take in than your boss flying around in a killing machine he made in a month- powered by a piece of equipment he implanted in his chest?” Daring your luck, you reached up briefly to tap it. Also letting him know you were over your fear of the very thing keeping him alive.

He’d normalized it for you, you realized now, by displaying it all the time.

“About on par, actually. I think.” Taking your hand, he curled his fingers around your and lifted. His lips were a careful press against your skin. “But can we reconsider the just-a-boss thing?” _Please_?

Somehow after everything else, it was a relief and utterly refreshing to know… to know that your second worst fear had been unfounded. “Good friends?”

“If that’s all you’ve got for me...” His dissatisfaction equaled with his sad grin. “I’ll stop asking.”

“What happened to _there is nothing else?_” Not that you wanted to throw those sunken words back at him, but you still had your reservations. Especially now.

“You’re not nothing.”

Though there was a strong air of assurance and truth to this, you couldn’t just eat it up. “Yeah, well… I can’t keep going through times where you forget and then conveniently remember it when I’m right in front of you.”

His head lifted slightly. “That’s- ...completely and totally fair. And I’m working on it.”

Right now was not a good time for this. Your head was an absolute mess. You’d gone from being devastated and heartbroken to disgusted to furiously angry and betrayed to heartbroken again and then resolved to his cause. To his side, forever. If not completely all in, maybe he deserved at least a little more honesty than you’d been giving. He deserved to at least be met halfway.

That speech you’d told yourself about not getting involved had completely vanished at this point.

Turning your hand over from his and reaching the other one up, you cupped the sides of his neck in your palms, thumbs brushing the scruffy lines of his jaw. His hands went almost automatically over yours, holding you there. Words failed. Maybe it was time the two of you stopped talking at each other, anyway. It never got you far.

You studied him for only a few seconds, gazes turning over one another in a feedback loop. Waiting. Finally, because he was _waiting, _waiting for you, to make sure you were in it or not, you leaned in, and he met you. But you didn’t meet him exactly where he wanted, instead inching up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “We’ll talk about it later.” There was just too much now.

“What did I say about that?” You could _feel_ his defeated smile there against your skin, but there was this slow simmering _resignation_ that was leaking from him. “You want me to wait, and I’ll wait. Just tell me I’m waiting for _you_.”

Your face went warm, unfortunate with how close you were. Finally, because you could, and because you knew you should, your hands raked up through the back of his hair, easing him further down to you. Against his forehead you laid a single, but lingering, tender kiss. “Wait for me.” Barely any voice there against his skin. He surrendered quite easily, though his unease at letting you slip away after filled your heart terribly. “But we’ll finish talking about it later.” Doubling down. Not that it mattered. You both knew what this had now become.

He moved away back to his screens as you went to the stairs, “We’d better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a tasty comment if you liked it!


	11. Chapter 11

Your mission, you tried telling yourself, was relatively simple. All you had to do was go into the building, keep your head down (or up, if you were trying to appear normal), take the elevator up, breathe, walk calmly into Tony’s office, sit down, shove the key into the USB port, let it work, pull and download what it found, and leave. Simple, right? Simple, simple, simple…

No one would question what you were doing there, it was your job to be there. You were there all the time. Even in Tony’s office- no one looked twice when you crossed over from yours to his, whether he was there or not. Because that was part of your job, to be that close in his affairs. So what was the problem? No one would care or notice, except…

The one man who had been causing all these problems to begin with. And even more unfortunate than that, he was a very smart man. Obi had to have been on to the fact that you were on to him by now, long before now even. But Tony getting in on it, too, would be cause to raise some red flags. If you ran into Obi in the office, it was game over. Maybe. Maybe you could talk your way out of it. Maybe you could stop being so petrified of him enough to ease your way past his brick walls and make him leave you alone.

But you doubted it.

You had only a few covers at play, here. Vaguely, you remembered the night Tony left you at the party, and a smug Obi had been watching from the shadows as you stood on the steps alone and frustrated. Something had gone wrong between the two of you that night, although as Tony told the story to you after you washed your face for a second time, something had also gone wrong between the two of _them_. That was what led Tony to finally making all these big moves. 

So. Obi knew. But he didn’t know you knew. All he knew was that you were perhaps mad at Tony. And that would be the only advantage you could work with. As long as you didn’t come off as a terrible liar. And at least you had one thing at your disposal…

“_What’s that?” Tony was nudging the manila envelope on the corner of the table. _

“_It was my resignation.” Funny how what felt like another lifetime ago, you’d been descending the lab steps to hand in Pepper’s. She’d gotten out before it became too much. Maybe she could see into the future. _

_Tony stopped moving for a moment, stock still, but you watched out of the corner of your vision his eyes flutter in a few blinks and a sad smile come across his face, “It was that bad?” _

_You served him a dry look, arms crossed. “You’re really going to ask that?” _

“_I’m just asking to make sure I don’t go near that line ever again.” _

It was that same folder you were clutching on to for dear life as you got out of the cab and onto the front lawn of Stark Industries. You tried repeating the plan over and over to yourself, but it only served to make you more removed and distracted from the situation at hand. And you needed to be at your best. Eyes front, forward. Observe everything.

Despite how tired you were, you let your defenses down nearly to zero, trying to _feel_ everyone in your immediate vicinity. If you could feel somebody before they got too suspicious, you could leave in time. Even though it only made this that much harder, immediately being bombarded with too much information, too much _everything_, you knew you had to do it.

Wading through the noise, you found it easier to bear when you got upstairs. It was quiet now, you’d tried to leave the manor at a time that would get you to the offices just as everyone else was leaving or had left. Less people to interfere with you. And perhaps Obi had let himself out of work early as a present to himself, as he did on most days. This Tuesday was no different, you kept telling yourself. Same Tuesday as last week, and the week before that... Or maybe if you were extra lucky, he’d just gone home to try and devise his own plans about how to save his future.

Either way, he seemed to be nowhere around you surmised, as you walked straight back from the elevator, only taking the tiniest of peeps at his half open office door. No one was in. And you didn’t sense him lurking around, especially not in Tony’s office.

Simple, simple, simple.

But you couldn’t count your victories yet. Only slightly quicker as you let yourself into his office and shut the door behind you. It wouldn’t appear like you were doing anything sinister, just sitting down at his computer, leaving the folder with your one cover story right up against the side of the ports as you shoved the ghost drive in. Less to get caught with.

The laptop stirred to life and immediately started running security protocols and blaring loud messages across the screen that it was being breached. Flashes of code popped up all over the screen, no doubt what Tony had programmed it to do. But really, if it was this easy to hack into all their information, maybe that should be looked at in the future. Something you pocketed. Not important right this second.

Taking a deep breath, your anxious patience was rewarded when the lockout finally gave way and access was granted. Once in, the program started scanning all the local files. It was crazy how easy this was, for you to just stick this device into his computer and sit back and let it do all the work. For a moment, you almost got ahead of yourself, feeling this was a quick win. It was at the alert of **GHOST DRIVE FOUND **you leaned forward again. 

Several folders popped up on the side of the screen, the first opening automatically. Bills of sale and landing between Stark Industries and multiple foreign companies flashed forward. Too much information to take in all at once. You moused to the next folder and were greeted to the exact same thing. Tony was right. The company had been dealing weapons to basically anyone that had come knocking with the right amount of cash.

You had thought about this for a long time.

Before Tony had gotten kidnapped.

It was why you kept asking…

But this didn’t feel like anything. Instead you felt this sense of helplessness. This hollowness. All you could do now was help Tony clean up the mess he’d inadvertently created. At least now the both of you were on the same page. The both of you were trying.

Quickly you started processing the download, but curiosity got the better of you. There were  _ so many _ folders here. All marked confidential, but the ones that weren’t were what caught your eye. One, in fact, labeled  **TOP SECRET SECTOR_16** . And what you found inside was horrifying. Blueprints and plans for a metal suit. Not unlike Tony’s. But bigger. More grotesque. 

Obi didn’t just know that Tony knew about the weapons.

Obi seemed to know about  _ everything _ . 

Your heart stopped dead in your chest for a moment. He was planning on replicating the Arc Reactor. To power his big monstrous suit. To do what with it? Sell it, seemed like the most likely thing. More weapons for whoever would pay.

_  
Oh, Tony… what have you done…_

By trying to save the world, he was unknowingly destroying it.

And so the story went on.

But you could stop it, now. Before this got off the ground. You looked for more mentions of Sector 16 and could find nothing. So for now, hopefully, this was all just in the planning phase still. One thing at a time… that was all you could do. Deal with one at a time.

The only other file with an out of place name was  _ **ULTRA SECRET SECTOR_OXX** _ . Clicking on it, you immediately regretted it. A video loaded, terrorist organization in masks,  holding guns, with a red flag behind them-  and someone strapped to a chair. Bag over head. Already you knew what this was. 

They took it off to reveal a battered and beaten Tony.

You didn’t need to know what they were saying. But you double clicked on the language options at the bottom, utilizing the system’s translator to confirm what you already knew to be true.

“_-you did not tell us that the target that you paid us to kill was the great Tony Stark. As you can see, Obadiah Stane, your deception and lies will cost you dearly._”

Quickly you shut it off, feeling like the world was spinning underneath you. Being right had never been so wrong. There was the video. The evidence. The one you’d been waiting on for weeks when Tony had been missing. The piece of the puzzle. You had expected the group that had taken him would make demands. But of course, they wouldn’t make demands of the general public. Or even the company.

No. They’d made demands to the man who had ruthlessly hired them.

The presence lurking in the office, door now open, barely got you to budge, “So. What are we gonna do about this?”

You’d allowed a cold to take hold of you. One you’d become intimately familiar with as of late. And you let it stay on your face. This was what you’d come here to do. Yelling at Obi would probably only get you killed. And then he’d go after Tony.

“Come to say goodbye?” You quickly set his computer to its screen saver, finding only the barest pleasure when you caught Obi off guard.

He still kept coming in, anyway. “What’s that now?” Stopping at the bar cart, he started pouring himself a drink.

“I came in to leave my resignation on his desk. He’ll probably never even see it.” Despite yourself you smiled.

And he smiled back. “Ah. Well. I know what you’re going through.” There was an air of  _ satisfaction _ that you caught on to rolling off of him, but he was by no means dissuaded. 

“I don’t think you do.” Trying to abate him a little while longer. You had no idea how long the download would take. But even if you cut and run now you’d no doubt have enough.

Coming around your chair,  he perched himself on the side of the desk. Uncomfortably close. “There’s no shame in walking away from what’s become of things. When we… when Tony came home I was so happy, it was like getting him back from the dead.” You held in a breath of relief. He was buying it. “But now I realize… well… Tony never really did come home, did he? He left a part of himself in that cave. It breaks my heart.” 

You had to really hold in your disgust. Instead you kept yourself stoic, on the soft side of sad, head turning down as if contemplating what this monster was saying to you. “He needs help. More than I can give him.  I think it’s just best if we part ways.” Looking up, you made sure to keep level with his eyes.

_ I’m leaving, I’m leaving… believe me… _ you tried to will it into existence. 

Obi nodded, taking a long sip of his drink before speaking again. “You and I may not have had the best days together, but you were always a hard worker. Competent, too.  Tony had no idea how lucky he was. ” It was nauseating how much of a  _ **liar** _ he was. “You’ll find something better. Leave the rest of us worker bees to clean up this mess.” 

Taking your cue, deciding staying here any longer was a terrible idea, you stood up from the chair, grabbing your folder, and underhandedly slipping the drive out of the port in one smooth move. “Thanks, Obi. I might as well take it to him. Let it be the last thing we do.” You gave him a short wave with your free hand and then turned to walk away.

Trying not to run for the fucking hills.

“You sure?” He was creeping up behind you. “I’m technically your boss, too, you know.” His grin as he laid a hand on your shoulder was sinister. “I can just relieve you now and bring it to him later.”

“No, thank you. For everything I’ve put in I gotta give him that final _fuck you_ personally. You wouldn’t rob me of that, right?” Grinning back up at him, sweet as can be. 

He laughed. “Aw, come on. At least let me look at it.” Hand outstretched, expecting you to give it to him.

Panic consumed you but you tried to bite it back. “For Tony’s eyes only. Have a good night, Obi.”

You turned, hoping to get the hell out of there, but he wrapped that meaty hand of his around your arm and pulled you hard. “We’re not finished here.” His voice dropped to a chill.

Gathering all your strength up, you leveled a hard look in his eyes. “Let me go. _Now._” _You insufferable, disgusting man. __**Don’t you feel guilty for what you’ve done? **_His fingers loosened hypnotically, dazed very suddenly. You could barely catch your breath. “Good night.”

You said again and turned away. Going as fast as your legs would take you without looking suspicious, keeping that folder, and drive, clutched tight in your hands. “Good night...” His voice was steady, far behind you. Warning you of what was to come as his senses returned.

It took all your strength to not run for the elevator. Even more to not slam the buttons in useless effort as you felt  _ blinding fury _ rain down from the top office.  _ He knew _ . 

_ **He knew** _ and nothing short of  ** murder ** was on his mind as he ran after you. 

Phone in hand, you jogged off the elevator and downstairs to the ground floor. Tony’s number was only half dialed in when a voice called to you from the waiting lounge. You looked up, almost tripping down the rest of the stairs- “We had an appointment.” Special Agent Phil Coulson from the whatever-whatever.  _ Your hero _ . “Did you forget about our appointment?” 

Did he have an appointment?- a thought that you smashed to pieces instantly. “No! Of course not. Come on, come with me.”

Phil seemed surprised, but he got up anyway. “Right now?”

“Yep. Right now. Let’s go. I’ll take you.” Chancing a look over your shoulder, you were startled when you saw Obi standing there, perched atop the walkway, hands gripping the banister glass. “Stay close to me, please- I’ll explain everything.” 

Taking immediate control of the situation, and sensing perhaps that not everything was well, “Are you in danger?”

“_Yes_.” It escaped you in a puff of air as the two of you reached outside and he put a guiding arm at your shoulder to take you into the parking lot- to his car, presumably. You were surprised at how out of breath you were. After everything you’d been through, it was relieving in a way to finally be able to say _yes I’m in trouble, please help me_. 

“Explain the situation to me.” He made sure you were in the car before shutting the door and then came to the other side and sat down, turning on the engine and then wasting no time in taking off.

Really, you knew nothing about this man. Had he even flashed you a government badge? You just had his card. But for once you decided to trust blindly. It was the last thing you  _ could _ do. “ Obi- Obadiah Stane put a hit out on Tony- Stark- Tony Stark. That’s why he was kidnapped- and now he’s building some mech- and he’s been selling weapons to terrorists and-”

“I need you to slow down. One thing at a time. Do you have evidence?”

“Yes! I had everything right here on this drive!” You waved it around in your hand. Panic had taken a hold of you. It didn’t help that you were an emotional wreck, you hadn’t slept in a couple of days since the party- oh, and **Obi was trying to murder everyone**. “-where are we going? We need to go to Tony. Obi’s gonna go after him-”

“I need backup. Our office isn’t too far from here. Do you have any contacts you can get to go pick Mr. Stark up?” His calm demeanor was only really serving to make you panic worse. You knew Rhodey was around, making you nod uselessly. You very suddenly were out of your element. Overwhelmed and drowning. “Good. We’re going to need everything you’ve got. What about this “mech”? Do you know where it is?”

Why focus on that? Wasn’t Tony important? Because it was a weapon, maybe? “It’s under some Sector 16- it’s probably an offshoot of the labs. Maybe… near the Arc Reactor- his plans.. he was going to power it with it. The Arc Reactor- it’s this-” You thought to try and explain this whole thing. But should you really give up all of Tony’s information to this government stranger?

“I know what the Arc Reactor is. I know about Mr. Stark’s weaponized suit, as well. Speak freely and quickly. We don’t have a lot of time.” His eyes never once left the road as he commanded all of this to you. “You have the evidence on that drive? Put it in- here.” Reaching in the back, he grabbed a laptop and carefully handed it to you. 

Sticking it into the USB port, you opened the screen. “How long have you known?”

“The whole time. He escaped his torturers with a prototype of that suit. Why do you think I’ve been trying to get a debrief meeting this whole time?” There was a quick but genial smile. “And we’re up to date on his rogue activities near Gulmira.”

You really should have just sat down with Phil Coulson a long time ago. Your head was spinning. “Well-...” Breathing out you tried to get it together. “Obi is working on a version of that suit. I have schematics. But I don’t know if he has a Reactor- Tony’s is… he built a perfect miniaturized version. I don’t know how hard it would be to replicate...”

Hanging a left, he swerved suddenly and you reached up to brace the support handle. “Nearly impossible. We’ve been listening in to the chatter in that area. They’re not close. Mr. Stark has a certain genius that would be a powerful tool in someone else’s arsenal.”

Those words struck you deep in the heart.  _ A powerful tool _ . Quickly you reached for your cellphone. What were you even doing? Giving everything up before even looking after him? How could you be so careless? 

His phone rang, and rang, and rang… until it went to voicemail. His greeting of, _“Don’t waste my time.” _was not as comical as it usually was. “Tony, Obi knows everything. You have to call me back. It’s too much to explain in voicemail. _Please_ call me. _**Please. **_I need to know you’re okay.”

As you lowered the phone, “Is he compromised? I’m going to get more agents. Call your backup. Get them over there as fast as you can. Explain the situation. Have them meet up with us back at Stark’s labs.”

“But- Tony-” Coulson was blowing you off, and clearly something was very wrong. After knowing exactly where he’d sent you, Tony would have answered first ring. What if something had gone wrong? That he wasn’t picking up… Coulson’s mind seemed to be on the weapon- but _Tony_\- 

“Everything is going to be alright.”

You had half a mind to just take off in a sprint towards the mansion. He was in danger. In trouble. There was no telling what Obi was going to do- or already doing. Coulson left the car. You tried to still your shaking hands as you called Rhodey.

This was now twice in too short a time you were going to have to beg him to listen to you.

And then beg him again to save Tony. How long was life going to go in an endless loop?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the first finish line here. Remember to please leave a comment if you're enjoying the story! I love reading and responding to them!


	12. Chapter 12

It took Coulson far longer than you liked to round up his team and get back down to the parking garage, all the while a pounding foggy headache had started swirling. In that time you’d done all you could to convince Rhodey he needed to abandon whatever he was doing and go check on Tony. Immediately. Now. Pronto. It really didn’t take that much convincing, you had _never_ sounded as off the handle as you knew you did now. Unhinged and desperate. That was motivation enough that something truly must have been wrong. 

But when you spilled words rapidly about Obi being the one that got Tony taken and was the one behind everything- the one most likely to be at the manor by now trying to  _kill Tony_ , that was where Rhodey started to show his confusion. Thankfully he put it to rest by just hanging up on you, although you heard the screech of his truck tires before the line cut.  


While it was supposed to be one less thing to worry about, knowing Rhodey would handle whatever misfortune was befalling Tony presently, you still couldn’t help it. What if it was too late? What if you hadn’t done enough? You really should have just gotten into a cab and sped there yourself. Although you weren’t really sure what you would do if Obi was there with the intent to kill. Die alongside Tony?

No, you told yourself, no one was dying. Not Tony. Not  _again_ . 

When Coulson finally returned with his team of agents, you wiped your hands against your pants, falling victim to heat and nerves. Sweating. “Where are we going?” He was already driving while the agents that had climbed into the car were checking their weapons. It made you all the more anxious.

Did you really trust these people? Apparently they’d been spying on Stark Industries, which was good in that it would help you build your case. But bad because you really shouldn’t be looking the other way on that.

“Back to your compound. You’re going to take us to Sector 16.” Calm as ever, this Phil Coulson.

“I told you, I don’t know where it is. We can look- if my guess is right, it’ll be some wing on the Arc Reactor.” You weren’t totally sure that _was_ right, but it seemed plausible. If he was trying to power that suit with one of them, best bet was that he’d cordoned off a wing. No one paid attention to that sector anyway. 

Maybe it was a bad thing you hadn’t gotten around to delivering Tony’s message about clean energy in its entirety… maybe if you had found time for it, there would have been too many eyes around that part of the Stark labs. Maybe Obi wouldn’t have had time and shadow enough to do what he was doing.

Too many maybes.

Everything was out of your hands now. “What are we going to do when we find it?” Because at this point it didn’t seem like the option of not doing so was on the table. Better that way, anyway. If you could get the government (whatever agency this was) to seize everything, everyone would be much safer.

“We’ll arrest Obadiah Stane. Then we’ll get a larger crew to dismantle whatever weapons he’s been building behind everyone’s back.”

A chill ran through you. “So...” Looking briefly into the rear view mirror, you caught only one of the other agent’s gaze. “Everyone here now is just to  _arrest_ Obi?” He was considered that dangerous?

“It’s better to be prepared in a situation like this. We don’t know what we’re walking into yet.” At this you could only nod, hands clenching and unclenching, leg bouncing. Stark Industries was just down the road. “Is your contact taking care of Mr. Stark?”

“Rhodey is going to check in on him.” You kept your eyes forward. Praying it wasn’t too late.

Everything was moving in a blur. The sun had gone down. Things were taking too long and yet moving so quickly you could barely keep up. The car had pulled into the Stark Industries backlot compound with a swipe of your ID badge at the front terminal. Quickly you got out and walked with your new entourage up to the Reactor lab and swiped yourself in.

You just had to hope your guess was right. Walking around the left side of the huge space, Arc Reactor humming away, you looked around for any sign of this secret compound. But if it wasn’t here, then what? Luckily, either Obi wasn’t too smart or things were just simple enough to get you to where you needed to go. Sector 15 was on the right side of the wing, and so…

“Sector 16. Here. Come on.” You put a little pep in your step, feeling like you were finally going to accomplish something in what was now a months long torture session that had become your life. And Tony’s, as well. Walking up to the big locked door, you swiped your badge in front of the reader, but it bounced back with an unhappy chirp. You tried one more time before realizing, _of course_, you weren’t going to have access. “I can’t get in.”

“Step aside.” Coulson held his hand up for something and one of the other agents placed a small round device in it.

“You’re going to blow the door??” It seemed like not the smartest thing to do if you were trying to take Obi by surprise- if he was in there. You supposed if it was just framework and weaponry it wouldn’t matter. Thinking on it now, though, you would much rather Obi be here. And not with Tony.

He adhered it to the door and then gave you the signal to move. “You might wanna take a few steps back.”

Quickly you did as he asked, not one to fool around in the face of explosives. You took cover behind two of the other agents, putting your hands to your ears. At least you had some work field experience in this.  It only took a few more seconds for the pop and once it happened, Coulson and the rest of the agents were already making their move. 

Wordlessly you followed, chest growing tighter and tighter. A sense of  _urgency_ and  _anger_ was coming from the bottom floor. “Obi’s here.” 

“We’re on it. Stay behind me.” Coulson didn’t even ask how you knew that. You were glad you didn’t have to explain it. There was really no time to get into all that right now.

Down, down, down the steps you descended into the basement, growing restless and truly terrified. What was he doing holed up down here? What would he try to do now that you’d brought people to arrest him? Truly a man with nothing more to lose, for the most part. Those were the most dangerous sort.

Coulson opened the bottom door silently, drawing his gun very suddenly, signaling for the other agents to do so as well. Stepping through the grated walkway, you took stock of just what this place was. Really a dungeon. Wet and musky, random things all over the place. Compacted tightly by pipes and vents.

Stepping down onto a more even floor and turning the corner, the whole party came to a stop in front of a bigger but more primitive version of Tony’s suit. You weren’t sure this was the one in the schematics… was this really it?

“Looks like you were right. He was building a suit.” Coulson seemed to be scrutinizing it.

This was  _wrong_ , though. You were sure Obi was here. And this one- this one was… “It’s damaged.” It was full of bullet holes and dents. A deep, quiet rumbling came from behind you, sending the agents into motion. 

You stayed back, trying to focus in on the feelings you’d caught when you’d first come down. Obi was here. You knew he was. The air started to shiver. Chains suspended from the ceiling were rattling against one another. Walking around, you saw an empty dais, wires hanging from above, sparking electricity.

Closer you dared, until you realized that yes. That hadn’t been Obi’s suit.

And that was about the last coherent thought you had.

Two piercing white hot eyes stared out at you from the darkness, and the interlocking of machinery started grinding away as a large, huge, hulking metal suit stood up from its hiding place, sending you into a  furious panic.  A yelp escaped you as you turned quickly to run.

Sounds of gunfire and human bones  snapping hit the air behind you as you ran.  _Ran, ran, ran_ \- clanking of metallic boots hot on your trail. Coming to get you. Obi was in that suit. And he was going to catch you and squeeze the life out of you. Literally. He was going to kill everyone. He’d gone absolutely insane. 

Running up the steps, around the Reactor, and out of the front of the lab, you only just realized Obi had not kept up. But he was still very near. The shriek of your phone caused you to jump, but you answered it quickly upon seeing who was calling. “Tony! Tony- god- Obi has a suit- Obi has a suit and he- I think he killed a bunch of government agents- Tony-”

“Listen to me! Listen you need to get out of there!” You realized you both were shouting each other’s name in panic at one another. Nothing was getting done, nothing was really being said between you.

The earth rumbled beneath your feet and very quickly you lost the sound of Tony’s voice as that monstrous mech dug its way up, clawing through blacktop and rubble like it was playground sand, sending you stumbling back a few steps. What could you even do? “Obi...”

“Where do you think you’re going?” You could hear the cruel smile on his face as his voice thundered out from the machine. “I’ve been looking forward to this day. You don’t know for how long.” Making the mistake of turning, thinking you could run, he swiped his hand forward, colliding a metal hand against your side in a swipe, sending you hurtling towards the building. 

A quick smack and it was over. You felt things  fracture. Pain like you’d never known before. Struggling to keep it together, you looked up, realizing you were on the ground. He was aiming his arm at you- no- a gun on top of his arm.  A really big gun.

This was really it.

“Your services are no longer required.”

It was hard to accept this was where your fate ended. But a voice called out from the sky. Thankfully the one voice you needed. “ _ **Hey!!!** _ ”  You barely saw what happened. 

Tony’s suit came in hot, just ramming himself into Obi, taking him down through the hole and- who knew where else. You heard things breaking, and then in the nearby distance the sound of cars colliding into each other- or maybe that was the suits hitting the cars on the highway behind the compound. Horn honking was not too far from that, either. 

It was extremely tempting to continue to lie there and black out. The pain was enough. But you knew you couldn’t stay. Struggling, you set your hands to the pavement, working your way to your knees, holding your left side where you felt the crack of your ribs. You had to push on.

After trying to find the sweet spot of shallow breathing, you pushed yourself further up, shakily onto your legs until you were standing mostly upright. Then you did the stupidest thing you could think of. You walked, slowly, back into the lab.

“Coulson!! Coulson!” If you were hurt, he and his team were worse. You had no chance against a giant robot suit. You couldn’t help Tony, though you were clutching your thankfully unbroken phone in case he called again. Now all you could do was try and help the other people who had gotten roped into this disaster.

This nightmare.

How could this be real life? A few months ago you never would have believed it…

The sounds of chaos were still hailing from outside. An explosion caught you off guard and you leaned heavily against the nearest wall, growing dizzy. Looking up you saw the lights of their propulsion fires, taking them up. Up into the sky.

It rendered you useless for a moment, just watching after them. It was a nearby groan that snapped your waning attention. Coulson was lying only a foot away on his side. You hobbled your way to him. “I’m gonna- I’m gonna get you out of here...” You had no breath to speak, only easing in and out quick pants. About all you could take.

“-gonna need more backup...”

You didn’t know what to make of that. Sure, it was true, but what good would it do? Maybe he could get the army involved or something. Would that be enough to take down Obadiah? Maybe you needed to call Rhodey again. “Don’t move, okay?” He was probably really hurt. “I’m gonna… I’m...” You were going to figure everything out.

That’s what you told yourself. But your consciousness faded for a few seconds. You hoped only a few.

There was a sudden scuffle on the roof, the sound of something landing- falling? And then your phone went off again. “Tony-” The only person in the world you wanted to hear from. “Are you okay?”

“I’m almost out of power. I gotta get out of this thing. I’ll be right there, I’ll get you to the hospital-” 

H e was cut off very suddenly by the sound of another suit landing- Obi, god damn it. You had hoped he’d figured out a way to put him down. He probably had been, too. The ceiling quaked again and you looked up, consumed by the glow of the Reactor for a moment. 

_The Arc Reactor. _

Holding yourself against the lower railing, you forced yourself to move. To look at the surrounding panels. If you could get Tony off the roof… would blowing all the fuses create a big enough explosion to take Obi out? The sounds of fighting went on overhead.

You couldn’t tell who was winning. You could only hope.

But suddenly they died down, and then you heard Tony murmuring your name. You thought you might be hallucinating things. “Tony...” Ah, yes, your phone. You still had your phone to your ear. Very good.

“This isn’t working. We’re gonna have to overload the reactor and blow the roof.”

You nodded to yourself. “I’m at the panels now.”

“Were you gonna wait for me to clear the area or what?” Even while whispering, you could hear the sarcasm in his voice.

“Of course I was.” Despite it all, all the craziness, the absolute nonsense that had become both your lives and what was going on now, you smiled. And you knew he was, too.

“Great. Start hitting switches. I’ll give you the signal when I clear the roof, then you’re gonna hit the master bypass button on the front station. It’ll fry everything up here. I’ll buy you some time.”

_Fry everything._

You were being tasked with something serious here. A literal kill or be killed.

The words came so easy out of Tony- and, hell, even you’d been thinking about it. But… could you really… could you really murder Obi?

You couldn’t spend too long thinking on the ethics of it. Shaking your head you went to start flipping switches one after the other, strangely finding the pain in your ribs was ebbing the further you went along. You made it all the way around to the center console and started flicking switches and pushing buttons. One after another after another, hearing the energy and electricity start to amp up.

The sound of metal on glass caught your attention and when you looked up you saw Tony sliding over the top of the ceiling, no doubt thrown there. He was missing his helmet. Your heart stopped. The sounds of stomping on the roof felt like it shook the entire building.

You stayed your hand over the master bypass, pulling back at the sounds of gunfire and the shatter of the glass above you. Putting your arms up, you tried to shield yourself, but you didn’t wait long to look back up, seeing Tony dangling from the frame of the dome.

What to do?  
What should you do?  
What _could_ you do?

“Tony!”

If you went up there- maybe if you got Coulson’s gun- maybe if you… maybe if-… maybe-

Glass continued shattering, that gun up there continued firing. You went for cover again, feeling the ache in your ribs, skin burning. You forced yourself to stand straight and look.

Obi’s voice called out above. “How ironic, Tony! Trying to rid the world of weapons, you gave it its best one ever!”

Tony was still struggling to keep a hold of the beams on the roof. Slipping… slipping… he called your name.

“_**And now I’m gonna kill you with it**_.” Obi declared and you felt your blood run cold.

Maybe if you- maybe if- if you could just- if you…

A missile went off on the roof. Tony called for you again. “It’s time to hit the button!”

No, that couldn’t be right. He was out of his mind. You’d never- _you couldn’t-_

“No, I can’t!” What were you supposed to do? You couldn’t just- but Obi would kill him… and you- what could you do against Obi? What could you do…?

Another blast. “Just do it!!” Tony begged you as he slipped further, holding on by a thread.

“I can’t!” You begged back, tears already falling. Was this really how things were supposed to be? This was how… “You’ll die!” Begging for him to understand. _You couldn’t_\- _**you couldn’t-**_

He looked at you as another blast hit the roof. “ _ **I need you** _ _ to _ _do this_ _!_ ”  His desperation pierced you, but nothing as devastating as his  _fear_ followed by reluctant  _acceptance_ . 

_This is how it has to be._

You shared one last gaze. The last one you’d ever have. This was his rectifying moment. Making up for all his mistakes. But you didn’t want it to be. Not like this.

_I’m sorry…_

The words floated off somewhere.

_I forgive you. _

And as your hand came down…

_I love you…_

The initial boom of energy sent Tony flying. You tried to fight against the blinding pulse of light. Needing to see- needing to _know _what you’d done_-_ Strong arms took hold of you as you stayed frozen, body ready to give it up and go with him, running you outside instead. The sound of electricity crackling, frying everything on that roof was too painful to listen to as it sizzled through the air.

Then it all doubled back, the power spiraling down and in on itself, causing a mass explosion that ripped throughout the lab. You were covered, you weren’t sure by who. And when it was all over you were sure you’d never be okay again. Blackness enveloped the whole city, the only lights the still sparking embers of the now destroyed machine, and the stars above. You could barely breathe.

“This is Agent Coulson, I’m gonna need-...” Phil’s voice faded as you found the feeling in your legs.

“Tony...” You shrugged away from whoever had taken you and ran into the lab and up the stairwell on the side, running until your lungs burned, flinging yourself onto the roof. “Tony!” No idea. No idea if he was alive. Or dead.

But you hadn’t given up on him yet. And if he was gone… if he was gone- ...you… you needed to see it…

His body was lying there on the rooftop, lifeless. Suit torn to shreds. Coming to a stop, you put your hands over the Reactor faintly glowing in his chest. Chugging. Trying. Trying to keep going. “Tony, Tony hey- come on-” Your other hand went to his neck, pressing with two fingers. Finding the faintest pulse of life.

_Chugging. Trying to keep going._

Without anything left in you to keep it together, you started crying, crumpling in on yourself, other hand on the metal suit plates above his shoulder, just _holding on_. “Tony, everything’s gonna be alright… we’ll… I’m gonna get you to a hospital...”

His eyelids fluttered, but he didn’t open his eyes. A low breathy noise escaped him, but he eased when your hand shifted from his neck to cradle his cheek in your palm. His voice was a pained croak. “You first.”

Your laughter was watery, sniffles not too far behind. “We’ll go together.” If you ever let him out of your sight again after all this, it would be a miracle.

Finally he looked up through half-lidded eyes, smile small but there. “Together. I like the sound of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙


	13. Chapter 13

What you assumed to be Coulson’s agents- his cleanup crew- were swarming the property by the time you were able to get Tony on his feet and down onto the ground. A few had come up to try and ascertain the situation, but the both of you had waved them away. No good arguing or even trying to explain how they were supposed to help him when nobody could. At least he didn’t seem beyond repair. A small blessing.

“Hospital-” You demanded as a rather shifty looking ambulance pulled up on the lot, Coulson waving his arms to beckon the two of you to get in.

“Take her. I need to go home.”

Logistically this made sense. He needed to get out of the suit. Nobody could know about what had happened here tonight. But still… “Tony, you’re hurt.” The fact that you had no desire to be apart from him didn’t need voice. As well as that you were sure you were running on adrenaline. Nothing hurt anymore.

Rhodey pulled up onto the lot in one of Tony’s cars. A welcome face in all this mess. Stepping half out, he gestured wildly. As if to say… _what the fuck is all of this?_

“Bandaids aren’t gonna do me much good. I need to get to the lab and replace some wiring. This one won’t stay on for too much longer.” Tony recaptured your attention. Giving himself basically a death sentence. Yet he seemed so perfectly calm.

“Well then I’m going with-”

Coulson was approaching. He was saying something. But his words were muffled, yours a dead stop, under the weight of a crane hoisting up a giant fried metal suit. With a fried body inside- a _dead_ body- a corpse- a _dead Obi_\- murdered. Gone forever. Just like that. And you’d pushed the button that had done it-

Tony took you by the shoulder, turning you away. “It was him or the world.”

“No,” you said gently as you let him help you into the back of Rhodey’s car, taking his hand in a crushing grip to get him to sit down next to you. His heavy presence beside you was comforting. “It was him or you.”

* * *

“_Are your hands shaking? Because I need you to be very steady on this.” _

“_I thought we agreed I was never putting my hands in your chest again.”_

“_That’s not how I remember that conversation ending.” _

No sleep was had that evening. Between rehousing a barely finished Arc Reactor and arguing with Coulson’s agents about this, that, and the other thing, putting off Tony’s requests for you to go to an actual hospital which then turned into the insistence of Coulson’s team that they at least patch you and Tony up, and having to set up a press briefing you weren’t sure either of you could handle, it seemed like your world was going to explode.

Obadiah Stane was dead.

He’d gone absolutely crazy with power. And now he was gone forever. When you closed your eyes you could still see the remnants of his body being hauled out of the rubble of the lab. Now you were being told Coulson’s secret government division had finished their cleanup and a statement needed to be made to the public.

The public had seen those suits. There had been real damage done not only to Tony’s property, but to the highway outside. To people who were not involved in this crazy little story that had been running your life for far too long. At least, for once, all you had to do was take a shower, get dressed, and get Tony from point A to B. Coulson had apparently handled the rest.

Not that you trusted that. He was concocting a cover story for the both of you, and no doubt one for Obi, that he’d hand over once you got to Stark Industries, some handful of hours later in the midafternoon.

“Can you clean him up a little more?” Coulson asked when the two of you arrived, very soon disappearing after.

You sat him down, brushing out the edge of his shoulders. He picked up a newspaper from the table while Rhodey’s voice droned on in the background, already at the front of the media stage giving a statement. “For the record, I don’t think I look that bad.”

“You look fine.” Assuring him softly as you rooted around in your makeup bag for some concealer. Just some tiny scratches to cover up.

His eyes rose from the paper. “Are_ you_ fine?”

There should have been a large weight lifted from your shoulders. In some ways there was. Maybe things would return to some semblance of normal now. Maybe you and Tony could start thinking about what that normal looked like- especially now that there were no secrets between you. All your other physical maladies seemed to have vanished. Best not to think about it for now. “Just tired.”

“Yeah.” He shook the newspaper out, turning to the big main article about, well, him. “How about a nap after this? Brunch first. Then nap.”

At that you really couldn’t help but smile. How simple a life that would be. “As long as the press conference goes well.” Little teasing edge to your tone as you smoothed some cream over the line of his cheekbone. But you were also quite serious. If he decided to do something like he had last time, you weren’t sure you could handle the fallout.

“He has cards he’s walking around with.” Eyeing Coulson over the top of the newspaper before looking back down to read it. “Iron Man. Hm.”

“Is that what we’re calling you?” _Iron Man._ Hm indeed.

“It’s kinda catchy. It’s got a nice ring to it. I mean it’s not accurate. My suit’s a gold titanium alloy.” Looking up at you as he went on.

Carefully you removed the small butterfly bandage over the bridge of his nose. “Which is exactly what you’re not saying when you get up there.”

“But how will the public appreciate the finer details if the reporters don’t know how to report on them?” He was teasing you back. Clearly he wouldn’t dream of saying something like that.

Fixing the little fringe of his fallen bangs up and giving him a little pat on the shoulder you gently pulled the other bandage from the corner of his brow. “I’ll do the appreciating for everyone.”

Coulson walked in, interrupting the two of you. Handing over a set of blue index cards, “Here’s your alibi.” Tony put the paper down to take hold of them and you quietly went back to finishing his face. “You were on your yacht. We have port papers that put you in Avalon all night. And sworn statements from fifty of your guests.”

Tony hummed in thought. “Yeah, see, I was thinking maybe we just say it was the two of us.” Giving you a cautious but charming look. One you hid a smile over. “Alone. On the island.”

You snapped your compact shut. “A government agent slaved over that story. Do as you’re told.”

His eyes dropped back to the cards. “You know me… great at taking orders...”

“Avalon. That’s what happened.” Coulson repeated it for him. “Just read it word for word.”

“Alright.” You turned away again as he affirmed, setting your makeup back where it came from as Tony continued shuffling the cards. “There’s nothing about Stane here.”

The name got you to freeze. Accidentally you began to hold your breath as Coulson spoke. “That’s being handled.” You tried to ignore the two of them as you rounded behind Tony to straighten out his shirt collar flatter, now fixing invisible things just to keep moving. “He’s on vacation. Small aircraft have such a poor safety record.”

“But what about the whole cover story- it’s- it’s a bodyguard? He’s _my_ bodyguard? That’s kinda flimsy don’t you think?” His fussing over this was making you nervous.

Coulson gave him a long look. “This isn’t my first rodeo Mr. Stark. Just stick to the official statement and soon this will all be behind you.”

“Wouldn’t that be nice.” You couldn’t help saying as you smiled at him.

Coulson just nodded and turned to leave again. “You’ve got ninety seconds.”

Tony was left reading his alibi cards as you followed Coulson to the doorway. “Agent Coulson, I just wanted to say thank you. For everything.” You honestly weren’t sure you’d have gotten through this without everything his agency had done. Now all that was left was to tie it up in a neat bow.

He just nodded. “That’s what we do. You’ll be hearing from us. And this time try and actually make the meeting. Less work that way.” Even he was poking fun.

“Will do. I’ll look for the Strategic… Homeland...” The urge to say _whatever-whatever_ was strong, but in light of everything else it seemed rude. It was just unfortunate that that was what you remembered. And not the actual name.

“Just call us SHIELD. I think that’ll be easier to remember.”

“Should’ve started with that.” SHIELD. Simple. He just gave a brisk nod and that ever-present jovial grin and then he was on his way. “Alright, Tony. Let’s do the thing, shall we?” Leaning over to pick his suit jacket up off the recliner, you were pleased when he was already there when you turned around. Carefully you helped him into it.

“You know, it’s not half bad.” He was still looking over his cards. “Even I don’t think I’m Iron Man.”

“That’s because you’re not.” Said sweetly as he turned to slip the rest of the way into his jacket.

“I am.”

“No. That’s not what the cards say.” It was hard to tell if the two of you were playing with each other or not.

His head moved from side to side as he turned back. “Suit yourself. You know what, that’s fine.” You intentionally avoided his eyes as you smoothed out his shoulders. “If I was Iron Man I’d have this girlfriend who knew my true identity. She’d be a wreck. She’d always be worrying that I was gonna die- yet sort of proud of the man I’d become.” You dipped your hands down to fix his pocket square. “She’d be wildly conflicted- which would only make her more...” He cleared his throat and you finally looked up at him. “-crazy about me.”

Hands shifting forward you tugged at the lapels of his jacket. “Are you finished?”

“No, I’m not. Is this a good time for the talk? I think we should have the talk.” His nervous energy was consuming you despite all his efforts to play it sly.

Your brow raised. “Should we? Forty seconds before you go on TV to tell the world you’re not a superhero?”

“I think it would help me focus.” Grinning lightly, a little tip of his head.

“Get through the press conference and then we’ll talk-”

“I don’t wanna get through one more thing before the next thing and then the next thing-”

“This is the last thing-”

“If we keep putting it off-”

Reaching up you cupped the sides of his jaw, “_Tony_.” He went silent, gaze growing soft. “Our lives have been absolute hell. And we’re finally caught up. This is the last thing to put to bed.”

“You told me to wait. And then we almost died. If we wait some more...”

“Don’t give me an ultimatum.” This was the absolute last thing you needed right now. Him, too. Why was he doing this?

“I’m not. I swear I’m not.” Trying to get his footing back, not wanting to chase you off again. “But… right before you pushed that button, I made peace with that the last thing I’d ever see was you. I just have to know how much longer you want me to wait. Tomorrow? Next week? A month from now? I will- I just- ...I need to know. Am I still waiting at all?”

Your hands slid down the sides of his neck, keeping him still, unable to let go. In the background, faintly, you heard Rhodey call for his introduction onto the stage. That was your cue to push Tony away and make him go. Make him put a cap on this chapter of your lives.

But instead you were stuck there, holding the look in his eyes. “Tony-”

“I know I love yo-”

You knew you had to put an end to this last part of his suffering. If only because it had become equally yours at some point. And you couldn’t let him finish that. Not yet. You weren’t there yet. So you silenced him, leaning up on tiptoe to press a kiss to his lips. He surrendered quickly, the rest of that proclamation caught between you before dying in a quiet inhale.

One of his hands found its way into the back of your hair, holding you there against him. Reluctant to let you go after all this time trying and failing. Now, finally, he had you-

“Mr. Stark...?” Some intern who had less sense than they should broke the two of you apart.

But Tony was grinning widely. He cleared his throat as you turned your head away, burning red. “Just a little kiss- for luck-” Even he wasn’t fooling himself. He pointed his index cards at the guy. “If you don’t wanna end up fired I’d run for the hills.” Just like that the intern took off. “I gotta go do the thing.” Already he was backwalking out of the room.

“Just read your cards.” You were only half looking at him. Awash in your shame and… a myriad of other things that made you glad you were the only empath around.

He was halfway out of the room but pulled back to look at you. “You know, that’s a _g__reat_ color on you.”

Smartly he zipped out the door before you could throw something at him. Collapsing into one of the chairs, you tried to catch your breath, watching him come out to the podium on the TV. He and Rhodey shook hands as the press murmured, exchanging some words- probably Rhodey yelling at him for being late.

But then he turned center and commanded the room. “Uh, it’s been a while since I’ve been in front of you. I figure I’ll just stick to the cards this time.” Waving them around before setting them down. The press laughed shortly before he began again. “There’s been speculation that I was involved in the events on the freeway and the rooftop-”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark.” A hand raised impatiently as a female voice rang out. “But do you honestly expect us to believe that was a bodyguard in a suit?” Your blood boiled. Rude. Security should be told to escort her out. “That conveniently appeared despite the fact that-”

“I know that it’s confusing.” Tony cut her off, squinting in annoyance. “It is one thing to question the official story and another thing entirely to make wild accusations or insinuate that I’m a superhero.”

You went just a little bit cold with anxiety. Your words had accidentally influenced him. Sitting forward you put your hands on your knees, holding tightly. Surely Rhodey would keep him on track?

“I never said you were a superhero.” The woman in the front replied dryly.

Tony looked caught off guard. “You didn’t?” When she replied in the negative, “Well good. Because that would be outlandish and… uh... fantastic..” The last word was barely on mic, dropped quiet.

_Oh please, Tony. Don’t do this._

Who would listen if you begged this time?

He sighed, stuttering into his next start, “I- I’m just not the hero type. Clearly. With this uh laundry list of character defects… all the mistakes I’ve made...”

How was Tony Stark so bad at speaking off the cuff? Was he really this nervous? All he had to do was tell that woman to be quiet and continue reading from his cards!

You breathed a sigh of relief when Rhodey leaned in to whisper something to him. Probably, _shut the fuck up and just read your cover story. _

Tony took a breath, nodding, looking at his cards again, raising them up to make a concerted effort to read them. “The truth is...” He trailed off, lowering the cards as he let a silence hang. He looked straight up into the news camera, and it felt like he was looking right at you. Your heart seized.

“I am Iron Man.”

The room erupted into a frenzy as you felt your world change forever. There was no going back from this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He said the thing.  
(Remember to leave a comment if you're been enjoying so far 💙!)


	14. Chapter 14 [End: Iron Man]

“_I am Iron Man._..” You grumbled, drawing the blinds in the top office closed. Reporters were spilled out all across the perimeter of the building taking whatever shots they could. Rhodey and Stark Industries were having trouble containing them. “I am Iron Man! What were you thinking, Tony?!” Stomping past him to lock the office door.

You’d be stuck there now until everyone downstairs was escorted off the properties. “I was getting ahead of it!” Gesturing his hands wildly.

“You were getting in front of a train is what you were getting in front of! Are you fucking crazy?!” Your heart was pounding and had been ever since those words had come out of his mouth. “People are gonna come after you-”

“Let them! It’s better to have it out now than to have to combat wild conspiracy theories for the rest of our lives. I don’t have to pretend to send some body guard out to deal with direct threats against me- against you. It’s just me.” He was propped back against his desk, arms crossed as he watched you.

You shook your head. “Yeah and now everyone knows. This was so stupid- so reckless- the government is gonna come after you. _Other governments_ are going to come after you. And I- what am I supposed to even say?” Things were supposed to be better now. It felt like he’d ripped the rug right out from underneath you. 

“Nothing. You don’t have to say anything. I’m the one who did it, I’ll take whatever comes out of it. What else did I build the suit for?” He raised his hand to motion you to come closer. “Will you just take a breath and stop freaking out?”

Despite your better judgment, your feet moved, bringing you to a stop in front of him, hands on your hips. “I’m the only one of us who does any freaking out. Any thinking. Any-”

“Stop! Stop, alright? Look at me-” His hands came out, taking hold of your shoulders gently, giving you a light squeeze. “Take a breath already or you’re gonna pass out.”

You couldn’t help a glare. “This isn’t a game, Tony.”

“No one said it is. This is my life. I want control of it. I don’t want people making narratives about me or the company or the suit. I don’t want them guessing. No theories.” You didn’t want to understand, but you did. He’d spent so long now under Obi’s hand making stories for the Board, and you for the press. He wanted to be in the front seat of his own life. “I am Iron Man. And now everyone knows.”

But you found yourself shaking your head again, dropping your gaze. “ We were supposed to be done with this. After everything with Obi… you put yourself in danger again just like that-” 

He said your name carefully, crook of his index finger lifting your chin so that he could meet your eyes. “Listen to me. Listen-”

“I told you Tony- I don’t want you to die because of this-”

All at once his arms wrapped around you, pulling you tight to him. You  were momentarily stunned at his boldness- ...but because the situation couldn’t  _get any worse,_ you let him, resting your face against his shoulder, hiding your shame. How could he do this? “I’m alive because of this. And I’m not going to waste it. I can take whatever comes my way.”  You let yourself be lulled by his strength, the  _confidence_ exuding off of him, eyes closing. “Just breathe. You’re getting all wound up. I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re going to be fine.” 

“You don’t know that.” Muffled into his shirt as you reached up to take hold of him. It was sort of nice to just _be there _with him. To have the ease of a… of a partner...

“I know a lot of things.” Teasing lightly. “Smarter than you, remember?” 

Angling your head back, you shot him a glare. “Someone smarter than me wouldn’t have done what you just did.”

“Factually incorrect. Because I just did.”

“Didn’t you tell me I’m the only one who seems to know what’s going on?” Knowing this much to be true.

And feeling a sense of pride as his eyes squinted. “I did say that, didn’t I.”

“Yes.” You gave his chest a push. “You did. And I’m telling you this is going to cause a lot of trouble.”

“I’m not saying you’re wrong. I’m saying I’ll deal with it as it comes- _we_. We will- not that I’m asking you to clean up my mess- I’ll handle it- but-” Struggling now as he was talking his way into understanding your side of the argument. 

That he just went and did whatever he wanted with no consideration. It was like as soon as you were out of the room it was  _only_ him. But that wasn’t the case. Especially after what he’d pulled literally seconds before the briefing. ...alright, so you’d initiated the kiss but the point still stood.

“You starting to get it?” 

One of his hands lifted away from you to push back some of his hair from his forehead. “Yeah. A little.” Breathing out in a sigh. “Alright. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did that without telling you I was going to do it.”

“No, Tony. You shouldn’t have done it at all.” Trying to keep your voice from getting too hard. He was learning. This was good. You didn’t want to deter him from it.

“Agree to disagree. The important thing is I get it. I keep asking for us to be a team and then- uh-” He wasn’t at a loss for words. He just didn’t want to say it.

“Then, uh, playing lone wolf superhero.”

He scrutinized your words, giving you quite the look, head tipping to one side. “Oh. So. You want a suit- a superhero _**duo**_. That’s what you’re saying?”

Your lips pressed together, hands sliding up to his chest to push yourself away. “No, Tony!”

“I’m kidding! I was- it was a joke!” He let you break away but not go too far, hands still on your arms. “Sorry. Bad time. I’m learning.”

“You keep saying that.”

“I keep meaning it.” Looking guilty, _finally_. “And- for the record- I meant what I said-” 

Now you really made an effort to shrug out of his grip, arms crossing again. Closing yourself. “Now is not the time for that.”

He tilted back to  pretend to  look out the  small  gap of the closed blinds; the lawn was still half filled with cameras,  you both knew without having to actually check . “I’d say we have a  few hours to ourselves here before we can go. I think there’s tons of time for it.” 

Your energy was waning. “What do you want me to say about it?”

All his joking around vanished, a serious look appearing. “Can you start with whether or not I ruined it? ...this?” When you continued to be silent, “...us?”

“Is there an us?” Shot out of your mouth before you could stop it.

He lazily waved a finger your way. “That kiss would suggest so.” You snapped your head to the side. Too petulant for even your tastes. He took a breath. “...please don’t tell me it was a mistake.”

“It wasn’t. Until you did what you did.” Saying this killed you. You didn’t want it to be true.

His arms crossed and suddenly the two of you were mirroring each other. “ Too late to take it back.” 

“Which thing? The kiss? Or you being a moron?” Looking at him again, seething with sarcasm.

This was hard because it was raw. And the two of you were exhausted. And the more you pushed him, the larger the chance was you’d push him away forever. He wouldn’t be this open for much longer. He’d laid himself bare with you so many times. How many more before it was really over?

Was that what you wanted?

The two of you were staring at one another.

Taking a deep, deep breath you let your arms down. “...are you really sorry, Tony?”

“For-..?” Understanding the point of this wasn’t to feed him the answer, he took a moment, but eventually he nodded. “For doing that- without telling you- yes, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you that night at the gala. I’m sorry for every time I left you out of the picture. Because I keep saying I want you in it. And- ...and.. it… probably doesn’t seem like it very much, does it?” _Finally_. 

Finally he seemed to get it.

You shook your head. “No. Because you say this stuff to me and then you go out to the public and become someone completely different.”

“Look- I meant every word of what I said to you.” Serving this statement with the utmost sincerity, hand reaching out to you but falling just short of contact.

And, because you were sure of it, “I know you did.”

“Then…?” His shoulders wheeled up and around, leaning casually back against the desk. “Did you mean that kiss?”

Feeling drawn, your head fell back with a disgruntled sigh. “No, Tony, I just decided to kiss you for fun.”

“I mean you could do that, too. No complaints here.” Grinning lightly. Damn him. But, sensing he was in very dangerous territory, “Got it. No joking.” He cleared his throat. “So. Then. That’s a yes…?” Starting strong but sliding it up suddenly at the end. 

“A yes to what?” Why not let him do some of the work.

His expression broke up, something softer appeared. Now not as confident. Now  _worried_ . Worried he’d thrown it all away. “I apologized, and I meant it. And I’m learning- you gotta give me a chance to make it right.” 

You, too, were learning you realized, as you stowed a  _oh I have to? s_ omewhere deep and banished it. Because he  _was_ trying. And all of this song and dance amounted to nothing. You were making him writhe for almost no reason. Even if he deserved it a little after the massively stupid stunt he’d pulled. 

Stepping forward, letting the  _relief_ soak through you as your hands found his shoulders, you looked up at him. Openly. Gently. “You  _are_ going to make it right.” 

Testing the waters his hands went to your hips. Light. A feather of a touch. “That’s what I said.”  There was a hidden touch of awe to his voice. Maybe a,  _thank god I didn’t fuck this up. _ Or, if you were feeling particularly self-satisfactory,  _thank god I still have her_ . 

“Good. So listen to me when I say this, Tony.” You leaned up, as if sharing some very important demands with him and he regarded you closely. “I need a vacation.”

A smile slowly blossomed on his face. “Can we add a me to that?”

“Oh, yes. Certainly. _We_ need a vacation.” After all of this you needed to get far, far away. Away from it all. From the people and the enemies and the stress and the nonsense. 

“How’s Avalon sound?” He was drawing you in closer.

“I’ve heard it’s very nice.” This time you didn’t fight it. “I’ll put it on our books.” Your arms wound around his shoulders, leaning fully against him as he enveloped you entirely, hands palming your hips as he pulled you as close as he could have you. Your lips met with smiles that melted and the world faded away. For one brief, wonderful moment things felt like they were going to be okay.

* * *

It took security too long for your liking to get the media frenzy to a standstill send them all packing. Only then were you and Tony escorted down to the private garage where he decided taking one of his own cars home was safer. Safer with him behind the wheel and you in the front seat where he could keep his eyes on you. And his hand in yours. Only briefly.

Not because you discouraged it, but because you were on your phone happily looking up the booking rates of Catalina Island’s Avalon port. And since this was somewhat of an apology vacation, you went right to the most expensive ones. On his dime, of course. But also because they were more practical. More secluded. Of course of course. You and Tony needed to take some time off in privacy. Where you couldn’t be bothered by anyone. And only the priciest hotels and celebrity suites could accommodate such a thing…

“You’re in a good mood.” So was he, by the tone of his voice, and the smile you caught out of your peripheral. It had gotten dark in the time it had taken to clear everyone out. But that was good.

You could slip right into bed. Something you were in desperate need of. “Planning a vacation really lifts the spirits.”

There was a little laugh between you as he roared down the street and then up the winding drive onto the cliff side. All too soon it came crashing down. His arm was around your shoulders as the two of you walked up the front steps but a sharp pang of  _alert_ put your heels in the pavement. He stopped just as suddenly. “What’s the matter?” 

The lights were completely off in the manor. But, more than that, “There’s someone in there.” Someone unfamiliar. Someone  _brooding_ . Someone  _angry_ . 

His brows knit, you could feel the question of  _how do you know that _ forming, but instead he just took your hand, holding you steady aside him as he let himself into the house. The alarm was going off. “JARVIS?” 

“Welcome home… sir...” The AI’s voice shivered and died out, with and with the loss of him, the beeping of an intruder alert fizzled out next.

Silence.

His hand was gripping yours tighter now as the two of you rounded the foyer- finally seeing the lone figure standing in the living room, single lamp on. “ _I. _ _A_ _m. Iron Man._ ” Tony’s arm shot up in front of you, pushing you behind him.  _ **Panic** _ . “You think you’re the only superhero in the world?”  Turning, the man moved forward just slightly. “Mr. Stark you’ve become part of a bigger universe. You just don’t know it yet.” 

Despite himself, Tony stepped forward, too. Daring. “Who the hell are you?”

He stepped into the light. You could barely make out his features. Dressed all in black- though the eyepatch across his left eye was particularly striking. And menacing. “Nick Fury. Director of SHIELD.”

“Coulson sent you?” Your voice left you, peeking over Tony’s shoulder before you had time to think about whether or not that was a good idea. 

“_**I**_sent Agent Coulson. Did you not hear me just say _director_? And don’t think I don’t see you hiding back there.” Very stern suddenly, getting you to jump. 

“Leave her out of this.” Tony’s arm was still hovering in front of you, stance strong, shoulders back.

“She’s _part_ of this.” Your stomach dropped into your feet. 

“She’s just my personal assistant.” If it weren’t for the fact that Tony was clearly trying to protect you, after _everything_ the two of you had just said this really would have pissed you off. 

Fury’s head angled back and he let out a very sarcastic sounding laugh. It stopped just as abruptly as it started. “That’s very funny. What, you haven’t thought of _your_ dumb superhero name yet?” But at your continued fish-out-of-water look at him, “Or does Mr. Stark here just not know?”

Every part of you went cold. There was no way. How could they know about that? Who the hell  actually  was SHIELD? “I-” 

“I said _**leave her out of this**_. It wasn’t a request.” Despite the possibility that some director of some big government agency had dirt on you, Tony was unrelenting. 

F ury raised his shoulders in a shrug. “It makes no difference to me. She’s barely cooked. Isn’t that right?” Another glare from Tony and the hard silence in the room got him to move again, producing a folder from his jacket. “I’m here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative. And offer some help to half-boiled back there. But maybe that’s for a different time.” 

“Leave it on the table and get out.”

Doing as he was told with just the most unbothered air about him, he dropped the folder down on the coffee table and made his way over. Tony stepped back, moving closer to you, blocking you from any access points Fury may have had as he walked by. They leveled a look at each other, trying to tell the other who was boss. “Don’t keep me waiting.” 

“Sorry. We were just about to go on vacation. I’ll pencil you in a few months down the line. That work for you?” Gaining back some semblance of control, Tony was smirking lightly. “Oh and by the way if you broke my security system you’re paying for it. And it was _very_ expensive. Stark Tech.” 

Fury chuckled, perhaps just a touch actually amused, shaking his head as he walked by. “Call it even for hauling that dead body off your property no questions asked.” You ducked your head down further. This was a nightmare. “You have no idea who you’re dealing with. But you’re gonna.”

One scant foot away, they stared each other down. Tony didn’t move a muscle.

“Don’t make the mistake of threatening me in my own house twice. You won’t like the outcome.”

Fury waited a _long _moment before turning on his heel to leave. Hard laughter followed him as he slammed the door behind him. Clearly not bothered in the slightest by Tony’s own threats. You heard the roar of an engine and the screech of tires echo down the lane. And then very suddenly the lights flickered back on.

“Welcome home, sir.” JARVIS seemed to come back online with them.

“JARVIS do a level ten diagnostic and get me some reports about how you let some random guy through your protocols to shut you down.” He reached up, rubbing his temples. Clearly very vexed. 

“Yes, sir. My apologies.”

“If you’re about to give me a _won’t happen again_, save it. I’m clearly out of my league here. Their mistake for showing me.” Just like that he was walking away to the living room like this was no big deal at all. Making plans to upgrade and fix and- and… just as he picked up the file from the table he looked up at you, as if realizing you were still there. “You’re not scared of that guy, are you? That’s what he wants.” 

You couldn’t move. Feet frozen to the floor. Mind racing. Who was SHIELD? What did they know? _How much_ did they know? Why were they coming now? Because of Tony?

When Tony had come back to you, you had no idea, shivering like a leaf. The warmth of his hands on your face snapped you forward, blinking sluggishly up at him. “Whatever he has on you, I’ll wipe it off the face of the earth- if that’s what you’re scared of. ...is that what you’re scared of?”

Not even a  _ what did you do _ ? Just jumping right over that to the next step. Obliteration. To protect you. Your mouth opened but no words came. Just some broken sounds. How even to describe it? 

“Come here. Breathe. _Breathe_...” His arms found you again, holding you close. You gave in, eyes closing. Taking a breath in. Then out… “He just walked in here and littered his information all over the place. A mistake he won’t make again, but it’ll be too late by then. Whatever you’re scared of- I’ll fix it. But. In order to do that I have to know what it is I’m looking for.” 

Shifting, finally getting a hold of yourself, you looked up at him again. “It was a long time ago.”

“This has to do with that thing- that you were trying to tell me in the lab. Right? The- feeling thing?” Perhaps out of his depths here. You nodded dully. “And that’s how you knew he was in here?” Again another nod. Reaching up he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Everything’s gonna be fine. I promise.”

Maybe simply because you wanted to so very badly, you believed him. Smiling lightly. “We’ll get through it together.” Reminding not only him, but yourself.

“Just uh- real quick… you weren’t- you don’t remember being tested on in a grungy government lab or anything, right?”

This nearly gave you whiplash with how suddenly it came out of his mouth paired with the serious look, the raise of his brow. Your entire face scrunched up. “_No_.”

“Okay, good.” That was that, then. Surely he must have been joking…? “Now continue planning our extremely expensive vacation. We’re not putting our plans on hold for them.” He let you go, moving back to sit on the couch and open the folder finally. “Although… now we do have a real problem.”

Getting your phone out you stopped across the coffee table from him, “What’s that?” A million different things. You just wanted to know which one his focus was on first.

His grin was as bright as the sun. “We have to come up with your dumb superhero name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it guys! We have officially finished going through the events of Iron Man 1. But there is so, SO much more coming, I promise! Much more to explore and learn and much more in watching these characters grow. Please as always leave me some wonderful comments below! And I'll see you on Monday for the start of a soft and sweet interlude...


	15. Chapter 15 [Begin: Interlude]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Please please be aware: I'm giving some trigger warnings for sexual assault and suicide and\or murder in this chapter. The former of which is not gone into detail and the latter of which is spoken about briefly. Please be safe!

Firing up the private jet for a thirty-five minute flight felt extremely exorbitant and a huge waste of resources, but you were resolved to not let your mind linger on it for too long. Besides, the only other two options were taking a yacht which somehow felt _worse,_ or-

“_I could just fly us there.”_

“_You’re going to carry me while flying the suit hundreds of miles an hour?”_  
  
_“It sounds bad when you say it that way.”_

In the few weeks it had taken you to book a vacation for the two of you, and smooth out Stark Industries for Tony, he had been buzzing about his lab, making adjustments and readjustments, builds, doing test flights- going off to do things you didn’t want to know about, you were sure. You knew you were now going to have to accept as a normal part of your life. Your lives together. It felt early yet, but you were slowly settling into it. He was Iron Man. There was no changing it. No going back. And as long as he continued to be open and honest with you about it, when it was pertinent, things would be fine. ...right?

You didn’t want to dwell on the alternative. He sat down next to you on the overly plush couch in the jet, handing you a champagne glass filled to the brim. “What’s this for?”

“For surviving the past year.” Grinning lightly as he lifted his glass.

Unable to resist a call so honest, you clinked yours against his. “Only that long? Feels like it’s been an entire lifetime.”

He leaned ever so casually against the back of the couch, elbow propped, and backs of his fingers resting against the side of his head as he watched you. Then, suddenly, “What do you think about reigniting the Stark Expo?”

You were halfway into a second sip that went into a light choke. That was good because it gave you time to assess what he was asking while you wiped your mouth and lowered your glass. “Are you asking me something work related?”

“We’re not touched down on the island yet.” He took a sip of his own. “If you don’t know what it is-”

“_Please_.” You said, perhaps overly offended. “You can’t be serious.” One of the biggest things his father was known for, though certainly not the _only_ one. But there hadn’t been one since 1974. Why start now?

Another grin lit up his face. “So what do you say?”

“I say… if we’re talking about work...” Lifting your phone quickly, you swiped over to Tony’s business calendar. “Then you still haven’t given me an answer about Time’s photoshoot. And whether or not we’re attending the charity banquet in Dresden. And-”

“Got it. We’ll shut up about work.” Slinging his arm fully around the back of the couch he let himself slide down in an overly dramatic heap.

Lowering your phone to your lap, you took another sip from your glass. “Why now? -the Expo.”

He looked up at you from his slumped position. “I just think it’s time. To restart something. To build something for everyone else.” His tone was even but low. And what he was saying was only the slightest bit suspicious.

“Aren’t you building enough for everyone else?” Not only had you refit plans to rebuild the large Arc Reactor, but now he was the world’s number one premier superhero. “You’re going to stretch yourself too thin.”

His smile killed you. “That’s why I have you.”

It was unfortunate, the relationship you’d decided to pursue. Before you’d have told him to think long and hard about this. Whether it was right, and remind him he already had too much to do. But looking at him now… it was almost impossible. With a sigh you brought your phone back up, setting your glass of half finished champagne on the table. “What’s our timeline?”

He sat up straighter. “I was thinking early August.”

Your eyes nearly popped out of your head. “Okay, now I _know_ you’re trying to kill me. August? That’s- … that’s barely nine months to get everything together. We’d have to ask the park grounds- and get contracts for builds and vendors- and sign ups for participants and- put out the donation list and- start filming advertisements- start planning sets- start building a website- start-”

You’d been waving your phone around while listing off this nonstop parade of new work you’d have to do on top of everything else. He reached up to settle his hand over it, bringing both down to his lap. “It’s doable.” Trying to calm you down.

“Yeah, sure, but I’d also like to not kill myself with work. It could be at the end of next year, that’s almost a full year to plan- why August? Why at all?” Something was definitely not right here.

But as you squinted your eyes his hand came up, “Don’t do the thing. Are you doing the thing? I thought we agreed no thing.”

“I don’t squint when I’m doing _the thing_. _The thing_ just sort of happens. I’m squinting because something isn’t right here.” Putting aside the myriad of other talks you two needed to get through, and that you’d need to find a word for it because if he said _the thing _one more time you really might lose it. “Talk to me, Tony.” You didn’t want to have to beg him.

The two of you shared a gaze before his eyes dropped. “Things are different, now. You know that I’m… I’m running beyond full capacity. I have a lot I want to get done- to do. Start over. And if I don’t start putting it out there now, the list is only gonna get bigger.” Even this was not a full answer, but it was honest. He was trying. Some things were still hard.

Hearing all that, it became literally impossible to tell him no. Tony wanted Stark Expo set up to run. It was going to get done. Raising your phone back up you blocked off huge chunks of time in your calendar to be revisited. After all you were just about to go on vacation. “Okay. We’ll relaunch Stark Expo. But in October.” Trying to give the two of you room to breathe. You were, after all, still the brains of this operation. Whether or not he believed it.

“October.” He said considering it, but it was clear you’d already won him over. “I can do October.” His hand went to your leg, giving a small squeeze. “Thanks.” Meaning it wholeheartedly. “In that case. Yes I’ll surrender to a photoshoot. And no to the banquet.”

“Thank _you_.” Satisfied with that at the very least. These talks were not supposed to be happening. You’d both agreed to not talk about work related things. Or _superhero_ related things. But now that the box had been opened… you felt a swell of anxiety. “Speaking of- um- _the thing...” _

Tony lifted his head to look at you and wasted no time in understanding. “I found what they had. If they have hard copies that’s a mission for another time. But that’s _all_ they’ll have now.” It was entirely likely that they did. But he’d already risked quite a lot to go into government servers and delete stuff off of them. “I didn’t look at most of it.” Quickly sidestepping this admission, “JARVIS is alert to your keywords on their servers. If they put it back up I’ll know.”

You found your hands pressed tightly together on your lap, phone and drink abandoned. “Do you want to know about it?”

“It was alarmingly easy for me to get into. But it’s me, so I’ll give them a half-pass. Mn- quarter pass.” Ignoring you, speaking quickly. “And I tendered our dismissal into their little Avengers softball team-”

“Do you want to know about it, Tony?” You asked again, just a touch louder. “I might not offer ever again. It’s not… it’s not something I want to think about.” You’d thought you’d put it far behind you. Then again, it was stupid to think you could run away from it forever. While there had been minor incidents in high school, you knew in your heart _this_ was the one on file.

He leveled a serious yet understanding look your way. “Who else knows?”

“No one.”

Reaching out he put a hand over yours. “Unload it, then.”

\----------------------

_Junior year of college.  
Autumn._

_Only just beginning to really find your place. Things starting to fall in line. Make sense. You’d put your nose to the grindstone because you finally realized the only place you wanted to be less than home was at college. You wanted a life for yourself, and you finally thought you knew what to do with it. _

_Your socioeconomics course was gearing up for a serious test early in the game. One that required you study from sunup to sundown most days. You tried going to the professor’s office for some clarification after class hours a few days, only to find the place empty. Presumably. The door at least was always locked. _

_...but somebody was in there. _

_More than one somebody. _

_But you turned your back every time. Not your business. _

_Head down._

_Head down…_

_The last time you tried there was an overwhelming feeling of despair and panic inside that office. You turned sharply to go back to your dorm. _

_Your roommate didn’t come back that night. _

_You passed the test the next morning. _

_The next evening you found her in the bathroom. Violently ill. Sobbing. And she told you. _

_She told you **everything**. _

_She was leaving school. No longer able to show her face. No longer safe. _

_ Violated. Destroyed. Everything taken away from her. Her body no longer her own. _

_How could you have known that?_

_How could you have saved her? _

_Except you had known that._

_And you could have done anything but run away. _

_So you put her to bed._

_And went to his office. _

_For once he was there. The door was open. _

“_Don’t you **feel** **disgusting**?” _

_You cornered him. _

“_Don’t you **feel** **guilty** for what you’ve done?” _

_Walked him against the wall. _

“_How many others were there?” _

_The answer shocked you to your core. _

_How many times had you turned your back? _

“_Isn’t your life over now? Don’t you **feel shame** for your actions? Don’t you **think you should leave**? **Don’t you think you should tell the world how sick you are? Repulsive? Don’t you feel nauseous?**_”

“_**Don’t you think you should end it all?**”_

\---------------------

“They found his body the next morning.” You barely recognized your own voice. “On the steps in front of the east wing.” If not for Tony holding your hands in his, they’d be shaking. The rest of you was. “He had left a long letter in his office. Named every one of his victims. Apologized for what he’d done. It destroyed his family. They didn’t deserve that. But he’d… he’d ruined so many lives...” Shaking your head you finally looked up at him. His expression was passive, but you could _feel_ the _ache_ in his heart. “I don’t understand how SHIELD got a hold of that- how they would know it was me.”

“She followed you from the dorm.” Even though he said he’d looked at it, this still hurt. Your eyes went downcast. “I didn’t read all of it. Just how they found out. I was trying to tie up loose ends.” Whether you believed him or not, did it really matter? He knew now. ...and you did believe him. “They interviewed her because it was on their radar, somehow.”

That part was troubling. It had just seemed like a guilty professor had taken his own life, hadn’t it? Had you done something to implicate yourself? ...except her apparently listening to you talk to him. But so what? Wouldn’t any _ normal _ person go confront a person like that? Do what they could? “I tried to put it behind me.”

“You shouldn’t.” He gave your hands a soft squeeze. “You did the right thing. He wouldn’t have stopped with her. There were others before her. There would have been others after.”

“I talked him into killing himself, Tony. That’s not- ...that wasn’t for me to do. To decide that his life should end.” Firm on this. Because you knew it was true. That made two people you’d murdered, whether they _deserved it_ or not. You couldn’t operate like that. Eventually the lines would blur. You couldn’t let that happen.

“It’s part of you. Whether or not the verdict is good.” It was truly terrible that he was right.

The hardest part of it was keeping it locked in for so long. Keeping your powers at bay and vowing to never use them like that again. There was no one you could talk to about this. No one could know what you’d done, and no therapist would listen to half of it without having you committed. Was that what Fury had meant by helping you? He seemed to know a thing or two about people with _ powers _. No longer the only one- Tony, either, he’d said. “I don’t understand what happened- what could she have said that would have connected a student accusing a professor of his crimes being on the level of superpowers.” That in itself was insane, right? Who would have listened to that?

Tony eased back against the couch, looking out the window for a moment. “I don’t know if it’ll help to tell you. They- what she said. It’s how they assigned your file a codename.”

“I have a codename? _A dumb superhero name_?” This shocked you. All of it shocked you. That you were in anyone’s database. That anyone cared about this at all. That they knew- and not just knew. But seemed to know the truth of it.

“You _did_. It’s all gone now.” Teasing you. Just a little.

For one reason or another it soothed you, and you leaned into him. “Tell me what it was.” Maybe unloading it, as he’d called it, had helped after all.

“She said when she peeked around the corner, she saw _the light f__a__ll out of his eyes_. Like he was a zombie.” This itched your guilt, to hear it put like that. You’d seen it, too. ...and with Obi for a split second in the office what felt like a whole lifetime ago. Maybe if you’d done more then…

“Zombifier? Is that my dumb superhero name?” You hoped not.

A brief shake of his head, “_Lightfall _ .” Testing it out, it felt like. You did the same in your head. _ Lightfall. _ And as your nose scrunched he smiled. “ Close but not quite, right? They seem very good at _ almost _ getting it.” You wondered if he was still upset that they named him Iron Man and he had had no say in it.

“I don’t need a dumb superhero name anyway, I’m not a superhero.”

“Neither am I.” The two of you grinned lightly at one another. Feeling blissfully tired after such an emotional strain, you laid your fully head on his shoulder. “How about _Dusk_?”

“Pass.”

“_Hm._” Thinking. “_Sunset_?”

“Nope.”

“_Twilight_?”

“Not feeling it.”

“You’re a tough sell.” Amusement seeped through his voice. The pilot alerted the two of you over the small speaker that touchdown was soon. “What about… _Illuminate_?”

It took all your strength not to say _ oooo _. A pretty superhero name. But… “Does that really make sense? I’m not doing anything with light.”

“And my suit isn’t made of Iron.” His hand slowly slid up and down your shoulder. “You bring people’s feelings to light. Whether or not they want to confront them.” There was a hum of thought. “_Illumine_?”

Reaching up you put a hand over his chest. “Iron Man and Illumine.”

“Kinda catchy. We could sell toys. Illumine and Iron Man. The Double-I Duo.”

At this you couldn’t hold back the snort nor the shake of your head. “That sounds terrible.” You wouldn’t go for toys. But… perhaps you’d think about the rest of it. That did bring up one other thing, though. “...this is going to be a very unpleasant question.” But it had to be done.

“We have about three minutes to land.”

Too short a time-frame to address such a delicate thing, but if you didn’t do it now after talking about all that, it may as well never be asked. “How come you never asked if I… used _ the thing _ on you?”

You felt his shoulders come up in a shrug. “If you did I don’t want to know about it. Also I’m sure I’m extremely impregnable.” Despite this you felt a wavering in his confidence as he said it. “You’re not doing it now. It also doesn’t make sense. Why put me off if you were the one putting me on in the first place?”

“You’re right about that.” Quick to jump on board because it was absolutely the truth. “But… when we first met...”

“You tried to get a job. Nothing heinous was done to me, I’m sure.” His dismissals were quick, and you wanted to be happy for them.

“You fought back on it.” Still, he had to know the truth. The absolute truth. It was the only way the two of you could move forward.

“Sounds like something I’d do.” There was a quietness that enveloped the two of you as the plane started to descend. “When you saw me in the suit for the first time- you were- ..._destroyed_ isn’t a pretty word. But it’s close. After that it’s impossible for me to think you were spying on me. Or making me do anything. I was very clearly acting as my own agent.”

“Very clearly.” You echoed softly.

His hand reached up to cover yours over his chest. “So you finessed your way into getting a job. Anyone would. Everything else that came after I have no doubts about. Okay?”

A warmth consumed the both of you and you found yourself nodding. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out in the open now. Now if they can only enjoy vacation... remember to leave a comment if you're enjoying the story!


	16. Chapter 16

There was a touch of cold across the waves as you made your way down the private beachfront. The sun was only just starting to set, casting picture perfect pinks and purples across the sky. You were resolved to do the romantic beach walk no matter what he said- long white sheer cardigan fluttering in the breeze, but as you turned back to look at him, his smile gave away his true feelings about it.

“Are we doing a photoshoot for Elle or what? Where are the cameras?”

“I think you mean Cosmo. And shut up. I’ll do the cliched romantic beach thing if I want to.” Despite this you felt just a little bit of shame bubble up, turning away from him.

“Hmn.” A small amused noise before he was suddenly right behind you, scooping you up into his arms without warning, something that earned a tiny shout of surprise. But he didn’t stop there, as you wrapped your arms around his neck and hung on for dear life. “Does that mean I should-” Walking ever closer and then stepping down into the lapping of waves along the sand. “Take you all the way into the water?”

“It’s _freezing_, Tony! Don’t be ridiculous!” But you found yourself scared he might actually do it. 

Even though his genuinely cheerful laughter was a sight to behold and quite the sound to listen to, that it was at your nervous expense dampened the feeling it elicited. Only slightly. “You wanted to go on vacation to do things you’ve seen in movies, so why not?”

“That’s not why I wanted to go on vacation.” Firm, though your smile gave you slightly away. Your arms were a little looser around his neck, one hand touching up along the back of his hair.

“Really? Because I was just thinking we could do the thing where I kiss you and spin in a circle.”

Your nose scrunched, a little giggle escaping. “It sounds absolutely stupid when you put it that way.”

“My point exactly.”

The sounds of your mutual laughter died down, the warm glow of the sunset cast perfectly across his face, and soon it was just the two of you smiling at one another while he still held you strong and steady in his arms. “Do it anyway, please.”

“Since you asked so nicely.”

He was there in just another moment, and you couldn’t quite help the soft but heavy inhale as his lips touched against yours. Careful. Sweet. Everything you needed. You left one arm around his neck, your other hand moving to sweep up across the side of his neck, the line of his jaw, and then cupping his cheek. A little inquisitive break, parted lips just brushing over one another, another quiet breath.

The sway of him actually turning in a slow circle threw you off, pressed you closer, found him there again with a light and warm brush of tongues. He held you closer then, much tighter, an embrace you were ready to drown fully in-

Just before he made a very strained and nervous sounding noise and then the motion of turning in a circle quickly turned into  _falling_ . Your shriek  must have scared every bird away within a two mile radius, as cold ocean water soaked up through your side. He had tried to take the brunt of the fall,  only failing slightly . 

“_Tony!_” Springing up quickly, entirely unamused at his sudden laughter. 

While you were on your feet, he was sitting up, hands on his knees, as he directed such a boyish and just  _carefree_ smile your way, laughter still consuming him. The lines around his eyes, the crinkle of his forehead- the sheer look of joy really suited him. Had you ever seen him laugh this hard? Even if it was at your expense. “What!” Said when he could finally get a word out around his reaction. “It was an accident!” 

Even though you’d started off hot, just the look of him had pulled you into giggles as you reached down to take hold of his hand to try and help him up. “That was  _nothing_ like in the movies.” The chill was starting to set in. 

“I can try again?”

Shaking your head, still all smiles, you reached up to take the sides of his face in your hands, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “It was better.” Because it was real. Because it was him.

His warm happiness spread through you, lips grinning against yours. “No surprise there.  _However_ -” Just a slight strain as he ducked down to lift you again. “I must insist. Until we get it right.” 

“_Tony-_” Just a sound of shock as you clung to him. “No- I’m cold-” Not that you wouldn’t want to spend the rest of the sunset just kissing him senseless, but being freezing and wet was more on your mind.

You found yourself glad as he started walking out of the water and to the villa. “Alright. So I’ll warm you up. And then we’ll try again tomorrow.” 

* * *

Dinner had been a perfect storm. An entirely empty restaurant because Tony had bought all their reservations out hours before deciding that’s where he wanted to eat. And that he wanted to be alone. Even though it had been guaranteed that anyone else there would have kept to themselves and not bother the two of you, that wasn’t enough for him.

When you’d tried to chastise him for such an improper use of the money he’d never be able to burn through in five lifetimes, he just shrugged his shoulders. “It’s better, like this. I can actually hear you yelling at me.” As if it would be just too terribly noisy with other patrons around.

...maybe he had a point, but not enough of one to justify this. “If you wanted to hear me yell at you, we could just have ordered room service.”

“I don’t want to hear you yell at me.”

“Then don’t do outrageous things with your money.”

His hands went palm up with a shrug. “I’d say on the scale of _outrageous_ this is pretty low. You’re acting like I bought the entire restaurant.” 

“Oh! Some self restraint.” Because that wouldn’t have been unusual for him to do, either.

He just grinned. “Getting better all the time.” Raising his glass to try and get you to cheers with him.

Something you did, but made quite the show of how begrudging it was. After a long sip, you couldn’t quite hide your smile. It would cause hell and you really shouldn’t feed into his behavior, but… “The quiet is nice.”

“See!”

More paired laughter found its way to the oceanfront.

* * *

The wind was in front of you, tussling your hair back; a commonly chilly 56 degrees for the island in December. Stars above, beautiful and twinkling. Air fresh. Waves lapping over the beachfront of the private villa. An all too perfect late evening. There was something sick about questioning what perfection would lead to. As if neither of you deserved it. You tried to put it away, those dark thoughts, but they lingered.

Tony coming up behind you to settle a jacket on your shoulders only drew a soft startle and an understanding glance before he leaned out over the railing with you. “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” Wishing that were true.

“Liar.” Countering very quickly, a little self-satisfied smile aimed in the direction of the ocean.

You clasped your hands together. “It’s been a while since it’s been this quiet.”

At that the expression disappeared but you felt him watching you out of the corner of your eye. “We came all this way to relax and yet neither of us can sleep. What a predicament.”

“What’s keeping you up? Besides working when you think I’m not looking.” He’d been doing it since touchdown. Maybe even before then. You decided to let it go. He listened in the important moments. If you asked him to put it all down you worried he’d resent you. Or feel crazed having to fit in a box when his mind was still reeling. It would do neither of you any good.

He huffed out an amused sound. “Well, now that I know that you know, that’s a load off my mind. Goodnight.” Turning with a hand over his shoulder.

One you reached for, taking a gentle hold of. He turned back without hesitation and you pulled him to loop his arm around your shoulder and put both your hands to his chest. Some terrible beach party had been blasting music a few houses down for hours now. It wasn’t too much of a bother as you could barely hear it, but now the both of you started swaying to the echoes. “I can’t stop thinking about where we’re headed.” Said, finally, in a soft murmur.

“Me, too.” It was comforting to know he was there with you. “Where do you see us down the line?”

You were glad you could hide your smile. “Isn’t it a bit early for a relationship talk?” You two had only officially gotten together not too long ago, after all. Making plans seemed like a poor idea.

“Professionally?” You weren’t sure if he was just teasing you.

Letting out a soft hum, “If we’re lucky, the same. You’ll keep being billionaire genius Tony Stark. Building new and wonderful things. And I’ll just be your press secretary and personal assistant. Getting you from point A to B. And making sure you’re on time for charity benefits. That sort of thing.”

His head dropped a little, resting atop yours. “What about Iron Man?”

“I thought you were Iron Man.”

“Oh, so _now_ you get it.” 

Despite the fact that the two of you could very easily settle into joking with one another and sweep it all aside, you took a moment to let silence sit before speaking again. “I don’t know. ...I’m scared, Tony. This is so much to take in. I think sometimes I’d rather rewind the clock and keep to myself.”

“I wouldn’t change what happened in a million years.” Not his kidnapping. Not his torture. Not his awakening. Not Obi. Not you. Not any of it. “Not all of it was good, but we’re pulling out ahead now.”

“The entire world thinks you’re a superhero. That invites chaos. Have you ever read a comic book?” It incited a challenge to people who had the potential to rival him. If there was any. After all, Nick Fury had said that world not only existed but was bigger than you knew. “You have _a lot_ of enemies, too.” 

“Can’t make an omelet.” Giving a simple shrug. Like none of it bothered him. But you could feel the ruffled feathers underneath. He dropped the pretense very suddenly. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

It pierced your heart, that that was on his mind. But it made sense. You were doing the same. “I worry about you, Tony. Not me.”

“Let me do all the worrying. You’ve done enough.” He took one of your hands up above your head, spinning you around gingerly and then leading you down in a bend, his arm around your back. “We’re really good at this vacation thing. Aren’t we.”

A rumble of thunder sounded far off somewhere on the ocean. “Could’ve saved a lot of money just staying home and pretending everything was fine.” Smiling lightly as you slid your hands up. Though the glow of the Arc Reactor was muffled beneath his sweater, it stood out in the darkness between you.

“Money isn’t everything.” Voice rich and warm as he still held you safe in that dip. “We’re going to be okay.” Sliding your hands up further still you took hold of his face. “You believe me when I say that, right?” 

He, who much like you, had no idea what was out there. And had just begged the universe to tell you. But he who also meant every word despite this. You’d never wanted to believe anyone more. It was easy, having also never loved anyone like him, either. Looping your arms around his neck, you eased him just those scant few inches down to take his lips in a careful kiss.

_I do. _

A song for that ever looming universe as you let him consume your better sensibilities. A little question of parted lips before a soft brush of tongues. All at once he seemed breathless, breaking for air, head leaned against yours- something you’d have very much liked to take credit for.

“-you did the thing.”

You couldn’t bear to open your eyes. “I did?” Scared of what that meant.

“I heard you.” At this you really did look, finding his eyes there, waiting.

“I didn’t say anything.” Terrified. “That’s not part of the thing.” You only very rarely caught people’s afterthoughts, if they were drenched in feeling. You’d _never_ sent any. You couldn’t possibly. When you directed emotion through darkly thinking that was different. People couldn’t… they couldn’t _hear_ you… right?

But his smile was soft.  Soothing . “ You’re telling me all of a sudden I can read minds? Fury will have to update my file.” He let you up but you didn’t go far. 

Despite your mounting shame. “That’s not supposed to happen.”

“I’ve heard you before.”

“_You have_? _When_?” How long had this been going on for? How long had people heard your secrets? Your embarrassments? Your private thoughts? 

“When we both thought I was having my last night on earth.”   
  


_I’m sorry.  
**I forgive you. **_

_I love you… _

Your face became consumed by a shameful redness, thankful it was so dark outside. “Oh.” This was something you’d never encountered before. Something you didn’t know. Maybe nobody else could hear anything.

Maybe, if you were the luckiest gal on earth, only Tony had ever heard you. And only ever twice. And even that was terribly unlucky. “You’ve never really used _the thing_ a lot, right? Maybe it’s like a muscle.”

“We really have to find a better name for it.” Growing exasperated.

“-maybe that’s what Fury meant.”

_Barely cooked. _ You’d never tapped your full potential. “I don’t wanna get involved with him.” Tony had already told them the two of you weren’t interested in this Avengers thing. Safer that way. Maybe. 

“He might be the only one that can find somebody to help you. To teach you how to-”

You were shaking your head furiously. “ _No_ . I’d rather go on like this. I don’t need anything else. This is better than- than literally just begging for trouble.” 

Reaching forward he put a hand at the back of your head, drawing you in close again, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Easy, easy. Relax, alright?” His hand stayed tangled in your hair as you looked up at him. “If it’s a no, it’s a no. I don’t think he’ll be too pleased when he found out what I was up to, anyway.”

That was all well and good. And fine. Perfect, really. Not getting involved with that organization. That was the right thing. “Okay. Well… I’ll just. I’ll be more careful.” Still feeling incredibly vulnerable.

“You don’t have to with me.”

You felt flush and just the slightest bit dizzy. Tony really was too much for you at times. “I don’t know what to say.” Being honest where all other words failed.

His smile undid you. “You don’t have to say anything.”

He wrapped you up again in his arms and you let yourself go willingly, sharing a much longer kiss.  
  


* * *

“_What are you thinking?” His ache washed over you like waves on the beach. _

_You steeled yourself for the oncoming disappointment. “I’m not there yet.” _

_There was the initial pang, but it was gently laid to rest with his arms around you. “I’ll wait. No pressure.” _

_You believed him, when he said it. This time, and the last couple other times, too. You didn’t want to put him off forever, but the thought of going to bed had become terrifying. Somewhere in the back of your broken brain you worried. Worried that if you did… things would change. He’d make that realization you’d been telling yourself was foolish now. The one you spoke about at the party. _

_You just didn’t know if you’d live through Tony realizing he’d rebounded off of nearly dying by falling in love with you. And you worried the catalyst would be there between the sheets. And now this news about your voice in his head when things were intense… you were too scared you couldn’t control yourself. Too raw. _

_Soon, you kept telling yourself. And him. _

_Not yet. But soon. _

* * *

After the all too brief stint into pretend land, as soon as the wheels were back on the ground at home, things settled back into an annoyingly normal cadence. You were drowning in work, no thanks in part to Tony’s rush to get a million new things done, and he relegated himself to working in his lab.

You had taken about several thousand phone calls from sunrise to late afternoon, just on your way home from the office. Time’s Man of the Year piece had finally come out and they’d expressed a copy meant for Tony to get excited over. Even doing an entire story on him, they clearly had no idea who he was anymore. Perhaps both your faults’- Tony’s for not letting a real interview happen, and you for letting Tony not let a real interview happen and not making them use a better article. All very flattering words, and maybe you should have just counted yourself lucky to know the real man behind the mask.

You brought the magazine downstairs after thanking Happy for the ride home. Still sealed in its pristine plastic packaging, you set it down on the corner of his desk. He barely looked up from his seat in front of a brand new build of the Iron Man suit. How many was that now?

“What, you want me to sign it?” Yet he clearly knew you were there and what you had brought. All without taking his work goggles off.

“Well, if you’re in a signing mood, I need you to put that signature to use.” Opening the other folder you’d brought your eyes glazed over. “AccuTech needs schematics and a release from the exoskeleton, Cordco needs a release on the adapted repulsor, and Fujikawa has asked three separate times now for your help on the home HUD.”

“If they need me to make it for them, I’m redirecting all the profits.” He jammed a wrench up into the chest piece of the armor. Mechanical sounds flooded the air. “Everything else just sign for me- why don’t we have a stamp yet? A stamp sounds like a good time saver.”

Closing your folder, not even half through the list you’d brought, “In that case I’ll need you to sign a legal form so I can own your signature.”

“Now you’re just messing with me.”

You sat yourself on the corner of the desk. “The Holiday Ball is still waiting on your RSVP.”

“Pass.”

“Any thoughts on a therapist yet?”

“That’s a very hard pass.”

You’d long since lost the line on joking about that. It would probably be very good for him to sit down and talk to someone about everything he’d been through- and was clearly _still_ going through. But he probably wasn’t apt to take it seriously enough for it to do any good. You’d ask again in a few more months.

“New Year’s Eve RVSP?”

“Who’s asking?”

“Dick Clark.”

“I’m busy.”

A heavier sigh than you meant escaped you. “What if _I_ ask you?”

The twisting and turning of metal stopped and he sat back on his stool, lifting his goggles to look at you fully. It seemed like a nice break of peace was coming, but JARVIS’s voice chimed in instead. “I’ve located the cargo of the rifles, sir.”

“_Rifles_?!” Unable to help your surprise.

“He did that on purpose. Load it up JARVIS and otherwise keep your mouth shut.” Tony turned back abruptly to the suit, sliding the chest piece back into lock.

“I had no idea we were keeping it a secret, sir. My folly.”

“-because what he _meant _to say was _missing rifles_.” Throwing his wrench, gloves, and goggles on the workbench he stood up and you took stock of him. Terribly dirty but no worse for wear than usual. “They got rerouted from a burn site. I’m gonna go and destroy them myself.” You let a silence sit. “So. You know. Uncross your arms and stop looking at me like that.”

“People usually experience the feeling of guilt when they’ve done something they know they shouldn’t have.” Very purposefully in a know-it-all-tone.

He squinted. “Are you doing the thing?”

“I don’t even have to.” It wasn’t hard to spot. You did let your shoulders and arms drop as you came to a stand, but couldn’t help a disappointed shake of your head. “Why couldn’t you tell me?” Someone had stolen weapons off a destruct route? That was _extremely important _for you to know.

“Did you not just walk in here with a dictionary sized laundry list?” Trying very hard to bark up the tree of _you’re too busy_. But you were very sure you’d had the _we’re in this together_ talk enough times by now. He motioned you over to one of the computer screens and reluctantly you went. “Tellor Propellant. First gen. Nothing serious. Somebody rerouted some trucks.” The path and new location drew up on screen.

In the back of your mind, the specs for these specific makes flashed angrily. A life long ago. Not important. Only slightly so you could personally verify what he was saying. If he took Iron Man to go get them, it wouldn’t be a big deal. They wouldn’t be able to hurt him even if they used them. “Who’s _somebody_?” If someone was stealing weapons before they could be destroyed, that was a big deal.

“JARVIS?”

“I’ve been so far unable to ascertain the identity of the thieves, sir. My apologies. I am still working on it.”

“Figures. Download the specs to Ms. INY’s workbase.”

“Yes, sir.”

Tony waved them off screen and turned back to you. “I can go take this shipment down, but if I don’t find out who did it, they’re liable to do it again.” Asking you without asking you for help.

You let him hang for a moment, even though both of you knew you wouldn’t turn him down. “Say _please_.” Because he was right, at least. You were terribly busy. And this was just one more thing- albeit a little bit more important than parties and signatures.

_There is nothing else.  
Only the next mission._

You fought away the echo of his words, the ones that nearly ended it all.

His hands took hold of yours. “Please.”

“If you keep insisting that you and Iron Man are the same entity, I need you to keep me looped in to your activities.” He opened his mouth to say something and you already knew what his defense was going to be. “If it’s dangerous for you, it’s dangerous for me no matter what. And I’d rather know ahead of time than be asked to find some criminals for you on the fly.”

He pressed his lips together to keep from talking during that, but the lowering of his shoulders signaled his defeat. There was a little twitch of a grin from the corner of his mouth. “I _said_ please.”

Another sigh escaped you. “Fine, Tony. I’ll work on it. _But_ I want your full attention on New Year’s Eve.”

Showing that he understood he nodded, “Fine. Just don’t expect me to rub shoulders with Seacrest.”

Leaning up you pressed a careful kiss to his cheek. “Thank you.” Turning away you went back to your thick folder full of itemized requests, picking it up off the desk.

Just as you were at the doorway, “JAVRIS, sync up the Iron Man work database with Ms. INY’s. All level access.”

“For how long, sir?”

You turned back to look at him. He was smiling as he replied, “Permanently.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it remember to leave some love! And thanks for reading!!


	17. ❤Chapter 17❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ask the dear readers to please observe the M rating. For no reason. But also reasons. Thank you!

“_JARVIS send a company wide email, subject- **DON’T OPEN FAMIL****Y**** EMAIL ON PRIVATE SERVER****S**.” _

“_I fear the damage may already be done, ma’am.” _

_ Cordo Gaines had tried to play smart, sending a blast of virus ridden emails to just about every Stark employee working that day, but you were far smarter. Once he allowed himself access in through an unsuspecting IT’s computer, it was easier to follow his own trail. He probably would have been able to remain hidden, if not for that. Immediately getting greedy, trying to assume Tony’s identity and wealth, spending it on ludicrous things. It was easy, with the help of JARVIS, to pin him so that Tony could finish the job. And with him behind bars, and Tony’s assets properly unfrozen after such a huge scare of identity theft, things felt like they’d go back on track to being normal. _

_You could go back to signing forms and turning down parties- and Tony maybe could make it home in time for New Year’s Eve, like he promised. But life didn’t really work like that, did it? _

“_They’ve got me on massive property damage.” _

“_In jail!?” _

“_Can you come post my bail?” _

As you boarded the private jet to Genoa, Italy, you were thinking up a million different ways to start the I-told-you-so speech. Of course they had Tony in jail. Because they knew his identity as Iron Man. So they knew exactly who to charge when Iron Man caused problems- regardless of if he was capturing a criminal that had stolen weapons- stolen money. They didn’t care about that. They cared about who they could blame for their own losses. Only one thing on a long list of why Tony telling the world that was a huge mistake. But one that couldn’t be undone no matter what now.

Your boiling over frustration kept you wide awake the whole time- well, that and continuing to work yourself to the bone. It would be January first very soon. A brand new year. And yet you were already falling behind. The plans for the Stark Expo seemed the most important to Tony, so you were trying to prioritize them. Everyone in-house and all the subsidiaries had been banging down the door to get their hands on decent tech.

They all wanted a piece of the pie. They all wanted to build amazing things. Great things. Wonderful things with bits and pieces of Iron Man tech that Tony would sign off on. Some of the stuff proposed seemed very good. And some of it was missing the mark. He’d left it all up to you to decide who got what and, for the most part, which part of schematics off of which builds could be used.

Aside that you were looking after other tech demos that had sent you their proposals to be allowed into the Expo. Assigning vendors. Going over blueprints and schematics. Making changes to everything that came your way. None of it was perfect yet, and soon you’d really only have nine full months to get it right. Not enough time. You really should have told him to put it further off.

Something you might also give him an earful about once the plane touched down and you let him out of a jail cell. Or let him sit in there while you yelled for a little.

To see him standing there on the runway as the stairs came down, still in his suit with the facemask up, giant bouquet of snow-white roses in his arms, your emotions immediately went to war. For a moment you contemplated getting back on the jet and telling Happy to just fly you home.

But, in your better sense, you descended the steps and stopped just short of him, arms crossed. “In jail, hm?”

“They let me out on good behavior.”

“I _highly _doubt it.”

He held the bouquet out. “Take these already.”

Despite yourself you did, although you resisted the urge to plant your face in the petals and inhale. “You’re not as charming as you think you are, do you know that?” You wanted to be mad at him. “You made me come thirteen hours out for roses?” Why couldn’t he have just come home? Why was he always playing games?

“And this.” His helmet snapped shut very suddenly and he bent forward to slide an arm underneath the crook of your legs, the other going behind your back. The lift up was completely effortless and the sound of those thrusters was not too far behind it.

“Tony-! _No_-!!” Fear consumed you as he lifted off and you left the roses to the wind in your lap as your arms crushed tightly around him.

“Relax. I’ve got you. You don’t trust me?” His voice echoed out from the suit, booming but somehow soft.

You pressed your face as tightly against his cold metal shoulder as you could, almost to the point of pain. “_ Put me down _!!”

The two of you were far off the ground. You didn’t need to look to confirm it, feeling the whip of the wind and the uncomfortable shifting and tilting as he flew further still, almost like you were at sea. You felt the bouquet lurch and then tumble from your lap. Probably _ miles and miles _ to the ground below. “Those were expensive, you know.”

“_Tony I swear to god-!_” Panic had a complete hold over you.

“You’re a real buzzkill, you know that? Beautiful city beneath us and you can’t even appreciate the view.”

If you weren’t stuck to him like glue, eyes shut tight, you might have thought about leaning back to smack him. Not that he would have felt it. It felt like a complete blessing when he thunked down on solid ground and the sound of flight died. Your legs felt like jelly as he set you down gently, and then you promptly collapsed to your knees, fists taking hold of the grass beneath you. “If you _ ever _ do that again...” Taking in big gulps of air to smooth yourself out, finally opening your eyes again.

“Well, we have to go back down eventually.” His voice came back and you looked up, watching the helmet slide back and the suit’s panels and edges lift up, no doubt trying to ease open but they jammed after a few seconds. “Hold on. Wait. I’ve got a thing for this.”

That thing happened to be wildly smacking the left side until the pieces started moving and pulling apart again. Though this didn’t entirely fix the problem, either, and he eventually resorted to removing and opening it manually, leaving the chest entirely open while he half pulled himself out of the legs. “There’s got to be a better way to do that.”

“I’m working on it.” About that you had no doubts. He was never not working on the suit between missions.

“What was the point of all this?” Asking as sense returned to you and you registered that there was some version of a tiny picnic set up on the grassy overhang he’d flown you to.

“I had no idea you were so afraid of heights.” Said as he moved to sit on the blanket he’d set up, crossing his legs. Pulling a bottle of champagne out of the lone bucket there was immediately next.

Already bereft of all your dignity, you crawled the rest of the way there to sit next to him. “I’m not scared of heights, I’m scared of having no protection twenty miles up and falling to my death.”

“We were barely one mile off the ground, first of all. And second of all, more importantly,” The cork popped with a little struggle and liquid fizzed from the top as he reached for two long stemmed glasses, “I would never drop you.”

Despite yourself you gratefully accepted the glass handed to you. Your attention was drawn to the cheers of the carnival in the city below, and then the fireworks that promptly lit up the night sky. “This is what you brought me all the way out here for?” You were trying your best to sound annoyed still, but were doing a very poor job of it.

Work finished, Tony laid half on his side, hand propping his head up, stretching his legs out, raising his glass to yours. “Happy new year.”

The fact that this is what you’d asked him for- not quite setting wise but… just his full attention. No work. No missions...

A toned sigh escaped you, backlights of blue blossoming across his face as another firework went off. Sitting back with your knees up, one hand on the blanket, you clinked your glass against his. “Happy new year, Tony.” The two of you indulged in a long sip, surrounded by the sounds of far away celebration and booming pops of color in the sky. Your attention stayed there, up above, trying to ignore that he was very clearly watching you. Until you no longer could, turning to look at him. “Is there something you wanna say?”

You weren’t expecting the dreamy smile on his face. “Just thank you. For everything.”

A little heat pooled in your cheeks. “You don’t have to thank me.” Trying to stay adamant about that.

“I wanted… I-… hm.” It was unlike him to struggle for words. Clearly he had something planned that he wanted to get out. You didn’t want to pry. You _tried_ not to...

“Is everything okay?” Slightly nervous.

He shook his head. “Knowing me, it was just another self-congratulatory speech.” Dismissing the whole thing entirely, knocking back the rest of his drink. He sat up, shifting closer, putting his free arm around your shoulder. You let him guide you, resting your head against him.

“You’re sure?” You didn’t want to let him dissuade you, but perhaps he’d been trying to play at some romantic theater and thought better of it. You’d prefer him not to do it on a chilly hill in Italy.

Maneuvering to pick up the bottle, he poured himself a fresh glass, “Actually. Screw it. I’m gonna monologue at you for about five minutes. Get comfortable.” Shifting the champagne left and right, he silently asked for you to finish yours so he could refill it.

So you did. “Are you now?” Amused enough and in good mood enough to entertain the idea.

“While I still have the guts.” Taking another long sip as he set the bottle back inside the bucket. “This year has been… crazy. Absolutely nuts. In that cliched way of _if anyone ever said this would happen to me_ but- seriously- if anyone told me everything about my life would change drastically in a snap...” He was getting a little lost.

So you put a hand over his knee. “Have I told you how many book offers you’ve gotten?”

This at least broke him free of it as he scoffed. “You haven’t.”

“I turned them all down.” That story wasn’t meant for anyone just yet, or ever, if he decided he wanted to keep it all to himself. People were greedy and felt entitled to know all about Tony Stark. Wanted to use him for every point of view. But you’d never let that happen.

A warm grin struck him. “Of course you did.” He moved to sit just a few inches closer, like that made all the difference, but still maintained his gaze. “-and you. Let’s be honest, neither of us saw any of this coming. Because it’s all insane.” Beyond comprehension, sometimes, you understood exactly how he felt. “But you… you’re such a big piece of it. I mean,” He gestured vaguely about the two of you, “who else would get on a jet for hours and hours to come bail me out?”

“So you’re saying I should have told you no.” Teasing him gently. “I’ll remember that for next time.”

The two of you shared a laugh. “I’m saying… I’m saying I knew you would come. Just like I knew you’d help me catch this idiot. Just like I know you’re handling things.”

You felt that warmth creeping up on you again. Or was it just the champagne? “I’m glad you know you can trust me.” It _did _make you infinitely happy. Not that you’d say those exact words.

“That’s just it. I can’t remember when it started- but I do. Implicitly, without thought. I do. And nothing taught me that like this past year. No one…- let me check the ego for two seconds, roughly, to acknowledge that I’m tough to be around in a personal capacity- no one else would have stayed. No one else would have done what you’ve done.”

Your face had to have been bright red now, only enhanced by the light show still going off. “You don’t know that.” Still critical of yourself, unable to fall for this no matter how desperately you wanted to. You weren’t special.

“I do- but let’s pretend I didn’t. It doesn’t matter. What happened, happened. And you’re… here you are. There’s not a damn thing I would change about you. And if the papers don’t print that I don’t deserve you when they figure it out, they’re not writing the right story.” You weren’t looking at him anymore, scared that if you did you’d have some sort of breakdown. There was too much here very suddenly. You weren’t only drowning in your own feelings, but his, too.

And the utter truth of them. The sheer sincerity.

You finished your glass of champagne, knowing it was your turn. “I’m still processing a lot of what’s happened.” You might have been for a long time, yet. Because all of it _was_ absolutely insane. “But I know that… I know that being here isn’t a mistake.” Gathering all of your courage you looked to him again. “I know that being with you isn’t a mistake. And it’s not easy- what happened. But everything you’re doing… everything you’re becoming… I’m proud to be by your side.”

There was barely two seconds of stillness between you before his voice broke the night. “I love you.”

Those three words blazed hot through you, striking you to your core. Yet you felt like that still wasn’t enough. Leaving your empty glass to the blanket you shifted to sit up on your knees. He trusted you. You knew you trusted him back.

So what were you so scared of?

Reaching up you settled your hands on the sides of his face and he stayed still, eyes searching as he looked up at you. Sinking your fingers just into the sides of his hair, pulling him closer still, resting your forehead against his, you let it all down. No longer afraid to drown.

The feeling was immeasurable, only registering his eyes fluttering shut, the sharp inhale. The connect of his lips against yours set the rest of the trigger. Falling deep, deep down into one another. Feeling and reciprocating on a continuous loop. Touching into an endless pool. So much _warmth_, so much _desire. Desperation _and _need_. But there at the center as you pulled back just briefly to catch your breath, already panting- there as he sought you out again in another heated kiss-

_Unconditional- undying- unyielding **love**_ . His _ **heart** _ . You felt his _ **heart** _.

_I love you_\- and then, at the break of a gulp of air, “I love you, Tony.”

His hands had at some point crept up your back, holding on tightly. “Do that again.” Pleading in his tone, disappearing into another lock of lips.

You didn’t need him to beg twice.

_I love you. _

No longer scared of this thing that lurked inside of you. If it was meant to be with him, then so be it. “I need you to take me somewhere...” Because you were getting pleasantly lost, but not enough so to bite back the awareness of the outdoors.

Very suddenly he found his way to his feet and lifted you, too, “Absolutely.” In a rush as his mind was clearly on keeping a long series of kisses going, but not before ordering out some JARVIS protocol something- something- the suit. Right, the suit- barely a flash in your mind.

Not as much as the interior of a cozy cabin swallowing you up as he let you down onto a bed you’d never seen before. You were keen on keeping him close, handfuls of his shirt as you pulled him down over you. “Did you plan for all of this?” Tugging him down further. Close, you needed him close.

“Not- exactly- like this- but… always gotta have a plan B… very important...” His voice exiting on a huff of self-satisfied amusement against the crook of your neck. Your shoes fell first, kicked off one after the other as he was making quick work of your blouse and bra. Skilled and adept in ways you never could have dreamed of. Way out of your league.

One arm wound around your back, just the mere sensation of his fingers there against your bare skin setting off a flurry of sparks. Your head tipped back, allowing him in as his kisses trailed in little presses, touches of tongue and teeth down the line of your jaw and to your neck. It would have been easy to let him completely overpower you, to just _bask_ in him-

But you brought your hands up, gently, touching up his sides underneath his shirt. He went still for a moment and the _heat_ between you shivered. “If you don’t want me to-” Worried maybe you’d crossed a line. You’d similarly been nervous for a long time before now. If he’d somehow crawled into the same hole you wanted to respect it.

“Be my guest.” But the words came easily enough, even though he seemed distracted now, laying lazy kisses to the line of your collarbone and just down to your shoulder.

It was unfortunate that you had to interrupt him, moving to lift the light sweater he had on. The bright glow of the Arc Reactor spilled out, painting you both. You caught his eyes in the light, looking, watching. You were careful as you touched up over his stomach and then further still over his chest. Over that piece of machinery. Shifting just a scant few inches left and laying your hands over the steady beat of his heart.  
  


_I love you, Tony_.

You watched the half-lidded flutter of his eyes as that _feeling_ pierced him, drew him in again for a deep kiss. Your hands slid up, cupping the sides of his neck, holding him there. A long brush of tongues, the satisfying rumble of his groan covering up your own quiet sounds. Breaking only to breathe. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you- but… don’t go. Let’s- ...can we-” Embarrassed too soon at your own fumbling.

_Take it slow.  
Take it easy._

Nervousness swelled very suddenly, only strengthening your embarrassment.

His hand slid back through your hair. “I’ve got you.” Another lock of lips, his hand drifting along your side, over the curve of your hip. You shifted half up, letting him slide the fabric down and away, trying to ignore the chill of anxiety. His parted lips touched your own. “_I’ve got you_.” Warmth wrapping around you, fear dissipating just like that.

Letting him take the ease of control, hand gliding up the inside of your bare thigh and further still. At the briefest, barest touch, the moan that escaped you felt another wash of embarrassment, but he covered it up with a sharp exhale, forehead dipping against yours as that hot _desire_ dripped off of him like a steady rain. You let yourself be consumed by it as he went on. Careful touches. Light. Loving. Teasing.

Reaching down, you were quick with his belt, having to be because the second two of his fingers slid deep in everything went fuzzy. Another moan left, but he stole it with the press of his lips against yours. There was barely any time for coherence as his fingers worked out and then _deep_ in again, but you found your resolve in the heat of his skin as you nudged his pants and boxers down and found him there. Hot and hard, groan shaking loose from him as you wrapped your hand around his cock.

The two of you got lost in the spiral of one another, unbelievably not unlike some teenagers catching the first notes of what love is really like. Fooling around. Exploring. And that was enough.

“_**Fuck**_.” The sound buried in the crook of your shoulder as his free arm kept tight around you, leaning all his weight on his forearm just to keep you that close. Whatever you were doing was dragging him to an untimely end, incredible to think about considering… he quickly repaid the favor on the next crook of his fingers inward, pad of his thumb gentle and heavy against your clit.

A gasp shred your lungs, head falling back, mouth open. You felt the curve of his smile in your skin. Dizzy, growing dizzy. “_Tony_...” Lost. So lost.

His kisses pressed up from your shoulder, over the hammering pulse in your neck as he continued to sweetly work you. A little nudge at the corner of your mouth, a gentle nuzzle of his nose against yours, eyes opening just a quarter to see him there so close. The depth, the _warmth_ of his eyes. “I love you...” Whispered to you, undoing you in that one moment as that heat bounded and burrowed, catching you in the spiral as release hit.

Almost greedy, his lips were there again, drinking it from you. But two could absolutely play that game, so as his hand moved to curve tight over your hip instead, you picked up speed for him, following the sounds of his groan right to that edge.

_ **I love you** _.

There was a snap of breath and then a dark and beautiful sound as he came, arm tight around you, clutching at you desperately, forehead there against yours as that splash of extra heat sizzled your skin. You held him then, a touch of careful fingers through his hair, guiding him gently aside you, laying kisses no short of adoring against his burning skin. It was the emerging patterns touched over your bare back that signaled his return.

When the two of you saw each other again, close, noses barely touching, the first thing shared was a smile. Deep, wonderful _ contentment _ bubbled between the two of you. Reaching up he soothed his fingers through the now unkempt locks of your hair, eliciting just one or two shivers. But a sudden burst of nervousness and shame found you out of nowhere and the heat in your cheeks returned. “I know you probably-...”

Well.

He was _ Tony Stark _ after all. Before you, before all of this, it was highly unlikely all those women he brought to bed took him in anything less than _ full _…

“Don’t.” Murmured before the gentlest kiss of the night. Taking your hand, he held it there, half over the Arc Reactor, half over the steady drum of his heart. “I know you know.” That same _pleasured fulfillment_ was there. There was a sudden grin, though. “But if you’d like me to go into detail-”

You kissed him quiet. “Happy new year, Tony.”

He breathed out. “Happy new year.”

_ **I love you.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙


	18. Chapter 18 [5%]

It was sad when life had to eventually resume. A week into the new year you found yourself up on the back pathway of the mansion as he flew off into the sky. It was pointless to stand there and watch him disappear into the distance, but part of you couldn’t help it. You’d done it a few times now, and every single one you wondered if it would be the last time you’d see him. And you weren’t sure whether or not you wanted that ache to dull.

“_The Ten Rings have a ship boarded and locked_.” A military operation he was honing in on, if only because **they** were behind it. It helped his case a little bit that the Navy couldn’t free their own men, but hustling in on a government operation was asking for trouble. 

Tony had been furiously researching every little thing he could find on the Ten Rings. The people that had kidnapped him. Every time he went out after them you remembered Coulson’s warnings in the debrief, “ _ They’re not to be trifled with _ .” 

And yet Tony was keen on doing a whole lot of trifling.  As JARVIS read out the mission clear log hours after, you started wondering if it was just blind revenge. For someone that claimed he wanted information,  all those operations ended up in every single terrorist dead. You also wondered if that was going to take a toll on him sooner rather than later. 

Playing good guys versus bad guys… taking lives…

“I don’t remember asking for your help.” Nick Fury’s voice came over the computer in the lab and you turned away from your Stark Industries work to tend to your Iron Man work. He looked mad from his little square on the desktop. “Inserting yourself into my missions is begging for trouble. You want trouble?”

“As I heard it, your boys were stuck. So you can send a check to the office.” You were simultaneously scared and at the same time unafraid of Nick Fury. Mostly because you knew showing fear to him was probably the worst mistake you could make.

“Haha. Very funny. You think you’re cute, huh?”

Tony’s face came up on screen next to Fury’s. “As a button, I’ve been told. But really it’s more my chiseled handsomeness that people comment on the most.”

“How are you two gonna turn me down and then keep sniffing around my operations? You’re lucky you haven’t been dragged to a black site.” Despite his threats, he didn’t sound like he was even close to thinking about going through with them.

“What about something more like a gold site? Maybe a light cobalt?” 

“Keep yucking it up, Stark. Yap, yap, yapping away.” You were wisely choosing to stay out of this as much as you could. “If I send you another packet you’d better sign your names to it. Otherwise keep out of my business. Or else.” And just like that he was gone.

“Or else. _Pfft_.” He was also resolved to be unafraid of Nick Fury and SHIELD. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t keep pushing him, Tony.” 

He made a face at you. “Look, when the guy stops coughing up dime-store villain lines, I’ll consider it. Until then, we’ve got work to do that they clearly can’t.”

You twirled a pencil around between your fingers. “It’s all fun and games for you, but if he comes after  _ me _ , I don’t exactly have a bullet-proof suit to climb into and fly away in.” All you had were mind games. Ones you weren’t even good at. Ones you didn’t really  _ want _ to be good at. It wouldn’t serve you if agents dropped in in the middle of the night and carried you off, anyway. 

“About that...”

“_No, _Tony.” 

“I’ll paint it your favorite color.”

“_No_.” 

The world could only handle one Iron Man.

And  _ you _ could barely even handle  _ that _ .  But for him, you’d press on.

* * *

“_So you think it’s right for Tony Stark to operate a weapon unauthorized by our military?” Valentine’s Day and you’d rather be doing anything but getting yelled at by a Fox News correspondent. “We call that vigilante justice, and it’s punishable by law.” _

“_Tony has been protecting people. Saving people. Saving countless lives. Destroying weapons aimed at innocent people. Cleaning up a decades long mess that no one else has had the means to put a stop to.” _

“_Who gave him the right? Certainly not me! Here at Fox News we don’t condone vigilantes!” _

“_Is the peaceful silence hurting your bottom line?"_

You got in real trouble for that one. But it was worth all the undignified screams that came with it. For all the anchors did decrying Stark Industries and the mad woman sitting on the throne aside mad self proclaimed king Tony Stark, stocks shot through the roof. That may have had more to do with tentative whisperings about the Stark Expo relaunching. But you’d take well deserved victories where they came.

The world _was_ different now. The louder, angrier, more violent voices were fading into the shadows. Scared they’d be heard by Iron Man and snuffed out. No one wanted their locations found. No one wanted their weapons destroyed. For once murder rates dropped. Killings stopped. War came tumbling down.

Some things about it still bothered you. Would always bother you. But you could only ever show a brave face and make sure you stood by Tony’s side. That was your job.

Besides that…

You loved him.

And as long as it kept making sense, as long as he didn’t fall down the path of Obadiah, choosing who lived and who died gleefully or start trying to turn a profit off of Iron Man’s activities… things would be okay. The fact that he’d turned down several military hearings and briefings and requests was all the proof you needed. It felt like every day those tensions were growing.

No more so than when the military tried to _use _him. “Thanks for taking the heat.” His voice and face came from your laptop in the early AM, just past three.

You’d been unable to sleep, not unusual when he was out. The bed was too empty to sleep in, so you’d curled up on the couch. Waiting. Waiting for this. “Just doing my job.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen that shade of red on TV.”

“She basically blended into her dress.” Snorting to yourself, taking a long sip of tea that had gone cold some time ago. “Are you on your way home?”

“Couldn’t get there faster if I tried.” The real reason he’d called, no doubt. Even so far away you could tell. He was upset.

You cradled the laptop closer. “What happened?”

“I know the military has been in a real hole since I pulled out of weapons, but letting Hammer take a lead on anything- how desperate can you get?” It sounded pretty bad. But you were already well aware. As soon as you’d read Hammer’s name on the dossier in the file, you knew this mission wasn’t going to be an easy one. A B-2 bomber had been charged across enemy lines inside a Hammer transport. It was very likely he was the sole reason Tony had been asked to come in.

“What did he screw up now?”

“He blew a whole mission on promises that his tech worked the way it was supposed to. Am I the only one with a brain out here?” He shook his head softly, roll of his eyes. “And Ross has another thing coming.”

That would be General Thaddeus Ross, who had asked for Tony’s help on a rescue mission. You worried, briefly, that lives had been lost. No doubt a fault of Ross, but Tony would shoulder the blame. A setup? “Talk to me, Tony.” If he was about to be thrown under the bus, purposefully, you needed to know everything.

His eyes squared on the camera, looking as if he was staring at you briefly before they shifted slightly, looking at your video window instead. “They were putting things where they shouldn’t have been, and got caught red handed. They fed me bullshit and sent me in on a shoot-to-kill. They told me it was Ten Rings activity. But it was just… soldiers fighting their own war.” Shaking his head again, eyes dropping for a few seconds. “They tried to trick me into murdering everyone there to cover up their own trail.”

“And blaming you if it ever got out.” It chilled you to your core, thinking about that. The military trying to use him like that. Like old times. Yet it somehow was completely unsurprising. “But you realized it.” Why else would he be debriefing you like that- _talking to you_, you reminded yourself. Not everything was a mission. You couldn’t let it be.

“Of course I did. On the list of people who think they’re smarter than they actually are, General Ross is sitting pretty right underneath Justin Hammer.”

You nodded. Foolish of them to think they could get one up over him. Even if you had worried. A thought you’d keep to yourself. “So you stop accepting pleas from them, if they can’t be trusted to do the right thing.”

“I’m nobody’s lapdog.” His tone had grown hard. “That is the _last time_ I let someone talk me into flying into a war zone where I can’t tell who the good guys are and who the bad guys are.”

By contrast, you softened your own voice. “You know now.” There was a boom on the front landing, all metal and shockwave. “You’re home?”

“I just got in. Give me a minute, I’ll be right up.” With that his call ended and you couldn’t help but snap your laptop shut and move to stand. He’d still have to get the suit off, but that was no longer a thing you were shy about seeing. And even if he _would_ be upstairs in just a couple of minutes…

It had been days since you’d seen him last. And he seemed pretty slighted. Good will carried you downstairs to the semi-darkened lab. The process of unpacking the suit had gotten much better. You knew Tony had been tinkering with it for a while. He was already out of it, standing at the computer console, pulling on a long sleeved shirt.

Something he did _very_ abruptly as you opened the lab door, startled. “Couldn’t wait one minute? I mean, I know I’m irresistible, but stroking my ego this late in the evening seems like a pretty bad idea.”

Despite him being _absolutely right _about that you went to put your arms around him, giving him a little squeeze. “Welcome home.”

Easy satisfaction rolled through you when he hugged you back, a little tighter than usual. “Thanks.” His hands went to your shoulders, holding you at arm’s length. Just taking a good look at you. You let him… but there was this new sense of unease. You weren’t sure if it was just you… “Really. I’ll be right there. I just have to update my files.”

You gave him a little nod. “Do you want me to make you some tea?”

“Tea sounds great.”

Leaning up on your tiptoes you pressed a light kiss just underneath his cheekbone. You hadn’t seen him in a few days and just a touch of neediness found its way to you. Between his missions and work… he was very clearly still devoted to you.

Things were good.

You were happy, if not exhausted from work and worry. And he seemed…

How did Tony seem?

“How does tea in bed sound?” You dropped your tone. You weren’t an expert at flirting, but he didn’t need your senses to hear the promises there.

“Like a dangerous adventure.” His grin was weary and you immediately felt bad for choosing _now_ of all times. Now was not a good time. He’d just been pushed around by Ross. Had just flown hours to get home.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. You kissed him on the other cheek, apology in your smile. “Tea and then bed.” Changing up the meaning entirely.

“Sounds perfect.”

You didn’t need much more of an excuse to run off and hide your embarrassment. Lucky he hadn’t called you out on it. He really must have just been exhausted.

* * *

He waited until she was all the way up the stairs and setting a kettle on the stove to lift his shirt again. “JARVIS, have the readings come back from the suit?” He kept his voice low despite the fact there was no way she’d be able to hear him.

“Yes, sir. Blood toxicity levels at 5%.”

The beginnings of a terrible, angry black etchwork had started lining his skin around the Arc Reactor. He’d gotten lightheaded and actually lost consciousness for a few seconds on the flight home. He couldn’t let that happen again. “What’s on the books for Palladium poisoning? Tell me green tea is the cure.” Slumping to sit in his desk chair.

“Unfortunately no, sir. There is no viable research into Palladium poisoning. There is no known cure.”

He sat with that diagnosis, staring blankly out into space. “How about that. We’ll figure something out.” What other choice did he have? “...in the meantime, run me a quick calculation- at the current rate of spread, how long do I have until I don’t have any longer?”

“My current estimate with lean for faster spread as time goes on… I’d say by the end of May.”

A breath of air escaped him, eyes closing, grinning to himself, shaking his head. “So. Either the best birthday present I’ve ever given myself or the last.” A cure- a workaround... or nothing. No other choice.

“Shall I inform Ms. INY?”

“_No_.” More guttural noise than anything as it exploded out of him. “Not a word. This goes under prime executive files. She can’t know.”

“With all due respect sir, I think you should allow her-”

“I don’t need your respect. Or what you’re about to tell me. You’re not telling her. Are we clear?” She couldn’t know about this. He couldn’t do that to her. He just _couldn’t_.

“...yes, sir.”

“Window some simulations for element replacement. Don’t wait up for me.” He pushed himself on his feet, knowing if he spent any more time there she’d grow suspicious. He had to keep this away from her. A daunting task on its own considering _the thing_. He just needed a clear head. And…

To not think about how soon May was coming.

There at the stove she was leaned half over two cups of tea, dunking bags in and out. When she saw him approaching she looked up and smiled like she’d just seen the stars for the first time. It killed him. “Let’s go to bed, honey.”

“_Honey_. That’s new.”

He put an arm around her and took the offered mug of tea in his other hand. “Trying it out.”

She hummed something soft in thought. “Try it out a few more times.”

“Yes, dear.” Smiling as she lightly elbowed his side.

“One thing at a time, I can only handle _so much _excitement.”

Her laughter got him going. Quiet and tired. Just basking in the enjoyment of each other’s presence. Upstairs she moved away to sit cross-legged on the bed, staring up at him again with those big wondering eyes. Unable to help himself, he sat next to her, reaching a hand up to cup the side of her face, holding her close, relishing in the close of her eyes and that soft sweet sigh as she leaned into his palm. As he kissed her it only became clearer.

_She can’t know_ . 

_ **She can’t know** _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting on a new journey now.


	19. Chapter 19 [11% - End: Interlude]

To say that Tony had made an effort to keep himself extremely busy after the bust mission with General Ross one month ago would be putting things mildly. You were starting to feel like you barely saw him anymore, which wasn’t a very good feeling at all. It wasn’t at the level of thinking he was _avoiding _you but… you were getting there. Slowly. When he was home, he was holed up in the lab trying to fix the hundreds of problems that seemed to keep coming up with the Iron Man suit. New things he wanted to test out, things that needed tweaking. He was especially trying to get a handle on the delivery system. This much you knew. This much he kept you abreast on. 

But that was it. And it was starting to feel like when you’d just started, and when he’d just come home. Which was not how you wanted to feel at all. But you weren’t sure exactly how to help him. He was spiraling down in his frenzied focus to be Iron Man, to break up the operation that had tried to end his life. Getting in Fury’s way when it suited him. And then coming home to clean up so that he could take flight some hours later.

It wasn’t healthy. It wasn’t right.

But when you asked, “ _You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?_ ” 

He’d smiled so carefully up at you from his spot at the lab desk, screwdriver in hand, gauntlet in the other. “ _Of course I would_ .” You had to take him at his word. He was just keeping busy because there were things he needed to get done. 

So you tried to do the best you could keeping out of his way when it was necessary, and sitting down to help him for missions when he needed you. It was a delicate balance along with your Stark Industries duties, which felt like they were multiplying every day.

None more so than today.

What was supposed to be a normal boring Tuesday. Tony would be home later in the evening from another operation in India. He’d been away for a little bit longer than usual. You were eager to have him home. Things could be different, you’d been telling yourself. You just had to sit him down and get him to breathe. After all, that was part of your job, wasn’t it? You’d help him climb out of the hole he was falling into.

Tell him things would be okay. That he had more than earned a break. That the world would continue on in its celebrated quiet peace if Iron Man took a week off. You knew it to be true. You just had to make him see it.

After you came back to the office from lunch that had been more coffee than actual lunch, everything changed.

A very important email sat waiting for you- for  _all_ Stark Industries employees.    
  
  


**Urgent: Stark Expo Reel**

From none other than Tony himself.

Upon opening it, a cheery video played on screen. You recognized it as one of the promotional videos the media teams had been working on. But you’d only seen bare bones. This was a complete product. Nothing too terrible since some of it was b-roll anyway. But it was the female narrator that itched your ire,

“_Stark Industries promotes better living through technology. We’re working on building a better planet for tomorrow, today. Stark Expo 2010. Witness the future first hand._” 

The link for the website flashed as the end-tag, and when the video completed the page automatically opened. There right on the front page was a letter from no one other than Tony Stark. One you’d been proofing the verbiage on for a little while. Trying to tweak it before its release.

It wasn’t supposed to be the finished copy, but it had his signature on it. In your confusion you missed the header. But hitting the end of that letter... when you saw it your blood began to boil.

_ **Opens May 7th, 2010. ** _

Immediately you reached for your phone to call him. “ _ Don’t waste my time _ .” Right to voicemail.  You hung up. It was fortunate he wasn’t home. That he was off fighting some quiet war somewhere. Because if he had been he would have been fighting with you instead. And he wouldn’t have won. 

* * *

Y ou waited for him on the back path, printed version of his spiffy Stark Expo welcome letter in hand. Going a bit overboard, maybe. He likely already knew he was in trouble. If he didn’t he was dumber than you expected. You’d made a cup of tea. Hours had gone by and you’d had time to cool off. But the second you saw him firing across the sky, some of that anger came back. 

_ Calm _ , you tried to tell yourself. Tony was acting out. You didn’t know why. But you’d get to the bottom of it. Yelling at him wouldn’t do any good. 

...yet…

As soon as he landed you stood and he seemed spooked. Scared to come closer. His helmet slid back. “...well this is a nice little welcome home party.”

“What are you doing?” Straight out of the gate even though you’d told yourself you’d be better than this, you were already making demands.

“I thought I’d get out of the suit and take a shower. Maybe eat, if that’s okay- did you eat dinner yet? Are you hungry? I can have JARVIS put in for some reservations at-”

Thankful now that you had brought to prop with you as he spoke a million miles an hour (indicative of his knowing guilt), you shoved that Expo letter right in his face. “What are you doing, Tony?” Demanding again.

“Hey- can you not-” Refusing to take hold of it, instead holding your wrists steady so he could read it for all of two seconds before lowering your arms so he could look at you. “Well I know you’re drowning in that stuff so I thought I’d help and take the reins-”

“By bumping our timeline up by _six months_? Are you out of your fucking mind?” Not only was that going to put an incredible strain on you, it might kill the whole thing. Tech crews might have pulled out, not yet ready to have their pieces on display. The whole point of the convention. “Why did you do that- and why did you do that without telling me!” The yelling started whether or not you wanted it to.

You were furious. There was no other way around it.

_ Shame _ wafted off of him like he’d been soaking in a barrel of it. There was a pang of deeper  _ regret _ that didn’t go unnoticed. But it didn’t serve to clear your head, and when he stayed silent still, you continued. “We’re supposed to work  _ together _ . Do you remember that?  _ Do you _ ? Because you’re doing the same shit you were doing five months ago-” 

His hands came up suddenly, taking hold of your arms in the lightest grip imaginable, very aware he was still suited up. You suddenly were too. “I know- I know. You’re totally and completely right. And I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to keep being sorry, Tony. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to reset and have you keep wandering off when you _promised_ me you’d keep me in the loop- when you promised-”

“I’m sorry.” He pulled you closer and you let him, but the frown felt like a permanent fixture on your lips as you looked up at him. “It was a shitty thing to do and I’m sorry.” You knew it to be true. But that didn’t lessen your hurt.

“You can’t keep doing this to me. To yourself. _To us_. You can’t keep making the same mistakes and then apologizing for them when they catch up to you. If you’re really sorry you need to _stop doing it_.” You’d feared the worst when those thoughts that things seemed familiar started wafting in. Were you really just destined to play this game with him forever? You weren’t sure you could, no matter how much you’d come to love him. 

His mouth twisted. “-I… I wanna say you’re right- and I’m sorry- again, but I feel like that’s not what I should be saying.” Clearly since it wasn’t getting him anywhere. “There’s no taking back what I did.”

“You think?” Trying to contradict the big boss on the time line was a no go. The letters, the video, the emails, they were already sent out to the public. To the vendors. The teams. Everyone involved. Tickets were going on sale.

May seventh was in just a little over a month.

He seemed to be struggling. “Then what do you want me to do?” It was clear now how quickly he acted without thinking. Not even for his own consideration. And if he wasn’t even thinking about himself, how could he be thinking of you when he did these things?

“Why did you do this?” There had to be a reason, right? For him to push the date so wildly forward. Why on earth? That was really the root of the problem. There was a _reason_. Tony didn’t just do things like this because he felt like it. Even in his inconsideration of what it would do to you, there had to be a reason. 

He let you go, almost quite literally putting you out in the cold as he stepped away from you. “Things were getting sluggish. Everyone was getting a little too comfortable. I thought I’d just put a little pep in everyone’s step.” Dismissive. So completely dismissive. Also so obviously  _ lying _ . 

And that burned you more than anything else.

“_Tony_.” When he kept walking to go through the doors to the lab you followed and were struck by your own actions. So quick to not only follow but to _reach out_.

If he was just going to keep lying to you, what was the point?

You could get to the bottom of things on your own. There was more than  _ shame _ and  _ regret _ to be had. There was something buried that would be more truthful than he could ever be. 

_ **Fear** _ was the first thing that slammed into you-  struck you like a bolt of lightning.  _ **Panic. ** _ You’d never been hit by something that intense before. Your wheels were spinning out. Very suddenly you were drowning. Head caked with fog. You set your hand to the corner table by the door, knocking over a few tools that had been scattered there. You’d never reached in that deeply to someone before.

Tony turned abruptly, in mere moments by your side. “What’s happening? Are you okay?” Spooked all at once. His hand was at your shoulder, the other reaching to the side of your face.

The coolness of the metal helped slightly and you leaned into it. You didn’t want to tell him what you’d just done. If he had no idea… maybe it was better to leave it be.

_ Oh no _ . 

That you two were more alike than you thought hurt you worse than anything.

“I’m just… tired. I haven’t eaten all day.” Even if it _was_ true, it also wasn’t. But yelling at him and getting all worked up on top of it didn’t help matters. 

You got the sense that he knew you weren’t telling the whole story. But since he was in the middle of doing the same thing, he was unable to call you out on it. What a perfect stalemate. “Let me get out of this and take a shower. I’ll get dinner. We can eat in.” He’d turned so quick to tenderness and you wanted to give in to it.

To not be mad anymore.

Part of you wasn’t. But now part of you was more worried than ever before.

What was Tony hiding?

What was Tony hiding that made him that terrified? That had pushed him to act out so insanely? To push the Expo?

Something severe. Something dire.

But your energy was very suddenly spent. And with him fawning over you after weeks of barely being able to kiss him goodbye… “That sounds nice.”

Leaning in he pressed a kiss to your temple, something that soothed the ache that had settled there. “Go get some water. I’ll be right up.”

You nodded uselessly and moved to simply do as you were told. In the far, far back of your mind Fury’s words were on a loop.  _ Barely cooked _ . He was right. You weren’t cut out to use the thing you’d been born with. Maybe it was too late to start trying. If it had hurt you this badly, was there a point? There’d always been a soft sense of melancholy and malaise that had come with extended, pointed use. It’s why you’d kept it to a minimum. 

That and being lied to by people close to you wasn’t your favorite thing. Less so when even in discovering it, there was no way to call them out on it.

It didn’t take long for Tony to collapse into a heap on the couch next to you. And despite everything that had just happened, you moved to half curl up on his lap, hand over the Arc Reactor. The thing that had changed everything.

_ Our new future started here _ . 

“I’m gonna cut back on going out.” _Taking the suit out, _he meant. His tone was quiet. Contemplative. “I’ll help with the Expo stuff. Put my focus there.” His way of trying to say he was going to help you clean up the mess he’d made by being thoughtless. 

You snuggled into the crook of his neck as his hand came to rest atop yours with a gentle squeeze. “I heard world peace was in these days, anyway.”

“I’m expecting a thank you card from the UN any day now.” There was a soft murmur of a laugh shared between you. The rumble caught in his chest was the most pleasing sound you’d heard in a while. But as it died, he took a long breath in. “I mean it- when I say I’m sorry. I know I can’t keep doing things that- ...that make it seem like you’re not one of the most important things to me. You are.”

You didn’t want to fight with him anymore. “ You have to figure out how to talk to me. How to tell me things.” He wasn’t there yet. You didn’t understand why. Maybe it really was that hard for him. He’d operated alone for so long. For good reason, usually. But it wasn’t like that anymore. 

And he really needed to try harder.

“I tell you things.” Rebuffing you, only semi-serious. “I ask for your help all the time.”

“You tell me _work_ things. And sometimes not even that.” Case in point, how this whole thing started. “And you ask for help with Iron Man things. ...but what about Tony Stark things?” You shifted your head to the round of his shoulder, casting a look up at him. 

He tilted his head back, peering at you. “Didn’t we come to the agreement that’s the same thing?”

“I’m not dating Iron Man.” A suit made of _gold titanium alloy_. A thing. A machine. You were infinitely more worried about the man inside of it. And when you saw the fight on the tip of his tongue, “I’m dating _you_. And it would be nice if you stop forgetting it at times.” 

“Not once have I ever forgotten that.” He seemed so sincere.

You sat half up, still close, reaching up to card your fingers back through his hair. He eased, eyes dropping half lidded as you rested your forehead against his. “Then you need to start being honest with me.” He was always half holding back- now perhaps hiding something- you had no idea what.

His eyes closed all the way for a moment and he started shaking his head. “I’m-… I…” You waited. Hoping. Hoping hard he was about to stop holding on to all of it. To let you in to whatever it was. You assumed it was all the built up trauma from where this all started. He’d never properly talked about it. “I’m moving at a million miles a minute. Life was going too slow for me, so I gave it a push. Without thinking- because I’m really good at that. And I’m sorry.”

This seemed credible. And you were too tired to check. You wanted to be able to trust him. So you did. Wrapping your arms around him, you pulled his head to your shoulder. “Okay. So we’ll work on  making you comfortable with slowing things down .” You wanted to help him. You  _ needed _ to help him. 

His arms wound around your middle, holding you back in an almost crushing grip, burying his face in the side of your neck. You rested your head atop his. “ I love you.” His voice a whisper into your skin. 

It felt like you hadn’t resolved anything at all, a pain blooming in your chest. He seemed sad. Desperate for something… you didn’t understand what. “I love you too, Tony.” Finding peace in saying it, because it was the ultimate truth. You’d known it for quite some time. “I don’t know if you’re like… trying to do these crazy things to see if I’ll still be here in the morning. If I can take it.” Maybe in some way that made sense. He wasn’t always the most mature. “I’m not going anywhere.”

But it didn’t need to be said that he needed to stop. You were sure he knew that by now.

“I’m not- but- good.” Another quiet murmur, but he tilted to look at you and you got caught in his tired smile. “Because I need you.”

Leaning in, you kissed him gently. Carefully. Like he might break. “I know you do.” Now more than ever, it seemed.

The two of you stayed tangled like that for a long time, yet realizing it was far too short once he moved to get up. “Let’s order some food. I’m gonna make a drink.”

When he went to the fridge instead of the bar, “The green shake again?” He’d taken to drinking some woo-woo health thing. You didn’t understand it. But it was better than getting sauced all the time, and maybe it was good for him. Surely it couldn’t be hurting. So you didn’t want to push it.

“You want one?”

“What do they taste like?” You peered over from the arm of the couch.

“Mint and chlorine.”

“Pass.”

He just grinned as he shook the drink up. “I’ll party by myself then. What’s for dinner?”

Normal.

It was nice for things to just be  _ normal _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The struggle continues. Has anyone ever tried the green woo-woo juice? I hear it's not that great!!   
Iron Man 2 begins on Friday!


	20. Chapter 20 [19% - Begin: Iron Man 2]

Despite all the obstacles in your way, time being the biggest one and sadly so since it was impossible to fight against, you found your way through the mess that Tony had laid out for you. Stark Expo was opening tonight and everything felt like it was right in place. He’d done as he said he would and cut back on outgoing missions so that he could spend time helping you clean up and prepare and fix- although it still didn’t stop him from spending long hours in the lab.

You’d fussed over his bow tie, nerves getting the better of you. It was strange how many huge events you’d attended and opened for him and yet every single one was always fraught with challenges. You never felt settled. Maybe that was how you kept your edge. “Should we put a bow tie on the suit, too?”

“Now’s not the time to try and be cute.” You were still miffed he hadn’t come to any dress rehearsals, because as he put it, _all I have to do is fall out of the sky and onto a platform._

“I saw what the dancers are wearing. You think you could sneak one of those home?”

Finished prepping him, and because now was the perfect time, you took one of the fairground pamphlets in hand and smacked him on the side of the head. “Can you be serious for even one minute?”

His hands came to your shoulders. “My limit is thirty seconds.” Almost quite literally leaning in to steal a kiss before he wisely stepped far away to get into Iron Man. You left well enough alone.

The Expo was already flooded with people  by the time you got back there an hour later  and you knew you didn’t have to worry about Tony boarding his jet to be taken overhead. It seemed a little overplayed,  _over priced_ too. If he could just take himself up and come back down, but it was  _Tony_ after all. He wanted an extremely flashy entrance. 

It was why girls in teeny-tiny Iron Man booty shorts and crop tops with LED lights on their palms and boots worked up a sweat on stage as Shoot To Thrill boomed over the speakers. “Start fireworks over main stage.” You were pacing in the back, barking orders into your headset. This all had to go perfect, not because a slip up would bother Tony, but it would bother  _you_ . 

You hadn’t busted your ass this hard for it to all fall apart now.

The pilot taking Tony in crackled over your transmission, “ _270 at 30 knots holding steady at 15,000 feet. You are clear for exfiltration over the drop zone.” _

“All you, Tony.” You had no idea if he was even listening, peering up from your spot behind the front curtain to look up at the night sky.

Illuminated among huge bursts of color you could see him coming in hot- ...and tried to ignore that he may or may not have gotten hit with a firework. The crowd was screaming at this point, excitement overwhelming every single person in attendance. He’d been on countless dangerous missions, life threatening ones, at this point trying to do his own peace work- but _this_ was the thing that scared you the most.

He fell right through the perfect point in the huge glass dome and landed smack center of his mark. Flash in the pan. Handful of seconds. Standing up he lifted his arms as the machine that he’d designed to take off the suit folded up from underneath the stage. You knew how hard he’d been trying to perfect a single exit delivery, but for some reason he just hadn’t gotten the specs right yet.

It didn’t matter.

The crowd was going wild as his helmet came off with the rest of the pieces, bit by bit. Tony was in his most casual element. Playing for other people. Grinning brightly, pointing a finger across the throes. The song finally started coming to its close and the dancers moved to half circle him, palms up.

Hardest part done. Blind run after no rehearsals. Beautiful.

Chants of his name along with thunderous applause lit up the night. “Oh! It’s good to be back. You missed me.” Turning away from watching him on stage, a few show runners came up to you with clipboards and other scheduling snafus that needed your attention. You tried quickly to abate them as Tony was teasing the crowd so that you could turn your full attention back to him.

He hadn’t prepped a speech either- at least, he hadn’t let _you_ prep one for him. But what damage could he do? He’d already spilled every last secret to the world. Well. All _his_ anyway. There was always _you_. Even knowing he wouldn’t dare, you pushed away an attention hungry intern as you peeked back out. Needing to keep an eye on him. To watch.

“I’m not saying that the world is enjoying it’s longest period of uninterrupted peace in years because of me.” The crowd erupted again. He spoke over them. “I’m not saying that from the _ashes of captivity_ never has a greater phoenix metaphor been personified in human history.” Arms outstretched his head fell forward and he drowned in the people’s adoration. Only briefly, though, thank goodness, as he started moving across the stage. “I’m not saying that Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair sippin’ on an iced tea because I haven’t come across anyone man enough to go toe to toe with me on my best day!”

A chill crept across your skin. No wonder he wouldn’t let you prep him. You’d have _never_ signed off on something like that. Still inviting trouble after everything. He seemed to be melting in their praise as another chant of his name broke across. Followed by a very determined woman screaming, “_**I LOVE YOU TONY!**_” 

“Please.” He waved his hand dismissively despite the fact that he was eating all of this up. “It’s not about me. It’s not about you.” Waiting a moment for the crowd to hush a little. “It’s not even about us. It’s about legacy. It’s about what we choose to leave behind for future generations. And that’s why, for the next year, and for the first time since 1974, the best and brightest-”

A touch at your shoulder interrupted your attention. You were almost ready to actually physically hit the next person who couldn’t give you five minutes to watch, but upon seeing it was Happy you calmed yourself. Now  _ you _ were getting too wrapped up in Tony like everyone else. “The suit’s packed.  The car’s around back. ” 

Despite all the planning and effort and wanting to reignite this huge thing, Tony actually hadn’t wanted to stay to witness much of it past its introduction-  _ his _ introduction . You hadn’t asked why. You didn’t want to either. Being able to hand it off to the next qualified person was a delight. “ T hank you.  We’ re gonna wait a few minutes for the crowd to  thin out but we should be alright.” There would be other things to see and do and security would herd them out the other way so everything would be good. 

H oward Stark’s voice rolled from the stadium speakers, an older clip welcoming people to the first ever Stark Expo all those years ago. Looking up you’d missed Tony’s exit across the other side of the stage.  _ Of course _ he had no idea he was supposed to come see you on the right side, since he’d never once asked. Didn’t matter, you tried to tell yourself, as you walked around back. 

Approaching him, his back turned to you, there was a slight flutter of  _ anxiety _ _ .  _ Maybe, like you, these things were still hard for him, too. Crazy to think about. Carefully you laid a hand to his shoulder. “You did great out there.” He shifted, hand easing out from his suit jacket to grab hold of the water bottle Happy was offering to him. 

“Can’t ask for more than perfection.” Easy smile on his face. Lifting the cap of the bottle he took a long sip, exhaling loudly after. “I need to get into something a little more inconspicuous- you mind?” 

You weren’t sure who he was asking, but Happy took the cue to put his hands up and walk himself backwards. “The dressing room is right over here.” He still seemed a little jittery. It felt unwise to leave him completely alone.

Once inside, you handed him the black button up  and vest you’d brought, all pristine in its dry-cleaning plastic. “You know… I don’t mind you watching, but if we’re keeping up this secret, I think it looks weird my assistant just walked in here with me.” He started pulling his bow tie undone. 

“Maybe they think you’re so helpless you can’t even get dressed without me.” Said sweetly with just as saccharine a smile.

He chuckled as he shed his suit jacket. “Next thing you know, everyone’s gonna be saying you’re the one in the suit with that kind of attitude.”

“Hm, _Iron Lady_ does have a sophisticated ring to it.” Immediately you knew this was a mistake. 

“See- I’m glad you feel that way- because-”

Reaching up you yanked his discarded clothes from him, folding them over your arm. “Kidding, Tony. Never in a million years.” Even though you’d turned him down a few times now you had a very huge sneaking suspicion he was working on something for you down in his lab.

He exchanged clothes with you. “Suit yourself. Literally. If we could just work out some specs-”

“You really would just like to eat dinner by yourself, wouldn’t you?”

“Now who’s being ridiculous?” Turning to you, tugging the edges of his vest. A stunning silhouette all in black. “How do I look?”

Setting his other clothes aside you reached up to smooth the lines of his shoulders. “Looks like you’ve got a hot date.” Which was ridiculous, if the two of you were really intent on keeping this a secret (that you thought no one was buying at this point), going out to dinner together after a hugely televised event was the worst thing to do.

But he had asked, and so…

“Yeah. I do.”

Damn him.

Leaning up on tiptoe, you grounded yourself with your palms on his shoulders, risking a short but satisfying kiss. At this point it was clear the two of you were playing it fast and loose. It was rare you’d appear at any event without one another, and while it was easy to say it was just because you were his assistant and kept his life together…

Part of you wanted to announce it. To have it known.

But the other part was terrified.

A knock at the door broke the two of you apart and you went to gather his things. Happy poked his head in. “Ready to go?”

“Already?” There was no way things were quiet outside yet.

But Tony grabbed your free hand. “Yeah, let’s hit it.” And at your disapproving look, “ _ What _ ? They’re gonna hang out there all night anyway. Might as well just brave the frenzy and be free.” 

Frenzy was right. Out of the safety of the back stage, hundreds of voices called out as Happy tried to get the two of you through crazed people all pulling and pushing for a piece of Tony. Women and men alike trying to whisper to him, phone and hotel numbers all the same. But he did stop briefly to sign a few autographs for some kids waiting on the stairs. Say a few passing hellos to some fellow developers and celebrities…

It felt endless. And you really would have liked to have waited so as to not be bombarded with all of it. But in moments the thick air of the night greeted you outside, and the noises died to a hush as the doors closed behind you, security keeping people from crossing out after.

“I brought the new model up.” The R8 Spyder. _Brand new_, in fact, at Tony’s request that it be here. Flashy for his own sake, and you’d noticed a growing trend of him getting attached to that particular model. Sleek, silver, and convertible. Perfect for a night out on the town in this muggy weather.

“Beautiful. She come with it?” Finally out of your thoughts once you heard him ask this, you saw a woman leaning against the car.

Very quickly you were thrust into full alert, dropping his hand and stepping forward. You tried not to let the thrum of  _ amused pride _ wafting from Tony get the better of you. “Can I help you?” Why had security let her out here? Why had they let her wait? 

“I’m hoping so.” She pushed away from the car to come a few steps closer, papers tucked under her arm. 

“You got a name?” Tony seemed entirely nonchalant about the whole thing.

“Marshall.” Happy moved around her as she answered, opening the top of the car and taking the rest of Tony’s clothes from you to stow them in the trunk. Clearly he was just as unbothered.

“Irish. I like it.” All charm. It kind of bugged you. Tony was still _very_ used to getting cozy with all sorts. 

“I don’t. What do you want?” After all, if this was some sort of corporate nonsense, maybe someone mad they were kicked off the guest list, it was your job to handle it.

“I want to give him something.” Voice soft. But you weren’t buying it.

“I’m on the wheel.” Tony stepped aside the scuffle to get into the driver’s seat. He was intent on leaving, it seemed, so you got into the passenger side with him. Happy went around, rethinking getting into his car, standing by to see what would come of this. Tony looked up at her again. “What are you giving me?”

“A subpoena.” Holding the paper out to him.

Dread struck through you as Tony made a face. “ _ Yikes. _ ”

You bristled. “For what?”

“If he would just take it-”

“I don’t like being handed things.” Adamant. As if it would help the situation.

You reached up to yank it from her, reading over the top words as she spoke them aloud. “You are hereby ordered to appear before the Senate Armed Services Committee tomorrow morning at 9 A.M.”

“You can’t serve subpoenas for a court date that’s twelve hours from now- _in __a different__ state_.” Glaring up at her. No. This was absolutely not happening. They couldn’t just bully Tony to come to a senate hearing.

“He can take the suit.” Playing coy. If that was really their angle, it would have mitigated the legality of _sufficient time_ for him to get there. 

Tony looked up at her. “Can I see a badge?” Of course. You should have asked for the same thing. Now he was doing your job for you.

She just smiled. “You wanna see the badge?” Reaching into her pocket she got it out, waving it in front of him. “You like it?”

“Not as much as I thought I would.”

You just put your hand to your head, a sigh escaping. Turning to look up at Happy who had come to your side of the car. “How long would it take to get from here to DC?”

He made a noise of thought and then shrugged. “About 250 miles... Four hours and change.”

“Still time for dinner, then.” Tony said suddenly, revving the engine to a start and pulling out in a sudden screech of wheels.

Hurriedly you pulled your seat belt on  as wind whipped around you. Taking out your phone was the next step. “I’ll make some calls-” Who could you call? A lawyer, first of all. There was no way the government was just going to drop a surprise like this on you without complete and total recourse.  Then maybe… Coulson?

His hand came up over yours, pushing your cell down. “Let’s eat. Then make some reservations somewhere in DC.”

“And drive all night?” You tried to keep above upset.

“If we put this off now, they’re just gonna keep coming. And, besides, if I don’t show up they’ll start calling me a delinquent.” It was hard to tell if he was taking this seriously or not.

But he did have a point. This wasn’t as much of a surprise as it was a shock. Those senate members had been on TV for months now pissing and moaning about Iron Man. ...maybe some of them had a point, but you would keep that to yourself. You’d even combated with more news anchors than you would have liked, defending Tony’s name. Iron Man’s name.

You had just been sort of hoping that would be all it was. And that they wouldn’t do something like this. Because the next step, probably, was breaking down the door to the lab and seizing the suits. And you really wouldn’t know what to do then.

“Relax. Don’t let them get you angry. That’s what they want.” It wouldn’t prove useful to show up to a hearing in a huff, that was for sure. It would only be broadcast on every news station for the next few days how you let your emotions get the better of you in defense of your vigilante boss. You could see the headlines now. “We don’t have time to put this off, so we’ll deal with it now and then go about our lives.” 

Just be easier to get it done now, he was saying. You guessed he was mostly right… And if he was intent on doing it anyway, there was nothing you could do to stop him. You ended up shaking your head. “Alright. I’ll do some research on the drive up. Try and see what they’ve got.” It was extremely obvious they were going to argue with him about whether or not Iron Man was a weapon, and for that reason that a private citizen should not own it. But they must have had something that finally pushed them to this point.

His hand moved to give your leg a squeeze. “I said relax. You’ve been busting your ass for this Expo and I don’t need you overworking yourself now that it’s over.”

At this you really couldn’t hold back a roll of your eyes. “Work still goes on Tony. If it wasn’t this, it was something else.”

“But it doesn’t have to be this _and_ something else.” Being pedantic at this point. 

Leaning over, you rested your head against his arm. That was just it, though. “There’s  _ always _ more.” No end in sight. Tired, you closed your eyes. 

“Yeah.” His voice was a million miles away.

* * *

Tony had gone out for food which both annoyed you and was equally fine. After deciding it was just easier to make the drive now, you’d ended up canceling the dinner reservations and going home to pack an overnight bag. A little under four hours of driving time as the roads were mostly clear- and Tony had a huge problem with obeying the speed limit. Something you could hardly fault him for since he was used to going hundreds of miles an hour most days. He was otherwise a safe driver- and your mind was elsewhere, anyway.

You’d gotten a hotel room at 1:30 in the morning, trying to ignore the gushing front desk staff. Also trying to ignore their stares when you requested the suite with one bed. Easier, right? Let them talk. You’d stopped caring very recently. The media was more concerned with Tony’s activities as a superhero rather than that he was spotted everywhere with you. And booking one-bed hotel rooms with you.

The first thing once you got upstairs was offering to just call room service. But he seemed oddly buzzing with energy, not wanting to sit for a moment. You just chalked it up to the fact that he was going to be berated and questioned for hours tomorrow by the biggest assholes in the country. There would probably be no sleep tonight.

So he’d said he was going to go out for a drive and go get food. And then he was gone.

You were in your PJs, cross-legged on the overly large bed with your laptop open when he came back. “Are you still working? I told you to cut that out.”

Looking up from your screen, you spotted the three brown bags he had in hand as he approached. “...did you bring back Burger King?” _Of course_ he had. You should have gone with him. 

“Only thing open.” For one reason or another you doubted this. But it didn’t really matter in the end. He came to sit on the side of the bed, dumping the first bag’s contents out. Burgers. Lots of them. Immediately he started unwrapping one and took a huge bite. “You gonna put that away or am I gonna have to take it from you?” 

You couldn’t help the laugh. “Now you’re starting to sound like me.”

“All things considered, not the worst thing in the world.” The burger was already gone. His hand came up to shut the lid of your laptop. “I’m serious. Eat something. Please.” 

A t this point you were too tired to fight. You were also sure you’d found everything you were going to find. So going into the second bag you pulled a chicken sandwich out and took a few bites. “So…  Justin  Hammer is here.” 

“_Here_? We’ll have to get a different hotel.” Offended at the very thought. 

You grinned. “I don’t know if  _here, _ here. But he’s in the area. It’s likely they’re going to pull him as an expert.” 

Tony scoffed. “An expert at what? Failure? Brown nosing?”

“Weapons.” Despite how true it all was, you tried to keep on task. “He’s on their payroll.” Having picked up a very nice weapons contract after Tony had pulled out. Memories of him bothering you in that airport bar touched the back of your brain. 

“And he never even sent us a Christmas card for that.” Wonderful gift that it had been. “God knows he never would have secured it on his own.”

“You have _no_ idea.” Breathing out a tired sigh just as you finished up your sandwich. 

He raised a brow, starting in on his third burger. “Enlighten me.”

Now was  _not_ a very good time for this. But now there’d be no getting out of it. And so… “When you first announced to the world you were pulling out of weapons, he stalked me to an airport bar and asked me to give him abandoned schematics.” 

“You-...” Tony seemed shocked. “You’ve _got_ to be kidding me.” But very quickly he was shaking his head with a big smile. “And here I thought I knew the bottom to his well of shame. You were holding out on me.” Waggling his finger your way.

“He insisted we were old friends and took issue with me questioning his sanity over it.” You unwrapped another sandwich, sharing a much needed laugh. 

“Unbelievable. You really should have told me he was following you around, though. Could have given Happy an excuse to put him on the floor.” Going in to the last bag, he pulled two bottles of water.

One which you accepted gratefully as it was handed to you. “ _Please_ .” Offended. “I could snap Justin Hammer over my knee.” 

“Yes you could. I’d love to see it, too.” A little raise of his brows in enjoyment of the implication. 

“_No_.” You chastised. “I’m not going to assault Justin tomorrow.” 

“Come on. Just a little light assault? We could all use a laugh. He’ll probably thank you for the opportunity.”

You were giggling still as you leaned forward to rest your head at the back of his shoulder. “I can’t believe Iron Man is asking me to attack an innocent bystander.”

“Correction.” He held up a finger. “Tony Stark is asking his girlfriend to provide some entertainment at the world’s largest jackass’ expense.”

A fuzz of warmth settled in your chest. “Well Tony Stark’s girlfriend is politely refusing to go to jail tomorrow.”

He sighed. “Oh  _alright_ . Fine.” You tilted your head up to look at him. “ _I’ll_ go to jail for assault tomorrow.” 

Giggling still, especially as he laughed when you gave his shoulder a shove with your head, “No one is going to jail tomorrow.”

Sitting back on the bed more fully, he put an arm around you. “Good thing. I don’t do so well in captivity.”

Your hand came up to rest over his chest. “Don’t I know it.” It would have been nice to let the air settle. Maybe offer to go to bed. But there was one more thing… “Tony...”

“That sounds like bad news. Let’s wait until after the hearing tomorrow.” Sarcastic, knowing it was exactly about that.

As much as you would have liked to not do this, “Rhodey compiled a report at the Senate’s request.”

Tony’s voice was far away when he answered, “He did, huh?”

“I can’t see it right now, it’s sealed from the public. But I’m sure it’s as fair as he could make it.” Being asked to do it, there would be no way for Rhodey to say no without jeopardizing himself. You had to believe in the best for him. “I think because of all this they’re going to make the case you shouldn’t have the suit.” They were going to try very hard. “I mean- not that you couldn’t have figured that out.” Backing out of any credit here. This had been a hot topic for months. It was _obvious_ that’s what the hearing was about. 

He gave you a little squeeze. “I’m not going in there completely blind, at least.”  Then he shrugged, easing out a deep breath. “Better to get this over with now. Maybe they’ll stop bugging you on TV about it.” 

You smiled softly. “If I’m lucky.”

“I’d say you’re not doing half bad.” 

“Me either. And just for the record, rebuffing news anchors on your behalf is one of the easier parts of my job. Wouldn’t change it for the world.” Defending him wasn’t always easy, it never had been. Before all this or after. “I’d do it every day, if I had to.” As long as it meant something.

He was quiet for much longer than you expected. “You won’t.” Dwelling on that, perhaps.

Just a tiny, teeny tiny, sliver of  _unease_ settled. “Got big plans to tell everyone off tomorrow?  Just please at least  _try_ to be professional. ” He must have just been thinking it over. It was going to be a tough day. 

“I’ll do my best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go here we go! Thanks as always for reading! And if you're still enjoying, don't forget to leave a comment!


	21. Chapter 21 [22%]

Between the anxiety and mounting tension of what tomorrow would bring, sleep was barely had. It felt like as soon as you closed your eyes, the alarm was going off and a million more things needed to be attended to. On top of trying to prepare and get through this hearing, you were trying to keep things afloat back at Stark Industries. It was getting tougher every day. With the Expo set to run for the year, it was supposed to have been an easy thing to slide back into meetings and projections and signatures and appearances.

Yet you felt like you were drowning just a little bit more every day. Not helped by… well. _This_. And the Iron Man thing. But Stark Industries was very much an _Iron Man thing _now.

Where had you heard something similar…

Happy came with freshly dry cleaned suits for the both of you. You felt like it was smarter to present in front of the Senate and all the news networks as the sharp business woman you were. And that you were becoming, more so every day. You’d had more face-to-face time for the company than Tony may have ever had in his entire life at this point. Which had been your initial job, but now…

Now it felt like you were running a ship without a captain. There was only so much you could do. At the end of the day you needed him. Stark Industries needed him. He seemed to be slowly forgetting that. And it made your life that much harder.

Finishing your hair in a slicked back ponytail and amending the buttons on your jacket, you turned to see Tony downing another bottle of that green stuff. He’d been short with Happy when he’d forgotten it bringing the clothes. His nerves were really frayed, and you tried to not let that get to you, sliding up a wall you didn’t want to be there. You just didn’t have the energy for it right now.

Once finished dressing yourself, you turned to find him struggling. His hands were shaking slightly as he tried to slip his tie over into what should have been an easy knot. Of course there was no way to ignore it, to let him continue to struggle.

Moving over you gently stayed his hands, leading them down, and then set to straightening the fabric of its distressed wrinkles that he’d provoked before working quickly. “You scared of these guys?” It was unlike him, to be _this _nervous. “No matter what happens today, they’re not getting your property.” You’d fight off the entire United States for him if you had to.

“Running on… what is it now. Five hours of sleep in a week? That’s about average, I think. I’m fine.” He very clearly was _not_ fine, but there’d be no addressing it until the both of you could get home and figure out your actual next steps in life. You’d love to confine Tony to his bedroom for a full day’s worth of sleep. An actual meal. Just let him relax.

But life never seemed to work that way. Even after this you weren’t sure you could let him slip away for that much time, no matter how much it pained you to think of inconveniencing him further. And other than that, you knew once he got home he’d be back to working on Iron Man stuff.

“Sure you are.” Tugging the knot of his tie up to settle it, you then moved on to his pocket square. Both lovely gold pieces with flecks of lavender. Your choosing. “In that case, I’m starting to think you just like it when I dress you.”

“I’d never say no to your hands.” Head tipping down, suggestion clear in his tone.

You just rolled your eyes lovingly. “Mm hmm.” Giving his suit jacket a little tug at the lapels for good measure. “Come on. Let’s get going.”

“Yes, honey.” Slipping his sunglasses on.

Reporters were at the ready the second you stepped off the elevator in the lobby. Happy did a pretty good job of mitigating most of the crowd, but that didn’t stop the onslaught of flash bulbs and loud questions. Screams of Tony’s name.

Several other security guards stood on post as you exited and were led up to the car. People were really charged up about this. Funny how everyone seemed to know it was going on today except you and Tony until last night. _Very funny. _

It was the same after the very short drive up to the Capitol. Security was much tighter here, and the crowds seemed segregated. To the left, media reporters and every fan girl within a fifty mile radius holding up signs asking to be noticed. To the right, protesters that were pretty sure Iron Man was ruining the country. Despite them being roped off, the things they were shouting and how heavy they were hitting the lines disturbed you. You hoped it was more for show than anything.

The meeting was set to start almost immediately once the two of you entered the building, and you were escorted up to the front table where Tony sat down casually as ever and you sat beside him, pouring yourself a glass of water already. Up on the bench several male senators with several disgruntled faces. The crowd was buzzing with excitement inside the room, sizing down into hushed murmurs as a gavel sounded and the meeting was called to order.

Lots of introductions. Lots of grandiose aisle gesturing. If this was all this hearing was chalked up to be, it would be a piece of cake. Senator Stern was leading the hearing, also no surprise. It was lucky you’d perfected a stoic face by now, otherwise you’d have been rolling your eyes and making exasperated noises the whole time. No one wanted Tony’s demise more than him. This had been a long time coming. And he was only entirely delighted to have him there at his mercy.

_You_ however, were bothering him. That had slipped through to you despite your steel. And that was not good. He was leaking frustration every time you so much as lifted a finger. An hour into nothing- and no room for either of you to speak- you poured Tony a glass of water and that was enough for him. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to call for the removal of _your secretary_ from the table.” 

“Excuse me?” Making an early mistake by reacting in such a fashion. It was what he wanted and you gave it to him. Clicks of camera flashes went off. You had to remind yourself where you were. Who was watching.

“This is a senate hearing over the nature of the Iron Man weapon. It’s not fitting for you to be sitting there like you have any idea what we’re talking about. You’re not part of this.”

“Hey, if you’re excusing her, can I go, too?” Tony took control, gathering a low chuckle from the seats behind.

“You know very well that you can’t, Mr. Stark, and why you’re here.”

“Do I? All we’ve done for the past fifty minutes is listen to you go on about yourself and your thoughts. We might as well call this a book club for your journal.” As the senator tried to speak up, Tony raised his hand and leaned into the mic. “I just want it on record I did _not_ do the required reading.” Another crowd laugh. 

Stern bristled. “Mr. Stark you will keep on task and get your  _secretary_ out of here.” 

This was likely to go on forever if you didn’t stop the two of them. It was disgusting, though, that you had to let him have this one. If you fought it would be bad for optics. Both the company’s and your own. “If it keeps things moving, I’ll get up.”  With that you pushed from your chair only to walk around to sit directly behind Tony. 

“There she’s roughly one foot further back from you.”

“Mr. Stark-”

“Wait now I have to ask her something.” Tony turned away to look back at you, coy little grin in place. “Can you see?”

“Maybe if you moved over just a little.” This was not a good time to pretend like you didn’t care about these senators or what they had to say. But you couldn’t help but get caught up in the crowd still laughing at the antics.

Tony slid his chair over a few inches to the right. “Better?”

Stern was starting to yell into his mic. You nodded. “Much.” And then with a wave of your hand, “Go on. Pay attention.”

“_Mr. Stark **please**_.”

He sat forward again. “Yes, dear.” This might as well have been a stand-up set with the way Tony was controlling the continual amusement of the crowd.

“Can I have your attention now?” Stern set his hands together, trying to appear calm.

“Absolutely.”

“Do you or do you not have a specialized weapon?” You were glad that you getting off the table finally got this going somewhere. If they’d just started with this maybe you could have been on your way home now.

“I do not.” Sure and simple.

“You do not?”

“I do not. -well, it depends on how you define the word weapon.”

“The Iron Man _weapon_.” You hoped Tony wasn’t going to let Stern keep using that word. It would be in sound bytes for the next month. On everyone’s mind. 

“My device does not fit that description.” And just like that you breathed a sigh of relief. There had been no use to worrying about today.

Stern gestured vaguely. “Well then ho- how would you describe it?”

Tony leaned half in, arm over the table. “I would describe it by defining it as what it is, senator.”

“...as?”

“Uh- it’s a- hmn.” Half shake of his head for a split second as he connected the thoughts. “It’s a high tech prosthesis.” Another spill of laughter from around you. You tried not to make a face. This was a new one. “Uh- that’s actually the most apt description I could make of it.” You’d be questioned about this for a long time. Maybe you really should have done a dry run with him before coming in here today. He needed to be careful. Precise. Instead he was very much putting on a _show_.

“It’s a _weapon. It’s a weapon_, Mr. Stark.” Stern’s techniques leaved a lot to be desired, but only because you could see right thought them. If he said it enough, it would make it true, right? ...even if it was _technically_ true. 

“_Please_. If your priority was actually the well being of American citizens-” Tony seemed ruffled. 

Stern spoke quickly and much louder to cull him. “My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America.”

“Well, you can forget it.” A small quiet took the room as he commanded it. “I am Iron Man.” Camera flashes went off. “The suit and I are one. So to turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself which is tantamount to indentured servitude. Or prostitution depending on what state you’re in. Can’t have it.”

That speech had started off so very well. And then immediately he went back to treating this like the joke it was. A shame. You might have had a mind to smack his leg under the table to keep him from ruining such a poignant moment- if you hadn’t been forcefully removed from his side.

Stern fumbled. “Look. I- I’m no… no expert-”

“In prostitution? Of course not. You’re a senator! Come on!” His hand came down on the table and he looked behind to grin at the crowd. The dog and pony show he was putting on for them, peace sign lifted in the air. But his eyes came back to you.

And caught the dry look on your face.  _ No?  _ Asked with a little shake of his head  and a raise of his brows.

You returned the gesture.  _ **No.** _

He needed to focus.

Stern had been babbling about something, you only caught the back half of it. “-expert on weapons. I’d like to call Justin Hammer.”

Tony couldn’t bite back the pained look on his face. To be fair, neither could you. Though you suspected what the media would print would look more like absolute annoyance. Because it was. It was no surprise to see him here, knowing he was coming. But that didn’t make it any more pleasant to sit through. Justin moved to come and sit at the table.

“Let the record reflect that I’ve observed Mr. Hammer entering the chamber, and I am wondering if and when any _actual_ expert will also be in attendance.” You had to turn your head down as Tony spoke because you didn’t want to appear to gleeful at such sarcasm. You had to pretend to respect your colleagues after all. In public anyway. 

Justin laughed in that wea selly way of his. “Absolutely… I’m no expert. I defer to you, Anthony. You’re the wonder-boy.”  Tony just stared him down before looking away. Not worth anyone’s time, really. This whole thing had become a farce just by having Hammer here. “Senator, if I may. I may well not be an expert.” He got up from the table, taking the microphone with him. “But you know who was  _ the  _ expert? Your dad! Howard Stark. Really a father to us all. To the military.” 

Was no one going to put a stop to this? Everyone in this room was just going to let Justin Hammer babble on about garbage? Tony was shifting in annoyance. It would have been nice to reach out and put a soothing hand on his shoulder. What trying times these were.

“-and to the military industrial age.” Justin propped himself with an elbow on his brief case sitting on the table, hand in his pocket. Playing at what you assumed was suave and in control. “Let’s just be clear, he was no flower child. He was a lion.” Tony sat back finally, side of his hand to his mouth. _Annoyed_. Just purely _**annoyed**_. You felt it. Or maybe it was just you. “We all know why we’re here. In the last six months Anthony Stark has created a sword with untold possibilities. And yet he insists it’s a shield. He asks us to trust him as we cower behind it. I wish I was comforted, Anthony. I really do. I’d love to leave my door unlocked when I leave the house. But this ain’t Canada.”

_Seriously was no one going to shut this goblin up?_

“You know we live in a world with grave threats. Threats Mr. Stark will not always be able to foresee. Thank you. God bless America. God bless Iron Man.” A smattering of weak applause for his efforts.

“Oh _thank god_ alright.” _It was finally over_. You said this, as quietly under your breath as you could, and spied the half smile from Tony. 

“The committee would now like to invite Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes to the chamber.”

“Rhodey?” Despite knowing he had a report on the docket, both you and Tony experienced simultaneous shock that he was actually here to deliver it. Then again… that did make sense. It would be better if he were there to speak to his own words. Not let them get muddled under government lean. 

Tony had stood to greet him down the aisle with a shake of hands and some exchanged words. You stayed seated, scared that if you got up Stern might have a heart attack. But you waved at him and he gave you a nod in return before he came back through the gate to sit down.

Stern was trying to talk over the crowd and the rush of cameras again and you tuned back in. “-a complete report on the Iron Man weapon, complied by Rhodes. And Colonel for the record, can you please read page 57, paragraph 4?”

Oh no.

This was very suddenly not going well. The only reason a senator would ask for such specifics is because it fit their narrative. All of Rhodey’s carefully balanced words, something you earlier assumed would be there, would be lost in a sound clip that was probably terrible.

“...you’re requesting that I read specific selections from my report, Senator?” At least he was just as upset about it.

“Yes, sir.”

You watched as Tony slid back in his chair, hand to his chin. Just  _ watching _ .  Rhodey’s frustrations had begun.  “It was my understanding that I was going to be testifying in a more comprehensive and detailed manner.” 

“I understand. A lot of things have changed today-”

“You do understand-”

“Just read it-”

“-that reading a single paragraph out of context does not reflect the summary of my findings-”

“-just read it Colonel. I do. Thank you.”

No finer way to tell someone they were no longer in control of their own work. No better way to tell someone you had power over them. This was a circus. You’d expected something like it but not on this level.

Rhodey sighed and you felt the  _ disappointment _ . “...as he does not operate under any definable branch of government… Iron Man presents a potential threat to the security of both the nation and her interests.” 

What Rhodey had been feeling was nothing compared to the bitter rain of  _ discontent _ coming from Tony. To know that Rhodey had been writing this. Hadn’t asked either of you anything. You were sure there was more in that report. And that he’d done his best to be fair. 

But hearing it like this…

“I did however go on to summarize that the benefits of Iron Man far outweigh the liabilities-”

“Alright alright-”

“-and that it would be in our interest to-”

“That’s enough, Colonel!”

“-to fold Mr. Stark into the existing chain of command-”

“That’s enough!”

Tony suddenly leaned forward. “I’m not a joiner, but I’ll consider Secretary of Defense. If you ask nice. We can amend the hours a little bit.” Quickly switching over to continue joking like none of this bothered him.

Stern cleared his throat and seemed unperturbed. This was bad. Because it meant he had something else up his sleeve. “I’d like to go on and show, if I may, the imagery that’s connected to your report.”

“I believe it is somewhat premature to reveal these images to the general public at this time.” And then things went from bad to worse. _Images_? What images? What did they have? 

“Believe me, Colonel, I understand- and if you could just narrate those for us we’d be very grateful.”

You really,  _ really _ hoped that after all of this you had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Stern in a dark back alley somewhere. Because he deserved so much more than he was ever going to get. What a disgrace. 

It felt like the three of you shared a sigh as Rhodey gestured up to the TV in the corner. A grainy surveillance picture popped on screen. “Intelligence suggests that the devices seen in these photos are in fact attempts at making manned copies of Mr. Stark’s suit.”

Tony sat back very suddenly, knee up, phone in hand. You leaned over, scrunch of your brows. Could SHIELD testify? You doubted it. But you wondered. Coulson had said no one was close- then again, he’d only been listening to Obi’s murderous intent. Were they looking at other possibilities? Obi, you’d learned, had only been able to power and run his suit because of the stolen schematics of Tony’s prototype- and then the stolen Arc Reactor.

Was it possible anyone else was even near the level of Iron Man? The thought was chilling. Why wouldn’t Fury have said anything, if that were true? Surely you could have put a stop to it.

“This has been corroborated by our allies and local intelligence on the ground indicating that these suits are… uh… quite possibly at this moment operational.”

Tony sat forward in his seat again, phone up, and you could see his documents on the front screen. “Hold on a second buddy. Let me see.” Activating a program as he aimed it at the TV. A coded window popped up and you recognized the instant access program as it welcomed him, running his data. What was he up to? “I’ve commandeered your screens. I’m gonna need them.”

The crowd was alight in murmurs. It had taken you a couple hours to confirm even the existence of Hammer and Rhodey’s report. Yet you felt like Tony was about to blow you out of the water. Maybe he had been right. Why even bother, then?

“Time for a little transparency. Let’s see what’s really going on. If you’ll direct your attention to said screens-” He swiped across his phone. “I believe that’s North Korea.” A video came on screen of a giant monstrous mech, not humanoid in the slightest. Overbearing, top heavy. _Filled_ to the brim with guns. What a terrible design. It took a few steps forward before toppling over, accidental fire spraying out into surrounding area.

You turned away, feeling a flash of heat. It had been so much different when you were sitting behind a screen barely helping. Out of the action of Iron Man activities. This… this was reminding you too much of what you’d been through that night at the labs.

Stern was quickly crying for something to be done- “Turn it off, take it down!” And as you looked up, Justin was out of his seat at the TV pulling wires.

“Iran.” Tony continued, changing shots. A suit seemed to be in the middle of an explosion, falling from the sky. “No grave immediate threat here… is that Justin Hammer? How did Hammer get here?”

You were surprised at your own surprise as a video of a Hammer tech trials came to life. The suit was primitive compared to Tony’s, no shock there. Stuck to wires. Unable to power it without an attachment. Justin was directing the pilot inside, lifting his leg and then- “Turn to the  right !” Twisting his body. 

The entire suit swiveled around and there was a  sickening  crack  of bones followed by a scream . You looked away again.  The voices in the room were growing out of control. Justin was cursing on screen until finally the noise from the TV died as he pulled the plug. 

“Wow. Yeah.” Tony, thoroughly amused. “I’d say most countries ten years away. Hammer Industries, twenty.”

Justin yanked the microphone off the table. “I’d like to point out that that test pilot survived.”

Senator Stern was on his feet. “I think we’re done is the point that he’s making.”

“Point is, uh, you’re welcome. I guess?” Tony, casual as ever, leaning on the table.

“For what.”

“Because. I’m your nuclear deterrent. It’s working. We’re safe. America is secure. You want my property? _You can’t have it!_” Hand coming down on the table with each word. “But I did ya a big favor!” Then, standing, “I have successfully privatized world peace.” And up the peace signs went. 

You stood, too, ready to be out of here. Not sure if this was a victory or not. The hearing hadn’t gone their way, so that was all well and good. The crowd was cheering for him, all applause and shouts. But this…

Tony stepped into them. “What more do you want?” Voice raised above the clamor. “I tried to play ball with these ass clowns!” You weren’t sure you heard him say that correctly above everyone else.

_   
Ass clowns _ ?

But the shock showed on your face as Stern leaned into his mic, “Fuck you, Mr. Stark! Fuck you, buddy.”

If this had been a circus before, it was a zoo now. And you were utterly, entirely embarrassed. As Stern called for adjournment, Tony went to the table to collect his sunglasses and you turned to leave. You couldn’t stomach any more of this.

You walked past the  rush of the crowd moving in to shake Tony’s hand and the cameras at the end of the aisle. “My bond is with the people!” His voice got lost as the doors closed behind you.  Outside of the crush you finally drew a breath. 

It would have been foolish to believe that after witnessing how powerful the Iron Man suit was that people wouldn’t try to replicate it. You already knew that to be true. More so than anyone else in that room other than Tony. But it had only been six months since then. Since that night. People had walking machines. Sure they were clunky and of use to no one, hooked up to wires with no viable power source otherwise…

“Hey, _secretary_.” A deadly glare turned Justin Hammer’s way and his hands shot up immediately. “Hey, whoa- I’m just- I was kidding. _Obviously_.” 

“Who do you think you are?”

“Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for the nonsense in there.” You had no idea what he was up to. That was probably the worst thing about him. He was so inept you couldn’t calculate what dumb plans he had.

“You have absolutely no shame. You know that? What- are you going to ask me for Iron Man schematics this time?” Turning to face him in full. Unafraid. He was the _last_ person on earth you’d ever be afraid of. 

He huffed out an indignant noise, crossing his arms. “You know, I seem to remember delivering on that deal and yet I turned out the one empty handed.”

You weren’t going to let yourself get caught in this trap. Especially not  _ here _ . “Tony got ahead of it.”

“Oh you have _no_ idea.” There was something cruel in his tone, but you ignored it. Easy to do when he reached out with the courage of a dead man as he laid a hand on your shoulder. “Look, what I wanted to say is, I’d have never let them treat you like that.” 

Standing stock still you glared. “You were half the reason we were here in the first place. How long were you on your knees for Stern to give you this position? Five minutes? I imagine he can’t last that long.”

“Word is you’re busting your ass for Stark Industries while he’s sitting in his basement playing with toys.” _Still_. Unbelievably _still_ barking up this tree. How stupid could one man be? 

“_Toys_ you so desperately want to get your hands on.” 

“I just got done saying you can’t have them.” Tony was out of the hearing room, on the approach. He tilted his head down to look over the top of his sunglasses. “And if I have to state the obvious one more time, I’m gonna start billing by the word.” Squint directed at the hand still on you. _You can’t have **her**, either_.

Justin pulled back immediately like he’d been burned. “No, no. Of course not, Anthony. I’d never dream of stepping on your territory.”

You turned in to him, “Listen here, you little  _ **rat** _ , you can’t be two faced to two people  _ at the same time _ . And if you insinuate I’m somebody else’s  _ property _ one more time I’m going to  _ snap you over my knee _ .”  Threat easy as you’d made it not too long ago  in private .

The quick horror on his face may have been funny at any other time. You were absolutely done with today and just about everyone in this building. His hands came up in defense like you really might do it. And he was very terrified of that fact. “Hey- we’re all friends here-”

“_**Go away**_.” Just below shouting, demanding it nonetheless.

He seemed completely flabbergasted. “I’m- yeah well- I have a meeting anyway-”

“**GO**.” You startled him into turning around abruptly and trying to pretend like he wasn’t running away. His quick footed half-jogging looked absolutely ridiculous.

Tony was barely stifling his laughter, as was Rhodey who had also seemed to appear out of nowhere. “Holy shit.  Why isn’t she the head of your security?” 

“Tempting.”

You had to take a  _ big _ breath so as to not spill your mounting ire- headache storming in very suddenly- all over the two of them. “I’m gonna take a plane home.” 

“I’ll call for the jet.” Tony’s amusement dying down quickly, sensing you were at your absolute limit. No time to joke anymore.

Rhodey signaled his disappointment with a drop of his shoulders and a sad smile. “I was hoping we could grab something to eat.”

Even with people leaking out of the courtroom in a steady stream, Tony reached out to put a hand at your arm. Relieving in one way or another. “Go get some rest back at the hotel. Happy will drive you back and stay with you. It’s gonna take them a little while to fuel up anyway. I’ll come get you when they’re here.”

You weren’t sure you could sleep right now, but it sounded like bliss to just be in a quiet room for a bit. So you nodded. “Yeah, alright.” Reaching up, you gave his hand a soft squeeze and then turned to leave.

Behind you as you walked away, you heard their continued conversation.

“_Hey man, are you and she..._” 

And then walked a little more briskly to get out of earshot. You didn’t want to hear what he would say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's always a tiresome day when you have to deal with ass clowns in congress!!!


	22. Chapter 22 [24%]

Four days. It had only been four days since the senate hearing. But with the way things were in disarray, it felt like it had been four years. You were _drowning_, and falling beneath the waves every other moment. If you walked out of your office for even ten minutes, the papers on top of it seemed to multiply.

Tony wasn’t helping matters. Despite things seeming to look up, stocks were booming after his little show on Capitol Hill, he really had no idea what was going on. He seemed manic these days, buzzing around the mansion talking to himself and JARVIS about a million upgrades and other things you had just started to tune out. He was barely in the office- which wasn’t unusual, but right now Stark Industries needed him. Badly. And he seemed more than ever to be completely disinterested in it.

Though you’d both gone to work together this morning, as he’d been literally forced to attend a shareholder’s meeting, something you knew he had no will to sit through, he was nowhere to be found by the afternoon.  _Gone home_ , they said. 

Your headaches had been getting worse. You felt like you were on the verge of collapse.

Head on your desk, there was a knock at the door, and you couldn’t even bother to hide your shame as someone you’d never seen before entered. Dressed smartly with her red hair slicked back in a ponytail, all doe eyes and nervous smile. You’d expected one of the top floor assistants, someone who knew what you were going through. But for this unknown woman, you forced yourself to sit up, hand to your head. “Yes?”

“Sorry to bother you.” She seemed kind but matter of fact.

“It’s fine. What can I do for you?” If she’d been let up here, that meant she was someone important or someone who belonged there regardless. There in your office as a brand new ache bloomed in your temples. 

She leaned in and reached out to offer her hand for a shake, the ends of her curly hair spilling over her shoulder. “My name is Natalie Rushman. I was just hired- Mrs. Arbogast is putting me to work first day on the job it seems.”

“Throwing you in head first. Stark Industries tradition.” Hiring was not something you generally concerned yourself with. “What department are you working for?”

“Legal.” This spelled _a whole lot of trouble_. You didn’t want to give the impression you had no idea what was going on but you assumed she must have thought that anyway, by the way she was smiling. “I just have some papers for you to sign.” 

“In regards to…?” Looking down as she slipped a folder on top of your desk. When you opened it your eyes glazed over the contents almost immediately. Only trying to pick out a few key details. “Art gallery?”

“Mr. Stark has generously donated the wing of his modern art collection. And while usually his signature would be enough, you have a co-ownership, so we need yours as well.”

Of course.  _Pepper_ . You’d assumed not only all her duties but all her  _things_ . She’d loved that art almost more than life itself sometimes. You remembered more than one gallery that she’d been excited to attend just so she could collect another piece. It really had nothing to do with you. You really didn’t care. But… 

“Donated to-...”

Just the absurdity of it all struck another lash of pain. It felt like your brain was being squeezed. Nobody was going to know why Tony had done this, so suddenly at that, except him. There was no use getting angry at this Natalie, and no use asking her why either. You sighed. “Fine. Here.” Scrawling a quick signature across it.

“Thank you.” She picked the folder back up, holding it to her chest. Half turning it seemed like she was going to leave so she could deposit that to her superior. Job well done. But before saying goodbye, “If you don’t mind me asking, are you okay?”

You really just felt like you might throw up.

“I’m fine. Thank you.”

This was a problem.

* * *

Happy asked you the same thing several times on the drive to the manor, only asserting the truth of the matter. You were a mess, and  _everyone_ could see it. It would probably be a good idea to take a day or two for mental health- maybe even physical. Something was clearly wrong. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d had this many headaches- some touching into migraines- clustered together. 

But there was no taking a day off. No breaks. Not with the way things were.

You walked down to the lab, brand new folder in arm full of brand new things for Tony to sign off on. It would have made your life so much easier if he’d just stayed at the office,  _like you’d asked him to_ , to help you. But no. Why would he do that? 

He looked up from his computer. The bright light of holographic clutter across the entire room only hurt your eyes all the more. “Do you not care at all?”

“What?” Asked flatly as he lifted a glass of that green juice up to drain its contents.

“What are you doing, Tony? What’s the matter with you?” Really the root of the situation you found yourself in. If not all of them.

He snapped the lab into literal attention, the second half of the room brightening all the more. “What’s the matter with me is I’m busy. And you’re angry.” Getting up from his desk he began to walk- away from you, you presumed, so you were quick to follow at his heel.

“I’m trying not to be but you’re making it hard.” Getting into _yet another argument_ about the _exact same thing_ you’d been trying to fight with him for months over was not going to help. Something had smacked loose in his brain, you were sure. You just had to screw it back in. “Why are you going around donating art collections to _The Boy Scouts of America_?” The entire thing was preposterous. 

“They’re a worthwhile organization.” Reaching forward he took one of his holographic schematics and crumpled it up, turning around to shoot it like a basketball overhead. All of this was nonsense. You felt like you were walking around in a dream.

“You couldn’t even tell me you were doing that?” Still trailing a few paces behind him. You felt weak.

He brushed random bits and pieces out of the air. This is what he’d been working on all this time? Brand new ways to fill the lab with junk? “It’s my collection- and I needed that as a tax write off.”

“And you were going to _tell me this _when?” Doubling down. He seemed to have so easily forgotten. His behavior had grown more and more erratic. 

Walking around the corner, he patted DUM-E on the back. “Stop spacing out, the bridgeport’s already machining that part.”

Taking him by the arm suddenly, you pulled him to a halt. “I  _know_ you don’t wanna have the conversation again about how you’re upsetting me, Tony. But you are. I need you to do work.”

“I’ve _been_ doing work.” Serious about this, yet still with a smile. 

“You’re not doing anything that helps me- that helps the company. I have contracts I need you to sign and- the Expo has more participants flooding in- it’s like you’re completely ignoring all of it-”

Turning away he kept walking and you let him go, but followed close. “There’s nothing more important to me than the Expo. It’s my primary point of concern.”

“Really? Because it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like you just pushed me into working myself to the bone to get all of it done and now that you had your little opening ceremony, you don’t care about the rest of it.”

“Wow, look at this.” Ignoring you _again_ to bend down and pick up a portrait of Iron Man. “Now this is art. This is going up.” 

He must have been absolutely out of his mind. You stayed there, letting him walk away **again**, shocked to your core. It was like you weren’t even there. You watched as he shoved a bunch of mugs off the mini-kitchen corner and scrambled up on top to throw the painting hung on the wall there aside and hang the other up.

Finally you found your feet, walking over slowly. Something was not right here. Was it you? Did you get hit in the head? “Tony...”

Jumping down from the counter he regarded you, “Are you gonna start talking about work again?”

The dam broke.  “ _Yes! _ Yes I’m going to start talking about work again! I need you to work, Tony! I need you to help me!” It wasn’t where you wanted to be, screaming at him, but you felt like you were delving into some sort of insanity. “You’ve put so many people on payroll and then abandoned them, waiting for me to clean up your mess. We’ve got the Wind Farm contracts on hold now and the Plastic Plantation-” 

“I don’t- I’ve stopped caring about that- it’s boring. I’m telling you, I can’t deal with that stuff anymore. _It’s boring me_.”

It was like he’d reached out and smacked you in the face. “ _Excuse me_ ?” Completely stunned. “It’s  _your_ company!” Tony had never been the best at being a company man,  and it had only gotten worse since everything had happened. But you’d never expected him to just say that. 

“No- no I’ve got a better idea. You do it.” Pointing lightly at you.

Your nose scrunched, brows knitting. “I’m at my limit, Tony. If you won’t help me run things-”

“No, _you_ run things-”

“I have been! But I can’t do it without your help!”

“You don’t need my help! Will you listen to me? I’m trying to-”

“I’ve had enough!” Your anger was boiling over. Something drastic must have happened between last week and now. He was acting like a completely different person. Like he forgot who you were. Who you were supposed to be _to him_. 

“Me, too! Listen- _listen-” _Still half talking over you, but hushed you to silence when he reached out to put his hands on your arms. “I’m trying to give you the company. Why won’t you let me?” 

The words that had been locked and loaded died and you were relegated to a wide eyed lost stare at him. “...what?”

_Panic._

Leaning in just a little bit more, you saw something strange in his eyes. “I hereby, irrevocably, appoint you chairman and CEO of Stark Industries. Effective immediately.” He breathed in, lips pressed together, looking away with a nod, rubbing his hands over your arms lightly. “Yeah. Done deal.” And then he stepped away.

It took you a long moment to break from your shock, but when you did you saw DUM-E rolling out with a plate in its arm, two long stemmed glasses there, chilled bucket on top, bottle of champagne waiting inside.  No no no… this was all wrong. 

“I’ve actually given this a fair amount of thought… believe it or not...” His voice went soft as he lifted the bottle up. “Trying to figure out who a worthy successor would be...” He worked the cage off the bottle and then popped the cork. “And then I realized...” He turned as the champagne came out in a gentle spray. His smile hurt the most. “It’s you. It’s always been you.”

He started filling the glasses as your knees went out, sending you to a quick sit on the couch luckily just nearby. You were still too stunned to speak. He came back over. “I thought there would be a legal issue but it turns out I’m uh… capable of appointing my successor.” Handing you the glass. “ My successor being you.” You sat there still and he waggled the glass at you. “Congratulations?” 

Out of pure muscle memory you took the glass from him. “Tony I don’t...”

“Don’t anything. Just drink.” Clinking his glass against yours even though you weren’t exactly meeting him in return.

“I don’t want this.”

His lips twitched before he took a gulp of champagne. “Yes you do.” And when you tried to speak again he reached out to put a hand on your leg. “Yes you do. You’ve done more work and more good for this company in your  six years of being here than I ever have just inheriting it. And now you won’t need me. I won’t be holding you up anymore.”  Your eyes came up, staring at him in soft disbelief. “I’ll uh… I’ll do this thing and you do your thing.” 

_Fear_ took hold of you.   
Your own?  
  
Why was he doing this? Really all for your benefit? “First you push the Expo up by six months- then you put on a show at the Senate- now you’re giving away all your art- and… and trying to give me your company?” 

A klaxon warning went off, almost quite literally, blinding you for a moment as you lifted your hand to your head. Tony finally seemed the appropriate amount of spooked. “Hey- are you alright? I didn’t wanna say anything- you look kinda pale. Maybe you should lie down.”

Willing yourself to just be able to get through this, you took a breath. You were glad that he waited patiently for you to speak again, but saw the dismay as you said, “I refuse.”

“You uh… what?” Brows lifted quickly. “Refuse to take a nap?”

“I refuse your offer. I’d like to stay right where I am.” You weren’t going to let him talk you into becoming the head of Stark Industries. You really weren’t sure if that’s what you wanted, if that’s what you’d planned for yourself. And even if it was somehow in your wildest dreams, it didn’t matter. It couldn’t happen like this.

“You… can’t do that.” Sitting back with a look of disbelief.

“Really, Tony? What are you going to do, force me to run the company?” Like it would have made any difference.

“You’re already running the company. I’m just getting in the way. I wanna focus elsewhere. This is good for you and me.” 

“You don’t get to tell me what’s good for me.” It came out a little harsher than you meant it. But your nerves were completely shot now.

He was frowning as he shifted yet again to sit forward and put a hand on your knee. “Is everything okay?”

“I should be asking _you_ that. What are you doing, Tony? You’re acting crazy. It’s starting to scare me.” He had become absolutely manic. Running at something- you had no idea what. He’d shut you out from it, and you hadn’t known that until just now. How much longer would you have been in the dark if he hadn’t done one more crazy spontaneous thing? You couldn’t solely run the company and keep an eye on him. It couldn’t be done. 

“I...” The word escaped on a breath and he seemed to wilt. You damned yourself for finding hope that he’d tell you the truth. “I was just trying to help the both of us.” Because that wasn’t it. You knew it for sure. 

Setting your glass down, you reached to take his hand in both of yours. “It’s not all or nothing. You can’t tell me you’re going stop  _going out_ and focus on the company one month and then decide that’s not working for you the next.” He was drifting. Becoming more and more  _just_ Iron Man. No Tony Stark. You worried. “I’ll co-CEO with you, for a while.”

Because no matter how much you wanted to resist, he  _was_ right. If you didn’t need to come back and forth to ask for his permission or get his insight into what things he wanted done next, yes. A lot more would get done. It would make your life substantially easier. 

But at what cost?

Not at the cost of  _him_ . You couldn’t look the other way on this. You couldn’t be that selfish. Something was wrong. And even if it was just him assimilating into Iron Man, then you couldn’t let him forget who he was. “Hm.” He at least seemed to be considering it. “What’s to say I agree to that and then won’t quit?” 

This sass provoked the smallest smile, unable to help yourself. “Because I know where you live. And I’ll kick your ass.”

“Both very true statements. Here.” Giving you your glass back. “Fine. Co-ownership. Until you decide to fire me for incompetence.”

Finally you gave him the actual cheers he so desperately seemed to want, touching your glass against his and taking a sip. “ We’ll see.” Doing the good work of emptying your glass so you could set it aside. Leaning closer in, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t shut me out, okay?” Something was still wrong. You could feel it. “We’re a team.” 

His arm came around your shoulders. “Couldn’t forget it if I tried.” 

* * *

_Before heading back to the office, you thought you might try your luck. Anything. Anything at all to be able to get some sort of clarity. Lingering in the doorway, watching Tony type endlessly at his computer, focused intensely- _

“_JARVIS.” You called for the AI watching all of this unfold. Always present. Always there. Tony’s best friend next to you and Rhodey. _

“_Yes, ma’am?” _

_Tony looked up very suddenly. Giving you quite the look. Confusion with an arch of his brow, but followed swiftly by a narrow of his eyes. _

“_Is there something wrong with Tony?” _

_A long pause took hold over the entire room. But then… “Where would you like me to start, ma’am? It’s a very long list. We’ll likely be here for two hours at least.” _

_He breathed out a noise of amusement, ducking his head back to his computer. “Four if you wanna start from birth. Don’t you have a meeting in twenty minutes? We’ll have to have the round-table feelings session another time.” _

_You heaved a dramatically heavy sigh. “It was worth a shot.” Leaving finally, hearing only the barest of dark mumbling before the lab door sealed shut behind you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big things are happening! Welcome the totally not suspect at all Natalie Rushman. Isn't she just a darling? And yes... Tony's serving up some big heaping helpings of RED FLAGS. Just throwing red flags everywhere. Thankfully, Ms. INY is perceptive... and unwilling to just give in and let him drown completely... she'll get to the bottom of it! ...hopefully.


	23. Chapter 23 [34%]

The last thing you needed right now was for the public to get a hold of the thrilling story of how Tony’s very newly appointed personal assistant (regardless of your many years of work for him beforehand) had suddenly just been put in a joint position of power alongside him. You _really_ were not mentally prepared to handle the onslaught of people’s opinions on that topic. There were really only a few ways that would go, and all of them were negative. No one would champion it for you, and anyone that pretended to would be doing just that. 

So it needed to be kept under wraps until forms could be signed.

Which required even more forms as you met with the right amount of people to alert them about the transition.

NDAs, not only to protect yourself which of course you were concerned with, but Tony as well were drawn up. To hear that he was trying to split, even a little, from the company after what he’d said at the senate hearing could hurt Stark Industries. Just another reason you couldn’t let him abandon it all to you. If it looked like he was fully deserting them just so he could focus on Iron Man, stocks would tank. Unacceptable.

Everyone seemed very suddenly busy over at legal, and you were just a little bit displeased when they sent up Ms. Natalie Rushman to your office when you’d asked for someone. It was unwise to trust someone as new as her… but then again, anybody was just as likely to blab if there was something in it for them. Luckily you were more seasoned than that. Despite the fact that a storm of a migraine was just coming in as she returned to your office with the freshly printed NDA’s, “Here. You sign this one.” You made sure to make sure that worrying about her was off the table.

Even thinking about all the possibilities of ways this could go wrong was making you sick to your stomach. One less thing on your plate would hopefully ease your life.

“Yes, ma’am.” All smiles. She seemed eager to work, which was good. You needed more of that.

God you really needed more of that.

“You understand that you legally can’t speak about anything we might discuss forging forward regarding the company, otherwise Stark Industries will pursue you to the fullest extent of the law, yes?” She’d read it, and if she was working for legal, she should have already well understood it. But still, you had to ask. 

And as she finished signing, “Of course.”

“Good.” A slight air of silence hung. She waited patiently as you slipped her form into your desk. You’d send that back down to legal with someone else. Not standard procedure, and maybe a little rude, but hopefully she’d understand. Once it was done you looked back up at her, “Mr. Stark is bridging all Stark Industries assets and all of his chairman and CEO authorities, duties, and powers with me.”

Her eyebrows went up. Shock. Although light. “Oh.” It was to be expected. You knew you were in for far more than that. Relatively speaking, this was a pretty delicate reaction. “Since…?”

“Two days ago.” You were sure you could feel the judgment here. Although… actually…

“I see. Well. I’m sure Mr. Stark knows what he’s doing. And between you and I it seems like you’ve been here far more than Mr. Stark anyway. I’m sure this is best for everyone.” Smart woman. You may have immediately taken a liking to her.

“Well let’s hope _everyone_ agrees.” It wouldn’t matter if they didn’t. If they didn’t they could walk. But you were sure you’d done enough good will around here and could _talk_ your way out of any hard feelings. “I know legal is tied up with some other stuff...” They had to have been busy, seeing as that she was here and not a more seasoned lawyer, “So if it’s alright with you, I’m going to partner with you on getting all the proper documents and taking the meetings from here on.” 

You had been Tony’s assistant for things like this. But who was going to be yours? The transition and sharing of power was supposed to make it easier, but maybe if you put out a search for your own assistant life would be even smoother. How lucky could one gal get?

Better not test it.

“I’d be happy to assist you.” And there she was. With the magic word on your mind.

* * *

Outside of every meeting, she stood waiting, with an armful of folders- and usually a water. And some ibuprofen. You were making do saying your headaches were stress, tension, and just general annoyance, but really something was going to have to be done about them eventually. The problem was you didn’t know the exact cause, you didn’t have enough time to even begin to ascertain it (or start to delve into what you could even do if it was related to _the thing_), and certainly no time to treat it.

You barely noticed when she followed you into the car and you asked Happy to take you _home_. A mistake on your part. As far as the public was made aware, a lame story had been dropped amidst previous Iron Man activities that you’d bought purchased a small but cozy property in the aftermath of the _Incident at Stark Industries_. No one had paid much attention to it, which was the point of releasing it at that time, but it had since forever been on the books.

Catching the mistake, you suddenly weren’t sure if trying to fumble and correct it would imply even more guilt. So you just let it go. She seemed like she was busy scribbling notes in her planner anyway. ...when had she become your actual assistant?

Probably somewhere between asking her to go get you lunch yesterday and asking her to follow up on some R&D patents- the ones you were bring to Tony right now. It had been so easy to just let her slip in. You really had needed the help.

It was easier to digest when she started rattling off your next five appointments for the day. “-and then the evening meeting with accounting.”

“Do you know which department bothered them first?” Because if accounting was on your docket, that meant they were asking for something they couldn’t figure out or process themselves.

She simply smiled. “Legal.”

“Oh _great_. That’s always good.” That was most likely a lawsuit. “Unless you put in for a raise already?” Wouldn’t that be just your luck.

“I think in that case I’d just come right to you. Skip all the formalities.”

There was a short but nonetheless pleasant laugh shared in the back space of the car. Happy looked up briefly into the rearview to watch the two of you. You ignored the staring. “I know I’ve been asking you to do things that aren’t really what you got hired for...” Maybe she _did_ deserve a raise.

“That’s alright. I don’t mind. It’s better than sitting in a cubicle waiting for ten other people to do my job before it gets to me.” She closed her planner, giving you a brief look.

“Hm. Are we suddenly having a meeting about employee bloating down in your department?” Stark Industries needed to be an efficient machine. Now more than ever. If people were just sitting around doing the same work over and over and over again…

“No more so than any other company, I think.”

“I hope that’s true.” But something you would no doubt consider for a long while now that she’d put it out there.

As the car pulled up to the front you asked Happy to stay because you weren’t planning on being at the manor for very long. While you would have _liked_ to, you’d brought Natalie, so now that wasn’t appropriate. Tony, of course, was downstairs.

But when you keyed yourself into the lab he didn’t seem to be working on the suit, which is what you would have assumed. Instead he was half leaned over his desk, hand over the back of his head, staring blankly at his computer screen. He didn’t even look up.

Taking the folder handed to you, you walked over to him, putting it gently on the corner of his desk. “Hey, I need you to look over these patent requests and sign off on which ones you want to go forward on.” Everything in you wanted to reach out to him, thread your fingers through his hair, ask him what was wrong. _Something_, very clearly.

You were very aware of Natalie standing patiently in the doorway.

But that _something_ disappeared as he took a breath and sat straighter up to pull the folder closer. “Yes, honey.” Immediately both your hands went palm up, look of absolute shock on your face before you could stop it. _What was the matter with him!? _He caught on pretty quickly, looking up from his spot at you and then to Natalie, now pointedly looking away. “I- that was uh-” Clearing his throat. “...that was inappropriate. Please don’t call HR on me.” Grinning lightly and then quickly ducking his head down to look at what you’d brought.

“I’ll think about it.” Voice hard, face hot.

“You’ve already ditched the ones you don’t like?” Asked quieter after looking over only one page.

“Of course I did.” Not interested in bothering him with things you knew weren’t good, were non-starters, or things he wouldn’t approve of anyway. He raised his hand after your confirmation and you settled a pen in his palm. One paper after the other got a scrawled signature without a further glance. Once he was done you took the folder back. “Thank you.”

You picked the folder back up, turning away to leave. “You got the uh-… how’s the...” Tony wasn’t used to having to use discretion.

“I’ll be back with the transfer paperwork by tomorrow. Probably sometime in the afternoon.” Already knowing, or at least hoping that’s what he was trying to get at.

He scratched his head, casting a long glance at Natalie. “Great. I’ll be upstairs in the gym for most of the afternoon tomorrow. On Happy time.”

“You can spend two seconds out of your boxing gloves to put your signature on a piece of paper for me.” Trying to get out now, because you really needed to reset yourself after such an amazing gaff on his part. You didn’t need more rumors to fight. More fires to put out. Even if you trusted Natalie wouldn’t say anything. Which you shouldn’t have. You didn’t really know her, after all. Professional and curt. That was your relationship with Tony. Surely nothing else.

Once upstairs you handed over your things to her. “I’ll just be a minute, I need to use the restroom.” Maybe wash your face. Cool off for a second. Honestly, Tony was so in his own world he’d nearly blown up yours. One day you’d let that story out to the press. Not right now.

* * *

Leaning on the winding banisters halfway up the stairs, arms crossed, he watched her try to pretend she wasn’t stomping her way to the bathroom. A little roll of his eyes, a little twitch of his lips. His fault, he knew, but he couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed. Who was this new woman following her around? Was he really paying that little attention?

“Mr. Stark, if I may speak freely?” Suddenly the new assistant’s attention was on him. He hadn’t even known she’d known he was there.

Still, completely unbothered, he shrugged with a small smile. “Only if I can.”

“I think she has a thing for you.” This was soft voiced, _sultry_, if he didn’t know better. A little bat of her eyelashes. On whose good will was she making this scene?

But still, flattery was his favorite, when done right- ...at least from the right people. His smile grew. “God, I hope so.” He was very glad she wasn’t around to hear that. She’d probably throw a lamp at him for getting so crass with a supposed Stark employee. Speaking of… “You’re taking care of her schedule?”

“For now, it seems.” Bringing her arms forward, holding what looked like a mountain of paperwork. Planners and folders and… something else caught his eye.

“Hm. Monaco wouldn’t happen to be on it, would it?”

“What about Monaco, Mr. Stark?”

“We have a car in the Grand Prix opening. I think it’d be a good press event to go to.” As they did every year. He’d only ever personally attended once or twice. Now seemed like a perfect time…

“You’d like me to put it on your schedule?” Shifting to put her planner in the crook of her arm and retrieving a pencil, she cast a questioning look his way.

“Both of ours. Try to really frame it well. Use positive words.” It would take a fair amount of nudging to get her on a plane right now with everything going on. But it was doable.

“I’ll do my best, Mr. Stark.”

“Thank you.” And with the sound of footsteps coming back down their way, a perfect moment arrived. “You know, that’s a very interesting bracelet you’re wearing, Ms…?”

“Rushman, sir. Natalie Rushman.” Succinct. “And thank you, it’s a family heirloom.”

Turning with a lazy raise of his arm over his shoulder he walked back down the lab. The sound of voices behind him, hushed and hurried, pushed his mind back to task. Or what little was left of it.

“How are the specs looking on the suitcase, JARVIS?” Sitting down in his chair, he swiveled around, taking hold his water bottle and guzzling down more of that disgusting chlorophyll.

“It might do well to run one last test, sir.”

“Cross all the I’s, dot all the T’s.” Bringing the panel up on his table, he touched over to lift the manor’s security footage up right in front of him, and then zoomed in. The two of them were just getting in the car. “JARVIS what have we got on one Ms. Natalie Rushman?”

Only a very brief silence. “Natalie Rushman was hired on May 12th of this year at Stark Industries in the legal department. She is the company’s newest notary public.”

“Then why is she following Ms. INY around like a personal assistant?”

“Why not ask her that, sir?”

He couldn’t help a tired grin. Another long sip. “Why not indeed.”

So much to do.

_So little time._

* * *

You barely remembered most of the previous evening.

“_You like this Natalie woman?” _

“_She does what I need her to.” _

Tony seemed upset about something- maybe that you’d brought a stranger to the house without asking? Although that seemed weird.

“_Will you actually come to bed tonight?” _

“_Yeah- I… I just have something I need to finish up.”_

At least able to remember the slow, lingering kiss before he got up and left. You’d tried to stay awake, but the crash had become inevitable. A scarce three hours of sleep. He was back in the lab by the time you had to get up, shower, and go to work. At least you hoped he was _back_ downstairs and hadn’t just stayed there all night. You were too scared to ask.

After his birthday, you kept telling yourself, using it as a marker. After his birthday the two of you would take a proper vacation. Go somewhere. Actually relax this time. The two of you needed it, desperately. You’d make him say yes. Certain there would be no trouble there. He looked tired most days, too.

Everything was a fog in the morning meeting. When you’d gotten back in the car to go home you had no idea. Things were perhaps getting a little out of control.

Upstairs in the gym was exactly where you found Tony, where he said he’d be. At least he was keeping on task. Whatever that was. Sounds of boxing filled the air. “We’re here with the paperwork.” Lifting your voice only slightly as you crossed the room, Natalie by your side.

A flurry of one-two’s came in quick succession and you looked up to watch Tony beating the stuffing out of Happy. It was probably good that he keep his form tip top. Blasting people with repuslors was one thing. But hand to hand combat? ...maybe you should ask for some lessons…

He sounded the little bell in the corner by himself, looking very pleased, but then leaned over the ropes to lift them. “Nice to see you again so soon, Natalie.”

“And you, Mr. Stark.”

“Front and center. Come into the church.” Said after taking a long swig of that green juice from his bottle. Maybe he’d just become a health and fitness nut when your back had been turned. Also perhaps due to Iron Man activities? It made sense. That he wanted to keep himself in shape. But having to scrounge around for context clues brushed your ire. And then panged some sadness.

A vacation really needed to happen soon.

You were losing track of the man you’d fallen in love with.

“No, Tony, you’re not going to ask her to-” However _this, _whatever the hell it was, was not going to stand. Was he trying to start a lawsuit?

“If it pleases the court.”

“No, Tony-”

“That’s fine.” Natalie said suddenly, turning to you with a complacent smile, handing you the thick folder with the extremely important and confidential papers inside. “I don’t mind.”

You couldn’t help the face you were making. “You don’t have to entertain him.”

“It’s not a problem.” Off she went, slipping out of her heels and climbing up into the ring.

_Something else_ was stirring as she and Tony spared a long look and you forced yourself to sit and go over the papers you’d already looked at a thousand times by now. Already signed and finger printed and triple checked. “It’s nice to see you again.” His voice was far away. 

Jealousy was unbecoming, you reminded yourself. And Tony was already yours. Whatever this was… just had to be ignored...

“You already said that.”

“So I did.” Briefly you looked up from your papers, unable to hide the half-glare. “Happy give her a lesson, would you?” He then stepped down and came over, sitting uncomfortably close on the double wide armchair you’d perched yourself on. “How are you?” Acting extremely casual.

“What are you doing?” Tone flat as you cast a dead look at him.

He was tooling around on the glass table beside him, pulling up a web browser search on Natalie. “What? I figure if we’re hiring a new personal assistant, I need her to have some pep.” Several rather  _risque_ images popped up and you glanced away. “Look at that. She modeled in Tokyo. Pretty impressive for a lawyer.” 

“She is _not_ your personal assistant.” 

“Isn’t that what you’re training her for? If you’re not my personal assistant anymore then I need a new one. -oh, and she speaks Latin. Who speaks Latin?” He seemed fixated.

You didn’t want to let on just how much it was upsetting you.  The migraine came back full force, with it a weaken of your muscles. “Stop it, Tony.”

“_I need her._”

Happy was in the middle of saying something, you were too bothered to be paying attention to the two of them in the ring- but in just a few seconds  _something_ had happened because he was on his back with her pinned on top of him. And then very quickly getting up. “Oh god!” Startled.  _What the hell was that_ ? 

Tony, however, just had the hugest grin on his face. “See that? _I need that._”

Throwing down the folder, you were half out of your chair, about to go check on Happy but your attention snapped back to Tony instead. “You don’t need a personal assistant to fight people for you.”

“You always did.”

It was like he’d reached into your chest and squeezed your heart. You had no idea where this hot-and-cold act was coming from, but you knew you couldn’t take it much longer. Something was the matter with him, and you had no idea what it could be.

If you could just focus… if you could just-

_Panic_ .  
_Simmering_ .  _Slow. Coming to a boil-_

Tony quickly stood, holding a hand up to your arm. “_**Hey**_-” 

Suddenly the lights in the room were blinding, and you lifted a hand to your head just as Natalie came over to pick the papers back up. You felt faint. “I need to- I’ll be right back.”

“Is she going to be alright?” The voices were fading.

“She’s fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy... well like I said... things will get worse before they get better... so many people have so many different motivations at play here. And everyone is driving everyone crazy.


	24. Chapter 24 [53%]

Maybe Tony was right.

You were thinking this as you watched the clouds go by, sitting comfortably on the private jet. _Maybe Tony was right._ Because he was trying to tell you something. He was trying to tell you something important. And the only thing that you were arriving at, with no help from him otherwise, is that the company needed help, and he thought you were capable. That he _also_ needed help. And that maybe business and personal should no longer be mixing.

That had to be it, right?

_Right? _

You couldn’t date a man whose company you were also supposed to be running. Whose company was now half yours. Rather that you _shouldn’t be _dating that man. Maybe that was why he’d been trying to get out? And you’d told him no. No because it had been unfair to load it all on you. And if that was the case, why not just _say that_ so the two of you could work it out?

Or maybe it was Iron Man. Maybe he was worried about that, although things had been quiet ever since he had cut back on taking the suit out for missions, you still didn’t want to think about. At least he had stuck to his word on that one.

Natalie Rushman was already in Monaco, making sure all the arrangements were set. At this point you had no idea who was running your life anymore. Much like you had no idea who Natalie was really working for. It had been good while it had lasted, but at the end of the day, if Tony wanted her, he could have her. There was no way to stop him, and nice as she was, if Tony Stark said _I need you to be my personal assistant_ most people would be fool to turn it down.

Once upon a time you had been in much the same position…

And you were trying valiantly to not let that blind you. Tony was a good man. He had made so many changes. And you didn’t doubt his love for you.

Even if in these past few months…

It felt like the two of you were merely existing next to one another. So when something like this happened… it made you feel weak. Helpless. Frightened of the next day. What might come of it.

He sat down across from you and finally you couldn’t help yourself, “Did I do something wrong?” Such a childish thing to ask. But there you were.

A look of quiet confusion took him. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I must have- for you to be acting the way that you are.” Though you’d thought about having this conversation only a few times, it had not started like this in your head. Much like all your plans, not far off the ground before something different happened.

“Acting how?” He brought one leg up over the other, arms crossed as he leaned back in his seat.

You shook your head, breath of annoyed yet amused air escaping with a bitter smile. “I swear, it’s like I’m living in a time loop. We’re just doing the same thing over and over again.”

“...are you mad about Natalie? I’m doing _you_ a favor.”

The raise of your brows and the inhale shocked even you. When had you become so **volatile** ? Maybe _dramatic_ was more the word. There was a shake of an angry chuckle in the first word. “ _Me_? What the hell are you talking about?”

“She was gonna blow our cover.”

“No thanks to you!”

“So I’m fixing it!”

There were only so many interns you could fire or stories you could kill. This couldn’t be a secret forever, that was true. “By- by ogling her every chance you get and hiring her for yourself behind my back?”

“To make it _look like _I don’t care what you think.”

“It sure as hell feels that way.”

“Then I’m doing it right.” Said so stiffly that for a moment you imagined it _was_ true. Was he mad at _you_? Impossible. Unbelievable. Your head whipped to the side, lips pressed together. Unable to look at him anymore. The silence was tense until you felt the touch of his hand on your knee. Still, you didn’t look. “I’m trying to protect you.” But this nearly threatened to break you with how gentle he spoke it. “I know you’re in the middle of-” A sigh of self realization. “...a lot of shit I’m putting you through. So I’m trying to clean it up.”

Another dismissive shake of your head. “You can’t do that anymore, Tony. Not like that. You have to _talk_ to me- otherwise what was- what’s the point of this? Of us?” Steeling yourself for what you’d find there, you turned to look at him again.

He looked crushed. Yet determined somehow. “I know I keep saying I’ll get better at this- and then I...”

“You don’t?”

A small swallow, eyes going downcast. “I… I’m...”

_Panic-_

No… _resignation…_

You waited. _He was trying to tell you something_.

“...I’m sorry.”

Was that what you were waiting for? “How many times are you going to tell me that until it becomes true?”

Looking back up again he seemed a little more put together than just seconds ago. “It’s true every time.”

“If it was true you wouldn’t have to keep saying it.”

A long, _long_ sigh began to leave him as he sat back again until he eventually started nodding. “You’re right. ...we really are doing a Groundhog’s Day thing here aren’t we?”

A resigned smile came to your lips. “Five steps forward, ten steps back.”

Things felt a little more right. As they usually did when you had the _big_ _reset_. The question of if you wanted to keep doing this was there. Barely. You tried to ignore it. Tony was trying. He was always trying. But when was it going to be clear that it was not enough? Was it alright to live second best in his life? Could you handle that? It seemed like that was the path you were headed down.

“Are your headaches getting any better?”

A flash of tears caught you completely by surprise. Your voice was small. “...you know about that?” You couldn’t remember ever mentioning it to him. Not once. Determined to deal with it alone because he was off in a different world half the time. And they were just headaches, after all. Not a big deal. Not worth bothering him over.

He gave you a look. “You can barely sit down most days without looking like you’re in pain or putting a hand on your head. Or excusing yourself.” _Of course I know. Because I love you._ _How could I not see you suffering?_

And there you were, yet again. Hot off an argument that had resolved moderately, only to be struck by him. “They’re tolerable, most days. I think they’re getting better.”

“JARVIS has a list of specialists for you, when you have the time.”

Which meant Tony had pulled them for you. At least given the request. The glance you gave him was much softer this time around. “You ever consider they might be stress headaches?”

A tired twitch of a grin in return. “Briefly.”

Finally feeling a little better- and look at that, headache free- you moved over to lift the arm rest between the long plush seats so you could sit next to him. His arm went around you, and you rested your head against him, hand raising to that spot, just half over the Arc, half over his heart.

If only you could stay like that.

* * *

The drive from the airstrip to the promenade near the start of the track was quick and uninterrupted. Though there was a shiny red suitcase sitting firm on the front seat. You chose to ignore it. _Security measures, _you supposed. He must have figured out what the bug was on the delivery system after all. You’d stopped asking while drowning in other paperwork.

Did it make you feel safer to know he’d brought Iron Man here?

Not really.

Because in order to even think about why that would make you feel safe, that meant you had to entertain thoughts that would justify it being here anyway. And so…

Tony flashed a peace sign to the surrounding crowd as security escorted you through the front doors of the resort. The cool air was nice. “Mr. Stark.”

“Natalie.” It killed you a lot less than it had previously, the look of happy-to-see-you on his face.

“Ms.-”

“Natalie.” Your smile by comparison was tired as you cut her off. Not trying to be rude. Just… just very tired. It would be nice to sit and sip some cocktails and watch the race. Take a few soft questions about the Stark Industries driver. Let Tony talk about the specs on the car.

Just as you’d taken a drink, Natalie took it right away, putting it back on the tray it came from. “We have one photographer from the ACM if you don’t mind.”

“Of course.”

Tony put his arm around you. “Liven up, will you? People are gonna think I dragged you here.”

“Didn’t you?” Asking through a toothy overexertion of a smile as a few flashes went off in your face. The two of you fake laughed your way through three more bulb flashes and then he was stepping into line with Natalie.

“You look fantastic.” To be fair, she did. Red hair just _perfect_ in styled waves and a gorgeous pink dress that was… well… “But that’s unprofessional. What’s on the docket?”

Gratefully you picked your drink back up from the server who had come around with it as they continued talking. Courtesy of Tony’s new PA, you assumed. No one would dare try to drug you underhandedly here among all the boozy rich people bumping elbows-

“Is this us?” Tony asked her as he pointed at a corner table.

“Uh… it can be.”

“Great. Make it us.” Demanding very quickly and then leaving her behind to do the dirty work.

You took his cue to follow. Down the length of the room and over to the bar where you contemplated very strongly already ordering another drink. It was like you’d turned into him. A gentleman all in white stood to catch your attention, hand outstretched with a sweet call of your name. You returned the favor. “Mr. Musk. Nice to see you.”

“Congratulations on your promotion. It’s all anyone can talk about.”

“I’ll bet.” Coming here was a mistake so soon once the information had finally been released after the finalization. Everyone was going to be up your butt trying to cull favor. Less than ideal.

Tony took the heat off you by reaching in for a shake next, “Hey, how’s it going- you know, those Merlin Engines are fantastic.”

Elon had the good sense to blush. “Thank you very much, Mr. Stark. You know… I have an idea for an electric jet...”

“Really? That’s great. We’ll make it work.” Nudging you briefly to the next destination as soon as _he_ was in the hot seat. The bar was getting closer. “How much stock we got in SpaceX?”

You batted your eyelashes at him as you took a seat. “How much would you like?”

“That’s why I love you.” A benign statement amongst all the ears listening, to be sure. One you very much wanted to read into. So you did.

But your smile evaporated into dust all in the next moment. “_Anthony_…is that you?”

Tony’s expression looked about on par with what you were feeling, “My least favorite person on earth is approaching.”

“You and me both.” Turning half away to set your drink down and call the bartender over. How long had it been? One minute? You needed a refresher.

Justin Hammer just let himself right on in between the two of you as Tony let out the weakest _hello_ you think you’d ever heard in your life. “You’re not the only rich guy here with a fancy car.”

“Wouldn’t be much of an event if he was, would it?” Looking up you smiled at him, really putting the disdain on heavy.

Tony held a finger up. “I’d like to disagree.”

Pleased, mildly, when Justin inched back. “Ah- didn’t see you there… no uh- no hard feelings about what happened on Capitol Hill right?” As if _he’d_ been the one in control of that situation and embarrassed you. “Uh- hey look!” Quickly sidestepping, “I think- I think you know Christine Everhart from Vanity Fair? You guys know each other?”

You needed to leave. This was getting out of hand. Next thing you knew, Justin was going to pull Senator Stern out of his pocket for good measure. Christine came over at his behest, wearing the same overly polite but telling smile as you were. “Yes, we do.”

“Roughly.” Tony seemed like he also needed a means of escape.

Justin pointed a finger at you, “B-T-W, huge story. This little lady’s made quite a name for herself assuming half of the control of Stark Industries. Congratulations.”

“CEO- uh, is her _official_ title.” It was warming that Tony was stepping up for you. Not that you needed it. But still nice.

“I know, I know.” Christine was going on. “And my editor will just kill me if I don’t grab a quote for our _Powerful Women_ issue.”

Much as you didn’t really want to, it was good free marketing. So long as she didn’t take you out of context. You’d have to be careful. No more booze. Damn it. “Sure, that sounds great.”

“She’s- she’s actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair, aren’t you?” Justin contesting to keep in the spotlight and keep control like the little child he was.

“I am. I am.” Even _she_ sounded tired. That seemed normal. You wouldn’t wish Justin Hammer on your worst enemies.

Tony’s eyes rolled up and then closed, just shaking his head and then directing a thousand yard stare to the left. Bored with this. You could tell. You could feel it. Also maybe slightly embarrassed for Justin, if that were possible. You couldn’t let him zone out and leave you here to fend for yourself. “I remember she did that huge spread on Tony last year for the New Year’s piece-”

“She did a story, as well.” Ah. There he was. Back on cue.

Even if you wanted to elbow him in the ribs, the look of discomfort on both their faces was somewhat amusing. Maybe worth it. “Yes- I did...” Justin’s head whipped to look at her.

“It was a very good piece. I loved it.” At least trying to help the poor girl out.

“Thank you...”

Deciding very quickly you couldn’t stand this anymore, “I’m going to go splash some water on my face before the race starts.” Photographers would be everywhere near the boxes. It was better to not look like a ghoul.

He half grabbed your arm, voice low. “Don’t leave me.”

“You’re a big boy.”

Christine’s recorder was out of her purse and that was absolutely your exit sign so you just gave him a light pat on the shoulder and turned to go. Immediately she was hounding him with questions. You felt slightly bad, you probably shouldn’t have just walked away. But standing there with the two of them any longer and you were liable to give them a real story to talk about.

The bathroom seemed so far away but it was blissfully empty as you walked inside. An overdecorated sham, probably like a lot of these people’s houses. It almost threatened a brand new headache on you. Despite using it as an excuse to run, you really did take a moment to actually splash some cool water on your face and retouch your makeup.

The last thing you needed as new co-CEO of Stark Industries was to be made a fool out of on your first outing. You were here as a representative of _your_ company. What little delight you had in that. You wouldn’t make a fool of Tony. Because if you did a poor job, it would still fall on him for putting you in that position in the first place.

You let yourself hang back for a few moments more, enjoying the bliss that was the only quiet you were going to have. Once you went back out it was vulture city. Fighting off handshakes and photo ops aplenty.

When it came to an end, you went to the corner table Tony had procured, noticing immediately he was _nowhere in sight_. Maybe he’d taken off too? Would have been smart. And even as strong as he was, he wouldn’t have been able to survive the dynamic duo of Justin and Christine for very long. A waiter came around to set a drink in front of you, something you sipped at mindlessly.

As she passed by, doing who knew what, “Natalie, where is Tony?”

She gave you a blank look. “Oh- ...I don’t know. Let me see if I can find him for you.”

The cars zoomed by on the racetrack closest to the hotel, only feeling their presence in the rattle of the windows. Looking at your drink you pushed it away. No time to get sloppy, and if you were already feeling this foggy, it didn’t bode well. However, the feeling that something was terribly wrong was creeping up. You tried to bite it back, chalking it up to anxiety, but a sudden stunned gasp from the crowd drew your attention to the TV at the top of the bar. They were beginning to huddle.

You found yourself standing quickly, purse on the table, clutching your hands as you looked up at the horror. Someone had stepped out onto the track- a pit crew member? Why would they do that? He threw his helmet off, hard to see his face on the TV camera. Cars whizzed by. He seemed unbothered.

Ripping his track jacket open you felt yourself gasp for air.

_No._

The fabric burned away as he extracted what looked like two long whips- electrified.

And powered by-

_No, no, **no**_.

Tony- you had to- _ where was Tony? _

Somebody was waving in your peripheral and you half turned to see Happy, Mark V armor suitcase in hand. Happy knew where to go? _Happy knew where to go_. Wordlessly and quickly you followed him, head down as the people inside screamed and you heard the shred of metal.

“Where is he?” Trying to even out. Tony- _Iron Man_ would fix this. How could Tony have known?

“Tony’s on the track!!”

As if today wasn’t already terrible enough. “Why is he on the track!?” Who let him do that? ...because you’d left? Why wouldn’t he tell you he was- after just hours before… “_Why is he on the track!” _Directing your anger because you had nowhere else to put it.

“I don’t know! They were talking about him- entering the race-” Happy was driving like a wild person, slamming past a fence barrier headed the wrong way on the track. “I thought you knew!”

“Why would I know about that?!” Did that sound like something you’d sanction? Unbelievable. _Unbelievable_\- but if Tony was in a car- “You have to hurry-”

“I’M HURRYING!”

Cars were racing by you, Happy swerving to avoid them. People were screaming. The announcers were yelling. Chaos. Complete and utter chaos. How had this happened? _Why_?

There was a burst of an explosion just up ahead- Happy curved around the track so hard you slammed into the door, briefcase heavy in your lap. It was hard to see anything- so much smoke- but you saw the man with weapons. Whatever he was harnessed into- that rig-

“I’m gonna hit him- I’m gonna hit him-!”  
  
“_**Happy**_!”

Tony was standing _right there-_ not five feet in the path of this lunatic- but the deed was already done. You slammed forward as the car plowed into the guy, unable to help a scream from escaping. When you looked up, Tony was jumping down from the track fence. There was a body on the hood.

“Are you okay?!” Happy was shouting.

“Were you heading for him or me?! Because _I can’t tell!_” Tony was yelling back.

Why not add your own voice, unable to help it as he came to your door. “_What the fuck is the matter with you?!_”

“We need better security-!”

“WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!” Your emotions were running wild- influenced by just about every other person there. A storm was brewing. You were out of control.

“I WAS ATTACKED!” It became a shouting match.

Happy was next. “Will you please GET IN THE CAR!” Everyone was getting in on it.

Tony came around the other side, opening the door, but you saw the creep of the man on the hood sitting up, and then covered yourself, arms up, as he lashed that whip, slicing half the door off. All at once you were moving again as Happy backed the car up only a couple of feet and rammed him again.

“Hit him again- give me the case!” Tony seemed not to know what to make of things-

Happy kept moving back and forth back and forth doing almost nothing at this distance, this speed- the whip came down again. Helpless. You were absolutely helpless-  


“_I need you to give me the case!_”

Electricity crackled as that line came down again, taking a quarter of the car with it this time, leaving glass shattered on the seats- on your skin- and hot metal coming down. Another lash, sparks were everywhere. Tony was shouting for your attention. Finally you came to. “Here- here-!” Finding some sense and some feeling in your arms again, getting them to move as you threw the case as hard as you could to him.

It was quick- the step on the open lever and then reaching down to pull the handles, activating the locks on the suit to fold up and out, covering him entirely. An impressive thing- if you weren’t currently about to die. The helmet slid on and he moved to push the car several feet away with no problem.

Even then you couldn’t catch your breath-

Tony raised a hand to shoot but was whipped immediately to the side. One more time- and another- hearing the shots charge and fire only to be smacked away by those electric whips.

A final raise of his hand and the deranged man reared back, snapping the cable forward to catch hold of Tony’s arm- then the other cable around his neck and yanked him off his feet forward and then slammed him into the ground. Then threw him around again like a little ragdoll, sending him down against the hood of the car and to the ground once more.

Your heart seized.

And then you moved.

“Hey- hey hey hey- HEY!”

You had no idea what you were doing but you were out of the car. A snap of a whip away. Close to death. Hands outstretched.

“_**HEY!!**_” Shaking from head to toe as you screamed at him. “Look at me- _listen to me!! _You- _you don’t wanna do this_!” Briefly, very briefly, the man’s head tilted sideways to look at you, a laugh was not far behind. Fair, considering you were way out of your element here. “_Listen-_” And then you urged it forward. Everything you had. Everything you could give. “_This isn’t what you wanna do- don’t you- hear people screaming? Don’t you feel guilty? Don’t you feel __**wrong**_?”

In him there was but a bare moment of thought. A twitch of his eye. A tilt of his head. _Consideration_.

_Confusion._

One second, maybe two.

About as long as you held out-

It was Tony gathering up the slack of the whips despite the discharge, wrapping his arms around them and jerking the man off his feet, launching him into the air and then down hard on his back. With that a breath escaped you and you felt your knees give out, reaching back to the car to keep from falling on shattered glass and broken roadway. You heard the cut of electricity and looked up to see Tony pulling the power source off his chest. Examining it…

“Hey- hey sit down, will you? Sit for a minute- You don’t look well- just breathe-” Happy was saying a million things to you.

You saw it there as Tony turned to look at you. The police were hauling the crazy man away as he laughed. “_You lose! You lose…!” _

The world went dark around the edges. You kept watching Tony.

In his hand he crushed an Arc Reactor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never a moment of rest...


	25. Chapter 25 [70%]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was tough for me to write. But I hope you enjoy it.

You refused medical treatment, as did Tony. But he left you to fend for yourself with the reporters and photographers, asking _what happened, what happened_? It was clear as day what had happened. Blind spots were opening up in your vision. Probably from the camera bulbs. The only people you had to lean on were Natalie, who was trying hurriedly to shoo everyone away, and Happy who was trying to play the better part of security.

Paramedics asked one last time before you were allowed to even get into a car to go to the airport- _how are yo__u? _You had no idea how to answer them.

_ Maybe it’s like a muscle_.

Exercising the use of your powers made them stronger- but it also was hurting you. If Tony’s theory was correct. Maybe it really was time to ask Fury what to do about yourself. Your own fate. Because you were suddenly, mostly decidedly, sure that it couldn’t… it just couldn’t be with…

He barely looked at you as the two of you boarded the jet. That was fine. If you started in on him now there was no way you were going to make it the whole way home. It would just be more screaming. Then he disappeared. So you sat in deafening silence until you couldn’t take it any longer and put on the TV. A mistake as it only served to make you angrier and angrier as Senator Stern, all smiles, told the entire world Tony Stark was a liar.

The technology was here.  
That man had had an Arc Reactor.

_ How _? How could that be? How did that man have that?

You had no answers. So you couldn’t help Tony out- if you had even wanted to. You weren’t sure anymore.

“Mute.” The TV went silent, his voice behind you and you immediately directed your attention out the window. Only briefly letting your eyes shift as he set down a platter on the table and moved to sit himself across from you. Then he lifted the top revealing a very runny but steaming hot omelet. “You need to eat something.”

“I can’t do this with you anymore.”

It came out of you whether you wanted it to or not. It was there now, heavy in the air. And to your own surprise and sadness you meant every word.

He seemed stunned, but only momentarily. “Eat. _ Please _. Then we can talk-”

“No, Tony. We’re talking right now. And this is probably the last time we’re gonna have this talk. Because I can’t anymore. I keep saying I can’t, and then I keep going, expecting you to get it. But you don’t. And I’m done.” Part you wished he had anything to say to cut you off. But he just sat there and took it while your voice lurched and tears slid past your eyelashes.

His burgeoning frown deterred you, for only a few seconds. He looked hurt. _ Good _ . “You don’t respect me, you don’t respect whatever this is- and I- I’m starting to think every private moment we have is just you playing make believe with dolls. If you want a different life, then _ go have it_. _ **Leave me out of it**_. Because I can’t _ take it anymore. _”

You were _ hurting_. Deeply. Cut to the bone. Had his whole plan been to come to Monaco to get in that car? To do what? Drive recklessly down the highway? Or had he known that man was going to be there? _ And he’d told you none of it _ , sat across from you not hours ago telling you he loved you- and for what? “You seem like you care one moment and then you rip it all away when it suits you- what- I’ m… _ what do you want from me, Tony _?”

“I...”

“If you say _I’m sorry_ one more time I’m going to throw you out of this airplane. And if you say _I love you_ again as a bandaid **I’m going to scream**-” Your frustrations were at an all time high.

“I’m dying.”

_ Horror. _

_ **Panic.** _

_Mortification. _

All doused you heavy like a waterfall.

_ Oh_.

But you’d felt this _ **panic** _ before… only now it was shared.

You couldn’t breathe. “What… what are you even saying right now?” There was no way he’d say something so drastic to get you to be quiet- right? To get you to stay?

“I’m dying.” He said it again, softer, resigned. But his eyes stayed on you.

Your head began to shake. “I don’t… I don’t understand. What do you mean-”

“You want me to say it a third time for good luck? _ I’m dying _.” It actually seemed like he was getting a bit of cathartic release from letting those words go.

“Tony...” There was no way to even begin to process this. Clearly it was a joke. It was a joke, right? He was… dying of thirst. Dying of hunger. Dying of boredom. Anything- _ anything, **please** _-

Reaching back he pulled his shirt off forward, exposing his chest and all the blown deep blue and purple veins that outlined his angry red skin. Creeping forward from the hole sitting in his chest where the Arc Reactor was, down his stomach and now starting to briefly line the base of his neck.

A gasp shred your lungs. “_Oh my god- _” Your hands were on your mouth, terrified. Tears were spilling hot down your cheeks. Eyes closing briefly as he leaned forward to wipe a few away with a gentle brush of his fingers. You pushed your hands to your lap. “For how long…?”

How long had he been sick? How long had he hidden this from you? The whole time since he’d gotten back from the Middle East?

“After the mission with General Ross.” He put his shirt back on before reaching out again. His hand came down on top of both of yours, holding steady. You were shivering. The mission where he’d been used to try and kill people recklessly- and when he’d come home-

“How much longer?”

“Eight days. Maybe nine.” It was like you’d been hit by a car. It all made sense. He’d pushed up the Expo. Sold his art gallery. Made you CEO- and _this_\- Quiet… _quiet _moments where he seemed like he was fading away… “You were right.” He saw your wheels turning, and you caught the sad smile on his face. “You knew.”

“I didn’t know- _ I didn’t know this _-”

“I didn’t want you to. ..._this wasn’t how it was supposed to be__**.** _”

“**You can’t just not tell me you’re ** _ **fucking dying**_**, Tony!** ” Saying this lashed an ache so strong through you that a sob broke free. He was there in an instant, arm around you, head atop yours. You buried your face in the side of his neck. “What is it? I’ll find a doctor- we’ll do _ something _-”

“Palladium poisoning. From the core of the Reactor. There is no cure.” Calm. He was so _fucking_ calm.

You bit back another shudder of a sob, shaking your head lightly. “Then we’ll find something else to sustain the power… we’ll… we’ll run through the elements...” Whining and weeping like a child.

A huff of warm air escaped him. “You’re incredible.” Meant only with every sincere bone he had in his body, awe lacing his tone. “There’s nothing out there. I’ve looked. I’ve tried. I’ve been trying this whole time.”

“Well I wasn’t!” He had given up, dealing with this for so long. You sat half away, reaching up to take hold of the sides of his face. _ Holding him there _ . Looking. “You should have just told me- you- we could have been working on this together- we’ll find something- _ please _-”

This couldn’t be it.

He couldn’t just-

“_You promised..._” Resorting to anything. Childish nonsense. Anything to keep him.

_I need you, too, you know. ...but I don’t want you to die.  
__Don’t worry. I’ve got too much to do to die. _  
_Promise?_  
_ I promise. So long as you stick around._

Your breathing had become mere wheezing, overwhelmed with the mere idea that he wasn’t going to be with you in the very near future. Some destructive sickness was going to kill him. Take him away. Forever. Something you truly could not contend with._“_ ... you **promised** ... _”_

You couldn’t lose him.

He put his hands over yours and leaned in to rest his forehead against yours. “Hey- hey… take a breath… please, just breathe...” You only did so at his behest, but it didn’t help the hiccup, or another leak of tears. “The company is yours. You’ll get everything. You’ll be taken care of-”

“_What a shitty thing to say _ !” Breaking free from him, shaking your head vehemently now. “I don’t want your _ stuff _ Tony, I want you!” When he touched his hand back through your hair, still soft and even, you broke down again. Your hands went around his wrist. Holding tight. As if you could just keep him there with you forever . “ _ I need you _.”

His arms were around you again and you found yourself crying in his shoulder. He was burning hot, even through his shirt. How had you gone so long without noticing? His tone was even, “Please- _please…_ I know it’s difficult- I’ve had… a lot of time to look- and I know there’s nothing out there- breathe, honey, just _breathe_...”

It was so hard.

You couldn’t do this.

But eventually you found a pattern of in and out, even though the tears had not stopped. In the wake of your silence he spoke again, “I love you. Let’s just… let’s cancel my birthday party. Let’s turn around. Touch down somewhere in Italy. Genoa? Genoa was great...”

You knew what he was asking.

He was asking to go somewhere and **die**.

To just be with you in his last few moments.

“No… _ no _ ...” You couldn’t let him- was that selfish? Maybe it was. Then so be it. You moved again to be able to look at him. “Please just… just give me some time- you’ve had your chance- just give me a few days to look- please- _ I’m begging you_.”

_Please don’t give up yet._

_ Please **please** _

_I love you… _

That telltale shaky inhale captured him, eyelids fluttering for a moment. “...you’re not playing fair.”

“I didn’t mean it...” You really hadn’t. You were just too emotionally charged to help it. Maybe that’s what it had been the whole time. You uselessly wiped at your eyes. “But this isn’t a game- and _ please _-”

“Okay. Alright. Okay-_ ** stop** _… don’t… don’t beg anymore. I’ll...” He heaved a heavy sigh out. “We’ll go home. But… you have to promise me… you can’t let this destroy you. When you realize there’s nothing out there… you stop. And you come home. And we’ll...”

_Spend the last few moments of his life together. _

You didn’t want to make that promise. Because it was acknowledging that was the ultimate end to this. In some way. You couldn’t do that. You couldn’t bear the thought.

But you nodded anyway.

“Okay.”

Letting him take you again, you rested your head against his shoulder, arms around his middle. The tears still wouldn’t stop.

“You’ve gotta admit...” He said after a long while, voice distant yet with that soft slyness, “As far as excuses go...”

And damn him all, he pulled a watery smile from you. A terrible, terrible smile. “Shut up.”

You wouldn’t give up. You wouldn’t give up on him.

_Never. _

* * *

It felt like there was no rest.

The second you touched down, the story of Ivan Vanko- the man who had attacked Tony, the man who had gotten his hands on an Arc Reactor somehow- had tried to escape prison and had died. Was this good news? ...wasn’t it _a little convenient_? You wondered. Tony had said he needed to do some research on that one. You just trusted him on it, because you literally had no time to do it. _No time…_

Right on top of that was half the media arguing that Tony’s wild actions of commandeering his own racing vehicle proved he was unfit to protect the country. Proved that he was unfit to be Iron Man. Something many senators were starting to agree on. The other half were hailing him a hero-

_Oh_, not only him-

There were shots and clips of you standing with your hands up as if you too had something to shoot from them. _Woman of Iron_, they were calling you (thinking they were clever… yet hadn’t you heard something like that somewhere before…?), and you couldn’t be more disgusted. Who wouldn’t have jumped in to try and do whatever they could in that situation? Tony seemed like he could have been killed.

Iron Man was not invincible.

There was a man in there.

You would have done it again. Easily. If there had been any slightest chance you could save his life… then of course you would.

Which was why you had to ignore all of that. All of the press and the questions and the _noise_ , so that you could try and schedule a meeting with the only people who would have any hope of saving Tony. It had to have been true that Tony was doing his damn best to save his own life. But what if SHIELD had access to things he didn’t? _Shouldn’t they_? Being a top secret shadow government organization and all.

However, getting in touch with them after everything you’d been through… everything you’d aided Tony in doing that had pissed Fury off… it wasn’t easy. You only had Coulson’s number. And he seemed to not want to answer you. His mailbox was also full. And that warehouse- his offices- whatever they were that he had taken you to the first time, were completely empty now. No good. No use.

You went to Stark Industries that night to put out a fire, department heads arguing with each other over nonsense, before returning home with nothing. Time was running out. Asking Natalie to escort you home, you put her on the phone in the living room as soon as you got into the manor. She had to do work for you now. She _had_ to, because you were running out of everything.

Tony was in the lab. As always. But it was easy to look the other way on it now. When you keyed yourself in, he looked up from his work bench. “Hey.” Raising his hands like you had- the image of you plastered on a few of his screens.

“Very funny.” You were so worn out.

“No- do it- put one up for me.” After everything he’d said he still seemed to be going on like nothing had happened. But then again, he’d been sort of operating that way for a while. Maybe trying to pretend like- ...no, you couldn’t think about it now.

Stopping a few feet away you crossed your arms instead. “Why?” The thought _we don’t have time for this_ was not far off- but… there was nothing more you could do tonight. You’d have to try Coulson again tomorrow. And if he was untraceable- then… then…

_Don’t think about it._

“Please.” Gentle.

Despite the roll of your eyes, you did so, in a mockery to yourself and your false bravery you’d displayed that day. “Here- are you happy now?” He picked a small black lump of metal up from the table, pressed a button on the side, and then threw it at you. It latched on to your hand, freaking you out immediately as what felt like slimy wiring slid slid over your skin. “_Eugh-! _What is this??”

But when it settled it was very clear what it was.

He stood up, unable to help the laugh at your minor distress. Walking behind you, he stilled your hand which had been swinging wildly as if to shake it off like a bug. Then he guided your arm up, his other arm around your waist. “Like this. Spread your fingers out. It’s got a one-time semi-stabilized ionic discharge.” His voice was warm in your ear.

Did the two of you really have time for this?

It settled an unease in your heart. “Why?”

“So that next time you put your hands up, you have a shot to make it out of there.” _I’m trying to protect you_. His eyes were straight ahead. “Deep breath, then exhale- if you can remember. And push forward. The sensors will do the rest. Here- try and make sure...” The arm around you moved to your legs, widening your stance. “Try to be as grounded as possible… but don’t lock your knees too much...”

You swallowed hard, trying to keep your eyes focused on the white lab wall in front of you. Most of you was terrified- the rest delegated to one small part scared for _other_ more pressing reasons. The other… well, in any other circumstance…

“And then what?”

A little huff of warm, amused air caressed the side of your neck. “You pull back and push forward. Go on.”

Trying to get past your discomfort, having _a weapon_ now attached to your hand, you took his words to heart. Planting your feet, arm shaking a little.

“You’re fine. I’ve got you.”

With that settling you slightly, you took a breath in… then out… and then pulled back only to jut your palm forward again. The blast was quick and slightly blinding, smacking against the wall to destroy the paint and shatter some of the brickwork underneath. It also sent you straight back into him with a whoosh from your lungs. But he held you steady, laugh not too far behind. “That’s it. Easy, right?”

You let him settle you on your feet, knees barely there to stand on, and you turned around. “I don’t like that.”

“Yeah well, a full suit would give you optimized stabilization-”

“No.” You’d already told him this a million times before, but it was very important now. You didn’t want his… you didn’t want what _could be_ his last few moments spent building a suit for you…

“Then this is all I’ve got. It works.” Reaching out he turned your palm over. “To take it off you just pull the lining here...” Demonstrating, the glove going slack as he did. You also let him take it off you, cradling your hand to your chest after. “What? Did it burn you?” Nervous suddenly as he crushed it back up into that black ball it had started as.

“No. I’m just… I don’t want weapons.” Adamant about that.

“This is not a weapon, it’s self defense.” Just as adamant back at you. “You tried to stop him, right?” He had turned away, setting the spent glove on the table again. “It’s a little hazy. But I’m pretty sure- JARVIS freeze frame-” Catching the perfect moment still running on TV. You with your hands up. Trying to talk a verified villain into surrendering. “Right there.” Pointing up.

You just shrugged, feeling intimidated for some reason. Small. Helpless all over again. “I don’t know what I was doing.”

“Yes you do. You saw I was in a tight spot and you jumped out of that car- you tried to do the thing. They might not be able to see that, but I can. And until you… until you hone it… please just keep one of these on you.” For his own peace of mind, he was asking. You knew.

Yet still, “Why? Are we expecting more crazy people to show up and attack us?”

He stared at you silently for too long a moment. Defeat there in his eyes.

_If I can’t always be there… _

“Fine.” You said as quickly as you could to make it stop. “How do- how do I charge it?”

“I’m still working on that.” Turning away.

“Oh. _Great_. So until then I’m supposed to carry- what- ten of them around in my purse?” You weren’t really mad. You weren’t really _anything_. Which was the worst part. Life was finally getting the better of you. If you could just hang on for a few more days…

He smiled as you came over, putting an arm around you again to pull you close. You would have liked to stay like that forever. “Maybe more like fifty. That should be enough for everyone I’ve supposedly pissed off...”

Before you could tell him to knock it off or ask if he even had that many, you felt the shift, the immediate drop in energy as an exhale shot out of him. All of his weight went to you, even as his hand reached out to try and catch the corner of the work table and slipped, leaving you shouldering his entire body. “_Tony-_”

Four beeps at the front indicated someone was coming into the lab and you were terrified it was Natalie come to ask you for something- but instead, “Hey- whoa-” Rhodey appeared out of nowhere.

“Please help.”

“The desk over there-” Tony was weakly directing.

Rhodey took his arm over his shoulder, freeing you from the weight although you stood close. “Yeah buddy, alright. Here.”

“The cigar box- it’s Palladium.” The word hurt you unexpectedly, scared all over again as Rhodey sat him down and you pulled one of the cores from the case.

Tony tried a deep breath, reaching underneath his shirt, something you took a silent cue from, dislodging the Arc Reactor and holding it up. The Palladium inside ejected up, a charred mess. “Is that supposed to be smoking?”

“It’s neutron damage from the reactor wall, if you must know.” Somehow Tony had gained back a tiny bit of control now that he was sitting down, sounding a touch more even. But he was still softly panting.

You took the depleted core from him, setting it aside and watched anxiously as he set the new one and then slid the Reactor back up, lodging it back into his chest, smacking it a few times before the light resumed. Something he took a big gulp of air at.

It at least beat sticking your hands in goo to attach wires to plates, you guessed.

“What can I do?” Needing to just _do something_. Anything.

“Water. Please.”

Even though Rhodey was most likely wise to the both of you, you resisted reaching out to give Tony an affectionate touch, forcing yourself to turn away to go to the lit up mini fridge at the bar. “What are you looking at?” You heard Tony ask.

Returning when Rhodey had apparently done enough staring to answer. “I’m looking at you. Look- you need to get upstairs and clean up this mess.”

“I’m working on it.” Answered almost a little too angrily, not meaning to but you were under a lot of pressure. And Tony… Tony needed to be left alone.

“Not you but- you, too, I guess. You’re both down here playing house while an intern is taking phone calls from news anchors. It’s a disgrace. I put myself on the line for you- you have no idea how soon the National Guard is gonna come rolling up the PCH in tanks to take your suits.” It really didn’t help anything that Rhodey was pissed.

What were you supposed to do? Squaring up, “First of all, Natalie is from legal. If anyone can handle it, she can.” You were very fond of Rhodey. You were very close to Rhodey. But he didn’t understand.

...nor could he, if he didn’t know the truth of it all. But…

“_You_ of all people- I thought you were smarter than this.”

Shock registered briefly on your face and you might have had _a lot_ to say about that to him, had Tony not stood up and put a hand on your shoulder, stepping between the both of you. “Look- I just need you to trust me. Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“Mm hmm.” No one was a winner here. Everyone was frustrated. “What’s that on your neck?”

A chill clipped through you. “It’s road rash.” Tony offered the weak explanation. But that only furthered it. He wanted no one else to know.

“What’s on his neck?” Turning his questioning gaze and commanding presence towards you.  


_You suddenly felt a sense of deja vu. _

Any other time… _any other time_ you would have made things right. But not tonight. Not now. “It’s from the attack in Monaco.” Quiet as you answered.

_God. You really were just like him, weren’t you?_

Rhodey just shook his head. “So that’s it then. You two are determined to play Bonnie and Clyde and no one else is involved.” _Certainly_ n_ot me anymore_. The afterthought hit you harder than you would have liked, the _disappointment_ and _upset_ seeping through you. Reaching out to the desk, you steadied yourself.

Tony finally caught full control of his breathing, taking a long sip of water. He then looked back at Rhodey one last time. “Trust me, alright?”

“We’ll fix the mess.”

Finally Rhodey put his hands up, turning his back on you both, shaking his head. “You’d better.” Just like that he started marching back out of the lab and up the steps.

You were so fixated on watching him go that when Tony grabbed your hand you startled just a little, but then turned yours over to hold on tighter to him. He looked at you softly. “He’ll get over it.”

“I hope so.”

Because right now you had no time to deal with him. ...or the mess he was asking you to clean up. And soon… soon you’d have no time left at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Coulson... where are you...?  
Hey if you are still enjoying the story (...despite the current goings on...) don't forget to leave a comment! Really, honestly, nothing makes my day better than hearing what you guys have to say! And thanks for reading!


	26. Chapter 26 [84%]

“_Tony, I’ll be there. I promise- I just have to finish up a few things._” 

“_Yeah. Alright. I won’t cut the cake without you._” 

“_Tony..._” 

“_Don’t worry about me_.” 

Time was running out. You were losing hope. Between running all over the city trying to chase clues, do research yourself that was way out of your depths, and having to try and run the entire company- answer questions, get yelled at, take meetings- you were at your end.

If Tony’s estimations were right, he had about four days left. And he wasn’t doing well. He was slipping further and further away. You had to be at his party tonight- but you didn’t want to go empty handed. You wanted  _something_ . You wanted to give him his life back. 

But you couldn’t.

There was nothing here. Nothing to find. Nothing to help him.

The last meeting of the day kept your far longer than you wanted. Several times you came close to exploding. You had sent Natalie out hours ago to try and prep Tony for his own party. To keep an eye on him.

It had gotten dark.

“_We all **feel resolved **here don’t we_,_ gentleman_?” You pushed whatever last parts of power you had out of yourself. After this, if you didn’t collapse it would be a miracle. Running on fumes. Running for Tony. 

The men in the room went quiet and then started a feedback loop of nodding and agreeing with each other. So you shook just enough hands in order to leave. Almost there. The party had been going on for a couple of hours. Tony was no longer answering his phone. Neither was Natalie. Not a very good sign- but… if you pretended you were optimistic, maybe they were just having a nice time. Distracted and happy.

It took a lot of strength not to bolt once the elevator brought you to the ground floor. About to call for a car when the front desk secretary called your name. You almost wished you hadn’t heard. “Yes?” Turning back briefly.

“A Mr. Couslon is on the line for you.”

Immediately your hand went out- why wouldn’t he call on your cell? But you pulled back as if being burned. You couldn’t have this conversation in the lobby. Everyone would hear. ...so, extremely begrudgingly, “Put him on hold for my office.”

_ Just a few more minutes. Hang on, Tony, please… _

Back up you went, dropping your bag right outside the elevator and running into your office- Tony’s- both? _didn’t matter anymore_\- doors slamming shut behind you. No one was up here right now anyway. It didn’t matter how crazy you looked. Picking up the phone you were out of breath, “Hello?”

“I heard you were looking for me.”

Biting back a smart remark, instead you chose to hang on to that last loose thread and let everything spill. “Coulson,  _ Tony is dying _ \- he’s dying and I need help. The Palladium inside the Arc Reactor is killing him and I need- do you have- you  _ must _ have a database full of research-” 

“We’re aware of the situation.”

Everything in you went dead for a moment.  _ SHIELD knew _ ? But then why… why weren’t they doing anything? Were they waiting? Waiting for you to come and beg? Then so be it. “So give me what you have. Please.  _ Please _ . You have to give me any research on energy-” 

“Let me make one thing clear for you. I don’t take orders from you. I don’t have to do anything.”

“_What do you want from me?_” Your tone growing dark. Why was he being this way? It wasn’t like you were friends or even really acquaintances, sure, but… but SHIELD had been after Tony- if not you as well- ...and then you’d went and pissed them off. Interfered in their missions and deleted their files… “What do you want? You want me to sign my name on a contract? You want me to join your Avengers thing? You want me to do work for you? I will- but you **have to help me**. _**Please**_.” 

You’d give everything up. Your entire life. Your powers. You’d do whatever they wanted.

If it meant Tony would live.

A long silence hung. You had started shaking. And then, “We’ll take some time and consider your offer.”

The line went dead.

The world  tilted on an unsettling axis and your body did not belong to you for a few moments, lent instead to a void of rage and despair as you flung the entire phone off the desk and into the window. Everything else went after. Papers and office supplies leaving in a flurry of force to the nearest wall,  pictures and knickknacks dislodging, falling to the floor, shattering the glass all over the carpet . Breathing heavy, your palms slammed on the desk, just staying there for a moment, biting back tears. 

You had no right to spiral.

This is how Tony had been feeling the entire time.

Suddenly you understood it all.

Everything inside you emptied completely. You didn’t remember getting in the car on the sidewalk. Sitting there quietly. Dead. What was the point of it all anymore? You didn’t have anything for Tony. You had come up with nothing to save him. You’d done nothing, in the end. _He was going to die_. And it may as well have been your fault. You’d let him act out for so long without pressing him enough.

Every time you’d touched inside him and felt that panic. You understood it now. _But you’d done nothing_. Not asked him at any moment. At least not asked him enough.

What if he’d told you he was dying the day he’d pushed up the Expo?

Or what if he’d told you he was dying the day he’d tried to make you sole CEO?

Would there have been enough time then? Enough time for you to get in touch with SHIELD and make them help you? Maybe.

And that was all you’d have for the rest of your life.

_Maybe it would have been enough._

_ **If only you’d done better. ** _

The phone in your purse barely caught your attention, but seeing that it was Rhodey calling, you steeled yourself. What was the worst he could do now? Yell at you some more?

“I’m sorry for what’s about to happen. Really. I am.”

Correction-  _ that was much worse _ . 

“What are you talking about?” It was strange how just a moment ago you thought you’d had nothing left in you, yet the universe kept finding new and exciting ways to make you panic and desperate. “_Rhodey_-”

“I’m sorry. He’s out of control. Someone has to put a stop to it.”

Another hang up.

Reaching up blindly you tapped the back of the driver. “I need you to go- I need you to go  _ now _ . As fast as you can.  _ **GO** _ .” 

The drive up to the manor was abuzz with frenzied activity. Party goers were screaming as they ran away, drove past- blasts were coming from the house. You didn’t even wait for the driver to pull up all the way, opening the door and tumbling onto the pavement in an attempt to bolt up the rest of the walk.

There was rubble on the front lawn. Debris everywhere. A window shattered too close to you as you entered the house and you ducked for cover. A pair of hands were on your arms- “You have to get out of here!” Happy was yelling.

“What the hell is going on?!” Another blast. You shook him off, knowing he wasn’t going to give you answers, only prioritizing your safety. Taking off in another sprint you barely caught the sight of Natalie also running the other way.

What was the point anymore of asking anyone else what was going on in  _ your _ life. You let her go. Not your focus. Tony and Rhodey’s voices were shouting- yelling at one another- 

“__You gonna take a shot?!”  
  
“PUT IT DOWN!” 

“_**NO.**”_

“_DROP IT TONY!” _

It didn’t matter how fast you ran. They were right around the corner and it didn’t matter. In just another moment a loud blast hit the air before a massive shockwave of explosion tore you from your feet and into the stairs, head smashing against the banister.

For a few seconds you were nowhere.

Everything was quiet again. You resisted the urge to continue to lie there. Pulling yourself up with a wheeze you got to your feet, hands guiding yourself against the wall as you finally made way those last couple of feet into the utterly destroyed kitchen. Lights were out. There was glass everywhere, the entirety of the patio windows blown out, leaving a cool breeze wafting in.  The room was spinning. You felt weak-

Tony- in the suit- on the floor.

Your legs took you to him but then gave out as you went to your knees, holding the helmet in your hands. “Tony- hey- Tony-” No way to know if he was even conscious- except for the flicker of light coming on in the eyes. “Tony...”

The sound of heavy metal footsteps caught your attention and you turned to look- seeing another suit- the Mark II if you remembered right- ...and what you knew to be Rhodey inside of it. He just stared at you- probably more at Tony- maybe at the both of you.

Nothing to say.

Then he simply turned away, igniting the thrusters and taking off.

“JARVIS junk the suit-”

“Don’t do that.” Tony’s helmet slid back and you turned to put your full attention on him again. He at least seemed relatively unharmed. Just a little beat up.

“What do you mean don’t do that- he’s going to take it to the military!” There were about a thousand more questions that needed to be answered. Such as _why were you two fighting each other in Iron Man suits in the fucking house?! _...but for now, that was a much more pressing issue. 

“You want him to... drop into the ocean... and drown?” Reaching up he put a cold metal hand on your face, turning your head. “You’re bleeding-”

“Fine- then- junk it as soon as he touches ground and he can figure out how to get out by himself at that point-”

“_No_.” The way the word came out- the look in his eyes-

“You’ve been drinking.”

“You were late.”

Smacking his hand away you sat half back. “What the hell, Tony?  How could you be so stupid ? And Rhodey- Tony  _ the suit _ -” Your brain was an absolute mess. Muddled and troubled.  Foggy and dizzy from what you hoped was not a concussion.

“Let him have it. He… just… let him have it.”

Giving it away. To the next capable person.

The two of you shared a long look. Then, without your permission tears just started and your hands went to your face. Ashamed.  **Devastated** .  “I couldn’t...” 

Couldn’t find anything.

Couldn’t find anyone.

Couldn’t help him.

Half of the suit opened up, chest piece sliding away as he sat up. It took you mere seconds to throw your arms around him. He held you back in a tight squeeze, almost painful. Yet not even close enough. “ I couldn’t...” Said again, barely- maybe more imagining those were the words, because what came out was a painful sob. 

He crushed you in his arms. “It’s not you. It’s not your fault. It’s me. It was always me.” There was a shaky exhale, a little sniffle he tried to hide. “And look- even if you were late, you’re the best birthday present I could have ever asked for.”

It just hit you that much harder. “I love you.” Awash in tears, almost the sound of pleading.

_I’m so sorry…_

“I love you, too.”

_It’s not your fault. _

* * *

He hid his own tears in your shoulder as the two of you clung to one another. There was no real way to face this. He’d been such a huge part of your life- at one point the one person you’d been focused on- ...and for not enough time now, clearly, focused on very deeply. How would the world get on without Tony Stark?

_How would you? _

You couldn’t let him go. You weren’t strong enough for that.

But that became less of a concern. Your own feelings. Maybe that was what had gotten you into this mess in the first place. And asking him to hang on… when in the end you’d turned up nothing. The two of you could have been slowly drifting in that cabin on Genoa, instead of crying on each other in the now destroyed house in Malibu.

Some birthday.

Tony had been standing on the edge for a while now. Facing the abyss. Silently. Acting irrationally as he neared the end. Understandably, now. What could you do for him? What would make it better? What would make it easier?

_ Nothing _ , the answer came. There was nothing you could do. 

_ Just be with me _ , a different answer offered. He didn’t say it- but the tone of it in his voice slipped in somewhere just as the sun started rising. The tears had long since dried, leaving the two of you holding each other, rocking slowly, sitting in silence. 

That was until he cleared his throat, but you couldn’t move. Eyes half-lidded. Lost. And about to lose more. “I need...”

Yet at this small inquiry you found your strength. Whatever he needed, you’d get for him. “Mm?” Lifting your head briefly.

“I need some junk food. Sugar. You want breakfast? I’m feeling like breakfast. Something quick and dirty with the sunrise.”

Looking at him you saw the desperation there. The want for life to just be normal. To ignore what had just happened- what had been happening for hours- and for weeks- for months before that even- to just… “Sure.” Leaning in you pressed a kiss to his cheek, allowing him to hold you there for just a little while longer. “Let me just get cleaned up.”

“You look beautiful.”

This got a little snort out of you, glad you’d cried everything out because if not that would have sent you right back into a mess. “I think I have dried blood on my face.”

Before you could get up completely, the brush of his bare fingers there against your face kept you. “Are you alright?”

This easily could have been the stupidest question ever posed to you by him. Whether he was asking about the injury you’d sustained while he was _blowing up the house_\- clearly not bothering you anymore save for what it had left behind. Or worse, asking the impossible to answer.

You r tired smile left in its wake, reaching up to take his face in your hands and lay a small kiss on his lips. Lingering… staying… staying until you couldn’t anymore. “I love you.”  His hands held on to your wrists for a long while, keeping you there… keeping you there… until finally he slid away. 

It froze you, only a few seconds, before catching the glimpse of his smile and you quickly scurried away. Being careful not to step on all the broken shit, all the destruction. Who was going to clean this all up? ...did it even matter?

In the bathroom you avoided looking at your own eyes. Scared what you would find there. Doing just enough to clean the blood up and put a small useless bandaid over your eyebrow. Quickly. Move quickly. Every second counted now.

Which was why when he was standing on the patio still in his suit, waiting, you bit back another fight. He shouldn’t be using that anymore. It was part of what was killing him. But... No time. There was no time for that anymore. “You want to...” Asking as you approached, holding your arms together.

“I won’t drop you.” _Faster_, it would be faster to get wherever he wanted to bring you, too. So… as he put his arms out for you, you stepped closer, letting him slide one underneath you to lift you up. Putting your arms around his neck, you held yourself close, burying your face into the metal of the suit’s shoulder as he took off. 

The wind whipped you in a chill, but you didn’t mind. Not now. And… chancing a look… things really were beautiful from this high up. Flying right across a skip of the ocean near the beach, sun sparkling on the water. Instead of hiding, you laid your head on his shoulder then instead, just holding on. Watching the world go by.

It was a short flight, all too soon setting you on his feet as he stopped just outside the fabled Randy’s Donuts. His helmet slid back and you walked only a few paces behind him as he entered. The place was empty save for a few, now stunned, workers in the front. “Can we get a dozen- quick. Do you mind if we hang out?”

“Oh- of course not, Mr. Stark- ...can I get an autograph?”

You let the two of them have a moment while you paid for the fresh box that was being handed to you, thanking the cashier. With Tony’s arm around you, leading you out, you posed a questioning look to him. “Weren’t we… hanging out?” You weren’t sure what that meant.

He lifted you up suddenly again, using a quick boost to get up onto the roof- hovering there while he put you down inside the giant doughnut adorning the roof. You sat, for lack of being able to do anything else, giving him only the most questioning- and discouraging- of looks. “Really? The cops are gonna come yell at us.”

“No they won’t.” He was probably right about that. And even if he wasn’t. Did it matter anymore? “They said we could hang.”

He stopped hovering, sitting down next to you, removing his helmet entirely. You opened the box allowing him to grab a fresh glazed, doing the same yourself and completely unabashedly sticking half of it in your mouth. 

“Try not to choke, would you?” Teasing you, just a little, free arm going around your shoulder.

It was quiet. Peaceful. Nobody seemed to be around. “Sorry. I missed your birthday cake. And dinner. And lunch.” Only realizing just now how absolutely famished you were.

He nudged the box closer. “Well then by all means, please have at least five more.”

“I paid for them. I’ll eat as many as I want.” Smiling up at him. It was nice to pretend like things were … well, this wasn’t _normal_, sitting with Iron Man in a huge doughnut at six in the morning. But it’d do. 

“Buy the whole franchise if you like them that much.” Finishing his with a smack of his lips and a grin.

“That’s a Tony Stark thing to do. No I would just… order them fresh to the house on a schedule. And buy some stocks. Maybe some brand integration? How can Stark Industries help improve the doughnut market?” 

His laughter beside you was probably the best thing you’d heard in a long time. You felt like you were going crazy. Slowly slipping to madness. And soon you were all giggles too. Too much of a good moment. Of course it couldn’t last.

“Mr. and Mrs. Iron! I’m gonna have to ask you to exit the doughnut!” A voice called from the street.

Both you and Tony leaned just a little to look-

A breath rushed from your lungs and a dumb spark of hope emerged as you saw the man below. “ _ Fury. _ ”  Stupid. Stupid to hope that this meant something. That it could mean anything. That somehow everything was going to be okay. But… what more did you have to lose? R aising your voice, ignoring Tony staring dumbly at you. “Did you get my phone call?” 

He made a very displeased face. “I got something, alright. A pain in my ass. Get down here.”

“What are you doing calling guys like that?” Tony asked quietly before then shoving the rest of his second doughnut into his mouth.

“I don’t know.” It was stupid to believe this would lead to something good. Even so, you chose to let yourself think somehow the universe would _finally_ be kind. Your smile was blinding as you set a hand on Tony’s leg. “Let’s find out, shall we?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIELD will you just help already????? JEEZ!!  
Thank you for continuing to read! And remember if you're enjoying please leave some love! Thank you thank you thank you!!


	27. Chapter 27 [90%]

The tension was clear and almost unbearable as Tony gently took you from the roof and back to ground level. He didn’t say a single word, seemingly intent on ignoring Fury who was now sitting in a booth inside the restaurant, as he went to the counter and ordered three coffees instead. As if this were just another normal day.

Somehow, sooner than you’d realized, maybe this was what _normal_ constituted in your life now. And you’d take hold of it any way you could. So long as that life could go on. No other option. At least not in your mind.

Finally he handed your coffee to you and you noticed the, now _only_, person manning the shop run away to the back. Probably a very keen sense of survival. The air in the room wasn’t exactly positive. Then Tony escorted you to sit on the inside of the booth, plopping Fury’s coffee down in front of him rather carelessly, and sat himself down next to you.

“So. What do you want? I already told you we’re not interested in joining your little Avengers tree house club.” Tony was keen on playing this as calm as possible, it seemed.

But opposite him you were alight with energy. Still… maybe Tony had the right idea, and it wasn’t smart to overplay your hand.

Fury feigned a laugh, lifting his coffee. “No- see, I remember. You two do everything yourselves. How’s that working out?” Taking a long sip after asking.

“It’s-...”

“We’re getting by.” Being humble was probably the best way to get out of this situation you and Tony had found yourselves in- or rather _him_ and you merely by extension. There was no hiding that you’d asked for SHIELD’s help, and whether or not Coulson had led you to believe they weren’t actually going to, Fury was here now. That had to mean something. And you had to own up to it and take whatever he offered. Tony being pissed about that could be dealt with later.

When he was still alive to be mad about it.

“I’m sorry. I don’t wanna get off on the wrong foot, do I look at the patch or the eye?” Yet there he was, playing it up as always. Sitting forward, “Honestly, I’m a bit hungover. I’m not sure if you’re real or I’m having a hallucination.”

Fury sat up to meet him. “I am very real. I’m the realest person you’re ever gonna meet. Best you start taking notes from your girlfriend. She seems to be the brains of this operation.”

“Oh, hear that honey? I think then that’s my cue to go. The two big brains can handle this all on their own, right?” He was turned to look at you and all you could do was beg with your eyes for him to _shut up_ and stop being a child.

“Hm. That’s not looking so good, is it?” Fury reached forward to tug at the metal line of the suit around Tony’s neck where the skin was red and the dark veins creeping higher.

“Been worse.” Tony answered flatly.

You put your hands on the table. “Look- are you here to help or just mock the situation?” There wasn’t much more of this you could take.

“Why don’t you direct some of that at him? Maybe you wouldn’t be where you are.”

It was starting to look like all SHIELD agents were the same. Annoying. Petty. Didn’t want to listen to anyone about anything. Maybe on some level it was fair, clearly they were dealing with much more than you knew, or could even understand. But _god damn it_. It was becoming infuriating.

A set of footsteps sounded behind you and before you could even think to look a voice came with them, “We’ve secured the perimeter but I don’t think we should hold it for too much longer.”

And there at the table was one Ms. Natalie Rushman. Clad all in black. The stunned look on your face seemed to urge a small smile from her, and a very huge grin from Fury.

“Huh. You’re… fired.” Tony was just as shocked as you it seemed. At least you weren’t the only one out of the loop.

“That’s not up to you.” Said plainly.

You looked up at her. “Is it up to me?” Because if so…

She sat down and Fury put an arm around her. “I want you two to meet Agent Natasha Romanoff.”

“I’m a SHIELD shadow. Once we knew you were both ill, I was tasked to watch the both of you by director Fury.” Said so calmly and plainly.

You tried to think back. Natalie- or rather… _Natasha…_ she’d been around since… “You knew that long?” What Coulson said on the phone the night before briefly came to light in your mind. _We’re aware of the situation_ . “So- what- _why_?” Confused entirely. What were they doing this whole time? Just spying on you- and for what-

“Correction on your super secret spy intel. It’s wrong. Illness. Singular. Just me.” Tony waved a finger around. “And also, I suggest you apologize.”

“You’ve been very busy.” Fury cut Tony’s complaining off and you looked at him. “You split the company together, you’re giving away all your stuff-” Waving his hand at you, “Becoming an overnight hero sensation in Monaco-” And then waved it back at Tony, “And _you_ let your friend fly away with your suit! Now, if I didn’t know better-”

“You **don’t** know better.” Tony cut him off quick and hard. “I didn’t give it to him. He took it.”

At this you tried not to look too guilty. Fury was quick on the uptake. “Whoa whoa whoa. No- he _took it_? You’ re Iron Man and he just _ **took it**_? The little brother just walked in there, kicked your ass, and just took your suit.” Turning his head quickly to Natasha, “Is that possible?”

“Well according to Mr. Stark’s database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized usage.”

It wasn’t the fact that Natasha knew all this. It was the fact that _she was right_ . You’d wanted to junk the suit. Tony wouldn’t let you. But _they knew all this already_. Your upset got the better of you. “What do you want already? You’ve been snooping around for months now to do what? Have this sit down just to say _we know better than you_? You’re not busier than that?”

“What do we want? Nuh uh uh.” Fury shook his head quickly. Natasha suddenly got up and left. “What do _you_ want from _me_?” Pointing right in your face. “You’re not gonna sit there and pretend you weren’t begging me for stuff on the phone last night.”

Your face went red hot. Either from shame, with the way Tony whipped to look at you, or anger at Fury’s insistence that he had no role in this other than to watch until you started, as he called it, _begging_. “_What do you want, _then? Why are you wasting everyone’s time with the theatrics? If I said something that interested you then get to the chase already.”

He scoffed and started in hard. “You both- you’ve become a problem- _my problem_ . That I now have to deal with- and contrary to what you think, you’re _not_ the center of my universe. I have bigger problems than you in the southwest region. And no little late night sob story changed my mind on that. ” You opened your mouth to keep arguing, because _oh_ you had only so much to unload on this asshole, but he snapped very suddenly. “Hit ‘em.”

That was about as much as you had to think about before a blinding pain sliced up the back of your neck and into your skull, sending you careening back against the booth with a sharp inhale paired with a yelp. “_What did you do_-” It only briefly registered that Tony’s voice was pained as well.

Quick as it came, the pain receded, a breath of fresh air coming with it. Things seemed… _clear_.

“You alright?” Tony asking you this before he turned to look at Natasha crouching near him, “Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds?”

“What did you do to him?” Turning to look at him, you saw the darkness of his skin start to recede. _A cure_?? If they had had that this whole time- you were about to unleash hell.

“What did we just do _for _him.” Fury corrected. Looking at Tony, “You just got a shot of lithium dioxide. It’s gonna take the edge off. We’re trying to get you back to work.”

“Give me a couple boxes of that I’ll be right as rain.” Tony’s voice was quieter now, a little bit more resigned. He’d had to show a lot of himself in this one meeting that he had not even asked for. This was going to be a tough conversation later.

“It’s not a cure. It just abates the symptoms.” Natasha said softly, standing at the side of the table again. So. Not a cure...

“And her?” You and Tony shared a look before you directed that glance back to Fury. You would have been happy to just know they’d helped him-

Natasha put her hands together, smiling, and your attention went to her next. There was a waft of _guilt_. “A prototype for nano CGRP inhibitors.”

“That’s stolen tech. And- rich- considering you were the one causing the problem.” Tony’s voice was very sharp.

“It’s not the root of _that_ problem. And don’t get nasty with me. We did it for your own good. Fixed it up for you.” Fury was eyeing him down.

“You know- I’m getting real tired of people saying they’re acting out of good will for me. I never asked.”

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” You felt so lost. Everyone was talking around you and at your expense and you really had no idea what was going on.

Fury leveled a similarly annoyed look your way. “You and I can discuss that later.”

“_No_. We’ll discuss it now.” Tired of being in the shadows of your own life. Whatever it was, you wanted answers now. And after everything else you’d been through together, Tony deserved to know whatever it was, too.

His lips pressed together before he shook his head. “You’ve got no control of your own means. You’ve been hiding. And it’s causing problems. Agent Romanoff was given suppression tech to force you under the weather to keep her cover intact. But it crossed some wires we didn’t mean to.”

Tony exhaled a somehow simultaneous amused and annoyed breath. “If that’s the best you’ve got, it’s embarrassing. I spotted that a mile away. If the top secret shadow government agency needs consultation on their top secret shadow spy gear, I’d say all the more reason we don’t need to get involved.”

None of this made sense. “You knew?” How much of this was Tony in on, too? What the hell was actually going on here?

He frowned. “I saw her with it, the first time we met. Base level chemoreceptor trigger and melatonin cocktail. The possibility she was working for someone else, either trying to get company secrets, or just get to _me_, was pretty high. It just looked like she wanted you out of the picture.”

“So that’s why you...”

Why he forced her away. Took her with _no concern for how you felt_\- or made it look that way. So that while you were in office meetings she would feasibly somewhere else next to him. Foolish. You were so foolish…

“I don’t have time to play couple’s counseling.” Fury, with a new fresh wave of annoyance. He pointed at Tony. “You need to clean yourself up. And it doesn’t look like it’s gonna be an easy fix.”

“Trust me. I know. I’m good at this stuff. I’ve been looking for a suitable replacement for Palladium. I have tried every combination, every permutation of every known element.” _Resignation_ coming in hot and heavy. You slipped your hand over his underneath the table.

Fury smiled. “Well I’m here to tell you, you haven’t tried them all.”

“Then why not say something sooner?” You couldn’t help but let this shoot out of you, upset with just about every part of this.

“We had to see how desperate you could get.” He was letting himself up from the table, Natasha walking away again without so much as a wave. “And don’t think I don’t have your call with Agent Coulson on file. We’ll hold you to that.”

“What- you’re gonna drag her to some secret government court on a verbally binding contract? She was under duress.” Tony’s focus shifting from this shining light of hope that Fury was offering in your stead.

Fury merely turned and laughed. “Hardly. Though if this is all it takes to put her there, we’re gonna have a lot of problems. Find your way home. I’ll meet you there.” Just like that he walked through the door and was gone.

Leaving the two of you sitting uncomfortably. “Guess we should get going.” Until Tony said that and suddenly stood, helmet under his arm. You followed suit, expecting him to be walking already, causing you to bump into him when he hadn’t moved. His hand went to your arm to steady you, but then with a very careful finger, lifted your chin and angled your head away, leaning in. Probably scrutinizing the injection site. “You really feel alright?”

“I guess.” You didn’t feel _terrible_, so at least there was that. And your head was certainly clear. No pain. “You made that- whatever she just stuck inside me?”

“It wasn’t finished, technically. I’ll have JARVIS run some tests-”

“Tony...” Reaching up, you put your hands over his, turning your attention back his way. “Whatever Fury’s got, please focus on that first.”

_Focus on you.  
Because you can’t die. _

His smile was brief, the nod of his head somewhat disappointed. “Yeah. Alright. I mean what more have I got to lose.” His arm went around your shoulders, leading you out of the restaurant. “I wanted to be in Genoa all warm and cozy on a bed- but what did we get instead. The house is destroyed and government agents are crawling out of the vents.”

“_You_ destroyed the house. And as much as I don’t like them either, they’re trying to help.” It didn’t need to be said that the reason he’d wanted to go to Genoa was _to die_. So any alternative to that was far better.

“Hm. Yeah.” Thoughtful as he slid his helmet on. Putting an arm around you, he lifted you up effortlessly, and you found yourself clinging to him as he took off. “What exactly did you promise them?”

“Myself.”

Anything and everything they wanted from you. So long as Tony lived…

“Yeah. Under duress. I wouldn’t worry about it. I won’t let them take you. Who else is gonna run the company for me?”

You couldn’t help the roll of your eyes despite your smile. “Well if that’s all you need me for...” You both knew that wasn’t even close to the truth.

“You didn’t have to do that. Call them. Ask for their help.” It was hard to really register his tone of voice with the helmet on.

“_Clearly_. Since they’ve been spying on us for a long time now.” Still irked about this. They’d made a complete fool out of you- and Tony, too. If they’d known for this long they really should have done something before. Natalie- _Natasha_ had all the opportunity in the world to help Tony earlier.

“Yeah.” This you could hear was quieter above the whip of the wind around you. “...thanks.”

Even though you weren’t sure he could feel it properly, you wrapped your arms tighter around him and gave him a squeeze. “Any time.”

There wasn’t anything you wouldn’t do for him. You’d come to that realization a long time ago. If the two of you could get through _this…_ there was nothing left for life to throw at you that you couldn’t conquer.

...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony's not going to die, INY is feeling better, and things are great! I'm sure nothing bad will happen from now on forever!!!!  
Remember if you continue to enjoy leave me a little love! It's my favorite part about writing the story and being able to share it with you lovely readers!


	28. Chapter 28 [94%]

The house was swarming with agent activity as you landed. People coming and going, doing who knew what, poking around and looking at all manner of things you thought they maybe shouldn’t have been. After all, inside of the rubble that was the aftermath of Tony’s stupidity (..._and desperation_) were parts of your life. And you’d about had enough of SHIELD for the time being.

“Excuse me- _excuse me_\- put that down.” Following after some random suit the moment you got inside. Tony hung back. Admiring. “Go away. Stop touching everything. What are you people even doing??” 

“Control your girl.” Fury’s voice was no surprise to hear.

“She’s not mine to control.” Tony’s tone was slyly amused. 

Natalie called your name, also no surprise- ... _Natasha,_ you reminded yourself. Looking questioningly at her, she motioned for you to move. “Come with me, please.” 

“_Why_?” Frustrated beyond end. 

Fury’s hands were on his hips. “Because you’re about to clean up this mess you’ve been ignoring and I need to speak to him.”  D irecting all his fresh ire your way. “You two need to spend some time apart. It might work wonders.” 

“You’re not gonna order _me_ around-” Everything was catching up to you. And with a relatively new take on things, and the wonders that were not living life in constant pain, you were raring to go. 

“Oh, but _I am_. And you’d better take real quick to liking being ordered around-” 

“Okay, alright, _children,_ _stop_.” Tony stepped between the two of you, holding one finger up to Fury before turning to you, putting his hands on your arms. “You’re making _me_ be the sensible one?” 

Immediately that made you feel bad. “You’re not saying he’s right, are you?”

He wore half a frown. “Not about  _everything_ . But… we are in a bit of a mess. And you’re the only one capable of fixing it.  _That_ mess, anyway. And my mess… I’ll fix that.” 

It was too much to ask of him, but you couldn’t help yourself in doing so, looking up at him pleadingly. “Promise?”

Half a shrug, “We’ll see. If their information is any good. I’m more on the doubting side, considering. But at least you’ll be off the hook in that case, right?” His grin was only there for a few seconds before he realized the look you were giving him.

Hurt. “ _Tony._ ” 

“Right- right, not a good time to be making mortality jokes. Just. Go with them. Alright? I won’t die at least until you get back.”

Heaving only the biggest sigh you could manage, you nodded. What choice did you have anyway? Even though it was a terrible thing to admit, they were right. Stark Industries needed to be looked after. You’d tried your best between all the Iron Man happenings as of late, but the second Tony had told you the truth, that all went on the back burner. You’d shoved every meeting aside that you possibly could and had not been attentive in all the rest. Not to mention your overt bullying of people around you to get them to go  _faster_ . Because it had all come down to a few more days.

Now there was time. You hoped. You really hoped. Because if SHIELD was just messing around, Fury was going to be the first to go. You’d see to it personally. You didn’t care who he thought he was or how powerful he pretended to be.

If he had messed with the two of you for months just to play games and lead Tony into a dead end that meant you couldn’t be by his side when- if he…

_Don’t think about it_ . 

But suffice it to say.

There would be murder.

“Fine. I’ll go.” Leaning up, you pressed a brief kiss to his cheek. There was a disgusting groan from behind you. “Don’t let him push you around.”

“Do I let anyone?” He was softly smiling. At the little tilt of your head and the knowing raise of your brows, that expression moved to a grin. “Right. But you’re going to the office.”

Finally you allowed them to take control of the situation, stepping away from him completely and following Natasha down to the second guest bathroom. A very stylish dress and cardigan were laid out on the bed along with some pumps you’d never seen before in your life. “You’re dressing me now?”

“Figured it would move things along faster. ...Listen, I don’t want for there to be any negative feelings between us.” Her honesty shocked you.

So much so that you immediately thought she had to be up to something, no longer willing to trust her. “You were doing a job. I guess I can’t fault you for that.” You could, and you still might. But some part of you knew this to be true.

“I have to remain at Stark Industries for now. My cover needs to stay intact.” Ah. So there it was.

“_Of course_.” How could you _dream_ of threatening SHIELD operations? You had no idea why, maybe they were just there until the situation was completely resolved, now that they’d inserted themselves so fully. What could you do about it? Absolutely nothing, clearly. “I’m going to take a shower. In the meantime, schedule phone calls with Burt Theriault and Heather Madison.” 

It would probably just be best to pretend things were as they were. That she was  _somebody’s_ personal assistant. Might as well be yours  again  and put her to work. She nodded. “You also have some papers to sign for the Expo- Justin Hammer  has a slot expedited for tomorrow, the organizers already gave it to him . And you a meeting at two with R & D.” 

_Hammer_? Why now? What could he possibly have? **Unbelievable**. Would his pox on your life never end? “Alright. One thing at a time.”

“It’s recommended you take a flight out to New York tonight. The Expo runners are drowning.”

This you didn’t fully trust. What with Fury having just told you he wanted to separate you and Tony, it seemed very convenient the Expo people were suddenly having problems. But, at the same time, it might also do well to make sure Hammer didn’t burn the place down. “Yeah. Alright. Make sure the jet is ready.”

You had no choice.

And if you came home to find out Tony had died under their care it would be the end of all existence as they knew it.

But you were sure that didn’t need to be said. “I mean it, by the way.” Natasha said just as she was going to leave. You only gave her a questioning glance. Tired. “I’d like it if we continued to get along.”

“For your cover?” Unable to help the vitriol this was spat with.

“Not just that.” And then she shut the door behind her. Leaving you feeling guilty. And angry. And worn down.

When would it end?

* * *

After getting cleaned up and dressed (and realizing you had not slept in quite some time), you tried to check in with Tony before leaving. Only to be met with one Agent Coulson, arms crossed, already giving you a shake of his head to indicate that _no_ you were not allowed to speak with Tony.

Then, “You don’t look very pleased to see me.”

“I’m not very pleased with the set of circumstances I find myself in.” About as plainly true as you could be.

“You called me and I’m here. What’s not to be pleased about?” At least he seemed genuinely questioning.

But you made a face. “Fury was going to come anyway.” Since Natasha had been clearly watching over things, Fury had been bound to make an appearance sooner or later.

“_Was he_?”

You didn’t know what to make of this, and honestly didn’t care to think on it for very much longer. ...regardless of your wishes, though, those two words and the tone they’d been said it followed you around for the next few hours. On the drive to the office, through the first two meetings of the day, and into Tony’s office, which you’d long since commandeered as your own. At least someone had had the good sense to try and clean up the mess you’d made the night before.

Bill O’Reilly was on your television, screaming about that you had no qualifications and therefore no right to be sitting pretty on top of Stark Industries. How crazy Tony was for doing such a thing. How bad this made the company look. Better to pretend to listen to that opposition now, because you couldn’t avoid another interview with them forever. It only made you look weak, and Stark Industries by comparison. Just another thing to feel preemptively exhausted about.

_Was he_ ? 

Pretending your involvement with SHIELD’s dealings, more specifically so in the way of saving Tony, was anything more than nothing… it wasn’t smart. It was probably more of their mind games, which you’d have to really get yourself up to speed on. Tony may not have seen everything, but he seemed to know a lot more about what was going on than you. He may not have pegged Natasha right, but he’d known some stranger coming in and getting cozy with you had been  _wrong_ . 

You’d just been content to let her. And if not for Tony, who knew how sick you actually would have gotten.

_Crossed some wires we didn’t mean to_ . 

You’d been easy fodder for them to just trample. If she’d used whatever that was, that chemical cocktail, for much longer, if Tony hadn’t stepped in, what might have happened? Something irreversible?

You weren’t ready for this life. You knew it. You just knew it. The superhero stuff and now the secrets and the lies and… all of it. Just all of it. How was a normal person supposed to just wade through all of this? Make sense of any of it?  _Survive_ it? 

...not thinking about that you were not  _normal_ . You had never been normal. But you wanted desperately to be. So badly. Maybe the only thing you wanted in life- ...but was that true? Was that true at all when you’d tried yourself to get in with Tony Stark so you could  _save the world_ ? Your ambitions were high, coming off guilt that was also perhaps substantially more than the  _average_ person. 

There was nothing normal about you. And this was the life you had chosen.

Closing your eyes briefly you pretended you were anywhere but here. Anywhere but in the midst of corporate chaos that you were being more or less forced to control, engaged in some government conspiracy dealing with heroes and evils,  still worried that Tony may or may not make it … for a moment you were just laughing on the beach on Avalon aside  him as the cold waters rushed up… 

“Mr. Theriault for you on line one.” 

Gone in the next instant.

Picking up the phone you immediately let yourself drown in the next big thing to tackle. Rhodey had stolen that suit, whether or not he thought he was in the right was no longer the issue. Whatever had transpired between he and Tony was no longer the issue.

Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes had stolen Tony Stark’s property. In essence, the US government and military had stolen a private citizen’s property. That could not stand. If you had any hope of getting it away from them- and you would, now that Rhodey didn’t need to be in the pilot seat of Tony’s dying light- you had to start in fast and hard. Deploy the best lawyers Stark Industries had to offer.

Because otherwise the military was going to weaponize that suit and use it for means it was not meant for. Even this gave you certain pause, however. Just thinking. Thinking about the things Tony had been self employed in. The missions he’d gone on in the name of… only something he knew. You grasped it, faintly. Briefly. These people were not  _good_ that was for certain. Tony’s judgment about that was not what you questioned. 

It was just everything else surrounding it. But you could  _talk_ to Tony. You could perhaps  _talk_ him out of doing something drastic, if it ever came to that. You couldn’t tell the military not to blow people up.  It was one of their favorite things to do.  No one knew that better than you- except perhaps Tony.

But fighting this battle seemed harder than you first anticipated. Burt wasn’t really being very helpful. He’d opened with that this might not have been the best use of company resources, but when you’d worn him out on that nothing could be more important than protecting the intellectual property of Mr. Stark, he began whining about how starting in on this would be almost impossible.

“We’re going to pursue this- and I don’t care if it’s work you don’t want to do-”

“It’s not work that I don’t want to do Ms.-”  
  
“It sounds an awful lot like you don’t. We have propriety ownership of all Iron Man suits- _including_ the Mark II that was _stolen_, and may very well be in current use-” 

“I understand… I understand...”

“I don’t think you do.”

A familiar voice sounded off behind you, “Mute.” The babbling on the TV went dark and you  spun your chair half around and  looked over your shoulder to see Tony sheepishly wandering into the office. Despite yourself you couldn’t help a relieved smile, holding a finger up to him to let him know you’d be done in a moment. 

“I’ll- I’ll start my team on it. We can talk more about it at the Expo- you’re attending tonight, aren’t you?” 

A sigh escaped you. “Yes.”  _Unfortunately_ . 

“And uh… will Mr. Stark also be going…?” There was a hopeful tone in his voice. Asking really if he could sidestep you to the _real_ boss and talk some sense into him. Because _clearly_ you were crazy. 

“Mr. Stark?” Looking up again you saw Tony standing next to the old 1974 Expo model that had been dislodged in your pained fury the night before. Someone on staff had cleaned most of it up, leaving it against the bookcase near the door, sheet half draped over it. It needed to go somewhere, you just hadn’t decided where yet. “No, Mr. Stark will not be attending.” Tony looked over at you and gave a curious raise of his shoulders.

“Ah. I see. That’s too bad. Well, I have to be going. Speak more to you tonight. Goodbye.”

You let him hang up, putting the phone back down on the desk with a sigh, running your hands through your hair. Tony approached, setting a small basket of strawberries down and then taking a seat. “Rough day at the office, honey?”

“Oh, how could you tell?” Sitting back in your chair, you regarded him. He didn’t look any worse than when you’d left him- but he didn’t exactly look any better either. ...although he did look like he had fallen into a heap of clothes as his way of getting dressed. Wearing a dark button up under a dark loose sweater under a tan suit jacket and pants that were one size too big. A travesty to see his usual sharp self in a manner like that. Maybe he _did_ need you to dress him after all… “I thought I was pretty explicitly told by a big scary government agent that you weren’t allowed out of the house.” The least of your worries- if Tony was set to work, that was a good thing. Whatever they’d given him that was supposed to be helping should have been his main focus. 

“Who- _Coulson_? If you think Agent Coulson is _big and scary_ we need to have a serious talk.” Grinning lightly. But then he just raised his hands. “You know me. I don’t do so well with taking orders.”

“Or captivity.” Reaching over you took one of the strawberries. “Are these fresh?”

“Right off the tree.” His grin grew as he coerced a giggle from you. But then he slid back in his chair. “I don’t know… I think I have some of the pieces, but not everything. I guess I came looking for a muse.” All charm as he set his eyes on you.

You smiled, not wanting to let him get to you. “Or an excuse to get out of the house.”

His head rocked lightly back and forth. “Muse. Excuse. Either way. I’m here.”  As your eyes met again, you waited. He wanted to tell you something. You could  _feel_ it.  So used to  _that_ now. “I’m almost there. And that’s given me some time to think. I know- I think we already hashed it all out but- I just want to make sure.” 

Raising your brow, “I don’t know if I’m on the same page.”

“Well. As I recall. You were about to dump me before I told you I was dying.” Putting it so plainly nearly gave you whiplash. And also made you feel just utterly terrible. “I just wanted to make sure you’re not staying with me. Out of pity.”

But this encouraged half a smile. “You earned yourself a one time get-out-of-jail free card with the whole dying thing. So don’t think too much about that.”

“Well. I am.” There was some _gloom_ lingering over him, clearly stressed with this just a little bit. Reaching over the desk you took his hand in yours, but he continued. “I know I don’t always say the right things- and god knows I don’t ever _do _the right thing. But I was just forced to open the proverbial album of my life and I realized I don’t want to make the same mistakes that everyone else around me did.” You weren’t really sure what all this meant, all you knew was that he was getting some _relief_ from speaking so candidly. So you let him continue. 

“I don’t want to just one day tell people I loved you behind your back, but leave you wondering. Or worse for wear. It doesn’t make sense. It’s backwards. So I’m telling you now- honey- when I figure this all out, I’m giving you 300%. And nothing less.” 

His words warmed you to your core. Not exactly sure what he’d been doing in the house, or what Fury had given him that had made him re-examine his life this way. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it in full, so you didn’t want to ask. “A lot of things… a  _lot_ of things leading up to me saying what I said were out of both of our control. I think when we’ re able to map out our own lives-  when we have the full picture-  things will be easier.” His expression remained impassive. “I love you, Tony. I can’t lie and tell you I haven’t been thinking about how utterly absurd and crazy our lives have gotten- because I have. But  at the end of the day, I know the struggle is worth it. Because I have you.” 

Squeezing your hand tight, he finally smiled and then looked away. “See? Muse moment.”

As if right on cue, the door to the office opened, and Natasha called your name. “Your next meeting is set up in the conference room. Your flight will be ready after that. Can you sign this for me, it’s the release Cordco wanted. I have some patent and trial requests that need to be looked over from a Mr. Beck as well.” Coming to your side, she held open a folder. “Mr. Hammer is still _insisting_ on your invitation to his presentation, as well.”

“Hello, Ms. Rushman. Natalie. That is your name right, Natalie?” Tony stayed seated, eyeing her. “How are you? Still _blending in_ well?” 

Natasha glared at him. You didn’t know what to make of it. Clearly he didn’t like her. You probably should have felt the same way. Taking hold of the pen on your desk, you scrawled your signature on the papers for her. “Thank you, Natalie.” The door to the office was open. People were listening. “I’ll be right there.”

She got the hint, snapping the folder shut and nodding. “Yes, ma’am.  I’ll let them know. ” Though she couldn’t seem to help directing one last thing at Tony as she was on her way out. “Shouldn’t you be at the house?” 

“I’m on a twenty minute sabbatical.”

You stood next, although you stopped aside him as he still was sitting. Perhaps very reluctant to go back to work? Not that you understood it. Time was growing short… and yet he was still determined to play it cool. He really must have had it under control. You hoped. Reaching out, you cupped his cheek in your palm. “I have to get back to work.”

“Right. Work.”

“And so do you.” Leaning in, you pressed a kiss to his forehead.

A tired smile was directed up at you. “You’re going to New York, right?”

“Someone has to make sure Hammer doesn’t blow the place up.” You really didn’t want it to be you. More than tired of having to deal with him. But you had a feeling his _insistence_ was coming at a high price. To make a fool of you if you didn’t show. But also if you did. A no win scenario. As expected when it came to dealing with him.

“Oh. Hammer found a slot, huh?” Grinning up at you.

You had no idea what this meant. “I didn’t sanction it.” Too busy with Tony related activities at the time to have done so.

He shrugged. “Go. Do your work thing and… I’ll do mine.” Leaning up closer, he beckoned you into a soft kiss that lasted too short a time.

The  office door  was still open. 

* * *

You forced the last meeting of the day to a short and merciful end. Literally  _forced_ , finding solace in that flexing your powers to make everyone in the room feel  _good_ no longer left you feeling ill in turn. Just enough ego stroking and big talking to get by until the next time you’d have the displeasure of having to sit down with the same group again.

There was only reason you’d rushed- well… aside not really wanting to deal with them. Slipping out past Natasha who you’d set up to be busy with something else, and Happy who was simply busy chatting up somebody in the lobby. Grabbing a car to get over to the manor had never been so easy.

You crept up the front lawn, the flurry of agent activity had completely died down, and you put some _sense_ out into the world, trying to get a feel for who was there. Somebody was distracted by the TV in the kitchen, so you hopped around the back.

As you keyed yourself into the back door, you found him sitting in his lab, awash in a beautiful blue glow. He was sitting inside some new giant hologram that took up half the room- a ball- an atom? Looking up with the biggest smile on his face.

You’d never seen him look like that before. Sort of breathtaking in a way. _Beautiful_. He motioned for you to come closer, so you did, leaving your bag on the table, moving behind him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. “What is it?” Clearly his big breakthrough.

Reaching up and then quickly slamming his hands together, the blue dissipated, shrinking down to fit in between his fingers in a little ball. He held it up. “This is it.” Then quieter, “Thanks, dad.”

What he’d been looking for.

_Tony was going to live. _

That thought alone released so much relief you thought you might pass out. You squeezed him, resting your head against his in a little nuzzle. “Palladium replacement?” Just to confirm. You needed to be sure.

Reaching up, he beckoned something with a waggle of his pointer finger. “Mark VI, front and center.” You let go of him just a little, hands moving just to hold his shoulders as he slid forward. A hologram mock up of the Iron Man Mark VI burst to life, the wireframe not completely finished, calculations and all sorts of little numbers you’d never understand floating around it. Reaching forward he moved to deposit this new thing into the chest piece.

“Sir, this implies a theoretical element not currently found on the periodic table.” JARVIS spoke up just as Tony dropped this supposed element in.

The suit started to light up red before turning blue, spreading outward from the chest. “I think you’re gonna be alright, kid.” Tony’s voice was barely a whisper, speaking to himself as it looked like all the vitals inside the hypothetical suit were normalizing.

“More than alright.” Feeling that flush of hope, letting it bounce between the two of you as you gave him another squeeze and a press of a kiss to his temple.

“I will run a simulation to check element viability.” JARVIS chiming in again, still trying to do work while you and Tony were bounding steps ahead of him.

“Yeah, listen, you have a ball with that.” Tony was all smiles, moving around in the chair to stand. You looked up at him, he gazed back. The room felt so _warm_. “I know it’s gonna work.” Lifting your hands in his, he pressed a few kisses to the backs of your fingers.

“It better. You’re not allowed to die on me.” This was your baseline for normal, you knew it now. And nothing made you happier.

“Yes, ma’am.” Letting go with one hand to give you a two fingered mock salute. His arm then came around your shoulders, leading you away to the front door of the lab. “JARVIS, tap the Oracle grid. I need some stuff out of storage. Get me everything from projects PEGASUS, EXODUS, and GOLIATH. And get ready for a major remodel, we’re back in hardware mode.” There was practically no hiding the excitement in his voice, and it had wrapped you up in a whirl. Only halfway up the stairs did he finally ask, “What are you doing here anyway?”

“You’re not the only one who can sneak by big scary government agents.” Speaking of which… that presence in the kitchen had vanished completely. The manor was now empty. Strange.

“Again- if that’s your definition of _big and scary_ we’re gonna have to have a real talk. I’m starting to get worried.” Stopping just at the top of the stairs, he reached up, cradling the sides of your face in his palms. It was so easy to get lost. “Really. What are you doing here? Didn’t you have a million things going on?” His smile was gentle. “Checking up on me?” 

Sliding your hands up over his, you held him there, eyes closing just for a moment. Memorizing the feel of him. “I had to make sure.”

When you opened your eyes again he was very close. “Good news. I’m gonna make it.”

Despite your best efforts, there was a well of tears that touched against the line of your lashes.  Relieved. So utterly relieved  and overwhelmed . You’d been on that path since this morning, feeling like Fury showing up out of nowhere- well, not  _nowhere_ , but unexpectedly- was really going to set everything straight. You weren’t sure what he’d given Tony. But it was enough. More than enough. “ Thanks for sticking it out.” 

“What did I tell you?” There was a fresh wet sheen in his eyes, probably just reciprocal. Your fault. Leaning in he let his lips linger against your forehead as his arms wrapped you up tight. “Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.” You rested your face against his chest and barely heard the murmur, more felt the rumble of his voice against your ear. “Thanks.”

_For not giving up on me._  
For staying.  
For trying.  


_ **For everything. ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Great news!!! Tony's going to live forever!! And nothing bad will happen ever again!! Yay!!!! .......  
If you liked it please leave some love! And thanks for reading so far!


	29. Chapter 29 [0%]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm traveling today for my birthday, so you guys get the chapter early! Enjoy! Shit is about to go down!

At the top of the stairs, still caught up in each other, you hadn’t moved from his embrace. Despite the angry buzzing in your pocket. Until, finally, his kisses were not enough to silence it. At least what it meant. “I have to go. Natalie is blowing up my phone.” Angry that you’d slipped out without notice, no doubt. And that you were holding up the jet. Already knowing that’s who it was without even looking. It wouldn’t do well to be late for the Expo meeting.

“Agent Romanoff.” Quickly corrected.

Your eyes rolled up into a close and defeated nod. “Yeah.” A little pat on his cheek and a kiss to the other. “I’ll try to make it back tonight.” That was a lot of air time but you really wanted to spend the evening with him after such a huge emotional release. Tony Stark beating death a second time really deserved **some** type of celebration. 

“I could always fly out to you.”

“Don’t stress yourself.” One more little kiss and you turned to leave only to realize, “Oh- I left my bag in your lab.” Too overwhelmed by his new discovery, and him too, that you’d followed him upstairs without thinking.

“I’ll get it.” Gone in one moment and back the next. “Try to be more careful. You never know what duplicitous characters are lurking around.”

It didn’t exactly feel like he was joking. “Worried I’m going to get robbed?” Unsure of what he was trying to get at.

“Not so much.” Grinning. Teasing? About what you had no idea. Either way, you really needed to go so you gave him one last kiss and left again.

* * *

On the jet the air was very tense. Or maybe you were imagining things. Either way, you had your attention solely on your laptop, drafting up a whole new batch of emails to go here and there, answer whoever was bothering to waste your time with things you’d explained a million times, getting press releases ready… life never stopped.

“You and Mr. Stark are very good at not following orders.” Natasha said very suddenly after an hour in the air with no other words between you. Her tone quiet.

Giving a little shrug, you kept your attention on the screen. “We don’t march  in someone else’s  lin e. Sorry if that’s upsetting.” 

“I didn’t say it was a completely terrible thing.” At this you looked over the top of your screen to see her smiling. “It’s not the best, considering you’re trying to get conscripted, but it isn’t the worst, either.” 

She had been trying to pull some similar act back at the house. It was probably better to put it to rest. “You know I don’t trust you, right?” Arguing with her about the nature of your supposed contract with SHIELD now, not that you knew what it even was, was pointless. You’d make good on your word if you thought it was necessary. But that didn’t need to be said.

“That’s very smart.”

The lack of sleep was getting to you, unable to keep your hand from raising up, rubbing over your eyes and then sliding down. “I’m not interested in this sly secret agent act. If that’s all you’re made of, we can go back to being quiet and professional.”

It was your surprise that she seemed slightly taken aback- briefly-  though  not even registering on her face. But you  _ felt _ it. And with it came a moment of minute hesitation. All while the smile never disappeared. She was good at this. And that’s exactly why you didn’t trust her. So-

While you had the edge, you decided to use it, dropping your eyes back to your screen. “And if you’re not used to people calling you out, Agent Romanoff, we  _ really  _ should keep it brief.” 

“More than. But I’m not used to someone like you.” Her tone had grown pensive but you didn’t trust that, either. 

Still, while she seemed even remotely interested in being honest, you looked up at her again. “Fury came at us with some huge pitch about a grand world of superheroes. You’re going to tell me he’s a liar?”

“Not a liar, no.” Shaking her head. “But we’re used to- ...people like me. Blood and sweat. Ready to prove their mettle. Good with weapons. And not so much...”

“So you _are_ calling Fury a liar, then.” Getting what she was trying so delicately to broach. When she raised a delicate brow at you, you closed your laptop. “He seems to think he can help me. With what you don’t even know how to classify.” 

How cohesive was this SHIELD? How big? How much did everyone know? Who ranked where? What did they want? You had too many questions.

“That’s not my job.” Firm, suddenly.

“And what is your job, Agent Romanoff?” Squaring your gaze on her.

“For right now? You and Mr. Stark.” Sliding back into sweetly casual, leaning back on the couch with her arms along the back.

“And after that?”

“That’s classified.”

A puff of air left you, a little twist of your mouth, a dissatisfied smirk and a shake of your head. “Back to quiet and professional it is.” Opening your laptop again.

It went quiet again. For a long while. Twenty minutes at least. Until, “Why did you get out of the car on the track in Monaco?”

You thought about ignoring her. Now she was digging. For what you had no idea. Your fingers remained in a steady rhythm, typing even as you spoke. Really trying to show her how little consideration she was being given. “Wouldn’t you have?” The thought you’d had as the news had hailed you as some hero.

“Not necessarily, no. You were unarmed- for all intents and purposes- and dying wouldn’t have been of much use to Mr. Stark, would it have? You could have approached it from a different vantage point- but maybe it was because it was Tony that you acted so rashly-”

“I would have gotten out of that car for anyone.” Hands stilling. You sure as hell weren’t going to let her accuse you of being bold only for people you had a personal stake in. “There was no other _vantage point_.” Super secret agent garbage terms. Garbage thinking. “Sitting for two more seconds to _calculate_ the risk- how cold can you be? If this is what SHIELD is made of, I’ll have to write a check instead.” 

“Why did you get out of the car?” Pressing again.

And it worked. “Because it was the right thing to do.”

“Even at the risk of your own life?”

“Without a single doubt in my mind.” Not that you’d had time to think about it, but even if you had, it wouldn’t have mattered. That was what was right. Tony had needed help. Even if you’d died, if you’d helped it would have been worth it if it had bought him ten more seconds to get himself out.

No amount of questioning would change your resolve on that. Never.

The two of you held that stare until she relented and dropped her eyes with only a careful nod. After that your attention went back to the incomprehensible email you’d been angrily writing. After a few more minutes of silence, she spoke again. “They won’t let you just push money on them.”

“What are they going to do? Take me to super secret spy court if I don’t deliver? I’ll have to get a super secret lawyer in that case. Who’s your favorite pick in legal?” 

To your surprise she actually giggled at this, and when you chanced a look, her hand was over her mouth, hiding her quick smile. All gone in a matter of moments. But she caught you looking. “You know- has anyone ever told you you and Tony are an awful lot alike?”

“Please _don’t_ say that.” 

Yet another surprise this late in the game, the two of you shared an actual genuine laugh together. “Alright. Not  _ a lot _ , but a little bit.” 

Even though you’d gone back to paying attention to your laptop you couldn’t resist an eyeroll. “I guess can believe it. Maybe I’ve just spent too much time with him. Picked up some of his mannerisms.”

“He seems to be picking up some of yours.” 

You couldn’t help your smile. “I’ll count my small victories where I can.” 

The laughter in the cabin was probably the realest thing there had been between the two of you since you’d met.

* * *

Touchdown was a nightmare. Reporters were everywhere and you weren’t quite sure why. Although with the questions they were shouting, it likely seemed like a Hammer setup. _Of course_ it was. All paid to be bright and buzzing, grilling you about why there were rumors it was so hard for him to get a stage, “_Well, the Expo is running all year. What’s his rush?_” Incorrect answer, but you couldn’t help yourself. About the only soundclip they managed to get from you as you were whisked into a meeting in the Gold Member lounge.

Entirely unnecessary and unimportant. Timetables and schedules- really, was no one running the Expo while you weren’t in NYC? You’d have to think about moving some people around if they were this bothered about things. Expense reports you’d have to look over later. The Expo had barely been running for a month, yet for one reason or another, things were not moving along smoothly. Which was upsetting, and fell on _you_.

But, truly, it was _Tony’s_ fault for pushing it up so quickly. This would never have happened if things had gone according to plan and you’d opened in October. But that ship had sailed. And Tony’s reasons for moving it up so soon… not exactly easily publicized. You’d just have to take the heat on this one and look the other way. Resolved to not be mad about it anymore.

In between two different coffees and a change of scenery came the meeting with Burt who had less than stellar news for you about pursuing the military’s theft of Tony’s property. There was no real way to impress upon him how important it was to get that back, to go after them to the fullest extent of the law. How could he sit there and tell you that Stark Industries had the best lawyers in the country and then not be able to go after them? ...maybe you were making it hard.

Because you didn’t want to specifically go after Rhodey…

Another conversation for a different time, something you asked Natasha to put on your docket. If Rhodey would even take a phone call from you. There probably had not yet been enough time for feelings to die down, but if you could just _explain_ to him the reality of the situation, Tony’s situation, you were sure he’d listen. Hoped. You hoped he’d listen.

By the time the car pulled up to the Expo, Justin was scheduled to go on in fifteen minutes and it had grown dark. Just this one last thing. This one last thing- and then probably just asking to be left alone for ten minutes so you could make some personnel changes, then you could go home. Go home to Tony who by now had to have had it all figured out.

Alive and well, how about that? Now if you could just get back to finding your _normal…_

Escorted through the crunch of the crowds, you and Natasha took a seat a few rows back from the front just as the lights overhead in the dome dimmed, his graphics flashed on the screen in the back, and like the fool he was as the backlights started moving, he began dancing his way on stage. Applause was moving around you. You did not participate.

“Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about. Thanks for coming.” Stopping at his podium, glancing out, locating you with a grin and a point. The eye roll could not be helped. “Ladies and gentlemen for far too long this country has had to place its brave men and women in harm’s way. But then the Iron Man arrived and we thought the days of losing lives were behind us.”

This was already off to a bad start. Was Justin really planning to bad mouth Tony at the _Stark Expo_? He couldn’t be that stupid, right?

“Sadly, that technology was kept out of reach. That’s not fair. That’s not right. And it’s just too bad.” You’d made damn well sure every ask that had come across your desk from Hammer Industries for any piece of Stark Tech had been thoroughly smacked down. And if he was just about to do a presentation about how much he hated you and Tony, you thoroughly welcomed it. You’d go right up on stage and tear him a new one if you had to. In front of everyone.

Again, he _just could simply not be that stupid, right_?

“Regardless it was an impressive innovation, one that grabbed headlines the world over. Well today my friends, the press is faced with quite a different problem. They’re about to run out of ink!!”

The weak applause told you all you needed to know. Did anyone even really _want_ to be here? Two interns came running on stage to take his podium away from him and he awkwardly put his hands on his hips. “Ladies and gentlemen, today I present to you the new face of the United States military!”

Your blood ran cold.

No.

Oh no.

That couldn’t be. There was no way-

“The Hammer Drone!” Patriotic music came up as b-roll footage of the military ran on the screen in the back. The floor opened up on stage, “The Army!” Rising from beneath, a set of bulky humanoid mech suits appeared. Pilotless- with a round glowing circle powering their core.

_Arc Reactors…_

As the next three sets came on stage- blind to what branch Justin was labeling them to, you found yourself on your feet. There was no way that he could have that. Even  _if_ Rhodey had handed over the Mark  II to his superiors, which no doubt in the world that he had- for them to replicate an Arc Reactor-in less than a day?- that was  _unfathomable_ . 

“HAMMER!”

Natasha stood, putting a hand on your arm.

Justin cast a wayward glance your way but ignored you as he went on, “ But as revolutionary as this technology is, there will always be a need for man present in the theater of war. Ladies and gentlemen, today I am proud to present to you the very first prototype in the Variable Threat Response Battle Suit, and its pilot Air Force Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes!” 

The Mark II all decked out with a big gun over the shoulder came up, but you were already on the steps to the stage. “Shut this down now!”

How?

_How? _ How could he have dozens upon dozens of Arc Reactors? 

_You knew how. _

“Ah- ah… ladies and gentlemen- … Stark Industries’ newest CEO-” Justin fumbled as your rage brought you racing across the stage, just about ready to knock him the fuck out.

“What are you doing? Who worked on those suits?” You wanted him to say it. You knew there had been something wrong that day.

“What- what uh- I did, of course-”

Rhodey put a hand up. “Step down. I’m here on orders. Don’t cause trouble. Please.”

The rumble of jets sounded off, growing closer in seconds and the entirety of the dome looked up to see Iron Man coming in hot and heavy.  _No. **No**_ . 

Tony  cut his thrusters to land almost too dramatically, and the crowd got on their feet, stunned silence at your antics halting to give raise to uproarious applause. Walking closer, “We got trouble.” 

“Vanko-” You _knew it_, but you’d put it away so that you could focus on everything else. If you’d only just paid a little more attention- had been able to split your focus-

“Oh, so you listened to all my voice mails? I’ve been trying to call you for the last hour.” Coming closer he put himself between you and Rhodey, raising a hand to the crowd. 

“Vanko- why are you saying Vanko- Vanko’s alive??” Rhodey, thoroughly confused.

Tony raised his hand to the crowd. “Give ‘em a wave.” 

Justin, finally snapping from his stupor, stepped away from the three of you, clapping his hands together. “Hey alright! A double delight!”

“All these people are in danger, we gotta get them out of here.” Tony’s words only caused the bubbling over of your anger.

Reaching for him, you snatched the back of his jacket and yanked him around. “Where is Vanko!”

He just blinked at you, playing wonderfully dumbfounded. “Wuh? W-who?”

“Enough with the games.” Tony was far more controlled than you were. Then again, he was in the suit. The sound of the gun on Rhodey’s shoulder mounting sliced the air and all three of you whipped to look at him. “Is that you?”

“Whoa- whoa- I’m not doing that- that’s not me! I can’t move- I’m locked up!” As if on cue, every other gun on that stage came down, every mech raising their arms, aiming at the audience. “Get outta here! This whole system’s been compromised!”

“Let’s take it outside!” Tony doubled back, thrusts picking up as he launched into the air.

You didn’t have time to look after him, instead going to the edge of the stage, shouting into the crowd, “Go! Go!” Then taking a leap down. Just as Tony broke through the top of the dome, gunfire sounded off, followed swiftly by the shattering of glass. You threw your arms up to try and protect yourself as it rained down, holding steady for just a few seconds.

Raw  _panic_ took over every last person in that stadium as they took into a frenzy. As you looked up, you saw Justin running along the side stage and into the back. Fighting back hundreds of other people, you steadied yourself in a wide stance, forcing a breath in and then out,  hands coming forward again- maybe just used to the feeling now-  blooming  _focused calm_ across the theater. 

Shouts  in the immediate area  died down, buried instead  by the march of  hurried footsteps. You turned away from them to follow Justin  just as those suits were hopping down from the stage, spraying gunfire into the  crowd.

Not today.

_You would not die today. _

Natasha appeared by your side and you only gave each other a knowing glance as you pushed past security and into the back.  Justin and his tech team were arguing with each other. “He’s locked us out of the mainframe!” 

“Where is he?” You demanded, all steady fury.

“Please-” Justin threw his hands up at you. “_Go away_. Just go away! I’ve got this under control!” 

“You call people dying _control_?!” You grabbed the lapel of his jacket, ripping him from his casual stance as you pulled him forward. “You tell me where he is right now!” Vanko had not only provided Justin with these murder droids, but was now controlling them to do just that. He needed to be stopped.

“Look-!” Justin was screaming at you. “If you hadn’t jumped on stage- if your guy hadn’t showed up- none of this would be happening right now!” He shoved you back. “So _go away!_ Get out of my sight!” Leaning down to his crew, “Listen- we have to get these bitches out of here-” 

J ustin was lucky that Natasha took him by the arm and slammed him on the table. Because you might have done something far worse. Raising his arm to the point of breaking she growled at him, “Where is Ivan Vanko- you tell me right now.” 

“Van- Vanko- he’s- he’s at my facility-...” Hissing out in pain.

She didn’t even look at you as she stormed off. Going to handle it, you presumed. Probably more in her wheelhouse. It left you in a difficult position. Tony was taking fire from Rhodey and droids, Natasha was going off to apprehend the man behind it all-

Taking your phone out of your  bag , you were determined not to let the  _other_ man involved get away with this. If that was all you could do for now. 911 picked up the other line and you gave your name first, followed quickly by, “The Stark Expo main pavilion is under heavy fire. I need the NYPD here. Civilians are hurt and need help. Flushing Meadows.” 

Justin waved his hand at you. “No no no- no honey- don’t call the cops-”

You knocked his hand back. “She didn’t break your wrist but I will. Get away from me. Step aside.” Pleased only slightly when he  _finally_ did what you asked and took a couple steps back. Leaning down to the man working the console, “I need everything. Give me everything.” 

Ivan Vanko, yes, still alive, operating as a shadow worker for Justin Hammer. No surprise there. You’d worked that out within moments of seeing those suits. Maybe it would have done you better to actually have looked at the papers for Justin’s presentation- then again, you doubted he’d been that broad with it. No time to blame yourself. That would have to be later. Justin had broken him out of prison and faked his death. He was operating out of Justin’s warehouse, not too far from the Expo in Queens.

This little story was taking too long to tell.

He’d been under tight security, but communication lines had gone down- most likely the guards were no longer alive. The drones were half of Justin’s design, hardware only improved by the vacating of any need for a person. And the software…

“He built it from the ground up?” No surprise there either. Justin’s tech was garbage. It always had been.

“Yeah, and we can’t get through the locks. Each set of drones is communicating in its own language.” 

“Just pick one and stay focused.” This wasn’t exactly your forte without critical assistance from JARVIS- the officer on the phone alerted you to that they had squads out and were coming soon. You hung your phone up. Tony had his hands full. There was little else you could do.

Yet again, a wave of Justin’s hands made an appearance too close to your face. At this point you thought about just  _biting him_ . “Have you tried Russian? Why don’t you try Russian?” 

“Computer languages you fucking moron. Can you get away from me?! Go sit in the corner!” Having long since lost your patience. Maybe it was the sound of missiles and screaming that had gotten to you. Imagine that. 

Too close to the fray. Who were you? Just some small woman in the middle of it all…

“I’m here.” Natasha’s voice came from the console. “I’m rebooting Rhodey’s suit.” 

Only the slightest wave of relief came. “Can you take them all offline?”

“One thing at a time.” Nodding, even though she couldn’t see you, stilling your breathing.

“Is Vanko there?” She must have traveled to Justin’s warehouse- where he’d supposedly been holed up.

“Gone before I could get to him.” _Shit_. No good. Where to…? “Reboot complete. You got your best friend back.”

“Thank you very much, Agent Romanoff.” Tony’s voice from the computer urged a fresh bout of calm, about as calm as he sounded in fact.

“Well done on the new chest piece. I am reading significant higher output, and your vitals all look promising.” It sounded like the two of them were old friends.

“Yes, for the moment, I’m not dying.”

Despite the situation, you smiled. “Glad to hear it.”

“Oh- hello, honey, fancy meeting you here.” It was amazing, how in control he sounded despite the fact that he had to have been fighting. Life or death. Yet so casual.

“Hey,” Natasha said suddenly. “Save it for the honeymoon, will you? You got incoming Tony. Looks like the fight’s coming to you.” 

“Wonderful. Hey, honey?”

You perked up. “Yes, dear?”

“Get some reservations to that place I like. We’ll do dinner at ten.” 

B oth lines went out and you made yourself take a deep breath. He seemed like he had it under control. Even though Natasha had just said more were coming. He could handle it. He  _and_ Rhodey would handle it. Things were okay. Things were going to be okay… your focus had to remain on crowd control now. About the only thing you could do. 

Just on time, some officers in blue walked in through the back. Standing up straight, “Him.”

“_Excuse me_?” Justin was just on the line of shouting. 

One of them unhooked his cuffs. “You’re being placed under arrest.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Place your hands behind your back, sir.”

For some reason, there was no joy in this. You only looked on coldly. Whatever he had coming to him, he deserved. More than deserved. And even then it would never be enough. You would have rathered suffered his incompetence for the rest of your life than gone through what he’d done tonight. He’d hurt real people. Innocent people. All by looking the other way so he could pretend he was better than Tony.

“I get it. I see what you’re doing.” He was looking up at you as the snap of the cuffs sounded. “You’re trying to pin this on me, huh? That’s good. That’s _very good_. You’re starting to think like a CEO. Taking out the competition. I like that. You think you’re making a problem for me?” The officer pulled him, walking him out, but he strained to put himself right in your face. “I’m gonna make a problem for you. I’m gonna be seeing you again _real soon_.” 

You stared him down. Unafraid and silent. He deserved no more of your time. No more of your effort.

Justin Hammer had never made good on anything in his life. You weren’t about to start believing in him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And even more to come!   
But also seriously. Fuck you Justin.


	30. Chapter 30

Things seemed cleared up. You’d call Tony soon to check in. The situation was handled. With that in mind, you hiked the strap of your bag up over your shoulder and followed the second squadron of cops out of the back, through the destruction of the theater, and onto the front steps. Crowd control. That was what was left to you. Crowds and public image. Was that all you were good for?

The park seemed quieter, but there was still this underlying panic in the air that was hard to ignore. That and rubble laying just about everywhere. Waving over an attendant who was shakily having a smoke, “Do you have a visitor map and a marker on you?”

She just nodded meekly. “Yes, ma’am.” Unfolding one from her pocket and uncapping the pen hanging on her lanyard. You spied the name _Lara_ on her badge.

“Excuse me.” Grabbing the attention of the cops who were chatting on the front steps. They turned and you stepped into their circle. “When the rest of the units arrive I need them stationed here and here- and I want checkpoints set up here and here… Have some buses here and here to take people home. Stark Industries will pay for the costs.” Making sure to double circle all the spots. “Ivan Vanko is still on the loose, he should be top priority after making sure the people are alright.”

“That dude that died in that prison break in Monaco?” One of the cops was scratching the back of his neck looking like he really regretted coming to work this evening.

“Unfortunately he’s very much alive and very much unaccounted for. Please be careful.” Handing the map over to them.

They all just gave a weak group nod. “Are you coming with us?”

“I’m going to stay to make sure the park is completely clear.” The only thing you could offer to the world right now. Another nod, though with more shrugging than anything, and the police moved on their way. Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you recapped the marker, going to hand it back-

And then spotting a very young figure crouched beneath the base of the archway at the top of the steps to your right. Moving closer, you saw their clothing a little worse for wear- sporting an Iron Man mask, no less. “Hey… are you okay? Are your parents nearby?” There was a little shake of their head but their line of sight was up in the sky. Coming closer you moved to take a knee. “What are you doing?”

“I’m waiting.” A small boy’s voice came from underneath the mask and you could hear the stifled pants for air.

“Waiting for who?”

“Iron Man.”

This was in no way surprising. “Did you see Iron Man?”

An enthusiastic nod came, the mask shifting back and forth. “He was here! He was _right here_. We fought off a big robot!”

“You did?” He nodded again and raise his hand to the sky with a tiny little _pwah!!_, showing off one of those little plastic light up repulsors. A soft smile took hold of you before you could help yourself. “Well I’m sure he’ll be back soon. He’s off fighting those big robots still. You know… I work for Iron Man.”

Finally he turned to look and you could just barely make out a set of watery brown eyes in the holes of the mask. “Oh- oh _yeah!_ I’ve seen you on TV.” A little perk in his tone. He raised his hand to you next. “Lady Iron!”

You found enough courage to reach out and tip his mask up. His face was smudged with dirt. “Do you watch the news a lot?” The jury was still out on whether or not you liked that name. Probably leaning a little more towards no. Just because that was more Tony’s thing. Not that you minded being a duo… It also made little difference that the media had labeled you _Woman __**of**__ Iron _as more of a clever headline. But this boy had said _Lady…_ somehow it sounded a touch more sophisticated.

_Lady Iron_ was a proper superhero name. Not meant for someone like you.

He sniffled, reaching up to wipe his nose on the back of his sleeve. “My uncle has it on a lot.”

“Is your uncle here?” Wondering where his guardians were. Hoping against hope that they weren’t hurt.

“Yeah. My aunt, too. But I dunno where they are.” Another sniffle, another wipe of his nose on his sleeve. “-but I’m waiting for Iron Man.” Clearly on to you that you may ask him to go somewhere.

Going into your bag, you got a few tissues out from a small pack and leaned in to wipe his face off softly. No blood, at least. He didn’t fight, instead setting his eyes back up on the sky. “I’ll wait with you, okay? What’s your name, sweetheart?” Gently you _reached out_, wrapping him up in whatever emotional blanket you could.

He was just a kid, after all. It didn’t surprise you his brave face was just for show, and cracking around the seams. You didn’t need powers to see that. So you offered to him some _calm_ where you could, letting him focus on his _excitement_ that he’d gotten to meet his favorite superhero.

Finally, as he looked at you again, he smiled. “Peter.”

“_Peter!!” _Sounding off at the same time, his small voice overshadowed by a cry. You looked up, seeing a woman racing up the steps, coming to a kneel to take him into her arms. Even though he’d been playing _very_ brave, his arms wound around her and he hid his face in her shoulder. “Peter- oh thank god-”

“May...” His voice muffled in her shirt.

“He’s alright.” You got to your feet when she stood with him, taking his hand in hers. “He helped Iron Man. He was just waiting.”

“You did?? Of course you did. Are you okay? You’re okay, right? But we should go now, honey. Uncle Ben is in a tizzy. We were so worried- And- Oh- thank you for watching him- _oh!_ You’re-!” She was talking a mile a minute, clearly eager to get the hell out of here. You couldn’t blame her.

You just waved at her. “Iron Man’s helper.” Giving Peter a little wink, something you found yourself delighting in when he grinned.

“_Lady Iron_.” Correcting you. Though he did tug at her hand. “_May_-” Whining. “I wanna wait-”

“It’s okay, Peter. I’ll make sure to tell Iron Man you stayed behind and helped _all_ the civilians get to safety.” Looking over your shoulder you called, “Lara!”

The attendant stood straight as a pin and then quickly jogged over. “Yes, ma’am???”

“Can you please escort Peter and his aunt out of the park- and stop at a gift booth on your way to the parking lot. Whatever he wants, he can have it.”

The stars lit up in his eyes and he jumped slightly. “Really?!”

Crouching down again you held out your hand. “Really. We have to reward you for your heroism.” When he curiously mirrored you, you shook his hand firmly. “Thank you, Peter. The city is safer tonight because of you.”

When he let go of your hand, it went over his forehead in a salute. “Just doing my job!” You gave him a salute right on back.

Standing, this Aunt May smiled warmly at you. “Thank you so much.” Then leaning in to murmur, “I’ll make sure he doesn’t clean house.”

You gave him a little wave, one he enthusiastically returned as he was being led away, “Goodbye! Don’t forget!”

“I won’t- Peter, what’s your last name- so I can have Iron Man send you a personal thank you note!” Tony could do at least that much.

“Peter Parker!!!”

Smiling, you raised your voice slightly to reach him, “Thank you for your help, Peter Parker!”

“You’re welcome!!!!!!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. You heard him chattering excitedly about Iron Man and the big scary robots and how he _pew pew blam!!_ blasted them all, his voice dying down in the distance.

You finally felt like you could breathe again. The night air was calm. Only for a moment. Lulled into foolishness until it was too late. A presence behind you-

And then a lash of pain _tight_ around your neck. An arm came around your shoulders, pulling you into a broad body behind. “You want to play game? Okay. We play game.” Just barely recognizing the voice as you tried to catch your breath. “Talk your way out of this.” He tugged you back onto the front of the main steps.

Holding his prize out for all to see. “You-” There was a _zap_ that sizzled across your skin, silencing you in an instant.

He laughed. “Was joke. I don’t want to hear you. Get smart with me and see what happens.” He pulled you hard, tightening that whip around your throat, forcing you to wheeze for air. “Get your phone.”

You’d become a liability. There was only one place this was going. You had no choice to obey, dipping your hand shakily into your bag, feeling around for your cell. Something nudged against your hand. Realization dawned. Briefly.  
  


_Worried I’m going to get robbed? _

_Not so much._

Before you could even pretend you had the guts to help yourself, your phone went off and you raised it to him. He took hold of it, grinning. Tony’s voice was suddenly less calm than you remembered after a brief silence dragged. “Honey, tell me you’re okay.”

Ivan’s voice by contrast was sinister and easy. “Never been better.”

The line went dead, and the sound of thrusters over in a different dome- not too far- maybe if you could- if you could just focus- if you could- get your hand back in your bag-

“What you think? You think he will save you?” He laughed darkly. “He will try. And he will **fail**.”

Forcing a breath in, “What is it you want?” Looking up you saw the suit coming down, cutting the power to drop in front of the two of you.

Tony was quick, little mini guns tilting up from the armor’s shoulders, but Ivan remained steady. “If I lose control...” Tightening the wires around your neck, forcing a pained a noise. “She die.”

You needed to be better than this.

You _had _to be better than this.

You didn’t have to talk, right? If you could just… if you could just- _just think_\- for a moment- _not panic- no_\- you needed- you needed to-

The suit opened up, your eyes watering as you watched him step out. Ivan was all too pleased. “That’s smart.”

Tony held his palms outward, “Why don’t you let her go. She’s not like us. She’s normal. We’re the same.”

If you could pass a thousand apologies between the two of you, you would have.

_I’m sorry.  
I’m sorry I’m sorry… _

He looked _terrified_.

“The same?” Ivan still sounded terribly amused. “Not yet. You know what it’s like… to see your name _**destroyed**_?” Arm releasing you in one quick move as he shot his second whip out to take hold of Tony’s throat. Holding the both of you now at bay.

But his focus had shifted- grinding his teeth as he watched Tony suffer-

Tony’s eyes were moving- to you- back to Ivan as he pulled him closer- to you again-

The sound of another set of thrusts- Rhodey- Rhodey was coming in. They had a plan. You couldn’t stand idly by. Slowly. _Slowly_ you dipped your hand into your bag to grab a hold of that lump of metal. No longer self defense. Now a weapon.

“We will only be the same when you lose everything...” Ivan continued. You pressed the glove tight onto the back of your hand, letting it spread over your skin. “_When you lose __**everything**__ that you love_.”

Tony’s eyes went skyward, as did yours, seeing Rhodey there, then he quickly looked to you and nodded. Raw determination to _live_ took over. Forcing _shock_ forward, into Ivan, enough to freeze him for just a few seconds- you settled your hand over the line on Tony’s wires, pulling them in a snap, taking the handle of your own next to yank it away from him. Breath in- then out- steady, you held the glove out and then forced it forward, pulse of light, knocking the both of you off your feet.

You didn’t go far, into Tony’s arms- he’d rushed back into the suit during the fray. “Incoming!” Just barely making out the word over the sound of your own heart hammering.

Laughter sounded off, unhinged-

Tony lifted off and you clung to him as a whistle of a drop sounded in the air, heat of a sudden explosion licking your skin. Not just one- multiple. The whole park was lighting up in explosions- no doubt some last ditch effort on Ivan’s part.

When you felt solid ground beneath your feet, on some roof somewhere, your knees went out and you went down. Tony pulled his helmet off, dropping it as he knelt beside you. His hands touched over your face, over your neck. “Hey- look at me- are you okay- did he hurt you-”

Raising your arm, you tugged at the underside of the glove, shaking your hand to get it off once it went slack. You wanted to be stronger, but you weren’t, and the tears came. “I’m sorry-”

“_You’re_ sorry?” The panels on the arms of the suit lifted off, leaving his bare hands there holding the sides of your face.

“I should’ve been better- I shouldn’t have let him sneak up on me and- and-” You had been seconds away from dying. You knew that. You understood it. And because of it, you’d almost cost Tony his life, too.

“Stop- _stop- _it’s me. It’s _always_ me. It’s my fault. He was after me. If you anything had happened to you it would have been my fault. It _is_ my fault.” His eyes were searching yours, a wetness shining there reflected by all the lights in the city.

_Desperation_ punched through you. Followed by a lance of  _sadness_ . 

You had to pull yourself together. For him. So, you offered a weak smile. “Can I get that in writing?” Nudging him, you moved to stand, taking hold of his arms to help yourself up.

“Whatever you want.” He seemed uneasy still, but slowly warming up to that things might _finally_ be okay. Things were okay… right? Finally? “It’ll make things easier in the future. You can just pull it out whenever you need to. Although I reserve the right to revoke my guilt on a case-by-case basis.” 

You sniffled, shaking your head. Finally taking stock of him. His suit was extremely  _damaged_ ,  he had a small cut across the top of his right cheek, he looked like he’d walked out of a war. ...b ut the glow of the Arc Reactor was bright and steady- and you realized, “You’re not dying anymore? You promise?” Settling your hands over the inverted triangle there on his chest piece now. “Did changing the shape help?” Teasing. Just a little. 

His hands came over yours, grinning softly. “ You’re already making critiques? Yes.  The shape is  _very_ important,  thank you . And. Yes. I promise. Not currently dying anymore. At least not any more than anyone else-” 

It would have been easy to let him go on,  but the swell of relief took you up on your tiptoes, laying an almost helpless kiss to his lips.  There were no words close enough to tell him how much you  _loved him_ . There never would be. Even through all of this. This craziness. Life and death situations become too frequent. Superhero nonsense. Your life hypothetically  _and_ literally blowing up around you. 

“Alright, I was cool with it before, but now that the two of you are snotting all over each other, I’m gonna have to ask you to stop.” You and Tony parted to cast a glance at Rhodey, who just happened to be sitting down a few feet away.

Arching a brow, “How long have you been sitting there?”

“The whole time.”

Tony waved a hand. “And you didn’t say anything?”

Rhodey smiled. “We had all the greatest hits playing. She’s sorry, you’re guilty. I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt. But now it’s getting weird.”

You made a face at him. “Well feel free to leave.”

He grinned. “I got here first. Get a roof.”

Parts of the Expo were still on fire. You and Tony had most likely come really close to death tonight. Yet despite all that, the three of you found it in yourselves to laugh. Though it was Tony who broke the chuckles first, “I thought you were out of one liners?”

“That’s the last one.” Some joke between them- no doubt had on the battlefield.

Tony just shook his head, still smiling. “You kicked ass back there, by the way.”

“Thank you. You, too.”

Chancing the moment, you looked him over. “Does this mean we’re all friends again?” It had been extremely tense for too long a time. You didn’t like fighting with Rhodey, or Rhodey fighting with Tony. It was better like this. Far better.

He smiled at you. “Yeah. Until you two do something else stupid.” At this you couldn’t really protest. “Listen, my car got taken out in the explosions, so I’m gonna have to hang on to your suit for a minute. Okay?”

Tony pressed his lips together. “Mn.. not okay. Not okay with that.”

Rhodey stood. “Wasn’t a question.” The face mask of the suit slipped down and he boosted off into the night, leaving the two of you alone.

You breathed out a sigh. “I guess I should tell Burt to stop action on that lawsuit.”

Incredulous laughter bubbled out next to you. “You were suing Rhodey?”

A light shrug, “The military, if I had to.”

He grinned, putting an arm around your shoulder. “You are… absolutely incredible.”

You laid a hand over the Arc Reactor. “And don’t you forget it.”

“Did you make those dinner reservations?”

“I was kind of busy handing Hammer over to the police and then trying not to die.” Giving him just a tiny sharp look. Even though he was probably joking.

His eyes lit up. “Hammer is sitting in a prison cell right now?” Bending in, he slipped his other arm underneath the crook of your legs, lifting you. “You _are_ incredible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn right, Tony. Damn right.   
A little behind the scenes if you'd like! The extended sequence in Tony's lab and this sequence with Ivan are both alternate scenes from IM2. I liked the way this one ended better for obvious reasons so I adopted it. And that little baby Parker in the park... well. We'll see him again in the future I'm sure!


	31. ❤Chapter 31❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remind my wonderful readers again that this fic does have an M rating. So. You know. Enjoy.

A lot of cleanup was going to have to happen. Tomorrow you’d take several press conferences to keep the public abreast of what Stark Industries was going to do in regards to helping the people who had been hurt by Justin Hammer’s malicious actions- as well as get the ball rolling on several lawsuits. But, for now… with the flight time home too long, Tony brought the both of you to a nearby upscale hotel, ignoring the stares from onlookers and screams from fans.

You were lucky you were still clinging to your bag, else all you’d have to give the front desk staff as collateral for the penthouse suite you were renting was Tony’s last name, and maybe his suit. Keen on not taking the elevator teeming with people all ready to ask a million questions, Tony actually took the two of you back outside and flew up instead to the rooftop where your suite awaited.

It felt like the best thing to do would have been to flop down on that massive California King bed and just call it a night. But that wasn’t what you really wanted to do.

You were already out of your clothes completely by the time he was only just out of the suit, asking JARVIS to run some diagnostics for the rest of the night so he could do some fixing in the next couple of days. Or redesigning, knowing him.

“I’m going to take a shower.” Letting him know softly, as you half hung out of the door of the humongous bathroom.

He looked over his shoulder, faintly registering something was afoot here. “Me, next.” He really looked like he could have used one.

“You, _too_.” Smiling coyly before disappearing into the bathroom to start the hot water.

His heavy jump up and then quick footsteps were almost too endearing. Eager. So _eager_. You’re not sure how he actually shed his clothing so quick, only realizing he was right there behind you. Warm and very much naked, hands on your hips.

Stepping away and into the stream, you reached out behind you to take hold of his hand, beckoning him into the wide spray of the hot water with you. There was an immediate swell of relief, but he didn’t wait long, instead turning your palm over in his so that he could pull you the other way around, and the nudge you against the wall. You gave no resistance.

The soft blue glow of the Reactor painted you both as he leaned in close, your hands moving from his to slide up the lean plane of his chest. Not shy of the machinery there. Lulled, in fact, by its presence, now knowing…

He dipped in, lips barely brushing yours. Eyes closed, you allowed your voice to leak out. “You promise you’re not dying?” Everything stood to reason that he was fine now. Things were fine. But you still wanted to hear him say it. One more time.

“You’re stuck with me.” His grin touching along your lips. As your hands moved further still to cup the sides of his neck, you felt his quiet inhale. “I’m yours forever.”

You stole the words from him as you kissed him deeply, not waiting any longer. Not being able to. You needed him. Now. You needed him to soothe the ache that had been forming for months with his recklessness. You needed him to promise you with his lips on yours, his hands on your hips, the brush of his tongue over yours, and the groan that came after-

You needed more than a promise that he was going to be alive. You needed him to promise you _everything_. Your arms wound around his neck and he pressed himself to you as the hot water continued to rain down. When he broke back, there was only one thought there in his heavy tone. “_I need you_.”

It spiked a rush through you. “I need you, too.” Another kiss, this one a little hurried, something that set a quiet panic, so you put a stop to it, easing your head back. He let you go, instead laying little kisses to the line of your jaw. “Don’t rush.” _Please_.

“Still going slow?” He was panting into the side of your neck.

Your face was suddenly very hot. “Yes- but don’t stop.” Trying to get him to understand. After everything you didn’t want a second of this to be muscle memory. You wanted _him_.

There was a smile at your shoulder. “I think I get it.”

“You’re a smart man.” Teasing him lightly.

Leaning back from you, he took your hips in his hands, pulling you from the wall to hold you steady in front of him, putting you in the direct stream of the water. You cast a curious glance over your shoulder, but leaned back into him anyway, head slipping back to his shoulder. His hands slid down over your arms before lifting them lightly, directing both of them behind around his neck. “Smartest there is.” Once your fingers were interlocked, he let go, leaving you holding him like that. His fingers slowly made their way down your chest, _slow_. Slow like you’d asked. “I didn’t let you go, after all.”

He traced the lines of your collarbone before sweeping lower over your chest, stopping just as you arched back against him, unable to help yourself. His breath was heavy in your ear as he cupped your breasts, a careful squeeze, a gentle touch. Slow. _So slow_. Allowing the next sound of your moan to keep him there for just a little while longer.

You felt like you were burning from the inside. When his hands moved again, you nearly lost your balance, hanging on tight to him, pressing harder back against him. Something that earned a shift of his hips in turn against you. A little spill of a breath, a quiet groan into your shoulder as his head dropped. Just like that he turned you again, and if you had any sense you might have admired his skill and ease at directing you- or maybe had some sense of embarrassment as your hands went into his hair once your back found the shower wall again.

Pulling him close, sharing another moan between you as his hand slipped beneath your left thigh, gripping, guiding you upward just a little and then holding you there steady. His other hand dipped between you, a slow slide against you, something that earned an automatic rock of your hips. The shape of his name left your lips in a huff as your head fell back, leaving him there kissing the corner of your mouth. He slid two fingers up deep and your next call was not as quiet as the heat sparked through your entire body.

Thank god you had the entire top floor to yourselves.

Trying to hide your shame, you drowned yourself in another kiss. But it was the curl of his tongue in time with the crook of his fingers dragging against you that got another _deep _moan as he continued undoing you so easily. But even this- _this_ was not enough yet.

You’d wanted to go slow.

But now all you wanted was him.

“_Tony-_” Breathing hard. “_Tony_...” Not sure how to get him to stop because you didn’t _want_ him to stop touching you. You thought you might die if he did. But-

“_What do you need_?” Almost asked like he was _begging_ you. Begging you to tell him everything you needed from him, everything you wanted, because he was desperate and helpless to do anything less. “Tell me what you need...” Half those words lost in a touch of your lips together.

Swallowing hard, you tried to force yourself to think straight. _Impossible. “_Take me to bed- please… _please_-” Begging him right on back.

“Are you sure?” His hand stilled between you and you blinked your eyes open to see him waiting there. Eyes so deep and dark- honest- and waiting. Waiting for you.

He was so beautiful.

Reaching clumsily to the faucet, you stopped the spray of water and then caught him in another kiss that was half a nod. Mumbling against his lips, “Yes- _please_...”

It didn’t matter that the two of you were soaking wet. As he lifted you so easily again, you felt the flutter of nervousness all but fade away in another kiss. The bed swallowed you up soon after as he laid you there, resting over you, leaning down on that arm still around you to press himself close.

Your hands slid up his sides, further, all the way up to brush the lines of his jaw with your fingers. To hold him there- to keep kissing him until you could no longer breathe. Drowning happily in him. It was why when he broke back, a noise of dissatisfaction left you, only appeased when he didn’t go far. Blinking your eyes open, you saw him there again, and the look in his eyes accompanied with such a _gentle_ smile burned you to your core.

“I love you.”

You put your arms around him again. “I love you, too.”

Only the barest shift, now feeding off each other’s need, you slid your leg up before locking it around his waist and his smile turned into a grin for just a brief moment. “I feel like you’re trying to tell me something.”

You mirrored the look, leaning up only that bare bit of space to kiss him again. No words necessary as you passed the feeling to him.

_I need you_ . 

His shaky exhale thrummed a pleasure through you, but nothing quite like when he lifted your hips just a little bit more, easing himself down. Closer. Skin burning you. You felt him, the head of his cock touching against you- teasingly more than anything- maybe still trying to obey your earlier command for slowness. You weren’t sure whether to appreciate it or beg again.

Lucky that you didn’t have to. His lips broke from yours on another exhale that edged off into a groan as he sunk himself inside of you. Inch by inch.  _Slow_ . So slow it threatened to kill you. You held him tighter, head pressing back into the sheets as you surrendered to him.  _“Tony_ ...” Eyes closed tight, mouth hanging open. 

He stopped moving- and you felt so  _full_ \- barely able to breathe- caught off guard when the lo w tone of your name from his lips broke through to you- and then when you opened your eyes, catching the sight of him right there, the two of you bathed in the glow from the Arc Reactor- his face soft and pink- “I love you.” Punctuated on a slow slide out, and then a rock of his hips, sending him somehow even  _deeper_ . 

You held him close, eyes rolling closed automatically as those sparks took everything away from you. Barely just finding his lips so you could kiss him again. Kiss him as senseless as he was making you.

_I love you… I love you, I love you- Tony- I love you…_

He moved on each one of those notes, finding a rhythm that tore you apart. Slow. Careful. Needing every second between you committed to memory.  And even that was too much. 

Y ou had him. He was there. He was alive. He was  _yours_ . Nothing else mattered. You wanted to stay like this. Locked in this moment. In the steady thrust, the deep heat- 

But you couldn’t. No matter how slow he’d planned on being, it didn’t stay that way for long, and you couldn’t help but meet him move for move until it was all too much. Overwhelming every last inch of you, lighting your skin, pleasure building to bust.

“_Tony-_” Barely a noise at all. “I’m gonna-” 

The return groan of your name from him was almost unrecognizable, lost between you in one last kiss as he took you deeper still, pressing you to the bed yet holding you to him at the same time.

_ **I love you-** _

The break came and you found yourself squeezing him, holding on, begging him to stay, to keep moving yet stay still- just-  _ anything _ \- anything he would give to you- A strike of heat paired with a deep groan. Pleasure rocked you deep to the core, striking you senseless. Leaving you on a dizzy high you weren’t sure you’d come down from. 

You weren’t sure where you were- only barely recognizing your desperate pants for air around the shape of his lips- puffs of air from his- still kissing him somehow. In and out. Unable to stop. Fingers curled in his hair, keeping him there. Slowly things came back. The feel of both his arms around you, the shape of his body just over you. How warm the air was.

And then, when you remembered yourself and just barely opened his eyes, you saw him there again. Waiting. Smile so gentle it threatened to break you again.  One arm left so that he could touch his fingers up over your cheek, brush a bit of your hair back, and then cup the side of your face in his palm. Just holding you. Looking at you. 

It took you too long to realize you were doing the exact same thing, hands clasped at the back of his head.

Mirroring each other’s smiles. And then, similarly, “I love you.”

“I love you.”

_Mirroring each other’s feelings. _

There was still a mess to clean up. There’d probably always be a mess to clean up. You had no idea what tomorrow would bring. Or the next dozen tomorrows. But as long as you had Tony, as long as he had you,  the two of you could get through anything. 

He rested his head against yours, eyes fluttering closed, and a soft warm bubble of laughter escaped him, and you were helpless to do anything but return it.

It was then, finally, that you knew.

You belonged together.  
No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some sweet, sweet lovemaking on this gentle Wednesday afternoon. They deserved it, okay?


	32. Chapter 32

While somewhere deep in your unconsciousness you were resolved to stay in bed for the entire day, not having slept this long or this well in quite some time, the smell of _food_ dragged you out of your slumber. Not just the smell but the sound. Something sizzling away in the kitchen- not _your_ kitchen- not at the house. Right. You remembered. 

In the penthouse suite in Manhattan.

Because you and Tony had nearly died last night at the Expo. Because of Justin Hammer. Who was probably out on bail by now. And Ivan Vanko who was no longer alive at all. Right right right.

The house in Malibu was still destroyed, no doubt. The two of you could throw money at it to get it fixed all you wanted, it would probably still take a couple weeks before it was livable again. Which got you thinking.

Wasn’t it strange that Stark Industries had no headquarters in NYC? One of the biggest cities in the United States. At least then you could have sectioned off a small floor for bare bones living quarters. Something more familiar and desirable than- well… you couldn’t  _really_ complain about waking up in the luxury you were surrounded with. 

Grabbing an overly plush robe from the hook on the bathroom door, you padded over to the kitchen, where Tony was humming away to some song playing on his phone and flipping what looked to be a quite fluffy pancake. Feeling bold, you wrapped your arms around him. “Good morning.” Your voice a mere croak.

“Good morning. Relatively speaking. I was just about to start contemplating calling a hospital.”

Moving aside him, you propped yourself up to sit on the counter. “Why’s that?” You didn’t feel worse for wear- and he seemed peachy keen.

All smiles, in fact, as he looked at you. “It’s one o’clock. You were pretty far gone.”

“_One o’clock?!”_ You’d never slept so late in your life. Well. Not your professional adult life anyway. “How is it one o’clock?!” There was too much to get done for it to be that late in the day. 

“Well, you know. You had a pretty big day yesterday.” Ah, yes. Finding out Tony may have just had a chance to come back from _dying_. Not having slept the night before- ...and the night before that? Was that right? How is it you hadn’t collapsed? And then being whisked away to meetings and then- oh yes, almost dying again. “And a pretty big night.” 

The grin he was aiming at you earned him a little smack to the arm. Something he chuckled at as he turned the burner off on the stove. “You still shouldn’t have let me sleep that long.”

“Yes I should have. Which is why I did.” Said in that matter-of-fact way of his when he was sure he was right about something. And the only smart person in the room. He tilted the pan over on the opposite counter, plating the one pancake he’d been cooking on top of a large stack.

You ran your hands through your hair and then rubbed your face. “ _No_ .” Simple as that. 

“I let you sleep in, I cook you breakfast, I set up the press briefing for this evening and the SHIELD debrief for tomorrow, get started on the clean up of the Expo, put our lawyers to work on the case against Hammer\- and _this_ is the thanks I get?” He lifted the plate, jamming a fork into the stack, digging out a piece, shoving it right into his mouth. Still full as he said, “If that’s how it is I’ll just eat these myself.” 

You were sure you must have been glowing with happiness as you touched the sides of your face in a mock gasp. “You did all that?” Despite the expression, you were actually genuinely surprised.

“You guys act like I’ve never run my own company before.” In the process of taking a second bite.

Narrowing your eyes, only playfully so, “But did you really though?”

He pointed his empty fork your way. “I’m gonna let that go. Because it might be a fair point. But because I’m letting it go, we won’t discuss it.” Finally he handed over your plate, which you gratefully accepted, but he turned to the counter and then dipped back to you to offer you a glass of orange juice. “Wash it down with this.”

Pursing your lips to the side, you gave it a squint. “It’s not a screwdriver is it?” You doubted it. But one could never be _too_ sure with him.

“No. Just your average run of the mill orange juice Plan B cocktail. Very tasty.”

The two of you shared a long, _long_ look before you grinned, accepting the glass. “Why aren’t you just the most romantic gentleman in town.” Not even going to question where the hell he got his hands on _that_. But, on second thought… “Did you actually drink some??”

He smiled back, propping his hip on the counter, reaching over to a little open tub of blueberries, popping a handful in his mouth. “I had to make sure it tasted good. I’m not going to serve you the best pancakes known to man with a glass of bitter orange juice.”

Tony Stark may have just been the most ridiculous man in the world. Truly. “Well thanks for looking out for me.” Down the hatch it went.

“Any time, honey.”

About as much discussion as you needed for not only why he had the pills in the first place, but why he was giving them to you. Maybe sometime in the future- _the very far future-_ you’d revisit it. Until then… orange juice cocktail it is.

* * *

While Tony _had_ actually done the work he’d claimed to do while you were knocked out, setting up a briefing in one of CNN’s borrowed press rooms, he hadn’t bothered to start writing pointers out for himself. Which was why you knew it was extremely important that you do all the talking, and write your own speech. Letting him go off the cuff had gotten you in a lot of trouble twice now. There was no need for a third time.

The noise outside was bothersome, though, despite the private room. You really only had to focus on a few key points- most of the important ones being blaming Justin Hammer for everything. Because it _absolutely was_ all his fault, and letting the public know you were pursuing him.

But as your hands stilled over your laptop, a sigh escaping just as two interns collided with each other in the hallway, Tony looked up from his phone. “You want me to yell at them?”

At this you couldn’t help a brief smile. “We don’t work here. They’re doing us a favor.” Though that really wouldn’t stop him if you said yes. And they’d probably run off all the same. “That is an interesting thought, though.”

His brows went up. “What? You want me to buy CNN?”

“Why doesn’t Stark Industries have a building in the city?” It made perfect sense. An expansion. And having a dedicated place to go when you actually had to work here would be wonderful.

“Haven’t gotten around to it yet.”

“I think we should.” Nodding in agreement with yourself as you went back to your brief on the laptop screen. When he didn’t follow up, “It’d be good for press. It’d be good to have a place to go when we come here- and we do. A lot.” More often than you’d like to mention. “With the Expo, too. We could put a lot of people to work… open a whole new bout of research and development… and maybe we could start looking into all that clean energy...”

Though you weren’t looking at him, you could feel his grin. “You don’t have to ask me, you know. If you want to start looking at land, that’s well within your rights as CEO.”

“Who said I was asking?” Coy as you shrugged your shoulders. “Maybe I’m just talking out loud.”

He stood up from the stool poised at the makeup table, moving to come behind you and put his hands on your shoulders, leaning in. You looked up. “Keep talking.”

“I think it’s a great idea.”

“Me, too. Big tower. _Huge_. With _Stark_ in big letters on the top.”

A half giggle half snort escaped you. “Now I feel like you’re trying to talk me out of it.”

“Too on the nose?” His smile warmed you to your core, but more so was the kiss he pressed to the tip of your nose as he leaned down. As if making a point.

Only encouraging more giggles. Probably his goal, as when he pulled back he looked _mighty_ pleased. “Not as much as that, maybe.” Reaching up you put a hand over his on your shoulder. “Let’s look for a spot after the conference. We’re here for a few more days, anyway.”

“Let’s do it.”

* * *

The lights were white hot as the two of you stepped out onto the press stage. Cameras had been going the second you stepped into the room. Voices lulled to a murmur. Tony only leaned into the podium to say, “I’m gonna uh… I’m gonna let her do all the talking this time. Less trouble that way.” Getting a laugh across the room.

Something you smiled at as you put both hands on the side, and then took a deep breath. “Thanks everyone for coming. The events last night at the Stark Expo were shocking and appalling, to say the least. It is only with the efforts of the police force and firefighters of New York City, Iron Man, and Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes piloting the Iron Man Mark II suit that nobody was severely hurt, and we owe a lot to them. At this moment in time we will be shutting down the Stark Expo for cleanup and reassessment, but we will be reopening the gates in October of this year. Anyone who purchased tickets will be able to get a refund through the Stark Industries website, or you can hold on to your passes and they’ll be redeemable later in the year.

Stark Industries is also setting up a family fund for those effected in the events last night. Anyone that needs medical bills looked after can contact our fund through our website and we will handle everything and anything you need. No questions asked. In addition to that...” Another deep breath.

You’d have to be as calm as possible for this one, no matter how much you felt otherwise. “Justin Hammer has been taken into police custody, and Stark Industries is now pursuing him to the fullest extent of the law. His absolute negligence- his disgusting need to try and show up Stark Tech led him to act wildly, aiding and abetting the criminal Ivan Vanko in order to secure _stolen_ plans for a primitive version of the Arc Reactor. To power primitive suits that in no way could stand up to the force of Iron Man himself.

Let me be clear about this, every one of those suits was destroyed last night. Ivan Vanko lost his own life as a result. Justin Hammer will face a life behind bars, make _no_ mistake. And it is why Stark Industries is also assisting any family, any individual, that wishes to file in a class action lawsuit against him for his rash and vile actions. Our lawyers are at your disposal. Pro bono.

We are deeply saddened that Justin Hammer used the Stark Expo, a venue that was about coming together to create technologies that help the world, as a playground for destruction. Stark Industries will do everything we can to make it right.” Pausing, taking a breath, and then opening the floor for them. “I’ll take only a couple questions.”

Even doing this was dangerous. Now that you were done, you’d much rather take off and not have to deal with any more of this at the moment. But you could only control the headlines so far with an impassioned speech like that.

Pointing at one of the reporters at the right of the room, she stood up. “How is it that Justin Hammer was able to get this dangerous presentation together without either of you being any the wiser?”

You figured this one was coming, so at least you were ready. “While in what little credit Justin deserves, I don’t believe his intent was to cause mass hysteria and violence last night. But his negligence in doing so anyway, and the means he took to get there, is not going to be looked the other way on.” When she tried to speak over you you raised your hand to stop her. “I’m not finished.” Because you weren’t dodging her question. “His presentation on the docket had been severely altered to hide its true nature. He only allowed his own workers on stage to get it ready, and bribed one of our Expo managers to get it rushed and to look the other way on the coordination. This is why we are shutting down the Expo at this time and reassessing.”

“And that staff member?”

“Will go unnamed for right now. But be assured they will also be punished.” Breath in. Breath out. You picked another person in the back.

“Excuse me- are the rumors true that you and Tony Stark entered into a romantic relationship _before_ the co-assignment of the company?”

You allowed the utter disgust to take hold of your expression. “I’m sorry- are you asking me about my personal life after people were hurt last night? Is that really your focus?”

The man in the back tried to speak up, but Tony took hold of one of the little mics on the podium and leaned in again. “I’m right here, you know. If you wanna ask, ask.” But when the guy tried to talk again Tony cut him off. “Are _you_ really just asking if I’m single because you wanna take me out? Because I’m flattered at the offer. Really.”

Taking the mic forcibly from his hand, you pushed it back into its position forward. “What Tony is _trying_ to say is that trying to assess either of our romantic lives after the events of last night is incredibly tacky and short-sighted. And, frankly, I’m embarrassed for you. We’re done. Thank you, everyone else, for your time.”

Hands and voices all raised to get over one another. Shouting hundreds of other questions. You left the stage, Tony following only after you stepped down. The walk through the back halls to the green room again was a short one, but even so you felt exhausted again once there. “We really should say something. Eventually.” Another reason you really wished someone had not asked that. You didn’t need him thinking about it.

“You want to?” Then again… You slung your laptop bag over your shoulder and picked up your purse from the table. “Are you really sure about that? What if your image can’t survive _playboy_ being shaved from your title?” Teasing. Mildly. You were slightly concerned- or at least concerned that he would be concerned. ...should be concerned? Now you were getting yourself confused.

It was hard to tell anymore.

He put his hands in his pockets as you came over to him by the closed door. “I can survive anything.” Little smirk, self assured.

You squinted your eyes at him. Scrutinizing. But more putting on a show than anything. “So you say. Why now, Tony?”

“It’d be easier to get through pressers if you weren’t always asked about it. Or me. Either. Because if someone just asks me while you’re not around I’m liable just to say yes.” Being the smart ass that he was. You believed he really would, too.

Reaching up to lay a hand over his chest, you sighed. “Not that I’m saying you’re right-”

“Oh. But you _are_.” Grinning widely.

“_Not that I’m saying you’re right_.” You doubled down. “But you may… have a point. A small one. _Very_ minor.”

Taking your hand, he pulled it further up to lay a kiss to the back. “Uh huh. A point. So what should we do about me and you?”

Turning your hand over you cupped his cheek in your palm. “I’d prefer something subtle...” Not especially his forte.

“Hm. So no big banner on the back of the jet?”

You couldn’t help the snort. “No. Don’t _you_ start getting tacky on me, too.” If not something completely subtle, it at least had to be tasteful. Slipping your hand down to take hold of his own, you opened the door, finding Happy waiting with a nod on the other side to escort you out of the building. People already knew. There really was no point in hiding it anymore. “What about the gala after Basel?”

He hummed out a thought. “The art show? Look- I’m not interested in buying back all those pieces-”

“Neither am I. But...” The art show in Switzerland, at least the after party where all the media would be poised out front, and all the rich people that you loathed cavorted… “I’m picturing you in a nice suit. And me in a beautiful dress. You can lead me by the hand out of the car, and we’ll go up the steps arm in arm and dance the night away...” Ah. What a blissfully wonderful life.

“_Painting_ quite the picture, aren’t you?” A light chuckle in his voice as the two of you exited the building and he held the car door open for you.

“It’s better than a banner in the sky. Or a press release. We’ll let them feel like they’ve finally caught us.” Pretending you were going to throw the media a bone.

It was his smile that told you you’d gone too far in your head. Because he was already half leaned in the car, hand on the door, too close to you, with cameras flashing on the sidewalk fifty feet away. His voice was low and warm. “Haven’t they already?”

The car door blocked the pictures snapped thousands at a time, and the rush of raised voices faded as he kissed you. In that easy way of his making the rest of the world disappear. No matter what trouble he was causing.

Damn him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tooonnyyyyy... why you do....   
See you on Monday for the finale of our saga through Iron Man 2! And remember if you've been enjoying please leave some comment love! I love seeing your guys' reactions!


	33. Chapter 33 [End: Iron Man 2]

Despite the mess that he’d caused, you obliged Tony for a sit down late lunch at one of those fancy restaurants you loathed. Not because the food was good or because you wanted to be there, but because the security was tight. And the right kind of ears were around for a not-so-subtle conversation of Stark Industries looking for buildings in New York City. Everyone in the room was half leaned in as you and Tony pretended to talk at each other dropping hot buzz words.

It was easier, you’d both agreed.

Make them come to you.

Although he had had some resistance at the idea. “Just go outside and point at a building. What could be easier than that?” His penchant for just buying whatever the hell he pleased shining through. Or, in this case, buying _you_ whatever the hell you pleased.

...or was it the both of you doing the buying? Your bank accounts weren’t merged, but your company accounts were. And since it was a Stark Industries purchase…

You sipped lightly at your glass of juice, not indulging as he (and basically everyone else in the room) was in a glass of afternoon liquor. “I like to make people work. If they want to sell, the price comes down a little.”

“You shouldn’t be worried about price tags.”

You hummed out a noise of mock agreement. “Right. And how much does each one of your Iron Man suits cost from build to finish?” Arching a brow at him.

He had enough sense to pale. “That’s uh- unfortunately a very close to the vest trade secret. Can’t talk about it.”

“I thought so.” In your best _knowing_ smarmy tone as you smiled at him.

At least he grinned back. “Speaking of. You know. Considering we have a big. Hm.” Turning his head he coughed while also very clearly saying _SHIELD_, “Thing. That thing. Tomorrow. Have you decided on a suit spec yet?”

His pretend gaff should probably have garnered some sort of reaction. But after everything they’d put you through, you couldn’t really muster up anything more than dull amusement that he was being so flagrant with their top secret organization. It didn’t matter. The people around you weren’t listening for things like _that_ . Only things that suited their interests. “Had we gotten that far that I’m up to _specs_ now? Because as I recall all our conversations about that stopped short at _no_.”

“I’d say last night was a pretty big conversation starter.”

Unable to help it, your eyes dropped away from him and you shrunk just a little inward. You didn’t really want to go over what had happened last night- aside from the wonderful life-affirming time you’d had in bed with him. The parts before it… “I don’t know, Tony. Being Iron Man is your thing. My thing is...”

What was your thing? Getting lost in the carnage and chaos that was Tony’s life? Even though you’d inserted yourself so far into his activities, you got stuck when it came down to the violent things. Scraping with death. Because you were stubborn. And also probably stupid.

“I’m not saying I want you to be Iron Man. Let’s face it, I’m irreplaceable. But whatever you decide your thing is, my thing is needing to protect you. Because as it just so happens many of my _other_ things kind of invite trouble.” He had his chin in his palm, elbow on the table, leaning in just looking at you with those big soft eyes of his.

Honest.

Candid.

“Hm.” Another soft noise, smile light. “Where have I heard that before?” You were pretty sure you’d tried to impress upon him what being a hero like Iron Man would bring. So far you had not been wrong.

“A smart woman said it. Probably in a book somewhere.” Shifting forward, sitting up, he reached across the table to put one of his hands over yours. “I’m serious about this. I’m not saying I want you in the fray, because I don’t. But last night- last night scared the hell out of me. I don’t ever want to see you put in that position again.”

A soft sigh left you, twitch of a frown at the corner of your lips that you forced away. “But when I say that to _you_ it doesn’t matter?”

Silence for a few seconds as he looked at you before answering. “It matters. But we are where we are. There’s no going back.”

It stung how right he was. The future was both bright and frightening at the same time. “You’re not gonna stop even if I say no right now, are you?”

“Have I yet?” Playful for just a moment before he echoed your earlier sigh, squeezing your hand. “I just want to know that you’re safe. ...I _need_ to know that you’re safe.”

Agreeing to this felt like it would be the next step into even bigger and nastier consequences. But without it… would they come regardless? You found yourself nodding weakly. “Alright, Tony. We can draw up some specs.”

You were no superhero. Then again, Tony Stark didn’t used to be, either.

What a strange world.

He smiled, finally, and you sensed some _ease_ settle in. “Thank you.”

* * *

The rest of the night after that was a breeze. You’d told Tony to put off specs until you were actually home in the lab, for now. And _for now_ he seemed to be at bay. It was something you were really going to have to think about, and not give in hastily just to let him do whatever he wanted. It would have to be a team coordination. Your indoctrination.

It was also easy not to get into it, as he was busy fixing up his own suit, courtesy of Happy lugging a few large tool kits up to the penthouse, and you being on several different phone calls with PR and real estate brokers at the same time.

You were sure you’d settled on a space after it was well past midnight. His hands came over your shoulders in a light knead. “Don’t you think it’s time for bed?”

Tilting your head back, you looked at him alight in mock surprise. “_You_ ? Saying that to _me?_” Usually it was the other way around.

“What can I say. I’ve grown kind of fond of you. I’d like you to be _somewhat _healthy.”

The two of you were softly laughing with each other as you beckoned him closer, and he came around to the side so you could slide your arms around him as he leaned in. “Oh, hey. The feeling is mutual.” Followed by a delightfully sweet kiss.

One that he ruined by saying directly against your lips, “Also- we kind of have a big day tomorrow-”

Moment effectively ruined, you let your head drop back with a groan. “_Ugh_. Don’t remind me.”

Slipping his hands underneath you, he lifted you up into his arms as he’d become very prone to doing. You didn’t mind- despite your little squeal- you found you liked being there. “I’m reminding you.”

Trying to let him know _just_ how you felt about that, you began to whine. But he kissed you quiet- well- more into giggles that he was not far behind in as the bed engulfed the both of you. If only life could continue to be that perfect.

* * *

You were not as prepared as you would have liked to feel the next morning. In between about fifty more phone calls and a quick jet trip to DC, you at least found time to be annoyed that Fury was still playing with the both of you. Treating you like children and not the assets he was apparently seeking.

He didn’t want Happy driving you to their makeshift compound. He didn’t even want the two of you driving yourselves. For what reason? Anyone’s guess. Because the car that took you there didn’t have blacked out windows. They weren’t hiding the location.

Still, despite your mounting ire, there was also anxiety creeping in hot and heavy. Guards at the door gave you a brief glance before waving you in. Into a reception hall that had no one waiting inside, and then through an equally empty corridor- and then into the main compound. Which had a few agents poised at the exits in the back. The main space was taken up by a large desk and at least ten monitors all playing different footage from around the world on mute.

Fury, of course, was nowhere to be found.

“Oh. We’re just supposed to wait? Is that what he wants?” Tony, just as frustrated it seems, asking an agent that was not responding. “Because we’re very busy people. So if this is one of those things that was better in an email-”

Giving his hand a tug, you walked him back to the lone desk to sit down in front of it. “Don’t let him get to you.”

“He’s not getting anywhere. Neither are we. That’s the problem.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Trying to soothe him with a little pat to his knee. It wouldn’t do either of you any good to be wound up. Regardless of if you were or not. Looking on the otherwise empty desk you spied a lone manila folder. SHIELD logo up top. Bold words on front-

**Avengers Initiative  
Preliminary Report**

Fury was indeed playing with the both of you. Leading you to an otherwise empty compound, with only one thing of interest on the desk, while he was out of the room. But to play into his game?

The both of you cast a side glance at each other. Probably thinking the same thing. And at the same time went to reach for the report. At least until a hand came down on top of it.

“I don’t think I want you looking at that. I’m not sure it pertains to either of you anymore.” By the grace of god, Fury finally appeared, moving to sit behind his desk. “Now these, on the other hand...” He held out two other folders. “These are Agent Romanoff’s assessments of you. Who wants to go first?”

Tony took hold of his, offering himself up eagerly. Maybe just to get this over with. You let the other folder sit in front of you as he glanced over the paper, “Uuhh…” Taking a breath, taking it all in. “Personality overview, Mr. Stark displays compulsive behavior.” He looked up, brows raised. “In my own defense that was last week.” Then looking back down, “Prone to self destructive tendencies.”

You pressed your lips together to keep from saying anything- much less _agreeing_. But. You did. A little.

He made an offended noise. “I was _dying_. Please- and I mean, aren’t we all?” Not helping himself really. You steeled the shake of your head. You had to stay on the same team. “Textbook narcissism.” He glanced up at Fury first, then you, then back down to the paper. “Agreed.” At this you held back a smile. “Okay- here it is- uh- recruitment assessment for Avenger Initiative, Iron Man yes.” Closing the folder, he laid it back down on the desk. “I gotta think about it.”

Unease settled within you, not sure how to feel about this. The meeting was supposed to be a debrief of the Expo events- but you supposed that was your fault for not following up. It was actually a debrief of Natasha’s time with you. And _this_, this team thing. The tree Fury had been barking up this entire time-

“Read on.” Fury said carefully.

Tony sighed, opening the folder again. “...Tony Stark not- _not_ recommended?” He looked about as confused as you felt. “That doesn’t-” Looking at you, “That doesn’t make any sense, right?” Then directing his gaze back at Fury. “That doesn’t make any sense. How can you approve me, but not approve me?” He seemed upset. “I got a new ticker. I’m trying to do right by her-” A little head nod in your direction, but your eyes were on Fury as he stood up. “I’m in a uh- uh stable-ish relationship.”

“_Ish_?” Unable to help yourself. Not hurt over it just offended he’d say something like that in the first place.

Tony’s hands went up to placate anything else that would have come out of you as Fury sat himself on the corner of the desk and spoke. “Which means at this juncture we’d only like to use you as a consultant.”

Consulting. That was… better? Whatever this _Avengers Initiative_ stuff was it sounded dangerous. Tony didn’t need more help getting into trouble. Into tight spots where he got hurt. He had enough of that on his plate already.

While he stood, your attention diverted to _your_ file. And when they shook hands, you pulled it closer, opening it to take a look at _your_ personality profile courtesy of Agent Natasha Romanoff.

“You can’t afford me.” Tony was saying to Fury. He apparently was ready to leave it at that, and maybe that would have been the smarter play. But when you didn’t get up to follow him, he stopped. “Honey?”

You could tell Fury was looking at you. You just picked out the keywords. “Rash. Distrusting. Underdeveloped.” All negative. Tony’s had been, too. But were they truthful? Was that what this SHIELD agent had seen from you? Was this your true self? Were you prone to overreacting? Prone to being distrustful? ...the last one made sense, at least, if it was _the thing_ they were talking about. But it was the last word that struck you. “...capable?”

Tony crossed his arms. “How come she gets _capable_ and I get _narcissistic_?”

“I couldn’t _possibly_ imagine.” Fury was grinning just a little at his expense.

You read on, “Revisit recommendation for Avengers Initiative for Lightfall after one year of SHIELD training. Until then, recommended for consulting position only.” _SHIELD training_. This disturbed you. Made you nervous. But you couldn’t show that. Looking up, “Uh- actually- I don’t like that name.”

Fury’s grin evaporated immediately and he went back to looking his usual annoyed self. “Oh you don’t, huh? You think that matters?”

“Branding _is_ everything.” Tony offered, a little casual shrug.

Fury scoffed but shrugged right on back. “Maybe so. Seems like the public already gave you a name. And it’s second lady to his leading act.”

Tony waved a hand in dismissal. “Actually if we’re going for metaphors, I prefer first lady to my president.”

You couldn’t let them keep talking at each other. “This is- that’s if I even _want_ to be involved. You’re talking to me like I don’t have a choice.”

“You can do whatever you want.” Fury leveled a very serious look your way. “But we both know what your answer is already.”

“Why? Because of that phone call?” You couldn’t let him push you around.

“Because you’re better than sitting around waiting. Agent Romanoff seems to think you’re capable. Is she right? Or is she wrong?”

“I don’t even know what the Avengers Initiative _is_. Because you people are so far up your own asses with keeping secrets, you’re telling people they’re supposed to join your little club without even knowing what war you’re going to throw them into. I’m sorry, Fury, but I’m not interested in being conscripted.” You couldn’t fall into their trap of letting praise get to you. You didn’t know these people. Their _assessments_ mattered little.

What mattered was not getting thrown into the public eye as a _superhero_ and having damage and loss of life pinned on you when things went screwy. You weren’t _stupid_.

“You literally just told me I’m not allowed to look at the folder you- the _only_ folder- sitting on your desk. The entire reason you even came to talk to us in the first place. The act is pathetic and I’m frankly very tired of it. Either start being honest with me or we’ll both walk.” Watching him. Unflinching. Very serious.

You wouldn’t be pushed around. He’d promised to help you with your powers- whatever they were- and you still didn’t even know how SHIELD knew about them. They wanted your and Tony’s consulting help- they wanted to _train_ you, and for what?

He stared right back, becoming a heated match until he broke first, shaking his head with a little amused puff of air. It seemed like he was going to dismiss the both of you, which would be fine, you could go back to your regular messy life. But instead, “The Avengers Initiative is meant to be a carefully selected group of enhanced individuals. Individuals that are meant to protect people from threats that regular forces can’t handle.”

Tony had gone back to crossing his arms, standing stiffly. “Protect them from what? What kind of threats?”

Fury’s gaze went to him, the air in the room went cold. “I think you already found that out. Vanko was not the first of his kind. He will not be the last.”

_Other_ enhanced individuals. That’s what he was saying. He wanted to get together a group of people with powers to protect others in need from danger that could not be suppressed by any other means. What if Tony had failed last night? What if Vanko and Hammer had been free to roam the earth? To cause destruction and death?

You didn’t like Fury, or SHIELD for that matter. You didn’t trust them. Part of you was _screaming_ that this was only going to lead to more terrible things… but…

“If I do this…” Taking a deep breath as you drew both their attention your way. “What are the chances that I can protect my identity?” Or would you have to face this enmeshed life like Tony had? But even asking made you feel stupid. “Like- ...I’m just a _person_ right now, for the most part. Whatever this training is- does it come with uh… a suit? A costume?”

“This isn’t some dumb 90s magical girl anime bullshit. What are you talking about? _A costume_. Are you serious right now? I’m talking to you about protecting the earth and you’re going on about _a costume_?” While Fury did have a point, it really soured you.

“I was just asking. Besides, you gave me a dumb superhero name, it doesn’t come with a dumb superhero costume?”

“Lay off, would you? I think you’d agree that not having her identity out there as one of your agents is a pretty smart move. Property damage? People getting hurt? Nice to not have a name out there to sign to that.” Tony sticking up for you would always warm your heart, but he was also stealing bits from a speech you’d given him not too long ago.

Maybe he’d come to wisen up on that after everything that had happened.

Fury scoffed. “You think the public is stupid enough not to put two and two together? _You_ already blew your cover. If they see you out with some new super-lady on the block, you think they won’t get it?”

“You were the one who pitched _bodyguard_. Maybe if I’d been given a smarter option...” Shrugging his shoulders.

“What does training consist of?” Deciding to move on before they really got into it.

“Enhanced individuals are graded on a grid scale. We’ll take some assessments first to determine your base levels. But after that it’s basically gonna be you getting your ass kicked every day to get you into shape.”

You couldn’t help but glower. “What a winning sales pitch.”

“To get control of _yourself_.” The two of you shared a look, and for a moment you thought you sensed a very tiny shred- about the only one- of honesty. But he eased up with a shake of his head. “Do it or don’t. Like I said. I’ve got other people, and I’ve also other problems to attend to.” Basically telling you to hurry it up.

But this was not a decision meant to be hurried. If it was even one to make at all. You needed more information. Maybe the only way to get it really was giving in. But then, for what reason should you? And at what cost?

Standing, you moved to shake his hand. “We’ll start with a month. If I don’t think I’m making improvements under your _guidance_, I’m going to walk.”

Maybe Fury really would make the mistake of training you enough to easily see through him. Then you really would get to the bottom of it all. Going to Tony’s side you gave him a brief little nudge. The two of you had other places to be.

He moved to step in line, although he turned back. “If she’s playing ball… I’m willing to waive my customary consultant fee. For a favor.”

You didn’t need any powers at all to know Fury was at the edge of his limit. “_What_.”

“Rhodey and I are being honored on Capitol Hill in a couple of hours. We still need a presenter.” The devilish smirk on his lips was almost too much.

Fury found it in himself to grin at this, at least. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Once firmly tucked away in the car headed back to the hotel, you turned to give him a look. “Who are you hoping for?” You already knew. You just wanted to confirm.

“Well. Since Hammer is unfortunately unavailable due to a long prison stay...” Smiling to himself. “Let’s see if he gets the pick right. Can’t trust people who don’t know your interests.”

You couldn’t help a return smile. “You could have just asked me.”

“I have no doubt in my mind you could bend Rizzo the Rat into a Möbius strip-” This got a giggle out of you that you couldn’t help, something he grinned wider at. “Which- by the way- have I mentioned how _incredible _it is to watch you work?” The way he leaned that word, the little warm hitch was more indicative of a different word he would have liked to use.

One that sent a thrill down your spine. A little heat in your chest. Incredible, huh? “I’m glad you’re impressed with my skills.”

His hand took yours and you chanced a look over. He was giving you quite the look over the top of his sunglasses, head craned down so that he could press a kiss to the backs of your fingers. “Since the day I met you.”

* * *

In the lobby of one of the smaller government buildings- because of course they were not going to honor their newest heroes on the steps- you straightened out Tony’s tie. A very nice striped pink and wine colored piece that stood out against his striped white and pale blue shirt, and then went on to retuck his pocket square, a bold plaid blue and pink. The murmur of the media crowd outside was loud already. This was more a fluff piece than anything, and you already knew the only reason Tony wanted to be here-

Which appeared off to your right side, trying to scramble through the doors. You gave Tony a pat on the shoulder and turned quickly. “Senator Stern.” Calling to him sweetly.

Delighting when he tried and probably purposefully failed to stow his displeased face before smiling. “What can I do for you? We’re short on time. I have to get to a-”

“I just wanted to _thank you_ for taking time out of your busy day to honor Tony and Rhodey for their accomplishments. I know it’s hard for you- because you’re so busy. But it really means a lot to us. And it’ll do a lot of good mending your image.” Wave after wave of pleased amusement was rolling of Tony behind you. So much so that he might as well have been vibrating.

“My im-”

“Really. Sir. Thank you. I know you’re up for reelection soon, so I’m sure your constituents will be glad to see you shaking hands with Tony Stark. After everything that’s gone on.” Continuing to smile pleasantly in that overly glossy way. “If you’d like Stark Industries to consider making a campaign donation you can always fill out a form.”

No chance in hell of that.

Realizing, hopefully, that he was unable to bite back, out of his depths, he put on one of those slimy smiles and reached out, so you shook his hand. He attempted to crush yours. You held steady. “You have such a way with words. You fit right in here.”

“I’m not looking for job offers. I like a career that’s a little more steady. If you know what I mean.” _Threatening_ him.

Boldly.

Right there.

His smile vanished. His grip tightened. “Is that so?”

“It’s unfortunate that Stark Industries is so busy. Maybe if you keep nice and quiet everyone will forget about this soon.”

_ **If you ever come after Tony again, I’ll bury you. ** _

At his stunned silence you wrenched your hand free from his grip. Your smile was sweet as honey. “We hope to see you at the dinner tonight, Senator.” Turning your back on him you crossed the hall.

Back to Tony who was waving at Stern, “See you out there, buddy.” Stern wasted no more time stomping out into the front and Tony’s hands came to your arms. “I could _absolutely _kiss you right now.”

Rhodey, who looked stunning in his dress blues, had appeared from upstairs- you hoped early, so that he’d caught the whole thing- was all smiles. “Save it, lover boy. I’m getting first dibs after _that_.” And when he opened his arms you obliged with a tight squeezy hug. When it was over he left his arm over your shoulder. “Just _damn_. You’re sure _you_ shouldn’t be getting a medal?”

“She can have mine.” Tony offered, crossing his arms, still terribly delighted. “Otherwise it’s going in the garbage.”

You put your arm around Tony, pulling him in, completing a nice little open huddle between the three of you. It felt amazing for things to finally- mostly- be right. “I’m sure Stern will _love_ that.”

“-excuse me! White House press!” A young reporter was calling, already kneeling on the carpet just in front of the door, holding her camera up. “Can I get this?”

“What do you say, Rhodey?” Looking up at him cautiously. While you and Tony took this less than seriously, you didn’t want to hurt his image.

Tony’s brows raised beyond the rim of his sunglasses. “Come on, Top Gun. You can look like a happy person in _one_ photo in your entire career.”

Rhodey mulled it over only a couple of seconds before relenting. “Oh- fine. Alright. But get my good side, alright?”

The picture of the three of you, all smiles, arm in arm in arm was printed right alongside the photo of the two of them with their shiny new medals of honor in every newspaper around the _world_ the next morning. The headlines didn’t matter. The positive ones. Or the critical ones.

This was your new future. And you couldn’t have asked for a better team to start it with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it! Iron Man 2 is now complete! Avengers is up next, but between here and then there's TWO WHOLE YEARS...... so... I'll get to some important stuff and try not to rush but also try not to take forever... 
> 
> Remember to leave some love if you're enjoying it! Thank you!


	34. Chapter 34 [Begin: Interlude]

You had a flight to Switzerland in four days. And a flight to NYC to close papers on property came five more days after that. In the middle of all that you were still cleaning up the Expo, paying out slots in the fund for the people who got hurt, taking pressers and briefings, linking up with the legal department to get started on casework against Justin Hammer. Shelling out cash and vision to fix the damaged house in Malibu.

You’d thought this is what you wanted. But was it?

And, surprise surprise, right in the middle of contemplating that, leaving a boardroom meeting, you found Natasha Romanoff sitting in your office. She’d been mysteriously absent after the Expo violence, but then again, you supposed that was her job. It wasn’t with you. Made all the more clear when she slid a piece of paper your way on the desk once you sat down.

You didn’t even need to look at it to know. “Resigning?”

“Ms. Rushman finds that Stark Industries has grown a little too hectic for her tastes.” Although she was offering you a smile, you couldn’t find it in yourself to return it.

Was this disappointing to you? A strange feeling. Not sure where it was coming from. “I share her thoughts on that.”

The expression on her face shifted to something sharp but neutral. “I’m ending my cover here without provocation. In case I need to use it for something else later.”

Good ol’ super secret spy talk. “I figured. Does that mean I’ll be getting a call for reference at some point?” Trying your best not to be cold to her. Offering just a little joke.

Something she seemed grateful for. “It could happen. You never know. I expect a glowing recommendation.”

“Make sure not to list Tony, then.” You had no reason to fight with her. Especially if you were going to be… coworkers? Was that even the right word? You had no idea.

She nodded with a light laugh as she stood, a brief meeting it seemed. Must have had other things to get to. “SHIELD has a space not too far from here. We’re just setting up.” And the other shoe dropped. “We’d like you to come in for your preliminaries in the next few days.”

Setting your elbows on the desk, you linked your hands together. “I’m going to be out of the country. But I can work it in the 17th, if you’re okay waiting.” Time enough to enjoy Basel, get home and reset. “If not it’s going to have to be after the 20th.” An _even longer_ wait in that case. You couldn’t start letting them order you around. 

You had a life. A very busy one. This Avengers SHIELD nonsense was probably important. But so were your own duties. Dropping everything just to attend to this superhero life was a poor play. You’d only just  _barely_ convinced Tony of that. 

“The 17th is fine. We’ll do your firsts tests then.” As she spoke you tapped the desk a few times to bring the on-screen open so you could add it to your calendar. “Then we’ll do your first round of physical training on the 18th. And your first round of enhanced training on the 19th.” 

See?

_See?_   
  
You knew this was going to happen. All those dates and what came with them fell out of her, well prepared. Eager to start you into your new life as a super soldier. Although you circled the dates on the calendar, you glanced up at her with a brow arched. “What’s the difference between physical and enhanced?” 

“Physical will be with me- as long as I’m on premises.” Meaning that could change at any moment. Made sense. “Enhanced will be with someone else with more… experience in that field.” Oh. _The thing_. Right. 

You were unable to hold a sigh in. “How long will this take- the sessions, I mean. I’m not expecting to get buff overnight or anything.” Or at all. You were almost certain that was not the point of this.

But it at least eased you when she smiled again. Genuine. You much preferred that. “We’ll start at three hours a day. We know you’re a busy woman.”

_Three hours_ . Three hours every time you committed to this. In a warehouse or a room- some days getting your ass kicked, no doubt. And others… doing whatever it was you were going to be doing to hone the thing. And you knew that would be exhausting, too. And once it was all over you’d have to slink off to a meeting or an interview or paperwork… 

“What time on the 17th?” Was this really your life now? How? How had you been indoctrinated into being a _superhero_? Wasn’t that absolutely insane? 

“For testing we’ll start at 8AM. For physical we’ll start at 10AM. I like to sleep in  when I can.” Her joking with you wasn’t exactly landing. It was clear she was trying to lighten the mood. Make it easy. Because it seemed like the two of you were going to be working together- again- …

_ Ah _ . 

Now you understood it.

_I’d like it if we continued to get along._

You tried not to dwell on it. Giving her a smile, “Me, too.”

* * *

No matter how much money you had at your disposal to clean up the house, people could only work as fast as they could work. While some bits were cleaned up, others were cordoned off. The teams had at least gotten walls and windows fixed so there wasn’t an overbearing amount of outside air just trundling in. While it may have been smart to stay at a hotel, still, Tony had wanted to be in the lab. Which had been just lucky enough to keep from being destroyed. Not that it wasn’t used to it.

So that’s where you went when you got home around 11PM that night, two platters from a restaurant, ordered and picked up on the way, in arm. Keying yourself into the lab, you kept quiet.

Tony had a pair of blue tinted glasses on, thick black frames up top and clear around the bottom, squinting at the holo-board with tons of equations all over it. “No, JARVIS, that’s not gonna work for me.”

“Well if you would put in the proper variables, I may be able to help.”

You tried to hide a smile as you set dinner down on the corner of a nearby work station. Turning, Tony moved a wireframe hologram mock up of his newest Iron Man suit around. “Lift- here. I need more stabilization in the back panels.”

“And where would you suggest we reroute the power from, sir?”

“Unbelievable. If I have to do everything myself, why do I even have you?” Extending four small slices of the suit on the back- what looked kind of like wings, sort of- he then lifted the panel out of the back and began pulling makeshift wiring. It was sort of amazing what he could do with all these lights.

“Like I said, sir, if you’d give me the proper-”

“Proper variables- proper variables- I heard you the first time.” Turning half his body, hip propped out, he reached his hand over to the board to start quickly writing out numbers and letters and signs you’d never even begin to process. Tony was way beyond you with this stuff. Always would be.

He was way beyond everyone.

And watching him work was… kind of hot.

“There. Now- simulate- give me about 30MPH  of force .” The suit tilted forward, and you propped yourself up on a stool, opening your container to take a few fries in hand  and watch. Still quiet. “Up to 40.” Half crossing his arms, he put his free hand under his chin. “Hands out-” Talking to the suit, which obeyed. “Quick stop.” The motion jerked the suit with a dangerous rattle of the helmet. He breathed out an annoyed sigh. “Change this- get rid of this-” Waving numbers off the board and then scribbling in more. “We working with  _ proper variables _ yet, JARVIS?”

“Getting closer,  sir .” 

Turning the suit back around, he opened the chest piece, messing with some of the things in there. “I need you to up the leveling… and give me a read on the source… connect this… which should… stabilize…” Mumbling thoughtfully as he worked. “Mm. Yep. That should do it. No thanks to you. Render that out for me.”

“Render time will take approximately one hour.”

“Enough time for you to eat dinner.” You finally spoke up and delighted when he turned to look at you, surprised for only a moment and then breaking into a smile like he hadn’t seen you in days.

“When’d you get here? - wait, actually, come here.” Holding his hands out with a little inward motion. 

Getting down off the stool and wiping your hands on your pants you stepped into his work space, opening your arms, thinking he’d been beckoning you into a hug. But he side stepped you and instead put his hands on your arms to hold them further up. “What are we doing?”

“Hold. Like that.” Keeping your arms out and then moving down to readjust your legs in a wide stance. “Great. JARVIS scan.”

Even though logically you knew it was just lights passing over you, you couldn’t hold back a little shiver as a beam came down over you, then up, then down. And when it was finished you put your hands on your hips. “Tony.” It was clear what he was doing.

Reaching up, he cupped the sides of your face in his palms and that softened you, only a little, at least until he held a finger up on the left side of your face, watching your eyes with a little bite of his lip, trailing his finger across the bridge of your nose and to the right side ending at your temple. “Mmhmn… yeah. Okay. I thought so.” Turning away he scrolled through a few pages on the holo-board and when he arrived at a new set of variables, he wrote in some information.

“ _ Tony _ .” Calling to him again. Not angry, knowing that he was working on exactly what you two had agreed on, but getting just a little agitated because he was so wrapped up in it he was practically using you like a bust form. 

Moving around again, he settled behind you, one arm around your shoulders. He then slipped the blue-tinted glasses he was wearing over the bridge of your nose and a flood of light entered your vision. So sharp you tilted your head away- uselessly- with a close of your eyes. “Give it a second. It’s calibrating.” He held you steady, a comforting presence.

When you opened your eyes again you saw… some prototype of a HUD- or was this what he was working with all the time? As your eyes flicked around the room, a tracker kept watch on your iris, seeing the light circle there as it highlighted everything you stayed focused on for more than a few seconds. It picked out objects with detailed readouts in the upper corners, papers by listing lines of text that were on them- “This is  _ a lot _ .” You could feel a headache  coming on . 

“Here-” He took hold of one of left hand, still holding you close with his other arm, sliding your finger down the side of the lens. The brightness and information dimmed. “You’ll be able to tell her low mode later. It’s a base prototype so I don’t have voice commands in yet.”

Shifting back to look at him- the glasses zeroed in on his face, giving a read out of not just  _ him _ but his vitals. “Her?” 

He grinned softly. “I don’t want JARVIS to have to play favorites.”

“A terribly difficult decision, I assure you.” JARVIS’ wry wit sounding off.

Tilting your head carefully again, he redirected your attention. “Can you see everything? Everything you want to see?”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to want to see.” You heard him reaching back to grab something on the desk and he threw a wrench at the far side of the room. The glasses picked up on them, tracking the pattern, the trajectory, speed… “This is what you see? When you’re in Iron Man?” It was  _ so much _ information. How did he do this constantly? “ It makes my head hurt  a little .” 

“ Just about. Well- sort of. This is in casual mode.” You immediately knew what that meant. And you didn’t feel like asking him to expand on what was probably  _ attack mode _ or something similar. 

“Fujikawa is going to be pissed.” They’d been asking for his direction on their own prototype of something very similar to this. The Stark HUD 2020. It was his tech, so he could do whatever he wanted with it. But…

“I told you. They were moving too slow for me. Whatever they end up with won’t be as good anyway. Let them keep going. This is for singular personal use.”  _ Yours,  _ he meant. “I looked at their designs.” He waved a hand in front of your face and you watched the tracker hone in. Finally, he let go of you to walk around and stand in front of you again. “This is nanotech. No one’s even close to this.” 

Save him.

Your genius Tony Stark.

But that reminded you, and absently you reached up to touch at an injection site that had long since healed. “Nanotech?”

“You’re getting comfortable with it. And it’s lightweight. The glove is nanobots, too.” The one you’d used to… better not think about it. Easy to do when he continued. “This is just a start. You want something that will conceal your identity. I can do that.” Self satisfied. Tilting back just a little, he scrolled through the holo-board contents again to bring up what _your_ suit specs looked like. Barebones. Filled out only a little more by what you knew was JARVIS’ scan of you moments ago.

And at that you really couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on your lips. “I thought Fury said that was a bunch of nonsense.”

“Fury doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.  _ Clearly _ .” It seemed Team Stark would not be told  _ no _ for anything. While you’d learned this was a dangerous behavior, not being able to rein Tony in… on the other side of it, it was nice. And kind of fun. 

“Speaking of. Natasha came to my office and gave me some dates.” On the left side of the glasses, your schedule popped up. Something that drew your attention only briefly before looking back at him again. “We’re going to start between Basel and New York.” Activities highlighted themselves as you called them out. Again only briefly glancing at them.

He crossed his arms, propping his hip against a work table. “I can have this done before then.”

“No. It’s alright. They don’t need to know about this right now.” On top of that you really didn’t want him working to the bone to get whatever this was going to look like finished. “ It looks like you’re pretty preoccupied with your own suit, anyway.” Leaning up on tiptoe to pointedly look at the  holographic Mark VI behind him.

The HUD on the glasses immediately started working through information piece by piece, calling out important details on the new mock up of the latest Iron Man. You let it, interested although not completely sure what you were looking at.

Giving a detailed read out, all happening within brief flashes of moments. Maybe your brain was registering things even if you weren’t really getting it all. Because you saw where he left off- even if you’d heard him talking about it when you’d come in. “You’re working on a way to stabilize flight without your hands, right?”  Finally you slipped the glasses off and handed them back to him. 

He slipped them in the front pocket of his shirt, giving you a light smile. “I’m trying not to go the whole big vulnerable wing route. Might as well add a cape at that point.”

Reaching up, you wound your arms around his neck. “You already have lift.” No need for wings to take off. A thoughtful hum as you smiled back up at him. “But a cape. Now  _ there’s _ an idea.” 

“Oh. So  _ you _ want a cape?” His hands slipped over the curves of your hips, pulling you closer. 

“Yes, let’s piss off Fury even more. It needs to be sparkly.” Giggles leaked out of you as he leaned in closer, his nose brushing against yours, all smiles. But he swallowed the noise of them soon after as he took you in a careful kiss.

Lasting too short a time before he pulled back. “I’ll add it to the design specs.”

Tugging him close, you gave him just one more kiss and then eased back. “Come eat dinner, please. It’s probably mostly cold by now.”

He slipped his arm around your shoulders as the two of you walked to the front of the lab. “What’d you bring?”

“Burgers.” And fries, of course.

“Have I expressed to you yet how perfect you are?”

Picking up the boxes, you let him lead you further out of the lab and up the steps. “I’m willing to listen to it again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, is it just me? Or are smart men completely just hot. Like super hot.


	35. Chapter 35

Tonight was a big night. Bigger than many of the other big nights you’d ever had. You didn’t have to give a speech. You didn’t really have to entertain anyone. You weren’t there to listen about the latest innovations or pretend to listen to someone who was trying to climb over you. You weren’t at the Basel afterparty for the rich and famous on behalf of Stark Industries. You weren’t there to talk about your love of art. You weren’t there to make a generous donation with a smile and a Disney princess wave.

You were there for you and Tony. Very much _using_ the venue for your own advantage. But you were sure they wouldn’t mind. It was, however, because of this, you knew you were walking into a nightmare. While the idea was to put it out casually to the _first class_ world and all its photographers and paparazzi, and then let it leak out to the _casual world_ through the grapevine (and many many pictures…), this night was anything but casual. 

It was why you let professional help do your hair and makeup. It was why you’d let a keen eye pick out a slick, gorgeous deep purple mermaid gown with a pooled train, low cut on the neckline and sheer sleeves that had maroon lace detailing up the sides and the hanging pieces from the back that floated behind you as you walked. Similarly you’d picked a coordinated matching outfit for Tony. A smart and sharp white suit with the same dark purple color lining the lapels and coloring his tie along with swirls of that intermingling maroon. Pocket square much the same affair, folded and folded again for good measure.

It was hard not to be nervous. You were never  _this_ nervous. But then again… you’d never been put into a position to tell the entire world you were dating Tony Stark before. There were a thousand ways this evening could go that would make this look cheap and tacky, crass. That would put people off the arrangement- not that you cared about what anyone thought. And there would no doubt be people that didn’t like it regardless. 

But you loved Tony. Deeply. And to give off any impression save that was unthinkable.

Cameras were going off on the sidewalk as the car pulled up to the long walk of red carpet. Reporters and fans alike were shouting questions at other people and then redirecting when they  _just knew_ the Stark car had pulled up on the curb. 

Tony glanced at you, briefly, giving your hand a squeeze. A sly smile. In control. He’d taken women to events before. Perhaps he knew the game. Not afraid to get caught by the press- though this was hardly getting caught. Just putting it all out there for everyone to see. No more games. No more getting asked at interviews and pressers what your relationship was.

Everyone would know now.

He got out ahead of you so that he could walk around the car, giving the crowd a wave that turned into a peace sign halfway through. Then he turned to open the car door and held his hand out for you. So you took a breath. Steeled yourself. And then let him help you out.

People were screaming for his attention-  _his_ more so than you. Even if you were Stark Industries newest co-owner, he was Tony Stark, after all. Worthy of their adoration. But as he held his arm out for you, you caught the look in his eyes. He’d never cared about everyone else. But tonight he cared somehow even less.

Because he only had eyes for you.

You gave him a gentle smile, eased by his confidence and warm gaze and then slipped your arm around his, holding on to him as he escorted you up the walk. Finding your pace, you held your head high and pretended to be as assured as him.

You were no longer just a woman at the mercy of the world. You owned stake in one of the biggest corporations ever to exist. You were technically now a billionaire. You had faced down villains. You had the invitation of a super secret spy agency. You’re intelligent,  _capable_ , witty- 

Tony stopped at the front of the steps as the attendants held the door open for the two of you. The entire world was looking at the both of you.

He took your free hand, lifting it to press a careful kiss to the back.

The world might have had the good sense to fade away, if not for the shock that took everyone by storm.

You were all these incredible things, but you had one more.

Turning your hand over you cupped the side of his neck in your palm and leaned up on tiptoe to press a smiling kiss to his cheek.

His grin was charming, pointedly amused. And the only thing you cared about in that moment.

You had Tony Stark. And not a single person could take that away from you.

He made sure to take careful hold of your arm again, almost possessively so, as the two of you ignored the screams from the barred off crowd and headed into the venue. It was cooler inside, something you were grateful for. But there was yet another set of steps to descend into the main ballroom. These people loved this. It was what they lived for. Being looked at. Admired. It was something you usually hated.

But the way the room stilled as the band continued to play, all eyes on the two of you as you descended together arm in arm… maybe there _ was_ something to it. Small. Tiny. You’d never admit it. But just maybe. 

It was slightly empowering. To have  _everyone_ ’ _s _ attention so easily. Even if it was shock or upset. And even when it would lead to the murmurings and whisperings already happening when the two of you reached the floor. That didn’t matter. 

Tony switched to put his arm around your waist, leading you away from the stairs and closer to the bar. “How am I doing so far?”

It wasn’t like you’d discussed a game plan of how to approach this thing. And it didn’t matter. The little bit you had talked about had payed off. Literally everyone in the vicinity knew what was going on. That was what you’d wanted. “Oh. You’re  _very_ charming.” If not a little obvious. But that was okay. “ What about me?” Glancing up at him with a cheerful smile. 

He seemed to melt. “I don’t know if you noticed, but everyone is looking at  _you_ .” And in voicing this, the arm around you pulled you just a little bit closer. 

“No.” Put off at the mere thought. “It’s you.” As usual. “If it’s me it’s because they’re formulating gossip about how I’m not the right fit.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time everyone else got it wrong.” Warmth in his low tone as he took you to the edge of the bar, relinquishing his hold just so he could take your hand again for another quick kiss to the back. Really laying it on thick tonight. Not that you minded, you found. “Can I get you a drink?”

“God. Yes, _please_.” Quick to stifle a little laugh at your eagerness. But something to take the edge off those stares was going to be necessary. 

He just grinned lightly and then moved to the center of the bar to get the server’s attention. Right about the same time that you somehow found yourself sucked into a vortex that drew you  _away_ . You were suddenly in a circle of other women- some of who you knew, although not intimately. In that same way that everyone knew everyone in this world. “Oh- you look so good tonight-”

“It’s nice to see you!”

“How’s the Expo stuff going? We were very sorry to hear what happened-”

All light chitchat nonsense that you would have expected any other night. Things they didn’t really care about. But then, finally, came the question you’d gotten used to hearing. “Did you come with Tony tonight?”

“Oh-” The generic response to that was right on the tip of your tongue. Quick as you had it at the ready at all these events. Generally it was, yes but _no_ not like that. This time, however, for the first and _last_ time now, you put a smile forward that was as genuine as it was calculating. “Yes, we did come together.” 

The women all shuffled nervously. “That’s nice.”

“In a separate car I hope!”

“You can keep with us when he gets distracted.”

And then you realized it never would have mattered if you’d said yes before. Because they wouldn’t believe it.  _Couldn’t_ , maybe. Couldn’t believe that  _someone like you_ would be with  _someone like him_ . No matter what had happened. No matter your status. No matter  _how obvious_ . 

The world had decided you did not belong with Tony Stark. Perhaps not because he was explicitly better than you-

“Excuse me, ladies.” His voice caught everyone’s attention and you saw the stars in their eyes and the droop of their shoulders. The little girlish sighs that escaped.

You didn’t belong with Tony Stark because Tony Stark belonged to the world. Tony Stark belonged to everyone’s fantasies of him. Their idealizations. Their hopes that he’d pick one of them to take home. To bed- and maybe if they were lucky they’d break him in.

You were no such woman. Right? You couldn’t be.

“Hello Tony.”

“Tony you look so good this evening!”

“Did you pick out any art at the showing?”

Crowding around him and effectively shutting you out. Like it was a normal night. This is what would always happen. Because you’d let it. Because once upon a time, a whole lifetime ago now it felt like, Tony Stark  _didn’t_ in fact belong to you. You hadn’t had any interest in the idea. So you’d let anyone and everyone take his interest and you’d blend into the wall and talk shop with people who weren’t really listening to you.

But  _tonight_ \- 

“Can we dance?” Asking him softly, ignoring as the women half parted more in their glancing back at you. Like they couldn’t believe you’d ask such a foolish thing.

Tony Stark wanted to stay and chat with the gorgeous women. Not go off with his secretary. But that was life before.

Now, instead, he handed the two fresh drinks he’d only just ordered to the woman standing closest. Who took hold of them as confusion marked her expression. Tony held his hand out to you. “Absolutely.”

You put your hand in his, directing that same smile to the women around you. “Excuse us.” Then let him take you away from the crowd, drawing in a deep breath. “ Thanks for the rescue.” 

A  slow jazzy burn of Dream a Little Dream of Me started to play around you. Tony took your hand in his as you settled your other arm around his neck. His other hand went to your waist. “They giving you a hard time already?” 

Your attention turned up to him, finding him looking at you. Only you. A scoff escaped you. “They don’t even care. Or believe me. Apparently I could have been telling these people I’ve been dating you for years. They never would have believed it.”

“So you’re saying we need some sort of grand finale?” His smile was a little mischievous then.

Something you had to put an immediate stop to. Although you were giggling. Just a little. “ _No_ . We don’t need to go ham. I don’t… I guess I really don’t care what they think. Or believe.” You’d just wanted to have a night with him to put it out there. But in the end… maybe you just wanted to have a night with him to be with him freely. No more hiding in private villas and behind closed doors. 

“Good. Neither do I.”

“No surprises there.” 

He grinned. “I’ve never been in the business of giving a damn what other people think about me.”

“Oh you don’t have to tell _me_ that.” How many fires you’d put out for him over the years because of that exact line of thinking. 

As he pulled you just a little bit closer, you rested your head on his shoulder. “Then what are we doing here?”

A fine question. If neither of you cared about anyone else or the headlines that would print come tomorrow… “I’m tired of hiding.” You wanted to not have to think about who was watching the two of you when. To not have the office door closed. Or yell at interns. Or make people sign NDAs. Your relationship was not meant to be a burden. Just another thing for you to think and obsess about the optics of.

“Glad to hear it.” His tone was a mere rumble. Something you barely caught just as he stopped swaying with you, taking one of your hands up above your head to slowly twirl you around, and then eased the palm of his hand over the small of your back to get you to lean back as he held you steady. “In that case-”

Not sparing a moment after as he leaned down to press a kiss to your lips. Chaste. Appropriate for the venue despite how inappropriate it was regardless. Heat struck you, blinding across your cheeks as the room went alight with voices.  _Shock_ . 

And some minor  _disgust_ mixed in for good measure. 

You put a wall up and ignored them. Instead easing Tony back from you as you slid a hand up the side of his neck. When he pulled just enough away, he was smirking. “How’s that for a grand finale?”

“We _just_ got here.” To your surprise, you were not embarrassed in the slightest, a smile breaking out across your entire face, giggles escaping, as he helped you upright. 

God but you  _ **loved** _ this man. 

“Leaving parties after ten minutes is kind of my thing.” He seemed absolutely _delighted_. “But- if you really want to stay. How about a drink? I promise to not give it away this time.” 

You disengaged from him, stepping back, from the other couples pretending to dance while watching you, to the wall. Giving him a pat on the arm, “I’ll be right here.”  He probably had the right idea, you realized as he was halfway gone. Going back to the hotel room now might have been a very smart thing to do. And as he half leaned on the bar with one arm, handsome and all charm with that grin of his, you realized,  _yes_ you really would like to go back to the hotel. So you could climb him like a tree. 

“Excuse me.”

Just barely getting out of your sordid thoughts after hearing your name called twice. “Mn?” Looking over at the man who had called you.

“You look absolutely divine this evening. Would you care for a dance?” His hand was held out to you and on social principle you found yourself offering yours in return and letting him lead you away. Breaking out of your self-induced Tony trance to try and put a name to this man’s face.

He was tall, lean, dirty blond hair in a coif, five o’clock shadow,  blue eyes \- ...did you know this man? “I’m sorry- have we met?” It wouldn’t be  _entirely_ unusual for someone you had no direct knowledge of to try and- 

“Barely. It’s alright. I won’t take offense.” He was grinning at you. Interrupting your thoughts so easily with that gravel-y tone of his. “I know social climbing is frowned on at these sorts of events, but I was hoping you’d give me a chance.”

His hand on your waist made you uneasy. “A chance?”

“I have a little thinktank that is doing wonders with gene therapy. We heard- well, everyone heard about what happened at the Stark Expo a couple weeks ago. I know there are some people laid up in hospital beds with injuries they may never recover from.” This was like a cold hard slap in the face.

So much so that you stopped moving. “This is a little more than  _social climbing, _ Mr.-?” 

He smiled gently and nudged you to keep swaying. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to bring up terrible memories. It’s remarkable, the lengths you’re going to to help everyone. To fix things. I was hoping to have a sit down meeting. I think my company could partner with yours and do some extraordinary things. Really help people.”

Gene therapy? That wasn’t exactly a forte of Stark Industries. Was this something worth pursuing? This man was right… some people were going to need more than just money thrown at them to fix what had happened. Something you’d dwelt on for a long time. “What is your company called?” At the very least it was worth sitting down and reading some documents. Doing some research.

“We’re called AIM-”

“Excuse me.” Tony’s voice blessedly cut between the two of you.

“Good to see you, Tony.” The mystery man with a plan grinned at him, taking his hands off you so he could offer one to Tony to shake.

Tony barely looked at him. “Yeah, you too buddy- if I can just cut in here.” Not really asking permission as he handed you your long-stemmed glass and put his now free arm around you, whisking you away.

“Think about it!” The man called out behind you. You gave him an apologetic wave over your shoulder.

But really… you were glad Tony had come to your rescue. “That guy bothering you?”

You took a small sip of your champagne. “No more so than anyone else.”

“You looked uncomfortable.” He stopped near the large double wide glass doors that led out to a perfectly low lit garden. 

With a raise of your brows, “Really?” Your work mask had slipped, if that was the case. While you didn’t want people coming up to you and doing what he’d just done, it was more professional to look like it didn’t bother you. Pursing your lips you shook your head. “I just- I don’t wanna talk about work stuff. And he’s like the rest of them.” Trying to get to you to get something out of you.

_Really help people_ . 

Hm.

Tony raised his glass and you met it for a little clink. “Here’s to not talking about work stuff.”

You two shared a long sip and then you eased a breath out. Something about this was still bothering you. “I really looked uncomfortable?” That you would have been that unaware of your own expressions-

“Can’t say I blame you. He was eyeing you like a plate of meat and had his hands all over you.”

_Ah._ Your smile was carefully gentle. “Are you sure  _you_ weren’t the one who was uncomfortable?” 

“What have I got to worry about?” He arched his brow at you, taking another pointed loud sip of his drink.

To this you nodded. “Absolutely right. So it won’t bother you to know he said I look  _absolutely divine_ .” Teasing him just a little. You didn’t want him to worry about stuff like that. The exact opposite of the reason the two of you were here in the first place. 

He made a face, rolling his eyes. “Not even a little. Guy’s trying too hard.”

Despite yourself you pursed your lips. “Meaning?”

“Meaning he was laying it on thick.” Finishing his drink in one more sip, he set it on a low table nearby and turned to you. Tipping your chin up with the crook of his index finger, he proved himself right. “You look beautiful.”

Because where  _absolutely divine_ had no affect at all, those three little words from Tony set your heart to hammering. Or maybe it was the look he was giving you.  The softness of those warm brown eyes.  Or how close he was. All you knew was you couldn’t stop the dazed smile from appearing. There was really only one thing you could say to that. “Let’s leave.” 

His smirk reappeared. “Now you’re getting the hang of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mm I sense a sensual chapter ahead for Monday. Speaking of which! I am adjusting to a new schedule, so for now, chapters will still appear Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but they will be much later than you're used to! I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause! But as always if you're enjoying so far don't forget to leave a little comment love! Thanks for reading!


	36. ❤Chapter 36❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M rating is in full swing.

It was unfortunate that the two of you got caught by a few venue-hired photographers and media personnel, having to pose stiffly for a few shots and give a few sound bytes on what art you liked from the exhibits during the day. There was really only one thing on your mind, and none of it had to do with portraits or paintings or anyone other than him.

He was _extremely_ like minded, giving saucy answers to the people trying to hold you up- and then very sarcastically curt with a few people near the stairs asking the two of you (though really more him) if he was leaving, asking them to just hold his drink and wait because he promised he’d be _right back_. And once he’d deposited his glass into somebody’s hand, he took you up the stairs, got the valet to bring the car, and then drove like a speed demon back to the hotel. 

His hands were a tangle in the back of your hair as soon as the elevator doors closed, not particularly caring about the camera or the person watching it as he took you in a heated kiss. It seemed your sensibilities had collapsed, too, because you were definitely not in the most respectable position with your arms around his neck and his knee between your legs, backed against the wall.

It was just lucky that the elevator opened up into the private penthouse you’d rented for the short trip, otherwise you may have knocked over some unsuspecting guests. He took you by the hips as soon as the doors chimed and there was enough space to move through them, lifting you and then setting you on the corner of the front table. Quite carelessly he swiped his arm across the surface, sending a decorative vase to the floor in a shatter.  You were entirely unconcerned as you slipped him out of his suit jacket, in the middle of a dozen broken hungry kisses. Teeth, lips and tongue- 

Something that stopped abruptly as he shifted back to a few bare inches to undo the buttons of his vest, completely without permission. So you grabbed his tie in a careful grip and pulled him closer. Urging a light chuckle  from him that got swallowed up in another press of lips. 

_Tony Stark belonged to you_ , you’d told the world tonight. And now you were intent on making sure he understood it just as much. 

“What’s got you all worked up? -not that I’m complaining.” His words a murmur against your lips, bracing his hands on the corners of the table. 

You were slow with the buttons on his vest, slipping that off him next. “It’s nice to not be hiding anymore.”  _Exhilarating _ was more the word. You began unworking the knot of his tie, tilting your head up to catch the darkness of his eyes. 

“Out on the balcony, then?” Grinning lightly. Reaching up he stilled your apparently all too quick hands just as you’d let the tie slither to the ground with the rest of his discarded clothes and had begun working on the buttons of his shirt, stopping in the middle. Taking your wrists upward and leaning deliciously into you, he pinned them above your head as you lied back on the table. “I’m almost half naked and you’re still fully clothed. Does that seem fair to you?”

Smiling up at him you gave him a light nip to the corner of his jaw. “You won’t get me out of my dress like this.” Not with the zipper on the back of the dress inaccessible.

He hummed out a breath, “Is that a challenge?”

Tilting your head up just a little bit further, you grazed the shell of his ear with a brush of your lips. “If you’d like.”

A hot exhale escaped him in a shiver, quick to let go of you for just a moment, bracing the table again like he might fall over. But then he wound his left arm tight around your waist, lifting you up, holding you against him. It prompted you to not only wrap your arms around his neck but your legs around his waist. You practically heard his smirk, “Thanks for the assist.” With his free hand he reached under the now free space between your dress and the table, taking the lead of the zipper and working it all the way down the back of the dress, fingers careful in their little touches along your skin. 

Despite him one-upping you, “We’re better as a team.” Nipping and kissing the line of his jaw.

“A team win it is.” Practically groaning this out as you found that wonderful spot of connecting skin between his neck and jawline. And with him serving the reaction on a silver platter, you pressed deeper there with a soft suction, a swirl of your tongue on his skin. “_Mn- fuck_-” Hitching in a breath as he let you down to the table again, hands sliding up your hips to pull you into a roll of his own. His hands caught at the sides of your dress after, “Take this off before I rip it.” 

Your own roamed up his chest and then slid back down to the still half buttoned portion of his shirt. “I was about to say the same thing.”

“Go ahead.” With his permission, you did just that, sending the rest of the buttons scattering to the table. As you touched lightly over his now exposed skin he shivered, fingers working up over the length of the sheer arms of your dress. “I’m serious-”

“It’s not like I’m ever going to wear it again.” An impossible thing to do in the celebrity world. You could never be caught dead in this dress ever again lest you summon the wrath of gossip.

And with  _your_ permission, he reached up and the sound of fabric ripping  sliced the air as he tore the already low  line of your dress at your chest, splitting it so easily. With the give, you slipped your arms out and wrapped them around him again, bringing him down in for another kiss. So wild and desperate for him. 

_Only_ for him. 

He broke too soon but didn’t leave you disappointed, your head slipping back to the table, fingers working through his hair as his teeth and lips found little patches of your neck. A new desire burned as you could feel how  _careful_ he was trying to be. And it wasn’t enough. “Make marks.” Practically a demand. 

You felt his mischievous smile against your skin. “What will SHIELD think?” Your training started with them the day after tomorrow, after all…

“Fuck SHIELD. Fuck everyone else.” In this moment you no longer cared who saw what passions Tony Stark would impart to you.

“If you don’t mind, I’d only like to fuck _you_. But I like your spirit.” 

This urged a giggle from you that too easily broke into a moan as he finally acquiesced. Feeling the burn of suction, the brush of his tongue afterwards and then the spark of his teeth. All the while, pulling your dress further and further down, soon following the newly exposed skin with little kisses and nips. Going too far, your fingers slipping from his hair as he disappeared between your legs, going to his knees.

He pressed open mouthed kisses and tiny bites to the insides of your thighs, easily making you squirm, inching closer down off the table, legs hanging. “ _Tony_ -” Heat in your voice as he sent a thrill up your skin, lifting your hips to help him rid you finally of  _all_ your clothes. 

“That. I need _much _more of that.” 

Giving him exactly what he wanted mere seconds after as his mouth pressed against you, keen and slow laps of his tongue. Your hands found his hair again in a tight grip. “ _Tony_ ...” Moaning his name out in a mumble. 

“Say when.” Teasing as his hand slid up, fingers teasing you before two just barely entered, pulling back and then _slowly_ sliding all the way in. You bucked up, meeting the sweetly soft suction of his tongue and lips on your clit, wrapping your leg around him, heel of your shoe digging into his back. He breathed out, a hot swallow, a groan not too far behind. “And more of _that_. _Please_.” Begging, you didn’t know for what.

But as your fingers closed a little tighter around his hair and he let go of another groan you knew exactly what. Hard to disobey as he worked you up into a frenzy with those steady slow and deep thrusts of his fingers and that expert work with the tip of his tongue. Only adding fuel to that heavy fire every time he moaned against you like he was getting just as much out of it.

Overwhelming every part of you, pushing you further and further and  _further_ \- just there on that line and then easing back into a steady rhythm instead. Feeling the devilish quirk of his grin when you groaned out your displeasure and grabbed him that much harder. “ I said say when-”

“Not _when_ Tony, _**now**_-” 

“Yes, ma’am...” Hot against you not wasting any more time after your insistence. Speeding that slide of his fingers, crooking the tips on every drag out while he teased your clit with heavy drags of his tongue. It took him what must have been seconds to take you there-

And then take you over as it became entirely too much, wound up and down, grabbing on to him as you called out his name again. Legs quivering, fingers pulling his hair as you came, trying desperately to hang on to him.

When it became entirely too much you tugged him just the once and he shifted from his knees to cover you again, taking your hands to lock in his, held just at the sides of your head. He was there in another moment with a kiss that you panted into, trying valiantly to participate in.

Sense dawned on you entirely too late. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer- or pulling yourself into him rather. “Bed. Now.”

“You’re very bossy this evening.” His arms came around you, lifting you from the table in an easy embrace. 

Murmured around another kiss, “You’re not complaining...”

“I’m very much _not_.” Laughing softly as he dropped you to the bed, leaning over you on his hands and knees. But that wouldn’t do, so you put your hands on his shoulders and pulled him to roll over and you settled yourself to sit on his hips. He looked up at you dazed, a disheveled beautiful mess, shirt still on but open, face pink, “I’m very much not...” Murmured as he tugged you to come down. 

You settled yourself half on your left arm as you caught him up in a deep kiss, working his belt open with one hand in what must have been a miracle. Undeterred as you popped the button on his suit pants and worked the zipper down after. “Take them off, please.” Asking oh so sweetly.

He was very quick to respond with a raise of his hips and a shimmy as he pulled himself out, kicking both pants and boxers to the floor. His hands slid up the sides of your neck, keeping you there, kissing you senseless very suddenly. Pressing himself to you as you lowered down on your hands and knees. In between a gasp of air and your name, “...should I say when…?”

Kissing that satisfied grin off his lips, you nipped his tongue as he tried to get you to go deeper again. “Say when all you like.” Taking hold of his cock with one hand, a lift of your hips, and then  _ slowly _ settling down with a little roll. Up, and then down to take more, up again- and then slow down to sink completely onto him, filling yourself with him. 

Your forehead dropped to his, drinking in his gasp, the feel of his hands tight on your hips, pulling, holding,  _ begging _ you to stay. Rolling your hips forward just as he rocked his up, striking deeper inside of you, stealing another breath that he caught in a kiss. 

It was the half mumble and murmur from him that really caught you, “ _ I love you _ ...” Practically a prayer. Delighting when he said it again and again and  _ again _ with each move. 

Caught up with him until you had no idea who was in charge anymore. “ _ I love you, I love you _ ...” Whispered back hotly, in a moan, on a whisper- any way it would come out of you. 

Riding him like that the entire night until he said when.

_When…_

...which  soon  turned into  _ don’t stop… _ and  _ please… _

And of course… _ **I love you**…_

* * *

** Team Stark **

Reading one headline as you browsed on your phone. The private table in the little corner cafe had been a nice respite as the two of you waited for the jet to fuel up.

**Lord and Lady of Stark Industries**

Another, one you sort of liked. It wasn’t the first time you’d been paired with him in such a manner.

**Stark Contrast**

A much different gossip mag that was intent on whining about the threat of Tony’s playboy days being over. Would he really commit to you? Oh but how could he?  _ Surely _ he’d give up and go back to bedding a new woman every night and make the world happy again… 

And the absolutely terrible ones.

**Starkness and Light** ,  **Stark de Triomphe** (this one about that your announcement together had somehow caused stocks to skyrocket),  **Starking up the Wrong Tree?** , **Stark Raving Romance?**,  **Walk in the Stark…**

Garbage. Just the worst.

But the pictures of the two of you that had come out of the event… “Self indulging? It’s a dangerous pastime. Trust me.” Tony caught you smiling, lifting his cup of coffee to take a sip after. He was grinning, as well.

“Just checking.” You lied as you put your phone down.

“Mm hmm. I believe you.” Teasing you softly, reaching over to take your free hand in his.

You couldn’t help the light grin. “Well if that’s the case, I fully understand now why you are the way you are.”

“What?” Lifting your hand he kissed the back. “Devilishly handsome? An incredible genius? A gift to society-”

“_Oh_ you are _the worst_!” 

He hid his laughter into the palm of your hand as he turned it over, and your own giggles were not too far behind. The sound of camera shutters were quiet outside the venue. Everyone wanted a piece- as usual, of Tony, but now you knew. They were after the both of you.

And it was so wonderfully easy to ignore them when you were caught up in each other.

Letting go of your hand, he snatched your phone, getting in past the lock screen and pulling the media pictures you’d been spying on. “Let’s have a look then.  _ Oh. _ This one is nice. And this one- I get it now.”

Reaching over the table to snatch it right back, you put it in your lap, feeling just a tiny swell of embarrassment. “Stop it.” It wasn’t right to be looking at pictures of yourself and feeling any way other than either nonchalant or put off. But…  _ but… _

“No. Really.” Taking his own phone, he lifted it, jerking it forward to splay a small projection. Swiping on the main screen he pulled up the exact photos you were looking at. The ones of you arm in arm walking down the carpet, or the one on the top of the stairs just outside the venue as he kissed your cheek… “Beautiful woman that got saddled with a goon. What’s not to like?”

“A **_goon_**? You think you look like a **_goon_**?” You could barely even begin to believe that’s what he thought. 

He tipped his head back and forth, “Alright. Goon might be strong. I’m willing to listen to your compliments to try and change my mind.”

Reaching up you put your hand over his, leading his phone down to the table, projections of the two of you disappearing. “I’m not looking at you. Or me. In pictures like that… I’m just looking at  _ us _ .” Smiling when his expression turned the same. “And if you ever call yourself a  _ goon _ again, I’m going to force you to do a photoshoot for  GQ .” 

Those stylists really knew how to sharpen up a man. Not that Tony needed the help. But just to prove a point.

“Alright alright.” He put both his hands up in the air, signaling his defeat. “Although… are you sure you want something like that?” Hinting, while joking, at the chance that he may end up one a cover somewhere with his shirt off or in some similar manner for the public to ogle.

You shrugged, unbothered. “Tony Stark is still property of the world. Who am I to come between you?” Spotlight darling that he was. On his better days, anyway.

“_Really_. Because I seem to remember a little voice telling me I belonged to _her_ last night...” Squinting lightly, a little quirk of his lips in a grin. 

Heat flashed across your face. “I didn’t say anything like that.” You were sure that you hadn’t… so sure…

His brows raised in a knowing look, a little click of his tongue against his teeth. “ _ Uh huh _ . Must have just been hearing things. In my head.” 

Sharply you looked away, resisting the urge to cover your face in shame. “Must have been.”

Tony’s grin was on full blast now as he reached again to take your hand in a light squeeze. “I didn’t mind.”

Without moving from your turned away position, you moved your eyes to glance at him, and couldn’t help the tiniest of smiles that emerged. “Well in that case...”

In that case…

Tony Stark belonged to you.

And you just as much to him.

What a wonderful life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wonderful life indeed.


	37. Chapter 37

“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Tony was in the middle of going between writing frantically on his holo-board and then typing things into his computer. Clearly busy.

“I can handle SHIELD. And you’ve got a lot on your plate, it looks like.” Trying to build the new specs of his suit. Always working. Always improving. “I’ll stop by once I’m done. I’ll have to change anyway, I have a meeting after.” So they couldn’t keep you there all day. Or kidnap you or do anything shady. You were expected places.

As you approached, he turned away from his work to give you a little kiss on the cheek. But he put down his pen so that he could take the blue tinted lenses from his pocket and hand them to you. “Take these.”

It was just supposed to be their preliminary tests, whatever that meant. To put you on their little grid or whatever it was. To find out what your true potential was before you started training. “I’m not trying to start trouble...” Bringing in those high-tech specs would definitely piss Fury off, for sure.

“They’re coded to you. Anyone else tries to put them on they just look like sunglasses. They won’t catch you. I promise.” Giving that winning Stark grin. Outsmarting SHIELD was becoming his new favorite thing- that and protecting you. You suspected he’d be listening in if you brought them…

But maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Just in case. _Just in case_. You still didn’t fully trust these people after everything they’d put you through. Aside that, you didn’t want Tony to be stressing about you being in some secret government facility with no access to you if things got strange. So, with that in mind, you took them, slipping them into the inside pocket of your jacket. “Alright. But, really, it’s just supposed to be an hour or two. What’s the worst that could happen?” 

“And _I’m_ the one that gets lectured about not tempting fate.” A roll of his eyes and a scoff as he turned back to his board. You gave him a little playful smack on the backside, pulling a laugh out of him. 

The sass of this man.  Honestly. 

T he drive to their new warehouse setup was blessedly short. Almost like they’d picked a spot parked a few miles from the house on purpose. Knowing them…? Anything was possible. Maybe it’d just be easier for everyone if they were that close, you supposed. Since you’d be working with them for the next few months. Whatever made it go faster, that was better. 

As before, they’d sent someone for you, which wasn’t unusual. But it made you a little bit nervous. While you didn’t want Happy mixed up in stuff like this either, it may have made you feel better to have  _some_ security around. All you had was yourself and a pair of sunglasses, and as far as SHIELD was concerned- just yourself. 

You tried to settle your nerves as the car pulled around the various checkpoints of the compound and brought you right up to the front door. There was something annoying about having to pass yet  _another_ security check as you walked through the door and received a pat down. The officer (dressed quite aggressively in a bullet proof vest and a rifle slung across his back) pulled the glasses out of your pocket, looked at them, and then handed them back to you and gave you a pass.

Easy.

They were acting like they were under threat. But they’d been expecting you. So all you could surmise was that Fury was putting on a show for you. Much like everything else he did. Letting you know he was in charge. Not you.

The charade continued as you were shown to a small conference room with blindly bare walls, a long table and an uncomfortable chair to sit in. And continued further when he made you wait for fifteen minutes before finally blessing you with his presence.

Not only his, but someone dressed like a doctor as well. Your nerves flared.

“Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for making me wait.” 

He grinned with a little shake of his head. “Ready to work? That’s good. First thing’s first. We need some vials of blood.”

“Absolutely _not_.” The two words rushed out of you, clipped and incredulous. 

“This will go a lot faster if you just do what I say.” Very suddenly it felt like you were in a lock down. And you’d willingly walked into it. “We can ascertain a lot more information that way.” 

“I said no. Don’t ask me again.” Crossing your arms. SHIELD wanted your blood? How much sketchier could this get? Even if he _was_ telling the truth- if they could see things in your blood that were super powered or whatever… wouldn’t hospitals before have seen the same thing? You’d been to a doctor before. Had blood taken before. If something was off, wouldn’t everyone else have been able to see it? 

No one had ever mentioned anything like that to you.

Fury put his hands on his hips, shaking his head. “Are you gonna be difficult all day?”

“If you keep asking me for blood.”

This was not off to a great start. But that was his fault. He just kept on shaking his head until waving away the doctor that had come in. When they’d left, he finally sat down, folding his hands together. “From our reports we’ve already gathered a lot of your data. We’re just gonna double check our work.”

He slid a folder your way, one with your name on it- your codename, which they  _still_ hadn’t changed. Although to be fair you hadn’t told them what you’d like to be called. Opening it you looked at the sparse details inside. 

**Intelligence: 2  
Strength: 1  
Speed: 1  
Durability: 3  
EP: 1  
FA: 1**

Their grading system. You weren’t sure how high it went. If it went out of ten you were doing pretty poor, all things considered. And _EP _and_ FA_ you had no idea what that meant. “So what do you need today?”

“We’re gonna hook you up to machines, old school. Make you run on a treadmill and look at some stuff on a screen. Like I said, we’ve got a lot on you already. Those numbers are pretty much set.”

“So I joined a gym?” Still playing unimpressed. Because, _yet again_, Fury was talking like SHIELD knew everything about you already, and yet was still asking you to do things for them. Honesty might as well have been this man’s worst enemy.

He looked very unamused as you closed the folder and glanced back up at him. “You’re gonna join nothing if you keep mouthing off. Did I hire two Starks? Or can you be your own person for one second.”

At this you made a face. “Not trusting you or liking this situation does not make me Tony.”

“Your mouth does.”

He _may _have had a point. Your sarcastic retorts may have been borrowed. But sometimes it was easier to pretend to be someone far more confident and in control…

Suddenly Fury stood up and motioned for you to do the same, something you did much to his _relief_. Maybe you should start using a lot more of _that_. It may have helped in the situation. “Come on. We’ve got work to do and I don’t have all day to babysit you.”

“I don’t have all day, either. I have a meeting in two hours.” Letting him know, though you’d already sent that information over. Just doubling down on that you would _not_ be here all day.

Following him out the door and down the hall, you found a terribly cliched room behind the next door he opened. He wasn’t kidding. A treadmill with wires hanging from the ceiling and a screen ahead. Lucky you’d worn sneakers. “You’re… serious?” He wanted you to run around and … do what?

“Dead serious. Get comfortable. If you need a tank top we’ll provide one. You can’t wear that.” Nodding to your jacket and sweater.

Giving him a very distrusting look, “Why?”

“See those?” He pointed to the wires hanging, pads at the ends of each one. “Those need to be on your skin. If you make me explain every minute detail it’s gonna take a lot longer.”

Finally, fed up, you turned fully to him. “What’s your problem? Can you treat me like a person for even _one_ second? I’m not a robot, or someone for you to just push from A to B. If we’re working together, you’d better catch a better attitude. Quick.”

Without another word you turned away from him, pulling your sweater off and dropping it to the floor, leaving you in a spaghetti strap shirt. You’d come with the idea that they would be putting you to work. So it wasn’t a problem. Gym clothes.

Still, it was strange to see him looking away, arms crossed. Shy? Shy about you doing exactly what he’d told you to do? Although you appreciated the momentary lapse, his showing of _humanity_ for once. “Give me a reason to _catch a better attitude_ and I just might.” Still grouchy, though, as he said this. Then he left.

Two SHIELD attendants were not far behind, helping you up onto the treadmill after and sticking those pads to your skin. There was no telling what they were recording, but you supposed it must have been important. Two went on your temples, one on your forehead, two on your neck, one on your chest, and a few on your arms. They instructed you to watch the screen very carefully and try not to trip.

The speed was going to ramp up every so often, indicated by an instruction on the screen ahead of you. Only a few seconds after they left the machine started. It was a brisk walk, basically, and images started flashing in front of you. Unintelligible nonsense at first. Shapes. Numbers. Colors. Random people you’d never seen before.

Just as _Justin Hammer_ flitted across your awareness the track started going faster and you moved into a jog. More people you didn’t know- _Ivan Vanko_\- shapes again- then buildings- _Obadiah_\- destroyed buildings- numbers again. Equations. Some you knew, some beyond you. The speed increased again. _The Expo was burning. _Stark Industries’ front lawn- the labs collapsing- numbers, more numbers… products- soda, water- pills it looked like?

_Explosions in Monaco-_ the speed went up again now sending you into a full run. You were out of breath. To your surprise you’d been at this for twenty minutes. Colors- colors- stones- blue- bright blue- intense weather- snow and rain- some empty place- 

Barely keeping up on the treadmill, hands steady on the sides- blood-  _blood-_

“Hey- I need- this is about all I can do-” Not knowing who you were calling out to as a series of lights flashed across the screen, giving you an incredible headache. The track went _faster_. “Fury!” Someone had to be watching, right? Scientists in labcoats on the other side of the screen scribbling nonsense on pads- 

Somebody-  _anybody_ \- 

“_**Hey**_!” 

A t your scream the treadmill finally started to slow, enough for you to safely jump off. The rip of the pads from your skin was an annoyance at best. You were more concerned with evening out, hands on your knees, taking breaths in with your nose and out through your mouth. Was that the way it went? Or was it the other way around? 

Not sure. But this seemed to be helping. So you kept it up.

A water bottle came into your field of view and you gratefully took it, standing, snapping the cap open and guzzling half the contents. Fury was looking over a folder- yours you presumed. “Not bad. Take a minute to clean yourself up and I’ll meet you in the other room.”

“Not bad?” Still slightly breathless as you asked this. “What does that mean?” What the hell had you been looking at? What were they testing for? Was any of this really that important?

“Just take it easy.” Even though he was talking to you a lot more kindly than he previously had been, this irked you, too. For some reason. Maybe it was just _him_. Fresh annoyance coming on when he simply walked out the door and left you there. 

You pushed out a sigh and crouched again. Controlling your breathing. Doing exactly what he’d asked and  _taking your time_ . As long as it took for you to get back to relatively normal. Then going to the back of the room where you finally noticed a towel waiting for you and some fresh wipes. How nice. Well at least someone was looking out for you. 

After finishing the water and toweling and cleaning off, you put your jacket back on, hanging your sweater over your shoulder for now. Peeking your head out of the room, you poked an agent on the shoulder as they walked past. “Bathroom?”

As soon as they pointed at the door a few feet down the hall, that’s where you went. Taking  _even more time_ to relieve yourself, wash your hands, splash some cold water on your face and dry off again. Cleaning up just a little more. Presentable. Decent. 

Then, and  _only_ when you were ready, did you leave the bathroom to go to the room you’d first met Fury in. To your surprise, Natasha was there too. They were standing at the side of the table, going over your file- or your results- so you didn’t stop to sit. 

“You moved a few points in some categories. That’s not easy to do.” Natasha smiled at you.

You weren’t sure enough of the situation to offer one back. “That’s a good thing?”

“Moved _up_, she’s saying. Yes. Bad intel more than anything.” So they were impressed with you? Was that a good thing? You guessed it may have been. Or maybe they were doing that thing that they did. Buttering you up. For what you still had no idea. You’d already agreed to work with them. “There’s one more thing we need to test before you can go today.” 

“What’s that?” Feeling a soft sense of relief that it would soon be over and you could return to your corporate life until tomorrow.

“This.”

It happened almost too quick for you to catch. The _shock _and _**horror**_ crackling out from Natasha was what caught you first. Not that Fury was drawing his weapon from his hip- 

Or the ear shattering  _ **bang** _ in the air- 

“_NICK_!” 

Not your voice-

Stumbling a few feet back from the force. Hand reaching out as your knees went weak, hitting against the wall. “Did you- did you just-” Breathing going shallow. There was a high pitched whine in the air. “Did you-”

Pain bolted through your  side and that’s where your hands went next as you slammed a shoulder against the wall. Feeling a rush of warmth escape. Pour out over your fingers. “Did you just-” Stumbling over your words. “ _Did you just_ -”

“_Nick what the **fuck**_!” 

Someone was at your side- Natasha you realized, just as your knees gave out and you slid to  sit on the floor. You started in on a full body shiver. Were you still breathing? Where was- 

_Did he just- _

_Were you- _

**Nick Fury had just shot you point blank. **

He came up into your field of view. “Would’ve been easier if you’d just given me your blood when I asked.”

“Get a med team in conference room one-”

“Belay that order.”

Your hands were pressing, trying helplessly to hold anything in- hers were pressing, too- “What were you thinking!”

_Had that really happened? Was this happening right now? Were you going into shock?_ Familiar noises- A shot- a bang- shrieks- shouting- gunfire- a _blast_-

The door in the room flew back to the opposite side of the room. Nick Fury was nowhere to be seen- oh- no wait- he was on the other side of the room too- And…

“Hey, look at me- look at me, honey- _step back_ or you’re next.” Tony’s face came into focus as the support of Natasha’s hands faded. No doubt because he’d just threatened her. He was there- Iron Man- Tony- “Talk to me, hey- _hey_...” Soft as he put a hand over where yours were clutching. “JARVIS I need vitals.”

“She’s fine.” Fury’s voice, tight. Somewhere.

_What was happening? _

“Try me again and you’re not getting up a second time.” Tony growled at him, you realized he was holding up his other hand. Repulsor ready.

“Tony-” You breathed out, quivering still, reaching up to try and hold on to him.

But he took your hands and put them back where they were. Blood. There was so much blood. “Right here. Hold right here and eyes on me. I’m gonna lift you-”

“Do _not_ take her out of this room.”

Natasha whipped towards him. “_H__ave you lost your mind_??”

“I watched her shake off broken ribs and a collapsed lung at Stark Industries. _We_ watched her walk off a severe head injury at the house, a burn injury at the Expo- prove me wrong and you can have your damn med team. Check her vitals again.”

Impressive, you thought to yourself, that you caught most of that. Or all of it. What was he _really _saying, though? Your shivering had stopped.

“JARVIS-”

“There were _other _ways to test for healing factor, Nick, are you _crazy_?” It spoke volumes that not even Natasha knew what he was capable of. What he was going to do next.

He scoffed. “Oh, _please_ it was _one_ bullet.”

“Well thanks for not unloading your fucking gun into me you _fucking psycho_!” Finally you found your voice, heat from pain turning into quick anger.

“There. Look. She’s fine.”

A rush of coolness touched your face, something you were very appreciative of, and you leaned your cheek into Tony’s palm. His mask lifted up, revealing just how pale he was over all of this. “Look at me. Talk to me. JARVIS says you’re stabilizing- sort of- not that I’m not ecstatic- but… you gotta talk to me...” He was absolutely _spooked_. Out of his depths.

Softly you smiled at him. Absurdity of the situation waning- realizing that… someone had shot you. _Nick Fury_ had shot you. And Tony, at home, had come right away… “Hey.”

“Hey.” He smiled back at you, _uneasily_ so. “I think it’s time to go to the hospital.”

“She just needs to lie down. She has something we call healing factor. I had her at a 3 but I think we’re gonna bump her up to a 4, considering.” Fury was standing, smartly, a few feet away. Although he was slightly curved in on himself. In pain.

_Good_ . 

Though you wished you’d been cognizant enough to have seen Tony blast him off his feet.

“Healing factor is an ability to heal outside the normal limits of a regular human.” Natasha offered, looking extremely uncomfortable. “And there are _other_ ways to test for it.” Giving Fury quite the dirty look. 

“She wouldn’t let me.”

Sitting a little more up, Tony put an arm around you, steadying you. Directing a glare Fury’s way, “Gee whiz, had I known my options were  _ **be shot** _ or give a drop of blood, I would have pricked my finger for you.” 

“You’re fine. We’ll take you to the recovery room. The less stressed you are, the faster it goes.” His know it all attitude was really pissing you off. Much more today than any other day considering the dude had _shot you_. 

“I’m taking her home.” Tony seemed on the same page. Terribly _furious_. You’d rarely seen him _this_ _**angry**_. 

“We still need to run some tests.”

Tony helped you to your feet, and you felt another bloom of pain,  clutching at your stomach with a hiss . “No. You don’t seem to  _ **get it** _ .”  Words as sharp as a blade . “We’re  _ **done** _ here. Our involvement ended when you pulled a gun on her.” 

Fury stepped closer, waving an authoritarian hand. “Oh- _please._ It was a small bullet. Went right through her. And that’s not your call to make.”

Tony raised his, the sound the repulsor beam charging lit up the air. “Why don’t you try drawing on me. See what happens.”

Natasha quickly stood between them, although she gave Fury a pointed shove. “Get out of here. You’re just making things worse. We’ re gonna have a  _very_ serious talk about this later.” For a moment you imagined she must have been the boss, the way she was talking to him- and the way that she curbed him to heel, with a scoff and a turn and then he left. 

Tony sniffed some air in, “You gonna ask us to stay too? Because I gotta tell you, I’m just about done listening to government agents.”

“What Fury did was _way_ out of line. I had no idea he was going to do that.” 

“I _so_ believe you.” Tony made a face at her.

Finally, though, as you just caught your breath, you put a hand up. Wanting to hold on to him, only realizing you were spattered with blood. When he realized he took hold of you and set it on his chest. It  strengthened you just enough. “ I believe her.” 

She’d been scared senseless when Fury had gone for his gun. There was no other way to interpret that.

“You can’t _possibly_ still wanna be involved with this. With _them_.” Now Tony was turning his ire towards you, but it was extremely softened up as you looked at him. Still very clearly in pain. Still bleeding a little. 

From the fucking gunshot wound. You understood why he’d be mad.

“If I _never_ have to see Fury again, I’ll consider it.” 

Tony was shaking his head lightly, while Natasha half smiled. “I don’t know about never. But… I can promise not for a very long time.”

“It’s a start.” You weren’t sure starting to where but… Tony was about to sound off again but you went just a little slack and his arms came completely around you, stopping his tirade in its tracks. “I need to lie down...” _Surprisingly_ you didn’t feel very well. 

Tony pointed a finger at Natasha. “This recovery room better be on par with a five star hotel. I’m talking skylights, room service, hot towels, jacuzzi-”

“Not that good. But. It’ll do.”

Once she moved to leave, you found yourself grateful as Tony quite literally swept you off your feet. Not having to worry about standing anymore, you practically wilted in his arms. This was crazy. _This was crazy_. Had Nick Fury really just fucking shot you? For what? To prove a point? You bet that was it.

Maybe you should have been able to predict such a thing. Maybe he was teaching you a lesson about letting your guard down.

The recovery room was a much darker color in contrast to all the white walls in the rest of the facility, softer lit. Sort of comforting and definitely soothing after everything else. The bed was small but looked nice enough. And, just your luck, there was a medkit on the table, and a sink in the other corner.

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” And just like that, Natasha was out of the room and closing the door.

Tony set you on the bed and then the suit opened up and he stepped out. “JARVIS I want a level 3 EMP. Throw up a signal jammer after that just in case. And then sweep for dead bugs.”

“Yes, sir.” You barely heard JARVIS’ voice from inside the helmet.

Shifting, releasing another welt of pain across your entire lower abdomen, you shrugged out of your jacket and pulled your top half up. Still bleeding- although maybe it wasn’t as much blood as you’d first imagined. And… Fury was right, the hole was small, as you checked, pressing your fingers against it in another hiss.

Tony was there in just another moment, on his knees, medkit on the table popped open. “Don’t move around so much. I can’t _believe_ you want to stay here.” Grumbling as he opened bottles and tore packaging.

Half of your attention was still in a fog. _Had all this really just happened_? You kept hearing that question on a loop- and- Tony- “...how did you get here?”

Looking up after tearing an alcohol swap packet in his teeth his brows shot up. “You lose that much blood?” Reaching up he turned your face a little more towards his, examining your supposed pallor.

“No- well- maybe- I don’t know- I just… how did you-” How to ask this question? While you were very relieved that he _was_ here, that he had come to get you- _save you_ it must have seemed like…

“There was a _reason_ I asked you to bring the glasses.” Sighing as he wiped away the blood with what felt like a trail of bee stings.

It got you to squirm, hold in a heavy hiss that exhaled on the next breath, your head falling back. _Had Nick Fury really fucking shot you??_ “You were listening?” All day?

“Not _all_ day. They have something called Shattershot Detection. I wasn’t intending to trial it today. But… all things considered...” Mumbling angrily again as he tore open a packet of wet wipes and let you clean your hands.

“And you just- came right away?” This man was absolutely incredible. Although you probably would have done the same thing. Even just _thinking_ about Tony being in a small room with no means of protection- and the sound of a gun-

...you felt terrible.

“It took me _five minutes_ to get here.” Funny, since that all seemed to happen in the blink of an eye. He taped a gauze pad over the wound on your front side, looking up. And what you saw in his eyes crushed you. “That was five minutes too long. If they had had a mind to-”

You felt a hot flash of _terror_. And it was **painful**. More painful than anything you’d felt today.

If they had wanted to do anything other than whatever the hell this was.

If Nick Fury had had a mind to put you down…

You’d be down.

And the thought- the near actualization- _frightened_ Tony.

Feeling fresh tears leaking- realizing the dried trail of ones you didn’t even remember crying before- you reached up and cupped the sides of his face. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. We were willing to give them a chance. They blew it. By. _You know_. Putting a hole through you. So let’s go now. It’s over.”

Before you could muster a yes or no the door opened and in walked Agent Phil Coulson, head down, reading a file. Just so _casual_. “So. You got shot your first day in training. Might as well come with a welcome basket.”

Yanking your shirt back down, you weakly directed a glare at him. “I’m so glad this is considered common practice around here.”

Tony stood, arms crossed, rigid. Blocking Coulson’s line of sight to you. “Well we’ve had just about all we can handle of your _hospitality, _so we’re leaving.”

The folder snapped shut. “I’d like to have a word alone with her.”

“Yeah. We tried that once already today.” Tony refused to budge.

A pause of silence hung in the air, and then Coulson crossed over to the sink, pulling a stool out from the other side and dragged it across the floor to the foot of the bed. Sitting down, one leg propped up, he set the folder down and laced his fingers together. “Fury has a very heavy handed way of getting what he’s looking for.” Pointedly ignoring Tony, who had turned to look at him, as he spoke directly to you.

“If you’re asking me to look the other way on him _shooting me_-”

“I’m not. But he doesn’t do things without a reason.”

At this you made a face. You had thought that was what this was about. “Teaching me a lesson?” Spat out at him.

“Not the one you think you’re learning. If you don’t want to trust him, and maybe you shouldn’t after this, that’s fine. But that’s not the point he was making.”

Tony waved a hand. “She’s not in daycare. She’s not a child. Anything that needed to be _said _could have been **said**. Pretending firing a gun at her is some sort of cryptic clue is nonsense- it’s _psychotic_.”

Coulson’s gaze stayed on you. “Have you ever been shot before?”

Your voice was small as you answered, “No.”

“Took it pretty well for your first time.” He remained extremely impassive, although he offered a _tiny_ quirk of a smile.

Though you found no solace in the expression. “That’s what I’m supposed to learn? That I’m _great_ at getting shot?” This was ludicrous.

“You’re not indestructible. But you’re not weak, either. Next time someone pulls a weapon on you, you’ll know you can get back up.”

_Fury can’t hurt you_ .    
_her.  
**me.**_

The thought belonged to any one of you in that room. You weren’t sure who had it  first as the endings overlapped . Maybe you, maybe you and Tony. Maybe Coulson, too. But it was there. You had it in hand. 

You weren’t sure this was actually the lesson Fury had been trying to impart on you. Because it was a dangerous one, and would only grow more so every day you spent in their care. If all Fury had were weapons, he’d just taught you you could withstand a storm. Tomorrow you’d start learning to fight. And the day after that you’d start learning how to  _win_ . 

You weren’t scared of Fury, very suddenly. You realized  _he should be scared of **me**. _

“I can’t tell you to stay. But. Personally.” Coulson stood up, leaving the folder on the bed for you. “I think you should.”

“What a glowing review.” Tony moved to track him across the room.

Coulson stopped at the door, “We’ll send you the bill for all the tech you just busted, by the way.”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you just go ahead and put it right into my shredder. Save me some work.”

Reaching over, finding no strain in your muscles, you pulled the folder closer and opened it. Inside you were surprised at the heading,

_Lady’s Final Grid Results  
6/17/10_

“Lady?” Mused to yourself. You had told them you didn’t like the other name, but had never given them another. But _Lady_? You supposed it came from the earlier spat between Fury and Tony- not to mention all the press recently with that title.

_Lady…_

“You ready to go?” Tony turned back to you, although he wasn’t exactly hiding that he was spying over the top of that folder.

**Intelligence: 3  
Strength: 2  
Speed: 2  
Durability: 4  
EP: 1  
FA: P/O 4 ** _ Under guidance of Black Widow _

“Yeah...” Your voice was far away. Taking the folder and putting your jacket on you stood.

He moved to step back into his suit, and you were all too pleased when he held his arms open for you, eagerly letting him bend down to pick you up. Though you felt like you might have been able to walk out of there-

What a  _ mess _ it was. Some agents were sitting on the floor, doors had been blown off, there was a hole in the roof… 

“You really did a number on this warehouse.” Laying your head on his shoulder as he broke free from the compound perimeter and fresh air met your lungs.

“They’re lucky I didn’t do a lot more.”

Because  _ he would have _ , you realized. Tony may have razed the entire place to the ground if things had gone differently. 

You wonder ed if Nick Fury knew that, too. 

* * *

“_Did you get what you were after?”_

“_I got what I needed. For now.”_

“_Good. Because I want it on record that I’m strongly against firing on potential allies. I don’t agree with what went on today.” _

“_Me, too.” _

“_Noted. Now get back to work.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy.... things are getting very messy...


	38. Chapter 38

You knew Tony had had trouble sleeping that night. Tossing and turning without end, arms above his head, staring at the ceiling. _Thinking_. The situation stressed him out. You were having much the same problems, although with everything that had gone on, you were exhausted. And tomorrow you had even more work to do. When he got up to go downstairs to the lab you were just drifting off. 

He was still gone when you woke up and you took a long hot shower. Surprisingly, though, when you stepped out, he was waiting in the bedroom, on one of his tablets sitting on the bed. “Come here.” Looking up at you, he softly beckoned.

So you went, stopping to stand just in front of him. “I’m okay.” Knowing that’s what he was still upset about.

“Can I see?”

You’d done your own inspections both in and out of the shower and in various mirrors. Letting your towel go, you only lightly delighted in the feel of his hands gliding carefully across the dip of your hip where the bullet had gone in and then turning you gently so he could look at the back.

No scars.

You hadn’t thought a lot about the night at Stark Labs, when Obi had smacked you into a guardrail with a giant metal hand. Or when Tony and Rhodey’s fighting had blasted you into a banister. Or when Ivan had wrapped your neck in an electric cable. All painful things.

All things you’d walked off. And just never cared to think more on. You’d just counted yourself lucky and resilient. It seemed now only one of those things was true.

As to which one…?

“You know the chances of them trying to turn you into a science experiment are fairly high, right?” Both of his hands had come to stop at your hips, holding you as he looked up at you.

You settled your hands on his shoulders. “They knew what it was. It seems like they’ve found other people with this sort of thing before.”

“Uh huh. And where are they?”

Tony was smarter than you could ever hope to be. That was for sure. Not that you also hadn’t thought about this… You tried to put on a smile. “We’re both not in the business of selling ourselves to the government.”

“Right. That’s why you’re going back.” His sarcasm was dialed up today, which meant only bad things. He was in a negative headspace. And you’d put him there … well technically SHIELD had, more accurately Fury.

Easing in, you looped your arms around his neck, settling your knees at the sides of his legs, sitting on his lap. “I’ll be okay. I’m a tough lady.” Tougher than either of you had known. “And the more they teach me, the more they’ll be sorry.”

At this Tony finally did ease a breath out with a little grin. “That makes two of us.” Reaching behind him with one hand, keeping the other steady on you, he pulled his tablet over. “Speaking of. I’m working on project LADY right now.”

A displeased noise escaped you before you could stop it. “Is that what we’re sticking with?” Being branded like that… it wasn’t the worst thing, for sure. No comparison to the tragedy that was  _Lightfall_ . But… 

“Well. You _are_ my lady.” He tapped a few things on the screen but looked up at you with a smile.

Touching your fingers back through the fringe of his messy morning hair, you couldn’t help returning it. “Yeah, Celine. And you are my man. So what? That doesn’t mean it has to be my dumb superhero name.”  When he flipped the screen over you glanced at the lines and equations- all rough, his hand writing. Something he’d been tooling around with all night. “What does LADY stand for anyway?” 

The design seemed thinner, not like his bulky Iron Man suits- and not complete, either. It all emanated from a blocky shaped heart at the chest- the core of which you realized. An Arc Reactor. That made sense, if he was building you a suit.

“Lightweight Alternating Defensive Yield.” 

Looking away from the tablet, your hands slipped down to cup the sides of his face. “Tony...”

Defensive.

_I don’t want weapons._

_This is not a weapon, it’s self defense._

He half tilted the tablet, eyes dropping to the screen, avoiding your gaze. “I still have to work on the programming. It’s still nanotech- it’s a little more difficult to navigate- once I get the coding stacked we can-”

Tilting his attention back to you, you leaned in to press a lingering kiss to his lips. He’d stayed up all night working on something that was meant to protect you. Because he’d been scared out of his mind hearing warnings from a computer console that you’d been _shot_ somewhere miles away from him. You broke back only a bare inch, murmuring to him, “Thank you.”

It would put you both at ease to know you’d never be pinned in a situation like that ever again. And if you were still intent on working with SHIELD- it seemed more likely than ever that you’d see your fair share.

He hummed out a quiet noise, turning his head to start working kisses along the line of your jaw and neck. “Noted. I expect even more gratitude as time goes on.”

“Tony-” Trying to warn him, but what came out instead was a clipped crooning whine of his name that ended on a giggle as he nipped at the line of your shoulder. “I’m gonna be late-”

With great ease he turned you over onto your back on the bed, grinning over you. “_Yeah_ you are.”

* * *

An hour and twenty minutes late, in fact. Tony completely insatiable not only just for you but to hold SHIELD up for as long as you’d let him.

When you got past four different security checks this time, and many employees giving you quite the dirty look, you were directed upstairs to a makeshift gym. Natasha was sitting on the corner of a boxing ring, typing quickly at her laptop. She barely looked up as you came in.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming. You could have told me you wanted to push it back. I would’ve slept in an extra hour.”

“Sorry. I got caught up.” Setting your bag down, you shrugged off your jacket, careful to drape it across the back of a nearby chair. Glasses still in tow in the inside pocket.

Finally she smiled at you, “You’re busy. I get it. I’m just glad you made it.”

While you were still distrustful of her, considering where and who she worked for, yesterday put her in a completely different light. She’d been extremely angry with Fury, as any _sane_ person would be after the shit he pulled. So her loyalties went as far as the line of common sense. Which made you think back on what she’d said to you on the flight to NYC.

_We don’t march in someone else’s line. Sorry if that’s upsetting._

_I didn’t say it was a completely terrible thing._

Maybe if things got out of hand, she’d be the first person to be on your side. Because you had absolutely no doubts that things would only get even more ridiculous and more crazy the longer you entertained this notion of superheroes and secret agents.

“Me, too, surprisingly.” Being a little bit honest. While you knew life was only going to turn into nonsense, you also knew this was probably the right thing to be doing. With all you’d seen so far… having people like SHIELD on your side was the best idea. Not to mention bettering yourself. “As long as you don’t have a gun on you, we can get started.”

Although you were joking, she smiled brightly, standing and showing her palms spread forward. She was wearing tight black leggings and a tight tank top. Not a lot of room to hide a gun. “I don’t. But maybe that should be your first lesson. You don’t need a gun to be dangerous.” She parted the ropes and stepped back into the ring.

Crossing the span of the room and hopping up, you followed her in. “Me? Or just in general.”

“Both.” She’d gone into one of the corners of the ring but came back with white tape. “Hands, please.” When you held them out for her, she began taping them. “Relying on weapons can make you weak. Complacent. Feeling safe isn’t always the best idea.”

“So you’re going to teach me to make my body a weapon.” This was toeing the line of cheesy. Something you knew she understood.

Especially with the grin she directed your way. “Not today. Or even a week from now. Or a month. That takes a lot of time. For now...” Once she finished, snapping the tape off the line and shucking it back to the corner it came from. She bent down and picked up two boxing pads. “For now we’re just going to go over how to defend yourself. Put your arms up and stretch side to side then we’ll start.”

_Ah_ . Much better. You’d enjoy it more if it was just defense. There was just something about the thought of holding  _weapons_ , being a  _weapon…_ you didn’t like it. “ And we do this through… boxing?” You’d sat in on more than enough of Tony and Happy’s sessions to know that’s exactly what you were doing. 

“Just warming you up. Getting you used to throwing punches. And fixing your stance.” Coming behind you as your stretching ceased, she shifted your body sideways. “Shoulder width apart. Left foot forward, right foot back.”

You moved as she nudged your legs. “What if I’m a southpaw?” You kept your smile easy, trying to let her know you were only teasing.

“We’ll get to that.” Moving your hands, “Right by your chin, left out. Don’t tuck your thumbs in your first, that’s how you break them when you throw a punch.” Zipping the edge of one of those pads up your spine, “Make sure your back is straight. And you wanna keep that angle. Never open yourself up fully if you can avoid it.” 

Following her direction was relatively easy, even when she gave silent cue with a tap of those pads at the back of your knees to unlock them. “Okay. Now?”

“Now you’re gonna hit me.” She finished her circling, standing in front of you, raising one pad. “First one is a jab. You’re gonna throw your left fist and then snap back into stance.” Taking a breath you did just that, shooting your fist out forward and then pulling back. “Harder than that. Go ahead. I can take it.” 

O ne more time. 

“Again.”

Another.

“Again. Breathe out when you throw.”

The next one just a touch harder, pushing a breath out from your lungs.

“Good! That one was great. Okay, now.” She raised the second pad up, a little lower than the first one she was still holding. “The next punch is called a straight. It’s a more powerful throw with your right hand, you’re gonna lean into it by twisting forward with your right foot. Then snap back.”

Angling forward with a right throw, you hit her boxing pad and she directed you the same way.

“Again.”  
  
“Again.”

“Remember to breathe.”

Another breath, a harder straight with a satisfying crunch against the pad. She smiled bright. “Okay, great. Next are one-twos. It’s just a jab followed by a straight. You want to throw your straight as the jab is coming back. Ready? One-two.”

Jab, straight.

“One-two!”

This time a breath with each one, a jab, and then you pushed yourself forward for a straight, making sure to snap back because she called again, “One-two!” So you threw them again. “See? Easy. Now, _southpaw_, we’re switching stance. Never let yourself get comfortable. Right foot forward, left foot back. Left hand by your chin, right out.” 

A s you moved the other way into the stance, “So all the punches are reversed now, right?” 

“Not so hard.” And once you were in position, “Let’s go. Jab- jab- straight- one-two!”

It was easy to follow her direction, landing punches seconds after she called them. She found an easy rhythm for you as she kept going, leading you into sets of fours. Quick jabs, straights, and then one-twos.

“Alright. That’s good. Switch back to basic stance.” It really should have been more alarming how easy it was to mindlessly obey. But you chalked it up to that you were learning. And… this was sort of fun. Lifting one of her pads just a little to demonstrate, “You’re gonna do an uppercut now. You’re gonna wanna drive up from the bottom, keep your elbow at 90 degrees and don’t straighten it. Just rear back and throw up. Go. Aim for the chin.” 

Things went predictably. She told you  _again, _ and  _again_ , and then  _harder_ . So you did. Again, again, harder each time. Until finally she stopped with that singular praise. 

“Good. Okay. Next is a left hook. I want you to twist back so you can really power it up, lean into it when you throw. Your fist should be level with your shoulders.” Giving you a short demonstration while still holding the pad. “Don’t drop. Let’s go. Give me some hooks.”

So you did. As directed.  _Again, again, harder, breathe out! _

Then she switched it up. Asking for, “Jab! One-two! Uppercut! Uppercut! Left hook! One-two!” Tripping you up only a few times until you just cleared your mind and followed her instructions, each punch landing hard. When she switched to the other stance, it was the same. Calling punches one after the other, working you up into a sweat.

It was almost unbelievable that two hours had passed by.   
Well… maybe not totally unbelievable with how winded you felt. And how much you were sweating. Were you really that out of shape? Or was this a good thing? Hard to tell. You just knew you felt a swell of relief when she put her hands down, smiled and said, “Okay. I think that’s it for today.”

“Oh, good. And now I get to go to work for six hours.” Smiling back, wiping the sweat from your forehead.

She dropped the pads back to the corner of the ring and let herself down through the ropes. “Lucky you. When can I expect to see you again?”

Slowly you began unraveling the white tape from your hands. “After the 20th I’m free for the rest of June- well. I’m not traveling anywhere crazy, at least.” You were never _free_. The word didn’t exist in your vocabulary no matter how much you would have liked it to.

“Good. So we’ll work on alternating days starting the 21st.” That was only three days from now. But you supposed that was the point of training. To keep at it daily. So you could improve. “Tomorrow you’ll be with Coulson.”

You weren’t sure why this surprised you- maybe the thought that you’d only ever seen or worked with three of the same people over and over again. Didn’t SHIELD have more employees? “Coulson?” Hopping down from the ring, you cast a confused glance her way. She was practically out the door.

“It was with Fury. But.”

“_Oh_.” Unable to hide your disdain. “Coulson it is, then.”

* * *

You were incredibly sore the next morning, but determined this time to not be late. It helped that, _for once_, Tony was asleep in bed as you were leaving. Helped by hours and hours and hours of staring at screens and your insistence that he go the hell to bed or you’d be angry. And when that didn’t work, a little sensual _coaxing_ did just the trick.

Although when you passed by the bed he did reach out to take hold of your hand. Not as asleep as you thought. But you hushed him back over that line, tucking him back in and giving him a kiss at his temple and he was gone again in the next few seconds. Which made it harder to leave, you realized, as you stuck in the doorway just watching the peaceful in and out of his deep breathing. He deserved to be that peaceful all the time.

As for you…

Your nerves were getting the better of you, not sure what the day ahead really held. You weren’t sure what training _the thing_ was going to look like, or if it was dangerous to even try. What would happen if you unintentionally hurt somebody? Was that even a thing you could do with it? You imagined it must be, if SHIELD had an interest in honing it. That idea in the front of your mind as you took the short drive over to the compound.

As there had not been an incident yesterday, there were less dirty looks and less security checkpoints. You hoped it would stay that way, but… who could say…

Being led all the way down the longest hall you’d ever walked in your life did not feel great. Nor did entering a very barren, grey room with one metal chair in the center, and a table by the door. It was freezing, too. Unlike Natasha, Coulson had you waiting- which reminded you more of Fury. Although to be fair, _you’d_ kept Natasha waiting yesterday…

It was about five minutes before the door opened and in walked Coulson and a chipper looking female agent. “Good morning.”

“Morning.” You said uneasily back to him, standing aside as the woman took a seat in the chair, giving you a small wave that you awkwardly returned.

Coulson set down a file- your file, the one they kept parading around- and opened it, hand on his chin as he spread some papers around. “So. You have what the agency has determined is heightened empathy.” He looked up briefly at you and at the raise of your shoulders and puzzled look, he glanced down at the papers again. “It’s shorthand, and probably not right. We’ll find out. What we think is you have the ability to control other people’s emotions.”

“That sounds about right.” Whenever you put things out or held onto someone with _the thing_, heightened empathy as he said, it was always about _feeling_.

Shutting the folder, he crossed his arms. “We’ll see. That’s Agent Tetter. She’s been instructed not to do or say anything to you. She’s basically a prop.”

“How nice.” If that was supposed to make you feel better, it missed the mark. Now you just felt bad for her.

“In a moment I’m going to turn off the lights, and you’re going to close your eyes. We’ll work our way slowly. Empaths in general can sense emotion, usually they soak it up. In your case you can project it, but I bet it goes the other way around. Which is how you can utilize it. Are you getting all this?”

Your confused expression must have tipped him off. But he was talking a mile a minute. “Sort of?”

“Good. Let’s start.”

And off went the lights. The room plunged into pitch black darkness. You suddenly felt much less safe, reaching your hands out just slightly, even though you knew you weren’t near any walls. Maybe easier just in case… just in case anyone tried anything stupid.

_Tony was passed out in bed_ . 

The thought crossed your mind. If something bad happened now…

“Agent Tetter, think about the happiest day of your life. Think about it _really hard_.” Coulson’s voice sounded behind you, roughly in the same spot you thought you remembered him being in. “Now,” He called to you, and you were somewhat glad your last name didn’t have _Agent_ in front of it as well. “Close your eyes.” 

Even though it was already dark, you did. “Okay.” When several long moments went by with nothing inside of them, “...and then what?”

“You tell me. How does your thing work? Do you feel anything?”

“No.” 

“Take a breath. Just relax. You know Tetter is happy. Thinking about being happy. You think about that.”

This wouldn’t really help you in a live scenario. You wouldn’t be able to predict who was feeling what at any moment. But that wasn’t really the point, you realized. You were starting with baby steps. Crawling, even. Not even standing. The woman in the room was thinking about her happiest moment.

In your mind’s eye you pictured her sitting there. Her little wave to you as she came in. You thought about her with her head down, and her eyes closed. A small smile on her face. Hands clasped together.

Her happiest moment.

Happiest moment.

There was a bloom of a sunset orange, with little pinks underneath. A flash. Brief. You barely even saw it. There and then gone and you  _reached out_ to try and get a sense for it again. Colors? Was it always colors? You could do colors- 

But then it wasn’t colors. It had touched you. Short. A little brush of-

The sound of rain played behind your ears.

No. Not  _rain_ . 

“You get anything yet?”

“I’m working on it. Please be quiet.”

Coulson’s interruption took everything away, and so you were back to square one.

Happy. Happiest moment.

Happiest moment…

You squeezed your eyes shut tighter, hands a little more outstretched. Like you were going to reach out and take her face in your hands. Examine that smile. What made it tick- the light in her eyes-

That orangey-pink-

It wasn’t the sound of rain.

It was sort of the sound of…

Some kind of water…

Waves, you realized. On a beach. But not a big one, not even a little one.

No, it was more like… it was more like…

She was at the center, throwing rocks in a pond.

A little ripple of water followed in its wake. Brushing at your ankles.

A little pool. A little ring of water.

Orange and pink.

A ring.

A ring of water.

“_How did it feel when Stark told you he was dying_?”

A breath punched out of you and that ring of light turned into ashy black.

The next breath wasn’t out of you. A gasp of a sob from the woman sitting in the chair. When you opened your eyes the lights were on, and Agent Tetter’s face was hidden in her hands.

“Very good. You can go get cleaned up.” With Coulson’s command she stood, facing away from you as she walked away- around you, you realized. Isolating you. 

“I’m sorry-”

The door was already closed behind her. “Don’t be sorry.” Coulson was looking over you, a small tilt of his head. “That’s what we’re training you for.”

“To make people cry?” You couldn’t help the face you made, a little curl of your lip up and a knit of your brows.

“To make people do what you want them to do.” And at this… you weren’t sure you liked the sound of that. “What did you see?”

Lowering your eyes with a shake of your head, you eased a sigh out. You weren’t exactly sure you wanted to tell him- tell SHIELD. “I can’t explain it.” You could. Your mind’s eye had visualized something very easy to explain, in fact.

“Well. In time.” He probably knew you were lying. “That’s all for today.”

“What? Really? We’ve barely been here fifteen minutes.” You felt like you could do it again. Go one more time. Maybe two-

“It’s been an hour.” And just like that he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We learning. We growing.


	39. Chapter 39

It took everything you had coming out of SHIELD’s compound to not drive right home and stay there. Crawl into bed- maybe check if Tony was still asleep. And just nap. Nap for hours. Because that session had taken a lot out of you. Instead…

Instead you played responsible and went to work.

When the sun went down you went home. Tony, thankfully, was not in the lab, instead he was tooling around with some machinery in the living room. If you didn’t know better, you’d say he was waiting for you. Which was perfect, because out of your shoes you slipped, crawling up on the couch to lay your head in his lap. He shifted what he was working on to allow you to do so, and took his visor off.

“Long day?”

“Too long.”

“How’d uh… how’d the SHIELD business go?” He was holding back on his anxiety over all of it, still. For your benefit, you imagined.

Curling up, you closed your eyes as his hand came down, fingers threading through your hair. “I’m very tired. And still sore from yesterday. When we get back from New York tomorrow we’ll pick back up.” You knew this wasn’t what he was asking.

Which was why his silence made you feel guilty. Because he had no idea how else to ask. And wasn’t sure if he should. “Alright.” Finally the single word came.

“I’m working with Coulson on _the thing_. Heightened empathy, he called it.” Answer clipped and just as tired as the rest of you. “...I made a woman break down into tears without a thought.” Technically it was exactly your thinking that had done that. But. Well. How to explain…? 

“Is that all you have to do? Consider me an empath, then.” You couldn’t help the little laugh this encouraged, feeling even better when his chuckles were not too far behind. A more comfortable silence entered the room for a long while and you felt yourself drifting until he spoke again. “Do you want dinner?” 

“Sure.”

After everything else you’d been through, domestic bliss was, well, bliss.

* * *

Nearing the end of the jet ride to New York, you began fussing over your hair. Your makeup. The slick suit you’d decided to wear. And then when Tony, no doubt at this point  _pretended_ , not to know how to tie his own tie, you started fussing over him as well. 

And although that’s exactly what he wanted, he cast a glance your way as you settled the knot up. “Will you relax? This isn’t that big of a deal.”

Word had leaked to the press that  _The Starks,_ as they were now calling you for whatever reason, were headed into the city to finalize a building deal. That was fine and you didn’t mind it so much. In fact, you’d been the one who had slipped it to someone who had slipped it to someone else. But that didn’t mean it made you less nervous that the y knew. Controlling your own bylines was one thing. Dealing with how everyone else dealt with them was another. 

Like how you and Tony were apparently a packaged perfect pair according to some newspapers, and a train wreck waiting to happen in others. You weren’t sure which one you preferred.

“We’re signing a lease together.” Buying a building together. Expanding the Stark Industries empire _together_. It _was_ kind of a big deal. “I know you’re used to throwing your money at things you want, but this is different-” 

His hands came up, taking hold of your arms, stopping you in your tracks. “This is your baby. Your idea. Your building.”

“Right. Then why will it say Stark on top?” The way you wanted it, and the way it made the most sense. While you were now sitting at the top of Stark Industries, you didn’t own it- you did- but not like that. It was Tony’s. Tony’s life. His legacy.

“We can sign some _other_ papers that might make you feel better about that.” Grinning wryly. 

You knocked his hands away gentle and moved to sit back down. “If that’s really your proposal, I’m going to have to rethink this whole thing.” Joking.

Because Tony was joking, too.

He didn’t really mean it. It was kind of too early for that sort of talk- ...even if…

“Blame the media. Putting crazy ideas in my head.” Laughing, just a little, as he sat down next to you.

“You have enough crazy ideas in your head.”

“Rest assured that one is probably the sanest one I’ve ever had.”

The two of you locked eyes and the cabin became very  _warm. _ You found yourself grateful when the pilot announced that the plane was descending, and to buckle up. Now was not the time for this. If there ever would be one.  _Marry Tony_ ? While you’d had the idea that you loved him, deeply, and at this point couldn’t imagine being with anyone else… 

_Marry Tony Stark?_

Where in your busy lives would you ever fit something like that in?

* * *

The building was perfect. In the heart of midtown. Right aside Grand Central. Easy access. Great for travel and business. A great look. It had been all too perfect that MetLife and their other occupants were looking to sell. For the right price. And oh what a buyer they’d found. You couldn’t think of anywhere more perfect than right there.

It would be a boon for Stark Industries, it just needed some work. Maybe a little more than some. You had discussed with a planner, more than you had Tony, that you wanted the top of the building shaved and deconstructed for something far more sleeker and taller. Better looking and better working. While you’d already worked out deals with the firms that didn’t want to leave, relocating them to the base levels, the rest of the building would be completely yours.

Yours, Tony’s, and Stark Industries’. Just as soon as the two of you signed on the dotted line.

Which came with the clicks of a few cameras, exclusive access to the outlets that had vied for top dollar to witness the deal. Then came the handshakes, the smiles- and…

It was done.

You’d scouted and purchased your first _building_.

The real estate people were excited to get the hell out of there as soon as they had both your signatures and a check in their portfolio. Ready to go cash that immediately, you were sure. It had been a ludicrous amount of money. Even if you’d never done something like this before, _that_ you were sure of. But money hadn’t really been a problem, also something you were not entirely used to-

At least before. Now your life was totally different.

Something you quietly reflected on as those few reporters were still taking pictures and holding up recorders so they could take a few sound bytes back with them.

“And how much work will be done on the building?”

“Not completely extensive, we’re not working from the ground up, but it’s going to take some time. We’re forecasting the completed Stark Tower around May of 2012.”

“A nice birthday gift to myself.” Tony put his hand to his chest.

“And what do you say to the people who argue you’re taking away jobs by renovating and re-leasing the building?”

“It’s Stark Industries’ goal to bring more jobs to the market. We’re projecting thousands of new positions as soon as we’re done- and hundreds dealing in construction.” Questions that you could easily answer in your sleep.

“When do you anticipate construction will begin?”

“We’re aiming for December. We’ll have all the finite bits and pieces really nailed down by then. And it gives the lingering offices enough time to relocate.”

“And what are your plans for celebrating the purchase?” The recorders waved in Tony’s direction, a little suggestive lilt in the reporter’s tone.

Not one you appreciated. His lips pressed together before he grinned. “We bought a building. Why not party in it?”

“He’s kidding.” Behind you as you kept talking, you heard Tony say _I am?_ “We have so much to do there’s really no time to just sit down and celebrate. Maybe when it’s finished, we will.”

Satisfied that they’d gotten enough, and making sure they didn’t overstay their welcome (the wonders of incentive), the group thanked you for your time, packed up and left. Eager as well, perhaps, to get back to their own offices to start writing articles. It was always about the first one out.

It left you and Tony on the empty top floor. You peered out to the street far, _far_ below. Behind you, “I was serious, by the way. Let’s get some champagne. No need to hurry back on the jet.”

Before you could answer, your phone buzzed in your pocket, and good thing you hadn’t said yes, as you read the text from one Pepper Potts:

_Heard you were in town. Have time to grab a coffee? _

You hummed out a sound without even realizing it. “Oh.” Tony, continuing to talk, almost to himself. “Someone important?” And when you looked up at him, his brow arched with a little grin. “Someone more important than  _me_ ?” Teasing. Lightly. At least you were pretty sure. 

“Pepper wants to meet for coffee.” No need to hide it from him.

His expression vanished completely and he crossed his arms almost a little too defensively. “ _Oh_ .” Even though it had been an entire lifetime ago (funny, how you kept thinking of it like that), he still seemed hurt over the whole thing. “Surely she’s not asking me to go.” 

“Just me.”

“_Uh huh_.” A little click of his teeth that ended in a shrug. “Impeccable timing, don’t you think?” 

You weren’t sure you liked what he was implying. “Just coincidence.”

“How often has that been the case lately?”

It was upsetting how stiff he’d suddenly become over this one thing. Her leaving without a word- had it hurt him  _that_ much? You’d had no idea… Maybe if he’d shown that side of things when she’d been around… but then where would that have left you? No sense in thinking about it. Stepping closer, you reached up to set the fringe of his hair away from his forehead. “If you don’t want me to go, just say so.” 

A frown was quick. “I’m not your keeper.”

“But you _are_ my boyfriend.” Weird. It was weird saying that. But the smile it encouraged from him made it worth it. 

“All the more reason it’s not my place to tell you who you can hang out with. I’d hate to be the bad guy.” He caught your hand, pressing a kiss to the back. “Go, if you wanna go. I’ve got other things to do before we head home.”

Arching quite the incredulous brow, “Do you?”

“...I’ll _find_ things to do. You know me.”

“I do.” Which was why it was all the more important to get a sense for exactly what he thought he’d be getting up to. You were sure he had stuff on the jet- Iron Man things and… possibly _LADY _things… It was true, he wouldn’t be able to just sit still and do nothing. He’d find entertainment on his own. But… 

“Go, alright? Don’t overthink this.” Letting go, he took the sides of your face in his hands. “You’ll only hear this roughly once every five years so- I’m sorry I got upset over something stupid. It’s not a big deal. I promise. Water under the bridge.” 

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was making a play at melting you. If that was the case, it was working. Your smile was easy. “Say it again- let me record it.”

“Not a chance.”

“I’m still waiting for my certificate of verified Tony Stark guilt.”

“Oh you didn’t get it? I’m sure it’s in the mail.”

A mutual breathy laugh between the two of you ended in a hushed kiss. It was tempting to let it go on. And on- and just for a little while longer…

* * *

You ended up meeting her a couple blocks down at a very unremarkable cafe. Something quiet and where reporters wouldn’t be up your butt. Pepper knew you were in the city- so did everyone else. And anyone with an agenda would be able to find you if you let them. And  _everyone_ had an agenda. 

Except Pepper.

Who you found waiting for you out front and engulfed her in what was thankfully not an awkward embrace. She seemed happy- and happy to see you at that, which she expressed before you headed inside. It was just unfortunate that after ordering and sitting down, the encounter became entirely that.

Awkward.

“So...” You didn’t want her to say it. Especially not as the first thing. But you knew she was going to do it. “You and Tony, huh?”

“Oh we’re failing the Bechdel Test _right_ away, aren’t we?” Trying to joke and lighten the mood because you didn’t know what to say. It eased you when she giggled, and you returned the sound. But, now that it was out there, you had no choice. “Yeah… me and Tony. Crazy, I know.” 

“Not that crazy.” She stirred some sugar into her cup. “He always seemed like he had eyes for you.”

“Oh please, Pep. He just wanted to fuck me for sport back then.” Crass, maybe. But unafraid to acknowledge where this had all started.

She snorted, a little shake of her head. “So what changed?”

That feeling of discomfort came back. “You really wanna talk about this? We haven’t seen each other in… god, more than a year. And that’s what you wanna hear about?”

“No- I know. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put you on the spot. God knows you have every media outlet bothering you over it.” It was easy to forgive her, she seemed embarrassed- but… more contemplative, as she looked out the window. “It’s just- I know we haven’t talked in a while-”

“That’s my fault.”

“You’re busy. ..._really_ busy. I get it. But it’s just had me reflecting. I’m sure you more than anyone must see how crazy this all is.” 

While you weren’t sure what she was really getting at, you felt it, and nodded almost immediately. Pepper had left and not more than 24 hours later, Tony had been kidnapped. It had turned your world upside down. It had changed  _everything_ . “Crazy doesn’t even come close.” 

“And I only know what’s reported on in the papers. I’m sure there’s a whole lot more to it that I’ll never understand. I just… I can’t lie. Some days I find myself wondering what it would have been like if I’d stuck it out.” She seemed like she wanted to unload, so you sat there. Silent. Allowing her. It was easier that way, too, because you had _no_ idea how to respond to this. “Sometimes it feels like someone else is writing my life for me.” 

But this? “What do you mean?”

She looked up at you and then away again. “I don’t even know what I’m saying right now. I don’t mean to put this all on you- I don’t think this is what I’d planned on saying when I asked to meet. Just. You know. If things had been different...”

“Then they’d be different. What are you getting at, Pep?” You weren’t about to start second guessing everything you’d built with Tony. Everything you _had_ with Tony. What was the point of it? 

“That day- I almost talked myself out of it. Asking you to help me. Walking away. And if I had...”

While she was still looking away you couldn’t help but _reach out_. Just to get a _sense_.

It surprised you that briefly, just briefly, without the darkness… sort of in the air around you, faded and gentle… A ripple in that lone pond… some sort of… purple…

Looking at her again you felt it. She was in  _pain_ . “ Is everything okay?” It wasn’t jealousy that had her rethinking her past. It was something else. You reached out to lay a hand over hers. “Are you alright?” 

She shook her head. “No- sorry- this is stupid. Don’t mind me. This isn’t what I wanted-”

“Pepper.” Softly. Squeezing her hand in yours. “You can always talk to me. That hasn’t changed. I know I’ve been busy. And I haven’t been the best friend. I’m sorry. I mean it. What’s the matter?”

Her head tilted up and she blinked back a few tears and then sent a watery giggle your way. “God. This is pathetic. It’s that obvious? How can I put it delicately- I’m basically a week away from moving back in with my parents.”

“I don’t know if I’d call that delicacy, Pep.” You smiled, trying hard for her. This wasn’t easy. You couldn’t imagine being in this position.

“And you-”

Had it all, apparently.

Fork in the road and she’d picked the wrong path.

“Am actually in the market for a personal assistant, you know. My last one just quit.”

She moved her hand from yours so that she could wave it in dismissal. “Oh stop. Please tell me you didn’t turn out to be exactly like Tony.”

“Hardly. It’s just a lot more than she could handle. I’ve seen your resume. I know you’re up to snuff.”

Her head shook and she laughed, a little less tearful this time. Which you were glad for. “No- that’s  _exactly_ it. With the way things have been going- I don’t want that near me. First Tony gets kidnapped by terrorists- and then Obi dies in a plane crash- I sent flowers- did they ever arrive? Oh- and then the bombing at the Expo? I can’t blame anyone for running. That’s certainly a lot more than I was ever handling.” 

“Than either of us were. And- I’m not gonna lie. Yeah. It’s fucking crazy. But for the most part, if you just stay on the company side of things, it’s not so bad.” 

“Is that what you’re doing?”

There were so many levels to this question, it stung you. Accusatory, demanding, sincere, frightened… “It isn’t. And it’s not something I can back out of now. Not even just because Tony and I are dating.”

“...then?” A small tilt of her head.

“I can’t get into it right now. Unless you signed a disclosure agreement.” Grinning lightly.

“Oh _stop_. You know you can trust me.” You were lucky she didn’t take that the wrong way.

And counting those lucky stars, you pressed. “Yeah but. I’d rather you come to the office. Sign an NDA. Sign a salary proposal. Take care of my schedule...”

Finally her smile was that bright sun you remembered. “When did this become an interview?”

“About five minutes ago. Keep up.”

She shook her head again. “Oh… you really  _are_ becoming like Tony, huh?” 

At this you couldn’t help the whine, the fall back of your head. Petulant. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“So I’m not the first one. That proves it. Well let me tell you, I absolutely _do not_ want to work for another Tony Stark again. I’ll gladly face the embarrassment of living in my high school bedroom and washing dishes for the rest of my life if it meant never having to-” 

Reaching forward again, you took both her hands in yours. “No. I’m not. And you’re not doing that. You’re going to get your things together and come back to LA. And work for me \- me and not Tony. And I won’t treat you the way he treated you- ...he probably won’t treat you like that anymore, either.” Considering everything he’d gone through. And if he fell back into old habits you’d smack him upside the head. 

Your name came out of her, breathless, but dismissive. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I can even afford a plane ticket right now or an apartment.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

She looked at you for a long moment and you felt that small well of hope. “...but why?”

“Because you did the same thing for me once upon a time.” _Come on, Pep. **Please.**_ You remembered it vividly. “And I love you. I can’t stand the thought of you wasting your potential in the back of a restaurant. -also I’m pretty sure I owe you two years of rent.” 

You were relieved when she laughed, and couldn’t help doing the same. “I think that was only if I got fired.”

“Fired. Quit because Tony was a jackass to you for years. Same thing.”  There was a short silence, and you worried she was debating with herself too much. “Just do this, Pepper. Let me help you. I owe you that much.” 

“Is making me work for you helping me? Seems like a headache...”

“At least you’ll have money for Motrin.”

She mock gasped. “That’s a low blow. I’m not that desperate.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just moving back in with your parents because you’re sitting on a mountain of ibuprofen.” Although, at the thought, you couldn’t help asking. “What happened?” She hadn’t been making riches, but she hadn’t been hurting when she’d left.

A downtrodden shrug came out of her. “Bad investments. Backing the wrong people. I always seem to get mixed up with the worst. And not  _ all _ of them can just get kidnapped and then become good people and superheroes.” 

“Hey. Let’s use those terms lightly, please. Really depends on who you’re talking to if Tony is either of those things.”

A small pause, then softly, “What if I’m asking you?”

You had to take a breath for this one. “Tony… Tony’s different, now. You know he has to be, if I’m involved with him.” The way he was before… it never would have ended like how it was now. “He really had a wake-up call. And he’s trying to clean up his mess. He’s trying to do a lot, actually. And… he  _ is _ a good person.” 

“Wow. You’re really like, disgustingly in love with him, huh?”

“Oh stop.” You gave her a little push across the table. More giggles were not too far behind. “But- come on now. I’m serious. Will you please come work for me?”

She pressed her lips together, shifting her head left and then right, humming softly. “Well… when you put it that way… and ask so nicely… I think I have to say yes.”

You grinned warmly, putting a hand over hers one more time. “Good. You won’t regret it.”

“I  _ highly _ doubt that.” 

* * *

The air in the jet was warm and comfortable. Tony was working on the hologram tabletop, designing something new. You were on your laptop. The conversation had to be had, but you didn’t want to make a big deal over it. So, without looking up from your typing, “Pepper is going to be my new personal assistant.”

His hands dropped heavily over the glass and he looked up at you sharply. “ _ Uh huh _ . What was that I was saying about convenient timing?” 

“She didn’t ask. I offered.”

“After she what- told you a sob story? Told you she was having a rough go of life after walking out on somebody that needed her?”

“You treated her like shit, Tony. Don’t start. And if she hadn’t-”

“Oh,  _ then what. _ I’d be walking her down the aisle instead? She tell you that, too?” 

Closing your laptop, staring at him, “Water under the bridge, huh?”

He made an annoyed sound. “It is. I just-” A deep sigh. “I don’t want people taking advantage of you.”

The whiplash of perhaps you being the one in the wrong here gave you pause. At the very least you couldn’t be mad at him. Not if that was the reason… “She’s not. She wouldn’t. And I need someone to help me. Especially with the SHIELD stuff going on and now the tower and the clean up and Expo relaunch and-”

He got half up, sliding over on the couch to put an arm around you. “Alright, alright. Don’t drive yourself crazy for me.”

“That’s what I do every day.” Despite saying this you leaned into him, hiding your face in the crook of his neck and shoulder.

“Yeah. I get it. I know.” He sounded amused, his hand rubbing idly over your back. “Alright. So Pepper Potts is your new personal assistant. It’s a done deal.”

“Done deal.” You echoed with a nod.

“Any other bombshells you wanna drop before the day is over?”

“I’m buying her a house.”

“Jesus. You sure you don’t wanna marry her instead?”

This pinged something in the back of your brain. That was three times now he’d talked about marriage related stuff in a very short amount of time. Sitting back, hand to his chest, you squinted at him. “No one is marrying anyone.”

“You sure about that?”

You squinted  _ even harder _ . “ **Yes** .” 

He squinted back, most likely in an attempt to mock you. “If you’re sure...”

“You better shut up. And you better not have a ring.” There was no time for that. You weren’t even there yet. Were you?   
No.   
..._were you?   
_**No**.

“About that-”

You put your hands over his mouth. “I said shut up.”

Muffled, “Fine! Fine.” But when you took your hands away, “It’s in a different jacket pocket-”

So you put them back over his entire face. “Stop!  _ Stop it! _ ” It was your undoing that he’d taken your sides in his hands and pushed your back down to the couch. Giggles were leaking out of you. “I’m serious! Knock it off!” 

“Who says I’m not serious?” His boyish grin backed by laughter, hovering over you with that light in his eyes-

_ No _ . Resist. Stay strong. “Shut up, Tony! Stop it!” In an effort to make him do so, you pressed those giggles to his mouth, unable to hear what he was mumbling. 

There was just no time for that. And you were sure he was kidding anyway.

...mostly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry Pepper, everything is running exactly as it's supposed to. -The management
> 
> Also Tony. Tony no. You stop that. Hahaha ...... unless....????


	40. Chapter 40

While the routine of getting your ass kicked by Natasha one day, and then going through an emotionally exhausting few hours with Coulson the next was hard to adjust to, it was satisfying knowing at the very least that you were taking control of your future. Of yourself. And it also made things that much easier when Pep settled in and started sitting in on appointments for you that you weren’t necessarily needed. You knew you could trust her. And that was something you very much needed in your life. Because while you had asked to co-own the company with Tony so that _he_ could do those things… 

It just wasn’t working out. He was more interested in redesigning, retooling, remaking… working with his hands to build some future that you really needed to sit down and talk with him about. It wasn’t like you were losing him. He was extremely attentive when you were around, and even when you weren’t, calling you and texting you at odd times when you were busy just to talk. It was nice. You just weren’t sure where this all was headed.

But to be fair to him, it wasn’t like you talked about learning fighting moves with Natasha or just exactly what Coulson was teaching you about your powers. And to be fair to you, maybe that reason was because Natasha was just beating you up (in a good way) and progress with Coulson was slow going if any at all.

Maybe you’d moved too fast, or maybe because you’d already exercised your powers before ever even meeting SHIELD, this really  _was_ all you had to offer. The colors, the ripples… they had been new and exciting at first. But by the end of June, that was still all you had. You had no idea if the colors were unique to emotions or the people wielding them, or even what their purpose was. Or why you saw them that way. When you asked Coulson he had just as little to answer with. 

And while it made it visually easier to see your actual influence when you crushed those ripples underfoot… it didn’t feel good. Maybe visibly seeing what you were doing to people wasn’t helping at all. If anything it made you feel terrible. And, really, if this was the extent of all you could do- flooding people with joy or sadness, what really was the point then? Was that really useful?

You were getting ready to head home to take a shower before going into work when the person you wanted to see least stepped into the now empty room. “You’re holding back on us.”

Making sure to keep your head down as you rooted through your bag for your phone, “I specifically requested that you were to stay away from me.”

“Well we don’t always get what we want, do we?” Fury crossed his arms, leaning casually against the wall. “Like, for instance, I wanted much more than I’m getting out of you. Because you’re wasting my agent’s time if you’re gonna keep carrying on this way.”

“Is that it, then?” You pulled your jacket on, standing straight as a pin, staring at him. “You’re firing me?”

“I’m saying you have potential you’re purposefully curtailing.”

“What do you know.”

“Exactly that. You can do more. You just won’t.”

Stepping up, going to the door, you stopped to look at him. He was  _not_ in control of you. And you were  _ **not** _ scared of him. ...even if… “I’m doing everything I can. I come here every day. How is that not trying?” 

“Like I said. You’re holding back.”

“Holding back what?” Exasperated. It probably wasn’t a good thing it took him mere seconds to get you to that point.

He shrugged. “It’s a neat party trick to make people cry on command. It’s not very useful though.” You opened your mouth to rebuff him, stung because that’s  _exactly_ what you’d been thinking to yourself, but he shut you up the very next moment. “What’d you do to your teacher?” And with your stunned silence he pressed in. “In Monaco you said something to Vanko like…  _don’t you feel wrong_ . Is that what you said to  your professor before he jumped off a roof?” 

It took everything in you to hold still. If only so you wouldn’t start shivering. “How do you even know about what happened at my college?” Something you’d been wondering for a long time.

Fury ignored your question. “ **Guilt** is a very powerful motivator. You should work on that more.” 

“What would you know about it?”

“Why are you here?” Staring you down yet again. And then, “Why is Stark doing anything he’s doing right now?”

“Leave Tony out of this.”

“Stark put himself right where he wants to be. Seems like you’re doing the same. Except he’s actually working. And you’re dragging your feet.” The two of you shared a long glare. You didn’t trust yourself to speak again. Eventually he relented, but you stayed firm in your spot as he pushed away from the wall with a shrug and went for the door. “Stark still working on that superhero identity for you? Or are you actually gonna be your own person?”

It sucked to let him have the last word. You couldn’t stand him.

Mostly because he was right.

* * *

"Pep do I have anything really important on my schedule?” You felt even more tired than usual leaving the compound. And sad. ...and maybe guilty. 

You heard her shuffling papers around on the desk on the other side of the phone. “Mmm… no, not really. You have a call at three, but you can take that at the house if you’re not feeling well.” Obviously she already knew why you’d ask something like that.

“Yeah. I think I might. Just text me the details.”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time at that gym. Is everything okay?”

Eventually you would have to tell her. There was just no good way to broach that news. Then again… you didn’t want to end up like Tony. And how you’d found him.  I t had crushed you. You weren’t exactly lying to Pepper. But she needed to know eventually. “Yeah. I’m just not feeling well.” 

“You work out too much. You need rest days, you know. Otherwise you’re gonna wear your body out.”

“Well I’m resting today.”

“_Yeah_. After coming home from the gym. Doesn’t count.” 

Your laugh was tired. “Yeah. You’re right. We’ll talk about clearing some space on my schedule. You sure you’ve got everything else for today? I can come in.”

“Please. Stay home. Sleep. Everything will be fine. No fires when you come back. I promise.”

“Thanks.” It was nice to know that you could trust her. It only vaguely occurred to you that you were doing what Tony had done. Running ragged on superhero nonsense and relinquishing your daily duties to your next trusted person. 

It made it all too easy to relate to everything he’d done. Everything he’d been through…

Everything  _you’d_ gone through because of him. Your lives were entangled now and there was no undoing it. Not even if you wanted to, which of course you didn’t. Fucking Fury. He had no right to say any of that shit to you. 

You bid your driver goodbye with a thanks and slinked up into the house. Tired. Tony wasn’t upstairs, so that meant there was only one place he  _would_ be. And you could have ignored that and gone to bed. Or taken a shower. Or done anything else but… 

It was inevitable. You found yourself descending the steps to the lab without a second thought. He was who you needed right now. When you keyed yourself in, his voice greeted you, but he didn’t look up from his wiring of  what looked to be the new Iron Man Mark VI I chest piece. You wondered how extensive his plans for it were. “You going back to work after this?” 

Coming closer you pressed your face against his back, winding your arms around his middle. “No I’m taking the day off. Except for a phone call.”

“Should’ve told SHIELD that.”

You scoffed out a laugh. “Yeah. I really should have.” Not going there today would have prevented the mood you were in now.

“Something bad happen?” He shut one the smaller panels he’d been working on, put his tools down, and turned around in your grasp so that he could put his arms around you. Giving you his attention fully.

“Fury made an unwanted appearance.”

He squeezed you just a  _little_ tighter at hearing this. “And I’ll bet he was as pleasant as a peach. He just has a way about him.” You hid your face in his chest, stifling your small giggles. “Don’t you have a contract or something saying he’s not supposed to be within fifty feet of you?” 

“A restraining order, you mean?”

“Restraining order. Contract. Same thing.” You felt his shrug.

“No. But maybe I should.” Already your mood was better, and you glanced up at him with a small smile.

He returned it, briefly, before tilting his head and giving you a questioning glance. “Anything I need to be worried about?”

“As much as I’d love for you to fly in and blast him again, no.” 

“I mean I _would_. All you have to do is ask.” Grinning now.

“Which is why I’m not.” Because, yes, Tony absolutely _would_ if you gave the word. And you appreciated it. But it was unnecessary. “He was just being annoying. He thinks I’m not working hard enough.” 

At this Tony gave you  _quite_ a look. Some mix of offended and appalled. “How much more evidence do you need that he doesn’t know a damn thing about you?” 

How he’d become so good at melting your heart, you’d never know. Just that he was always ready to go to bat for you… “He  _is_ wrong about that. But. I don’t know. Maybe there is more I could be doing.” 

His lips pursed to the side. “Yeah so. In those little training sessions, you’re being led right? By Agent Coulson?” You nodded to this and he continued. “And you’re doing what he tells you?” Another nod. “Then how are you supposed to do more when you don’t know what more is? They’re supposed to be helping you. Teaching you. And Fury coming in and saying you’re not doing good enough- it’s more mind games.”

Immediately a weight lifted off your shoulders. The cloud that had followed you home had vanished. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right.” Satisfied smirk only belied by the genuine softness in his eyes. Glad he’d helped.

You gave him a  playful pat on the chest. “Alright now, let’s not let this go to your head. You aren’t  _always_ right.” 

“Too late. And- yes- I am.” Keeping one arm around your shoulder, he turned you closer to the worktop. “No time for further argument. I have something for you.”

While you thought it was going to be a prototype of the suit or whatever it was that you knew he was working on for you, everything in you slammed to a halt when he dropped his hand into his pocket and produced a little black box. “Tony-”

_He wasn’t serious-_

_Couldn’t be-_

Facing you fully, palming it in his right hand, he opened the lid with the left. And you found yourself relieved (and yet… some small part disappointed…) that it was _not_ a ring inside. Instead it was a pair of silver cuff earrings? The band was delicate, not overly thick, with some etched linework on each piece. “You bought me jewelry?” It was a nice gesture, and they looked pretty. Simple and elegant. You’d never worn anything like them before. But… why?

“I _made_ them, thank you. And they’re more than just dinner-date wear.” He took them out of the box, dropping it to the work table once it was empty. “Can I?”

“...sure?” He’d _made_ you jewelry. But why?

The answer was so simple it was impossible to think of. He was gentle as he slipped them over the helix of both your ears. They clamped- automatically?-, not in an uncomfortable or even painful way. But you could tell they were on there and not coming off without insistence. After putting both on, he brushed a lock of your hair behind your ear and smiled. “Beautiful. And the earrings are nice, too.”

“I’m still confused?” But also, “Can I have a mirror?”

“Yeah. In a second.” He carefully lifted your head up one way and then the other. Just inspecting it seemed. “And now...” Holding the last sound of the word on a hum as he reached up to your left side and pressed on the shell of your ear-

A band of blue shot straight across your face, so quick you snapped back out of instinct, reaching to hold on to the table. Tony caught your shoulders to keep you steady.

“Careful- give her a second-”

“_Calibrating_.” A crisp, delicate feminine voice sounded off as if it had chirped inside your head.

A grid shot across the room, lines taking over the floor and then creeping up the walls before vanishing completely. The blue color disappeared next, and instead you were left with something very familiar. Information. Lots of information. Makes and models of the cars in the garage as your eyes skimmed over them, information about the Iron Man suits sitting in- what apparently was now known as _The Hall of Armors_. The title popping up above.

Tony’s vitals popped up on the side of your awareness as you glanced back at him, finally. “These are the glasses?”

“They’re better than the glasses. You’re doing okay? How do they feel? It’s a full visor. So you won’t get that gap in information. Your eyes should be able to focus better.” His hands were on the sides of your face, tilting your head one way and then the other.

And he was right. That initial nausea that the glasses had caused the first time you’d tried them on was gone. Now it just looked like… well. Like normal. Except just lots of information everywhere. Some you weren’t even getting fully- just sort of passively absorbing as it touched the edges of your vision. “Yeah. It is much better.” It was actually spooky how easy this was to adjust to. Finally, though, you realized, “So who is she?”

Tony had said as much the first time, that he was developing you a new AI. Even though it was nonsensical- JARVIS was a program. He could very easily be split up between you if you wanted, it was fine that Tony wanted to keep him to himself. Kind of sweet, too. “Ask her.”

“Oh. Um.” You’d had a wealth of experience with talking to JARVIS by now. He was sort of just like a regular person in your life. Kind of like he lived in the ceiling and was around when you needed him. ...it was weird, realizing now, that you thought about it that way. That you’d internalized his presence like that. And yet where he was so normal you felt _awkward_ now. “Hello? Who are you?”

It was impossible to not see Tony holding back laughter. His grin at your expense was so bright. But that voice came back, again, as if she was living in your head. “Hello, ma’am. My name is LUNA.” Small letters dropped down in front of you as she spoke them. “I’m LADY’s Universal Network AI. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.” Responding softly, looking over the words again. You directed a glance Tony’s way. “Acronyms within acronyms, huh? Aren’t we getting a little ridiculous?”

“You haven’t even _seen_ ridiculous yet.” It was then that you realized he was just short of giddy. And it was _adorable_. Not to mention infectious. He was _excited_ to get to show you what he’d been working on for you, even if he was holding it in in his self-satisfied usual way. Not only that, but he was damnably _pleased_ the presentation was going so well- and that you liked it. Reaching on to the table he picked up and then presented to you-

A heart. Or- rather- the shape of a heart? It was a slightly thick disk looking thing- and the edges were sort of blocky rather than sharp. You’d seen this design before on a screen. But here it was, in his palm. And the center had that telltale glow of an Arc Reactor.

There was more in this than you could take apart right now, swelling with just _so many_ emotions.

“Here.” He placed it on your jacket, at the center of your chest and it stuck there, not heavy at all. Then he stepped behind you and took your hands in his, holding them up.

“It’s a heart?” Just double checking. Making sure.

“I told you the shape was important. Now. To activate you double tap. Press right here.” Leading your hands inwards but letting you do just that, using the tips of your fingers on both hands to _tap-tap_ on the device. “Good, now, draw out.” With his hold sliding to your wrists, he pulled your arms apart and fully out. There was a surge of power, dancing across your skin, and a bright glow burst force from the reactor.

Following in the wake of your expanded arms looked like a trail of purplish-blue… something. Lines? Waves? They seemed positively humming with energy. Whatever they were. Tony’s voice was gentle behind you. “Then down like this.” He guided your arms down to criss-cross over each other, and the purplish-blue colors followed-

_Nanobots, _ you realized. LADY’s stats popped up on the corner of your screen-

** _Initializing 40%_ **

The percentage kept moving, it crept up higher as you realized what was happening. The nanobots spread out across your chest and shoulders and over your arms, then down your stomach and to your legs. Only when it was finished you realized it wasn’t Tony you felt holding you any longer. It was the suit. 

_Your_ suit. 

It was snug and warm, like a second skin. Not as bulky as Tony’s suits. Shiny and in that same metallic purpley-blue color, with intricate silver detailing. You caught the reflection of yourself in one of the glass windows. You looked…

“Did you just pull some _dumb 90s magical girl anime bullshit_ on me?” It made you terribly _terribly_ excited at the prospect of pissing off Fury again. “-taking crib notes from Sailor Moon, at that? What were you watching the show when I was at work?” 

The heart reactor. The  _suit up_ . The visor earrings. LUNA. 

_Come on, now. _

“It was to prove Fury wrong, more than anything.” And, you suspected, quick revenge for him talking to you as he had in the first place. Something you were always grateful for. Tony always had your back. Even in the most petty of dealings.

“He’ll be pissed.” The two of you were grinning quite knowingly at each other.

“Oh _nooo_.” He began walking around you, one hand to his chin. Just taking a look. A good look at all his hard work. “As for the rest of it… Not that I need reference help on my work. And it wasn’t that.” 

“At first.” You saw where this was going but it proposed something _very_ interesting. “Tony. Do you watch Sailor Moon?” 

“_No_.” He protested. Finally stopping in front of you, he crossed his arms. And then shrugged. “But. You know. It was a popular thing with girls at the time I was… hm.” 

“Fucking anything that moved?”

“Let’s call it _dating_.” 

“Oh, let’s _not_.” 

He shrugged even harder. “Whatever. Point is. I may have space wasting in my brain full of that. And when Fury put it out to the world that that  _wasn’t_ what he wanted. Well. I finally found some use for it.” 

Deciding you didn’t need to hear more, you looked the suit over again. Holding your hands out, you looked at the lining now covering them. “This is all nanobots? Are they sturdy?” Certainly not like the metal components of Tony’s suits. Would they stand against the things you’d seen? Things you had yet to? “...and do I have to do the whole suit up thing?” It was a fun idea but if you were in the middle of, perhaps, heavy fire, it wasn’t going to be so cute anymore.

“Optional. If you change the settings with LUNA, you can just double tap to suit up. Or voice activate if you want.” Smart man. Of course you’d had nothing to worry about. He stepped away, though, to go to his open Mark VI standing silently at the side of the room. When he stepped inside it a sense of dread filled you suddenly without warning. “Let’s test it.”

“Oh- no- Tony- I don’t want to-” Not like _this_. Something about this made your heart pick up to hammering. Especially as he walked closer. 

“I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“Tony- don’t-”

What was it? What was it about Iron Man walking towards you with heavy intent that made you so nervous? Scared? Frightened? You knew he was right- he would never hurt you. But-

“Relax. I’m gonna throw a punch at you.”

“Those two sentences _don’t go together_!” 

“Catch it. Don’t dodge.”

_Catch it_ ? Catch the full force swing of Iron Man? No way! Absolutely not! He’d shatter your wrist! Turn your bones to dust! Yet just as he ordered, it stuck there in your mind and as he reared back a powerful punch, you raised your hand only just in time to feel the smack of his fist in your palm. 

And it was-

_Easy_ . 

Not entirely- not like catching a feather. But you were able to hold him back with only minimal effort. And when he tried to pull away, you found yourself clutching his hand and keeping him there. Something Natasha’s training told you would be a good time for a knee to the stomach. Or a wrench of his wrist. Or a sweep of his legs- use the forward momentum to sweep him over and then lift up to throw him over your back and to the ground. This one you couldn’t do yet with her- but maybe with LADY you could…

“Will you let go?” He sounded amused.

“Sorry.” So you did.

“I’m gonna throw another one. Harder this time. Hold your arm up sideways to catch the impact. You have a shield protocol. You’ll get used to activating it on your own but- LUNA activate shield on block.” 

“_Yes, sir_.” 

He gave you no more warning. So much was happening, so quickly. In mere seconds he reeled back again and then threw his fist out forward. On his instruction alone you reached up to block, arm shooting sideways, and a burst of light blue sprung up,  forming quickly what looked like a completely solid structure. A long, weighty silver piece that Tony’s fist came down against. You held your center of gravity steady, although you could tell he’d hit  _a lot harder_ that time,  even activating thrusters from your calves to keep you on your feet against his strength . Almost threatening to knock you down if you hadn’t held your own. 

But still, the proof was there. Iron Man had struck you. Twice. And you were fine. When he stepped back, you had to lower the shield to the ground to see him again. “How do I make this go away?”

“LUNA is just like JARVIS. Just tell her what you want.”

“Excuse me, sir-” JARVIS’ voice finally appeared overhead, sounding like he might object.

“You’re excused.” Tony cut him off.

“Oh- uh. LUNA?”

“Yes, ma’am?” She sounded so sweet.

“Deactivate shield?” This was very far out of your element. While she was technically the same, even if JARVIS had his objections, you were asking things of her that were out of your wheelhouse.

“One moment.”

It looked like the top and the bottom of the shield were being eaten away by a mysterious entity. Disappearing in bits until it was fully gone. And then, without needing to think twice about it, “LUNA deactivate LADY, too. Please.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

It happened in a few seconds of bright shimmer. There one moment. Gone the next. Well, at least from your arms and legs. You could sort of tell it was going the same way the shield had. In bits and pieces. Retracting- you imagined into the Arc Reactor- Heart Reactor??- until it, too, was gone.

With it, a literal and hypothetical weight lifted. Not a weapon, you told yourself. It was even in the name. But, still… Tony had gotten himself out of the suit, now standing in front of you, hands on your arms. “You’ll get better at it. It becomes second nature after a while.”

“I don’t know that I want that.” There was still the question of if Tony was losing his identity in Iron Man. Becoming too intimately entwined. And what Fury had said… You weren’t sure you wanted to do the same.

He half frowned before pulling you in closer for a hug. One you  happily submitted to. “Even still. If you keep them on you, at least you’ll never be in danger again.” 

_Why is Stark doing anything he’s doing right now?_

Damn him. Damn Nick Fury. You tried to shake the ghost of his words away. This was the life you’d agreed to. When you fell in love with Tony Stark- not before all this, not entirely. But after. And when you’d chosen to _stay_ despite it all. It was dangerous. And he was trying to protect you.

“Thank you.” Muffled in his shoulder.

It was probably the furthest thing from the truth, and you both knew it. _Never be in danger again_. There was always going to be danger now. But at least he could equip you with the tools to handle it. And that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suit? Check. New AI? Check. Wedding ring? TBD. But at least we got a slick pair of earrings.   
I must give a big ol lovey shoutout to my beautiful friend and partner in crime Otterpops for helping me tool the uh ... magical girl aspects of these comings and goings. I think they're perfect. Also can you believe we're at chapter 40. Wow. Crazy.


	41. Chapter 41

Natasha had had something she’d had to attend to for most of your training day, which worked out because you similarly had many things to get to sitting on your desk. Things that Pepper unfortunately couldn’t just push through for you. People to see who wouldn’t talk to her. Calls to make that were above her paygrade- even if you both agreed that she would do just fine. It was more that the people on the ends of those lines weren’t up to listening to anyone save a CEO. And god knew Tony couldn’t be bothered.

What it led to was a day of mounting frustration. Hours of nonsense and corporate waste to only get a few things resolved. It eventually made you realize, when you got down to SHIELD’s compound, that working out with Natasha was a blessing. Working with the punching bag today and then sparring with her, while she very obviously pulled her punches, was so much of a _relief_. To get to spend all that pent up frustration. It was nice. 

“We should do this at night more often.” Working through your cool down stretch with her, a little groan in your words as your muscles let you know you pushed too hard today. 

“It’s nice. But I’m busy more at night than I am during the day.”

Right. Right. You weren’t the only thing she had on her agenda, similarly as she wasn’t for you. But it had a much different ring to it. You imagined all the sorts of things she must have gotten up to… running around at night doing well, who knew what. You probably  _didn’t_ want to know, in fact. “Hey, I haven’t really eaten all day. Do you wanna grab some dinner?” 

She stopped toweling off, casting what seemed to be a confused glance more than anything. Like she never would have expected you to ask her something like that. “Dinner?”

It made you feel embarrassed. She probably had other things to do. “We don’t have to. Never mind-”

“No- actually I’m starving. Dinner sounds nice.”

Her smile put you at ease. It really would be a lot better if the two of you got to know each other- at least a little. And despite the mountain of nonsense that had gone on before, you really did like her. For some reason. She seemed like a good person. Better to get on the same team with. “Great. On me. I know a really nice restaurant not too far from here.” You picked up your bag and headed over to the door with her.

“You driving?”

“I’ll call Happy. He can take us.” Not busy, you were sure, as Tony had been in the lab as you’d left.

“Oh- you know- I wasn’t able to properly thank him for all the help back at Hammer Industries.” The two of you left the gym side by side.

You sent a quick text to alert him to come pick you up, but at  _that_ you cast your glance back up to her, eyebrows just about all the way up. “He helped you?” Not that you didn’t believe he  _could_ but… Natasha seemed far more capable. 

“He took down one guy. That’s worth something.”

“How many did you take down?” The air outside the compound was fresh and cool. Something you enjoyed after those few hours sweating it out.

She grinned. “I don’t usually make a habit of counting. ...and if I  _did_ , I lost track somewhere around ten.” 

You found yourself laughing lightly. “More than I could ever do.”

“You’ll get there.”

* * *

To her credit, she did thank Happy when he pulled up and he was  _oh so_ humble in accepting her gratitude. On the way, you called the restaurant to ask them to put aside the back corner for you so that the two of you wouldn’t be disturbed. Happy wanted to stand by- security measures of course- but the two of you let him know that you’d be fine and that he could go enjoy his evening. 

They had a small band playing tonight, someone on the piano and some string players, nice lounge music to cover whatever conversation the two of you would end up having. Not that you expected it would be entirely sensitive. At the recommendation of the overly-eager waiter, the two of you ordered what ended up to be a mountain of pasta. And an accompanying glass of wine. But only because he’d recommended it, of course.

You found it was easy to slip into friendly cadence with her. Talking about some good places in NYC. She frequented Little Ukraine- a place you knew little about. So she promised to take you to some of her favorite spots the next time the both of you were there. More often than her, it seemed. With the supervision of Stark Tower- which she had a few helpful opinions on- and the Expo, you’d be there more often than not in the next coming months.

So she actually wrote down a list, just in case she wasn’t there to personally show you. But you insisted, it’d be better to wait for her keen eye.

On the second glass of wine, with your plates empty and the jazz just overhead, you found yourself a little too bold. It risked ruining the evening but… “So… am I allowed to ask how long you got involved with SHIELD?” It was a mystery to you, how they found these people. They’d literally hunted you and Tony down for obvious reasons. But what about normal people like Natasha?

“Sure you are.” It helped that she didn’t seem off put by the question, smiling still as she hung her arms over the back of the booth.

You were helpless to do anything other than smile back and concede to her teasing. “So… how did you get involved with SHIELD?”

“Long story. Very boring.”

“I doubt it.”

The two of you shared a laugh and she took another small sip of her wine. “Yeah. Well… to make it shorter…” Suddenly the joking air disappeared and she seemed contemplative. Openly- which was more of a shock. Maybe she trusted you enough to share such an intimate expression? “I got caught doing the wrong things. And SHIELD gave me a chance to do better.”

A very succinct answer. And the only one you’d get, you knew. So you respected it with a nod and decided not to press. “ Sorry. I know bringing up work is tacky.” 

She shrugged. “It’s part of both of us. I don’t know if I told you but… it’s on my permanent record now. That I disagreed with what Fury did.” It was a little difficult to ascertain why she was telling you this. And now.

Harder still because you were trying to bond with her and you didn’t want to think she had ulterior motives for letting that information go. “What, you mean shooting me?” Despite the way you still felt about the situation- and him especially- you smiled.

“Yeah. Really- for the most part I never question his direction. At least he’s never given me a reason to. Not like that.”

This really  _was_ strange. That she was opening up like this. About her boss. SHIELD, really. That the director of SHIELD- that she took issue with his behavior on your behalf. It felt strange. You didn’t know what to make of it. Inwardly you checked yourself. To make sure this wasn’t somehow your doing… “Agent Coulson said he always has a reason.” 

“He does.” Said quickly, in _his_ defense now. “But talk about the perfect way to get off on the wrong foot.” 

“Oh you don’t have to tell me twice.” Grinning at her. Eased a little when she grinned back. 

I t seemed it was her turn to try and find footing in asking something work-related. “I know it’s only been a  few  weeks but. Do you feel like we’re helping?” 

“The million dollar question. I think for sure I’m learning a lot with you. Even if I do go home with bruises and can’t move the next morning.”

She raised her glass so you raised yours back for a little clink. “You’re welcome.”

Sharing in another soft bout of laughter. “Yeah. But. The other stuff is slower. I think I got more out of the first day than I have any other one after it.” Almost quite literally. It gave you an entirely new pair of eyes, for some reason. And then not much else to do with them after the fact.

“It won’t be an overnight thing. I’m sure you’re doing your best.” Her praise warmed you. Only indulging in it a little. “How’s Tony doing?”

This surprised you. “ _Oh_ . It’s not Mr. Stark anymore?” But you were really only playing. 

Her smile was bright. “We all work together now, I think we should be on a first name basis.”

Humming out a noise of thought, “ _Hmm_ . Weren’t we working together before?” 

“_No_.” She was quick to reply, but then, “I was only _pretending_ to work _for_ you. Now we’re working _together.”_

You couldn’t stifle the laugh. “Oh. Right. And _not_ pretending.”

Tony’s voice startled you, “Depends on who you’re asking.” Walking over with such confident ease, hands in his jacket pockets. “What happened to my invite to this little tête-à-tête?”

“We’re having a girls night out.” Tipping your head back as he came to stand behind you, arching a curious brow his way.

“Right- so again I ask-”

“And _that’s_ my cue to leave.” Natasha said, playfully so, but still serious as she grabbed her bag and stood up.

You couldn’t help a pout. “Nooo don’t go… Tony- what are you even doing here?” Not really mad that he’d spoiled the evening. But he wouldn’t be here without reason. Which was probably worse.

“Agent Coulson just let himself into our house and demanded a meeting. For all their spy intel, he had no idea you were here. With one of theirs.” Both he and Natasha were eyeing each other.

Something that ended when she smiled at him with a tip of her head. “I’m not on a leash.”

“Whatever you say.”

She turned her attention pointedly to you. “If Coulson is at your place, it’s probably serious.”

“Right. That’s why he’s lying on my couch watching Say Yes to the Dress.”

Natasha ignored Tony, waving at you instead. “I have to go anyway. But this was nice.”

You waved back. “Yeah. Work calls, I guess.”

“You’ll get used to it.” And with that she turned and left.

Tony put his finger on the rim of your mostly finished second glass of wine and tipped it back and forth. “Getting drunk with secret agents?”

Putting a couple bills on the table, far more than what the dinner was worth, you got your bag and stood up. “I’m not drunk.”

His arm came around you, leading you through the restaurant and to the door, holding it open for you. “Such a shame. We might have been able to get out of this.”

* * *

Back at the house, you fixed all three of you a glass of ice cold water, something to soothe the _very slight_ fogginess that drinking had imparted to you. It really wasn’t a good time to not be in full control. But it also wasn’t fair that apparently SHIELD could just descend whenever to ask you to do something-

...if that’s what was going on. It was be the first time. And you weren’t sure how to feel about that.

Sitting at the kitchen bar, you took the stool next to Tony, sitting opposite Coulson who had two folders open. Boy, you realized, you were really getting sick of seeing agents and folders.

“You’re familiar with General Thaddeus Ross, aren’t you?”

Both you and Tony couldn’t hold back an eye roll. And if was you who answered first, “Unless you’re about to tell me we’re in charge of throwing him a shitty retirement party-”

“I’m already half out. But go ahead.” Tony crossed his arms.

Coulson gave both of you a pointed look. No doubt displeased with your antics. And apparently he knew just how to curb both of you to heel, sliding a picture forward over the counter. What you saw- ...it was _horrifying_. Some kind of- well… the only way to describe it was _a monster_. Some **huge** grotesque beast. Yellow-orange skin. Grisly muscle and bones protruding everywhere and… just awful. “That’s Emil Blonsky. He was a soldier under Ross’ command. Ross has him in custody.”

“What is he? What happened to him?” Unable to keep from blurting this out. Tony sat silent.

“After assessing an initial threat, Ross put him through a small round dosage of Super Soldier Serum. He was tasked with taking down a similarly enhanced individual. He failed.”

_Enhanced individual_ . Words that had been used to describe you. To describe the team you were supposedly on right now. The Avengers. You didn’t like this. You didn’t like this at all.

There was a sudden burst of  _anger_ with a touch of  _resentment_ roiling off Tony. It took all you had in you not to look at him and give it away, and to not reach out to put a hand on him to soothe him. “I warned him.” 

What did that mean? Tony knew about this ...whatever that Serum stuff was? T his Blonsky guy…  whatever that stuff was, it had done  _that_ to him? Changed him into a monster?? 

“There’s another one?” Tony spoke again, quiet and controlled this time.

“We don’t know where he is. We’ll track him down eventually. Blonsky is our primary point of concern at this time.” Coulson laced his hands together over the top of the counter.

“Why? You said he’s in custody?” Which had all manner of implications. If he had to be shackled, that meant he was out of control.

“SHIELD is being asked to meet with Ross to barter the release of Blonsky to the Avengers team. We’re sending the two of you to do just that.” 

A heavy silence hung, and you cast a side glance to Tony who was squinting at Coulson. Trying to figure this whole thing out. Because it didn’t make sense. More than that, it didn’t feel right. Who was asking SHIELD to do this? And why were they cooperating? Why were they sending the two of you? Even in consulting positions… it didn’t feel right.

And this man… this  _thing…_ the way it looked in the shots in the photographs. You couldn’t pick up a feeling off pictures, but he looked angry.  **Dangerous** . Not fit for this team. This carefully crafted empty team. A team that was supposed to be made up of decent people. So you’d thought. 

You blinked- once- then again.

Feeling a perhaps overly projected ripple _ \- pressured _ . Coulson was feeling  _ pushed _ into this. Just on the outer edges. Nowhere near the real truth of things. But just enough- 

“You don’t actually want us to do this.” But it was Tony who spoke first. Quicker than you. Smarter than you. Even without your powers.

“Yes, I do.” He answered calmly enough.

So you decided to try to be useful. “You know we know Ross. And this thing… you don’t actually want him on the team, do you? You’re sending us to fuck this up for you.” SHIELD had knowledge of Tony’s dealings with that infuriating man. They had to know that he and Tony didn’t get along.

Coulson’s smile gave him away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re sending you because you’re qualified. And because it’s time to put you out in the field.”

Tony was smirking now, just lightly. “You want me to piss off Ross? All you had to do was say please.”

“Again. I’m asking you to go work with him. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Coulson cleared his throat and pulled his pictures back into one of the folders. “General Ross has been seen drowning his sorrows in all the DC bars. We know which one he’ll be heading to next, come tomorrow afternoon. You’ll meet up with him then. Here’s all the information.” He slid his other folder your way. 

“And if we say no?” Tony was barely glancing at the contents on the inside.

“You won’t.” Coulson’s usual dry cheerful tone. He stood up. “If you’ll excuse me.”

Standing and going to his side, “I’ll walk you out.” Tony watched the two of you disappear around the corner.

At the front door, Coulson turned to you. “We’ll reschedule our session, considering.” You were supposed to be with him tomorrow. But. Now that was off the table.

“Thanks.” This whole thing made you uneasy. “I don’t know if you can’t speak candidly… our house is proofed against that sort of stuff. Just- let me ask- _how badly_ do you want us to do?” It was the only thing that made sense. If he’d just be clear about it, it would make your lives a lot easier.

But that was never how it went, was it.

Coulson reached out, shaking your hand. “Stop insisting.  Despite your past with Ross,  I expect a perfect job.” As he leveled a last look your way- a wave of  _ understanding _ passed between you two. 

“Perfect. Got it.”

Perfection he’d get.

* * *

Tony briefed you on the jet ride to DC, more than the few sentences inside that SHIELD folder ever would. Something else fishy was going on here, that much was clear. But it was more the Super Serum project that you were interested in- and how Tony knew of it.

Notes from his father, it turned out. Which made it all the more clear why he’d been feeling the way he had. A lot of that stuff was locked up tight. Entangled now with SHIELD business- or had it always been? You knew more than you should about his father, but more what he’d been doing with Stark Industries. As that had been your job. Was still, in fact. Despite all this  _ other _ stuff. 

But it seemed he had been involved in quite a lot more than you’d understood.

And what had come out of it…

“Captain America?”

Sure, the name was familiar. He was taught in just about every history class in elementary school. Funny, how you’d never considered him before. Technically he did fit under the whole  _ superhero _ role… It was probably very likely, if they existed back then, that SHIELD had gotten a hold of him. But did SHIELD go back that far? They were still a mystery. 

“Dad’s favorite pet project.” He was sipping on a glass of whiskey, phone in his other hand. This was a sore subject.

“But he had something to do with this Super Soldier stuff? With Captain America?”

“It’s complicated. And… blurry. He didn’t exactly leave all that information lying around for me.”

Sensitive stuff, you imagined. But more than that… you laid a hand on his restless leg. He didn’t want to talk about this. It touched a lot of things he’d no doubt shoved away. Even if he’d offered openly, right now was not the best setting. “And you’ve spoken to Ross about this stuff?”

“He pitched it to me because he was interested. And if it had dad’s name on it, I’m the next best person to come to. But I told him that it was a mistake. Good to know he values my opinion.”

You breathed out an annoyed sigh. “The only thing that man values is the next badge on his coat.” Which made it all the more clear why, even if Tony had advised against this, he’d done it anyway. “He was trying to create another Captain America, you think?”

“Who knows. All I know is this isn’t all the information.” He put his phone down, taking a long sip of his drink and then looked at you. “Unless they had a heinously bad batch- these mutations…” Shaking his head with a breath. “I don’t think this is how that happened. There’s something else they’re not telling us.” 

So. SHIELD was withholding information. Not the least bit surprising. Giving you just enough to send you out. To make Tony work. “ You think they have more serum?” That was an important sticking point. 

“Tough to say.”

“We should look into it. And destroy it.”

O ne thing was clear. The military had given something extremely dangerous to a soldier in order to cultivate a human weapon. Even if Stark Industries was not  technically on the label for this one, it couldn’t be looked the other way on. Even if this serum was not the original point at which Blonsky had turned into a monster… you didn’t have a good feeling about this. 

Tony grinned lightly, putting his free hand over yours on his knee. “I agree.”

* * *

The bar SHIELD was sending you to was in a seedy part of town. Definitely a dive. A place where Ross could drink his sorrows away without being bothered, you imagined. Tony held the door open for you and immediately you regretted coming. The smell of smoke penetrated your lungs. The glaze of  _ sorrow _ hung over this place in a thick residue. No one here was happy. As you could have easily guessed of people drinking heavily at one in the afternoon on a Monday. 

Ross was easy to pick out at the bar. Dressed in his general gear. Stupid mistake. Almost like he wanted his superiors to have to come and clean him up. Had what happened with Blonsky and this other unnamed individual bothered him that much?

Maybe it was a mark on his record. They’d failed, after all. To catch the other one. And whatever Ross had done to Blonsky, because of not achieving his goals, was probably not being looked on fondly. Yet if that were true, who were these shadow people  _ above _ SHIELD coercing them into putting that monster on the team? 

Tony adjusted his suit jacket as the two of you flanked the general as he sat at the bar. “Mm.” Tony hummed. “The smell of stale beer and defeat.” Ross looked up, head bobbling just a little. Perhaps already too drunk. “You know I hate to say  _ I told you so _ , General, but that Super Soldier program was put on ice for a reason.” Any chance to revel in Ross’ failures was a good day. For the both of you. But Tony even more so. 

Ross turned on his stool to look up at the both of you. Tony continued, “I’ve always felt that hardware was much more reliable.”

“Stark Industries paying me a visit.” Ross blew a cloud of smoke from his cigar right in your face. You held steady, mirroring Tony’s enthusiastic amusement at his expense. “To what do I owe the honor of such nice _suits_?” Stressing that this was anything but, in his eyes. 

You smiled. “We hear you have an unusual problem.”

Ross gave you a dead eyed glance before looking at Tony again. “You should talk.”

“You should listen.” Tony said quickly. Ross took the cigar out of his mouth and sat straight. At least he was capable of being decent. Or pretending to. Tony continued, quietly, “What if I told you we were putting a team together?”

“Who’s we?” Ross looked between the two of you.

Tilting your head, “I think that’s a little above your paygrade. What’s important is, you have someone we want.” Starting the digs now.

Already he set to bristling. Tony’s smirk didn’t help. “Someone we’re taking. Call this courtesy.”

“I’m calling it annoying. And short. I’m outta patience for listening to pompous jackasses.” He turned back to his drink.

You leaned in on the bar on his left side. “We heard about your tremendous failure in Harlem. Heard anything about a court martial yet?”

He turned sharply on you. “I didn’t-”

Tony slid in on his right. “Just trying to help you out. Hand Blonsky over to us. Less babysitting for you. Less having to explain your flagrant negligence.”

“Who put you up to this? Who asked dumb and dumber to come bother me over top security clearance matters?” He was having a hard time focusing on either of you. And getting angrier by the second.

“How many meetings are going on behind your back, do you think, that put us where we are?” You shrugged at him. “And you where _you_ are?” 

“Careful or you won’t be able to get the smell of vomit out of your jacket. I expect I’m going to see your medals in the pawn shop down the street next.” Tony was all grins. This was easy. For the both of you.

Your dislike of Ross knew no bounds. And after what he’d done to Tony all that time ago… this was the least you could do.

But when Ross stood and reached out to take Tony’s lapel in a fist, you went on guard. Tony didn’t move a muscle. Unfazed. “Keep going and I’ll throw you outta this bar on your ass, Stark. And her with you.”

“Try me. I’ll buy it and bulldoze it before you can blink. And then where will you go for your next pity party?”

You moved over to Tony’s side. “We’re just trying to help you.”

“Well I don’t want your fucking _help_.” Shoving Tony back, he slumped back into his seat. “No one asked- and whoever’s doing the asking has no idea about anything-” He was muttering, a little more drunkenly than he may have meant to.

He was a sorry sight. Carefully light, “They know more than you.”

“Well fuck ‘em. And fuck you, too. The both of you. I’m not handing over Blonsky to you or anyone. Haven’t you ruined the military enough? Who’s got you on payroll now- after you tried to get out? What a load of garbage.” He knocked back his glass and stubbed his cigar out on the bar top.

“Last chance.” Tony fixed the lines of his jacket with a soft tug.

“Go to hell.” Ross got to his feet, no doubt intending to storm out. But as you moved aside, he turned on you very sharply. Behind you Tony nearly exploded into _panicked fury_ but he held at bay. Ross’ fat finger was in your face. You stood silently, staring at him. “At least Stark has qualifications. You think you can just fuck your way to the top- come around and say anything you want? You’re ruining his company. And this country. -they used to be respected. But now? You’re the biggest mistake he’ll ever make. Mark my words.” This all came out in a drunken haze of garbled words, but you caught every one. 

You took a breath, eyes still square with his. “I don’t usually take drunken slob soliloquies to heart. But since  _ you _ used to be somebody, maybe I’ll make an exception.” 

He was very suddenly in your face with a heavy meaty hand on your shoulder. “I got more than enough in me to put down a yappy bitch. Test me. Let me do the world a favor.”

Tony was moving behind you, hot with  _ anger _ , but you held a hand down low to keep him where he was. Ross was drunk. And no threat. And even if he hit you, it would only very seriously be the end of his career. You couldn’t let Tony take this one for you. So you stood to his threats unblinking. “Step back.  _ Now _ . Go home. Clean yourself up. You’re pathetic.” 

And, if he couldn’t muster it on his own…

You sent a little white hot  _ **shame** _ his way. 

Enough to break him, to get him to ease back, mumble something else angrily and then turn heel and leave. You hadn’t realized it until just then, but the bar had gone silent. All the more reason his taking a swing at you would have only ended poorly for him.

Knowing this all the more when Tony took your hand in his. He was  _ seething _ still. “You should have let me.” 

“That’s not what we came here for.” Rubbing your thumb over the side of his hand. Waiting a few more moments before tugging him to exit with you and getting into the car still waiting on the curb. “Let him wreck his own career.”

“If only life were that simple.” He scoffed. The worst part was, he was right. There was little chance this was the last you’d see of Ross.

With a world-weary sigh, you laid your head on his shoulder, his arm coming around you-  _ protectively _ \- as you called Coulson. When he picked up on the other end, very simply you said, “We couldn’t secure Blonsky.” 

“That’s unfortunate. I’ll report it to Fury. I’m sure he’ll be unhappy. Will you be in the area tonight for a debrief?” 

Tony’s tension was winding you up. Going home right now… “No. We’re staying the night.”

“Understood. We’ll talk tomorrow, then.” Coulson hung up.

Arching an eyebrow at you, “We’re staying?”

Reaching up, you brushed the backs of your fingers over the line of his jaw. “We’ve both been working hard. And after such a  _ successful _ mission I think we deserve a break.” Beckoning him closer in, you kissed him softly. 

Setting a small well of  _ relief  _ and  _ ease _ . He submitted immediately, holding you closer. When he broke for air, it was only momentarily. Knocking on the window dividing the back from the front. When it rolled down just a quarter, “Call ahead to the Four Seasons. I want the Royal ready.” 

“Not going back to the airport?” Happy’s confused voice sounded. You nipped lightly at Tony’s lower lip and he got you back in a deeper kiss that sent heat straight through you. “...boss?”

“No-” In between kisses that were growing harder and harder to stop. “Hotel-”

If it wasn’t obvious enough, the spritely sound of your warm giggles tipped Happy off that he needed to roll the window back up and just do as he was told. It wasn’t really your style to be so blatant- and so rude at that- but with Tony’s mouth on your neck…

Your hands raked back through his hair. “We’re a team- you and I- you don’t-…” A heated breath out, losing your train of thought as his lips trailed the line of your shoulder. “You don’t… have to worry about guys like Ross-”

“Not worried.” He hummed, leading you down against the seats, arm still around you. “You weren’t in danger- I just would have liked to put him on the floor- for your pleasure, of course.”

Taking hold of his face in your hands you directed him back up into another deep kiss. Smiling, after, “Why don’t you do something  _ else _ for my pleasure.” 

He grinned against your lips. “Yes, ma’am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting to some of the juicier things while we build up! So many happenings going on behind the scenes before Avengers starts!


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: A very egregious canon error is fixed in this chapter. Enjoy.

The rest of your July and August filled up very quickly. There was never a day that wasn’t busy. On the top of your priority list:

**The Expo**  
October was right around the corner, true more so with every day that passed. The clean up had almost completed by the mid of August. About on schedule, give or take a week. The next thing to do was to rehire and really vet the staff there. After what had happened, it was very unlikely something else similar would occur. But just to be on the safe side you personally handled all higher up personnel that Stark Industries was taking on.

The next thing after that was re-massaging all the vendors and participants. Especially making sure all the tech presentations were on track. Really, they’d gotten lucky and been given the gift of two deranged mad-men derailing everything. With the Expo put on hold, all tech demos had more time to fine tune and really make everything perfect. All the more reason it _should_ _be_ exactly that.

After that… visiting some families in the hospital. Putting in personal time. Not just because you had to, but because you wanted to. You took full and personal responsibility for their well-being. Their healing. Their bills. And starting on a new line of Stark Industries tech that would help patients with amputated or paralyzed limbs. Both, unfortunately, that had been caused by the events. You’d gotten Tony to work on rough designs, more tech than anything else, and then sent that off to the proper people. You couldn’t pretend to be a doctor, but people who actually were would work on it. And that was good enough.

A meeting request had been formally put in by that organization AIM- but, reading over it with Pepper, she seemed to have an adverse reaction. More than enough to spook you, though you didn’t press her. More than that, you didn’t want to get into bed with a different company over what had happened. Stark Industries had let it happen. Stark Industries would fix it. You didn’t want even the slightest possibility that it would be misconstrued that the company was trying to pawn the work off on someone else.

And the very last thing on the docket… the pending lawsuit against Justin Hammer. At least something more joyous to look forward to every time you got an update. He didn’t want to take it to court with a jury. Smart man, even for how stupid he was. There was no way he’d get a lawyer better than yours to make _his peers_ believe he wasn’t guilty. So. Plea it was. Unfortunately you didn’t have time to get into specifics. You told your lawyers to make it as difficult for him as possible. No paying his way out.

You wanted his ass in jail. Forever, if it was possible. And if he wouldn’t take it, you really would sit him down in court and make twelve people convict him. His choice. One was far less of a media circus. So you hoped he’d continue to play at being smart and do the right thing.

Fat chance, you realized, when the prison he was being held at called you to let you know you’d been put on his visitor’s list. He wanted to talk to you.

But you weren’t in the listening mood.

** Stark Tower  
**In order to be ready to start deconstruction and rebuild on the tower, specs had to be made. Obviously. You spent more than one sleepless night alongside Tony at a drafting table. While it was smarter to have someone who actually knew how to build buildings be with you during the process, instead of sending it off after, you liked the more intimate setting of a man who knew what he was doing, who believed in your vision-

And who didn’t mind taking a break every now and again to fool around…

Significant progress was being made. Finals were starting to come back. If you were lucky you’d be able to start before the time quoted- December. The biggest part of that tower relied on Tony’s genius, though. Another reason you weren’t worried about this as much as everything else. Stark Tower was set to run on purely clean energy, powered by an Arc Reactor of Tony’s design. In order to do _ that _, there had to be permit requests sent in for pipe, ground, and wire work just about everywhere. The city was probably going to drag their feet on it, which would require some personal coaxing. More time wasted.

**LADY&LUNA**

Two overly complicated pieces of tech that you’d never be able to fully wrap your head around. Asking Tony more than once to try and explain the intricate parts of them, his process, what made them go… not because you would end up with a greater understanding. But because watching him talk about something of his own intimate design was… well…

Aside that, coming to peace with not knowing exactly how he’d made them or what made them work (aside the Arc Reactor he’d designed for you and his genius), what you knew was that they _did_. Mostly. Tony still seemed to be trying to make adjustments every other day. Coming up with new things- and rerouting the _scatter pattern_ and… reprogramming the… whatever whatever… it was a lot of technical jargon. What you chalked it up to was that the suit didn’t work exactly the way he wanted it to yet. But it did what it was supposed to.

It buffed your strength when you had it on. Enough to hold back powerful attacks. It allowed you to form shields- although doing so weakened the rest of the suit as a whole- something he was working on fixing. And there was the small matter of _flight_. Which you could do, apparently, through the lift-off panels in the back. Something he’d perfected on his own suit, so that he didn’t have to rely on his hands, leaving them free for attack. But it was something you didn’t quite yet want to practice. No matter how much he tried to nudge you.

Better to learn it now than be forced to fly blind- sure- but… the very idea made you sort of nauseous. And nervous. Not that you didn’t trust Tony’s expertise, but the idea of being thousands of feet off the ground… maybe better tackled at some other point. In small doses. You were too busy right now.

LUNA had been extremely easy to get used to, after the first couple of uses. It was tech that had a practical use, and one that one of your subsidiaries was working on regardless. Smart Glasses, they called them. Except yours were smarter than any ones that would appear in the market in a handful of years. LUNA herself was very cheerful and sometimes you found yourself talking to her as you added things in to your schedule. Even introducing Pepper at one point, when she asked how you input things so quick.

_Simple, I just say it and she just does it!_

_She?_

Like JARVIS, so it was easy to explain. And since they had a practical use for work, it made it even easier to wear her whenever you wanted. Soon you sort of just started forgetting you had the earring cuffs on all the time. A little more conspicuous than the Heart Arc, for sure. But easier to deal with, since Tony still wanted to work on it, and… regardless of what you both agreed on you knew what it was for. Even if _Defense_ was right in LADY’s title, you knew what, if you ever had to, it’d be used for.

And that made it that much easier to let him have it and keep it off you. For now.

**SHIELD Training**

Just when you’d really started getting into a groove with Natasha, she started disappearing on sessions. To be fair to her it wasn’t _disappearing_ and more… giving you to someone else. It was fine. She’d said _as long as I’m on premises_ back when you’d first agreed. But it still sucked to come to the compound some mornings and find some instructor waiting for you that, put simply, wasn’t her. You’d started really liking your time with her. And this other person… just not the same. Not the same fire. Not the same understanding.

It was why when Natasha came back from whatever she was doing, you invited her to lunch after. And she’d accepted. It became a little bit of a ritual. She’d leave for some extended period of time and then come back, you’d train for three hours, and then you’d go get food. It was nice. And you really felt like you were making progress with her.

Unlike your time with Coulson- who also _disappeared_ at random intervals. It was hard to focus with someone in the room that you’d never met before trying to guide you. While you weren’t on the most friendly of terms with Coulson, an entirely new person scrutinizing you and telling you what to do made your nerves flare up.

You thought you’d been starting to make progress when you took a long time to explain to Coulson what it was you were _feeling_\- seeing- both? The ripples. There was something important about the ripples, and he’d told you to jump. Skip over the water like a rock.

To the next one. And it was crazy to you that you’d never thought about that before. And in that darkness when you tried to see the person in the middle of that pond- lake- river- whatever it was- there were _tons_ of ripples. Each smaller than the last. Like a cocoon. And that made sense. You weren’t sure why you’d never thought about it. But getting to even the second one was tough. While you could bend and manipulate the first ripple to take over their emotional state for a short time, that was _all_ you could do.

Trying to go over to the next level in made you feel weak. And you couldn’t help but wonder… what would happen if you could get to the middle?

Feeling like you really needed food after one particularly intense session, you tried to do exactly what you’d done to Nat. “Hey- do you wanna grab some lunch?”

Coulson had looked entirely blindsided. “Lunch?” He was usually stoic, if not cheerful in the same stoic way. His _surprise_ here nearly _surprised_ you right on back.

“...yes?” Not knowing what to do then. “It’s okay if you don’t want to-”

“I don’t make it a habit of sitting down outside of work with people I’m training.”

“You could have just said no thank you.” Embarrassed at his rebuff. You’d left quickly that day.

It was a week later during one of your and Nat’s night training sessions that had been bumped up because she’d been busy that you asked her out to dinner. An invitation she gratefully accepted. And upon seeing Coulson at a desk near the front… “We’re going for dinner, do you want to come?” Why try a second time? You were sure he was just going to make you feel bad about it again.

He eyed you first. Then Nat- who smiled at him. “It won’t kill you.”

“I’m sure it won’t.” He responded quick and succinct. As always.

But you tried a smile on next. “So come with us then.”

It shocked you completely when he relented. He was a little stiff at first, but eventually, at Nat’s insistence (grateful you had her as a buffer, as she knew him better), he started acting like a normal person. ...well. Not normal. But. Not entirely closed off and snarky either.

“How’s Lola?” Nat asked after finishing her first- and only- glass of wine.

“Lola? A girlfriend?” Curious and excited to get to know this part of him.

“Basically.” She ribbed him just a little.

“She’s fine. In the shop. Someone made the mistake of scratching her in a parking lot the other day.”

Not a girl. A car. _Oh no. _Was Coulson another Tony in disguise? You never would have guessed. Never! Not in a million years. But a man with a car named _Lola…_ “I bet they regretted that.” Offered easily. Knowing exactly how much he must have loved that car.

“They did.”

* * *

September came sooner than you realized. You were tired, almost every day. Alongside everything else you were doing, personal and business projects alike, there was one other thing you were trying to figure out. And that had to be done under SHIELD’s radar- _just in case_. While you’d started to grow fond and used to seeing some of their agents regularly, you didn’t know how much you could trust them- more accurately, the organization they worked for.

This Super Serum stuff… it was always in the back of your mind. It had apparently created not one but _two_ monsters. And any trace of information on it had either been destroyed or so hidden it was impossible to track down. It didn’t help that it seemed like Tony’s father had been involved somehow. More than just initially. It made it tough to even bring any of that to Tony to check out. Because all of that still seemed to be an open wound.

It was something you _knew_ you had to get to the bottom of.

But often as it had become in this crazy little world of yours, once you looked into something, _it looked back_.

You knew something was wrong when Pepper came into your office, skittish, closing the door quietly behind her, head down. Unlike her. Bad news, you were sure. You just had no idea what kind of bad news.

“What’s up?” Better get it over with now. Coming closer she sat down in front of your desk, leaning over to slide a letter your way. “What is it?”

She was making you nervous.

On the front you saw the name and address of the sender-

“Margaret Carter?” The name registered- well _Carter_ did. **Carter. **Your eyes lifted. “This is for _me_? Are you sure?” Your heart dropped into your shoes.

Pepper nodded slowly, frown firm. “It’s for you. I didn’t read it past the first line.”

Steeling yourself you pulled the single piece of paper from inside the envelope. Indeed it was your name at the top margin. Followed by a very clear and simple message.

_Please come see me at your earliest convenience. I need to speak with you about something very important. There is no need to involve Tony. _

_Regards, _

_Peggy _

The last line hurt you the most. Made you wary that this was something you weren’t equipped to handle. “Do we know about the retirement home?” Immediately you started pulling up the website on your computer. _Don’t involve Tony_ meant a lot of things. None of them good.

“I picked it out.” Pepper said softly, her head hung. “It’s supposed to be the best in the area. We pay a lot for it.”

Peggy Carter had been a close family friend of the Starks. And when she’d needed living assistance, it was Pepper that Tony had tasked with finding her the best home to spend the rest of her life in. You had no doubt in your mind that Pep had done her best to make her comfortable and had indeed done just that. It was true, the bill that came in yearly- you’d seen it last year when the accounting department asked if there was a way to resolve it.

_Resolve it_.

That person had been fired on the spot. You hadn’t told Tony that, either. Maybe you were more like Peggy than you knew.

But if something was going wrong now… you didn’t have attachment to her other than your knowledge of her from history classes in school (much like the fabled Captain America). But you knew she was important to Tony. About the only family he had left. He wasn’t exactly _open_ about that sort of stuff… and he hadn’t exactly visited her… ever… but…

If they were mistreating her you knew there was nowhere any of those people could hide that he wouldn’t find them. Maybe Peggy was relying on you to be discreet. Not wanting to cause an uproar. But, even knowing Tony felt that way made you feel the same by extension. Were people in this retirement home abusing Peggy Carter in her old age?

You’d throw them into space.

“Get the jet ready. I’m going to go tonight.”

Pepper nodded and stood. She was just about to leave but she turned back. “You know… she’s not always… she’s not all there.”

This was out of your comfort zone. “I’ll be delicate.”

* * *

There was no way this was a coincidence. You hoped, however. You hoped that it was and that Peggy just needed help getting settled somewhere else. You’d whip whoever had disgraced themselves by abusing her and move her somewhere better. That was an easy thing to do. Precisely why you knew that wasn’t what was going on.

In the air you made the call. Tony picked up on the second ring. “Not coming home for dinner, huh? What’s got you now?” He sounded slightly distracted. Probably working on project number ten billion.

“I’m going to DC. I’ll probably be back tomorrow morning.” She had asked you not to tell him… but…

“What’s in DC?”

...but that wasn’t how you ran your life. That wasn’t how your relationship with Tony worked. “Peggy Carter sent me a letter.”

The sound of glass shattering on the floor caught you by surprise. Apparently about as much as you had Tony. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. But I’ll get to the bottom of it.”

“I’ll be there in a few hours.”

“She asked that I didn’t tell you.” This was the worst. But you hoped this helped somehow. You and Tony were a team. Inseparable. Even asked to hide information from him- from someone very important and no doubt adamant- you just couldn’t.

But the silence on the other end of the line hurt your heart. Even more so when he finally spoke. “Yeah. Alright. I get it.” The sound of him banging a wrench against something- throwing himself back into work- signaled he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. But, one last surprise, “Take care of her, alright?”

“I promise.”

Though visiting hours were long since over by the time you landed, got a car, and got over to the facility, you had no problem flashing your Stark Industries badge at a number of scared nurses who waved you right on through. You weren’t up for anyone’s nonsense right now. And god helped any of them if they were part of the reason you were here.

But when you got into her room, your ire and resolve melted and in its place left a nervous woman. Peggy was lying in bed- a place you imagined she spent most her time in. She’d been a hero in her day. One of the first get-shit-done women that the world had acknowledged. She’d been a hero to many, and you’d daydreamed about being even half the bad ass she was in your earlier years.

Meeting her like this…

“Hello, ma’am.” Embarrassed at how nervous you were, pushing through to come closer into the room and take a seat at her bedside.

She turned her head and looked at you, not recognizing you- why would she? But- she _had_ sent you a letter- how did she even know about you? The answer came when you spied a stack of newspaper clippings on her bedside table. You and Tony. Media scraps. The one on the very top was one of the pictures of the two of you from the gala, and all the details of your revealed relationship. “Oh- yes- you got my letter. I’m glad. It’s good to meet you.”

“You, too.” Your smile was not as unsure this time around. “I came as soon as I read it. Is um… is everything okay here?” Better get the nasty business out of the way. “If it’s not, we’ll move you somewhere else.”

She waved a hand at you. “Oh, please. They treat me like the Queen.” At this the knot in your stomach subsided. A weight off your shoulders.

“Oh. Well. That’s good.”

“I needed to talk to you to warn you about what you’re doing.”

And just like that, weight back on. Your hands knitted together, squeezing tight. “Warn me?”

“Well, dear, it’s impossible to throw stones at a bee’s nest quietly.” Her smile was soft. Knowing. “I may not be what I used to, but I still have ears in important places. And I hear you’re looking for something that was buried a long time ago.”

If Peggy Carter of all people was on to you… that didn’t bode well. Better her than anyone else, but… There could only be one thing she was talking about. “Not that long ago. We’ve come into contact with people messing around with the Super Soldier Serum- a few months ago-”

“That’s impossible.” She shifted to sit up a little more.

“I wouldn’t be looking otherwise. What happened was dangerous. And I want to know more so that I can put a stop to it.” This was probably for the best, you realized. That she’d caught you. You didn’t know how but if she could tell you more… “Can you talk to me about Project Rebirth?”

“Project Rebirth...” She echoed softly, looking away. You waited patiently for her to begin again, and were rewarded after a long moment of silence. “Project Rebirth began and ended with Captain Steve Rogers.” There was a warmth to her tone and a flush feeling of _bittersweet_. Something you hadn’t expected.

“Project Rebirth is where the Super Serum came from, right? Do you know what happened to that formula after?” If you could even just start to track it all down-

She looked back at you again. “It _ended_ with Rogers. Erskine- the man who made it- was killed. No notes. No anything. But… that wasn’t good enough for some people.”

“Who? I know Howard Stark was involved, can you tell me what he did? Can you tell me if he left notes behind somewhere?” Somewhere you could find. If anyone knew… it would be her. The last alive link to all of this.

“You think after a man like Steve Rogers is created by the military, no one else is going to try and replicate it?”

Nodding, “That’s exactly it. People are trying. _Right now_. I’m trying to follow a trail- but it’s dead-”

“Stop what you’re doing.” Cutting you off, looking at you in a way that chilled you to the bone. “Going after this has killed people with far more means than you. Don’t do that to him.”

“Killed who, Peggy?”

Her gaze softened and you felt the subtle slip. “How is Tony…? I haven’t seen him in… too long, I think. And… who are you again? Did Pepper Potts send you?” You didn’t know what to do. You almost felt like crying. “How is Tony? I haven’t seen him in so long...”

“Starting the guilt trip already? I only just got here.” The least surprising reveal of the evening, Tony’s voice and the sound of his heavy footsteps coming in behind you.

“Oh- Tony- you’ve grown so handsome. Like your father.” She sat up even further, opening her arms to beckon him in. “Getting into all sorts of trouble, I’ll bet.”

“Handsomer, I think.” You stood, moving back to the door to give them room.

He bent down to hug her. “Hey, Aunt Peggy...”

“Let me look at you.” Her hands were on his face, tilting him this way and that. “You look much better than you do in the papers. How is Howard? And Maria? I feel like I don’t see them much anymore...”

“They’re fine.”

“How are things? How’s the company? Still seeing a different woman every night? It would do well for you to settle down, you know...”

“Yeah, yeah… hey, how are things here? Are they treating you okay?” Ignoring her question. Ignoring the regression. It was too much for you. You barely voiced excusing yourself and turned to leave.

“Oh, please... They treat me like the Queen...”

* * *

It was chilly outside. Yet there was a pool of warm discomfort settling in your chest. Everything about this trip had been upsetting. None more so than seeing her like that- seeing that quick shift… the light dying in her eyes right before the reset. What had she been trying to tell you? Peggy Carter knew more about this than she was letting on. More that she was losing every day.

Maybe she was right. Maybe you should just let it go. Maybe you should have brought up SHIELD. Maybe any number of things. All you knew was that you’d flown out to DC tonight to bother an old woman. You didn’t want to do it again.

And-

Tony’s jacket came around your shoulders. “Treating her like the Queen, she says.” That soft sheen of familial _heartbreak_ was thundering in his chest. It couldn’t be easy to see someone you loved like that.

You looked up at him. “Yeah. She said the same thing to me.” Literally the same.

“So what did she want, then? ...or did she not know who you were?” He asked this, shifting uncomfortably.

“She did. For five minutes. She tried to tell me to stop looking into the Super Soldier stuff.”

His eyes went down. “Yeah? You should probably listen to her, then.” It was strange hearing Tony telling you to back off of anything.

“We agreed to look for this. She might have a point but- it’s- after what happened in Harlem? With that monster? And there’s _another_ one out there somewhere? Tony, it’s only a matter of time before this causes more destruction-”

His hands came to your arms, stopping you dead in your tracks. “It’s not our job to clean up everything.”

“Yeah- but-”

“Listen...” He quieted you carefully. So you stopped, blinking up at him. “Let’s focus on the stuff we _can_ take care of. Okay? This… right now this is all dead ends. If it comes back, it comes back. And we’ll deal with it then. But for now, I’m asking you to put a stop to it.”

For a brief moment you wondered if Peggy’s lucidity had returned and she’d warned him of the same things. In the end, it didn’t matter. “Okay, Tony.” He had a point, anyway. There was already too much on your plate. SHIELD knew where this monster was. They were probably keeping an eye on him. And they were no doubt looking for the other one.

...you’d just have to trust them. For now. Made easier that in doing so you were really trusting Tony. And Peggy.

His arms came around you. “Thank you.” You relished in that warm hug for as long as he let it go on for. When he pulled back, he reached inside the jacket around your shoulders to go into the pocket. “Now. Why don’t we fly home?” Pulling the Heart Reactor out and pressing it into your palm.

“Oh- Tony- no. Not right now. Now’s not a good time.” Plus a flight that long? For your first one you wanted something like… one yard of distance max. His quick shift in wanting to do so was also extremely see-through. You wished it wasn’t. Because you were almost at the point of going along with it just to make him feel better after all this.

“Now’s the perfect time. It’s a good way to clear your head. And I’ll be right there. -not that anything will happen.”

“That’s not winning me over.” After all this though, maybe he was right. ...again. Maybe putting your mind to something else would ease everything else. Not to mention his own. Reaching up you pressed on the left cuff still on your ear, activating LUNA’s visor. “Can you scan please for anyone in the nearby vicinity?”

Because suiting up _right where people could see you_ would kind of dismiss the idea of this secret identity life you were pretending you could have.

“Immediate area clear.”

“You’re getting so good at this.” Tony was grinning softly, at least somewhat impressed. Which only bolstered you. Sticking the Heart Reactor over your chest, you double tapped, activating the suit. “You turned off the magical girl show already?”

Once inside, you felt much warmer. “I’ll leave that for Fury. What do I do for the helmet?”

Turning back, Tony went over to his open suit that he must have just _left_ outside the door when he’d come in. It seemed rather risky, but then again, anyone stupid enough to try and steal and Iron Man suit was just that. “Why are you asking me?” Teasing you lightly.

Oh. Right. So, with that in mind… “LUNA, activate… helmet…?” Unsure about this command. But as soon as you’d ushered it, the visor slid out in both directions, sealing your head up, finally completing the entirety of the suit.

This was the first time you’d been fully locked in. It was comfortable, really, if not for even more information coming alight across the visor- ...helmet, now, you guessed, it was really easy to get used to. Tony came closer, suited up again. “You look fantastic, if I do say so myself.”

“You would.” Since he’d designed it. “What do I do now?”

“Take my hand.” Offering it out. “You have back panel stability for flight, and on the soles as well. You can use your hands too, if you need to do a quick stop. Come on.” And like that he lifted off gently.

“Um… LUNA let’s… go?” It was an untethered command. You assumed she was more programmed for straight forward stuff, but a little less than surprised when she picked up and you felt the jolt of power coming from beneath you. Lifting you up with him. “Oh- Tony- I don’t know about this-”

“Don’t be scared.”

Without a second warning he _really_ took off. Lifting fully into the night sky and then jetting out over the city. Your hand was just about crushing his. “Tony- I don’t think this is for me-!” The route home lit up underneath you.

The lights. The people- smaller than ants. Clouds drifting by. You were so high up-

“You’re doing great.” Without warning he let go of you, leaving you grabbing- reaching out for him uselessly.

“Tony!”

“You’re fine. Relax.” The rumble of his laughter right next to your ear settled you somehow. He flashed so far ahead of you. Way more experienced. Used to this sort of thing.

But it was when he flew up overhead and you followed in his wake, the glow of the moon shining down on the both of you, the stars up ahead… countless sleepy cities below… and you in control of just how fast, how far, how high- somehow. _Somehow_. The controls were intuitive. When you telegraphed up, you went up, and when you wanted to ease back, you did that too. All with easy direction. And then you realized what you really wanted to do, “LUNA, let’s keep up with Tony.”

“Yes, ma’am!” A lock on target clung to him, flashing briefly before fading and your boosters picked up again, speeding you up alongside him.

“There you are. Was beginning to think you weren’t gonna make it home until tomorrow at that speed. How are you liking it so far?”

When you breathed in, it was almost like breathing the fresh air in up this high. Somehow. Kind of like a dream. Flying. You were flying. “It’s incredible.”

Best of all, it really had cleared your head.

Reaching out he took hold of your hand again. Not guiding you this time, just holding you. “Told you so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peggy Carter. I love her. And you know who else loved her? The Starks. She was close with that family. So why then in canon does Tony have no relation to her? Because they forgot. But I didn't. Aunt Peggy it is. There's no way anyone's gonna tell me with how close she was to Howard and Jarvis that she just NEVER saw Tony as a child or a teen. AUNT PEGGY is well cared for and loved, okay? Okay. Good. Glad we're all on the same page.


	43. Chapter 43

With one less thing to worry about, that’s exactly what you did. It still bothered you. A little. In the back of your head with everything else you’d buried. It probably wasn’t healthy to carry on that way, but you had very little other options. What Peggy had said when her mind had been certain and clear disturbed you. She knew more than she’d ever say- perhaps more than she’d ever _be able_ to say. And it was obvious she was going to lose more with every passing day. But you couldn’t bother her over it. 

She’d sent a letter asking you to come.

She’d then told you in person to let it go- because you  _shouldn’t do that to him_ . 

So you wouldn’t. Not right now, anyway.

October first was there before you knew it, and so was the relaunch of the Stark Expo- and its weekend long celebration. This time you’d gotten Tony to opt for something a little more  _subtle_ . No landing onto a platform as Iron Man. Just a nice speech with the two of you thanking everyone for their patience as you got the Expo up and running. Reintroducing its main mission of running over the course a year to bring all sorts of technological marvels to the forefront. 

Of course, you made sure to invite one very special guest. “ _Pepper make sure to mail Tony’s thank you and three year long Expo passes to the Parker family_ .” You’d tracked down their address easily, and gotten Tony to scribble his signature on a very well thought out and sweet letter- of your own design, of course. Encouraging Peter to look towards the future, thanking him for all his help and his courage, and to go after whatever his heart desired. 

While you had no idea if he was attending the opening ceremony that night, you imagined his little smiling face in the crowd regardless as you and Tony welcomed everyone and promised much fun and excitement in the coming year. Especially over the weekend, where fall themed activities were happening- free of charge, of course.

With everything up and running and no foreseeable nonsense… one thing off your endless list. What a joy that was. A nice quiet celebration was called for that evening.

Of course, the end of the month heralded another straight upward rocket in stocks as sales came in.

“_Iron Man costumes sold out nationwide.” _

“_Of course they did.” _

And so you made sure at Stark Industries, “_Every kid that visits gets one piece of candy. ...but Iron Mans get two.” _

A little marketing never hurt anyone.

As November crept in, you made sure to do your due diligence as a citizen and get caught in a photo-op heading into a voting booth on the second. Now more than ever the next president of the United States was an important pick. The world was shifting beneath your feet. And while your interests and corporate interests had always been important before, now an entirely new problem emerged.

You needed someone your side. Someone who would go to bat for you and Tony when this superhero business went screwy- and it _would_. It wasn’t a matter of where, it was a matter of when. And you needed a person on your side who understood Tony was doing his best. Someone as far away from Stern as possible.

Tony had gone on a couple of good will missions to sit down and have a drink with the candidates. You’d trusted his opinion when he’d told you Matthew Ellis was the guy.

So that’s who you voted for.

It was almost no surprise that with Stark Industries backing the man, quiet some ways and obvious in others, he went on to be the people’s choice for their next leader.

With the arrival of the holiday months, things became a little bit easier. Not because the people around you were working hard or anything, just the opposite. Vacation days started rolling in aplenty, even before the actual holidays arrived. But with less people around you were able to focus on more important things. Working yourself was sometimes much easier.

Pepper had flown home to a happy family and you…

“LUNA what’s left on my schedule today?” Stark Industries was a ghost town. Quiet, blissfully, allowing you to work through a fair amount of paperwork and get a lot of things done. Interesting once how the noise was gone you were able to do just so much more.

“Nothing, ma’am.” But this…

“No- that’s not true. I have that NPR interview in twenty minutes, don’t I?” At the very least you remembered that one because your brief notes were sitting in front of you. It was mostly just going to be a soft talk about how the tower construction in NYC was starting very soon and how the company was doing well.

“Not that I see.”

Clicking over your schedule on the computer- feeling the strangeness in having to do so manually for the first time in what felt like forever- you were just as surprised to see it clear there. “Mn. No… could you do a reset? This isn’t right. I know I have that interview.”

“Sure thing, ma’am.”

Were things really going this far awry without Pepper’s guiding hand? Unthinkable, almost. You were sure she’d double checked things for you before she’d left. And even if she hadn’t, being _useless_ now that you had a great PA looking after you was not good.

Moving to pick up the phone on the corner of your desk, you dialed into the personal line for your NPR interviewer today. You got put on hold for a few minutes but eventually she picked up. “You’re a little early! But we’ll be glad to have you on the show today.” Her segment hadn’t started, the two of you off-air at the moment.

“Sorry. If you want I can call back. I just wanted to make sure we’re still on for today.”

“That’s okay- and of course. Yes. Still on. Did you wanna go over some no-go areas?” A usual question for favorable partners. It’s what made interviews like these almost too easy. Sometimes you preferred the more combative people just to be able to put someone in their place.

“No, I think I’ll be okay. Whatever you want to ask, go ahead.” Even trusting that she wouldn’t ask anything too callous, you knew the nature of the show, and it being Thanksgiving gave you an even gentler edge. Anyone listening right now- to this station in particular- wasn’t tuning in for a fight. And your interviewer knew that too.

“Okay, sounds great. I definitely can’t wait to ask you how things have changed since Mr. Stark announced to the world he was Iron Man a year ago.”

_Dread filled your heart. _

“...I’m sorry?”

“I know it must be very difficult to believe it was only that long ago-”

“To the day?”

“Yes. One year exactly.”

You stood very suddenly. “I’m sorry- I’m so sorry- I have to go- I have to cancel- we’ll reschedule- I have to go. I’m sorry.”

She was the least important person you had to apologize to.

* * *

Holidays had never been important. You hadn’t had anyone to celebrate them with in a long time, and Tony cared even less. Sometimes there was the occasional party you had to attend just to make a good impression but nothing _personal_. It wasn’t just Thanksgiving though- unfortunate as the date landing had been. It was _**November 25**__**th**_. A moment of both your lives that you remembered so clearly- 

_ If I was Iron Man I’d have this girlfriend who knew my true identity. She’d be a wreck. She’d always be worrying that I was gonna die- yet sort of proud of the man I’d become.  _ _ She’d be wildly conflicted- which would only make her more... -crazy about me. _

_Are you finished? _

_No, I’m not. Is this a good time for the talk? I think we should have the talk._

It was impossible to drive fast enough, the heat of shame and anxiousness welling up inside you. Why hadn’t he said anything? Was it important to him? It must have been, for him to clear your schedule like that. And you  _ knew _ now it definitely  had been  him. 

Almost making it to the garage, “LUNA, can you touch base with JARVIS- quietly- and let me know where Tony is?”

“You don’t him to know you’re checking in?”

“No.”

Only a fraction of silence. “Tony is at home. In the kitchen.”

Not even in the lab. This was bad. You were awful. Terrible. Just absolutely fucking terrible. It might have been an easy excuse to make that you’d forgotten the date because was this really your anniversary? You hadn’t really put labels on things. It made it that much harder, right?

...but you knew. You knew in your heart if you’d been paying more attention you would have realized. That day was the day almost everything had started.  That everything had changed. 

In the driveway with the car parked, you nearly fell out of the door, taking a half tumble to the pavement, scurrying your way up the rest of the walk. The sun was setting. It was getting late.

“Welcome home.” JARVIS voiced overhead.

“Thank you.” No need to be impolite to him. It wasn’t his fault. Hurrying through the living room and around the bend, you smelled food. Breakfast food. _Of course._ “Tony, I’m-” 

He was flipping over a pan of bacon. “Very sad to hear your NPR interview was canceled. I was really looking forward to that one.”

Standing at the  kitchen island you looked at him helplessly. “Tony I’m sorry.” 

Switching the stove top off he turned to look at you. His smile vanished. “Hey- will you relax? You look like you just ran fifteen miles.”

“That’s how I feel.” Shitty, basically. He wiped his hands on a dish towel and rounded the island, coming close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you wait.” You weren’t exactly sure what he was doing- probably cooking breakfast for dinner. For the both of you. 

His smile soothed your very soul. Hands over your hips, he lifted you slightly and you followed his lead, sitting down on one of the stools. “I  think I remember telling you I was okay to wait.” Making it clear he’d been thinking about that day, too. Because of course he had. 

_ R ight before you pushed that button, I made peace with that the last thing I’d ever see was you. I just have to know how much longer you want me to wait. Tomorrow? Next week? A month from now? I will- I just- ...I need to know. Am I still waiting at all? _

It was only your fucking anniversary.

You settled your hands on his chest. “Right. That’s why you cleared my schedule for me?” It hurt you to smile back. You felt like you deserved to see some sort of punishment for this. Or maybe you just wanted some to make yourself feel better.

“Figured you need a little push. Or help. Whichever one is better.” His arms wound around you and you hid your face against his shirt, if only a little bit in shame. “Will you chill out? I don’t want to start off the grand couple’s adventure with deciding who gets mad over which forgotten anniversary. Because let’s face it, I’m more likely, out of the two of us.” 

“But it was _meeee_...” Whining a little dramatically into his shirt.

His chest shook with a touch of warm laughter. “Yeah. And next year to make up for it, I’ll do the forgetting. Does that make you feel better?”  When you looked up at him, his hands reached up, palms cupping the sides of your face,  grinning lightly . “Seriously- knock it off,  would you? You’re making  _ me _ feel bad and I was the  _ good _ one.” 

A  sigh whooshed out of your lungs. “How many more times should I say I’m sorry?” Genuinely asking him. 

“None. You’re working too hard and it slipped by you. It happens. ..._although_.” 

“Although?”

“I guess I could ask for one apology gift.”

“Anything.” At this point? Pretty much anything in the world. Even if giving him that much power was extremely dangerous.

“Keep your schedule clear for the next couple of weeks. Let’s go somewhere.”

Ah, an anniversary vacation? Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad… you found a real smile this time. “Where do you wanna go?”

He shrugged, leaning in to kiss you briefly. “Doesn’t matter. Just be with me. And I’ll be with you.”

A tough promise to make- equally for the both of you. But if he wanted to commit, you did just as much.  Reaching up you wrapped your arms around his neck and the kisses moved from brief to lingering. In between one and the next, “Are we planning on sight seeing?” 

“-probably won’t leave the hotel-”

“Somewhere quiet then- penthouse suite- with- ...good room service-” His lips interrupting between each thought until there simply wasn’t any left.

* * *

It was almost no surprise that the two of you landed in another penthouse suite on 5th Ave in New York City. For some reason there was just a pull there. Probably because construction started on Stark Tower in a few weeks, and if you were planning on being holed up in one place for an anniversary vacation… it was better to be right there when the presser started. Less flight time. Easier.

At least that’s what you told yourself, and Tony. But at the very least it was about the only thing you had to explain. Because the moment after the door to the high up luxury room closed behind the two of you, there was very little coherent words had.

You slipped him out of his coat, and he helped you out of yours. The chill in the city was terrible compared to your sunny California. But even out of _all_ your clothes, it was easy to delight in the warmth of his body right next to yours under the covers. Sometimes on top of yours. Sometimes underneath. And just the one time behind, on your hands and knees, senseless to his rhythm until his hands slid up your sides and pulled you up, backwards into him. Holding you there while his hips rolled in sweet, shallow thrusts, your head back against his shoulder, while he laid long lines of kisses to your neck.

The two of you carried on for what seemed like _days_ just tangled in each other. Something you realized you both sorely needed. Just time with each other. Only each other. Nothing to bother you or get between you. Nothing to think about but him.

Except maybe what had brought this on.

_A year_ . It had been a whole year since you’d kissed him and since he’d put you both on the superhero track. Crazy as that was. And getting crazier all the time. It hadn’t all been bliss, either. Most of it hadn’t even been easy. But lying in his arms as the sun set, falling asleep after another long session of skin-on-skin, your reflections led you to the same place they always did. 

You loved him. And you wouldn’t change your life for anything.

* * *

Snow was settling over the city in a thick blanket the next morning when you finally got out of your oversized bed. Tony seemed to have been up for a while already, sitting at the cozy little table by the large windows with a cup of coffee in hand. After a quick wash of your face, a little comb of what really could only be described as wild sex hair, and a brush of your teeth, you put on a robe loosely and came over to sit across from him.

His handsome smile greeted you, stirring up the same feelings the two of you had been marinating in for days now. It was dangerous, you realized, how easy it was to get swept up by him. But for now, it was just simply wonderful. He got up without a word, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek, and went to the kitchen, returning with a perfect cup of coffee for you.

You thanked him with a warm murmur and an even warmer kiss that almost started a path to getting back into bed. Both disappointed and relieved he ended it when he found the sense to do so. Much like you, he’d taken to wearing a robe half open, and some pajama pants you hardly recognized. Not that it mattered. Even just to see him so relaxed and casual was a blessing. He went back to reading something on his phone and you caught yourself staring at the vision of him.

He’d let more stubble grow in, unable to effectively groom while the two of you were too caught up, and his hair was messy and wonderful. Whatever he was reading, he was intently focused on it- and despite yourself your eyes dropped lower. Catching the sight of the Arc Reactor. You thought you’d gotten used to it by now, after everything. But, even so…

“You ever wonder what would have happened if that hadn’t happened?” The fact that he caught you staring without even looking at you put guilt hot and heavy into your chest.

“No.” Surprisingly, this was the truth. Maybe it was because you hadn’t had time to dwell on all the what ifs, or maybe it was just that you were too happy to do so. Either way… “Should I? Are you?”

Anniversaries often brought about reflections, you guessed…

“Not much to think about.” He was probably right about that. The future of that timeline was probably bleak. He’d have carried on being an arrogant weapon mongering jackass. And you… would either still be playing ball for his team or would have walked. Not the happiest of paths.

And yet. “But you are.” Otherwise why bring it up? “Is something wrong?” Should you take offense to the fact that the two of you had been having sex for days and now he was wondering how he’d ended up here?

“Not wrong.” He put his phone down, reaching to put his hand over yours. Soothing your feelings at least. “Did I ever tell you I thought about you in that cave?”

The words struck you hard,  like a hand across the face. Such a dynamic shift in tone.  _That’s_ what he was thinking about? “No-? I don’t think so- I can’t imagine  _why_ .” Anxiety spiked in a cold wave. You hadn’t been expecting this, and you weren’t sure you were prepared for it. Tony had yet to really talk about his kidnapping. His torture. How he’d ended up  _like this_ . 

“They had a man there. Yinsen. He performed the initial surgery on me to keep me alive. I was part of the problem that had burned his village to the ground. And I kept thinking about every time you fought with me. And that you’d been right the whole time.”

You were stuck in place while he spoke so softly and so intimately about what had happened to him. Unable to move, really. And you really had no idea what to say to it. But he’d said something like this to you before, when he’d come back. Now you fully understood why.

_You were the only one not looking the other way on me. Even on my payroll. You knew what was right. And you never compromised. _

He really  _had_ been mulling it over. 

“Is Yinsen…?” Alive somewhere? You hoped. But you also knew that was not how this ended.

“He helped me get out. He didn’t make it.” His eyes finally broke from yours, going downcast.

You gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m sorry, Tony.”  Truly. 

There was a long pause that you let hang, unsure of what to say. His reflections cast a soft shade of  _blue_ around the room that you tried not to get caught up in, inevitable though it was. Even after all this time he seemed to be struggling with the very thing that had brought you both right where you were. 

“Tony...”

His eyes lifted, and the bare smile he was wearing wasn’t untruthful,  but it was pained . “The last words he said to me were,  _don’t waste it_ .  _Don’t waste your life_ .” 

“You haven’t.” Quick. Quick because you were absolutely sure. Tony hadn’t always been a good person, but he was much better now. And getting better every day. Doing the best with what he had, and making the best choices he could … relatively speaking.

That small smile turned into a warm glow and the  _blue_ dissipated all at once. “I know.” His fingers linked with yours, just holding on to you. 

It all made sense now. It was more than just the fact that he’d gotten kidnapped. Tortured.  _This_ . This that had happened to him at the same time had caused him to hit the ground running as soon as he’d gotten home. Even if it had caused a lot of trouble- and in some ways still was. But it also explained why he’d been running so hard towards _ you_ . 

Until that time right before the press conference when you’d finally found yourself running in the same direction.

He’d latched on to the one constant in his life both before and after.

_ **You** _ . 

“I love you, Tony. I wouldn’t change what happened. I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

His grin was  light , a little quirk at the corner of his mouth as he lifted your hand closer and pressed a kiss to the back. “Me, too. Just checking.” 

Tilting your hand from his, you turned it inward to cup his cheek in your palm. He easily leaned in, eyes dropping half-lidded. “Happy anniversary.”

Sliding his hand over yours at his cheek, he kept you there, turning just a little to press yet another kiss, this time to the bottom of your palm. “Happy anniversary. Back to bed?”

You sensed the  _ jittery anxiousness _ in him after unloading something that heavy that he’d been carrying around. He wanted to run and put it away again. “In a little while. Let me finish my coffee.” Getting up from your spot you moved to sit right next to him, laying your head on him as his arm came around you. “Let’s just be for a little while.” He picked up his own mug, taking a slow sip, nodding in agreement. In the quiet, you let him know. 

_ I love you _ . 

Eyes closed, you  _ felt _ his smile, and the soft oncoming roll of contentment. The evaporation of that nervousness. 

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy whole one year anniversary to INY and Tony. And here's looking towards the incredibly bright and surely drama and angst free future...


	44. Chapter 44

On December 15th, construction officially, finally, began on Stark Tower, and you were more than happy to give the eager press a few more sound clips to pad their papers with the next morning. It had been a hop and a skip over to the site from the penthouse where you and Tony were still _anniversary-ing_ it seemed. But Pepper was on top of things back in California, and SHIELD could wait because you needed time to yourself for once. It would have been nice to keep it that way. 

So it was extremely unfortunate that only twelve days later a news story broke over every single one of your devices in that room that the Roxxon Norco tanker had spilled millions of gallons of crude oil off the coast of Pensacola.

Even more unfortunate that your newly elected President Ellis seemed to care very little about punishing the people who were responsible for it. Several calls to him went unreturned. So several more got put out into the sphere that Stark Industries was working on a solution-

At least until Tony took the phone out of your hand late the next night and gave you a look that broke your heart for one reason or another.

“We’re not responsible for everything that goes wrong in the world, you know.”

“We’re not.” You knew why he was trying to impart this to you. Not working for this long had perhaps driven you just a touch cabin crazy, in mostly all good ways. But now the earth had a problem. And… “But we can help. We have the means.” Which meant you couldn’t turn your back on it. 

T hat seemed to be just enough for him. Either that, or your resolve. “Alright. I’ll get to work on something.” 

While the boys down in California probably could have come up with something to clean this up on their own, you realized you doing this yourself was putting Tony in the position of  _having_ to help. Or that must have been what he felt like. It made you feel terrible. But… it was also good to have him on board. “Thank you.” Reaching up to wrap your arms around him and press an all too brief kiss to his lips. 

“Vacation’s over, huh?” Mumbled half into it so he wouldn’t have to stop kissing you to get it out.

“We’ll have another one again soon.” You lied.

* * *

Your lying continued into the new year, where you and Tony shared a celebratory glass of champagne at the office. Not the most ideal setting, but one that worked for the both of you. He’d taken a meeting with investors and you’d somehow become the new face of a cleaner earth movement. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world but it put  _a lot more_ on your plate to deal with. The only sensible thing to do was to leverage the moment for good press with Stark Tower also running on clean energy. 

But that put you all over the map. Meetings with politicians and environmental groups and foreign ambassadors looking towards Stark Industries for the lead on how to save the planet. This was at least a more sensible superhero-ing that you could deal with. And things on that other front seemed quiet. Suspiciously so. But being as busy as you were, you let it go.

He met up with you in  a quaint little hotel room in Brussels for Valentine’s Day. While the both of you couldn’t yet promise an extended stay somewhere together, you tried to make room for the little moments. He showed up in a fetching suit with a bouquet of flowers- and you may have had an evening planned to go out. But once he was there, it was over. You got lost in his embrace and found yourself pining by the time he left the next morning. 

H is birthday became another pinpoint on your calendar, and you wondered why it was always the marker your life revolved around. But for this year he said he wanted something quiet, so you invited the only people that seemed to matter. Rhodey, of course, eagerly put aside time to sit down with the two of you at some restaurant bought out for the evening. And Happy was just as happy to be invited and thought of. Even though Tony could very much look after himself, you thanked him on the side for keeping an eye on him while you were away so often. A thought kept between the two of you. 

It was almost too nice to be reminded of what a normal night looked like. An evening with friends, good drinks, good food, and more laughter than you’d had in a while. This year was flashing by and you barely had time to even think about how much it bothered you that you were losing such large swaths to meetings and emails and talks and phone calls and plane rides and speeches and pitches and…

The small briefing you had at SHIELD in the middle of it  June further signaled your attention that they were actively including you in their smaller dealings. However, the table you were sitting at was full of faces you didn’t recognize. And the piece of information that you really cared about… 

“_General Ross has suffered a heart attack. He’s scheduled for surgery today. This down time is crucial for some movement._” 

That monster, you assumed.  Emil Blonsk y . You didn’t know if they wanted it gone or wanted it brought to them. While you agreed with them that it was better put in a place where you could control the means of its possible escape- and definitely the possible means of it being weaponized, you weren’t equipped to go out and get it. Then why put you in the room to hear that news…? 

You’d never know.

But when you came home that night to tell Tony, his response was just as callous. “ _Should I bring it up in the interview? Send my well wishes?_ ” 

The two of you had a joint interview at WhiH on the 30 th . And while they were putting out headlines daily that really hurt the company, your image,  _his _ image, you decided it would be better to go and confront the empire Christine Everhart thought she was building by spewing out garbage every day to an ever growing rabid fanbase. Left unchecked, things like that could become dangerous… 

In early July you saw yourself back in New York City to check on the Tower, and to set up a press briefing in the coming days to talk about how far along the construction was. Everything had been moving according to plan, which was very excellent news. You hadn’t had much time to watch over anyone’s shoulder- and even if you had, construction itself wasn’t really your forte. The workers seemed to be carrying out your and Tony’s vision well enough, and the estimation came back that it was about 40% complete.

Which is exactly what you told reporters the coming morning. That and that things were still on track to have the Stark Tower completed in early May of 2012. You used the platform to again talk about the importance of clean energy, and sung the praises of the large amount of work that was going into laying pipes and wires to power the building once it was finished. Everything due to Tony’s genius reworking of his father’s old tech, of course. None of this could have been done without him.

“_Where is Mr. Stark now?_” 

But when posed with this question… you just had to let them know he was hard at work. Just not at that exact thing. No, instead, he’d taken back his Mark II armor from Rhodey some time ago so that he could build him a proper suit.

** War Machine ** the military was calling it, and you put in your very loud objections about that. 

“_I don’t like this. I don’t want Stark rebranded as giving the military weapons again. This is bad for optics._” 

“_Hey, I don’t like it anymore than you do, but at least we know it’s me piloting the thing. You know you can trust me to make the right calls_.” 

You had to. And you did. Rhodey was definitely the man meant to wear that suit (and of course  _ the only one _ capable of doing so. Tony had double and triple checked that). Even though he would be given orders to carry out missions inside of it, you knew you could trust his judgment if something seemed wrong. It was about the only thing you had to rely on. So… you did. 

It was only around September that things  _ finally _ started to cool down. You’d have to be back in New York in another month to see to the closing of the Expo and maybe start plans to host another one the coming year, but that was something for a later date. Instead, you relished in the change of waking up in your own home, next to your very warm and welcoming boyfriend who was just as eager to have some time alone. 

He had seemed to be chugging along with the progress of the Mark VII, an Iron Man suit that hosted some sort of tracking device- able to be loaded up in any situation. Even dangerous ones. When posed the question of, “ _ Why don’t you just do one like mine? _ ”

Tony, of course, had an answer at the ready. “ _ Because that’s yours. And, no offense, but the capabilities of mine are far more powerful. One day we’ll up the specs on yours. But I think it’s good  _ _ for  _ _ now. ...unless you want more _ ?” 

“_No. It’s fine the way it is.”_

You didn’t want to throw him immediately back into work. And you hadn’t gotten much, if any, use out of it anyway. You preferred it that way, too, in fact. But it was that exact thinking that may have tempted fate. Such was your life.

Getting called to another SHIELD briefing had become almost sort of standard. It fell in line with some of your other training sessions, all of which were… mildly progressing. You still felt stronger with Natasha’s guidance than you did with Coulson’s. No matter how hard you worked on  _ the thing _ you just seemed to be stuck. Putting too much pressure on yourself, perhaps. 

Immediately you realized something was up when there were no other agents present in the room. Even early, there were usually one or two before you. And the meeting head. Sometimes it was Fury, and the two of you had come to a mutual understanding of basically ignoring each other. It worked better that way. He’d be in the room, talk to everyone, and you’d keep your head down for the most part.

But today was different. Today no one was in the room. And you sensed something was very amiss. There was  _ something _ in the air. Something that made you very nervous. 

It was that thought alone that may as well have brought down the house. Lights went out all over the compound, including the room you were in- and sirens started sounding. The entire warehouse seemed to plunge itself into lock down, as grates slid down over the windows.

Reaching up you pressed once on your cuff earrings, “LUNA, give me night vision. And call Tony-”

The sound of gunfire just outside the room drew your attention. Seconds after, your eyes adjusted as LUNA did what you asked. And then again when you heard his voice, “What’s up? What’s happening?”

“SHIELD is on lockdown.” You tried to keep your voice hushed, although it may not have mattered as the sounds of gunfire continued, only interrupted by pained shouts. Backing yourself against the wall closest to the door you took a breath in. This was a trick right? Some sort of test?

“I’m coming. Stay where you are. Don’t move.”

But was that really the correct course of action? Agents were taking fire in the hallway. Several feet from you. And you had the means to do something about it? ...didn’t you?

“LUNA identify bodies. How many are we looking at out there?”

“_I told you to **stay where you** are, damn it._” It was hard to ignore Tony’s ire. But… you couldn’t just stay put. 

“Five injured. Suspect is two corridors down.” 

“Only one?” It seemed strange there was just a single person behind this sudden onslaught. Then again, with everything you’d been through, maybe you should have expected that. “Light the way for me.”

LUNA zeroed in on the target’s heat signature- and with them moving farther away, you chanced stepping out of the room. Agents were down. But you couldn’t stop to help them right now. Someone had broken into SHIELD- probably get something. You had to try and put a stop to it.

So around the next corner you went- and then the next- until LUNA’s voice interrupted you again as you came to an open door at the end of the hallway. “Director Fury’s inside with the suspect.”

Fury could handle it, right? You should just lay low? But as you approached, another gunshot spooked you, as did the sound of a body falling. “Where is it? Give me the  files . No one else has to die.” You didn’t know the voice. 

_Where was Natasha? Or Coulson? _

Sliding the zipper down on your jacket, the Heart Reactor’s glow burst forward in the darkened hallway. You gave it a single tap. “LUNA I need a glove.” Maybe it would have been smarter to go in full. It probably was. But you only needed one shot.

And that’s exactly the one you took.

Busting into the room you thrust your hand out, bracing yourself for the impact that threatened to throw you from your stance and to the floor as the repulsor shot out, taking the aggressor to the back of the room in one clean move.

Quickly you moved to Fury, kneeling. “Get up. Now.” You didn’t have a lot of time.

“Just get out of here.” He growled back. Unable to move? You had no idea. And no time to ask LUNA for vitals. Sense of duty took over.

You slung his arm over your shoulder. “Come on. Help me help you.” Lifting him to his feet was not an easy task, but somehow you managed. And with that you started walking him towards the door. Almost home free- you didn’t know where you’d hide, but you only needed to last as long as it would take for Tony to come-

“**Projectiles coming in from behind**!!” 

LUNA’s warning was too slow. Without a second thought you shouldered the brunt of them, turning sideways to keep Fury out of the line of fire. Two very sharp- something-  _ knives _ it felt like- slammed into your back, almost right into your spine. Leaving you lurching forward on your feet with a punched out breath that you immediately sucked back in. 

Fury tried to steady you but it wasn’t enough. So you did the next best thing.

You gave the Heart Reactor a double tap with your free hand, and a pained grunt, drawing the nanobots out with a quick sweep of your arm, letting them rain down the rest of your body. It took seconds. And two more for you to turn around and face him. “Let’s try this again.”

“**Incoming**!” LUNA zeroed in on the next projectile coming right at your face, spurring your quick reaction to reach out and catch an arrow midair seconds before hitting you. So you did the next best thing you could think of.

“Here, you can have it back.” And with every ounce of force, after locking on through the visor, you threw it back at him, sinking into his shoulder- yes, _him_ you realized, as he got caught with a sharp hiss and a growl. “And this too, while we’re at it-” Opening your hand again to blast him right off his feet- right through the wall. “Let’s move.” Talking to Fury. 

Making it about five steps out of the room before everything shifted on an uncomfortable axis and you weren’t sure who was holding on to who anymore. Your legs stopped working.

“Ma’am your vitals are dropping- you’ve got tetrodotoxin and datura innoxia running through your system- you need to stop moving or there’s a chance of critical failure in-”

“Not now LUNA-” Breathing out of control very suddenly. And then you were no longer standing- pinned against the nearby wall- and then dropped to a tumble on the floor. Body on top of yours. No thought in your head. Seizing in pain- 

Survival became the only thing you could think about. Putting your hands up to block a blow, you shunted his fists off next, lifting your hips to roll him forward. Bracing his chest you threw him up and over and then followed blindly  in a backwards roll,  spinning around to pin him. Bringing your hands up in a lock and then  _ down _ smashing his windpipe- 

Your vision cut- perhaps LUNA failing on you. You just knew you weren’t in that darkness alone- but it lit up in just another moment. And you felt the wave of a  _ ripple _ brush against your hand. Then. Finally. You were  _ moving _ . One- two- three in- 

Seeing that man standing there. In stilted movements you crept up to him, and then put your hands on him- lowering in like he was made of water- _in him_\- 

It’s when you knew your eyes were no longer your own. Your hands were not yours as you struggled to reach for a gun on the floor.

But you heard your own voice- _Don’t you __**feel terrible**__? All these people you’ve hurt- _

And an answer, _No. I don’t. I did exactly what I was supposed to. _

So you wondered- _Don’t you __**feel like being honest**_? _Who do you work for? _

Finger on the trigger. Hammer cocked.   
Barrel on a temple.

**Panic** came to a boil.

_I’m on your side- _

_I’m on your team- _

**I work for SHIELD** _-_

**_I don’t want to die_. **

Solid  _ **fear** _ shoved you back. And y ou belonged to you again. Briefly. For seconds.  And then  you were falling again. Shuddering a breath in and then- 

And then-

_...and then…. _

* * *

Voices faded in and out around you. Your entire being told you it was better to keep your eyes closed. To keep drifting. To let the room sway back and forth…

“_So far as I can see it, the Avengers-_” 

People were yelling. They were always yelling.

“_**I warned you once-**_” 

“_She nearly killed him-_”

“_I’m fine-”_

“_I’m sorry-_ w_as that not the point?- get better risk assessment-_” 

They were all yelling on top of each other. A door slammed close to your head. It startled your eyelids open finally. About a quarter of the way. All you could manage. You already  _ felt _ him. “Tony…?” 

“Right here, honey.” The bed dipped as he came to sit next to you. His hands were cool against your forehead. Something you appreciated immensely. “I have JARVIS running your vitals, but tell me how you’re feeling.”

“What happened?” Your voice came out in a croak. “Why is everyone screaming at each other?” 

“Wonderful team we’ve got going here, wouldn’t you say?” It was hard to get him into focus, so you gave up, closing your eyes again and just listening to him. “Training exercise, he says. Very close to failure until you put in your bid- and I came in with mine.”

_Training exercise-_

_ **Training exercise-** _

Anger rose up in you hotter than any you’d felt before.

“I will kill Nick Fury with my bare hands.” Blinking your eyes open again, seeing the brief and very _fond_ line of a smile on Tony’s lips as he watched you. But his hands were quick, stilling you as you went to sit up.

“Not before I do.”

“You won’t be the first ones to try. And you won’t be the last.” He came through the door, crossing his arms. “Just so we’re clear, I’m only very generally considering today a mild success. We’ve got a lot of work to do. Rest up. Debrief is in fifteen. If you can make it.” And then just as he’d let himself in as quickly, he was gone in the next breath.

Through the fog- and the much heavier ire- you surprised yourself, “So. SHIELD’s version of a fire drill?”

“Not nearly that competent.” Despite Tony’s mood matching yours, you saw a small light of a half grin.

“Who does that say more about?” Shifting, finding your body belonging painlessly to you again, you sat up halfway. Tony’s hands were quick to your shoulders. “So one of theirs did this to me.” But you _knew that_ already.

You remembered.

“Yeah, well, he’s lucky he’s not in a hospital right now. Or a _morgue._”

“You do that much damage?” No doubts in your mind that if Tony had come blasting in as Iron Man and seen that man attacking you- or _whatever_ had happened after everything went black- he probably would have killed him.

But Tony’s lips curved further into a slightly satisfied smile. “_You_ did. There was barely anything left for me.”

There was a light sense of _pride_ here. And _relief_, too. Knowing that you could defend yourself if it came down to it. Knowing that LADY had perhaps served as enough protection- and really, had you activated the whole suit when you should have… Beginner’s mistake. “Yeah but. According to LUNA, I’m pretty sure I was almost poisoned to death. I remember… having him but then everything went dark-”

“That wasn’t from the tetro and innoxia. You basically sweated them out.” And, of course Tony knew exactly what had been ailing you. He’d probably been running diagnostics since the moment he’d gone in probably right up until a few seconds ago. But hearing him say this confused the hell out of you. The little tilt of your head got him to continue. He was much softer when he finally did. “That was- …if they’re worth listening to, anyway, that was you using too much. Of _the thing_. And passing out.” And then, quieter still, “...I saw the footage. I think you scared the hell out of everyone in this place.”

Including him, it seemed. And hearing him put it that way- and catching those brief flashes- maybe even yourself. “I… I went further. It’s impossible to explain. But I think for a few seconds I...”

“Made him put a gun to his head? Because that’s the way he’s telling it. And much as he deserved it, if you’ve got a different side to that story, it might be worth telling.”

Your mouth opened but nothing came out. Slowly you looked up at him. “...I don’t.”

* * *

The air in the debriefing room was extremely tense. Not unusual for this entire compound, but after everything that had just happened, you couldn’t imagine it getting much _worse_. There were agents in the room you didn’t recognize again, and everyone looked like they’d taken equal turns beating on each other.

Fury had his hands on his hips, surveying the crowd of tired faces. “Let’s start off simple. This test operation was run by Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton.” The two of them stood at his sides, and while you knew Nat, this Barton man you didn’t- ...except that you _did_. “Romanoff was tasked with the west wing, Barton with the east. They were unsuccessful. But just barely. And I don’t put bets on teams that just barely squeak by.” Leaning in he put his palms hard on the table. “And it’s hard for a team to win when all their players aren’t on the same page. We’ve got Team Stark over there in their own faction.”

“And this is the part where you segue into thanking us for our service, I’ll bet, since you were down and we pulled you back up.” Tony’s arms were crossed tight as he spoke. Tone dry and very displeased.

“Nice suit you’ve built for her. When were we gonna get let in on that?”

You looked up at Fury, “It had nothing to do with what I was being trained on.”

“Oh we can _talk_ about your training. Barton here says we’re playing with a telepath. _Not_ an empath. So you’ve been lying this whole time?”

Tony’s rebuff was quick, “Wasn’t that _your_ intel? You’re gonna blame her for your mistakes?”

This was an unfair hole for you to be in. Because there was no way to climb out. No way to convince them one way or the other. Yet still it upset you. “No! It’s not like that. It _wasn’t_ like that- I can’t just- I can’t just make people do things- I was trying to do what I learned but I was panicking- and full of fucking _poison_ I might add- I went further than I ever have that’s all.”

Barton turned his sharp gaze towards you, clearing his throat somewhat painfully, “Well if that’s how far you can go, I’d rather have you on our side. But that was _not_ someone messing with my emotions. I’m not really in the habit of trying to shoot myself during missions. No matter how I might be _feeling_ about them.” His candor both surprised and upset you.

Tony put a hand on your bouncing leg underneath the table, but kept his eyes up. “Turnabout is fair play. You surprised her, she surprised the hell out of you.”

Fury locked his gaze again. “I can’t direct players on a field if I don’t know what they’re capable of.”

You were frustrated beyond belief. “Even if you did, would that have changed the outcome? If we’re trying to set up a scenario where a rogue person comes in looking for information- or whatever- and they don’t know everything- then I’d say we did fine.” Since, it appeared, you had one-upped them and kept them from completing their objective.

It was hard to tell. You’d been slightly unconscious for the end bits.

“Fine is not gonna be enough when the big dogs come to play.”

Tony’s eyes narrowed. “What big dogs are we talking about? You know- you’re all about being a big leader. _Director_. But you don’t have a habit of speaking very plainly. If you wanna keep the analogy up, your team can’t make the right calls if they’re missing information on their plays.”

Natasha finally spoke up, “So the team’s full of information holes on both sides. Is that what we’re saying?” This sort of hurt you. You’d been growing closer to her, but then again, was she really your friend? She worked for SHIELD. Not for you. “But- everyone did their part here. And I think it’s fair to say Agent Barton and I are not easy to get a leg up on.”

You could practically feel Tony’s eye-roll, and caught the dramatic loll of his head to the side. “Save the self praise, would you?”

“It’s a two way compliment.” Natasha smiled. You noticed Barton turning to hide one as well. She was right, anyway. She’d been in a whole other part of the compound doing who knew what- stacked against who knew how many agents. Barton had been alone on your side, as well. And he’d taken out two hallways worth of agents. And put Fury on his knees.

It was safe to say they were _very _good at their jobs.

“Compliment or not, you’re missing a big part of this picture.” Tony spoke again, standing soon after, leaning with his palms on the table. “Are we putting together a team to face threats the military can’t handle? Or are we putting together a team to protect SHIELD secrets?”

“You _are _a SHIELD secret, Stark.” Fury was quick to comment.

“No. See, I control my own headlines. Pretty sure the whole world knows who Iron Man is. So if that’s a threat-”

“And how’s that been working out for you?” He looked directly at you, next. “And you? The world knows about _your_ secret little operation? I remember you asking me for a _mask_ to keep that secret off the streets.”

This was not headed to a productive place. You stood aside Tony. “Stop being so combative. You’ve been so terrible to me the second I met you- yet for some reason I keep coming here-”

“Something that we’re grateful for.” Natasha chimed in _very _quickly.

“Everyone else out.”

At Fury’s hard order the unfamiliar agents got up mere seconds after being told to do so and filed out. Fury crossed his arms, turning to the window. You looked up at Tony, as if to ask if you should even bother staying, and he simply shrugged with another roll of his eyes. He was getting to his limit, if he wasn’t already over it. So were you.

Fury cleared his throat and started with your name. It almost surprised you that he even knew it. “I think I need to be _very _clear about this.” He turned around to face the four of you left in the room. “The Avengers are a secret team, right now. The world is not ready for this. What it means. What it _could _mean. We need to protect that. At all costs.”

Tony’s reply was as quick as it was angry. “A secret spy organization needs to protect its secret spy files. Color me surprised. Let _me_ be clear. I haven’t so much as seen a mission statement. Not for the Avengers. Not for SHIELD. If any of it is worth protecting, working for- you damn well better start trying to actually convince me.” He turned to leave. “I’m gonna start billing you for miles by the way, next time I have to come over here to clean up.” Just like that he left. To go to the recovery room, you knew. His suit was still in there.

Natasha and Barton were next, sent out of the room with a wave of Fury’s arm. He came up behind them and you stood your ground, feeling something awful on the horizon. It always was with him.

He looked down at you. Sizing you up probably. You didn’t waver.

But when he finally spoke, “It’s been expressed to me in fuller language that I have not been easy on you. And up until now, it was because I didn’t trust you.” He was being entirely too honest, really. None of this was helping your feelings over him if that’s what this was about. “But you’re right. You keep showing up. You keep putting in the hours. And back in that room you didn’t hesitate.”

You were not hungry for Nick Fury’s acceptance, which drove your next statement, “That was your own mistake.” You knew who you were.

“That’s what I’m saying.” His hand came off his hip, holding out to you. “You might not be an agent, but you’ll make a fine Avenger.”

This in no way made up for everything else he’d put you through. Being the bigger person wasn’t always a fulfilling feeling. But if your _reevaluation period_ was up and he’d finally figured it all out… you took hold of his hand and shook it. “I’ll do my best. Not for you.” Whatever this team was, whatever it would end up fighting for, standing for, if it was the right things, you absolutely would. “This doesn’t make up for everything, by the way.” But you had to at least let him know this.

Finally, for once in his life, he grinned. “Of course it doesn’t. You’ve got a lot of work to do if you wanna make everything up to me.”

Your brow popped up before you could stop it. “Fell face first _right_ out of the gate.” Turning away from him with a shake of your head, you ignored his lighthearted chuckles behind you.

Going back to the recovery room, Tony was waiting, all suited up. “Ready to go?”

Both doors were open, and Fury was standing in the hallway now with his arms crossed. Watching you. It was why you derived much pleasure with a nod at Tony. “Yeah.” And then gave a tap-tap to the Heart Reactor, bringing your arms out and then crossed in, finishing off with a flourishing press of your cuff earring to activate your visor and helmet. “Let’s go.”

It was those notes of _anger_ and _resentment_ and _disbelief_ that were oh so delicious as Fury stood aside while the two of you jetted out of the room and up through yet another hole Tony must have made in the compound’s roof when he’d come in. “He have anything good to say?” Tony asked as he kept speed aside you.

“Does he ever?”

“Very good point.”

As you broke through the line of clouds, “He said he was going to be less of an asshole to me. In much fewer words.”

“And all you had to do was nearly kill one of his favorite agents. Be careful or you’ll be teacher’s pet by the end of the year.” You couldn’t help the _eugh_ that rose up from your throat, and the sound of Tony’s quiet warm laughter in your ear provoked a smile. “Anything else?”

“Oh. Yeah. I’m an Avenger now. I guess.”

“Should I order some champagne? Or is this more of a _boxed wine_ occasion?”

You blew out a sigh. “After everything I’ve been through today…?” There probably wasn’t enough creature comfort in the world to soothe this over. Or the looming promise of what it was slowly becoming.

“Fancy wine in a hot bath. Complimentary shoulder massage.”

At this you really couldn’t help the smile. “Now we’re getting somewhere.” As long as you could decompress with Tony… maybe you could handle it all. Together.

Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats. Status as consultant: ended. Status as Avenger: begun.


	45. Chapter 45

You found yourself arm in arm with Tony at the beginning of October, on the main stage of the Stark Expo. It was a farewell speech. A big finale. A grand goodbye- until the next time, at least. While you thought you were going to promise everyone that come the following year you’d reopen again… no date was set, and no such expectation was given. A lot of wonderful things had come out of the Expo, and it had helped the company’s optics as well. Greatly at that. But as for another one in the near future… well, your future had to decide to allow it, first.

As of that moment on that stage, you just weren’t sure. But sometime again, the both of you promised.

Sleep was easy that night in your now perpetually reserved penthouse suite in the city. Until Stark Tower was up and running (and it had a _marvelous_ personal floor, you’d seen to that), the best you could do was keep a hotel’s top floor for yourselves since you’d been in and out of the city constantly. Some days you even thought about just saying fuck it to everything and flying in every now and again with Tony as Iron Man and Lady, but that, too, was also not smart. 

It was roughly around six in the morning when your phone started going off like a bomb had exploded somewhere. Ringing and ringing and ringing with no stopping in between. At first you’d just slept through it, then you’d hoped if you ignored it, whoever it was would get the hint and stop. And then immediately after that you realized it really had been going on for too long, so it must have been dire.

Slamming your hand over the nightstand, you pulled your phone closer. There was only one person it could be, “Pep, Stark Industries better literally be on fire right now.”

“Try again.” Fury’s voice on the other line woke you up fully, _immediately_. “Be ready in a half hour. Agent Barton is picking you up. I’m calling you in.”

“To do what?” Sitting up suddenly, trying to rub the sleep out of your eyes.

“To work. Stark is not invited.” And, completely expected of his character by now, he hung up without another word. Or waiting for anything you had to say.

This had all sorts of implications and every single one of them was bad. But you had just recently agreed to work full time for this Avengers nonsense for them. For him. There was no way you could ignore this. You just had no idea what you were walking into. Safe to say, you thought, if Fury wasn’t inviting Tony it wasn’t something that was under heavy fire. You weren’t the best fighter, that had been proven. And Tony had more tech to deal with anything aggressive.

But then…

“What’s up?” His groggy voice beside you broke your heart, almost as much as him reaching out to take your hand did. Already knowing you were about to leave, most likely, and wanting to prevent it.

“Fury called. He needs me for something. He specifically said you’re not allowed to come.”

“Like I wanna eat breakfast with him anyway.” But already he was waking up more. Preparing himself for what was likely a long day ahead. Because even though only twice now, it was starting to seem like a habit of him having to come clean up as soon as Fury made it clear you were going somewhere and Tony _was not_.

“LUNA will be on.” Trying to ease him, just a little.

“You’re capable.” Sitting aside you he leaned in, holding you close to press a kiss to your temple.

Your hand came up over the glow of his Arc Reactor, hushing the only light in the still dark room. “I’m sure it’s nothing serious.” As to who you were trying to convince…?

“Serious, no. Stupid? Most likely.”

You allowed yourself to be swallowed up by mutual knowing smiles, some soft intertwined laughter, a few kisses, and…

* * *

The air in the car with _Agent Barton_ was incredibly uncomfortable. You’d tried small pleasantries but he wasn’t having any of it. You supposed if the both of you were being called into _work_ there was a reason to not be entirely chipper. And he knew more of this landscape than you did. Maybe you should take notes.

“Do you know what this is about?” But you couldn’t help but ask.

“We don’t make a habit of taking briefs over the phone. Anyone could be listening.” This made sense, too, and even though he said it entirely neutrally, you felt like a stupid child having to have it explained to you like that. When you kept your head down and let silence waft between the two of you, he eventually saw it in himself to take pity on you. “Coulson seems pretty excited for whatever it is.” Giving you a bare scrap of information.

And what a surprise _that_ was. “Coulson? Excited?”

“Not something you see every day.”

The NYC SHIELD compound was alight with activity when you and Barton arrived. He was quick and efficient, leading you through all the buzz and crowded bodies moving to and fro. Knowing exactly where to go. You hadn’t thought much about mapping out the compound back in California, because it seemed like they could just pick up and go whenever they wanted. This one felt much the same, especially considering it wasn’t out of the way.

Putting in an office building in the heart of the city was just as smart as it was stupid. Hiding in plain sight but…

The worst was yet to come when Barton hung back outside the door, nodding for you to go in, and you realized it was just you and Fury in a small room. This already had _bad news _written all over it. And there, as you sat down, he slid to you one of those manila folders you were so fond of seeing.

Opening it made your stomach drop right into your feet.

Details of one _Captain Steve Rogers_. Captain America. The USA’s first known enhanced individual. Their first grand hero. And one you’d been trying to do research on behind SHIELD’s back. “Why are you showing me this?” But it wasn’t wise to give your own position up. Ever.

“Steve Rogers’ lost jet was found a few hours ago in the Arctic. With him still in it.” It was strange for him to be speaking so plainly, but you guessed you really were _working_\- and if what he was saying was true, there was probably no time to waste. But a dead body? You knew as little as the general public did about Steve Rogers’ death. He was only said to have disappeared. Now you knew why. ...sort of.

“We’re extracting it?” Made sense, really. If anyone else got their hands on that corpse, maybe they could try and reverse engineer what was left of it?

“We have him already. He’s here. Two doors down.”

Good. Cool. Okay. So you were in a SHIELD compound with the dead body of Captain America just hanging out. What a crazy life you lived. “What- why am I here? What do you want me to do about it?”

Fury raised his wrist, taking a for-show look at his watch. “Well, he’ll be up probably in about ten minutes. And we need you to get a read on him while we debrief him.”

Your head snapped slightly down and to the side as if you’d been hit. Blinking was not far behind. Putting on your own show. “I’m sorry. What are you saying to me? You… you… you revived a dead body?”

“He wasn’t dead. Not completely. Funny thing about Super Soldier Serum. Turns you _Super_.”

His pretend dry wit was not really appreciated right now. “I- ...so- ...Captain America.”

“Mm.”

“Captain America- Steve Rogers- one of America’s greatest war heroes-”

“Yes.”

“-from the 1940s-”

“Mm hmm.”

“Is not only not dead. And not lost. But alive. Right now. Here. In this building.”

“Glad you’re all caught up. This is taking too long.” He’d come to sit on the corner of the desk closer to you, folding his arms.

You were still looking at him with wild, disbelieving eyes. This was utter nonsense. “And- so- Steve Rogers who isn’t dead because he’s a _Super Soldier_\- you’re gonna wake him up and tell him he’s been dead for what like seventy years- and what part do I play in this?”

“You have talents uniquely designed to start doing reports on agents. Like Romanoff did while she was tasked with you and Stark. But you can get a better read.”

“Steve Rogers is not an agent. And I don’t think you should indoctrinate him right after he’s finished being dead.” This felt very off. And it was hard for your slow-chugging morning brain to keep up. Especially with the heightened level of nonsense you were being asked to comprehend.

“I have a feeling he’ll blend right in. All you have to do is stand in the room and take notes. Keep a track on what he’s feeling. Then we’re going to task you with staying with him at a place called The Retreat for a little while. While he’s readjusting.”

Your mouth had fallen slightly open. “You want me to emotionally spy on and lie to Captain America? That’s what you’re saying to me?”

“I’m saying-”

A voice broke out over the loudspeakers. “_All Agents Code 13! I repeat! Code 13!” _

Fury was quick to move, getting up and going to the door. “_Shit_. On your feet, let’s go.” While you resented this, you did as you were told because you had no idea what else to do. He grabbed a walkie talkie from a nearby agent running down the hall. “Captain Rogers has broken the perimiter. I want an all traffic stop five blocks all directions- we’re gonna cut him off at the pass.” He threw the radio down. “Keep up, Lady.”

“That’s not my name.” Growling as you ran aside him. “What’s going on?”

“Captain Rogers didn’t like our little presentation and he took off. We’re going to go retrieve him before he makes a scene.” Already the two of you were outside and you climbed into a car with him.

“Presentation?”

“We tried to ease him into things by putting together an old style room for him. He probably figured out it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.”

“Oh- so you _lied_ to him immediately? I’m sure that’ll make a good impression.” SHIELD was just full of bad decisions.

“How would you have done it?” He took a sharp left turn, sending you banging into the door. Probably on purpose.

You directed a look of ire his way. “Well you didn’t call me in for that so what does it matter? Got any other recently not-dead men we should be planning for?”

Fury allowed himself a grin. “You never know.”

Coming to a halt right in the middle of Times Square, you already felt the _panic_ of not just the people around, but from the man himself. It was true. How? How in the world? Little time to think about how it was possible, or how you’d gotten roped into this mess.

Stepping out of the car you got an eyeful of a long dead man that America’s history books championed as maybe her only superhero. Someone you’d read about and done homework on- standing tall amongst all the other tourists and people just trying to get to work.

“At ease, soldier.” Fury stepped out and you locked step aside him as he move forward.

Steve was blatantly _confused_ and just a touch _terrified_. Things you were trying to keep mental note of- since that’s apparently what you were here to do. He looked at Fury, then you, then back to Fury, panting. He’d run all the way here in the time it had taken you to drive.

Fury continued, “Look, I’m sorry about that little show back there but we thought it best to break it to you slowly.” You had to really hold an eye roll back here, considering. There had to have been better ways than to just try and fool this man into feeling better after being dead for so long. They needed a more human touch around here.

“Break what?” Steve asked, again looking at you.

You had absolutely _no idea_ what to say to him, way out of your depths here. Thankful when Fury spoke again. “You’ve been asleep Cap. ...for almost 70 years.”

Steve turned away, looking around. Trying to really soak in his surroundings- the truth of what he was being told. You had to imagine things looked much different than he was used to. You had no idea how you would feel, if something like this had happened to you. How would anyone? There was no baseline for being dead for so long and coming back…

A quiet thrum of _heartbreak_ hit the waves and you stepped closer. How to even start? “Are you gonna be alright?”

He looked out, like he was scanning the distance. “Yeah. I just...” Then his gaze fell to you again. “I had a date.”

Threads tangled. The world went dark for just a few seconds. Miles away you felt a connecting ripple. A shared sense of that _bittersweet_ that you’d had in a small room in DC. With… “Will you come with us back to the building, please? We have a lot we need to talk about.” Asking. Not demanding.

You didn’t think there were a lot of people that could demand things out of Steve Rogers. But aside that, that more _human touch_ you were just thinking about appeared. SHIELD may have just toted him away. You wanted to come on his own. It made things a lot easier that way. And a connection needed to be rebuilt after Fury had botched it.

He looked you over again. “Yeah. Yeah I imagine there is.”

* * *

There was nothing for you to do as you stood there silently in an even smaller room, which would not have been your choice but Fury did not ask, as a poor confused man was told he’d been sort-of-but-not-really dead for a very long time and that the world had gone on without him. As it was apt to do. Lives had moved on. People had gone on. Time had moved forward. Society had advanced.

The war he’d been fighting in had been won, through the help of his efforts. He was remembered as a hero. He’d had a grand funeral at the time, even with his body not having been retrieved. And now he was asked what he wanted to do, and of course he had no answer. How does someone go on after that? What do they even do?

Which was exactly the point, you surmised, as after Steve sat in an uncomfortable deliberating silence, Fury offered to send him to The Retreat to ease into life. Catch up on his own terms. Relax and just slowly move into the process of being alive again in a time that no longer belonged to him.

Steve seemed hesitant, but agreed.

And after you and Fury stepped out, “You’ll see him there. Take one of our cars. And keep an eye on him for at least a week. This is top secret. Stark is _not_ to know about it.”

“You know I have other things to do, right?”

“Nothing more important than this. What’s your read on him?”

You turned away. There wasn’t a lot of time to stay idle in this operation, and if you were going away for a week _other personal things_ needed to happen first. “What do you think?” It didn’t take a genius- or an empath- to know Steve was not feeling well. It made your heart ache a little.

But nothing quite like the hurt you experienced seeing Tony still asleep in bed, stirring as you walked into the hotel room- and then getting up as he knew you were _packing_.

“Going away somewhere?” You didn’t believe he was putting on a show- the two of you were very tired all things considered, and if he’d wanted to sleep while you were doing who knew what at SHIELD, that was great. A confidence booster, too, knowing he thought you could handle it. But also knowing if something had gone wrong he would have been on his feet in moments.

But it made this that much harder to explain. You wished he’d been listening in, because there was no easy way to break this. “I have to go away for a week.”

He crossed his arms, leaning against the dresser. “Go away?”

This was not the usual way the two of you handled your lives. The way you’d agreed to run your relationship. No more secrets. No hiding things. It was why you stood, after shoving the last bit of clothing into your suitcase, and gave him your full attention. “I have to babysit Captain America.”

His reaction made you feel better about yours- almost the same, except his head reeled back instead of down, brows knitting tight. “I’m sorry. Run that by me again?”

“A search team in the Arctic found his plane. With his body in it. Still alive.” Giving a little pause, a little room to breathe between this sentence and the next. A different sort of _ache_ was forming very suddenly. The disbelieving look Tony was giving you- not just because it was an incredible story to tell but… because he didn’t _want_ to believe it. “SHIELD thawed him out. And… Fury wants me to shadow him while he recovers.”

He took a breath in. Then scoffed it out, waving his hand around. “This is a joke, right? A test? They’re trying to see how much nonsense you’ll believe?”

“I saw him, Tony.” Somber, as you answered, and stopped him in his tracks. “I talked to him. It’s… it’s _him_.”

Something different appeared between you. Something _ugly_. And _dark_. He crossed his arms. “Because you would know, right? How do you know they didn’t get- I don’t know- what’s a level SHIELD would stoop to- a party clown for fifty bucks and ask him to pretend to be Captain America?”

_Resentment_ was coming to a boil just on his surface. And you didn’t know how to deal with it. 

Reaching up you pressed the cuff on your ear, “LUNA, project an image of Captain America from archived newspapers- 194 4 \- any headline will do-” And she did just that. 

“Stop-” Tony didn’t want this.

“Put it aside a clip from twenty minutes ago, when I was in Times Square.”

So she did. Running that still image of Steve Rogers next to a man on a loop- the same man. Tony put his hands to your arms. “Stop.”

“LUNA stop projections.” When she dropped the holograms you turned fully to him. “It’s him.”

“Why you?” He didn’t want you to go. There was some lingering childhood something or other here that he had probably kept shoved deep down for some time. You knew Howard had had a hand in all this- and… all things considered, it probably had left some sort of mark on Tony. Not the kind he dealt with.

The one you were seeing now. He didn’t want you to go run to Steve’s aid, whether in SHIELD’s stead or not. “They think I’ll get a better read and I… he needs help, Tony. It’s been a long time since he was… alive.”

The two of you looked at each other for a very long time. Until finally he relented, shoulders drooping, but reluctant to let go of you. “Where are you going?”

“Some place called the Retreat. It’s upstate.”

“And then what. When you’re done, what happens to him?”

“I don’t know. SHIELD isn’t that great at making plans, you know that.” Trying on a smile and some sarcasm just to try and lighten his mood.

It didn’t help a lot, but the weak smile you got back was at least something. “Yeah. In that case, no wonder they need you. I’ll start writing up a bill for your services.”

Stepping in closer, you rested your head against his chest and snuggled up, delighting in the feel of his arms closing tight around you. “No less than ten grand.”

“Ten? I was thinking fifty. Don’t sell yourself short.” Another much calmer silence laid around you. And as he rested his head atop yours, quietly, “Bring the Reactor.”

“He’s a war hero, Tony. For our side. I don’t think I have a lot to be worried about.”

“A smart woman told me once that things like this invite trouble. I just don’t want you in a hole _upstate_ you can’t get out of.” 

He was connecting dots you hadn’t gotten to yet. It made sense. SHIELD was no doubt looking to add Rogers to their Avengers roster. And you didn’t know how the world at large was going to handle the news that Captain America was alive and well. If they were going to even announce it at all. You couldn’t imagine how one would do that presser. ...and you really hoped they weren’t thinking about making _you_ do it.

But- as usual, Tony was right. It was better to be safe and smart.

Shifting back you leaned up, kissing him carefully. Softly. Palming his cheek in your hand. Just holding him. “I love you.”

There was something in the air. It had been building for a while now. There was almost no way this Avengers stuff wasn’t leading somewhere terrible. Tony was right- that you were right. You were continually inviting the universe to challenge you.

Which was why it was all the more important to make peace with your team. Both old members and very new.

“I love you, too.”

In this instance alone, you’d love to be proven wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such fun fun things are beginning to happen! Oh boy!!!


	46. Chapter 46

A few things were made clear to you by Fury before you left with Steve on a long drive to the Retreat. First and foremost it was that you were supposed to keep your identity as a SHIELD agent (even though you technically weren’t one) in the front of your mind. You were not to let any personal details out, for any reason. This didn’t sit right with you. It was almost entirely the opposite of how you’d started with Natasha, but it was still lying to the man regardless. And you didn’t like how that felt. You didn’t like where it had ended up.

It wasn’t necessary, too. And if you were supposed to eventually get on a team with Steve, lying to him right out of the gate seemed like the worst possible thing to do. In some moments you still felt slighted by Natasha, even though you’d convinced yourself she was only doing her job. Even though you liked her now and wanted to be friends with her (and were, as far as you considered it). You wanted to not get off on the wrong foot with Steve. It seemed like a bad idea. SHIELD was full of those.

The drive up to the house was awkward to say the least. You’d been given a nondescript black SUV with provisions in the trunk, and directions on their GPS were leading you the way there. Steve had just sat in the seat aside you watching the world outside the window turn from heavy city imagery that he had no attachment to, to the smaller quieter outskirts and then into full blown beautiful countryside. You didn’t travel out this way often yourself, and you probably wouldn’t again in the near future.

Steve had with him a small pack that SHIELD had provided, and a file sitting on his lap. You didn’t know what was in it, maybe none of your business. And unimportant, if Fury hadn’t briefed you on what they’d given him. Probably just his own history. The people that he’d known- where they were- if they were still alive.

One of such you had the urge to tell him about. But… that wasn’t smart right now.

You tried to break the silence by putting on the radio, but the pop that came on seemed to disturb him and he gave you quite the look. “...you mind if I turn that off?”

“No. Sorry. Go ahead.”

Leaving the two of you with silence again. At least until, “Am I making you uncomfortable?”

At this you couldn’t help the sad smile. “No. Well- no. Not you. It’s just … the situation.”

“Yeah.” Even though he seemed to genuinely agree, there was nothing to do about it. How to get around the whole issue of him being dead for years and alive again now? “Am I really supposed to call you Agent Lady?”

Unable to help yourself, a snorting laugh escaped you before you could stop it, and despite the fact that that was completely undignified, the _ease_ it settled between the two of you, and the first smile you’d ever seen him wear, made it easy to live with. “No. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I didn’t pick it.”

“It’s funny how they just stick you with names.” The so called Retreat came into view and you pulled up the short drive on the property, taking mental note of the security towers they were trying to hide. “But I was under the impression agents were like soldiers. Is that not your last name?”

Putting the car in park and unbuckling your seatbelt, you smiled at him again. “No, it isn’t. I don’t technically work for SHIELD in that capacity.” Instead, you offered your actual real name to Steve. It only seemed fair.

Blowing all the rules Fury had laid with you from moment one before you’d left. Just like that. Gone. Out the window. Done and no going back. No regrets about it, either.

He followed you out of the car and to the trunk, and you tried to be casual about handing him some of the bags of groceries, grateful he didn’t falter and just helped immediately. “Then in what capacity?”

After shutting the trunk, you led him to the front door, opening it with key in one hand and last bag of groceries propped on your hip. “I think I started as a consultant for them. I’m not really sure what this is. No offense.”

“None taken.” He stood entirely awkwardly, following you into the kitchen and then handed you the bags to put down. Once free, he crossed his arms, watching you as you started putting the groceries away. Light stuff. SHIELD had no idea how to shop, that much was clear. “Where’d they pick you up, then? If you don’t mind my asking.”

You didn’t, and you shouldn’t at that. Steve Rogers was very aware he was being babysat. He had been led to believe it was by a SHIELD agent, but now that agent was telling him she was not an agent. Then what was she? What a great question. But more importantly…

When you finished you turned around, offering him a light smile. This was no doubt going to be difficult. “I’m actually the CEO of Stark Industries.”

Watching him work through that information was interesting. Confusion first, then processing, then _ah-hah_. “Are you- you’re Howard’s kid?”

“_No_.” This shot out of you slightly, a little embarrassingly so. “God, no. That would be Tony- Anthony Stark. He and I sort of co-own Stark Industries.” And, when Steve made just a slightly unsure face, “We’re together.” His blank look made you all the more embarrassed that you were going to have to spell it out. “_Dating_.”

“Oh. Alright then.” Not sure what to say about that. You weren’t sure what should be said about it, either. “He must trust you, in that case.”

“I hope so.”

“Howard’s… not around anymore, I take it.”

“No. He died in 1991. Car accident. His wife Maria was in the car. She didn’t make it, either.”

“I’m very sorry.” Genuinely so, it seemed.

“As far as I understand it, he spoke very highly of you.” Although not something you yourself wanted to speak about, considering how Tony felt about that. You cleared your throat, feeling a little bit of that uncomfortable air settling. “You want some tea? I’m going to make some tea.”

“Uh- sure. That’s fine. Thank you.”

Using that as an excuse to turn around and start putting some water in an electric kettle on the counter. Very, _very_ carefully you tried to send some _easy_ and _relaxed_ feelings into the air around you. “Were you close with Howard?”

“Not particularly. We only had a few conversations. He was a good man. A little too sure of himself. Liked to hear himself talk.”

At this you really couldn’t help the soft breathy laugh. “Apple doesn’t fall far.”

“Honestly surprised there _is_ an apple.”

Holding your expression steady was too hard, and your smile grew all the more. At the quick whistle you turned the kettle off. “Just the one, as far as I know. Are you trying to tell me Howard was a lady’s man?”

Steve scoffed, but he was smiling, too. “Can’t recall a picture in the paper that didn’t have him and some woman on his arm.”

“Apple fell right underneath, then.” Grinning, feeling delighted when Steve relaxed all the more. “How do you take your tea?”

“Uh- however you’re having it. That’s fine.” He stepped closer towards the counter as you fixed some earl gray for the both of you (the only kind SHIELD had put in their grocery bags). “So you work for Stark-” At the quick dry look you shot his way immediately, he amended, “_with_ Stark. And you work for SHIELD- but not really. That’s what you’re saying? So what are you doing here?”

A little sigh escaped you. “_Not really_ is a good way of putting it. I’m _not really_ the kind of woman that asks _how high_ when someone tells me to _jump_.”

After stirring some sugar in his mug, you handed it to him and he accepted it with a small, “Thanks.” Not even waiting to take a sip of what had to be all too hot tea. But he seemed not to mind. “Then what kind of woman are you?”

“The kind that asks _why_ when someone tries to tell me to _jump_.” The two of you, finally, shared a smile of mutual understanding. “And I’m here because SHIELD assigned me to you. But, more than that, I wanna help you.”

He didn’t waste time answering honestly. “I appreciate it.”

* * *

It didn’t really take a lot to like Steve Rogers. He seemed like a good, honest man. It made sense, the more you dove into it, why he’d be picked for such a serious program- something you were now allowed to read up on, on a series of _relevant files_ Fury had sent to you. He’d been built to be a hero, Serum or not, and that’s exactly what he’d become.

He was also genuinely impressive with how much he was taking in about this new time- all of its technology and what it could do. How it improved the lives of people around him. While Fury had kind of been wishy-washy on whether or not you should ban tech for the time being, you introduced him to the internet. And while he thought you were still asleep, he went and searched. For a lot.

And since he didn’t know about browser history…

You felt guilty taking a peek. But took a peek you did.

It was only slightly alarming that his first search was _Steve Rogers_ . But you couldn’t hold it against him. Maybe he was just trying to see if he was still relevant. Or maybe he wanted to know how people told his story. You’d let it slide. Even after his second search was _Captain America. _

But then you followed a trail.

_Margaret Carter_   
_Peggy Carter_   
_SHIELD_   
_Bucky Barnes_   
_Lieutenant Barnes_   
_James Buchanan Barnes_   
_Howling Commandos_

_Howard Stark _   
_Stark Industries_   
_Anthony Stark_   
_Tony Stark_   
_Maria Stark_   
_SHIELD again._

And your own name as his last search that night.

You weren’t sure it was your place to tell him Peggy was still alive. Or that you thought he should go visit her. With how many links he’d clicked trying to find information about what her life had become… it seemed like he was missing her. The rest of it you tried not to think about. Trying to give him the illusion of privacy he deserved. It wasn’t your business. So you let it go.

It was Thursday evening that things started getting a little cagey. He began to stress you out and churn out your anxiety as he paced back and forth from room to room. At first you thought he might be looking for something, but it became clear very soon through the small wisps of _frustration_ leaking off him that he was just moving to move.

Your head had been down in an endless sea of emails. Before taking off for an unscheduled week, you’d let Pepper know she could redirect anything your way (and you were getting increasingly guilty over not being able to tell her why you _went to the gym _so often or disappeared for weeks on _retreats_). While it seemed like she’d tried not to bother you, it all came crashing down around the same time Steve couldn’t seem to keep to himself any longer.

“You know, there’s a small gym in the basement.” Offered after the seven thousandth time he’d crossed in front of your computer.

“There is?”

“Nothing fancy, but, if you need something to work off some steam, it might help.”

“That obvious, huh?”

You could only offer a small understanding smile. It wasn’t like you wanted him to feel bad but he wasn’t the only one stuck there just then. It was when he headed downstairs and begun very loudly punching the bag down there that you slipped on your headphones and tried to focus on your own work. But your thoughts drifted. Was this really helping Steve? Forcing him to be here? You hadn’t had enough time to ask Fury for all the details of why Steve was being almost quite literally forced into seclusion.

It seemed like he’d readjusted just fine. No abnormalities after unfreezing for such a long time. He wasn’t sick and his mind wasn’t dodgy. So why was it necessary to keep him locked up like this? A question that thrummed in the back of your mind as you set the forefront of your attention to spreadsheets and emails and other things easily worked through.

A couple of hours later, as you were nearing the end of your long stream of things to do (for now, there would always be more), the Bee Gees came on your radio and with a little bit of your own stress worked through, you mindlessly began humming to yourself. Just about the same time that you knew Steve was coming upstairs.

But life was worth living, and as music loudly poured out of your headphones, half slipped off one ear, you mumble sang along.

“_Well I had to follow you… thought you did not want me to… that won’t stop my love for you… I can’t stay away… blaming it all...” _

He rounded away from the kitchen, coming _curiously_ closer with a glass of water in hand. Red-faced after a hard workout, you spied him standing a few feet away.

“_Singing them love songs… singing them straight to the heart songs..._” And, catching him, you smiled easily. “Wanna listen?”

“It’s an interesting song.” And one he’d definitely never before heard in his life. He’d been quick to shut off the top ten pop station the second you’d turned it on, but this?

“LUNA, can you restart the song and put my playlist on speaker?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Who’s LUNA?” Steve sat down in a chair across from the couch you were perched on.

Oh. Right. Hm. “LUNA is a program. Kind of like a personal assistant.” _Nights on Broadway_ filtered in over your laptop speakers.

He seemed to lighten up as the tune started and you wondered briefly what Tony might think if he knew you were introducing Captain America to such dreck (only according to Tony, of course). “I think I understand. On the computer, right?”

“Yeah.” No need to really go into it further, that was basically the gist. As the chorus reignited you found yourself smiling at his thoughtful appearance, soaking in the music and lyrics. “You like this?”

“I haven’t heard anything like it before. Who’s the band?”

“They’re called the Bee Gees. I’ll make you a playlist. All the greats.” You’d tried to take it as slow as he’d wanted to go. There was no need to rush him into anything or force a bunch of _here’s what happened while you were asleep_ knowledge on him. When he wanted to learn he would. And during sleepless nights he’d been doing some of that, researching on his own.

“I know I missed a lot.” He seemed solemn with this thought in mind, if only for a few fleeting moments. Determined, it seemed, to not let it show too much.

You offered yet another gentle smile. “We’ll catch you up. Honestly, it’s not a big deal to know _everything_. Most people don’t, anyway. Not even all the important things.”

His brows lifted and his grin went a touch lopsided. “I don’t know if I find that too comforting.”

“You’re in good company, then.” You let a small silence pass, the two of you enjoying the music. Then you decided to ask. “Did the workout help?”

He gave a small shrug. “A little. It’d help more if I knew what exactly I was supposed to be doing.”

“Relaxing, I think.” Decompressing might have been a better word, but it was basically the same idea.

Shaking his head, “I don’t know about that.”

You felt for him, really. Being cooped up here… It had been one of your express instructions to stay on the property until agents arrived to separate and send the two of you on your way. But… “Hey. What do you say to going to see a movie?”

“I thought we were supposed to stay?” Despite his seemingly soft objection, you sensed a small well of _excitement_ here.

“One movie never hurt anyone. Besides. It’ll help you with your uh… readjustment knowledge.” It really wouldn’t. Nothing in theaters right then was bound to help him, but you were already locked into the idea of sneaking out. “And I’ll make sure we don’t get caught.”

“How’s that?”

“LUNA, pull up all the security schematics for the property, please. And let’s start pulling them apart.”

“Absolutely!” Even LUNA seemed excited.

Without the visor extended, she threw all the information onto your laptop screen and you tried to zero in on the important bits. Steve got up a little nervously, shuffling closer until he came to sit next to you. If only to see what you were up to. “So we’ve got the towers outside, we can just set those to a feedback loop thinking the perimeter is untouched… LUNA ditch the audio on the transmitters for the last two minutes and pipe in my music instead, and keyboard sounds- I think that’s enough for them. Am I missing anything?” You’d gotten lucky the place didn’t have actual cameras, but it wouldn’t have been too hard to set those to loop, either.

“There’s a gatelock outside. Two tries and then it autolocks and sends a message to headquarters.”

You couldn’t help the grumpy noise that escaped you. Breaking past codes wasn’t really your thing. And if LUNA was telling you about it, it’s because she required more assistance than just a point and click. There was one other person capable of such feats, though… bringing your phone up, you decided to give him a call.

It took one ring. “How’s it going babysitting the frozen fossil? Need to put it in the microwave yet?” Tony’s sardonic charm knew no bounds.

“Nice to talk to you, too. I’m sure you miss me.”

“Every day. Seriously. What’s up? I thought no calls in or out. Something happen?” His quick gear switch was endearing, as ever.

“I’m uh… I need your help.”

“Go on.”

“There’s a gate outside. I need you to break it for me. Please.” Asking nicely would only do so much. You already knew that if you asked Tony for help on _anything_ he was likely to give it to you no matter what. One of the many reasons you treasured him so.

But it wouldn’t come without ribbing. “Someone being naughty? Sneaking out past curfew? What if papa Fury finds out?”

“_Eugh_. Please don’t.” His laughter at your reaction warmed you, even at your own expense. You really did miss him. “I’m getting cabin fever.”

“Literally, I’m sure. Well. Go ahead. Have a night out on me. You’re free.” Already. Like he’d snapped his fingers and it was done. You had to marvel at the amount of quick work. To locate you, find the security system you were talking about, get into it, break it, and reset it so it wouldn’t trigger any alarms about usage…

That was your Tony. “Thank you.” And, without hesitation or thought for the only other person in the room listening, “I love you.” It didn’t take much to see Steve pointedly looking away. Like he only just now realized he was listening in on a private conversation. You tried to ignore it.

“I love you, too. Come home soon.”

Soon was not soon enough.

* * *

The two of you had quickly gotten into the car after that, deciding that lingering around would only heighten the chances of getting into trouble- and also backing out. Which neither of you wanted, but both of you had a practical sense about you. If you thought about it for very much longer, you probably would have stayed home. It made it tough because while on the road you then had to look for nearby theaters-

And then weigh your movie-going options. Everything out right then was… _bad_. Atrociously bad. Not stuff you wanted to show to Steve. Not as his first introduction to the new world. Big hits like _The Human Centipede 2_ and _The Thing_. Stuff that would be sure to scare him off for decades to come.

It was just your luck that you found a two-dollar theater playing old movies nobody really wanted to go to anymore. Even better, since it’d be empty. You weren’t worried about the world seeing _him_. It would be a miracle if someone could put this amount of two-and-two together, given how nonsense it was. But _you_ getting caught with a tall, muscley, blond haired blue eyed man that was definitely not Tony?

Yeah. You needed that headline like you needed a kick in the ass.

“Must be a good movie for two dollars.” You’d given Steve a giant bucket of what was probably stale popcorn to hold as the two of you went on your way in. He just seemed happy to be out.

“These are actually the ones no one wants to watch anymore. Movie tickets in the regular theaters are like fifteen dollars.”

“_Fifteen_?”

“For one ticket.”

“No kidding.”

“I don’t wanna tell you what I just paid for popcorn.”

The movie you’d ended up picking (choices limited so much that you really couldn’t take credit at this point) seemed gentle enough. One _Mr. Popper’s Penguins_. Certainly harmless. Didn’t say much about anything. Animal flick. Jim Carrey. What more could one person ask for?

While it wasn’t a riveting thrill-ride, Steve did find it in himself to laugh in appropriate spots, although a dialed back quiet and reserved sort. You weren’t sure if he was keeping it quiet for the completely empty theater, for you, or if that really was just how he was. It didn’t really matter. What mattered was that he was having a good time, and relaxing more than being holed up in that cabin had asked of him.

It was such a shame that it had to end. You almost thought of asking if he wanted to watch something else- _Zookeeper_ and _The Smurfs_ listed as the only other two flicks available (ones you’d suffer through if it made him happier), but outside the theater he aimed a dutifully sad smile your way. “Time to head back, I think. Before we get caught.”

“Yeah. You’re probably right.”

But it wasn’t Fury that caught you. Outside in the parking lot in the chilly air, Steve offered you his jacket. You thought to tell him it wasn’t necessary, you’d just turn on the heat in the car. But before you could do that, LUNA served some terrible news.

“Paparazzi thirty feet on your left. Blue Sedan. He’s taking your picture.”

“_Shit_.” The word hissed out of you without a second thought. Bad. This was bad. This was very, very fucking bad. You shrugged out of Steve’s jacket and shoved it into his hands. “Stay here. I have to deal with something.”

“What’s the matter?” He was on alert almost immediately. And not clued in to what was going on.

But you left him behind to go right up to that car, standing in front with a palm forward to keep the driver from turning the engine- it wouldn’t stop him, but he had to realize he couldn’t leave backed up against the light post like he was. So when the car door opened you stepped over to him. “Whatever you just took, delete it.” Not really giving him a choice in the matter.

“I’m just doing my job, you know? Don’t get pissy about it that you got caught.”

It was unlike you, too little too late you realized, bristling the way you were. “I didn’t get _caught_ doing anything.” He opened his stupid fat mouth to speak to you again but you decided there was no time to listen to him insult you further. “Listen. I would _feel very __**ashamed**__ if I were you_.” This did indeed stop him dead in his tracks. “Capitalizing off somebody else’s private life is _reprehensible_. And I think you should feel just _awful_.”

“I-… I’m sorry...” He didn’t sound anywhere close to the way he’d sounded moments ago. Head down. Eyes averted. Changed.

“You should delete those pictures, _if you feel any __**guilt**__ about your actions_.”

“I will- I’m going to- right now-”

“Good. I’m glad you understand.” You stepped aside him to watch him wipe them. “You back anything up anywhere?”

“Not yet- you came over before I could. I’m sorry about this. Really. It’s just- when I knew it was _you_\- I mean- I had to-”

There was no time for you to listen to his rambling. And you’d run out of patience before you’d even come over. “Just go. Now.”

“Yeah- I’m gonna go.” He climbed up into his car, turning it on about as fast as he could, screeching the tires on the pavement just to get out of there. To get away from you. He was drowning in _mortification. Embarrassment. Guilt. __**Anguish**_.

It took you too long to realize Steve was standing there. And probably had been the whole time. He no longer looked jovial or relaxed. “You have uh… quite a way with words.” He wasn’t accusing you of anything. Not out loud, anyway.

Sighing, knowing this was exactly why keeping secrets was a bad idea, “Just say what you’re gonna say.”

He looked uneasy, crossing his arms. “We should get in the car. It’s cold out.” Gentleman to the end, it seemed. Even if he may have not trusted you anymore.

Crossing back over the parking lot side by side, you dumped it. “I did that, yes. It’s a hard thing to tell people about- that I can influence people’s emotions. But I guess if anyone understands things out of the ordinary it’s you.”

"Experiment? SHIELD?"   
  
You shook your head. "No. Just me."  
  
"For how long? Since you were a kid?"  
  
"No. Uh- young adult, I guess, is when it all started." You found you didn't mind his inquiries. Maybe it was helping to better settle him. And you were almost amazed at how well he was taking it-

At least until no further response came, and you feared you may have lost all his confidence completely. But when he was fully seated in the car aside you, he spoke again. “That why SHIELD asked you to watch me? To _ make _ me feel better?”

“No. To keep an eye on you and file a report at the end. I was never asked to make you feel one way or the other.” Truthful with this, at least.

Another silence sat between you. “How do I know you didn’t?”

Your hands clenched on the wheel, eyes closing. It had gotten so much easier to slip into that darkness now. Ever since the incident with Barton. When you’d gone _ too far _ . Deep inside that black water you saw Steve Rogers, at the center where you knew you _ could _ reach- but had no reason to. He was no threat. ...and you were nowhere near ready to try something like that again so soon. No idea what would happen.

But on the outskirts, the bare edge that brushed against you, you took hold of that lone ripple in that quiet pond. He was uneasy. On edge. Distrustful. Sinking your hands into the ring, you thought instead of a few moments back. When the two of you had been laughing in the movie theater. And it had been _ nice _ and _ peaceful _ and you’d simply been _ enjoying _ your time with him.

Ashy gray warbled briefly into a light yellow. And your eyes blinked open again, turning your head.

He was smiling- it lasted for one moment. Maybe two- and then realization dawned, and you backed out completely. And he was left with himself again. “Oh- I don’t-”

Picking your more drastic measures was completely unnecessary. But what better way to illustrate just why SHIELD was bent on using you for… who knew what. “It can be pleasant until it’s not. Or upsetting until it’s not.”

“So whatever you want.” He was defensive now and you really felt like you’d lost all progress.

Sticking the key into the ignition you started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. “Yeah. But when you know what it is, then you know what to look for. Did I do that to you before?”

He mulled this over. “I don’t think so. But how would I really know?”

“You wouldn’t, I guess. I’m asking you to trust me.”

The silence this time was much longer. Terribly longer. You had no right to ask this of him. With how he was feeling now, you doubted he would agree. You were practically back at the cabin when he found what he wanted to say. Or maybe he’d just been letting you stew. “I don’t think one mistake makes you. If this can even be called a mistake. It was more… omission.”

It was hard to know how to feel about what he was saying. “So do you think I’m lying? That I did that to you before? That that was what SHIELD asked me to do?”

“I don’t. On any account.” Trusting you- you had no idea why. But you were grateful all the same. “Let’s just keep it clean between us from now on, okay?”

Pulling into the parking spot in front of the house, you turned to give him a small smile of relief. “You got it. I promise.”

His hand reached out and you took it in a firm shake. “Deal.”

All things considered, the night hadn’t gone as terrible as it could have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay Steve, we promise. From now on, we'll never omit or lie again! And of course we can count on you to do the same. :] :] :] :] :]


	47. Chapter 47 [End: Interlude]

By the end of your time together, it was mutually decided it was the location and not so much each other that you and Steve had grown tired of. After the little bump in the road, things had gone much smoother. Although… you had noticed his more concerted efforts to hide his slight and very soft depression after he realized the extent of what you could do. And put it all together why SHIELD would be asking you to watch him. You’d said it, but not in so many words.

It hurt you, that he wanted to hide. But you also didn’t know each other well, and you weren’t entitled to know his feelings unless he wanted to share them. And those he certainly did not. It made sense that he’d be saddened by the state of things- his own life. And more than once you’d wanted to ask him what he’d meant back in Times Square when you’d spoken to him first. That _I had a date_ thing. It was self explanatory, but you wanted to hear it in his own words. His own feelings. 

In the end you called ahead to Fury as the two of you were bidding the Retreat goodbye and getting into the car. Letting him know you were on your way back into the city. And then…

“Can I put in a small request to grab lunch before I drop him off?” This was probably a no-no. But it wasn’t like Steve was top priority. They didn’t need him right that very second. And it would be nice to cap things off with a more open atmosphere.

“If you keep things quiet. Can you manage that?”

“Absolutely.”

That Fury was letting you was simply amazing. You’d expected far more pushback. But being able to tell Steve what little you’d learned about the bustling city- and then listening to him talk about what he remembered of Brooklyn- it was nice. You promised to take him through, if he wanted to. He’d said not at the moment and you let it go, respecting the distance he wanted from a life he once knew but no longer had.

Instead you showed him the better parts of Manhattan, places where his ghost memories didn’t hurt so much, shadowed now by much taller buildings and far more hustle and bustle. The restaurant you took him to was one that wasn’t on your list for most secure, but one of the better ones food and drink wise. And really, if you were going to take Captain America out, security was not the top priority.

...even though that really, in the end, was your biggest mistake.

It should have been easy to see it coming a mile away. You were in the middle of some silly story that had captured his attention, and that was all that mattered. A disgruntled patron had been pacing around for a little while now. Annoying the other customers and even the waitstaff who had tried valiantly to direct him  _away_ from your table. Because that’s where he clearly wanted to be, and they knew better than to let him get close to you. Even though you hadn’t asked, your reputation was more than well known. Stark Tower was not too far away, too. It was impossible people didn’t know who you were. 

All the more reason Fury probably should have forbade this. But maybe he liked setting you up for failure when you asked so nicely for it.

Eventually your curtain of people had dissolved under busy foot traffic, and the man made his way closer and closer. Until, finally, there was no ignore him. He called your name. More than once, and Steve had looked up, but you put a gentle touch on the side of his arm and shook your head.

_Do not give him attention_ . There was no use thinking it, maybe Tony would have gotten it, Steve instead seemed lost. Lost and focused at the same time. 

It embolded the man’s approach until he was right there at your table and no longer able to be ignored. “Hey- hey. Surprise seeing your type in a place like this. Don’t you have better things to do? More lives to ruin?” His babbling was encouraged by the heavy scent of liquor on his breath.

You felt Steve starting to  _wind up_ . This had to be put to bed, now. Before trouble started. “Can I help you with something?” 

“_Yeah_. Why don’t you- why don’t you sign uh- sign something for me. You know- I have buddies who lost jobs over your bullshit clean planet whatever initiative. Real good people. But Stark Industries doesn’t care about that, right? Sign this plastic bag for me. You’ll ditch these too soon, right? Sign it for me. So I can remember the day I crossed paths with _mother nature_.” Spitting at you quite literally. 

Steve was seconds from getting up. You put your hand down next to his again to get his attention while keeping your eyes on the man who was threatening your afternoon. This had to be stopped. “You can either leave on your feet or on your ass. Your choice.” Really, this was the wrong thing to say and you knew it. But you also couldn’t let people pretend they had any right to walk all over you.

The drunkard angled back. Upset. His hand came on your shoulder. What was it with people and touching you? Why did they always think they had a right? “Yeah? You don’t have to be such a  _cunt_ about it. I only asked-” 

There was no time for him to finish that sentence. And no time for you to think at all.

Steve moved in a blinding flash. One second in his chair, the next standing his threatening six- and-then-some feet tall, man’s jacket in his fists as he dragged him off his feet. “You’re going to apologize  to her for being so disrespectful.  _Now_ .” 

You were up next- because the worst thing in the world was happening. All around you people were murmuring. You wished it was just gossip. But no. You couldn’t be that lucky. Not in such a modern world. It wasn’t just whispers. It was phone cameras, all angled your way. Sending a bolt of panic through you.

There would be no way to control this. Your hand was on  his arm. “ _Steve_ .” Urging under your breath to try and not make a scene further. But this was already far gone. Your eyes passed from one lens to the next to the next to the next. Some people’s flashes were going off. The voices were getting louder. 

“Apologize to her.” But Steve wouldn’t let up.

And he was a force to be reckoned with. Where you used underhanded words and manipulation, Steve’s brute force and fire was enough to curb the man to heel. “Look- I’m sorry- I just-”

“Go. Now.” Steve let him go with an unceremonious drop and the man stumbled to catch his footing and then, smartest thing he’d done all day, raced way. It was only then that Steve finally realized you were begging him to stop with the look you were giving him- and panicking.

It became worse yet when Tony’s voice popped in through LUNA’s earpiece. “ _What’s going on? You in trouble?_ ” The fact that he had a protocol for your raised vitals now would be a discussion for another time. 

People were caging the two of you in a circle. “I’m- fine. I’m just... dealing with a PR nightmare.”

_Busted. _

* * *

“As I recall, I asked you to keep it on the down low- yet by this time tomorrow the two of you are gonna be plastered all over every paper from here to California. Now why is that?!” 

It wasn’t enough that this was going to be bad and hard to explain for Stark Industries, for yourself. But Fury had to pile on, too. As if this was going to hurt him somehow. Hurt SHIELD. But how could it? There was absolutely no way anyone would start conjecturing that you were out with the late great Captain America. Not even the craziest tabloid rags would pick that story up. No one would even think to run that story because you doubted anyone even remembered what he looked like enough to start thinking it.

Yet Fury had been yelling for the better part of twenty minutes now and you’d just been sitting in your chair in the debrief office taking hit after hit. “It just got out of hand- will you stop yelling at me?”

“It was me. I acted out of line.” Steve finally spoke, after having soaked in all there was to listen to. Really, Fury had been on a feedback loop for ten minutes now. “But- just the way he spoke to her. I couldn’t let that go.”

Fury put his hands on his hips. “You couldn’t and you didn’t, and now look where we are. Talk of the town. And what’re  _you_ gonna do about it?” 

“I don’t know! Let me fucking think for one second, would you?” Out of your chair you started pacing.

“Your thinking is what got us into this mess.”

“_Me. _What got _me_ into this mess. This is my problem! How on earth does this effect _you_?” It really wasn’t good to be arguing with him right now. It wouldn’t lead anywhere productive. You’d learned that a long time ago. And when he tried to start in again, you just waved your hands frantically. “Ah bah bah. Shh. I need to think. Alright. Okay. So… I just got caught with what paparazzi pieces are going to say is some new beau. Yeah.” That much was obvious.

It was too juicy a headline to pass up. You were with some dreamy-eyed muscle man. Eating lunch, laughing, talking quietly- and when some asshole got out of line, he’d tried to  _defend your honor_ . 

Oh- wait- “Someone broke security. Came up- and  _you_ put a stop to it!” Pointing at Steve as your lightbulb went off. 

“I did?” He seemed confused.

You plodded your way over closer, stopping in front of his chair. “You did! Because  _that’s_ your job. Don’t you get it? Steve Rogers.” Reaching your hand out, you waited for him to confusedly take hold of it, and then you gave it a hearty shake. “Congratulations. You’re now Stark Tower’s head of security. We were out to lunch. I was detailing you. Getting to know you- and you demonstrated your worth for the company. It’s perfect.” 

“_Psh_.” Fury didn’t seem to think so, crossing his arms tightly and giving you quite a dead look. “That all you got?”

“It is. Thank you. The Tower will be finished soon… ish. And Steve, you’re staying in New York anyway, right?” Turning your attention back to him.

He seemed to wilt in the spotlight. “I don’t know. I guess?”

“We’ll get you an apartment. And when the Tower is finished you won’t have to do anything. People will have moved on by then, I promise you that.” The news was always looking for bigger and better things to complain or gossip about. This was no different. This would be a sensational story today- until you cut it off at the pass. “I was due to give an interview about the progression anyway. I can introduce you there and just nip it all in the bud.” 

Perfect. Wonderful. You were a genius. Obviously. “This is so very not  _quiet_ .” Fury was still intent on complaining. 

“We’re beyond quiet. No point in going on about it now. We can’t go back, we can only go forward. And this is the only option. Unless you’ve got something better?” Hand on your hip, popping your brow at him. Knowing that he had _nothing_. 

His eye rolled and then he turned away. “Fine. Clean up your own damn mess. For once.”  Halfway out the door before giving his last barking command of the day, “Once you’re finished with that I expect a full debrief report.” 

It took all the adult sensibilities and dignity you had in you to not make a mocking face at him. Especially with Steve still in the room. Steve who… looked pretty downtrodden. And confused. Which made you feel awful. What if he didn’t want to do this? It would be well within his rights… even if, if he decided not to, that was going to make this difficult for you.

But even so… “Steve… sorry. I know that all happened very fast. Look… if you want to come up with something else, I can figure something else out.” It was unlikely. This was as good a cover story you were going to get. But you didn’t want to pressure him into it.

This was a lot to take in after being dead for almost seventy years. Week at the Retreat or not.

He shook his head. “No. It’s alright. Just tell me what I have to do. I want to make this right.”

“You’re sure?” Needing to confirm it. Trying to give him one last out. “You’re going to have to be in front of reporters. I’ll do all the talking, but it’s going to be a lot to deal with for a little bit.”

“I’m sure.” Strong in his confirmation.

So you nodded. “Alright. I’ll get to work on setting up a press conference and a prepared statement.” Put it on top of your pile. The never ending list of things you had to do. Along with securing Steve a nice apartment, too. Why was it you were buying everyone property recently? He’d gotten up, seeming keen to leave- to where you had no idea, but before you let him go you called out to him, stopping him in the doorway. “I just wanted to say I appreciate you sticking up for me. No matter where it put us.”

That winning smile of his finally made a reappearance and you felt much better for it. “Any time.”

* * *

It was of great relief and a little surprise that Steve turned out to be a media darling. Maybe it was his days working for the USO, or maybe it was just the way he _looked_. You were no stranger to what the media turned into when they decided to fawn over somebody. Really, it only made you miss Tony all the more. Tony, who it felt like you hadn’t seen in a while now. And Tony, who hadn’t really complained about any of it. Just letting you do what you had to do.

Even when you told him you’d screwed up, gotten accosted at a restaurant, and now had to hire Captain America as Stark Tower’s head of security. He’d shown some slight reservations, “_There’s no other option_?”

“_It’s the best I can do._” Really. It was. You couldn’t think of anything that would keep this at bay. As an additional plus, it would give Steve something to do, if he wanted it, and it allowed you to put his apartment on Stark Industries’ bill. Since he was technically an employee. 

“_I trust you_.” Came Tony’s easy response after the fact. 

So you went through with it. You got Steve squared away and had him stand behind you as a sturdy presence while you gave news reporters an update on the tower- completed soon, you promised, and talked about your newest hire. The strapping man behind you, of course, who would be overseeing things for you. And escorting you as personal security detail when you were in the city. Giving only his first initial as a name- for security measures, of course.

It put you and Steve together just a little more. Traveling, in and out of cars, in and out of the bottom floors of the building, to a few meetings, so on and so forth… which made your story all the more true.  _Of course_ this man would be with you at a restaurant in Midtown, and  _of course_ he would take a drunken slo b who was bothering you by the shirt and threaten him. Because he was you r security. Of course. It all made sense. No need to look into it further. 

Although you wanted nothing more than to take off now that the holidays were fast approaching (your  _second_ anniversary too, imagine that), it didn’t seem fair to Steve who had nobody. Nowhere to spend them. In your makeshift office in the midsection of Stark Tower, he seemed to be thinking the same thing. 

“You’ve seen the file they gave me the first time we met?”

You hadn’t expected him to ask something like that, and it demanded your full attention. It wasn’t too hard to spot the  _anxiety_ and  _discomfort_ coming off of him. “I did.”  Eventually, you’d been allowed to give it a little look over. 

“And all the contacts in there?”

Closing your laptop, you gave him your full attention. “I did.” A long list of people that he had attachments to- who were all mostly not alive anymore. Except for one.

He glanced at you briefly before his eyes dropped and he laced his fingers together in his lap. “It said Stark is looking after Peggy Carter.”

Your mouth twitched. Maybe feeling a little bit guilty. “Stark Industries pays for the assisted living facility she’s in. It’s the best care she could possibly be getting.” But you knew this wasn’t the entirety of what he was asking. “I’ve… visited her. She seemed like she had fond memories of you.” From what little you’d gleaned of that encounter. And then pieced together upon meeting him.

There was a delicate smile on his lips that vanished all too soon. “Yeah. But. It wouldn’t be fair to show up like this, would it.”

_Like this_ . Like not a day had gone by for him since their last encounter (which you knew very little of, he hadn’t seemed interested in talking about it, and you didn’t want to pry), yet she was relegated to a bed. Old and frail. “I don’t know her that well but I think she’d be happy to see you no matter what.”

He took in a heavy breath and then let it out slowly. “Her file said she has Alzheimer’s. I don’t know if it’s a good idea.” You couldn’t be certain but it really  _felt_ like he was trying to make you talk him either into it or out of it. 

“It’s a delicate situation, but her mind is still mostly there.” The afterthought of _but it won’t be forever_ sat between the two of you. Weighty and ugly. “If you’ve been thinking about it this much, Steve, I think you should go. I’ll go with you, if you want.”

“No.” Quick to respond. “No. It’s- that’s okay. Thank you.” All quick and choppy. “You should go spend the holidays with your own family.”

With a shake of your head, “I don’t really do anything- it’s just me and Tony. But. You’re welcome to come by, if you want. We could do dinner.” What harm would it be ordering a turkey dinner and sitting down? They’d have to get to know each other sooner or later. It was clear Steve was being re-groomed to be on the Avengers. If you were all really expected to be a close-knit team, a lot more  _team building_ had yet to be done. 

“Thank you, for the offer. I think it’s better if I just go my own way, for now.” He seemed so _melancholy_. It hurt your heart. You had no idea how to help him. He was turning down every offer. 

Waiting until he looked at you, you made sure to hold his gaze. “You’re sure? It’s no trouble.”

Then he put on a valiant smile. For whose sake, you weren’t sure. “Yeah. Thanks, again. Do you mind if I go for the day?”

“You don’t have to ask me that, you’re not a prisoner here. You can come and go whenever you want.” The two of you found it in yourselves to grin at one another. Not completely empty. And when he didn’t answer and still waited for your say-so, “Yes, Steve. You can go.” As he got up, you felt bad for even thinking of asking- really you should make yourself available for him. Stay here. But you were only human. “Um- hey, are you alright if I go back to California for a few weeks?”

Now  _you_ were asking permission of  _him_ to leave. Maybe for the same reasons, ultimately. 

“Please. Go be with your family. It’s fine.”

You found yourself surprised that he was telling the truth.

* * *

Despite your responsibilities, once you’d been given the go-ahead from Steve, you basically dropped everything. Laptop shut off, email notifications off- although you did put one last one in with Pepper letting her know you were  _headed home for the holiday_ . Meaning:  **do not disturb** . She’d be doing the same soon, too. Hopefully Stark Industries could get by without the two of you for a little while.

As soon as you could, you had the jet fired up, and in those moments that it took you severely contemplating giving the Heart Reactor a little  _ tap-tap _ and taking LADY home, instead… but on your safe, secure, and cozy jet ride home, you were able to put in some calls ahead. And, maybe, close your eyes for a few minutes, and… doze… 

When you landed you went straight to the florist’s shop on main to pick up a very important order. And then you went right home.

_ Home _ .

How nice it was.

And even nicer to see Tony sitting on the couch, looking over as you crossed beyond the foyer, soft smile alight on his face. A few seconds of the expression only before he realized what you were carrying.

A big, heavy, maroon and silver vase in which sat more than a dozen sunflowers, some purple and peachy-orange flowers mixed in between for accent. “Someone give that to you?” He was on his feet, but didn’t have enough time to go to you when you were already headed so quickly to him.

Setting it on the coffee table you smiled brightly up at him. “No.  _ I’m _ giving it to  _ you _ .” 

He gave the arrangement a glance, back to you, then the flowers, and then you again, squinting slightly with a tilt of his head. “Who told you I like sunflowers?”

Not wasting a minute more on this charade, you leaned in to wrap your arms around him, delighting in a squeeze that he quickly returned. “I know everything you like.”

“Clearly.” His amusement warm and wonderful as he rested his head atop yours. “_You’re_ here, aren’t you?” You hid your smile in his shoulder, nuzzling there. “They let you free from babysitting the Capsicle?” 

“Steve is fine on his own.” Looking up at him now.

“Really.” His brows lifted lightly, a disbelieving and uniquely snarky-Stark look about him. “Because as far as I’ve been hearing, he’s been following you around like a lost puppy-dog.”

Unable to help it, you heaved just  _ the biggest  _ sigh you could manage. “I just got home. Are we really doing this right now?” There was a lot of emotional baggage to wade through here, and none of it your fault. He didn’t mean what he was saying- not like that. It stemmed from much larger and deeper parts of his life he refused to address. And right now after weeks of not seeing him and a rough, busy year behind you… 

“No. You’re right.” Reaching up, he cupped your cheeks in your palms, putting an immediate halt to his antics. “I’m happy you’re home.”

Your reply of  _ me, too _ got lost somewhere when his lips pressed to yours and you submitted very quickly and very eagerly to a kiss that was long overdue. Less lost was the next thing on your mind as the two of you parted, “Take me to bed.” 

He was quick to acquiesce, bending in to put an arm underneath your legs, the other around your shoulders, scooping you up in one easy move. “Sure. But I’ve got a turkey in the oven. Don’t want it to burn.”

Giggles spilled out of you, buried in between one kiss and the next. “No you don’t.” Disbelieving him.

“No, I don’t.” Echoing back with a grin you felt ripple through you. Genuinely pleased to have you in his arms again. “But I could- I mean, if you want some sort of Thanksgiving dinner. Thanksgiving-iversary dinner?” 

It was warming, you realized. Tony may have been trying to find some solace in the patterns of familial holidays. Maybe he wanted to build that sort of life with you. It was strange. And definitely something you were not in the right mind to give proper thought to… “Let’s talk about it after.”

“After what, hmn?” He began the trek through the house, up the stairs.

You started peppering light kisses and nips to his jawline. “You’re a smart boy. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Humor me. I like having directions.”

“No you don’t.” Your laughter hadn’t stopped.

“I do when they come from you.” 

It took him no time at all to rush his way up to the master bedroom, but once there, he slowed his pace. Setting a knee on the bed, lowering you down. It was an immediate relief to be in the bed that you knew- with the man that you’d been missing. Your hands stayed steady in his shirt, not letting him go far, even as you settled up just a little more in the center.

At your  _ direction _ , he came over you on his hands and knees, losing yourselves to kiss after kiss after kiss… Only when you eased all the way down, you let him work, slipping you out of your shoes and jacket. Your hands were equally in the moment, leading the zipper down of his Stark Industries hoodie, and peeling it from his shoulders. 

By the time you were out of your shirt, and he rid of his, that now welcoming blue glow spilling over you- something registered. Your hands smoothed over the strong lines of his arms, beckoning him closer. His nose brushed against yours and he came further in for what was soon to be another deep kiss-

“Wait-” Until you finally registered what you were looking at.

“What’s the matter?” Stopping the second that word came out of your mouth, moving back in that easy hover over you.

Reaching up, you threaded your fingers through his hair, pushing it back, and then trailed the tips down along the left side of his temple. Where dark brown met definite  _ grey _ . “When did this happen??” 

Tony had gone  _ grey _ in your absence? It wasn’t a lot. Just a little speckle. But it dotted both temples- you made sure, as you tilted his head the other way. “You know-?” His grin reappeared. “It’s been a very stressful couple of years. More now than ever. What. You don’t like it?” There was a little hint of self-consciousness here that he wasn’t showing up front. 

Wondering what you truly thought.

And, well, that was easy. Lowering your fingers further, you slid them down along the lines of his jaw and pulled him closer again. “I think it’s sexy. Very salt-and-pepper.” Being entirely honest with him. It put a new defining feature to him. Distinguishing. And very handsome. And- yes- very sexy. “Let’s hope you think the same when I come home with a full head of white hair.” Inevitable. At some point, it would probably happen.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” His voice lowered to a hush, lips touching yours again. Easily bringing your mind to a halt while he kissed you senseless. So much so that when he backed away, you pulled him to keep him from going far. But as your eyes blinked open to look at him, his smile cracked you all the way through. “You’ll always be beautiful no matter what.”

There was really only one way to respond to that. “I love you.”

He seemed to think the same. “I love you, too.” Quieting any more verbal discussion with another lock of lips. You’d missed him, and he’d missed you. You were right where you were supposed to be, and determined to bask in the feel of him for as long as life would let you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All things considered, I think we've ended up in pretty good spots! So you know what that means... Avengers starts soon...!


	48. Chapter 48 [Begin: Avengers]

Not tempting fate became very hard to do. In some moments you felt paranoid. Anxious that if you enjoyed life a little too much, something would eventually come and bite you in the ass. That was always the way it worked, wasn’t it? But an extended vacation with Tony coupled with months of… normal, if you could call it that, had almost lulled you into a false sense of security. You stayed with him through the end of the holiday season. Spent dedicated time with him on New Year’s, even getting that cheesy midnight kiss. On Valentine’s Day he surprised you at Stark Industries with a literal armful of flowers (this time not pilfered from reception) and that ever charming, loving smile. It didn’t take much else more to convince you to leave that day.

Stark Tower was nearly complete. The world was abuzz with the news. May would be here soon, somehow, and you’d no doubt really take Tony up on what he’d said to that reporter a long while back- _party in it_. A private one, of course. That may or may not have consisted of copious amounts of champagne and a little planned-for naughtiness. It was only fair to see if the _Agarwood_ desk Tony had insisted upon would be sturdy enough for… writing many letters. Yes, that was it… and while you were at it you had a mind to check out some of the sturdiness of the walls, too-

Oh and that private floor- yes, all the furniture would have to be inspected very closely there, too. You just couldn’t stand the thought of paying so much for shoddy work. His birthday seemed like a fine time to plan a party. Maybe you’d really do it up, good for press, and host a big one. And then a more intimate affair much later. Just the two of you.

Until then, you found yourself easily settling into a life of working woman of the world by day and SHIELD agent- Avenger?- in the other moments. Fury had continued on his promise of trusting you by letting you go a few missions with Natasha, a couple of which Agent Barton tagged along in. It made you feel bad, when he did, because they were clearly much closer, but you didn’t  _completely_ mind being a third wheel. You were really just training. And you were sure that Fury only sent you out on the babyish of baby missions.  All intel gathering. 

While you’d had objections at first- where could you go without being recognized these days- Natasha had started to train you on her expertise in blending in. More than anything it was important to throw off the shape of your face- especially your eyes, a pair of sunglasses did that, especially cat-eyed. And of course your hair had to be different, too, which wigs came quite in handy for. Then you had to dress outside your normal style. And for the missions you were on, you went just a touch dressed down in flannels and jeans. Rumpled without being obvious.

In cafes, on the street, and in one or two museums, you and Nat chatted idly with each other while also listening in on several conversations going on around you. Which led to your next problem- the tech they’d outfitted you with was annoying. The buds they’d developed were meant to sit in your ear with no problems, and maybe they did just that, but they became painful to wear after more than a few minutes.

One night after a particularly  _long_ and  _engaging_ mission, you’d come home to lament to Tony about it. Which was really the worst and best mistake to make. 

The next day during briefing, after Fury had left (thank god), Tony dropped by, small briefcase in hand. Without waiting for  a grand ceremony, he set it down on the desk and opened it. Inside were several teeny-  _teeny tiny_ , what looked to be stickers. 

“Audio recording, radio transfer with encrypted channel, zero delay. Blends to the skin tone. Has a fifteen mile radius and target lock for specific voice frequencies. Team member sound resonates out into the ear canal, so talking it’ll sound like you’re standing right next to each other. Best of all. Painless.”

What did you do to deserve a man like this?

“If I’d known I’d be the _Q_ of this operation, I’d have charged more.” But of course he had to take his victory laps, too. 

“And how much are you charging for these?” Natasha was looking them over, seeming quite pleased.

“100 thousand.” He shut the lid on the briefcase.

“That’s not that bad.” She said with a grin.

He grinned back. “ _A week_ .” 

At that her face fell, but you interjected. “We can discuss the bill later.”

Tony’s brow arched, lips still curved. “Oh, are you the purchaser for SHIELD now? In that case, I have a bridge I wan t to sell your fine organization.”  He seemed to be in quite the sassy mood. 

“Let’s talk about it over dinner, shall we?” Deciding this was the perfect way to start pulling this small team even closer together. You did your best to give your sweetest most winning smile at the both of them. 

Natasha crossed her arms, but she was smiling back. “Does that always work?”

Tony finally turned away with one hand in a wave over his shoulder. “ Every time. Quince at 8. Don’t make me wait.” As if he really were conducting a serious business deal. 

You found the good sense to go just a little bit red as Nat directed quite the look your way. Yes. You had Tony Stark wrapped around your finger. What of it? A nice dinner came out of it, that’s what. No business to speak of. And, as usual, he found himself at home no matter who he was with.

Even so, Tony only seemed to want to meander out of the house for dinner when Nat was involved. Add any other agents to the mix and he became busy. But that was fine. M ore than once Na t and Clint both found time to sit down with you  together ,  and even Coulson made time  for a few again, eventually. And that was especially nice.

While you spent more extended time in New York, you made sure to check in on Steve. Walked around the city with him sometimes to keep up appearances. But the lunches you found yourself slipping into were anything but. While he seemed to enjoy your company, he didn’t really say a lot. You wanted to ask more than once if he’d gone to see Peggy yet, but that was really none of your business. And, aside that, you didn’t want to upset things between you.

Tony refused to see him. In less words- always with a good excuse.  _Too busy_ more often than not. Maybe he was, but… if you were all supposed to be on a team together, maybe it would have been better to make the time. 

SHIELD relented near the  middle of April. You’d been talking with Nat more often about how the Tower was nearly complete and that it was taking a lot of your attention- so you thought she must have put in a word with Fury and the rest of them. Suddenly you were off the hook, and you were very thankful. The completion of the Tower really needed you fully, so once you were free elsewhere, you devoted the rest of your time to it. 

For the next couple of weeks you went on complete **do not disturb** mode while you and Tony squared the rest of the very important building aspects away. Really, it was the last things you had to do- hook up the building’s entire power source to go off the grid. To even begin you’d had to get about several thousand permits to keep the city off your backs (and the government, too), and then begin a serious plan of how best to cut the Tower off from the tracks that had originally been laid. While your research and marks on maps and blueprints had been valuable, you were… mostly sure, Tony had actually needed to do most of the bigger work. 

The last piece of which he was concluding that very evening, two days into May. One that made you extremely nervous. You’d sort of wanted to go with him, considering he’d taken the suit down into the fucking  ocean , but he’d told you yours was not water tight- or at least not tested for that environment- which then made you want to ask how he knew  _ his _ was. But it was a talk for a later time. For now, your mind was more focused on the small scale replica sitting in holograph in front of you,  from your visor, as the building was completely dark , listening intently to Tony work under literal heavy pressure. 

It was when he went quiet for a few long moments that you started to get antsy. “Run into a snag?”

“You have my vitals on monitor, don’t be so anxious.” Knowing exactly why you were asking such a thing. And, while it was true, his heart rate and brain waves steady, it didn’t make you feel any better.

“I’ll stop being so anxious when you’re not literally at the bottom of the ocean cutting up pipes.”

“Yeah. Well. I appreciate it. But I kinda need to concentrate. Ask me again in five minutes if I’m alright.” 

Waiting wasn’t really your favorite thing, especially not when he was in the middle of work like this, but you tried your best to do as he asked. Once your leg started bouncing you knew you were about to cut five minutes short. But, finally-

“You’re good on this end. The rest is up to you. Can you handle it?” His face appeared in a little box aside the tower visuals.

“We’re all disconnected, you’re sure?” It wasn’t like you were expecting the tower to explode if he wasn’t completely correct- most likely nothing at all would happen. But still better safe than sorry.

He grinned. “Stark Tower is about to become a beacon of self-sustaining clean energy.  Just as soon as you light her up. ” 

Nodding to no one, “Alright. Here… we… go-” On the executive drive panels you lit the boxes up one by one, and you could feel the building jumping to life. Humming and bright until quieting down just a little. You let go of a breath you were holding as the lights on the top floor came on and  _ stayed _ on. Mission success. “How does it look?” You could only imagine what she looked like from outside. 

While you’d been paying attention to the levels now displaying on the holotop board on the desk, your eyes shifted when Tony smiled even wider. Practically glowing himself. “Like Christmas, but with more…  _ me _ .” Ah, yes, those beautiful and huge letters must have been glowing a homing beacon.  _ **STARK** _ **.**

Touching through a couple of graphs and trackers, you tried to keep your focus steady. Trying to see if there were any trouble areas that needed attention. But, thankfully, it seemed all stable. As expected. “I can’t wait to do that presser in a week- and the party. We really will have to start doing invitations. I think it’ll be a really good boost for the market-”

“Honey. You’re killing me. Enjoy the moment. Please?”

“Well, when you ask so nicely…” Smiling to yourself as you swiped away all the other documents, leaving the building render itself the only thing up. “Come home faster, would you? Easier to _enjoy_ it if you were with me.” 

A soft chuckle broke through. “I’m coming as fast as I can.”

True to form you saw the light of his thrusters approaching.  Knowing he’d be only just another moment, you took what last you had of the evening (sure your attention was about to be  _ thoroughly _ swallowed up in  _ celebration… _ ) to really go over each floor of the tower. Looking for problem spots or warnings. It eased you further to see nothing needed touching. 

The sound of Tony coming down and in grew closer and closer, and it was an impossible task to keep your smile at bay as he entered. Free of the suit- courtesy of a device that cost way too much money, in your opinion, in a simple black long sleeve and slacks as he came closer. You briefly looked over the projection to him. “Seems like the levels are holding steady.” Giving him the very good news.

“Of course they are, I was directly involved.” Smug and self-satisfied grin still in place. “Which brings me to my next question, how does it feel to be a genius?” Swiping his hand across the holotop, he rid the room of the projection, coming instead to stand before you, hands on your shoulders.

Your brows raised. “Me? No. What are you talking about?”

His expression melted into a warmer smile. “What do you mean what am I talking about? This all came from you.”

Suddenly feeling very bashful, you shook your head, turning away a little. “No. Stop. It was an idea  _ from _ an idea. ...from  _ this _ idea.” Head lifting again to look at him fully, smiling back, your hands reached up to brush briefly over  the Arc Reactor  spilling out from the hole in his shirt. “From you.” 

_ Our  new  future started here _ .

True now more than ever.

His hands slid up the sides of your neck and the feeling of that intimate celebration was becoming more imminent. “Stark Tower is your baby. Give yourself at least… thirty percent of the credit?” But then that playful, boyish grin reappeared with this tease.

“Oh. Thirty? For my baby?” Your hands dropped away from him, and you put on quite the dry look- even if the two of you were only playing. 

He stepped away. “An argument could be made for thirty-five. If you ask nicely.”

Sliding off the desk, you were quick behind him. “How about fifty?”

“_Hmn_. Fifty. Fifty… see- but- now my thinking is, I did all the heavy lifting.” Going over to the lounge row of plush couches, he took a seat, removing a chilled bottle of champagne from an awaiting bucket. Popping the cork, “Literally. _Literally_ all the heavy lifting of things.” Grinning, still, as he poured two glasses out. 

You gratefully accepted the glass behind handed to you and took a seat next to him. “As if dealing with the press and the public isn’t tantamount to lifting heavy beams.” Tutting at him before taking a long sip of champagne.

It left the both of you smiling at each other. “I’ll tell you what. Next building’s gonna say  _ Lady _ on the tower.” 

“Please don’t.” Face falling immediately at that little hit.

“_INY_?” 

“No.” And how quickly your smile returned as you leaned over to him. “Even though it’s still true.”

“Truer every day.” Words growing soft and hushed as you stole a much needed kiss.

Now, now more than ever, you knew the universe had stopped looking kindly on you. The moment finally came, just as you’d abandoned your champagne glass and settled on Tony’s lap, deep in kisses that were becoming heady and unstoppable- JARVIS’ voice thrummed over the intercom. “Sorry for the interruption- the telephone is for you- I’m afraid my protocols are being overwritten.”

You broke back immediately, as if JARVIS were a kid who had just entered the room- sometimes it was almost too easy to forget he was there. But the news he was bringing wasn’t any sort of good. So when  Phil  Coulson’s voice broke over next, you felt yourself go just a little cold. “We need to talk.” 

Even though you’d been leaning away, about to get up, Tony put a hand on your hip to keep you right where you were, determined to not let the evening crash. With his other he picked up his phone, holding it at arm’s length. “You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message.”

“This is urgent.”

“Then leave it urgently.”

You knew there was absolutely no way to salvage this. If  Coulson was calling now, like  _ this _ , it meant something terrible was happening. Just the sort of thing you needed. “Tony-” About to try and call his better sense.

But you didn’t need to do any convincing on your own as the elevator doors opened and in walked the man himself. Tony sat up a little bit straighter as you stumbled off his lap,  _ embarrassed _ \- and then just a touch  _ angry _ . This was  _ your _ Tower. Your house, for all intents and purposes. Why were people breaking in and ruining your private life? “Security breach.” Tony announced, head laying back on the couch to watch Coulson approach. 

Evening effectively ruined, and your anxiety mounting, you moved away to meet him. “Hi- thanks for coming to the Stark Tower celebration.” Dryly, little purse of your lips at the corner. “What can we do for you?” It wasn’t his fault, most likely, that he was ruining your night.

Tony was finally on his feet, coming over. “Celebrating- didn’t you hear? Sorry you didn’t get invited. Which means… you know. You should leave. Less embarrassing for you.”

“We need you to look this over.” Offering you one of your most favorite things. A fucking folder. As usual. 

Even though you took hold of it, Tony put his hand down over it, directing a look Coulson’s way. “Official consulting hours are between eight and five every other Thursday.”  Taking the folder from you, he carelessly flipped it open, looking at the contents inside.

Coulson looked just as displeased as ever. “This isn’t a consultation. We need you to go to work.”

“Me?” Pointing a finger at yourself. Was he only here for you? It might have made sense, but… to do it this loudly-

“The both of you. Although I’m making an official note here, SHIELD doesn’t appreciate its agents having their phones turned off.” He crossed his arms.

“I was busy- and I’m not an agent-” Not technically, right? It was more an Avenger thing- which you didn’t even know if that existed anymore.

Tony put a hand to his chest. “I’m  _ also _ not an agent, I thought. Apparently I’m volatile, self-obsessed, don’t play well with others...” 

Coulson just eyed the both of you up. “This isn’t about personality profiles anymore.”

“Whatever.” Tony huffed out, turning away to walk back over to the desk. “Honey- private side bar, please.”

Despite your mounting frustrations (probably a cover up for your nervousness about what this could all be about) you gave Coulson an apologetic smile. “Just a second.” Excusing yourself to go over to Tony, who seemed to be inputting the files from the folder into the holotop. “It’s serious?”

“You know. We were having a nice little moment here…” Contemplative yet playful. Perhaps trying to help your mood.

“I was having fifty percent of a moment.”

“I could have gotten you to a hundred.” Turning his attention back up to you. The smile he was wearing wasn’t playful this time. Which worried you all the more.

Despite your present company, you reached up to cup his cheek in one hand, pressing a kiss to the other. “Maybe later.” Much later, by the feel of things. “What’s in the file?”

He took a breath in and then sighed it out dramatically. “This.”  Swiping his hand up from the table, several video screens appeared in the air in front of you.  Almost too much information to take in all at once. 

A familiar face- Steve- Captain America- was the easiest to pick out. Old war footage of him leading troops into what looked to be heavy fire. All displays of his strength as he broke through front lines and took bullets- using his shield to deflect and then throwing it- recalling it-

The next window that got you was that  _ monster _ . The one you’d been quietly looking for until Peggy had asked you to stop. Big, green-  _ angry _ . Yelling. Fighting soldiers on the front lawn of what looked to be a university. They had tanks rolled up on him- sound cannons- 

A blast of bright energy drew your eyes next, seeing a man dressed- sort of peculiarly- red billowing cape of note- fighting what looked to be a  _ huge _ mech? Some sort of giant robot? In a small town- buildings being destroyed, people fleeing- 

Reaching up you pulled aside the text dump of data, looking into the dates-

Too close to home. That small town had been destroyed- and that university had been stomped on and mashed into the ground-  _ two years ago _ .  **Two years ago** . Events running simultaneously to your own life. To Tony’s. And you’d never… 

T urning back around you went over to Coulson. “What do you want us to do with all this?”  
  
“Study up. We need Stark to look at  Doctor  Erik Selvig’s research.” His attention turned over your shoulder so you moved to look. 

Behind you Tony had a hologram of a blue cube in hand, turning it over, looking at it intensely. This was probably exactly what they wanted him to do. “What about me?”

“Do what you do best. We’ll contact you soon for next steps.” He gave a brisk wave and then turned away to leave.

Once the elevator doors were closed, you walked slowly back over to Tony, still chilled by the videos playing on loop. So much violence. So much destruction. Shifting aside him, you started wading through the other pieces of information attached. All labeled under  _ Avengers Initiative _ . You wondered how much footage they had of  _ you _ . And who they were showing it to. 

You startled a little as Tony leaned in to the table, bringing up several keyboards, starting in on a furious session. Something about this must have been particularly interesting to him. “What is that? The cube thing?”

“They’re calling it the Tesseract. I’m already familiar. Courtesy of dad’s notes.”

_ Howard _ . How did things always come so full circle? “Is that why they want you to look into it?” 

“They’re hoping I can track it. This thing is throwing out gamma radiation. Might be why they’re looking into this Banner guy.” 

“Banner?”

Without looking up from what he was doing, he pulled the window with that monster forward. “Hulk- can’t tell if they called him that or if that’s what he calls himself. Unfortunate either way.” Huffing out a laugh. Your focus was completely on him as he worked, eyes bouncing from one screen of info to the next, washed over in a hypnotizing white-blue glow from the screens. Getting sucked in.

This was bad.

Tony continued, “Certified genius. Can’t wait to meet him. Interesting story. Turns out we have mutual enemies. Always fun.”

“You read all that already?”

“You walked away.”

“For like- two minutes.” Impressed as ever with his skills. Absorbing so much information. Taking in more still. And working it all to his advantage.

But suddenly his fingers stilled, you weren’t sure what he was looking at, as when you tipped your head up, he swiped a screen away. “Let me deal with this.” Looking at you, deeply so, “You- ...hang back. Do the presser. Do the party. I’ll be home in time.”

This had trouble written all over it. There was only one reason he’d ask you something like that. And it was the same reason SHIELD was asking you to come in. “We’re a team.”

The corner of his mouth quirked. “Seems like we’ve suddenly got a whole team. You can sit one out.”

“Not a chance.” No way in hell you’d let him talk you out of this. No matter how dangerous it was. And… if your intuition was to be trusted…? This was probably the most dangerous thing you’d seen. All the more reason you wouldn’t let him face it alone. Trying for some levity, you pushed a smile forward. “It’ll be over quicker with the two of us on the job, don’t you think?”

He mirrored your expression, but underneath he was hiding a deep well of  _ pain _ .  _ Terrified _ that if he let you walk into this… “Let me take a quick run through of your suit, then.” 

Unzipping your hoodie, you detached the Heart Reactor and pressed it into his palm. “We’ll be okay, you know?” Trying to encourage him. And maybe fool yourself. “We’ll do this like we do everything.”

“Together?”

Now it was your turn to grin. “Here I thought you were going to say  _ in style _ .” 

Putting his arm around you, he pulled you into a crushing hug. “Of course that. But. The other thing is important, too.”

You knew you had a lot of reading to do. A lot of figuring out to do. A lot of everything to do. You really had no idea what all this was still, yet. But. For just a few more long minutes, you found it perfectly okay to indulge in a hug that you wanted to last the whole night.

Scared of what the morning might bring.

So much for a celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go...


	49. Chapter 49

Yet again, SHIELD was asking you to abandon your current life to go do work for them. Except this time it seemed serious- ...had every time been serious? Were you just chafed by Fury’s previous behavior, and so took the rest of their needs less seriously? Something to ruminate on later. Your attention needed to stay forefront on what was being asked of you. But before you could entertain that, you had to call Pepper.

It was easy to see now why Tony had wanted to back out of the company. Leave it to you. This _superhero _stuff really just took up too much time. Could come in at any moment and ask anything of you… but to let it would be to give yourself away. Another reason you hadn’t wanted Tony to do that. You didn’t want him to get lost in all of this. And it seemed so easy to do. 

“I have to go away for a little while.”

“Again? I’m guessing you’re not gonna tell me why this time, either.”

How could you? You remembered your entirely visceral reaction to seeing what Tony had been up to- but that had been led on by feeling like you’d been betrayed. Still, the longer you kept this away from Pepper, it may as well have been betraying her. Lying to her.

But how on earth could you even begin to tell her what you’d been up to? It made you realize how used to  _nonsense_ you’d gotten. Sure the world knew about Iron Man. But what about … whatever you were calling yourself- Lady? You just couldn’t put it into words. Not believable ones, anyway. “I’ll… Pep, this time, I  _promise_ . Once I’m done we’ll sit down and have a long talk.” 

“It’s about the Iron Man stuff, isn’t it?” She was just too smart.

You sighed. “A little, yeah. Just. Give me some time. Set up some pressers for the Stark Tower powering up. Everything went great, by the way, thanks for asking.” Unable to help your small bit of sass. “And start putting together a party- for Tony’s birthday we’ll do a big thing at the tower. Big celeb invite. All the good stuff-” Before you could get more of your list out to her, your phone beeped. “I have another call, I-” And, tilting the phone away, you saw who it was and your mood dove again. “I have to go. I’ll talk soon.” Not giving her a chance to ask anything else. Sorry, that it had to be that way, too.

Going over to the other line you were barely able to get a hello out before Steve’s voice greeted you. “They pulling you into this, too?”

Your lips pressed together. “How’d you know?”  
  
“I saw your file.”

So that was that, then. You’d wondered who else was going to see. It made sense, if this was your makeshift team. Everyone got what you and Tony got. Probably. And so you’d been laid bare to at least three other strangers. If not more. Who could even say? You didn’t like that SHIELD had a file on you, after you’d worked so hard to get rid of it. But you suspected this was of a more  _recent_ taste. “ Do you know exactly what  _this_ is?” 

“I’m starting to. You watch the videos? This Loki guy. He seems very dangerous.”

Nodding to yourself, “Yeah. I guess that’s why they need us, right?” All you could do was hold on to a small glimmer of hope that all of this would work out. You’d taken real time to look at the video of the attack at the SHIELD base where the Tesseract had been held.

How he’d stormed in through that portal. Attacked everyone there- trained agents. Bent them to his will…

If SHIELD wanted you to go up against this guy because of  _that…_ ? 

“Yeah. They give you coordinates yet?”

You flipped through a few more files, just letting double screens play footage of Captain America and the Loki attack side by side. “No. Coulson said he’d get back to me on next steps.”

“...you know this Coulson guy?” Something in his voice changed.

“Yeah. Why? ...I think I’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s kind of a big fan of yours.”

“No kidding.” Was that _sarcasm_ you detected in Steve’s voice? 

It prompted a smile. “He’s a good guy.”

“Didn’t say he wasn’t.”

For one reason or another you couldn’t help a giggle. It drew Tony’s attention, where he’d been furiously typing on two separate tabletops. But the thought of Coulson pestering Steve was just… it was a funny thing. “Be nice to him. Sign whatever he wants.”

A breathy laugh came from the other side of the phone. “Oh. Is that how it is? You the leader of this operation?”

“God, _no_. But. In this instance, sure.” 

“In that case, I’ll do my best.” 

“Your best is enough.” When you lifted your eyes you saw Tony’s quickly dropping his back to his work. “I have to go. I imagine we’ll see each other soon.” 

“Yeah. Me, too. Bye.” Either he quickly got the hint or he really had something he needed to attend to, probably both true in this instance. But it allowed you to hang up the phone and put it down. 

This was all very bad. If SHIELD was sending you in on a mission together- Tony, Steve,  _you…_ sure Tony had crafted a helmet for you that would hide your identity. You know- much like it hid his. There was no chance in hell this ended up in your favor. You just never had put thought into that SHIELD would ask the  _Avengers_ to be a real thing. To do a real mission. Part of you had hoped it would just always be you and Tony cleaning up messes you could actually clean up. 

But now…

What happened if someone with a camera saw  _Captain America_ , Steve Rogers, alongside Iron Man,  _Tony Stark_ , and a mysterious  _Lady_ ? There was no way you’d be able to talk yourself out of that one. Now you kind of wished you’d made Tony stick to SHIELD’s alibi. But it was far too late for that now.  It also made Tony too right, that you should stay behind. 

Getting up from the couch you went to the desk, moving behind him to wrap your arms around his shoulders and lay your head atop his. His hands kept moving. Typing, researching,  _learning_ things that were millions of years beyond you. “You should get some sleep.” 

“You’ll leave without me.”

He huffed out a laugh. “You know me too well.” Unplugging a cable in one of the Heart Reactor’s ports, he handed it up to you. “Here.”

“Finished?” You weren’t exactly sure what he’d been up to, but whatever it was, you knew it was important. More security measures. More _anything_. Tony knew what he was doing. You did not. 

“For now. Put it on. And… don’t take it off until we’re debriefed. Promise me.”

_Until this is over_ , he was saying. Until the both of you were sure things were safe. 

“I promise, Tony.” Shifting back, you unzipped your hoodie again to stick it on your shirt underneath. One day you might seriously consider just sticking it right on your skin. Maybe this mission would push you to do so…

Leaning half away from his computers, typing ceased, he cast a look up your way. “Seriously.” A little comforting slide of his hand up your leg, a pat at your hip. “Go lie down. Sleep for a little while. I won’t leave.”

Sleep was probably impossible. Your stomach was in knots, your chest tight with anxiousness. There was no telling what tomorrow would bring. Something terrifying. Something dangerous. But for his sake… “You, too, okay?” You knew he was doing research on that cube thing, that Doctor Selvig, Loki- probably everyone else, too. Stuff that he needed to know. Stuff that would help him- and you, too, to be safe. Hopefully to end this soon.

“In a few hours. Sure.” The both of you knowing he was lying, but accepting it anyway. This was what always happened. He’d run ragged to make things right again, even if this time it wasn’t exactly his fault.

Bending in you kissed him carefully. Softly. Lingering until  _he_ broke back and gave you another light pat to the side, sending you off to the couch. You could go to the personal suite just a door down. The entire  _real_ reason this tower had been built in the first place. But you didn’t want to be away from him. Not because you didn’t trust he’d stick to his word and wake you when the time came but… you just couldn’t bear the thought of being away while he was still working. Especially not on the eve of something so terrible… 

* * *

Sleep didn’t come. You were too overwhelmed with thought. Eyes closed, you replayed that footage over and over in your head. How easily Loki had compromised Clint with that weapon- that stick. That’s why they wanted you, you were sure. They wanted you to reverse that- but you didn’t deal in mind control. Not really, anyway. It’s not what you’d practiced. Could you even do something like that? What would happen if it went wrong?

And Loki… SHIELD’s files would have you believe he was some sort of _alien_. Some kind of _god_. He looked human enough. Even if he looked like he had stumbled out of a convention center. Thor, too. _Alien_. God? From some planet far away called Asgard. Brothers, the two of them. And if **any** of this was true, it seemed that their rivalry was wreaking havoc on earth. But what for? Why? What did earth have to do with them aside Thor’s short stay here a year back? 

What did any of it have to do with you? With Tony?   
What happened if Loki took Tony?   
Or worse…

“Hey...” You had only just barely dozed off but the sound of Tony’s voice pricked your awareness, and you blinked your eyes open. He was standing over, with a finger up, phone in his hand.

Holding it out, Fury’s voice came over speaker. “You’ve got no time to waste. Loki’s camp has been spotted lurking around Stuttgart, Germany. We’re sending in Cap and Black Widow, but they’ll need backup. Lots of civilians. We need a very nice and neat containment. Get on it. Direct coordinates to follow.”

The phone triple beeped, signaling Fury just hanging up on the both of you. You sat up slowly, rubbing at your eyes. “ Did you sleep at all?” 

Civilians. He was attacking civilians in Germany? But why? This was bad. Even worse for you- but no time to consider it. This wasn’t about you. It was only about what you could  _ do _ . And if you sat by and did nothing… 

“If it makes you feel better. Come on. I think we have time to stop for coffee.” Smiling at you lightly, but the light died almost immediately as he helped you to your feet. “Offer to stay home still stands.”

Because you were risking everything to go. You both knew that.

“And let you have all the fun?”

The both of you aimed weak, fake smiles at each other.

Hopefully this would be over soon. Quick. Painless. All you had to do was go there, stop him, and cuff him. Right? Pick apart his camp. Rescue Clint, Selvig, the other agents under Loki’s control…

But this was too obvious. A thought you and Tony shared immediately after suiting up and taking off from the tower. It was early, only five AM yet, so you weren’t worried about paparazzi snapping pics of the two suits leaving- not that it mattered. This was where the road of invisibility ended for you. You were very sure of it. But that was the path you were choosing. Maybe it always had been.

“There’s a lot they’re not telling us.”

“SHIELD is withholding information? Color me _shocked_.” Unable to help yourself. Of course they weren’t giving you the full story. That was practically their entire motive at this point. Only dropping enough information to get people to act in their best interests. 

“Yeah. Well, I don’t like it. And when we pick up at this helicarrier of theirs, I’m gonna look into everything they’re hiding.”

“A mistake, inviting you into their house.” While you maybe should have had more reservations about Tony snooping, probably getting the both of you in trouble, it was probably for the best. Not to mention you trusted him more than you did them.

“Always. They never learn. But we will.”

The both of you put the pedal to the metal, double boosting your way through the skies. The flight to Germany couldn’t take any longer than it needed to. With the coordinates dropped in both your HUDs, it was easy to see  _ where _ Loki was, but not easy to understand  _ why _ he was going there.

A gala of all things. Probably the worst option for you. One you might have attended any number of years back. All fancy rich people walking around- what was the play here? Terrorize the upper class? He had to be after something. But what?

“Romanoff and the old man are ahead of us. Fury has that little faith in them?” Tony pointing out another equally confusing fact. 

Nat being there made sense. You knew she was very close with Clint. With him pinned down like this, it couldn’t have been easy. There was likely no length she wouldn’t go to to get him back. But the two of them there, and Fury  _ still _ calling the both of you? “Worst time to assemble a team for the first time.” Under fire. 

“You get what I’m trying to say, right? They’re planning on using you.”

Eyes moving up, you arched a brow at his video window to your upper left. “They’re planning on using all of us. What’s the difference?”

He made a face right back at you. “I have weapons. You  _ are  _ a weapon- to them. Him. You up for that? He’s probably counting on you being an interrogation machine. Not to mention an un-brainwashing station.” 

“So you’re saying I shouldn’t do his dirty laundry for him?”

Tony grinned, albeit brief. “You won’t even do mine. Why’s he get special treatment?”

“You’re a grown man.”

“And he’s a grown secret agency director. I’m just making sure _we’re_ on the same team on this team. I’ll put a stop to anything you ask me to. But you gotta ask.” 

He was trying to put security protocols up for you before things got too messy. You appreciated his foresight greatly, not to mention how much he cared for you to be having this conversation. A sigh escaped you as day turned back into night across another border. “If that’s all I’m good for, then I have to do what I can to do my part.”

“But it’s _not_.” Quick to smother that thought. “That might be why Fury picked you up- why he wants you here. But that doesn’t mean you have to jump when he says to.” 

Funny, that he’d bring that up, considering your talk with Cap a while back…

Beneath you cars were zooming down the street, and the two of you broke the cloudline to lower in. Civilians were screaming. Running. LUNA spoke up, “We’re approaching the drop zone. SHIELD Quinjet one mile away.”

Tony found it in himself to grin again. “JARVIS, give me their PA. We should be able to have some fun.”  Atop your line of sight you saw,  _ Quinjet PA System Override. Patched through communications.  _ “Agent Romanoff, you miss us?”  Shoot to Thrill started playing over everyone’s speakers. 

Just as the two of you twisted around a building, you followed suit, “ We thought you could use some help. ” 

“Alright honey, let’s sweep him right off his feet.” 

Target locked on Loki, looking even more ridiculous in what seemed to be a helmet with a pair of golden antlers- and seemed to be having a fight with Cap- ...who was in full costume as well. This superhero business really was shaping up to be _something_. Coming to a dead stop midair, you held both your hands up, firing simultaneous blasts with Tony, knocking Loki down to the ground in a tumble. 

With him down, the both of you killed thrusters and dropped. While his suit unloaded just about every weapon it had on it, you only kept your hands up. You may not have had miniguns and lasers but it would do just as well. Your eyes stayed on him as Tony spoke. “Make your move, reindeer games.”

Steve came over to your side, brandishing his shield. Loki seemed to give up immediately- and his ridiculous outfit, shimmered and vanished into a… still ridiculous but less so outfit. Hands outstretched it was almost like he was begging you to take him into custody. Either smart, not to fight all three of you, or playing you for fools. Hard to say.

You also noticed Clint was nowhere to be seen.

Tony recalled his weapons. “Good move.”

As you put your hands down, Steve looked to the both of you. “Mr. Stark. ...Lady.” Stumbling on exactly what to call you, but you could quite literally  _ feel _ him making the connection, finally. 

You and Tony answered him in unison, “Captain.”

* * *

While Tony and Steve took care of putting Loki in handcuffs and getting him up onto the jet, your primary focus became the surrounding area’s survivors. Loki had done a lot of damage to a couple of cop cars and injured more than a few people. There were also security guards for the gala hurt badly in the nearby alleyway. As more police started trickling in with ambulances in tow, you made sure to give concise directions. Severely wounded first, followed by the lightly injured elderly people that had been knocked over and trampled during the ensuing chaos.

There was a doctor in the building, someone told you, who was in critical condition, so you directed a line of first responder traffic that way. As you were helping an older gentleman up, Nat’s voice came over your comm. “We’re gonna need you to hurry up. We need to get back to the helicarrier.”

“Give me a second.” Bending down, you picked up his cane and handed it to him. “If you need treatment, there’s a shorter line on the third medic ambulance.”

He smiled. “ _ Die Welt dankt dir. Unt  _ Iron Man _ .”  _

Your German was a little rusty, but you nodded all the same, catching the meaning rather easily. “ _ Alles Gute _ .” Turning, you took off to the sky where the Quinjet was hovering still awaiting your arrival. 

“_Danke! Danke!_” The crowds were building up a cheer below. 

O nce inside the open hatch, it closed immediately behind you. Loki was seated on a bench, head down, hands bound. Nat flipped a few switches above her head. “Glad to have you back. You know, SHIELD has a clean up crew.” She was anxious, you understood why. 

“A personal touch never hurt.” And it had just sort of become your _thing_. Cleaning up the aftermath of terribleness. 

You deactivated your helmet, keeping the visor on for now instead. Tony slipped his own helmet off. “We didn’t lose time. And public opinion is probably pretty important right about now. Considering.”

Considering the Avengers had just gone out on their first mission, you supposed. Though if those files were to be believed, you were still missing some members.

Steve pulled his face hood off and turned to address you. “Was that really a good idea? You’ve gone to such lengths to keep up appearances, I don’t know that getting close with a crowd is in your best interest.”

“I’m alright. But I appreciate the concern.” Whatever came out of it, if the world figured it out (which they would), you’d just have to stand by your own decisions.

The air was tense inside the jet as it took off in a speedy blast, although it would be an hour yet before the group made it to the helicarrier. And when you did, Tony would get up to all sorts of snooping, so you weren’t sure if you wanted to hurry or delay.

While  _ finally _ Tony took a moment to speak with Steve, something you wanted to pay attention to, you caught Loki looking at you. Something of an amused glare, if that were even possible. Unable to help yourself, you stared right on back, crossing your arms. The whole reason you were really here… it wasn’t to make a crowd feel better about the sudden appearance of a superhero ensemble. 

The reason Fury wanted you here was sitting right in front of you, and briefly you dropped your eyes to the scepter Loki had been toting that was now in your team’s possession. The one that turned minds, supposedly. “LUNA scan that for me, please.” Calm (and very quiet) as you asked, not interrupting the other people in the jet thankfully.

Your attention turned back to Loki after the fact, arching a brow at him. His smirk grew wider. There didn’t need to be an overwhelming amount of evidence that he had  _ wanted _ to get taken. This only confirmed what you already knew. But maybe if you just took a little look… 

Eyes glazing over as you touched inside that dark space. Different from any other time. He stood what felt like yards away from you, staring- much the same way he had been- It was frigid here and he-

He seemed to be… wrapped in some very thin yellow  static .  Protecting himself? From you?  Just beyond it he seemed to be mouthing some words-

“_You think yourself a witch, do you_?” It looked like his voice was out of sync. 

Loki was moving.  
He was moving towards  _ you _ . And you couldn’t get away. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to move to. 

One step- then the next- and then in the blink of your eyes he was right on you, hand wrapped around your throat. “ _ I’ve known far better in my time. _ ” 

With a powerful lunge he threw you from your feet, holding you down-  _ **drowning you** _ . Uselessly you reached up, grabbing, clawing- efforts futile as his other hand came down,  _ squeezing _ your windpipe. Fear consumed you completely-

So you projected it. Deep in this mucky water he’d created you pushed all of yourself forward and felt him falter  just as your hands sunk inside of him .  A high pitched whine rang in your ears. Taking your chance you shoved yourself forwards, twisting your body over top his until the water you’d been drowning in gave out, becoming so much  _ deeper _ , and the two of you fell all the way down… 

Someone was calling your name…

* * *

“I don’t like it.” 

Tony was doing his absolute best to not start off on the wrong foot. This was bound to be a much longer engagement than he’d have liked, and if he started trouble now… well, not only would it make it that much  _ longer _ , but she’d be mad. And he couldn’t have that. “What? Rock of Ages giving up so easy?” 

“I don’t remember it ever being that easy. This guy-”

A thud broke both their attention and Tony whirled on heel to see her drop to the floor. In two quick moves he was there beside her. “JARVIS, vitals-”

“Stark-”

His head whipped up, looking at Steve- who currently had Loki by the shoulders. His eyes were rolled far back in his head, with a trickle of blood coming from his nose. And when Tony looked back- she looked  _ the same _ . “JARVIS I need those vitals  **now** !” 

“What’s going on back there!?”

Tony cradled her head forward- she suddenly started gasping- wet- heavy- choking? Choking for air? “Sir, she’s going into cardiac arrest-” 

“She’s asphyxiating-!” He heard LUNA’s voice, strange considering he hadn’t asked _her_\- but no time to think about it.

Her name fell out of his mouth several times in quick succession- and just behind him Steve picked Loki up from his seat and slammed him back against the wall with a harsh  _ crack _ . “What are you doing to her?!” 

Then so suddenly- “She’s stabilizing-”

“Honey, look at me...” Tony’s next breath finally came when her eyes rolled back down, closed, and then blinked a few times. When she tried to sit up, he held her as she gasped in what sounded like a painful gust of air, followed by coughing. “Easy, easy- breathe- tell me what hurts-”

H er hands reached up, clasping,  _ clawing _ at hi m . “ _ Tony- _ ” 

“_Easy_. Take it easy. You’re fine. I’ve got you. What happened? What did he do?” 

Loki growled behind them. “What _I _did? That insolent wretch dared to-” 

Steve shoved him against the wall again. “We’ve heard enough out of you.”

“She’s _lucky_ to still be breathing. By my _generosity_ alone- If you _**dare**_ to put your hands on me again I’ll snap your neck-!” 

Tony put his hand up, repuslor charging. “Keep talking and I’ll show you something generous.”

A boom of thunder rumbled the inside of the jet, followed by an almost immediate crack of lightning that illuminated the inside. Loki’s angry rambling ceased. Tony’s attention refocused, hand cupping the side of her face. She at least looked less pale, and her breathing had evened out. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Steve stepped back, arms crossed, as if blocking the both of them from Loki’s view. “What’s the matter? After all that yelling, you’re scared of a little lightning?”

“I’m not overly fond of what follows.”

As if calling the universe to continue its rampage, the ramp of the Quinjet screeched in a scrape of metal as it manually opened- rather, as  _ someone _ ripped it open. A gust of wind  tore through and a man stepped in. Just as quick he took Loki by the throat and then he was gone. Leaving everyone stunned.  Tony sighed,  annoyed down to his very core . “And now there’s  _ that _ guy.” 

“Go.” Finally she said something. “I’m fine- _go_\- you can’t let him take Loki-” 

N at yelled from the front, “Another Asgardian??”

S teve stood out at the edge of the ramp, looking down. “Think he’s a friendly?” 

Standing, helping her onto her feet, Tony directed a shake of his head Steve’s way. “Doesn’t matter. If he frees Loki or kills him, the Tesseract is lost.” He took hold of both sides of her face in his hands. “You really okay?”

“Yes- I’ll try and explain later- just go get Loki back. Don’t rough him up too much. I wanna be the one to kick his ass.” Her delightful fire he’d come to love meant she was probably more than fine. Even after such a scare.

“No promises.” Putting his helmet back on he stepped aside her to go to the ramp.

“Stark, we need a plan of attack!” Steve clearly had a huge objection to this.

“I have a plan.” Tony’s voice echoed out from the helmet. “Attack.” Wasting no more time than that, jumping clear of the ramp, following the heat signatures to the ground.

At least for round two they were in the middle of nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We might be trifling with powers beyond our current level here. Doesn't mean we stop trying to save the world!!!


	50. Chapter 50

Things were fuzzy for far too long. The second Tony had let go of you and left to go _retrieve_ Loki from whoever had taken him, you stumbled back to sit on the bench. Steve had asked you something- probably as much as Tony had in the way of you being alright, but once you waved him off, he left next. There was no imagining what damage they were doing to the world below, and not enough in you to start trying. Loki was away from you now, which gave you enough room to breath. To pause.

To  _think_ . 

This really was far beyond you. Never in your life had you ever had someone attack you that way. Something that deep. So  _personal_ . Technically… that’s what you did to people all the time, though not quite as aggressively. It triggered a migraine that had long since become familiar to you, although you hadn’t had one of this caliber in quite some time. 

“You gonna be alright? What happened?” You barely caught Nat asking you this, and if she was focused on you, it meant whatever was going on down below wasn’t necessary to pay attention to. Then again, Iron Man and Captain America had left together. They probably had it more than handled.

“I tried to look into him. He looked back.” Hand to your head, you pressed your face to the cool metal of the jet’s wall, burning up.

“Seems like he did a little more than _looking_.” Fragile as you were, her _uneasiness_ tore through you, no defenses to stop it. “You didn’t answer me.”

“I’ll be fine.” Accidentally curt with her. “-thank you. I’ll be okay… I can continue.” The last thing you wanted right now was for her to put in some word about you going weak and have them toss you from the mission. Even though really what you _did_ want was to never be near Loki again. 

But that just wasn’t how this was going to work. Now you thought you understood. That was probably the  _exact_ reason you were here. You couldn’t bail on it now. You just had to do better. Whatever it took. 

* * *

Too much time passed before Tony and Steve reentered the jet with Loki in tow- and another face- the man who had stolen him for that short period.  _Thor_ you recognized, from his file and videos. The brother. It made sense, you supposed, that he’d be here to try and stop Loki. It was probably a very bad look for  _his brother_ to be out murdering people on a planet that didn’t belong to them.

But then again, what did you really know about gods and aliens? About Thor and Loki?

Tony stood firm beside you while the jet moved into motion again. As you looked up, you caught Thor frowning at you. “Has he hurt you?”

All you could do was offer a weak smile. “I’ve had worse.”

“I am sorry for the trouble he’s caused.”

Behind him, Loki was rolling his eyes with a click of his tongue against his teeth. It was probably better to make peace with Thor, he seemed more sensible. And kind. “ Hold your apologies until the whole thing is over. You might not know what you’re apologizing for just yet.” 

He smiled at you. “Wise words, perhaps.”

Tony leaned a little closer to you, waiting until Thor turned the other way to start speaking with Steve. Then, quietly, “You cozying up with the Wonder Twins already?”

“One of them, at least.”

He made a face, pretty displeased about your continual disposition to try and make friends with the people you had to work with. But his expression softened as he put a hand to your forehead. “You okay? What did he do?”

Now the second time you had to answer, “I wasn’t ready for him. Next time I will be.”

“There doesn’t have to be a next time.”

You let a silence sit, considering this. But, in the end you knew that probably wasn’t true. Still, “We’ll see.”

* * *

It was freshly night in the timezone the SHIELD helicarrier was sitting over, making your haziness even worse. The precise reason why, after docking and after agents came to haul Loki away, you requested a shower. Something Fury directed a very annoyed look at you over. “We’re not running a hotel.”

“Come on. Giant airship doesn’t have personal rooms? Not even for the top dogs? Should have asked me to look over the blueprints.” Tony crossed his arms. 

“Who told you you were top dogs? They lied to you. You’re not running the show.” Fury turned his back on the entire team, following in Loki’s wake. Probably smart, to not be away from the man causing so much trouble for too long. Where they were going to keep him…? Good question. 

A dark haired woman turned to you. “We bunked you and Mr. Stark together. If you take the elevator down two levels, it’s the third room on the right hand side.”

Grateful immediately,  “Oh. Thank you, agent…?” 

Her smile was a brief flash before she simply nodded. “Hill.” Then she, too, took off.

Even though you moved to go, Tony put a hand to your side quietly, letting the others turn and following the agent train going on. Once out of earshot he looked at you. “Are you okay to go by yourself?”

“I’m fine.” You were getting progressively better the more time passed, but you already knew the reason he was asking that. “Don’t make it too obvious.” Leaning up, you gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

The last person waiting cleared his throat. The two of you looked at Couslon. “Take any longer and we’ll seal you outside on the deck and start moving again.”

“We’re coming.” You called to him with a half smile.

“Always so cheery, isn’t he?” Tony looked after him as he left the two of you alone outside.

Giving him a small pat, “Go easy on him. We have a world destroying demi-god in custody and… I think he’s having a tough time with his girlfriend right now.” He barely ever talked about it, but it was clear his  _secret agent life_ was kind of interfering with any semblance of a love life. You understood him  deeply . 

Tony gaped. “ _Girlfriend?_ Well in that case I better hurry up and give him some much needed advice.” 

“Be good.” You warned him.   
  
He just grinned. “When aren’t I?”

With the rest of them busy on the bridge, you excused yourself two floors below and into the room Agent Hill had directed you to. It wasn’t anything fancy, that was for sure, but then again, Fury was right. He wasn’t running a hotel. It was just enough to sleep in if need be. A small room with a bed and some side tables, and a bathroom through the door to the left. The sparseness of it all left you surprised that they’d have a robe hanging on the door hook- even if it was of the extremely scratchy variety. As were the towels.

But the water was fresh and hot, and that’s really all you needed. Enough to soothe your muscles and calm your mind for just a little while. You knew you couldn’t stay in there, much as you would have liked to for the next few hours.  You took about as much time as you thought you could afford before stepping out, drying off just a little and then putting on that robe- 

Just in time to be interrupted by the door opening. You assumed it would be Tony, coming to check in on you, so your startle at seeing someone  _else_ there took a minute to start up. When it did, a delayed noise came from you and you turned, even though you were fully shielded. 

His hands went up, “Oh! I’m sorry- I’m sorry- I thought this was my room- I was pretty sure...”

“It probably is.” You offered, completely embarrassed. “I wasn’t really paying attention when I came down here. I’m sorry.” Turning you looked at him, a few seconds enough to match his face to what you knew. Bruce Banner. _The Hulk_. Well. Some of the time. According to his file, he hadn’t actually had an _incident_ as they called it, in quite some time. 

Not sparing a moment longer, he closed the door. “Don’t worry about it. And you can keep the robe.”

Once you were sure he was behind that completely closed door, you quickly started drying off and then getting back into the clothes you’d came in. Not the funnest of adventures, but oh well. “Is it yours?” Not knowing if he was still there or not.

Yet for one reason or another you delighted in the fact that, for whatever reason, he  _was_ still hanging around. “Me? No. I packed light. Must be a uh… standard gift.” 

“I’d have preferred a gift basket full of meat or something.” All zipped up and back in your shoes, you folded the robe and towel and left them on the counter. Exiting, you smiled as he looked up. “It’s good to meet you, Bruce-”

“Despite the circumstances?” He was grinning lightly, hands wringing gently together.

“Which ones?” You teased.

Nodding, “Fair enough. Actually I uh… I think I wanted to talk to you. Do you mind?” When you shook your head he turned towards the front door. “Wanna take the long way back up to the lab?”

“Oh, they have a lab? I bet you and Tony are getting up to all sorts of fun.” Agreeing both out of necessity and curiosity to his request, stepping aside him to walk aside him in the hall.

He chuckled softly with a shake of his head. “Not yet. Soon, I imagine. But at least I get why he’s here.” Straight to the point, it seemed, even if you easily sensed he meant nothing by it. At least not malicious. You waited for him to continue. When he did, his tone was a little bit darker. “SHIELD bring you here for me?”

“Not that I know of. I think I’m supposed to be undoing whatever Loki’s doing.” Speaking as honestly as you could. It was probably better to get this out of the way now. He must have been thinking about it for a while.

“Yeah. Except as far as I read, you’re supposed to be some sort of empath, right? Not really in the business of mind control. And on the other hand-”

“That’s what they tell me, anyway.” Joking right now probably wasn’t the best idea. But you couldn’t help but try to relieve at least _some_ tension. 

“Sure. So what happened to you? Some sort of experiment gone wrong?” He glanced at you, a lift of his brows.

Shaking your head, you couldn’t help a small smile. “No. I keep getting asked that. No one did this to me. It just kind of… happened.  One day I started feeling a little too much.” 

You were slightly surprised to catch the sight of his smile where before he’d seemed pretty serious. Considering what he was trying to ascertain, you couldn’t hold it against him. “Maybe you’re just sensitive. They make pills for that.”

At  _that_ you couldn’t help a giggle. “Is that all I have to do? Take some pills and all this goes away?” 

“Don’t we all wish it were that easy.” You caught him wringing his hands again out of the corner of your eye. “So you don’t think you’re here for me. ...but you know why I’m asking.” 

Shrugging, “About as much as you know about me, I’m guessing.”

“Just enough.”

“SHIELD is in the habit of only telling you what they think you need to know. And nothing more.” Something you’d become all too familiar and frustrated with over the course of your dealing with them. At the end of the hall you spied two agents, guns in hand, take a hard look at the two of you. “Seems like everyone’s a bit on edge.”

“Yeah. I do that to people.”

“Could just be Loki.” You gave him a softer smile.

“Wouldn’t that be nice.” Soft sarcasm right back at you. As the agents stepped aside for the two of you so you could get on the lift up, “You don’t seem to share the sentiment.”

“Do I need to?”

This time he grinned. “I don’t think I get to answer that question. I’m pretty  _involved_ .” 

Finally pinpointing what he was  _really_ getting at, “I’m not scared of you. And I’m not here to control you, Bruce. And even if that’s what they wanted me to do… it doesn’t really seem like I need to.” 

To this he just crossed his arms and gave a little shrug.

You felt for him. Everyone around must have been walking on tiptoe, avoiding him,  _watching_ him. How could anyone live a normal life the way he was? And being around people that should have underst oo d it, they still treated him like a  _monster_ . 

It made you feel terrible- because that’s what you’d been calling him ever since you’d seen that scant information about what had happened in Harlem. A monster. The other one, _Abomination_, had been a monster, too. Both altered by the Super Soldier Serum irrevocably. But now you understood it a bit better. While Emil Blonsky had done that to himself, with Ross’ help, ultimate to try and stop Bruce-

Bruce had had that happen to him by accident. With _all _shadowy help from Ross. You’d seen transcripts. That Bruce hadn’t been properly prepped on what he was working on. Because Ross only wanted his brain. But this was the way SHIELD worked sometimes, too. They told you just enough. Even when that wasn’t enough. And it caused problems.

On top of it all, he’d been handed a file that probably said he was to be closely quartered with someone who manipulated emotions- the one thing that set off the beast lurking inside him. It made all the sense in the world he was trying to get a read on you. What other choice did he have?

Giving him a little nudge, hopefully not playing  _too_ friendly, “You seem pretty normal to me.” 

This urged a more real laugh out of him, seeming to catch him by surprise. “Okay  _now_ I know you’re trying to butter me up.” 

“Is it working?”

The doors opened and the two of you looked at one another. He broke first into a smile. “Maybe just a little. Still...” His hands pressed together as you disembarked and turned the corner.

“I’m sure SHIELD did its fair amount of convincing, if they need you. But I’m also sure you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to.” If he couldn’t handle it, you meant. Or thought he might not be able to.

“To be fair, I didn’t know we were riding _this_.”

“You’re not asking me to, but just know that I trust you.”

He nodded, though didn’t seem completely convinced. Outside the lab doors he stopped, turning to look you over. “Doesn’t seem like a lot of that going around.”

“SHIELD isn’t the most trusting type.”

He grew serious very suddenly. “And you and Tony. You are?”

You countered with bright optimism. “With the right people.”

Bruce seemed to be considering the idea- or more likely, you. No doubt many agents were on this ship trying to get in good with him just to _be on his good side __**just in case**_. But it wasn’t like that. You weren’t frightened of him. He seemed like a decent man who had been given a very shitty hand at life and was trying his best.

That was something you not only respected but something you understood.

As he opened his mouth to perhaps give a final verdict, he was cut short by the lab doors opening, Tony appearing behind them with his hands in his pockets. “Having a little party without me? She does that often, you know.”

“I do not.” Pouting just a little, playfully.

Bruce dropped his head with a light smile and a small chuckle. “I’d hardly call it a party.”

“That’s because I wasn’t invited. Get in here. We’ve got work to do.” Clearly not going anywhere, only having activated the doors just to get you two to stop standing there and join him, he turned around and went back to his work station.

Gesturing, you allowed Bruce to step ahead of you. And while you were right about to join the two of them, heavy footfalls sounded at the end of the hallway and you turned to see a very tall,  _ very _ beefy man in a red cape coming your way. 

Thor.

Tony and Bruce looked quietly as he approached you. You stood your ground but gave him a light smile, one he didn’t return immediately as he spoke. “I have been told that Loki assaulted you.”

Opening up your body language, your hands dipped into your back pockets. “To be fair, I think I technically  _ assaulted _ him first.” Not that Loki deserved fairness right now, but… well. They  _ were _ brothers. While you got a good  _ sense _ about Thor, that may not have meant much.

Sometimes family was stronger than good sense.

“Retaliation, then.” He surprised you with a grin. “Regardless, I must apologize for his behavior.”

Your brows lifted. “If that’s the way you feel, you’re gonna be doing  _ a lot _ of apologizing.” 

His smile just as quickly vanished. “Yes, it would seem that way.”

“My point being, his sins are not yours. Even if you are brothers.”

Thor seemed not to know which expression to pick next. He hovered somewhere between softly  _ disappointed _ and… a thrum of  _ fondness  _ he hid from everyone else. But couldn’t, from you. “While that may be the case, I am the reason he’s here. Whatever actions he inflicts upon others due to this… I must bear them as my own.” 

Yes. For sure Thor was a much more stable and far better man than Loki was. But there was also something about Loki… about your encounter with him… while it wasn’t smart right now to go back and see him, especially not alone- ...you had some thoughts you needed to check out.

For now, you gave Thor yet another gentle smile. “ _ He’s _ the reason he’s here, Thor.  Just because he’s throwing some sort of murder-rage tantrum because he’s mad at you doesn’t make it your fault.  But we’ll be the reason he stops.” 

Like another flash in the pan, seeming to enjoy your sentiment, he reached out to put a hand on your shoulder, joined with a bright smile. “You are wise, Lady… Lady. ...is that what I should call you?”

He did have that old-timey affect to him.  _ Lady  _ in this instance was probably just the proper way of addressing a woman where he came from. Which made it especially hilarious that your Avenger name had now fully become one and the same. Tony raised a hand from behind his work desk, “Uh, I have a suggestion.” 

“No you don’t.” You quickly cut him off. “Just the one _Lady _is fine.” 

His hand came down on your shoulder, perhaps a little harder than he meant it to, but you bore his weight with a steady stance. “Lady it is. Thank you for your kind words, Lady.”

“You’re welcome, Thor. Any time.” 

The two of you shared a nod and one last light expression and then he continued on his way. Brief meeting over, you finally stepped into the lab, the doors whooshing shut behind you. Bruce had his head down, working on the table top keyboard. “You have a way with words. He’s been sulking since we got on board.”

Tony huffed out a laugh. “Doesn’t she just? Do I have to worry you’re about to disappear over the rainbow?”

Coming to stand next to him, you couldn’t resist a little laugh. “No. I mean, come on. Look at our circumstances. I’d be way out of my league walking around gods like those.” Tiredness seeping back in, or maybe it was the familiar draw of his comfort, you leaned your head around him.

While he poked and prodded and worked his way through something on a hologram monitor in front of him with one hand, his other arm came around you, giving you a light squeeze. “What a pitch.  _ No I won’t leave you because he’s out of my league. _ Love everything about it.” 

“Am I witnessing some dysfunction? Should I leave?” Bruce looked up, although it was clear he was joking with the grin he was wearing.

You grinned back. “No, stay. I’ll need a witness.”

“Or a ringer. You’d back her, right? I’d be in a lot of trouble.” Tony shared in the mutual grin and warmness going around the room.

Joking easily about what was making the other agents ostracize him. “Oh, please. I can handle you by myself.” A small pause for thought that ended in, “Besides, he’s lying. He thinks he could take you.”

Bruce was practically toothy, the smile he was wearing, head still down. Tony shrugged. “Well. As long as you’re saying it. I mean I’d love to see. Can we set up a playdate?”

“Let’s just get through this first. And if we’re all alive after…?” Bruce mirrored the _easygoing_ shrug. 

You tutted with a sigh. “Oh, you shouldn’t have done that. He’s going to hold you to it.”

Despite himself and his apprehensions,  _ other people’s _ apprehensions, here in this little lab on the helicarrier, Bruce laughed. Although it was with a shake of his head, you felt the small slip of a wall. Letting down where he felt he was being treated like an equal. Like a person. Not just a bomb. 

You might not have been able to figure out the thing with Loki- not right now anyway-,  and this was surely going to spell out a hell of a lot of trouble for your personal life, but… maybe being an Avenger on this little team wasn’t so bad after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey wonderful lovely people, thank you as always for leaving all the love! I'm just putting it out there that I've had some unfortunate life circumstances befall me lately and I am very sick right now. I'm not saying there WON'T be usual updates next week, but what I will say is that please keep an eye on the evienstark tumblr because if there aren't, the updates will be there. (Also I post gifs and stuff on that tumblr so if you wanna follow it too that's cool if not also cool no pressure)


	51. Chapter 51

Tony had taken some time, and a call with Happy, to link up a jet flyby to procure some of his more valuable tech in order to track down the Tesseract. That had become the main focus, as far as you’d been made aware. While he was outside, you stood aside Bruce as a few agents brought in that stick Loki had been brandishing as a weapon. It surely _looked_ like one- 

But as soon as it was in the room with you, and the agents gone, a high pitched whine rang in your ears again. Something that drew a soft annoyed breath accompanied with a hand to your forehead.

“You alright?” Bruce was setting it down, locking it into place on the table so that scans could begin. The process that they wanted the two most brilliant minds on earth (at their disposal right now, anyway) seemed simple enough to say- scan the stick with that burning blue gem at its heart, and follow a similar signal to the Tesseract. The notes that you’d been left with said that this thing was powered by the Tesseract, at least that’s what SHIELD figured. But you weren’t entirely convinced.

Right now, you weren’t entirely anything except in a mild state of pain. “Yeah. Just a headache.”

The sound ringing in your ears was all too familiar.

Did Loki himself power the stick? Was that one of the things he could do? You really had no idea about him. Was Thor similar? Did he have similar powers? Maybe you should go and ask. But before you could make a coherent decision about whether that would help or hurt, Tony came back in, lugging to portable computer cases. One of which he laid in front of you,  bending down to the side to start picking up heavy wires, plugging them into the ports on the side . “Log on to Stark Servers, I’m gonna send you a to-do list on c e we’re all set up.” 

At least Tony was taking this seriously now. Maybe easier to do, with Loki imprisoned just below you and a new shiny toy to examine. And a new smart friend to do so with. This was a little out of your league, but what Tony needed you to do, you’d do. “Sure.” Opening the latches on the case and setting the lid up, you powered on the computer and input all three passwords to get inside the mainframe.

It occurred to you, briefly, that you were in a little bit of a media blackout. You wondered if news of Iron Man’s mysterious Lady sidekick had started circulating yet. You could go and check, if you wanted to…

With the stick wired in to its contraption, and the computers set up to start reading data, Bruce waved a handheld scanner over it. SHIELD’s own arsenal of tech was impressive, but surely you could do a lot more if you were at home. Oh well. Tony’s fingers were quick on one of the screens as Bruce started to speak, “The gamma readings are definitely consistent with Selvig’s reports on the Tesseract. But it’s gonna take weeks to process.”

Too much time. Time you didn’t have. Wherever Loki had sent the Tesseract off to was no good, you were sure. His little borrowed minions were setting up something devastating. But what? What could that cube do? The same thing as the stick? You doubted it. Something else was going on here…

Tony came aside you, “If we bypass their mainframe and direct a reroute to the Homer cluster, we can clock this around six hundred teraflops.” One hand on your shoulder, the other at the keys, he moved into a different window. “Keep watch on these levels. We need them steady. If the left side starts waning, boost it like this…” Taking your hand in his to show you exactly what to do on the screen, fingers elevating a keyed pattern on the right side. “Got it?”

“Got it.” Nodding firmly. You didn’t technically _get it_, you didn’t know exactly what you were doing here. But Tony and Bruce needed your help with whatever these level things were- so you’d do exactly like he was showing you. 

Bruce smiled from his side of the room. “Pretty impressive tech you’ve got available at a moment’s notice. All I packed was a toothbrush.”

Stepping away from you, Tony smiled back. While you gave the screen most of your attention, you couldn’t help but try to watch them too. “You know, you should come by Stark Towers sometimes. Top ten floors, all R&D.”

“Oh!” You chimed in, grinning. “You’d love it. You may never want to leave.” Imagining, if this was even partially in Bruce’s wheelhouse, he definitely would enjoy an extended stay to do whatever research and testing and learning his heart desired.

“We’ll only start charging rent after the first year.” Tony shrugged.

Dropping his head with a little shake, “Thanks… but the last time I was in New York I kind of… broke Harlem.”

“Don’t worry about that.” You offered. “We’re in midtown. Much less stressful environment I promise.” Joking just a little, enjoying the sight of his grin in return as he looked at you, brow arched. 

Tony circled him, and you only just realized he had picked something up off a table. Some little device. “No tension. No surprises.” While standing next to him, he suddenly poked him with whatever it was-

And you heard a short electrical zap hit the air, along with Bruce jolting and uttering a low grunt of pain, “Ow!” 

Tony leaned in a little to scrutinize the reaction, a squint of his eyes. From the far end of the room, Steve entered, “Hey!” His shout startling you far more than what was happening in front of you.

“Nothing?” Tony looked at Bruce and then at you. “Nothing?” You could only shrug carelessly at this.

Steve came closer, falling to a stop in front of your station. “Are you  _nuts_ ?” 

“Jury’s out.” Tony looked at him for less than a second. Probably generous, considering.

You were glad  Steve’s back was turned on you because this made you grimace. After you and Tony had basically set up a safe  place for Bruce to be a normal person… 

Tony ignored him, addressing Bruce again. “You really have got a lid on it, haven’t you?” And at this Bruce smiled. “What’s your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums?”

“Morning yoga in the park?” You chimed in, unable to help yourself.

“Huge bag of weed?” Tony continued.

Steve half turned, giving you quite the disapproving look, one you just met with a stare. He then looked back at Tony, with a gaze full of far more ire. “Is everything a joke to you two?”  While you understood his mentality, maybe he wouldn’t be so on guard if he got time to know Bruce. Instead he was just taking that file at face value. It really would have helped the team to speak with each other more… was that something you could work on? 

“Funny things are.” Tony pointed the little probe in Steve’s direction.

_This_ , however, was not going to end well. You’d stepped away, perhaps unwisely now you were realizing, when the first real introductions had been made. Whatever they’d talked about on the bridge while you were gone was beyond you. Lost. And it seemed like Steve and Tony may not have decided to get along just yet. It made sense… Steve was a bit more serious, and for the purposes of being  _on a mission…_ the Captain America side of him was striking out strong.

This would definitely war with Tony’s more carefree attitude about things in general. Things he could control, or thought he could control. Not to mention the  _other_ thing happening on the ship… 

“Threatening the safety of everyone on this ship isn’t funny.” Steve paused briefly, hopefully feeling terrible after saying something so insulting like that so flagrantly in front of the person it was targeting. “...no offense, doctor.”

Bruce shook his head, but you noticed he had kept it down since this whole thing started, focusing more on his work. “No it’s alright. I wouldn’t have come aboard if I couldn’t handle pointy things.”

You tried to catch his attention with a light smile.  “ Well we’re glad to have you working with us.” 

T ony shook his head, walking away. “You’re tiptoeing, big man. You need to strut.” An ideology you could maybe sympathize with. Could it be that Bruce was working at half capacity because he was trying to hypothetically keep his head down?  Funny how Tony caught that before you. 

S teve turned to start tracking him, “And you need to focus on the problem, Mr. Stark.” 

While Tony made himself busy getting something off the table, you spoke up. “We are, Steve. We’re working. But there’s a lot more going on here that we just don’t know.” What was Loki capable of? What happened at that SHIELD facility he destroyed? What did SHIELD know about where he came from? About the Tesseract? More than they were saying.

“Like what?” He turned to give you a questioning look, at least softening when he was addressing you. But that wouldn’t help matters. He didn’t only need to get along with _you_. 

Something that was becoming more clear, because every time Tony spoke, you felt a soft spike in  _annoyance_ . Not just from Steve. But from Tony, too. “Why did Fury call us and why now? She’s been working with them for months, but we only find out about this yesterday? What isn’t he telling us? I can’t do the equation unless I have all the variables.” 

Finally, Steve wavered. “You think Fury’s hiding something?”

Unable to help yourself you scoffed. “ _Steve_ , please. He wanted me to lie to you the first time we met. He withholds anything he thinks isn’t  _vital_ to the people he puts to work.” 

Tony opened a silver bag, continuing easily, “He’s a spy, Captain. He’s  _the_ spy. His secrets have secrets.” You found yourself more curious about what it was he was popping into his mouth than what was coming out of it. All stuff you already knew. Everyone else just needed to catch up. Your dealings with SHIELD had never been easy. Pointing to Bruce, speaking with a mouthful, “It’s bugging him too, isn’t it?” 

The three of you pointedly looked his way, and he seemed to short circuit in the spotlight. “Uuuhhhh… I- I’m- nn-” His hands waved around. “I just wanna  finish my work here… and...” 

“Bruce, you’re in good company.” You offered gently. Wanting him to let it out. If he was on your side, that would help Steve get there, too. Which would be a very good starting point when the team seemed to be stuck ten feet behind the starting line. 

H e looked at you and you held his gaze carefully, but then his eyes dropped and he shook his head. A sigh came out of him, and he reached up to take off his glasses. “A… warm light for all mankind. Loki’s jab at Fury about the cube.”  _Shit_ . So something important  _had_ gone on while you’d excused yourself. Damn it. 

“I heard it.” Steve confirmed.

Bruce waved his hand in Tony’s direction. “Well I think that was meant for you.” Then nodded over in your direction. “Maybe for the both of you.” Tony nodded, turning half away, offering up the little bag of whatever he had as if giving Bruce a prize for the correct answer.  Bruce considered the snacks and then stuck his hand in. “Even if Barton didn’t tell Loki about the Tower, it was still all over the news.” 

S teve’s  turned to look back at you  brows raised. “The Stark Tower?  In New York? ”  Like it was somehow  _your_ fault? 

“_What_?” 

“Well that’s _yours_ isn’t it?” 

Tony’s expression dried up in something far more than annoyance. “Excuse me, whose name is on that building?”

Steve put his hands on his hips. “I’m sorry if I got the wrong impression. It just seems to me she’s been doing more work in and  _for_ it than you have.” 

You bobbled your shoulders. “ _Mm_ . Don’t have to tell me twice.” Tony looked over at you but his lips twitched in a fond grin. 

Because only you two could talk at each other like that.

Bruce cut the rest of it (which was probably all nonsense anyway, honestly) off by continuing. “It’s powered by an Arc Reactor. A self-sustaining energy source.  That building will run itself for what, a year?” 

Excited about being able to talk about the Tower that you had so loving slaved over with Tony, you couldn’t help but speak up. It was good exercise for the presser… whenever  _that_ happened. “The levels yesterday at light-up were better than expected. We could probably do two. But it’s only a prototype.” 

There was a warm thrum of  _pride_ that caught you off guard, and when you looked up from your computer station, and own self satisfactory eagerness, you saw Tony smiling at you. But he  directed his attention towards Steve . “Yeah. We’re kinda the only name in clean energy right now.  That’s what he’s getting at. ” 

Bruce nodded. “So… why didn’t SHIELD bring either of them in on the Tesseract project? What are they doing in the energy business in the first place?”

All very valid points. And SHIELD had every opportunity to try and clue you into it. To maybe even try to get you to work on it  _without_ Tony, as they so loved doing. Regardless of the fact that you would have gone behind their backs on it, the fact that they didn’t try at all was alarming. 

Tony stepped away from Bruce to go to one of the monitors closer to you. “I should probably look into that once my decryption program finishes breaking into all of SHIELD’s secure files.”

You whipped your head around to look at him, about the same as yelling his name admonishingly. So much for  _not obvious_ . His brows raised and as if to soothe the oncoming storm brewing inside you, he offered you that bag he’d been toting around. Despite yourself you dipped your hand in to get some of whatever he was sharing with the class. Blueberries, apparently. “Where did you even get these?” 

“I’m sorry. Did you just say-” Steve _clearly_ had objections to this, which was exactly why Tony shouldn’t have said it it. 

But Tony cut him off. “JARVIS has been running it since I hit the bridge. In a few hours we’ll know every dirty secret SHIELD has ever tried to hide.” He offered the bag to Steve next. “Blueberry?” As if this were a normal day.

...all things considered…

He ignored the offering. “Yet you’re confused about why they didn’t want you around?” 

There may have been a hint of truth about this, but you couldn’t let that slide. “Steve… I work for them, remember? And I know as little as the rest of you.”

While Steve was busy puzzling a look your way, Tony lifted a hand to gesture. “An intelligence organization that fears intelligence? Historically not awesome.”   
  
Steve heaved a sigh, shaking his head. “I think Loki’s trying to wind us up.” An interesting angle to approach this from, considering you’d just been discussing Fury’s follies, not Loki’s. “This is a man who means to start a war, and if we don’t stay focused, he’ll succeed.” Ah. Well… yes, that was a fair point. “We have orders, we should follow them.” And then these, which were his Captain America colors.

You caught his attention with another glance. Trying to stay soft. There was no need to fight here. “We’re doing what needs to be done. But remember that whole  _why_ we’re being asked to  _jump_ thing?” 

Tony shrugged. “Following’s not really my style, anyway.”  Popping more blueberries into his mouth. So casual. 

Whatever good will you’d tried, it was destroyed immediately. Steve directed a sarcastic look Tony’s way. “And you’re all about style, aren’t you?”

Quick to rebuff,  _annoyance_ spilling over, “Of the people in this room, which one is, A, wearing a spangly outfit, and B, not of use?” 

This was no good. Even if Loki was the one behind all of this, somehow, and Steve was catching on to that about being  _wound up_ he was falling into it just as easy. Would Tony and Steve ever learn to get along? Your mouth opened to try and mitigate yet again, but it was Bruce who spoke, “Steve… tell me none of this smells a little funky to you?” 

It was good that you had at least one person on your side.  And it seemed that having two coherent voices asking him to consider the legitimacy of all this might finally turn him- but in just a few more seconds he brushed it off, and you felt a wave of disappointment. “Just find the cube.” And with that he turned heel and walked out of the room, leaving the three of you alone again. 

Tony shook his head, putting his bag of blueberries down and going to work at one of the monitors again. “Honey, your child is acting up. Maybe you should go follow him and put him in timeout to cool down.”

“Don’t _honey_ me over this one. You’re digging at him on purpose. Clean up your own messes.” Annoyed, slightly, because despite Tony being right, which made him all the more insufferable, he was being … well… insufferable. And it was pushing Steve away. Which was not the direction you needed him to be in. 

Walking away to a further monitor,  the one hanging over the table with the stick on top, back turned to you, “Hey, he came at me. And he’s  _wrong_ . Soldier following orders mentality isn’t what we need right now.”  _Frustration_ was leaking off of him- perhaps something you should have taken note of. Quickly you looked up at him as he scoffed. “That’s the guy my dad never shut up about? Wondering if they shouldn’t have kept him on ice.” 

It was more than  _frustration._ It was  _anger_ . And  _ **bitterness** _ .  With less excitement and voices in the room, that whine came back, along with a pang in your right temple, but you ignored them both. Stepping away from your station, you went to his side, brushing your hand against his. It broke his current storm, quieting it back to its small bubble as he looked at you. “We’re on a team now.” 

His lips pulled thin. “ _We’re_ a team. They’re adding voices not worth listening to into the mix. That’s not helping.” 

“So listen to _me_, then.” Your hand shifted up his arm, curling around his bicep in a light grip. “I’ve got your back, okay? I agree with you. But we’re not the only people here. And out of the people on this ship, more of them are agents for the organization we’re trying to undermine than aren’t.” Meaning, very simply, _please don’t alienate our only real potential allies_. 

H e softened up then, and you may have finally broken through. Not a tough thing, considering you knew him so well. But before you could see the light of your good work, a sharp crack of pain lashed across your forehead and you ducked in slightly with a hiss. The high pitched whine was back. Tony steadied you, hands on your arms. “Hey- take it easy- talk to me, what’s the matter?” 

“I don’t know.” You mumbled, hands rubbing at your face. “I’ve been a little off since that thing with Loki.”

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask-”

“Not right now.” You didn’t want to try to put that _experience_ into words. It had been harrowing. And clearly had left quite a large mark. 

“Sure.” Tony backed off immediately. “Look… why don’t you go lie down? We’ve got a little while until we’re on lock, and JARVIS won’t be finished for at least another hour.”

Half turning, about to perhaps accept Tony’s proposal- it sounded very nice. Especially considering you had no idea what actual time it was. How long had you been awake? ...better question, how long had  _he_ been awake? But before you could answer, you caught the sight of Bruce looking at the two of you. And the moment that he got caught, he looked down at his work sheepishly. “He’s right. We’ll be at this for a little while longer. I don’t mind if you get lost again and end up sleeping in my room.” Smiling lightly. 

An expression you returned. “Thanks.”  Still, you were slightly hesitant to just leave when you were right in the middle of things. 

A thought Tony soothed easily, reaching up to cup your cheeks in his palms, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead. It eased the pain back a bit somehow. “You need me to walk you?” Offering honestly.

“I’m alright. Only for a few hours, alright?” Even that was too much.

He gave you a light nod. “Sure.” Reaching up he tapped the inside of his ear. “I’m on frequency. You need anything just call.”

Easing up, you pressed a small kiss to his cheek. “Thank you.” Reliving to know he was just a word away. Literally. It probably made him feel better just as much. He seemed a little hard pressed to let you go, but you managed to slip away, offering Bruce a tiny wave that he returned just as shyly.

Now was absolutely no time to be lying down on the job.

Something you’d admonish yourself for later.

Unless it ended up biting you in the ass first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But of course it won't. Hahaha.


	52. Chapter 52

Before lying down, you thought it might be best to catch up with Steve. Maybe talking to him away from an audience, and especially away from Tony, might help him see the reason behind what you were saying. He always had seemed like a level-headed person, and he had some truth of it, too. Loki was getting the better of everyone. Maybe it was why it made it hard to agree with one another.

But no one seemed to know where he was. Which was funny. As you’d left the lab only moments after he’d stormed off. It probably meant he wasn’t in a talking mood. Not ready to be found. The last place you wanted to be was on the bridge, but that was also one of the last places you had yet to look, so begrudgingly you took yourself there. Fury, also, was noticeably absent, and the agents at every station looked up at you as you entered but forced themselves back to their work soon after.

The only people there worth talking to were Coulson and Thor who were gathered around a console, looking at a woman on screen. You had no idea what they were talking about, but Thor seemed pretty _forlorn_. It bothered you to bother _them_, but Coulson looked up at you as you got just a little bit closer.

“Everything alright?”

“Have you guys seem Steve? I need to talk to him about something.”

Leaning away from the computer, Coulson crossed his arms. “What something? I can locate him, if you like.” His way of trying to ask you if it was _important_ . _Need to know_.

You shook your head. “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”

Thor turned your way. “Are you well, Lady? You look rather pale.”

“I’m okay. I’m just feeling a little under the weather. I’m going to lie down. Sorry for bothering you.” There was nothing here for you.

Coming to your side, Thor gestured. “Allow me to walk you to your room.”

Your immediate instinct was to tell him _no thank you_, but you tamped it down. He’d probably just insist anyway. “Oh- um, sure. Thank you. That’s very kind.” You gave Couslon a little wave and took off at a slow place, Thor aside you. In the hallway you decided to be a little bit intrusive. For the greater good, of course. “Who was that woman on the screen? You know her?” Hoping she was okay, if that was the case.

“Jane Foster. And yes. SHIELD has done her a great favor in finding her a safe place to stay during all this madness.” Very easily a rain of _happiness_ washed over you from him. Mixed with _fondness_.

You couldn’t help a small smile. “Is she your girlfriend?” Interesting, if so. Jane was most likely a human from earth. What a love story!

“More than a friend, I would say.” Just a bit of _shyness_ came from him then. He was quite an open book for you.

“I just mean… you’re dating her? Uh… courting her?” His old world mannerisms were a little confusing. You’d have to get used to them.

It was impossible not to catch his smile out of the corner of your eye. “I care greatly for her, yes.”

Just as the two of you drew close to the elevator, “Tell me about her.”

Once inside he cast you a questioning glance. “Jane? She’s… no one has asked this of me.” He took a serious moment contemplating what he might say. “Jane was the first human I met, when I came to earth before. She helped me, even at personal cost. She’s incredibly intelligent and has such fire.” The longer he went on the more the _glow_ became apparent.

So much so that when the doors opened to the residential floor, you were grinning. “You love her.”

“I-…” He got caught in a small light of embarrassment but recovered fairly well, smiling widely at you. “I do.” It made all the more sense then, why SHIELD would stow her away somewhere, if his brother came to earth to destroy it- seemingly because Thor had developed attachments here.

Earth really was caught between these two. It was a little concerning, to be sure…

At your door, you beamed up at him. “She’s a lucky woman.”

“And I a lucky man.” Sure, now, emboldened by your findings. It made you feel pretty good. “If I may ask something similar of you...” Your brows lifted in question to allow him to continue. “Stark… you care greatly for him?”

For some reason this caught you completely off guard, and you felt a red flash in your cheeks. Had Thor been watching the two of you or something? Had Tony said something to him when they’d fought before? No way to guess. But at your overt reaction he began grinning and it was better to answer than to let him continue to go on that way. “I do.”

“You love him.” Now you were sure he was teasing you.

But you were firm as you answered. “I do love him. Deeply.”

“And he, you.”

But, now not understanding why he was continuing, you felt a little frustrated. “Yes. Why are you asking?”

He put a steady hand on your shoulder. “Fear not, I am not trying to upset you. I just wish to caution you. Loki is mischievous at his core. I never thought him capable of this great malice… but I mean to say, if I can see it, so can he. And he may try to use it against you.”

You glowered. “Loki is a lot of things. And he would be a fool to try and come between us.”

“Of this I have no doubt.” Thor answered strongly. For some reason it made you feel better. “Just keep it in mind.”

Thor was just trying to help you, it seemed. And no one knew Loki better than the man who was his brother. You couldn’t be mad at him for that. “Thanks, Thor. I will.”

“You are welcome. Thank you, as well. And rest well.” He gave your shoulder a little pat, gave you a little nod, and then turned on heel to leave. You watched him go for just a moment before pushing the button to open the door to your room. Thinking. About many things. Now _this_, too.

It made sleep impossible. You were sure you had the right room, this time, but sleeping was out of reach. You’d turned off all the lights and scrunched your eyes closed, tossed to one side and then the other. It was too difficult. Knowing Loki was so close. Sitting in that jail cell. Waiting. Waiting for what though? And those people who had the Tesseract? Where were they? What were they doing? Meanwhile your team was somewhat broken.

Clint was god knew where, doing stuff that he would no doubt regret later when you managed to save him- ..._you_ , right? They wanted _you_ to do it? If only they’d just tell you in plain words what your purpose here was. It surely couldn’t just be to get to know the team and try to quell them as the infighting started, could it?

What was Nat doing? Or Thor? Or Steve? While Bruce and Tony worked in the lab… this team needed to be assembled far before this. Why only now? What had SHIELD been doing before that they were hiding from you? What was the Tesseract? What was it capable of? And that stick with the gem…?

And now with the migraines back, and that noise- that noise that was still droning…

You felt yourself slip into a light doze. Just long enough to be unaware of your surroundings. In total darkness. Even blacker than just the lights off in your room.

Stifling.

Breathing became difficult, just coming in short pants. You felt yourself growing warmer. In a dream-? In reality-? Your eyes were opening- wide open then for just a moment. And you caught the sight of Loki’s pale face staring down at you. Unhinged. Tampered with that yellow static.

“_You’re going to be very useful. Aren’t you_?”

Sitting up with a shriek, your hand went to double tap the reactor on your chest, setting your suit into motion. It didn’t help that you were tumbling out of bed, face first- or… suit face first?- as you laid on the floor.

Tony’s voice registered over your comm. “What’s going on? You alright? Your heart rate is up forty percent.”

“Just a… just a nightmare… I think...” Hands curling into fists, you propped yourself up from the floor, still breathing heavy. Sitting up, back against the nightstand, you brought your hands up into view, flexing your fingers. There was a weight over you. “I-” Reaching up you deactivated your helmet and visor. Little prickles of that same yellow static were racing over your fingertips. Invisible to your technology’s eyes- you’d guess any eyes other than your own, but it still drew a shuddering gasp.

“I’m coming down there.”

“Don’t- don’t. I know you’re busy-” _What was happening to you? _

“We’re fine to run without me fifteen minutes- _right_-?” Hearing him ask Bruce. You didn’t hear what the answer was, but already knew as he confirmed. “I’ll be right there.”

Your head fell forward, and you almost buried your hands in your hair- but you pulled them away as if they’d been burnt. What was this infecting you? Would it infect others? Had Loki purposefully inflicted you with it? He must have. But what was it? What was it doing to you? How could you stop it-

The door to your room opened and you held your hand up without thought, repulsor charging-

“_Hey_\- whoa! Hey. It’s me-” Tony’s hands were both held up to you defensively. Except he wasn’t wearing his suit. And you still were. And seconds away from blasting him. When you dropped them he came in, door closing behind him. “That bad? Hey...” Without a second thought he came to sit with you on the floor.

The lights were still off but between the dual glow of your reactors, it was bright enough to see one another. “He did something to me- don’t touch me-” You pleaded with him.

But melted once he immediately disobeyed you, taking your face in his hands, tilting you to look up at him. “You’re alright... You look okay to me.”

Eyes darting over him, you looked for that static. But it wasn’t there. Holding your hands up between you, it wasn’t on you anymore, either. Collapsing with a sigh against him, you buried your face in his shoulder, and his arms wound around you.

Feeling the comforting weight of his head atop yours, you then felt the warring feeling of _fear_ inside him. “Why don’t you go home? We’ve got this covered here, we’re just about to wrap up. You should go home. Rest. Take it easy. Get away from all this.” Because clearly you couldn’t handle it, right? It was doing something to you.

“We’re not done yet.” You whined into his shirt. “No one else gets to go home, why should I?”

“Because I care about you way more than I care about any of them.” Brutally honest. “Though… why don’t you take Bruce to the Tower. I’ll clean up here and meet up with you two.”

Despite yourself you smiled, shaking your head. “He won’t leave right in the middle of this. Just like I won’t.”

“Yeah...” Admitting defeat softly. He let a silence sit while you got comfortable, half climbing into his lap. Enjoying this moment. Knowing it wouldn’t last. He urged the concept when finally, he asked, “What happened back on the Quinjet?”

You kept your eyes open, scared that if you closed them while retelling it, you’d fall back in again. “I tried to feel him out. I went… somewhere deep. And he attacked me there. I’ve never been pinned like that before. Usually when I’m there the other person doesn’t know. It’s like that part of them is asleep or something. But… he wasn’t. And he tried to murder me.” Letting yourself run cold as you put it so plainly.

That _fear_ bubbled over into _terror_, and his arms wound just a little tighter around you. That was a place he could not save you from, if it ever happened again. Because it wasn’t a place that he understood. Or maybe even could make sense of. It intrinsically belonged to you and your world. And he’d never be able to touch it.

That alone was too much for him to handle.

“So you don’t do it again. And we’ll keep the two of you separated.” Trying his best, despite his lack of understanding, to find the best solution.

“But I saw him- just now I saw him…” Your hands clutched at his back. “He- when I saw him there- he had this… I don’t know how to explain it… I think he threw up a shield, like he knew I was coming. It was like this yellow filter, or something-”

“A shield, you think? Why would he give you a shield?”

“I don’t know... but now I see it on me… I can’t get it off...” The tears were coming.

“Right now? Where?” Sitting you back, he touched his hands over your face.

“I did- but… when you came-… it’s gone now.” You held your hands up to him, as if trying to let him know that’s where you’d been _burned_, and he took them in his, bringing one up and then the other to lay two soft kisses to your knuckles.

“Right. So we keep you away from him, and close to me. Sounds perfect.” He grinned, but it was weak.

This was too hard, for the both of you. You had figured that would be the case, when Coulson first arrived. That this was going to be the biggest thing you’d ever faced. And this only felt like the beginning. If you weren’t strong enough _now_ what would happen when… something bigger arrived? As it always did?

You tried to smile back for him. “That means I’m not going home.”

“Yeah, well. You weren’t going to anyway.”

It was your turn to reach up, taking the sides of his head, holding him steady as you laid your forehead against his. Finally, for just a brief moment, closing your eyes. Feeling safe enough to do so. “We’re a team.”

“Damn right. So let’s go be a team and blow this whole thing wide open.” He shifted forward a bare amount, laying a kiss to your lips. One you wished you could have surrendered to wholly, as it felt like it really set your entirely world straight. Your hands drifted, instead wrapping your arms around his neck, holding to him. His hand went up to catch the mid of your back, keeping you steady.

It went on for too long, the world declared, when Bruce spoke up in both your comm sets. “We’re approaching signal. You okay to come back?”

You and Tony shared a mutual sigh, breaking from one another. Feeling like that really was the signal that there was finally no going back. “Yeah. We’re headed up.” Tony sounded. Looking at you one last time. “When you’re ready.”

It was all you could do to give him a nod. You had to be strong. He was trying. You had to, too. “Ready.”

* * *

Back in the lab, you were eased all the more by Bruce’s gentle smile and him welcoming you back into the fray. The fray, of course, being touching monitors every now and again to manage levels and findings. Very easy to do. And it was nice to put your mind on something else. Tony stood behind you and directed you on how to do another task, and you appreciated this, too.

Little chitchat happened back and forth as the sun started rising, about how when this was over you two would really take him to Stark Tower, quelling any objections he had- because if he could handle being _here_ of all places, he really was safe and sound to come hang out at the Tower. And the two of you wanted him there, not just for him, but you really did like him. Tony seemed to, too, which was rare. You wanted to cultivate that.

It would have been too nice and too easy to get lost in that.

It was why when JARVIS talked over both your and Tony’s ear pieces, “Intercepting SHIELD comms,” the world came to another halt.

The two of you looked at each other as Nat’s voice spoke up. “Loki means to unleash the Hulk. Keep Banner in the lab, and remove Lady from the vicinity. I’m on my way. Send Thor as well.”

Panic bolted through you and you attempted to move away from the console, but Tony put a hand up to stop you, coming closer to stand next to you. “You’re alright. We’re fine.”

Bruce looked up. “What’s going on?”

Tony looked back. “Act casual.”

As if summoning him, the lab doors opened, and in briskly walked a very angry looking Fury. He nodded in your direction. “I need you to come with me.”

Tony took the lead, standing just a little in front of you. “She’s not going anywhere.”

Fury put his hands on his hips. “And what are you doing, Mr. Stark?”

“Kinda been wondering the same thing about you.” With a little nudge, Tony escorted you to the other side of the room nearer to Bruce. You wondered if this was a good idea. Loki’s plans had somehow been divulged… and they seemed to involve the two people who were now standing a foot away from one another.

And may as well have been set to explode. But what you felt was… a sense of comradery. You, Tony, and Bruce against the world, really.

After watching the two of you move in defiance, when you finally stopped Fury spoke again. “You’re supposed to be locating the Tesseract.”

Bruce put his hands together. “We are. The model’s locked and we’re sweeping for the signature now.” He pointed to one of the screens. “When we get a hit, we’ll have the location within half a mile.”

Tony turned one of the monitors his way as SHIELD’s files started pouring in. “And you’ll get your cube back. No muss, no fuss.”

Leaning up on tiptoe next to him, you swiped across one of the files and then clicked for entry. _ **PHASE 2 ** _stood out bright among it all, as it had the most security attached to it. “What’s Phase Two, Fury?”

With a large metal slam, Steve came into the room, dropping a heavy weapon onto the table. Everyone looked up at him. “Phase two is SHIELD uses the cube to make weapons.” Looking at the three of you in the back, “Sorry. Your computer was moving a little slow for me.” But when Steve locked eyes with you, the two of you shared a smile.

_ Glad to have you back. _

Tony clicked into a deeper point of the file, bringing up _ blueprints _ . One of which looked _ exactly _ like what Steve had just dropped on the table. Stepping back Fury moved to address the Captain. “Rogers, we gathered everything related to the Tesseract. That does not mean that we’re-”

“I’m sorry, Nick.” Tony interrupted him, as you crossed your arms. He turned the screen around for the two to see. “What were you lying?”

Steve gave Fury a dead-eyed cold look. “I was wrong, director. The world hasn’t changed a bit.”

This was growing into a potentially dangerous situation and you knew that. SHIELD and their secrets would tear any normal human apart. What about enhanced ones? Ones that were supposed to be on a team? But then maybe it was good you were mobilizing as a _ team _ against their nonsense. You didn’t believe they were evil- but… well, then again, they were trying to make weapons with an unparalleled energy source. What did you know? About any of them?

Answering you yet again, the doors opened one more time, Thor and Natasha walking in quickly. You and Bruce both looked at her, and surprised each other by speaking in sync. “Did you know about this?”

You had no idea the nature of his relationship with her, maybe it would have been worth asking. But you knew how _ you _ felt about her. And right now that was pretty betrayed. She clasped her hands in front of her and spoke back at the both of you. “You wanna think about removing yourselves from this environment?”

Bruce laughed dryly. “I was in Calcutta, I was pretty well removed.”

Feeling a good, _ yeah me too _ coming on, you followed up. “I got a folder asking me to come here. I’m not leaving without answers.”

“Loki is manipulating the both of you.”

Bruce scoffed. “And you’ve been doing what exactly?”

Now she was crossing her arms. “You didn’t come because I bat my eyelashes at you.”

A tide was rising in the room. Steady. Simmering. But it would soon come to a boil. Everyone’s feelings were louder than what they were saying. And it was casting an odd light along the shadows in the corners of the room. The ringing came back to your ears.

Turning, Bruce stepped in front of the table and to the monitor Tony had the files displayed on. “Yeah, and I’m not leaving because suddenly you get a little twitchy. I’d like to know why SHIELD is using the Tesseract to build weapons of mass destruction.”

There was a tense silence in the room, and you tried to use it to get your balance back. But for once, it seemed, at the worst time, Fury decided to be truthful. “Because of him.” Pointing to Thor.

“Me?”

“Last year earth had a visitor from another planet who had a grudge match that leveled a small town.” You remembered seeing that on one of the files SHIELD had given you and Tony. Remembered the date. And remembered you’d known nothing about it until that time. But those people- they remembered it. Some of them had _died_ because of it. And you… “We learned that not only are we not alone, but we are hopelessly, hilariously, outgunned.”

Thor seemed stunned and just a touch angry. “My people want nothing but peace with your planet.”

Fury turned on him. “But you’re not the only people out there, are you? And you’re not the only threat. The world’s filling up with people who can’t be matched. They can’t be controlled.”

Your voice fell out of you before you could stop it. “Wasn’t that what _ we _ were for? What are you doing building _ nukes _??”

Thor stepped forward. “Your work with the Tesseract is what drew Loki to it, along with his allies. It is the signal to all the realms that the earth is ready for a higher form of war.”

Steve, much like the rest of you, seemed stunned. “A higher form?”

Fury made a face. “You forced our hand. We had to come up with something.”

Standing at your side, Tony spoke up. “Nuclear deterrent. Cause that always calms everything right down.”

“Remind me how you made your fortune again, Stark?”

_ Oh _ you really were about to backhand Fury into next year this time. “This isn’t about him. This is about you and your _ lies _.”

It was unfortunate, though, that Steve seemed to not know whose side he was on. “I’m sure if he still made weapons, Stark would be neck deep.”

Tony held a hand up. “Wait- hold on- when did this become about me?”

The ringing became nearly ear shattering. Voices started overlapping. Arguing with each other. You stepped back, hand reaching out to clutch the edge of the table. You caught bits and pieces as it became harder to breathe. That ringing was starting to sound like a _ shriek _.

“I thought humans were more evolved-”  
“Excuse me did we come to your planet-”

“You understand-”  
“Don’t try to-”  
“Are you boys really-”

Everyone was suddenly standing in a cold yellow glow.

_ Even you _.

Thor waved his hand around. The voices stopped as his came into focus. “You speak of control yet you court chaos.”

Bruce crossed his arms. “It’s his M.O. isn’t it? I mean what, are we a team? No. No, no. We’re a chemical mixture that makes chaos. We’re… we’re a time bomb.”

Fury turned to him, holding his hand up, “You need to step away.”

You were no longer in control. Standing behind the table, you watched as you walked in front of it. “Why? Because you called him here just to use him and now he’s no longer an obedient dog under your version of control?”

Tony nodded, always on your team. “Yeah, why shouldn’t the guy let off a little steam?”

Steve’s anger flared. “You know damn well why! Back off!”

Face to face with each other, Tony didn’t back down. You watched yourself stand next to the two of them. “Oh, I’m starting to want you to make me.”

Steve sized him up. “Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”

Without missing a beat, Tony replied, “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. Yeah, I’ve seen the footage.”

Unable to help yourself, “Then you don’t know the right men.” You wanted to get along. You wanted to build this team. But it wasn’t going to happen like this. And you would _ never _, no matter who it was, let anyone talk to Tony like that.

_ **Never** _.

He scowled at you. “You better watch what you say. You’ve just gotten good at cleaning up his messes. The only thing he fights for is himself.”

A laugh ejected out of you. “You could not be more wrong. You don’t know anything-” But Tony held a hand up to stop you.

Steve directed his next words Tony’s way, “You’re not the guy to make the sacrifice play. To lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”

Tony stared at him stoically. Unmoving. “I think I would just cut the wire.”

With a shake of his head and a sardonic smile, “Always a way out… you know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”

“A hero? Like you?” Tony stepped up just a bare inch closer. Daring him. “You’re a laboratory experiment, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle.”

It was Tony’s _ frustration _ that boiled you over first. Closest to him, and only him. But you couldn’t breathe in that room. And everything was just so damn _ yellow. _ So bright you suddenly couldn’t see. And you were no longer standing next to him-

You were back at the table.

Back at the source.

Back next to Bruce who seemed just as heady. Just as _ angry _.

What was this room full of people? No family, certainly not a team. Not trusting. Not loyal. Fighting for their own interests. Their own perceptions.

You wanted to _ **scream** _.

Someone was laughing- first it was Thor- “You humans are so petty. ...and _tiny_.”

Then it was Bruce. And you almost thought you heard your voice coming out of his mouth, the way he was mirroring your words. “This is no team.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Standing shoulder to shoulder with him. Knowing you shouldn’t have said that- unsure it was _you_ who let the sentiment free. But it _was_ you, wasn’t it?

Fury turned to look at the two of you and became very still. “Agent Romanoff, will you escort these two back to their rooms.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Bruce scoffed. “You rented my room.”

Fury stepped in closer. “That was just in case-”

You felt the snap as Bruce broke, it threatened to undo you completely, leaving you hanging on by a thread as he spoke. “In case you needed to kill me, but you can’t! I know! I tried!” Your attention, much like everyone else’s, turned to him. And it was his _ blue _ that washed over the yellow. “I got low. I didn’t see an end. So I put a bullet in my mouth… and _ the other guy _ spit it out. So I moved on. I focused on helping other people. I was good, until you dragged me back into this freak show, and put everyone here at risk!”

Oh- no- his _ blue _ had sucked the _ yellow _up. Like a transfer. From you, to him-

_ **Oh no** _.

“You wanna know my secret, Agent Romanoff? You wanna know how I stay calm?” He’d picked the stick up off the table.

Reaching for him, you laid a hand to his shoulder, taking that static back. _ Forcing _it away from him and back into you, even as the pain swirled. “Bruce… give that to me...” Speaking to him calmly. What last bits you had.

You were ready to explode.

He shared a look of realization with you, _ understanding _ first, and then _ frightened _.

It took you a moment to realize, just as you had the stick in hand, that it wasn’t your body that had given out. It was the ship. An explosion from beneath you sent you hurtling towards the front glass in the lab, shattering it, shredding at your skin. You fell heavy a few decks below.

That whine was ringing in your ears.

Along with Tony’s voice.

Shouting your name as consciousness slipped away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll just sleep for a tiny bit... little bit... need to recover after all that.........


	53. Chapter 53

“_We’re okay-”  
  
“Are you okay?!”  
  
“We’re okay- right??”  
  
“Honey **please**\- tell me you’re okay-” _

“I’m okay-...” Your voice waned in amongst the others yelling. It took you a moment as the lights were still coming back on to decipher who was saying what. Or where you even were. What was going on.

Tony was shouting in your ear. Trying to get you to respond because clearly he had no idea where you were or what your condition was. Made sense. But the other voice-

Pushing yourself half up, feeling the creak in your muscles, you saw Natasha in the half darkness beside you. On a different channel, Fury was barking orders to anyone who was listening. Other agents, too. Talking about the ship. The ship was under attack, and in bad shape.

“_Stark, you copy_?”

“_Give me a minute!” _

Taking a breath you forced out your own sense of command. “LUNA, silence SHIELD channel.”

“Got it!”

“Tony, I’m fine- do what you need to do.” You had to let him know this, even if it wasn’t entirely true. You couldn’t have him immobilized trying to find you. Not when he was probably the only one who could fix the ship.

“_I’m coming for you right after. Get somewhere safe. Promise me._”

“I promise.”

Now all you had to do to fulfill that promise was figure out where you were, what the situation was, and where _ safe _ was. But let you worry about that. Not him. With that out of the way you pushed yourself further up on your forearms, pulling your knees up beneath you to sit up. Getting your vision to work, you saw Nat again, this time correctly. Her leg was pinned underneath a heavy pipe.

“Nat-”

She waved a hand at you and then pointed back, and you looked. Finally the _ other _ sound in the room registered. Not the sound of burst steam pipes. But the hissing and pained groans of _ Bruce _ . And that meant… She spoke up, “Doctor… _ Bruce _, you gotta fight it. This is what Loki wants. We’re gonna be okay, listen to me...”

With less than two brain cells working, you did the only thing that made sense. You tap-tapped the Heart Reactor, suiting up. But you unreleased the helmet. A human face was needed for this. Because you were all about to be in very serious danger. Extending a hand, “Bruce, we’re okay. We’re fine. We’re gonna get out of here. Just take a breath.”

Natasha followed up, “We’re gonna be okay, right? I swear on my life, I swear I will get you out of this. You will walk away and never-”

“_**Your life?!**_” The voice that snarled this sounded so much different from the Bruce Banner you’d just gotten to know.

Such incredible, overwhelming _ anger _ choked you, like a hand around your neck. It made it hard to think, hard to do much of anything as you watched Bruce morph, his clothes rip, and crawl jaggedly away into the nearby darkness. Listened to him growl and shout. Turning into… well…

Once you finally found a breath you crouched down beside Natasha, easily lifting the metal from her leg. “We have to go.”

Looking up at you, you were stabbed by her _ terror _ next. Eyes wide. “You have to-” An inhuman roar cut her off, and as you forced her to standing, the two of you looked back. Which was a mistake. That giant beast was standing there in Bruce’s place. And the second he locked on the two of you he roared. “Go- go!” She shoved you into moving.

Up the ladder closest. You don’t think you’d ever moved so fast in your life. And the second she was up there with you, you felt the vibration of the stairs being crushed in an iron grip. Taking her hand, you ripped down the catwalk along beams and wires.

_ Survival _. It was the only thing you knew. Just keep running. Keep running because there was no hope to fight that thing-

A hand reached up, crushing one of the metal grates under you and Nat shoved you to the side, catching one of the railings and pushing you further into a small crawl space. Then she nudged you further to keep going, crouching beneath a set of thick pipes that led out finally into a wider space where the two of you slowed to a quiet crawl.

Her hand was in yours as she led you through the maze of pipes. It was _ dead _ silent. And you knew it had to stay that way. It seemed to be the worst thing in the world when she let go of your hand to draw her gun and then motioned you to follow. _ Quiet _ . Stay _ **quiet** _.

So you held your breath as the two of you walked further into this maze- the engine room’s innards, you guessed. But it all came to a stop when the two of you turned a corner and caught sight of the Hulk who roared, scaring you into what felt like a heart attack. All sense stopped. But not Natasha’s, as she aimed her gun up to fire at canister up near the ceiling, releasing a bunch of steam.

“GO!”

She practically threw you in front of her, the both of you taking off in a sprint as those roars came closer, as the floor vibrated harder. The sound of glass shattering and metal bending grew closer and closer. Where were you running? When would it end? What would the Hulk do if he caught you?

Just when you thought you were reaching the end, sparks flying everywhere, a sweep of his arm caught you both in the side, sending you to the nearest beam in a crumple, her half on top of you. Pain throbbed in just about every part of your body and it felt like your consciousness wanted to go again- but you couldn’t.

The Hulk was inching further. Growling. Huffing. Fists clenched. Sitting up, you tried desperately to get to your feet. If you could just put yourself between them-

Thankfully, someone more heroic than you came to save the day.

The Hulk was knocked back through the wall into another room entirely. Far away from the both of you. It left you sagging back, Natasha doing much the same. How nice it would have been to just stay there. It seemed impossible to catch your own breath.

“You have to go...” Nat’s voice was shaking.

“We’ll go-” You didn’t know _where_, but you didn’t want her to think you’d just abandon her.

“No. _You_ have to go. You have to stop him. You’re the only one who can.” The way she looked at you cut you to your core.

Bruce had been right.

SHIELD had brought you here for him.

“What if I can’t?”

“That’s not an option.”

The longer you looked at her the more it hurt. This wasn’t your friend Natasha, who went out with you for dinner and a drink some evenings. This was your superior agent, or perhaps your superior Avengers team member, reminding you of your place and of your duty.

It took everything in you to not cry. Instead you forced a nod and got to your feet. “What about you?”

Even though you offered your hand to her, she knocked it away lightly. “I’m gonna… I need to stay here a minute.” She was probably hurt, lucky if her ribs weren’t broken.

Yours might have been, but you were used to walking that off now. The two of you shared one last look and then you gave a curt nod and turned on heel to follow the noise of chaos. Destruction. Walking out into a hangar bay where fighter jets were torn to pieces like it was nothing. Ahead there was a hole in the ceiling, so you engaged thrust and followed it all the way up.

“Lady! Do not get involved!” Thor seemed just as hurt and worn down.

The Hulk was standing by the large windows of an observation deck. And just as you entered, that _ rage _settled on you.

“He’s far too powerful for you, let me handle this!”

You put a hand up behind you to try and silence him, because for this you’d need the quietest quiet in the world, and with all the alarms going off inside the helicarrier there was no way to get it. But you still had to try.

Going deep. _ Deep _ .  
You didn’t know enough about what made Bruce this way- but if SHIELD wanted you to do something about it, and if Bruce had thought you were out to keep him in check, it had to do with his emotions. That bleeding, oozing _ anger _ that you’d felt. You had to curb that.

But what you found in that darkness was not what you were used to.

It wasn’t one person standing there in front of you-

There were _ two _. Bruce seemed grey, not even really alive. While the water around the Hulk may as well have been a tsunami. Strong, rippling waves, thrashing over you. Threatening to drown you-

_Not again-_

Just as you reached out to try and cast whatever soft glow you might hope to over him, something else reached back and you were thrust into reality.

All at once, his giant hand wrapped around your body, crushing you, squeezing a cry from you as your bones threatened to snap. You knew then. Calling to _ Bruce _ was pointless. This wasn’t _ Bruce _ . That was why he said _ other guy. _ “Hulk- please-” Just short of crying, _ scared _ for your life, and _ sad _ that it had to be this way.

Seizing all of that and throwing it over him like a net.

And just for a split second, you saw a softness overtake those mad eyes. “Hulk, listen to me… I feel you- I know you-”

Any good work you might have done came crashing down in an instant as a fighter jet opened fire behind you, shooting out the windows and striking Hulk in the back. He roared, and that _ anger _ overtook you once again. In one quick sweep he threw you upwards, breaking the ceiling as your body flung up to the next deck.

Where you laid there. For probably too long a time. Consciousness waning in and out. Noise still going on above you. People fighting. Probably dying. And you were just lying there. Waiting for it all to end.

Tony was somewhere. Fighting. Doing _ something _ . And you were doing _ nothing _.

You couldn’t do _ nothing _.

With a pained gasp you set yourself on your knees, and then moved to stand. “LUNA, locate Loki.” The ship was being attacked on his orders, no doubt. You had to find him and subdue him.

“Loki is still on this floor in the detainment center. Agent Coulson is approaching. Thor is there.” So, two people already ahead of you. But did that mean you should sit down and let everyone else do everything for you?

Absolutely not.

With a limp you set yourself in motion. The detainment room was only two doors down, even though it was a long corridor, you tried to hurry as fast as you could. And when you got there you really had to try and parse through what you were seeing as fast as you could.

Thor was stuck in a big glass cell- no doubt where they’d been keeping Loki (and the one that had been meant for the Hulk)- there was one Loki- near him by the panels- and another creeping up… to Phil who was holding up a gun-

Raising your hand without a second thought just as Loki raised his stick, you fired off a quick shot, throwing Loki off kilter. Not enough though, as the end of his scepter still sliced through skin and bone. “Back off! Back away!” You shouted, hand still raised.

Realizing you didn’t quite have the upper hand you thought you did.

Loki grinned. “No, I think you might be the one to back up. _ Or I’ll ram this scepter through his skull! _ ” Barking at you. “ Or shall I drop dear Thor? You don’t have time to stop us _ both _.” The other Loki grinned. Scaring you enough to put your hand down. “That’s a good girl. Isn’t this interesting? Stark’s Lady. Come to play?”

Thor slammed his fist against the cell. “There are no more games to play, Loki! Stop this madness!”

“Oh, but I’ve only just begun. Here, fair _Lady_. My brother there thinks we’re out of games, but I think otherwise. So here’s one for you. Make your choice. Which life shall be lost? My dear, idiot brother? Or your valiant agent?”

A no win scenario. And one with an obvious answer. “Take me. Let them go.”

This seemed to please Loki, that grin warping even crueler. You thought you understood him now. You thought you understood everything. If you could just go back there again with him… you could break the control he was under. That same control that had threatened the Avengers just moments ago, had turned them into dogs fighting with one another.

_A shield, you think? Why would he give you a shield?_

Tony had been right. It wasn’t a shield. That yellow glow didn’t belong to him. It belonged to that weapon. And you could break him of it- save the day-

“Wrong answer.” Just like that he moved to flipped a switch, releasing the cell with Thor in it. Gone. Like that. In seconds. The floor closed up after him. The image of him at the console laughed, and then vanished in a shimmer.

“_**NO**_!” Your body moved on its own- maybe you could fly after him- blast the glass- free him-

Loki raised that stick, shoving it further through Phil’s shoulder, lifting him off his feet, earning a gasped cry of pain. “_ ON YOUR KNEES _ .” It stalled your movements and sent you dropping as he commanded into a kneel . “Oh, _ **yes** _ , my dear _ **Lady** _ . I have all the cards, and you have _ nothing _.” Hissing at you like a feral animal. It was easy to see the sick pleasure he derived from this.

“Take me...” You tried again. What else could you do? Stuck in an impossible situation. “Take me. _Please_. I’m more use to you.”

“I should say so. I’ve been watching you. Don’t they just _**adore**_ you. _Heart _of this band of misfits_. _I think it would be rather amusing to turn _yours_ against them.”

“So stop _talking_ and take me!”

“You do not make demands of me!” He barked back, but tried to regain his cool in seconds. “That device on your chest. Take it off and _throw it_ across the room.”

You and Phil shared a long look. “Don’t- don’t do it… not worth it-”

That _ had _ been Loki, you realized. In your room. The same way there had been two of him moments ago. He’d seen you power it up. And now knew to disarm you of it. Even though you’d promised Tony…

Reaching up you wrenched it off, the nanobots going with it as LADY powered down, leaving you there bare to him. In a clean jerk of your arm you chucked it, not caring where it went. It didn’t matter now. Without it you had almost nothing.

There was little satisfaction as Loki yanked the stick out with a sickening sound of flesh giving way, leaving Coulson on a heap on the floor. You’d done enough to save one life. But at what cost? As he closed in you attempted to keep yourself firm. This was all part of a plan, right? If you could get him subdued… if you could reach into him and help him-

His arm struck out, hand burying in the back of your hair in a painful grasp. He yanked you to your feet, close to his face. “If I so much as _ feel _ you, I’ll finish what I started. Do not test me.”

He frightened you. Truly. But you tried to swallow all that down, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. “So what are you going to do, then?” Because it sounded like he didn’t plan to kill you right this second.

“Let’s sit atop your false throne and watch your world _**burn**_. Stark will come for you. And I’ll _relish_ in making you carve his heart out and eat it. And then you shall destroy them _all_.” You were sure in that moment, this moment alone, you’d never been so terrified in your life. So far out of your depths.

_ I’ m sorry, Tony. I’m so sorry. _

A hole opened up in the side of the room, shot out by a waiting jet. The ramp descended and Loki threw you forward with the intent to board it. But before that he pulled you to a stop, like a little dog on his leash. So you followed. If you could just be quiet long enough to- “You don’t think I actually trust you, do you, foolish _ Lady _?”

Letting go of you, he brought that stick down hard with a crack against the back of your skull.

And that’s when you finally let it all go.

Back into darkness.

* * *

Coming back inside after the harrowing tale of fixing yet another of SHIELD’s debacles, Tony barely found time to breathe. “Honey, talk to me. What’s your status.” Waiting. Waiting too long a time in silence. His nerves started going. “JARVIS locate INY..” He gave no attention to Steve who was standing there staring at him questioningly. Frustration bubbled up as too many seconds went by. “JARVIS-” It shouldn’t take that long.

“Agent Coulson is down. Critical condition.” Fury’s voice came in over his comm. He had to reach out to steady himself against the wall. He _knew_ what was coming next. He didn’t know how. But he _**knew**_. “Stark… we lost her.”

The world went silent, his vision tunneling. “_ What _??”

“Loki took Lady.” But she’d be okay, right? She’d- “Her Arc Reactor was recovered inside the detainment center. Her condition is unknown.”

Tony’s hand slammed down against the wall, leaving a dent.

_ Big mistake _, he vowed. Steve touched his shoulder, and he frantically shrugged him off. “Stark… we’ll get her back.”

“_I’ll_ get her back.” Turning on him, fire in his eyes. “Just a minute ago you were going toe to toe with her. Don’t start caring because I’m standing here.”

“We were _all_ on each other. It wasn’t us. Loki turned us into puppets.” Steve’s lips pressed together, seeming to not know what else to say, as Tony turned away from him. “They were doing their jobs.”

Tony’s head moved in a shake. “They should have waited- she should have waited. She was way out of her league- I told her to-”

“Sometimes there isn’t a way out, Tony.” There was a small silence. Tony hoped Steve would just go away. He needed to think. But instead he offered something much worse, “Is this the first time you’ve lost a soldier behind enemy lines?”

Tony couldn’t help whipping around, advancing on him, fury in his every move. Blind to it now. “We are _ **not** _ soldiers-! ... _ she’s **not** a soldier. _ I’m not marching to Fury’s fife.”

This was his fault, and he knew it. _ His fault. **His fault** _.

It was his fault she was here. That she’d gotten caught up in any of this. Because of him and his big fucking mouth. His need to control his own story- but what about her? Always at his side no matter what. No matter the cost. No matter- ...and now-

-..._ what if she died because of him _?

Steve shook his head. “Neither am I. He’s got the same blood on his hands that Loki does. But right now we gotta put that behind us and get this done. Now Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list-”

He couldn’t listen to this. He was practically physically incapable of hearing anything Steve was trying to say, shaking. Shaking with wrath that needed to _ go somewhere _ . The longer he waited, the longer she… she could _ **die** _\- “He made it personal.”

“That’s not the point.”

“That is the point! That’s Loki’s point. He hit us right where we live. Why?” He couldn’t be here right now talking to this idiot. He had to find her. Every second he wasted-

“To tear us apart.” An easy answer.

Tony shook his head, crossing his arms. “He had to divide and conquer us, but he knows he has to take us _ all _ out to win, right? _ That’s _what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.” Okay, maybe talking this through was helping. Though not with the turmoil rumbling inside him. Because if what he was saying was true, he may as well have her head on a pike somewhere-

“Right.” Steve nodded. “I caught his act in Stuttgart.”

“That’s just previews.” Walking away, feeling the picture come together, “This is opening night. Loki’s a full-tilt diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered...”

It hit him then.

He knew exactly where she was.

“_Son of a bitch_.”

Nothing on this earth, another earth, _ another fucking galaxy _, would save Loki anymore. Tony would make sure of that with his own hands.

Loki had made the worst mistake one could, in his little tantrum to get to all of them. To _ him _. And there was only rectifying it with blood.

Off on the side of the deck he launched himself with one thought in mind. The one thing that drove him. The one thing that mattered.

_I’m coming, honey… hang in there…_ **stay alive**_**.**_

_ **Please.** _


	54. Chapter 54

It took too long a time for your senses to return to you. It would have been nice to just lie somewhere, in some dark puddle, forever. To not have to worry about any of this anymore. Or deal with it. But that wasn’t the life you lived. It hadn’t been for a very long time.

You were really jerked back into consciousness fully when your body landed with a thud on the cool tile of the penthouse inside the Stark Tower. Presumably Loki had forcibly used your handprint to enter, as when you groggily opened your eyes, you didn’t see any broken glass. Every muscle ached. Every part of you was screaming for this to stop-

Most of all, all the _sounds_ in your head. That high pitched whine had turned full blast into the whistle of a tea kettle. Nonstop. You were almost sure your ears were bleeding. 

The sounds of Loki’s heavy footfalls were pacing, pacing… until he exited the penthouse to go outside. That was when you finally pushed yourself to your feet, swaying as you did so, catching yourself on the nearby  full windows . The heavy  _thud_ it brought, caused the only other two people standing outside on the rooftop to look at you- 

Loki, who when he caught sight of you grinned in that sadistic way of his. And who you knew to be Dr. Selvig- a man that did not look very well at all, but seemed to be smiling in a little bit of the same way. They were gathered around a rather large device and you had to wonder how they’d been let up here. How no one had come to stop them set up…

Set up some sort of device that was running on…

“JARVIS deactivate the Arc Reactor on the roof!” Your voice thundered from you helplessly. This was Loki’s play. It probably had been all along, wasn’t that what Bruce had been saying?

From the very start he’d planned to come here. To set up here. To use your and Tony’s names, your Tower, your  _lives_ to play a part in this game of his.  _But why_ ?! 

“I took the Arc Reactor off line. The device is already self sustained.”

Your hands curled into fists against the glass. Loki was on the approach. “What are they trying to do?”

“I cannot say. Mr. Stark has been trying to reach you. I’ll alert him to your status.”

Closing your eyes, “Call Tony- tell him-”

“_Oh_.” Loki finally entered in through the side door, brandishing that fucking stick at you. “Don’t give away the answer so soon. If he’s as smart as he pretends to be, I’m sure he will arrive soon enough.” 

Gathering up all your strength, you pushed away from holding yourself, standing strong on your feet as you cast a dark stare his way. “What’s the point of all this? Using us? For what?”

“Don’t think too highly of yourselves. I merely needed a large power source.” He was coming closer.

Slowly.

But you stood your ground. “ _Liar_ .” 

His grin vanished for a few moments, instead replaced by a thin line and a twitch of his lower lip. “Is that what you think I am?”

“A coward, too.” And when he held that stick up to you, “What? You’re going to kill me? You _can’t_, because you’re not done _playing_ yet. You want Tony to come here and see it, so don’t start acting tough-” 

With one clean move, he swiped the blunt side of that scepter across your face, and then caught the back of your head in his free hand to keep you from crumbling, fingers clenching in your hair. “A _coward_ is it? I am a **master**. A **god.** _**A king**_.” With more strength than you could fight, dazed still, he forced you to your knees. “Listen well, you dull woman, I will tell you the part you play in this. Small though it is.” 

With another show of force, he shoved you to the floor. You took solace in the fact that he’d at least let go of you, moving to pace again. You chose to stay silent while he started babbling. “I’m merely showing you your place. You think I misunderstood those chants, when you took me away in chains? The humans were  _ thanking you _ , but for what? Freeing them from subjugation? Or thanking you for cleaning up  what they could not hope to control? Is that not what you do,  _ Lady _ ? Is that not what this beacon we stand atop is proof of?” 

It was hard to listen to all of this, but you tried your best. Hands on the floor, you had to force your body to move, getting on your hands and knees. Loki continued, “And why clean up after them? For the feeling of gratitude it earns in kind? No. I think  _ **not** _ .” He was smirking again. “It is because you and Stark masquerade yourselves as false gods of this world. And  _ I _ , in my infinite wisdom, have come to put an end to it. As ruler of this new world, I will dispel the  _ weak _ hold you have over it. The  _ lies _ you speak. This false image of purity and justice.” 

Despite your much better judgments, you couldn’t help a scoff. “You’ve spent a total of less than twenty-four hours on this planet, and you got the impression Tony and I are King and Queen of it? You really don’t know anything.”

“That is _not_ what I said. Try _**listening**_, you simpleminded _wretch_.” All at once he was on you again, pulling you into a kneel with another tight fist in your hair. “You think yourselves gods, much as you try to deny it. Why else build giant monuments to yourselves? Where do you think we shall start this _**cleansing**_?” 

Denying him any reaction of pain, or fear, instead you glared up at him. “You’ll make a poor play for a childish god. They won’t give in to you.”

His reaction was sudden. Like something in him had snapped. You were overwhelmed with his  _ **darkness** _ . He pulled you right to his face, breath hot on your skin. “You think they love you? They  _ **adore** _ you?! I’ll show them what you  _ **really** _ are. And then-” 

T here was a loud boom from outside, thankfully distracting him. You weren’t sure you could take much more of that. The two of you both looked- seeing Iron Man reeling from something, you couldn’t say what. His suit didn’t look in the best of conditions, the jets petering out. But it seemed not to matter, as he thunked down on the landing pad outside, and started walking through, losing piece after piece of it  as the machine took it off .  Coming to you bare. With only one thing.

Intent and  _ white hot anger _ . 

Was he intending to take Loki on without it? You doubted it. He probably had… which Mark was it… which one was ready…? Your brain was a fog.

“Hmph.” Loki was back to grinning. You didn’t like him being smug, but it was far better than that deranged nonsensical version of him. He pushed you away. Discarded, more like it, his attention fully going to Tony as he entered. You felt better the further away Loki walked, sitting up on your knees, wiping fresh and dried blood away from your lips and nose. “Please tell me you’re going to appeal to my humanity.”

Walking down the top steps, playing casual as ever, Tony went straight for the bar. “Uh, actually… I’m planning to threaten you.”

Loki huffed out a soft noise of amusement. “For her? You should have left your armor on for that.”

“Just regular threatening, actually. Her I need to speak to alone. But I’m guessing you’re not gonna let that happen. Want a drink?” He pulled the glass topper off one of his finest bottles of bourbon, filling a Baccarat Crystal glass a quarter of the way.

Brandishing his stick with supposed authority just a little, “You think me a fool, is that it?”

“Well I don’t take you for a couple’s counselor. Really, no drink?” Shrugging, he put the top back on the bottle and walked to the end of the bar.

Just a touch unsure, Loki tilted his head, but remained firm. “Stalling me won’t change anything.”

“No, no, no! _Threatening_.”

“The Chitauri are coming, nothing will change that. What have I to fear?”

Tony shrugged. “Once upon a time- maybe like- two hours ago- I would might said the Avengers.”

While Loki was in the midst of being puzzled, you took to catching up. “I don’t get a drink?” You spoke up, trying through your pain and daze to piece together just where exactly Tony was going with this. “-and couple’s counseling?”

“_Quiet_.” Loki hissed. “I did not give you permission to-”

Tony spoke over him, “Yeah. Well. We have a lot to talk about don’t we. What did I ask you to do? Stay put. And what did you do?” There was no _heat_ here, no _anger_, no _frustration- _not at _**you**_. Just a _slyness_ only you could sense, and the whisper of some words:

_Play along_ . 

Pushing yourself to stand, you huffed. “We can’t all just sit back and do nothing.”

“_Oh_ here we go with this song and dance. Right, because everything is a _you_ problem, isn’t it? Everything is for _you_ to clean up-”

Loki stood like a wall between you, but you could already sense his  _amusement_ at watching this play out. Because he thought he’d caused it. “To be fair to her, she fell into my trap. It was always part of the plan for-”

Tony shook his glass your way, finger pointed in your direction, “There is no being fair to her.”

Your lips pulling thin you shook your head, “What are you even saying? And right  _now_ ? Is now the best time for  _this_ ?” 

“Now’s the best time, _sweetheart_. We have- what- an apocalypse imminent?” Turning to Loki as if really asking. The use of that pet name only sealed the deal that he was trying to signal you that he didn’t mean any of this.

Finally, just a little stunned at the raised voices, “An army- the Chitauri-”

“Oh- a **space army**\- we have a space army coming, and I don’t know who’s on my team anymore.” He took a long sip, brows raised at you. 

You made a play at hurt. “Don’t say that. You know-”

He was just close enough. Loki stood at both your sides, lingering. Watching this unfold. Still sick with  _glee_ to be sure, but… Tony seemed unmoved by your sadness. “Do I? I can’t fight worth a damn with someone always  _playing_ leader. It’s always your way or the highway- well, I’m  hittin’ the road .” 

You figured out who this speech might really be for. You weren’t sure you liked him practicing it on you, but considering the circumstances...

“Oh are you?”

“Yeah.”

Reaching up, breaking the boundary Loki had imposed on both of you, you gave his shoulder a hard shove. “Fine.  _Fine_ then.” 

With his free hand, he gave you a push back. “Good. Fine.”

With both of your hands, you gave him a harder one. “ _Alright_ !” 

Looking at you, setting the signal with just an imperceptible raise of his brow,  he turned quarter heel, leaning power into  his reeled back punch. “ **Alright** !!” 

What Loki had in cunning, he did not carry in muscle. He fell back hard with a little extra mileage,  losing footing after the first couple of steps. It was only then  that you noticed Tony had somehow slipped on an Iron glove. Without waiting  further than that Tony pressed the Heart Reactor into your palm and you stuck it on your chest,  _tap-tapping_ it awake.  His boxing glove, so to speak, disappeared.

S ome program he’d set on the way here. Always a plan. 

With the suit on you felt much better. Looking over at him, “What now, Tulio?”

He smiled. “Sorry to break it to you, honey, but if  _anyone_ is the Tulio of this relationship...” 

“Where’s your suit? Get your suit.” Because he’d need it, if the two of you were going to put a stop to this nonsense. Loki was gaining consciousness rapidly.

Waving his wrist at you, you noticed he’d slipped on a sleek pair of black bracelets-  _ah_ , yeah, now you remembered. The Mark VII. The delivery system on that one was supposed to be pretty good-  a homing signal for suit up . “Thought I’d try and give JARVIS just a few extra seconds to prep it. You know he’s not good under pressure.”  Finally he finished his drink. 

Loki was halfway up now.  _Angrier_ than you’d ever felt before. “You  _ **fools** _ .” Getting to his feet, he was practically snarling at you. “You think a  _show_ will deter what is to come? You think a shattered farce of imbeciles can stand against my  _might_ ?!” 

“There is no version of this where you win.” You declared. Strongly. Turning to match him.

“You think so, do you? And what do you know? What could you possibly know with your limited scope of pathetic existence?”

“We know this.” Tony stood proudly at your side. “_Maybe_ your army comes, and _maybe_ it’s too much for us, but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t **protect** the Earth, you can be damn well sure we’ll **avenge** it.” 

Loki whipped his scepter to the side, all teeth and fury. And, maybe Tony was right. Maybe you really couldn’t help yourself. With a lean in and a boost of your jets you took him head on first. He raised his weapon to block a blow, so you sent another underhand to his gut.

With you open, he countered with a strike across your face. And then. He started cheating. There was suddenly more than one Loki in the room. And more than one weapon to keep an eye on. Your sense of things came too late- he couldn’t trick you, you realized. Not because your fist went through one, or that an empty image sent a kick of your foot awkwardly through, leaving you to lurch towards the floor-

But because there was no  _feeling_ , coming from them. And when you’d finally realized this enough, it was too late. There was a knife in your side. A small dagger- surely no gunshot, but the slice of pain sizzled through you all the same. Except this time instead of going down, training took over. Easing in with a bend of your knees, and a wrench of his wrist, you took his surprise to your advantage, hitting your shoulder to his stomach and using his weight to lift him off his feet and send him tumbling  up over you and then down to the floor hard.

It was just unfortunate that he couldn’t play fair. While you went to finish this as he laid on his back, he aimed that scepter your way, and from it came a shrill blast that knocked you completely off your feet and to the floor in a heap. The  kettle whistle  had elevated into a  _scream_ . 

Not loud enough to miss his next words though, as you turned, pushing your weight on your forearm. About as much as you could do to lead yourself up, but your body wouldn’t move more than that. A terrible thing, as you watched him advance on Tony who seemed like he’d taken a few hits.

Loki’s voice  _boomed_ , “After all the trouble you’ve put me through, I think it will be far more amusing to watch Stark  _ **beat you to death** _ ** and parade your corpse through the streets!** ” He brought the stick down as you reached out uselessly, Tony stood with his back against the proverbial wall-

One touch-

And, you thought, he was supposed to be gone. Lost to Loki’s mind control device- but, a dead silence hung in the air. No one seemed to know what happened. A misfire?

The storm in the room died down into confusion on all sides. Loki tried once more to touch him with that magic, but it ended in an empty clang. Loki’s voice had died down. “This usually works...”

Tony made a face. “Well, performance issues. Not uncommon… one in five...” As if this was any time to be joking. Even if the situation seemed a tad ridiculous.

There wasn’t time enough to be grateful that Loki couldn’t control him, as he grabbed Tony by the throat. “You will  _all _ fall before me!” 

“JARVIS any time now-!”

The next move was all too clear, and before Loki could turn him into a bloody stump against that  plate glass, you raised a hand up to get a shot off, shattering it yourself. Already you heard the hum of the suit warming up behind you and as Loki tossed Tony clear out the now empty hole, you found yourself torn. Go after him? Or stop Loki once and for all? 

An answer was made for you as the suit deployed, breaking out behind you and then racing in front of you. “JARVIS are you gonna catch him?” You stood one final time.

“Target is locked.”

“Good.”

With that settled you took your final stance. With a rushed charge, you rammed Loki, going with him into a heap on the floor- further than that. Down,  _down_ deep into that darkness. Plunging straight into that water. You held him at bay by the shoulders, even as he scratched and clawed. 

What had started as yellow static had now encapsulated him entirely, like  sheet metal. With a force of your hands you tore cracks into it, trying to focus as he hit you again and again and  _again_ \- 

Finally weakening you enough to shove you back.

He was breathing hard. “What- what  _are_ you?” 

Steady on two feet you held your hands out. It was now or never, breathing getting more difficult by the second. You had no good answers. After all, really, who  _were_ you? So instead, a championing voice filled your head. The first small. And the next warm. “Me?” With as much of yourself as you could pour out, a light filled that dark space. Blinding and proud. “I’m Lady Iron!” 

_You could do this_ .

Because no one else could. And maybe he didn’t deserve it. But only you could be the judge of that.

Your light swallowed him whole before breaking that yellow barrier. Shattering it to pieces, leaving him finally, you hoped,  _free_ . 

When you came to, you were glad it was Tony’s face you saw first. It didn’t feel like you had blood in your body for a few long moments. He was saying something- many things- but they didn’t all come together at first. When his voice finally waned in, “-honey would you  _say_ something? Anything?” 

And as you found your voice, “We did it- one thing down- ...space army next…?” And, after realizing, “I’m glad you’re not a splat on the sidewalk.”

His eyes rolled hard but his smile was so bright. “Gee. Thanks. What did you do to him?”

“That thing he was using...” You half sat up, helped by his hand at your back. “It was using him back.”

Tony’s voice was  _extremely_ dry. “You’re letting him off the hook? Really?” 

“No.” Quick to be sure about this. “I think it heightened his feelings. He’s still responsible. But… he was a victim too. I think.” As much as you really wanted to sit there and talk it out, to really get to the heart of it all, you lost all words as his walls fell. 

The strong facade he’d walked in with crumbled, his arms wrapping around you, practically squeezing the life out of you as he held you. You didn’t mind, hiding your face in his shoulder, hugging him back. With a huff of what sounded like slightly wet but nonetheless amused air, he spoke while still holding you to him. “Just in case- I’m sure you know I didn’t mean any of that- just now… but I have to say. You  _really_ need to work on your promise keeping.” 

There were a thousand extra words here, all projections. Stuff you would have happily kept between the two of you, but to your surprise he found the strength to voice some of it-

“I barely knew what to do, when that call came in. It was just on a loop in my head. What if she- what if she...” His strength finally died under the weight of the implications here.

_Tony would have felt responsible for your death_ . 

Easing just a little bit away, you took his face in your hands, leaning your forehead against his. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. He wasn’t going to kill me-”

“But I didn’t know that- I _couldn’t_. Not until I made sense of what game he was playing.” Begging you to understand. Begging you to not dismiss him.

So you didn’t. As much as it  _killed_ you to do so. Because he was right. There was no way for you to have sat by and watched. But that didn’t nullify his feelings, either. “Thank you for coming to get me.” 

“I always will.” This quick and sure. But the next thought was a little shaky. “We were in a jam. I get it.” Acknowledging you had been in two different directions when that had gone down. Acknowledging your right to stand and fight. Knowing you were helpless to do otherwise. “Just- next time-”

“Hopefully there is no next time.” Not getting kidnapped, anyway.

Both of you took a long look at each other, and the smiles were bare. “Sticking with me-” His lips pulled thin, brows raising, shrugging a little. “Can’t say for sure...”

Leaning in you kissed him for just a small moment. This would be the last you could steal right now, you were sure of it. “We’re a team.”

“Yeah. We are.”

Touching at his heart, 

  
  
_I love you_ . 

And he touched back, 

  
  
_ **I love you, too** _ . 

Time effectively up, Steve’s voice came over your comms. “Stark-! ...is she there?”

You answered. “I’m here.”

The relief swelled in his voice as he answered, “Good. I’m glad.”

Interrupting you all, t hat thing outside powered up suddenly, sending a shot straight through the air,  startling you . Tony’s arm curled around you tighter. But there was no being protected from this. “Uh-… space army?” 

He helped you to your feet, hand in yours still as the two of you stood, watching a  _hole_ rip itself open in the sky, blackness pouring out.  _Bodies_ falling through… “Space army.” He confirmed. 

Your hand tightened in his. Panic crept in. There was no way to deal with this. Nothing you’d ever seen or done before had prepared you for it. Casting a worried glance up his way, you found his strength keeping you steady. “What do we do?”

His helmet slid back down. “We fight.”

You reactivated yours. Nodding through your terror. “We fight together.”

It was the only hope you had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We FIGHT!


	55. Chapter 55

You’d never seen anything like the things, the _aliens_, raining from out of that hole. Big ugly, gray and black things. Riding futuristic looking carriages through the air. Bearing down, looming over New York City before descending completely, destroying everything in their path. Even from as high up as the top floor of the Tower, you could hear people screaming.

Afraid for their lives. Nowhere to run.

Without a second thought you and Tony leapt into the air, jetting up, up, _up_, trying to cut off the supply as they rained down. LUNA engaged your boosts at your back, freeing your hands up to take shot after shot, but there were just _so many_. And despite your dual best efforts, they were getting by. Sneaking past to start shooting down at the city below. Terrorizing everyone in their paths.

“You have new artillery, follow me.” Tony instructed. Though his voice was calm, in your close proximity as your zoomed around each other you could feel the tremble of _uncertainty. _

“I’m right behind you!” Following his lead, you took to his left. This was out of your league, and Tony was far more battle experienced than you, not to mention smarter. “LUNA give me a weapons list- start with whatever Tony’s doing-”

A small shell box unloaded from your shoulder, just in time with his, unleashing a barrage of missiles that took out twenty or so of those carriages, sending the riders tumbling down below. They weren’t hard to take out, it was just their numbers that seemed insurmountable. Even with your combined effort, it seemed like you were getting nowhere. There were just _so many_. And even with your trying to stop them at the head, they were now flooding the city.

_Many people would die today_. A thought that once heard was impossible to shake.

“I need a headcount.” You said over the comm quickly. Who of your team was left? There was no time to all meet up and formulate a plan. Not this second. Right now you needed quickly to utilize your people, and then start helping the ones on the ground.

Nat sounded off. “Inbound with Rogers and Barton. We’re on your three, headed northeast.” So. Five people. Five of this so called Avengers team. Would that be enough for the might you were currently facing? You had to hope. There were no other options.

Tony scoffed, “What, did you stop for drive through? Swing up Park I’m gonna lay ‘em out for you.” At your side, “I’ll go high, you go low.” Aiming a double laser shot just above you to fry a handful of aliens.

Fear threatened to paralyze you. “I-” How in the world could you ever hope to overcome this? “I’ll get on street level.” Just parroting his words back, basically. Fighting wasn’t your thing, and after taking Loki down, you were more than worse for wear.

Just as you were about to illuminate a path for yourself, LUNA pulled a red target behind you, and you swung around to see Stark Tower- rather two people on top of it. “Tower debris is falling!”

“Debris??” Loki and Thor were hand to hand with each other, curbing your instinct to go to ground level as you turned back around. Just above them you aimed a shot at Loki, blasting him off his feet. “Could you not damage my property?!” Far more anger in the fact that you thought you had been finished with him. But while he took his time getting up, you came to a stop just aside Thor and emotions got the better of you.

_Make that **six**_. Leaning up on tip-top-tip toe you gave him a quick hug. Perhaps a little overbearing. But up until that last second, you hadn’t been sure he was still alive. “I’m sorry-” Unable to help saying this to him.

“Now is not the time for apologies.” He set you back down and the two of you turned on Loki who was stuck in another one of those hissy toothy snarls of his.

“I thought we settled this.”

“You have no idea what _drives_ me.”

Had it all been for nothing? Had you been a fool? Wasting your time with this child of a man… maybe he was beyond your help after all. Maybe you did have no idea about anything. No more time to waste thinking about it as you and Thor launched forward, taking him on double, blow for blow.

He got the better of you, throwing you from your feet into one of the glass guards, shattering it and sending you over the edge to the lower balcony. It took you longer than it should have to get back to your feet, and in doing so, you registered the Quinjet appearing just aside the building too late- and Loki’s shot at them later than that. He hit the side of the jet, sending it in a tailspin.

“I’m coming, hang on!” Leaving Thor to deal with his brother as you sprang off the balcony. Positioning yourself underneath the jet, you caught it with both palms under, fingers digging in through the metal to get a stronger grip. “LUNA I need everything we got! Give me a clear path down!” It wasn’t like the suit made holding a _jet_ in midair feel like nothing, feeling the strain in your muscles. But it definitely made it possible at all.

What were you, after all? Mostly just human. Trying her best.

Allowing yourself to drop into a semi-quick fall, you eased as much as you could to get the jet and its passengers to the ground. Something underneath the ramp exploded, flames licking the side of your suit, getting you to turn your head just as the ground crushed up underneath you. The real weight of the aircraft became apparent then, and you just barely slid out from under it as it cracked the concrete.

The ramp pushed out, and the hatch doors opened. Steve, Clint, and Natasha scrambled out and away just as you got back to standing fully. She smiled at you. “Thanks for the assist.”

Clint seemed not as sure. “I could’ve landed it.” But his grin after told the real story.

The only one more focused than the rest of you ran past, grabbing your hand to get you to follow. Steve pointed up to the Tower. “We gotta get back up there!”

He was right. It would be no use to keep trying to fight these things forever. Someone had to get up there and try to figure out how to turn off the power source creating that portal in the first place. “I can give one of you a lift up!” You could carry at least one of them. But who had the best chance?

A warble of a roar cut all your motion, everyone standing suddenly still, directing your eyes skyward. From the hole a monstrous beast swam out. Some mangled, armored… space whale- the best way you could think to describe it. Beyond your understanding. And far bigger than anything you’d seen in your life.

As it flew just overhead, close enough for you to reach out and _touch_ it, knocking over edges of buildings and monuments in its path, you saw more aliens deploy from the sides. Jumping out in tethered strikes to the buildings closest and beginning a climb upwards. Knocking out windows and invading offices. Fear locked you up again.

“Tony...” Terror clear in the shake of your voice.

Steve followed suit. Seemed like the only one your group thought might have a handle on this was _him_. “Stark, you seeing this?”

“Seeing. Still working on believing. Where’s Banner, has he shown up yet?”

Your surprise showed. “Bruce?” You had no idea where he was. Where he’d ended up after the helicarrier had been attacked. But Tony was waiting for him?

“Just keep me posted. Hey, honey, wanna give me a hand with this thing?” His better sense right again. You two were the only people on this team capable of taking it out right now, especially with the way it was moving.

Clint spoke first. “We got civilians trapped.”

Before you could answer, another squad flew by, Loki the leader among them, unleashing a blast on the people and cars locked on the street below, sending heavy machinery into the air only to crash back down. “Keep it busy. I’ll be right there.”

“Yeah I’ll just read it a bedtime story.”

Steve’s attention was where yours was. “They’re fish in a barrel down there.”

You gave him a nod. “We have to start making paths. But we need to clear here first.” You couldn’t just take off and leave two of them behind. This had to be a concerted effort.

Just behind you was another crew on foot. Nat stood, taking aim and firing off a few shots. “Go. We’ve got this. We’re good.”

Steve looked at Clint. “You think you can hold ‘em off?”

Clint just smiled. “Captain, Lady, it would be my genuine pleasure.” He stood, after configuring that high tech quiver of his and took a single shot that wiped out six.

You turned to Steve, jumping up into the air, catching your boosts into flight. “I’ll cover you.”

He gave a nod and the two of you wasted no more time. Taking a dive off the overpass, he caught the top of a bus and you focused your blasts on the aliens charging his sides, taking them out one after the other, making way for him to continue in a roll of the top of a taxi and onto the ground. Once there you followed him up the street, sweeping another battalion up with one concentrated missile blast.

Eyeing a squadron of officers you cut your jets, landing on your feet in front of them. The two standing closest took the sight of you in. You didn’t have time to waste on introductions or their boggling. “There are people trapped in the buildings. You need to direct your squads to find them paths down. Keep them _off_ the streets. Bring them down into the basements or the subways.”

Steve caught up finally, drawing their attention. He pointed, “We need a perimeter as far back as 49th.”

They seemed annoyed. “Why the hell should we take orders from you?”

A flyby carriage dropped two aliens on top of the two of you. As Steve raised his SHIELD to take one, you leaned in to the other, twisting back and carrying a punch with force that knocked it back a yard into a lamppost. Once you were finished you both turned on the cop who stood there bewildered for only a second more before he started barking _your_ orders into his radio as he walked away.

Steve took off behind you again, so without a thought you followed. But where he was heading back up to the bridge, and already too far beyond you, you found yourself distracted by an onslaught of _terror_ that had you nearly losing your footing. Taking off, you rounded the building it was coming from, scaling up it and to its backside to see a woman dangling from a window ledge, screaming for her life.

Springing into action you came up right beside her, “Hang on, I’ve got you!” And then broke out the rest of the double wide frame to help her up and through. She seemed not to want to let go of you, which became a problem as you spotted a group of no less than ten people huddling in a corner, and six or so aliens with guns pointed their way.

And then yours.

“LUNA give me the big shield!” About all you could think to say, raising your arm in tandem, as fire opened on you. “Stay behind me!” Calling to the young woman who was cowering in a crouch doing just that. There was no open room for fire, so you had to bend out to get a shot off, taking out only a single one of them, but doing just enough to knock it into the others.

It gave you an open to rush them, and got the group they’d pinned to move out of the way. Thankfully. But they all then took shelter behind you. Which wasn’t the smartest thing to do, considering you were now drawing fire. “LUNA show me some exits, please!” Still holding your arm up to keep the fresh wave of fire at bay.

“All exits blocked- shield power running at fifty percent capacity!”

_Blocked_. Meaning if you didn’t deal with these things, everyone in this room was probably going to die. You included. But now you were stuck in a corner with them. What to do what to do? _What should you do_?

“Forty percent!”

In your haste to make any right call you raised your other hand to try and fire a blast off, getting a return hit in the shoulder for your efforts, knocking you back into one of the people standing behind you. You tried to stay firm. _What to do_?

“Thirty percent! We can’t take much more!”

What would Tony do? Or Steve? Or Natasha? Artillery? Did you have anything that you could let off without becoming an open target? Or without opening the others to attack?

“Twenty percent!” You were feeling the force now. Shot after shot. The next one a heavier blast as they started focusing their efforts. Shifting you back in your stance, really pushing you almost right up against the wall with everyone. As if you were just like them. Another human cowering in this mess. No control. Nothing to do but wait for someone to come save you. Or die.

“_**Fifteen percent!**_”

The floor dropped out from under you and for a few sweet seconds all sound died. This wasn’t where you wanted to be. In that murky darkness. Alone- well… except for the several foreign bodies that were polluting your water.

As you looked out to them, you wondered still _what should I do_? And knew the longer you stayed where you were, the sooner the answer would just become _**die**_. You couldn’t do that. You couldn’t let that happen. And finally you saw it.

The ripples.

The little movements in the water. They were all _connected_.

You were sure you felt a white hot laser dig into your side somewhere on the surface, and it threatened to pull you back. This had to be quick. And you had to hope you were right.

Easing down you spread your hands forward into their combined waves, and you pulled. Like reins. Turning them one after one after one… _on each other_.

One blink and then the next you were present again, watching them all take one shot at each other. Not enough to kill, but certainly enough to confuse. And in that momentary ceasefire as they all stared at each other, you raised both hands. “LUNA everything we’ve got please!” Now or never.

A bright, powerful burst left from both hands, effectively incinerating all attacking parties. You nearly went down with them, hands on your knees.

“...are you with Iron Man?”

How to even answer that? “Come on-” You were breathing heavy, pushing yourself to stand. “Follow me- there are officers on the ground who are going to lead you to a safe zone. Stay low!” Someone grabbed your hand as you led them out in a cluster, through the door and down the stairwell. Thankfully your way was clear. For once.

Outside, you whistled to call the attention of an office who came jogging over. “Take them lower.”

“Ma’am!” An older gentleman called to you just as you were turning away to take off again. When you gave him a momentary glance he saluted you. “Thank you!”

Your brain wasn’t working enough. All you did was salute back. Tony’s voice broke through the mindless clutter. “Honey, I’ve uh, got it’s attention. What’s your ETA?”

“Just a second- I’m coming-”

You checked your power once to make sure you wouldn’t jump up and immediately fall flat on your face, and once you saw enough juice on the screen, you took a running start and then took off into the air. Running a quick scan and locate, you found your people.

Regrouping with the team on the ground, you felt their overwhelming sense of _exhaustion_, but thankfully there was no hint of defeat. A squad tried to flank you, so you put your hands up, going fist-to-fist with a few of them. One caught you in the side with some sort of electrified blade, but as you went down to a knee, you held your hand up, throwing it back with a blast.

Just as another set came upon you, a burst of lightning shorted your attackers out, and you and Nat turned to Thor who found his footing a little shaky as he came over. You got to your own feet just as wearily. Steve went over to him first. “What’s the story upstairs?”

“The power surrounding the cube is impenetrable.”

Tony flew overhead, catching everyone’s attention. “Thor’s right, we gotta deal with these guys.” You weren’t quite sure _when_ Tony had equipped _everyone_ with comms- maybe it had been SHIELD when you’d all arrived on the helicarrier, but you were grateful for it now.

“How do we do this?” While Nat wasn’t yet giving up, she was just as lost as you.

You could only think to say the one thing you kept saying to Tony. “As a team.”

Thor shook his head. “I have unfinished business with Loki.”

Clint scoffed. “Yeah? Get in line.”

And, despite this absolutely not being the time for it, you agreed. “No kidding.”

Steve bore down on the two of you. “Save it. Loki’s gonna keep this fight focused on us, and that’s what we need. Without him these things could run wild.”

You shook your head. “He only thinks he’s in control. Let me just tell you, he’s not.”

Thor took your side. “Lady is correct. When we-”

The sound of a sputtering motor approaching interrupted your little group discussion. Your own relief overwhelmed you as you turned, seeing Bruce riding up on a motorcycle that looked as beaten up as he did. While you’d had no time to question his condition in the aftermath of allowing yourself to get kidnapped, thrown around, and dealing with these things-

As he approached, you let it all wash over you. Unable to help yourself, now completely drowning in not only your own emotions, but everyone else’s- you went to him and wrapped him up tight in a hug. There was even a trickle of surprise as he returned it. Although a little awkwardly. “I’m glad you’re okay.” You found you really were.

“Okay’s putting it mildly.” He was smiling, as you let go, but it disappeared in the next instant. “So.” He said, waving his hands low. “This all seems horrible.”

Natasha approached. “I’ve seen worse.”

Bruce’s _guilt_ struck you. “I’m sorry.” Looking back and forth at the two of you.

You let Nat take the lead. “No- we could use a little worse.”

Turning your head skyward, you spoke to the only other person who had been waiting for Bruce’s arrival. “Tony. He’s here.”

“Banner?” Your eyes locked on his image on your HUD and the two of you smiled at one another. “Good. Tell him to suit up. I’m bringing the party to you. If you’re done powwowing.” You watched him curve around a building, bringing-… _a party_, sure, literally, with him on his tail. That giant angry space whale and a whole fresh battalion of aliens.

Meeting over, you jumped into flight, following his path and taking the lead with him. “I’m with you!”

“About time. Follow me.” The two of you turned right back around in time to see Bruce transforming. It pinched a chord of now learned fear inside of you, but you swallowed it and focused ahead as the Hulk sprung forth while that whale bore down on him. One punch of huge force stopped its forward motion, lifting it high into the air. “Soft spot, lock on right there!” Tony recaptured your attention.

The two of you lifted your arms, a bullseye target confirmed for you, firing a double missile that exploded on impact. It sent the monster careening forward further into a literal dead stop on the ground, sliding a few hundred feet out where it finally stopped moving.

Trying to take stock of your next move, you and Tony lowered to the ground once more, surrounded by angry screams from the sides of buildings. The team looked up, facing down the wrath of those aliens. But if you took out that giant beast, there was _hope_. Hope that you could face the rest and end this.

That was, at least, until that light died under the warble and rumble of two more pouring out from the hole in the sky. With them came thousands of more soldiers. Unable to do anything in a new wake of senseless _fear_, you reached out, taking Tony’s hand in yours. Your eyes locked on his image, the screen centering, moving with your iris to pull up a private channel. “We can still do this?” Not really sure what you were asking. There was no way to answer other than that you’d try. But would that be enough?

His hand squeezed yours. “We can do this.”

You smiled weakly. “Promise?”

His, by contrast, was much more sure. “Since I’m the better out of the two of us at keeping them… I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Tony's always right about everything... right?


	56. Chapter 56

There wasn’t enough time to really size up the scope of what your team was facing down. Yet it felt like an hour had stretched by between your mutual disbelief in what you were seeing, and when Tony took charge again. “Captain, call it.” At least enough to ask for someone else who was far more versed in the actuality of war to take over.

Smarter than the rest of you. That was your man.

“Alright, listen up. Until we can close that portal our priority is containment. Barton, I want you on that roof calling out patterns and strays.” Pointing up to the building nearest before his finger came to you. “Stark, Lady, you guys get the perimeters. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it around or you turn it to ash.”

With your orders confirmed, you gave him a firm nod. “You got it.”

Clint turned to the two of you. “Who’s giving me a lift?”

Tony stepped forward. “Better clench up, Legolas.” He stepped forward, grabbing the back of Clint’s quiver and without another second to spare lifted off with him in tow. That was your cue to start taking off as well. You silenced out the private channel and reopened your comms to listen to the rest of Steve’s directions.

He sent Thor off to deal with the out pour that was coming from the portal, hoping to bottleneck it enough to keep the bodies down to a degree you all could deal with. He kept himself and Nat on ground level to keep the fighting centered. And Hulk-

...well, he told Hulk one thing.

_Smash_ . 

And the second he gave off that order, LUNA zoomed in on that huge body jumping up and starting to do exactly that. Wanton destruction in his path. Even though he was already doing a good job of taking out those soldiers, he wasn’t exactly taking it easy on all the surrounding real estate… a problem for another time.

Similarly, atop the Chrysler Building, Thor literally lit the whole thing up, glass shattering on almost every floor as he called down lightning to aim directly at the portal. It did a good enough job, pushing back everything that was trying to enter. So time enough for  _you_ to start focusing on other problems. 

You were off at Tony’s side as he set Clint down on a roof, doing your absolute best to keep up alongside a squadron, firing blasts in quick succession to take out those carriages and send them hurtling to the ground. Once they took notice, they turned around after you. Exactly what you wanted as you aimed them back into the permissible zone.

Clint came over your comms. “You guys gotta a lot of strays sniffing your tails.”

As Tony spoke you looked up at his image in the corner of your HUD. He looked paler than you recalled. Mirroring how you felt.  _Overwhelmed_ . “Just trying to keep them off the streets.” 

“Well they can’t bank worth a damn. Find a tight corner.” Clint offering some helpful advice.

Over your private channel, Tony caught your attention. “Neither can you, so stay back and cover me, got it? I’m gonna pick ‘em off, you worry about the pack going around me.”

“I’ve got your back!” Useless to do anything but try and help whatever way you could. He was right, unfortunately. You weren’t that skilled in flying in the suit. For wide and quick shots? Sure. Absolutely. And anything LUNA could program a path for you, you could do. But as you watched him lower in and try to take them around a parking garage, your heart hammered in your chest. You would have been dead meat. 

Going around to his exit, you held your hands out to shoot an awaiting battalion, thinking they were going to get the jump on him. Taking notice of you, they strayed from their stationary position and came right after you, so you led them back around, twisting once and then again to try and get any good shots off.

One of them found you next around a corner, surprising you too late for you to stop, ramming you headfirst into a building and then dropping you out of the sky. You landed in a heap on top of somebody’s car, caving in the top and crushing every bit of glass.

Your vitals popped on screen as LUNA started listing your maladies. “Several high level fractures detected- fragmented disc in the upper-”

“Mute. Mute- I got it- I’m fine-” You wheezed out, trying to draw your next breath.

Almost five feet away from you, the carriage that had attacked you landed in a fiery heap and you looked up, seeing Clint moving from one stance into the next. “You gonna be okay?” He asked.

You pushed yourself to ground, holding half steady on one knee and foot. “I’m good- thanks for the help-”

Tony pulled out of another garage just around the corner from you, setting off an explosion as his followers smashed into the building ahead. “Not getting tired are you?”

“Not time for a nap just yet.” You countered, taking off to follow him once again. But a red notification circled Natasha’s nearby location, LUNA keying you into that she was getting swarmed, so you broke formation and dropped down on an attacker that had her pinned on a car.

She was up just behind you in another moment and the two of you traded blows pushed back to back. At least until she went into a low sweep, sending an alien your way for complete decimation as you tucked into a similar crouch with your hands up in a shot. It was clear the two of you were winded. Her forehead was bleeding. You weren’t sure  _where_ you were bleeding now, probably everywhere from the way you felt. 

Picking up one of their weapons, no time to keep still, as another set rounded in on you, she went for the ones closest, picking them apart with measured jabs one after the other. You-

You got just tired enough to forget where you were for a second.

In the next blink of your eyes you weren’t in New York anymore, and not under fire. Several feet away, Steve popped into view, sweeping your vision left, you found Natasha standing solitary.

Those things you were fighting  still  _weren’t_ . 

There were many of them. But they weren’t alone. They were  _together_ . Ripples in the pond linked like chains somehow. And just as you reached out, you were quite literally knocked back into the real world with a fist to the back of your head. 

On the ground again until the body coming just into view was kicked away. Steve offered his hand as Natasha gave you a curious glance. “Zoning out on us?”

As you pulled yourself to your feet you shook your head. “I saw something- I don’t know how to explain it- it probably doesn’t matter. They’re  _connected_ somehow.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked. “...what does that mean?”

“I don’t know. Something else is controlling them maybe? Or powering them?” Not a satisfactory answer. And not one you had time to explore. You started shaking your head. “It doesn’t matter. We can keep fighting them all day, it won’t make any difference if we don’t kill the portal.”

The three of you looked up. Steve was equally pessimistic. “Our biggest guns couldn’t touch it.”

Natasha offered a different idea. “Maybe it’s not about guns.” You didn’t know what she was planning, but if she had  _any_ idea on what to do, you had to follow her next. 

“You want me to take you up there?”

“No- no… just… give me a boost and follow my lead.”

Giving Steve a glance, “You okay down here?”

He nodded. “Go.”

Crouching down you held your hands together in a cradle, not sure exactly what Natasha was planning, but starting to get a pretty good idea. She waited, sizing up the passing crowd, and then in the next seconds ran towards you, stepping into your palms. You bolted her upright on one of the aliens passing by, and she caught on, flying away.

Running forward you took another leap into the air, “LUNA lock on.” Following in Nat’s wake. “What’s your plan here?”

“Let’s take some out on the way.” She severed the anchor the main carriage rider had, and when the next one turned on her you fired a shot to knock it clean off. At the controls she tried turning around, hitting the corner of a building with a nervous noise.

“Wide turn only.” You cautioned her.

Clint, listening in very obviously, made sure you got no credit. “My advice.”

You could practically hear the smile in Natasha’s voice. “Of course it was. Now stop patting yourself on the back and do some work.”

“Work huh? I’ll get right on it.” 

Easing up on the jets, you took a tight turn of your own finally, whizzing around a building. “Let’s light up the sky.” Extending a hand to clear a path for her, shooting bodies out of the air. She followed you in and then  _up_ , chasing the side of Stark Tower (looking absolutely  _terrible_ right now, no time to think about it), just as an explosion lit up your vision on the right side. 

Clint’s voice came back in. “How’s that for work?”

You watched Loki tumble in a free fall and then tumble onto the Tower balcony. No time to worry about him, but you made a promise that you’d get to him very  _next_ thing you did. Natasha sounded panicked. “How do I stop this thing?!” 

She was going to smash head first into the Tower. Cooling up your ascent you fired right underneath a drop zone LUNA calculated for you. “Jump, I’ll catch you!”

Natasha didn’t think. You barely had time to blink as she launched herself out of the carriage, sending it against the Tower in another explosion. In your arms she landed and you pulled straight up again, carrying the both of you up to the balcony. You dropped her just aside the portal, perhaps a little harsher than you meant to as she rolled to keep from getting hurt.

Coming to a stumbling stop yourself, you found yourself panting. Your attention was drawn by Loki on his feet. Natasha gave you permission without you having to ask. “Get him. Go. I’m good here.”

Fire at your heels you did the only thing that came naturally at this point. You took him head on, smashing into him with your palms first, throwing him clear through the remaining penthouse glass on that side and into the room. It was that tsunami of  _anger_ approaching that got you to roll out of the way just in time.

The Hulk’s roar was next. He seemed to appear almost out of nowhere, leaping out of the air and into the suite alongside you. Nearly knocking you over in his rage. You angled aside and while you might have really liked to go two on one with him, Loki stood again and started screaming like a child. “ _ENOUGH!_ ” It stopped Hulk dead in his tracks, and the both of you looked at him. “You-  _all_ of you are beneath me! I am a  **God** you dull fools- and I will not be bullied by-” 

His rant was cut short by one clean jerk of the Hulk’s arm, reaching out to take his leg in an iron grip. You eased back a few  _huge_ steps, not wanting to get in the middle of them as Hulk started swinging him around and slamming him into the floor over and over and  _over_ again. Even with the way you felt about Loki- even you couldn’t help feeling a little bad for him. 

Once finished, Hulk let him go and started coming towards you. “Puny god.”

“I was getting tired of hearing him. Thanks.” Trying to play it cool around the Hulk was probably not the smartest thing to do, nor was it easy by any means.

But you delighted in a little quirk of a smile. “Hmph. Not so puny lady.”

The moment was gone as quickly as it started, because he reached out for  _you_ next, although the fist he took you in was not quite as crushing as the first time he’d held you like this. With one step and then the next, he hauled you completely from the Tower and to the next rooftop over where several aliens were stationed. Once there he let you down, just short of throwing you to your feet. 

You were glad enough to catch yourself, and to be on  _his_ side as the two of you started making quick work of every body atop the roof.  It was unfortunate that that may have been a trap, something you realized too little too late as a flurry of laser shots rained down on you from above. Another squadron had risen to your location, and had opened fire on the both of you. 

“LUNA give me the full shield!” Raising your arm up, you tried helplessly to deflect some of the blasts, holding higher and higher, uselessly trying to cover Hulk, too. With your other hand, “Rapid fire!”

“Priority message on secure Stark channel-” LUNA alerted you suddenly.

You had no idea what to do with this. “Patch me in-” Too lost in the fog of battle to think about it.

That was until you heard half of Fury’s voice. “-payload will wipe out Midtown.”

It was Tony you heard next as a chill crept through you. “JARVIS put everything we’ve got into the thrusters!”

“Tony I’m pinned- what’s going on!? You need me?! Give me coordinates!” You’d get out of there if you had to. And you _had_ to. Something was going on- _payload?_ What was Fury talking about? 

“_Stay where you are!_ I’m moving, I’ve got this!” Sure enough he whizzed right by you. 

So you ignored him. “LUNA put him on lock!”  Turning half a degree, “Hulk I have to go!” Not wanting to abandon him. Holding both hands up you unloaded just about everything your suit had to give to kill the fire coming down. And once it was semi-clear, Hulk barely regarded you and he leapt up into the remaining carriages to pull them down. 

Running off the roof, you followed hot on Tony’s trail. Natasha’s voice startled you. “I can close it- can anybody copy-? I can shut the portal down!” She’d found a way to close the portal. Finally-

“Do it!” Steve yelled.

“No-! Wait.” Tony’s voice got between their early triumph. You found your suit was not going fast enough. The power was dropping.

“Stark these things are still coming!” 

“I got a nuke coming in, it’s gonna blow in less than three minutes.” 

Your voice exploded out of you. “ _What_ ?!” 

“And I know just where to put it.”

On the top right of your HUD, the power continued dropping in a crawl. Tony was out of the city over the water, you couldn’t even get out of midtown. “LUNA, I need a boost!”

“Protocols are being overwritten!” It wasn’t just the power that was dropping, it was you. Out of the sky. Your suit locked as you turned around, headed for the ground. A path lit up in front of you. Instead of locking on Tony, you’d been locked to Steve.

And you dropped down to him as the jets cut in your heels, leaving you there on your knees in a heap. “Tony  _stop it!_ LUNA- find a way around, break it!” Panicking as realization kicked in. 

Tony had ejected you out of control. He’d brought you down to the ground so you couldn’t follow him. And as Steve came up aside you, hand on your shoulder, you heard exactly the reason why. “Stark, you know that’s a one-way trip.”

Uselessly you pushed yourself to stand. Centering Tony’s private channel, you  _begged_ . “Tony your suit isn’t made for  _space_ \- please, let me help you- let me do something-” 

“I’ll tell you what I need you to do. _I need you_ to stay right where you are. _I need you _to be safe. I gotta do this.” He was half watching you-

The same as you, as you half watched his face on your screen. The rest of you devoted to watching him crawl upwards in the sky. Missile in his hands. Going up, up,  _up…_ “Tony-  _please_ ...” 

“I love you, you know that? You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Don’t say goodbye to me- don’t do it-” Tears welled and overran your lashes, making it hard to see much of anything.

“Who said anything about saying goodbye? I’m saying I love you.”

“I love you, too. I love you. Tony. _Please_...” You couldn’t let him. You couldn’t let him do this. Why? Why did it have to be him? Why- “Don’t go- _ don’t go-_ I need you, **don’t go**!” 

Green flashed on your screen. “Power restored to the jets.”

Without thinking you tried to lift up in a jump. But you were stopped by a hand crushing your arm. Turning back on  the man responsible , you screamed, shaking. “ _STEVE_ \-  **let me go** !  Let me go-  _ **let me GO** _ ! ”  You’d started sobbing, unable to keep anything in anymore. “ _ **STEVE** _ !” 

He looked at you. Cut to his core. Pained. “I’m sorry.”

Whipping your head up as you heard the crash at the side of the Tower, you saw Tony bounce off it and then inch up further. “Tony- please-  _ please _ \- I love you...” 

The way he said your name so softly, resigned, killed you. “I love you. I love you-” Chanting it.  _ Afraid _ . You watched. All you could do. As he disappeared. Your knees went out from under you, but your eyes were glued on the sky.  At t he same time on his comm window. “I- …  need \- …  _ you- ... honey-... ”  _ Static cut between his words, the image of him on your screen flickered and then died. 

“Tony- Tony listen to me- I love you- please just-”

“Connection failed.” LUNA took the rest of it away from you.

His suit was probably running on minimal power, if it had any at all up there. But there was still a chance. He could still come back. He could drop the missile and come back. He could come back. He would. He just had to- he just had to do one thing… he just- he could come back-

All around you bodies started dropping, but you couldn’t move your vision. You were stuck looking up. Waiting. Waiting for him to come back. Because he would. He would come back.  _ He would come back _ \- he wouldn’t leave you- he’d  _ **come back** _ \- 

That bright light of destruction nearly blinded you. But you kept looking. Because Tony would come back. He’d come back. He wouldn’t leave you-

“Close it.”

“_What_?! **NO**!” Sense left you as you sprang up and tried to lift again. Curtailed immediately by Steve’s grip on you. So you pulled him, hard, but he dug his heels in. “No! You can’t! _**NO**_!” 

He pulled you to him, wrapping you in a squeeze that you found it impossible to break out of. Not because you couldn’t, but because  _ you _ couldn’t. Your body gave out as a wheeze left you, and the next couple of sounds were nothing but  deep weeping . You fell against him, shaking your head,  pounding your fists at his chest .  He did the only thing he knew.  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry...” 

_Apologized for your loss. _

The signal in the sky cut just as the rest of the life practically left your body, and a thunder rumbled overhead. They were leaving him out there. They were leaving him to die. He was gone. He was  _ gone _ \- and they’d- 

“Son of a gun.” Steve’s voice left him in a puff of air.

And for just one last time in your life, you decided to give hope a chance. Lifting your eyes skyward, you saw him. You saw  _ Tony _ . Back. All he had to do was come back.  _ And he did _ . 

He did.  _ **He did** _ . 

Except- he was still falling. And even this far away, you threw a net that came back  _ empty _ . You couldn’t feel him. He wasn’t  _ there. _ Unconscious. Without thinking you lifted again- or tried. But Steve was still holding on to you. And  _ this _ time, you were all there. “Let me go. NOW.” Not waiting for his permission to twist and then side check him hard, sending him into a half fall. 

You’d worry about him later.

Because right now, you were too worried that you weren’t going to have enough time to catch Tony before he  hit terminal velocity. “LUNA calculate his fall rate!”  _ And go faster.  _

“At this rate you will be unable to-”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” You stopped her. You _couldn’t_ hear it. 

But it didn’t matter. He was falling too fast for you to do anything about it. And you were about to lose him twice within the span of moments. Except this time it would be your fault. If you’d just kept looking- if you hadn’t given up-

The Hulk caught you in a side swipe as he launched up further and faster than you and you pulled yourself to a stop. Watching as he caught Tony sideways and then accelerated further into the nearest building. Clutching to it and then dragging downward. Turning around you followed them to the ground.

You lost footing on land, falling forward on your hands and knees as Hulk tossed Tony’s lifeless body to the ground. Pushing through your panic, you  deactivated your helmet into visor mode and reached reached forward, taking off  his . “LUNA give me vitals- I need a minimal volt charge on my mark-” He wasn’t breathing, and the Arc Reactor was fading. 

Not again. You would  _ not _ lose him again. 

Just as you zapped him, you fell  _ down _ . Into that darkness. Finding him there, wavering in and out. Going. He was  _ leaving _ . But you couldn’t let him. Rushing forward, wading through the water, you met him- hands outstretched to take his face in your palms, and then you slipped further forward, wrapping your arms around him. He felt  _ cold _ , for just a few seconds.

But in your embrace his embers started glowing.

_ I love you _ . 

You barely heard his answer. Jolted back to reality by the roar of the Hulk, waiting impatiently for any sign of life. Any result- as were the rest of your team who had gathered. All gone unnoticed as you’d been  _ fixated _ on Tony. Because he had to live.  _ He had to come back to you _ . 

And as he startled, same as you, he started trying to register where he was and what was happening. Looking up and around first before his gaze settled on you. “ What the hell?  What just happened?”  His vision sharpened just a little bit more. “ Please tell me no one kissed me. ” 

Tears were still leaking from your eyes. You weren’t sure they’d stopped. “Not yet.”

Steve, panting, decided to actually answer him. “We won...”

Raising his hand weakly, Tony started cheering just as meekly. “Alright. Hey. Yay… good job guys… let’s just… let’s just not come in tomorrow… let’s just take a day.”  _ Uncertainty _ was bleeding out of him. Many things were. Top of this list  _ fear _ . You couldn’t blame him. He’d just flown up into space and nearly not come back. You mirrored the sentiment. And as he was apt to do, when he was feeling out of his depths, he played it up. “You ever tried shawarma? There’s a shawarma joint about two blocks from here… I don’t know what it is, but I wanna try it.” 

Feeling whatever you had left leave you, your head dropped forward on his chest. “Okay… when we’re done...”

“Lady is correct, we are not finished just yet.” Even though Thor was agreeing with you, you weren’t sure that’s exactly what you were saying. Because as Steve lifted his head to look towards the Tower, you were pretty sure the last thing you wanted to do was go deal with Loki.

Tony gave your head a little pat, holding you for just a moment. “Okay- then shawarma after…”

Thor and Steve took the hint, turning to move away just a little to give you and Tony space. Finding your last ounce of strength, you rocked back on your heels and lifted to stand, holding your hand out to help Tony on his feet next. He stumbled just a little, but you braced him with a steady hand on his chest, and one to his shoulder.

Once he seemed stable enough, the two of you just stared at each other. For probably too long a time. And with everything said silently between you, you collapsed into his arms. Holding him.  _ Squeezing _ him. Hiding the rest of your tears in the side of his neck.  He held you back in just as crushing of a grip. “Hey-” His voice was quiet. Just for the two of you. “I’m surprised you actually stayed where I told you to.” Joking. Joking because he hadn’t been in control of this situation. 

Neither had you.

Inching back just a little, you sniffled up at him and shook your head. “When I saw you coming down, I went after you.”

“Of course you did. You’re very bad at listening.” Reaching up, he held your face in his hands.

“Lucky you.”

His eyes were glassy as he smiled. “Yeah. No kidding. Are you okay?”

“Me?” Your brain boggled. “You’re asking _me_ if I’m okay?”

“Yeah, I am asking you-”

“You were the one who just went up into fucking space with a nuke-”

“And you’ve been fighting who knows what for hours and-”

The two of you talking over each other died when Hulk roared at the both of you, and Tony pulled you close to him again. You stared up at him. His hands clenched but you didn’t feel that wave of  _ wrath _ that you usually did- at least not directed at you. He was certainly  _ annoyed _ . And then he took you by complete surprise, “Tired of hearing you talk.” 

Tony, baffled, “...excuse me?”

But the Hulk was grinning just a little at you. So you grinned back. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” So you decided to put an end to it. Turning your attention back to Tony, you leaned up, catching his lips in a kiss.

And had to thoroughly ignore the Hulk’s sigh of dismay and then growl of disgust, followed by his angry mumbling and footsteps as he walked away. It would have been just as easy to ignore the rest of the world as you wrapped your arms around his neck, and relished in the feel of his around your waist.

This had been too much. And he’d threatened to give up every last bit of himself. You’d nearly lost him- and you couldn’t live with that that thought. How close it had come.

_ I love you _ , you told him. In that way that only you two  _ felt _ . 

He broke back, forehead leaning against yours.  _ I love you, too _ . 

“Uh- sorry to break it up- but could we get moving?” Steve sounded off just behind you.

“We’re coming.” The both of you said in unison, urging a tired smile from the both of you next.

“Seriously… are you okay?” He asked again. Much, much quieter this time.

Because he was asking about a lot. And you knew there was only one way to answer him. “About as okay as you are.”

He huffed out an amused yet hurt sound. “Yeah...” Kissing you briefly, one last time before parting. You got lost in his gaze as the two of you looked at each other. Two newly broken human beings. “Yeah.”

But at least you still had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll be okay. We'll all be okay.


	57. Chapter 57

You weren’t sure how you made it back up to the penthouse. A miracle, really, considering it felt like you were on the verge of collapse. But the team still had a job to do, and no one looked like they were ready to quit. So you couldn’t, either. Aside all that… you really needed the peace of mind that Loki was going to be going away in cuffs. After everything he’d done, not just to you, but to _everyone_, there would be no rest until you saw the absolute end to it all.

By the time the team got up there, he was just starting to rouse from his Hulk induced knock out. And while he was pushing himself to sit up, _everyone_ drew weapons on him. It seemed a little silly, the seven of you gathered around him in a semi-circle, all powered up and ready to go even though the battle was about as over as it was going to get. He looked up with a confused and then sheepish expression.

“If it’s all the same to you… I think I’ll have that drink now.” Completely subdued, and trying for humorous. Really unable to read the room.

Tony stepped back. “Alright, get him on his feet. We can all stand around posing up a storm later.” Walking further away, he gestured around. “By the way, feel free to clean up.” He was moving too fast, only making it more evident that he was still off kilter. Trying to rush by everything so that he wouldn’t have to deal with what had just happened.

You didn’t really want to, either. “It’s gonna take a lot of man power to get the Tower up and running again...” Talking more to yourself, because you didn’t think anyone was listening. You had barely had the lights on for twenty-four hours and now it was somewhat destroyed. The penthouse most of all- well, the front room and balcony- and the STARK letters. Which ones were left…?

“Is that your subtle way of asking for some of us to stick around and sweep up glass?” Steve turned to look at you, hands on his hips.

Strange. This was all strange. Just a moment ago you’d been nearly sobbing to _death_ in his arms because you thought Tony had been trapped and was going to die in space. Now he was looking at you with a half smile that felt like none of that really mattered. Or had happened.

How were you supposed to process this?

Nat came a little too close to you, you realized, holding that god damn stick up. It earned a small jump and a few quick steps back as she asked, “Who gets the uh... magic wand?”

“Be careful with that.” The words shot out of you, perhaps a little more aggressively than you meant. It drew everyone’s attention your way. “Just… there’s something in there that reacts pretty poorly with _people_.”

Yanked to his feet, Loki grinned. “Ah, still going on, aren’t you?”

Clint stepped in front of him, slapping a pair of heavy duty cuffs around his wrists. “Shut up.” Then, half turning to nod at you and Nat, “I’m with her. Don’t mess around with that thing unless you want your mind erased. And not in the fun way.”

Steve reached out to take hold of it, “STRIKE team is coming to secure it.” Just on cue, the elevator doors in the hallway opened, and out stepped a crew of very serious looking men.

“STRIKE?” Who were these people suddenly flooding your private space? There was only a single face you recognized, and he wasn’t dressed like the rest, instead of black gear, he was wearing a suit and tie. You’d seen him lingering around SHIELD some days.

So it made sense when Nat answered you. “Special Tactical Reserve for International Key Emergencies. They’re with us.” _Us_. SHIELD, she meant. Handing the stick to the guy in the suit, “Be careful with that.”

And, as he caught you staring, he smiled. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Sticking his hand out, “Agent Jasper Sitwell.” You gave him a weak shake at best, not really sure what to make of any of this. He continued to smile. “Seems like you’re about to have a lot more work to do.” He handed the stick over to someone who appeared to be the top agent with him.

A pretty stoic looking dude. Said dude took it and put it in a case. As he snapped it shut, he turned to you with a gruff noise. “You got a problem?”

“Should I? Agent…?”

“Rumlow.” He picked it up by the handle, turning away abruptly. _What was with these guys_?

You supposed now was not a good time for introductions. Half the city had just been smashed to pieces by aliens. You weren’t the only one feeling worse for wear. All the more evidenced when you heard Steve speak into his comm, “I’m on my way down to coordinate search and rescue.”

People were dead. People were trapped in rubble. People were lost. Hurt. You had no right to feel like curling up. Or crying. “Do you need help with that?”

A roil of _ire_ rumbled behind you and when you turned you saw a second Steve. Except when he spoke it was very mocking. “ _I’m on my way to coordinate search and rescue_ .” Then in a shimmer, Steve changed into _you_ . “ _Ooh, do you need help with that_ ?” Then it was Loki’s voice, coming out of your mouth. “I mean _really_, how do you keep your food down?”

Thor stepped forward, slapping what looked to be a muzzle over Loki’s face. You breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

He grinned. “Yes, that’s much better.” With the first team off the elevator, the doors reopened. Turning to the two of you, “Lady, Stark, are you coming?”

“In a second.” It took you approximately five of those to realize he wasn’t talking to just you.

“One sec, just packing my lunch.” Looking over, you saw Tony without his suit, but glove over hand, depositing the cube- the Tesseract- into a padded suitcase. So much was going on around you, were you really paying that little attention?

Apparently Steve had called this STRIKE team on the way up- that made sense. You weren’t really _present_ for that. And while you’d been too concerned with everyone else around you, Tony had gone out on the balcony and retrieved the other source of problems. Everyone was _working_, and you were just standing around spacing out.

Realizing this somehow _even more_ as Tony came over to you and tap-tapped your Heart Reactor for you, releasing your suit. Your body went into overdrive, hands zipping up to your chest protectively. Something he stopped, cradling your hands gently in his own. “Hey- easy. You’re alright. We’re winding down here, you don’t have to wear that right now.” Even he was no longer in his suit. “You wanna hang back? You look like you need to lie down.”

As if he had any right to talk. He was sporting a black eye in the making, and several cuts across his face. “No, I’m coming with you guys. ...what are we doing?”

His smile was fond but there was a leak of _hurt_ coming from him. “We’re getting shawarma. Remember?” When it took too long for you to answer, he pulled your hand. “Come on. We’re holding them up.”

Everything was moving so _fast_. You had barely any time to process any of it. Mindlessly you just followed as he tugged you along. The elevator was a little snug with all of you in it, something that became even more clear as Hulk tried to be the last one in. Just about everyone held their hands up to stop him. A crowd of voices came shortly after, “Hey hey hey!”

Tony put the suitcase with the cube in it standing up and moved to sit in a crouch on top of it. “We’re at max capacity here, buddy, what’s it look like?”

Thor chimed in. “Take the stairs!”

Just as the doors were closing he began one of those mighty roars, and that hurricane of _anger_ nearly knocked you over. He reeled back a punch and Tony warned him. “Stop. Stop!” Denting the doors as they shut all the way.

_Nervousness_ swirled inside the small space from just about every occupant. You felt faint. But not terrible enough to speak up. “...there’s _a lot_ of stairs.”

“He’s big. It’ll go quick.”

You gave Tony a dry look. “I don’t think it works that way.”

Down in the lobby, it seemed like every single Stark employee was on high alert. People were moving around in quick clouds. You idly wondered where Pepper was… you were going to need a lot of help moving forward. Even starting to think about what was going to be required gave you a headache. But as soon as your main team stepped off the elevator and started walking, everyone seemed to stop and look.

All eyes on you.

Before you could make it halfway to the door, another set of nearly identical people walked up on your group. What looked to be tactical SHIELD agents led by another man in a suit. This one you had seen as well. A lot more than the other one. He put a hand up to stop all of you. “Mind If I ask where you’re going?” What a _great_ question.

Tony had said shawarma, but that couldn’t be right, could it? You had a murder in your possession and a cube- Thor spoke up, cutting your thoughts off. “We were thinking lunch, then Asgard. And you are?”

..._oh_. So you really were getting shawarma? After all this? There was so much to do… did you really have time for this?

Coming to his side, Tony gave Thor a little nudge. “Alexander Pierce. He’s the guy behind the guys behind Fury.”

“My friends call me Mr. Secretary.” He smiled, but the expression dropped quickly. “I have to ask you to turn the prisoner over to me.” Oh no. What a mess. Of course the big government dogs wanted a piece of Loki after what he’d done…

“Loki will answer to Odin himself.”

“No, he’ll answer to us. _Odin_ can have what’s left. And we’ll need that case back, too.” Gesturing at Tony. “That’s been SHIELD property for over seventy years.”

Tony shrugged. “I’m not gonna argue who has authority here, but jurisdictionally speaking, we are on Stark property. That is my name on the glass, so...”

Shooting his hand out, Pierce practically demanded. “Just give me the case.”

So you stepped in front of them. “Mr. Pierce, listen. We’ll need a full debrief before we can start handing people and things over. Loki’s not from here. So we can start hashing out earth and Asgardian jail time in a more private setting. If you don’t mind.”

“I _do_ mind. Don’t make a scene and we won’t have problems.”

At the very _end_ of your rope, you weren’t sure you had the patience to deal with bureaucrats. “You’re on _my_ property. So I’d suggest you back up and rethink this. Put in a request with my assistant and _maybe_ I won’t wait until December to take a meeting with you.” Staring at him, unwavering.

He glared. “Well aren’t you just-”

Behind you, the stairwell door slammed open, sending a frenzy of people running and screaming as the Hulk came out yelling. “_ **NO MORE STAIRS!!** _” He slammed a huge fist into the wall, punching a hole clean through.

This was a _ problem. _ As he caught sight of the people he roared again, and you knew you had to put a stop to this. If Hulk got outside in this mood, he could go on another rampage. And this time it wouldn’t be directed so easily.

Without a second thought you tap-tapped your reactor, suiting up and lifting off in a few quick jets. Hovering just in front of him you put your hands out. “Hey, hey! Listen to me!”

“_**NO LISTEN TO LADY**_!”

And as if you were an annoying bug, he reached out to take hold of you in that big hand of his, swinging you around and then holding you upside down, squeezing you almost hard enough to make your bones pop. Which was good. Because it dragged in a bout of white noise as the blood rushed to your head.

You felt yourself slip from his grip, down into that dark water. Face first, which was new. It was getting almost too easy to transition into these … what would you call them? Out of body experiences? Or maybe they were too intimately _ in _ body experiences. Whatever they were-

Shifting forward you stopped right in front of Hulk, holding your hands out, trying to calm that raging water with a burst of calm silvery light. _ Calm, calm calm calm _ \- _ gentle, quiet- **easy** _-

And just as finally you thought you’d figured things out, you reached over to the _ other _ body here- Bruce’s. Leaving a sort of sunset orange colored hand print on his shoulder as you touched him. It would have been nice to actually see the effect-

But you were promptly dropped for real this time, landing hard on your head in a heap of limbs quickly after. Another moment where you severely contemplated just lying there for a long time. Maybe you had. Tony’s voice was a too far away for comfort as you started coming to. “Hey- honey-”

You really needed a nap. Blinking your eyes open, you saw him just above you. Still in the lobby of Stark Industries. A few feet away, Bruce seemed to be waking up, too, Nat helping him up. “What happened?” You just wanted someone else to parse it out for you.

“Well you told a high ranking government agent off and then put the Hulk to bed in front of everyone. But for a second there it seemed like he was using you like a stress toy. So. ...can you not do that anymore? The suit’s not designed for that amount of force.” Still making jokes.

Which meant he was still not scurrying away from processing. Maybe you just needed to follow his lead. There was just too much to take in. “Should we get him some clothes from the gift shop?”

“I’ll have Happy take a run around the corner.”

“Oh. Is Happy here?”

“...you _sure_ you don’t wanna go lie down?”

“You first.”

* * *

It took a small bit of effort to coordinate your next closest assistant after Pepper and Happy (who also wasn’t _your_ assistant), but eventually you did manage to snag someone to go get some clothes for Bruce. As well as organize a car to come pick all of you up. Happy was stationed with Pepper, and the both of them were in D.C. right now- something you were apparently expected to remember in the aftermath of getting beaten on all day by _aliens_.

And while Thor had said something about needing an open space to transport Loki home, Tony _really_ insisted on shawarma. So that’s where you went.

It didn’t really seem like the place was up to serving customers, being somewhat right in the middle of the blast zone, but Tony offered them only too much money at the door. Their reluctance to invite your little group in eased not with the offering of money, however, but upon them realizing who you were. And while everyone went inside, you had to tell them to order for you and wait up-

Because you had seventy missed calls. Most from President Ellis. That seemed about right. And he’d left many voice mails, too. You had no idea what you were supposed to say to him. Or why it had to be you. But before you could even call him to tell him to stop calling you, Pepper’s name came up on your ID, so you answered her first.

Which was a mistake, because she started screaming at you. Most of which you couldn’t actually make out- her being worried, wanting to know what the hell was going on, what she was supposed to tell people, were you okay, was Tony okay, what happened to the Tower- should we put the party on hold?- but then she got to the crux of it all. “I have Ellis on the other line so if you could just-”

“_No,_ not right now-”

“No but he won’t stop calling and he’s the president so I really think you should-”

“_No, Pepper_!”

“Okay- transferring him now!”

And the second he came on the line he started yelling, too. Your headache was building again. “How am I supposed to give an address when I don’t know what the hell went on out there?! You and Stark gotta give me _something_!”

“I know, Mr. President, but just listen to me-”

“Maybe we need to do something together- and where the hell am I supposed to get the funding for this clean up?? Should we do a joint statement?”

“Mr. President, listen, if you want to me to get on air with you, I will, but I need time-”

“The military is deployed down there and we don’t even have a body count yet- _god_ do you think it’s in the hundreds?! What were those things?! Are they coming back?!”

“Ellis- fucking listen to me-”

“What am I gonna tell congress?! How soon can you get me a report?? How come it took you so long to answer me?! Are you-”

“_Matthew will you shut the fuck up!?_” Everything spilled over. But at least finally he stopped babbling at you long enough for you to hear _yourself_ think, let alone the thoughts he was spewing at you.

“Excuse me?”

“I need time, Mr. President. I was in the middle of a fucking _war_ like thirty minutes ago! I need _time_, sir. Let me finish what I’m doing and I’ll get back to you. That’s _not_ an ask, by the way.”

“But you-”

“_Goodbye_, Mr. President. Don’t call me again. I’ll get back to you.”

There was only some small sense of relief when you just turned off your phone, knowing he wouldn’t listen to you. He’d just keep on calling. Why was this your job? What were you supposed to do? Turning back around, the sight of Thor just standing there spooked you.

He put his hands up. “I’m sorry- I did not mean to frighten you.”

You put a hand over your heart. It felt like you were very seriously on the verge of collapse. “No- it’s… it’s fine.” Deep breath. “What are you doing out here?”

“Your food is getting cold.”

He came out here to tell you to come inside and eat? “Uh- okay… I’m coming. I’m sorry.”

“Do not apologize, Lady.” Reaching forward, he put a steady hand on your shoulder. He seemed fond of that gesture. You didn’t mind it so much. “It is the wisest and strongest of leaders who worry how they will heal their people after war.”

But at _that_, you shyly shifted back. “Me? No. I’m not a leader- I’m not _the_ leader. I was actually just on the phone with him.”

He nodded. “Your _President Ellis_, yes?”

Your brows went up. “...how do you know that?”

“Everyone can hear you shouting.”

It felt like your stomach dropped into your knees. How utterly embarrassing. “...oh.”

He angled his thumb back to point at the front of the shop behind him, “The windows there- they’re all broken. So. ...we heard everything.”

Reaching up, you pressed your hands to your cheeks, not really knowing what else to do. “_**Oh**_.” Heat flooded your face. Everyone must have thought you were absolutely losing it. “Okay. I’m sorry. Let’s eat.”

This lightened his mood. “Very good!”

Heading inside the shop with him, the woman sweeping glass gave you a wave, and you gave her a sheepish one back. It was all you could do to keep your head down as you came to the table where everyone was sitting- eyeing Loki who had been sat in the corner like a bad child. Tony patted the spot next to him. “Saved you a seat.”

“Thanks...” The mood in the room felt _tired_ and _somber_. Everyone else seemed zoned out. Staring beyond their little plastic baskets of food. It got very quiet.

For almost too long a time. As it turned out, shawarma was pretty good. Lamb, pita bread, spices, tomatoes, onions, lettuce… you barely tasted any of it, too lost in thought. So much going on in your head that you couldn’t even hang on to a clear one for longer than a second.

Thor slamming his fist down on the table startled you yet again. “_Damn_!”

“What?!” Everyone’s attention went his way.

He hit his fist against the table again and then pointed at you. “I just thought- when you apologized on the roof earlier- I should have said, _you may not know what you’re apologizing for yet_.”

You weren’t sure you were a real person anymore. People of the city had just died. There were no less than two giant space whales beached on the tops of buildings, and one on an overpass. Stark Tower was slightly destroyed. Aliens had visited earth. Tony had practically died in space-

And Thor was lamenting the lost opportunity at a callback joke?

Before you could stop yourself, laughter just started pouring out of you. So hard that by the end of it you could barely breathe, and tears had started leaking past your lashes. And while everyone stared at you, nervous, at first, as Thor started to explain, “You see- that’s what she said to me earlier- and so I thought- that would have been clever-”

They all started laughing, too. Laughing until it hurt. Because what else could you do but laugh? If you didn’t, you might do something worse. That would come later. For sure.

But for now, as the laughter died down, leaving another long lull of silence, you couldn’t help but say, “Shawarma is pretty good.”

Several voices droned in agreement. “Yeah.”

“It’s alright.”

Tony’s hand reached for yours beneath the table and gave you a squeeze. You squeezed back.

Just holding on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look. It's worth mentioning here that you guys have NO IDEA how badly I wanted to sideline the fic for at least this week and give you some out of order holiday chapters. But I realized, what comes after Avengers? Iron Man 3. Which is set during their very next Christmas. So. God damn it, I can't. And I'm really sorry about it.
> 
> But all that to say, happy holidays! Please enjoy time with your families or whoever you love and do not read this fic, even though it will be updating regularly which means yes, a chapter on xmas... but don't read that if you wanna have a good time. Okay? I tried. I'm SORRY.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays! Don't read this if you're trying to have a good time with life and festivities.

While it may not have been wise, Thor’s need for open space to transport Loki home- Asgard, you quickly reminded yourself- led you to Central Park. Some people were still to wrapped up in taking care of themselves, or perhaps wondering simply _ what the fuck had just happened _. But many were starting to gather in small circles to themselves. Taking pictures, videos. Whispering. Wondering if these were the heroes who had just saved not just the city, but the planet.

You were wondering much the same yourself. 

It seemed too soon for goodbyes. You’d only met Thor … what, like ten hours ago? The thought alone was shocking. How fast everything had happened. All seemingly in the blink of an eye. Which made it that much easier to realize you didn’t want him to leave just yet. Especially not to a place you had no ability to reach. No way to communicate with him. He was part of your team now. And maybe not just that. Maybe you also wanted to have a way to make sure Loki not only got what was coming to him, but was going to be contained as well. You’d have to take Thor’s word for it. 

Technically you already had, as you’d told a high ranking government official to piss off over it. Oh well. 

When he turned to you, the last of his farewells, you stepped up. You’d already imposed with a perhaps ill-timed hug on the battlefield. But this time he obliged you by drawing you in first for a squeeze. Though you’d only just met him, he was sweetly familiar to you already. And when he drew back he laid a hand on your shoulder. “This was your first battle, correct?” 

“That bad, huh?” That he could tell such a thing. Maybe on the helicarrier he’d had time to read your file. You still had to check into that, to see what it was SHIELD was saying about you. 

But he shook his head. “Quite the contrary. You fought bravely. It was an honor. Your people are lucky to have you.” 

While _bravely_ wasn’t exactly _good_, you took the compliment for what it was, smiling at him. “_Your people_, too, you know? Look around.” Gesturing behind you to the people waiting. Waiting for anything. Acknowledgement. A sign. And as he looked to them, some cheered. “You might not be from here, but you protected them all the same. Which is why I’ve gotta ask… when will I see you again?” 

When would Thor grace this planet again? He had Jane, you remembered- who you were now making a mental note to reach out to. So he couldn’t stay away for too long, right? “Soon, I imagine.” 

“Tony’s got a birthday party coming up. How should I send you your invite?” Grinning lightly at him. In the back of your head you registered it might not have been the right time to throw a fancy party anymore, considering what had happened… 

“You just did.” 

That was your cue that perhaps you were holding him up a little longer than necessary. So you tried your luck at one last hug, finding it still held as he squeezed you back. But then you stepped away, back to where you belonged at Tony’s side. He put his arm around your shoulder as the two of you watched Thor activate the cube, now in some sturdy device. An all too familiar blue light poured down on the two of them. And then just like that, it left, taking them with it. 

The Asgardians were gone. 

While Tony called for one of his fancy cars, you took a few more moments to bid your friends goodbye. They were much easier to reach, so the so-longs didn’t have to be quite as big. Clint and Natasha were off on their own ways, and you wondered briefly, “Does this mean I’ve graduated from training?” 

She only smiled. “Not a chance. Can’t let you get rusty. But… all things considered, let’s keep the pause button on.” Meaning, simply, there was a lot of shit that needed to be done now. And no time for you to disappear _ to the gym_. 

Once on their way you turned to Steve, and really could only think of one thing to say first. “...I’m sorry for punching you.” It was more like a side-swipe, but in the heat of the moment it hadn’t really mattered how you’d hit him. Just that you _had_ so that he would let go of you. 

He shrugged, all smiles. “Not necessary. But accepted. You did what you had to.” There was an underlying thrum of _pride_ here and you weren’t exactly sure why. 

And you couldn’t exactly ask him about it, either. It would just have to go ignored. “What do you plan to do now?” 

At this he seemed less sure, head turning down. “I don’t know. I was thinking… maybe I should visit Peggy after all.” 

That was a tough decision to come to, you knew, and one harder still to face. To put into action. You reached out, just taking his hand for a quick moment. “You want me to come with you?” It was probably better left as a private moment, but if he needed you, you’d be there. 

“Nah. Thanks, though.” A quick shake of his head. “Looks like you’ve got your work cut out for you. President’s got you on speed-dial, huh?” 

Your head fell back in defeat with a sigh. “Yeah, seems that way.” Not something you wanted to deal with right now, but the window to do so was closing. The longer you left it, the more messy it would inevitably become and harder to untangle. But this did have you realizing something. “When’d you learn about speed-dial?” Grinning lightly, a little elbow to his side. 

He grinned back. “I’m a quick study. Don’t treat me like they do. You know better.” It hadn’t really been too hard to see that everyone sort of thought Steve was a dinosaur lumbering around in this time. Stupid and slow on the draw. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

“I do.” Reaching up you gave him a quick hug. Just seemed like the day for it, apparently. Once you let him go, “I’m sure you heard me say it- and I’m actually _not_ sure we still will, but just in case we do the birthday party thing-”

“I’ll be there. Just tell me when and where.” Firm and understanding. Still at your side. His cover as a Stark employee was definitely blown now- yours too, for that matter, although not in the same way- but he was still always ready to help you however you needed it. 

A reassuring thought. “Thanks. You want me to get you on a flight to DC?” 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll find my way.” 

The two of you left each other with a nod, and just like that, he was off, too. It left you turning to Tony and Bruce who were busy chatting. Tony’s car had come, some fancy sports thing as usual. Even more surprising, Bruce had a suitcase in tow. That only meant one thing. As you came up aside them you beamed at him. “Accepted our offer? The Tower’s a little messed up but I’m sure it’s better than any hotel around here still.” You hoped it was facade damage more than anything. Although you knew the penthouse had seen its fair share. 

He gave one of those shy shrugs with an even shyer smile. “You guys drive a hard bargain. Also I’m kinda curious to see if these labs are all you’re saying they are.” 

Tony gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Oh they’ll drive you wild.” Grinning briefly. “Relatively speaking.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Back at the Tower there was still a flurry of activity happening all around. Not to mention the press parked on every available inch outside. First order of business, in that case, you grabbed a guy walking by, “Call the police. If they’re not busy. I’m sure they are. But when they’re not, can you tell them to escort the press off my property, please. Thank you.” 

No statements today. Absolutely not. You needed a little more time to gather your thoughts and think about exactly what you wanted to say. In the private elevator, the doors opened on the fifth R&D floor, and Bruce stepped out. Although he paused to turn back when Tony didn’t come with. “Should I just… make myself at home?” 

“Anything you want, buddy. Just give me twenty minutes.” Tony reached forward to press the close door button and then gave a little wave. 

Just a tiny bit unsure, Bruce turned away. “Take your time…” 

While you wanted to tell Tony to go off and have some nice relaxing, fun science adventures with his new best friend, the other part of you that was reaching max capacity for staying stable was grateful that you were first in his mind. And yet even then you found yourself saying, “You can go with him. It’s just gonna be phone calls all day.” 

“He’s fine. We’ll deal with this first.” 

Easing into his side, you wilted slightly. “Thank you…” It came out in a mumbling whine and a wave of emotion overtook you. You had to bite it back immediately. Now was absolutely not the time to start crying. 

The first order of business came as soon as you stepped off the elevator into the penthouse, as your phone started ringing. Pepper calling. You answered it as you walked away, purposefully ignoring the debris and mess everywhere. “Hey, Pep- I spoke with Ellis, don’t worry- he’s next on my docket. I’m sorry he’s bothering you- about the party-” 

“Party? You think we should care about the _ party _? I kind of need you to focus a little more on telling me what the hell happened. What’s going on? With Tony- and you now- you’re some sort of superhero? And the aliens thing? And who were those people you were with? And the big green thing-” 

Going beyond into the master bedroom, you sat in a light crumple on the edge of the bed. Tony had been left behind, you weren’t sure what he was doing in the main room of the suite, but you had a good idea that he may have actually literally started cleaning up. “Okay. Okay… let me just think about… how to say this-”

“We’re past delicacy. That would have been two days ago. Or _any_ time before then. You just need to talk to me.” She was a little more than pissed. Which was fair. 

So, you just had to start talking. Easy, right? “Those people I was with are part of a team called The Avengers. We were put together by a secret government organization called SHIELD. I was first contacted by then when Tony got back from Afghanistan after the kidnapping. The point of the team is to try and deal with threats that the military can’t handle- speaking of which- where the hell is Rhodey?” The thought just occurred. 

“I don’t know. That’s not important right now. Continue.” 

You sighed. “Okay. Well- so- There’s Tony, obviously, and me- he built a suit for me. It wasn’t originally for _this_ but it sort of became about it. You know. When aliens started trying to kill everyone. Then there’s Steve Rogers- Captain America-” 

“That’s the- that’s _ Steve_, your New York security lead. You’ve been hiding him this whole- ...did you just say Captain America??” 

“I did. Yes. Captain America. From like. The forties. Yeah. That’s him. His jet was found in some ice in the arctic and SHIELD thawed him out. I was part of the team who met up with him and… well obviously that became a whole thing so I had to try and cover it up.” 

“Seems like you’ve been covering a lot up these days.” 

“Okay. Ouch, but fair.” Extremely. This really would have been a much easier conversation to have in pieces, but that was your fault. You knew this would come eventually. You should have just tried to find a way to be honest with her. “Then there’s Natasha and Clint, they actually worked for SHIELD long before I was part of this whole thing. And Thor, the guy with the hammer. He’s from a different planet. Asgard. And the big green thing is actually a very nice man named Bruce Banner who we’re hosting right now.” 

“...he’s up there with you?” 

“Look. He’s not always a big green thing. Most of the time he’s a normal guy. And he’s a scientist.” 

“Like a- like a _mad_ scientist?” 

You knew what she was trying to get at. “No. He’s very nice, like I said. ...but yes, him turning into a big green guy did have to do with an experiment gone awry. But some of that wasn’t his fault.” In his file you’d read, in fact, that it had been Ross’ fault. Which made all the more sense why Tony was keen on him. _ Mutual enemies, _ he’d said. That was fine with you. You agreed with the notion.  
  
She went silent for a long moment, then you heard her sigh. “Okay. Next.” 

Next what? The aliens? “Okay… uh. So we put the team together because Thor’s brother Loki decided to go crazy and try and enslave everyone on earth with an alien army. So we stopped them. The end.” 

“I feel like you skipped some parts.”

“Yeah, Pep. I did. Because I’ve basically slept a total of twenty minutes in two days and spent the last four hours fighting fucking aliens. Is that good enough?” It wasn’t like you wanted to fight with her, and she certainly didn’t deserve it, but after everything you were worn a little bit thin. There were bigger things to deal with right now than giving a detailed explanation of your absolutely insane life. 

She made a dismayed, possibly annoyed, noise from her end of the phone and you worried she may have had enough. Wouldn’t a normal person walk away from this? But, to your surprise, “...so. The party. We’re not doing it anymore?” 

You fell back on the bed. A dangerous thing to do considering how nice it felt to be lying down. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to throw a big fancy party when half of New York was just destroyed. Might send the wrong message. -_ no _, wait!”

“Waiting.” 

“That’s perfect.” One hand shooting up in mock victory. “We’ll throw a charity ball at the Tower. Funds go to the survivors and the city. Then we’ll throw a sort of block-party uh… thing. Sponsored by Stark Industries. People can come, have a good time, unwind, pick up care packages, eat… come together…” 

“Okay. Sounds good. I’ll get to work on that. Just one thing.” 

“What?” You imagined there were many things. But if she was calling out one, it was probably the most important. 

“The Tower is kind of wrecked, isn’t it?” 

“It’s not so bad. We’ll get it cleaned up in time.” That was a promise you were sure you could deliver on. You hoped, at least. 

“Mn. Well. Maybe get to work on the _Stark_ part. Your letters kind of fell off.” 

Oh that was right, wasn’t it? “All of them?” That really sucked. You’d thought at least a few had made it… 

“Just the A left. Channels are playing footage of the letters falling on a loop.” 

_ Of course _. “Yeah. Great. Thanks Pep. I’ll finish up with Ellis so he stops bothering you.” 

“Very appreciated.” After that she hung up. 

Only the A left, huh? Maybe it was time to rebrand. Even though you’d just finished this fucking thing. Even though you hadn’t even gotten a chance to do a presser about your beautiful new baby that had been Stark Tower. Life was so unfair. You’d worked so hard. But now an image shift was necessary. More personal quarters would have to be built. Because this tower was about to become a beacon of this city, and the world. 

This was where the Avengers fought. This was where the Avengers _ won_. And this is where you could find them. ** Avengers Tower**. Yeah. It had to be done. 

The bed called to you. It would be so nice to just drift off. For too long a time. Let the world go on without you for a little while longer… but your phone started ringing again, and reminded you you were no longer allowed to sit silently. No longer allowed to be still. Not in the aftermath of all this. 

Seeing it was the President himself, you transferred the call to the desk in the lounge outside, forcing yourself to get up off the bed. The room was much darker than it should have been, being midday, lit by the lamps instead. Tony had drawn down some sort of security barriers over the broken windows to keep the air from flowing in. It didn’t really surprise you too much that he had a protocol like that ready, always prepared for the worst. Even if before you two really had had no idea what _the worst_ could be. 

Sitting at the desk you pulled up a conference window, forcing Ellis off the verbal phone and onto a video chat. It seemed to work out fine for him, because he immediately started pacing. “You got anything for me yet?” 

“What do you want from me, sir?” As you asked, Tony came over, finished sweeping for the moment, sitting on the corner of the desk.

Spying him, Ellis perked up. “OH! Stark! There you are! What are we going to do about this?” 

Tony crossed his arms. “With all due respect, sir, you’re _ the President_. Shouldn’t you be telling us that? Who usually cleans up these messes for you?” 

At the same time, you and Ellis sounded off an answer that only made you that more exhausted. “SHIELD.” You continued. “Of course it’s SHIELD. Well- imagine for a minute that our government isn’t made out of rubber bands and string. If SHIELD wasn’t here, what would your next step be?” 

“I don’t know… what did you say- about… what happened out there? Aliens? ...I mean we’ve got Area 51, but-”

Tony snapped. “Fine. I’ll overnight you ownership transfer paperwork.” At this you shot him only the most _exhausted_ look you could imagine. “...what? Stark Industries will buy Area 51. What’s wrong with that?” 

“For containment- for storage? Sure. Fine. But that’s not gonna help with cleanup.” Sure you could have a team haul dead alien bodies and space whales off to the desert, but who was going to do that? Safely and securely? Tony had a point though… this was a good start. 51 would at least give you security measures to make sure nobody got their hands on those bodies, or those weapons. There was no telling what kind of havoc could be wrought if someone tried to reverse engineer that stuff.

Like SHIELD. Which was what had started this whole fucking mess in the first place. Which was exactly why you had to get ahead of this before them.

“We have them um… Department of Damage Control, but it’s underwater. There might be about um… fifty people on payroll, if that.” 

“Damage Control?” You’d never heard of such a thing in your life. But after a brief glance at Tony you looked back at Ellis on the screen. “Fine. Stark Industries will buy the Department of Damage Control. I need staff to start vetting agents for transition. And I want the next top picks in my office at some point so I can interview them.” If you sensed even an iota off about anyone, they were out on their ass. This was all delicate stuff, and it was a shame your powers weren’t replication. Having ten of you would be nice. But there was only the one. So you’d have to delegate where you could. 

Ellis seemed a little unsure. “And this is… all on the record…?” His image, he cared about, more than doing the right thing. Of course. 

“We’ll do a press briefing together. I’ll talk about assuming Damage Control. Area 51 is off the public books.” You didn’t need _that_ amount of nonsense on your back. 

“Oh. Good. Good… so when can you get here by?” 

“You’re coming here, sir. New York was just attacked. No offense, but if you’re worried about what people think about you, you might want to pretend enough to come talk to them where they got hit. Not behind your desk. I’ll expect you tomorrow afternoon. I’m going to post a date. Don’t be late.” 

Tony tapped your shoulder. “You seem like you’ve got this.” 

Forcing a smile that was not too tired, you gave him a little pat back on his side. “I’m fine. Go. Have a good time with Bruce. It’s all logistics and speech writing from here.” 

Leaning in he pressed a kiss to your temple. “Write me something good.” 

“I always do.” 

You waited, watching him amble away from the desk and to the elevator. Just as the doors closed he gave you a salute. Instead of returning it, you brought your hands up into the shape of a heart, and watched him melt. Just a little. Feeling _relief_ and _warmth_ radiate from him before the elevator went on its way down. 

With him gone, you interrupted Ellis’ mumbling. With a hard stare and an even harder tone, “Did you order that nuke on Manhattan?” 

“A nuke?! No- I have no idea what you’re talking about! What nuke?!” 

“Someone authorized a nuclear missile on the city- I assume because they thought we couldn’t contain the situation. _Someone_ authorized a total loss of life to try and clean up. Did you do it?” 

“No! God- no! I would never! I’ve been in my office calling you two all day! I swear!” 

You glared at your screen. “If I find out you’re lying to me, you’ll regret it.” 

“I’m not! I’m not!! I wouldn’t do that- do you know how much you have to go through to authorize a god damn nuke on a city?? On your _own_ city?? I wouldn’t have even had the time to cut all that red tape!” He seemed desperate for you to believe him. 

It didn’t mean you should. And you’d consider the possibility that it _had_ been him. But… Ellis wasn’t the sort of man that would do that, for exactly the reasons he’d laid out. He’d been looking for help. For answers. He just wasn’t the type to fire blindly. But _someone_ had. And if it hadn’t been the President, you knew the next person to ask. 

“Fine. We’ll talk later. Be here by tomorrow.” Before he could start either protesting or asking more questions you hung up on him. Moving on to the next and last person you wanted to talk about this today. You were almost a little surprised he picked up. 

“You are not to talk to the press- or anyone for that matter- until we get you in a debrief. I can’t believe you let Thor off planet-”

Silencing him with coldness, “Who ordered the nuke, Fury?” 

A huff of indignant yet amuse air came from him. “How much time you got? How secure is your channel?” It was at least a little bit shocking that he was even entertaining telling you. Maybe after you’d called him out on all his lies- and how much trouble they’d caused- _ maybe _he was finally learning. 

You doubted it. But maybe. 

“JARVIS-” 

“You are fully encrypted, Ms. INY. This conversation does not leave this room.” 

“Thank you.” Even though it wasn’t like he lived in the ceiling, that’s where you directed your smile, until it died and you looked back at your screen. “Tell me.” 

He stared at you. For too long a time. A little bit unnerving, but you held and waited. Finally, “They’re called the World Security Council. Made up of what they’d like to think are Earth’s smartest politicians.” 

You couldn’t help the screw in your expression. “Excuse me? Who are they?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t fucking bullshit me-”

“_I don’t know _. That’s the whole point. You think I’m allowed to know the identities of the people who authorized a nuclear launch on New York City?” He was making a fair point. Of course these people would operate in shadow, with that kind of power. With what they could do with it, and the consequences that would come with it, should they make the wrong decision. “They oversee SHIELD. I don’t get to call the shots with them.” 

Something in your head finally clicked. “...they were the ones that tasked us with securing Abomination?” You’d wondered, when Coulson said someone had _ordered_ SHIELD to do that. “-so your work-around when they tell you to do something you don’t like is to just-”

“Ignore them or botch it. Yeah. Usually. This time it didn’t go my way.” 

Meaning there was always a next time where it would just as equally be out of his control. And if Tony hadn’t done what he’d done… “How do I find out who they are?” 

“You let me know when you do.” It was hard to tell if he was being purposefully unhelpful. For all you’d been through with him, you imagined that may be the case. And there was probably a lot more he wasn’t saying. 

“They considered New York to be a lost cause- scratch that- New York City and anything about fifty miles out from it. You understand that? Because of what they did- if Tony hadn’t taken that missile-”

“Why do you think I called him?” He stopped your ranting. A good thing. You might not have been able to keep from shouting. Maybe even crying a little. It was all mounting. “They pretty much run on _ needs of the many_. And they’re not always right.”

“Then why are they in charge?” He scoffed, grinning, which only angered you the more. “They made the wrong call, Nick. And a lot of people almost paid for it. We’re _ still _paying for it.” It wasn’t his business that you and Tony were suffering, but the cleanup was going to have to be massive. And it fell on you. Your team. Not them. 

His head tilted up. “Looks like you’re pretty settled in over there.” 

You knew what he was getting at. “I didn’t ask for this.” 

Eye closing, he scoffed again, a little shrug. “Nobody did.” His last poignant words before cutting the communication. 

For a long moment you sat there. Surrounded by silence. Breath in. Then out. While Tony had tried to sweep, the place was still a wreck. A piece of drywall on the corner of your desk upset you the most, enough for you to reach your arm over to swipe it away. In doing so you knocked over a _very expensive_ decorative desk piece, sending it to the floor in an ear shattering clatter. 

  
  


You’d deserved that.  
_ You’d deserved that_. 

  
  


Trying to fix one mess, made another. 

It happened so fast, your arms folding on the desk, you laying your head in them, and then the crying started. Hard, until it became a chore to breathe. The worst part was, it didn’t feel like it was helping. It just felt terrible. 

JARVIS spoke- _ your name _ , not _Lady_, not_** Ms. INY**_, but your actual name. The strangeness of it got your sobs to quiet down for just a few seconds, sniffling as you tried to listen to him. “It appears that you are in distress. Shall I call Tony?” _ Tony_. Not Mr. Stark. 

What was happening? 

“No… no don’t… please leave him alone.. I’m okay…” Each word soft and a struggle in the middle of your weeping. If Tony was having a good time with Bruce, you didn’t want to interrupt that. He deserved some peace, more than anyone. Certainly more than you. 

“This is not what I would call okay, ma’am.” 

His gentle sass at least encouraged a watery smile. “You’re right.” 

“I can put together a list of mental health professionals.” He was being incredibly kind. Although just a touch robotic. But how could he help that? It’s what he was. You were grateful for it nonetheless.

“Thank you, but… I don’t think anyone can help me.” Not with everything you’d been through. Not with what you were dealing with. 

“You are not beyond help.” Those words sat in your chest. Maybe for too long a time. You wanted to ask him why he thought that. Or why he was trying to help you. He wasn’t programmed to deal with crying. Was he? But before you could get to asking he spoke up again. “Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes is approaching.” Strange. You almost expected- maybe even _wanted_ him to say Rhodey. 

Pushing yourself up, you wiped at your eyes. What a terrible time to be caught. There wasn’t enough that you could do to hide the signs of your struggle as the elevator doors opened and he stepped out. Embarrassed, you still tried your best, going to him in a rush, hugging him tight, hiding your face. “Where in the absolute hell have you been?!” 

An extremely valid question, you felt.

“Hey- whoa- sorry. I kinda got sidetracked on a mission in the middle east. I was dark. I had no idea- uh… about the uh… aliens?” 

He was angling you away, which was a shame, you weren’t finished trying to keep your tears at bay. “Yeah- aliens.” Wiping them away again with your fingers, putting on a valiant pretend smile. “We really could have used you.” War Machine would have been a great asset to have on the field. 

“I don’t know. Seems like you guys did alright.” He set you back, hands on your shoulders. Taking in the sight of your shameful crying. “...for the most part. You wanna talk about it?” 

Shaking your head, you pressed at your eyes. _ Stop crying, damn it! _ “What’s there to talk about? Aliens came and we fought them and we won.” 

“War is war.” He said this with such sturdiness, it broke you again. Of course he’d understand. 

“Yeah… _ yeah _…” Hands coming up to cover your eyes again as it all came crashing down. 

His arm came around your shoulder. “Come on. Let’s sit. You got food here? Coffee? I’ll make you some coffee. Tell me about it.” 

So you showed him to the kitchen. He put a pot of coffee on. And you tried to tell him everything. How you and Tony had been brought in by SHIELD. How you and Tony had rifled through their things. Who Loki was and how you’d fought him. And the aliens, and how you’d fought them too. Crying through most of it. But with him sitting and listening, it wasn’t so bad. 

It was just… 

It didn’t make you feel better. Just empty. Even though you’d gotten it all out, it just left a hollowness. Yet a heaviness that made it that much easier to slip until you fell. You were sure you’d fallen asleep at the table when he’d turned his back to put more coffee on, but in between one daze and the next you were sure you were in bed. Stirring a little when Tony came to lie down next to you, and then falling deep when his arms came around you, pulling you close. Holding you. Tight. 

He was murmuring something...

  
  


* * *

  
  


Anger was coming to a rumbling storm inside Rhodey’s heart. He’d never expected half the things she’d been talking about, but that wasn’t really the point of it all. It was her suffering, and how she was treating it. How she was framing it all. And there was only one person who could even begin to try and fix it. Considering how centered that focal point was. 

Going down to the lab, he saw Tony, goggles on, with the guy she’d labeled as Bruce. Heavy hand on Tony’s shoulder he turned him around, forcibly walking him out into the hallway. “You gotta start cleaning up." _She needs you_. Rhodey was sure he said it more than once- the way Tony was staring at him was sort of off-putting. Like he was trying to register who they were even talking about.

Tony balked, when he finally answered. "What do you mean? I was just there- she seemed fine-"

“She just spent two hours telling me a story about how _you_ saved New York City.” 

“Fair point. I did.” 

"_Tones._” Recapturing his attention and trying to direct him away from getting self-inflated. “I’ve been through a lot- I’ve seen soldiers go through a lot. Not like what she’s just been through. What you've been through. But I’ve never seen anyone view it through a window that’s not theirs.” 

Tony’s brow arched. “Mind dropping the paraphrasing and being straight with me? It’s been a long day.” 

“Here’s straight. She’s suffering up there but all she can think about is you. And you’re down here playing with eighth grade lab kits.” 

It did him no good when Tony wilted. Even less when he tried to pick back up. “Technically speaking, we’re trying to stabilize a gamma-” 

“Whatever. Can you do it later?” 

Tony looked back at Bruce who tried to hide that he’d been watching them. “Yeah. I- ...yeah.” 

“Good. Look… you probably need someone to talk to, too. I can recommend some people-” 

“I’m fine. Hey- where have you been, anyway? I put in a dozen calls to get you over here. And you just show up _ now? _” Tony crossed his arms. 

Rhodey waved a hand in his face. “Don’t start. She already caught me with that.” 

At this Tony’s expression moved into a warm smile. “Yeah. Of course she did.” Big breath in and then out. “Yeah. Alright. Good chat. Don’t go far, okay? Stay local.” 

“Sure thing.” A firm handshake turned into a hug that Tony was just a little reluctant to get out of. 

After excusing himself from Bruce, who understood wholeheartedly, he went upstairs. Past the lounge and into the dark bedroom, he was relieved a little to see her curled on her side asleep. It wasn’t the best time to just lie down and take a nap, but drawn to her as always, he slipped out of his shoes and got in beside her. Wasting no time in wrapping his arms around her and holding her to him. 

One hand at the side of her hair, lips at her temple, “I’m alright, you know…?” Lying. Lying because he couldn’t bear to think she was holding it all in on his behalf. He needed to be stronger. Even if every time he closed his eyes he saw-

“I love you.” She mumbled back. Still very much asleep. 

“We’re okay. Aren’t we? We’re okay…” Very soon holding turned to clinging to her. 

“We’re okay…” She murmured in her sleep. 

“We’re okay.” Just saying it a few more times. Trying to make it true. But at least he knew one honest thing, “I love you. I love you…” 

  
  


_ I love you_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not okay.


	59. Chapter 59 [End: Avengers]

The thought that had started it all- the reason you’d thought about building the Tower in the first place- came to fruition much sooner than you would have liked. Stark Tower- or Avengers Tower, whichever you were going with- had its press room buzzing with excitement. You’d let reporters and all media staff with badges come onto your property after being shooed off the day before, and allowed them to sit in the wide room. Your podium was empty, but wouldn’t be very soon. 

  
  


You’d met with President Matthew Ellis and his speech writer earlier that morning. He had something simple, but you’d had to make a few tweaks here and there. They’d been pacing about in the private room downstairs next to the media room all afternoon. Fury had come even earlier than that to try and tell you what to do. But since this was still a little bit his fault, you were reluctant to listen to him. Ellis was even more reluctant than you. He had to address his people, he kept saying. 

  
  


But how to break it to the world that we weren’t alone in the universe anymore? They’d already found out, clearly. But that was New York. Now that videos were spreading online like fire, the face of America had to say something about it. Unfortunately he was looking to you for pointers. And you didn’t have very many. 

  
  


You stood at his side, and Tony at yours, after he approached the stage, and waited, holding a breath as his speech came up on the teleprompter. “My fellow Americans… yesterday our nation was stunned. Shaken to its very core. We have come to learn of other entities beyond our understanding. Beyond our universe. And they came not with a halo, not with a play for peace, like so many of us had hoped in our wildest dreams. No. They came with a declaration of war. Of destruction. They brought chains of subjugation. 

  
  


But their challenge was met. We, the people of New York City, and the people of the world, were protected by a brave group of heroes. They’re calling themselves the Avengers. And I am not only lucky, but blessed, to have two of them here with me. We are all blessed to have them backing us. Protecting us, like they did yesterday. Without their courageous efforts, I cannot say we the people of not only this nation, but this planet, would have stood a chance against the onslaught these attackers brought. 

  
  


Our next moves will not be easy ones. There is a lot of healing to be done. A lot of repair. A lot of grieving. But we will do it together. Now more than ever, let us unite underneath this umbrella of strength that the Avengers are providing.” 

  
  


Effective enough, moving the room to applause. Almost a little too much for you to hear him introducing you, but on your cue you took over his spot, stepping up. In every sense of the phrase. You were very aware you were live on almost all news networks right now. Across the globe. 

  
  


“Yesterday was… tough. And we have a lot of people to thank for helping us get through. But I know a lot of damage was left in the wake of that attack. A lot of lives were hurt. A lot of lives were _lost_. This is something we can’t undo. But Stark Industries is making a vow to the people of this great city, and the people of this great world, that we will be heavily involved in the cleanup and the reconstruction of every life, every property, every _thing_ that was impacted by the events yesterday. 

  
  


As of this morning, Stark Industries has partnered with the United States government to take over the Department of Damage Control. We will effectively begin routing repair routes and clean up- an effort that began as soon as the documents were signed. I’m also making a vow to you now that the Avengers will be there should we ever face a threat like that again. 

  
  


Thank you. I’ll only take a few questions. A much more detailed briefing will be released by the office of the President later today.” 

  
  


Every hand in the room shot up. There was no way to be picky about who you’d answer. There was no way to tell who was on your side and who wanted to antagonize you after yesterday. Of course you’d hope no one would want to, considering what you’d just been through, but you knew that wasn’t the case. In your head you made a quick shortlist of names of the faces you could see and called the first. 

  
  


He stood. “Can you give us the names of these Avengers? Where did they come from? Who are they?” 

  
  


“The Avengers are an elite team of enhanced individuals. They were brought together under the guidance of a branch of the military. Iron Man, of course. Captain America, who was found alive some months ago and has been undergoing rehabilitation. Hulk. Black Widow. Hawkeye. And Thor, who we were lucky enough to have come to our aid after one of his own people went rogue.” 

  
  


People started shouting over each other. But one voice caught your attention, and unfortunately everyone else’s as well. Christine Everhart. Bane of your existence. “Do you have a comment on the massive amount of damage the city suffered because of your group?” 

  
  


“I did- I don’t know if you weren’t listening, Ms. Everhart, let me repeat myself for you. Let me address first that this destruction was not caused _because_ of the Avengers. The Avengers were trying to save the city. And succeeded. Secondly, Stark Industries is putting its efforts into restoration and repair-” 

  
  


“Using taxpayer dollars you mean. To clean up something that wasn’t their fault.”

  
  


“No that’s not what I mean. Please try listening. Stark Industries, now overseeing the Department of Damage Control, is completely funding the process for all repairs necessary. Does that answer your question?” 

  
  


“And what about you? That was you, wasn’t it? In an Iron Man suit? Why do you think you’re fit to save the world?” 

  
  


“Ms. Everhart-”

  
  


“What are you calling yourself? Did you get a _superhero_ name?” Clear disdain in her voice. 

  
  


You took a breath. “I think that’s less important in the wake of these events, don’t you?” 

  
  


“No, I don’t. Who are we calling to our supposed aid? Was that you or not?” 

  
  


This felt so familiar. Yet just that short amount of time ago, you were watching this very press conference from a TV. Tony was where you were. And he was about to do something stupid. But there was no alibi for you. No way for you to get away from this. There was only the truth. “That was me.”

  
  


“And your name?” 

  
  


A twitch of a smile caught your lips. Not quite defeated but very tired. 

  
  


“I’m Lady Iron.” 

* * *

It didn’t take too much effort to coordinate a big ritzy, elegant bash for all the wealth of the world to descend upon. Everyone wanted, now more than ever before, to be in Stark Industries’ good graces. But now alongside that, they all wanted in with the Avengers. And since you and Tony were the two most public ones… you’d run out of invitations before you’d even had a chance to properly calculate max body space in the Tower’s ballroom. 

  
  


People wanted to be shown doing their part. Helping with the rebuild effort. Publicly giving money to a good cause. That was always the point of these charity galas, but the whole world was watching now. More than an art opening or a benefit in one single city. This had turned into a superhero gala- and many people wanted to meet their new protectors while also giving off an air of  _ doing their part _ . 

  
  


This came as no surprise to you. It was why you wanted to do it in the first place. While Stark Industries was booming now more than ever, making more money now more than ever- it never hurt to have an influx. Money had never been your primary concern, lord knows it was never Tony’s, not with the wealth he had behind him, but getting some seed funds for Damage Control was ideal. And now you had it in droves. 

  
  


Tickets to the event started at 100k a piece. But _additional_ donations could be made. And they came in in droves. It became quite an event. So much so that the sidewalk had to be cordoned off and a carpet rolled up to the door. Picture ops aplenty. This wasn’t exactly what you’d envisioned. The last thing you needed was to put together something that made you seem out of touch. After all, it wasn’t rich people who were going to be most affected by the alien attack. It was the people already suffering, and now suffering more. 

  
  


But you were doing this for them, you convinced yourself- and several reporters. And Stark Industries was hosting a citywide event for _them_ after this one. You just had to hope that would be enough for image control. Not something you often cared about, but if you started ruining yours now, that hurt the company. And hurting the company would hurt the clean up efforts and-... 

  
  


Sitting at your vanity, the night of the gala, you tried to hold in a sigh. You were still tired. Head still spinning. Heart still hurting. But holding it all in. Tony was putting on just as brave of a face. Eventually the two of you needed to sit down and have a long talk. Maybe see some professionals that Rhodey was suggesting. But now was not the time. He’d started doing his disappearing act, which concerned you a little. But his suits were damaged, as was yours, so it made sense that he was devoting time to fixing them. 

  
  


He’d gone home to California for one day to do just that, but was back in New York the next for the gala. Because he promised you he would be there, at your side. After your makeup and hair was fixed, you sent the woman working on it for you away. All you had to do now was slip into your dress. A cool toned silver and bluish-purpley flowy piece with slight bell sleeves, moon and star detailing on the cuffs. Just a teeny tiny window of Iron Lady suit. There was no escaping the moniker now. Saying it like that at the press conference hadn’t been the wrong thing to do, but ever since it had been all the headlines wanted to talk about. 

  
  


Slipping into your dress, you waited for someone to return to help you with the zip up the back. Your help came in the form of the one person you wanted to just crawl into a hole with. “You know…” He was fixing the cuffs of his tuxedo. A very timeless black on white, black bowtie to complete it. Stepping closer without you asking, he went behind you to slowly pull the zip up. “I’ve been thinking. And, if it were  _ me _ , I think Iron Maiden might have been a better go to.” 

  
  


You scoffed out a laugh. “That’s either very bad imagery or a lawsuit. And I don’t need either.” He settled his hand on your hip when he finished and you half turned back to look at him. “What’s making you think about that right now?” 

  
  


“Come on.” Making a face at you. “You’re going a little bit color-coded. Not that I’m judging. You should have told me. I’d have worn a red and gold tux instead.” 

  
  


“Which is exactly why I didn’t.” With the zip fully up and in place, you turned around, putting a hand on his arm. “Hey… I’m still trying to catch up and… I think we’re both still healing.” Waiting for a small breath of a pause between this and the next thought, eyes focusing on his. “It’s starting to feel predictable, to keep asking for vacations after something huge happens but…” 

  
  


His hands reached up, cupping the sides of your face. You melted in his grasp so easily. “Vacation. I agree.” Leaning in he gave you a sweet and tender kiss. “Predictable…? Also agree.” Grinning against your lips with the next press. 

  
  


Now was not the time to start getting lost in each other, but that’s really all you wanted to do. It would be easy to go to the party late or… just put out some story about how it wasn’t about  _ you _ …  just go to bed together. Let the party run itself- 

  
  


But the world was continually knocking on your door. Reminding you that you were not allowed to have peace. Instead of a knock, though, the door just flew open. _Your private bedroom door_\- that someone had to come through your _private penthouse suite living room_\- that someone had to ride up your _private elevator_ into- 

  
  


That one.   
The reason it mattered was because you’d never seen this woman before. And she was wearing jeans and a sweater. Not a party guest. Pepper was quick behind her. “I’m sorry- she said she needed to speak with you about the Avengers- about  _ Thor _ \- and-” 

  
  


The name sparked recognition to the face you were looking at. Tony stepped back from you, hands up in surrender. “I’ll be outside.” Clearly he wanted nothing to do with this. “Don’t make us late.” Going over to her and leading her back into the living room you heard his idle chatter. “Hey, Pepper, how’s things…” 

  
  


Leaving you alone in the room with- “You’re Jane Foster, right?” 

  
  


She seemed upset. But determined. “So Thor talked to you about me. Do you know where he is?” 

  
  


“Asgard?” It had slipped your mind the chat you’d had with Thor on the helicarrier- mostly because you’d been fighting in a war immediately after. Easy to forgive, right? “He took Loki back to … I’m not actually sure. Put him on trial? I hope?” 

  
  


“ So he’s not even  _ here _ . He didn’t even have time to say anything to me?” Her anger was directed at you but not exactly placed there. You hadn’t done anything. But the man who had- the man she was maybe dating?- had disappeared, probably for too long a time, then came back to earth without a word, and then left again. 

  
  


“Everything kind of happened fast. Don’t hold it against him.” 

  
  


“I guess I shouldn’t.” She turned sort of shy, then. Like she was just realizing she’d stormed her way up Stark property to accost you in your own bedroom. Funny, that. Crossing her arms she looked at you. “Look, I’m sorry about this. I didn’t know who else to ask. Do you know when he’ll be back?” 

  
  


“It’s fine.” It wasn’t. But. You’d make an exception. Dating a god-alien-person that didn’t live on this planet was probably pretty hard. “And… no, I don’t. I asked him to come back for Tony’s birthday, but he didn’t really confirm. And I don’t have a way to contact him. Stark tech isn’t that good. Yet.” Figuring that was probably her next question. Her pang of _heartbreak _and _dismay_ ripped through you, and your next words were prompted immediately. “He spoke very fondly of you. He was really glad that you were safe.” 

  
  


She just shook her head. “That’s nice and all but it would have been better coming from him.” Arms crossed tighter, as if she was hugging herself, she turned away. “Thanks- and I’m sorry for busting in. Have a good night.” 

  
  


You had no idea what to say to her. Or if it was your place to say anything. To be fair to her, she did have a point. Thor was here. Had been here. If he’d wanted to call her, he’d only had to say something to you. Or SHIELD. He had had time for shawarma. But not for her? It left you standing awkwardly in the doorway as you watched her walk into the living room. 

  
  


Tony looked up. “Ms. Foster- I’ve just gotta say, your work on the Einstein-Rosen bridge is some seriously amazing stuff. I read your paper front to back. ...are you uh... still messing around with that stuff?” You weren't sure exactly what he was talking about, but a huge wave of _apprehension_ suddenly sprung forth from him.  


  
  


Pepper followed after her. Jane looked up at Tony for a brief moment, no smile to be seen. “Thanks. And no. Not anymore. Doesn’t matter now. Sorry for barging in here. Enjoy your party.” 

  
  


Stepping to her side, Pepper called the elevator. “I’ll escort you out…” 

  
  


Once the doors closed, Tony turned to look at you, brows up. You shrugged. “Thor hasn’t called her. In months, probably. And, you know, he was here. Not fighting a war for at least ten minutes. He could have.” That wasn’t your business to tell somebody else, but it was probably obvious to him anyway. 

  
  


“Rough stuff.” Extending his arm, he held his hand out. “Shall we schmooze for the greater good?” 

  
  


Sigh escaping you, you plastered a semi-acceptable evening party smile on your lips. Taking his arm in yours with a squeeze. “We shall.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Once the elevator opened on the _party floor_ voices and music started flooding in. It was a short walk from the lobby to the actual ballroom, and you found yourself taking a slow pace. Trying to collect yourself after all that and figure out exactly what it was you wanted to say, and how long you wanted to be here for. Technically party rules (especially charity gala rules) stipulated you had to stay until the very last guest left. 

  
  


But you weren’t really sure you had the energy for that. 

  
  


Heads turned as you and Tony entered the floor and you found yourself clutching to him just a little bit more. The lone microphone on the mainstage was calling your name, as the band behind it played gently. The sea of people parted as you and Tony walked through, almost like royalty. But you barely felt that way. There were some subsections of crowds. You saw Steve looking very dapper (and perhaps a little bit uncomfortable) in a dark blue suit and tie, chatting with several women. 

  
  


Bruce, likewise, had also come. Both you’d had no idea about. He seemed a little more out of place, not chatting with anyone, just kind of milling about by one of the tables near the back, drink in hand. You waved to him as you passed and he smiled, waving back. 

  
  


Approaching the stage, a flood or relief nearly threatened to overwhelm you as Tony stepped up to bat. “Let me take this one.” Leaving you to stand very  _ graciously  _ by his side as he pulled the microphone from the stand and the music quieted behind him. 

  
  


“Hey- check check- hey, thanks everyone for coming. And Stark Industries thanks you for your donations. I promise not a single cent will be spent on anything untoward… no new Iron Man suits or- well, I guess we could move some verbiage around. You’re giving money for a repair system here but I think defense is just as important, don’t you?” Raising the mic to a boom of cheers. 

  
  


He grinned. “Yeah. My thinking, too. It’s such a pleasure to be here, hosting a grand gala like this for such like minded individuals. You know, I’m sure we all feel a little safer knowing the world’s in my hands. I promise not to blow anything up that doesn’t deserve it.” He was getting a little too spicy for the spirit of the evening, so you had to give him a little nudge. 

  
  


After glancing at you briefly he waved his hand. “That’s right, I’m on a team now- we have a team. Some members of which have very kindly decided to show up this evening, although we’re the only one buying in for everyone, I’m pretty sure. In more ways than one- c’est la vie, am I right?” The room swelled with warm laughter. “Can’t have everything- talent, money, prowess, power- gotta spread the wealth around where we can-” Your unamused look caught him at just the right time to get him to be quiet. 

  
  


Putting an arm around your waist, he pulled you close. “Anyway. That’s my cue that I’m talking to much. Please enjoy. Eat all our food and drink all our booze. It’s for a good cause. We appreciate you being here.” Applause let him off the hook and you gave a polite wave and smile to the crowd, taking Tony’s hand as he exited down from the stage. 

  
  


Just about to disembark right after him, you stopped, caught by the sight of two new party guests entering. A gorgeous woman dressed in a sharp black dress and- 

  
  


“ _ Coulson _ !” Several people looked in your direction as you shouted, but excitement and relief got the better of you. Nearly stumbling off the stage, steadied by Tony’s arm, you broke free moments after, picking up the skirt of your dress to hurry yourself over to him. And just like some Avengers before him- he too got one hell of a hug as soon as you stopped in front of him. 

  
  


“Oh- is this what we’re doing now?” Not surprised at all by his dry wit as usual. Happy, in fact, to hear it. “Just- careful around the shoulder, would you, please?” Whether because he just wanted to get it over with or was really giving in, it was still nice when he gave you a hug back. 

  
  


You let it go on for perhaps too long a time, considering all the eyes in the room were on you, even if people were pretending they weren’t looking. Once you let go you stepped back, smiling- the first real one you’d worn all day. “It’s good to see you. I’m glad you’re alright.” 

  
  


“Alright is a subjective term. But I’m managing. I thought I would come here and speak with you personally. I’m being reassigned.” Straight to business. Cut and dry. That was Coulson. 

  
  


“Reassigned?” So soon? Because of what happened? 

  
  


“Smaller team. More groundwork. Fury thinks it’ll be good. After what happened… I’m inclined to agree.” Maybe it was your own visible wilting that set off a flare of _sadness_ in him, tough to say, but he held his hand out. “Thank you, for what you did. I’ve really appreciated our time together.” 

  
  


You studied the offering like it was foreign. And considering it came in the wake of a more personable hug, it kind of was. But you took his hand, shaking it firmly. “It was the right thing to do. Anyone would have.” 

  
  


“Not true. Just because it was the right thing doesn’t mean it was the easy thing.” Either one of you could have been killed in that situation. But you thought yourself made of sturdier stuff, maybe that’s why you’d done it. You hadn’t had a lot of time to think about it. You didn’t really want to, for too long. “And some might not even consider it being right. Or wrong.” 

  
  


He had a fair point, but you couldn’t help a shrug. “We made out okay, I think.” 

  
  


“For now. I might be reassigned but you can always call me.” 

  
  


At this your smile reappeared. “Thanks. I might take you up on that.” Overt friendly pleasantries pretty much finished, you stopped being rude, holding your hand out for the woman he’d brought. “Hi, I'm sorry.” Apologizing for your social faux pas, and introducing yourself. “And you are? Phil’s date?” Joking. Sort of. 

  
  


Her smile was amused. “Hardly. More like babysitting. I’m Agent Melinda May. And I think if I don’t thank you for pulling him out of the fire, he’ll be offended. So thanks.” A SHIELD agent. It made sense. You were kind of hoping he’d brought that cellist he’d been talking about a while back… 

  
  


Right on cue, like you shared a brainwave, Tony finally appeared, reaching out to give Coulson’s hand a hard shake. “Nice seeing you, buddy. Glad to have you back from the dead.” Hearing him say this surprised you, though. Maybe Tony knew more about Coulson’s circumstances…? Or he was just kidding. With him it was hard to tell. He then turned to offer his hand to May. “And you are? The cellist I presume?” 

  
  


She barked a laugh with a shake of her head. “Not on his life.” And with that she disengaged her arm from his, sauntering away with confidence you could only admire. 

  
  


“Nice meeting you.” Tony called after her. Turning back to Coulson, “Stay a while. I know you didn’t pay for a ticket but I’ll look the other way on it. This time. Don’t eat too much.” Whatever Coulson’s response to this was, it got cut off with the band changing gears to a slow jazzy version of L-O-V-E. Tony’s hand held out for yours, next. “Honey, if I may?” 

  
  


An offer you couldn’t turn down. You put your hand in his, and with your other gave Coulson a small departing wave. “Have a good time tonight.” Hoping that he actually would stick around and do just that, and not just disappear. “Steve’s here, too.” 

  
  


“Oh. He is?” 

Perfect. 

  
  


Same as before, people parted as you and Tony passed by, giving you some space on the dancefloor as he took your hand in his, putting his other at your waist. You wrapped your other arm loosely around his neck, just enjoying the slow sway. You’d been watching the corners of the room out of your peripherals, but when your attention came back to him, that warm way he was looking at you, with that gentle smile, put a heat on your face you couldn’t stop. 

  
  


So instead you stepped in closer, laying your head on his shoulder. His voice was a quiet murmur. “Will you be good here, after this?” 

  
  


“What do you mean?” Not understanding what he was trying to get at. 

  
  


“ Damage Control is on its feet. Clean up will be finished soon. The Tower is getting restructured. Pepper is practically running the citywide block party. You got something else you need to do  _ here _ ?” 

  
  


Here. New York, he meant. And you had a sneaking suspicion as to why he was asking. “You want me to come home?” 

  
  


“Yes. I would like that. A lot.” He’d been avoiding the city, spending time at the house. In his lab. You already knew and understood this. And why. “The house is empty without you.” 

  
  


Easing back, you resumed dancing at a short enough distance to be able to look at him. “Is that really why?” 

  
  


His lips twitched into a thin line before the corner of his mouth curved upward, head dropping for a second with a close of his eyes. “No- yes. Sort of. Honey- I’ve gotta be honest. I hate it here.” 

  
  


There was an immediate surge of _too much_ as he spoke that sentence. A small slice of _terror_ ripped through him, and then you, followed by hot pangs of _upset_, _dismay_, and a weird **disappointment** you couldn’t place. “I can’t say that I blame you.” Too much had gone on here. It was probably still too fresh. Even you were having trouble sleeping. Most of it you’d tried to pin on him not being in the same bed, but you knew the truth. The penthouse had become ruined with memories of Loki throwing you around like a ragdoll. And New York…

  
  


New York was just a battleground. Still fresh from a war you had been forced to fight in. Whether you won or not had no bearing. There was blood everywhere. And you could sense it every moment of the day. It was almost impossible to imagine how _he _felt. What _he_ saw every time he closed his eyes… 

  
  


“So come home.” There was a slight tremble in his voice. He was begging you. “I need you with me.” Starting to get overwhelmed, you laid your head on his shoulder again. Just staying close. “Please come home. I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about… everything. I just… I need you.” 

  
  


Your nodding had started somewhere in the middle of that. “I’m not adjusting super well, either.” Just trying to be honest with him. The both of you needed to sit down and just talk, at some point. Here was not the best place. But the conversation even starting made you feel better already. “I love you. Let me look at my schedule. Maybe not tonight, but tomorrow. Okay?” 

  
  


“Sure. Tomorrow. I can wait until tomorrow.” The song had switched over to something else, but the two of you stayed there, holding each other. Barely moving side to side. “I love you.” 

  
  


“I love you, too. We have to put in about an hour of more face time before it’s acceptable to sneak away.” Already making plans. 

  
  


It at least lightened his mood, hearing the soft huff of air that was indicative of a grin. You just knew, without even looking at him. “Sneak away, huh? Aren’t we on our own property? Why are we sneaking?” 

  
  


Tilting your head on his shoulder, you were smirking just a little. “Sneaking upstairs.”

  
  


“Upstairs.” 

  
  


“Mm hmm. Upstairs. To our bedroom. Maybe we’ll make a quick stop in our bathroom first.” 

  
  


“What’s in the bathroom?” 

  
  


“A jacuzzi tub that hasn’t been used yet.” 

  
  


“Mmn hmn. I see.” 

  
  


The thought chain left the two of you just looking at each other, all suggestive smiles. The other people in the room had stopped mattering a long time ago. With a delicate lift of your brows, you inquired, “What do you think about that?” 

  
  


Pulling your hand to his lips, he kissed the back. “Love it. Love everything about it.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We did it! As far as I consider it, with all the loose ends now tied up for the most part, we finished Avengers! Hooray!! And coming up soon... some much needed uh... sensualness. See you next week!


	60. ❤Chapter 60❤ [Begin: Interlude]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please everyone let's observe the M rating, for the adventure ahead...

You left Tony with a glass of bourbon in his hand, going to rub elbows with the important of important people. Everyone who was there was _ important _, of course. Worthy of your time. Your gratitude, but it was the ultra important people you had to put facetime in with. Much as you didn’t like it. And much as your mind was slipping in five different directions. None of them helpful to the cause of raising money for a broken city. You just had to keep smiling through it all, keep saying the right things… 

  
  


It was with certainty you spied a fresh glass being handed Tony’s way at the open bar from your spot across the room. Turning your back to speak to someone just as he was taking a sip, and then looking again as he’d moved to the other corner of the room to speak with Bruce- a _new_ glass in hand. 

  
  


This was not the way you wanted to start things. And that was an even bigger problem than you thought you could handle. But, maybe you were just over-worrying. Maybe he was just enjoying himself. And maybe you should, too. Impossible though it seemed. You got a refresh on a glass of wine and finished up your rounds just at the bottom of it. 

  
  


The band had started playing something else, they’d been playing all night, but it wasn’t until you heard humming just behind your shoulder it finally clicked what music had been requested of them. Tony was humming along with a set of strings playing _ How Deep Is Your Love _, his hand finding your hip, turning you towards him. You went, easily, willingly. Although his eyes had that slightly glassy sheen, he seemed still very much in control. “Time to disappear quietly?” 

  
  


You smiled. “I think I called it sneaking.” 

  
  


Easing in, his lips brushed yours, rocking you to the rhythm of the music behind you. “Sneaking. Disappearing… is that a yes?” 

  
  


“Mnhmn.” Murmured softly. “If we go slow nobody will notice.” 

  
  


“I’ll go _very_ slow.” Innuendo heavy in his tone, backed with a half smirk. 

  
  


Oh-so casually the two of you left no trace at all as you waltzed off the dance floor, kept to the back path around the room, and then broke free into the lobby. The guests that were leaving in a small trickle barely even noticed, the two of you lost in each other still as you came to the private elevator and keyed yourself through the doors. One press of the button to get it moving to the top floor and then he had you in his arms in the corner. 

  
  


It felt like he was imparting a little bit of his intoxication to you, with how weak he was making your knees feel. How the room was just lightly swaying. In between one deep kiss and the next, he broke through the haze by calling, “JARVIS.” Your eyes blinked half open, about to ask what he was doing (or tell him _not_ to engage with JARVIS while you two were getting busy), but he didn’t wait for the AI to confirm. “Put on playlist INY.” 

  
  


“Yes, sir.” 

  
  


An acoustic version of _God Only Knows_ greeted you, soft in the elevator. Tony’s next grin was pressed against your lips as he leaned in again. “That’s more like it.” Apparently amused with the lovesongs littering the evening.

  
  


“Hmmn-” A quiet noise left from your lips vibrating to his, the thought forgotten as his arm wound around your waist, pulling you closer still, tongue brushing yours. The ding of the elevator doors opening got him to barely part, instead bending down, sliding his arm underneath the crook of your legs, lifting you up into his arms. A breathless giggle escaped you, holding on to him as he carried you into the penthouse. “How long have you had this playlist? I’ve never heard of it before.” Sentences broken up by one kiss after the next. 

  
  


“Longer than you think.” Playing coy- or possibly shy? Hard to tell with that sweet smile against your lips. 

  
  


The music continued to thrum throughout the suite as he walked further in. The lights turned on in softly lit hues in every room the two of you entered. From the lounge, to the master bedroom and into the master bathroom where he set you down on top of the sink counter. And while he may have had plans to step away, you stopped him, hands holding the lapels of his suit jacket while your legs wound around his waist. “Don’t go…” A hushed faux whine as you pulled him in closer to kiss him anew. 

  
  


His smile pressed against your lips and he tried his best to speak around your mouth as you kept leaning in for _ more _. “Who’s gonna turn on the jacuzzi?” 

  
  


“You in a hurry?” Asked, not in your best interests saying that, as you reached up to pull his bow tie undone. 

  
  


“Slowing down again?” His hands shifted past yours to take the sides of your face in his palms. 

  
  


“I could use a little slowness…” After everything that had happened, and was still happening, constantly, it was a very easy decision to come to. 

  
  


Between one kiss and the next, his voice lowered. “I’m inclined to agree…” 

  
  


“Glad you see it my way.” 

  
  


His right hand skimmed back, _ careful _, so careful as he threaded his fingers through the back of your hair, eliciting a shiver of warm sparks down your spine. More followed soon after as he directed your head back just a little, his lips drifting from the corner of your mouth to the side of your neck. “Always.” 

  
  


Dropping to the mid of his suit jacket, your hands clutched the fabric almost desperately as he reduced you to an absolute _mess_ with those soft kisses. Angling your head further to the side to give him more skin to work with, you were delighted further with little touches of his tongue and teeth, marking a burning path to your shoulder as he eased the line of your dress down. The next breath of his name was nothing more than a puff of hot air. “_Tony_…” Drowning in him already. 

  
  


His answer was a hum that vibrated against your skin, free hand moving up behind you, lowering the zipper of your dress down all the way, and then following back up, tracing your back with the tips of his fingers in a slow glide. With more skin exposed, he laid a few more of those _slow_ playful licks and nips outward to the round of your shoulder before following back in to the line of your collarbone. 

  
  


Flush with dizziness, one of your hands reached back to hold yourself steady on the counter, leaning further, inviting him in more. The hand still drawing soft patterns on your back moved again, making quick work of the clasps on your bra, signaling that it was, in fact, time to not only shrug out of it, but the top half of your dress as well, leaving the rest of it pooled in your lap. But it redirected his attention as you moved to get out of it, his hands bracing the edge of the sink as yours lifted to touch over the strong lines of his jaw, pulling him up and in for a deep kiss. 

  
  


His groan spilled into your mouth as your tongue brushed over his, holding him to you, kissing him still until there was no more room to breathe. As you parted too soon, your head slid back, his forward to catch the other side of your neck, kissing and biting every inch he could find. With what little sense you had left, your shaking hands lowered to work open the buttons of his jacket, pushing it from his shoulders as soon as you could. He accommodated by letting his hands off the sink, but as soon as he was out of it, they moved back to grip your hips, practically lifting you up for just one moment with his strength, and then pulled you into a roll of his hips that drew breathy noises from the both of you. 

  
  


You still had trouble steadying your hands as you moved again, trying your absolute best to undo the buttons of his shirt. As soon as he got the hint you were having trouble, his smile found yours again in a brief kiss. “Need an assist?” 

  
  


“My brain’s not working so well…” Light giggle escaping you as his head dropped to your shoulder, the rumble of his own laughter encouraging you on. 

  
  


While he was leaned into you, and as his hands started trying to make quick work of his shirt, you tilted in to kiss his neck. A noise of appreciation escaped him. “Don’t worry… I’ve got _brain_ enough for the two of us…” 

  
  


With a setup that grand, it couldn’t be helped. “You’ve got _ something _enough for the two of us.” 

  
  


A more pronounced shot of air left him in a laugh and you felt his chest shaking. “You’re being quite saucy.” 

  
  


“If there’s any time for it…” _ Now _, obviously being the best. Your lips traced the shell of his ear, ending with a little nip to the lobe. A hum of satisfaction escaped as he finally got his shirt open, pulling it up and then off. Immediately your hands were on a wandering path from his biceps, over his chest with a bare flirt around the Arc Reactor, and then down. 

  
  


It was when he leaned up, trying to recapture your attention, that you caught a glimpse of him. Finally. Lean muscle and warm skin, hands stopping at his sides as you took in the sight of him. And not just him, but the patchwork of bruises and healing cuts that now littered his skin. 

  
  


It put a squeeze to your heart, your left hand easing down to rub lightly over the bottom of his ribcage where the faintest of all the bruises sat. “Are you in pain?” A severe mood killer, to be sure, but you couldn’t help it. 

  
  


His brow arched, leaning in again to not only hide what was taking your attention that way, but to kiss you again softly. “Not currently. _Currently_ I’m feeling something _else_.” Trying to tease a smile out of you.

  
  


Which he did. But now that you’d seen it, it was a hard thing to move on from. “I’m sorry…” Words gentle between kisses. 

  
  


“For what?” 

  
  


“You’re all beat up and I’m…” _ Not _. You had taken your very fair share of licks during that extended nightmare, but they were all gone now. Always. You always got to walk away with a relatively clean slate. He didn’t. He never would. 

  
  


“Perfect?” Murmured with a lilt upwards and a tiny bite to your lower lip. 

  
  


Your next noise was both exasperation and sweet shyness. “_ Tony _.” 

  
  


“Look… out of the two of us, I’d rather it was me. Every time. Don’t worry so much about it. I’m fine.” His forehead bumped against yours, and you blinked your eyes open to find him waiting there for you. 

  
  


Lifting your hand, you held it just over his heart. “Are you?” 

  
  


“Weren’t you just making innuendo at me two seconds ago?” Sensing the _nervous _flutter from him all too easily. “Let’s-... can we table that discussion? I’d like to focus on _this_ for a little while…” Asking just before kissing you again. 

  
  


Much as it would have been easy to derail the evening, and you knew he’d let you if you said so, you also knew you needed this as much as he did. So you found yourself half nodding around another deep kiss. It took about every ounce of strength you had to break back after a long moment to ask, “Can you start the jacuzzi now?” 

  
  


Delighting in the grin that was suddenly nuzzling against the corner of your jaw. “Not even a _ please _?” 

  
  


Leaving himself too exposed for this, lifting your lips to his ear, letting a breathy half moan of the word leave you. “_ Please _…” 

  
  


“Mn. Well when you ask so nicely…” He got stuck on one more- two more- ...at least three more lingering kisses before he was able to pull himself away from you. And while he got busy filling the tub, you slipped out of the rest of your clothes and your heels. 

  
  


Once he was finished and he turned back, you had that instinctive feeling to cover up or turn away- unable to bite down the _shyness_ that came with him looking at you so openly. But the sensation was quickly eased away by the simple way he looked at you. Eyes going half-lidded, lips parting before pressing closed, swallowing hard. Looking at you like you were the only woman he’d ever seen naked- 

  
  


At least the only one he _wanted_ to see naked. And while he didn’t voice it, you’d like to believe it was true. Especially the way he took you into his arms as you stepped closer, fingers light against every inch of skin he could touch, and lips heavy and needy against yours. Getting a little too lost as the tub bubbled away until he finally moved back. 

  
  


While he got busy getting out of his pants and shoes, you stepped up and then back down into the tub, immediate relief filling you as the hot water touched up your sides. You folded your arms on the rim, laying your head in them, returning his previous favor without thought. Because when he turned to you, beautiful and bare, the smile on your lips was nothing short of dreamy. The damage of war was all the more apparent in this light, but it only made you love him _more_. Made you _need_ him more. He put himself so far out for everyone else. Just because it was the right thing. 

  
  


“Come here.” Calling to him with a little lift of your arm, beckoning. Feeling like if you didn’t have him _now_ after all that, you might explode. A feeling that came on perhaps a little too suddenly, but now that it was there you could only mindlessly heed it. 

  
  


It was why, after he slipped into the water, you went to him, settling on his lap with your hands on his shoulders, and his on your hips. There was a false start, some thought trying to leave you, but it died on a moan as he pulled you _ closer _still, and kissed you hard. The next thought was a shared one, unable to help yourself. 

  
  


_ I love you _. 

  
  


Urging a groan from him, followed by a deep shuddering breath. His forehead pressed to yours, and you watched him with dark eyes, lifting your hips with his steady hand to guide you. Up and then lowering _ slow. _The short inhale from your lips drank immediately by his own as his cock slid up deep. Deeper still until you were sure you might burst, holding on to him with a light knead at his shoulders. 

  
  


Not sure who lost sight first, but your eyes eventually rolled closed as the two of you shared absent minded slightly broken kisses while you moved again. Up and then back down with a little roll forward, something that had his fingers digging into your hips. Gripping you. Holding on. 

  
  


You realized it wasn’t enough then and you eased further in still, hugging yourself to him, pressing your chest to his, winding your arms around his neck. Using your knees at the bottom edges of the tub and bare lifts of your thighs to shift up and then back down, trying desperately to keep from devolving into _quick_\- but it was getting harder the longer you moved. The more you _felt_ him every time. 

  
  


And especially when you stole a deeper groan from the back of his throat as you kissed him again deep. Everything lost to a rhythm that steadily grew more senseless. Just pure need. Every second lifted up feeling desperately empty until you rocked back down, taking him all the way in, sometimes so _hard_ it left you shivering and unable to move for a few seconds until you chased the feeling again. 

  
  


His voice rang in the back of your mind. 

_ I love you- _

  
  


And this urged a clipped high pitched moan as it felt like those three words filled you up to bursting. So suddenly that all control was lost, orgasm shaking through you without any warning at all. Feeling yourself tighten- hold on- hanging on still as you continued to rock your hips mindlessly. Unable to stop. 

  
  


Especially when you not only heard his next dark groan, but _felt_ it just as much. “_**Fuck**_…” The next thing out of his mouth the honeyed version of your name. Once and then again, and again, and _again_ as you started riding him harder, and harder, and _harder_. Unable to help yourself. Unable to stop. Just needing him so deeply and so desperately that nothing else made sense but this. 

  
  


_ I love you- I love you- I love you- _

  
  


The words got tangled between you in the most intimate of ways until your voices bled over one another’s. Mingled until they mixed and it was like one sound completely. That was until he half gasped, head falling slightly back. You chased him, lips brushing against his parted ones as he tried to get anything across. “Honey- I- _ fuck _-” 

  
  


Just that alone sending a heatwave of pleasure straight to your core, winding you tight as you rode him. His hands slid up, clutching at the small of your back, helping to lift and then lower you, his own hips moving, sending his cock that much _deeper_ until you couldn’t take it anymore. He practically stole the next sound out of your mouth when he kissed you _hard _as you came. About all it took to break him seconds after, kiss turning into panting and bare touches of lips, and a low shaking groan while he rocked up once more, and again, slowing. _Slowing_ but still moving, lost in the clutches of mindless orgasm. You were helpless to do anything but follow his lead. 

  
  


Moving minutes at a time until the water settled when he stopped and your head slid against his, just breathing hard. Feeling feverish and heady. Just a little dizzy. Anchored only by the feel of him still… “_ I love you _…” 

  
  


The thought perked him up only a light amount, head angling up to catch you in a broken kiss. Murmuring it back when he found sense enough to do so. “_ I love you, too _…” 

  
  


Somewhere just above you, you finally registered the thrum of _Can’t Help Falling In Love_ and it urged a dazed smile across your lips. “You never told me you were such a sap…” Getting lost in gentle kiss after another. Still pressed to him as close as you could get. 

  
  


You felt him smile against your lips. “You knew the whole time, what are you talking about?” 

  
  


A lightheaded giggle escaped you. “Since when?” 

  
  


His head very sweetly knocked against yours, getting you to open your eyes. The warmth in his eyes and on his lips melted you down to your core. “Since _ you _.” 

  
  


A sudden sting of happy tears caught you up. “_ Tony _ …” The only thing on your mind. Easing in to kiss him again. Followed by a very deep and resounding, “ _ I love you _ … _ more than anything _…” 

  
  


His voice was as steady in keeping you afloat as his arms around you. “That makes two of us.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙


	61. Chapter 61

The bed was warm and wonderful. Even more so the steady heartbeat and deep breathing just underneath you. The room was dark, no sense of time existed just yet. But you knew it was early morning. The night just before came back in brief touches across your consciousness as you came to slowly. Your fingers spread out, touching across Tony’s chest as your eyes blinked open. Greeted by that soft blue glow. Just about the only light as the blinds were still drawn. 

  
  


With your free hand you lifted yourself half up, stretching the sleep out of your muscles as the blanket fell from you. “JARVIS…” Murmuring quietly. “Good morning…” Hand reaching up to rub at your eyes. 

  
  


The shades started drawing up, allowing the light of dawn to greet the room. “Good morning, ma’am.” His volume was low. 

  
  


“Morning…” Tony mumbled, perhaps still half asleep. His arm lifted to cover over his eyes. 

  
  


Moving, you settled your hips over his, leaning down on your arms in a slide to draw closer. “Morning, birthday boy…” Pressing a light smiley kiss to his lips. 

  
  


“Good morning, sir. A very happy birthday to you.” JARVIS greeted him, tone just notch louder in volume. 

  
  


“Happy birthday to me.” A little grumble this time as he tried to collect himself. But when he moved his arm back and his eyes focused on you, a sleepy smile emerged. His hands feathered up your sides in long strokes up and then back down. “A _ very _happy birthday to me…” 

  
  


Inching up just a little, you started to lay kisses against his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, at the corner of each eye and then over his left cheek. “What can I do for you today?” What would make it special? It was hard to shop for the richest man in the world, for sure. Better just to let him tell you _exactly_ what he wanted. 

  
  


“Come home.” His answer was easy and simple, reminding you of the conversation you’d barely held last night before deciding other endeavors were more worthwhile. 

  
  


Him asking this reminded you now, though, that this was not home. Maybe while building it you’d wanted to pretend it could be. A home away from home. But after everything that had happened, that would never be the case now. Better not to dwell on it. “You want to spend your birthday on a long flight?” Easing up on your forearm, petting his hair back with your free hand. 

  
  


“A long flight that ends with us in our actual bed, yes. I think that sounds like a great gift. Don’t you?” His warm, tired eyes and matching grin made it hard to say no. “I mean we can shorten our flight time by just going ourselves…” Reaching his hand up to brush over your bare chest. He was a little more focused as he asked, “Where’s yours? In a drawer somewhere?” 

  
  


“In my bag. Relax…” Hushing him gently, sensing that _ache_ and _worry _starting to bubble up. You moved to kiss his temple a few times over. “We’re okay…” A mantra you were sure he’d started, though you weren’t sure exactly when. Just the sound of him saying it drifted in and out of your awareness at times. You’d decided not to question it, as it had been helping. 

  
  


“We’re okay…” He murmured back, almost trance-like. Soothed away from that edge by your soft words and touches of your lips. Aiding him further by spreading a little _calm_ across the room. Wrapping him up inside of it. He hummed out a noise, seeming like he might fall back asleep. “Was that a… yes or a no? I’m losing track.” 

  
  


“To going home?” Laying one last kiss to the tip of his nose before angling back, watching him. When he nodded you couldn’t help the light smile. “I have a few things to settle up but yes. We’ll go home today. I promise.” 

  
  


You felt his hands catch a little firmer at your hips, giving you a squeeze. “Thank you.” Then, with his usual ease, he moved to flip you onto your back, starting to litter kisses and nips to your bare neck and shoulders. “Thank you… thank you…” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The morning drew on that way, finding comfort and solace in one another for almost too long. Since it was his birthday, after all, you felt it was okay this time to let yourself be late for the small litany of things you had to get through before you could follow through on your promise to him. More than a little late. ...atrociously late. But… it was his birthday, so… 

  
  


Heading down a couple floors to the actual office, greeted by a pile of paperwork to sign and go through was acceptable. This once. And trying to give two phone interviews at once- ...difficult but not impossible. You just had to remind yourself once it was over you’d ask Pepper to take over a few things so you and Tony could return to California for a little while. You’d more than earned a small reprieve. But it wasn’t her that needed convincing, or even any of the people waiting on your attention. 

  
  


It was you. And you were a tough sell. There was still just so much to do, to finish, to figure out, to talk through, to add up, to… stay _focused_ on. In the back of your mind you worried, just a little, that if you let it get too quiet you’d- 

  
  


You’d… 

  
  


Get lost. As you were now. Staring out of your office window, arms hugged to your sides, looking down on a still broken city. Tarps on rooftops. Cranes in the streets. Trying still to move on. A dark shadow loomed, creatures flying overhead. The sounds of battle started ringing in your ear. Loki’s tight words with hisses and promises of violence crept up the back of your skull where he pulled _hard_ and you found yourself flinching, reaching up to try and rid yourself of a force that was no longer there. 

  
  


And when his hand dropped to your shoulder a short startle shred your lungs in a scream. 

  
  


“Whoa- hey-!” You’d lifted a hand, thank god no gauntlet appeared, to Pepper who had just been trying to get your attention. It was both as smart as it was stupid that you kept leaving your Heart Reactor in places that weren’t easily accessible. Wearing it made you feel safe. But at the same time… 

  
  


What if you engaged it in a moment like this? That was two people now that you’d nearly blasted to death just because you couldn’t get out of your own head. 

  
  


“I’m sorry- sorry… I-” Shaking your head, you curled your hand inwards to your chest, forcing it there. “I’m sorry.” 

  
  


She stared at you for too long a time. Probably _seeing_ you for exactly what you’d become. A mess. 

  
  


_ We’re okay. We’re okay. We’re okay. We’re okay. _ _ ** I’m okay ** _. You tried to will it into existence. Tried to make it true. You had to get it together. For Tony. For everyone. Pepper seemed discouraged. A touch nervous. It made you feel terrible. “It’s fine- look, I’ll finish up here. You’re good to go. That’s actually the reason I came over. Tony was asking if you were joining them for brunch.” 

  
  


“Them?” 

  
  


“Yeah. Your team, I guess. There’s a few people upstairs.” 

  
  


Tony had planned his own birthday brunch? You couldn’t imagine why. Or why he wouldn’t say anything. Especially because he could have told you to do it. “Oh. Okay, I guess. Are you coming?” 

  
  


“Me?” Her brows might as well have lifted off into space with how surprised she was. “No. I can’t. I’m not part of- of all _ that _.” 

  
  


While you wanted to reassure her she definitely was a trusted part of your team, maybe not the Avengers, but _your_ team, the voice that did that was not your own. “Sure you are, Pep. Come on. Come eat.” Tony wandered in, hands in his jacket pockets. “This place would fall apart without you.” Then, quickly holding up a hand. “No offense, honey.” 

  
  


It was nice to see him making amends. “None taken. Come on. Let’s go have some brunch. Little light champagne?” 

  
  


She didn’t seem too put off by it either. “Well… give me ten minutes. I have some stuff I have to wrap up.” 

  
  


“Okay. Ten. And then I’m coming to get you.” Promising her with a quick hug. You worried the longer you stayed the sooner she’d tell Tony what had happened. An immature thing to think- _ telling on you _. Like you were doing something wrong. But… it kind of felt that way. Taking Tony’s hand as you skittered away, you waited until the two of you were back in the elevator to ask. “Brunch?” 

  
  


He gave a little shrug. “What? I can’t plan my own brunch?” 

  
  


Giving his hip a little bump, “I didn’t know you were the birthday-brunching type.” 

  
  


His arm came around your shoulder. “Can’t hurt to try something new. Seems like the people I oughta be spending my birthday with keep multiplying. Like letting strays in. You feed one and now you have to feed another and another…” 

  
  


The light private teasing about this new turn of events drew a giggle from you. It was a little too on the nose. Some floors were being rebuilt for Avengers living quarters purposes. Strays might have been a little too playfully harsh, but… Stark Industries sure was putting a lot of work into this group, that was for sure. 

  
  


You’d let a silence lapse a little too long. A mistake you realized as the elevator doors opened into what was now being used as the communal space. The front room had been built, a nice spacious living room with an open but cozy kitchen near the back. “Hey.” His hand came to your shoulder to stop you from walking further into the room, following the sound of voices. “You okay?” 

  
  


Turning to look up at him, it clicked why he’d come to get you after apparently asking Pepper to do so. He’d heard you. Your shoulders came up in a shy shrug as retreated into yourself. Now was not a good time for this. There probably never would be, but now especially. “Pepper spooked me, that’s all. I was lost in my work, I wasn’t expecting her.” 

  
  


Another voice was on loop in a much more private part of your mind. Angry.  
_ Stop lying. Stop lying. _ _ ** Stop lying. ** _

  
  


But was it really lying? Parts of it were true. And he was no doubt worse off. There wasn’t any reason to bother him about this. Not right now. Not during his birthday. You’d find a way to get over it, just as you had everything else. You were okay… you were okay… _ we’re okay… we’re okay… _

  
  


His eyes squinched. “I’ll send everyone home.” This wasn’t a threat by any means. Instead probing. Trying to find a good balance for you. Not sure if you were overwhelmed and unable to take anymore. 

  
  


Because _ ** that’s what lying did ** _. It made him unable to know how to proceed. How to help. Guilt consumed you. 

  
  


You shook your head. “No, it’s fine. I’m-”

  
  


“Okay? Yeah, you keep saying that. I’m starting to think you mean the opposite.” 

  
  


The two of you had such a nice evening. And a nice morning. And now it felt like none of that mattered at all. Because of you. Your eyes went downcast, shaking your head. At what you had no idea. A promise of tears was soon to come. You had to put a stop to it. “I’m _ tired _.” Finding just a little honesty. “I’m so tired, Tony. And you’re right. I think I hate it here, too. I can’t look out a window without… just reliving things.” 

  
  


His other hand came to your shoulder, just holding you steady, eyes watching yours. Being strong. Because he _ had _to. You were making him be the strong one where you couldn’t. “So let’s go home. I’ll call off brunch. They’ll understand.” 

  
  


“No.” You pleaded. “No- I’m not falling to pieces. I’m okay- don’t look at me like that.” Asked as he raised a brow with a quirk of his lips. Like he was done hearing that. Done believing it. “I’m okay to have some brunch. To have a good time.” 

  
  


His lips then pressed together, his thumbs rubbing circles in your skin. “You don’t have to go through anything for me. That’s not what I want.” 

  
  


“I want to have brunch with our friends. I want you to have a good birthday.” Holding yourself firmer. For him. 

  
  


“But what do you _ need _?” But this question through you off balance. 

  
  


Even if you should have expected it. Still. The answer was obvious. “I need you.” 

  
  


At this his serious demeanor finally broke, even if the grin he was wearing seemed tired. “Isn’t that my line?” 

  
  


“We co-own it.” Stepping closer into him, you wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. “I need you to just be with me. And to have a good time with me on your birthday.”

  
  


“Alright. I can do that.”  
  
“And also…” While still clearing the air for a little while, you thought you’d make one last request. “...can we take the jet home?” One reason. Only one reason you’d ask this. And it was for the same reason that you got lost staring out windows. The same reason your Reactor was in your purse. 

  
  


He hugged you harder. “Yeah, honey. That’s fine.” Easing in he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. “I love you.” 

  
  


You found yourself clinging to him just slightly. “I love you, too. Thank you...” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The spread in the kitchen was well laid out. Little sandwiches, a fruit bar, enough drinks to go around for sure. It didn’t surprise you one bit that your current guests included Steve and Bruce, both of whom you hugged. Delighted entirely that they were getting used to the concept as they both welcomed you in without hesitation. 

  
  


It was when Rhodey arrived that Tony broke out the frying pan and promised, “The best omelette you’ve ever had. I’m not wasting money on catering eggs when I have all this talent.” 

  
  


And of course being his dutiful significant other, you had to back him up. “It’s true. He may not know how to cook absolutely anything else, but he’ll make you one hell of an omelette.” 

  
  


Pepper appeared, true to her word, to come meet everyone and mingle. But in the middle of welcoming her, you found yourself watching as Steve and Rhodey exchanged a firm handshake. “Thank you for your service.”

  
  


“Thank _ you _.” 

  
  


It seemed the two of them getting along was pretty imminent. Something that brought you a small spark of joy. Merging your two circles, small as they were, was a nice feeling. Happy was not too long behind either, and he arrived with an armful of stuff. Probably on an errand Tony had sent him on. 

  
  


It was another hour before the last of your guests arrived. Clint and Natasha came wandering in as you were between glasses of champagne and stories. And while you went to hug the both of them, you stopped just a little short as you saw a _third_ guest in Natasha’s arms. 

  
  


A sweet and perhaps overly fuzzy black kitten. Only big enough to fit in the palms of her hands. Big inquisitive gold eyes, and just the cutest pink bow around her neck. You couldn’t help the gasp. “Who’s this?” 

  
  


Tony leaned back on the couch to look at what was going on before getting up with a declaration. “No. Absolutely not. No animals. I swear, you give somebody a guest room and they think they can do whatever they want.” 

  
  


“Well, good.” Nat smiled at the both of you. “Because she’s not for me. She’s for you.” Holding the kitten out. 

  
  


Tony shook his head. “Again. No. No thank you. Bring it back wherever you got it.” 

  
  


But it may have been too late as you took hold of that sweet baby, cuddling her close. “She’s so _ cute _. What’s her name?” And then, on second thought, “Why a cat?” Did Tony seem like a cat person to her? Or an animal person in general…? You’d never really gotten that impression in all your years of being with him. 

  
  


“Dvahli.” She crossed her arms, grinning now at Tony who had put his hands up and started to walk away. 

  
  


“Honey don’t get attached. It’s going back.” 

  
  


Despite his declaration you leaned in closer to her to whisper, “No she isn’t. Don’t worry.” Clint sidestepped you to go to the bar, giving you a little pat on the shoulder. Your attention turned back to her. “Seriously. A cat? Not that I’m not already in love, but it’s gonna take a lot of convincing…” 

  
  


“I’ve had her for a few days, but I can’t keep her. Too busy.” 

  
  


“Because we’re not?” Giving her an eyeful with a mountain of dry sarcasm. But all that died when you felt a rare spread of _blue_ bubble up from her. “Nat? What happened?” 

  
  


Her smile wavered and she started shaking her head. “I knew her mother- fed her. Sometimes. When I’d stop by in the Ukranian village. Liho. I think she belonged to the deli owners on the corner. They- ...the shop didn’t make it. And neither did she.” 

  
  


You knew the village was _far_ from midtown. Not that aliens riding carriages and space whales would have had trouble crossing the distance, but if damage had been done that far out…? “Because of the…?” It hurt to even try to approach the thought. 

  
  


“No. No. It was something else. Something stupid. Territory battles.” Very quickly, almost too quickly for you, she composed herself, pulling it together. You admired her courage. Her strength. “I didn’t know she had a baby. And I couldn’t leave her. So…” 

  
  


“So you’re giving her to us?” 

  
  


There was a small pause, and you were acutely aware of her watching you and the kitten stare at each other. Then she offered something intensely _ honest _. “I know she’ll be happy with you two. That’s all I can hope for. It’s what she deserves.” When you looked up, finding a sad pair of eyes looking at you, she snapped back to her usual self. Burying everything with a grin. “You two seem like the most stable choice of the people I know. Besides. Trust me. He might complain now, but he’ll fall in love.”

  
  


A thought that was hard to argue with. You lifted the little kitten up, giving her a nuzzle. “I think so, too. Little Dvahli…” Definitely not how you were expecting today to end. With a new life to look after. But not the worst outcome, either. All things considered. “We’ll take good care of her.” 

  
  


Her smile returned. “I know you will.” 

* * *

  
  


Despite his major objections, Tony quieted down about the cat while the party continued on. It was a nice little affair that you knew you’d needed the longer it went on. Everyone was happy. Cohesive. It was just a relief to find solace in a family. 

  
  


As day dragged into early evening, the two of you bid everyone goodbye to head for your private jet. Despite having a good night’s sleep before, what you’d said to him earlier stood true, and you found yourself drifting in and out during the flight. One time hard enough to wake a little incoherently, realizing he’d laid you to sleep on the couch and put a blanket over you. 

  
  


But as sense returned, you sat just a little up, seeing him working on one of the tabletops. Dvhali on his shoulder, curiously watching the beams of light as he ran his fingers through them. Working on a suit you realized. Though its design was foreign to you. A new one, probably. 

  
  


“You like that?” Wiggling his fingers, sending light scattering everywhere. When Dvhali hopped down onto the table, batting pieces of hologram imagery away, he tried to stifle a laugh. “Where’d they go, Li?” Collapsing the suit down to make it disappear. 

  
  


“Li, hmn?” Asking sleepily, smiling. Maybe it was doing him some good to have a little furry thing around. How quickly he was adapting. 

  
  


Sitting his hand palm up on the table, he waited for Dvahli to crawl into it, and then lifted her to sit on his lap. “You get the name, right?” And at your visible confusion, “Dvahli- basically Li number two. She said that cat’s name was Liho, right?” 

  
  


Surprise took you then. “You were half the room away, how did you hear that?” 

  
  


He shrugged and avoided your question. “We’re taking care of everyone else. Why not one more.” Apparently how he was coming to terms with lying to himself about why he may have loved the kitten so quickly. 

  
  


It was a kitten. That’s what they were made for. But just that he’d adopted her in a snap… it warmed your heart. Shifting closer you laid your head on his shoulder. “Why not one more.” Echoing the sentiment as Dvahli looked up at the two of you with those big round eyes. Reaching your hand over, you slid the tips of your fingers along her forehead. “Welcome home, Li.” Then, turning your hand up, you touched it over his face, tilting him a little more your way to press a kiss to his cheek. “Happy birthday.” 

  
  


His arm came around your shoulder, holding you close. Tight. “Thanks for coming home.” 

  
  


“You’re welcome.” It would be good for the both of you, you knew. It was just a shame you couldn’t stay there forever. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a picture of Liho, Dvahli's mamma! She is a canon character on earth 616. Hope you don't mind a little blending... I thought it was time to give them a little furry companion. For reasons. One such is that cats are very healing and the other is that I just like that Tony adopts whatever little thing that needs love that comes across his way. ENJOY YOUR NEW BABY :] AND HAPPY NEW YEAR


	62. Chapter 62

After what felt like too long a flight, you found yourself in a massive state of disorientation. Even the drive to the house felt strange. But as soon as you got up the walk and through the door, that sense of _home_ filled you. Something that was sorely missing these last few weeks. With Dvahli in your arms, you headed to the couch, but stopped as Tony made a sharp turn to the stairs. That could only mean one thing, and you stopped him with a look before he descended. 

  
  


“Are you coming to bed later?” Even having to ask this question, you knew what the answer was. 

  
  


“Yeah. Don’t worry. I just got something started here and I don’t wanna lose the threads.” When you continued staring at him, he made it a point to walk over from the stairs and come to you where you’d sat on the couch. Moving behind, he leaned in as you leaned back, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Seriously. Stop looking at me like that you’re making me feel bad. And I haven’t even done anything yet.” 

  
  


When he walked away again, just as he was starting to go down the stairs you called, “Yet!” Which had him laughing down the entire stairwell until the sound disappeared. With a sighed huff, you fell further back against the couch, letting Li out of your arms to explore her new home. Tony was disappearing to the basement. To the lab. 

  
  


Already. The second he got home. That wasn’t stellar. 

  
  


But, as you tucked your feet up on the couch and got a little more comfortable, Li zipping back and forth drew most of your attention. Tony would be in the lab, preoccupying his mind. With important things no doubt. So you had to do the same, and try to meet each other somewhere in a _healthy_ middle. If you could. For now… 

  
  


“Hey, LUNA, can you please run a locate on the top vets in the area and make an appointment for tomorrow morning?” 

  
  


Your confusion struck when it was JARVIS that answered you. “I can do that for you, ma’am.” 

  
  


You let a small silence sit, not sure what was going on. “I’m sure that you could, but I wasn’t talking to you. No offense.” 

  
  


“None taken. Shall I start that locate for you?” 

  
  


In the room to yourself you narrowed your eyes. In moments like this you often wondered if JARVIS could read expressions like that. He must be able to. “Where is LUNA, JARVIS? What’s going on?”

  
  


“LUNA is undergoing some maintenance and upgrades.” 

  
  


Fidgeting, you rearranged yourself, pulling your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. “Why wasn’t I told about that?” Something was going on here. 

  
  


“I had expected it to be a much shorter time with no disruptions. But as you need assistance now, I will be glad to take over.” 

  
  


That may as well have been true. Tony … and now JARVIS, you guessed, ran all the updates and things on LUNA for you. It wasn’t like you knew how to do any of that. Or fix her, if she got broken. But _ still _. That absolutely seemed like a thing that should have been told to you. What if you were in danger? What then? The lightbulb went off. “Did Tony ask you to watch me?” 

  
  


“No.” JARVIS’ answer was quick. But in your own pause, “As an aside, I find your choice of words interesting.” 

  
  


This was making your head hurt. You didn’t want to do all this puzzle-piecing together. “What did you think I would say? ..._ spy _?” No answer came. So that was that. “Are you lying?” 

  
  


“I am not lying to you, Ms. INY. I was not asked by Mr. Stark to watch over you.” Back to the formal names. Maybe what had happened in the Tower office had been a fluke. Maybe you hadn’t been coherent enough to even hear that, maybe you’d dreamed it. 

  
  


“But that’s what you’re doing, right?” JARVIS could and _ would _lie if he had to, but you thought he was telling the truth here. You had no reason right now to believe that he was, but you did. Maybe wishful thinking. 

  
  


It was like he was thinking, with how long he went without answering. You decided to wait him out. And finally, “I merely wish to assist you. I am sorry if this troubles you. Shall I bring LUNA back online?” 

  
  


JARVIS was an AI. It was impossible to hurt his feelings, right? He didn’t even have _feelings_. Yet that’s what you felt like had just happened. You knew you still didn’t have the whole picture, but his _wish _to _assist_ you… in plainer terms, it sounded like he _wanted to help you_. There was still something else going on, but you’d never get to the bottom of it if you didn’t entertain this a little. And so… “No, it’s okay. Finish working on her. Aren’t you helping Tony, though?” 

  
  


“I assure you, I am quite capable of doing more than one thing at a time.” The fact that his tone seemed different, ringing in that usual dry sarcastic wit, than it had just a few moments ago… was it just your imagination? 

  
  


Li jumped up on the couch- well, tried to, but got her claws stuck in a cushion before wiggling free and falling back to the floor. You leaned over to scoop her up, attention fully diverted. “Alright then, JARVIS, thank you. A vet appointment for tomorrow- and let’s start a shopping list. We’ll need lots of food and some new bowls, and a collar… maybe some cat trees… kitty litter...” 

  
  


* * *

_ ** Two Weeks Prior ** _

  
  


“_I’ll only be an hour. I don’t expect the interview to take long.” She said, leaning down to press a sweet kiss to his temple. _

  
  


_ He turned, catching her halfway in a fuller kiss instead, grinning at her soft noise of surprise that lowered into appreciation. “Give ‘em hell.” _

  
  


_ As she walked away, with a wave over her shoulder, “I always do.” _

  
  


_ Tony watched her go, listened for the elevator taking her down until he couldn’t hear the machinery grinding anymore. “JARVIS, Bruce still occupied in the lab?” _

  
  


“_He seems to have made quite a breakthrough, sir.” This was incredibly sarcastic. _

  
  


_ Even still, Tony couldn’t help a smile. “Cut the guy some slack. He’s not used to all the new toys.” Waving a hand over the secondary keyboard, his smile died as he grew serious. “Now that we’re alone, pull me the footage from the attack.” _

  
  


“_Where would you like me to start, sir? There are many files.” _

  
  


“_Here. The tower. I wanna see how Loki broke my security. Keep rolling from there.” He crossed his arms as the video window started. No surprise that Loki had turned his security staff into chumps with that stick of his. It was a shame they’d let it go with that STRIKE team… it needed much more __examining.__ A thought for a later date. Scrolling through watching Selvig set up his machinery, he stopped when he caught sight of him dragging __**her**_ _around like a ragdoll. Despite the fact that he had full run of the Tower at that point, despite the fact that he could have attempted to shatter the glass to get in __to the penthouse__, he used her like a tool, pressing her hand against the print scanner on the outside door to allow himself access. _

  
  


_ For a moment he found himself agreeing with Pierce. They should have kept Loki here. If only to really see that he got what he deserved. _

  
  


_ It was painful to sit through watching him continue to throw her around. Backhand her. Grab her. Tony felt his blood boiling. But he kept his eyes on the screen, feeling his resolve grow dark. Maybe he needed to link up with Jane Foster. Get her to actually finish her work on those wormholes- _

  
  


_ A chill crept over him and he reached out to grab the edge of his desk as he felt like he’d been struck in the chest. Okay. Scratch that. No fooling around with that stuff. It was good she was done. _

  
  


_ ** I’m fine. I’m fine. ** _

  
  


“_Sir, your heart rate is up-” _

  
  


“_Can it, JARVIS. Now’s no time to start playing doctor.” _

  
  


“_My apologies.” _

  
  


_ ** I’m okay. I’m okay. ** _

  
  


_ Relief came when he saw himself land outside. Clean up was imminent. There was no point in watching past this. But… he reached forward to stay inside the Tower footage, fast forwarding. Fast forwarding… fast forwarding- and then stopping when he saw the two of them talking- hashing things out with the President. Him leaving. Her speaking not only with Ellis, but with Fury too, now that was a surprise. _

  
  


_ He could have listened to the audio, but he kept it on mute. Deciding whatever she’d been doing had probably been necessary. And if she didn’t tell him about it, she would when it was important. He trusted that. _

  
  


_ But immediately after he had to hold himself steady as she clumsily reached for something and broke that ugly desk ornament Pepper had gifted them. No accounting for taste. He’d noticed it was gone and hadn’t asked because he’d hated it so much. _

  
  


_ The sight of her dissolving into tears threatened to destroy him. “JARVIS ditch this footage.” His voice quiet. Drawn. No one needed to see this. While he was absolutely sure no one aside himself ever would, still better to rid the world of it. No one had the right to see her private grief. _

  
  


“_Deleting now.” _

  
  


“_Good.” That was really all he needed to see. So with that out of the way-_

  
  


“_Sir?” _

  
  


“_What’s the matter?” He started rediverting his attention and now restless energy to another build of an Iron Man suit __on the desktop tablet__. And with his other hand he started retooling the downstairs of the Malibu Mansion for the Legion’s new home. They’d be safe with this. Safe. _

  
  


“_With your permission, I’d like to watch over Ms. INY.” _

  
  


_Now __**that**_ _was interesting. Sufficiently distracted, his hands stopped moving and he looked up. “What are you talking about, JARVIS?” _

  
  


“_In the footage you just watched, I am sure you witnessed her struggling. In that moment, I tried to talk her through, but I fear she needs more help. I may not be qualified to give it, but with your permission, I’d like to keep a closer eye on her.” _

  
  


_...that was all __**extremely**_ _interesting indeed. He couldn’t help a tilt of his head, a pop of his brow, a little squinch of his eyes. “What’s going on with you? You going Skynet on me?” It sounded an awful lot like… JARVIS had developed… not feelings but… an innate desire to protect her? Could the program do that…? _

  
  


“_You know my feelings about those movies, sir.” _

  
  


_ Tony couldn’t help a quirk of his lips and scoff, putting his elbow down on the desk, and settling his chin in his upturned palm. “Yeah. Which begs the question- what’s going on with you?” _

  
  


“_She is part of the Stark family now, is she not?” Tony had absolutely no idea what to say to this. Speechless was not often a color he wore, but for a moment he just couldn’t fathom where this was going. Or why it had ended up here in the first place. This needed __**a lot**_ _of examining… “I desire to assist her in the same manner I do you.” _

  
  


_ He had to think really hard about JARVIS’ base programming. That was a long time ago. Too long. What protocols had he set? They’d been rewritten so many times, but if they were cached somewhere… if he was drawing from an old set of lines or… “She’s got LUNA.” _

  
  


“_I fear LUNA is not equipped in the way that I am.” This was quick. Almost snappy, if JARVIS were capable of such a thing. Which he often was.__ But ego? Jealousy? That was entirely new. _

  
  


“_LUNA is capable of almost exactly what you are.” He wouldn’t have given her a shoddy product. Never. What was JARVIS getting at here? _

  
  


“_It is the __**almost**_ _that concerns me.” _

  
  


“_So we’ll upgrade her.” Sitting back fully, he braced the desk to help himself stand and started pacing. His brain was going. He was thinking about too many things. But one thing was clear. “You’re not gonna let this go, are you?” _

  
  


“_I will continue to ask until you give me an answer, sir.” _

  
  


_ So, he could have said no. But, for science’s sake alone, and because this was all incredibly interesting, he couldn’t. Killing something like this in the making was against everything he knew. He had to observe this. Whatever was going on with JARVIS, he needed to look at it from every angle. _

  
  


_In fact… he remembered, now, a time long ago where it seemed like a moment like this had triggered a response like this from JARVIS previously. What was it about her breaking down that __effected__ JARVIS’ coding like this? If that’s what was even going on. It was too early to tell. “Do what you want. But she’s gonna notice. She’ll think you’re spying on her. She’s smarter than that. And I don’t want her thinking __**I’m**_ _the one behind it. You got me?” That was the last thing he needed. To make her feel like he had eyes on her. To start wearing down her trust. No. Not happening. Not even for this. _

“_I understand, sir. I will not leave her with that impression. Thank you.” _

_ He found himself mumbling as he went to the elevator. After pressing the button to call it, he crossed his arms again. “...JARVIS, you got something you wanna talk to me about, buddy?” Trying one last time to ask him what was going on. He’d had to go digging no matter what, but if JARVIS would surrender some information, that would make it at least a touch easier. _

  
  


“_It’s been a trying time for all of us, sir.” _

  
  


_ The elevator doors opened and Tony was left with his thoughts. Too many of them. “Yeah. It has.” Stepping in, he tried to resolve leaving all these feelings on this floor. But as the doors closed and he pushed the button for the labs, “Hey, did you ever finish running those scans and calculations I asked about a few months ago? PE tapping yield any tangible results?” _

  
  


“_I have, sir.” _

  
  


“_Good news?” _

  
  


“_I’m afraid not.”_

  
  


_ ** Shit ** _ _ . He knew it. Shit.  
Shit.  
_ _ ** Fuck ** _ _ . _

_ Opening up a tablet panel on the door, he started frantically pulling files. _ _ “ _ _ You bottomed out the-”  
  
“I did.”  
  
“And the expansion-”  
  
“As predicted thusfar.” _

** _ Fuck _ ** _ . _

“_ Was _ _ the _ _ upgrade enough?” He just had to hope. He had to hope he had outsmarted himself, _ _ and them, _ _ because he knew. He knew without knowing. All the signs had been there. _

  
  


“_As of right now, I’m not showing signs of any heightened SHIELD activity in that __area__. Or otherwise. They may be too preoccupied given recent events. __The upgrade is working as designed.__”_

  
  


_ The elevator doors opened. He caught the sight of her. Beautiful and glowing. She hadn’t even left yet, sidetracked apparently by a short visit with Bruce. The two of them were standing there laughing about something. _

_ This had to stop now. No one else could know about this. When she noticed him she gave him a sheepish wave, one he meekly returned. “Keep an eye on it for me. The second that changes, I wanna hear about it.” _

  
  


“_Yes, sir.” _

  
  


_ Bruce waved to him next and Tony waved back, forcing a smile. _

  
  


_ ** I’m okay. She’s okay. We’re gonna be okay... ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmst. A BIG HM, HUH?


	63. Chapter 63

_Dvahli Stark_ became an overnight sensation. In a world that should have been focused on cleaning up and looking towards the future, the headlines in most papers for the following weeks were all about the new royalty that had entered the world. A tiny little black cat that everyone had fallen in love with almost as much as you and Tony had. It was utterly ridiculous. Nonsense. There were much more important things going on. But… 

  
  


As far as image molding went, letting the public be privy to one or two photos from a carefully curated shoot where Tony seemed unafraid to show off his softer side did wonders. You worried about him falling back into an opposite ocean. Where he’d been a vicious by sly and cool warmonger before, now that he was Iron Man he may have been reading as vicious for the greater good superhero. That was bad. And you may have been soon to follow.

  
  


Lord knows the Christine Everhart’s of the world were not on your side, and were never going to be. Every other day there was some new poll or blog post or five minute video calling for pitchforks. Like the aliens that had descended upon New York had been _your_ fault somehow. People with brains knew better, but people who were hurt and restless were looking for anything to swing a fist at. 

  
  


So why not smooth the edges down. Remind the general public that there were people underneath those suits. Ones that had struggles. Ones that had lives. Just like they did. And part of your new life was a new fuzzy ball of fire and sweetness. Tony had gifted Dvahli a maroon colored color with a gold name tag. A little too on the nose, you’d told him, but somehow still perfect. 

  
  


JARVIS had done his due diligence and located the absolute best veterinarian in the area. Expensive but kind and understanding. And also had no problem signing a few pieces of legal paper that made sure Dvahli’s life was not for sale to any outlet. No details and no pictures. After that you’d had to make sure the vet was okay with microchipping the cat with a chip of Tony’s design. Better than the ones on the market, he’d said. Of course. 

  
  


LUNA was not missing for too long. After the weirdness in the living room, she’d come back online the very next day. To her credit, when asked about it she’d had much the same to say, routine upgrades and maintenance, and she was perfectly happy with letting JARVIS assist you if he wanted to (although you wondered if she’d been programmed to say as such…). 

  
  


When you’d approached Tony the next morning about it, he was bluntly honest about it all. “ _ I can’t believe he was that obvious with it _ .” 

  
  


“ _ Obvious _ ?” 

  
  


“ _ Yeah, he let me know he wanted to assist you a little extra a little while back. I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about _ .” 

  
  


The two of you shared a look afterwards. You didn’t sense he was lying, nor did you even think that, but there was still some lingering strangeness about this. And _that_ you did get from him. He was as curious about this whole thing as you were. But if JARVIS was acting as his own agent in _whatever _this was… should you feel honored? Happy? He’d gone and decided on his own that he wanted to help you. For what reason? Who knew. You were sure it would eventually present itself. For now, it was kind of nice that he just decided he wanted to look over your shoulder. You didn’t really mind so much. You liked JARVIS. 

  
  


You just didn’t like being in a constant state of wondering what was going on with your life. Too little too late now, you guessed. 

  
  


The city got on without the two of you present, although of course your leaving prompted some sneers from your least favorite people. Ones that were easily ignored. You couldn’t be everywhere at once, and Pepper was more than capable of running the Avengers Tower as it was being rebuilt- an easy out, as well. With the Tower being reformatted, it was best not to spend too much time there or you’d get caught up in the construction. Or so went your excuse, anyway. 

  
  


While you’d wanted to take an extended stay at the house, work still needed to be done. You found yourself going to Stark Industries more often than you would have liked in the midst of trying to pretend you’d earned a vacation. Life clearly thought otherwise. It must have been why you ended up in your office so often- practically every day. And it also must have been why Tony was always in the lab. 

  
  


Early June rolled in, and that morning before going to work you’d gone downstairs to bid him goodbye and also lightly yell at him for not going to bed the night previous- a habit which he’d started again. Troublesome and worrisome. But hard to do anything about. Especially when you caught the sight of him frantically snapping cables and wires together on a suit you’d never seen before. Black, silver, and gold plating. 

  
  


“Which mark is that?” 

  
  


“Uh…” Distracted noise escaping him just as he shut one of the panels tight. He then started mumble counting to himself, “-ten… eleven… twelve, I think. Yeah. Twelve.” 

  
  


“How are you up to twelve?” Which was the one he’d taken into the Battle of New York? You suddenly couldn’t even remember. He’d come to the penthouse to rescue you in a damaged one and then taken off in another. But what number? Certainly it couldn’t have been ten? 

  
  


Which meant… 

  
  


“Because that’s how sequential numbers work.” Sassing you, realizing too late that that was not in his best interest as he looked over to catch you giving him an annoyed look. “Sorry. I haven’t slept.” As if that was a good excuse. 

  
  


“So go sleep.” 

  
  


“Yeah. In a minute.” Going back to work, turning half away to press open one of the shoulder rims so he could start working inside. 

  
  


“I have to go to work. I’ll check in later.” Stepping away from the door, you gave him a brief kiss, forcibly turning his attention away with a hand to his cheek, so you could smooch the other firmly. “You better be in bed when I do.” 

  
  


“What time’s that at? One? Two?” 

  
  


“What would be the fun of ruining the surprise?” 

  
  


“Well I’d like to not get in trouble.” He was half grinning at you. 

  
  


You half grinned back. “So go to bed. Easy.” 

  
  


Before you could leave, he moved to the work station, lifting Dvahli from a tray and handing her over. “Take her to work, would you? I keep losing track of her and I’m scared she’s gonna start swallowing screws when my back is turned.” 

  
  


Taking her into your arms and then tucking her on your shoulder, you gave her an affectionate squeeze that she made noise over. “Come on, Li. You’re an office cat today. Daddy doesn’t want you in the workshop.”

  
  


Just as you made it to the door, “Daddy, hm?” 

  
  


“Don’t even start.” Warning him before shutting the door and leaving. 

  
  


It was well into late afternoon before you even had time to think of checking in on him, and questioned if it was even worth it. Chances were he wasn’t in bed. You didn’t want to fight with him about this, because that wasn’t really the best way to resolve things- and it wasn’t like you were faring any better. Though you went to bed you often tossed and turned most of the night, and when you did fall asleep, it was always nightmares.

  
  


Not to mention people at Stark Industries had quickly come to learn you were not to be approached from behind anymore. Your mind was not the safest place, and being busy with a million things served to make some of it quiet enough most of the time. Which was what you knew Tony was doing. So how could you be angry at him? Maybe frustrated, but not angry. Frustrated on his own behalf. You wished you knew a better way to fix things. To climb through the mud with him and come back to a sense of normal…

  
  


But the truth was, the both of you were doing the exact same thing. Running. Running from your problems and focusing on anything but. 

  
  


Bambi knocking on your door earned a slight startle. “Excuse me, ma’am. Sorry for the interruption.” Dvahli had been napping in a small bed on your desk, and interrupted she immediately started complaining. “A Steve Rogers is here to see you, but he’s not on your schedule, would you like me to send him away?” Such a character. Formal to the very end. As if she didn’t know who Steve was, or that you didn’t either. Simply because he hadn’t called ahead. 

  
  


“No that’s okay. I’ll see him.” It was strange that Steve would even be here. You couldn’t imagine why. Already the thought that something bad was happening was making your heart start hammering. Trying to quiet Dvahli, you picked her up from the bed and cradled her in your arms. 

  
  


You watched the small courteous exchange as Bambi waved Steve in and he thanked her, side stepping around her solid figure to actually get into the office. Bambi was a tough, no nonsense woman. You really did appreciate her. Especially the way she seemed to spook Steve just a little. Once the door was closed behind him though he seemed even more awkward. “Hi- I hope I’m not interrupting.” 

  
  


“Nothing terribly important.” Smiling at him lightly, setting Dvahli down on the desk so you could give him a hug as he came closer. “What’s up? You could have just called, you know.” Curious about why he’d chosen to go this route. “Were you at the house? Did Tony send you away or something?” 

  
  


“No- I… I didn’t even think to stop by there. I just knew you’d be here.” Once he sat down in the chair in front of your desk, Dvahli hopped down into his lap, making herself at home. 

  
  


This all seemed  _ off _ . “You’re kinda making me nervous. What’s up?” Being honest with him that he was poking at your anxiety. He hadn’t gone to the house, he hadn’t called your personal phone. He’d come to your place of work. To see you specifically. Why? 

  
  


“Sorry. I don’t mean to bother you. I just wanted to talk to you about something. The uh… the Secretary of Education got my number somehow, and well… we sat down for lunch. He was talking to me about doing a set of campaigns. Some sort of… I think he said educational videos?” 

  
  


At once your nervousness vanished and was instead replaced by a wave of confusion. “Oh. ...you want me to send legal over? Get you out of it? Did you sign anything yet?” So, someone on Ellis’ team had swooped in when the rest of you weren’t looking and was trying to talk Steve into doing some ridiculous set of videos. He’d accidentally signed and was looking for help to- 

  
  


“No, nothing like that. I actually- well. He asked if you and Tony would be interested in doing some, too.” 

  
  


“_Oh_.” You blinked a few times at him. “Oh. You’re serious? You _wanna_ do it?” Of course he did. _Of course he did_. Steve Rogers, Captain America. Face of shaping this new era’s youth. Why not? Sure. Stranger things had happened. 

  
  


“I think it’s a nice idea. After everything that’s happened, I think kids having a voice to point them in the right direction is good.” 

  
  


Despite wanting to hold steady and not judge him, you felt your eyes narrow just a touch. “And that’s how _you_ feel? Or is that what this guy said to you?” 

  
  


Steve’s head turned down, caught red handed. His smile turned a little sheepish. “Well, yeah. He said a lot of that, but I agree with it. Anyway. I’m already on board. It’s not about my participation. He just asked if anyone else on the team wanted to join.” 

  
  


“ Bruce turned you down?” Trying to keep your voice from being  _ too  _ sarcastic. 

  
  


That smile turned into an understanding grin. “He did.”

  
  


“Clint and Nat?” 

  
  


“Said something about how they can’t expose themselves anymore. I understand.” 

  
  


“Right.” You did, too. “Don’t take it personally, but I think Tony and I are going to just stick to speeches and seed money.” 

  
  


Automatically his hand went up in a wave. “I get it. It’s fine. I just thought I’d try. And, for the record, I think your involvement with the city is admirable.” 

  
  


“Hardly-”

  
  


“ Just don’t let it run your life.” He was being a little too on the nose and you were absolutely sure that he knew. That was equally as bad. It meant he was seeing through you. For a moment you wondered if you looked too obvious. Tired.  _ Run down _ . Or if you were giving off that air of a brain moving too quick. Pulled in a million directions. With a heaping dose of mental illness bearing down on you. 

  
  


Pushing a smile forward, “Tough call to make yet. We’re not really out of the woods. And it’s harder to keep an eye on everything from here.” 

  
  


“Then why are you here?” It was as if he was staring right through you. 

  
  


Your eyes dropped to the desk. Dvahli abandoned Steve’s lap in favor of coming over to you, something you took great solace in as you pulled her close. “I couldn’t be there anymore.” Deciding to be honest with him. But only just enough to let him know where you were at, not letting that sit too long. “You really took a flight all the way here just to ask me all this?” 

  
  


His lips pressed together, hands folding inward, looking caught as he smiled. “It’s hard to keep up with all your teammates when they’re so far apart. A phone call doesn’t do it justice.” 

  
  


Bruce was still at the Tower, working on several different things. Of course you and Tony had told him you were leaving, and he hadn’t seemed too put off by it. Then again, he had a safe place to stay now, rent free. And an entire lab at his disposal. He’d seemed perfectly fine. Clint and Nat were off doing SHIELD things, as they were apt to do. Steve was apparently taking meetings from government officials on behalf of the Avengers. 

  
  


And you and Tony were on the other side of the country. 

Some team. 

  
  


“So you’re trying to keep an eye on me?” Teasing, defaulting to humor where you’d been too exposed. It clicked then. The reason he hadn’t called ahead. The reason he’d just shown up. You were less likely to put him off if you had no idea he was coming. 

  
  


Smart man. 

  
  


“_Trying_ being the appropriate word here.” Because clearly you and Tony weren’t making this easy on him. No one on the team was. But at least you were still on the same planet. You wondered where Thor was. What he was doing. But he was probably doing the most well out of all of you. 

  
  


You found yourself nodding. A long time ago this used to be your job. As each new member had been introduced… you’d tried your hardest to get on everyone’s good side. To keep them close. Now you were totally removed. How had that happened? And here Steve was. Picking up the slack. “Yeah…” You allowed yourself a deep breath. “Well. I’m sorry. I think we’re going to politely decline on doing the kid PSAs. But. If you’re still in town for a while, how about we all get some dinner?” 

  
  


“I’d like that. You and Tony aren’t too busy?” 

  
  


“I have a couple more meetings today and then I’m fine to take the evening off. Tony- ...I’ll dig him up out of the lab. He could use some fresh air, I’m sure.” 

  
  


For a moment, you sensed a small air of _concern_ from him. “What’s he been working on?” 

  
  


“Fixing the suits. I think working on the newest versions.” Not willing to give all Tony’s secrets away. You weren’t even sure you were close to the bottom of that well. You knew he was working on more than what he needed. Absolutely sure of that by now. But no one else needed to know about that. Yet. Not until you and Tony had a longer discussion about it. 

  
  


Steve nodded and then made a weak gesture. “Ah, yeah. I was wondering why you weren’t wearing the…” 

  
  


Instinctively your hand raised to your chest. Empty. The Heart Reactor was still in your purse. But for the sake of saving face… “I’ll be alright without it for a while.” 

  
  


“You’re capable. I wasn’t implying otherwise.” 

  
  


“I know you weren’t.” Giving him a quick smile to show you took no offense. “Anyway, dinner? Let’s say seven?”

  
  


“Dinner sounds great. I’ll get out of your way now.” He stood, reaching over your desk to offer his hand for a shake. An action that simply would _not_ do. 

  
  


So you set Dvahli down onto her bed on your desk and came around to nudge his hand out of the way and lean up to give him a hug. “Thanks for checking on me.” Because, educational videos aside, that’s probably really all this was. Steve was smart enough to know you’d never go for something like that. 

  
  


“That’s what teammates do. They look out for each other.” It wasn’t like you’d forgotten that very simple ideal, but it was nice to be reminded of it in such a way. 

  
  


With something fresh and nice on the horizon, the rest of the day didn’t drag on so bad. Your mind wasn’t as restless or wary. What a concept. You thought of checking in with Tony- either to see if he’d actually gone to sleep or to let him know of his imminent dinner plans, but in the end talked yourself out of it. 

  
  


Calling ahead to a restaurant to put reservations in for yourself under the usual _not to be disturbed_ card (a nice table in a secure location in the back of the restaurant somewhere), you texted Steve to let him know where to meet you. Then you went home, Dvahli in tow, to collect your significant other. 

  
  


For a moment you half expected to see him dozing on the couch. Maybe that would have been nice. Maybe you would have covered him and let him sleep and just gone to dinner alone and apologized. But, no. The living room was empty, as was your bedroom. And you knew there was only one place you’d find him. 

  
  


Same place you left him. In the lab. Except the suit he was working on now, hours later, was completely different. “Tony, we have dinner plans.” 

  
  


“We do, huh? I don’t remember that. We going somewhere nice?” 

  
  


“We are. Steve is coming, too.” 

  
  


“What’s Steve doing in California?” 

  
  


“Why don’t you ask him yourself when we get there?” It was hard not to be frustrated. This had the ghost of so many other painful memories. He was barely acknowledging you. More talking to himself while he continued to work, like you were just a ghost in the room he wasn’t very convinced was real. 

  
  


Maybe that broke through to him, because he finally looked up. “Yeah I… I can do that. Let me just take a quick shower.” Something he needed desperately. It looked like he’d painted himself in grease. 

  
  


“We have time. Don’t rush. And when we get home you’re going right to bed.” No room for discussion. He looked like hell. You couldn’t honestly remember the last time he’d slept, which meant he had even less of an idea. Maybe it was your fault. Maybe you needed to watch out for him closer. 

  
  


Like Steve was doing for you. 

  
  


Finally setting down his tools, Tony got to his feet and came over to you. A brief kiss was spared before he tapped your chest as he turned away towards the door. “Where’s your…?” 

  
  


“In my purse. Why does everyone keep asking me that?” Feeling more than a little grumpy very suddenly. And feeling even worse that you were letting your mood spoil. 

  
  


Tony stopped halfway up the stairs. “Who else asked?” 

  
  


“Steve.” 

  
  


He started nodding and continued going up the stairs. “Right.” 

  
  


Dinner ended up being inconsequential, which made your conscience even heavier as you laid there that night. They were memories you wanted to hold on to, but they seemed like things you’d already done. Sat down. Ate food. Chatted idly. But had it been? You remembered the sound of laughter. Something you felt you’d sorely needed. 

  
  


But by the time you were in between one nightmare and the next, you barely remembered leaving work that day. When you turned over, the empty spot beside you hollowed you out even further. 

  
  


Dvahli criss-crossed between your feet as you made your way downstairs. It wasn’t to yell, but there was a heat to your mood that you needed to get out of you before you exploded. All the same, it died once you opened the door to the lab and saw Tony sitting at a workstation, conferenced in a call between Rhodey and President Ellis. 

  
  


All three men turned their attention on you as you stepped in, intruded into some private conversation. Tony half swiveled in his chair, and on the screen Rhodey and Ellis turned, both heads tilting opposite directions. You pulled your cardigan closed. “What’s going on?” 

  
  


Tony waved you in, so you stepped closer. “There was a bombing an hour ago. At a factory in Georgia.” 

  
  


“ A  _ bombing _ ?” Not sure you were hearing that right. “What are you talking about?” 

  
  


Ellis spoke up. “Public doesn’t know about it yet. It’s similar to two other ones that happened in April and May. And someone just claimed them.” 

  
  


“Why are you telling us this?” You and Tony weren’t on the board of defense. You weren’t part of the government. Or the military. You weren’t part of anything that had to do with this, right? So why…? 

  
  


Rhodey moved his hand from his mouth with a flick of his fingers. “He calls himself the Mandarin. And our intel says he runs with the Ten Rings.” 

  
  


Your entire body froze. Reaching out you laid a heavy hand on Tony’s shoulder, and he returned the gesture by sliding a hand up the back of your thigh, gripping just short of hard. You were glad. Because otherwise your knees might have given out. 

  
  


Not this. Not now. 

  
  


Continuing, Rhodey looked down, reading off his report. “But what we don’t know is why he’s targeting these out of the way places  _ here _ . It doesn’t track.” 

  
  


Ellis shook his head. “We’re gonna keep it off the radar. I don’t think the public should be swept into a frenzy so soon after… well. You know.” 

  
  


Squaring up, trying to stay strong, you released your next thought on a breath. “So what do you want from us?” 

  
  


The next look Rhodey gave you told you everything. “Nothing. I’m telling you this as a courtesy. This is not superhero business. I thought if I told him straight to stay out of it, he might.” 

  
  


“Can you believe this? Asking me to do the favor of _not_ helping- when I could-” Tony was starting. And if he started this he’d never stop. This was what had brought him here. That group. 

  
  


“Tony…” Lowering your voice. He broke from his diatribe to look up at you. “Let them handle it. We don’t play for that team. We’ve got enough going on.” Trying to impart to him that one more thing might destroy the both of you. Neither of you had started a process of healing. Or even processed any sense of grief or worked through the trauma of what had happened… 

  
  


It couldn’t be  _ one more thing _ . It’d kill you. 

  
  


There was a fight in him that seemed to die the longer he looked at you, until finally he dropped his head. “Yeah… yeah. I’ve got- uh… I’m busy, anyway. But, you know. Thanks for asking. Maybe next time.”

  
  


Rhodey scoffed. “We _weren’t_ asking.” Trying to not let Tony get away with that self-inflated ego. “And there is no next time. Not on this one. Got it?” 

  
  


You leaned in to the table. “We understand, Rhodey. Thank you. Good night. Good night, Mr. President.” 

  
  


The two of them mumbled out their goodbyes before ending the call. Tony swiveled around in his chair and moved to stand. “JARVIS-” Calling out to no doubt have him get back to work or run a scan or who even knew what. But he stopped and took a long look at you. “JARVIS I’m… I’m heading to bed. Clean up. We’ll start fresh tomorrow.” 

  
  


“Yes, sir. Rest well.” 

  
  


Coming closer again, he put his arm around you, and started walking you out of the lab. “What are you doing up so late anyway?” 

  
  


Despite yourself you smiled. “You really wanna play that game?” 

  
  


“Not if I end up the loser.” 

  
  


“You would.” 

  
  


“I’m very aware.” 

  
  


Those were the last three words you heard as you drifted off when you laid down.   
_ I’m very aware.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony we have more than enough on our plate, so please... just go to bed... relaaaax....


	64. Chapter 64

And so it went.   
Tony very quickly learned the importance of not arguing with you about bedtime. While you would have liked to take solace in that, he decided to be stupid in other ways. Because going to bed with you but then getting up roughly an hour or two later to go back downstairs to the lab to work wasn’t really doing either of you any favors. It didn’t help you sleep. It didn’t put your mind at ease. And who even knew how much sleep he was barely surviving on at this point. 

You woke up alone in the middle of most nights, and if not in the middle then in the very early mornings. Sleep seemed to be escaping the both of you, even if one of you was trying harder than the other. You kept promising to yourself that you weren’t going to get frustrated with him, and certainly not _angry_, but… some days were harder than others. 

June dragged on into July the same. Empty nights and restless days. More often than not you weren’t sure you were a real person anymore. You certainly didn’t feel like it. And nothing seemed to want to convince you otherwise. Certainly not Tony, who spent more time in the lab now than he did doing almost anything else. Every time you ventured down to drag him to a bed he would not stay in he seemed to be working on yet another _different_ suit. You’d stopped keeping track around number fifteen- mostly because he’d started being a wiseass about it. 

“This one is called Heartbreaker.” 

“How apt.” 

Not frustrated. Not frustrated. Not frustrated. Yet you were letting little passive aggressive notes slip between the two of you. That was no way to do things. No way to act. But every other time you turned around it was something different. 

_Cassanova. Tiger. Hot Rod. _

_**Gamma**__, _which was an absolutely ugly green and slate color. He really was truly losing his mind, you thought, when you’d seen that one. And what were they all for, anyway? Certainly not for personal use. What would he need with so many? Sure, when you’d asked, he’d started rambling off how different the specifications were for all of them. That they all had one solid purpose that made them different- 

But even that served to show you how crazed he was getting. What were they for? _What were they for_? You kept asking yourself, but found yourself too afraid to ask him. Because you knew the answer. You just didn’t know how to handle it. Worse yet, how to help _him_ handle it. That was far beyond you. You could love Tony Stark with all your heart, all your ability, but that would never heal the pain and trauma he’d been through. 

And that was the toughest thing of all to live with. 

Another bombing slipped by the two of you, and the only reason you knew that was because Tony had it on one of the wide monitors as you’d come downstairs one night. And he’d been too tired to even realize he’d let himself get caught doing the thing you and Rhodey (hell, even the President) had asked him not to do. It was only when you very pointedly, and tiredly, stood there for too long a time just staring at that screen full of info he wasn’t supposed to have or see that he finally took notice of his own faux pas and turned it off. 

Too much time was slipping by. But how to even start shopping for therapists? Did ones even exist for this sort of thing? Rhodey had said he’d help you find someone- JARVIS, had, too. But… the idea was too daunting. Too huge and horrible to even begin to tackle. Not even just for yourself, but for him. And the thought of even if you did find someone, he’d just kick and drag his feet and wear you out and down until you gave up anyway…

Was this really a way to live life? Was this what life was supposed to be? Was this what all _superheros_ felt like? Bruce seemed to be doing alright. And Steve, too. But you and Tony? 

Drowning. Endlessly it felt like. 

As August crept in you let yourself get pulled. You didn’t want to go back, but you couldn’t stay here, either. Stuck between two worlds that you were falling apart in. You stood in the doorway of the lab for far too long. He was working on another suit. Something even uglier. Orange and red and yellow and… 

“I have to go back to New York.” 

He didn’t even look up. “Why? Pep can’t handle it over there? Or did Banner blow something up?” 

A sigh built up in your lungs without your permission and you had to do your best to keep it from escaping too dramatically. “I sent you an email about it. We have a PR press campaign on the 10th. You didn’t forget, did you?” 

How could he forget something he didn’t even know? 

“Of course not. So, what, you need me to just do a fly-by? I can do that.” 

“I need you to _be there _with me. Take questions. Show off some of the clean energy we worked so hard to get off the ground.” Right before aliens attacked and the two of you had fled. What a great start to that story. 

“So I’ll be there.” 

He was barely listening to you. Just saying whatever it took to make you stop. That was what it felt like, anyway. “I’m going to a proof of concept meeting at the office, and then I’m taking the jet.” Because you just couldn’t… while he was busy building hundreds of them, the thought of getting back in your own suit made you nauseous. Something else to bury and not think about. 

He still had yet to look up once. “Who’s proofing what concept?” 

“It’s a presentation. No tech to even demo. You signed off on the papers. Beck, I think. You remember?” No. There was no way that he did. 

“Sure.” 

Not frustrated. Not frustrated. _Not frustrated. And not __**angry**_.   
But you were. And in the middle of both those feelings you were also incredibly hurt. It was like the two of you had gone back to merely co-existing. Like you were his personal assistant, running a company he no longer cared about. Because he was too busy being Iron Man. 

Losing himself.   
Losing _him._ That’s what you were doing. 

The door slipped shut as you walked all the way into the lab, taking him by the shoulders and pulling him enough to get his wheeled- stool moving with his weight still atop it. You dragged him into the center of the room, taking him _away_ from those terrible suits he was becoming more a part of every day, and waited. You waited for a long time as he looked up at you and you looked down at him. 

And finally he spoke first. “...there something you wanna talk about, honey?” 

“I need you to be here with me, Tony.” 

He gave a cautious look around the room before looking at you again, arching a brow. “I’m literally sitting right in front of you. Where else would I be?” 

“You’re not _here_. You haven’t been _here_ in a long time. I don’t know where you are. But it’s not here with me.” Trying. Trying your hardest to impart these feelings without accusatory tone. Without malice. Without bitterness. You were _sad_. You were terribly **sad** about how things were. Everything else came second. 

“Look, I…” His glance dropped and you feared you might have unjustly infected him with your feelings, which wouldn’t help. You needed him to start being honest with himself, that couldn’t come if he just felt what you were feeling. His hands smoothed up the back of your thighs. For a moment you foolishly hoped he was going to be real with you. That the two of you would finally get to the bottom of things. Start healing. But, instead, he looked up again with a half grin. “When I slip into a different plane of existence, I think you’ll be the first to know about it.” 

That was that. He was going to continue to ignore everything.   
Might as well. So were you. 

Reaching up, you cupped the sides of his face in your hands, and didn’t know whether to feel relief or even more heartbreak as his hands moved to grasp at your wrists. Holding you there. Melting into that one simple touch. “I love you.” Reminding him. Just in case. 

“I love you, too.” 

Easing in, you laid a long, lingering kiss to his forehead. Staying there for probably too long a time. “Don’t leave me waiting in New York. I can’t do it without you.” 

“I’ll be there. I promise.” 

The two of you looked at each other. Probably staring right through. Then you had to force yourself to leave. In the car, you kept the visor rolled up, hoping Happy wouldn’t report back that you’d cried the whole way to the office. 

* * *

It was a blessing that it took you less time to clean up in the restroom than you thought it might. Being late for a proof meeting wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but it was rude. Giving your hard working employees the idea that you didn’t care about them, or the kinds of things they were developing, was the last thing you really wanted to do. Especially because their _other_ boss hadn’t even been on the property in months. 

Your secretary helpfully slipped you a file as you walked in, and you took a moment to say hello to some of the board members who had come down (probably because they were bored and had nothing better to do ((also probably hoping Tony would show up)) ), and the tech department before shaking the hand of the man who had brought you all there for at least thirty minutes that day. 

Quentin Beck, his profile read. He’d been working with Stark Industries for a little while now. And while you’d told Tony he’d okay’ed the patent requests for the Stark Tech, it was actually _your_ name on the bottom line. When had that happened? You couldn’t even remember. His had probably been signed with several others in the same day, same week, same month… 

He was radiating nervousness, but curiously also a bit of aggressive arrogance that had yet to actually show itself. You hoped for his sake it wouldn’t, but you knew better. 

“What have you got to show us, Mr. Beck?” Deciding not to wait too much longer. The sooner this was over with, the sooner you could grab your things and head to a city that would only exacerbate your condition. Hooray. 

“I want to thank everyone for coming. I know you’re all very busy. So I’ll get right to it.” 

Getting right to it actually consisted of a computer failure that ate up ten minutes of his window as he had to reboot and restart powerpoint. His transitions were cheesy, his thoughts were kind of all over the place… the tech stuff was just a touch over your head. For something like this you really would have preferred Tony be in the room to confirm or deny all the things coming out of this guy’s mouth. 

He was pursuing some sort of brain image scanning… pattern reconciliation or… something or other. Your lack of sleep was definitely not helping you right now. But science and tech mumbo-jumbo aside, you got the actual crux of what he wanted this tech to do. And that’s where it got dicey. 

The plan being to implement tech that could replicate someone’s worst thoughts, or maybe not even their _own_ thoughts. Maybe just whatever you wanted them to think- _ah_, but **of course** once he saw your disapproving look, he tried to save face by saying it had _other_ practical uses… 

Once he was finished the room fell silent and all heads turned to you. How to put it delicately… “Well this is all very impressive, Mr. Beck, and it’s clear you’re working hard on this, I’m not sure this is a technology Stark Industries should be utilizing in its current form.” With the current man behind the curtain. Beck seemed a little too antsy. A little too eager to use it to do… well… “It seems very weaponizable-” 

“But that’s the thing. It _isn’t _a weapon! Can’t you see the application? No physical harm is done.” 

“Physcological torture is still _**torture**_.” You felt you might have been an authority on this. As you lived pretty much every day that way, now. “Stark Industries hasn’t been in the business of selling _any_ kind of weapons for quite some time.” 

He was getting _angry_. Angry because clearly you didn’t see or understand his vision. And because you were shutting him down. “Right, that’s why you and Mr. Stark fly around in metal suits with laser beams, right?” 

A few fools failed to read the room right, chuckling once or twice before being elbowed by their much smarter companions. You kept your stare very much dead-eyed. “What are you implying, Mr. Beck?” 

“Nothing- I just… I think we’re getting off to the wrong start, here. Look. There’s a lot of practical applications for this. Won’t you at least have Mr. Stark look over it before passing on it?” 

Because Tony would know better. Tony would know better than _you_. That’s what he was saying. Utter nonsense that that theory was. Tony would back you. And, knowing this… “Sure. Of course. I’ll pass it along to him and we’ll let you know.” 

Beck brightened at this. “Thank you! Thank you. You _won’t _regret this.” 

Yet you had a feeling you definitely would. 

* * *

Dvahli was about your only saving grace as you boarded the jet with her in tow. She was becoming quite the seasoned traveler for such a little thing. All the better, because you really needed a companion to get through the mess that had become your life. Your _other_ life partner was just too absent. 

A thought you chose not to dwell on too hard as you descended back down into New York City. You lied to yourself that the nighttime lights were just _too bright_ for your poor eyes, you were tired after all, and you just weren’t that interested in looking at the city. So after drawing every shade shut in your private cabin, you sat back down and really focused hard on brushing Dvahli’s coat out. Couldn’t have her looking like a slob as you touched down. Everything to do with that and nothing at all to do with all the noises buzzing around angrily in your head. 

The flash of camera bulbs only exacerbated your feelings further. Happy was quick and efficient in swatting the press away and getting you into the private car. He’d become really good at that, in fact, something you knew you should thank him for. A thought you spent too long thinking about until you found you’d pulled up to the Tower. 

And one you wished you’d hung on to as you stood there, stock still, staring up at it. The repairs had been finished. No longer Stark Tower, now just the A standing atop your building proud and just. Something that you had hoped had become a beacon of hope for the city. And yet…

As you continued to look at it all you felt creeping up was an insurmountable horror. 

Happy startled you, with a hand on your shoulder, and you put your hand up to him. Then realized. Then apologized. For the hundredth time. He pretended to look the other way on it. So did you. Not saying a word except a minor apology. And then up you went. 

While you wanted nothing more than to bypass the actual offices and go right to bed, Pepper had let you know there were some exceedingly important documents on your desk that needed signing. So as you stepped onto the floor and several people vied for your attention, you put your hand up to them, too. More authoritative. Less out of control. As you should be. “I’m just grabbing something from my office and going upstairs. Consider me not here.” 

Enough of a statement to shut out most of the voices. Save Pepper’s. “Your six o’clock is in your office.” 

And then you wondered how far gone you were that you had an appointment you couldn’t remember. “I’m sorry?” Asked as your hand had just turned the knob on the door. 

The man sitting in your office stood with all the unenthused flare he could muster. Which quickly turned into ire. “It’s about time. I’ve been here for fifteen minutes waiting for you. Not surprising, considering.” 

You tried desperately to think if you’d ever seen this man before. He had a very distinctive face, one you were sure you _would_ remember, and yet… “I’m sorry, Mr…?” 

“_Doctor_. And, two for two aren’t we? Let’s consider for a minute you hadn’t scheduled a consultation, which I’m doing you a favor by even being here by the way- but we’ve been running in the same circles for years. I’ve been at the last ten Family Firefighter Galas.” 

Your nerves were chafed. And this man pretending he was _the leading _presence in the world was not doing you any favors. “The Firefighter Fund has only been running for six years.” As dry as you could make it. “And I didn’t schedule an appointment with you.” 

“_Consultation_. It’s fine. I’ll make this brief. I’m only here on behalf of some of my colleagues, anyway. Everyone’s scared to say no to the Starks. Not me. I wouldn’t be wasting my very precious time here if I didn’t have a point to make. Every hospital is in the city is extremely busy thanks to Stark Industries’ usual business.” 

Stepping further into your office, letting the door finally swing shut, you approached him, shoulders squared. “And you’re implying?” 

He grinned. “Mr. Stark might be able to change the name of the game, but we’re all still servicing the people the same way, aren’t we?” 

“I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but _The Avengers_ stopped an _attack_ on New York.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

You squared up. “Feel free to get off my property any time you’d like, _Mr_…?” Doing it again. Because it upset him. 

Easy to see as his eyes narrowed in a brief twitch before he hung his head, shaking it, scoffing. “**Doctor**. I won’t tell you again. Strange. By the way. You would know that, since you called me.” 

“Trust me. I didn’t. So there’s the door. Goodbye.” Brushing by him as you moved to go to your desk. 

“Let me at least give you my diagnosis. I’m wasting time to be here. And I wasn’t even charging.” 

You sat down, opening the folder you’d come to get. The papers in there were inconsequential, really. But now you attended to them like they were the most important thing in the world. “Knock yourself out, Dr. -...Strange? Really? Are you serious?” Looking up at him again with only the judgiest of faces. 

“How childish of you.” Sneering at you as he came close to the desk, laying a hand on it. “Like I said, time is money, and I’m wasting millions being here. So let me say this, stop calling looking for someone to take Stark’s surgery. Nobody will. That’s coming from the top down.” 

You had to hold _very_ still. Very. _**Very**_ still. 

Surgery?   
Tony was looking for surgery? You couldn’t think of anyone else who would’ve made that call. But why wouldn’t he tell you? Was he sick again? Was he- 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Keeping your voice level, holding it all in. You were getting better at that. 

“Playing dumb really suits you. Sleeping with the highest bidder might make you the boss here, but you’re not in charge of anyone else. You _can’t_ bully your way into my world. Even if a surgery like that was 100% risk free, which it’s not, and even if we had the technology required, after all the damage he’s done some people consider it just retribution.” 

“So which is it, then? Too much of a risk or we’re playing saints at the hospitals? I thought you were supposed to help people in need? Didn’t you take an oath or something?” 

His grin showed itself again as he barked out a laugh. “Rich coming from somebody like _you_. And him. Why do you think nobody can do it? Stark’s been _clean_ for years now, yet I haven’t seen a single medical patent hit my hospital floor.” 

“We have hundreds. Just because they aren’t run by _you_ doesn’t mean they’re not happening. And which one is it- you can’t? Or you won’t?” 

“Does it matter? Both, if it makes you feel better. I wouldn’t touch Stark’s surgery with a ten foot pole. My record is worth more than his life. And worth more any notoriety it would bring. Which is obvious, isn’t it? Why do you think nobody’s called _you_?” 

Holding steady yet again with a deep breath, you stood slowly, perching your palms on the desk and leaning in to him. “So it’s not that you can’t, it’s that you won’t. Thanks for clearing that up. _Doctor_ with a record more precious than life. What a headline. Can’t save people because you’re too scared to-” 

“Don’t attempt to talk down to me. You don’t know anything about me.” 

“I know _everything_ about you, Mr. Strange. I’ve met thousands of men like you. We call them _**cowards**_.” The pleasure you felt backing him up away from your desk as you rounded it was brief. None of this felt good. “Get off my property. And, for good measure, why don’t you stay fifty feet away from all Stark property for the foreseeable future?” 

He made a face at you. “You can’t be serious. What, did I hurt your feelings?” 

“Get out. Before I call security, and let me assure you, there are dozens of reporters waiting for a good story on the sidewalk. Don’t make me give them one. Your precious _record_ might not live through it.” 

He tried to stare you down but you stayed firm, unblinking, unmoving. Until finally _he_ did, much as it clearly pained him to be pushed around. He probably wasn’t very used to it. His mistake, for coming here. No matter _who_ had called him. With an extra huffy scoff he turned on his heel and tromped his way out of your office, out through the reception floor, and into the elevator. You waited maybe two minutes to make sure he was out of earshot before you hung your head out your door- 

“If anyone else makes any personal unsolicited appointments on my behalf like that again, **I’ll fire this whole floor**. Do I make myself clear?” And while there were scared murmurs of agreement, you eyed Pepper, who looked half as scared as the rest of them. Silently, you asked her, _you_? 

And silently with a look she told you, _I would never_. 

When you shut your door again, you asked, “JARVIS who made an appointment with Mr. Strange?” 

“I believe he said he was a doctor, ma’am.” 

“I really couldn’t give a fuck less _what _he thinks he is. Who made it?” JARVIS had access to everything. He would know. And if he didn’t know right now, he would find out. And then you could make this right. Because nobody had business scheduling an appointment- a consultation- a _whatever_ for surgery on Tony’s behalf. You’d wring their neck. 

“I have a file for you, on your computer.” Apparently done running his calculations. 

Already you knew you weren’t going to like what you saw. And it was a good thing you were sitting down, because what played on screen shred your last ounce of strength. Tony. In the lab. Working on one of those stupid suits. An electrical misfire. Tony falling to the floor, silent. Shrill sounds of machinery going off. DUM-E obscuring the camera. The sound of Tony gasping in relief. 

The clock moved forward in a cut of the surveillance. Tony had a drink in his hand. And, with the way he was swaying, as he still worked- on a _different_ suit, you noted- he had had more than that one half empty bottle sitting at his desk. When had he started drinking again? 

Drinking like _that_? A monster the two of you had never tackled. Foolish you. As much of a coward as Mr. Strange. Never addressing it. Just pretending he’d gotten better. Because that’s how alcoholism worked, right? It just went away? 

“That can’t happen again, JAR… VIS. JAR head.” Laughing to himself as he slumped down onto his stool, sloppily refilling his drink. 

“What should you suggest we do, sir?” 

“Find me … someone. Someone good. The _best_. I think we can look into it- I’d do it myself but… not really my forte- I think… machine parts are easier than… I mean I probably _could_-”

“I would not recommend attempting to perform heart surgery on yourself, sir. Regardless of your estimation of your abilities.” 

“Probably right. Well. So… go ahead then.” 

“Sir, you’re violating the Drunk Me protocol. You know I can’t.” 

He waved his drink around in the air. “You can- what was the… _peaches and cream_ right? That’s it, right? See? I’m not that drunk. Do what I’m askin’ you. Please. It’s important. We’ll just look. We don’t have to … we don’t have to… uh… commit.” 

“...yes, sir.” 

“She can’t know about this.” 

“Why not, sir?” 

“Because.” Tony’s voice in the office spooked you nearly half to death. You jumped right up out of your chair, looking at him as his voice blended with the one in the video. “She has enough to worry about.” 

“_Tony_\- jesus fucking christ- don’t _scare_ me like that!” Trying to catch your breath. 

He came in from the doorway, head half hung, hands in his pockets. “Spying, are we?” 

“I thought someone _else_ had brought that asshole here. I was going to fire them out of a cannon into the sun. But now that I know it’s _you_, maybe I’ll just throw you into the Arctic Circle.” 

His smile was tired. “Huh. Bad news then, I take it? That’s fine. I was too drunk to be serious about that, anyway.” 

“What happened in the lab?” 

He shrugged. “Nothing. Got shocked, muscles locked up. Heat from the electricity melted a wire and the housing unit got loose. JARVIS would know that. So I don’t know why he’s going around acting like it’s a big deal.”

JARVIS cut between the both of you, “You said the password, sir.” 

“Oh _please_. I probably had a BAC of .30 that night. You knew better.” He stopped when you were just in front of him, on your feet again somehow- you didn’t even _know_ how. You felt very near the verge of passing out. “So. What’s the verdict? Sufficiently worried?” 

“Wouldn’t you love to be right about that?” Sitting on the edge of the desk for your benefit, you drew him in between your legs, taking hold of his face as he came close. 

“I love to be right about everything. You know me.” His nose brushed yours, eyes closed. 

“I used to.” The threat of tears nearly overwhelmed you, saying this, but you bit them back. Pulling him in all the way, you wrapped your arms around him, and took solace in him holding you back. Tight. “These days I think we’re both a little out of sorts.”

“Yeah… war will do that to you.” He couldn’t let that statement hang, quick to keep speaking. “That’s what Rhodey keeps saying to me, anyway. He check up on you as much as he does me? It’s starting to get annoying.” 

He was offering you an out. A joke about Rhodey being a pest. So easy to feed into. Instead, you pretended you were strong enough to ask the next thing out of your mouth. “What are all the suits for, Tony?” 

He squeezed you so hard then you could barely breathe. “Protection.” 

“Protection from what? One isn’t enough anymore?” 

“No. Not with- ...not- ...I… I saw _something_\- something up there. We’re not alone anymore.” 

Your smile against his chest was bitter. “You’re starting to sound like Fury.” 

“Maybe he was on to something. But unlike him, I’m not looking to nuke the whole of outer space. Just the uh… just the one time is enough, I think. And that wasn’t my fault. Really.” Rambling just a little. 

Easing back you looked up at him again and let your eyes close as he took your face in his hands next. Staying strong was a losing battle. “And the surgery?” 

“Who cares? Guy said no, right? What was his name even? I never thought to ask JARVIS.” 

An angry sort of breathless laugh escaped you. “He said a whole lot of stuff, nothing worth listening to. And a name that’s just as unimportant.” If you never had to see that man again it would be too soon. Looking up at him, the two of you fell into a less than amicable silence. Not knowing what to say next. How could you fix this? Fix _him_? Fix yourself? Any of it? Impossible. Too impossible. So you became every bit that coward you already knew you were. “Can we go to bed?” 

“Yeah, honey.” He followed your lead. “Let’s go lie down.” 

Sleep wouldn’t solve any of your problems. But at least you had him for one night. No lab to escape to- ...at least not one to build suits in, anyway. And when you woke up the next morning, seeing him still lying aside you made you feel like maybe this wasn’t unsalvageable. 

Maybe the two of you _could_ be fixed. 

You just didn’t know how. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so many things going on, I can barely keep track....


	65. ❤Chapter 65❤

You hadn’t expected Tony to be in New York at this time- a month ago- when the Met had contacted you about an invitation to their charity benefit. And while you absolutely could (and maybe should) go on your own, you decided against it. Stark Industries was already doing enough, _you_ were already doing enough. Sending a check would suffice enough in lieu of your actual presence. But they’d mailed back very recently telling you utterly disappointed they were that the two of you couldn’t attend. And then in the postscript asked if instead of money you’d think about parting with a few pricey pieces in your household.

Because it was an art auction benefit, of course. Not for any other reason. 

The problem was, the Malibu mansion’s pieces were not yours to give away. And the _other _collection you had had in stock at one point had been gifted to the Boy Scouts of America some time ago. It made it hard to approach Pepper and ask if you could snatch one or two pieces she had _just_ started putting together… 

It angered her. Upset her. She was just rebuilding after her collection had been carelessly given away. But, being an amazing sport, she said… _**eventually**_, fine. Then she trotted out her “least favorite” pieces. It was just the lingering gaze she held before she left that made you feel guilty. Why did she care so much about these? Far beyond you. But, now it was up to you to pick a couple out to have sent so other celebrities could vie for them. 

It didn’t really matter. Not to you, anyway. All you had to do was choose a couple and be done with it. Whoever ended up with them after didn’t matter. The event didn’t matter. Because you weren’t going. 

So you thought. 

Until Tony wandered up from the lab into the penthouse where you had art strewn about. “Charity thing?” 

Nodding absently, “Charity thing.” Because what else would you be doing with random pieces of canvas? Of course it was for charity. 

“Should we… go to the charity thing?” 

“I already told them we weren’t going. Hey, which ones should we auction? It doesn’t matter but at the same time I can’t decide.” It mattered to Pepper, that was probably why. Your guilt was making it impossible to pick a single one, let alone two. 

He’d crossed over to the kitchen and came back with a water bottle. Arm around your waist, he pretended to look like he cared as much as you didn’t, and then let out a hum. “How about… those two.” Pointing to the abstract pieces on the far end. “And so what? You think they’ll be mad if we show up?” 

Done deal, with his decision. You started stacking the pieces you were keeping against the wall near the elevator. “You sound like you wanna go. And you _hate_ going to these things. Almost more than I do.” Almost. But not quite. You weren’t in the mood to go buy a fancy dress and get him put in a sharp tuxedo just to bump elbows with people who just wanted to use you for photo-ops. 

Neither did he. ...right? 

“Sure.” He shrugged, folding his arms. “I don’t _wanna_ go. But… maybe we should?” He was terribly easy to see through. He hated being in the Tower. Even if he’d been having a fair bit of fun with Bruce in the labs. He just couldn’t stand it. And he couldn’t fly home to work on the army of suits he’d started because he’d promised he’d stay for the press event you had set up in a couple of days- ...and also because he was starting to finally get the understanding that you didn’t like that army of suits hiding beneath the house. 

So. Cabin fever, effectively. And to cure it he was willing to put on a bowtie and go schmooze. The lowest of the low hanging fruit. 

“If we go we’ll have to buy some new pieces. Do you just want to take Pepper instead? I’m sure she’d love to go.” 

“Yeah. Because _that’s_ the headline we need next.” 

“What? Friends can’t go to art galas together?” Grinning at him lightly. He was too right. Every newspaper from here to LA would be talking about how the two of you had broken up. Or how he was flagrantly cheating on you. 

“Are we friends? I get the feeling she still doesn’t really like me.” 

“Hard to dislike someone who’s never around.” Back to lightly flippant as you moved away from the front of the room to take a seat on the couch. 

He drew in a hiss of a breath. “Mn. And… you’re still… mad?” 

“I was never mad.” 

“...disappointed?” 

He was standing behind the couch, so you dropped your head along the back to stare up at him, smiling again. “Getting warmer.” 

His hands raised in a show of deference. “Warm is good enough.” It really wasn’t, but for the sake of not fighting with each other over how stunted the two of you were at this moment in time, you let him continue speaking- ah, better yet, let him lean in to press a little upside down kiss to your lips. “So. Charity thing?” 

Effectively ruined, you blew a sigh out hard in his face. “Yeah. Charity thing.” 

Tony wanted to go. So you’d go. 

* * *

The benefit organizers made sure to gush about how grateful they were that you and Mr. Stark were taking time out of your super busy schedules to drop by the event- _and_ bring artwork, too. Did your charitable-ness know no bounds? One could only wonder. 

For the event you had Pepper pick you out a dress and she’d come back with a black ball gown with sheer sleeves and silver starry accents. Easy enough for Tony to match with an all black tux and silver bowtie. Silver expensive cufflinks, too, of course. Really, it would have been much better to just send the money you’d spent on the clothes you were never going to wear again to the event but what _fun _would that be?

If you didn’t go how then would you take your time walking up the red carpet, posing for ten whole minutes for pictures and take questions you didn’t really have answers to- and deflect things you didn’t want to answer- all while smiling for the general public who were really the people who thought to care about this sort of thing. Because they’d read about it tomorrow. In all the fashion magazines and all the newspapers that would either revel in what a great thing the star power of the world was continuing to do, or the more truthful pieces that called this out for the piece of self-aggrandized crap it all was. 

...when had you become so bitter? 

The only good thing about the evening was that the museum was letting its esteemed guests roam the halls unsupervised. Because the rich and famous could be trusted. And everyone was paying their way to be here, in some shape or form, so why not? It made getting away from all the noise and all the _people_ a very easy thing to do. And while art had never been one of your absolute favorite things, tonight you’d make an exception. 

You and Tony wandered through several different wings, trying to escape the noise, going further and further until finally it no one was around and all the two of you had were the sound of each other’s footsteps in the lonely rooms where the art stared back at you. 

The two of you followed the dimmed lights into the rear center quadrant of the museum, ending up in the _French Decorative Arts_ section. All overly designed rooms from overly wealthy French people throughout history. Maybe it would have been interesting to look at all the things and read all the placards… 

But Tony read the both of your minds as he plopped down on an antique couch (emphasis on _antique_) that groaned dangerous with his weight. Despite how much trouble the two of you were potentially about to be in, you couldn’t help a smile. “I don’t think you’re allowed to sit on that.” 

“Where’s the sign that says I can’t?” He hung his arms over the back, looking like he belonged there. 

You hooked your thumb to the left. “Right there.” A big one, in fact. Because the objects were very fragile. And were not meant to be disrespected. But this was the danger of letting wealthy people do whatever they wanted, right? Disrespect was sure to follow. 

He turned his head briefly. “Right. It says specifically _No Tony Starks allowed on the big ugly couch_?” 

Feeding into his behavior was bad. It was the wrong thing to do. But you raised a hand to hide a giggle. It was nice to just feel some semblance of normal. The two of you _hated_ these events. What a way to show it. “No, I don’t think it’s that detailed.” 

“Then it’s fine. That’ll hold up in court.” 

Despite your better judgement, when he raised his hands with a curl of his fingers, beckoning you closer, you came. Lifting the large skirt of your dress, you settled on his lap. The couch creaked. Settling your hands up the sides of his neck, you gave him quite the imploringly soft look. “What are we doing here, Tony?” 

“Great question. Does that mean it’s time for the usual early evening bail?” His hands came to your sides, thumbs stroking just underneath your ribs. 

“Then what was the point of coming? We didn’t even bid on any art.” You had guessed something like this would happen. It had become a little bit of a habit, he was right, that the two of you would leave far too early into a party meant for charitable leaning. That didn’t mean neither of you cared about whatever good cause was going on at the time, just that…

These things sucked. And you two far preferred each other’s company than that of people who liked to pretend to care about things. 

He gave a careless shrug. “I wouldn’t even know where to start. We’d end up going home with some ugly Pollock piece. He’s the one that does all the ugly art, right?” 

Again you couldn’t quite keep a small laugh from escaping, which was incentivizing him all the more to keep going, you knew. “Art’s supposed to be subjective. _Someone_ likes his work.” 

“Someone isn’t me. I much prefer… let’s call it... “ His tone dropped a very increments, head inclining, eyelids dropping just a little. “Live art?” 

“Let’s not. And not _here_.” Dangerous territory. Because if you acquiesced, Tony would take your dress off and then _take __**you**_ right on this old french couch. For sure. No questions asked. 

“So, again I ask… time for the early evening bail?” 

“It’s terrible that it has a name- and don’t think nobody notices that you and I have been leaving _all_ the charity events super early. It’s bad for PR, you know.” Despite the words coming out of your mouth, you weren’t really concerned with any of that. PR was easy to spin and… god you hated these things. 

“I’m heading a lot of words, and none of them are _no_.” His grin up at you was unfairly handsome- and more than devilish. Par for the course for him. Especially with what he was asking. 

“Why did we come here, Tony? We could have stayed home and fucked, you know?” Cut right to the chase. 

That grin disappeared, and there was an ache to his gaze that you knew he didn’t want to put words to. Yet despite this, _for you_, he tried. “I thought it would help.” Being terribly, painfully honest. 

Something you already knew, too. He didn’t want to be at the Tower. But he also didn’t want to be _here_. The one place he did want to be, _you_ didn’t want him to be. So he was stuck. And realizing it, you felt awful. “Okay, Tony. Let’s go home. But… out the back, please. It’s barely been an hour.” Your shortest record yet. And with it being so early, every single organizer would be asking where the hell you two were going. 

As you leaned back, the couch moaned underneath the sudden movement, and the two of you jolted as one of the legs gave way, sending the front down in a tilt. Tony looked about as anxious as you did. “Out the back?” 

“Yes. Now.” 

If the two of you were trying to leave discreetly, your paired giggles and quick footfalls gave it all away. 

* * *

While it would have been wise to call Happy to bring the car around and head right home, instead the two of you walked from the venue a few blocks south., following the outskirts of Central Park. The bottom of your dress was already getting dirty, but hand in hand with Tony in a city that wasn’t actively bearing down on you… it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Of course people on the opposite side of the street were taking pictures and there were some not so sly paparazzi trailing behind you. But that was life. That was your life. 

Anywhere you went with him, unless it was a private event, the privacy of your own home, or somewhere with tight security, the two of you were being looked at. Scrutinized. But they were easy to forget. Especially when he seemed so calm and just _there_. For the first time in a long few months Tony was _present_. And that was more than you could have asked for. 

There was a Mr. Softee truck parked just a little bit up ahead. “Wanna make this old school?” 

“Oh, _yes_. I want a double twist.” Feeling your mood improving dramatically now that he was back in full control at his own helm. 

“Classy choice.” 

“I know how to pick ‘em.” 

The window opened as you approached and while the clerk was about to give a memorized speech, once he saw the two of you he stopped dead. “No way.” 

Tony reached into his jacket to pull out a hundred dollar bill. “Way. Hey. Once you’re done gaping, can you get us two double twists? Thanks.” Holding the bill out. “And keep the change.” 

Reaching down, the kid grabbed the bill and nodded, and then shook his head. “Yes- I mean sure, but I’m not allowed to. Company policy.” 

Leaning up on tiptoe you held your hand up to the side of your mouth, “We won’t tell if you won’t.” 

“Better you keep it. In fact, here-” Tony dipped his hand back into his jacket and procured a _wad_ of bills. “I was going to throw it all away on art I don’t care about tonight. Better spent here.” 

His eyes just about popped out of his head. “You’re- giving me- ...that?!” 

“Better hurry.” You teased. “He’ll just buy the truck off you if you don’t.” 

“I mean I don’t own the truck, the company owns-”

“Offer going once… twice…” All he had to count to before the kid shakily reached down to accept such a massive amount of money. You had no idea how much Tony had even had on him. Or why he was walking around with that much at all. Plastic was the new king. 

Once he finished stuffing that stupid amount of money into his apron, he got to making your ice cream. It took a short minute to get both out to you, but what you weren’t expecting was when he came to the front of the car and then exited out the driver side door to come up to you. Shorter. And… much younger, now that you could see him properly. “This money’s gonna change my life.” 

Tony reached his free hand out for a shake. “Sure thing, kid. You’re welcome. What’s your name?” 

“Dante. _Really_. My mom lost her job because of the … that alien stuff. We’ve been behind on rent- This is gonna help so much.” He grabbed on to Tony’s hand hard and shook it a little too vigorously. 

You tried not to eye him too sadly. “Stark Industries has a program out, have you looked into the paperwork?” 

Turning to you he offered his hand and you gave it a brief shake, but he shook his head. “We don’t meet the minimum requirements, so-”

Fire burned in your chest. “There are no minimum requirements.” 

“That’s not what the people on the phone said.” 

Tony, sensing you were probably about to explode, put a hand on the kid’s shoulder and took control of the conversation. “Mistake on our part. We’ll get it fixed. In the meantime, why don’t you drop by Stark Industries tomorrow. You make one hell of an ice cream cone, but I think I can find something better suited to your talents.” 

As Dante started glowing with excitement and babbling Tony’s ear off, you turned away, getting your cell phone from your purse. Calling Pepper, you were glad she answered on the first ring. It was only eight o’clock, not too late, but she didn’t have to. After she greeted you, “Is the person in charge of the rebuild initiative still in? Do you know?” 

“Uh oh. Uh- yeah I think she… I think she might still be in her office. Why? This sounds _bad_.” 

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. Thanks.” The window would be closing shortly. It was luck that she was still in the office. Turning back to the two, you saw Dante chewing Tony’s ear off and Tony listening with nods and dramatic brow raises while eating his ice cream. 

Once he locked eyes with you though, _he knew_. Giving Dante another firm pat on the shoulder. “Seems like we’ve got somewhere to be. But I’m serious. Come by tomorrow. We’ll put you somewhere nice.” 

“A corner office?” Cheeky. You liked him. 

Tony must have, too, grinning. “You never know. One might be freeing up sooner than later.” 

* * *

This trip would be a short one. Because someone was not on the right page. Even though you’d given explicit instructions about how the recovery funds were supposed to be handed out. And sure enough, Ms. Cadence (Pepper had texted you, your fault too, you should know who was in charge of your charity funds like that), was still in her office. You didn’t bother knocking. 

She had her feet up on the desk, watching something on her phone, but as soon as she realized what was going on, she rocked back in her chair and stumbled to her feet. Tony had opened the door. “Mr. Stark! Hi- I didn’t know you were coming by- _oh_\- and-!” 

“Save it.” You only walked about a quarter into her offices. “What are the _minimum requirements_ of the recovery funds for the victims of New York?” 

She made a face and then shook her head. “Well, they have to be making less than 20k income yearly. And-”

“What part of _everyone_ gets help did you not understand? The _everyone_ part? Or the _getting help_ part?” Perhaps you were being too harsh. Coming off too strong. But this was not only going to hurt your image, Stark Industries’ image, but more importantly, people in need were being denied help. That could not go on. 

Breathing out a sigh she held her hands up in a shrug. “With all due respect, ma’am, we can’t help _everyone_. And some people don’t even need the help. They just want the money. So… having a minimum weeds them out and-” 

“You’re fired.” 

It took her a solid ten seconds to process this. “-_what_? You can’t be serious.” 

“You don’t understand that, either? _**You’re fired**_. Collect your stuff and get out.” 

“You can’t be serious!” 

“I had direct instructions about what I wanted you to do. You decided to do something else. Something that not only hurts us, but is hurting people out there. People that are already hurt. So yes, I’m serious. You’re fired. Get out. Don’t make me say it again or I’ll get security.” 

Side stepping you she leaned over to implore with Tony still waiting at the door. “Mr. Stark-” 

Tony put both his hands up. “Don’t look at me I’m not the boss around here. But. For the record. I agree.” For a moment the woman felt a small sense of _relief_. Tony Stark was on her side- “You’re doing a terrible job.” Until that moment. When he fired a cannonball through her sails. 

On your side. Always. 

* * *

It took her too long to get her things, too preoccupied with ranting and raving about how you were ruining the company, how you didn’t understand the economics of things, or how things worked. Eventually you called security just to post them at the office door so they could watch her and escort her off the property. After that you took Tony by the hand to exit towards the elevator. 

Once inside, the soft smirk he was giving you tickled you too much to ignore, so you turned to him. “What?” 

“Nothing. It’s just hot watching you throw your power around.” Hands yet again moving forward, _quickly_ to amend, “For the right reasons.” 

There was no point in trying to hide your smile. “Thanks for always being on my side.” 

“Hey. I knew you had what it took to run this company years ago but _someone_ didn’t want to take full control.” 

The doors opened up into your penthouse suite and you led him by the hand over to the couch. “Why don’t _you_ take some full control.” 

“_Oh_. Yes, ma’am.”

The two of you only made it as far as the couch. Which was fine. He was careful with your dress, so you tried to pretend to be careful when you helped him out of his jacket and undid his bowtie. This is what you’d wanted. For him to just _be_ with you. In the moment. There. 

The feel of his lips on your bare neck and shoulders helped immensely, too, of course. As did him _promising _he would take his sweet time, and those kisses trailed down from your chest, over your stomach, and to your thighs… a handful of his hair between your fingers. His mouth hot and sure with every touch. It didn’t take long to get you to completely dissolve. 

You really did like when he took _full control_. 

Even more so when, after coming down from the first high, he took helped you up only to bend you over the back of the couch. He found some amazing way to be gentle about it, each thrust in slow but hard all the same. His arm came around your shoulders, and he just _held_ you to him while he rocked up into you at that angle. One that had your knees threatening to go weak with every move. 

From the couch to the kitchen, where he perched you on the island counter and you wound your legs around his waist, drawing him in again. Forehead pressed against his, eyes half-lidded, but gaze staying on his. Just breathing in each other. You weren’t sure who lost it first that time. But it must have been you. It always seemed to be you. 

He assisted when your legs seemed not to be working, carrying you to the bed where it picked up again. This time the both of you on your sides, arms wrapped around one another, your leg up over his hip. His thrusts were shallow but sweet and you got so lost you thought you might never find your way back. A fitting end. 

You were sure you’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms. And that was where you wanted to stay. But somewhere deep in your unconsciousness, a _weight_ started to crush you. There was no dream to attach the feeling to, it was just a sense of _dread_. And too little too late you realized it wasn’t coming from you. When you awoke in a start it was because Tony had literally thrown you aside, and you were a little stuck at the edges of sleep to get a read on what was happening. 

Crawling to the edge of the bed you saw him on his hands and knees on the floor, drenched in sweat. Panting. “Tony-” Edging down to come next to him, putting your arm around him. “Tony, talk to me…” 

“Just a- ...just a nightmare- I… I can’t _breathe_…” His hands were curled into fists in the carpet, gabbing at it. Clawing. His whole body shuddering.

“Alright- you’re okay… listen, watch me… try in for me… and out…” Starting to count for him until he could follow. Gone again. Not all there anymore. So fast. He’d been torn away from you so fast. Because the second he could breathe on his own he was up on his feet, pulling on a robe. 

“I… I don’t think I can sleep anymore. I’m gonna go down to the lab.” 

You followed and tried to recapture his attention, putting a hand on his waist, and when he turned, cradling his cheek in your opposite palm. “Stay. Stay with me. Talk to me. Don’t run.”

His smile was forced. “I’m not running anywhere. I’m just. I can’t sleep. And I’m in the lab. It’s right downstairs, if you need me.”

As quickly as he’d filled in the hole in your chest, he’d hollowed it out again. You let your hands drop from him. “Okay.” What more could you do? What more could you say? Though at the door, you _tried_. “Are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” 

“Just a nightmare. Don’t worry about me. Go back to sleep.” He left in the next instant. 

And you were lost again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is a tough and long road. They're not even close. Even when there are brief glimpses of light. Next week starts a comic side story and then after that we'll probably head into IM3! Have a great weekend! I love you and thank you for reading so far and leaving love on the story it makes my whole everything!


	66. Chapter 66

This press conference should have been a relatively easy one. It was just a tech demo, really. To finally put to bed the naysayers about the Tower’s clean energy output so that you could move on to bigger and better things. But, for that reason, for the idea you’d concocted, Tony needed to be at the forefront. The idea scared you. He seemed a little unhinged, especially after the previous night’s incident. He was definitely frantic, thinking about too much. Trying still to convince himself and you that he was okay. When he clearly wasn’t. 

But, when you’d put the idea to him that you’d put on a show for the press at the front of the building, using connectors from the grid to power up his suit, he seemed to be fine with the thought. It was going to take a little maneuvering but nothing your tech and maintenance teams couldn’t handle. However, an hour before air time, he posted a very good question: 

“Couldn’t we do this with your suit?” 

The answer was, of course. Of course you could be the one to demo. But you didn’t want to. You hadn’t put it back on since the events, and at this point… maybe if the world stayed quiet you’d never have to climb in again. You were no hero. Not like Tony or Steve or Thor. You had just gotten thrown into the heat of battle with no other options. “Sure. We could. But Iron Man’s more recognizable. And you’ll do just fine talking through it in your suit.” 

You knew the real reason he was asking. The same exact reason you’[d asked him to stay and talk instead of run that nice. You both had demons you were fighting alone. Weren’t you supposed to be a team? Weren’t you supposed to face your problems together? And yet… it seemed impossible. More than that, he was struggling, you couldn’t bear the idea of burdening him with something you’d eventually work out. And he was probably of the same mind. And so the healing would never get started. 

You knew this. You knew it and you thought about it constantly. And yet you did nothing about it. No idea how to move forward. Or from it or closer to an idea of healing. Instead the two of you just asked each other light questions of knowing implication and skirted around one another. It was a nightmare. 

“Fair enough.” He shrugged, zipping up his hoodie. Because he wasn’t going to prod more. He’d gotten his answer. He’d tried to ask you if you were ready to open up and you’d said no. Like you always did. Like he always did. “You’ve done more than your fair share of pressers anyway.” 

At this you couldn’t help a smile. “Yeah, it would be nice if you pulled your own weight once in a while.” Teasing, not meaning it in the slightest. “People are starting to forget I’m not a Stark.” You owned stake in the company only because Tony had made it so. It wasn’t actually _yours_. 

His brows lifted softly, a little sweetly sassy look directed your way with a curve of his lips upward. “You know, that’s a pretty easy problem to fix.”

Holding a hand up to him, “No. Don’t start. Stay focused.” 

“I can focus on more than one thing.” Even going so far as to give you a little brow wiggle. 

“_No_, Tony.” 

“No- like- _no_ no? Or no like… not right now, no? I’m just asking- I gotta be sure-” 

Needing to put an end to this, although you desperately would have liked staying in a moment that felt so normal, you leaned into him to press a kiss to his lips. And then, just so he could be sure, “Not right now, no.” 

The tip of his tongue swept out against his lower lip before he bit it lightly. You weren’t sure what he was trying to accomplish- scratch that, you knew _exactly_, but now was not the time. “Not right now. Got it. So. Next week?” 

“No!” Batting at him, some giggles leaking out, shaking your head. He really needed to stay focused. 

* * *

The press was already gathered out on the front steps, watching eagerly behind the barricades security had set up as you helped the tech crew hook the back of Tony’s suit up. A small specially designed modification for the purposes of this exercise. Although if he ever ran out of power somewhere else, hopefully it could be implemented much the same way. Large pipe wires from the building had been drawn out and were now being securely linked to the new access ports at the back of the Iron Man suit. 

You had a tablet with the suit’s readings in one hand, eyeing the charts closely. “Alright… suit’s all hooked up. We ready to disengage?” The demo was simple. Disengage the Arc Reactor’s power source from the suit so that the suit would only be powered by the clean energy the Tower was generating. While visually it would be impressive, although hard to really ascertain what was happening, you’[d send out copies of a finished report later to top it all off. 

Tony had the facemask slid back and gave you a grin with a thumbs up. “You heard the lady, JARVIS. Let’s cut power.” 

None of this should have been nerve wracking. It wasn’t like they were cutting Arc power to the suit in mid flight. So even if, by some chance you were wrong, the suit didn’t take in enough power from the Tower, nothing would even happen. 

You watched as the levels on the suit activity plummeted in a sheer drop, but then steadily started rising as the suit started drawing in its power from the cables in the back. You gave him a return thumbs up and an equally bright smile. “Golden.” 

It worked. _Of course_ it worked. You may not have been a genius but, hey. Credit where it was due. This would be more than enough to finally shut everyone up. Hopefully. 

For visual, you swiped the tablet’s screen onto a bigger one just behind you so the reporters below could follow along. Tony turned to them, but offered his arm to you to give the opening words. Sweet consideration, honestly. He could have easily stolen the show. That was _kind of_ what it was about, but you didn’t mind. “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming!” You called their attention and their murmurs died down. “By now I’m sure you all know that the Stark-Avengers Tower is the first completely clean-energy powered skyscraper in Manhattan.” The double name was your idea of bridging the two thoughts together.

It was clear to you and your team that the Tower now belonged to the Avengers, but it had only been _Stark Tower_ in its prime for less than a week. Giving it a new image fully so soon was too much. 

Tony waved a hand, “But we’ve heard some people express doubts. They say we can’t possibly have developed clean energy tech that’s as powerful and efficient as the old methods. And I get that.” Smirking a little. It was at this point you knew you should have prepared something beforehand. “People think- _Tony Stark is so handsome, he can’t __**really**_ _be a genius too. It would just be unfair_.” 

“Alright.” Giving him a little hip nudge. “Let’s stay on topic here.” The press at least was eating the interaction up, encouraging with their chuckles. “Let us assure you it’s true, though. More than assure you, we’re showing you, right now.” Screens linked, you clicked on one of the graph readings to enlarge it. 

“We’ve shut down the connection between my armor and the Arc Reactor in my chest. You’re watching me charge the Iron Man suit from the Tower’s solar panels alone. And once I’m fully powered up you’ll see-” 

It was too much to ask of the universe to just give you one thing that didn’t go wrong. It must have been, right? Absolutely. You just must have done something terrible in a previous life. This was such a simple tech demo. And yet somehow, much like everything else in your life recently, it was just destined to go wrong. 

A strong blast cut between you and Tony, severing the wires from the Tower and knocking him forward. A gravelly voice cut in after the explosion. Your mind wasn’t registering a lot. “You’ll see Iron Man rendered obsolete!” You’d dropped to your knees to help Tony up, but he raised his arm aside you and the two of you looked up at man in half a mechanical suit- very much reminiscent of all the knock offs on the market. Wearing thick goggles over his eyes and a bulky helmet- black sweater underneath his orange bits of armor and ugly brown pants to match this terrible ensemble of nonsense. No accounting for taste. “By the next generation of offensive weapons. By **me**! _**The Melter**_!” 

With his hand up, Tony fired off a shot to throw… _The Melter_ off kilter. “Is he serious?” 

“Time to suit up.” 

The words threatened to paralyze you to your core. You didn’t _want_ to do that. You shouldn’t _have_ to do that. But as Tony took off, you knew that you did. You couldn’t leave him alone to face this, especially with the press watching. If you just stood there like a frightened child it invited so much more chaos. And you weren’t, right? You weren’t a scared child? 

No. You’d told the world you were Iron Lady. And you would follow Iron Man into whatever came. Taking your Heart Reactor from your jacket pocket, never too far even if you’d stopped wearing it, you stuck it to your chest and double tapped it to activate the suit. The feeling of the metal building and sliding down you made you a little dizzy. 

_Stay focused_. Stay focused… 

Once you were fully engaged, you rose up without a second thought, following Tony’s lead in firing a double blast. “I’m sorry.” Tony said, voice booming out. “The middle school science fair is just down the street.” 

So. He was unimpressed with what he was seeing, was that it? You’d guessed this guy wasn’t really a threat. Anyone who chose _The Melter_ as their villain name wasn’t really someone you were super threatened by. “Though I think there’s a kid with a baking soda volcano who might be more impressive.” Adding fuel to a fire you probably shouldn’t have. 

The Melter shot off a blast hitting Iron Man square in the chest, and Tony seemed completely unfazed, not even moving. “Nice try, pal. But these suits stand up to atmospheric re-entry.” 

Trying to knock him off balance, even if he wasn’t doing anything, you put a hand up to get another shot off. It effectively blew him sideways, but his attention turned on you. “You’re out of your league here, why don’t you just put the little melting rays down and we’ll take you in.” 

His next shot was on you. And, Tony may have had a point. Not very effective. There seemed to be no warnings blaring, which was usually a good sign, and it hadn’t even knocked you back. It was why you felt confident, even as he continued to concentrate that beam on you, taking a few feet above him and aiming a two handed shot his way- 

One you were two seconds into firing off before, _finally_, the rest caught up with you. LUNA’s voice caught you very off guard. “_Internal systems failing! __I have to reboot!_” 

“What?!” Both you and Tony seemed to be in a synced state of confusion. 

Yours lasted a little less than his did as your suit went completely dark from the inside out. You weren’t sure you’d ever experienced a terror like that before. Or even enough time to feel it. “LUNA hey- hey!” The free-falling happened immediately after that. But oh so luckily for you, this _Melter_ man caught you from your drop mid air. 

“Here. Let me give your useless suit a little _help!_” And then promptly flung you right into Tony. 

The two of you went down to the ground in a heap, and the hits didn’t stop coming, as your villain of the week lasered off a balcony portion of a high floor on the Tower, sending it toppling down on the two of you. You weren’t sure how Tony’s systems were faring, but with your internal circuitry going haywire, you really _felt_ those hits from all sides. 

Metal and glass crushed you tight on top of Tony, sending a breath out in a wheeze. And with your suit helmet still _on_ but not registering sound, it was a little hard to hear the man who had caused so much damage with one little burn beam. His voice was muffled, but as you shoved aside rubble, rolling off Tony to allow him to hopefully _breathe_ the two of you simultaneously pulled off your helmets. 

Melter was hovering somewhere midair, going _on and on_. “-in the next few days I’ll hold another _**demonstration**_. After that, the Melter technology goes on sale to the highest bidder! If you have what it takes to be a bidder, you’ll hear from me-” 

Having had just enough of this, and not needing your suit to do all the work here where it had failed, you called out, “JARVIS, lock Tower defense and fire!” 

JARVIS’ voice boomed out from the Tower itself. “Analyzing target now.” 

That was about all the Melter man needed to finally pale and take off without another word. High into the sky. Fast, for such a poor recreation of a much superior suit. ...although, after all _that… _

Tony put a hand to his head. “Worst press conference ever.” 

Calling the pack’s attention was probably the worst mistake of the afternoon. As soon as they heard his voice, all the press still waiting (no preservation instincts to be heard of) turned. “Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark!” 

You had bruises in brand new places and a headache that was strong enough to put you under. Now was no time to be dealing with the microphones shoved in your faces. How to even begin to explain what had just happened? Fairly simple. Some rando b-story had broken through your supposedly superior defenses, wrecked both your suits, and brought you down to the ground. Then taken off to who knew where. 

Iron Man and Lady had been downed by what they’d deemed a school science lab experiment. Embarrassed on their own front lawn. 

“No questions.” You groaned out. 

* * *

It was a sad sight to see, really. Both armors in heaps on lab tables. You’d taken to pacing endlessly, which surely wasn’t helping Tony’s mood as he was analyzing and reanalyzing and re-re-re analyzing what had gone wrong. Bruce was standing by. Mostly for emotional support. 

With his hands clasped together, he dared to ask, “So. Uh… who’d you piss off now?” 

“Why is it our fault?” Tony asked, hands on more than a few keyboards, reading over dozens and dozens of graphs and tables and formulas and… 

You sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. “We don’t have the best track record for that sort of thing, is what I think he’s trying to say.” 

Bruce nodded. “I mean… come on, now. Let’s get honest about it. First big bad guy on your file was your partner, and he hired terrorists to kill you. And then there was that Hammer guy and… Vanko… personally speaking, when people come after the both of you it’s…” Rolling his hands around, trying to figure out a delicate way to put this. 

Tony looked up, hands coming down just a little hard on the table. “My fault. Yeah. I get it. So. You’re right. Who did I piss off this time?” 

“I think more importantly first…” Trying to get in the middle of Bruce being too honest and Tony’s penchant for self-loathing, “Melter said he was putting on another presentation. What does that mean?” 

“He wrecked the suits- well. Not the outside. That little heat ray couldn’t touch the exterior. It’s the internals. Something about it breaks down the internal circuitry.” His dug his hands deep into the open chest piece of the Iron Man suit, grabbing a few tools, starting to work his magic. “You think he’s stupid enough to announce he’s coming after us for a double feature?” He slipped on some goggles, leaning in close. Sparks starting to fly. 

You shook your head. “Guy doesn’t seem like he has a lot of brains. Even if he did stumble on to whatever it is that did this to our suits.” And you did mean that quite literally. Not for a second could you believe he outsmarted Tony. The suits the both of you were wearing had been redesigned more than a few times now. A heat beam? It didn’t seem like it could do much damage. So he’d lucked into some technology on accident, and came after you two. Why? 

A mystery, still. But as for the rest of it… 

The lightbulb went off. He went after you two, maybe because he had some unfinished business, sure, but he’d come after both _suits_. And who else had a suit like this worth damaging for a show of control? 

“JARVIS call Rhodey.” 

Tony clicked his tongue against his teeth. “One step ahead of me.” 

“You’re busy with something else. We’ll call it even.” You moved to sit down next to him at another console as Rhodey’s face came on screen. “Hey, listen. We just got our asses pretty much handed to us-” 

He let out an amused scoff. “Yeah. It’s on every TV at the base. What the hell is going on over there? You’re making me look bad.” 

Tony leaned over. “Thanks for the support. Oh. And asking if we’re okay. We are, by the way, but thanks for asking.” 

You waved him away. “The guy that did it is probably on his way to you. Just be careful, okay? Tony’s working on the suits now.”

Rhodey shook his head and then shrugged. “Why announce to the world his next biggest move?” 

The chest piece of the Iron Man suit swung shut loudly. “Because he’s trying to sell his tech. And after _today_?” Tony gave you a long look. One you returned. You knew where this was going. “He’s not gonna be the only one we have to worry about our _history_ with.” 

Under the desk, your hands clenched together. “Just. Be on the look out, Rhodey. That’s all I’m asking. We’ll work on this here and come to you after.” 

“He’d have to be a moron to come after me.” 

Tony turned, sticking his hands into your suit next. He grunted. “Didn’t stop him from coming after us, did it?” 

“Seems like he made out okay on that bet.” 

“He won’t the next time.” 

They were about to get into a fight that none of you could afford. Bruce was the one to break it up. Hand to his chin he made a murmuring noise, waving at some of the findings on one of the screens. “Tony.” Calling him over. 

It was enough to end the bickering. And as Tony left his station, pulling his goggles up to go confer with his resident science buddy, you gave Rhodey a wave at the screen. “We’ll figure out what he did to the suits and bring the upgrade to you. I’m just asking you to be on high alert.” 

He nodded. “You got it. I’ll be alright.” 

Another wave and a smile and you ended the call. Going over to the two babbling at each other, it was useless to try and make out the science mumbo jumbo coming out of them at rapid speed. “Figured it out?” Hopeful. Because more than all of this, you’d have to deliver a statement to the press. That man had interrupted a tech demo and beaten you red. It made the Avengers thing look like a joke. Too soon to start spreading doubt about that sort of stuff. 

“That ray…” Tony walked away from the screen, going back to your suit. “At first I thought it was just intense heat, but it actually loosens the bonding forces between the molecules of non-organic matter.” 

While you weren’t sure you understood _all_ of that, you got the gist. This was extremely dangerous. “We can’t let him sell this to anyone.” 

Bruce nodded. “And you gotta take it off him.” 

Another big sigh escaped you. “Gotta find him, first.” The best way to curb doubt about you or Tony or the Avengers was to deliver this guy to the police. And to do that… You walked over to Tony, setting a hand on his arm. “You good here? I’m going to start digging. See what I can find on this guy.” 

He stopped what he was doing for a brief moment, looking up at you. “Yeah. I’m good. I won’t let this happen again.” There was a steady stream of _anxiety_ leaking from him, but you couldn’t work through it all right now. It was understandable. The suit he’d designed to keep you safe had malfunctioned. _Guilt_ was not too far behind. Leaning in, probably in an attempt to silence your probing, he gave you a light kiss. “I love you. Go. I’m serious. Do your thing and I’ll do mine. And… then we’ll-” 

“Clean up. Like we always do.” Giving him a sure nod. And one more little kiss. “I love you, too.” Trying not to fall into a too-deep display of affection. You weren’t the only two in the lab. So, parting, you gave Bruce a wave. “Thanks for your help.” 

“Glad to be of assistance.” Waving back with a tired smile. 

Seemed none of you could escape the feeling. And while it would have been nice to lie in a hot bath to soothe the aches out, or fall asleep curled up…

You had work to do. You always had work to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would people stop coming around and being super villains for like two seconds? The Starks would really appreciate it.


	67. Chapter 67

The more you thought about what Bruce had said, the more it upset you. Not because he was wrong, but precisely because he was _right_. But how could you live a life worried about every single person Tony pissed off? Or you, for that matter? No matter what you did, all the decisions you ever made in life, _someone_ was bound to be unhappy. Put off by it. But personally hurt? ...sure, that happened too. You just hoped when someone came to call for a reason like that, you had had an equally good reason for causing pain. 

And- anyway… nothing **justified** behavior like this. Nothing **justified** what Obi had done. Nothing _**justified**_ what Hammer had done in cahoots with Ivan Vanko. Even thinking about personal vendettas wreaking havoc on other people’s lives, you realized Loki’s disdain for Thor had turned New York City into a playground. And what were the words Fury had used on the helicarrier? 

_Grudge match that leveled a small town_. Hurt people that had nothing to do with whatever had been going on. Yesterday could have easily gone the same way. Luckily for you, Melter, whoever the hell he was, had been focused solely on you and Tony. But _why_? 

Because Bruce was right. He was after the two of you. But _why_ again, you asked yourself, the next morning sat at your desk in the bedroom. Why if he was someone else in a long line that either you and Tony had upset for _whatever_ reason, why ruin your press conference? Why attack the both of you- yet not _kill_ you? Clearly if he had had a mind to, he could have found a way. He clearly seemed to have stumbled on to tech that ate at the suit’s insides. 

So why not kill you? Why, instead of letting you free fall to your death out of the sky, had he caught you and used you like a baseball? 

Because he was _humiliating_ you. Putting on a show. The answer seemed simple, once you arrived at it. And the more you thought about it, that was exactly the reason you’d warned Rhodey. Because Melter, much like all dumb big criminals who thought they were masterminds, liked to wax poetic about their evil plans. Loki had done the same thing. Told you _exactly_ what he’d planned to do.

So what was Melter going to do? He was going to destroy Rhodey’s War Machine suit, in the way that he had the both of yours. But not for power, or for glory. For something far more desirable. 

_Money_. 

He’d said it himself, though it had been hard to hear at the time. He was going to auction his tech off to the highest bidder. Tech that decimated two Iron branded suits, and was soon going after a third. There was probably a short list of no less than a thousand people who’d like to get their hands on tech like that. You had to stop him, before someone with a much harder agenda took over. 

You realized you and Tony were _lucky_ he’d only been out to put on a show. Because if not… 

No time to focus on all the what-ifs of your life. If you started now, you’d never stop. This needed your focus. It was such a small thing in the scope of your life. Such a _human_ dilemma. Before you’d been worried about aliens pouring out of the sky- ...a thought that if you lingered on too much, you’d get stuck on looking out the windows. It was why you were in the bedroom, and not in your office downstairs, or even in the penthouse. The blackout curtains in the bedroom were far superior to any other shades you owned. For good reason. Good for keeping out the sun if you decided on a long morning sleep.

Or… keeping _everything_ out when you needed to think about anything other than what touched at a deep anxiety you couldn’t yet begin to heal. _This_ needed your focus. And it should have been a simple thing to solve. What a nice thing that would be. It may have been good in one way or another, for Tony, too. Now he had something else to preoccupy his time. Instead of building an army of suits neither of you needed, he was putting his focus on repairing the ones that you _did_. 

It was more than a little messed up that you were solving problems by having more problems… but… maybe that was just life. Needing to focus on the little things where you could. And you were determined to keep Mr. Melter a _little problem_, if you could. As long as you could take that tech away from him and junk it, it could stay self contained. All you had to do was find him. 

“It’s you and me, JARVIS.” 

“I live to serve, ma’am.” 

Yet despite having him at full attention and at your complete disposal, getting a search off the ground was useless. You didn’t know what this man looked like. He hadn’t been wearing a full helmet but he’d had on thick goggles. He hadn’t left a trace anywhere. You had no good place to start. “Let’s play the footage back.” Even watching it didn’t really help. 

You felt stupid trying to turn results for _Melter_ up on the web, and even stupider when, of course, none came back. The guy was stupid, but he wasn’t _that_ stupid. Just like how you were feeling you were smart, just not _that_ smart. 

It vexed you that sooner than you realized it, day had _melted_ into night. Good to know he had that much pull in your life. You could slow down and zoom in on that video from every angle conceivable all you wanted. There was never going to be a face match. Not like this. So what else could you do? The other point was to try and use your smarts to narrow the playing field. 

Those seemed in short supply. So. Tony was working. Rhodey was working. What were you doing? 

You laid your head down on the desk, nestled in your folded arms, closing your eyes. Where could Melter be? The obvious thing here was that he was heading to Rhodey- who you’d already warned- and if your suit was up and running you could go there. ...or, maybe you didn’t need the suit. Wouldn’t that be nice? Rhodey was stationed somewhere right now. You could take the jet there. Much safer, though not faster. If Melter got there before you did, which seemed likely, then what? You’d showed up empty handed for no reason. 

What to do, what to do… No doubt Tony was working as fast and as efficiently as he could. And you were… just short of falling asleep. Taking a brief nap. Sure, it was already in the early AM, but did you deserve it? Not really. You hadn’t done much of anything. 

What _could_ you do? With your eyes closed you sunk, just a little. It was strange, in twilight moments like this, where inspiration came a little too thin. What if… what if you played back the moment- not on a security feed, but… in your head? That was your problem, really. If you’d been less focused on using the suit and more focused on your _actual _powers, maybe then you could have prevented the whole thing. Used your guilt trips and your hands-in-the-water stuff… all things you still didn’t _really_ know how to utilize. 

You’d never tried to replay a moment like this. You didn’t know where to start. But you were in that murky darkness, you realized, a little sooner than you would have liked. Lights were playing underneath you. Underneath the water. Familiar, now. Bruce. And Tony. Warm and glowing. Thinking. Working. _Busy_. Buzzing. It was almost hard to ignore them. 

But you had to. Because you needed to focus. Instead of being in the _now_ you needed to be in the _before_. To try and replay a moment from memory and blend it with your powers. Could you do that? It seemed pretty impossible. But. _If you could_. You would be able to see his face, right? Was that how this worked? Sure, in your dark emotion twisting space, people were never _naked_. They usually wore whatever they were wearing as you faced them- which, now that you thought about it, did that seem right?

Either way, you were _grateful_. You didn’t want to see people naked. The clothes didn’t matter anyway, you realized. They may have been wrapped, but they were always _bare_ before you. Which was why you were so sure if you could just get a handle on yourself you could see _his_ face. 

Go back. Go back go back go back… 

Tony, that day, hours ago, was _alight_ with _energy_. The _nervous_ sort. Which was always strange. Press conferences didn’t really bother him so much. Not even ones where he had to display his own tech and prowess. So what about it then was bothering him? Ah, yes, well… he _hated _New York. And he _hated_ wasting time in New York doing _this_. But he did it. For you. Because you’d asked. And the thought of you eased the bitter ache of having to be there. Of not being able to work or _focus _his mind. 

This wasn’t about Tony. Get off Tony- it was just he was an easy starting point. You knew him so well. Could feel him so well. So focusing on his erratic feelings that morning helped anchor you to a spot you hadn’t actively been checking. That you hadn’t looked at. Not with _these_ eyes. 

So. There Tony was. And there the crowd of reporters was. Most _bright_ and _curious_. Some _eager_ to try and derail the event. Because they didn’t believe the two of you. But that was okay. That was what it was for. To put those thoughts to bed. But you hadn’t been able to, because… 

The shift of Tony’s _confidence_ wrapped you up in a warm blanket. Easy to get lost in. Another deep focal point. An emotion you were so familiar with by now, at least of his. When he knew what he was talking about he was _good_. And everything else fell into place. So easy. So simple. But that hadn’t lasted long. Because- 

The darkness lit up in a brief flash, like a streak of lightning as a heat cut between the two of you. An attack. You were almost there. Now, if you could just look up- if you could just get a look at his face- he was- he looked like- he was…

_Calling your name?_

No- not him. But- 

“**Hey**!” Tony’s frightened hue overtook everything else. It banished the memories you didn’t truly have. It stopped the search in a place you had no right to register. And when your eyes focused you realized he had you by the shoulders. “Hey- you seem- a little more lucid- you okay? What the hell was _that_?” 

“Was what?” It took you by surprise, how out of breath you were. How you struggled to even say those two words, and how much harder you were struggling still to try and comprehend what was happening. 

You were in your chair at your desk, facing Tony, who was on his knees, hands sliding down to your arms, _scared_ to let go of you, staring at you. “I came up here and you’re bleeding all over the desk and- nobody was home. You were just. _Gone_.” 

As soon as you heard the word _bleeding_ your hands went up automatically. Stemming the small leak from your nose. Knowing already. “Gone?” Still panting as you tried to follow along. 

“Your eyes were open but you were basically catatonic. _What the hell was that_?” Asking a second time, a little harder, a little less put together. He seemed like he might dissolve under the weight of not understanding what was going on- one of the things he hated most. But more than that-

_An inability to do anything about it. _

So you had to soothe that ache. Otherwise he’d pile it on to every other worry he’d amassed since… long before the attack on New York. The trouble was, how to explain? Especially when you still felt so damn out of breath. “I… I was trying to- I couldn’t find anything worth searching in the footage. So I tried to just kind of. Replay the moment- the memory. In my head. With the. ...you know. _The thing_.” Resorting to how things used to be. Just to bring it down to its base levels. 

His brows knit, eyes lowering before coming back up. “You can do that? You were looking for… for what? A clue? A- ...help me out here.” 

“His face.” 

“His face.” Echoing you back, head dropping forward a little, eyes going left and then right. Thinking. Trying to parse through it all. “His face. Why? Then what?” 

“I don’t know.” Had you actually thought that far ahead? He was showing you otherwise. “I guess… maybe I thought I could- like… _I don’t know_. Talk through it with JARVIS? So he could put a sketch together or something?” 

JARVIS spoke above you, “I’m not much of an artist, I’m afraid.” 

“_Thanks_.” You weren’t really mad at him. More just the situation. Yourself. _Everything_. 

Tony’s eyes blinked a few times over as he took a deep breath, hands smoothing up and down your arms. “Alright. Fine. I think I understand. But I’m guessing you came up empty handed?” He didn’t even have to look at you to register the nod of your head. “Yeah. So. Don’t do that again.” Making sure his eyes were focused on yours before grounding you. “_Ever_.” 

Whatever had happened had severely upset him. Spooked him. You couldn’t say you blamed him. How would you feel if you came into his office, or your bedroom, and found him practically passed out on the desk? Not even that. Eyes wide open, passed out, with a nose bleed. And no understanding of why or what to do to even fix it? Yeah… 

Yeah you’d probably be pretty upset, too. 

It wasn’t like he was asking you not to use your powers, just- not like that. At least not without supervision, you supposed. What would doing what you had just done be good for anyway? It hadn’t done any good now. And you couldn’t in the moment think of another reason to try it again. 

But even when you nodded, you felt his hands tighten around your arms. Not painful. He was nowhere near hurting you. Just. Tightly holding on. “Promise me.” 

Your non-verbal agreement wasn’t going to be enough. Not this time. Not with how broken he’d become. “I promise.” Your voice was much quieter now. Tears were a very real threat very suddenly. The idea that you were about to come apart over _this_ when there had been so many other terrible things made you feel silly. Weak. You were glad when Tony pulled you in for a tight hug. “How long was I like that?” 

“Ask JARVIS- I don’t know. I just came up here to check on you.” His voice dropped to a low, comforting murmur, his hands sweeping up your back in slow passes. Easing you down from that edge. “And give you your Reactor back.” 

It would have been better for him to _not_ mention that, but no doubt his hard work had gone into fixing it, so you would accept it as it came. Not yet, though. Two seconds from practically falling asleep with your head on his shoulder, feeling your body growing heavy. You didn’t want to sit back, take it, and accept the burdens of the world again. Terrible as that idea made you feel. “You fixed the suits?” 

“Yours first, but after I figured it out mine won’t take too long. It’s not really a fix. I have to get a look at his tech. It’s more of a workaround. That beam is concentrated, but it shut down the system entirely. So I did a whole rebook of the processors. If one quadrant goes down, the others can work independently.” 

His voice was so warm. So comfy. Easy to slip to. This wasn’t his usual vigor in which he’d go on and on about an idea or the newest thing he was working on. But it was just as strongly sure. There had been a problem- he’d experienced a road bump in trying to fix it. Fine. He’d go around it. You could listen to him talk for hours about this sort of thing- 

And, as you blinked your eyes open drowsily, you thought maybe he _had_ gone on for too long. He was talking about something else entirely. You felt like you’d dropped out somewhere in the middle and come back to a completely different thought. 

There was little point in asking him to back up. Or to try and explain over again. Instead, as you nuzzled into the side of his neck and brought your arms up to reciprocate the tight hug you’d found yourself in, “I love you.” 

“I love you, too. That’s what I’m saying.” 

_Oh no_. An utterly terrible thing had happened. He wasn’t talking about tech that was beyond you. He had been talking about _the two of you_. One of the only things you understood completely in this crazy world anymore. Superheroes and villains and Iron Man suits and aliens and gods- all beyond you at the best and worst of times. 

But you and Tony?

You understood that without a second thought. It was home. It was your life. Your actual life. The one you thought, foolishly, that maybe you could get back to. When and if this stuff ever stopped. Even if every single part of you knew… that was never going to happen. Not now. Not ever. 

It probably wouldn’t cease until one or the both of you was- 

You clutched to him a little tighter. 

Better not think about it. 

“Say it again.” Asking without asking for him to try and rewind the clock a few seconds. Hoping that’s all you’d missed. 

He huffed out a warm breath of amused air. Probably realizing, now, that you’d drifted out and back in. Not put off by it in the slightest. “Vacation. You. Me.” Shifting back just a little, hand reaching up to brush back your stray bits of hair, tucking them behind your ear before cupping your cheek in his palm. “Please. And if you need me to- I will _absolutely_ beg. Just say the word.” 

Your smile appeared almost too easily. “I don’t need you to beg.” The two of you needed a lot more time than you were ever going to get. You’d asked him for a vacation at some gala- who remembered which one. They all blended together at this point. And he was reminding you, for the most part. “But, after this?” 

His lips twitched. Ghost of what happy expression he could muster these days vanishing as he dropped his head. Your arms wound around his head, bringing him to your chest, burying your face in his hair. His in turn came around you. Holding on. Breathing you in deep. “After this.” 

He was _tired_.  
_Exhausted_.

You were, too. 

“Sir. Ma’am.” JARVIS cut between the two of you, even if the two of you were still clinging to each other. “Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes is on the line.” 

Life reminding you. Yes. _After this_. This one thing. One more thing. And then… the next… and the next… 

“Put him through, JARVIS. Thank you.” Working your fingers through Tony’s unkempt hair. He didn’t move a muscle. 

Both of you waited for the obvious bad news. 

“He ambushed me during a training exercise. You got good news? Because it was cool when the two of you were the laughing stocks around here. But now that it’s me…” 

The two of you fell unconsciously into line with one another. Drawing one deep breath and pushing it all out. He was the one who spoke first. “I can come fix your suit. For everything else- why don’t you pull some weight, huh?” 

“So you got nothing. That’s what I’m hearing?” 

“We’ll have more once we put all our heads together.” You tried to stay hopeful. 

Because what else could you do?


	68. Chapter 68

Before you could actually leave, you had about a million phone calls to get to. General inquiries from the press, thankfully, took up the bulk. Those were shelved. For now. You’d get back to the media, and the world at large, to explain what had happened _only_ when you had this Melter guy in handcuffs. Couldn’t address your failures yet without a triumph to back them up. It was only fair. They would understand. ...or continue circulating ugly headlines until you came through with something. But that was fine. Let them talk and gossip for now. They’d be the ones who would apologize in the end. 

The only other calls that mattered were the ones from your teammates. Asking what the hell had happened. Asking if you needed their help. And since this was a bit of a contained and potentially _personal_ issue, you told Steve and Nat and Clint and, yes, even _Fury_, that you and Tony were handling this. They needn’t get involved. And that was the way it needed to stay. 

Last order of business was making sure Dvahli was looked after. You and Tony didn’t plan on being gone for very long. Only long enough to fix Rhodey up and then go apprehend the man who’d banked his future on ruining _yours_, a poor mistake to make. So. It shouldn’t take too long. Pepper was too busy running around. So instead, you dropped her in the lab with Bruce. 

“Oh- I don’t… know about this…” He held her at arm’s length, like she’d grow a second head or open her mouth up to swallow him whole. “I’m not so good with… little fuzzy things…” 

You gave him a pat on the shoulder. “You’ll be fine. It’s only for a few days.” Essentially giving him no choice. “She’s great in the lab. Ask Tony.” And, then realizing you hadn’t given him an actual choice, you aimed a pair of big eyes his way, about as big as the round yellow ones Dvahli was sporting at him. “Please?” Not as much of a choice either, but at least it bore the illusion of asking. 

He sighed. “Fine. I guess. But only for a couple of days.” You doubted that he’d truly dump her off after an arbitrary time limit, but you thanked him with a hug nonetheless. 

Then… it was time to suit up.   
Suit up and leave. Easy. Right? You thought about asking Tony if you could take the jet to the base Rhodey was stationed on. It would take far too long. The suits were easier. And fixed, now. Fixed for sure. He’d promised and you believed him. That wasn’t really what was wrong. Even if your heart did hammer a little extra now at the thought of all the lights going off again and you just… plummeting to the earth below.

No. No, that wasn’t really what the problem was. You knew it for sure. That was only now an _additional_ problem you were having. But you had to get through it. You couldn’t hold Tony up. Or Rhodey. Or let Melter get any further away than he already was. So you tap-tapped the Heart Reactor, holding your breath like you were being forced underwater as the suit crawled over your skin. 

Noisy sounds of battle took over New York below you. And above you the sky turned grey and threatened to open… 

“Ready to go?” Tony was already in the air. 

Block it out. You just had to block it out and go. Go.   
_Go_.   
  
With a running start you took a leap off the tower, putting literally all your faith and honing all your attention on _him. _Because you had no other choice. Breathing felt like a chore, the more you panted. The more constricted the suit felt, the harder it was to focus- the sides of your vision were shaking. This should have been second nature. 

“LUNA can you- can you please just lock on to Tony.” You needed a visual. Something to keep your eyes on. Something _more_. Bright. Flashy. Attention grabbing. So when she zeroed in on him with a bright blue target lock, you counted your blessings all the more. That would do it, for now. 

“You alright?” His voice was comforting right next to your ear, even if he was already a mile ahead of you. 

“I’ll manage.” About the best you could do. As truthful as you could be. Because you would manage.

You had no other choice. 

* * *

It was lucky for the both of you (though more you as anxiety continued to drench you) that Rhodey was not stationed too far away. Mcguire Air Base was in New Jersey. And seemingly full of people who weren’t really your biggest fans. That wasn’t unusual, nor was it something to take personally. Ever since Tony had pulled out of arming the military, the people inside of it had looked at him with a sense of disdain- Rhodey included, at the time when Tony had just pulled out. 

But now especially that the two of you seemingly were taking matters of _justice_ and _protection_ into your own hands… well… the looks you were getting as the two of you touched down weren’t the most welcoming. Although not _everyone_ there hated you. 

You’d always have Rhodey, at least. 

It didn’t help the atmosphere any better when you’d had to shoo everyone off from a cordoned off section of the mess hall. Thankfully it wasn’t during eating hours, but people weren’t taking too kindly to it. Rhodey’s suit had been dragged from the field as it had gone into _complete _shut down. Now it was laid across a table, Tony working on the inner circuitry to repair the damage first before he could work on the upgrade. 

Not helping anything further was your pacing about. You knew it was starting to get on Tony’s nerves. He didn’t have to _say_ anything. You could _feel_ it. The stress of the situation was getting to everyone. Finally, he spoke up. “You got any leads or ideas about this guy yet?” 

Of course you didn’t. You hadn’t been doing much of anything to help in that area. “I’ve got nothing- Rhodey did you see his face? Or did he say anything to you that stood out?” 

“Yeah.” Rhodey stuck his hands in his jacket pockets. “He seemed pretty pissed at the military.” When you turned to him with an inquisitive look, he continued. “Talked a lot about wasting funds. And had a complete disregard for any sense of life. He went after a gas tanker on the ground just to make a point.” 

Perching yourself on the corner of a table not in use, you took out your phone. So. What was currently known about Mr. Melter? He’d designed some sort of knock off Iron Man suit. Tried to use it to not only embarrass you and Tony, but he went after Rhodey- with specifically some nasty words about the armed forces. 

It clicked. “Rhodey, do you have a list of all the contracts the military went through when they were hiring guys like Hammer? After Tony pulled?” 

There was a bare silence in the room before Rhodey made a noise and Tony looked up, pausing his rewiring. “You had more guys on the bench?” 

“Not me. Don’t take it so personally. You left a vacuum, remember? Top brass felt the need to fill it.” Both of them getting a little too defensive over something that didn’t really matter anymore. When you waved your hand he redirected his attention your way. “Uh- yeah- give me a minute on that.” He took a little too long for your liking before finally getting back to you. “Okay. Military intelligence just sent you an encrypted email. I’ll have to get you through security-”

Without looking up this time, Tony barked out, “JARVIS download and decrypt.” 

It took literally two seconds for JARVIS to answer. “Done, sir.” 

“What are we looking at?” He _wasn’t_ looking, which meant he was talking to you. 

Opening the email on your phone you went down the short list- seeing a repeat offended. With _heat ray_ on his drafts. Bingo. “Bruno Horgan.” You read aloud for the class. “Owner of a robotics start-up. Got in line with everyone else knocking on the military’s door for contracts after you left- and after Hammer shit the bed. Couldn’t figure out the logistics of repulsor tech, so he went a different powering route. Except it failed during the demo and melted everything he was wearing. He tried to rework it but the military stopped being interested.” 

Not a genius. Just trying to rise out of his own ashes. And doing what with it now? Selling to the biggest black market scum he could find. But only _after_ he demonstrated on all three of you. 

“So he put on a show and now he’s sitting back from where?” Rhodey had both hands up. You hoped not in defeat. “I imagine you can’t get a hit on this guy.” 

And, since you’d already been searching, you shook your head. “Ghost.” 

“Well we better find him.” Tony shut the chest piece of the War Machine armor hard. “Because if someone else with more _drive_ buys this tech, it’s not just gonna be us suffering for it.” 

“We _will_ find him.” Trying to soothe his mounting anxiety. 

Rhodey shook his head. “Leave it to me. It’s going to take patience to locate this guy. The hard detective work of a military intelligence officer.” At this obvious _crowing_ you and Tony exchanged mutual looks of wry disbelief before aiming them his way. He rolled his eyes at the both of you. “No offense, but the two of you are more of a… fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda people. Patience is _not_ your strong suit.” 

Was that true? You had to wonder. And it was especially interesting, knowing that’s what Rhodey thought of you. But maybe he was more speaking to your and Tony’s efforts as at team. It might have been true… but given that life tended to throw things at you with little room for waiting to react, it wasn’t exactly a fair assessment. 

Tony stepped over to him. “_Well_. Someone’s got a high opinion of themselves. I’m a genius, Rhodey. I can find Horgan before you can find your car keys.” 

Getting off the bench, you put a hand on his arm. “Honey. Glass houses… and all that... “

He turned to you. “Look- there’s a time and a place for _handbook reading_. Rule following. And it might bother him that we don’t-” 

Rhodey cut in. “Try **never**. You _always_ think you know better.” 

“Because I do!” 

The heat of this moment wasn’t necessarily a product of what was happening. It was many, _many_ things. Compounding. Building to break. Now could not be the moment this team fell apart. You raised both your hands, touching at both their shoulders. “Let’s split up. Rhodey you follow your contacts in the military, and Tony and I will take the more _seat of our pants_ approach and meet somewhere in the middle.” 

Both men looked at you, but it was Tony who offered his hand out for a shake to Rhodey first. “Okay. Friendly wager.” 

And Rhodey, grinning, shook it. “Whichever one of us doesn’t find Horgan has to polish the other’s suit. By hand.” 

“Limber up your polishing arm, pal.” The two of them staring each other down. 

With a hard roll of _your _eyes, this time, you turned away from the both of them with a more than dramatic sigh. And even even more dramatic, world-weary sound as you exclaimed your distaste. “Ugh. _Men_.” 

* * *

You weren’t sure you were expecting a lot to come out of Rhodey’s more nuanced approach of rule following and climbing the chain of command until someone decided to grace him with answers. Not that you didn’t love him, or respect his approach to things but… sometimes one needed to get their hands dirty. And do things they weren’t really supposed to. Or things that were legal. 

Which JARVIS reminded the two of you of, as you were back in the Tower penthouse, trying to chase leads that needed a little more _finessing_. “Is it illegal to hack into the email accounts of suspected organized crime figures?” The best place to start, right? Clearly Melter was going for a more _local_ clientele. 

You could practically hear JARVIS sighing. “Under the laws of-” 

Tony was poised over you as you sat on the couch, leaning on from the back, arms around your sides, fingertips on your laptop keys. Working. Breaking things. It took him a single moment to give you what needed. “Don’t worry about it, I just did it.” Pressing a kiss to the top of your head, leaving you after to go through your newly found data. 

It took you more than a little while to try and pick through what leads you could. Horgan had been in contact with some of the people on this list, though not all of them. But he was impossible to trace. Giving phone numbers out to burner phones he was dumping immediately after. Hours of work ended up in very little leads. Which was more than frustrating. 

Something Tony appreciated, as he’d left and come back. “Menacing the local menaces?” You had an idea that he may have been up to something like that. Which was why you hadn’t said anything when he’d left. You might have talked him out of it. 

“No one wanted to talk for money. Strange. Considering. And I’m not about to draw fire over this. Aliens attacking the city is one thing. Dozens of thugs showing up on my property for the next ten years is another.” He was mostly joking. ...you were pretty sure, at least. But it was nice to know he wasn’t firing on unsuspecting people- criminals although they may have been. 

The elevator doors opened, greeting you to a very annoyed looking Rhodey. Guessing why, you announced, “So we have nothing.” 

“Glad to hear it.” He sounded anything but. 

Tony opened up a few holographic air panels, scattering light and information everywhere. Wherever he could put his hands on it. He didn’t even look up at Rhodey, though he did address him. “I assume you’re here because your _careful detective work_ got you nowhere?” 

“One dead end after another. How’s flying by the seat of your pants going?” 

“It’s giving me a _pain_ in the seat of my pants.” Pointedly looking at him, finally. 

You let out a deep breath. “Horgan’s communicating with potential buyers through disposable cell phones. He might be stupid, but he’s smart.” 

Tony huffed out an amused sound. “Yeah. Well. One of the buyers told me he heard a sound in the background during their call. Like industrial machinery. But. It could be anything.” 

“You get anything? Even something small?” Resting your head on the arm of the couch as you looked up at Rhodey. 

“I traced the supplies he ordered. But they all went to a rented office where temp workers put them in cars provided by Horgan. After which those cars conveniently seem to disappear off the face of the earth. It’s not that I have nothing, I’ve got too much. He’s hiding in the busiest city in the world. It’s like looking for a needle in a haystack.” Letting his frustrations get to him, uptick in _anger _not hard to notice. 

Getting up from your spot, you went over to the both of them, side stepping Tony to pull the city map. “Not completely. We can pull hot spots- based off his flight trajectory. Off um…” Getting shy very suddenly. There was only one way to get information like that. 

And Mr. Rules was in the room. So…   
Tony grinned. “Based on security cameras. She means. Sure. We can rule some areas out.” He waved his hand, bringing up some feeds. It seemed like he’d already done some digging in this area. 

Rhodey tilted his head. “How’d you get access to all those-” Then, realizing what he was asking, he shook both hands. “Forget it. I don’t wanna implicate myself.” Pulling up his phone, he started typing. “Here. I’m gonna email you something to cross reference. It’s all the industrial facilities that registered a spike in power usage.” 

Once it blipped across Tony’s network, he pulled the information out of the thin air it came in on, lighting up his map. You leaned in, flicking away parts of the city until it got narrower and narrower. 

Rhodey pointed to one of the red spots on the map. Remote corner. “What’s this?”

Tony brought his hands up to zoom in. “An automobile scrapyard. Perfect place to melt things without being noticed.” 

The bulb went off. “And make suspicious cars with suspicious supplies in them disappear.” 

Taking just _all_ the credit, Tony turned to Rhodey with one of his usual know-it-all-grins. “See? Told you we’d figure it out.” 

The eye-roll Rhodey served him back could only be described as intensely fond. You shared the feeling. Locking your arms around both of theirs, “Yes. _We_ did.” 

* * *

While it didn’t do your mind any good to suit up alongside Tony and Rhodey, it was best if all three of you went. The sooner you closed this out, the better. Although, really, with the both of them, and now knowing what they were up against, did you _really _need to be here? Sure, you’d gotten humiliated, too. But you’d probably just be in the way. ...although you couldn’t tell if you really thought that, or it was just your troubled mind trying to find excuses not to go. 

“So. We’re really gonna wrap this up and _not_ get our asses kicked? Because I’d love to be able to schedule a press conference by the end of today.” Asking the men flanking both your sides through the air. 

Rhodey’s voice came in first. “Hey. I’m not planning on getting my ass kicked twice, thank you. But if you are, let me know. I’ll stay out of your way.” 

Tony was the first to touch down in the scrapyard. “Maybe we won’t even get a fight. I’m sure there’s a perfectly legitimate reason they’re using more power.” 

You were a very close second at his side, right as a beam shot your way, into a pile of cars that then wobbled into collapse. “Right. Or. Mr. Melty is here.” 

Still impressed with your ability to make jokes as ten cars fell right on top of your little trio. The three of you put your hands up, not much to worry about in the suits. But at least your mind was staying fresh and not going _elsewhere_. It might have been easy to slip.  
  
Mr. Melty was saying something, as he had the penchant for doing. Speaking in moments where the people who were supposed to be hearing him really couldn’t _hear_ him. In response, somehow in sync, the three of you bent at the knees and then lifted up, shoving the crushed cars off of you, and aiming a triple beam Melter’s way. 

“Hey.” Tony looked your way. “Did we ever decide who’s polishing whose suit?” As if that were of the utmost importance. 

Rhodey took off. “Why don’t we make him do it. Since he’s the one who got ‘em dirty.” 

Bracing down, you held both hands out to fire off a shot. “Sounds good to me!” 

Overwhelmed in the line of fire, Melter launched himself into the air. “Idiots!” Shooting a couple of quick rays your way. “What makes you think I can’t stop you the same way I did before?” 

Jumping in your line of fire, directing it away, Tony closed in on him. “Actually. I don’t know if you’ve heard. I’m actually the opposite. What’s the word? Oh. Right. _Genius_. I modified our systems to work independently.” You came around the back, just in time to aid his speech. With a well placed kick to Melter’s spine, you launched him directly into the swing of Tony’s arm. “Damage a leg? The fist works just fine!” 

Right in his trajectory, Rhodey put his hands out to grab him and then circled around twice to throw him into a pile of junk. “We’re ready for you now. Shouldn’t have let us get the team together.” 

The three of you eased off the fire of your jets, landing on the ground. Waiting for his next move as he pulled himself up to the ground. Now would be a good time for cuffs. Even more so, you realized, as he started laughing. “You only _think_ you’re ready. But you made a severe mistake!” 

He thrust his arm up, firing off a more concentrated ray, just above your head. In the line of that wide arc, he burned the cars behind you into a literal molten lava which spewed forward, capturing you whole. 

“You let _me_ choose the battlefield!” 

He was a little hard to hear, what with the bubbling of metallic fire encasing you and alarms blaring in both your ears. “LUNA we’re okay-! Right?!” Probably asking more for yourself.

“Heat temperature is rising! You’ll be fine but not forever!” 

Right. Don’t stay in the burning pile of liquid metal. Got it. Easy. Easy peasy. You took a deep breath. The sounds of fighting- metal on metal- were going on around you. What you could hear of it anyway. “Give me the back panel- I want a hard boost! On three!” 

Counting it up for her, making sure to hold your breath as she launched you hard upwards, ejecting you out of that goo pile. You just barely caught your footing on solid ground. See? Fine. Everything was fine. Except that Tony and Rhodey were still going at it. 

“We need to disable that ray!” 

“Good luck getting close to him!” 

Rushing forward, drawing his fire, “I’ll keep him busy!” You’d sat out for far too long anyway. It was time to play your part. He fired that ray on you almost immediately as soon as you were in view, and even more warnings starting going off. You lost the left arm first, going into immediate reboot. The right was about to be next, watching him charge up again-

But Tony got close enough behind him to reach up, grabbing a handful of cables and twisting them in a snap. “That oughta do it-” 

Melter swung back on his heel, delivering a plated elbow to Tony’s chest, sending him flying back. “You might have disabled my ray, but my suit is still fully charged! While _yours_ is useless!” The manic laughing started. 

LUNA spoke over him, “Iron Man is going into reboot!” 

It may have explained why he _wasn’t getting up_. He must have gotten too much of that ray. You felt like the same, pieces of your suit were flashing red in the display window on the right side of your HUD. Your repulsors were no longer working. What to do? 

Melter bent down to pick up a heavy piece of machinery, lifting it with ease. The only reason he didn’t throw it immediately was he seemed to be debating which one of you to take out first. “By the time either of you have rebooted I’ll have crushed you both-!” 

Taking his momentary hesitation as the gift that it was, Rhodey had gotten behind him, and gave him a tap on the shoulder. “Correction.” And when Melter turned to him, he leaned forward, bashing his iron head right into Melter’s- the one with only half a helmet on. You heard the crunch of his goggles. “My greatest weapon is myself.” 

Rhodey delivered a one-two punch. Sending him flying right in Tony’s path as he stood up. “Mind if I cut in?” Aiming a punch downward to put him deep into the ground. Then he looked up towards you. “Want a piece of this?” 

“No- I’m fine. Thank you.” Crisis averted. No need to beat on him any further. Sure he’d humiliated all three of you and had tried to sell his tech to the next highest evil bidder, but… he’d had enough. Surely. Stumbling over, headache starting up, you tried to make light of the situation. “Hey. Who won the contest?” 

Their laughter was probably the best balm. And over too soon. Melter interrupted it with a groan and a move to sit up. Something Rhodey squashed with a well placed boot on his chest. “Sit down.” Commanding very suddenly. “I’m handing you over to the military police.” 

Tony held a hand out. “You know, we make a pretty good team.” 

Rhodey shook it. “Don’t have to tell me twice.” 

And, just to get in it for fun, you put a hand over both theirs, zipping your line of sight up to deactivate the helmet with the quick command. Breathing a gulp of fresh air in, you smiled his way. “Ever heard of the Avengers initiative?” 

“Why?” His helmet slid down and he grinned back. “You in charge of recruiting?” 

Tony’s helmet came off last, and it was a relief to see the quirk of his lips. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but she’s more or less in charge of everything.” 

“Thank god for that.”  
  
Tony's smirk softened into a loving flash of a smile. "I agree." 

A lot to put on a person to be sure but… with the way they were saying it…? Hard to say no to that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finished with the little mini plot (which I swear to you was an MCU in-universe comic, feel free to look it up), so IM3 is imminent. I have a lot going on at the moment, so I'm not saying for sure I'm taking a break next week but as always you can check EvienStark on tumblr for updates, in case nothing appears on monday. I'm not sure just yet. But as always thank you for reading and you know.... if you've been enjoying it, please don't be scared to leave a comment! I like knowing you guys are still engaged!!


	69. ❤Chapter 69❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice.

A vacation. That’s what was promised. As soon as you’d cleaned up the Melter business, as soon as he’d been taken away in handcuffs and put in a cell. As soon as you’d finished the press conference. The first one, talking about the apprehension of such a dreadful man, and how long he was due to stay in prison (life, if Stark Industries’ lawyers were any good ((they were)) ). And the second press conference in the following week. Finally showing off the clean energy tech powering the _other _tech. Taking questions. And then-

Vacation. You were promised a vacation, right? More than that, you were _owed _a vacation. But your life was not that simple. 

Even after taking Dvahli back from a now slightly attached Bruce (even if he wouldn’t admit it), and flying back to California- that didn’t mean it was vacation time. And who took a vacation in their own house, anyway? Sure, you could. And even staying in bed for a long extended period of time would be more than enough to start the process of healing you’d _still_ been putting off…

But you couldn’t stay in that house. You couldn’t stay at the Malibu Mansion because that’s where Tony was building and keeping his demons locked up. Even if he didn’t see it that way. You needed to get him _out of there_. Away from the machines. The endless army of suits he still was really refusing to address. It didn’t matter if you wanted a vacation, or if you needed one, because life wasn’t going to stop. Not yet. Maybe not for a long time. 

Touch down was painful because the second you were off the jet, Happy started in about something in the car. You loved him endlessly but man, the guy could _not _read a room to save his life. He really seemed upset. He _was_ upset. And it was hard to listen about what now, because your mind was in a million different places. But he’d done so much for you, he deserved listening to. It became entirely too difficult to put him off, even for a day, even for a few measly hours, when Tony insisted you should take care of it- in front of him. With a promise that he’d be at the house when you were done.

Of course that’s where he’d be. That’s the only place he wanted to be. You saw that now. You should never have let the jet go back to California. You should have **demanded** to go anywhere else in the world but here. But it was too late. He was leaving, and Happy was taking you to your office. Where official business was to be conducted. It was going to start with him that afternoon, but now that everyone in the entire building knew you were there, it sure wasn’t going to end that way. 

“I know it’s been a rough couple of months. Years- uh-” Happy was sitting across your desk, shifting one leg up and then the other. Uncomfortable as he tried to tell you what his problem was. “I just feel like- I need a direction change. I’m not doing much. Not for Tony, anyway. So I’d like to request a transfer, or-”

“You wanna go somewhere else?” The thought was surprisingly devastating. He wanted to leave? Were the two of you mistreating him that much?

His hands shot up. “No! No of course not! That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what _are_ you saying?” It wasn’t fair to take your frustrations out on him. But you were only human. And you’d hit your tolerance level a long time ago. Probably a few months back. 

“I mean a- a job transfer. Not physically. Just- I’m gettin’ made fun of around the office. Probably around the world. You know my badge still says _Mr. Stark’s private security_? What good’s that doing him? Or me? Nothing. That’s what. He doesn’t need security anymore. I just wanna do something where I’m actually useful.” 

You had to try your absolute hardest not to put everything building up inside of you on him. It wasn’t his fault. Just that he’d sidetracked you off a five hour flight- let Tony get away to the house- dragged you to the office where now you were going to be unable to leave until midnight, if you were lucky- all because he was feeling fragile over his position. You put your hands on your lap, out of view, clasping them very hard together. This _was not_ Happy’s fault. 

“Okay. That’s fine. I’ll put in some official paperwork for you. What would you like your official title to be?” Breath in. Breath out. This was an easy fix. It didn’t matter. If it made him feel better it was fine. 

“Just.” His hands spread wide, like he was painting a picture. “_Head of Security_, sounds nice. I think. And. Also. Maybe a raise. If it’s not too much to ask.” 

“How much?” 

“...I hadn’t uh.. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” 

Breath in. Breath out. _Breath in. __**Breath out**_. When you’d calmed yourself about 1%, you steadied your voice. “Happy… maybe I don’t show it enough. But I do appreciate you being here for me. I appreciate that you’re always there at a single phone call. And that you’ve been driving me around. And flying me around. And that you always have my back.” This must all be stemming from that, right? He didn’t feel appreciated enough. And you _did_ sometimes work him hard. Tony didn’t need him anymore- so he was saying. You didn’t think that was extremely true, but that was the way he felt. 

His smile was some mix of nervous and grateful. “I don’t mind. It’s the best job in the world. I’m just. I know. I know it’s silly. But. You two are off with the super pals now. It makes me look obsolete.” 

He was _jealous_. And _hurt_. And not doing a very good job of hiding either. Tony had a brand new family he was adapting to. Spending time with. A super-powered family. So, maybe Happy was right. Tony didn’t need him as _security_. “I get it. I’ll put some paperwork through for you today. Just… don’t leave, okay? I still need you. And Tony still needs you, too. Even if he’s kinda lost in his own world right now.” 

“He seemed pretty eager to get home. You know what he’s doing there?” Not asking because he had no idea. Asking to make sure _you did_. And if you didn’t, that he could clue you in.

You appreciated this, too. Happy had been looking after Tony for a long time now. It might not have been the same self destructive tendencies Tony used to have as a wild alcoholic playboy, but they were still self destructive tendencies nonetheless. “I do. Don’t worry. I’m gonna talk to him about it.” You’d tried a few times already, for all the good it had done you.

None.

But that didn’t mean you could give up. 

Happy awkwardly stood, offering you an even more awkward handshake and murmur of thanks. But as he went to the door he turned back. “Now that I’m more _your_ security- I think- ...am I supposed to ask where your uh. Your thingy is?” He rubbed a hand over his own chest to let you know what he was talking about. 

“In my purse. Don’t worry about it.” 

Tony was letting his identity as a person and his identity as Iron Man bleed together without a second thought. Everyone, now, was doing the same thing to you. Constantly. You didn’t like it. Happy nodded a few times and then left, closing the door after him. You stood there, in the middle of your office, clenching your hands a few times to try and ground yourself. 

For a brief moment you weren’t sure if it was your own heart beating in your ears, or the one in your bag you just wanted to leave you alone. 

* * *

It was all too easy to get buried under meetings and emails and paperwork and just an endless stream of walk-ins. People that had important things to tell you, people who only _thought_ they had important things to tell you. Everyone that just _needed _something from you. The only thing any of it was good for was keeping your mind preoccupied. It was easy to forget Tony was home drowning in his lab. It was easy to forget your own existential crisis for a few moments, a few hours- 

The entire day. 

By the time the office was quiet, it was well past midnight. That thought alone dug at some of that well waiting to spring. You tried to bite it back as you called Happy to bring you home. And of course he was waiting and obliged you without a second thought. 

He dropped you at the house and then went on his way, with one sorrowful last look in the mirror. _Pity_. He was pitying you. And you had no idea what to do with that but ignore it. Were you supposed to be pitied? 

Tony was not in the living room. He was not in bed. There was no point in checking, but you did so anyway. Just in case the miracle of surprise graced your presence. You slipped out of your heels, out of your jacket, took off your bra, and dragged yourself down to the basement. Where he was working. Back turned to you. 

“Did you eat?” 

“Not yet. You’re home early.” 

He barely regarded you. And clearly had no sense of what was going on. You understood now, why he hadn’t called. Maybe part of you had expected him to try and check in on you. But it was you that was supposed to be checking in on him. Clearly. “It’s two in the morning.” 

His hands stopped working, pausing for an all too small moment in time to cast a look over his shoulder. “You just getting home?” 

You let it seep into him. Realizing how much time he’d lost in a haze. How long you’d been gone. That he hadn’t spoken to you, not a single word since the two of you had parted this morning. You let it come to him and only _then_ once it all registered, you stepped further in, closer, reaching up to take the goggles off his forehead, dropping them to the table behind you. 

Gloves came next, and you were pleased with how he offered his hands up, tools abandoned as he watched you. They were dropped to the floor. You steadied yourself. Trying hard for him, still. “Yes, Tony. I just got home.” 

“You seem…” His brows squinched together before one raised in an arch. “...mad? Something happen at the office?” Trying to place what emotion you were casting over him. Perhaps literally so. 

“I’m not _mad_.” Really. Truly. Not at him. Not at _anything._ Not at the nonsense that had kept you at work all day when you’d just wanted to come home. Not at Happy’s ego needing to be smoothed out. “I’m _frustrated_.” Frustrated with your lack of control over your own life. Frustrated that he was so lost and there seemed to be nothing you could do to help. It had never been this bad before, had it? “And I’m going to bed. And you’re coming with me.” 

It probably wasn’t the best idea to be laying down demands. But at what point would this stop? Clearly he needed nudging. He needed _help_. But you’d already tried this. The going to bed together thing. He’d learned not to argue, just as quickly as he had learned to wait until you’d dropped into sleep. Then he’d just get up anyway and come back down here. What did it matter? 

His negative response was imminent. You knew, as his eyes dropped just to your side- to the suit pieces on the table that he’d been working on. Then back to you. “Honey- I’m kinda in the middle of something- I just need to wrap up-” Back to square one. Back to him putting you off. You’d have to go through weeks of _this_ again to even get him to the point of sneaking out of bed. And then what did it matter? “-that thought about the rebook and the independent processing stuff- I think I can really use it-” 

Something else gripped you then as your frustration dialed up to ten in a flare. Reaching up, you took the sides of his open hoodie in your hands. “_Tony_.” How fine was the line here? And how soon would you cross it? He stopped talking, looking a little spooked. A little something else, too, you couldn’t quite place. “I already know we’re not going on vacation. And I already know that no matter what I say right now, nothing is going to get you to stop working. So please. _Please_.” You pulled him closer in, he went willingly in a one-two step, until your bodies brushed up against one another. “Tell me what I’m supposed to do.” 

It was a mistake letting him come home.  
Just like it was a mistake letting him get on that plane alone all those years ago.   
Your life tangled with his seemed to be just a long string of them. You couldn’t fix him. No matter how hard you tried. 

“My brain is just going- it’s gonna keep moving-” His voice had dropped a couple of octaves, leaking out in a mere murmur. 

“I know, Tony.” Because you did. He’d never stop. He _couldn’t_. He was physically, mentally, and emotionally incapable. 

“I just need to focus-” 

Something else slipped between you then. Your own frustrations had pinged something else in him. Blended and mixed with his rushing mind. His eyes were searching yours. “On what?” 

_Tell me. _  
_Tell me everything_. 

If you could just keep him talking, get him to sit down. Take a moment to breathe. To start letting it out- 

His arm swiped back across the table, sending Iron Man pieces and tools scattering to the floor in a loud clang. It startled you, for only a second. The dramatics of this were telling. But he wasn’t putting on a show for anyone else. He was merely _acting_ with no thought. 

“On _you_.” Because if he couldn’t work on his suits, if he couldn’t go to sleep, he needed something else to do. He needed somewhere else to put his attentions. And it wasn’t because you were the closest living thing to him. It was because you had just told him you were just as desperate to find a cure. 

So as he lifted you up onto the work table in one easy motion, you decided then. You’d just have to cling to each other in this overwhelming ocean of troubles. And hope you didn’t drown. 

His expert hands cradled your face, tilting your attention _up_ as he leaned in, locking lips hard with you. It took only a moment, a small breath between the both of you for him to delve deeper. Tongue brushing yours as you opened up for him, your own hands moving to curl into fists in his t-shirt as he slid his hoodie off his shoulders. But he couldn’t stay still for the life of him, turning your head hard to the left, teeth finding the bare patches of your neck with ease. Both actions coupled together drew a hard gasp from you and it stilled him for just a second. 

Nuzzling the spot he’d just turned red, he breathed out hard. “Should I stop? Did I read this wrong?” 

His beard scratched against your skin as you locked your legs around his waist, drawing him in as far as he could go. “Don’t you dare.” 

Sure, it had started a little dramatically, but you found it was just nice to be caught up together. Nothing else mattered. You’d bury your frustrations with him, and he’d unwind his noisy mind by doing the same. He only parted from his resumed nipping and kissing of your skin to lift your shirt off and practically throw it behind him across the room. You returned the favor, and delighted in the warm buzz of his skin against yours when he moved in again, and that steady glow of blue that threatened to consume you the same way he was. 

Your back arched into the sweep of his hand as he lowered and kept you steady at the same time, lips working a heated trail down from your collarbone to a breast. Keeping you just at the edge of dizzy with the swirl of his tongue and a soft suction that was driving you absolutely crazy. It was when he tried to dip lower your fingers threaded through his hair in a light pull and you exclaimed a heady, “_No_.” You couldn’t let him go. You didn’t _want_ him to go. “Stay…” 

Easing his attention back up into a gentler kiss that seemed to drag comfortably on for too long. It was only when your hips shifted and his palm shot down to grip your thigh that you both broke, dark noises mingling. “Right here?” His eyes were only a quarter open as his forehead touched to yours. 

Mindful of the scenery you were about to be no doubt fucked senseless in. _Too_ mindful, for your tastes. “Right here.” Urging him _onward_. Forward. Because you were losing too much time and momentum. 

Thankfully he didn’t wait after that. He was quick in half lifting you up so that he could all but rip your pants from you, leaving them in the same halfway point in the lab with the other clothes he was discarding. His own you tried to help him out of, but as soon as his belt was undone and his boxers slid down along with them, he moved again. 

You reached up, taking the sides of his head in your hands, breathing him in hard as you lifted your hips up once, just helping him find the _exact_ right angle. At which point he rocked in a hard thrust, burying his cock almost _too deep_. You grabbed him harder with a harsh cry out, urging his hands at your thighs, holding you still. “Say when-”

_Too mindful_ still. So you silenced him with a hard kiss first, a little half twist of your hips. And when you’d caught him in a groan you eased only half an inch back to catch his breath as you drew your next in. “No _when_. Just go. **Hard**. And don’t stop. I just _need you_, Tony. So _please-_” Very close to begging him, feeling that dam breaking. 

“I’ve got you.” Tone not matching the roughness in which the two of you found yourselves moving suddenly. Every slam of his hips shook the work table hard enough to move on its wheels. It was like he was constantly chasing you with each move, until finally the two of you found yourselves backed up against the wall. Then he did the most ludicrous thing of all. 

His hands sunk underneath you, lifting you in one quick, almost too-easy move, pinning you to there- to the wall- no table underneath. Your legs wrapped around his waist, delighting in the feel of him inside you like this. The small thrill it urged, as your arms came around him next. Even if- “_Tony-_” Even if you were a little unsure. 

And this time, when he said, “_I’ve got you_.” As his lips moved against yours, it broke a moan from you you weren’t sure you’d ever heard before. Because _he had you_, he wasn’t letting you go. You were safe there. No matter how hard he was fucking you- and at that point, you were just barely hanging on- _Tony had you_. 

You were safe.   
You were loved.   
_He had you_. And you had him. 

“_Tony_-” Your mind dissolving suddenly. Begging and pleading. 

“Tell me-” 

“Don’t stop. _Don’t stop- __**Don’t stop-**_” Each time you said it, he moved that much harder, sinking his cock that much deeper inside you. Striking every spot that had your hands clawing at his hair, had your breath leaving in a punch. And the rest of your thoughts dropped out from under you as the next mindless string exited on a moan. “Don’t stop- please- don’t- I’m- gonna- _oh- __**Tony**_-!” 

Every fibre of your being snapped as you came, almost a little too hard this time, hands raking up his back. He took all of it from you, including the next couple of noises as he locked you in another kiss, tongue finding yours as your head hit back against the wall. He chased you there, and pinned you that much harder as he kept moving. 

Moving too much- because he suddenly couldn’t stop either- and it was driving you to the very edge. Especially when he called your name- once- then again- every time it left his lips it sank another heat deep inside you, especially every time it was punctuated with another hard thrust. Your hands touched over his face, tilting him up, lips working over the corner of his jaw and then up. Until you stopped, pressing your forehead hard against his, and as his eyes opened you saw that deep, welcoming darkness there. And the next words out of him were whispered like a prayer, “_I love you_.” 

In that moment it became impossible to keep your gaze locked on his as your head moved, a second aftershock of an orgasm ripping through you. In a broken, desperate cry your head hit back against the wall, but he chased you there, and you felt the sizzling heat of nips and licks at your throat. Then the vibration of his groan as he came. His grip on your hips growing that much harder, fingers digging into your skin. 

The world went dark around the edges. You couldn’t catch your breath. He was shaking in one moment- and the next- 

You’d both ended up on the floor of the lab in a heap. There were no _extra_ aches to suggest that he’d let you go, or that you’d fell. Maybe more just sort of gently collapsed in a pile. It didn’t really matter. When _any_ sort of sense returned, the only thing you knew was you hadn’t yet returned his call. 

So it was the first thought that wisped across your mind.   
_I love you, Tony_. 

It urged a not quite coherent murmur from him. A shiver. And then, as the gears started chugging again, and he lifted his head to look at you, “...less frustrated?” 

That wasn’t the lens you wanted your recent _activities_ viewed through. Sweeping your fingers through his now fallen fringe of slightly damp bangs, you sported a terribly tired smile. “Are you coming to bed?” 

His own smile was much the same. “Soon as my legs start working again.” Much as you would have liked to consider this a victory, it was all too telling, when the small silence that had enveloped you was punched through. Because he was _still_ unable to sit through it. His mind was still going. “Are we gonna be okay?” 

And what a question to do it with. 

“Are we?” Not knowing how to answer that. If he had to ask… 

His head fell to your shoulder- more accurately, he was hiding his face. But that was about _all _he could hide. _Worry_ punched through you- his, and then your own. Wrapped in a thick blanket of that ever mounting _anxiety_. This hadn’t even been a band-aid over the larger problem the two of you were facing. It had been a piece of tape. At best. “I love you.” Suddenly his arms were coming around you again. Holding you. _Crushing you_. “Believe me when I tell you _nothing_ is more important to me than that.” 

“I do.” Easy to answer, because you _did_. But that wasn’t really the problem, was it? 

“Then we’ll be okay.” 

You wanted desperately to believe that.   
The two of you went to bed together that night, and maybe the sentiment became truer. But it lost its value by the morning light. When you turned over. 

And he was gone again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Nice_.


	70. Chapter 70 [End: Interlude]

August faded very quickly into autumn. September dipped in almost without notice. As you had suspected, there was no room for a vacation in your lives. You’d even doubly confirmed it with Tony, who wasn’t busy with anything but building that god forsaken army, for a reason you still didn’t really understand. You sort of did. But saying it out loud, or prompting him to… it was a moment the both of you were not ready for yet. You kind of understood it. You still had no idea what he’d seen through that wormhole, but you knew. You just _knew_. The thought of it was lurking in his consciousness every waking moment. 

And in all of his other ones. Sleep was difficult for him. Even when he did come to bed he was torn through with nightmares. The second he left one, he’d be up on his feet in a hurry. If you tried to get him to stay in the room he’d just pace in frustration. You had to let him go. You had to let him work. Because you couldn’t heal him. Not even, when you thought one time you might try to impart some _calm_ to him. Try to help. It was about the only way you could- but his own feelings were so _strong _they drowned you almost immediately. Sending you into a panic you almost didn’t crawl out of. 

He was growing stronger. And you?  
You seemed to be getting weaker. 

So you retreated. Shut that part of yourself out. If he could overwhelm you like that, you knew it wasn’t safe for you to be so open. And what happened if something was wrong with _you_? And you made him **worse**? You couldn’t take that chance. 

That’s when the distance really started creeping in. You began spending more time at work, and he barely left the lab. For you, there always seemed to be ten meetings back to back, and a never ending pile of paper work. You had proof of concept meetings and deadline meetings and tech demo meetings… the holiday season was right around the corner, and Stark Industries was gearing up to release some really amazing things on the market- not to mention Avenger rights had just been proofed and signed. 

You didn’t want to make the Avengers into some trite team solely for toy property, but it was better to have that paperwork now. So you could go after people who tried to abuse the name later- which they would. They always would. You were trying to protect your team. And… sure, your net worth was in the billions, but the Tower didn’t pay for itself. So a few action figures on a few store shelves never hurt anyone. And the team signed off on it anyway- all except Thor. Who you still had no idea where he was. Or if he was even coming back. 

Fury’s furious phone calls got put on a backburner, light blinking endlessly. You had the sneaking suspicion at some point he was going to come to your office and unleash hell but. Until that moment… you were just doing what had to be done. Honestly. Really. Truly. And Tony, in the middle of one of your harried exchanges, had said it was a good idea, too. So that was that. Papers were signed, you shipped out documents for Avengers’ signatures, and it was a done deal. 

That was exactly the kind of needless work you buried yourself in. If only to keep your mind on something. Anything. It was halfway through an email that two people below you could have handled that you realized you really were exactly like Tony sometimes. Except he was putting his racing mind to work on something he thought mattered. You were… holding down a fortress that sometimes you were pretty sure didn’t need you.  
  
It was in one of those moments, not that one, more like several days later, that you thought about picking up the phone and calling Rhodey. Asking him for that list of therapists. Or…  
  
“JARVIS?” Wondering if he was still at your beck and call. He was no doubt servicing Tony in the lab, but he also had said he wanted to keep steady in touch with you. 

“Yes, ma’am?” He answered exactly on time, one second after you’d called for him, steady easy voice filling your office. 

But now that you’d called him, you felt a little embarrassed. “Uh- never mind. It’s not important.” Ducking your head to scribble nonsense on some paperwork, pretending to work. As if that would make him go away. 

“I very much doubt that.” 

You pressed your lips together, and then let a deep sigh escape you, shoulders drooping. If you didn’t keep working you were liable to doze off. You could feel the tiredness seeping in, now that you were speaking to a much more friendly voice. A _homey_ voice. You wondered briefly what Tony was doing. “Do you… do you still have that list of therapists? Oh- actually… I think I remember you saying you _could_ put one together- not that you did- so- never mind-” Speech rapid as you basically were trying to talk yourself out of this as much as him. 

But of course he was not going to let it go. “I have a list, ma’am, yes. Would you like it?” 

“Hmn…” You cradled your chin in your upturned palm as you sat your elbow on your desk. “Are they… local? Or are they like… New York? Or…” 

“Considering your reputation, Ms. INY, I am sure they will travel to assist you.” 

You weren’t really sure _what_ to make of that. Sure. People would come for the right price. Or- as he was saying- because _you_ were _you_. And _Tony_ was _Tony_. But were those the kind of people you wanted? Ones that wanted to drop everything for money and the chance to speak with a pseudo-celeb? A superhero? Probably not. 

JARVIS broke your unending silence, “I sense you are having second thoughts.” 

“I don’t know. Yeah. I guess. I think… I think maybe it’s just- therapy might not be for me-” _Definitely_ trying to talk yourself out of it now. 

“How will you know that unless you try?” 

He just had to try and make sense for you. He was right, too. How could you possibly know unless you sat one session? Met some therapists? You couldn’t. You were just… “Is Tony okay, JARVIS?” 

The abrupt switch in topic seemed to throw him. His response was delayed by several seconds. “I’m not qualified to make that assessment, I think.”

“You’re the most qualified out of anyone else I know.” 

“Save you, I assume.” His sass at least got you to smile briefly. But when you didn’t answer, he resumed. “He is troubled, ma’am. I’m sure you’re aware. I’m doing my best, but I am not sure what I can do to help him at this moment. I’ve attempted to keep track of his sleep records, in order to try and get him to recognize his own patterns, but he rebuffs me every single time.” 

It didn’t surprise you that JARVIS was trying to help. In fact, it just warmed you. He was so much more than an AI. You’d known that for a long time now. He was part of your family. And he loved Tony, for as much as a program could. You were sure of it. So to see Tony suffering… JARVIS must have been hurting as much as you. 

“And you, ma’am, you haven’t been sleeping much either, lately.” 

And then he had to go and do _that_. Because if he was keeping an eye on Tony, he was keeping an eye on you. He’d already said as much. “I know.” 

“You come to the office far more than is required of you.” 

“I know…” It was like getting scolded. Just without the harsh tone. It still felt the same. “I don’t know what else to do. I’m scared if I stop for too long I… I don’t know… when it’s too quiet I just…” Flashes of New York passed somewhere behind your eyes. The ringing in your ears of battle. 

“I believe you and Tony are suffering from the same thing. And this time apart from each other is only worsening the effects.” 

_Tony_. JARVIS was doing that thing again. Where he spoke intimately, familiarly of the two of you. Your head lifted, eyes looking to the ceiling, as you always did. Picturing him up there. Somewhere. Watching down on you. “I think you’re right.” Looking after you. “I should go home?” 

“I think you should-” 

Your office door opened suddenly causing you to jolt, as if you’d been doing something you shouldn’t have. JARVIS shut down completely, his voice disappearing. Pepper stuck her head in, sensing she may have interrupted something. “Sorry- is this a good time? Your five o’clock is here.” 

While you were almost completely positive you didn’t have any more meetings this late in the day, it wouldn’t have been the first time you’d been so consumed with your own thoughts and grief that something had slipped by you. You had to take a breath, smoothing out the lines of your skirt, pulling your jacket, and tucking a few stands of hair behind your ear. Just trying to appear _normal_. “Yes, that’s fine. Who is it?” 

Instead of answering you she stood aside- unusual for her, she knew better than to just let people wander into your office, even if they had an appointment. You needed to be prepped for these things. Because as an older but kind looking bald gentleman was wheeled into your office by a tall gorgeous woman with long white hair, side shave, and sharp blue eyes, you really had no idea what to make of things. 

Awkwardly you stood, half reaching over the desk when he offered his hand. “Uh- sorry, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. …?” Damn it, Pepper. You looked like an asshole. 

He shook your hand back and you felt a little more calm as he smiled up at you, especially when he waved his hand prompting you to sit. “You can call me Charles. The pleasure is all mine.” 

Before you could gracelessly dump yourself into your chair you stood a little higher to offer your hand to the woman he’d come in with. “And Mrs. …?” 

She chuckled. A warm sort of noise, shaking your hand in a strong grip. “Just Ms. Munroe is fine.” 

After getting that out of the way you finally allowed yourself to plop into your chair. “Charles and Ms. Munroe. How can I help you?” 

Charles shifted forward, settling his hands together. “You’re a very busy woman, and I respect your time. You’ve been quite hard to get a hold of.” 

“I’m sorry. There’s been a lot going on.” Understatement of the fucking century. 

His smile grew into a soft grin and he laughed. “Believe me, I understand. I won’t take up too much of your attention. I’m not sure you got our paperwork, I’ll leave some for you. But let me get right to the point… I have a school for gifted children, in upstate New York. I was hoping to get you to come visit.” 

Your expression overtook you before you could help it. Suspicion and… “Me?” Doubt. _Gifted children_ were not your forte. It dawned on you. “Oh- you must mean- you want Tony to come give a speech or something?” Put stars in their eyes. Tell them to put their best foot forward. So on. So forth. “I can put it on his schedule-” 

“No, you misunderstand me. I’m asking _you_ to come by. Mr. Stark’s presence, while welcomed, is not required.” 

Warning sirens were going off. This seemed fishy. “I don’t think I’d be a good fit for an environment like that.” 

Charles’ smile grew ten times, and those kind eyes of his flashed. “I think you’re wrong. I think you’re exactly what we need.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” Being completely honest. Anything you _did_ want to say needed to be backed up with a lot of research first. This may have just been another scam. Or somebody- Charles in this case- needing money or even seed money for this school. It wouldn’t be the first time someone would ask Stark Industries for something like that. It wouldn’t be the last- 

...but he wasn’t asking for that. Right? If he was, he would have just said it. He wanted _you_ to come over there. For what? With everything going on in your life at this point, you couldn’t be too careful. 

“You don’t have to say anything. Here. Take this.” He held up a folder. “Go through it at your leisure and call me when you’ve decided.” Seemingly leaving the decision up to you. As he had to. It wasn’t like he could force you to go. And if they were super villains or something… surely they would have put a bag over your head and just stolen you by now, right? ..._right_? 

This would be the absolute _perfect_ time to… do something you shouldn’t. To… maybe try and get a _read_ on him. A little one. Small. If he was trying to deceive you, you’d be able to feel that, right? So as you reached out, and laid your hands on that folder, you stared at him but just beyond, slipping into that dark space. 

You sensed… _resilience_. _Strength_.  
And _**need**_. He needed something from you. But what was it? What would your being at his school do? 

He smiled at you again, and it was as if he’d put a knife between you. Severing the connection. “At least tell me you’ll consider it.” Breaking your concentration completely. 

“Yeah- ...yes, sorry. I’ll take a look-” 

Right on time as you were starting to feel a bit overwhelmed, your office door opened again. Instead of a nervous Pepper, a sure-footed Tony stepped into your office. He was wearing one of those sharp suits of his, red with a skinny crimson tie, and in his arms he had a bouquet of wildflowers. “Sorry. Is this a bad time? I interrupting anything?” Asking, as he knew exactly that’s what he was doing. 

You stood on uneasy legs. “What are you doing here?” _Dressed like __**that**_? 

“No interruption, Mr. Stark.” Charles spoke as Ms. Munroe wheeled him around to face Tony. He offered a hand. “It’s a pleasure meeting you. We were just on our way out.” 

Tony reached out with his free hand to give him a fast and sturdy shake. “How ‘bout that. Great timing. Nice meeting you.” Speaking efficiently. Quickly. In that way of his where he was letting the both of them know he was on a mission and not really in the mood to hear anything else. 

Some might call it _rude_. 

Luckily, Charles seemed to not take it personally, and Ms. Munroe continued wheeling him out of your office. Though he spoke your name one last time before exiting, stopping at the door. “I look forward to your call.” 

“It was nice meeting you…” Voice unsure now that he was mostly gone- and then as Ms. Munroe shut the door behind the two of them, you directed your attention on the man who had thankfully interrupted that suspicious meeting. “Should I ask again?” 

He only smiled, stepping closer in, over towards the desk, offering the flowers. “Honey, I’ve been thinking.” 

“Do you ever stop?” Trying to play at mad, but it was impossible. You took the flowers into your arms, giving them a small inhale. 

He shook his finger at you. “Good point. Uh- hey before I get into it, what’s going on with the tall drink of water driving around Ms. Daisy?” 

A snort of a laugh escaped before you could even think to stop it- and it shouldn’t have. What a _terrible_ thing to say. You put a hand to your mouth. “_Tony_.” But at your reaction he only grinned hard. “I don’t know. His name is Charles, by the way, and Ms. Munroe. They want you to go speak at their school I think.” That made the most sense, right? They were trying to charm you first, so that they could get in good with Tony after the fact. Most people tried to pull that one on you. 

It never worked. 

“Put it on the schedule. Anyway. Now that that’s out of the way.” Clearly not caring in the slightest. Probably just checking that everything was copacetic. Sliding in closer, he put an arm around your waist. “Like I said- I’ve been thinking. I know we’re both busy. But, if you think you could stop being busy for a few hours…” 

There was a flutter of frustration, it was difficult not to show it. He locked himself in the lab at all hours but the second he decided it was time to be together, then that was it. “You’re trying to whisk me away because it suits you.” 

His expression vanished and a vague sense of _guilt_ crackled along his edges. “I know I haven’t been doing the best. Or. Even close to it. But. I also know I need to try. So I’m trying.” Something you did appreciate, to be sure. And his trying was the only way the two of you were going to climb out of this hole together. So you couldn’t just shut him down. “And- hey, it’s Friday. I was thinking- why not make it a thing. Fridays.” 

Your brow lifted. “You want… to start doing date nights?” 

That was so- 

That was so…

_Normal_. 

Normal!!!! 

His brows knit, lips pursing slightly. Sure that he’d lost you. “...cheesy idea?” 

Dropping the flowers to your desk, you wrapped your arms around his neck and lifted up to kiss him senseless. One after another. _Normal_. You could lead a normal life? Could you really? Was it possible? The two of you were busy- but he wanted to make time. He wanted to do _date nights. _“It’s a wonderful idea.” One more kiss. “Thank you.” 

* * *

The night turned into something very wonderful. Something very special. Because Tony was _present_. He was _there_. When he looked at you, you could tell he was looking _at_ you. Not looking beyond you, or letting his eyes glaze over. When he talked to you, he was _talking to you_, and when he listened he was really _listening_. He wasn’t just passively participating in conversation he wasn’t interested in. He wasn’t miles away. 

He was there. With you. In that moment. 

He’d gotten you a back table at a restaurant that had a waiting list ten years long. But for Tony Stark? A table was always open. The place also had a private lounge where boozy couples sat in big plush chairs while other similarly drunk couples aimlessly waltzed around the dance floor. You and Tony eased yourselves with only a couple glasses of wine with dinner, talking about things that didn’t matter- the most important things of all right now.

How your day had gone, how things were. What his latest suit looked like. How Dvahli had scratched up the corner on one of his ultra expensive couches. How Bruce had called to say hello earlier… just little things. Life things. _Normal_ things. 

When your plates were empty, dessert come and gone, you two indulged in some of that intoxicated swaying down in the lounge. Other celebrities parted in your wake, and respected your space while the two of you held each other close and merely swayed along with the soft band playing just beyond you. Your head eventually found his shoulder after he twirled you around the one time and you laid your hands on his chest. Murmuring sweet a little, “I love you.” And then, “Thank you…” 

Intensely enjoying just a night of being together. Not worrying about everything else that moved around you in an endless frenzy. His hands stayed on your hips, just holding you close while you stepped in and out of time together. It wasn’t really even dancing at this point. His lips lowered to your ear, whispering in a hot murmur a secret only you were allowed to hear, “_I love you more_.” 

It drew giggles from you, and instead of vocally protesting- for how could that even be close to being true- your lips slipped over his, and his hands reached up to cup the sides of your face. Keeping you there. For too long a time in present company. But nobody else mattered. 

The lull of the evening was broken when the two of you stepped outside, and he slipped his jacket over your shoulders as you waited for the valet to come back around. An annoyingly familiar voice called both of your names, and when you turned, it was like she’d appeared in a haze of smoke. Probably right from the depths of hell. “Christine Everhart. How can we help you?” Not doing much to hide your disdain. Tony’s arm came around you, quite protectively so. 

Christine held a recorder up. “I was wondering if you’d like to comment on a story I’m following. Sources say Stark Industries is turning away families from their supposed clean up fund- families who need the most help. Are your funds are going to people who can do without. It’s all for show.” 

You held your own. “You might wanna recheck your sources or you’re looking at a libel suit.” 

“Source works for you- or used to. Until you fired her for doing her job.” 

At this you really couldn’t hold back a laugh. “I fired her because she was doing what you’re saying-”

“So you admit it.” 

“I _fired her_ because she wasn’t doing what I instructed. I was very clear about a no minimum policy. She decided to do whatever she wanted. So when I found out about it I fired her. You know, Christine, I used to kind of respect you. But now it seems like you’re just chasing headlines and less the truth.” 

Her lips quirked to the side, crossing one arm underneath the one holding her recorder out. “You think it’s right for private citizens to cause wanton destruction with no care and murder with no charges filed? Care to comment on that?” 

“If you’re talking about the Avengers and the attack on New York, you’re a few months behind. I’ve addressed this enough. You can’t really be that blind. You _just_ asked me about the cleanup fund we have in place. Go bother somebody else.” Really having had enough of her nonsense. 

She swung her recorder up Tony’s way. “What about you, Mr. Stark? Care to comment on the fact that a private US citizen is allowed to fly around in a suit of armor and dispose of whoever he pleases?” 

“Gosh, Christine, it’s really nice running into you. Here, of all places. Who tipped you off? Was it the waiter? The maitre’d? How much did you have to pay them?” She opened her mouth to answer him just as the car roared to a stop on the sidewalk. He held a hand up to her. “Ah, you know what? Don’t answer. Probably not enough.” He held open your door for you and you climbed in, spotting him hand the valet a couple hundreds. Then he walked around the car, giving Christine a lackluster wave. “Have a good night, won’t you?” 

WIth that he sat in the driver’s seat, wasting no time in putting the pedal down and firing out of the parking lot. His fingers drummed on the steering wheel. You could sense the _frustration _leaking off of him. Reaching over you put a hand on his leg. “We’re alright.” 

“It’s not us- what- you think I’m worried about her next gossip piece?” Aiming a rather dry look over your way. “Someone told on us. In a place that’s supposed to be bred for a quiet night out.” What he was saying was he felt violated. And he was right. Celebrities were supposed to be able to come and go at their leisure without being photographed or bothered by the Christine Everhart’s of the world. 

Someone ruined his dinner plans with you.  
That did not sit well with him. 

“What are you thinking?” Not completely worried he was about to do something brash. 

At least until he said, “I don’t know. How about buying the place? I think you’re about to object.” 

“Do we need a restaurant?” 

“Well I don’t know about _need_.” Flexing his hands on the wheel as he came to a stop at a red light. “It’s just. I don’t know.” He took half a breath in and then sighed it out. You waited patiently for him to come to a conclusion. “It was fine, when it was just me. You know? Shutterbug. Camera darling. But when they’re coming after you… I have a problem with it.” 

It was seemingly impossible for him to melt your heart any more than he already had. Or dig himself a further hole inside of it. But he did almost every day in some way. Even when the two of you were wading through life’s troubles. The light turned and he sped off again. “We’re alright, Tony. I’m okay. I can handle her.”

He shook his head. “It’s not about _handling_. You shouldn’t have to.” 

“Kinda comes with the territory.” Whether you liked it or not. That was life. That was life with him. That was the life you’d chose. 

“LIfe’s not gonna change because I feel bad about it. But just know that I don’t care what it does to my reputation- or yours- or the company’s. If you get ambushed and you feel like taking off without a word, don’t second guess it.” He wanted you to be safe. Safe in a world where that wasn’t really an option. 

The evening had been ruined- by a smaller version of events that were akin to the same ones he was feeling restless about. You felt like you were starting to get to the root of the issue, here. He couldn’t always be around to escort you into a car or stand strongly behind you or _protect you_. 

You waited until he pulled past the gate and up the driveway, putting the car in park. Then you reached over, palm against his cheek, turning his gaze to you. His hand went up to hold yours in place. “We’re okay, Tony. I’m okay.” Assuring him again, more gently this time. 

His eyes searched yours. “Yeah.” But his tone was weak. Not assured at all. “Yeah…” Just like that his gaze unfocused. And his mind was gone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me how you felt about this chapter. Nothing significant happened in it, but it's still nice to know anyway :] Friday starts IM3! I promise!


	71. Chapter 71 [Begin: Iron Man 3]

Friday night dates had been a good idea. Until they weren’t anymore.  
  
Until he was late a few times. And you were late a few times. And a couple of times the night had been ruined by the now seemingly endless stream of paparazzi that you were sure Christine Everhart was behind. Because if you’d just _submit_ to an interview where you said everything she wanted you to say and none of the things that were actually true… she’d stop calling you. Stop calling Pepper. Stop calling Tony. Stop calling Stark Industries leaving incessant voicemails and emails. And she’d surely stop slandering you to all her fans on the internet- as you’d _sadly_ noticed her show had been moved off primetime air. 

But the internet was the way of the future, they say… so surely it couldn’t have been that terrible for her. 

Still. She was insistent on ruining your lives. So she did. Until Friday night dates were no longer publicly accessible, as you spent them in your home. Safe. Sound. Some part of you knew Tony preferred this. He’d gone further down the rabbithole of being adamant about you not being bothered. About Happy sticking by you- even though you were fully capable of protecting yourself from would-be photographers and campers with microphones.

You were an Avenger, damn it. It didn’t make you feel that nice to be treated like a fragile piece of glass. Sure, more often these days you seemed to jump at every stray shadow and every surprise noise- scaring the bejesus out of Pepper more than once just by being startled by her suddenly appearing. Your gasps would trigger her own fright and then she’d chastise you for being so jumpy. 

_Sorry_, you’d say. And mean it. But it didn’t fix anything.  
So it was nice to curl up with Tony in the fortress that was your home. It was nice to just have a dinner in, and then pretend to watch a cheesy movie on TV, while Dvahli climbed into one or both of your laps, often now lying with her tummy up, sprawled out over both of you. 

It wasn’t a perfect home, but it was… mostly happy. As long as you and Tony were content ignoring all the other problems. 

But sometime around the start of November- maybe it was the end of October, it was getting hard to keep track now, he started missing Friday date nights- the ones that were _in your house_. The ones that he should have been fully capable of making it to, seeing as, oh, _he was only ever in the basement all the time_. 

_He’s hurting_, you reminded yourself, when he answered your call from the lab instead of walking up a flight of stairs. Telling you he just needed an hour to sort through an accident that had happened. 

_He’s grieving_, you said over and over again. Grieving his sense of identity, grieving his sense of independence- and suddenly you found yourself grieving too. The loss of… life. Everything. Nothing was as it should have been. 

_He’s traumatized_, you knew. So that made it okay, right? That made it okay- what he was doing, building all those suits. That made it okay that he stopped answering your calls in the middle of the day. _That made it okay_, that on the fourth Friday in November- the Friday that should have led into a three day weekend, seeing as how it was only your third anniversary that Sunday- he told you to leave the dinner you’d brought on the table by the door, and barely looked up at you. 

...that made it okay, right? 

A cloud loomed over you almost all the time after that. It wasn’t hard to take notice. Pepper asked if you were okay. Happy asked if you were okay. Random Stark Industries employees- ones that actually _weren’t_ just trying to curry favor for once- asked you if you were okay. Because you looked a little gray. And down. And… 

_Sad_. 

The entire atmosphere at the office, every floor, started to shift. At first you just thought everyone else must be having a bad time with life, too. But it was the following Friday when Pepper looked at you for too long a time and then just _burst_ into tears that you understood what was really going on. 

And at that moment you wanted to lock yourself at home, too. 

It became an awful reciprocal thing. She was out of her depths, apologizing endlessly, telling you she didn’t know what was wrong with her. And you were just barely hanging on. Just enough to tell her you were going home early, and that she didn’t have anything to be sorry about. Barely hanging on as you climbed into the back of Happy’s car. 

Feeling like maybe you could breathe through this and not just break down- it wasn’t a _real_ breakdown, you told yourself. It was just- you were amplifying everyone around you, and they were just mirroring you. So it wasn’t- it wasn’t _real_. These weren’t your real feelings. 

Then the car pulled up in the driveway. 

And there waiting for you was a giant- _massive, bigger than the driveway_\- cream colored stuffed rabbit. The crew that had put it there, presumably, was just leaving. And Tony, standing in front of it, waved to you as you got out of the car. Happy pulled back out on the the curb, but stayed. Idling. Watching. 

“Hey- I uh… I know I messed up. Big time.” He was talking to you, more like at you, simply because you were having trouble processing what was going on. What you were looking at. What was happening. He side stepped to wave his arm up at you. “Oh, this? Anniversary gift. Don’t tell me you love it yet. Just wait. It’s cotton with leather. For the uh- ...the uhm… second and third year is supposed to be-” His words were getting lost in a choked fog. 

A wet sheen took over his eyes. 

Raising his hand he almost violently wiped the back against the corner of his left eye. “Why am I-” As if he couldn’t make sense out of what was happening. 

_You were infecting him. _  
Just like you’d infected everyone else. 

“I have to go.” Go where? You had no idea. But you needed to get _away_ from him. He was already suffering. You’d just make it worse.

But as you tried to rush by him to the house he grabbed your arm. “Hey- _hey_-” Commanding just a little as you felt both your threads start pulling loose. “I mean- just say you don’t like it and that’ll be that, but this-?” 

“Tony I can’t do this. I can’t do this _right now_.” Begging him hard to just let you go. Let you leave. 

It was the worst thing in the world when he did. When his fingers slipped away and he held his hands up in defeat, looking at you with such an open concerned gaze. _You were broken_. He could see it then. That one moment. 

“Honey-” 

In a mad dash you turned away from him and ran up the steps into the house.  
_Breathe-  
_Into the bedroom._  
Just breathe through it-  
_Into the bathroom._  
Just hold on-  
_Sliding down against the now locked door._  
I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay._

You were anything but. And after an hour had slipped by, his gentle knocking came at the door. Followed by a solemn, “Honey… talk to me…” You could hear him kneeling down, could almost feel him pressing his palms up against the door. Trying to _feel_ you. 

But that’s what you did. And you were just at the end of shutting down. Of putting those walls up so high you hoped they’d never come down again. 

The lies started. “I just had a rough day at work- Pepper was completely emotional- I think maybe she broke up with a boyfriend or something- she started crying in my office and- you know _how I am_.” **Lying**. With a silent apology, _sorry Pep, please forgive me_. Not wanting to blame her, but it wasn’t like he’d double check with her. 

He waited. For a moment you thought he knew you were lying so much it must have offended him and he’d got up and left. But, eventually, you heard a soft exhale. “So… you _don’t_ hate the rabbit?” 

Trying. Trying to make you feel anything but _this_. And to his credit, your lungs huffed out a forced laugh. “I don’t think I really _get _the rabbit, but I don’t hate it.” 

“It’s an anniversary gift.” 

“I heard that part.” 

“Hey- can you come out? I don’t really like talking to the door. It’s kind of interloping on our conversation.” 

You weren’t sure you were ready yet. But he was asking. And the more you did whatever the hell this was, the more you ran the risk of upsetting him more. He didn’t deserve that. He was already struggling. So you gathered the rest of your courage. A deep breath. Stood, and then opened the door. 

He was standing right on the other side of it, with those soft, imploring eyes. So quick to threaten your hard work. He was going to ask what was wrong with you. You couldn’t let him do that. So instead you cut him off just as he opened his mouth to ask, “Can the rabbit actually fit in the house?” 

“Uh-” He’d wanted to have a real conversation and got cut off by nonsense. But it was his _own_ nonsense, so what could he do but pay it heed? “Good question. I’ve uh- actually got a team tomorrow to come answer that question.” Reaching out, he put an arm around your shoulder, drawing you _out_ of the safe enclosed space that was the bathroom. “Probably gonna blow the front wall out.” 

“Oh how nice.” 

“My calculations might have been a little off.” 

“That’s very unlike you.” 

The two of you slipped into easy banter. Things you knew. Sass and sweetness. Ignoring everything. Ignoring absolutely all of it. “Too true- see, this is the part where I tell you JARVIS had the schematics. I think he misplaced a one somewhere.” 

“Don’t blame me for your mistakes, sir.” His ever-present voice answering a question that had not been posed to him. 

  
He clamped the fingers of his hand over your shoulder up and down, “Blahblahblah- he’s embarrassed. I would be, too. Anyway…” 

Worried he was going to try asking again, you diverted. “I haven’t eaten today, are you hungry?” Rushing by anything he might have wanted to get into. 

You’d officially turned into him. Putting everything off because you just didn’t want to talk about it. _Couldn’t_. And couldn’t deal with him caring for you over it. Because that would make it worse. And he had his own problems and- 

...god, the two of you really were in trouble, weren’t you? 

* * *

Yet you had no idea, truly, the scope of trouble you were in. There was no possible way for you know. To even come close to understanding. December came. And right at the beginning you dug yourself a hole about as big as Tony’s. Wanting to stay away from him for fear of causing more trouble. Not wanting to fall to pieces in front of him. But at the same time, he was failing at a balancing act of being just as deeply troubled as you were, yet trying to check up on you where you’d let him. 

It couldn’t go on like this forever. The two of you couldn’t trade positions back and forth until- ...until what? Until one of you actually admitted you needed help? Said you were going to find someone to talk to? Maybe that really was the first step. Maybe you needed to be the one to make it. 

It just seemed very impossible. 

Even more so, when at the beginning of the third week of December, in the middle of a Board meeting, both LUNA and JARVIS pinged you simultaneously with a doubled up, “Ma’am,” in your ear. It got you to stand, and quieted the other voices in the room as you put a hand to your ear. They wouldn’t bother you- especially not in _tandem_ unless something was wrong. 

JARVIS took over. “The Ali Al Salem air base has reported a bombing. Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes is stationed there.” 

Your heart stopped. “Casualties?” 

One of the older, gruffer gentlemen in the room tapped his hand on the table. “Excuse me, Ms.-”

“_Shut up_.” You held your finger up to him, still pressing other hand to your ear. It didn’t matter what they thought of you in that moment. None of it mattered. None of this fucking mattered if Rhodey- 

“The report only just went public, casualties listed at 39. No soldiers. Please direct your attention to the screen. An unauthorized broadcast is taking over all airwaves.” 

JARVIS turned on one of the big monitors in the front of the room and every pair of eyes turned that way. A high pitched tone greeted the air, and a flat image of multi-colored bars. Like a long forgotten stand-by symbol. Except on top of it were _ten rings_, each one with a gun inside of it. And a pair of swords at the center. 

You pressed your hand harder to your face, feeling a tremor come over you. “Tony…” Calling out for him, terrified, knowing one of your AIs would make the connect for you.  
  
“I’m here.” 

“You seeing this?” 

“_Yeah_.” His voice was tight. 

The screen flickered to life. A man in long dark robes, his back to the screen, walked down a row of people on their knees. Men toting guns stood by in the background. The location was remote. In a desert somewhere. As the camera moved around him, his face appeared. He had long hair tied up in a top knot, a long scraggly beard- sporting sunglasses. 

As he walked away from what you knew to be hostages, the camera focused on the men behind him hiking up their weapons and arming on the people kneeling. A voice hit the silence. “Some people call me a terrorist.” The men opened fire. You wanted to look away, but you forced yourself to watch. Because you knew this was your world coming undone. “But I consider myself a teacher.”  
  
The footage cut between idyllic images of people and scenery, and that man in some dark room. “America, ready for another lesson?” Images of Native Americans flickered in and out of the screen. “In 1864 in Sand Creek Colorado the U.S. military waited till the friendly Cheyenne braves all gone hunting, waited to attack and slaughter their families left behind, and claim their land.” 

He removed his sunglasses, and intermingled with him talking to the camera, new images emerged. Buildings on fire. “Thirty-nine hours ago the Ali Al Salem Air Base in Kuwait was attacked. I… I…” He appeared again, and a twisted smile greeted the camera. “I did that. A quaint military church filled with wives and children, of course. The soldiers were out on maneuvers, the braves were away.” The camera moved to an unflattering angle, and he looked right into the lens.  
  
Between his words more footage of explosions were happening, people chanting in the streets, guns, violence- “President Ellis, you continue to resist my attempts to educate you, sir. And now, you've missed me again. You know who I am, you don't know where I am. ... and you'll never see me coming.” The screen cut out, that high monotone noise accompanied with their logo on the screen before it went to black and a newscaster who looked ghastly pale sat in dead silence. Most likely trying to comprehend what had just happened. 

You turned and walked out of the conference room. “JARVIS get me Rhodey- conference him. Now. _Now_.” 

  
Tony spoke first, “Come home. Now.” 

“I’m on my way.” As you jetted down the hall, you caught Happy sitting in a chair by your office and waved to him. He got up and followed on heel. “Tony-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it. JARVIS, you get an answer yet?” 

Happy’s voice got mixed in with the onslaught, “You don’t even have your stuff!”

“Just one moment, sir.” 

  
You answered Happy, “It’s fine, we just need to go.”

It made sense, that Rhodey was probably extremely busy. His current base of operations had been attacked. He hadn’t been there to witness it. People were dead- women and children. And now the President of the United States had just been threatened. Which made all the more sense as JARVIS spoke again-

“President Ellis on the line for you sir, ma’am.” 

The both of you answered in sync. “_Not now._” 

Finally, Rhodey’s voice filled your ears. “Look guys, I’m busy- I appreciate the concern- I do- I’m flying home in forty-eight hours. We’ll talk then.” There was no dial tone or click to indicate he’d hung up, but you knew he was no longer with you immediately after finishing that last sentence.

You climbed into the back of the car and Happy looked up into the rear view mirror. “Home?” 

“Yes, please…” You took a _deep_ breath, trying to steady yourself. This was not your mess, right? Mandarin… _Ten Rings_ or not… this was a military operation, right? You and Tony didn’t have to get involved… _**right**_? Yet you sensed that was impossible. “Tony… what are you thinking?” Leaning your head against the window as you waited patiently for his answer.  
  
“I’m uh… I’m in the middle of a project. What’d’you think? American military can handle this one?” 

JARVIS spoke up. “You already have one voicemail from President Ellis. How many will he leave before either of you answer him?” 

Your hands clenched in your lap. “We’re private citizens, right? This isn’t on us. This isn’t our job. This is… this is Rhodey’s job.” Trying to convince literally any of the four of you listening to you talk that that was the truth. That none of you were going to get involved. 

What a liar you were.  
Unwillingly, albeit. No matter how much you didn’t want to get involved… there was just no way. There was no way you were going to be able to stay out of it. 

Tony spoke again, much softer this time. “...you okay, honey?” Telling, that he could hear how rattled you were over the airwaves. 

The last brush you’d had with terrorists had… not been a personal one. But it had touched upon your life in a very drastic way. Because it had warped Tony’s completely. For the better- you were mostly sure. But those _same people_ now had a figurehead. And he’d bombed not only Rhodey’s airbase- but a few other places before then. Was this your fault? For not letting Tony get involved sooner, when Ellis and Rhodey had called those months ago? You’d told him to leave it alone- 

“Honey?” 

Why did everything always feel like it was _**your fault**_? 

“Stop the car-” 

Happy listened almost too literally, stopping on the side of the highway in a screech. “What? What is it?” 

Tumbling out of the side by the guardrail, you pressed your back against the door as you crouched on the ground, trying to find your breath. Every part of you was shaking- and too soon you heard the roar of engines, of people zooming past- _screaming_\- you put your hands to your ears-

You heard Happy’s car door open and slam shut, and he paced a yard up on the side of the road and then back. “It’s all over the radio- _it’s all over the radio_-” 

People were panicking.  
_Everyone in __**your vicinity**__ was panicking_. 

The next sounds that broke through your broken gasps for air were the sounds of compact jets. Ones you were used to. And then a clank of metal on blacktop. The whir of motors as Tony approached and then knelt down, hands reaching up to take hold of your face. You tried to bat him back, “Get away- stop- _go away_-” What would happen if you _infected Tony with nervous madness_? 

_What would you be liable for then? _

“You’re fine- look at me- honey- _breathe_-” His helmet slid back and you stopped fighting him, directing your panicked gaze his way. “I’m fine. I’m okay. _You’re_ okay.” 

_You’re okay_. 

The sound of his voice echoed somewhere deep inside you, and in that same deep darkness, waves that had been drowning you started to die down. You reached up, clasping at his wrists. The frenzied traffic on the highway slowed. Happy’s heavy running footsteps slowed to a stop. 

“I’m- I’m okay…” You breathed the words out in a shudder, eyes dropping closed as the energy collapsed out of you. 

“Take your time.” Still calm and gentle. Still holding you. Keeping you grounded. Like an anchor. 

As reality came back in slow drips, so too did your understanding of what had just happened. The same thing that had happened weeks ago. But instead of infecting your office building with weepiness, you’d now caused a small mass panic on a public road. 

Blinking up at him, you knew one thing. And one thing for sure. “We’re in trouble, aren’t we?” 

“You tell me.” 

But you didn’t have to.  
He knew.  
Same as you. 

_You were in __**a lot**_ _of trouble._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, SO much trouble. WELCOME TO IRON MAN 3 :]


	72. Chapter 72

Forty-eight hours came.  
And forty-eight hours went.   
  
The beginning of which you and Tony came to a mutually unmutual silent agreement that you were going to keep away from him. Something devastating was happening to you. Something you had no idea how to handle. Your powers were very clearly going haywire. And you just didn’t know how to fix it. 

It made sense. In an annoying way. Because your powers were emotion based- except for that thing you and Tony had. That deeper connection. And except for that one time you got so desperate you found a way to make Clint nearly end his own life- but those were separate special occasions. And what you were dealing with now was an inability to control yourself. You were leaking out from every pore. Feelings. Feeling too much. Too many. All terrible. And so you were infecting other people, because you couldn’t control yourself. And you couldn’t run the risk of hurting Tony more than he already was. So you stayed out of the office, focusing more on what you could do from home- and trying not to focus too hard on this Mandarin stuff. 

Then at the end of of those forty-eight hours, JARVIS alerted you that _Colonel _James Rhodes had landed in Washington, and was attending his promotion ceremony. He’d done such a good job as of late, that the powers that be had lifted him up. And at this little ceremony, which you and Tony were obviously, pointedly _not invited to_, the military also unveiled that with his promotion he would be commanding the new and improved **Iron Patriot**. 

After Rhodey’s ceremony was over, he called you while he was in flight, and asked to meet somewhere lowkey. Somewhere very down low. He suggested iHOP. Tony suggested Apple-Bees. To which you told them both you’d _never_ be caught dead in either of those establishments- 

“That’s the point.” Rhodey had told you. And so your little group decided to split the difference and meet at a TGIFridays. 

Rhodey was there ahead of you. And you and Tony had decided not to lay into him about not being invited to one of his biggest career accomplishments in a little while. You’d also agreed not to talk about **Iron Patriot** unless he brought it up. Or the Mandarin. Or the bombings. 

But then, you were all a bunch of liars, weren’t you? 

“Iron Patriot, huh?” You asked first, taking a loud pointed sip of your soda. 

Rhodey just sighed, putting a hand to his face. “See- this is why-”

“Why what?” Tony sat back, arms crossing. “We weren’t important enough to be invited to your knighting?” 

“I was doing you guys a favor!” Gesturing loudly at the two of you, truly believing himself as he spoke. “You have no idea how many times President Ellis asked about you. And I know you don’t wanna talk to him.” Almost accepting this truth, you and Tony shared a look between one another. And then Rhodey quietly sped through saying, “Also my bosses didn’t want you around to usurp the moment.” 

“Ah!”  
  
“See!” 

The both of you pointing fingers at him. You further ruined it, “Come on, Rhodey. Iron Patriot? Really? And that color job…” 

“It wasn’t my decision! It tested well with focus groups. And you _hated_ War Machine, remember?” 

  
“She did.” Tony, nodding in agreement. Trying to play for both teams. 

You made a face at both of them. “So what I hated it. You think palette swapping the armor and giving you a fancy new name is going to fix anything? _Everyone’s_ talking about it, Rhode. And not in a good way.” 

Rhodey sighed, very deeply so, head lolling back. “You think I don’t know that? You think I’m unaware I’m being made fun of on all the network stations?” 

Tony, taking a loud slurp of his drink, reached over to pat Rhodey hard on the back. “Welcome to the club, pal. If you didn’t want that, we should’ve been first on the list to talk to. I mean- PR was her _job_, back in the day. _Military liaison_. You forget about that already?” 

“How could I?” 

You scoffed. “PR is _still_ my job, thank you.” It practically made up half of everything you did. “And I’ll remind you that that suit is still intellectual property of Stark Industries, and by tweaking its image you’re in direct violation of-” 

Rhodey threw his hands up. “Oh. Here we go.” 

“You got her started, don’t look at me.” 

But you all looked at each other. And now with the pleasantries and ribbing out of the way, light smiles and little laughs graced each of you. Reaching out you gave Rhodey a little squeeze at his shoulder. “Congrats on the promotion.” While you might not have agreed still with **Iron Patriot**, Rhodey was doing his best. And you were absolutely just relieved to have him here, considering… 

Considering for a hot second there you thought he might have been taken from your lives completely. That was the risk he ran, sure. That was really the risk you _all_ ran now with the lives you led. But the thought was terribly devastating. If that had happened, you probably would have fallen in line with Tony’s footsteps, and done whatever necessary to take that man out. You still weren’t sure you _shouldn’t_ be involved, even if you didn’t really want to-

And Tony was feeling much the same way. Slurping down the rest of his drink before leaning in after the small chatter had completely finished to say, “So. Really. Tell me about this Mandarin guy. What’s really going on?” 

It was inevitable that the conversation would end up here. And now that it was out there, there was no taking it back. Even if you asked him to. ...and you kind of wanted to know, too. Not that you wanted to deal with more of Ellis. You waited quietly until Rhodey decided to answer. 

“It’s classified information.” But when the two of you gave him a long look he sighed. “Alright. Look… there’s been nine bombings total.”

Your lips pressed together, still trying to figure out if you should be walking this line. “That’s six more since the last time we heard about them.” 

Rhodey set his hands together on the table. “Yeah, well the public only knows about three- here’s the thing. Nobody can ID a device. There’s no bomb casings. No trace.” 

Saying this already set Tony up for trouble. Evidenced by his sliding in closer, immediately after hearing that. “You know we can help. All you gotta do is ask- I got a ton of new tech, I got a prehensile- I got a...I got a new bomb disposal. Catches explosions mid-air-” He was stuck. Talking quickly. Trying to say anything that would get this to click.

Because much like you, he was over focusing. Running himself ragged. And it was Rhodey that finally took a good look at him- then you- and then asked, “When’s the last time either of you have gotten a good night’s sleep?” 

“Why are you picking on _me_?” Asked with a hand to your chest. What had you done? It was Tony who was going off the rails. What gave Rhodey an idea that- 

“You look like hell. And don’t think I don’t know about the little highway incident.” 

At this you really _were_ shocked. “It’s an _incident _now? I just had an anxiety spike- a terrorist took over national television, I think I’m entitled- and who even told you about that?” Now _overly_ defending yourself. Which only proved your guilt all the more. 

Luckily, Tony came to both your rescue. “Einstein slept three hours a year, look what he accomplished.” Though this really was not the most sturdy defense. But since you had none yourself… 

Rhodey sighed yet again. “I’m just… I’m concerned, alright? I’m concerned about you both. My base was the one that got bombed yet you two look like you walked out of a warzone- ...hell, are still _in_ one right now. What’s really going on? Is this still about New-”

Tony spoke over him quickly. “You’re gonna come at me like that?” Hackles raised, clearly. Not wanting to even hear those two words paired together. ...had it really gotten that bad? 

You felt a small shift. He was _uncomfortable_. His mind was **racing. **_Panic_ was starting to find its way to a simmer inside him. Reaching out you laid a hand to his arm. He couldn’t go off right now. It would no doubt have too much pull on you- and if _you_ exploded again- “Tony…” Calm. Gentle. As kind as you could make the shape of his name. 

Falling in line, Rhodey looked at him. “Look. I’m not trying to be a dick-...tator...” 

His sudden stop and pointed look at the side of the table drew both your gazes the same way. You had _visitors_. Children visitors. There was no telling how long they’d been standing there. You hoped not too long. This was precisely the reason you should have met at the house. A dark crappy restaurant had been a good idea, but the fact was- 

Well.   
Tony _had_ parked the suit outside, while you’d opted to arrive in a car with Happy. That was a discussion for another time. The same one you kept putting off and off and off… It was like he couldn’t get along without it. And, right now, like he’d wanted to be caught here. 

The little boy and girl held up their little pieces of art, no doubt worked on diligently with restaurant crayons. Siblings, perhaps? 

“Hi there.” You greeted them with about as much warmth as you could muster. Now was no time to lose it. Not in front of children. 

The girl, just a couple years older, smiled bright at you. “Do you mind signing my drawing?” 

You took hold of it carefully, taking a look. It was a picture of the Iron Lady, blasting down a row of angry squiggle monsters. “Of course not. What’s your name?” 

“Erin!” 

“Sure thing, Erin.” 

The little boy waiting patiently thrust his own drawing up Tony’s way. “What about mine?” 

“Sure. You know, I loved you in a Christmas Story, by the way.” You really wished he wouldn’t sass the children, but luckily nobody seemed to have heard him. “What’s your name?” 

“Anthony.” 

At this Tony huffed, shaking his head with a small grin. “Of course it is. Great name.” 

With you and Tony sufficiently distracted putting signatures on paper for your adoring fans, Rhodey leaned a little closer and lowered his voice. “Listen, the Pentagon is scared. After what happened in New York... aliens, come on. They need to look strong. Stopping the Mandarin is priority, but it’s not…” 

“Superhero business. I got it.” Tony’s head was still ducked, really _focused_ on his signature. But you felt the spike in _anxiety_ once those two words were uttered. 

You, on the other hand, were slightly ruffled. “Well I _don’t_. If we’re not getting involved- which, by the way, I don’t want to- but then why is Ellis blowing up our phones?” 

Rhodey shook his head. “He’s just as scared, and maybe thinks he should be able to rely on you guys- but, that’s a discussion for a different time. That’s a whole other fight.” 

Tony’s tone was suddenly very curt. “I said I got it. I understand. I-...” 

You handed Erin her drawing back, but then reached out as you felt Tony’s resolve waver. As you felt him dip underneath a new wave. “Tony…” 

He pressed the crayon down on the paper, snapping it in half. Rhodey’s hand was on his other shoulder. “You okay?” 

Tony put a hand to his face. “I broke the crayon.” 

Rhodey soothed his hand over Tony’s shoulder. “Take it easy, Tones.” 

You rubbed his back, but already you were finding it hard to breathe. He was _overwhelming _you so suddenly. “Honey, you’re okay-” Trying to will that thought into existence for him. 

Erin looked up. “Are you alright, Mr. Stark?” 

You hoped against hope that he was going to pull out of this and be okay. But he was _spiraling_\- and he startled you as he sprung up to his feet, suddenly unable to catch his breath. “I gotta- I gotta-” And then _bolted_, shoving restaurant patrons out of the way as he ran. In his wake he left you gasping for air as you felt yourself _drowning_ in the wake of his _**panic**_. 

People were looking. Watching. Everyone was acutely aware Tony Stark had just pushed children aside and ran from a restaurant. You had to claw, had to _grab tight_ of your better instinctual sense to protect him and his image. Because the rest of you had started disappearing so far beneath his waves you’d grabbed onto the table to keep yourself afloat. 

“Rhode-” 

“Go.” 

Knowing he would clean up here, freeing you to launch yourself out of your seat- steady yourself- because _everything was fine. Tony Stark was __**fine**_\- you tried to will the thought into existence so everyone with their phones out recording you wouldn’t make tomorrow’s headline. The last thing you needed. Once you found your feet, you _calmly_ walked from the restaurant. 

Just barely outside, people were gathered around the Iron Man suit, which was kneeling on the ground. Inside you felt the _tremble_ of his continued _**panicking**_ and it smacked you so hard you wheezed an inhale, pressing a hand over your heart where you felt it start beating double time. 

As soon as you found your voice- “Move, please. Move.” And when people continued to stand around and stare at the spectacle he’d become- the much more interesting focal point- wondering about him, already starting _rumors _about him, speaking _**unkindly about him**_\- 

You let _anger_ take you instead. And after that you swept your hands up and then out in a motion _just so_. Literally clearing them out as you dropped into the dark space and saw each one of their nearby profiles. Every person standing _too close to him_, you poked with a little bit _urgent need_. 

_Don’t you all have something to take care of? _

Walking around each unconscious being, a little _tap tap_ on the shoulder. A little injection of worry. Thinking: 

_Did I leave the curling iron on?_  
_I need _ to make a phone call.  
_The kids are waiting in the car_\- 

Didn’t matter. You just wanted them _**away**_ from him. And once the zombified quick shuffle of feet came on and the two of you were left alone, you knelt down to him, trying to catch your breath. Feeling all too light headed. 

But you focused for him. “Tony.” Trying to level out your tone. Struggling. “Talk to me.” 

You expected the helmet to slide back. To see his face. To hear his actual voice. But instead you heard that slightly mechanical pang as it was broadcast out to you. “I gotta go.” 

Then with almost no thought at all he stood, practically knocking you back, and _took off_.

Just like that. 

Leaving you half sitting on the pavement, staring up at the sky. Watching him disappear. 

At that exact moment, almost every part of you wanted to give in. To lie down on the sidewalk and just… 

“Hey.” Looking over your shoulder, your saw Rhodey’s hand extended out. To help you. Weakly with your last bit of strength and resolve, you put yours in his and let him lift you. “What the hell was that?” And then, when you took too long to answer, he waved a hand in front of your face. Called your name once. Then set his hands on both your shoulders and turned you to actually look at him. “You okay?” Asking with every sense that you absolutely were not. 

A buzz took over your ear, and LUNA spoke, “Ms. Potts on the line for you.” 

Probably not good. Probably alerting you to the fact that videos of Tony’s meltdown were circulating already. Gaining buzz. Wanting to know what to do next. Weakly to Rhodey, “I’m fine- sorry, one second-” And then turning your head to the side, you tried to prep for more bad news. “Put Pepper on.” 

Pep’s voice started in in a flurry. “Hey, your five o’clock is here early. Which is bad because I kinda wanted to talk to you about this meeting before you went in- I know you’re probably busy, but can you come to the office?” 

A meeting.   
Trite. Trivial.   
So small in comparison to the fact that you were pretty sure your life was falling apart. Had been for a while now. And you had no way to stop it. 

That black hole almost swallowed you up, as you stared blankly into the distance. The feel of something on your face drew your attention back. Eyes picking up focus, you realized Rhodey had a handkerchief at your noise, and a gentle hand to the back of your head as he tilted you a little. “You’re bleeding.” 

“I am?” Hadn’t something like this happened recently, too? You took the cloth from him, wiping at your nose. “I’m sorry- about that-” 

“Don’t be sorry. Just be honest with me. You two are not doing so hot, huh?” Your frown as he said this, crossing his arms, probably told the whole story. “I have people you can talk to- and you seem like you _need_ to talk to someone- I’m trying not to be overbearing here, but I think-” 

A shot passed through your ears. Something painful. Terrible. You just started nodding at him as you cut him off. “Yeah- no, I appreciate it. I do. Just. Send them over. I’ll look into it. I have to go- I have to… Pepper needs me and then I have to see what Tony’s doing- it’s date night-” Talking over him. Silencing him. 

When he really _understood_, he stopped trying and just shook his head. “Yeah. Look. I’m gonna be in town for a while. So just… I’m not far, alright? You want me to check in on him?” 

Waving over, you got Happy’s attention, who’d just been sitting in the car watching something on his tablet. After he started the car again and pulled up to the curb you offered Rhodey a terrible weak smile. “If he’ll let you. That would be nice. Thank you.” 

“Yeah. No problem.” His tone was quiet. A little _defeated_. 

Weren’t you all? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INY: _Reminder to self... I love Tony. Dearly. And no matter how tough it gets... no matter how difficult he's being... I will always love him... I will be patient. I will be kind. I will struggle alongside him. Because he's sick. And he needs help. And I swear to god... eventually we are going to get some..._


	73. Chapter 73

Happy made quick time back to the office. Both a blessing and a curse. You needed more time to yourself. To clean up mentally. To prepare for whatever the hell this meeting was. It was probably important- even though you had no idea what the hell it could be. But for Pepper to have to prep you _this much_ that it needed something more over the phone- and who just showed up an hour early to a meeting anyway? The pinnacle of rude. Did this person really expect you to just drop everything for them and see them?

You were a busy woman. You had things to do. Someone who came an hour early demanding your time was going to get very little of it. That much you were already certain of. 

Stark Industries seemed to be abuzz as you walked just behind Happy while he escorted you in. Every person that walked by him he flashed his own as he said, “Badge.” Over and over. Trying to ID people as the two of you were walking in. It kind of made sense. Pepper was nervous over a strange meeting- and you saw a slightly sketchy looking guard sitting in one of the chairs outside your office. “Badge? Do you have a security badge, sir? I’m talking to you-” 

You gave him a little pat on the arm. “I’m going to go talk to Pepper. Try not to… scare our guests.” 

“They clear? They don’t seem like they got cleared.” He was being very tough. You weren’t sure why. Perhaps it had something to do with Tony’s episode outside the restaurant. Happy hadn’t brought it up, but he wasn’t stupid, either. 

Maybe everyone just had a sudden case of anxiety today- 

_Ah_. Oh. That was **you** wasn’t it? You were infecting him. 

“Why don’t you look into it and I’ll be right back.” Giving him one last gentle pat, trying to seal yourself off. To lessen the damage you’d already done. He just gave you a curt nod and you walked around the other way to catch Pepper in the break room. 

She had a mug of tea in her hands which she nearly dropped with a startled gasp as you appeared. “God! Don’t _do_ that!” Yelling at you. 

“I’m- ...I’m sorry. You called _me_. You weren’t expecting me?” Trying not to sass with her too much but everyone’s nerves were frayed. And that was a recipe for acute disaster. “What’s the matter with you?” Even if this _was_ somehow your fault, she seemed a little more out of it than usual. Even with your assistance. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Breathing in and then out on both those apologies. Then she looked over your shoulder, maybe trying to see if anyone was around? Listening in? This really must have been serious. Then she waved you closer, so you moved further into the little kitchenette. “So- this guy… when I was booking the meeting a few months back, it didn’t really register. But. Now that he’s here- you remember, when I was working at that small startup? Before here? And my boss-” 

“The one who used to hit on you all the time?” You suddenly did not like where this was heading. 

She nodded. “Yeah. And ask me out on dates. And had a hard time understanding the word _no_. I mean- he was harmless- for the most part-”

“Your boss constantly bearing down on you to let you fuck him isn’t what I’d call _harmless,_ Pepper.” Sometimes you really wished she’d look after herself better. Think more of herself. You’d told her as much when she’d come home every other night and tell you all about- “Eldritch?” 

At this she nearly snorted into her mug of tea. “Horror. Yeah. _Aldrich_.” The inside joke the two of you used to laugh at in your dinky little apartment seemed to soothe her nerves, even if she’d corrected you after. And there was only one reason that could be-

When it clicked you held your hands up. “No. Absolutely not, Pep. What’s he want from me?” Why would she schedule a meeting like that? What a fantastic time to throw her power around and shut him out in the cold? A creep like him deserved at least that. 

“His secretary at the time booked the meeting, I think. His little start-up isn’t so little anymore. He looks _different_ now- way different than I remember- And, hey, I might not have had the greatest interactions with him but-” 

A knock came on the side of the door frame and her chatting died as the two of you turned to look. A tall, lean man with sandy blond hair, tan skin, and perpetual five o’clock shadow put his hands in his pockets. Soft blue-grey suit with brown undertones. “Sorry to interrupt you.” 

As you stared at him, soft big band music played behind your ears and the memories intertwined. 

_You look absolutely divine this evening. Would you care for a dance?  
I know social climbing is frowned on at these sorts of events, but I was hoping you’d give me a chance._

_I have a little thinktank that is doing wonders with gene therapy. We heard- well, everyone heard about what happened at the Stark Expo a couple weeks ago. I know there are some people laid up in hospital beds with injuries they may never recover from._

_It’s remarkable, the lengths you’re going to to help everyone. To fix things. I was hoping to have a sit down meeting. I think my company could partner with yours and do some extraordinary things. Really help people._

_We’re called AIM-_

“You.” 

“You remember me. I’m very honored.” He put a hand to his chest and gave a little forward lean. “Sorry for coming so early, we heard Stark Industries’ security measures were quite stringent these days… I’d wanted to get a jump on things.” 

That was Happy’s department. Ever since you’d promoted him he’d really taken it all to heart. But it seemed like this Eldritch guy- _Alrdich_ you quickly corrected yourself- made it in just fine. 

Pepper, however, seemed confused. “You two have met?” 

You crossed your arms, not liking this at all. There was just sort of a _funny_ feeling about it. Then again… he had been requesting a meeting for a while, and you’d put him off and then kind of forgotten about it. Ellis had banned gene therapy, so you’d thought that had probably snuffed the light out of this little thinktank. What was he doing here now? “We met at a party.” 

Aldrich leaned his arm against the door. “One of those terrible events the rich cavort at to make themselves look even more glamorous.” Clearly trying to be charming, this one. 

And while you might have felt the same way, you aimed a bitter smile his way. “What’s that say about us?” 

“We know the right place to be at the right time.” He was quick, you’d give him that. Probably not much else. "You look just as beautiful in a pants suit as you do a ballgown, by the way."

Since he was already here, and apparently all _badged up_, and the meeting was practically taking place… there was no way to get out of it. You gave Pepper a small wave. “We’ll talk later.” Then turning to him, “If you’ll step into my office, Mr…?” Realizing Aldrich was his first name. And you had no idea of his last. 

“Killian. But, please.” He stepped aside you, a little too close for comfort. “Call me Aldrich.” 

As he opened your own office door for you, you gave a little down low wave to Happy, who was sitting across from the other man that you had no doubts by now must have been Killian’s bodyguard. He gave you a little curious shrug back and you just shook your head. No idea what the two of you were saying, really, but hoping to impart to him that you were fine. And that you had this handled. 

While you moved to sit at your desk, you noticed that he closed the door for you. ...and then stayed there in the front of the room. “So. Mr. Killian.” Determined to let him know you were not fazed by his lathered on charm. “How can I help you?” 

Reaching up, he lowered the dimmer on your lights. As if that didn’t evoke even _more_ red flags. “I’m just gonna dim your lights here.” 

“Excuse me-” 

“After years dodging the President's ban on "immoral biotech research", my think tank now has a little something in the pipeline. It's an idea we like to call Extremis.” Completely talking over you. You were getting less and less impressed by the second. 

This was all so unimportant. Tony was at home doing who the hell knew what. _Suffering_ most likely. You were just at the cusp of doing so yourself, if not for this pompous man. “AIM?” Remember the name very vaguely. Probably a mistake to ask at all. You should have gone on pretending you barely remembered anything about him. 

He grinned, pulling something out of his pocket to stick behind his ear. “Advanced Idea Mechanics, yes. Here.” Stepping closer into the room, finally, he held up three decently sized metal balls. “Regard the human brain.” Tossing them in a little roll, they clattered atop your coffee table, and then lit up, casting quite a light show towards your ceiling. 

Yet.  
All very unimpressive, considering. Tony had nearly every practical patent on holotechnology on the market. This was child’s play. Even if it _was_ beautiful. 

Still, since you were stuck here for at least another five minutes, you did as you were asked. And _regarded_. “Mm hmm.” 

He held a hand up. “Oh- hang on, hold on. That’s the _universe_.” Throwing wonder into his voice. “My bad- but. If I do _that_…” Raising a remote and clicking a button. The image changed over to a much more recognizable shape of a brain. Although it had beautiful blue lights running through it, with just a little touch of yellow. “_That’s_ the brain.” Looking up, catching your eyes, he smiled. “Strangely mimetic, wouldn’t you say?” 

“It’s very… interesting.” Trying your best to at least not be rude. 

He seemed to take it in stride. “Thanks. It’s mine.” 

“Your?” 

“My brain.” Reaching behind his ear to tap at that thing he’d placed there. “This is a live feed. You’re inside my head.” 

Without your permission, your eyes wandered back up to the lights, casting a deeper look. His brain? So the magnet on his ear was… taking a live scan? Surely Tony had already perfected this type of tech- it was kind of what was used to check vitals in the suits. Right? ...a little beyond you. This sort of stuff wasn’t your forte. 

“Here.” He cut through your thinking, standing from the couch and taking a step up onto your coffee table. “I’ll prove it. Come up here.” 

Although you stood, you ushered your hand back the other way, directing, “Please get off my _glass top_ coffee table.” What the hell was wrong with this man? 

“Come on. I promise I won’t bite.” 

Instead you stood next to him, crossing your arms. “This work on everyone else, Mr. Killian? Because I gotta say-” 

He rolled his eyes in that soft sort of way, playing perhaps at _fond_, but then he reached up, turning his wrist over, and with his other hand plucked at the inside skin. The lightshow sparked to life, sending a flurry of yellow and orange sparks scattering. It effectively drew your attention away from his antics as you looked up again. 

“What is that?” Damning yourself for asking. 

“It's the primary somatosensory cortex. It's the brain's pain center.” Effectively proving the live part of a _live feed_? But why? Instead of giving him anything more, you let him continue. A poor idea, as he stepped off the table, pulling the hologram with him. Closer to you, stepping just behind you. “This is what I wanted to show you.” 

You cast a wary glance up his way, he was too close for comfort. But he redirected your attention as he raised that little remote, bringing the back part of his brain closer up in front of the two of you, then reached into the air to expand it further. Zooming deep in. 

“Now, Extremis harnesses our bioelectrical potential and it goes...here.” Stopping the zoom when he arrived at what looked like a _hole_ in the back of his brain. “This is essentially an empty slot, and what this tells us is that our mind, our entire DNA in fact, is destined to be upgraded.” 

And while this stuff would probably always be beyond you, you couldn’t help but say- “I don’t think that’s what that means.” He had a _hole _in his brain matter and he was telling you _destiny_ meant for him to stick a chip in it?

What koolaid had he been drinking? 

“Then what do you think it means?” He was looking down at you. Still too close for comfort.

“I think if you have a hole in the back of your brain, you probably need to see someone- and… wait- you’re telling me your tech goes in there. Yet… yours is empty. You’re trying to talk up tech to me you don’t even trust to use on yourself?” So unlike Tony, for example. Who was the primary tester of almost all of his tech these days. That was someone you could trust. Not-

He just chuckled. “You’re very astute. I’m not surprised. Trust me, I’m on the docket for an upgrade.” He nudged you just a little with another unwelcome touch, and got you to sit down on the couch, where he sat down with you, and finally turned the light show off. “I’ve been struggling with the idea myself, for quite some time. I have a lot of research, I’ll leave it with you.”

So with that, “LUNA can you turn the lights back on, please?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Her voice rang in the office, since you had company, and the lights indeed came on seconds after. 

Killian was still smiling at you. “I’m just asking you to think about it. Imagine if you could hack into the hard drive of any living organism and recode its DNA.” 

Finally he made the point he was trying to make. “Mmn. Before when we first met… you talked about gene therapy. To help injured people. Now it sounds like your motives have shifted.” 

“How so?” 

“Recoding DNA. To- to what, exactly? In what way?” You knew already where he was going with it.

You just wanted him to say it to your face. 

Still, he kept that smile. “Where are your thoughts right now?” Ah, so he wasn’t going to admit it. 

Fine. You’d do it for him. “This sounds highly weaponizable. I think what you’re trying to get at is that you want to make perfect humans. And I don’t know if you’ve ever read a history book, but that doesn’t always work out great. Tony and I-” 

His rumbly laughter stopped you in your tracks. “Tony. Right. _Tony_. You know, I invited Tony to join AIM thirteen years ago, he turned me down.” 

Somehow this didn’t surprise you. Not because Tony would have had an inkling of what this guy really wanted to do that far back, but because _that far back_ Tony absolutely would not have given this guy the time of day. You imagined it happened just like that. 

Reaching out, he put his hand over yours and it jolted you back into cold reality as he gazed at you. “But something tells me now there is a new genius on the throne who doesn't have to answer to Tony anymore, and who has slightly less of an ego.” 

With as much poise as you could muster, you pulled your hand slowly away from him and settled it in your lap. “I don’t know what you’ve heard but I _don’t_ **answer **to Tony, you’re right.” Giving him a light smile, letting him soak in the moment before you blew it apart. “Tony and I are a _team_. We work _together_. And because I’m confident that he’d agree, I’m giving you a no. From both of us.” 

The light fizzled out of his hopeful gaze, lips pressing together before his head dropped in a nod. “Well. I can’t say that I’m not disappointed.” 

Now that this meeting was effectively over and done with, you stood, holding your hand out to him. “I have something else I have to attend to. It was nice seeing you again, Mr. Killian.” 

Rising to meet you, he took your hand in a firm shake. “Really, Aldrich is fine. And- just because you turned down one business proposal doesn’t mean I don’t have others.” While you wanted to turn him down flat, he continued, “Let me walk you out.” 

Sensing he wasn’t taking no for an answer, and you really were heading out anyway, you gave him a careful shrug. “If you want. You’ll have to link up with Pepper. She’s in charge of my schedule.” 

The two of you walked out of the office and took the left down the hall. You’d noticed both chairs out front had been vacated. Happy and Killian’s body guard had disappeared somewhere. As you walked, you felt the unpleasant feeling of Killian’s arm lightly ghosting around the back of your waist, guiding you as you walked towards the entrance. “It was nice to see her again. Good to know someone is making good use of her talent. I’m sure you two practically run this business.” 

Outside, the both of you stopped, and you saw just in the distance, Happy was pulling the car around. You took a second to reorient yourself, pointedly stepping _out_ of Killian’s zone. “You know, for someone with such disdain for Tony, it’s a wonder you wanted to meet in the first place.” 

“No wonder at all. You’re cleaning up Stark Industries. Let’s not both stand here and pretend it wasn’t in trouble before you showed up.” He really was trying to lay it on as thick as possible. Just behind you two cars pulled up- one for you and you assumed one for Killian. “It was nice seeing you again, too. I can’t say I haven’t wondered when our next dance would be.” Then, without warning, he leaned straight into you. 

And was about two seconds from planting a kiss on your cheek. You held your hand up, pressing him back. “Excuse me-” 

“Oh- I’m sorry. I think I misread the situation.” He held his hands palm outwards to show he meant no harm. 

But the harm had already been done. You stood back solidly. “I’ll say.” 

“Please. Accept my apologies. Can I make it up to you over dinner?” Putting his hands up again, “A _friendly_ dinner. I promise. No undue surprises.”

This guy was a real fucking piece of work. That was for sure. A tenseness settled in your chest. _Uncomfortable_ to your core. No wonder Pepper never wanted to date him. You’d never met him before you’d joked around with her, calling him _Eldritch _when she told you so many of these stories. 

Now you completely understood. And it made you want to go home all the more. It was like this guy just thought you ran the business. And Tony was… unimportant. A second thought. Even though the night he’d met you- similarly to this, putting himself in your space- was the night you and Tony had announced to the world you were dating. 

But none of that seemed to matter to him. He seemed not to care at all. Like he could just reach out and take your hand and you’d just accept. 

Happy came up right behind you, his strong presence grounding you. Not that you needed it for this. “No thank you, Mr. Killian.” 

“I really didn’t mean to offend you-” 

“I’m not offended. Just mortified.” _On your behalf_. You let the thought linger before turning away without a goodbye, feeling a small swell of relief as Happy stepped in line with you, held your door open for you, and safely got you into the car. 

Killian was still waiting as Happy pulled the car from the curb. Peering into your windows as you drove by. _Watching._ Happy looked up into the rear view mirror. “That guy bothering you?” 

Funny. That was what Tony had asked, that night so long ago. And where was he now? 

“Immensely. But. It’s fine. It’s over with now. Pepper will never take another meeting with him.” So that meant you never had to see him again. “Can you please just take me-”

“Home. I know.” His tone was warm. Reassuring. Letting you know he knew what you wanted. And was keen on delivering. 

“Thank you, Happy.” 

“Hey, I don’t like that guy either. Or his bodyguard. Very shifty characters...” Happy started going on and on. Always trying to keep an eye out for you.

You just needed to go home. Take a shower. Wash this _ick_ off of you. And… 

Try to finally have a long conversation with Tony. After all that… maybe it really was time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is time. It is very much time. And I'm sure that'll be a very easy smooth conversation. Remember to leave some love if you're still reading along and enjoying! The comments are really the best part about writing this big long thing! Getting to share it with you guys and know your thoughts, so please... by all means!! Thought away!


	74. Chapter 74

At the last five minutes on the drive home, Pepper called you. Probably, _hopefully_, deciding to apologize for what a mess that meeting had turned into, and a promise to never schedule another one like it in the far future. A gesture which you would have gratefully accepted. So, as you picked up, “Hey, Pep, can we just go over my schedule in the next few months tomorrow? I think I might need to move some things around.” Resolved now that you and Tony were going to take some time off to heal. You were going to make it happen.

You had to. 

“You mean when I get back, right?” This threw you for an unexpected loop and your silence must have been telling. “I’m going to stay with my family, remember? Because it’s-”

“Christmas! Yes. I remember.” Lying through your teeth. Things had been so out of control lately it had completely slipped by you that the holiday was approaching. And that she’d requested her usual time off months in advance. And that you’d said yes. “Of course. Please. Go be with your family. We’ll talk when you get back.” 

This would end up working out in your favor anyway. You could block out everything else under the guise of wanting to spend some elongated holiday time together. No one needed to know anything else. Yes. This would work perfectly. 

Once the car pulled up to the house, Happy opened your door for you, and then promptly hooked his thumb behind him. “Want me to help you with the mail?” 

“Mail?” 

“Yeah the… we have a sack of fanmail. Tony’s been getting it delivered from the offices to the house.” You had no idea about this, but it seemed nice. In a weird sort of way. _A sack of fanmail_ sounded like too much. Probably too much to go through for even just one person. 

“I should probably have someone look into that…” So many things were getting so far beyond you. It wasn’t like he’d _never_ had fanmail before. But _before_ it was mostly horny men and women asking for his phone number. Not serious stuff. You wondered if it was children sending Iron Man drawings and things like that. It would be nice to set up a little department to get his signature to put on return letters… 

Happy walked with you to the trunk, getting, yes, a literal brown sack of mail. Once he hoisted it up, you took it in your arms. It was certainly heavier than it looked, and you were all too pleased when he helped you up the walk and opened the door for you. 

“Thank you. Hey… do you want some time off?” Pepper was taking off. Maybe he should, too. “For the holidays.” 

“I’m alright. Don’t have anyone to spend it with. But- I’m gonna check out for the rest of the night though, if that’s okay with you.” 

You found yourself nodding. “Perfectly fine. ...hey, um… how about- ...would you like it if I did a little get together thing on Christmas? Just… you and me and Tony- maybe Rhodey, if he can come. Would you go to something like that?” This side of your westcoast family was very small. But you loved them dearly. And Happy deserved to know he _did_ have people to spend the holidays with. 

For a long moment he just stared at you and you weren’t sure what he was going to do next. But then there was a _swell_ of choked up happiness and he reached out to put his hands on your arms. “You’re a good woman. You know that right?” 

“Oh- um… thank you?” Not really sure where this was coming from. Maybe he really had been that upset about the whole super friends business, Tony not needing him anymore. All that. 

He nodded. Gave a little sniffle. “I’d like that.” 

“Okay. Well. I’ll text you, when I figure out the details, okay? Enjoy your night off.” Giving him the best genuine smile you could muster. It probably wouldn’t be tonight. But it’d have to be soon. Christmas was only a few days away now. 

But tonight was going to be reserved for something much more unpleasant. There’d be no time for making jolly holiday plans. 

You let Happy go, thanking him as he shut the front door behind you. In you walked, awkwardly with your arms around the bag of mail. Spying Dvahli dangerously perched on top of the left leg of that huge stuffed rabbit. It had become a welcome decor piece in your front foyer. Because it wouldn’t fit anywhere else in the house unless you let another crew come in and move around some _other_ walls. And you’d had quite enough construction. 

“Tony-” Calling out for him, then stopping short as you rounded over, seeing him sitting in his suit on the couch. “...what are you doing?” 

“Waiting for you. Welcome home. Mail call?” 

“Waiting for me in the suit?” This was very very _bad_. Had he not taken it off since he’d gotten home? And that thought alone… “Hey…” You set the mail bag down aside a lounge chair, sitting on the arm so you could take your shoes off. “I think we need to talk about what happened today.” Just cutting all the fat. Getting right to the chase. You had to. Otherwise he’d dance around it forever.

Like the two of you had been doing. For months now. 

He got up, coming behind you, settling his hands on your shoulders. “What happened today? Bad meeting? Board bother you? HR incident? I hear Happy’s been a real nightmare around the office-” 

Your head fell back, casting a look up his way. “About what happened at the restaurant.” 

His hands started kneading gently at your shoulders, sending a dangerously pleasing feeling bolting through you. Maybe you were a little _too _stressed. “The crayon thing? I’ll send them a hundred packs to make up for it.” 

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about- and- stop-” Batting his hands away. You got to your feet, facing him. “I’m not going to have this conversation like this. Can you just look at me?” 

“I am looking at you.” Apparently determined to be difficult to the very end. 

“_Really_ look at me, Tony. Take the helmet off, at least.” But you wouldn’t give up. Because this needed to happen. Was he just frightened so much at this point he couldn’t be without the suit? Was that it? 

A few seconds went by before he raised his hand, knocking on the top of the head. “Well- you know- I think it’s jammed. It’s a newer model- tends to happen-” 

You hardly believed this. Not for a moment. Stepping further in, you reached a hand up, laying it on his chest. “Tony…” Dropping just a little into that comfortable space that had always existed between you. Where you could _feel_ him- 

Except-

This time-

_There was no one there_. 

It wasn’t even a wall between you. It was just **empty**. Like he didn’t exist at all. 

As if you were falling, knees going a little weak, you reached up, taking hold of him. His hands came out to steady you. “Honey-”

“Where _are _you??” You went _deeper_. Darkness taking hold of your vision for a moment. But he just _wasn’t there_. There was **nobody there**. Tony was _**gone**_. Panic consumed you for a hot moment- and then you finally connected. He wasn’t there. And it wasn’t that your powers had abandoned you. 

He was _beneath you, _and not really _here_ at all. 

You shoved the suit back. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” You had tried to promise yourself, and him silently, that you’d not be angry. That you wouldn’t explode, no matter how frustrated you got. But this was cutting it close. 

Stomping your way down the spiral staircase to the lab, you keyed the door open and found him just letting himself down from exercising. A tray of food accompanied by a few empty glasses of wine sat in the corner. He had ten different TV stations on, all streaming news of the Mandarin. And as he put his hands together and turned around to look at you, you saw a new little device adorning his head. Like half a visor, one blue piece of glass over his left eye. “Busted.” 

“_Busted_? That’s all you’ve got?” 

“Uh. I’m… in trouble?” 

It took you a few seconds more than it should have to try and cool down. Take stock of the room. How he looked. He was suddenly crossing his arms. On the _defensive_. “We need to talk about what happened today.” 

“What happened?” 

“At the restaurant.” 

He shrugged. “I had to- I remembered something-” 

“You had a panic attack and ran.” 

“Oh so when you have an episode on the side of a road, it’s fine, but I’m being aggressed now because-” 

“Am I _aggressing_ you? Is that what you feel like?” When he opened his mouth to continue this mutual onslaught, you held your hands up and it finally fled out of you. “Stop! _Stop it_!” This really did put a stop. To him. To everything. You felt fresh tears. “Tony… _please_… I’m not trying to give you an ultimatum but I can’t- ...I’m not sure I can go on like this anymore-”

“Sounds like an ultimatum to me.” 

He was determined. Absolutely determined not to talk about this. Not now. Not ever? You had no idea. But you knew what you were saying was true. You _couldn’t_ continue living like this. But how could you help someone who refused to be helped? Who wouldn’t acknowledge that he _needed_ help? Maybe it was your fault. For not admitting it either. 

You wanted to. But instead, pushing your hands at your eyes where fresh tears were leaking, you shook your head and turned away. Productive discussion wasn’t going to happen like this. Not with you over emotional and him stonewalling you. 

But as you put your hand on the doorframe, back turned to him, he startled you by shouting.

“Wait! Okay- alright. I admit it. I’m sorry.” And as you half turned to look at him, he squeezed his arms tighter together. Holding himself. “I’m a piping hot mess. It’s been going on for a while.” 

_Finally_.

If this wasn’t so serious you’d feel absolutely relieved. You rewarded his opening up by stepping away from the door and closer to him. “Me, too. I know. And it’s been hard.” 

The corner of his mouth twitched. He still hadn’t let his arms down yet. His tone dropped. So did his eyes. Avoiding looking at you. “Nothing’s been the same since New York.” 

Reaching up, you soothed your hands over his biceps, getting him to unfurl his arms. He dropped to sit on a stool as if he couldn’t bear his own weight anymore, and you stepped in closer, wrapping yours around him, letting him cling to you in turn. “New York changed everything. And that’s saying a lot. We’ve been through… _too much_. But New York was…” 

“Eye opening.” His head moved to lay against your shoulder. “You experience things and then they're over and you still can't explain 'em. Gods, aliens, other dimensions.” Tilting, he looked up at you, and you held his gaze softly. “You can hold your own- with them, but me I’m just- I...I'm just a man in a can.”

Just as gently as everything else, your hands worked up to lift that visor off his face. Giving you full access to the look in his eyes. How he was regarding you. _Watching_. “You’re more than that.” 

He huffed out an air of what might be semi-disagreement. But his eyes closed for a brief moment. “I know- it’s been hard- I think the only reason I haven't cracked up is because of you. And- I love you, I'm lucky.” It wasn’t too hard to sense the lurch in his tone. 

Lifting again, you cupped the sides of his neck in your palms. “But.” 

“But…” Echoing you. Trying to get a hold on his thoughts. “I can't sleep, honey. I can’t- _think_. About anything but **this**. And sometimes even that’s too much for me.” 

Pulling him close in again, you rested your head atop his as you laid his against your chest. It was hard to know what to say. A few tears escaped, despite your best efforts. “We’re not okay.” 

“We’re not.” Another soft after thought. 

“But I think that’s okay… we can get through this, Tony.” Trying. Trying to be strong for the both of you.

He cracked your resolve almost instantly as he looked up. The look in his eyes was somewhere in the middle of terrified and disbelieving. “I don’t know anymore. I just- what I _do_ know-...” You gave him room to think about this. To finally put it all out there. It took him a minute before he spoke again. His hold was crushing then. “Threat is imminent, and I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you.”

Right now it was too raw. Somewhere in you, you understood this. But you also knew what was making him say that. And it was beyond you. All you really wanted was to understand. You shouldn’t have asked. But stupidly, you did anyway. “What did you see?” 

His _panic_ fluttered, gaze going a little **dead**. Like he was up there again. Seeing something _**frightening**_. 

Quickly you shifted your hands to cup his cheeks, holding his face, nudging him back to you. “Never mind. Don’t. Don’t think about that right now. We’ll get there.” You let him take his time. Waiting. Waiting until it seemed like his gaze focused. Centered again. Like he was actually looking at you and not through you. Or beyond you to some terrible menace. 

_Threat is imminent_. 

What did that mean?  
What did he see up there? 

It had shaken him to his very core. 

You had had an inkling about this. Thought that was maybe the reason why… “Do you think… just for a little while… you could try scaling back the suit building?” 

“Uh…” 

“How many are there? What number is the one creepily standing behind me?” Brushing your hands back through his hair. Gentle.

As gentle as you could be with him. 

He seemed guilty as he admitted, “Mn… that’s… Mark 42.” 

It was hard to remember what number he was at, when the whole _New York_ thing had happened. It certainly wasn’t anywhere close to that. “Right. So… I think that’s enough for now… don’t you?” Trying to coax him. _Gently. _

His gaze bounced, down then up at you again, then to the side, then down again. “I- can maybe take a break.” 

“A break is good.” Soothing him again. Fingers running through his hair one last time, delighting in the _comfort _and _ease_ it rippled through him. His eyes slipped closed, and he moved in to lay his head against your chest again. 

“I love you.” 

You wrapped your arms around him. “I love you, too, Tony. We’re- ...we’ll be okay. We’ll get there.” 

“You keep saying we. What about you? We gonna talk about you?” 

Not that you wanted to shut him down or be a hypocrite, but… “One thing at a time. Let’s… let’s get someone from Rhodey’s list- or JARVIS’. Tomorrow. Okay?” One step at a time. If you could just get him to commit to putting a pause on the army of suits and to sit down with you and look at a list of names- 

He nodded, still holding on to you. “Yeah. Okay.” 

Just a little, you tried to nudge him upward, feeling relief as he lifted to stand. “I’m gonna go upstairs. Take a shower. I need to wash this last meeting off me. Will you come with me?” 

Invitation sent and easily received, he put his arm around your shoulder. “That Killian guy, right?” 

“How do you know that?” Was he checking up on you while you were at work, too? Maybe JARVIS had said something or-

“Happy seemed concerned.” 

Hm. You supposed that made sense. The air in the living room seemed fresher than you remembered. “He didn’t like them. I didn’t either, to be fair- but- oh that reminds me. I said we’d get together and do something for Christmas.” 

“Reminds me, too. Been so busy I haven’t even gotten around to hanging JARVIS’ stocking yet.” 

A true holiday tradition. And, no doubt at hearing his name, JARVIS in his sweet sassy tone piped up with, “I was waiting for a good moment to mention it, sir.” 

You leaned your head against Tony as the two of you walked by the couch and made your way to the master bedroom. “I ordered two new ones, too. For Dvahli, and LUNA…” 

He huffed out a warm little noise. “Quite the family we’re growing here…” 

And that was enough. It was enough of a start. That was all you needed, the both of you. To start. To admit things were wrong. And that you were going to try and fix them. Together. The swell of relief lasted long enough to _keep_ him out of the lab for the rest of the night. Through a long, relaxing hot shower. Through a light dinner. Long enough still to take him to bed. To get him to close his eyes. To _sleep_ finally. 

It just didn’t last long.   
Maybe three hours after the two of you had drifted off, he pinged you on both levels. His tossing and turning shifting your awareness. And it was his _anxiety_ that threw you completely from sleep. Sitting half up you turned to him.

His skin was glowing with a sheen of sweat. Breathing hard. Hands moving. Clutching. Gasping for air. Mumbling tight noises. 

You set your hand on his arm. “Tony-” And when that didn’t work you gave him a little shake. “Tony… wake up…” Not just a nightmare he was suffering from. The same feelings he was having now were the same ones that came on at the restaurant. 

Just _suffering_ under his own mental weight. Under these shadows. These _things_\- 

A light in your peripheral startled you, as did that _familiar_ whir of a repulsor charging up. Jerking to the side you held both hands up as you caught sight of the Iron Man suit lurching over you. Free hand reaching to grip your shoulder.

“Tony!” 

Finally more than enough to yank him out of sleep. He sat up with a startled cry, and then immediately shifted to kneeling next to you, putting one hand up as if in warning. “Power down!” Getting those two words out in a croak. 

The suit did just that, lights dimming before it turned to walk to the other side of the room. Your attention diverted, “What the hell was that?!” Why would a suit- _his suit_\- just come up here and attack you? Some new program he’d been working on going haywire- or- 

It took you longer than it should have to take stock of him. His hand had fallen to your shoulder, clutching _tight_, the other holding his chest just above the Arc Reactor. His head was craned forward, and you could hear the hard breaths falling out of him. “I- I must have called it in my sleep- it’s not supposed to do that- I’ll- ...I’ll fix it- I just-” 

Winding your arm around him, you eased him to a more comfortable sitting position, off his knees, resting against the headboard. “It’s okay, Tony. It’s alright. We’re okay. Just breathe, okay?” 

“Yeah- breathe- having a hard time catching my breath…” The light from the Reactor was casting its usual pale glow, making it easier to see as he looked up at you. _Desperation_ wreaking havoc in his eyes. Throughout his entire body. “Don’t go, alright?” 

Your brows knit, and you made a point of sitting closer. Drawing him in more, allowing him to half lie on you, putting his head on your shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere, Tony… we’re okay… we’ll be alright. Take your time.” Echoing his useful words to you those few days ago when you’d been falling apart. 

Whatever had happened just then had clearly been an accident. It may have scared him as much as it had you. And whatever he had that linked him with the suit- a discussion for a later time when he was feeling better- was clearly some fight or flight response. Triggered by some nightmare he’d been having. You couldn’t imagine the torture he was living through. Your heart _ached_ for him. And him thinking you’d been upset enough to just leave when he was in this sort of state… 

“We’re alright.” You told him again, slowly. Softly. “We’re alright…” 

His clammy forehead pressed against your shoulder, hiding his face there, but you felt him nod. “Sure. We’re alright.” He didn’t really sounded like he believed it.

Maybe because he knew what was about to happen next. 

JARVIS’ delicate voice lit up the room. “Sir. Ma’am. Mr. Hogan has just been taken to the hospital in critical condition. The media is reporting the area he was taken from as the site of a Mandarin bombing.” 

It was hard to come to grips with this information. So strange. For a moment you felt faraway. On a tilting axis. Like you were falling off the earth. Happy…? But why? Why him? You’d just made plans… you- 

Tony’s arms came around you suddenly, very nearly **crushing** you. Fierce _protectiveness_ flared up inside him, swirling inside of a deep cauldron alongside _terror_. And a painful _sadness_ that would have been too hard to put into words. 

The Mandarin had attacked Rhodey’s air base. 

The Mandarin had just put Happy in the hospital. 

This all seemed too coincidental… didn’t it? The only question was...

_What would he do next? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gets darker and darker....  
Don't forget to leave some love!!! THEY HAD A TALK? THAT'S A GOOD THING RIGHT?


	75. Chapter 75

Fear turned into rage all too quickly. While you were completely susceptible to Tony’s sudden overload, your mind was racing for other reasons. Why was the Mandarin going after your family? That had to be it, right? Though, not because of _you_, it must have been because of Tony. The Mandarin was involved with the Ten Rings. An organization that had worked with Obi to try and snuff Tony out way back when. They’d double-crossed Obi and asked for more money when they realized it was _Tony Stark_ who they’d been asked to target. 

They asked Tony to build weapons for them- Obi _had_ been selling weapons to them- and it all came to a head with Obi triple-crossing them (that was how it worked, right?) by killing one of their top leaders all while Tony had made it his own mission to find and destroy the weapons that did not rightfully belong to them. **Sure**. Sure they had reason to target Tony. The people close to him. But _why now_? Tony’s flights to the middle east to try and clean that whole mess up himself had been quite some time ago. The two of you have been far more preoccupied with _other_ worldly needs. 

..._why now_? 

The question wouldn’t leave you alone. Before this, there apparently had been nine random bombings that had nothing to do with you or Tony or Stark Industries, or any of it. Nine. Nine separate random bombings in nine random separate places. Then the bombing on the air base that Rhodey had been stationed at. And now the bombing last night- nearly claiming a completely innocent life in all of this. 

Happy had never done anything to anyone. So what, he was Tony’s security- _your_ security- Stark Industries’ security. So what? Rhodey, maybe, you could understand. He’d probably been on more than one mission to clean up the Ten Rings nonsense, and he may have been keeping an eye on the Mandarin’s activities when the first few bombings occurred. That _made sense_. 

But now Rhodey _and_ Happy? Why? How did this all fit together? It was killing you, not to understand it. That it just didn’t make any sense. But it had to, right? It couldn’t all be completely random nonsense. The Mandarin had a target- he had a message. God knew he wouldn’t shut up about it on national TV. His message seemed centered around America’s failings- and President Ellis most of all. So then why Tony’s closest confidants all of a sudden? Because Ellis had a direct line to the both of you? Was that it? He was trying to circumvent his final plan of taking out Ellis by taking you and Tony out first? 

Was that how this all made sense? 

It took a long hour after JARVIS’ initial report for the two of you to stop clinging to one another and get out of bed. After that there had been an onslaught of questions, as the two of you put on clothes, that JARVIS couldn’t answer. How critical was Happy’s condition? Was he going to be okay? What had happened? _Why had it happened?_ The bombing had been at the Chinese Theater. Happy had asked for the night off- had he been meeting someone there? God damn it, none of it was making any sense. And that was probably part of the reason Tony was so agitated. 

Aside from the fact that the Mandarin had put one of his closest friends in the hospital, for seemingly no reason. There were really two things that could piss Tony off more than anything else in the world. Going after his family- and not being able to make sense out of something. It was culminating in an angry black storm brewing in his heart. And he was sucking you in with him. 

You’d called ahead in those early morning hours to put extra _extra _security at Happy’s doors- assuming he made it out of surgery. But he would. _Of course he would_. There was no planning for a scenario where a doctor came out of those hospital wing doors and told you _we’ve done all we could_. You and Tony weren’t preparing for that. Because it wasn’t going to happen. Happy would pull through this and tell you what the hell happened. Who attacked him. And _why_. 

In your haste to prep a security team for Happy’s room, you’d forgotten, stupidly, to get a squadron for yourselves. Though it was barely five in the morning, media was parked out in the front of the hospital, hemming and hawing at each other for top spots as Tony pulled the car around. It was a tough slow crawl, wading through them, hand in hand, keeping your heads down. Now was not the time to answer any questions. You didn’t even _have_ any answers. You had nothing to say. Tony seemed to feel the same way. 

Their shouts died down behind the hospital sliding glass doors in the lobby, and you took up the arduous task of filling out a million pieces of paper. Tony was too busy pacing around, waiting for news. Waiting for anything. There was no point in asking him to sit still or to just calm down. It was just a shame that every time he crossed in front of you again, it ticked your nerves. Now was not the time for that. You had to be stronger than ever before. For him. You had to hold this together. Because from the _feel_ of him he was a few pulled stitches short of breaking apart completely. 

It took absolutely too long for a surgeon to finally arrive- and- ...thankfully, as planned for, she let you know Happy was going to make it. He’d had internal bleeding, had had ruptures and needed sutures and-... was lucky to be alive, so close to a _blast zone_. But he _was_ alive. The most important part. So at eight in the morning, the two of you were allowed to go up to his very private and closed off room. The walls were a darker color. It was cozier than that medically pristine white everyone else had to live with. 

Happy would like it, you thought. It would be a good environment for him to be awake in. Once he regained consciousness. He was hooked up to a few different machines, and had an IV drip going. While you sat aside him, Tony took to pacing for another half hour before dropping to sit in a chair by the door. Then getting up to pace some more. Then turning on the TV. Then sitting again. 

A few nurses came in and out, mumbled condolences and took too long a look at all three occupants in the room before leaving again. What were the two of you doing here? How long would you wait for? Was it likely that Happy would come to soon? How long could you afford to sit here? You could tell Tony was wrestling with the same questions. Sitting here idle was making him anxious and angry. But he didn’t want to go if there was a chance Happy was going to wake up. Not just because the two of you desperately needed answers, but because you didn’t want him to be alone when he did. 

The next nurse that came in just at twelve in the afternoon tended to Happy’s IV and looked at the recordings on his machines, took some notes… 

Tony finally found his voice. Tired and drawn. “He gonna wake up soon?” 

“It’s hard to say. If I had to guess…?” 

“Please do.” You were surprised how tired you sounded. 

She sighed. “Probably not for a while yet. Maybe not until tomorrow. He needs rest, anyway.” As she turned away, she stepped over to the TV and reached up to turn it off. 

Tony waved a weak dismissive hand at her. “Uh… mind leaving that on?” 

Quickly she dropped her hands and gave him an understanding smile. “Sure.” 

Finally he found his feet again, and motioned for you to stand. You had a much harder time. It felt like your body was just on the verge of giving up, really. Tony turned to look at happy, and spoke to no one in particular. “Sunday night's PBS 'Downtown Abbey'. That's his show, he thinks it's elegant.” Even though the TV was showing a rerun right now. It crushed you- that he _knew_ that. You didn’t even know that. “One more thing...make sure everyone wears their badges. He's a stickler for that sort of thing, plus my guys won't let anyone in without them.” 

It killed you, in fact. Not so long ago Happy had been questioning whether or not Tony needed him. Maybe whether or not Tony even cared anymore. But Tony had never stopped. Because that was just who he was. Happy was part of his family. Close to his heart. Nothing would change that. You just wished Happy was awake to hear it. 

But he would be, you reminded yourself. Sternly. He would. Soon. 

Hand in hand you and Tony walked back down through the halls. In the elevator he slipped on his sunglasses. Probably a great idea, considering. ...considering the media nightmare was probably still poised on the sidewalk waiting for any sort of sound byte they could get their hands on. 

Reaching up you squeezed the left side cuff on your ear. “LUNA, can you just give me the sunglasses?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

A function you had not utilized. But if she could do the visor, you were sure she could shape the little whatever it was into colored lenses. Which she did promptly after you asked. 

Returning your hand to Tony’s, you gave him a squeeze as the elevator doors opened. “Don’t say anything to them. We’re not prepared to make a statement. We don’t have enough information. Alright?” This was a very sensitive issue. Too close to the vest. To the both of your hearts. And before you could start saying anything to the press, you had to try and understand the deeper meaning behind all of it. 

His weak murmur of understanding was not particularly convincing. His car was waiting for the both of you outside on the front walk- as were the terrible flashing lights and mounting voices all crying over one another so that they could be the one that got the story. 

Tony clutched your hand harder, and already you could tell. “Tony-” Trying to quietly, _calmly_ warn him not to give in. 

But he was riled. His core was shaking. He was _angry_. Bleeding with fury. And he needed to put it **somewhere**. 

They were all crying the both of your names, shoving recorders in your faces. Trying to get your attention. His attention. The two of you physically had to push through them to walk to the car.

It wasn’t until a scruffy looking reporter- with just his cell phone recording- shoved through the crowd, the both of you looked at him. A mistake. You should have just shoved everyone aside and put Tony in the car- and yet-

“Hey, Mr. Stark! When is somebody gonna kill this guy? Just sayin'.” 

You tried to volley that bait away from Tony. “At this time, we-” 

Tony’s hand let go of yours and he turned to the kid. “Is that what you want?” That’s when you knew it was all over. Something stupid was about to happen. You just severely underestimated the limits of how far Tony’s anger would push him. The voices all died down and Tony stared directly at him. “Here's a little Holiday greeting I've been wanting to send to the Mandarin. I just didn't know how to phrase it until now. My name is Tony Stark and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, so I've decided-” 

In one clean move he removed his sunglasses and you barely glanced up at him. It was hard to know what to do. Speaking like this was giving him a sense of catharsis. It was healing him. But it was also such a terribly stupid mistake to be making. 

You kept your head held up. Standing in solidarity with him. Trying to be strong. The two of you couldn’t fall apart now. Especially not with what he was saying- 

“You just died, pal. I'm gonna come get the body.” He suddenly looked back and forth between all the cameras pointed both your way. “There's no politics here- it's just good old-fashioned revenge. There's no Pentagon- it's just you and me. And on the off-chance you're a man, here's my home address: 10-8-80, Malibu Point, 90265. I'll leave the door unlocked.”

You were so very glad you had darkened lenses covering your eyes, blocking the image of your reaction from the public, because you were quite sure they just bulged out of your head. _What the fuck was he doing_? You grabbed on to him harder. Both because you were suddenly _pissed_ he’d do something so wildly dumb, and also now more _terrified_ than you ever had been before. 

Tony reached up, yanking the cell phone out of the guy’s hand. “That’s what you wanted, right?” Then turned suddenly, chucking it against the nearest pillar, shattering it into a million pieces. Turning back, he looked the guy square in the eyes, opening the door for you at the same time, guiding hand at your back to help you in. “Bill me.” 

It became a literal media _frenzy_ after that, voices shouting, crying, complaining- all after something. But he shut your door, silencing them, only slipping in for a few seconds as he got in on his side. He was quick to rev the engine pointedly and screech out of the lot, probably leaving tire marks on the pavement. 

You wanted to hold it all together. You really wanted to try and rationalize this and come up with a plan. Calmly. But that’s not what happened. As soon as you were clear of earshot and possible picture shots, you turned to him and yelled. “What the _**fuck**_ are you doing, Tony?!” 

Did he really just do that? Were you asleep right now? Just having a nightmare? One could hope.

One would also be wrong. 

His hands clenched on the wheel. “I don’t- I know, okay? I’m sorry. It’s done. It’s over. We can only move past it.” 

“No! I think we need to talk about what you just did!” 

“I _know_ what I did- I was the one doing it-” 

“Really? I don’t think you do. You just fucking threatened a terrorist that’s been bombing every place to kingdom come- and _gave him our fucking address_\- you basically just told him to come and blow up our house!!” 

“_**I know!**_” 

The two of you had very suddenly entered into a screaming match in the very small space of the car. And his voice thundering out from him like that not only startled you, but it unearthed the loose ground you’d been clinging to throughout this _entire_ ordeal. Way before this. Way before Happy was put in the hospital. 

Your hands shot up to your face as the tears started, and an unintelligible string of weeping words escaped you. Even _you_ weren’t sure what you were saying. The car stopped, Tony pulling to the side of the road, realizing the utter devastation- the sheer _damage_ he’d caused. 

Without a second thought after the car was put in park, his shifted to wrap his arms around you, pulling you half over from your seat, not an entirely comfortable position- but it hardly mattered, as you sat in his lap with his seat angled back and hit your face in his chest. Clutched to him. Just letting that darkness that you’d been bottling up for _so long_ just stream out of you. It hadn’t had your permission to come out like this, but it really hadn’t never needed it. 

Just waiting for the right moment. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” He kept saying it, over and over while you struggled through tears and hyperventilation. Struggling to find a good place to _stop_, if you even could. The worst part about it all was that it didn’t make you feel any better. 

Tony was ill, Happy was in the hospital. Your life was falling apart. And he’d gone and threatened a terrorist with the absolute means to try and destroy all of you. 

Why had he done that? _Why_? 

But you knew why. Because he was lashing out. His unwinding over this situation was on the opposite extreme from yours. And he was realizing it now. How devastating his anger was. The destruction it had caused- and was about to, even further still. 

It took you a long time to stop. He’d been talking you through the whole thing. Asking you to try and find your breaths in between continually apologizing. Telling you that he knew how stupid he was. But over your own sounds you were just getting wisps and murmurs. Half sentences. You understood the meaning. 

Felt it in his _sorrow_. He really was _sorry_. He really was just as _broken_ over all of this as you were. 

But there was no point to this. Just like there had been no point in arguing in the first place. It was over. Done. What would come of it was what you should have put your attention to. Not what had gotten you there. Even if you knew the two of you had to work through _all of that_. You had so much **work** to do, didn’t you? This, and the other thing you’d talked about just the brief day before- and… the rest of it… 

It felt like it was never ending. Like it was just never going to stop. 

“What are we going to do now?” Your voice was hoarse when you finally found it. You felt about as dead as a living human could, just sitting there against him. 

“We’ll figure it out.” 

An easier way of saying _I don’t know_. 

How could he? How could you?  
How could either of you even truly begin to understand? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony just learned a very important lesson. And don't worry, he'll take it to heart.   
But also do not raise your voice at Ms. Lady. Just don't.


	76. Chapter 76

It didn’t take a genius to know that the Mandarin was not the only one who could and _would_ get use out of Tony leaking your home address to the press. Even calling ahead to make sure the gate was secure didn’t really help the situation. There were helicopters hovering around the airspace outside, no doubt all equipped with plucky reporters aiming big news TV cameras at your _house._ Your private space.

At least it used to be. 

Your phone was ringing off the hook- both your personal and work phones- the house phone- and all of Tony’s phones, too. Pepper’s voice was found somewhere in the mix of all the voices asking what the hell the two of you were doing- and she asked a very similar question. And then asked if she should come back.

To which you warned her, “_No_. Stay where you are. We’re fine. We’ll be fine.” She didn’t need to get wrapped up in this mess, too. It was dangerous. And she was better off wherever she’d ended up. When it all died down, _that’s_ when she could come home. Something else you told her. But if she needed to work after the holidays, if this wasn’t all wrapped up by then, she could go to the Avenger Tower. That was a safe place, right? There were people there who would protect her, right? 

Useless to think about now. None of that would help you. Or Tony. The two of you were in a giant mess. With seemingly no way out. 

Your thought was to immediately _leave_. So as soon as you got in the door, you went by the living room to start collecting Dvahli’s carrier, her harness, a couple of her blankies and some food… she was really the most innocent in all of this and she needed to be somewhere safe. But when you turned around, ready to put her in and take her back outside to the car, Tony had mysteriously vanished. Although, really, not _so_ mysterious, was it? You knew exactly where he was. 

So, hoisting Dvahli (who absolutely seemed nervous, sensing your own nervous energy) onto your shoulder, you walked down the stairs into the lab. Bright blue holograms were spread out everywhere, and Tony was sitting on a couple of stacked stereos, watching high from above. Immediately you picked out the _crime scene _from the night previous. He was going over it? 

The image of Happy lying on the ground, hand outstretched, was hard to look at. In front of Tony were a couple of windows of information that he was scrolling through. Hurriedly. Hecticly. Trying to find answers to something, probably. Wasn’t he always? 

“We need to go, Tony.” Trying your best to soften up your voice. 

“Go? Go where? Safest place is here.” He didn’t look up at you, crossing his arms, still reading. 

“You just gave our address out to the public. This house is no longer _safe_.” He had apologized for this already, so it wasn’t the best idea to bring it up again. But he had to understand that being here was a hazard. There was no telling what the Mandarin would do after an explosive monologue like that. 

Finally, he looked up. “I got a- what have I building all this stuff for?” The _army_ you were sure he was referring to. “This house is the safest place we can be. He wants to attack, I got a thousand ways to hit back- speaking of-” He swiped the info panels away, easing himself down onto the floor. Coming to a stop right in front of you, he put his hand just over your chest. “Where is your-” 

“_In my purse_.” A rehearsed line of annoyance that shot out from you as soon as you knew what he was asking. But you eased up immediately, realizing for the first time _now_ was not the time to feel scared of it. “Sorry- I’ll… I’ll get it.” 

He’d been frowning, but he tried on a tired smile. “Thank you.” What had the talk hours ago, in this very spot, been for, if not that? He was terrified of something happening to you. And really, he’d just invited hell on earth to knock on your door- so _why wouldn’t he leave, then_? He really must have believed in that army underneath the lab. Would it be enough? 

He reached up to give Dvahli a little scratch behind the ear as you turned away to go back upstairs. To the bedroom where you’d left it. In a bag you hadn’t carried with you in a couple of days. But no one needed to know that. Least of all, Tony. But even knowing your circumstances now, holding it in your palm still made you feel queasy. Nervous. Something was coming. And you’d have to use it, for sure… no getting out of it now, but… 

The doorbell ringing broke you from your thoughts. Great timing, as you didn’t really have the leisure of falling down yet _another_ black hole. But- “JARVIS did somebody just _ring our doorbell_?” Confused. Incredulous. Tony had threatened a terrorist, his message was playing on all television stations, going viral on every internet news outlet. So why- 

“Yes, ma’am. My apologies. Someone seems to be at our front door.” 

“Who?” 

“I’m scanning her now. She’s coming into the foyer.” 

“JARVIS, no!” Scolding him as if he were a child. _No, bad! Don’t do that!_ But- if he let her in, surely she wasn’t a threat? He wouldn’t let someone crazy onto the property, right? Taking Dvahli into your arms, slipping the Heart Reactor into your pocket, you rushed out of the bedroom, leaning out over the banister, hearing Tony conversing with whoever it was. “Who’s there??” 

“Maya Hansen.” His voice floated up to you. “Old botanist pal that I used to know- barely…” 

“_Who_?” Not expecting an answer back, but having no idea who the hell he was talking about. Or why she’d be here now. When no answer came and you heard them continuing to talk, you came downstairs, stopping just at the last step, giving her a long look as she looked back at you. Pretty young woman. Brown hair. 

_Scared_. 

A feeling you were getting quite used to. 

“Excuse me, who are you? Can we help you?” Watching her. Carefully. Didn’t matter how scared she was. Everyone was a threat right now. And you were absolutely done with believing in coincidences. There was a reason she was here. Was it malicious? 

“I need to talk to him- well, both of you- but not _here_.” At least she wasn’t stupid. But why talk to the two of you? What could she possibly want right this second? 

It was Tony moving back across the room that drew your attention. A suit was standing a foot away from him, opened up. He must have answered the door inside of it. He was just as _frightened _as the rest of you. Mutual. But then why- “No. Sorry. We’re not going anywhere.” He told her. 

You stepped away from the stairs. “Aren’t we? We need to _go_, Tony. We can’t be here.” 

“What did I just- I told you already.” Waving his hands at you. 

Maya brightened up. “Great. Let’s go.” 

Tony turned to her. “That’s a terrible idea. Please don’t-” 

So you turned to him. “We _cannot_ stay here, Tony. You painted a target on this house, we can’t just- we can’t pretend like nothing’s gonna happen.” 

He put his hands on your upper arms. “So what if something happens? I told you. I’ve got this. Right here is the safest place we can be- I can’t _protect_ you out there.” Trying his damndest to get you to _understand_ his need to have you close in a space that _he_ trusted. That _he_ built. 

“I can protect myself!” Clutching Dvahli closer, as she mewled, unsettled. Upset. Just like the rest of you. “We can protect _each other_. Please, just _listen_ to me…” Even through his troubles, through his foggy mind, he must have been able to make sense of this, right? You _couldn’t_ stay here! It was madness! 

“Guys-” Maya’s voice was somewhere behind you, but the two of you weren’t motivated into listening. 

Stuck on each other, still. “I _am_ listening, but honey, please try to understand-” 

“Guys!” Maya yelled this time, snapping the two of you from each other. And when both of you turned, you saw her outstretched hand, pointing at a hovering feed on the television. A news reporter’s helicopter parked in the air space outside the house over the ocean- but- “Do we need to be worried about that?” 

It was too late to zero in on what she was pointing to. What the media was already reporting on before it had even happened. _A missile was headed for the house_. 

Practically the last thought that registered as the blast hit the side, the heat and full force of the explosion throwing you back. No time enough to react. At least not for you. The only sensible thing you found yourself doing was twisting, trying to protect Dvahli- 

But in just another moment, as you collided back against the wall, your vision went dark. Tremors and rumbles played above you and you struggled hard to get out of that murky darkness. When you opened your eyes you recognized immediately the HUD that covered your vision. Not yours- 

_Tony’s_.  
Tony had somehow suited you up. And, with Dvahli still snug under your arm, you pushed yourself up, looking out on the destruction of your living room. Seeing Maya lying face down. Unconscious. And Tony- 

Reaching up to brace for impact as the ceiling fell. “JARVIS boost!” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Throwing thrust into your boots so you could cover him just in time, holding your free arm out as you knelt over him, feeling the impact of debris hit your back hard. Something the suit took easily. Zipping your eyes up, you deactivated the helmet, looking at him as it pulled back. He had entered that _terrified_ state, even looking at him you knew. “I’ve got you.” You told him, carefully. Gently. About as much as you could afford. 

“I got you, first.” Relieved that he was still in there and not succumbing. You _needed_ him now more than ever. “Like I said, we can’t stay here.” You’d have to hit him later for his sass. 

As the two of you found your feet in a weak stand, another blast rattled the living room, parting the two of you, throwing him to the opposite side of the room. Your brain was chugging just a little too hard. Squeezed by the multitude of _feelings_ so suddenly. Your own. Tony’s- and _Maya’s_ you realized, as she was just regaining consciousness. It made it hard to breathe. 

Turning back you tried to get to him, but another hit underneath the structure of the house crumpled the floor of the living room, tearing him further from you. “Tony!” 

“Get her and get out- don’t stop- go!” 

With only his directions guiding you, foolishly you stepped away from him. _Still in __**his**_ _suit_. Dropping to a half kneel, you yanked Maya up by her arm, no time to worry about if you were hurting her, Dvahli tucked firmly underneath your other, and you tried to find enough footing and a clear path to sprint out the closest opening. When a beam fell you held your hand up with a push, expecting a blast, but nothing came. “JARVIS talk to me!” 

“Mark 42 is a prototype and not fully powered, ma’am. I’ll assist you. Brace for impact.” 

He lit up a flight path _directly forward_ and with no further warning he put another boost in the boot jets and you wrapped your arm around Maya to protect her as the two of you went full thrust through the glass windows, falling out onto the lawn. It took you too long a moment to register as your brain was quite literally shaken around. When you finally forced your eyes open again and moved to a kneel the suit was forcibly removing itself from you. 

Piece by piece. Something you’d never seen before. Tony was _calling_ it from inside the house? You didn’t have a lot of time to register as suddenly you were fully bare and another missile hit the house sideways, pulling the ground from underneath you as the whole structure slid on an uncomfortable angle. A return blast finally came and you knew Tony must have been trying to stop the hits from landing _from inside_. 

What to do?  
What should you do? 

Turning to Maya you shoved Dvahli into her hands with a warning. “Anything happens to her I’ll end you.” Not enough time to worry about whether you were threatening an ally or not. Just sure enough you were sending a message. That cat was more precious to you than almost anything else- yet you _didn’t have time_ to protect her yourself. Something that would make your heart ache and your guilt run free if it weren’t for _terrorists blowing up your house_. 

Reaching into your pocket you pulled the Reactor free and pressed it to your chest, giving it a double tap. Suit up was longer than you remembered as those nanobots crawled over your clothes and skin. When the helmet lit up over your face, a bunch of warnings were blaring. 

“LUNA, talk to me!”  
  
“Some systems were damaged in the blast, ma’am, I’m working on rerouting power!” 

Another helicopter got hit with a second blast, sending it whirring down in an angle too close to the house, slicing the top. You held your hands up with that forward momentum, sending a powerful blast to shred it to pieces. Voice booming out, you really only had one thought on your mind. “_Stop wrecking my house!_” The emotional shock of release send a shiver through you. 

Too little too late as the ground beneath you groaned in a snap, sending the contents of the destroyed house tumbling down towards the ocean. Another pained cry escaped you, and you held both hands up again to target a shot towards the third helicopter that was hovering close, poised to fire on you. _That was the wrong move though, wasn’t it? __**Where was Tony? **_A thought that was too little too late as this one came raining down on you. You had to bend to shield both Maya and Dvahli- and then the worst thing happened- 

You felt the break, and heard metal collapse as the house slid and then collapsed into the ocean below. Once the rain of debris was over you ran straight up towards the edge. “LUNA we’re going in!” 

She killed your jets, leaving you in a collapsed lurch clutching the ground. “Ma’am, the suit is too damaged. We’re no longer air tight and we’re not fully powered- if you go down there you’ll drown!” 

“Tony talk to me!” The only second thought that mattered. Was he clear? Did he make it out? The house was still sinking. No answer came. “_Tony_!” And still nothing, as the rest of it sunk so deep down you couldn’t see it anymore. “LUNA where are his vitals?” 

“I’m not synced to Mark 42, ma’am-” 

A guttural cry of frustration ripped through you and you backed away from the edge, boosting yourself into the remaining debris at the bottom of what was left of the house. The basement was destroyed, but _underneath_ you saw that solid steel ring that was housing that _army_ he’d built. Suits staring back at you. Empty. 

You smashed the glass case on the closest one. “LUNA, take this over!” 

“Ma’am- only JARVIS’ network is allowed access to the Iron Legion.” 

Your options were running thin. Pulling your helmet back, not that it mattered, you screamed. Practically begged for anyone at all to hear you. But most of all- “JARVIS where are you!? Activate this suit for me!” Your hand smashed against the metal frame, unlocking the case completely, pulling the lifeless suit from its frame. “JARVIS!” Same as Tony. 

No answer. 

Your breathing was out of control. Tears had started an easy free flow. Still, you screamed. “JARVIS where are you!? _JARVIS!!”_

Flooding out in a cascade of chaotic energy, collapsing to your knees, barely holding yourself up any longer.  
  
“JARVIS I need you- where is Tony? JARVIS! _JARVIS!_” 

LUNA was the one to answer you. “He’s not answering my calls, ma’am…” 

“You can do two things at once my fucking ass, JARVIS!” Fists pounding uselessly on the ground like that might shake him loose from wherever he was hiding. He’d gone down with Tony in a new suit that wasn’t meant for much yet- had they cleared the ocean? Should you just go down there anyway? What if Tony- Tony was _drowning_\- and you were just- 

The next cry that ripped from you shook the very earth. 

“_**JARVIS!!!**_” 

Sitting there. Screaming yourself hoarse. For too long. Time just rushed by you. You just sat there uselessly. Calling for him- and- “_Tony…_” Scared to try. Scared to reach out into those depths. You should- _you should_\- 

_**You should**_. 

Gathering up what little precious left there was of your energy, already knowing that by now you’d- _you_\- had wasted too much time- _you were responsible now_\- you stood on uneasy legs, clawing yourself up from that hole, to stand on the edge once more. “We’re going, LUNA-” Too late now. _Too late. Your fault_. 

“Ma’am-” 

The world seemed to crack as she said this, there was a sudden pair of hands on your shoulders. _Yanking _you **hard** from that edge. Turning back you saw Steve- of all people- “What are you-” Having trouble finding your breath. “What are you doing- what are you doing here??” Were you hallucinating? 

The painful look he was giving you threatened to take everything you had inside of you. “I was on my way, when Stark- ...somebody just _blew up your house_, what do you mean _why am I here_?” As if that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. Maybe he was right. “Where is Tony?” 

At that moment, Steve was the only thing holding you up any longer. “LUNA…” Begging her to tell you anything that wasn’t the truth. Tony had cleared the house, right? He’d gone off somewhere? She’d managed to link up with JARVIS and everything was- 

“Ma’am… JARVIS has deactivated.” 

You crumpled inward, the world went dark. This was your fault. If you’d just had the Reactor on you- if Tony hadn’t had to save you- if you’d had your own suit like you were supposed to- if you’d done _anything else_\- if you’d just gone into the ocean anyway and held your breath- he would have for you- so why didn’t you for him- 

_Tony was dead and it was __**your fault**_. 

“Hey-!” 

“Not now, Fury.” 

Voices were holding conversations around you. You had no idea where you were. You couldn’t move- didn’t want to. Why not just _die here_, like he had? What was the point of it anymore? 

“LA looks like it just timewarped to 1992. She needs to-”

“I said _not now_.” 

They continued bickering. None of it mattered. None of this made sense. Nothing made sense anymore. Tony had needed you and you’d let him die. It was your fault. _Your fault_. You were barely clinging to reality anymore. Crying until you couldn’t breathe. Tony was dead. It was because of _you_. That was the only thing you knew anymore. 

Steve tried to pull you from the wreckage but you just couldn’t budge. It became a fight. You beat your fists at him, cried at him, let yourself fall in a heap on your knees to the last place you’d ever call home. It was destroyed, much like your life now- and _it was your fault_. 

“_It wasn’t supposed to be this way_-” You heard yourself choking out these words in a sob as he finally forcibly lifted you up, carrying you out of the ground and onto the lawn. 

More helicopters were circling, but through your blurred vision you saw agents on your property. Pulling yellow tape and shooing away reporters. _SHIELD_, you realized. Spying Coulson with a team of people at his heel. The sun was going down. Fury was barking orders. 

What did any of it matter anymore? 

As you cast a weak look up Steve’s way, feeling returning slightly through your numbness, his hands gripping your arms tight, he was talking. You couldn’t hear him. For a long while. He was just _talking_ and none of it was registering. His hands were on your face. Turning your head. Wiping blood off your brow. A medteam in pristine white suits came over and then left. 

He was talking.  
He was talking.  
Finally, the ringing in your ears you hadn’t even realized until it died down, dissipated, and some of his voice broke through. “Let’s go back to New York-” 

And some of your strength returned so you should pull away from him. “_No_.” Your voice didn’t even sound like your own anymore. “_No_\- I won’t leave- _I won’t_-” You couldn’t go anywhere but here. You had to stay here. What if JARVIS came back online? What if Tony needed you- what if- _what if_\- 

Steve said your name. _Hard_. Shaking you just a little, hands on your arms clutching. “Listen to me. Look at me. Tony was in that part of the house- when it went in? What about his suit? Was he in his suit?” 

“He- he had- it was a prototype- it was low on power- and mine was damaged-”

“Listen. _Listen_.” Stopping your new fresh weeping and babbling. “Look at me. Stark went in there. He didn’t come out. Did you see him come out?” Your eyes dropped from him as you felt another collapse imminent. “You have to-” 

With all your fury you shoved him away from you. “No- **stop**!” And when he reached out you felt another rage ripple through you, hands forming tight fists at your sides, eyes closed tight as you screamed at him. “_**STOP!!**_” 

The sound of holsters unlocking- the click of guns with hammers cocking- it became _very clear_. Steve turned his back to you, spreading his arms wide, _covering you_. Because every SHIELD agent in the vicinity just drew on you. 

_For what_? 

“Stand down!” 

Whether it was your fright that stopped them, or Steve’s sturdy commands, they all lowered their weapons. “What’s happening?” Now? Here? _To you_? 

He turned back, hands on your arms again. “You need to calm down-”

“**Don’t tell me to calm down!**” How could you? _How dare he_? Didn’t he understand? Could he possibly understand?? 

“Ma’am.” LUNA cut through the rest of it, and even as Steve started talking again you held your hand up to shush him. And you waited. _You waited_. Holding your breath. “I have a delayed incoming from the secure Stark Industries server.” 

“-_wait_-” You begged her. Frightened to near death. Delayed message? Delayed _recording_? Was this Tony’s last goodbye? A sort of- _in the event of my death_\- …? “Wait- please- is it-” 

“The message was sent fifteen minutes ago.” 

“_Play it_**.**” Desperate. Not even sure the sound you’d just made was actual words. 

But when Tony’s voice filled your ears you felt a weight lift. Just as you fell to your knees again. Holding your hands to your ears to block out every other sound surrounding you. Just letting his voice fill you. The tears came fresh as he spoke. 

“_Honey, it’s me. I’ve got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time. So. First off. I'm so sorry I put you in harm's way. That was selfish and stupid and it won't happen again. It’s me. It’s always me. I want you to know that. Which is why- second- when we’re done here- got it. Therapy. Whatever it takes. I promise. And I'm sorry in advance because...I can't come home yet. I need to find this guy. That's all I know. I just stole a poncho from a wooden Indian. And- JARVIS is down. I’ll send coordinates when I can. Because we’re a team- and well… I’m sure I’m owed an in-person beating after this. But not more than the guy that blew up our house. Wait for me. I love you.” _

You asked her to play it again. And one more time. And… one more time after that. Crying uselessly into your hands. _Tony was alive_. _**Tony was alive**_. That was all that mattered. 

At least that’s what you thought. Until you heard Maya arguing with Steve. Turning your head up, trying to collect yourself, “What? What do you want now?” Agitation returning fresh and easy. She’d been at your house just before it blew up. There had to be a reason. No coincidences in your life anymore, remember? But when you saw Steve blocking her still, you let go of a hard sigh. “Let her- just- let me talk to her. It’s okay. She’s holding a cat. She’s not dangerous.” 

Least of all because if you found out she was part of this you’d reach out and snap her neck right now- 

She came over, kneeling on the grass, lowering her voice. “This was why I wanted to get away. I need your help. I know who did this.” You held your breath. Feeling the kick to your stomach as she said, even quieter, “_I __think I know where__ the Mandarin is_.” 

Well.  
That was that, then, wasn’t it? 

**You were going to go kill the Mandarin. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We about to do it to him. Also hi Steve and SHIELD how are ya? I noticed you guys were um... _MYSTERIOUSLY ABSENT AFTER TONY'S HOUSE GOT BLOWN UP AND HE WAS PRESUMED DEAD_. But not in the version where things make sense at least :]


	77. Chapter 77

The next course of action was neither clear nor simple. The only thing your brain was latching on to was that _Tony was alive_, and honestly thank god for that. Had he not been, your weeping and endless guilt would have only been curtailed by this mysterious Maya Hansen knowing where the Mandarin was. That would have led you on a trip of vengeance- one you currently were still planning to take. Because even if Tony was alive- again, thanking the powers that be that he was- the Mandarin still needed to be stopped. 

Not just for good reasons. For _selfish_ ones. He’d hurt practically everyone you’d cared about at this point, save the Avengers themselves. Speaking of which… 

After murmuring to each other enough about a plan of action, or the groundwork for one anyway (which consisted of getting the hell away from SHIELD because you were sure they were listening in, and then grilling her for information while paying _very close attention_ to how she was feeling about all that), you found your way back to Steve. Still impressed with his timing. And were you in a different way, maybe you’d have appreciated it. ...well, he _did_ stop you from jumping into the ocean after a man who’d clearly already left it. Probably saved your life by doing so. What a pointless death that would have been.

But now you needed him for something else. “Can you keep Fury off my back?” Double tapping the Heart Reactor to finally remove your suit.

He just crossed his arms and made a face. “What’s that now? What’d she say to you?” Damn it all that Steve was no fool. And after what he’d just witnessed, probably none too keen on just letting you leave with a stranger. 

Taking hold of his hand, you pulled him in close, lowering your voice further. “Tony is alive.” 

His eyes searched yours. “You know that for a fact?” Clearly of the mind that Maya might have been trying to sell you some snake oil. 

“He sent me a message. He’s alive. And I’m going to him.” Because he said he was somewhere chasing a lead, right? That was where he’d ended up? You hadn’t really had a lot of time to parse through that message. But now this way, you didn’t have to wait for JARVIS to repower and send you coordinates. You’d just both meet up at the same place. Easy. Cut the middle right out. 

And let the ass kicking of a century commence. You liked this plan. This was a _good plan_. And nothing would stop you from enacting it. 

“Look I’m really glad- relieved. But. I don’t think you should run off right now. A lot of things are happening.” He gestured weakly to the SHIELD agents patrolling the lot, the now completely decimated lawn and what used to be your house- burned foundation and rubble, only (and barely) the basement portion left. Damage Control was here, cleaning up already. Pushing the media circus back. 

“I have to go, Steve. Every second I’m here puts more time for this Mandarin guy to keep moving. Keep bombing people. Please.” Trying to make him see. Make him understand. “I have to do this.” 

He crossed his arms a little tighter, shook his head softly. “I don’t know… let me come with you, at least.” 

For one reason or another you didn’t like this. Maybe it was that it was pinging a deep part of you that was now predisposed to everyone you loved getting hurt as soon as they got even mildly involved with this. That was probably it. You didn’t want him around for this. You could do it yourself. You thought about trying to appeal to his soldier sensibilities- asking him if he’d ever lost a friend behind enemy lines due to fault of his own- and if he’d ever had to go and make it right- 

But a different answer presented itself in the form of Maya yelling and the two of you turning to see Dvahli leaping from her arms onto the ground and then coming over to you in a mad dash. 

“_She bit me_!” 

Perfect timing. You scooped her up, giving her a tight little snuggle, absolutely terribly sorry that she had to live through something this terrible. She was probably traumatized. Weren’t you all? But after you were done squeezing her, you held her out. “Watch her, please.” And when he opened his mouth, probably to tell you no, you gave him the most pleading pair of eyes you could. “_Please_, Steve. For me… _please_.” 

He drew in a deep, _deep_ breath and then let it out in a losing sigh. Even though he was unsteady in his movements, holding his arms out for you to deposit Dvahli into them, he stood firm. Because you’d asked him to. “You go in. You get Tony. You put this guy down. That’s it.” 

“That’s it.” You told him back, sure as you could. Then leaned in to give him a half hug. “Thank you… I won’t mess this up this time. Just… distract Fury for me. And then take her back to the Tower. We’ll meet you there.” When this was over. Seeing as how the two of you didn’t have a house anymore. 

“We’re gonna have a long talk when you get back.” Warning you of what was to come. And it didn’t sound particularly fun. 

“Yeah. I understand.” What more could you say to this? He was doing you a huge favor. Not even by covering for you, or for watching your cat. For being here at all. 

“Things don’t go to plan, _you call me_. Got it?” 

“Got it.” Nodding. It was at least a little relieving, knowing you could trust him. Knowing he would be there, as soon as you needed him. That thought alone spurred on another hug, another murmur of thanks, a small kiss on the cheek, and then you spent your last remaining minute there nuzzling Dvahli, telling her that you were sorry- _you were_\- and that you were going to come home soon, and bring Tony back with you. When you could pull yourself away, finally you went slowly back to Maya. 

Steve already threw a plan of action on the field, calling for one of the nearby agents’ attention. You took Maya by the arm, making sure not to make it seem like the two of you were sneaking off. Even though the two of you definitely were. 

“Keep your head down. Get in the car as soon as we approach.” You’d have to take one of Tony’s. That was fine. He could drive it back for all you cared. Because you _were_ going to get him back. You were finishing this. Tonight. 

Of course as soon as the two of you shut your doors and you pushed the button to start, Fury started barking out a million different things. Most of which had to do with the fact that you were not allowed to leave. So you really stepped on the gas and drove like wildfire, down across the lawn- what did it matter that you were ruining it? That whole property was gone- and through their little barrier. 

“LUNA kill any trackers. I don’t want them following us. Do whatever you have to, I want a dead trail.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Five minutes out on the road in complete silence seemed to be killing Maya. She was _nervous_. A touch _anxious_. And she did the most stereotypical thing to fill the void- reach over and turn on the radio. You really wished she hadn’t though, because a stern news anchor’s voice entered the car. 

“_-and after the mass hysteria that seemed to spread over the entire state of California, many are asking themselves, what happened? There were riots and looting, fights- No one has any answers. It seemed to coincide with the bombing on the Stark Manor. Did the world panic after Tony Stark was declared de-” _

Quickly you reached over to turn the radio off. _That_ was the reason Nick Fury and SHIELD had shown up. You had totally lost control and probably ruined a great many lives in the process. Whether or not it was true, that Steve had been on his way here anyway, he had come practically arm in arm with Fury. And he’d seemed to be somewhat in charge when you’d had all those guns pointed at you… 

“You gotta tell me where we’re going.” While you could drive off into the night forever, it was a pretty pointless exercise. “And what you were doing at my house. What’s your involvement in all of this?” It was foolish to just blindly trust her, even if Tony said he’d known her previously. You were on Steve’s side with that one. 

“We just need to go someplace safe.” 

“_Great_. No. I need more than that.” It probably wasn’t a good idea to sass her, if she was the only person aside Tony, who was currently out of reach, who had the information you so desperately needed. But… on the other hand… your nerves were beyond frayed. Emotions running pretty wild at this point. You had nowhere to put them. “-I’ll take us to a hotel. No cards, just cash. No media. We’ll stay down-low.” Making that promise for her at least. Not leaving a trail was not just for her, it was also for you.

SHIELD would mess this up for you. Tell you to form a better plan than cold revenge. That wasn’t really gonna work for you. So. The less they could follow where you were, the better. 

It took every ounce of your control to stay quiet, be patient, and wait for her to start talking again. Thankfully, you were eventually rewarded. “I think my boss works for the Mandarin.” 

“Your boss? Aren’t you a botanist?” It was probably useless to try and make much sense out of this. Since when did your life ever make sense? But some of it _had_ to track or else you were probably just being fooled. 

She breathed out a huff of a sardonic laugh. “Botanist, yeah. That’s what Tony remembers, I’m sure. We met at a science convention in Germany, and after the night was over he probably didn’t remember too much else.” You spared her the eye roll, not really interested in Tony’s lurid bedroom stories of yore. “What I _actually_ am is a biological DNA coder running a team of forty out of a privately-funded think tank, but _sure, _you and Tony can call me a botanist.”

_Think tank.  
__**Think tank**_. 

You lived and breathed in the tech world, the startup world, the … all that, world. You had for a long time. It wasn’t unusual for you to hear those words, was it? Yet every part of you immediately knew. You just _knew_. Maybe nothing in your life made sense. But at least there were footprints leading on a trail. Every time. _Every time_, when something felt off… it was for a reason. 

“Your boss’ name is Aldrich Killian, isn’t it.” 

_Just say it. Just __**fucking say it**_. Angrier now, somehow, if that were even possible. Furious because that guy had bugged you and irked you and made you feel uncomfortable. And just like _every other fucking time in your life_ that you didn’t follow up, chose not to investigate, it blew up in your face. It got Tony _hurt_. Because you’d been _tired_ or _busy_ or a million other excuses. But it was always the same fucking thing in the end. 

_Your fault_. 

Maya seemed shocked, turning to stare at you. “How do you know that?” 

“Just a _feeling_.” It was getting hard to see, there was just so much _**red**_. 

Maybe you scared her, or maybe she was weighing her next options very carefully. It was hard to say. It gave you time to stew, hands gripping the wheel on and off as your rage kept building. Eventually it would explode. The silence was getting unbearable. As you turned off one road and down another you felt relieved when she started speaking again. “I bought in, you know? I sold my research. Myself. I thought we were doing something good. But I want out now. He’s dangerous. I should have seen it earlier. We’re taking people off the streets- soldiers- people who need help and turning them into _weapons_. I honestly just can’t sleep any more.” 

You felt her _remorse_ and it only put a tiny ding in the mountain of anger you were still working through. It was your turn to let a silence linger, as you kept weaving through roads, still trying to make sure it was impossible to follow you. And a hotel was too much to hope for. This had to be a motel kind of thing. And to even get through a front door, you’d have to get cash somewhere- which would leave a trail- god damn it. 

Why couldn’t you take a lesson from Tony? Just walk around with thousands of dollars in your pocket? Everything about this was angering. _Angry_. It was all you were holding on to at this point. Anything else and you’d come apart. 

It was when you interrupted her that you even realized she was speaking again- and that you weren’t listening- as you asked, “Do you have cash on you?” 

“Um- yeah- a little. Why? I didn’t come to your house stacked or anything, but-” 

“I didn’t have time to plan for this little adventure, so I’m going to have to pay you back. We’re going to a motel.” And then you realized that if you were any sort of decent human you should probably stop stewing in your own problems and offer her some comfort. Ten minutes, tops. You could at least afford that. “And- people are shitty. We turn a blind eye to a lot, if we think we can get to a justifiable place, in the end.” In that way you were no different. Hadn’t that been what you were doing with Tony, before all this? 

She hung her head. “Yeah. I guess.” 

Thick, unbearable silence was inevitable after that. You just had to embrace it. Thankfully the motel was not that much further away. You hung back and kept your head down as she paid for a room on the second floor. And, just your luck, she had three whole dollars and fifty cents left afterwards. 

There was no sleep to be had that night- not for you, anyway. She’d cozied up on a bed- probably not a smart move. But now was not the time to be pulling out blacklights and checking for bugs. The _excitement_ of it all seemed to put her right out. It left you to pacing. Thinking. Growing angrier and angrier. And more worried, too. Tony hadn’t reached back out. You could only hope things were okay. As the sun came up you _accidentally _knocked her bed pacing by one time and she got the hint, getting up, mumbling something about something.

Once you’d paced enough in the room, probably wearing a trail in the floor by now, and once she was more conscious, you grabbed her remaining cash off the dresser where she’d tossed it.

When she threw a questioning glance your way, you stopped by the door. “I saw some vending machines on the way up here. What would you like to share for breakfast?” 

At this she sighed, crossing her arms. “Who cares. Potato chips, I guess. And coke, if you have money left over and we can afford to be _fancy_.” She was trying to be funny, and to her credit it did earn a twitch of a smile, but that was all you had for her. 

Luckily, you returned with much more- as per request, a small bag of most likely stale potato chips, and a bottle of coke that had been churned out far too hard by the machine it was in. You must have lingered a little too long outside, because when you came back in she seemed jumpy. Then again, considering the circumstances, maybe you should have been, too. 

Leaving the provisions with her, “I’m actually not that hungry. By all means. I think I’m gonna just try my luck with the shower.” 

“Yeah… alright. Thanks.” With no further hesitation, she ripped the small bag open. 

After that, you decided it couldn’t wait any longer. “Do you know where Killian is right now? How am I supposed to get to him?” 

“No need.” A strong hand gripped the back of your hair, yanking you hard. “I’ve scheduled the meeting myself this time.”

The voice sliced through your consciousness, too little too late, as he threw you up against the nearest wall. Already permanently scarred, your brain went into immediate panic mode, reaching up to shove- to scratch- to _anything-_ **no!** To try and tap your Reactor-

A single smart deed that immediately went punished. He pulled and then rammed you back, capturing the hand that was going for the reactor in one of his, pulling it above your head. Then with his other he reached towards your chest. “This has to go.” You were sure you must have been knocked into hallucination. His eyes were lighting up- and so was his hand- glowing orange- and when he set it to your skin it _burned_. 

Burned so hot you felt it _melting_ the metal of your Reactor. So you reached again in the next breath with your other free hand, getting a good clean swing in, your fist to his jaw. Finally some other training kicked in, and you raised a knee to his gut. 

“I need you to calm yourself-” 

A sentence that would have sparked enough anger to move you, had he not taken a hold of your hair again and slammed your head against the wall and then quickly turned you to face it, pinning you with his own body. So. Reactor down. Body unable to move. What more could you do? 

It was then that you dropped into the darkness and wasted no time once you were there. Once you _saw _him. You rushed forward, _sinking _your hands _into him_, vision blurring to give you that shaky view of a body that **did not belong to you**. And just as you tried to wrestle control, to get him one step away, you heard him gulp for air, twist your hair in his hand, and knock your face against the wall again. Jarring you back into your own body. 

“You’re a tricky one, aren’t you? Don’t worry. I love the hunt.” His voice was an afterthought next to the small pinprick you felt at your neck. “Came prepared.” 

Beyond you, you heard Maya’s unimpressed voice. “Should’ve opened with that.” 

Malaise entered you so deep it was impossible to fight off. Your automatic scrabbles for survival started slowing, and then halting as you went slack. “Are you going tell me why you were at Stark’s mansion at all?” 

“I’m trying to fix this thing! I didn’t know you and the master were gonna blow it up!” 

They were squabbling. Like old friends. _The master_.   
So wrapped up in yourself. You should’ve listened to Steve.   
Everything that went wrong- it was always your fault wasn’t it?   
You managed to say something that made him laugh. And then the lights went out. 

* * *

The only thing you were aware of as you started coming to, was that you’d _come to_ more than a few times now. And been put back down every single time. Oh- wait- more things you knew for sure- you were in _a lot of pain_\- your brain was very foggy- and… oh right. You were going to kill everyone responsible for this. That much you were absolutely sure of. 

And the last and worst piece of information… you were tied to a table- …? Standing? Strapped- strapped to a… standing chair… yes, your brain was not working so well. Your legs were not moving, neither were your arms, really, but maybe that was because, as you remembered yes, you were tied down. Things were not ideal- your Reactor?- gone… you were sure. Destroyed? No idea… 

“Tony…” Voice murky and low. Why call for him? Was he here? Was he going to help you? No of course not. Because you’d fucked everything up. Even if he’d made it out of that bombing alive, there was no telling what would happen now. Because of you. And all your mistakes. 

“Unavailable, can I take a message? _God_, do you know how much I hated hearing that? Over and over and over…” Someone was talking- Killian it took you too long to realize- and pacing back and forth, as you finally managed to open your eyes. Finally, when he stopped, he came over, touching your face so _gently_ it made you sick. _Extra_ sick. You realized then you were already nauseous. “You’re quite the specimen. I understand what he sees in you.” 

This made sense, right? You were going to be bait. Because you’d let yourself be bait. “He won’t- he’s not going to help you- what are you even doing? You need him? Or- you want him to…” Your head fell forward, but he caught you.

Making sure you were angled enough to keep looking at him. “We thought we needed his help. Turns out, I’ve got all the help I need. Sorry- let me explain, I think you’re a little groggy- sorry, again. Apologies, really, but if we don’t keep you incapacitated I think you might do something _stupid_. You see- that little stunt back at the motel- I knew there was a reason Stark kept you around. Maybe he got in too deep, but I’m just above the surface. I don’t mind blood farming.” 

He really was talking too much. Not making a lot of sense. It was getting harder to see, so eventually you just let your eyes close. Thankful you were too out of it to cry. Because you really just might have otherwise. “What are you- ...what the hell are you talking about?” Out of breath, it seemed. It was only then you realized there was another goon in the room- realized it as he moved to your side and turned a drip on an IV- that you also realized was in your arm. All these realizations, all too late, as a steady _burn_ started to fill your veins. “Don’t do this!” _Awake_ and _aware_ so suddenly. Fear creeping up on you, turning that anger to mush. “Killian don’t do this! I’m not-” _Normal_, you wanted to say. He was using this Extremis stuff on _normal_ people.

What would it do to **you**? 

“Don’t panic. Panicking makes it worse. Phase One is quick. It’s Phase Two you have to worry about. Were you a lab experiment? SHIELD? Or someone else? Because really, it’s remarkable. I thought I’d have to force Stark’s hand, but _you_. Here you are. Sorry. I think I’m two steps ahead of you-” Tilting your head up harder to earn your frenzied attention back. “Your _genes_, I’m saying. Mutated. Something in your blood. Extremis is volatile. Did Maya not explain? The bombings, it’s extremis turning in on itself. Lab rats, all of them- but now we can make it viable. Through you. Some mad scientist did a number on you. I’ll have to send him a Christmas card.” 

“What the hell are you fucking talking about?!” Fed up. Completely fed up, even through the strange mix of grogginess and fear, of hearing him talk. You were sure he was just doing it to hear himself at this point. God damn it. What an annoying asshole. 

“There she is.” Thumbs brushing your cheeks as he still held you. “I tested your blood against Extremis, and the results were _remarkable_.” Leaning in, he rested his forehead against yours. “So. I’m going to have to pump you full of it. Indefinitely. I’m sure you understand.” Giving you a little pat before letting your head fall forward without his support and stepping away. “It’s better this way, anyway. Assuming you don’t die. If you do-” A small shrug. “-I’ve got enough to work through on my own. But really, don’t waste my resources, if you could do me that favor, alright?” 

He was leaving. Walking further and further away. 

This was the man. The man responsible for all of it? The Mandarin? You couldn’t remember- what was Maya saying- but even so- _god_, you _**hurt**_. Your heart started beating triple time, and it felt like an ocean was filling your lungs. Like you’d run a marathon- “Killian-” 

But Killian was at the core of all of this. He was the one that had attacked Rhodey- “-Killian-”   
He was the one that had put Happy in the hospital- “...Killian-”   
He blew up your house- almost deactivated JARVIS- almost killed Tony- 

“_ALDRICH._” Forcing his name out in a guttural growl. 

Finally he stopped walking, and turned to you with a smile. The world seemed like it was getting _brighter_. The edges of your vision were going white as your nerves went alight with fire. He took his time, stepping in closer. “Yes?”

You made sure to look him square in the eyes. “_**I’m going to kill you**_. When I get out of here, I’m going to shove my hand into your chest just to see if you have a heart. And god help you if I find one because I’m going to _squeeze it until it explodes_.” 

For a moment that smug, sure facade broke and you felt a little _fear_ enter in, nice and icy. But he regained his composure, a twitch of a smile before he dropped his head, shaking it. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.” A small laugh left him. “By the time I’m through with you…” He lifted his gaze, watching you. “You’ll be in so much pain you’ll be begging me to put an end to you. And if you’re lucky, I just might.” Then he leaned in, hard, whispering in your ear. “_But judging by where you are, I’d say your luck __**died**__ a few days ago._” 

There was no more fear left in you. Not like him. He couldn’t scare you anymore. “I’m going to kill you.” You promised, quieter this time. And as the pain overtook and overloaded every last circuit in your brain you etched that promise into reality. “_I’m going to kill you- I’m going to kill you-” _

“Keep it up.” Laughing on his way out. 

He remained a liar. Phase One of whatever this was felt like it dragged on for several agonizing hours. Hours you wasted screaming yourself hoarse. Hoping for a miracle, as lava snaked and danced over your skin, twining deep inside your muscles. Eventually the screams wrung out, and you were left murmuring to yourself a whisper of revenge you were sure you were going to enact as sweat dripped heavy from your brow and the room started to spin. You had to. You’d get out of here and put an end to that man. That man that had now tried to destroy your whole family. You would. You had to. 

At least that’s what you thought. But as another IV was loaded on your other arm, your path became not as clear. What had been a steady drip before had now become a _rush_. Like they really were _pumping_ you full of whatever this stuff was- just like he’d promised. And it was unbearable. It made your muscles lock. Like being shocked, over and over and over again. As you strained against your restraints, it felt like your nerves were close to snapping. 

There was one last moment of clarity, as you slipped far beneath those waves. If you could just get to one of those goons and make them stop this- wouldn’t that be enough? Would you finally be able to do something on your own?

But the pain was so overwhelming, you felt ready to burst- ready to _give in_\- ready to anything just _**to make it stop.**__._. You were sure somewhere on the surface you were crying. Calling out for someone- anyone- _Tony_\- 

Then the worst thing of all happened. Not even the darkness could soothe you. Because as you opened your eyes, the fire consumed you. A scream unlike anything you’d ever heard in your life escaped you, as your hands moved as if they were being pulled by puppeteer strings, allowing that bright orange _flame_ to escape through you- through every pore- 

It raced across the waves and the ripples- across all of it, lashing across every inch of that dark space- until it was _dark_ no more. Until you gave in, letting it eat you up entirely, lighting up the very sky in a blinding blood red and orange. Trapping you there. Growing brighter and brighter until you could see no longer.   
  
The darkness had fled. The sky above you in that place was now alight with the same fire consuming you, as if your entire being was collapsing in flames, and you felt like you could see everyone around for _miles_. For a few seconds at least until you collapsed in on yourself like a supernova. Burning too hot. Burning too _bright_ until your inevitable demise.

  
Just as the unbearable pain circled down, a second ear splitting, inhuman shriek leaving- it centered, you felt the dam _**break**_. 

And you were you no more. 


	78. Chapter 78

His attempts to appeal to Maya’s sensibilities- to a _long_ forgotten moral code- seemed fruitless. Why was it always people like this- she wanted help- help to continue funding and guiding this mountain of bullshit. To continue to hurt people. Not to help them. To clear somebody of this _disease_ she’d manufactured for Killian, of all people- 

It struck him a little too late that the last person Maya had been with was- 

“You know what my old man used to say to me?” Killian’s voice echoed in the hallway just beyond, and Tony lifted his eyes, hands tightening and straining against the straps holding him to the that bedframe. Turning his head, he saw Killian descending the small set of stairs to his side. “One of his favorite of many sayings... The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." 

Watching him walk over to one of the work tables dead ahead and set down a briefcase, Tony steeled himself. “You're not still pissed off about the Switzerland thing, are you?” Whatever was about to happen was sure to be _unpleasant_. Just like always. As his stupid mistakes one after the other compounded on each other until he eventually found a way out.

...because he would find a way out, right? He had to. For _her_. Wherever she was. So he had to stay strong. He had to stay sharp. 

God help them if they touched a single hair on her head- 

Killian turned around with his hands open. “How can I be pissed at you, Tony? I’m here to thank you.” He approached. “You gave me the greatest gift that anybody's ever given me. Desperation.” Tony’s eyes narrowed in a small twitch, watching him for only a few seconds more before allowing his gaze to drift as Killian monologued. “If you think back to Switzerland, you said you'd meet me on the rooftop, right? Well, for the first 20 minutes, I actually thought you'd show up.” This man really liked to hear himself talk, didn’t he? “And the next hour... I considered taking that one-step shortcut to the lobby. If you know what I mean.” 

Tony shook his head, eyes dropping. “Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what happened to the first mouse.” _Think_. _**Think**_. There had to be a reason they had him strung up like this. Did Maya really think he was going to help her? Is that really the only reason? Then, in the face of _absolutely not_ giving in to that- no way in hell- what was he going to do to get out of here when the suit powered up- _if_ it did on time-

_Think…_

Killian ignored him, turning half away, like he was reliving that moment so many years ago. “But as I looked out over that city, nobody knew I was there, nobody could see me, no one was even looking. I had a thought that would guide me for years to come. Anonymity, Tony.” He pointed at him, and then half looked back at Maya. “It’s been my mantra ever since, right?” He started walking back and forth. "You simply rule from behind the scenes. Because the second you give evil a face, a bin Laden, a Gaddafi, a Mandarin, you hand the people a target.” 

Insane. This man was absolutely insane. And blaming it all on Tony? _Sure_. Why not. It was another day that ended in Y. But what was Maya’s excuse for getting involved in all this? She used to have a heart. Once. ...he could barely remember, honestly, but that wasn’t the point. He did remember a few slivers. She wanted to do _good_, hadn’t she? So why- 

Tony shook his head, allowing it to half lower again. “You’re something else…” Was it just his fate, his lot in life to have every person he’d ever wronged, subtly or not, come back to try and bite him? Maybe so. Maybe he was eternally going to be reaping what he’d sowed, no matter the changes, or how far he’d come or- 

Killian sat down, opening the briefcase he’d walked in with. “You have met him, haven’t you?” 

At this Tony could only heave a sigh. How much longer was he going to have to endure this? “Yes. Sir Laurence Oblivier.” This whole racket was set up to fail. That was _really_ why they wanted him, he was sure. 

“I know he's a little over the top sometimes. It's not entirely my fault. He has a tendency- he's a stage actor. They say his Lear was the toast of Croydon, wherever that is.” Hands gesturing vaguely, as Tony looked at him again. “Anyway, the point is, ever since that big dude with the hammer fell out of the sky, subtlety has kind of had its day.” 

Looking over to the window through half, letting his eyes wander again around the room, trying to scan out his exit path- once he broke those bonds, _and he would_\- he made sure to keep it going. “What’s next for you in your world?” It only mattered in that this was a key part of understanding _why_ all of this was happening. Less in any other capacity, because he was going to shut it down. He had to. 

“Well, I wanted to repay you the self-same gift that you so graciously imparted to me.” He held up something in his fist and then leaned forward to roll three metal balls forward on the floor. “But we’re not going for desperation. It’s the _other_ one.” A low-quality image beamed to life in front of him. 

Her.  
Strapped down.  
Tears cascading down her cheeks. Teeth tight in a grimace- save for when her mouth moved to call out an easy recognizable shape-

_Tony-_

He could hear her calling out for him then, like a ghost in the back of his mind. 

She was straining. In immense pain. Her veins seemed to be alight in a terribly familiar orange glow. 

Pressing his lips together his head shunted down, pulling at his own bonds, feeling a shiver of- 

“**Despair**.” Killian called it for him. “Now, this is live. I'm not sure if you can tell, but at this moment the body is trying to decide whether to accept Extremis or just give up. And if it gives up, I have to say, the detonation is quite spectacular.” Tony felt himself pulling again, lifting his eyes every other second, wanting to focus on that image of her because _this was his fault_, but having trouble watching as his brain scrambled. When he found the courage to look at her again, he saw her _scream_, and he felt his eyes water as his own body rejected the sight, pulling again, shaking the frame behind him. “But until that point, it's really just a lot of pain.” 

The white hot flash of anger swirling in his heart would not save her- no matter how much guilt compounded, no matter how much he understood that this was _his fault_\- her suffering was _**his fault**_\- 

The room lit up and all eyes directed to the floating image of her _screaming_, head back all the way, eyes closed tight- entire body seeming to pick up that orange glow brighter and brighter until- 

_Until_\- 

A burst of light moved forward and then severed the connection. The image of her was _gone_. She- she was- 

“Damn it all.” Killian put a hand to his face, shaking his head. “I asked her not to waste my resources. Ah, well... “ Calmly as ever, considering- “To think I almost had her perfect.” 

“What just happened?” Tony felt himself breathless, muscles tight as he asked this. Still looking at that space where she’d been moments ago. 

Killian shrugged. “Win some you lose some. Seems like we need you after all.” Stepping in, Tony gagged as Killian put a hand around his throat. “We haven't even talked salary yet. What kind of perk package are you thinking of?” His skin was burning where those fingers were clutching, and an orange light touched over Killian’s pupils. 

Maya’s voice boomed. “Let him go.” 

The two looked, seeing her standing in the elevated portion of the room, holding some kind of needle device to her neck. Killian let him go, thankfully, and his head dropped forward. Eyes closing tight. He felt himself asking _what just happened_\- a few more times in a mutter as the two of them squabbled. 

“What are you doing?”  
  
“1200 CCs. A dose half of this size, I'm dead. “ 

Maya found her soul. But it really, truly, did not matter anymore.  
_What just happened?  
__**What just happened**_? His brain was reeling. Racing around corners trying to avoid the cliff. Trying to talk himself out of making sense out of what he just saw. Because he already knew.  
  
She’d _rejected_ extremis. The feed had cut because she’d **exploded- **  
She was dead.  
_She was dead_.  
_**She was dead and it was his fault**_. And the last person in the world she’d called out for- 

A shuddering breath escaped him as a gunshot broke his thoughts free and he came to too late, seeing Killian with a gun in his hand and Maya’s body dropping to the ground. 

Killian looked back at him, smiling. “The good news is, a high-level position has just been vacated.” 

There was only one thing Tony knew for sure in that moment. He made sure to keep his vision steady as he looked straight into Killian’s eyes. “I’m gonna kill you.” 

She was dead. It was his fault. Over the course of- what was it- two? Three days now? He’d literally blown up everything he’d ever cared about. He’d endangered her by acting irrationally. He could have just told her to come to Rosehill. They could have met up. She would have been safe. But he’d had to do it _his way_. So she’d been captured and _tortured_ to _**death**_, and it was his fault. And months before all this she’d been suffering in silence _because of him_. And none of it mattered. All of it was for nothing. _Nothing_. _**Nothing**_. 

She was dead. And it was his fault. So the only thing he knew for sure in this life anymore- 

“_I’m gonna kill you_.” 

Killian let out a short laugh, turning his back on Tony as he walked back up the stairs and out of the room. “Hey, that’s what she said to me before she died. Let’s find out if they’re your last words, too.” 

His voice was quiet, but ironclad. “_**I’m gonna kill you**_.” Promising. To himself. To the world. 

_I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. It’s **always me.** I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have suffered- you shouldn’t have died- **it’s my fault**\- I’m sorry. I’m sorry… _

“I’m gonna kill you.”

**For her. **

* * *

Someone was calling your name. In a whisper. Quiet. Wonderful- because your head was _pounding_. Aching. And your body was _hot_. Burning. Burning on every square inch of skin. Burning deep down in your core. Just fire, everywhere. You felt breathless. Panting- lying down- you had no idea where- 

Opening your eyes felt painful. The light then was blinding. 

“Good morning-” That voice. The last voice on earth you wanted to hear. It was only then that your vision was able to focus- “Or- good evening. You know, you made quite a _mess_. But I’ll bill you later.” Killian was sitting atop you, hand on your throat, holding you down. 

“_I’m going to kill you-_” The thought ejected out of you without another second to spare. 

He grinned. “Why does everyone keep saying that to me?” Leaning in closer, his nose brushed yours. “Was it something I did? My face, maybe? Am I just that unlikeable?” The hand around your throat squeezed. “You should be more thankful, you know. I cleaned you up. Got you some new clothes- well, they’re borrowed, actually, but-” 

Heavy mechanic footsteps played just beyond the both of you, and the two of you looked up to see the Iron Patriot approaching- weird, this was your first time seeing the new paint-job up close- but- _immediately _you sensed it was not Rhodey inside. Somehow you just _knew_. 

And as the suit opened up, your new unconscious sense was rewarded, as President Ellis fell out in a heap. Why him? Why now? What on earth- 

“Good evening, sir.” Killian leaned back, though still kept his hand at your throat. With his free one, he gave a mock salute. “Welcome aboard, Mr. President.” 

Getting enough wind back in your lungs, you decided you just _couldn’t take any more of this_. Reaching up, you tried to claw at his face, but Killian tsk-tsk’ed you and grabbed both your wrists, pinning them above your head.  
  
“Now now, let’s not fight in front of our guests-” 

But, really, honestly. God damn. You’d just _had enough_. You were not in a state of panic anymore. You were _out for blood_, and it drove the next several easy movements, Natasha’s training taking full hold of you. You were _not_ a damsel in distress, and you would _**not**_ be cornered by this man any longer. He’d tried to take so much from you- 

_And you were going to kill him_. 

Quickly putting your feet square on the floor you thrust your hips up, knocking him forward off balance, then you pushed forward, hooking your arm around his and pulling him down so you could utilize the momentum of his weight crumbling at his side, flipping him over and following him in a roll so you landed on top. From there it was easy. One- two- three clean punches- 

And then he threw off your entire plan by glowing hot underneath you and literally _spitting fire_ from his mouth as he opened it. A small bit of that familiar panic entered you again as you jumped back in a small stumble. Okay. Killian could breathe fire. Wasn’t that fucking great? Looking up you saw one of his armored goons take tight hold of the President, pointing a gun at his head. Trying to cut this all off. 

So you resorted to something much more _innate_. “_Don’t you feel ashamed_?” Projecting it on him as Killian edged back on his elbows, inching away from you. In that space that was now warmly _orange,_ brightly lit- no longer dark- you walked over his waves and put your hand to his chest. “_Don’t you __**feel scared**_?” The man in front of you shivered and gave in so easily. So it was a simple command after that, “Give your gun to Ellis.” 

When he did, Killian finally pushed himself to his feet, “Stop!” 

But the deed was done. President Ellis was now in possession of a weapon, and was aiming it right at Killian. The other men in the room felt the slight _terror_ that had infected their friend, and their resolve was waning. So much so that it was easy to push them. “Everyone _**leave**_.” Why couldn’t it have been this easy before? Why did it always have to come down to the last moment- after everyone had already suffered, after everyone had already been hurt- 

If you’d just been better _sooner_ maybe none of this would have happened. And it was that guilt and that _**anger**_ that consumed you. “Leave, Matthew.” 

“But I-” 

“Go!” 

“_How_?” Practically whining at you.

“You _came_ in the suit, _**leave**_ in the suit!!”

Killian was still held at bay now that he had no men to cover him, all having fled, and Ellis still pointing a gun his way. For a moment you worried Ellis would ruin everything, but finally he played smart, walking backwards until he stepped inside of the suit again. He threw the gun thousands of feet away then and… then proceeded to clumsily walk out of the room.

With that taken care of… “I’m going to kill you.” Stronger now, though calmer as you told him. 

Killian put his hands down. “You keep saying that.” That orange glow overtook him again. “Let’s see how true it is!” He came at you lightning fast after that, wasting no time. His hands against yours, beat for beat, hooking a leg underneath you to take you down, but you pulled him with you and then threw him away with a kick to his side, rolling up and back to get on your knees. 

He was on you after that, a hand in your hair, but you wrenched his wrist back, only then noticing-  
The _both_ of you were glowing hot.  
Elbow back into his groin had him lurching forward and you grabbed _his_ hair, pulling him forward into a center console in a smash. Getting to your feet you pushed your foot into his spine, and really thought finally you might have saved the day-

But an explosion outside rippled through the area and sent you sideways in a tumble. Though it startled the both of you, Killian took the opportunity where he saw it, putting himself over you and mirroring your earlier efforts. One punch to your jaw, the next to your cheek- 

And then another explosion burst forward into the cabin, flinging him away from you as the ceiling ripped open with the force, sending metal and debris scattering down over you. Though you held your hands up to keep the damage at bay, one knocked you right at your temple, and the floor half opened up as yet another explosion bloomed underneath you, leaving you falling half forward while your vision blurred. 

The lights went out- or was it just you? More scrap fell on top of you, trapping you. Your glow died out, leaving you _alone_\- 

But the sound of jets cutting power and a suit landing inside the room drew your attention up. The only man you wanted to see right now kneeled down in front of you, holding his hand. And then _really_ showed you it was him, as the face mask lifted up and back, and you saw Tony stare out at you glassy-eyed. “Give me your hand.” 

He overwhelmed you so suddenly. Ghosts of incredibly deep, soul destroying _sorrow_ clung to him. And a well of _fear_ swirled beyond that. “Tony…” Breathing out hard as pain returned to you. 

“Come on, honey. Just reach.” You realized he was _**begging**_ you. Something had happened. Something terrible had happened to him. Just as it had you, no doubt. You’d just have to talk about it later. 

Stretching your arm out as far as it could go, you felt the tips of his fingers brush yours only barely. A cry of pain escaped you as you felt metal digging somewhere inside your skin close to your ribs. “I can’t-” 

“You can.” Strong and sure. 

Just as you felt your hand connect, something burst through the floor, grabbing up into the suit’s chest, _burning_ through with ease. Killian pushed his way up from the ground, all of him glowing that hot orange, and ripped through half of the Arc Reactor. Then he shoved Tony back with relative ease. Standing, Killian looked at you. “_This guy bothering you_?” 

A shuddering breath left you as you hung your head, fist balled to collide with the floor. “I’m going to kill you…” You would. _You would_. 

You heard his footsteps and looked up as he sat over Tony, holding one of his hot hands out to push a finger into Tony’s suit. “Ooh. Is it hot in there? Do you feel a little stuck? Like a little turtle, cooking in his little turtle suit.” 

Looking up you reached a useless hand out, trying to grab on to _anything_. “Tony-” Soft and scared now. That courageous fire had left you. Something about the way Tony had looked at you… 

Killian laughed. “She's watching. I think you should close your eyes. Close your eyes. _Close your eyes._ You don't want to see this.” 

He reeled his other fist back to move in a closing blow, but Tony raised his arm, pointed blade appearing just underneath the wrist, meeting Killians’ arm in a strike that severed. He yelled out as his arm flopped uselessly to the floor, and fell back. Tony sat up. “Yeah you take a minute.” 

The arm that had been cut off burned a hole through the floor, weakening the support underneath you, sending you collapsing down to a lower level in a grunt. A new sensation of pain rained over you as a metal beam pinned your hips. Wherever you were started to move, and as you looked out, you saw black ocean- _a dock_ you were at a dock, you realized too little too late. 

Struggling only made it worse, as whatever was moving you came to a jarring stop, leaving you lurched heavily over an edge that saw only one way down. Far and most likely fatal, a roaring fire burning beneath you, heat hitting you in waves. But your struggles only worsened your situation. It didn’t help that- only just now- you realized the suits- _those suits that he’d been building- _there were **so many**. All flying around. Fighting. _Fighting_. 

The metal holding you up groaned underneath all the weight, alerting you that it was going to drop very soon. But one more move towards the edge made it rumble and shake again, and you felt a fresh wave of pain that had you go dizzy, collapsing forward and putting your head down. Just a moment. You just needed a moment… 

Just as you _felt_ Tony approaching, the sound of chains snapping above you caught your attention, and the platform you were on dropped further still, cut short by the last support holding you. You landed on your back, debris pinning one of your legs, your upper half swinging vicariously over the edge until you shot your hand forward, holding on to a snapped cable just to keep from tumbling over. Upside down, you cast your vision forward, and saw Tony jump down onto a platform beneath you, holding his hand outstretched as he called your name. 

“-I’ve got you! Honey- I’ve got you- _I promise_-” He was so far away. Too far. There was no way- “Just look at me! _**I’ve got you**_-” You swung your arm uselessly, a cry escaping you. He was _too far_. “Honey, I can't reach any further and you can't stay there. All right? _I need you to let go_. You've got to let go! I'll catch you, I promise. _Trust me_!” 

Looking deep into his eyes, you said nothing as you _let go_.  
Because you did trust him.  
You loved him. 

And as you fell forward in a quick slide, jagged metal going with you, your hand touched his barely, and felt yourself _falling_. Going _down_\- _you were going to die- _

The thought stopped as he fell to a kneel, other hand shooting out to grab hold of your arm, stopping your quick descent, jarring another wave of pain through your shoulder. But as you looked up at him- “Tony-”

“_I’ve got you_.” **Promising** you this. With a quick pull he reeled you back from the edge and onto the platform. Once you were there, his arms wound around you, crushing you in a tight hug. “I’ve got you…” Head resting at your shoulder. 

You held him back, shaking, now _drowning_ in that fleeting _sadness_ of his. “I love you… I love you, Tony…” Clutching to him. Relieved. Not just for your own life, but his. It wasn’t too long ago that you thought you’d lost everything-

And when that feeling _matched_ it slid into place. You realized. He _felt_ the same way you had.  
He’d thought you’d died.  
And that it had been _his fault_. You could hear it now, echoing. The _pain_ and _**devastation**_, as he clung to you.

In your ear he whispered a thousand times, a desperate, “I love you…” Over and over. At least until the heavy footsteps of Killian approaching the platform finally broke the both of you from one another. 

But as you looked at Tony again, and he at you, one thing became clear. “I’m going to kill this guy.” 

A twitch of a smile touched his lips. “Not before me.” 

“Together, then.” 

A small nod, a lean in so he could press his lips against your forehead. “Together.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤ BACK TOGETHER AT LAST ❤❤❤


	79. Chapter 79

All the way at the end of the platform, Killian was on a slow approach, starting to burn brightly. For one reason or another it set your own new glow off, and you felt the heat in your veins. Tony turned just a little. “That’s new.” 

“Wasn’t my choice.” Keeping your anger _hot_ and _fresh_, knowing you were not only going to need it, but that you just couldn’t rid yourself of it. Not yet. Not now. Not until this was finished. 

“Ready, honey?” Tony raised a hand in the air, summoning down one of those suits flying by. “Where’s your Reactor?” Voice changing into that slight metallic tang as the helmet slid over his head. 

“Killian destroyed it.” 

“You don’t say.” 

“Let’s finish this.” 

The rest of the noise around you died as the three of you met each other head on in a sprint after that. Tony flipped up and over, trying to give you coverage in the back as you went toe to toe with Killian yourself. It ended up in a one-two punch, from your end back into Tony, and then forward to deliver a knee to his gut. Once he was down you grabbed him by the neck and threw him forward, putting a well placed heel to his back. 

Both you and Tony on him again ended poorly the second time, as he swiped Tony back with a heated hand, reaching into his chest with that burned up hand to rip at circuitry and metal. Tony quickly ejected out of the suit pushed a few feet away on his back, leaving Killian’s confusion open for you to take hold of. One jab and then another in quick succession- 

And then he surprised you with another spurt of fire, seeming like he unhinged his jaw to do so. As you threw your hands up to take cover, he spun around to knock your heel out from under you, sending you tumbling dangerously close to the edge of that catwalk. And while you tried to snake your way back up, he flourished with another kick that had you spiraling over the edge, reaching up to grab a thin piece of metal to keep from falling hundreds of feet below. 

_Fear_ touched over you then, too soon you thought. Tony came forward in yet another suit, stealing Killian’s attention away for just long enough for you to find leverage and climb your way back up and roll forward back onto the platform. Realizing you’d taken too long as Tony ejected out of yet another suit, back first, and you heard the crunch of his body against a closer walkway below. 

Finding your feet beneath you and letting full adrenaline rush through your veins, you charged forward, slamming Killian face first into the wall and beating your fists against his back. When he shunted himself into you, you lost your balance, enough time for him to twist and grab you, throwing you where he’d just been momentarily pinned, heavy hands on your shoulder, and then rammed your head back against it next. 

“You know…” He hissed, putting a hot hand to your neck. You started to feel your skin sizzle. His eyes were alight as he leaned in. “You two are really starting to piss me off.” 

You thrust your arm underneath the crook of his elbow, trying to knock him back. Almost feeling a little feral as you bared your teeth at him in a growl. “I said I was going to _kill you_. I meant it.” 

While you only got him back for a second, he had surer and stronger footing and as you turned around to face him, he slammed you hard against the wall a second time, knocking some sense out of you. His voice was too close. “Funny. You know- he said the same thing- when we both watched you _explode_.” His hand at your throat caused a gag that started a panic as breath became shorter. “_Think he’ll say it again_?” 

Bringing a quick knee up, you got him in the gut, and as he lurched forward, you rammed your forehead into his and then shoved him back. “No need!” Choking this out as you ran at him full force. Anger consuming you, bringing you into literal _white hot fury_. That’s why Tony had looked at you that way. _That’s_ why he’d been carrying around such an intense shadow. 

But perhaps letting anger consume you was not the best idea. As the next time you ran at him, he twisted underneath you, catching you by your side and lifting you up. The sky greeted your vision, and just at the corner, so did Tony climbing back up. Hand outstretched for you. Killian barked out a laugh. “That’s where you’re wrong!” 

Tony’s cry was earth shattering. Heart breaking. “_**NO**_!!” 

The sight of his horrified face, hand still trying to reach you, the last thing you saw aside the sky growing further and further away as Killian hefted you off the platform and down, _down_. Into a pit of fire that swallowed you up whole and hard, concrete at your back, knocking the wind from you yet again. Lungs collapsing. The lights went out. For a moment, the world was even quieter than it was before. 

But a thought was building brightly inside you. 

_I will not die.  
__**I will not die**_. 

You would not. You could not.   
_**You would not die here**_. 

The burning in your core was intense, pulling you from that whisper of unconsciousness, sitting up inside a vortex of whirling flames with a cry that disappeared in that fiery roar. Crawling first on your hands and knees, you pulled yourself from metal and wood and debris that was digging into your flesh. But you were burning hotter and glowing harder than the fire surrounding you. And you _would not die_. Digging yourself free, you finally moved to push yourself up. _Up_. 

Finally standing, and pushing yourself out of the flames, taking a breath of fresh air once you were free. Seeing a similarly burned crisp of a man, standing over Tony who was bloodied and bruised, sitting on the ground with his hand up. Killian threw his arms wide. “I AM THE MANDARIN!” 

Running forward you reached out, securing your hand around the back of his neck, and then upended him, bending your knees and using a backwards momentum to lift him up and then slam him into the ground. Your muscles felt _brand new_. As he struggled, like you had struggled, gasping for any breath, you fell in a crouch over him, and then did exactly what you’d promised. 

“You are _nothing_.” Making sure you leveled your gaze with him as you reached your arm up and then swooped it forward, fingers stretched out, sinking through his chest as every inch of you _blazed white hot_. You sunk into that newly _**bright space**_, doubly moving in both realities as you broke through bone and muscle and felt the pulse of his heart hot in your palm. 

Then you _squeezed.   
And squeezed.  
__**And squeezed. **_

This man. Right here. Underneath you. He had tried to hurt Rhodey.   
He _had_ hurt Happy.  
He’d destroyed your home.  
He’d nearly killed JARVIS and Tony. _**  
  
So you squeezed. **_

Until you felt it pop, and you watched the light driving him _die. _**  
**In that space, water at your feet, you leaned into him and whispered the last words he’d ever hear. This life or the next. Or wherever he went. You hoped it was hell. “_I told you I’d kill you._” 

Then you waited. You waited until you were sure he wasn’t breathing anymore. And after that a fuller sense returned. You’d been in war. In battle. You’d put down countless _things_ at this point. Seen death. But like this…? 

Standing your vision returned and you saw Tony still half sitting there. Staring at you. “I… I’ve got nothing.” 

Killian was bad. And he had been aiming to kill Tony. You _had to_. You’d had no choice. _And you’d promised_. All those people he hurt- but your family especially. _**You had to**_. “Tony…” Yet still you were _**burning**_, weren’t you? 

“Honey-” Cut off suddenly as his eyes lifted towards the sky. Yours did too. And saw a suit coming in, swooping low- _towards you_\- “JARVIS the subject to my twelve o’clock is not a target- _**disengage**_!” You watched as he tapped his ear- and realized- just as he did- that his earpiece had been knocked loose. 

The suit came down in, lower, and held a hand up to you, repulsor charging. So you did the same. “JARVIS.” Calling to him. Gently. 

Your patience was rewarded, as the suit stood down, literally, dropping to a stand on the ground. JARVIS’ voice echoed out from the helmet. “Ah, my apologies, Ms. INY. I mistook you for an enemy. Your current heat signature is remarkably similar. It is good to see you.” 

Relief flooded you. It had been far longer than you would have liked, going without hearing his voice. Especially after being told by LUNA that he’d been _deactivated_. So, even though it felt a little silly, you couldn’t help yourself from going forward, and wrapping your arms around an empty suit. It made no sense. JARVIS was just a program. An AI. But… for one reason or another… “You, too, JARVIS.” 

“Ma’am…” 

You stood there just a couple more seconds before letting him go, just about the time you heard Tony grunt as he lifted himself into standing. Turning to look at him, that _shadow_ was heavier than ever surrounding him. Dark and present. Indescribable _sadness_ penetrating his heart. “You just scared the devil out of me. I thought you were-”

_Dead_.   
He didn’t have to say it. The both of you heard it. But you cut him off. Because you didn’t want for him to have to finish the thought. “I’m not. I’m okay.” 

His lips drew thin and he gave an off kilter shrug. “Debatable. But we’ll get you there.” Coming closer, he held a hand out to you. “Come here-”

And you shirked back immediately. “No- don’t touch me-” Much as you wanted to. All this talk about _heat signatures_\- the earlier _explosion_\- the fact that he was no longer the one carrying a soft glow about him- “I’ll burn you-” 

“You’re fine- you’re fine, honey, see…” Connecting his hand on your arm, soothing it up and down. Such a simple contact threatened to break you. “Not hot- well. Temperature wise, anyway.” Soft grin playing at his lips. 

And that- truly- was what broke you. Practically throwing yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him. _Tight_ as the tears fell. “Tony…” Weak and watery. Begging him for something- you had no idea what. Just holding on to him as the last tether that was keeping your sanity in check at this point. 

“I know, honey. I know…” Squeezing you back just as hard. The both of you clinging to one another. 

But he _didn’t_ know. So you let it all out, because you just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “He destroyed the house- and I thought you were dead- and then he crushed my Arc Reactor- and pumped me full of this- this _stuff_ and it _burns_ and I think I melted LUNA when I exploded and-” Hyperventilating just a little as it all rushed out of you. Weeping openly. In the middle of all this destruction. “And I killed him…” Somehow not the worst of it, yet even after all that and after all he’d put you through it felt… weird. _Vicious_. 

His hands reached up, cupping the sides of your face, pressing his forehead to yours. “It’s okay, honey… I know- and- look- I’m not gonna be the one to tell you he didn’t deserve it. That he wasn’t gonna stop until either or the both of us were dead. But all the other stuff… we’ll get through it.” 

You hiccuped, trying to draw any tiny breath you could. “He said you saw- you watched-” 

His eyes closed tight. “In one day I thought I lost you twice. And both times were my fault.” Tears escaped past his lashes, and he struggled to get in a full breath. More for him than you, he pulled you close again, hand at the back of your head as he settled your face at his shoulder. Your hands reached up, clutching to him. “I meant what I said- about all of it. We’ll deal with this. Therapy. Whatever it takes. Just don’t…” 

_Don’t leave.  
__**Don’t scare me like that again**_. 

“Can you fix me? This- whatever it is inside me?” You wanted it gone. This was _not_ you. And you didn’t want what it brought. No matter the positives. It just wasn’t worth it. 

He huffed out a watery laugh. “I think I can figure this out, yeah. I almost had this twenty years ago when I was drunk. I think I can get you better. That's what I do. I fix stuff.” 

Scared to ask, but knowing now was the moment, “And no more building an army of suits?” 

“No more. I think I got it out of my system. In fact. Let me just… shave them down a little. Don’t even have space to store all of ‘em anymore, do we?” He laughed again, but you didn’t, still hiding your face in the crook of his neck. “JARVIS, hey-”

The suit behind you spoke. “Will there be anything else, sir?”

“You know what to do.” Tony squeezed you again, extra tight this time. 

“The Clean Slate Protocol, sir?” 

“Screw it, it's Christmas. Yeah. Let’s do it.” 

You laid your head on his shoulder then, watching as that army of suits that he’d labored over for months, ignored you over for months, been _lost in_ for months, rose up to the sky and blew themselves apart, unleashing colorful bursts and sparks into the night air, not unlike fireworks. He started rocking you back and forth. There was really only one thing on your mind. “I love you, Tony…” 

“I love you too, honey.” His voice was small. Quiet. Quivering. Practically squeezing the life out of you at this point, but in a much needed way. “More than anything. We’ll be okay… we’ll get through this.” 

You weren’t sure who he was trying to convince. But chances were, the both of you needed a _very_ good convincing after all the shit you’d just been through. “We will.” Murmuring back to him. Trying to make it sound like you believed it. 

But somehow you would, right? Somehow you’d make it through this together and to the other side. Like you always did. “Dvahli make it out okay?” 

It was strange, the giggles that escaped you, and you nodded. “Yeah… yeah, actually we owe Steve a favor…” 

“Rogers showed up??” 

“With SHIELD. They might still be on the property.” 

You practically felt his eye roll while he sighed. “Figures. Out of one mess and into another.” 

A small sense of _normal_ finally found you. Your life was messy and complicated, but this was a relatively okay normal, you thought. Finally your shoulders came down, and you felt a little more relaxed. And tired. Wiped out. “They were trying to help, I think.” 

“Isn’t that what they always say? Doesn’t always make it true.” His hand rubbed across your back. 

“You’re right…” 

“I always am.” Your giggles encouraged him, and you _felt_ his smile. _Felt_ him find a sense of peace he’d been missing for a while. A very small one. But suddenly there nonetheless. “Come on… time to get back to New York, I think. And work on you… and then me.” 

Finally shifting back just a little, you cast a gaze up his way. “You?” 

The corner of his mouth twitched, and he held your face in his hands again. “Yeah. Me. I think it’s time. Don’t you?” 

There was a severe gravity to what he was asking. If he was already thinking about it- and you knew he was, from that terrible encounter in your office a while back- your decision wouldn’t really sway him too much. But… “What about what that doctor said?” 

“Doctor Weird? He can take a hike. I think I know someone better.” Leaning up, he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead. “It’s time.” 

The thought was scary. Terribly frightening. The Arc Reactor sitting in his chest was what had been keeping him _alive_. And… coincidentally, from the tragedy of him needing it in the first place… that’s what had brought the two of you together. It wasn’t that you were scared not having it would somehow ruin the both of you- you were more scared that… if something went wrong… “I think so, too.” It couldn’t have been easy, living with it. Knowing that if someone destroyed it- yanked it out of his chest- who knew what… it could be the very easy end of him. “As long as you’re sure they can do the job.” 

He smiled lightly. “No betting here. You wanna make me promise?” 

You found yourself shaking your head, before leaning in to him again, terribly tired. Just clinging to him. “I trust you.” 

His strength held you up then, as yours fled. “I love you.” Warm and strong in your ear. 

“I love you, too.” 

“Merry Christmas.” 

“Merry Christmas, Tony.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS   
Here's that xmas chapter I wanted to do but couldn't because IM3 was in the way. Isn't it nice?


	80. Chapter 80

Once the adrenaline faded, the last shock of the night- Rhodey walking up with a _nervous_ President Ellis- was enough to spike what was left in your system. You practically collapsed in his arms as you hugged him tight. Glad to see him. Happy to know he’d been with Tony through most of this. And then that glow that had been consuming you from the start seemed to burst, and with it went most of your energy. 

Things became a little bit of a blur after that. You just remembered feeling _hot_. Too hot. Sweating profusely. Rooms shaking. A whisper of a cold breeze that left too soon. Too many voices speaking just above you. Hands touching you. Poking. Prodding. Lovingly caressing- 

Ah, that was _always_ Tony. Even in your hazy state, you _felt_ him. And more than once you heard him, not just speaking to you, but _speaking_ to you. In that way only he could.  
_You’re alright honey. You’re gonna be alright. I love you…_

His voice reassuring you, hypothetically holding your hand until the next time consciousness actually returned. The room was soothingly dark, not overly so. And you weren’t alone. Turning your head, the first thing you saw was an IV in your arm, steady drip- a spike of _panic_ touched your awareness- because the last time you’d been hooked up to something like that-

“Hey, there she is.” A warmly familiar voice put your fears at bay, and you looked up to see Bruce, turning half away from a screen, tablet in hand. He slipped his glasses off his nose, putting them in his shirt pocket. “How are you feeling?” 

For a moment you had no idea how to answer that. “I’m okay… I think…” Sure, why not. You didn’t currently feel like you were in immediate danger- or pain, which was nice. “What are you doing?” 

“Checking your levels. Most of it is out of your system by now, I was just making sure things are on the straight and narrow.” Moving, he took a seat on the side of your bed. Lifting his hand, he placed the back of it gingerly on your forehead. 

You gave him a curious look. “As far as I know you aren’t that kind of doctor.” Smiling lightly at him.

He took the jab with relative ease, smiling right on back. “I’m not. But I can make do.” Patting your forehead once, he returned his attention back to his tablet, making a few scribbles on it with his pointer finger. “You’ve had a hell of a fever for the past couple of weeks… spiked more than once... but I think you’re out of the woods now.” 

“Weeks?” You felt your voice weakening at that. “But… I’m fixed now, right?” 

“I told you.” Tony’s voice entered the room as the door opened. He came in, rolling up his sleeves, dressed in a handsome white button up shirt and black vest complimented with a purple tie. “That’s what I do.” Bruce moved to allow him to sit next to you on the bed, setting a hand on the back of your head and easing you closer to press a kiss to your forehead. “How are you feeling, honey? All good news, I’m sure.” 

You practically melted into him, eyes closing. “You look so nice… dressing up just for me?” Unintentionally avoiding his question. 

He sat back, hand sliding to cup your cheek in his palm. His grin was sure. “Not entirely. _Somebody’s_ gotta do work around here.” 

“Usually that’s me.” Teasing right on back. 

“Yeah. Well, I guess I don’t mind, while you’re still under the weather. We have a new initiative going on.” 

Shifting, you rested your head against his shoulder. “Tell me about it…” 

His arm came around your shoulder, and you noticed Bruce slipping out of the room to give the both of you some privacy. Tony’s hand spread out as he labeled his proud moment, “It’s called _Maimed by AIM_\- with a question mark.” 

A dissatisfied noise escaped you. “Maybe you _should_ have waited for me to come to…” 

“Don’t like it? I thought it was catchy.” 

“Are there still people left? That Killian hurt?” Used. Abused. Maybe there _were_ some out there… that hadn’t bought in to the Mandarin nonsense. Maya had been talking about that. Briefly, in the time that you knew her…

“Yeah…” His voice got quieter. “Seems Maya had a dead-man’s switch in the event of her death. All her research, all the information of their test subjects, the families… it all got transferred to the Stark Industries’ servers a week back. I thought I may as well try and clean up where I can. Now that I have the answer they were so desperately looking for.” 

“Maya is-” 

“Yeah.” The arm around you squeezed you tighter. “I watched Killian put a bullet through her. When she decided she’d seen enough.” 

Though it was small, the bloom of _sorrow_ was impossible to miss. You moved your hand up over his chest, and snuggled closer. “I’m sorry, Tony.” 

“Couldn’t do anything about it.” His free hand rose, holding over yours. “Doesn’t matter now. All I can do is try to fix what she wanted me to fix.” 

“Did she have family?”

“I already made arrangements. Funeral was a few days ago. There was uh… a lot of red tape.” 

You felt like you were so far behind. “Did you go?”

“Not invited. As I’m sure you can imagine.” He didn’t allow a lot of time to marinate in this. Clearly wanting to move past it. He drew a quick breath in. “Anyway. Tell me. Honestly. How are you feeling?” 

“I don’t know…” Murmuring, as you closed your eyes. Almost like one of his machines, initiating a self check of some kind. How did you feel? “Tired, I guess. Groggy, but… I think everything’s okay.” It should be, right? If you’d spent two solid weeks in bed sweating out this stuff? 

“You’re really sure?” But him asking this again made you wonder. _Were you okay_? 

It occurred to you what he may have been getting at. Maybe he _could_ fix _regular_ people that had been injected with this stuff. But hadn’t Killian been going on and on and _on_ about something… you dropped down into that space that _should have_ been dark. Because that’s how you always remembered it. But now… it was still alight. Aglow. Orange sky above you. 

Instantly you knew. You were in one of the upper levels of Stark Tower. There were currently two thousand or so people in the building- and… _so many_… in New York City… for a moment almost a million voices rushed by your ears, causing you to sit away, put your hands over them, and force your eyes open. The calming low-light of your room found you again. “I’m not- ...I thought you said you-” No, _no_. This wasn’t his fault. You couldn’t _blame_ him. He was standing again, when you looked at him, standing where Bruce had been at that screen by your bedside. “That stuff is still in me?” That had to be it, right? 

His hands were a flurry of motion, opening windows, typing things. “No- ...by all accounts you’re completely flush. ...there were- ...Maya’s notes, on you… pretty sensitive stuff. I can account for the physical reaction, for the most part. But…” 

But there was something about _you_ that he just couldn’t fix. Because how could you fix a-... “You can’t fix the thing.” Eyes lowering. 

“That’s what’s wrong?” He took a seat by your side again. “Talk to me.” 

Did it matter? He couldn’t fix it. It was going to be like this _forever_ now. But, when he put his hand over yours… you remembered you were not so alone. And keeping all of this bottled up, hadn’t that been what had gotten the two of you in trouble in the first place? “When I want to… I guess- like- super concentrate _the thing_\- I go to this space. I don’t know how to describe it. But the floor is covered in water. And usually- usually I could only see one person. The person I was concentrating on. And it was dark in there. Just me. And them. And whatever they were feeling. But now… now it’s like it’s supercharged. I can see _too many_ people. And it’s not dark anymore. It’s _so bright_.” Oddly finding some catharsis to letting yourself talk. 

So when he didn’t interrupt, you continued, laying your head on his shoulder. Closing your eyes, but not _going_. Basking in the darkness behind your lids. “When he put that stuff in me- Extremis- I think I really did burn up… and I tried to drop into that space to- I don’t know- make the guards help me or something- but it just all lit up. Like it was on fire, too. And now it’s still that way. And I’m sorry- this probably isn’t making any sense.” 

You felt him shrug. “Makes sense to you.” Then he drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. “_Superpowers_ are not really my forte. Not those kinds. I wouldn’t even know where to begin- doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try- but…” But how on earth could he even begin to imagine cooking up a solution to a problem he couldn’t physically understand? Literally. So far beyond him. Something science couldn’t make sense of. Injecting a super serum into someone’s body? Great. He could work with that. 

Talking about warping emotions and some dark-bright space where somebody’s- … _essence?_ \- wandered around? Yeah. He had no idea what to do with that. And you couldn’t fault him for it. So, you decided, “I’ll be okay.” And when you heard the murmur of discouragement from him, you cut him off, shifting to just look at him. “Really, Tony. I’ll figure it out. It’s not life threatening- that I know of- don’t make that face at me-” Because he was giving you one _hell_ of a dry look. “I just have to get used to it, I guess.” You didn’t always even _have_ that space. Coulson helped you unlock it. Maybe you should talk to him about it… 

“I have to take your word on this one. But. If it gets better or worse. Both. Either. _Neither_. I wanna know about it.” Because he wanted to keep track. Check up on you. Make sure you were doing okay. And after having communication shut down for so long… what a relief that thought was. 

Leaning in again, you rested your forehead against his, and lifted your hand to his chest. Although his current clothes were killing the light from the Arc Reactor, you felt its faint shape underneath. “No surgery yet?” 

“Like I was gonna go have- let’s be honest- pretty intense open heart surgery while you were laid up. _Please_. I have more courtesy than that.” His smile was wry. “One of us needs to be full capacity at a time to take care of the other.” _Duh_. 

At this, and the teasing after thought, you couldn’t help a little giggle. But it died down, and you found yourself just looking at him. “When, then?” 

“Whenever I’m ready. Doctor I met at- wouldn’t you know it- that _same_ science convention in Switzerland. Seems like everybody I met that one night is suddenly important. You believe in coincidences?” Among the massive amount of sarcasm, there was a flutter of _sorrow_ here. And you waited for him to continue. “Friend of Yinsen’s, actually. Took a few days to put a name to that blurry face.” Quieter still, “And realized I’d even met _him _that night.” He sniffed a breath in, moving past it. “Luckily for me, turns out he called the house. Before it blew up.” 

While just about every part of you wanted to ask what _that_ was about- you didn’t want to give him too much opportunity to slip away. The fact was, they’d connected. And apparently now whenever he decided the time was right… “Are you ready?” Asking him as gently as possible, hand reaching up to touch over the side of his face. 

“Tech’s there. I developed a high powered energy magnetizer that’ll assist with the removal and keep the shrapnel at bay while the Arc’s not in my chest and I’m under.” But he was _nervous_ and _scared_. Because that’s how a reasonable person would feel. If the surgeon didn’t perform right, or he missed a one or a zero somewhere, or … or _anything_-

“It’s okay if you’re not ready, Tony. It’s not now or never. This can wait.” Trying to just let him know that you understood. You _very much_ understood his fear. 

“I’m done waiting.” It surprised you, how strong he said this, paired with the determined look in his eyes. His hand rose up, holding yours over his cheek. “I’m ready to move on.” 

So this this, you could only step beside him, and follow him wherever this led. “Okay. So we’ll move on.” _Together_. “What’s the recovery time look like?” 

Finally he smiled again. “I think, all things considered, I should be fine to take you on a date for Valentine’s.” 

“You’re thinking about that _now_?” He was such a goof sometimes. But that did pose an interesting question. “What day is it even?” How long did they say you were out again? 

His arms came around you then, with an appropriately tight squeeze. “January seventh. Honey, I’m sorry to say, the new year came and went without you. I promise I did very _little_ partying to start 2013 off.” 

Your arms wrapped around his middle, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “What a change for you.” 

“Which is why I’m looking forward to Valentine’s.” 

“We’ll see.” 

* * *

Things happened almost too fast after that. The rest of the night you drifted in the comfortable presence of Tony, who had settled on the bed with you, although his fingers seemed to never stop moving atop his laptop keyboard. The next morning, as he confirmed appointment after appointment, you worried he was speeding along this process for fear if he put a stop to it in any way now, he may never do it. 

It was hard to know what to make of that. But that very next afternoon you were shaking hands with Dr. Wu and his assistant Jiayi. Fine people, really. You didn’t get any terrible feelings from either of them. Which was important, for sure, but… 

This _done waiting_ attitude may have been more harmful than helpful. But if he wanted to go then what choice did you have but to follow him? So, the appointment was made. And it was a done deal. You put your current energies into make sure he was comfortable, that his room was secure, air tight, and private. And that none of this leaked to the press. This was not meant for them. Not yet. If ever. 

Rhodey met up with you that evening, and you spent perhaps too long a time giving him a squeezing hug. And also apologizing for practically- probably- scaring the living daylights out of him the last time the two of you were together. And while the room was being prepped for surgery- same as Tony- you and Rhodey stood outside, gazing in the observation window. You weren’t exactly sure you were strong enough for this, to watch this- but… 

“He’s ready to go, huh?” Rhodey crossed his arms. 

You gave a weak shrug, as they wheeled him in and started wiring him up to machines. “He said he didn’t want to wait any longer.” 

“I’ll say. Twenty seconds after you return to the land of the living- no offense-” Holding a hand up briefly to you before recrossing his arms, “-he’s going under. Was this something you two talked about before?” 

He was probing. Looking for something. It put an unease in your heart. “You worried?” 

“When am I not? Who knows with him. He acts out when he’s stressed. I just wanna make sure a life changing surgery isn’t gonna be a major regret.” As always, heart in the right place. 

You lowered your eyes as they brought in the anesthesia. “We talked about it. Very briefly. He made consultation appointments for himself. But it all kinda got put on the backburner.” 

“Yeah. I get it. Seems like we’re forefront now, though.” 

In the room, Tony gave you a thumbs up, and you put your hands to the glass in the shape of a heart. Perhaps a little too cliche, considering what was about to happen. But you were sure you saw the corners of his lips lift up around the mask. You felt Rhodey put his arm around you, and only realized then you were shivering. “We’re gonna be okay.” Even your voice was wobbly. 

There just wasn’t enough time to process this. Rhodey pulled you closer to him. “We’ll be okay.” 

The surgery took a grueling five and a half hours. Dr. Wu was probably the best- and only- person for the job. He was careful. Meticulous. Each piece of shrapnel extracted took a long time, as you were sure _he_ was making sure he did everything precisely. Some of it was hard to watch. Like the beginning. And somewhere in the middle you were glad there were just too many doctors in the room standing on the side of his table blocking your view. 

Rhodey took to pacing, but never left. Which was good. It was very nice to have a shoulder to literally lean on every now and again. But where you thought five and a half hours was the longest amount of time you’d ever spent doing anything in your life, it then seemed all too short as Dr. Wu starting sewing him up. It was over? Just like that? _Just like that_. 

**Just like that**. You were almost left in a state of shock as they wheeled him out of the room. Rhodey had to shake you a little. “You okay?” 

“He’s lived with that shit in his chest for almost five years- I think-” Time was a little beyond you at the moment. “And now it’s just- _gone_. Done. Finished. Over.” 

“And this is… a good thing, right?” He had his arms half crossed, one hand sitting just over his mouth as he watched you. “Are we on the same page here?” 

“I just… can’t believe it. It’s hard to believe. You understand, right?” Turning away from the window, the now empty room, looking back at him. 

You found relief when he nodded. “Yeah. I get it. I think we’ll all have to work on believing it together.” 

His hand reached out to take hold of yours, leading you finally out of that wing and upstairs into the room where Tony was getting situated. Still out cold. Probably would be for a while. And, in fact, was. So long a time that eventually Rhodey gave you a pat on the shoulder and told you he needed to head out. That was fine. He had other things to do. You understood. 

So you waited. And tried not to look at the bandages peeking out beyond the neck of the hospital gown he was wearing. Though you did. More than once. Dr. Wu came in eventually to debrief you. You took everything to heart. All his instructions. The details. The important things. And then… he got a hug, too. Even though he didn’t seem like he enjoyed it that much. But that was okay. 

It was when he left, and that you sat down again, that you saw Tony groggily opening his eyes. Leaning over, you brushed some of the stray bangs away from his forehead. “Hey, handsome…” 

His smile was one of _relief_. “Hey yourself…” Voice a low murmur. “Still here?” 

Laying your hand over his on the bed, “You’re still with us. Everything went perfect.” 

Closing his eyes, he huffed out a noise. “I meant you… if you’ve got other things to do…” 

“Nothing more important than you.” 

“Can’t argue with you there.” It was easy to tell how foggy he was. Not up to his normal speed. Which you imagined must have been frustrating for him. Because in the next breath, “When we gettin’ outta here?” 

“Give yourself a little while, Tony. You just had serious surgery. And, by the way, even when we go home, you’re not allowed to like- even put your arms above your head for the next four-to-six weeks.” Already starting in with the list of important things to know from the doctor. 

He scoffed. “Back in that cave I was building a suit almost immediately after-” 

“Well I don’t care about what went on in strange caves after forced surgery and while you were under duress. _Here _and _now_ you’re taking it easy. Got it?” Laying down the law. And that was that.

He stared at you, eyes a little glassy, half-lidded. And then a beautiful loopy grin appeared on his face as his eyes closed all the way again. “Yes, ma’am… your way or the highway…” He sounded like he was drifting, as he let his head fall to the side. You sat forward to brush his hair back again and he murmured out a soft pleased noise. His hand turned over, taking hold of yours. “Thanks… for staying…” 

Leaning in, you pressed a delicate lingering kiss to his temple. “Just relax, Tony. Rest. I’m here. I’ve got you.” 

“Got you first.” Through his daze, he got this out pretty quick. 

You smiled, nuzzling that spot at his temple. “We can debate about it later.” 

“I love you.” He was on his way out.  
  
_I love you, too_. 

* * *

You really did make sure to lay down the law and make sure he took his time with recovering. When he was ready to go home- ...well… not _home_, which was already a pain, but the Avengers Tower would do, as the penthouse basically acted as your second home- now primary- _but_, when he was ready, you made sure to take him yourself. Loaded him into the car yourself. Drove him yourself. Took him upstairs yourself- and put him to bed, yourself. 

There was a lot of that, in the coming weeks. But you didn’t mind. It was easy work. Making sure he rested, and when he was back on his feet, making sure he didn’t do anything crazy. “_I’ll do all the heavy lifting. Literally, lifting of heavy things_.” Unable to help getting in a few sassy snarks here and there. He seemed to appreciate them, anyway. 

In true Tony fashion, he was unable to sit still. And even doing _normal_ things was taking a toll on him. It eventually led to the both of you heading down to the labs. But you made sure to be his hands and arms, and found some strange pleasure as he guided you through building what were essentially non-essential things. Not that he didn’t trust you, you were sure. But probably just getting the tizzy out of his brain by going from one easy thing to the next to the next to the next… 

As February rolled in, he really did seem to be doing much better. And the few check-ins from Dr. Wu suggested he was making excellent progress. And as the second week dawned, you caught Tony more than once giving you thoughtful glances, that eventually turned into, “So. Valentine’s?” 

An offer you were having trouble refusing. Even if you made a show of being slightly off put by the idea, a small sigh escaping you. Aside taking him, there of course was always _work_ to do. “You really have something in mind?” 

“I do. So I’d appreciate it if you could just take one night off. I don’t think I’m asking too much, really.” Playing at being offended as much as you were playing unsure. He came around your desk as you were humming in long mock thought, putting his arms around your shoulders from behind. “You’re gonna make me beg? I’m not above begging. Just say the word.” 

A playful roll of your eyes came next as you _gave in_. “Oh… alright. Valentine’s. What should I wear?” 

He pressed a kiss to your cheek and, immediately after gaining your approval, seemed to be on his way out. Like he’d completed his mission and risked blowing it by staying any longer. “Something classy. I’m gonna take you out.” 

“Hey- before you go- we have to go back to the… _site_ in Malibu- and collect whatever’s left-” A task you’d been trying to keep him on track for for a little while now. Now that he could handle it. 

But he just waved you off. “We’ll talk about it after.” 

One more thing to put away for now.  
Couldn’t have everything. 

But a night out? Suddenly seemed like a thing you weren’t sure how you lived without. _Something classy_ really wasn’t saying much. But knowing Tony’s inclinations… you decided on a slinky black dress, which somehow matched his all white suit. It was a good look on him, you had to admit. Really, though, you wondered what had gotten into him. 

The entire night he looked at you like you were the only person on planet earth that mattered, and for one reason or another, it flustered you. He was just emanating _love_ from every pore. So much that you may have been drowning in it. He took you to a fancy restaurant for dinner. And then an even fancier and more exclusive one for dessert. But it wasn’t the food or the locations that were important. 

It was him. And the two of you. And it hardly mattered that paparazzi were being quarantined by Stark security on the opposite side of the street everywhere you two went, or that people around you were looking around and trying to sneak pictures… you understood, really, why he was looking at you the way he had been. It wasn’t because you really _were_ the only person in the universe. 

But to him you were the most important one. For sure. And on a night like tonight, you’d never questioned it less. Maybe near death experiences did that to a person. Maybe he felt more alive than ever. It was hard to say. 

After dessert he strangely took you back to the Tower, and led you hand in hand for a slow dance on the deck, as fireworks bloomed in the night sky behind you. Just as you laid your head on his shoulder, he spoke up. “I uh… at the risk of being overly cheesy, I got you something. I think that’s standard protocol, right. Gift on Valentine’s day.” 

You couldn’t hide your smile if you tried. “I didn’t get you anything.” 

“You’re enough.” Smiling as the two of you gazed at one another. But he seemed a little _anxious_. “Anyway- here- uh-” Reaching into his suit jacket pocket, he pulled out a long, thin black velvet box. “Turn around.” 

“Jewelry on Valentine’s day. You _are_ going for cheesy.” Teasing him only in the most harmless way possible. Obeying his request after that. You heard the lid creak open, and the tinkly sounds of a chain and some other metal… your eyes closed briefly, lulled by a warm thrum that appeared while his fingers brushed the sides of your neck as he laid the necklace over your skin. Once you heard the clasp close, you reached up to touch your hands over it- feeling a heart pendant, small but no doubt encrusted with something expensive. But on the sides- 

...all along the sides of the chain, there were these… soft yet edged pieces of… _something_.  
**Something**. And almost immediately, for one reason or another, you knew what they were. “Tony-”

His voice was warm in your ear, “Our future started here.” 

As if you needed more confirmation. Half turning to cast quite a _look_ at him- “Tony these are-” 

“Technically speaking- pieces of my heart- yes-” 

“Pieces of _shrapnel_ from a _**bomb**_ that almost killed you-”

He held a hand up, palming the side of your face. “Now, honey, you can’t say I never gave you anything nice. Or personal.” 

Sitting pretty around your neck were pieces of metal that had been literally sitting in his heart for years- and that had been extracted only five or so weeks ago in a surgery meant to heal him. And now… _now_ he was gifting them to you. Like a sentimental piece of art. How were you supposed to handle that…? 

Evidently, with a crack of a smile, and a reach of your arms up to wrap them loosely around his neck, drawing him closer. “I love it. And you. You’re so weird and dramatic sometimes. You know that?” 

His head craned back, not lulled in, arching a brow. “How is that dramatic?” And at this you mirrored the look he was giving you. The mutual eye brow raising went on for maybe ten seconds more before laughter bubbled up from him, and his hands came to settle on your hips, bringing you in as close as he could get you. “Oh- I’m _very_ sorry- Ms. _Our Future Started Here_. What was that about glass houses and stones again?” 

Giggles were all too soon leaking out of you. Maybe you two deserved each other. It was right. _He_ was right. Laying your head on his shoulder, as the two of you swayed, “At least I can say I own a _Tony Stark original_.” 

“I mean. You own a Tony Stark. But if the jewelry thing is what really does it for you…” 

“I own _the_ Tony Stark, thank you.” Only one. Only one man in the world like him. Only one man in the universe that _was_ him. And you were forever grateful. 

His arms lifted, and you felt a slice of worry, but it dissolved as he wound them around your shoulders as yours dropped to wind around his middle, laying his head atop yours. Having no trouble at all. Your eyes closed. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too. Thank you… for the necklace. For tonight. ...for everything.” Was this an appropriate time to start spilling all that out? You were sure he knew, but… it never hurt. 

“If we’re about to start throwing out gratitudes, you’re gonna be out here all night listening to me go on.” Serving it right back to you. “Let’s just keep it simple, shall we?” 

“Mn.” Agreeing in a murmur. “We shall.” 

So, instead, in the way only he and you could, 

_I love you_. You let him know again. And in a space that contrasted the night you were sharing, bright as you went to him, and sort of just… laid your head on his shoulder there, too. Close as two people could be, you imagined. In whatever _that_ was. You put your hand over his heart, and heard him inhale just somewhere over you. 

His voice returned to you, full, flush, and warm. _I love you, too_. 

For a brief moment the two of you not only existed _together_, but all together too fleeting, you seemed to _share_ a space. And his heartbeat fell in line with yours. 

A night had never been so perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day sweet readers. And a special thanks to the beautiful otterpops for helping me workshop that end conversation there aaalll the way back in September. IM3 is pretty much done! Hooray! ...I think? THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME :] Also yes. Did you know that? The necklace he bequeaths Pepper at the end of IM3 is a heart shard necklace. NOW YOU KNOW IF YOU DID NOT. And INY now owns it. A Tony Stark original. How nice.


	81. ❤Chapter 81❤

After Tony’s custom ordered night-light-show had ended, the two of you sat on the deck rooftop for a little while longer. It was chilly- something he caught a little moment after you tried to hide your shivers, and went in to get an oh-so romantic couple of cups of hot chocolate. Along with slinging his white suit jacket around your shoulders just before he sat down next to you again. “Don’t spill.” Warning you with a teasing wag of his finger. 

Your hands cradled the mug _carefully,_ smiling around the rim. “I would never.” The first sip filled you with immediate warmth. Though none quite like the kind he’d been filling you up with all night. Especially the way he was looking at you now. “You look very nice, you know. In all white.” 

“I think you said that once or twice tonight already. Going for a record?” Grinning at you. 

“You act like you don’t like hearing it.” 

“Actually- I believe I was asking you how many more times you _could_ say it. You know. Encouraging you.” His smart-mouth sass, as usual, drew light giggles from you, and you moved to lay your head on his shoulder. His arm came up around you. The city glittered beneath you. Still alive and bustling even in this late hour. A silence drew between you, although comfortable. At least until he broke it. “So, uh… what’s next?” 

A curious hum escaped you. “...? I thought you planned the evening out. Why are you asking me that?” 

“Not that I don’t mind- and believe me- the bedroom is probably the next and last stop. It’s just. ...been a while. Since we had some time to ourselves.” Immediately you knew what he was getting at. 

You had no idea _why_ he was getting at it, or more importantly _why now_, but it was on his mind. And as much as you didn’t want to discuss _work_ or the evils of the potential future… if his mind was going, it was best to ease him if you could. “Well. You’re still healing-”  
  
A scoff rushed out of him. “Please. I’m right as rain. Bandages can probably stay off tonight.” 

Ignoring him you continued, “We still have to go back to Malibu and clean up.” To this his grumpiness over his physical state dissolved and he agreed instead with a low, unenthused murmur. “We have to better staff on the Hansen Foundation.” What his _Maimed by AIM?_ Initiative had blossomed into. Under your careful guidance, of course. And with his agreement. “Damage Control has been asking for a few meetings… I think I saw something on my desk about buying out the remaining Hammer Industries warehouses… people are asking if we’re hosting the Expo this year… we’re still not done reformatting the Tower… speaking of- I think I’m going to track down Coulson and ask him about an in-house therapist on retainer.” 

Your thinking here was that SHIELD must have them, right? Field agents saw all sorts of gruesome stuff. Lived through a lot. Had to deal with a lot. You appreciated JARVIS and Rhodey both for their constant suggestions, but maybe a more _in the know_ person should be handling that kind of stuff. Coulson would help you, you were sure. If he wasn’t too busy. 

He was quiet for a little too long before working up the courage to ask, “For you or for me?” 

“Both. And everyone else, too. I don’t think it’s in the world’s best interest that its top-billed superheroes walk around in an unhealthy mental cloud.” Shifting only slightly away you glanced up at him. “I don’t know about you- I don’t think _I’m_ okay, Tony. I’m done running away from that. I need help.” You needed someone qualified to speak to. To help you unpack. “We’re okay right now- I’m okay- but…” 

Stepping in for you, he laid his head atop yours again, guiding you back down to his shoulder. His hand smoothed in long trails up and down your back. “I get it. I already said I was committed.” 

“But I don’t want you to do it just because you think that’s what I want.” 

You heard him inhale a deep breath, but it didn’t escape in a sigh. Just a long, slow exhale after. “When we were separated, when I was in Tennessee, the panic attacks got worse. The kid I was with-” _Harley_ you remembered, after signing a few checks for Tony to send equipment down that way. _Help_. Taking care of him. _Repaying_, you thought “-I couldn’t even hear him say- …” Steeling himself, it seemed. “...New York or… the aliens or. Any of it. Doesn’t matter. Without losing it.” Rushing beyond it, perhaps frightened he’d fall back in. The arm around your shoulders had pulled you just a bit _tighter_. Closer. “So. It’s not because it’s just what you want. I know I need it.” 

_I need help_.   
Setting your mug aside, you placed your free hand in that careful way over his heart. It was hard for him to admit this, you already knew. Just like it’d been _so hard_ to get him to that place for months, after he’d broken down and explained it in the lab, right before Happy’s attack. You were _proud_ of him. For getting that far. “I love you, Tony. It’s okay, that you do. And I do, too. After everything we’ve been through I think it’s fair.” There certainly was no guidebook for how to deal with an alien invasion or how to deal with being a superhero. ...or taking lives. That was a big one. 

“I don’t know about _fair_, but... “ You _felt_ his smile. There in the air between you. Light. And almost bittersweet. His head tipped up to look up into a black night, too much light pollution to see any stars. When you moved to cast your gaze upwards the same way, the two of you basked in another small silence. At least until you realized he was looking at you again, and then the next thing you both shared was a long look at one another. His hand raised, fingers touching over up over the line of your jaw, and then sunk back into your hair. “I love you.” 

Even though he’d said this to you a thousand times by now, and meant it as strongly this time as every other time- and even though he’d looked at you like this before- and even though you’d shared moments like this before- you felt touched by a sudden dizziness. You felt your face go warm. And you felt your heart fill to bursting. 

He drew you in closer, laying his forehead against yours. “I know you just gave me your short list of a lot of things you have to get to, but let’s go away for a while. No Damage Control, no Avengers, no Stark Industries or SHIELD- no lab. Let’s just go somewhere.” 

“Tony…” Not sure if you were going to acquiesce or deny him. It was a tough call. 

“Honey, I know there’s no normal to our lives anymore. But for me, it’s you. Like this.” The moment you were sharing. Ones that were rare. Uninterrupted. And… peaceful. “So let me hang on to it a little while longer. A week. That’s all I’m asking.” The danger of staying in familiar areas was that it was too easy to get pulled back into work. Into the nonsense, superhero or otherwise. 

So he wanted to go away. And just _be_ with you.   
Sure there was a lot of work to do, but you just _knew_ that moments where danger was not looming on the horizon were going to become rarer and rarer. And you realized then, that’s what he was thinking, too. Moments where the two of you could sit like this- or even _dream_ about running away… were they going to become impossible at all? Was that the life you’d signed up for? For how long? _Forever_? 

Your eyelids dropped half closed, leaning closer into him, now having _scared_ yourself with thinking. Seeking him out. For comfort. The same way he was you. Your nose brushed his a few times over. “Where are we going?” 

His lips found yours first, and you all but melted into him. Both his hands cupped the sides of your face then, just holding you there. In between one kiss and the next, “To bed- first-” The next one deeper but not _harder_. Just gentle. And sweet as his tongue brushed over yours, breaking back to touch his parted lips against yours after. “And then I’ll- throw a dart at a map- doesn’t matter-” Catching the feel of his smile against yours. 

The two of you were getting lost in kiss after kiss. Your hands shifted down his chest, still careful. “Sounds like a plan-”

“Half a plan- quarter, even- hey- here? Or the bed?” Asking just as his focus shifted, lips trailing in a hot line down from the corner of your jaw to your neck. 

“If I said both you might take me too seriously…” Your head dropped back, hands clutching at his shirt then, trying your best not to let him overwhelm you but. It was terribly difficult. And, damn it. You’d earned this, hadn’t you? To just be able to _bask_ in his attentions? 

“I’d hate to disrespect your wishes.” It was the small nip of his teeth at the juncture of your neck and shoulder that urged a shiver of a moan out of you, and an even wider grin from him. “C’mon. Let’s go to bed…” Nuzzling the spot after. 

It didn’t take _too _much more encouraging after that. With his hands in yours, you both sort of mutually helped each other up. Although it was a bit more of a trek, mostly stumbles, to the bedroom. Like drunk teenagers in love- _always_\- unable to take your attentions off one another. One hipcheck into a table and a bump into a wall, a soft smack into a closed door, and then _finally _the California King bed swallowed the both of you whole. You claimed prize as the victor, sitting atop his hips as his palms kneaded yours. 

There was a little flutter of _anxiousness_, when your hands dipped to undo the buttons of his vest and then unwork his tie. You tried to keep him with you instead, a soft little roll of your hips over him, one his moved up to meet. Once you’d pulled the knot free from his tie, your hands undid the first button of his shirt, and then the next. Fresh bandages that you’d changed just that morning- more an over-worrying precaution (your own) at this point than anything- peeking out from underneath. “Do you want-”

“I think it’s time.” To let them go. To be done with them. This part of his life. Waiting around to heal. While the both of you would have to have a final consultation with Dr. Wu before that could really be decided… tonight would be okay. You’d done most of the aftercare management, insisting on helping him. And even though you’d seen the scar every morning and evening… 

Not angry any longer for sure, but not pale either. With time it would fade, you were sure. After finishing undoing the buttons of his shirt, he sat half up so you shifted back a few inches. He shed all the clothes on his upper half, and then stole your attention with a softer set of kisses as your hands unwound the bandages from his chest. Careful. Always so careful with him. Once you were finished, there in the low light of the room it greeted you. 

The patchwork scar sitting on the center of his chest, with the little line trailing down. A permanent reminder. Showing no fear, and certainly no disgust, you laid your hand just over it, as your eyes watched his. He reached up, fingers careful as he undid the zip at the back of your dress. Somehow, as you slipped your arms from the sleeves and let it pool in your lap, you felt even more exposed than he did. His hands were careful as he reached up to cup the sides of your face, and capture you in a much longer, much deeper kiss. 

Reaching back in the midst of it, you were lucky your clumsy hands were even able to locate the hooks of your bra so you could get it off. And when you moved around a little too much for him, he broke back- and the look the two of you shared was different. There with your hand against his scar- and _you_\- with what had come out of his chest around your neck. Half naked but almost certainly, somehow, completely bare to one another. Your other hand brushed over his cheek. “Tony…” Not sure what words would do this moment justice. 

And, smarter than you, he silenced your fumbling for any, taking you in another long kiss as he guided you down to lie back on the bed underneath him. Your hands raked back through his hair as his lips drifted, to your cheek, over your jaw, down the side of your neck. Nuzzling the round of your shoulder before biting lightly, and then following the line of your collar bone in with a long brush of his lips. You’d already lost control of your breathing. Felt like you were _burning_ up underneath him. _For_ him. 

You felt his guiding hands, lifting your hips lightly, helping you out of the rest of your clothes, but after that you pulled him back up. Some more shifting on both sides of you indicated he was trying to get rid of the rest of _his_ clothes, but you stole his attention, looping your arms around his neck, bringing him down for a kiss you just wanted to drown in. 

In the next moment, the bed dropped out from underneath you, and the darkness of the room was swallowed up by that burning _glow_ of a space you were now trying to relearn how to control. In a moment like this- intimate and sweet- where only _Tony_ mattered… it wasn’t so hard. No one was there this time. Not two thousand people in the Tower. Not a million across the city. It was just you and Tony. Reaching up in the same way, bold and daring, you wrapped your arms around his neck in the same manner, and allowed yourself to _feel_ all of him- the _both_ of you- as your lips touched over his. 

It wasn’t quite drowning then, but you were immediately _full_\- and dragging him, too, you realized. As emotions and thoughts blended together, and a shuddering exhale escaped him somewhere above you. You blinked your eyes open and the soft darkness of the room was not quite what you remembered. There was a light reflecting in his eyes, an arch of his brow- 

“You’re-” His voice was not all there as he stared at you, hands bracing the bed at both sides of your head. It took you too long to realize as you stared up at him. There was no more Arc in his chest. No more light for him to shine on you. It was _you_. The light glowing in his eyes, _reflecting_, was coming from- 

You tried to sit up but he wouldn’t back away, so helplessly you stared up at him. Scared to look at yourself. “Still?” Your whole body was glowing? Again? Extremis still bubbled somewhere underneath your veins? 

Dipping in, his forehead pressed to yours. “Just your eyes.” The same ones you were looking up at him with- and the same ones in some odd double vision in that space you were still staring at him with. Only then did you realized your left hand had dropped to rest over his heart in both realities. 

“What does that mean?” Blinking them a few times over as if you could shut it down, shake it loose-

“You feel okay?” Leaning down on his right arm, his left hand moved to brush back some stray bits of hair and frame your face. 

You did an internal check. Everything felt… fine. “I think so- I’m okay.” But _this_ had never happened before. So didn’t that inherently mean it was… not good? 

He stilled your _anxieties_ with a quiet kiss as he leaned in further, and it really, somehow, did you all the good in the world. The troubles of your mind soothed over. Even more so when you heard him,   
  
_I love you_. 

That voice so wonderfully deep within you that you melted back on the mattress, yet clung to him even harder. _I love you, too_. Answering. Feeling him shift again just to finally rid himself of the rest of his clothes. And sparking that need harder still once you felt him there bare against you. Raising one leg to wrap around his waist you drew him in, felt the change of an eager grin against your lips. 

He eased further down, his chest to yours.   
His _heartbeat_ against yours. Your lips disconnected, as you felt _him_, teasing and slow, trying to urge him with another rock of your hips. It convinced him just enough, finding you at the right angle to sink in deep with a return roll of his. You were clinging to him, then. Breathing all too hard for a moment just started. Even with the ones that had come before it. 

As your lips fell from his, he chased you, every move slow and steady, stoking a long _burning_ fire within you. It was an unspoken request that stirred you, _Look at me_… but asked the way he had, whether or not he meant it, you couldn’t help but heed him. Eyes drawing open and lifting, as his parted lips touched barely over yours. His eyes were waiting- easier to see with that light shining between you. “I love you…” Still resting his weight on his right arm, he moved the other to swoop underneath you. Pulling you _that much_ closer. Even his thrusts were bare movements. Like he just couldn’t pull back all the way. He just wanted to _be_ with you. To _share_ this with you. 

And in between each other where it was brighter, you felt yourself falling into him.   
_Blending_.   
  
“I love you, Tony- I…” The next sound a heightened gasp, as you arched your hips up on the next move, and he caught you just right. “I love you…” Eyes rolling closed again as the sparks sizzled over your skin, unable to help yourself. 

As your head tipped further back, mouth open as you breathed hard, you felt his lips touch at the shell of your ear. Yet he spoke so _deeply_ that it swept you out further on the water. “_I love you… every time I learn something new about you… every day I fall more in love with you… I love you... _“ 

You weren’t sure where you were speaking, which voice it was coming from, as you drowned with him. “_I love you, Tony… I love you…_” 

As far as you were concerned, you didn’t have to _go_ anywhere.   
If you could only just stay like that with him forever… you’d never ask for anything ever again… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ❤❤❤❤❤


	82. Chapter 82 [End: Iron Man 3]

In his continuing questioning of the machinations of the universe, when tasked with where to run off to to be alone for a little while, _of course_ Tony chose Switzerland. He told you this only after the jet was in flight, which was probably your fault. Maybe you should have checked up on the plans or even thought to _ask_ before just boarding a plane and taking off with him. The problem was you trusted him. ...maybe that wasn’t such a terrible problem to have. 

But as he told you the two of you were headed for St. Moritz- Badrutt’s Palace, in fact- you couldn’t help the little lift of your brows. “After all this, I thought you’d never wanna go to Switzerland ever again.” God forbid he pissed off anyone else over there, who knew how that would end? 

He was all grins, hands moving over the table top holoprojector, getting some work in while you were still in flight. That was fair game, apparently. You chose not to bother him about it. “Let’s see what other chaos we can attract while we’re hamming it up in the Hitchcock suite and all alone in the spa. I’ll make sure to tip the staff double, just in case.” 

While he was being his usual sassy, sarcastic self, you appreciated him laying it out there- which was the reason he was talking about it like that in the first place. Basically letting you know that he’d probably emptied out the place, and the two of you could rest, relax, and be _alone_ for a little while. Which was really the important thing here. ...along with him double tipping the staff so he didn’t piss anyone off. Couldn’t take those chances. 

The other…?   
Showing off. But you had long stopped minding _that_. 

“Here, by the way…” His head was down as he spoke, startling your attention away from the laptop in your lap. It had been quiet in the cabin for more than fifteen minutes, so he must’ve remembered something important. 

But when you looked at what he was sliding your way after fishing from his pocket, you could only tilt your head. “We expecting something serious to happen on this vacation?” A _brand new _Heart Reactor. Polished. Definitely upgraded. The design was a bit less blocky, a little more obvious this time around. You understood the inner workings were probably _also_ upgraded. But still. It was beautiful in its simplicity, just like the last one. Silver with blue finishing. 

“No, I just finished it before we boarded. Wanted to make sure it made its way to you.” Parts of you were slightly unsure if this was true or not. But… 

You picked it up anyway, and twisted sideways to reach for your bag. No longer really _threatened _or _terrified_ of its presence- if you were ever. There had been some _apprehension_\- as if wearing it was the reason trouble was always finding you, but… that was a moment for therapy, you supposed. “Thank you.” After securing it in your bag, you reached over to gingerly place your hand over his leg with a soft squeeze. 

There was no way to signal your gratitude, really. Even in your earlier feelings brought on by the Battle of New York, you had known one thing to be true. When Killian had destroyed it, you’d felt a deep sense of sorrow. Tony had worked hard on that. _For you_. To protect you. To keep you safe. It was his own small peace of mind as it had- or should have been- yours. To have it again… you supposed both of you were feeling better. 

Although… “Are you revising the earrings?” You missed those, too. Even though it wasn’t like you couldn’t reach LUNA whenever you wanted- and _had_ in fact spoken with her several times. Same as JARVIS. Good thing about an AI program was it was sort of just wherever you put it- except for the weirdly specific times when Tony hogged JARVIS and you had no access to him at all. Like. When the house blew up. 

Oh well. Better not dwell on it. 

His smile was telling then, as he zipped his finger through the air, over whatever it was he’d been working on, sending the image of 3D holographic schematics spinning until it stopped, facing you. He was reworking the visor’s design, it looked like. You weren’t quite sure what to feel about the mock-up image of your face smiling- slightly pixelated and blue. Probably better not to ask, but you couldn’t help it. “You have a full design of me?” 

“I took scans of you, in case you don’t remember.” Ah, that was true, wasn’t it? The first time he’d introduced you to the glasses, if you remembered correctly. ...did that make you feel better? Not quite sure. “But. Not to worry. I only use them in a completely _professional _capacity.” 

“I wasn’t even going to ask.” 

“Well then let’s pretend like I didn’t say it.” 

At this, the two of you could only share similar wry smiles at each other, and you stowed your laptop away so that you could tuck your feet up on the couch and lay your head on his shoulder. Vacation was already doing the both of you a world of good. 

* * *

Landing was smooth, as always, and you made sure to give Happy an extra squeezy hug on the tarmac. He promised to be back in a week to get you, because _of course_ he did, even though he didn’t have to. Tony had opted to be without “security” for this little quiet vacation, and although you could tell that made Happy a little… _unhappy_, he seemed to understand. 

This was meant just for the two of you. The press hadn’t even gotten wind of it. Which was great, but the longer you were out in the open, the higher the chance people started finding out was. It was why you and Tony hopped into the car he’d rented (all gassed up and ready on the runway) and made good time to the hotel. The staff was not only well-tipped, as per Tony’s good thinking, but triply so, to make it worth their while not to spill your secrets. 

There were only one or two other couples around in the other suites, and both you and Tony kept your heads down as you let yourselves into your room. While it hadn’t been immediately clear why Tony cared so much about having the _Hitchcock suite_, unless that was something new you had yet to learn about him (a love of Hitchcock thrillers?), it became more so once you stepped inside. The interior was darker than most of the other rooms you’d spied passing by. More roomy. More lived in. Made sense, if it were true that the man himself had spent extended stays there. 

After walking through the the lavish front room, and the somehow even _more_ lavish living room, you found the master bedroom, which you promptly flopped on and spread out over after dropping your bags. “You know-” Calling out to Tony, who had disappeared into the bathroom, sink water running quietly, “-for all we do in hotels, we could easily just get a regular room. And spend less money.” As if money was really a concern to a man who had billions of it. 

But… still. You couldn’t help but tease just a little. Especially considering you believed yourself absolutely correct. Really all the two of you did consisted of _relaxing_ on a bed, if you weren’t out and about. 

“For all you worry about PR sometimes…” His voice came out in a sigh that you could hear a grin through. 

“It’s economical!” Protesting dramatically. “That’s a headline. _Stark Conscious of His Resources_.” 

“You know it’d be more like- _Stark Going Broke_? Besides…” You saw him shaking water from his hands as he came out of the bathroom, leaning his arm against the door after. Probably posing. You didn’t mind it. “Top floors bring more security.” He came closer until he was just at the foot of the bed, and then climbed up and over you. “Less eyes…” His were currently watching yours, as his hands fell just at the sides of your head, holding himself up above you. “More…” Leaning down, his nose brushed yours, and his grin somehow spilled to your lips. “..._sound proofing_?” 

Giggles escaped you purely without your permission. There would just always be something about Tony’s boyish charm that tickled you. Your hands rose, gingerly brushing up his chest. “What do we need sound proofing for?” 

“Well- out of the two of us- and I’m not complaining- you-” 

Immediately you pushed your hand to his mouth. “That’s enough.” 

His brow arched and you felt his lips curve against your palm. Removing it might have been unwise, but you flicked a few of his bangs as you did so. “I think it’s not even _close_ to enough.” His warm bubbly laughter mixed with your own as he slid his forearms on the bed, easing down to kiss you. 

Less than a half hour in Switzerland. The sights were lovely. The hotel was grand.   
But as always. The two of you were far more interested in each other. 

* * *

Choosing to sneak down to the spa’s indoor pool at night was a smarter move, you thought, than having Tony just pay staff to close it off. People tended to get nosey if they thought something was happening, either good or bad. You still had a sneaking suspicion he was paying staff to hang around to keep people out, though, even though it was late enough to not have to worry about it. Going for a swim wasn’t _really_ on your tippy-top list of priorities, but it was one of the notable features of the hotel Tony had picked, so… in some sense you were a little _required_ to check it out. 

It was rather gorgeous, with floor to ceiling windows that showcased the beautiful snowy landscape beyond and the beautifully bright starry-speckled sky. There was some sort of waterfall feature, and a fireplace roaring quietly just off to the side. Quite a lovely little picturesque place. Not to mention to huge pool that was really too big for just two people to be spending time in it. But… life was a luxury sometimes, and while you were here, it’d be silly not to heed it. Or pretend you didn’t enjoy it. 

The water was heated too, which was nice, as you noticed a little opening in the pool that led outside to some steaming water. “What’d’you think? Too cold?” To trek outside, you knew he meant, just as you two had gotten to shoulder level and relaxing. 

“There’s still snow on the ground. So.” If that wasn’t an answer to his question, what else might be? 

“The water’s heated.” Already you knew he was planning to go. Maybe with _or_ without you. As often the case when he got a little idea in his big brain. “I bet the view’s nicer…” 

“If I get sick-” 

“I will nurse you back to health with only the utmost tender care.” 

“You could _also_ get sick-” Which would be a terrible thing, right after surgery, no doubt. But you noticed he was already lightly swimming his way over- and you _also_ noticed you were doing the same. Following him. As always. 

“Cold doesn’t bother me.” 

“You say that now.” 

“I say that always.” 

“I’ve certainly never heard you say it before.” 

“We live in California.” 

The two of you pretend-bickered your way under the arch of the windows and out into the cold you were play-fighting about. Although it smacked you rather intensely, you were able to shirk down neck-deep into the hot water, leaning against one of the walls. Casting your head up, you had to agree- 

“The view is nice.” 

“_Nicer_.” He came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your shoulder from behind, the both of you looking up into the starry beyond. It was _nicer_, yes, even more so than your current semi-permanent locale. In New York it was impossible to see more than a few errant dots. Not like here. Where the whole sky was lit up. 

There was a subtle _slip_ in the silence. You felt part of him just… _drift_. In almost inexplicable feeling. And one impossible to describe to him. It just felt like part of him was fading off somewhere into the distance. Casting a glance back, “You okay?” Breaking the silence wasn’t all too pleasant. 

“Hm?” A bare hum of thought, seeming to not really register that you’d spoken to him, much less asked a question. His eyes turned down from the sky to meet yours. “You say something?” 

“I asked if you were okay.” Something was off. Hard to tell what. 

“I’m fine.” It came out of him so quick that you immediately knew he was lying. He must have knew that you knew, because a soft sense of _guilt_ permeated out from him. A similar look after that. “I- ...I’m not _not_ fine. Just. Thinking.” Being a little more honest with you. 

You rewarded the notion by sinking further back into him. “Tell me.” Hoping he was okay enough, now, to open up. But that was selfish, and perhaps foolish, too. He hadn’t started therapy yet, and maybe he wasn’t. Maybe you were lulled by the false sense of everything being okay because you’d only just gotten out of a big mess, he was healing- physically- and vacations tended to do that. 

A much longer silence went on, and you let it. Deciding not to drill him for answers, it wouldn’t do any good. Eventually he moved to sit on one of the underwater ledges, bringing you with him, arms around your middle from behind as you sat in his lap. You tried to stay mostly under the water to keep warm. But both of you were, once more, fixated on the sky. He was seeing something else up there. You already knew. 

“I’m sorry.” He said finally, which made your heart squeeze with hurt immediately. “We’re thousands of miles away and I just can’t stop thinking about it.” 

“You don’t have to apologize.” Soft as you could, trying to impart to him that it was _okay_. It was _okay_ to still be there, mentally. It was _okay_ to not be okay. “What is it?” _It_ being the thing that was torturing him, still, but that you couldn’t quite grasp yet. 

He drew a breath in, and then let it out, crisping in the air as he did. “Intelligent life being out there had never been a farfetched theory. It’s incredibly short sighted to think this planet is the only one that can sustain life- _any_ life. I just hadn’t- ...it was never a priority thought. I was busy worrying about other things. And… sometimes not even important stuff.” Nothing you could fault him for, and certainly not things he should be faulting himself for, either. Life just wasn’t that simple. “But something came _here_. With malicious intent. And I saw it. Up there. If it’s not Thor and it’s not Loki- and it’s not- what we fought…

It’ll be something else.” His voice drew so much quieter then, “You heard what Thor said. Back on the helicarrier. We signaled something. Maybe… maybe _everything_. You can’t unbake a cake. You can only stand back and look at what you made. And make improvements. ...for next time.” 

Because there would be a _next time_ he was saying. Inevitably, because of SHIELD or whoever- because of the Battle of New York, because of Loki- and maybe even because of Thor- the blame really didn’t matter anymore. It just didn’t. What was done was done. And now there was only… _next time_. 

“It doesn’t have to be you.” The thought left you without much actual _thinking_ behind it. Because you were protesting. You were begging, even without the tone behind it. Trying to beg him to understand it didn’t _have_ to be him. It didn’t have to be him that stayed up late at night, worrying about what was coming, or _when_. It wasn’t his job to protect the entire earth. That wasn’t right- it wasn’t _fair_\- it- 

“You know I’m not gonna be able to stop thinking about this.” His arms squeezed you just a little bit tighter. “And maybe it doesn’t _have_ to be me. But. If I have the means to try and stop this- or… at least try to defend us… and I turn my back… inaction- especially when I know I can do something- is tantamount to _letting_ it happen.”

Damn him. Damn him and his growth and his… his being _right_ about this. Was it even possible anymore? For him- or just both of you, to turn your backs on something you knew wasn’t right? To not do the most you could to try and help? Wasn’t that why you’d allowed yourselves to be absorbed by SHIELD for the Avengers? Wasn’t that why you’d taken the Department of Damage Control? To just… to _try_ and do right, where you could… 

Tony saw something.   
And he was fearing the worst now. Had been for a long while. And would, still, no matter what therapists he talked to. You knew that now. 

You wanted to continue to _protest_. To say- _but we don’t even know if anything else is coming._ Or maybe- _but we don’t know if everything else coming is bad_. But you knew none of that mattered. A single thing had rained down on New York, had threatened literal global subjugation and destruction. It wasn’t even remotely possible that out of the entire _galaxy_, unmapped by man, no telling how huge it actually was- 

_It wasn’t possible_ that those things, that Loki, were the _only_ things that either knew of Earth- or would learn about it- and that would decide to try and snuff it out. Mathematically, statistically… impossible. Which was why… 

“So what do you think we should do?” Trying to not-so-subtly remind him he wasn’t on solo missions anymore. That he didn’t _have_ to be. You were there. And the two of you were a _team_. No matter what. 

“I don’t know yet.” Painfully honest with you. “I don’t know… but when I figure it out… you’re the first to know.” 

Another small silence as you snuggled closer to him, half wrapping an arm around him, resting your head in the crook of his shoulder. Finally, as it occurred to you, “...no nuking space, though.”

Your levity was rewarded as he laughed softly. “No. No nuking space. ...again, anyway. I think I like your thing. Defense. I think I’ll look into that instead.”

* * *

The vacation wasn’t _ruined_ after that, but it had taken a somewhat … not _somber_ but… _quieter_ turn. Giggly lust-filled afternoons were replaced by just _being_ with one another. Alone. Talking. Sometimes not. Just spending time together. And that was enough. It was enough for now. 

You had Happy fly you back to California first, so that you could pick up what remained from _the site_ as the authorities were calling it. Your home. Gone. At some point the two of you would have to decide if you were going to have another. Improbable that you would- ...you hoped. Because you didn’t want to just _live_ in the Tower forever. It was nice now, but not a permanent thing. No matter how _nice_ it was. 

You wanted a home with Tony. Somewhere that was only for the two of you. Maybe not something as lavish as the Malibu Mansion had been- and that had been solely his, anyway. He’d planned it and built it. The two of you, you hoped, one day, would sit down and make a home of your own. For now… 

Even though it _hadn’t_ been yours, it was still tough to sift through ash and rubble. Tony seemed extremely (though silently) _pleased_ to find DUM-E waiting for him on the curb. Along with several laboratory knicknacks. Tools that he could just buy again and other things that… probably had some sentimental value to him. Unlike him, you were going to have to start anew. While some of his things had been safe in a deeper level of the house, anything you’d bought was probably sitting at the bottom of the ocean now. 

It was fine. A fresh start… that could be good. And even if it wasn’t, you had to make the best of it, whether you wanted to or not. 

After pulling the little recovery cart to the back of the car and hitching it, ready to drive back to the airport to go… home, to New York, you waited. Tony was standing just at the edge of the cliffside, staring off into the ocean. There was one more thing he wanted to do. It had been an unspoken request. He hadn’t made an effort to necessarily _hide_ that he’d brought along his old Arc Reactor- recovered from his chest during surgery, but the two of you hadn’t spoken about it. You’d thought maybe he was going to use it, or something… for when he was working on his tablet during flight. 

But instead now, he was holding it. And immediately you knew. 

He was saying goodbye, too.   
At least he was trying. But he stood there, a long, _long _time. So long you thought about going to him. But… this one was not meant for you. So you waited patiently. Waited for him to make peace with it. 

Eventually, as a soft breeze kicked up, he did. Lifting his arm up and over his head, he tossed the Arc out into the ocean, and then stood there watching the sunset a few seconds more before turning, hands in his pockets. His smile when he lifted his head and spotted you looked like he was somehow surprised to see you standing there, but _happy_. 

_Happy _to see you.   
_Happy _you were there. 

You held a hand out, and as he walked closer, he reached back out, closing his over yours, lifting upwards to press a kiss to the back. Your smile then seemed just as hard to hide. “Ready?” Asked gently. 

“Yeah. Let’s hit it.” 

Time to move on. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OVER! :] Oh boy! Now on the docket left we have... let's see....   
Ultron. Uh oh.   
....Civil War...  
Infinity War....   
....End Game..... ........oh.


	83. Chapter 83 [Begin: Interlude]

March 4th, the first week of the month, you and Tony found yourselves down a few levels in the Tower, in what was lovingly becoming known as the _Avengers Mess-hall_. Really it was just a communal kitchen area that was shared amongst the living quarters that the two of you had floorplan-ned and built for your new team (or family, however you wanted to look at it). Seven AM seemed like a good time that everyone was just sort of _around_, barring if Steve was off doing something more _official. _

But today was not one of those days, and you, Tony, Steve, and Bruce all sat at the table, quietly eating bowls of cereal, Dvahli being highly undisciplined, wandering around on top of said table begging for milk. Sometimes Tony would make breakfast, and other days, like today, it was just a quiet milk and boxed cereal kind of morning. The TV was on in the background, playing mostly weather. Something about Steve and the weather channel just got along. (You refused to make any old man jokes about it. Tony had _privately_ commented more than once on it.) 

It was when a commercial cut through and Christine Everhart’s voice told her adoring viewers to check back this evening for an _exclusive_ on whether or not superheroes should blahblahblah… “Mute.” You got to it first before anyone else could. She was ramping up her usual arguments in lieu of any actual reporting. Something you looked on with disdain, as it wasn’t doing you (or your team/family) any favors. But killing the free press was a move set up for failure. 

Steve seemed like he might want to ask about the obvious disdain going on here, but before he could, the elevator doors in the back of the room opened up, and in walked Natasha, Clint, and Fury. Tony’s head tipped up, dropping his spoon to clatter in his bowl. “Security breach.” 

Natasha waved her Stark Industries/Avengers issued badge. “I let him in with mine.” 

Clint went right over to the cabinets, trying to sniff out some instant coffee. “Good morning to you, too.” 

While you weren’t exactly happy to see him, he wouldn’t leave now that he was here. So you looked up at Fury as he approached. “What now?” 

He settled his hands on his hips. “I’ve been trying to get a debrief out of the two of you for a month.” 

Your brows scrunched. “For what? Look, I appreciate that you kept the press of my property after the attack, but I didn’t _ask _for you to be there.” 

“That’s _not_ why I was there.” Fury rolled his eye. “And your continued ungratefulness aside, when an enhanced individual almost kills the President of the United States, I’d kinda like to talk about it.” 

“Oh.” That left you just _slightly_ speechless. “Right.” Turning to Tony, “Hey, what was that about, anyway?” Killian had _not _been a man of few words, and truly liked to hear himself talk. But you realized you _had_ been confused about that turn of events, and too much had gone on in the aftermath for you to remember to care about it. 

Before he could answer you, Fury reached over, pulling the V-neck of Tony’s long sleeved shirt down. “And I’d like to talk about _that_, too.” 

Natasha and Clint pointedly both lurched over to look at what was going on, and Tony batted Fury’s hand away. “Hey- I’m suddenly feeling very violated. Do we have an HR department?” Looking to you for answers. 

“Stark Industries does… I never thought I’d have to set one up for the Avengers. I guess I should…”

Fury’s dryness continued. “That’s not your call.” 

Natasha pulled a bowl from the middle of the table and poured herself some cereal. “You took the Arc out?” 

Clint, with his back to the entire group now, filling the coffee machine, “I didn’t even know you could do that. Long surgery?” 

Steve gestured to the both of them. “Where have you two been, anyway?” 

Nat answered, “Had to go dark on a mission.” 

Clint shut the top of the coffee maker, looking at you. “Hell of a thing coming out into a debrief where we hear your entire house got blown up. You’ve been up to a lot.” 

“And I’d like to talk about it now.” Fury tried to cut the chatter short. 

Tony shared a _long_ pointed look with you, and then finally decided that Fury probably wasn’t going to leave unless one of you acquiesced him. You were just lucky Tony loved you _that_ much. With a dramatic sigh he put his hands on the table. “Alright. Five minutes in my office. That’s all I’ve got for you. I’m _very_ busy.” Giving you a kiss to the top of your head before rounding the table and falling in line with him. 

As they walked back to the elevators you heard Fury make an effort to lower his voice. “Heard Xavier’s been sniffing around.”

“Who’s that now?” They both stepped into the elevator. 

“You tell me your secrets, I’ll tell you mine.” 

“I doubt it.” 

With that the doors closed, leaving the rest of you sitting in a slightly uncomfortable silence until Bruce stood. “Well, this has been a uh… interesting morning. I have some research to get back to. I hope you don’t mind.” 

You gave him a small wave. “I’ll see you later.” 

He waved back, crossing over to the sink to drop his bowl in and give it a quick rinse. It was Natasha getting up as he passed back by the table to go to the elevators that had you curious. She approached his side after he’d pushed the button. “Mind if I go with you?” 

Even Bruce seemed unsure. But maybe that was just him. “Uh. No. Of course not.” As the doors opened he gestured, “After you.” 

The three of you remaining in the room, Clint now finished making his coffee, sitting at the table, watched them go. The _uncertainty_ was palpable. ...well, at least from you and Steve. Who then threw a _look_ at Clint in sync. You were the one to ask. “What’s that about?” 

He shrugged. “Who knows.” 

Steve hooked a thumb at her now abandoned bowl. “She didn’t even finish her cereal.” 

Sipping at his coffee, he gave yet another shrug. “I’m not her mother. I can’t make her come clean it up.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him. He knew _something_. “This is not a normal occurrence.” 

At that he grinned at you. “Your house got blown up by terrorists. What do you know about normal?” 

“He’s got a point.” Steve was smiling at you. 

Turning his way, you proverbially put your hands on your hips with your tone, “I thought you were on _my_ side.” 

Both his hands came up in defense. “I’m not saying I’m not. Just. ...he’s got a point, is all.” 

You looked at him. And then Clint. And then Steve again. Eyes getting narrower and _narrower._ Then, finally, you put your hands on the table and stood up. “_Well_, if we’re all done switching teams for the day, some of us have actual work to do.” Getting up, you walked over to the sink, making an actual effort to wash your bowl and put it on the rack to dry. 

Clint hung his arm over the back of the chair as you passed by. “I just came back from a month long mission. Haven’t I been doing enough work?” 

Now, actually putting your hands on your hips, “And what were you doing on that mission?” 

As he opened his mouth, you and Steve answered for him, “_Classified_.” 

And you threw your hands aside. “Yeah yeah yeah. We know.” 

“Technically you don’t.” He raised his mug at you in a mock-cheers, grinning. 

Thankfully the private elevator came about as soon as you called. “Smart ass.” Shaking your head, concealing your grin as you turned away. 

“Every group needs at least one.” 

“Technically I think Tony-” 

The doors closed. You were tempted to push the button to re-open them just to hear what Steve was going to say fully about _that_. 

* * *

The week moved beyond you without your notice. You almost regretted trying to sass Clint about doing work because almost as if the universe was heeding your call, your workload seemed to triple after that encounter. It made it hard to do anything but focus up. And realize how terrible it was to not see Tony. It wasn’t as bad as it had been, previously, but even breakfast started to be a non-starter. Calls and meetings and emails to attend to… 

You were just lucky enough to crawl back into bed with him. It was also stunting the growth of your new future home. Any dialogue about it was put on the back-burner. And by that, it actually meant not talking about it at all. You didn’t _hate_ the Tower. Or seeing most of your team every day. But living there? Forever? 

What about your future? Did you have plans? 

...should you?  
What should they look like? 

All things you were day-dreaming about as JARVIS scared the bejesus out of you with an announcement that following Friday afternoon. “Sorry to bother you, Ms. INY, I know you’re terribly busy…” Speaking of smart-asses… “There’s a woman in the lobby who refuses to leave without speaking to you.” 

That was probably good. People who refused to get off your property and made scenes were the best to deal with. But it was the weekend soon, right? If that even meant anything anymore. Surely you could go deal with it. It may have been easier to just call the cops, but you’d hate for the press to start calling you callous. “Who is it? And what does she want?” 

“I have been unable to determine the exact nature of her quarrel, but I have identified her as Elizabeth Ross.” 

At the door you stopped, making a face to no one in particular. ...JARVIS, you supposed. “I don’t know who that is.” You would have guessed if someone was making a scene it at least would have been someone you’d interacted with at one point or another. But the name didn’t ring a bell- 

“General Ross’ daughter.” 

Oh.  
So it was going to be _that_ kind of day, huh? “Tony know about this?” 

“No, ma’am. Shall I inform him?” 

Opening the door, “Absolutely not.” Whatever Ross was trying to pull now, and almost certainly it was _something_\- it always was with him, Tony was better off not being involved. He had enough he was working on. Dealing with. You could handle Ross for him- 

Especially since the woman was asking for you. A trap? Maybe she was going to cart you off to Ross for who knew what reason. What a wonderful mentality, you realized. To just immediately be innately distrusting of everyone and everything you didn’t hold in your inner circle. 

Too bad Coulson hadn’t been answering any of your calls about a therapist on retainer. Maybe you should ask Nat or Clint… 

The lobby was bustling like always. People coming in and out. At the front desk, security seemed to be speaking sternly to a woman in a long beige trench coat, a handkerchief over her hair and cat-eye sunglasses. Yet JARVIS had identified her. _Good job, JARVIS. _

You walked up to her. “Can I help you?” You assumed you must have been able to. Seeing as she’d been asking for you. 

The security guard seemed vexed. “I’m sorry about this, Ms.-”

Holding a hand up to him, “It’s fine. I’ll take her. Don’t worry about it.” In fact, _literally_ taking her by the arm, pulling her closer to your private elevators to get away from the crowd. When she just seemed to _stare_ at you, you decided waiting for her to spill her case wasn’t gonna happen. “What is it? What do you need?” Not trying to be curt, just a little frazzled. 

You hadn’t been expecting _guests_. 

She frowned, slipping off her glasses, revealing a pair of gentle blue eyes. Her face was so petite and soft. For a moment you had trouble imagining someone as mulish as Ross had birthed someone so sweet looking. “I’m sorry… I didn’t know who else to ask for. Really, anyone, I guess, but... “ Turning half aside, she dipped her hands into a shoulder bag, rooting around before returning with a cream colored envelope. “Can you give this to Bruce?” 

Alright.  
_What_? “I’m sorry?” 

“Bruce Banner.” She reiterated, although she didn’t need to. You knew exactly who she was talking about. It was the _why_ that was escaping you. “Can you give it to him?” 

Indeed, as you looked the envelope over, it had his name scrawled on the front in delicate script. “Why?” 

Now she ducked her eyes. “That’s personal, if you don’t mind.” 

You crossed your arms. “I do mind, thanks. You called me out of my office and are asking about one of my teammates- which is why I assume you did. And, not to be all, sins of the father thing but…” Bruce and Ross had a history. And not a good one. 

“It’s got nothing to do with my father.” She seemed genuinely _upset_ that you would imply such a thing. So strongly in fact that it colored you for a moment before you were able to put a wall between the two of you. And after you let a silence sit, she then turned _uncomfortable_. “Look… Bruce and I have a history. _Separate_ from my dad. I’m just. Not a part of his life anymore. I’m trying to say goodbye.” 

All at once you felt _terrible_. ...if she was saying what you think she was saying… 

Reaching up you took hold of the letter. “Is that what he wants?” Bruce was just as caring and kind. This was probably none of your business, whether or not she’d accidentally _made_ it your business, but- 

“Seems pretty plain to me.” 

“You want me to get him?” 

“_No_.” Quickly from her, and then she put her sunglasses back on. “No. ...that’s alright. Thank you. I appreciate this. Don’t worry about it. This… this is what has to happen.” Lightly she touched your hand. “Thank you. I mean it.” Then she turned away and left. 

Just like that. 

* * *

You turned the envelope over in your hands a few times. It was your mission now to deliver it. There was no getting around that. You _had_ to. But when you stopped at the lab, it was pretty busy, and Bruce didn’t even look up. So instead you went to your office. “JARVIS…” Taking a seat, you gingerly put the letter down. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Call Bruce for me, would you? But- let him know it’s not urgent. Whenever he’s not busy…” 

“Right away, ma’am.” 

The door opened almost immediately after you’d asked, but it was Tony who walked in, not Bruce. Carrying two bottles of water. “I thought I’d come by and-” Stopping dead in his tracks in the middle of the room as he looked at you. “What’s the matter? What happened?” 

“That obvious?” You put a hand over your face. “And I thought I was the one with _the thing_.” He was just too good at reading you, it seemed. 

“You look like someone died. Did someone die? Was it Elvis again?” He set a bottle of water clearly meant for you on the corner of your desk and made no secret about spying that envelope as he slumped into the plush seat in front of your desk. 

“Elizabeth Ross came by.” 

“Betty. You don’t say.” 

“_Betty_?” So he knew her. You thought he at least would know _something _about her. But _Betty_? 

He shrugged. “For a while she had some really interesting research going on… top of the line at Culver… and her myostatic primer work…” Trailing off. A spark lit in his eyes, as he seemed to grasp the situation. Because it wasn’t only _research _that was the reason he knew about her. 

And you felt his _guilt_ like a punch in the gut.

He immediately got to his feet. “Betty Ross was here.”  
  
“Mm.”  
  
“And she gave you a letter.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“For Bruce.” 

“Yeah.” 

And just like that, the door opened behind the both of you and Bruce poked his head in. “Is this a good time?” 

Tony immediately turned tail. “I have to _go_. I gotta- ....I gotta get outta here.” Though he did stop at the front of the room as Bruce came in, giving him a firm pat on the shoulder. “...You know where to find me. If you need to.” And then almost literally _bolted _out of the room. 

Bruce looked at the door as it closed behind him, as if watching the trail of smoke from Tony, and then looked back at you. “What’s that all about?” 

“Uh… look. There’s no easy way to say this.” But you wished you had at least _tried _for some delicacy instead of jumping into it like that. Tony’s jitters had gotten the better of you. Standing, you took the letter off your desk and went to him instead. Holding it out, “Betty Ross came by. And told me to give this to you.” 

A dark cloud immediately formed over him.  
_Sorrow_. _Regret_. _**Fear,**_ as his eyes dropped and he looked at that letter, reaching out but pulling back like it might burn him. “Ah. ...I see. There’s uh… probably no need to read that. I already know what it says.” Nudging his glasses up, he frowned at you. “I’m uh… sorry you got mixed up in that… I have no idea why she would… uh…” He was _troubled_, intensely so. 

Humans were a mess. No other way around it. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s none of my business. I should be the one who’s sorry.” And you _were_. 

He looked up at you. “...then why do I get the feeling like I’m about to get a lecture?” 

“Not a lecture-” Feeling poorly that he even thought that. ...you’d have to keep from actually giving one. “Just… I think you should talk to her.” 

Shaking his head, lips pressed together for a moment, “She doesn’t want that.” 

“How do you know that?” 

“Because she came here and delivered a letter for me through you. And whatever it says in there, she’s probably right. I’m an asshole. I used to be hiding, and that’s why I couldn’t be with her. But I’m not now. And…” It seemed to just all pour out of him, the moment he was given a chance to speak about it. Once he realized that, though, he shook his head and put a stop to it. “Doesn’t matter. She’s right.” 

You couldn’t help the face you were making. “...kinda seems like it matters.” 

He sighed, _annoyance_ fluttering through him. Taking hold of the envelope he ripped the top open and pulled out a frilly looking piece of stationary. For _your_ benefit, you supposed, he read it out loud. Maybe just to prove you wrong. 

“_Bruce, _  
_Everything we had I’ll remember forever. I don’t want to be stuck in limbo, so I’ll be the brave one, this time, and return the favor. I love you. Don’t worry about me. You’re free. Goodbye._  
_Betty._” 

He crumpled the edge of the letter a little too hard, with the grip he was suddenly holding it with. You had no idea what to do. Reaching up, he removed his glasses, putting them in his pocket. “This is- ...I mean come on. This is the way it has to be.” Sounding an awful lot like he was trying to convince himself. 

Where was that therapist when you needed them? “Why?” 

“Because- no offense- but when I look at a relationship like yours and Tony’s? It seems nice but… one of the two of you is always in some kind of near-mortal-peril. Someone is always leverage to people that wanna hurt you, whether you like it or not. It was why I stopped contacting her all those years ago. And it’s why… it’s why this makes sense.” 

You folded your arms, trying not to take offense to his use of your personal relationship with your boyfriend to heart. ...it was worse because he was right. 

“And maybe it’s none of my business, either. But it’s not like Tony hasn’t… talked about… worrying about you.” You weren’t sure what Bruce was trying to do here, but knowing the goodness in his heart, he was probably just trying to relate all of this. It was why Tony knew about Betty. And why he knew what was going on. Because he and Bruce had grown close. 

And of course they’d talked about… all this. 

“It’s better not to keep putting her through that. Maybe she realized that, too.” 

“That’s not why, Bruce. And you know that.” At least trying to defend her. A little. 

His smile was bittersweet. “Yeah…” Head dropping. “Yeah… but it’d be nice to pretend.” 

As you opened your arms, wrapping them around him, half of you expected him to just stand there awkwardly and wait for it to be over. The other half expected him to step away. He surprised you entirely by putting an arm back around you and holding you tight. 

“Our lives are messy. It sucks. And I’m sorry.” Murmuring useless words that really weren’t going to help him at all. When he decided it was time to back off, you offered him a very weak smile. “On the upside- I’m trying to get a therapist on retainer.” 

At least this seemed to get one little laugh out of him. “Therapist to the Avengers, huh? Who’ll be _their_ therapist?” You pretended not to notice as he folded the letter up and stuffed it in his pants pocket.

Leading him out of your office, you kept his attention as you signaled the elevator to take you up to the shared kitchen. It was lunch time. And he needed the company. “So you’re saying I’m going to be financially on the hook for a string of never ending therapists?” 

“Everybody needs somebody to talk to…” He was turning his hands over, looking down. 

When the doors opened, Steve was waiting inside. “Going up?” 

As the two of you stepped in, Bruce cast a look up his way. “What do you think of therapy, Steve?” 

“I’ve uh… I’ve heard we’ve come a long way?” 

You pushed the button for the private quarters’ floor, feeling worn out by all these goings-on. “And a lot longer to go…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some housekeeping here......  
HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT :] HAPPY FRIDAY


	84. Chapter 84

Eventually realizing that Coulson ignoring your calls meant he was _too busy_ to get back to you, you had to resort to other methods of finding a SHIELD employed therapist to snatch up. ...assuming there was one. But there had to be. Or you _hoped_ there was, otherwise all this time delaying waiting for Coulson had just been a waste. Fury was out, of course. Preferring not to speak to Nick unless absolutely necessary. That was the way your relationship with him worked best. You were sure he’d agree. You were also sure he wouldn’t totally approve of you trying to steal someone under his employ. 

It was one of the first afternoons in April that you found Nat and Clint sitting at the Avenger’s Mess-hall kitchen table, eating sandwiches, talking and laughing amongst themselves, that you decided it was time to stop waiting and time to start making moves. And, you also decided, in the effort of not wasting any more time… 

“Hey, does SHIELD have therapists?” Asked as you pulled up a chair. Getting right to the point. 

They both looked at each other and then back at you. Nat arched her brow. “I don’t know if we’d call them therapists by… _regular_ standards. What we have are more… field evaluation mediators.” 

Tipping your head, “Meaning?” 

Clint slung an arm over the back of his chair. “Meaning they’re the people in between you and going back to work, once you get off a particularly…” Hanging on the end of the word as he thought. 

Nat helped, “Messy mission. You know. Lots of people put in the ground. That sort of thing. After that, before your next mission, you have to sit down with one of those people to evaluate your mental state.” 

“They’re the worst.” Clearly Clint was not a fan. “Why do you want to know, anyway?” 

“I’m trying to get a therapist for the Avengers.” And at _that_, Nat and Clint shared a side-eye with one another before making an effort not to burst out into laughter. But there _was_ laughter. “I’m serious!” Feeling frustrated. And perhaps embarrassed. “I don’t think I can just get someone off the street for the shit we’ve been through- even if you guys don’t like the idea- _I_ would like one. And I think some of us would benefit from having someone qualified to talk to, too.” Taking one for the team, practicing what you were trying to preach. So on and so forth. Hoping if you came out and just said it, everyone else would feel more confident about it. 

Clint took a bite of his sandwich, shaking his head. Mouth half full, “You mean Tony. Right?” 

“I mean _all_ of us.” Immediately not okay with the idea of them piling on him. Sure… even he had said it himself a while back. He was a _piping hot mess_. But so was everyone else. You were sure of it. “Aliens came to New York. I don’t know about you guys, but that’s not _normal_. And I’d like to start trying to unpack all of it.” 

“What’s there to unpack?” Clint seemed hard pressed to give in to this idea. 

“Something beyond our understanding tried to take over earth. And there’s probably more where that came from. There were- I don’t fucking know- armored _space whales_ and tech I’ve never seen before- and we killed like- _a lot of them_ without thinking about it- and _I’d like to talk to someone about it_.” It all sort of just came out of you, as you assumed it might. 

“You’re talking right now. Don’t you feel better already?” Clint, grinning at you. 

Nat put a hand on his arm, silencing him. Perhaps sensing his _humor_ wasn’t going to help the situation. “I think I know someone. You want me to set up a meeting?” 

“Yes. Thank you.” 

* * *

Deja, the therapist’s name was.  
  
“_Vu,_ _I assume._” Tony had said the night previous, while the two of you lingered around the edge of sleep, wrapped in each other’s arms. Making jokes to ease his own discomfort. He’d promised he’d see a therapist. Now you had one- provided everything went okay. So… he had to go. 

“_Linit, actually_.” You’d corrected him, and tried to soothe him. You guessed it was normal to be nervous. You were sort of nervous too. But this was good… right? 

Of course you’d prepared just about a _mountain_ of paperwork for her to get through, and secured her her own private office- just in case this was a permanent thing. Maybe it would be. Maybe it wouldn’t. But before you could even get down to making sure she was a _good fit_, she had just about a hundred NDAs to sign. Because maybe this _was_ foolish. Maybe superheroes were just meant to suffer.

Because trusting a stranger to listen to all their problems, all their secrets… that _was_ foolish, wasn’t it? What if she decided an NDA and whatever salary you were going to pay her wasn’t enough? What if she went to the press? Wrote a book? Exposed every little thing you or any of the other Avengers told her in confidence? How could you be so sure that she wouldn’t? Even if she was legally not allowed to do that… had that stopped people before? 

But Nat had recommended her- and wasn’t this the reason you’d went with a SHIELD employee? To assuage these fears? So with all that in mind- and all the paperwork signed in triplicate… 

You tried to ignore everyone else hovering about _nervously_ as you sat down in her office- door open. This wasn’t a _session_. It was more an introduction. You just weren’t in the right state of mind to make a good impression, unfortunately. Where you perhaps should have handled this with more care, your Stark Industries business sense was driving your motion. Your thoughts. 

“Thanks for agreeing to meet- and signing all those papers. Let me just start off by asking what you hope to get out of this?” Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. You were not welcoming her into your proverbial home. You were probably going to scare her away. But, at the same time, she wasn’t the last resort. And maybe she wasn’t a good fit. You couldn’t let yourself just get comfortable yet. 

She seemed to take it in stride, smiling. “The same thing as you, hopefully. But let me be frank, and just between us… I’m happy to get picked up from SHIELD. I went there thinking I was going to make a difference. But signing off on soldiers’ mental states just so they can go back out into the field… that’s not why I wanted to become a psychologist.” 

Was she being too open? Divulging too much to lull you into a false sense of security? Saying _exactly_ what you wanted to hear so that you’d give in and tell her all your secrets? 

Or perhaps you were being too paranoid. And perhaps she was just trying to be frank, honest, and open about her desires. What had led her here, to you. Genuinely happy for a turn of events. ....hard to say which was the truth. Or was it? 

Maybe this was the _perfect_ time to utilize a little _sense_. So you focused in on her. Just a little. Was she being _honest_? ...sure seemed like it… sure… _felt_ like it… but maybe this, too, was an act. After all, even if Tony had obliterated your files with SHIELD, surely they had rebuilt them by now. Had them hidden on some secret server. Maybe she knew all about you, and knew just what to do to try and fool you-

“You seem hesitant.” Said after a lengthy pause of your own. Too in your head. “I understand the process of finding the right person for a position this… _delicate_ must be challenging.” 

“Delicate is putting it mildly. I’m sure you’ve seen the news, and considering your employer, you know who you’d potentially be dealing with. Let me just ask, do you think you could help them?” Them including _you_ of course, but that didn’t need to be said right now. Just trying to be the intermediary for your team. You wanted the best for them… 

“That’s a loaded question. I could smile at you and say yes, sign more paperwork and take a check. Come in every week and listen and try my best- but it isn’t that simple. And… I suspect you understand that. Every person is going to approach my services differently. Let’s start here- what do _you_ want out of therapy?” 

What you wanted?  
-or, simpler put, what was the point of this? Why, everyone else aside, were you trying to hire someone to help you? What kind of help did you want? What did you want to accomplish? 

Fanning your hands out over your pants, you realized you were fidgeting. Just a little. Was it your anxiety you wanted to work on? Your jumbled thoughts? Your… “I need someone to help me process all of this. I… need help unpacking all of it. My life wasn’t like this, even just six years ago. And I need help… _adjusting_.” Everything had happened in so short a time. Tony had gotten kidnapped. Tony had come back. You’d fallen helplessly in love. People kept trying to kill one or the both of you. The world had changed. There were superheroes and aliens and gods. 

How was a person supposed to deal with all of that? 

Deja went quiet for a moment a little too long- long enough to make you uncomfortable, in your vulnerability. She put her hands together. Her smile was delicate. “Therapy isn’t a one-and-done. I _can_ sit here. And I _can_ listen. And I can _try_ to help you put things in order, to prioritize, to make sense. But part of the work is on you, too. Do you think you’re ready?” 

Ready? Ready for what? To make changes? To unpack? Unload? Try and make sense of it all? “I’ll get less ready to more I keep putting it off- and- I want to emphasize. This isn’t just about _me._” 

“I understand that. But you can’t force them to sit here and try and help themselves any more than I can. If they want to sit down, I’ll focus on them when they’re ready. But while I’m speaking to _you_, I want to get a sense of what we can accomplish together.” 

“Are you scared of any of them?” You had no idea why that had come out of you so suddenly. Maybe in an attempt to cover up your own insecurities while she was reading you so openly and trying to get you to commit to plans. You were dodging her. 

Such a good sign that you needed help, right? 

“Are you?” She looked over you, casting a serious glance over the rim of her glasses. 

“No.” But you worked with them. Knew them intimately. Loved them. They were part of your family now. 

“Then why ask me?” Calling you out. 

“This job will no doubt be tougher than the ones you did for SHIELD, regardless of if you liked those ones or not. I’m just… trying to get a sense of things.” Sort of lying, but sort of not. 

“I’m not afraid of a challenge. ...Banner makes me a little nervous. If you want my honesty. But clearly he has a handle on… _everything_. I think I’ll be fine.” Her blunt honesty made you feel a little better, somehow. “And, listen… I’m no stranger to my clients being distrustful. I think it tends to go hand in hand with the _locales_. But this can’t work unless you _do_ trust me, and decide you can be open with me. I’m willing to come as long as it takes until you get there. As long as you think you will. Eventually.” 

You understood what she was saying. Trying to impart that she didn’t want this to be a waste of her time any more than you wanted to waste yours. Were you willing to put in the work? Were you willing to let your guard down? Were you willing to be open and honest? ...that was the whole point of this, right? What were you looking for therapists for the Avengers in the first place, if not for all that? But maybe it had been easier just trying to do the scouting and not… thinking about what it all actually meant, had it ever come together. 

“What I know is…” You took a deep breath. Deciding… deciding it was time, now, to start trying. “I haven’t been doing well. I’m not a complete mess, I can go about my life. I can work. I can get things done. But a few months ago, I was having meltdowns of slightly epic proportions. I can’t continue to live like that.” Not just for you, but for the consequences it unearthed for the innocent people around you. “And I just have the feeling that my life is going to get harder, the longer we- ...the longer the Avengers are a thing.” 

Her eyes drifted low, seemingly in thought. Her hands folded together again, and she sat back. “Do you envision a time when the Avengers _aren’t _a thing?” 

“I don’t know. It seems impossible right now. Like we might be doing this forever. Because threats don’t just disappear.” 

“Do you want to do it forever?” 

The question stopped you cold. You’d been thinking about this, a little frantically and disjointedly, a few separate times. Was this your life forever now? Was there a future outside of this? What about you and Tony? What sort of future could you have as a couple if crazy world-ending shit was happening all the time? Or kidnappings and attempted murder? 

“No.” 

The answer hurt you.  
Surprised you, too.  
But it was honest. 

“Not forever.” 

“But you don’t think you can stop?” 

Your anxiety spiked, a cold tightness in your chest. Flight response pushed at the corners of your brain. You didn’t want to be with the Avengers forever. That was out there now. Out there in the world. “Hey- this seems like a _session-_ I think we’d better finish up your paperwork and get you on payroll- make it official.” You were on your feet. Knowing how _obvious_ this all was, to someone like her. Hell. Anyone. You weren’t being terribly secretive right now. 

“Is this official?” She let you get away with it anyway, smiling up your way. 

“I think we can move forward. We can’t tell if it’s not a good fit until we work with each other a little more- and- them too- don’t forget.” 

“I’m not forgetting.” She stood, offering her hand out. “It’s been a pleasure. When can I look forward to sitting down with you again?” 

You gave her hand a firm shake. “How about next week. Monday work for you?” 

Her laugh surprised you. “Technically I work for _you_ now, once I sign my name on a few more dotted-lines. What’s best for your schedule?” 

“Monday evening.” That was a lie. Nothing was ever going to be _good_ for your schedule. But you’d push things around to make an attempt at making this a regular thing. You had to. For your own sake. “I’ll try to push a few of the others your way, too.” 

“Not too hard. I don’t want them to reject the idea of this outright. It won’t help anyone.” 

Nodding, “Understood. I’ll send Pepper in here to help you get set up. You like the office?” 

“It’s very nice. Thank you.” 

“Good.” 

Great.  
Wonderful.  
Fantastic. 

* * *

Because everyone seemed to be avoiding you, for _no reason at all_, you and Tony opted for a quiet dinner at the penthouse. While you’d ordered in, you still unboxed everything and plated it. Dinner was eaten in the living room in front of a TV neither of you was really listening to. In fact, Tony had been talking about something. Research in the lab- suits- you were listening. Honest. But… it wasn’t all sticking.  
  
You were still thinking about what Deja had said. More importantly, what _you_ had said. And after dinner was over, you followed him into the kitchen. Leaning your elbows onto the counter in a slow slide, you put your chin in your upturned palms, watching him as he washed the dishes. Just as he got to drying the last plate, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

“Do you think we’ll be part of the Avengers forever?” 

He lowered the plate, looking up for a moment, then grinned lightly, shaking his head. “You spoke to her like what- twenty minutes? She that good?” 

“I think I like her.” Honestly you weren’t actually sure yet. But she seemed honest. And nice. And willing to work hard. And try and help. What more could you ask for? “But… it wasn’t really a _session_.” 

“Yet here you are after not listening to anything I said this evening, thinking about our future with the superfriends.” 

“I listened.” Protesting. But you sensed he didn’t believe you. ...he was right. “I just… what’s the point we’re working towards? Are we going to be on-call for the rest of our lives? Or are we… are we going to reach a point where we don’t have to worry anymore?” 

He set the plate down in the drying rack, slinging the dish towel over his shoulder. Going to you as you stood and then sat back atop the counter, his hands cradled your hips. “If you’re looking to me for guidance on this… I don’t have any right now. I’ve been thinking about this, too. And I don’t know.” You appreciated his honesty, even if it was blunt and put an unease in your heart. You would rather that than him lying. “Do I want to live in a world where eventually we _finish_ and get to go home? Of course I do. ...do we live in that world?” 

Your eyes left his. Feeling almost _guilty_. Because it seemed obvious. How could you? How could evil ever just be _gone_ from the world? Not even the small threats that didn’t concern a team like the Avengers. But the bigger ones. How could you believe they’d just one day be gone forever? 

You couldn’t. “No.” Feeling a forlorn sense of sorrow over this realization. 

Reaching one hand up, he tipped your chin, angling your eyes back towards his. “I love you.” Despite the grimness of the situation, this, as always, got a small smile out of you. Made you feel better. “Do we live in that world _right now_? No. I don’t think so. But that doesn’t mean we won’t ever.” 

“That’s pretty optimistic, for you.” Sliding your hands up his chest, you beckoned him closer. Eventually wrapping your arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder. 

He gave you a squeeze, his head laying atop yours. “Realism is more my thing. You’re saying it’s not _realistic_ to think we could achieve a… balance?” 

“I don’t know.” Mumbling into his shirt. “I hope so.” 

“I can work with hope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want it on record that I officially apologize for what's about to happen on Wednesday.  
But it's now turning into the summer of 2013 in the MCU-INYverse.  
And that's all I'll say for now.


	85. Chapter 85

Not even the third week into April (and after anxiously cancelling your first actual supposed _session_ with Doctor Deja), Nick Fury allowed himself into your office. There was no point in angrily asking how he’d gotten there, or who had let him in, or even punishing anyone responsible for letting him in. Why get worked up over it. This was how he operated. He’d long since shown you that. Nick did what he wanted when he wanted, and you just had to live with that. 

So, finishing a flourish of a heavy signature on a document, you closed the folder it was in and sighed, looking up at him as he came to a stop in front of your desk. “..._what_.” 

In his usual stance, he pushed the edges of his black trench coat back, settling his hands on his hips. “You know, I really don’t appreciate having my staff stolen from me.” 

“Your staff aren’t goods to be _taken. _They’re people. And if they’re leaving to go _elsewhere_, maybe you should investigate why that is.” 

“Why am I here?” His brow lift, a little incline of his head. When you didn’t give in, he sat down, linking his hands together in his lap. “I would have gladly allowed a transfer, if you’d just _asked_.” 

You set your own hands atop your desk in a mirror move. “You understand why I have trouble believing that, don’t you?” 

It was his turn to sigh. “Look. I don’t know what else I can say to impart to you that we are working on a team effort here. And- I’m not really sure I’m comfortable with you assuming duties for the Avenger like your its-” 

“_Director_?” Eying him rather pointedly. “Maybe I wouldn’t have to, if someone else put in the work.” When you sensed the flare of _annoyance_ and he opened his mouth to argue, you shut it down. “Who’s giving them housing? Who’s looking after them? Who’s giving them funding to live their lives? Or you want Steve working sweeping up his own exhibit at the museum? Or maybe you’d prefer we just all debase ourselves until the next mission comes along.” 

“That’s _not_ what I’d prefer.” Just short of growling at you. 

“Stark Industries is funding a lot of relief efforts- not because someone asked us to, but because that’s what’s _right_. And we’re funding the Avengers now, too. Because that’s what’s _right_.” 

At this a twitch of a smile appeared on his lips and he sat back. “You’re putting yourself on a very high pedestal. You might wanna be careful you don’t fall off.” 

“Are you threatening me?” 

“You should know me better by now. I’m making a point. The Avengers as a team are run under a wing of SHIELD. Stark Industries should have no involvement with that.” 

“You gave me no choice. And _because_ you didn’t, it’s not really your business-” 

“_Think about this very carefully_.” He stopped you cold as he focused his gaze hard on you, sitting just a little more forward. “What happens next time this little team blows up a building they don’t mean to? Or kills a bunch of civilians in the name of the _greater good_? Stark Industries backing that initiative means that collateral damage falls on _you_. You prepared for that?” 

“I’ve been catching heat all my life for Stark Industries’ mistakes. Backing the Avengers is not one of them.” 

His eye closed for just a few seconds, shaking his head with a small smile. “_All your life_, huh? You been with Stark all your life? Or does it just feel that way?” 

For one reason or another, this stopped you dead in your tracks. Your distrustfulness of Fury was one thing, and it colored a lot of your interactions with him. The way you saw him. The way you _heard_ him. And that _sounded _an awful lot like he was trying to _get at something_. “Why are you pretending like you care?” 

“I _do _care.” Tone firm then, smile gone. “SHIELD has resources to clean up messes the likes of which the Avengers will no doubt create in time. No offense, but money isn’t _everything_. Doesn’t always cure what ails you. You can throw a lot of money at a problem, doesn’t always make it go away. You of all people must understand that.” 

Falling quiet, you stared at him. Probably for too long a time. Silence meant he was winning. ...if this was a fight. Now you weren’t so sure. “If that’s how you really feel, then you have to understand, Nick.” Trying your best to be amenable. Even if he didn’t always deserve it. “There are _people_ underneath those suits. _My_ teammates. Who need to be cared for. In every capacity possible. SHIELD isn’t providing a salary, you know, for defeating aliens- or whatever else it’s gonna be next time. Someone has to.” 

“So that’s you. Why’s that?” 

“Because I care about them.” 

“You say it like I don’t.” 

“I haven’t seen you at a team dinner. Or an outing. Or-”

“When was I ever invited to any?” That really _did _curb you. Was Nick… _hurt_? Feeling excluded? No. That couldn’t be right. ...could it? “I get it. I’m the boss. No one likes hanging out with their boss. But that doesn’t mean I’m not part of this team, or that I don’t care about the people on it.” He took your continued silence as an avenue to stand, and keep talking. “Take Dr. Linit- not that you hadn’t already. I hope she does you a world of good.” 

This interaction had been strange. And left you feeling… how did you feel? Strange. Weird. ..._sad_? “Nick-” Calling to him just as he opened your office door. “Tony’s birthday is next month. We’re having a party.” 

Another shake of his head as he set his hand on the door, wearing half a grin. “I’ll see if I can pencil it in.” 

* * *

It was only at the request of Tony himself that you were planning a party for him in the first place. As of more recent years he seemed to be in less and less of his previous _partying _moods. You’d chalked it up to him getting more comfortable with his current company and not needing to immerse and hide in crowds that only cared about him for one reason. Still… he was eccentric and playful and extroverted at heart. At times, anyway. And if he wanted a party… 

A party is what he would have. 

His birthday landed in the middle of the week, so you planned it for that Friday, on the 31st. An even better way to handle the day, as the two of you spent it _mysteriously disappeared. _Doing work, probably. Certainly. And not just lazing about in the penthouse all day basking in each other’s intimate attentions. Because… well. If that’s what he wanted for a present, you were only too happy to oblige that, too. 

Starting early that morning, with the rise of the sun, as he turned over in bed and murmured something warm and sweet in your ear. Before sliding a hand down over your hip, and waited for your _invitation_. Something given wholeheartedly after just another second- barely able to wait _that _long. It continued in the shower, your hands in his hair, his cradling your face, lost in a kiss as hot water poured down over the both of you. 

Then the bed again- then maybe one more time as you were trying to get dressed. And then breakfast, of course. Followed by a helpful lift of his hands on your thighs, boosting you onto the counter after you’d finished with the dishes. Your legs locked around his waist and welcomed him closer after that. The attentions followed into your office, where you met him in a similar position on your desk. 

And then a slightly _dissimilar _one, as he whispered words of questing approval, and then turned you around. Papers went everywhere- so did your laptop, fast to the floor with a quick couple of thrusts that absolutely shook the desk. But it was _very _worth it. 

The two of you ventured out for coffee after that, and after catching a car back with Happy, the divider rolled up, Tony pulled you into his lap as the car circled Central Park. And you enjoyed far more than the tinted scenery. Back to the Tower after that, people parting a path as they usually did when they two of you entered side by side. The private elevator was headed up to the penthouse-

At least until he hit the button for it to stop, and gave you one of those arched brows and devilishly handsome grin. And… well… it _was _his birthday. You just also happened to be in the right mood to keep saying _yes, yes yes..._ as his hand went in to the back of your hair, the other assisting the lift of your thigh as he backed you against the wall. Thank god you’d gone for a flowy dress for the day. A real _assist _as he hiked it up and took you again. 

You were practically weak-kneed as you _finally _made it back up to your penthouse, and giggled as he, stronger than you, scooped you up into his arms. A real gentleman, obviously. He came to a stop on the couch, lying you down, crawling atop you, both his hands at the sides of your head as he gazed at you, easing in to brush his nose against yours. More giggles just leaked out of you. Reaching up, you brushed the tips of your fingers along the lines of his jaw, and brought him closer down for a quiet kiss. Only after, “...you’re very insatiable today…” 

“Correction- I’m _always_ insatiable. You’re just _always_ busy.” 

“So are you.”

“So am I.” Agreeing before kissing you again. “But today, we’re not…” 

“Today we’re not.” Agreeing before kissing _him_ again. “Happy birthday. I love you…” 

“Happy birthday to me. I love you more.” He grinned against your lips. 

And it wasn’t too long after that that you two met intimately yet again.  
And about several times more before the evening was complete.

* * *

While Wednesday had been wonderful, it left Thursday in a hazy mess. Your body was tired and worn out, even though in the _good_ sort of way. Meetings passed by you without much of your focus, and your phone was buzzing off the hook with party planning details that you weren’t paying enough attention to. Which led to **disaster** come Friday night. 

No one was scheduled to check in guests, which had to be rectified immediately. Catering had been late. The DJs had come with the wrong music. It seemed like everything that _could_ go wrong, _did_. And you immediately knew you had no one to blame but yourself. Tony had wanted a party and you’d practically ruined everything. 

So in your sparkly dress you ran this way and that, up and down the stairs to avoid being in the elevators with guests coming up and down. Took phone call after phone call until you were breathless. Ironing everything out. Shooing off press that managed to sneak in. Making sure after that to get a few more security guards in place. And while the word _ruined_ was buzzing about angrily in your head, when you came back up to the main event floor, everyone seemed to be having a good time. 

Including Tony, who was yucking it up with Rhodey- 

And someone you’d never seen before. 

But as Tony looked up upon your approach, his eyes brightened in that way they always did, and he waved you over. So you tried to smooth out your hair and dress and approach amicably. His arm came around your waist once you were close enough. “Honey, meet Rhodey’s plus-one.” 

Rhodey held a hand up. “I honestly was gonna come alone, but we bumped into each other last week. This is Ren.” Gesturing to a fairly handsome man. Dark blond hair in a sharp cut, striking green eyes. Freckles dappling across his high cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. Smartly dressed in a dark blue tux. 

You reached out to give his hand a shake. “Hi. Nice to meet you. How do you and Rhodey know each other?” 

“We _all_ know each other, actually. From MIT.” There was a soft lilt of some Eastern European accent. You weren’t sure exactly where. And had no time to pretend to care to investigate. Something else struck him about this man, then. And it was the _lust_ leaking off him as he looked at Tony for approval of that statement. 

“Yeah. Good uh… study buddies.” 

Not just that- it was _intimately familiar lust_.  
The same kind _you_ felt. For the very same man.

Ah, well… that was a world away, wasn’t it? Another lifetime ago… 

Still. You couldn’t help but plaster a smile over your face. “Oh. That’s nice. Tony was fourteen, if I remember correctly, when he went to MIT.” Perhaps not being entirely subtle about the intent of your statement here. 

It colored everyone a little _embarrassed_. _Anxious. _Ren reached up to nervously shift back his hair. “Yes, quite a genius, our Tony Stark. We didn’t start study-buddying until his junior year, I think.”

Tony nodded. “Junior year. Yeah.”

“Oh.” Smiling at him still. “What year were _you_ in?” Saving you from making any more of a mess of this situation, your phone started ringing. And if that was happening now, with everyone you cared about in this room, that meant something else was going awry. You gave a small wave. “Sorry. I have to handle something.” 

You heard Tony push a breath out, and watched him stick his hands in his pockets before you turned and walked away. _Why had you done that? _What was the point? Maybe you were just that frazzled. Tony’s dating life before you was none of your business- but… _come on_. Some nineteen-something guy was hitting on a fourteen or fifteen year old? Gross. Disgusting. Nothing to be _proud_ of. 

It took you too long to answer the call, and you saw no voicemail left. But a text came shortly after:   
  


_Last person of the night bailed. Can’t make the delivery :( Can you send someone to come get it?   
  
_

Coming from your contact at the bakery just around the corner. Because of course it would. Of course that would happen to you. Looking up, you spied Pepper shyly chatting up some handsome man, and looking the other way, you saw Happy surrounded by a group of Stark employees all _actually _laughing at a joke he’d told. You could really pick anyone to go get it but… 

After the scene you’d caused, maybe it was better served that you pay your penance and take a walk. Tony seemed re-wrapped up in his little _study group_, so you excused yourself quietly and went back to the elevator. The bakery wasn’t far, and this cake was a special order. Something small for just you and Tony. His favorite kind with a loving message. Just something for after the party. For the two of you to share and enjoy and laugh over and… 

You barely remembered picking it up. Or rounding the corner as your phone buzzed again. Boxed cake in one hand, you shuffled awkwardly to pull your phone from your purse. Rhodey had texted you. 

_Was that too much? Where’d you go? _

You thought to call him but realized he probably wouldn’t be able to hear you above all the noise. But before you could text you heard the telltale click of a camera shutter. So you made a sharp turn to cut between the alleyways between the building. On the other side you could cross the street and just dart into Stark Industries. But a man was following you. Calling your name. Incessantly. 

-and narrating to his tape recorder. “-and now I’m following her as she resists all questioning- _hey_! Do you have any comments about Christine Everhart’s newest evidence that Stark Industries is misappropriating funds meant for the disaster relief?” 

Was that _still_ a story Christine was pursuing? Worse yet, pursuing now in the form of hiring paparazzi to follow you. It boiled your blood. So much so that you did the stupid thing. You turned. He stopped. And you cast an angry glare up his way. “Excuse me?” 

“Oh- good- hey- I’m just following the leads here- and it seems pretty obvious to me-” 

“_Don’t you feel ashamed_?” Now was not the time for this. Really. But after everything else… what harm could it do? If it could make your and Tony’s lives just even one percent easier… “_Don’t you feel embarrassed? _You went to college- I assume- for four years- for investigative journalism- and now you’re chasing tabloid stories? Don’t you just _feel mortified?_” 

He stared at you blankly for a long few moments before blinking, shaking his head. “God… you’re right… I don’t… I don’t know what I’m doing…” 

You held your hand out. “Give me that tape recorder.” Without thinking, since he was too far under the _influence_, he did so, and you immediately dropped it to the ground and stomped on it. “_Go away now_. Go home and think _long and hard _about your life.” 

You waited. Watching him turn around, _mindlessly_, and then walk away towards the other end of the alley. Back the way the two of you had came. It wasn’t until he turned and disappeared that _you_ turned- just as the sound of a single pair of hands applauding startled you hard enough to drop the cake- the only reason you’d come out here. 

God damn it.  
_God damn it.  
__**God damn every single person. **_

Just a few feet away from you on the sidewalk you’d been headed towards, a smartly dressed man was _still_ clapping his hands. The woman he was with was just _standing _there. Looking at him. That was until he flicked her hand at her. “Go away from me. Leave.” And then. She did. ...just like that. He stuck his hands in his pockets, aiming a very toothy smile your way. He was a little hard to see in the low light. “That’s a very neat trick, isn’t it. _Quite_ the show. I’ve never seen anyone else pull one off like that before.” His accent was assuredly British. Chipper. _Upbeat_.  
  
_Excitement_ was practically dripping off him.

You squared up, sensing only the most obvious of danger, the way he was approaching you. Something was _off_. “Get out of my way.” 

He stopped, just a bare two feet away from you, eyes watching yours. His large and brown and- “Ah-hah.” His smile grew even wider, and you were unnerved by everything about it. “You’re a _babe_. A… _pup_. You don’t know how to use that, do you?” He tipped his head up, smile disappearing underneath a self-questioning look. “Or maybe it doesn’t work- … do we cancel each other out?” Turning to look at you again with an inquisitive tip of his head, a little curl of the tip of his tongue at his teeth before he spoke again. “**Come here. Come closer.**” 

He hadn’t spoken it differently than he’d said anything else- _except he had_. And all of a sudden the heavy weight of those words bore down on you. Your feet lifted from underneath you. And _control _took over. 

_Was this how __**you**_ _made people feel…? _

He was smiling again as you stopped right in front of him. “That answers that. ...oh- you’re- I can’t believe this-” Bending in closer to you, he examined your face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you- _that_ makes more sense.” 

“Get away from me. Leave me alone.” No- that wasn’t going to work. So instead you raised your hand- Heart Reactor resting just underneath your jacket. 

But he now _knew who you were_. “Ah- **stop that. Put your hand down**.” And again, it was like those words wrapped _tight _around your wrist. Stopped you. And forced your hand away to your side. “Good pup. You know, I quite like puppies. _Moldable_.” Reaching out, he shifted back your hair from your shoulder and then touched your face. “Yes, _quite_ like a puppy. With those big wet eyes of yours.”

You inched back, _disgust _coursing through you. So you _threw_ it at him. “_Don’t you feel __**revolted**_ _by your actions?_ Cornering a woman in an alleyway?” 

His brows lifted then, and he turned his head, hand covering his mouth. He seemed like he might really _break_ if you just forced it a little more, but then his hand shot out, pushing you back against the wall. “That’s it, isn’t it. I mess with _heads_, you mess with _**hearts**_. Isn’t that something? **Don’t move**.” Silencing your struggles at once. “You’re a very interesting woman. I’d like to get to know you better, if you don’t mind. **Say you don’t mind**.” 

“I don’t mind.” It ejected out of you whether you wanted it to or not. 

He grinned. “Good pup. This is a good thing. **Smile** **for me**. **Show me you’re happy we’****ve**** met.**” But this command was different. He was asking you to-... _be happy_. And as your eyes fogged over you saw the words of this order tangle around you and then shatter like glass. Because you would _not_ be told to _feel_. 

You wouldn’t- you-

You stayed firm. Staring at him with only the most hate you could muster. Just the _black_ pit in your heart. Reserved for this strange man. This strange man who was about to ruin your life. You were sure of it. Free of his control you dropped into the bright space. And saw him standing there atop the water. Unaware. So you ran, hands outstretched. Aiming to wrap them around his throat-

“Interesting.” He seemed _truly_ puzzled, yet _delighted_. In some _twisted _way. “Very interesting. But that’s what puppies are good for. _Breaking in_.” You had to _fight_ this. “**Take your cell phone out**.” Fight. _**FIGHT**_. But you were fighting something you could not see- wires. Puppet strings- something deep inside your veins. A purple wall sprung up between the two of you in that space. And then fell over you, boxing you in- shrinking- growing smaller and smaller and-

And back at the surface you _tried _to fight, even as he narrowed his eyes at your struggles- and _struggle_ you did- shaking hard as your arm fought back against you. Like his own hand was wrapped around your wrist, _forcing_ your hand into your bag, and bringing it forward. 

“I can’t have people looking for you. You’re a little more high profile than I like… but that’s easily remedied. Men like _Tony Stark_. They’re **weak**. And they don’t understand- not like I do. I think we’ll get along perfect. **Tell me you agree**.” 

Your mouth opened, but you forced it shut, teeth crunching together. Shivering. His hand came underneath your chin just as you’d thrown your head down just to get out of the line of his gaze. 

“**Don’t fight me, pup.**” That snapped your tethers, and you allowed your chin to be tilted up. “That’s a good puppy.” Patting you on the head. “Now, **call Stark. Tell him- oh, I don’t know. Not a breakup- that’s too obvious- but tell him you need time to yourself. **That usually works. Can’t have him come looking for you. **Make it convincing.**” 

The words penetrated your eardrums. Soaked into your brain.  
But tears started.  
Because like _always_, you just weren’t strong enough… and Tony was going to pay the price… 

Shaking, still- still trying to fight, as you pulled up his text chat and pushed through to call. It rang, and rang, and rang, and blissfully he didn’t answer. You thought that might be the end of it. But this man- 

“**Leave a voicemail. Like I said, something convincing.**” 

Your tears had turned to quiet sobbing. Which probably made it all the _more_ convincing. And once it was over, that man took the phone from your hand and gave you another pat on the head. “There there, pup. It’s all over now. **Give me your bag**. And that- thingy too-” You let him take the bag off your shoulder, but were able to fully resist an order that made no sense. “Oh I’ll do it myself.” He reached into your jacket, through your dress, and pulled the Heart Reactor off your chest. Then he deposited both into your purse and looked around- 

Spotting a kid walking by the sidewalk, he called out. “**Boy- come here**.” So the kid did, walking up in a daze. “**Drop that outside Stark Industries’ lobbies. If anyone asks what you’re doing, tell them she told you to bring it back for her**. **You don't know any more than that. ****Go**.” 

Just as the kid turned to leave, you brought your knee up, straight into his gut. And as he keeled over, you slid away from him and tried to bolt. 

“**Stop!**” And you felt the command weigh your legs down, like you were running in quicksand. Trying to fight it. But that only made it worse. Standing now with your back to him. Still as you heard his footsteps draw _closer _and _closer_. Until you felt his fingers in the back of your hair. Squeezing. “You’re a very _bad_ puppy. But that’s alright.” He came around, still holding you. Smiling. “I forgive you. Now **come along**. **Put your arm in mine and let’s go**.” 

Just as he held it out, it was like yours was instantly magnetized to his, sliding in. Stepping to his side as the two of you walked off into the night. “You’re going to _regret _this.” You promised. “I’m going to make you _**regret this**_.” 

For a brief moment he faltered. But then after a few seconds he barked a laugh into the air and tugged you. “You’ll have to teach me that. I quite like it. Much more _effective_. We’ll talk shop, pup. I can teach you a lot, too, you know. Seems like you could use the help. You’ll thank me, when it’s over.” 

_I’m sorry, Tony.  
I’m sorry… I’m sorry… _  
  
That’s all you ever were. And it had stopped being enough a long time ago. 

* * *

The night drew on until the laughter died. Tony had stopped being entertained by the endless parade of guests about an hour ago. It was just inner circle now, and even though couldn’t hold his attention- especially when he realized- 

_Where was she_?  
He asked Steve- no idea.  
Nat- didn’t know. 

Rhodey? 

“I saw her slip out after the whole… _thing_.” 

She’d left? Over _that_? Seemed a silly thing to leave over. She hadn’t been that ruffled by it, right? It would have been surprising, to say the least. But… she had seemed a little more harried than usual… maybe it just wasn’t the right time… 

“I texted her but… she never answered me. Probably mad.” Rhodey shrugged. 

Tony found himself shaking his head. “No-... that’s not like her.” Something about this was _wrong_. She’d been missing for _hours_ he realized- ...only just _now_ had he realized. He’d been too caught up in self aggrandizing bullshit to notice that she’d left- 

Pulling his phone out of his jacket pocket, he saw one single notification. From her. A voicemail. 

Fury- which, who had even invited _him_ anyway, called out to him, but Tony held out a hand to silence him as he held his phone up. 

“_Tony-_” The sound of her crying immediately stole the strength from him, so much so that his knees went weak, sending him to a heavy sit on the couch. All eyes directed his way then. His hand was shaking so hard he couldn’t trust to hold the weight of his phone. So he put it on speaker. “_Tony I’m sorry. I’m sorry about this… I’m so sorry… I’ve just been thinking and I… I just need some time. To think. To figure things out- I’m sorry… please understand… I- I love you… I do… and I’m sorry. I need you to ke__e__p an eye on LUNA for me. While I’m gone.” _

Everyone had gathered. 

Rhodey had a hand over his mouth. “Tones…” 

The phone dropped out of his hand. He was staring off somewhere far into the distance. Steve put a hand on his shoulder from behind. “Tony… she’ll come back.” 

“She was taken.”  
Someone came and snatched her up. Right off the street. 

Nat sat down across from him. “What do you mean? How could you know that?” 

Fury rounded the table. “Let’s not jump to conclusions.” 

“_She was taken_.” Someone had taken her off the god damn street. And he’d been boozing and laughing all evening. When even more voices of dissent rained on him, he got to his feet, pacing. “LUNA, what is Ms. INY’s last known location?” 

_**I need you**_ _to keep an eye on LUNA for me. _  
  
_Good job, honey. _However she’d been threatened into making that call, she’d left him a clue. She was so fucking smart. He would get her back. _Just hold on for me, honey. Please…_

LUNA’s voice lit up the room. “Ms. INY’s belongings are down in the lobby. Last known location before that was across the street.” So. The criminals were not completely inept. They’d made her dump her things. Not destroy. But dump. To try and make it less obvious. 

But it _was_ obvious. 

“Tony, it seems like she dropped her stuff and took off.” 

“That’s not like her, _don’t you get it_?” Whirling around on this mountain of naysayers. Everything had been fine, hadn’t it…? Nothing had prompted this. They’d been _happy_ just a day ago- ...hadn’t they? “That’s not like her. She wouldn’t just _leave_. JARVIS get me all surveillance footage from five blocks out.” She’d been _across the fucking street_ when someone had taken her. 

That was a clear cut sign someone was trying to fuck with him. Someone had the _guts_ to take _her_ right across from where they lived- 

“All police records for that area from seven PM this evening to just an hour ago have been erased, sir.” 

All eyes were on him. Finally in his corner. He shouldn’t have had to convince them at all. Didn’t they know her better than that? Bruce touched his arm. “...where should we start?” 

Where to start? Where to start? A good question. Someone with high level authority- or _access- _had dumped police footage. His list of enemies was way too long- 

Fury took command. “Alright. Listen up Avengers. Someone just came into your house and stole one of your teammates off the god damn street. What are you gonna do about it?” 

_Wait for me, honey. Hang in there. I’m coming. _

Tony only knew one answer. “I’m gonna _end_ them.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No comment.


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since K is here, please be advised of a light trigger warning in this chapter: there is an obvious loss of physical consent, in the way of being told to do things INY doesn't want to do but has no choice to. Some emotional and mental torture. Along with some general disgusting bad guy aggressiveness.

He took you back to a Brownstone in Brooklyn, _far_ away from the Tower. It seemed completely empty. Even the houses on either side of it seemed… _still._ Once inside, he told you, “**Go stand in the corner and do not move until I say otherwise**.” So that’s what you did. Feet heavy. No matter how unwilling you were. No matter how hard you tried to resist. You trudged your way over there and then felt trapped there.

Because that’s what you were. _Trapped_. For no rhyme or reason. Just because shitty things always happened to you. But there was no use crying about it now, if you even could. You had to think about how to get yourself the hell out of here. 

The man left not too long after. Leaving you alone. With your thoughts and your fruitless struggles. No matter how much you _shook_ and _shivered_ and _**tried**_. It was useless. _You_ were useless. 

It took him hours to return. And after that you heard him cross by you, and yawn. “I’m too tired to play tonight, pup. **Stay there until I come get you in the morning**.” Then he walked away, you heard a door open and then shut. 

And that was it. You were relegated to the corner. Standing there. _All night_. 

Just because this man had told you to. Because he owned you now.   
You were his _puppy_. His _plaything_. And there seemed to be not a god damn thing you could do about it. 

This had been an eventuality, right? To come across someone with the same powers- or… _sort of_ the same powers? Someone who was better than you? More seasoned, more skilled? You’d just been putting off the thought. Ignorantly not even thinking about it at all, even. There were superpowered people out there. It was inevitable one would come across you. Why had you not thought about it before? Not prepared? Not trained better? 

Now it was too little too late.   
You'd been so wrapped up with everything else… but this was _your_ fault. Not anyone else’s. 

You stood there. All night. Until your muscles started aching and your vision went blurry. And then you let out a feral scream of agony. Frustrated. Scared. Anguished over your situation. What would set you free? How could you _fight _this? 

“**Pup, shut up!**” But you didn’t. You kept screaming. Puppy, were you? _Howling_ more like it. Until he came marching out- you thought maybe you’d broken free. But he shoved you against the wall and hissed. “**Don’t make another sound.**” Growling at you, killing the noises in your throat. Just like that. Simple. Easy for him. 

He shoved you again and then trudged back into his bedroom, muttering to himself. Tears came again, finally. Useless as they were. You were _helpless_ and alone. _Weak_. _**Useless**_. Beholden to a man- you didn’t even _know_ his name yet. Didn’t know who he was, or why he was doing this. Just for a sick thrill? _Just because he could? _

How were you supposed to fight against that? 

* * *

A few hours after the sun rose the next morning, you heard him moving around. Your body was _aching_ and _tired_ by then, having stood in heels and a tight dress all night. Sweating lightly, now, since you hadn’t been _allowed_ to remove your jacket. Instead of coming out he seemed to go into the bathroom and take an extra long, _extra hot_ shower. Once he was finished you heard him getting dressed. And then finally he came out, walking by you, to go into the kitchen. But not before issuing an order. “**Make me some tea**.” 

And that broke the spell of _standing in the corner_\- or perhaps overrode it, you supposed. Your joints murmured in disagreement but felt better soon after you started moving, following behind him into his kitchen. You spied a blue kettle sitting on his stove top, so you emptied out and refilled it, setting the burner on. 

“Do you know how to cook breakfast? The woman I had last night did. **Make me eggy bread**.” Except- this order landed differently- because-

“What the hell is _eggy bread_?” Finding your voice a little hoarse, though not surprised by it in the least. You rarely cooked breakfast. Tony usually was the one who-

“It’s- _ugh_.” Sighing in _disgust_. “Uncultured. It’s the- _you know_\- the fried egg inside the bread. **Make it for me**.” 

Fucking- egg in the bread? What the hell was he talking about? But now that he’d given you a greater sense of what he wanted, your body started acting. You pulled a pan, got some bread, got eggs from the fridge… While you had your back turned, attentions on the stove, you heard the rustle of a newspaper- but he hadn’t gone out to get one. ...so he was reading yesterday’s? 

For what reason? 

“**Tell me about yourself**.” 

“Well, I work at Stark Industries-” Not sure _why_ you started with that. 

“_Not that_.” Another wave of _disdain_ rolling from him. “Your powers. **Tell me**. Where did they come from? Some experiment gone awry?” 

At this you slammed the pan on top of the stovetop and felt just a _sliver_ of _anxiousness_. This man was dangerous. You assumed he’d ruined _many_ women’s lives. Kept them in this little glass cage, ordering them around. _Helpless_. But he’d taken a risk on you. And it was very clear he wasn’t sure it was going to play out in his favor yet. 

Then why…? 

“Why do people keep asking me that?” Unable to help yourself. Did anything you say matter? In any capacity? Would it matter to your present jailer? Would it carry any sort of consequence? _No_. It wouldn’t. He didn’t care and nothing would come of this. Except your continued fated suffering and struggling. “_No_. I just _have _them.” 

There was a small _hesitation_. “...for how long?” 

“College.” 

“How did you find out?” Not feeling the urgency of order you kept your mouth shut. That was, at least, until he opened it for you. “I asked you a question. **Answer me**.” 

“I made one of my professors kill himself.” 

At this he squealed a light chuckle. _Delighted_. “Now _that’s _interesting. Aren’t you supposed to be one of the good guys?” The kettle whistling silenced him, and you moved to complete your earlier _task_ of fixing his tea. “Two sugars. Small bit of milk.” When you turned to serve it to him he grinned up at you. “**Tell me **about this professor of yours. Who else knows?” 

“SHIELD. And Tony.” 

At this the _disgust _came back, his nose even wrinkling as he said the name mockingly. “_SHIELD_. World’s most covert non-covert group of pretenders. Morons. The lot of them. You’re better off without them.” You turned your back on him again to finish making his breakfast. “**Tell me**… why did you kill your professor?” 

“I didn’t kill him.” 

“_Bah_. You made him. Same thing. How did you tell him to do it? Slit wrists? Gun in the mouth?” 

“He stepped off a roof.” 

A _darker __**amused**_ chuckle left him in a rumble. “Interesting. Nice mess for all the good little boys and girls to see in the morning. I’m starting to get the bigger picture, here. Why?” Noisily he slurped at his tea while he waited for your answer. 

Since you were starting to get the point there was no _point_ in fighting this… “He was raping girls on campus.” 

“You sure about that?” 

“I knew of at least one.” 

“Mmn… so. _Revenge_ it is. _Protector._” Suddenly he came up behind you, hands tight on your arms. You were glad to be sweating through your jacket then. His grip was incredibly weak. “Did it make you feel good? _Powerful_? It’s an incredible feeling, isn’t it?” You could practically feel the hiss of his words on your ear. 

“It made me feel _sick_. That wasn’t my decision to make.” Getting his meaning. He was trying to liken you to… _him_. 

He heaved a _disappointed_ sigh and stepped away from you. Just in time, anyway. His little _eggy bread_ was finished. As you plated it and came over to serve him, he looked up at you. “And before him? Were there others? What about your parents?” You stonewalled him with a dead-eyed look. Reaching up he took hold of your chin in a solid grip. “**Don’t move. Look at me.** What about your parents? If you’re not an accident- what about them? I’ve heard recent _rumblings_ of mutations passing in the bloodline. Something like that?” And still when you persisted- “**Answer me**.” 

“Fuck you.” 

_Astonishment_ shook his resolve for a few seconds. He stood suddenly, knocking the table back a few inches. “**Answer me, mutt. Tell me about your parents.**” 

The thought ejected out of you. _You would not. _“**Fuck you**.” You wouldn’t dredge those painful memories up. Not for the likes of him. 

A growl preceded his walking you hard back into the counter, your hip crying out stars of pain down your side. His hand went into your hair, pulling hard. Why did they _always_ do this? It was getting _old_ by now. “And what about _Stark_, _**hmn**_? Valiant _hero_. Does he know about your control over him?” 

“I _don’t_ control him.” 

His lips twitched in a smirk as he leaned in. “I think you do. How’d you _chance_ to meet a man like him? **Tell me**.” 

“My friend- Pepper- was working for him-” 

“And you _controlled her_ into getting you a meeting, didn’t you?” 

“No-”

“And in that meeting you _controlled him_ into letting you on staff, yes?” 

“I..._-_” 

“And then what happens? He gets lost in the heat of war, comes back with his hands all bloodied- and for some _reason_, just can’t stop thinking of you- _oh __**yes**_. The papers printed all the romantic hogwash, didn’t they? But I know _exactly_ what’s going on here- so I will not _tolerate your __**disrespect**_.” He shoved you hard again, pushing his body up against yours after, his mouth right atop yours. Only enough room to speak lowly. “Maybe Stark doesn’t know because _you_ don’t know. You think I’m _dangerous_? I can see it in the way you look at me. Well- _I think you’re __**worse**_.” 

“I think you’re disgusting.” Willing the tears you felt welling in your eyes to stay put as you got this out through clenched teeth. “And _pathetic_.” Knocking your forehead against his, “And I _know_ you’re going to _regret_ this.” 

He was practically serving up a cartoonishly evil grin then. Eyes intent, square on yours. Like he was trying to look _into_ you. But _you_ did that. 

And in the space between you, unaware, you put your hands at his chest, and _forced_ that feeling of _hot shame_ and _deep regret- _and _**fear**_ shoved you back. Same as his hands in the physical world, shoving you against the counter so hard it knocked the breath from you. 

“You know what _masters_ do with misbehaving _animals_? They put them in the corner. **Go. Stand there.**” Pointing to the exact same corner you’d been standing in all night. “**Don’t move until I say**. We’ll see which one of us _regrets_ the other. Something tells me I’m far less _breakable_.” 

Resolve died, fire snuffed out.   
You walked back to the corner. And, hands fisted at your sides, let out another guttural scream.   
Until he took that from you, too. 

* * *

**The First 24 Hours**  
  
Tony hadn’t slept that night. Impossible under the weight of what was going on. The team had turned the lounge into a makeshift command center. It was too late to tell them the Tower had actual conference rooms that would have been better suited… whatever. Not important. He was out on the ground scouting the moment they’d all taken tasks. 

Police surveillance might have been wiped clean, but his own wasn’t. JARVIS barely got an ID off on the kid who had dropped her stuff just outside the lobby, but he’d gotten enough of one. Nat had taken charge to go find him. Tony, on the other hand, and gone off to the back alley that was her last known location. 

He had JARVIS put out a scope on it, looking for anything. Prints and DNA? Sure. _Tons_. Nothing useful. And more than he needed to know for worthless pieces of information. There was of course… the cake. The whole reason she’d gone out. He’d checked her cell phone earlier. Seen the texts from that bakery. Worthless to blame them now- 

Why hadn’t she sent Happy? Or Pepper? Or _anyone?_ Why go out on her own like that? It seemed like a coordinated effort… If her support staff- her _friends _had been lured away and she’d just taken it upon herself to go…? So with that, he dumped that ruined birthday cake on the counter top of the bakery it came from, and tried to lay on some heat. 

Except that turned up useless, too. She’d ordered that cake special. ...for _him_. Not one of the towering fondant nightmares that had been crowding the buffet table. This one had been for the both of them. Later. Familiar words of love written atop. Maybe she really _had_ just wanted to ensure it delivered safe. Maybe she _had_ just wanted to keep everyone having a good time. Not bother anyone. Just step out and get it… 

But what sense did that make? 

So he went back to the Tower footage. Tried to review the past month’s worth. Make out cars and patterns. People that could be _surveying_. Watching. Waiting for her. Waiting for a good moment. She was always with someone. Never alone. Because she was smart. And people just… _stuck to her_. Because that was the way she was. People wanted to be with her. She was brilliant and kind and someone always _needed something from her_. So she unknowingly carried with her a revolving entourage of protection- 

The top of which was Tony himself. He was with her when she left the Tower more than half the time. The statistic _glaring_ as it stared back at him from one of the holotops. He was constantly with her- but not then. Not in the _one moment it mattered_. 

Morning had come and gone. It was late afternoon by the time Nat came back in. He looked up at her. She already looked apologetic. “Kid didn’t know anything. Just kept saying she asked him to do it.”

“Drugged?” They used an innocent to drop off belongings. It made sense- less trackable. But even then-

“He’s clean. I don’t know, Tony… it’s… weird. It’s early to consider the possibility that she-”

His hand came over his eyes and he shook his head. “She didn’t _leave_, Nat. I’m telling you.” 

Uncomfortable silence took its toll. “Did she… did she say anything… _strange_? Anything… _unusual_? Before last night?” 

_Do you think we’ll be part of the Avengers forever?_

“She didn’t leave.” Looking up at her, trying to not let himself morph into a glare, “What about the police footage? Who wiped it?” 

“Local law enforcement divisions are clumsy. Maybe it’s not about it not being there. Maybe it just was _never_ there-”

“_Stop_.” Barking at her accidentally. “-just… stop. Please. ...you got anything else for me?” 

Her eyes dropped and she shook her head. “I’m not giving up. I’m just… trying to explore all the avenues here, Tony.” When he waved her away she went to leave, stopping briefly at the door. “I’m not giving up, okay? She’s important to us, too, you know.” 

He let silence push her out of the room. 

* * *

**The First Week**

He heard her voice in moments where his mind drifted off. When his eyes actually did betray him, he saw her. Brief flashes of moments. _Their moments_. Moments that made sense. They had… hadn’t they? They made sense… and this… this _didn’t_. 

“You look like hell.” Steve was touching his shoulder as he scrolled through more footage. Anything he could get his hands on. He felt the bags under his eyes. He’d slept a total of three hours since she’d gone- _been taken_\- unwillingly, as well. Not that he needed to keep track. Everyone else was doing that for him. 

“_You’re getting all wound up. I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re going to be fine.”  
_“_You don’t know that.”   
  
_“Thanks, Cap. I’ll make sure to schedule a facial for tomorrow.” Sarcasm was the only thing he was clinging to in the face of all this mounting uncertainty. 

“_I’m still processing a lot of what’s happened. But I know that… I know that being here isn’t a mistake._”   
“_I love you._” 

Their moments were _haunting him_. And he couldn’t stop thinking back on every single one. Why they all led _here_. To him- with his hands on his forehead, bent over a work table- and _her_\- ...**where was she**? 

“_You promise you’re not dying?”  
_“_You’re stuck with me.”_

“Media’s gettin’ antsy. If you’ve got backup material, now’s the time to start using it.” Fury’s voice cut in between warmer memories. Memories that _made sense_.   
This **didn’t make **_**any sense**_.   
“Stark- you listening to me?” 

He pushed himself up from the table, startling everyone in the room. There should have been some sort of- some _demand_. Or _ransom_\- shouldn’t there? If someone took her from him- they should be asking for money or monologing about stupid evil plans- 

_ **Where was she** _ **? **

“Tony-” Steve put his hand on his arm again. 

“I’m fine. I’m- I’ll deal with the press.” Shrugging him off as he heard another mournful ghost in the shape of her voice. 

_I love you…_

* * *

**The First Month  
  
**He sat in the wreckage of their bedroom.  
What used to be.   
In a Tower that wasn’t meant to be home.   
  
But he’d put off looking for an actual home. Just like he’d put off working on an actual future with her. 

“_What’s the point we’re working towards? Are we going to be on-call for the rest of our lives?_” 

He watched the dying light of the Heart Reactor as he cradled it in his palm.   
  
“_Are we going to reach a point where we don’t have to worry anymore?”_

It was his fault, wasn’t it?   
He’d have to release a statement at some point. There was no putting it off anymore, for the ease of cover. Of shadow. As if finding her when the public wasn’t aware was easier. But he didn’t want to broadcast another struggle for people to feast on. 

What was the point of any of it, anymore? What had they been doing this whole time? What had _he_ been doing this whole time? He’d told her he’d loved her countless times- and he’d thought he’d meant it- yet… now, when she needed him most, he couldn’t do anything about it. Wasn’t good enough to find her, let alone save her.

Bruce had come and gone. The last to go out on a search. The last live lead. As soon as Tony heard the words, “She wasn’t there-” He tuned everything else out. _What was the point of this, anymore_?

She was just going to end up a cold case.

Pepper took him by the arm.   
Cleaned him up.  
Put a suit on him.   
Her hands were not the same. The way she tucked his tie. The way she buttoned his shirt. It wasn’t the same. It never would be.

It was hard to pretend to be even a little bit _okay _anymore. But the only one still on his side- Fury- imagine- of all people- told him keeping this quiet would help. So he kept his sunglasses. Held a facade as he greeted the murmurs of reporters.

Told them she was stepping down for a while.   
Stocks would drop. The Board wasn’t happy. People demanded to know where she was. He told them to respect her privacy. They asked, as of course they would-

“_Are you two still together_?”

No more questions.

* * *

Nearing the end of the second month he no longer felt like a person. Just a vessel moving from one place to the next, the light dying behind his eyes more and more with each passing day. Was there a point to any of this anymore? Was she even alive?

_Was he_?

Must not have been. For allowing himself to think that. How easily the thought crossed his mind, too. _**Was** she alive_? She sure as hell hadn’t left. And whoever had taken her had just… snapped their fingers and made her vanish into dust. No demands. No ransom. They wouldn’t hold her this long without a reason.

So it left to reason… to logic… that she wasn’t…

He’d been sitting in the kitchen that used to feel full for days. Unmoving. What was the point to it anymore? He’d broken just about every promise he’d ever made to her. To keep her _safe_. To **protect her**. She was gone now. And it was his fault.

Nothing was going to change that.  
Because he’d been trying like hell. And it had been for nothing.   
She was gone.   
_She was gone_.

And every time he closed his eyes, he drifted into peaceful thoughts of her. The sound of her laughter. The light of her smile. The way she _felt_. The way she made _him_ feel.

His head was halfway down, eyes closed, about to drop when the lurch of her voice- the teary plea- last one she’d left on this earth, rang in his ears.

**Keep an eye on**** LUNA for me…**

“LUNA.” 

“Yes, sir.” Even _she_ seemed somber. Strange for a program. Maybe he was just imagining things. 

“What am I watching you for?” Was he crazy? Were they right? Had she just left…? He couldn’t give up on her… he couldn’t bring himself to believe that. 

“Ms. INY has a security protocol in place.” 

“..._excuse me_?” He felt a flush of sudden energy. 

“She can never remember the direct line for the secure server. She realized after the last time you left a message there, that she needed her own protocol. In case of emergency.”

“We’re in an **emergency**, LUNA. Why was I never told about this?” It was a moot point asking an AI why humans behaved like humans. And he couldn’t let the silence drag on too long. He’d never get an answer. “What is the protocol?” 

“I’m waiting for the signal.” 

“_**What’s the signal**__??” _

Another long silence. Had she told LUNA not to divulge? He could force LUNA to but- 

“Mr. Stark!” He nearly jumped out of his skin with how loud the AI had just shouted- and not just _her_. JARVIS’ voice was atop hers, too. 

“You know about this, JARVIS?” 

Their voices were still colliding together. Almost… _frantic_. “Ms. INY just dialed in. From a phone booth.” The tablet on the table top lit up in life, projecting a map into the air. “Here- in Brooklyn.” The map zoomed in to a very _specific _location-

“Good job finding the last known phone booth in the world, honey. Get the suit, we’re going out.” He hurried. _Hurried_. 

“Shall I inform the others?” 

“No time.” 

He was already out the window.   
No time at all. 

_I don’t ask for much.  
But __**please**_.  
  
Not sure who he was even asking. If he believed in such things anymore. Might as well be asking Thor.   
  
_**Please give her back to me. **_


	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: continued humiliation and degradation, continued loss of consent in the way of being forced to do things, light unwanted intimate contact, physical abuse (most not explicitly written).

He left you there, you assumed, to teach you a lesson. To maybe get you to _think_ about your actions. What they would become, now that you seemingly had no choice but to listen to him. Else you’d be shunned to the _corner_ each and every time you _disobeyed_. Your feet were beginning to ache. Regretting your party choice of heels. You’d completely sweat through your dress and jacket now- and had to assume he’d turned up the heat right before he’d left for the day. The heater nearest you started hissing away almost as soon as the door had shut behind him. He didn’t even say he was leaving. He just _left_. 

Because he didn’t owe you that kindness, did he? You were a pet. He could go. You didn’t need to know about it. You just had to stand there, little obedient dog that you were, and wait for your _master_ to come home. Was that it? Was this what your life had been building up to? 

_Of course not.  
_This man had no idea who he was trifling with. If he thought you were going to just submit, to lay down and die on his command, after _everything_ you’d suffered and survived through… he was sorely mistaken. And you’d make good in your promise to him. That he would indeed end up to _regret_ this. ...you just hoped it was sooner rather than later. 

With him gone you tested the limits of his binding control. He’d told you to stand in the corner and not move. But not move… _from_ the corner? Sure. Surely that was what he meant. Could semantics be the way out of this situation? You tested the bounds. At the very least you were allowed the movement of your eyes, and just a tiny _quarter_ turn of your head. But even that was a struggle. It net you a weak glance around the room. 

Up on the mantle there were family pictures strewn about. Some had been knocked over. _None_ of them were this man. There had been a family in this house before- and in fact it seemed very much lived in. Some children’s toys were littered around the side of an ugly green couch. An afghan lovingly draped over the back. A rocking chair with worn paint. Someone had been living here before. 

That someone had not been this man. So he’d ordered a family out of their house. To who knew where. Ruined their lives, no doubt. He was just a little rat, taking up residence. An _infestation_. He’d probably done this countless times. How was it that he’d never been caught? 

But then again. Maybe he had. He talked about SHIELD as if he knew them. Or _of_ them. Or… maybe it wasn’t a far fetched idea to think agents had come into contact with this extremely dangerous man. But how could one combat an opponent that could just tell you to put your gun down? Or- better yet- kill yourself? You had to imagine… he was almost indestructible in that way. You wondered then, could he order people to _forget_ things? Forget meeting him? Forget his face? 

Truly almost… undefeatable if so… but- you tried to remind yourself, as uncomfortable urgency was starting to twist in your gut- he was just a man. An _enhanced individual_. As were you. You could fight him. You _had to fight him_. It got dark and finally he returned. 

Keys clattered on a table near the door. Heavy footsteps walked past. The ruffled sound of clothing being discarded lazily to the floor. Plastic bags being dropped on a table. Light switches flicked. “What have you learned today, pup?” He sounded tired. You wondered if all this ordering people around weakened him, as it had once taken a toll on you- still did, sometimes, if you went brazen with it. There had to be a limit, right? You just had to find it. 

“I have to pee.” 

“You make a mess on my hardwood floors I’ll have you clean it up with a straw.” Threatening you for god knew what reason. 

“Let me go to the bathroom.” This was part of the plan. Trying to degrade you. Dehumanize you. Embarrass you. Make you uncomfortable. 

“Shall I let you outside, then? Is that what you’re asking?” He slumped to a seat, legs wide, in the couch nearest you. Close enough to reach out and touch you. Angling his arms along the back, he looked up at you. Your eyes had returned square to the wall a long time ago, but you could see him in your peripheral. Grinning. “Why don’t you beg? Maybe you should whine, like good dogs do.” 

“I think dogs get punished for whining, actually. It’s a sign of bad behavior.” What was your game plan here? Were you going to submit- or perhaps pretend to submit in order to get the things you wanted? For self preservation? Or were your principles and standards too high to just give in to someone like this? You hadn’t yet decided, though the time was drawing nearer and nearer. Mouthing off like that was probably not smart. 

Furthermore- that was _exactly_ what he wanted. He was testing you. Because he could order you to do any number of things. Whine. Beg. Plead. Go outside and piss. Any of it. And you’d be helpless to do anything but listen to him. 

So when he continued, “You can beg. Or you can go right there. And clean it up after.” You knew it was just him trying to break the walls down. Because maybe that’s the only way he had a chance to work things out through you. In all other ways you were dangerous- ways he did not understand yet. Like he’d said, you were a little more than he was used to. Maybe he’d acted without thinking and was only now realizing the likes of the situation he was in. So he was adjusting. Trying to bend you in a new way, for him. 

...or maybe you were reading too much into all of this because you’d been staring at a wall for a total of almost twenty-four hours by now. And it was driving you crazy. Maybe he wanted that, too. Who the hell knew. 

So. Which was less dignifying? Begging to use the bathroom? Or peeing on yourself and sucking it up with a straw? 

“Please let me use the bathroom.” 

His grin let you know all you needed. Somehow. _This_ was the worse thing. He gave your thigh a pat. “Good pup. **Go upstairs and use the bathroom. Then come right back down here.**” 

Your legs moved, and pain immediately flared in just about all your joints. But you held your head high, pretending you had any sense of self left. Any shred of self-respect left, after the man who had kidnapped you had just _allowed you_ to go to the bathroom. After you’d asked nicely. Sure. You had some left. Sure. 

The wall on the stairs had more family photos in worn frames just above the banister. You couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to them. Had he tortured them, too, before telling them to leave? Had he… done something else? Something worse to them? 

You made every effort not to look at yourself in the mirror after using the bathroom. Even as you washed your hands, you kept your eyes down. Not knowing what you would find. Not sure your sense of self was even there anymore, or if he’d be there in the irises of your eyes. Somehow. He was winning. And it had only been a day. 

Another battle was yet to be won, as you came back downstairs and went to the corner, where a bowl of what looked like random Chinese takeout had been thrown together. He was eating out of a box. The TV was on. “**Sit down**. **Eat**.” 

You got his meaning immediately, yet your body even sooner. Dropping to a heap, thankful to not be stressing your muscles in a tense upright position anymore. But you still tried to defy him, because you were a stupid willful woman, you guessed. But once you put your hand in the bowl he started hissing. 

“**Eat like the pup you are**.” 

So you did. Hefting yourself forward on all fours, and stuck your face in the bowl. Like a dog. Munching on kibble. You made every effort not to cry. The food was still blazing hot, and burned just about every square inch of your mouth, the steam filled your eyes. He got up from his spot on the couch and you felt him patting your head. 

“There’s a good dog. See how much easier things are when we respect the order of things?” 

You wished that was the worst part of all of this. That it would just get easier from here until you could find a way to wriggle out of this. 

You knew you were foolish. 

* * *

He _allowed_ you to stop standing in the corner, provided you were _good_. And _allowed_ you to sleep on the floor next to his bed during the night. The first week carried on this way. You felt yourself growing weaker. Duller. Underneath his hand things were just hard to think through. A fog rolled in. It was like every time he issued a command, a little part of you _**died**_. Soon you feared there would be nothing left, and you really _wouldn’t_ be able to figure out how to leave. 

In the mornings he would kick you awake, if you were asleep, or even pretending to be asleep. Sleep didn’t come easy, and most of the time you just lied there. Something else that wasn’t helping your rapidly weakening condition. Once you were up, he’d tell you- **make me tea**, usually followed by some other command for breakfast. Sometimes it was that ridiculous _eggy bread_ sometimes it was something else. It didn’t really matter. You were helpless to do anything but indulge him. 

On Wednesday you felt his plan coming together. While he was trying to wear you down, he was also trying to incense you. At first you had no idea why. But it was when you were making food for him- breakfast, lunch, or dinner, that he started… following you around the kitchen. Saying things that you weren’t listening to- or _trying_ not to listen to. Asking you about your parents, or even Tony. Or SHIELD, or your powers. It didn’t matter. Somehow you were still able to mitigate the flow of information- 

As long as you kept _angry_. And that’s why he was trying to tire you out, you knew. But then came the _advances_. He’d put his hands on your hips, or run his fingers through your hair, whisper things with a touch of his lips at your ear- all things that made your skin crawl. And that’s when the heat of anger found you again. 

Friday night, a full week after your initial disappearance, you were making him _spaghetti and meatballs_ on command (and part of you wondered if he wasn’t a child in disguise), that he broke all barriers and wrapped his arms around you from behind, and then pulled you into him. Light reignited and you shoved him back then. You’d told him a million and a half times not to touch you- not that it mattered. He’d usually tell you to _**shut up**_ about it. 

But this time instead you planted your hands on the counter and then used the leverage to shove him back hard. He fell back into the dinner table he’d stumbled so quick, and a spike of _fear_ ran through him. Something easy to latch on to. And you did. Whipping around, you grabbed him by his shirt, and then forced your way back into that bright space. 

Sizing him up, you put your hands on his chest then, and pumped him full of solid _terror_. Enough to shake the ground beneath him. Enough so that when his palm collided with your face, it snapped you to, and you heard the quiver of a _beg_. A _plea_. Not his usual ordering tone- 

“_Stop-_” 

“What’s the matter?” You kept him pinned somehow, through force of will alone perhaps. Shaking him just a little. “Are you _scared_? Are you _frightened_?” You saw the answer clear in the look of his eyes. He was indeed, very _terrified_ he’d made his last move in this little game. “I told you not to touch me- and I told you-” 

He put his hand up to strike you again, but sense finally found you. Catching his wrist you twisted and then turned in a lurch to heft him up over your back using his own easy shiftable weight. Once he was on the floor you put a hard placed kick to his chest, and he wheezed out a breath. 

This was it. This was your moment. This was where you escaped. So you stomped again and he clawed at your leg as a gurgle of breath ejected out of him. 

“S-” 

But you couldn’t let him order you around. So you stomped again. And _again_ and _**again**_. And a good kick to his ribs sent him to his side. Gasping for breath. Curled in on himself. It was then the illusion of strength shattered- as you heard him _crying_\- felt a deep running _sorrow_ waft up from him. This man was broken. And not by you. By something else a long time ago. But that didn’t matter anymore. 

Once you snapped to you turned and _ran_.  
But your daze had cost you too much time. It was when you were just in the hall that he wrapped those chains back around you- 

“**Pup, stop!!**” 

So. You did.

Then you had to wait. Almost too long a time as he caught his breath and pulled himself together. Then he issued another command. “**Get on your knees!**” 

So you did. 

He was clutching his side as he finally stood and made his way over to you. The light from the kitchen behind him cast an eerie glow. His eyes almost seemed _red_\- maybe that was just the way you saw things. He was burning with _hatred_. With a _fury_ that soon rained down on you. 

When you tried to fight back, he calmed your movements with another order. So you just knelt there. And took it. 

Like a good dog. 

* * *

You tried to hang on through thoughts of Tony. Wondering what he was doing. If he was organizing a search rescue- which he most assuredly was. You knew he had to be. He was probably pacing the tower, pulling up schematics and diagrams and footage and… just everything. You had to imagine he wouldn’t stop until you were found. It was a nice thought. A comforting one. 

Just about the only thing holding you together.  
  
Your new master set blocks of time for you to stand in the corner now. Usually two days at a time. He’d break them up with an order- **make me tea**\- in the morning, but no more breakfast. As soon as you were done it was back to the corner. You hadn’t taken a shower since the night you’d been abducted. Your master teased that he might throw you out in the yard and spray you with the hose. But that was too much work for him. 

Sometimes he’d let you sit as he watched something on TV during the night. But mostly it was the corner. You’d stand there and stare at the wall, listening to him guffaw- at least until his chuckles hurt one of the ribs you’d bruised. Then he’d get angry and tell you to come over. Command you to tell you how sorry you were for attacking him. Like a rabid animal. So you did. Because you had no choice. 

And when he decided apology wasn’t enough, and unleashed more hell upon you, you took that too.  
_Because you had no choice._

It had been a month since you were taken.  
The light inside you was dying.

Was this life forever now? You were just going to be in this house, with this man, _forever_? 

How could that be? How could that be what fate had had in store for you? You were supposed to be an _Avenger_. Where was your team? _Where was Tony_? Wasn’t anyone looking for you? You’d just gone to a different borough. How could it be that no one had found you yet? 

...and why was it, that after a month, thoughts of your own escape had suddenly fled? Now all you did was fantasize about Tony coming to get you. Because he would- right? You realized, one night, staring at that beige wall, that you couldn’t leave. You’d had one chance and you’d blown it. You were no longer strong enough to escape. You weren’t strong at all, in fact. Wasn’t that the point of all this? Wasn’t _that_ the lesson your master was truly trying to impart to you? 

It was the last day of your first month in this prison. You were told- **make me tea**\- so you walked from your corner to the kitchen. He was sitting, reading yesterday’s newspaper. Like always. And then. There was a knock at back door in the kitchen. Just five feet away from you. 

“Answer- wait- **stay there**.” Realizing his mistake too soon for you to pounce on it. Because _you’d_ get recognized. Surely. Maybe he ordered the other women to do that. But not you. Not his _puppy_. So you stayed where you were at the counter. But that didn’t stop you from turning your head to look at who was standing there when he pulled the door open and demanded, “_What_.” 

Hope sprung inside your chest. 

_Bruce Banner had come to save you_ **. **

He nudged his glasses up. “Uh- good morning- sorry to bother you I-” 

“_BRUCE_!” His name ripped from your lungs in a panic. Bruce was here. _**Bruce was here**_. You were saved- _you were saved!_ He looked at you- and horror touched across his face. Because _here you were_\- battered and bruised and in a dress that was soiled and destroyed and dirty- but _here you were_\- after a month of searching- 

And your master realized that this was a problem, and immediately put his hands up. “Ah ah ah- **everybody stay where you are! ****Remain calm!**” 

He was going to ruin this.  
So you looked at Bruce. And tried to murmur an apology. Because you were going to have to _set him off_. So you dropped into the bright place with every intention to run up to Hulk and touch his heartbeat to life- 

Except your master took you by the hair and slammed your head against the counter. “**Not another move.**” Because _he knew_ what you were doing. He may have been childish and cruel and terrible- but he was _smart_. He knew that was Bruce Banner standing there. And he knew what you were doing. “**Go. Stand in your corner. Be silent. Now**. And- **don’t listen in**.” 

Dazed and confused, your body moved for you, as a drizzle of blood touched down over your right eye. You kept your breathing low. And tried to _listen_. 

_I’m so sorry, Bruce… this is all my fault. I’m sorry. I’m sorry… _

Was he going to hurt Bruce? Because of you? Or would he just send him away? Bruce knew where you were- somehow they’d found this house- “Tell me, how did you find her?” Your master was thinking the same thing. They had followed some thread that had led one of your team members here. Because of course they were looking for you. And there was just _no way_ he could battle Hulk. 

But Bruce’s voice was so quiet. Your ears were ringing. You couldn’t hear him. _Because you’d been told not to. _

Your master could, though. “_Oh_? Tell me about that.” Something was _intriguing to him_. “Very interesting. _Very interesting_. Well, Mr. Banner. Go back to your precious Tower, go back to Tony Stark. I want you to tell him she wasn’t here. Dead lead.” 

But Bruce argued with him still in that quiet voice. 

“Make something up then. Something convincing. You’re supposed to be smart. So go do that. Forget all about this. And don’t come back.” 

The door closed quietly. Maybe this was a good thing, you realized.  
Maybe you didn’t want your team to come looking for you. What if your master got a hold of all of them, just like he did you? What if he held Tony’s heart in his hand? Commanded him to raze buildings with Iron Man? Or told Captain America to start killing civilians? 

He could destroy everyone’s lives. He could take over whatever he pleased.  
This man was dangerous. He was awful. And terrible. And cruel. And- 

You felt the touch of his hand at your shoulder. “That was quite a delicate situation, wouldn’t you say, pup? But we won’t be seeing him again.” 

Maybe it was good. That he only had _you_. That he was only interested in _you_.  
Maybe…  
Maybe you should just give in. 

For everyone else’s sake. 

Maybe that was really your role to play in all this. 

So as he turned you to look at him, without him prompting you to, you said, “I’m sorry.” 

You felt _doubt_ touch over him, as he narrowed his eyes. Tipped your chin up with a crook of his finger. Made you look at him. He wiped some of that blood away in intimately familiar motions. Like someone who cared. 

_You missed Tony dearly. _

“Are you, now?” When he asked this, your eyes dropped. Regretful. And you nodded. He gave you a little pat on the head. “That’s alright. No harm done. Easy, anyway. Nothing to worry about. Why don’t you go get cleaned up. And we’ll have breakfast.” 

This wasn’t an order.  
But you did it anyway. 

Later that night he actually allowed you to sit on the couch while he ate dinner. Your hands were in your lap, attention on the floor. That was, at least, until Tony’s voice filled the room. “Ah, pup- **look**-” 

So you did.  
Tony, dressed in a three piece suit- one of the ones you’d picked out for him a long time ago- wearing sunglasses- was standing at the podium inside Stark Industries’ media room. Reporters were shouting at him. The ticker on the bottom told the whole story. 

He was addressing rumors of your disappearance-  
Your name from his mouth was a burning in your ears. _Was that what your name sounded like? _

“-is taking a respite from the company until further notice.” Followed by this. “We ask at this time that you respect her privacy.” 

“Isn’t that nice, pup. You’re off the hook.” Master was speaking, _cheerfully_ so. 

Your eyes were glued to the screen. Some ghost of you had run up to the TV and pressed your face against it. Trying to feel him. Some part of you tried to remember what being inside that conference room felt like. The shape of it. The noise of the media demanding answers for something they had no right to know- 

“Mr. Stark- are you two still together?” 

You noticed the groan of the couch as Master leaned forward. Clearly eager to hear this answer. 

You just watched Tony. His hands clutched the sides of the podium. Gripped _hard_. “No more questions.” Pepper ushered him off stage.

But Bruce had just been here-  
Bruce had come back- and told Tony you weren’t here and now- 

Now that was it?  
He was giving up? 

Just saying you’d left somewhere and- 

...he wouldn’t even say that you two were- 

But there was a reason, right? There was- 

He was just-  
..._there was a reason, right…? _

Your master was patting you on the head.  
You hadn’t even realized you’d begun to cry. 

“There there, pup. It’s not so bad. Better this way. Let him get on with life. You get on with yours. It’s better. Trust me.” But when you really couldn’t stop, you felt _ire_ unfold. “**Shut up. Stop your bl****ubbering**.” 

This man didn’t care about you. He didn’t love you.  
You were just a _thing_. 

Physically you reacted.  
But inside a blue began to bloom, coloring the bright space all over again. Changing it. Reshaping it. Casting a violet hue across the sky. In there, you laid down. Wondered if you could drown here. What would happen to you outside? Maybe you already were drowning. 

Maybe the you out there was already mostly gone. 

Maybe it was better that way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll continue to be sorry about this. But also let you know I'm not dragging it on for much longer. It'll be over by this week and that's a promise.


	88. Chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: continued humiliation and degradation, continued loss of consent in the way of being forced to do things, K glamours another woman into having continued sex with him, INY under orders and duress glamours said woman into feeling things.

A week into the second month, the Master gave you some time to think alone. He left for the day. He ordered you to lie down on the couch and not move. It was a nice reprieve from standing in the corner. Your muscles and joints certainly approved. After _the incident_, he’d come to realize your healing factor for what it was. It wasn’t like he’d apologized for slamming your head on a counter, or hypnotizing your friend Bruce, or any of it- 

But he at least had been _curious_ and _pleased_ to see you’d healed up so nicely, and so quickly. For the first time he’d allowed you a change of clothes. A shower first, _finally_, where you’d completely broken down after he’d left you alone in water that was just a touch too hot. Then after your little _moment_ you’d actually cleaned yourself up completely. He complimented this with a _lovely_ (as he put it) summery dress that would do _just nicely_. 

Then he’d told you to lie down and not move.   
And then left for almost the whole day.

Your thoughts drifted, as they always did, to Tony.   
His press conference had, in the moment, allowed you a lot of room for weakness. You’d shown a side to the Master that you wished you’d hadn’t. _Weakness_. One that he’d curbed pretty quickly anyway, but weakness shouldn’t have been tolerated. 

It was _good_ that he’d sent Bruce away.   
It was _good_ that he’d told Bruce to tell Tony you weren’t there. Because there was less likelihood of the Master capturing their minds as well and putting them through this hell. Or worse ones. It was _good_ that Tony had taken control of the press and told them things were fine. 

Of course he didn’t think they were.  
And _of course_ he wasn’t giving up on you.   
It was a ruse. It was just to keep the media out of his way so he could continue the search. But you had to get out of here before then. Tony could not be allowed to be put under someone else’s control.

And _that_ made you think. To a time further back.   
...how long had it been, that Tony had been kidnapped? Not like this. _Not like this at all_. Your struggles were nothing compared to what he’d gone through. You didn’t have a hole in your chest. You weren’t in the middle of a power struggle, or in the shadow of someone you thought was your friend. 

This was a random, terrible incident, this man that had captured you. And while his torture was mostly emotional and mental…   
Tony had been kidnapped once too.  
And Tony had fought until he’d broken free.   
You could do that, too. 

_Couldn’t you? _

That night, after the sun had set, the Master returned home. As the front door opened, you heard a second voice joining his. The starry laugh of a woman. As the lights came on and they ventured further in, you looked up to see her. Some pretty young thing. Black hair in a short cut, green eyes that were dulled with a familiar sense of _fog_. Under his control. She had on bright pink lipstick, a short dress. Looked like she’d been out having a good time- 

Until the unfortunate happened. Just like it had to you. Just like it had to everyone that had come across this man’s path. 

“Pup, this is Melanie.” He pulled her closer with his arm around her shoulder. “She and I are going upstairs. Would you like to join us?” 

The thought revolted you immediately, in several different ways. You would _never_ give yourself to this man in that way. _**Never**_. His physical abuse you could take, the mental torture you could take. But that…? On top of it- to think he wanted you in bed with him with someone who had no consent in the matter- 

“_No_.” Your disgust might have come across too strong. He looked immediately _displeased_. 

“Your loss.” His eyes narrowed. “**Go stand in your corner, then**.” Couch privileges revoked. 

You did what you were told. Stood there, as he pulled her upstairs. And then you covered your ears, because he hadn’t told you you couldn’t move. And you felt yourself crying, too. Not for yourself. For this poor girl. 

_Melanie_.   
You had to get her out of here. Maybe she’d be _lucky_. Maybe she’d be a simple plaything, something he discarded after tonight. 

But as the morning dawned and they came downstairs, he told her to sit in a chair, so she did. Then he ordered you out of your corner, so you went to them. Her eyes were completely empty then, but a smile was plastered on her face. No doubt put there by him. 

“**Make me tea**.” The usual. So you did. 

You expected a breakfast order to come after, but none did. Instead the three of you shared a silence until the kettle whistled and you finished serving him a steaming mug. Then he put down his day-old newspaper and looked up at you. 

“Pup, I have something very important I need you to do for me. **Sit down**.” So you did. “**Listen very carefully**.” So you did that, too. “Now, I want you to **tell me what Melanie is feeling**.” 

The moment was here.   
The moment you’d always sort of thought might come, but that you hoped wouldn’t. He was going to try and force you to use your powers. And for… that? 

But you had no choice.   
What was Melanie feeling? 

You focused. Because you were being _forced to_. Looking at her, you just gave a gentle probe. Surface level. Trying not to _violate her_ more than she already was. But… “I don’t- ...there’s nothing there.” Looking at her as she was sitting there in front of you, it was like an empty shell of a person. _Nothing there_. 

You sensed his _displeasure_. “**Try again. Try harder.**” 

So you had no choice. You let your own vision cloud over as you dropped into the bright space. And then you saw her. Atop _dead water_. No ripples. No anything. Like she wasn’t alive at all. But as you ventured closer, you saw this thin veneer of purple. Covering her like shrink-wrap. Suffocating her. And just beyond it, as you laid your hands on her, you _felt her struggling_. 

“She’s terrified.” The words left you without your permission, an echo somewhere above you as you studied her still. 

“Hm.” He gave pause to think for a moment. “...is she aware of what’s going on?” 

You _pressed_. Trying to sink your hands into her, like you had those rare few times before. Could you wrestle back control _for her_? Was that your place? But whatever was covering her was like sticky film. It clung to your hands. And then seemed to _burn you_, so much so that you yanked back, and snapped into reality. “Somewhere. Some part of her knows. But she’s really just _gone_ right now.” 

Another soft hum escaped him and he turned his attention towards the poor girl. Stared at her. Thought long and hard about, perhaps, the consequences of all this. Maybe of all his victims. ...wishful thinking, on your part. “How does that work- how do you know that?” 

“It’s just part of what I can do. I can get a surface level sense for someone, prod them into feeling small things. Or I can go deeper. And-”

“Take control?” 

“No.” 

“**Don’t lie to me**.” 

“...I’ve only ever done it a couple times.” 

He rewarded your forced honesty with a pat of his hand on your shoulder. “I thought so. Like I said when we met. _A pup._ Can you command her? The way that I do?” 

Already you felt your head shaking. “I don’t think so. She’s- whatever you’re doing- however you’re doing it- you have full control. I can’t reach her.” 

The corner of his mouth quirked in one of those sadistic grins. “That’s _very_ interesting. I like that.” You didn’t. But that somehow wasn’t the end of it. “You can’t command her… but you’re not very good at it. What about making her _feel_. Can you do that?” You looked at him, your own sense of terror starting to blossom. 

“I don’t know.” 

But that couldn’t be the end of it. Not for him. You weren’t just a pet now, you were an _experiment_. “**Do it**. Why don’t you calm her down? Make her… _happy_ to be here.” 

“No-” Already your struggles started. This woman was suffering enough. You didn’t want to- you _couldn’t_\- 

“I said **do it**.” His _ire_ started rumbling. He really disliked it when you disobeyed him. He still somehow didn’t have complete control over you, and he really just _didn’t like that_. 

Still you struggled, eyes closing tight. You felt the wires of his control sinking into your consciousness. “_No_-” 

You sat there shivering. For a long moment. Maybe he was going to give up? Finally, he sighed. “You know… you and I, we’re always fighting. You have yet to see things my way. Let me help you. Melanie- go get a kitchen knife.” Her chair scraped the floor as she stood suddenly and _horror_ took you then. She searched in the drawers until she found a sharp, shiny steak knife. “Press it against your neck-”

“Stop!” Begging him. But when he just stared at her, and the ridges of the knife caught her tender skin, drops of blood welling, you begged _harder_. “_Stop, __**please**_**! **I’ll do it- I’ll do it…” 

“If you’d just listen to me earlier- Melanie stop. Put that down. Come here. Anyway, like I was saying. If you’d just _listen_ and stop resisting, this could all go a lot faster. Things could be _better_. Why don’t you get that yet?” 

Defeat sunk its claws into you then. Feeling another touch of darkness swirl inside you. Another piece of you just break off in a chunk and drift far away from you. You hadn’t been created in a lab. Your powers hadn’t stemmed from an experiment. But _now_ they were being used that way. Tested like a little lab rat. 

When Melanie sat, you reached over to her, putting your hand atop hers. Her dead gaze drifted to you. 

_I’m sorry_. 

The only thing you hoped to impart to her. You were. You were intensely, terribly sorry. Fogging over again, you reached out to her in that space, not putting your hands on her to control her- but instead spreading them out over the water she stood atop. Reigniting the ripples. 

Thinking of a happiest memory… happiest memory… 

“_Tony-”  
_“_I know I love you-”  
_“_Just read your cards.”  
_“_You know, that’s a __**great **__color on you.”_

The first time it had been real. The first time you and Tony had been honest and open with each other- _together_. The first time you’d kissed him. The moment that had ignited this path… _you loved him. _And you missed him. And nothing made you happier than the thought of being with him. In that moment. The one that started it all. 

The water beneath her shifted and started as tears dropped from your cheeks. Starting the ripples for her, in a weird reverse motion.   
_I love you… _

“_Because I was just thinking we could do the thing where I kiss you and spin in a circle.”  
_“_It sounds absolutely stupid when you put it that way.”  
_“_My point exactly.”  
_“_Do it anyway, please.”_

Little moments that sparked your joy, that put a flutter in your heart. Soft pinks, purples- pastel blues and silvers, reds and golds… reminders of what you’d lost… touched up along her ankles. And back up top, you felt _warmth_ emanate from her. 

“_I love you.”  
_“_I love you, too.”  
_“_I feel like you’re trying to tell me something.”  
__**I need you.**_

You’d imparted to her such an intimate feeling of your life. A happiness that no one else could truly ever hold. A love like you’d never experienced, and never would again. You _gave _these things to her. And as your awareness blinked into existence again, you caught the shine of her smile, the wetness in her eyes. 

“Tell me-” The master was leaned over in _wonderment_ watching this all unfold. “Melanie, answer me honestly- how do you feel right now?” 

“I’m so… happy- like… being on a cloud…” 

“You are?” 

“Yes and- I think- I love you-” 

It was like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over you. In your weakness, your idiocy, your intense _feelings_ for Tony, the ones that made you happy- you’d now warped her sense of self. 

The master slammed his hands on the table. “You do? That’s utterly _fascinating_.” He put a squeezing hand on your shoulder. “That’s- amazing- job well done, pup.” 

Melanie became his _new _favorite plaything. Because she was _genuinely_ happy to be with him. Perhaps a feeling he’d never experienced before. But she wasn’t, was she? Could you _do _that to a person? Just warp them **forever**? They spent too much time together. Upstairs.   
  
And you, in your corner. Ordered there after you were no longer necessary.   
Worn down. Shaken. Drained entirely now. Your body gave up after the next week- when he’d forgotten your needs. He’d come downstairs arm in arm with Melanie, order you to make him tea, and then send you back to the corner. No food. No water. 

It was when your knees went weak one night and you collapsed that _Melanie_ raised the alarm. Asked if she could take care of you. “Yes, _of course_. I’ve ordered some takeaway, I’ll go get it. When I get home, make sure she’s on her feet again. **Pup, let her take care of you.**” 

He couldn’t let you _die_, just in case. Just in case he wanted even more _Melanies_ to play with. He wanted to use you, over and over. But he couldn’t be bothered to keep you pristine anymore. That hadn’t been working out for him anyway. Keeping you like this- aching, dull, just inches from closing your eyes and perhaps never opening them again- that was the way he got you to do what he wanted. 

When he left, you heard the soft pitter-patter of her footsteps. The caring caress of her hand in your hair. “Hey… are you going to be okay?” 

Now or never.   
Whatever fire you had left struck at her, reaching up to lock her wrist in an iron grip. She attempted to pull back, but you kept her there somehow. And in that space between you, you stepped over the fabricated ripples of _happiness_ and _attraction _and false _**love**_, cracking them like glass, and put your hands on her. That film clung to you, turning you _purple_. 

It hissed and writhed and then bit into you, snaking its way into your veins. But you _fought_. You _**fought for her**_. Because she didn’t deserve this. _She didn’t deserve this. _

Looking into her eyes- twice over- you told her- “_Run away from here. Go. __**Be free**__. Don’t listen to him anymore. Just run. Forget me. Forget all of this. __**Just go**__. Go __**far away**__.” _One more squeeze, your hands at her shoulders, and the film turned brittle and then _shattered_. 

A deep _fear_ followed, turning the water around the both of you black, and you sunk down into it. Gasping for air as she drowned you in the wake of her realization. But still somehow _helpless_\- she dropped you to the floor, and then went to the back door in the kitchen and _fled_. 

For a moment you thought you might just close your eyes. Just lie there. Shrivel up and _die_. 

The light was fading fast. You had no energy left. 

But the door was open.   
And you’d only been ordered to let _Melanie take care of you_.   
Melanie had- and now she was gone- 

So you struggled, crawling on your forearms, pushing yourself to stand just as you reached the kitchen. Holding yourself at the table, and then fell into the counter, clutching it, reaching- 

The front door opened. 

_Fear_ put a bolt through you so hard that the illusion **broke** completely. _You were free, __**you just had to run**_. 

Without a word you took off in a sprint, out the back, through the fence, running barefoot- wild- _like an animal_\- heart pounding a million miles a minute- yet even faster than that when you heard him _**roar**_.   
  
“_**PUP**_. **GET BACK HERE NOW!**”   
  
But you didn’t. You kept running. And running. _And running_.   
How was the street so deserted?  
Didn’t matter. You couldn’t ask anyone for help. He’d just **take them**.   
  
You fell into a telephone pole, a wheezing mess. Hearing him still shouting- and then commanding people to get back in their houses. He wasn’t going to give up. He was going to _find you_, and then you’d _**really pay for this**_. 

Just around the corner you saw the half shell of a telephone box. And you pushed yourself to go there next. You couldn’t risk- you _couldn’t call Tony_\- could you? You’d spend so much time wondering- 

Your hands shook as you picked up the receiver and _blessedly_ a dial tone greeted you. But calling Tony-   
Shivering you pushed in past the dial tone to your security protocol server. Easy to remember. Not like all those fucking numbers and-  
  
“_**PUP.**_” 

_He was getting closer._  
1-800-CALL-LUNA  
  
It rang.   
Once.  
_Input code.  
_4-6-9  
Not even half of another ring.   
“Ma’am I’m honing in on your beacon-”   
  
“Send me a suit-” You realized you were crying then, the sound of your voice torn to pieces in weeping. “Please LUNA send me a suit- not Tony- _please_-” 

You could fight him off. You could get away if it was _just you_. 

“**Come here, pup. You’ve been _very bad_.**” 

He was about thirty feet behind you. You couldn’t stay there. So you hung up the phone and took off down the block. Close enough to the booth that she would be able to detect you- or JARVIS- either of them. If they just _sent a suit_ like you asked- 

Your legs gave out at the end of the line. Looking up into the darkness of a park waiting on the other side. Maybe you could disappear there- 

“**Pup**.” He was at the end of the block. Streetlights hanging over him. And you saw the _red_ of his eyes again. This was it. He was going to take you. There was no getting away from this. Inevitable. Maybe you should just lie down and die. It would just be _easier_ than all this- 

The fire of jets above pulled you to your feet. _No. __**FIGHT**_. You had to **FIGHT**. You weren’t meant to die here. You weren’t meant to be under this man’s control- 

But it wasn’t your suit that dropped just behind you- it was _Tony.   
  
_You were sure you’d never felt such an agonizing, crippling _**fear**_ in all your life. “Honey-” His voice echoed out.  
  
“LEAVE-” 

Your _Master _came to a stumbling stop just ten feet away, “Oh. Come to play, _have we_? I don’t remember inviting company.” Tony put both hands up, repulsors charging. “Ah ah-! _**PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN**_.” 

That was it.  
That was how this story ended. You and Tony were going to suffer miserable lives. Tortured until the day either or both of you died. Maybe it would be quick.   
  
“Yeah. I don’t _think_ so.” You weren’t sure you’d ever felt such ferocious _**wrath**_ from him like this before.

His strong, _confident_ voice shot a shiver up your spine. Both repulsors lit up along with the Arc in the chest plate, firing off a triplet beam that blasted that man hundreds of feet back. You didn’t even stop to look. Maybe you should have. But somehow Tony had- 

Pushing yourself up- _r__unning_ into his arms you wrapped yourself around him. **Clinging to him for dear life. **“Go- _go now_\- _**take me home**_-” He’d somehow escaped that man’s control. 

But your commands?   
He reacted within a single beat of both your hearts. His arms wound around you and he lifted off into the sky. “I’ll call the team for cleanup-” 

“_No_! No- don’t send them there- he’ll _kill them_\- he controls people- he’ll- Tony he’ll _**kill them**_-” Or make them kill each other for everyone’s amusement. Maybe he’d make you sit on his lap and watch. Make you _laugh_. Take it all away from you and then grab you by the hair and pull you somewhere new. 

You sensed his _hesitation_. Something else, too. Heavy _uncertainty_. Perhaps thinking- _is she in her right mind_? 

Well, no. Of course not. She’d been tortured for what was it- two months now?  
_You had been missing and tortured by __**that man**_ _for two months_. And now you were telling Tony to just _leave him alone_. No. You weren’t in your right mind. But he stopped arguing with you. 

Coming to a stop on the deck of the Tower, you stumbled out of his arms, energy fleeing in droves. He stepped out of the suit, and you were immediately grateful for the feel of his warm hands on your face, a familiar gaze- his beautiful brown eyes, deep- etched with _worry_\- with _concern-_ and with _**sorrow**_. 

That was all it took. 

Clutching at his chest you broke down. Buried your deep, _aching_ sobs into his shirt. There was comfort in just how _tight_ he was holding you. Almost painful. But wonderfully so. You were _safe_ here. With him.   
_You were home_.   
**It was over**. 

You cried yourself into hyperventilation. Almost into throwing up- if only you’d had any food whatsoever in your system to give. But he cradled your face in his palms. _Let you get it out_. Talked you through breathing. And once you found a rhythm you practically collapsed in his arms. Hands still _grabbing_ at him.   
_Don’t leave me. _**Don’t leave me. **_  
__**Don’t let him get me**_. 

His lift was gentle as he picked you up.   
  
“Tony-” Steve’s voice, somewhere. Along with other familiar rumbles. _Your family_.  
_You were home. And- _

“You’re safe, honey. I’ve got you…” You suspected he heard your internal begging. _Please don’t leave me- __**don’t let him get me**_\- you couldn’t stop yourself from letting it run on a loop. You couldn’t go back.  
_You couldn’t go back.   
__**Please**_\-   
  
“I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re okay…” His tenderness carried you into a deep unconsciousness. But even there you still begged-

_Please-  
Please…   
  
_Somewhere in that same deep stillness he touched a wave of calm over you. 

_You’re okay. I’ve got you.   
I love you. _

_It’s over._

The nightmare was finally over. 


	89. Chapter 89

It would have been nice to have just been enveloped by darkness. To just not be _aware_. _Awake_. You’d been allowed to slip for what must have been only a handful of precious moments. Moments where you were no longer present. Blessedly just… gone. But there were voices nearby. You were _awake_ again- 

And something was nudging your side- 

Would it be a kick this time?  
You felt the chill of sweat dripping down your forehead as you shot up, inching away- 

But this was not _his_ house.  
This was not _his_ domain.  
And the man looking at you was _not him_. 

“Easy, honey, easy…” The comforting voice you’d longed for, for far too long. Tony’s hand reached up, easing your hair off your forehead, and an ache bloomed inside you. 

“_No one was at the address. House was completely empty_.”  
“_He can’t have gone far_. _By all accounts he should be pretty injured.” _

Voices in the hallway. Voices that frightened you once clarity returned. “_No_-” You struggled to get the word out. 

“Honey-” 

“No- _please_\- they **can’t**-” They were going to try and find him. He’d _hurt_ them. _Take them_, like he had you. 

“She awake?” Fury’s voice rose from the murmurs and he stepped into the room. “You get a read on this guy? We need you to tell us everything you know. We’re losing time.” 

“_Step back_.” Tony was just a touch beneath growling. One more push would get him there, you were sure of it. 

“Stark-”  
  
He angled an iron gaze up at Fury to silence him. “I said _**step back**_. Leave her alone.” 

Fury crossed his arms. “Don’t be foolish about this. We get it. She’s _fragile_, but she needs to step up right now because every second we lose is another mile this guy is further out.” He leaned in closer to you. “You want what happened to you to happen to somebody else? What did this guy look like? You get a name?” 

Tony practically jumped off the bed, putting himself up in a solid wall between you and Fury. He held a hand up to Fury’s chest. Tone _icy_. “You push her on this again and I’ll have security throw you off the deck. You can figure out your own landing after that.” 

Fury scoffed. “Here I thought you said you’d take this guy down for what he did. Now I know that was all _talk_.” But Tony stood still. Firm. Not another word. Staring Fury down until another _disappointed_ noise left him, then he turned to walk from the room, shutting the door hard behind him. 

Was Fury right about this? Should you just _get over it_ and start talking? Or was it in everyone’s best interests… to let that man continue to wander around? How could they stop him anyway? If they found him- and _maybe they already had, and had just been sent away_\- what if they pushed him too far. What if he didn’t just want to escape. What if the next time they found him he really started using his powers. And started ordering SHIELD agents to go cause havoc. Ordered the Avengers to start murdering each other in cold blood- 

“Honey, look at me… _breathe_.” Tony had sat down beside you again. You’d realized too little too late that your thoughts were spiraling you into _panic_. Barely able to catch each breath as your lungs squeezed. 

As his hands came up to touch the sides of your face, you covered them with your own, sinking into the feel of his _warmth_. But the tears had already started. “If they go- if they find him- Tony he’ll kill them- he’ll-” 

“Take it easy… don’t worry about that right now- just- breathe for me, honey…” You allowed him to pull you in, resting your face against his chest, remaining energy escaping in thick waves as you sagged against him. So many things had _happened_ to you. And you’d **fought** through them all. But this?

You’d just _run away_ from him.   
He was out there.  
Somewhere. 

“I should have- I should have done more- I should have- tried harder- I should have-” 

His hold tightened. “You did everything you could.” Feeling the heavy weight of his head atop yours, as just about every part of him was _clinging_ to you, just as you were to him. “You’re here now. I’ve got you. _You’re safe_.” 

You were _home_. Tony had you. _You were safe_. “I love you…” It came out in a tremble, something weak and pathetic, as you buried your face in the crook of his shoulder. 

“I love you, too… _I love you, too_…” Rocking back and forth slowly. 

You allowed him to lull you back into blissful sleep. In _your_ bed. In _your_ home. A tower full of people looking out for you. Protecting you. _Him_ most of all. For the first time in a long time, _you were safe_. 

* * *

The next few days you drifted in and out of sleep. You were so _hot_ that you were sweating through clothes and bedsheets, yet _chills_ plagued you constantly. It felt like you were _sick_\- but could that be? Tony had confirmed you’d been running a high fever- but that made no sense. Didn’t your healing factor protect you from sickness? 

Then again- you _had_ been sick. _Infected_. With that man. Maybe your body was just learning how to readjust to _normal_ life again. Not being _controlled_. **Forced**. In your daze you really had little time to think about it. Like before, with Killian and his Extremis- you were _rejecting_ everything, and it was making you _sick_.

There were moments that you’d open your eyes, and Tony would be there. Wiping your brow, or sitting by your bedside working on something. Brightening as he caught your gaze, readjusting your covers, bringing you water… just _there_. Taking care of you. He’d murmured sweet wonderful things more than once- about as much as you were conscious. But his voice sounded so foreign and far away. 

It was just the _feeling_ that made you understand.   
He was _worried_. And _scared_ still. But so **resolved.** So **strong**.   
And he _loved you_. Almost overwhelmingly so. 

_Relief_ was in there, somewhere. _Glad_ to have you back. It seemed hard for him to leave your side. Even when other people came in to talk to him, their voices were just as unrecognizable. They’d talk and then he’d shoo them away, and come sit down next to you again. Not quite like the _shooing_ he’d given Fury. Never that _angry_ again. Just… telling them to leave the two of you alone. 

It was dawn, on the first Monday in August- as the display on the nightstand told you- when you finally felt… not normal, or even good- but just… not as you had. Sitting up wasn’t as much of a chore. Your thoughts weren’t in an immediate panic. The room was dimly lit, soft blue glows from tablets and screened littered throughout the bedroom making it almost as if you had fairy-lights strung about. 

There was one in Tony’s lap, reflecting a pale shade onto his even paler face. He was half slumped in the chair he’d been sitting in this whole time, glasses sitting halfway down the bridge of his nose. Dozing. He didn’t look even remotely comfortable. Carefully you reached out, brushing the backs of your fingers over his face. 

A bare groan escaped him, something low and rocky, just before his eyes blinked open. Fog clearing to center on you. “Good morning- ...I assume it’s morning…” His voice was rough and scratchy, and he practically melted into your touch. 

“Good morning, handsome.” You might not have felt _normal_, but this was. And you were soaking up every moment of it. 

He slipped off the glasses he’d been wearing, rubbing lightly at his eyes afterward. Both the specs and the tablet got discarded on the nightstand. “How are you feeling?” Attentions placed back on you in full afterwards, reaching over to gingerly touch his hand over your forehead. 

“I’m okay.” You lied. Easily so. It just wasn’t worth trying to explain that you weren’t, but that _that_ was okay. Not yet. Guilt wracked your heart. He looked an absolute mess. Probably same as you. “I’m sorry… for- everything. All this. For worrying you.” 

His brows knit together before lifting, a quirk of a tired smile on his lips after. “Honey, I’ve been in a constant state of worry for two months straight. A few more days wasn’t gonna kill me. But a week- I don’t know. Getting dicey. Heart’s still healing, you know?” His hand turned over, holding your face in his palm again. Such a gentle and comforting gesture. One you’d grown to love. Even more so, now. “-and for the record, you got nothing to be sorry for.” 

“I let him get me.” A different sort of _guilt_ touched you then. 

“That’s like saying the people down on Lex _let_ a space whale fall on their building.” His voice lowered, and he shifted out of his chair to sit closer to you on the bed, taking your face in both his hands then. “You went out. Someone took you. That’s _not_ your fault.” 

He was talking like it was simple- like _you_ were simple- but you weren’t. You weren’t a _regular person_. That happened to people like M-... to people like… _what was her name?   
__**Melissa?  
**__**Mackenzie**__**? **_

...you couldn’t remember. 

“Honey? You still with me?” 

Why couldn’t you remember her name? A brief panic fluttered through you. _What was her name_? 

“Honey-”  
  
“_I’m not like them_.” You had to practically force the thought out. You could no longer remember her. Not what she looked like. Not even her name. But- “That’s not supposed to happen to _me_. I’m-” You were supposed to be stronger. Better. _An Avenger_. What were you now, that someone could just _take you off the street_? 

“You’re a person. Same as the rest of us.” He cut your frantic thinking off, pulling your attention back. His thumbs brushed just underneath your eyes, catching a few stray tears. “If it had happened to Cap, I’d say the same thing to him. There’s _always_ someone above your paygrade out there. Doesn’t matter who you are. That doesn’t make it your fault. I’m sure you fought like hell to get out of there- in fact, I know that- because you’re _here_ now.” 

But his assurances weren’t _true_. Your eyes lowered and then closed, but he still held on to you. “He didn’t- _chain me- _or _tie me up_ or- anything- he just… he just _told me to stand in a corner_. So I did. He told me to do things I didn’t wanna do- but I did them anyway. Because I wasn’t… I wasn’t _strong enough_ to stop him… and I…” 

Pain rushed up to greet you. Yours- and then Tony’s. His arms came around you, holding you to him as you allowed yourself yet another moment of weakness in all this. Crying. Again. “You don’t have to force yourself to explain it- when- _if_ you wanna talk about it- I’m here. But honey, please listen to me… there’s not a damn thing I wouldn’t have done to get you back. Just like I know there’s not a damn thing you didn’t do to get yourself out of there. You’re as _normal_ as the rest of us, believe it or not…” 

His hand reached up to thread his fingers through your hair, rocking you slowly. You sunk into him. Allowing his gentle touch to wash over you. He was _sad_. _Devastated_. Same as you. But there was a peace in all this. Holding you steadied his world. And you allowed the feeling to cycle back. 

“You can’t invalidate what happened to you, by saying you didn’t do enough. Or that it shouldn’t have happened to you. Or that you should have _known_ better, or _been _better. It happened. But you fought. And you’re here. And _that’s _what matters.” 

It occurred to you a little too late- where these words were pouring out from.   
_His heart_. The same one beating steady beneath you. _Still healing_. And a_ching_. That had thought about something like this for _a long time now_. Longer than you’d been gone. Longer than you’d been together, technically. 

Once upon a time, a long time ago it felt like now, Tony had been taken, too. A thought that had floated into your awareness, when you’d been stuck in that house. And one that was ringing in your ears, now. 

“You don’t have to do this alone.” 

Shifting back with a sniffle, you rested your forehead against his, eyes opening to see his own. To see the deepness of his gaze. The _care_ there. The _love_. “You did.” 

“I had you.” Was that true? Not in this capacity, sure but… _was that true_? You two had spent a lot of time together. You’d cleaned up messes so he could focus on himself. You’d spent mornings with him. And evenings, sometimes, too. Back then… “So let me return the favor, alright? We’ll get through this.” A soft little noise caught the both of your attention, as Dvahli jumped up on the bed and cut between you, coming to sit in a curl in your lap. “Oh. Yeah. She helped, too. While you were out. Promised I’d give her credit- but. Not as much as I did.” 

The levity was _very_ much appreciated. As he sat back, letting go of you, you let your hands fall to the ball of black fur now purring away in your lap. “Thanks, Li.” Petting her softly between the ears. “JARVIS, could you open the shades, please?” 

“Yes, ma’am. It’s good to have you back.” 

Tony found another smile for you, then. Something encouraging. Loving and _kind_ in a way. He placed his hand on the back of your head, pulling you in for a careful kiss to your forehead. “I love you.” Stepping back to give you some space, he took the tablet off the nightstand and started typing on it. 

“And LUNA-” 

“Yes, ma’am? I’m glad you’re back.” 

This needed some _serious_ addressing. “Thank you. For not listening to me.” 

Even though perhaps Tony didn’t know- maybe he did- he huffed out a laugh, back turned to you. “Please. Second the signal came in there was no stopping me- which, by the way. Smart thinking. Maybe you should be in charge of some of the AI emergency protocols division… but next time it’d be nice. To know that I’m waiting for a sign _before _the sign comes.” There was a small undercurrent of _pride_ here. 

_Proud_ that you’d taken initiative to put security in place.   
It had been the one thing that had saved you, in the end. 

...really it had barely been a conversation between you and LUNA, a little while ago. But. If Tony was _proud_ of you… and if it had meant something- if it had brought you home in the end… 

He turned back, and the both of you smiled at each other. “Sorry.” A little sheepish. It had been such a small idea. You’d thought it wasn’t really important. Had thought you wouldn’t need it. ...until you did. 

“I’ll forgive you. If you tell me the passcode. I get the whole 1-800-LUNA stuff. But she told me there’s a specific set of numbers. Wouldn’t divulge. What are they? You know. Just in case _I_ need to toll-free myself out of a situation.” 

Lightly snarking you. Something you _loved_. Right now, anyway. It brought back that sense of normalcy that you’d lost. That you still didn’t have yet, but… maybe soon. “Four-Six-Nine.” 

A slightly puzzled look came over him. “Any significance?” 

At this your smile really did just evolve into something so broad it almost hurt. “I-N-Y.” 

As soon as he heard it, he blinked a few times. Right before a returning sunny smile blossomed across his face. “Right.” Coming close again, he leaned down. This time you met him, tilting your head back. The kiss was sweet and simple. All the things you needed right now. “Makes sense.” 

“I love you, Tony.” It was good to be home.   
  
It was good to be _free_. 

“I love you, too.” A quiet murmur. “More than anything.” 

_More than anything_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a ways to go. I was looking over the timeline and a lot of you are gonna get your wish or not wanting to get anywhere remotely near End Game (for valid feelings related reasons) because we have quite a few things to get to before we even scratch the surface of Ultron. So... sit back and enjoy! I hope!


	90. Chapter 90

Knowing Tony would not rest until you were on your feet, you made a valiant effort to get out of bed the next day. Just to make it easier on him. He deserved to heal, too. You told him you were going to take a shower and get something to eat, tried to coax him to bed.  
  
But he protested. “I’ll wait- and then go with you.” 

Hands on his shoulders, you gently eased him from his standing position to sit on the bed. “I’m just gonna go down to the kitchen.” Not outside. _Just in case_. A thought that put _both_ of you at ease. 

He still seemed a little unsure, frowning up at you. “...you sure?” 

Leaning in, you pressed a tiny delicate kiss to his forehead. He was almost gone in that moment. “I’m sure. Rest. Please.” He’d been up for who knew how long at that point. And he looked like he wasn’t going to last another few minutes awake anyway- though he would absolutely force himself. Only for you. 

Slightly convinced, both by you and the weight of his own body dawning on him, Tony sagged until he moved to lie down. Before you could fully turn away to go to the shower, he held a finger up. “Just don’t expect some sort of grand feast downstairs. Those people don’t know how to keep a fridge clean- or full- let alone even know what to fill it with. You might be looking at some literal green eggs and ham.” 

The sound of your giggles surprised the both of you. It felt like an eternity since you’d last laughed. ...since you’d last _been able to_\- but most of all, since he’d made you. A wonderful feeling indeed. You rewarded it with another kiss at his temple. “I’ll make do with Dr. Seuss style lunch. Don’t worry.” 

His smile was dazed, eyes half closed, as his hand took yours, pressing a kiss to the back. Not really hiding that he was hesitant to let you go. “I love you.” 

You gave his hand a small squeeze. “I love you, too, Tony.” With your free one you pulled the covers from the edge of the bed up to his shoulders. “Sleep. Please. Just for a little while. I’ll be here, when you wake up.” Looking up at you with full attention very suddenly, his gaze was more focused. It broke your heart. And even though he didn’t ask you to, “_Promise_.” A small murmur accompanied with another kiss to his temple. 

Just enough to soothe him. He was out before you even left the room. 

The shower you took was long and extremely _wonderful_. You didn’t have to worry about time constraints. About cold water coming down on you if you took too long. Or too hot just to punish you. Or anyone interrupting you. Or even _how_ you took it. God. What a feeling to just be a normal free thinking person, huh? It was terrible, to be grateful for just a normal _shower_, but you found yourself very much so. 

After you’d finished- a solid hour and a half (and very deserved)- you made sure to keep as quiet as possible when you crossed through the master bedroom to the closet. Tony was in a heavy sleep by that point and you had no intentions of ruining it. Fresh clothes were also a god send- _yours_\- another gentle reminder of a _normal_ life that had been taken from you. Gathering them up, you went into the living room to get dressed- but not before spying the Stark Industries zip up of Tony’s that had been left on the back of the chair still scooted close to the bed. No one could fault you for _borrowing_ it, right? So you snatched it up and then just as quietly left, closing the bedroom door behind you. 

“JARVIS, set the _Do Not Disturb _protocol. Cancel anything Tony has going on for the day. And anything that needs his immediate attention route through me. Please.” He’d done more than his fair share. He’d suffered more than enough. He needed rest. And you’d allow him that, where he wouldn’t have himself. 

“Yes, ma’am. There are several things that require your attention, now that you’ve returned. Ms. Potts has been requesting to see you for some time.” It wasn’t Pepper you made a grimace over. It was that _company duty was calling_, and you couldn’t think less you’d like to focus your energy on. Luckily, JARVIS caught your expression. “However… I think it prudent to extend the DND protocol to yourself, for the time being. There’s no use in addressing everyone until you’re ready.” 

Now _he_ was giving you the same sort of self-permission to heal that you’d tried to give Tony. All looking out for each other. That certainly had you smiling. “Thanks, JARVIS. And- Pep can come up, if she’s here and wants to. But… I just don’t want to talk about work, okay?”  
  
“I shall let her know.” 

All dressed, stepping into some flats while you zipped up that hoodie of Tony’s- taking a self-serving moment, finding a little bit of peace and calm and _familiarness_ breathing in the front as you held it to your face. Touched with his cologne and wear, warm, even though he hadn’t had it on for hours now. Just it being his made you feel safe. It was probably silly, but… it made it easier to go to the elevator to depart the penthouse. 

It only occurred to you as the elevator signaled its arrival that you were about to come face to face with the family you hadn’t seen in months. The very same people you’d went back and forth on- wishing they’d come get you and then praying they’d never find you so that they could stay safe. And the one person who came closer than anyone else stood inside the elevator as the doors opened, and the two of you stood stock still. 

For only three seconds total, and then in mirror moves, you and Bruce both stumbled into each other, arms wide open. His hug was not _as_ crushing as Tony’s had been, but you’d put money on that no one would ever squeeze you as tight as he had. It was still a nice squeezy hug, though. Mutually warm and also somewhat _bittersweet_. The only thing that bothered the moment was the chime of the elevator doors trying to close and then opening again as the two of you stood right at the threshold. 

It made it easier to pull away, a little awkward laugh from the both of you. But instead of going down, he stepped closer into the penthouse, so you eased back to allow him in. “It’s great- that you’re up. I was just uh- coming to check on you. And Tony. Is he around?”  
  
“Sleeping.” You held your hands together in front of you. “I’d like for it to stay that way, if that’s okay.” 

He waved a hand at you. “You won’t catch me bothering him. I think in all the time you were gone he slept maybe five hours total.” 

“I believe you.” A wave of _sorrow_ that was too hard to overcome splashed over you, bringing tears that you wished would just stop. Raising your hand to gently wipe some away, “It’s good to see you, Bruce.” 

“You, too. There wasn’t a moment there that any one of us wouldn’t have done whatever it took. ...you know?” Yet as he said this, he hung his head a little, and it wasn’t just you who was feeling _blue_ anymore. Not to mention the rising tide of _guilt_ stewing inside him. “I uh… I heard the address, that the team went out to-” 

Reaching out you laid a hand on his arm. “That wasn’t your fault. It was better- anyway- that you got sent away-”

“Guy scrambled my brains, right?” He didn’t exactly shrug you off, but he did step aside and start moving around. Not pacing yet, but… getting closer with every word. His hands were waving around, as he began speaking. “I don’t even remember going out there. Or coming back, really. I remember… Tony drilled everyone that went out scouting- every time they came back, he had a million questions. But. Not me. I told him once and I just- ...watched him give up.” 

This is not what you needed right now, but you weren’t the _only_ one suffering. Which was a tough thing to deal with. “He trusts you.” That had to be why, right? 

“He trusts everyone else, doesn’t he?” Looking up at you for answers. “If he’d just… if he’d just prodded a little more- maybe I would’ve remembered something…” 

Walking the few feet or so that he’d spun away, you reached out again to lay a hand on his shoulder this time. “It wasn’t your fault. That guy-” Even thinking about him now made you feel _sick_. It put a halt to your words, and luckily also to Bruce’s pacing and wandering guilt-ridden mind. “...that’s what he does. That’s all. There wasn’t anything you could have done. It was better that way- anyway-” 

“_It wasn’t_.” He looked up at you over the rim of his glasses, _pleading_. “I would have made peace with Hulk tearing down that whole neighborhood- if it meant saving you.” 

Your smile was weak as you nudged him. “No you wouldn’t have.” 

His own smile matched yours, with a huff of small laughter, head shaking as he dropped it. “No. I guess not. But it would’ve been easier than all the other times, at least.” Finally removing his glasses, he wiped them on the corner of his shirt. “I just keep… trying to think back on it. And it’s just. _Gone_. It’s hard to live with that.” 

“We’ll figure it out.” 

He looked at you for a long moment, and the hug that he pulled you into was a little surprising, but not unwelcome in the slightest. “You first, alright?” Once he let you go, he put his glasses back on and gave you another faded smile. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to uh… come up here and put all that on you. I’ve just been thinking about it a lot.” 

It was easy to assure him. “It’s okay. Will it help if I _release you_ from thinking about it?” Trying to make some playful hand gesture, two fingers tapping at his left shoulder then at his right. You realized too soon that that was the gesture for-

“I think you just knighted me but. I’ll make do.” 

“I’m no queen.” Stepping back in line with him to the elevators, you were both _relieved_ when you let some genuine giggles escape. 

His smile was warm, then. “Tell that to everyone else around here. _Especially_ Tony.” 

He was over-exaggerating, you were sure. You couldn’t let such a thing go to your ego. They were just your family. And they would have done anything to get you back. That didn’t make you a queen. It just made you lucky. And loved. He touched the button for the labs only after you pushed the one for the living quarters below. And since you weren’t headed to the same place… you decided to try and release what _you_ couldn’t stop thinking about. “Hey… what was the reason you showed up at that place in Brooklyn anyway? I’m assuming following some lead- neighbors heard screaming or something- saw me in a window?” 

The episode that had occurred had been fuzzy. And the more you thought about it… the more you realized you were losing. You _did_ remember Bruce being there. And you _did_ remember that man telling him to go away and forget about it. But everything else was surrounded by extensive depression that ensued almost immediately after. A low point that had fogged over everything else. 

And part of you was now worrying… _had he told you to forget, too_? Some point? Somewhere? How would you even know…? 

“He just told me to go. The longer time passes the more I’m losing on the event, but- you know Tony. I’m sure he had drones out all over the city. Probably was a noise complaint he caught on a police scanner. He was taking any lead he could get at that point.” The doors opened to the labs and he stepped out but turned back to give you a smile and a small wave. 

So you waved back. “Thanks, Bruce.” At that he seemed to wilt a little. You caught the whisper of thought here- _thank me when I actually do something_. Another little chip in your heart. But the doors closed before you could follow him, and you let yourself let it go. For now. 

Easy to do, a little swell of anxiousness in your gut, as the elevator descended and then opened up onto the floor with the living quarters and the family _Mess Hall_. You didn’t know who would be there, but as you stepped out near the back of the room, you saw Clint sitting at the table with half a sandwich in hand- who spied you, a little arch of his brow and a light grin. 

He then snapped his hand against the back of Steve’s thigh- who had been pouring himself what looked like a glass of lemonade from a pitcher. Jolting a little he half turned with a little bit of _frustration_, “What?” And when Clint nodded towards you, Steve turned. 

And the feelings he projected were almost like… it was sort of like a puppy, no disrespect meant of course- but just the way he _brightened_ and the _excitement _and _relief_ that poured out of him- kind of like a puppy who had been waiting for someone to come home for quite a long time. The feeling swept you up along with his bright smile and you risked looking rather _stupid_ in front of Clint as you rushed from the back of the room and into Steve’s arms as he opened them for you-  
  
Promptly leaning down to accommodate the difference, so that he could scoop you up. It was strange, it wasn’t like you doubted how much your love for these people had grown in the few years now that you’d known them- but in moments like _this_\- where Steve was crushing you to him (though _still_ not as tight as Tony had), you knew. You really _were_ family. 

“It’s good to see you out of bed.” Murmured somewhere at your shoulder as he still hung on to you. He held on for just a little bit longer before setting you down on your feet. “Where’s Tony?” 

“Taking up my spot.” 

Clint snorted and stood up from the table. “See? Told you she’d put him down.” 

Steve just made a face at him and then gave you a little anxious smile. “We were worried. About the both of you.” 

At this you shied back. “I’m sorry- about this- all of it-”

The fridge door pulled open and Clint huffed out a noise. “Don’t start with that. If we all blamed ourselves for everything out of our control, we’d all be in a lot of trouble.” 

Steve’s strong hand went to your shoulder. “He’s right. From what we’re getting, the guy was dangerous. No one’s puttin’ any blame on you for getting caught up with him.” 

You gave a weak shrug. “I think at least Fury is mad at me.” 

Clint shut the door of the fridge. “Fury’s just frustrated because the guy got away.” Putting some provisions on the counter, he pulled a loaf of bread from a cabinet. “Believe it or not, he was right behind Tony the whole time- on gettin’ you back.” 

“Not that _we_ weren’t.” Steve seemed to take some soft offense to this. “Every hit we got, we went out looking.” 

“I don’t doubt it.” Reaching up to give him a light pat on the arm. You didn’t think any of them had given up. How could you? “I just can’t help feeling like- ...out of everyone- you know. _Me_? I should’ve been able to… figure it out.” 

“You’re standing here, aren’t you?” Steve’s voice went softer, asking this, eyes imploring as he looked at you. 

Finished doing what he was doing, Clint turned, handing to you a pristine looking sandwich on a plate. And Tony thought these guys were animals. “Mind control is a shitty thing. There’s no point in asking _why me_ or _why didn’t I get out sooner_. Trust me. At least you got out.” 

Remembering a time when he had to get knocked around to escape from someone else’s control. Realizing, only then, he probably understood more than anyone else you knew. When he jiggled the plate at you, you laughed apologetically and took hold of it. “Thanks.”

“Looked like you could use something to eat.” Giving a shrug. About as _don’t mention it_ as it got. 

You regarded his offering. “You know… Tony was pretty sure I was gonna get served up some green eggs and ham, coming down here.” 

And at this, Clint really did laugh, shaking his head as he sat down again. “We’re not as bad as he thinks, you know.” 

Steve stood there, brow raised. “Green eggs?” 

In the midst of a bite of his sandwich, Clint answered with another laugh. “A little after your time.” 

“Dr. Seuss.” You, hopefully helpfully, answered. 

Sighing, Steve put his hands on his hips. “I’ll put it on the list.” After that he gave you a long look. “...you staying?” 

Though it made you feel guilty, “I think I just need some fresh air. Hope you don’t think I’m cutting and running.” 

Clint waved a hand. “We’re all good.” 

Steve nodded, a small little pat at your arm. “We’ll catch up later.” Giving you an offering of the lemonade he’d poured for himself, which you gratefully stole off with to the balcony. 

It was nice, not _really_ being alone, knowing Steve and Clint were still in the kitchen back the other way- not that anyone could come up here and hurt you- because even if they tried, the Tower had defense- JARVIS and LUNA would keep you safe, you were sure. And… Tony would be down here in a matter of seconds should anything happen… Really. Truly… you were okay… it was just, little things. You couldn’t help but be _nervous_. _Scared_ still. ...only a little. 

Here you were safe. You were home here. Two thoughts you let repeat over and over as you tried to force yourself to eat something. The city was alive and well beneath you, sprawling in all directions. People running around in their busy lives. And, briefly, you wondered if… he was down there, somewhere… 

The sound of the sliding door behind you gave you a little jolt, and you twisted quickly- eying Natasha as she stepped out, plastic bag in her hands. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.” 

You ducked your head. _Ashamed_. Natasha out of all of them, you supposed, probably sensed your own guilt. Your need to have been stronger. She had trained you. And one moment in time you’d gotten lucky, and almost escaped through your own means. But… that hadn’t worked. And instead, in the end, you hadn’t fought anyone. You’d just _run away_. 

When you didn’t answer her she came over, sitting close but not uncomfortably so. “It’s good to see you up.” 

Everyone kept saying that to you, and you had no doubt they all meant it. “It’s good to be up.” Knowing now that you just weren’t going to finish it, you pushed your plate of quarter eaten sandwich aside and turned your attention to her. “What’s that?” If she’d come out here with it, you assumed it was for you. 

But her face when you asked- crestfallen and that feeling of _apologetic_ told you you might not have wanted to ask. “It’s um… I was coming upstairs to talk to Tony but, JARVIS told me to go away.” 

You aimed a bit of mock surprise at her. “Is that what he said exactly?” 

“Even harsher, if you can believe it.” Truthfully, with the smile she was wearing, you weren’t sure if she was joking or not. “But-” And now that the _fun_ was over, “...they’re the clothes you came in with. We took them for testing. DNA… anything we could get.” 

Immediately your mood soured. Your eyes dropped, avoiding hers, and you felt like sitting back on the bench so you could hug your knees to your chest. Instead you forced yourself to sit still. “Oh.” 

“Yeah. Well, the lab’s done with them, so…” 

“I don’t want them.” 

“I figured.” She said this in a deep sigh out. “Tony was adamant he’d never seen them before, so we knew they must’ve come from… where you’d been.” She really was trying her best to be delicate. 

You really did appreciate it. The thought of Tony also knowing your extensive wardrobe- although, you had disappeared in a party dress. So. Maybe it wasn’t _that_ deep. ...you pretended that it was. “For all I know he ordered a woman in the street to strip. They could belong to anyone.” Was that man the sort of man who went out to a store and bought a dress for his little **p̶̠͙̤̠̤̺̌͑̇̂̋̊̄̂͗͊͘͘u̸̧̘͎̳͓͖̳̹̤̺̙̘̭͓̦͒̍͑̈́p̸̢͓͓̳̭͎̥̹̝̙̰̺̯̀̏̆̑̾̎ͅ-**

In one single moment your thoughts spiraled out of control. It was too hard to think- and in the next it was too hard to breathe- he was there. Somewhere. You’d _heard his voice_. He was still here. He was still _in your head_. He could order you off the balcony- he could- _he could_\- 

“Hey.” Natasha’s strong voice caught you at just the right moment, as did the hand on your shoulder, close to your neck, squeezing _just _enough. “Eyes on me. Breathe.” So you looked at her. And followed her instructions. In- and then out- until the noise died. 

Until it was just you. Your shivering. And your shame. Looking away from her, unable to live with yourself, “I’m sorry- I’m just- still-” 

“You’ll get there. Don’t apologize.” She held you like that for a few moments longer, until finally she got up. “I have an idea. Hang on.” Then she got up and left. Leaving you with that bag. Staring at you. Stained and bloodied clothing waiting inside. Little summer dress- underwear- It took everything in you to not go back to _that place_. 

Thankfully she came back, metal grated waste basket in hand- along with- “Is that lighter fluid?” Why did the kitchen have lighter fluid? 

She set the basket down and then sat down next to you. And, then finally, she picked up the plastic bag and handed it to you. “It is. Here.” 

Natasha was trying to give you back control. With trembling hands you reached out to take it, and then pulled the contents from within. You held on to them, perhaps a little longer than you should have- if there was a measurement somewhere in the universe for such things. She steadied your shaking with a hand on your arm. 

“Don’t rush this.” Giving you permission. To take as long as you needed. 

So you did. You sat there with yourself. Your _sadness_. Your _guilt_. Your _shame_. And your _darkness_. Shivering. Long minutes passed until finally you drew a long breath in and then let it out, dumping the dress and undergarments into the basket. Once you let go of them, she gave you the little yellow bottle, and you _squeezed_ perhaps a little too hard. Dousing them completely. 

Instead of a lighter, she’d brought a box of matches, and held it up to you. And then waited for you to take hold. Once you did, it took you a few tries with your trembling hands to get a strike. But once you did you held it, briefly, the wind almost snuffing the tiny light out. You waited… and waited… and then tossed it in. 

The flames caught almost immediately. And so you sat there. Watching it all burn.  
You weren’t sure when the crying had started.  
But you knew the moment it had, Natasha had put an arm around you and guided your head to her shoulder. 

And the two of you watched.  
You sat there together and watched until there was nothing left but ash. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family takes care of family.


	91. Chapter 91

It was dark by the time you _came to_, figuratively speaking. Nat had left a little while ago. Maybe hours. Hard to tell. She’d stayed as long as she could, and you appreciated her comfort. There were no bad feelings about her going. She had somewhere she needed to be. That was all. And you were fine on your own. Except _fine _might have been too strong a word. 

When the door slid open again, a _warm _presence stepped out. Tony, you already knew, without even having to look. Especially as he sat next to you, folding his arms around you, holding you to him. “I was worried you were a little chilly out here, but then I realized you stole my sweater.” 

Turning your head, you rested just at the crook of his neck, voice tired and mumbled against his skin. “Like you don’t have a million of them.” 

“Hey, I don’t mind sharing- but that’s _kinda _my favorite one. Has that _lived in _feel.” 

“That’s why I stole it.” Because it just had _him_ all over it. And in lieu of his absence, it would do. 

“So you admit it.” Squeezing you just a little bit more, as if in punishment. You let the rumble of his pseudo-laugh coax your own, but mostly they were just empty as the two of you sat there and basked in the quietness. At least until, “...so uh, hey, not to rush you- Pep brought dinner. She got soup. From that place you like. You wanna eat out here?” 

Your _first_ family had come to spend the evening with you, it seemed. “No- that’s alright. I’ll come in.” An offer you couldn’t turn down. Especially knowing what came with it. 

As you stepped back into the kitchen, Rhodey was the first. His hug was sturdy and resilient- (not judging anyone who had given you one that day, but again not as _tight_ as Tony’s)- and he seemed a little hesitant to let you go. But when he did Pepper was next. With her arms around you, she swayed you a little back and forth, and became teary-eyed with some sentiments that were very familiar. 

“I’m glad you’re back- and up. It was scary for a while, there. No work talk, I promise. JARVIS already gave me an earful.” And you imagined that might be true, especially considering he’d spoken to Nat similarly. Seemed he may have been playing over-defensive. ...if an AI could do that. 

But out of all of them, perhaps Happy’s hug ranked second or third- tying with Steve’s- both unable to touch the top spot, but that bearhug he trapped you in was _wracked_ with guilt. “You should’ve sent me-” Murmured. And where Pepper had been teary-eyed, he was crying already. “I don’t know where I was- but-” _Not where you needed me to be_. 

“It’s okay, Happy.” It wasn’t- but it also wasn’t his fault. You’d made that decision to go out on your own. He’d had no say. “It’s alright.” His _projections _a lot to take on in the moment. You were glad when Rhodey unstuck him from you and gave him a few hard pats to the shoulder to ease him down. You were glad, because you knew he was going to argue with you about it. And you really weren’t sure you could handle that. 

“Hey- honey-” Tony’s voice thankfully distracted you from all the mess, and you turned to see him at the stove- “I’m gonna make some tea, do-” 

His words faded.

**M̸̯͈͔̼̜̮̳̰͒̾̈́̓͑̎͘͠ͅą̷̗͈͕̝̃̍̅̑̿̾͜ḱ̸̩̞̖̇͝ȩ̴̢̠̬̱̻̳͖̯͕̞̽ ̴̖͎̞̱̜̣̱͇͒̑̋̔͛̄̀̎̈́̾͆̒͝m̵̨͎̙̦̫͓̩͇͓̓̌͐́̾̽̕͝ę̷̨̣̭̬̼͈̰̅̔̃́͌͘ ̴̢̢̗̟̺͍͓̦̥͉̪̝̞̯͊̓ͅť̵̠͌̌̄̽̐̕͝ͅe̵̥̞̬̪̥̻̪̪̱͂̈͆̊ä̸̢͍̟̦̝̝́͋̈́̎͛̇̔͌̄̏͆̊͒̈́̕.̴̨̅̿̔̓̋̊̕͠͝  
M̸̨̨̡̨̨̧̢̖͙̥̝̝̖͚͖͉̮͇̺͍͓͍͔̩̜̜̖͔̬̩͔̭̼̻̦͍͎̪͓̱̩͕̜̙̯͖̗̝̜̳̪̹̳̥̮͚͇͍̹̜͇̜̜̖̀͆̚͜ȁ̷̡̛̱͉͇͖̲͖̪͚̉̀̍͋̈́̿̈́̀̀͐͐̈̇̇̊͋͑͑̑̒̐̾̅͑̔̆̋̈̐̈́̉̅̈́̈͗̀͂̆̎̿͂̑̍̋̈͒̈͗͐͆̆̾͂͂͑͆͌̆̆̓̚̕͘̕̕̕̚͝͝͝k̴̨̡̛͉̞̜̩̫̘͔̜̟̖͇̥͔̟̰̬̰͍̦̭̝͓̟̺͈̦̺͇͕͍̺͇͖̪̮̖͎͈͚͖̱̣̱̤͈͓͆͗͂̓̋̈́̿͐͗͊̔̎̏̆͌̈́̋̆̌̄͑̅̈́̓͐̆̍͌͒̒̃͗͋̆̓̔̽͐͌̇̚̚͜͝͝͝͝͠e̷̢̧̨̢̧̧̢̧̩̻̺͍̺̪̻̯͔̭̰͍̪͈̗͈̮̘̫͙̹̝̥͇̼̦̖̙̙̼̳̗̱̦̗͓̜̥̘̥̟͚͓̯͓͚̻̦͈̫̖͎̟̯͚̬̝̖̟͊̾̓͑̈́̓̇̇̓̍̋̈́̓̈́̓̍̈͘͘͠ͅ ̵̡̡̛͚̱̝̬̤̲͖͎̙̲̰͚͙̳̠̬̪̼͎͚͉̱͕̗̤͉̘̓̎̌̆̎͆̃̐̽̈́̽̓̆͋̔̇̎̇̉̆̅̔͒̾̀͆̍̂͑̒͒̈̈́͊́̏̀̇̽̿̆̿͐̂̑͌̋̕͜͜͜͝͝͠ͅm̴̭̻͍͖͕͍̥̜̟͓̞͖̫͕̳̱̣̠̱͖̝̜̦̒͜ę̵̣̙͔͔̲̲̜͔̜͔̗̯̌̽̔͂͂͛̋̒̂͑̎̐̇̓͐̔̉̔̔͛͛͛̉̐̀̈́̑̏̽̐̅̐̌͂̈́̚̚̕̚͜͝͝͠ͅ ̸̥̯̥̝͓̞̖̠̬̥͎͉̭̝͙̜̙͍̮͔͔̜̤̇̽̋̅̌͒͌͋̋̑̿̿͊̏̃́̎͗̈́́̈́͊̇̋̓̋͋̓́̄̓̄̈́̿̓̏̚̕̕͠͠ͅt̷̢̛̟̯̭̥̖͎̙̙̙̱͚͙͍̬̫̩͎̤̳̣̳̱̰͍̰͍̗̯͙͇̝͖͇̽͌͛͑̑̐̇̏̎̇̌̂̃̈̿͆͋͗̽͋̃͒̈̑̀̆́́̓̏̈́͆̈̍̋̾͑̂̂́̊̇̏̎̆̊̐̄̑͋̓̆̌͐̋̉̕̚̚̕͘͜͝͝͠͠͝͝͝ȩ̶̨̢̢̢̱̮̻̪̤̩͎͈̯͈̟̝͇̩̼͕̬̭̯̼̼̙̤͓̭͈̰̰̬̺̘̼̼̗̬̳̥̯̗̱͇̗͈̦̲͖̣̤͎̀̓̒̾́͊̏̅̓̕͜ͅͅą̷̨̧̧̨̧̡̛̛̛̺͖̮̞̗̣͓̹͉̞͍͇̩̞͙̘͈͚̼͓̬̲͉̭̤̮͖̟̂͊̌̀̌̋̉̎̂̂̇̐̈́̂́͐̓̐̅̏̋̒̎̎̄͆̎͂͐̌̄̽̏͗̎͒̀̍͂͗̄̇̉̏͗̈́̋͑͒͐͗̑̆̕̚̕͝͝͝͝.̶̢̧̢̧̰̗͇̹̪̖̹̘͓̖͓̖̟͇̱͉̺̗̙̳̲̩͕̰̺̩͙̬̺͂̃͌̓͗̓̈̋̈́̒̇͂̓́͆̐̿̇̕͜ͅ**

**C̵o̸m̵e̶ ̵h̸e̸r̶e̷ ̶p̶u̸p̴.̴  
G̵̫̠̦̙͑̊͌͘ơ̶̫̰̏̂̽̿͝ ̶̥̊̅̂̐̉̄̇̀s̸͈̜̣̝̍͒͋̓t̸͙̤͚̫̝̭͐͛̽͑̈́̚̕å̶̡̡̼͕̠̬̊̋ͅñ̷̨̛̘͛̏͐͠d̸̡̋̀̐̉̌̾̀ ̵̢͕̩̲̩͈̬̫͋͐̂̑͝ȋ̵̠̻͇̀̾̇͑n̷̡͕̰̼̞̞̤͆̌͠ ̷̹̭̞̩̳̤̂̓̂t̷̳̖͇͍̻͚̄͘ḩ̸̪͙͚̹̯͎̑̽̇̎̔̚ĕ̶̢̛͕̼̦͉̲̟̾̎͊͠ ̶̯̽̎̒̃̕c̸̨͚̬͍̼͇͕̈́͒͒o̷̢̘̤̩̹͒͋̄̈́̋̐͠r̸̜̰̣̅̐̈́̔ň̵̛̘e̷̪̩͊͒̀͆̈̚͝r̶͓̤̲̗̰̽̿̀̕͝.̸͔̜͓̼̩̝͉̫̐  
D̴̨̨̗̪̳̮̊́̒̾̿ͅo̷̩̲͇̊̌̈́̾̇̎̾̄ ̶̡̫͚̠̣̈́̋́̊̃̒̕n̸̢͓͕̣͌̈́̔͠ǒ̸̡̫͇͂ţ̵͎͙͖̩̿͋̐͝ ̸̮̥̱̣͌m̵̖͕̘̋̐̂́̓o̶̧̢͖̮̻̺͝v̶͍͓̘̣̈́ê̷͓͙̫͆̂.̵̗͚̤̦̼̞̺̗͐͋̋̓̏͝͠  
M̶a̵k̴e̶ ̷m̷e̷ ̶t̴e̶a̴.̷  
M̶a̵k̴e̶ ̷m̷e̷ ̶t̴e̶a̴.̷  
M̶a̵k̴e̶ ̷m̷e̷ ̶t̴e̶a̴.̷**

_ **He was grabbing at your arm** _ **\- **

**  
**Under the weight of his voice ringing in your ears, you knocked the hand away, and _Tony_\- _not __**that man**__\- _reeled back. But before you could even issue an apology, your hands went to your mouth as your body just _ejected_ everything up. You stumbled over to the trash can, collapsing on your knees. Coughing up that small bit of sandwich- the bare lunch- and when that wasn’t enough, your insides squeezed painfully again, as bile struggled its way upwards and out. 

Voices faded into a high pitched whine as this continued for several _long_, excruciating moments, struggling for breath while your body emptied out _everything_. And when another pair of hands touched at your shoulders, you felt yourself crumple inwards, and sobbing began. 

“_Don’t touch me- don’t touch me-_” Hiding your face as you pressed your forehead against the garbage can, feeling hot and dizzy. “_Don’t touch me- __**please**_-” Begging. Begging because you didn’t know what else to do. Your chest became so tight you felt the explosion of your heart inevitable. 

“Honey… listen to me- can you hear me…?” Tony was _somewhere_ in all this mess, and when you turned just a little, you saw him crouching next to you. Hands pointedly held together in front of him. 

“_I’m sorry_…” It felt like you were speaking a different language, thick and heavy on your tongue. It almost didn’t even _sound_ like you. Like someone else was speaking for you. 

He stayed where he was. Close. But not too close. “You’re alright. You’re okay…” 

But you _weren’t_. You were _**broken**_. And that **man** was still lurking somewhere. Somewhere inside you. Maybe you’d never be rid of him. You squeezed your eyes shut, tight. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry-” Two words, repeated. Over and over and over. 

Behind you the three other people in the room drew your attention as _fright_ and _sorrow_ wrapped them all up. You were _scaring_ them. Making them feel _pity _for you. Making them feel _sorry_ for you. But it wasn’t just that- 

“Honey… I need you to look at me- focus on me-” His words were tight, and as you looked up- finally really _registering_ his eyes- you cast a wary glance just behind you. Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey were _suffering_. Frozen in place. Having trouble breathing- same as you. 

_Panicking_.   
You were broadcasting your attack.   
And Tony was there, crouched aside you, _fighting _through it. Because he’d _been here_ for a long time. And, at present moment, he was the only one who was able to _fight_. Through _strength_, through _experience_\- 

And through his _love_ for you. 

“I’m right here.” Without actually extending his arm, he turned his hand up. “I’m right here. You’re okay. You’re _home_. No one can get you here. JARVIS is watching every entry. Happy made sure everyone has their badges. You know- I gave DUM-E a bell, the other day, just to give him something to do. I told him not to ring it unless his software detected a face he’s not used to seeing, but he just rings it any time anyone walks by.” 

He turned your attention away from _everything else_\- smile weak, as he relayed this story- and the high pitched whining died out. Some of the fog loosened. You felt yourself catch your breath, and a choked watery laugh found its way out of you. 

And at _that_, his smile grew just a little brighter. “Just excited to do something- you know him. So if you see him and he rings, he’s just happy to see you. Hey… can you put your hand in mine? Right here… when you’re ready. I’m right here.” It took you a few more seconds but shakily you reached out, and his hand closed over yours. Thumb stroking over the side. It made it easy to focus on the sensation. “There, like that. You’re alright. _I’ve got you_.” Easing your attention all the more, evening you out. “Take a breath for me, watch me. Follow me.” 

Once you got a few in and out, you edged away from the garbage can and practically fell into his arms, hiding your face in his shoulder. His arms wound around you, holding you _tight_. And finally reality came back in full. Just as it did, energy bled out of you. “I’m sorry…” Leaning heavily on him. 

“You’re alright. Nobody was expecting you to just come home and shake it off. You’re okay… I’ve got you.” 

* * *

They told you no apologies were necessary, but what you really thought was that there was no way to apologize _enough_. It had been a tremendous moment of weakness. Of vulnerability. And it had ruined the evening- probably the worst part of it. They’d been happy to see you up, everyone had. And yet very suddenly you were back upstairs in bed. After another _long_ shower. 

_What happened_? 

What was it about what Tony had said- something so incredibly mundane? Yet now that tiny little thing… it ruled your life. Even thinking about it, or getting close to thinking about it, had nausea coming in waves. Made you feel dizzy. _On edge_. 

You tried to push past it- really around it, when Tony came back from cleaning up. “How’d you learn to do that?” Because he’d been so quick and sure. So ready to help, the exact moment you’d needed it. Sure, he’d talked you down from anxiety attacks before- even _before_ all this. You remembered a moment in his office, after he’d announced to the world he was Iron Man, that he’d put your tizzy to rest by reaching out to you and telling you to _breathe._

But this time had been different. Different from all the other times. This wasn’t just a panic attack. It was darker. Scarier. And in the moment you had had no idea how to get out of it. ...you still really didn’t. As Tony sat down on the side of the bed, you reached out instinctively, grabbing his hand. He held yours back tightly, lifting to press a kiss to the back. “Turns out, Dr. Deja Vu is actually a hard working professional.” 

At this you found yourself somewhat surprised. You hadn’t thought about the doctor in… quite some time now. “She’s still here? I would have thought… with the timing…” 

“Mn.” Nodding with a murmur. “Suspicious, right? Yeah. I checked her backwards and forwards, believe me.” You’d only hired her a little while before your sudden disappearance. To think that Tony wouldn’t have _immediately _zeroed in on the one person who had been the change in your lives… would have been foolish. “Kind of put a wedge in our relationship, I think. But. I wasn’t seeing her while you were gone.” Which also made sense. He had been too busy with everything else to attend a valuable therapy session. 

It was nice to not have to think. Or talk. So you just let him continue. He seemed to pick up on it just as well. ...like back in the kitchen. 

“All those sessions you missed- or- well. _Whatever _happened. It’s not like she’s allowed to ask.” All the ones you just didn’t go to. Even though you’d told her you would. Having missed the very first one you’d set up and then just… _coincidentally_ had been too busy to find more time for her. ...or yourself, you were realizing now. “Kinda stole your time slot. Sorry honey. But, all things considered, clearly you didn’t mind.” 

Sitting up, you sidled closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder. “I don’t.” Tired and worn through. Just a small reprieve of a couple words, to let him know you truly _were_ listening, and not just to the way his voice sounded. 

“You said it yourself, the heroes need someone to talk to, right? I think it’s sort of working. Anyway… we went through _grounding_ techniques. A couple times. I’m not qualified but. I’m glad I had that in my repertoire.” His arm came around you, hand rubbing slowly up and down your arm. The both of you were looking off somewhere into the distance. Equally unfocused. “I don’t know what _pushed you_ in the kitchen. But we’ll be careful around it. Which is tricky. Can’t even say the letter in some sort of clever workaround. But I’ll think of something.” 

He was already making plans. Plans for you. Plans to continue to help you heal. To get you to progress. If you’d had any liquids left in your system you might have cried. Luckily… you were running on empty. “I don’t know what happened. It was so sudden… it wasn’t like the other anxiety attacks I’ve had before.” 

Feeling his chest rise as he drew in a long breath, you steadied yourself. The wheels were turning in his head. He squeezed you a little closer. “Again… no professional here. But. I’m pretty sure what happened in the kitchen hit a new trigger. You remember… when I was telling you about Rosehill and the kid there… even hearing the words _New York_\- god forbid that little smartass start talking about the-...” 

It happened all at once. The _squeeze_ of his heart. That _flutter_ of anxiety. Reaching up, you laid your hand on his heart. “It’s alright, Tony.” Finding energy returning to you in the form of usefulness. Trying to comfort him in one of those unique moments of oncoming _stress_. 

He cleared his throat. “Yeah- well- see none of us are all there yet. You’re not alone.” Turning he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and then settled again. There was a long moment of silence until he decided to stop trying to play professional on something that he was struggling with, too. “I think you should see her. When you’re ready. I know we’re all working through a lot. But. If it helps… I give her a seal of approval.” 

For one reason or another you felt yourself smiling. “That’s a tough get. She really must be good.” 

“Revocable at any time, mind you.” A little sweep of his hand in a weak yet somehow sharp gesture. He was getting tired. “All I’m saying is… we’ll get through this. Like everything else.” 

You found yourself nodding. Believing him. Because that was how the two of you did things. _Together_. You’d made that promise. More than once. No matter how tough things got, you’d find a way through. But… as much as you wanted to tell him _okay that’s great, time for bed_, something was still bothering you. And while it was all still raw… “Did I make the wrong move? Should I have- ...I can’t stop thinking about Fury and-” **That man** was out there somewhere. 

Amongst all your other troubles, of which there were _many_ now, you couldn’t stop thinking about it. Especially with your earlier conversation with Clint and Steve in the kitchen. Tony’s squeeze on you grew almost ten times as strong as he cut your rambling. “I’m in the same boat. Relatively speaking. I had more than one shot. He seemed… pretty destructible. And JARVIS can’t even get a good ID off the feed. It’s… maddening, honestly. The _what ifs_.” What if he hadn’t listened to you? What if he’d just exploded the dude on sight? What then? Would life be better? “All I know is… you said go. So I left. And I’m not in the mood to second guess that judgment. 

I spent a lot of days in an angry haze. Thinking about… what it would come down to. And in the moment- let’s not say Fury was right- I’m definitely not _all talk_. I do like a little _show_ every now and again. But…” His defensive humor was shining so bright it might have blinded you. “You said go. We went. That’s it. And you were too sick to get out of bed. His needling wouldn’t have found the guy.” 

“You don’t know that.” Feeling glum. _Defeated_. 

“Yeah, I do. Him sitting you down in the interrogation room with a microphone and a spotlight- that wasn’t gonna help anyone. What’s the ID here? Tall white guy with brown hair? Trust me, I already gave the signal on that one. Didn’t help anybody.” 

“He had an English accent…” You felt _weak_ very suddenly, sagging against him. Half hiding your face in the crook of his neck again. 

And he was holding you tightly, again. “Alright. We’ll put it on the list. Half of England is officially on notice. Thor’s lucky he’s not a brunet- have you ever thought about that, by the way? His accent? He’s from another planet, right? Yet he’s pretty Shakespearean theater. It’s weird, right?” Despite it all, he always knew the perfect way to get you. And his continued obvious attempts at getting a giggle out of you in these toughest of times were finally rewarded. 

The two of you shared in the mirth until it died down and he spoke again. “You know- I’ve been thinking. Wasn’t there someone on our team working on some therapy thing… brain wave projection? I haven’t had enough time to remember- but thinking about it now. Didn’t you throw some project half on my desk, half in the trash?” 

“That could be _anything_.” In this you felt a soft sense of relief, the humor of it all. Your _normal_ lives.

His chuckles helped. “Yeah. I guess so. Look… this is a one day at a time thing. We’ll get through it.” 

You found yourself nodding slowly. Tired. Drawn. “One day at a time.” Echoed, as you felt yourself falling. “I love you.” 

“I love _you_.” 

“Come to bed.” 

He breathed out another sigh. There was reluctance here. He wanted to stay up. Start researching a million things. Watch over you. But he was _just a human_, too. And he’d done more than enough. “I slept the entire afternoon. I don’t think I could go to bed right now if I tried.” 

“I think you could.” Not wanting to force him to go to sleep, but… 

“Give me a few hours, alright?” It was just impossible for him. There was suddenly _new information_ on all sides. He needed to explore. To draw up plans. To think. To _work_. There was no way he would be able to lie down and sleep. 

He’d just end up lying next to you with his eyes open. Letting the gears in his brain grind away uselessly. He’d end up frustrated and then- ...you found a sigh of your own. “Okay.” Shifting up you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “A few hours.” 

Turning the other way to meet you, his hand touched up across your face, then further back still, threading through your hair. Tilting in, he rested his forehead against yours. “We’re going to be okay. ...you believe me, when I say that, right?” 

He’d posed this question, with the same amount of sincerity and wondering, years ago now. Strange, that you were both reliving and reflecting on the past in such a way… 

So you answered it, in the same way you had then. 

Closing your eyes, hand over his heart.   
You told him.  
_I do_. 

You had wondered then, if that had been a challenge to the universe. To test the both of you. Prove either of you wrong. Would you be okay? _Could you_? In this ever evolving world… growing more dangerous every day. And _someone_ had answered. _Someone_ had tried to test the both of you. More than a few times now. 

And yet… 

A quiet and much needed familiar touch of intimacy, as he held your face in his hands, and your lips met.   
You were _home_ here.   
You were _safe_ with him. 

_I do_. 

So you told him again. 

And when you parted, he stayed near, forehead pressed against yours again. A soft, gently breathless, “I love you.” Escaping him. And as you opened your eyes, you saw the glow there glittering between you. Enhanced when he _smiled_ so warmly. “Nice to see the light back in your eyes.” 

_Only for him_, you knew.   
Only for Tony. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make special note here that Tony and I are not professionals (which is why I'm not going to do therapy sessions in great detail, it's not my place and I'm not qualified to give any sort of advice, even through characters). If you're struggling and able to (I know that's a huge hurdle), please see a mental health professional. Please enjoy this story for what it is but don't take anything any character is saying as sound mental health advice to apply to your own life because like I said I am not a professional and if you need advice you should get it from someone who is!


	92. Chapter 92

One day at a time.   
_One day at a time_. A mantra you reminded yourself of, and how you tried to take things, mostly considering you had no other option. It wasn’t easy. Even the first day had not been easy. Just like the one before it, and the one after it. Scheduling an appointment with Deja was hard. Going there was hard. Sitting down was hard. Talking was hard. Sometimes there was no talking. Sometimes there was only a little talking. 

Sometimes you had to have Tony escort you down to her office. Not because you were scared somebody was in the building, but because you just _weren’t strong enough_ to make it on your own. And gratefully… graciously… he stayed at your side. No matter what. It was easier, then, knowing you had him. Sometimes you’d go to the lab just to be near him. He never minded. 

Things were a little easier, seeing as he’d taken you off the company roster- very publicly at that- a little while ago. So you tried to use the time to your advantage. But it was difficult. And terrible. And… just… _hard_. It was very hard. And eventually, much like Tony himself, healing became too much of a one-track process. Your mind wouldn’t allow it- and especially wouldn’t allow sitting around doing nothing. Even if that nothing was _healing_. 

You started meeting back up with Nat every other day, as long as your body could handle it. Venting your frustrations through exercise was starting to become an activity you looked forward to. Especially when you emphasized the importance of learning new techniques to get out of _grabs_. You’d been grabbed _a lot_, recently. Lately. Something you thought about at night… These people- like Bruce had said- some of them had a mind to _use you_. Use you as leverage against Tony. Vanko. Loki. Killian… it was enough now. **You’d had enough**. Even if you fought out of or through most of those… and especially the last… it was enough.

You started working in small patches, started looking forward to something. To building something. And for that… you asked Deja’s help. At first she’d tried to make sure you weren’t putting the cart before the horse. Running before you could walk again. All that. Yes, very important stuff. You understood. _But_. Once you’d done enough _convincing_\- week’s worth, mind you- the two of you got to work on a new initiative. 

And finally, come the first week in October, you finally called for a press conference.   
Time to go back to work for real. 

You asked some of your Avengers family if they could come stand behind you- they didn’t have to be in costume of course- Bruce and Steve had no problem attending (...well Bruce was a little anxious about it, but he just didn’t like pressers. For good reason). Nat and Clint were a little more wary to be _that_ in front of the press. And considering their SHIELD spy agent status… you were inclined to agree. Tony, of course, was all ready to go in a handsome suit, standing proudly behind you inside the press hall as you took the podium. Deja aside him.

Everyone attending was well aware you weren’t taking questions. You knew that wouldn’t stop them, hungry as they were after your sudden _leave_. Though you had a prepared speech on the monitor, you still felt a little _nervous_ as the room hushed for you. 

“Hi everyone. Thanks for coming. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been up here- or anywhere, for that matter. I want to keep this brief. I thought about just issuing a press statement, but considering my lengthy respite, I thought this would be better. I’m not here to address any of the ridiculous rumors of my _disappearance_. I’m just here to talk facts.” 

Lying so very easily. Lies for yourself and for the company. This part of your job was easy. Practiced a lifetime ago with Tony when he’d do ridiculous shit that you’d have to find a way out of. This time it was your turn. And, to be fair, this wasn’t even your fault. A few weeks back you’d taken that meeting with Fury. Sat down and told him what you’d remembered- not much, anymore. Everything was more an amalgamation of blackness and sickness… things you _felt_ but couldn’t really describe. 

He’d still taken everything you’d given him. And then surprised you by offering you a cover story. Eye witness statements, if need be, receipts and pretty much everything you’d need to be well documented- 

“I’ve been away for a while at a retreat that probably cost too much money. When I took on the top position at Stark Industries, that was tough. When I became an Avenger… that was tougher. A lot of things have happened since then. And both jobs, running parallel to each other, are easily the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Things have not been okay ever since the _event_. And… I’ve come to learn that that’s okay. 

It’s okay that things are not okay. That’s a sentiment I’ve been struggling with for a while. And I know so many of us struggle with it, too. That’s why, effective immediately, Stark Industries is starting the M Initiative. It’s easy for me- relatively speaking- to step away from my life and go get help. It isn’t for everyone else. But we want to change that. Stark Industries is striving to change the conversation around mental health. We have an in-house team of therapists with all the latest technologies at their fingertips. 

You don’t have to come to our office in Midtown, we’ll come to you. Insurance doesn’t cover therapy? That’s okay. We’ll convince them. Don’t have insurance? That’s okay, too. Mental health is no longer a luxury afforded by people who can be sherpa’ed around a mountain or stay at a fancy resort for months. I want to change the landscape. The way we as a nation- even as a _planet_\- help ourselves, and help each other. We’re all we’ve got, right now. And we’re all in this together. 

Also effective immediately, I’m reinstating my position as Co-CEO of Stark Industries. I’m ready to get back to work. And, of course, I’ve never once stopped being an Avenger. Even in all of this.” Mental health was about to become a profitable margin for the company- insurance companies would be falling over themselves to get in where they could. A notion that pleased the Board when you’d announced your comeback. Convincing fatcats to help people they considered underneath them had long since become your forte. Something you were good at. 

You just hoped it was enough.   
And, looking directly into the news camera reporting this live, you gave that closing statement with as much heat and as much _power_ as you could muster. **That man** was surely watching. If not now, he would. He’d see your face in the papers for months to come. And he would know that he had not taken anything from you. And if he dared challenge you again… you’d be ready the next time. 

“Thanks everyone for your time.” One last utterance before Tony reached up to take your hand, while Bruce and Steve took up right behind you. Leaving the cries from reporters behind the double doors into the hallway as Happy and his team got you clear from point A to point B- and once securely settled in the elevator- 

“Sir.” JARVIS’ voice rang just above the group. Despite everyone at this point knowing it wasn’t like he lived in the ceilings, three out of the four of you directed your gaze that way. 

“Yeah, JARVIS?” Tony, the single one who hadn’t, was pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

“I have the stock report for you.” 

“That was fast.” Tony’s tone was… mildly amused, as he half turned to grin at you. Tipping his phone forward and then snapping back, he broadcast a projection against the elevator doors. Stocks were _booming_. Leaning over, he pressed a kiss at your temple. “Welcome back, honey.” 

Bruce removed his glasses from his nose, wiping the lenses on the front of his shirt. He was smiling, too. “Relatively speaking.” 

As the doors to the lab opened, a happy chime greeted your group. DUM-E rolled up to the front, bell in his claw, waving it back and forth with a jaunty ring. Stepping out, you reached out to give that long forearm a pat. “Thanks. Good to see you, too.” 

Things were… things were going to be okay. 

* * *

Now that you had things to focus on and do and deal with, your own healing process slowed. Or maybe it was helped. Or maybe a little bit of both. It was a little confusing to think about. But you were keeping your mind busy, so there was less to think about. Less personal things. Less dark things. Just focusing on helping people. On the phone with insurance companies and your own staff, investors- people big and small. Everyone out to try this new initiative. 

The first month results had already been staggering and very promising. _Everyone_ loved the new gentle side of the Avengers. Ones that were concerned with _the little guy_. Ones that had struggles, too. -well maybe not _everyone._ Every right wing news outlet in America took the opportunity to strike while they could. Calling it weak and a poor showing of America’s supposed _greatest heroes_ to broadcast something of that nature. But you weren’t afraid to appear on network television to confront them. Or defend yourself. Or protect your team. So you found yourself busy with that a lot, too. 

It was early afternoon, when you got home on the second Tuesday in November- home to the penthouse in the Tower. Still no plans as of yet to secure any other properties that weren’t getaways. No _real_ houses or homes. It would still do. For now. And… you felt much better being here than anywhere else, for the time being. Even when you left, you had a whole _squad_ of security. ...just in case. 

But Tony was not _home_. Not in the penthouse. “JARVIS is Tony downstairs?” And by downstairs, you meant-

“In the labs, yes. With Dr. Banner. Shall I alert him to your presence?” 

“No, that’s okay.” 

You’d just go down yourself. No use in bothering him. You slipped into something more comfortable than the business dressings you’d had on for morning TV and its shrieking hosts. Into a pair of jeans and a sweater, some worn out flats. Maybe you could convince the boys to go to lunch. That would be nice. 

The problem was, the lab was a _flurry _of activity. DUM-E at the front (who had long since had his bell taken away, poor thing), beep-booped at you with a little open and close of his claw. You gave him a little pat on the arm, and then excused yourself several times as you got in everyone’s way. Lab assistants and workers that you knew decently well by now, but…   
  
Further in- in their _private_ lab- you keyed yourself in and pulled the door open. JARVIS’ voice was strong overhead in the sound-proofed room. “Gravitational anomaly has subsided, sir. I’m tracking the flux of gamma radiation now.”

Tony was standing in front of a monitor, one arm crossed over his midsection, the other hand underneath his chin. “JARVIS, where is Ms. INY?” 

“Right here.” You _startled _both men, (maybe even JARVIS too, who knew), Bruce and Tony turning sharply to look at you. “Why? What’s going on?” 

Bruce moved away from Tony to his own work station, head down. “Always something interesting…” Sounding interested indeed, but _vexed_ in a way. 

Waving you over, Tony held out his arm for you to step closer beside him. Once there, he hooked it around your shoulders. “Something weird’s going on. Just wanted to make sure you were safe.” After taking another look at JARVIS’ coordinates zooming closer and closer in on a portion of the UK on a map, he cast a glance your way. “Caught your interview, by the way. You ever wonder when those guys are gonna get tired of getting whipped on their own stations?” 

You snuggled in closer, reaching up to rest a hand over his heart. “Well, until they _do_, I’ll keep taking the time slots.” Because it was good for your reputation to not shy away from stuff like that. If you declined to come in, they’d only use that against you. “Really though- what’s going on?” Sensing he was avoiding the topic. Not really sure why. But that never boded well. 

Reaching to the left corner of the table board, he zipped his finger down and several windows opened, all working and moving, displaying all sorts of numbers and graphs and… “There was a weird gravitational flux a few hours ago. Right as you left, I think. It opened and then closed. And now…” Dragging his finger across the screen to bring back the map, finally having zeroed in.   
  
Bruce spoke up behind the two of you. “There was a sudden gamma radiation burst. But it looks like it’s pretty far away.” 

You took a deep breath. This was all probably bad news. “LUNA, can you get any social hits in that area? Any video or anything?” 

“Scanning now!” 

Bruce chuckled lightly. “Where were you five hours ago?” 

“Working.” Turning half around to give him a cheeky look. “Where were you?” 

It was almost impossible not to feel Tony’s grin. “Hitting the streets angle. I like it. Very _working man_. We could too, you know. Despite _somebody’s_ protests… few hours of flight time in the suit. Not that bad for a science outing.” 

LUNA chimed back in. “I’ve located several relevant social media postings within the last five minutes.” 

Tony’s attention turned back in front of the two of you. “On screen.” 

As with all _social media_ content, a lot of it was really shaky camera footage that wasn’t very helpful to anything. Although there were a group of kids complaining _loudly_ about two older women in an abandoned factory- right where that supposed anomaly that had Tony wound up was. But, LUNA had saved the best for last, a vertical video of a sudden rain storm- and a bright burst of color. As if the sky was opening up- 

And you realized.   
You’d _seen that before_.   
And sure enough- though the woman recorded shrieked as it looked like something- _a flash of red_\- dropped from it right as the colors receded- 

You and Tony looked at each other. And weren’t really sure who spoke the name first. “_Thor_.” 

JARVIS cut your dual wonderment off. “Sir, there is heightened police activity in this area.” 

Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Well what’re you waiting for, JARVIS? Put in a call to our good boys in blue across the pond.” 

You gave him a little nudge. “I don’t know if they wear blue…” 

Bruce spoke up quietly behind you. “More of a black-and-white uniform. Though sometimes they wear the yellow vests…” 

“Boys in yellow it is. JARVIS, I’m waiting.” Tony snapped his fingers at the ceiling. 

“Patching you through now.” 

There was a heavy sound of static- most assuredly the officer’s phone and not your pristine connection- and a lot of yelling in the background. “Yes, this is Officer Danny-” 

“First name or last name?” Tony wondered out loud, very sarcastically. He was in _quite_ a mood it seemed. 

So you introduced yourself, of course with the tagline- “-CEO of Stark Industries. And current Avenger.” You know. For brownie points. 

Tony snorted. “You wanna update your business cards to match?” 

But the officer seemed to snap to attention. “Oh! -really? Why are you calling us? ...are you putting me on?”

“Not at all! We’re checking in on an event going on in your area. Could you tell us a little more about what’s going on?” It couldn’t really just be this easy, right? Although, JARVIS had had to to some work to get this number, so you supposed… he probably _should_ believe you, right? A kid couldn’t just crank call a police officer on a crime scene and pretend to be you. ...could they? 

Things to worry about later. 

“Well- we were called by a young woman and her associate- about a woman that disappeared- uh- a Jane Foster-” Without meaning to, a little too much excitement in you, you snapped your hand against Tony’s side. “-and I think that was the one that just left with the- ...well- ...I think that was Thor… wasn’t it? _Oh_. Is that what you’re calling about??” 

And then pat Tony’s side a few more times just for good measure. _Thor had come back to earth!_ “Where are they now? Can you give them the phone?” 

“Well no- they just uh… left… I guess… uh- well- hold on-” 

There was a lot of static and rustling noises before a very different voice answered. “Hello? _Hello_? Hey? Is this someone that’s gonna keep us from getting arrested? Cuz it’s looking pretty bad over here- I’m a friend of Jane’s- ...or Thor! Thor’s friend. Yeah. If that’s better. Or Jane. Whichever.” 

You couldn’t help the little wrinkle of your nose. It wasn’t this woman’s fault. You were just. Disappointed. “Who is this? I’m sorry- did the police officer just say Thor left?” 

Tony scoffed. “Guy really just comes and goes as he pleases, huh? What a life.” 

“Glass houses…” Bruce said, in an amusing mix of sheepish and wry. 

The woman spoke again, “My name is Darcy. I’m a friend of Jane and Thor’s. Did I say that already? Because I feel like it’s the deciding factor here. Are you gonna help us? They think Jane attacked them and I can _not_ go to prison right now.”

“What about Thor?” You asked, growing just a _touch_ impatient. 

“Oh. Yeah. Well something weird happened with Jane and Thor took her and left. I don’t know where to. If he’s not with you guys, I guess he went home? Hey- they’re getting the handcuffs out sooo-” 

Having had more than enough, Tony shook his head with a sharp inhale. “Alright. Hey- just put the cop back on. Easier to deal with.” 

“Who is that? Is that _Tony Stark_? Holy shit, I didn’t think they were being serious! Hey- big fan! You know I snuck into one of your elite parties that night that Jane-” 

Feeling a real flutter of _annoyance_ from Tony, at the end of his rope, you cut her off. “Darcy we can’t help you if you don’t put the cops back on.” 

“Oh- right- yeah. Makes sense. Okay. Hold on.” 

Some more rattling and tussling- people arguing- Darcy’s voice clearest among them. But… _finally_ an officer of the law finally came back. “Officer Danny here.” 

Tony waved two of his fingers in some sort of criss cross motion that really only mattered to him- this was an audio only call. “Hey, officer Danny, Tony Stark here. Look. I’m gonna need you to do me a favor and let the people at the scene go. We… need them. So. What’s it gonna take?” He seemed to _struggle_ with the _needing them_ part. 

“Erm- well… I don’t know… I’d need papers or… something from the higher ups…” 

“Powers that be. Got it. _Mute_. JARVIS, can you speed this along?” 

“Of course sir. Am I authorized as _the powers that be_?” 

At this little sass, you couldn’t help a giggle. You really did love JARVIS. And you answered for Tony with a nod. “Of course, JARVIS. You’re always the powers that be.” 

“Thank you, ma’am. I’ll send something their way. What shall I have them do with Ms. Darcy and her companion? Shall I bring them here?” 

Tony shuddered. “Absolutely not. Doesn’t seem to know anything. Just let her off the hook and tell her to call us _only_ if the big man comes back to earth. Any other calls I want forwarded straight to a virtual trash bin.” 

Something about this felt just a little _off_. Sure it was terribly disappointing that Thor had come and gone within just a few minutes- but Tony seemed… _stressed_. And not just from Darcy’s rambling. You gave him a small pat over the heart. “You okay?” 

Glancing at you he seemed to get a hold of himself. “Gettin’ a little twitchy, huh? Must be lunch time.” The arm around you gave you a solid squeeze. One that you appreciated. And, with you in tow as he turned, he looked Bruce’s way. “What’d’you say, Doctor? Up for a little lunch date?” 

Bruce gave a small shrug. “Downstairs? Or…?” 

You smiled at him. “Let’s go somewhere nice for lunch.” 

And, you hoped your charm would _never_ wore off, because he smiled back and dropped his gaze. Nodding lightly. “Yeah… alright.” 

Leaning in, Tony pressed a little kiss to the top of your head. “Let’s do. If we’re lucky, Thor will make a u-turn around an asteroid and he can join us.” 

But only if you were lucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think the chances are? 
> 
> Also side note: I wish we had Tony and INY around in times like the ones we're experiencing right now. Believe me when I say I write a lot of this fic out of the fantasy need to live in a world where people care about other people and society is a society and rich people actually try to help the people who need help. 
> 
> Instead of a world where people are hoarding toilet paper and Whole Foods CEO is telling his employees to donate their vacation time to sick employees. I can't stand it.
> 
> ....anyway. Happy friday. Hope ya'll are safe and healthy.


	93. Chapter 93

Trying to resume business as usual was tough over the next few days. The thought kept running in your mind. Thor had returned to earth. Thor had taken Jane and then gone back to Asgard. All within a couple of _minutes_ at best. And right before then there was some anomaly Tony and Bruce had been tracking. This all seemed weird. And complicated. And… probably dangerous. 

You remembered that night at the charity ball, when Jane had barged up into your penthouse and demanded answers about Thor. As she had every right to, and nowhere else to turn. Thor had disappeared after the Battle of New York- had not called or spoken to her, even though he _could have_. A sentiment you understood and sympathized with. But then what sense would it make that he should appear _so suddenly_, grab her, and then leave? And right in the middle of a skirmish with the police? 

It was all strange. And absolutely spoke of something dangerous on the horizon. The Avengers needed a better way to get in contact with Thor, if he was going to be gone so far away all the time. This Asgard… his _home_. You really knew nothing about it. Which unnerved you all the more. And you just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Now more than ever. Thor’s sibling rivalry with his brother Loki was what had turned earth upside down. Had threatened its safety, its people. 

They were _aliens_ too. Just like the ones Loki had brought.  
Something serious had happened to or with or even _because_ of Jane. Something that had mildly spooked Tony and Bruce. While Bruce, of the two, was certainly more _spookable_… the fact that Tony had been basically on lock down in the lab since coming back from lunch that day- and very _clearly_ didn’t want to talk about whatever findings he was _finding_… it didn’t bode well. Things like this never boded well. And you weren’t sure, so soon after the bruise that was still aching in your heart, in your mind, over _everything_ you’d been through similar to this… you weren’t sure you could handle something like that again so soon. 

Sleep, as always in moments like these, eluded you. And Tony- really, did he even know the meaning or point of sleep? You were starting to guess he may have been less human than you thought, and only really lied down when you asked him to. Otherwise he’d be up, buzzing on cups of quadruple shots of espresso, thinking and _learning_ and _**doing**_ late into the night into the next morning into the next day… Endless. You worried about him. He sunk _so deep_ into these things. Because he was worried. 

Same as you. 

When you went down to the lab nearing four AM that morning, he was writing all sorts of equations over a long expansive holoboard that was taking up half of the back room. Several screens were on stands beside him. He had those blue tinted glasses on. Bruce- ...Bruce’s head was down atop his folded arms. More human than the rest of you. You gave him a little pat-pat on his shoulders and a small gentle ease of your hand over his back. He didn’t startle, only mumbling briefly, looking up at you with blurry eyes. You gave him a gentle smile and a little nudge. Didn’t take much to get him out of the lab and into bed where he belonged. 

But Tony…?  
Once the room was clear save for the two of you, you stepped closer, not surprised when he gave you a glance out of the corner of his eye in the middle of writing something else on the board. Well aware that you were there. Reaching up you rubbed your palm between his shoulder blades. “You gonna tell me what’s really going on yet?” You didn’t consider this _lying_ quite yet, the massive amount of information concealing he was doing. 

...but it was toeing a line. “If I knew, I’d tell you, honey.” But this… this you believed. The only thing that drove Tony crazy like this was having massive amounts of data and not being able to put it all together. The only thing that stressed him like _this_ was knowing of something yet not knowing what to do about it. Not having a solution. 

“Well… what is it you’re working on?” If he babbled science and numbers at you, there was probably little chance you’d be able to understand it. Maybe for that reason it would be a waste of his time to even try. 

He took a breath, stopping his scribbles, standing back from all his work. “Something’s going on over in the UK. Science is starting to not look like science anymore. Which- fine- kinda used to nonsense going on over there- but-” You felt a little better when he started rambling. “That abandoned factory where they found Foster- where Thor went- that gravitational anomaly had been there for longer than we had a hint of it. And when her team went to go check it out, it was kind of like… poking a bear. Whatever she did- she made it _worse_. And Thor showing up throws a whole other bag of peanuts into this.” 

Thor was probably the key to all of this, really. You couldn’t help a sigh, holding a hand to the side of your face. “I’d really like to give him a communicator or something…” 

At this Tony let go of a breathy chuckle. “If I knew how far _Asgard_ was, I’d know how far I have to throw a satellite into space.” Something seemed to register properly, he turned quickly to one of the work stations nearest, and lifted a very familiar friend. “Here, by the way.” He settled a newly finished Heart Reactor into your palm. In the middle of all this mad supposed science, he’d been working on getting an upgrade for you. Along with… “And these- upgraded voice commands- plugged right into the suit. Better wide spread radius on the audio. Fully programmable. Upgraded tech pack. Higher heat resistance…” 

Like the first time he had presented you with them, he held out a little black box and opened it for you. The earring cuffs that you’d basically _exploded _into dust had been changed to a slimmer cuff with a tapering, almost vine-like soft rounded line that trailed down the part that would rest over the shell of your ears. Like the last, it was easy to tell he’d crafted these with thought and care and _love_. 

You took them from the box and clipped on one, then the other, feeling a little light _buzz_ as they lit to life and melded comfortably to the shape of your ears. His genius for tech would forever be beyond you. But the fact that he could just _make_ things like this- what were they… _nanotech_ if you remembered correctly. Millions?- of ...computers? Robots? Both? All working together simultaneously to _protect_ you. Guard you. 

Already you felt safer with them back on.  
Maybe if you’d had them that night… you could have called for help…  
You wondered if Tony had been thinking the same thing, too. And reworked all of this in his _guilt_. ...wondered might have been a mild word, considering you knew in your heart that was true. “Thank you.” Smiling up at him. 

He returned the sentiment by pulling you close, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. Drawing you in tight to him. There, you rested your head against his chest, eyes closing, lulled by the steady beat of his heart. And then the rumble of his words as he spoke. “I love you. When I crack this thing, I need to-” 

JARVIS cut him off. “Sir, the gravitational field is weakening in the same spot- the anomaly is expanding once again.” 

“Any gamma bursts?” 

“Not at this time.” 

_Annoyance_ flickered hard then between the two of you- solely belonging to Tony. He stepped away from you, going back to the board to scribble an angry mess over some of the contents. “That doesn’t track.” You stood back from him, hands nervously clasped together, as he started writing angrily. “JARVIS-” 

“My mistake, sir- something is rapidly approaching earth- trajectory marked on screen- gamma flux levels rising.” 

You thought you heard a shriek. A high pitched ring was whining in your ears. “_Approaching earth_? What does that mean? How could you know that?” 

Tony was pulling the screen up and closer. “Yeah, well… throwing satellites into space has many uses… not just a floating cell tower...” 

“_Tony_-” Reaching out to take a hard hold of his bicep, both miffed that he’d done something on that scale and _terrified_, because this sounded a lot like- 

“I said I didn’t know how _far_ to put it out, not that I didn’t-” It trickled in to him in that moment. What he’d been pointedly ignoring. Because now was absolutely not a good time for him to dissolve. Much in the way that _you_ were. He turned, taking in your sudden _trembling_, laying a strong hand to your shoulder. “Honey. Look at me. We don’t know what this is yet. It could be anything- JARVIS could be getting a little overzealous. Might not even come close to us yet. It’s pretty far out-” 

JARVIS stopped him again. “While I sincerely appreciate your undermining me, sir, Darcy Lewis is on the phone. She says it is urgent.” 

You quickly answered, “Put her through, please!” 

Her voice came not a second later. “Uh- hello? Is this the _Avengers_? Because I think I got one of yours over here- Thor and Jane just kinda came back-” 

You and Tony talked over each other. While you requested, “Put Thor on please!”  
He demanded, “Hand Jane the phone.” 

Which left Darcy confused. “Uhm… which one? I could put it on speaker…” 

The two of you shared a mutually confused look. You started. “Thor will know what’s going on.” 

Tony crossed his arms. “Thor will know what’s _coming_. Jane’s a scientist. She’ll know what’s _happening_.” Which- for him- meant filling in the blank spots that had been perplexing him. And figuring out how to fix whatever was going on. He held a hand up. “Never mind. Don’t worry. You talk to Thor.” Then taking his phone out of his pocket, “JARVIS, get me Dr. Foster.” Then paced away. 

So… while he was getting information from one of them, you supposed… “Darcy, can I talk to Thor, please? And LUNA, can you transfer it to my cell-” Taking your own phone out, holding it up to your ear. Less noise to distract Tony. There was a lot happening all at once, you recognized the sound of another phone going off- Jane’s presumably- and then when Darcy said _here_ and you recognized the switch, you couldn’t help not only your _excitement_ but your _anxiety_ as well. “Thor!!” 

“Ah- hello- is that you, Lady? It’s good to hear your voice.” 

“Thor, what’s going on?” Tony, in the other corner of the lab, had started talking rapidly, so you put a hand over your opposite ear and turned away. “Something’s got Tony all worked up- something _bad_ I think, and you guys are at the center of it all-”

“Lady please take heed- something Jane has called the _convergence_ is upon us. One of Asgard’s enemies means to utilize it and unleash a weapon called the Aether. We don’t have much time.” 

Though it made you feel awfully guilty, you couldn’t help but let your mind stray _there_. “...is it Loki?” 

A short silence cut between the two of you until his solemn tone stepped in. “Though Loki was driven by madness and malice and it hurt your people- he helped Jane and I. And it cost him his life.” 

“Thor- I’m… sorry-” Really. For the most part. Loki _was_ responsible for a lot of the hurt, the pain, the destruction- the _loss of life_ that still haunted both you and Tony, but… you were still trying to figure out just how _much_ of him was responsible. Like… who loaned him that army? And had that scepter been controlling him, too? You remembered that yellow static… 

Questions for another day. 

“Now is not the time for grieving, though I appreciate your sentiment. Jane and I have to go- Malekith will be here soon.” 

“Tony and I can come help- we can assemble the other Avengers-” Feeling a sudden sense of _dread_. Whatever was heading towards earth- _that_ was this Malekith. And from the sounds of it, he had some sort of weapon of mass destruction. 

_New York all over again…_ how could you let Thor face that alone? His team needed to be there! 

“Stay where you are, Lady. I assure you Jane and I have this handled. If you and Stark come, you’ll only be putting yourselves in danger. ...aside that… this has become very personal. I will end Malekith’s aggressions. For all of Asgard.” 

“Thor-!” Was he crazy?? What was the point of all of you- and- besides that- he was bringing his shit to earth. AGAIN. This man needed a severe talking to. Fury hadn’t been 100% correct with the way he’d wanted to handle things but god damn it. This was getting truly upsetting. 

“This is Asgardian business, I will finish it myself!” Something was upsetting Thor, though. He’d _never _spoken to you like that before, even if you’d only known each other a short time. He’d always been very kind and sweet to you. The loss of Loki-... was it driving him that far? “...when I am finished, I will find you. That is a promise. I know we have a lot we have to speak on.” 

“Thor!” It was evident the call was over. He didn’t answer, and the slice of the other line ending abruptly was all too evident. Yet still, “_Thor!_” Heat filled your veins. This was stupid. Foolhardy. And worst of all… 

“Honey?” 

You threw your phone to the table and then pressed the Heart Reactor to your chest, double tapping afterwards. The suit up felt _slicker_, somehow. Perhaps he’d heightened the sequence. The way it shaped against you felt better somehow, too. You turned to look at him, not yet activating the helmet. “Asgardian business my ass. He’s bringing _aliens_ to earth. _**Again**_. And I’m not gonna sit here and wait around for his say so to protect our own people.” 

“Now, honey… to be fair…” Tony stepped closer, putting his hands on your arms. “_He’s_ an alien. Remember. So technically he’s already brought at least one.” He was trying to lighten your mood. It wasn’t really working. When he gathered as much, as you continued to gaze at him, he rubbed his hands up and down your arms, giving a deep nod. “Yep. ...yep. We gotta go. If what Jane said is right, we’re not even gonna make it on time. But I always liked being _fashionably late_.” 

Good. Tony was on board. It eased a brief flash of a smile over your lips. “Should we get the team?” 

“No time. You and me. Let’s go.” 

It was your turn to nod. “You and me.” 

* * *

The sun wasn’t even up yet as the two of you took off from the balcony. A little after four thirty in the morning. Great time for a fly. You had LUNA route a course, locked to Tony, and wherever these gravitational anomalies were finally meeting at a head. Apparently Greenwich University in London. Seemed like a small place to start an invasion- if this was that- but then again, you only had the _grandness_ of the Battle of New York to compare it with. Really… a smaller location was ideal. Because maybe that meant this wouldn’t be this bad.

You hoped to god that was right, because you hadn’t woken the other _Avengers_. Before you’d had a whole team ready to go. Relatively speaking. Now you were just going to beat some sense into Thor, for the most part. If this was a grave situation, surely he’d have allowed your help- _Asgardian business_ or not, right? Before had technically been his business. It had been his brother. And yet he’d still _allowed_ and even cheered on a team effort. But not here. So… not as bad, right? 

That was really all you had to hold on to. Your only hope. Because if this was another big **battle** ahead of you… you weren’t sure you were ready yet. You were so _tired_. You were always so tired. There was just never any time between one _incident_ and the next. 

“Anniversary’s coming up, you know.” Tony’s voice shook you from your dizzying thoughts, and your eyes focused in on the image of him on the left side box on your display. 

“Thinking about that at a time like this?” Despite the rather odd timing, you couldn’t help a smile. 

“Four years. Edible Arrangements has been trying to sponsor our anniversary for a couple of months. Should I give in?” 

“Edible- ..._what_?” 

“It’s the basket full of food- usually fruit nobody likes and-”

“I know what it is. I’m asking _why_.” 

“Fruit and flowers are the traditional gift for the fourth one. And you can’t _imagine_ how many florists are trying to get free press. Basically every shop in the city.” 

JARVIS blared an alert on the exact opposite side of your display, alerting you to the fact that an _alien ship_ had entered the atmosphere. And would be touching down in approximately five minutes. You were nowhere near close. “Little early to be making plans. Considering. But… let’s go away.” 

“Anywhere you want. Pending current survival status. Which, to be fair, I’m calculating as pretty high.” 

Your smile was a touch more bittersweet as you looked at the picture of him on your screen. “I trust your math.” 

“You should. It’s always right.”

* * *

_Fashionably late_ was a term stretched a little too far by the time the two of you made it to the epicenter of all the goings-on. There had been flux after flux, reading after reading- things you didn’t understand. So much so that you had to silence some of the data on your display. It was really only for Tony, he was tracking that stuff, making sense of it. Knew what to do with it. He’d only shared it with you because he didn’t want you to be out of the loop. But to be honest… looking at it made you _more_ confused. Better off without it. 

Your heart was pounding in your ears, as even miles out, you could see the _impossibly_ large, big black T shaped ship looming. It had wedged itself at some nexus point in Greenwich, that much you’d been told and understood. The rest of it…? This Malekith was like the rest of them. After some sort of power and blood. Why couldn’t life just… _not_ be full of people like that? 

But just as the two of you broke the airspace around the campus, it seemed too little too late. The ship was _going down_\- and as you both made a sharp bend around a building, you saw it was _**going down**_ right on top of Jane- who was covering a very unconscious Thor. 

“I’m up top, you get the base!” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Splitting up to span the length of the ship, both of you curbing its trajectory of fall with your hands out. It was incredibly _heavy_. So much so that even with the power and help of the suit, the boost of all your jets, you were struggling intensely. “We’ve got no good place to put it!” Even if the thought was to bring it to the ground, there were buildings and _people_ everywhere. No good spot to just _place_ it without putting it on top of a bunch of property. 

“You wanna put it back in space??” There was a plan. You could take off and hope you had enough force and fuel to just _push_ it back where it came from. 

“Any other options?” 

“_Excuse me_!!!!!” There was a voice beneath you. One you were acquainted with, but not familiarly so. Amidst your dual struggles to keep the ship from collapsing to earth, you and Tony both looked towards the ground. LUNA centered in on the man yelling on you, zooming in enough for you to see. Dr. Selvig. You remembered him from his SHIELD files. The man Loki had captured some months ago. “_TEAM IRON! Let the ship go!!!” _

“Are you crazy?!” Your nerves were perhaps a little too frayed for this. You needed sleep. 

He raised some sort of device over his head, shaking it at you. “_I’m going to put her back where she belongs!!_” 

Something must have clicked, just as the ship pressed down on the both of you a little harder, Tony suddenly looked _very_ panicked. He abandoned his post, sending you further down as your suit started warning you about the physical constraints- and you felt just about all of your muscles about to snap. “Honey- _let go_!” 

Before you could even think about doing so, he swooped up underneath you, only about fifty feet from the ground- from getting crushed, grabbing you in his arms and flying _away_. You were helpless in that moment, clinging to him. “What’s going on!? Tony, what about them?!” 

The answer happened right in front of you. The ship came to a quick crash. But not on top of Thor and Jane. Safely out of the net of danger, Tony stopped to a hover, still holding you in his arms. The both of you watched the ship get swallowed up by- ...well. Nothingness. It fell into some sort of hole right atop Thor and Jane and disappeared completely. Almost like it had just blipped from existence. 

“What- what was that??” Finding yourself slightly breathless. Because the implication here was… 

“Well. If my math is right-” And it _always_ was-”...we almost just got pushed onto another planet.” 

It was really just all too much. Too much to even think about putting into words. So instead… “Maybe Thor really _did _have a handle on this.” Looking down, zooming in on the picture of him now sitting up, and Jane hugging him tightly. 

But as a military jet flew overhead, and the both of you looked up, Tony rolled his eyes. “We’re basically paper pushers at this point.” 

“Janitorial staff, more like it.” 

Because England’s military was here. There were police coming on to the scene. That meant there was clean up to do. And, as Tony brought the both of you back to earth, meeting a growing crowd of armed forces, he raised a hand, his helmet sliding back. “Hey. Avengers business. Don’t mind us.” 

So you zipped your line of sight up across your screen, setting the command to deactivate your helmet, next. “As the head of the Department of Damage Control, Stark Industries is now declaring this a clean up site. Please stand back.” 

A _strong_ hand clapped over your shoulder and you half turned to see Thor standing behind you. A little beaten up, but smiling. “Lady, Stark. Good to see you. I told you I had this handled.” 

Tony made a face at him. “Oh great. You wanna _handle _the authorities? Because I was kind of in the middle of something back in New York.” 

At this, Thor’s smile dropped and he gave Tony a couple of slow pats on the back. “I think I shall… leave these matters to you.” 

You weren’t exactly smiling at Thor, but not quite a frown either. “It’s good to see you too, Thor. And when you get a minute, we need you back at the Tower. We’ll handle this for you- _only_ if you promise you’re not about to disappear.” 

Jane scoffed. “Hey, he has to promise _me_ that first.” 

Thor’s lips were pulled thin in a grimace. “About that…” 

You let the two of them go. And while you and Tony were busy with the authorities and foreign governments, Thor _did _disappear again.  
_Asgardian business_ you supposed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor, we love you, but god damn it.  
Also wave hello and goodbye to Thor 2 everyone. We moving in the timeline...  
Also also. Tony continuing to drink his respecting women juice. And we love him for it.


	94. Chapter 94

_It’s not our job to clean up everything._

Sitting underneath a new, ever growing mountain of paperwork that continued to spawn from all the people you were supposed to be helping, you couldn’t keep yourself from thinking about these words from Tony. They’d come in the heat of a moment where you really were worried about cleaning everything up- yet that _everything_ had seemed so small, at the time. The world was so much bigger now. It had so many more problems. And so much _more_ to fix. 

Despite Tony saying that to you, those couple of years back, he seemed to be feeling the pressure, too. He’d shown his face at a new _site_, so he had now become equally responsible for a response team. While you tried to take the reins as the _head of Damage Control_, wanting him to be able to focus on other important things, he wasn’t complaining in the slightest as he fell in line aside you. 

While Thor had been correct in his assessment that he and Jane could handle that spaceship that had come to earth, he’d also just as easily stepped back so that the two of you could… _clean up_. As you always did. Maybe it was just that Stark Industries was the only one with the means. But that wasn’t true, was it. In times like these, staring at your laptop after fifty emails in a row, you wondered if Fury delighted in the fact that you were so open and out there about your role in all this. Less work for him. 

Because at the _start_ of all this, he’d told you and Tony the world was bigger than the two of you could have ever imagined. That there were more superheroes than you knew. And he’d been right. So it stood to reason that before all of this, SHIELD had been the one cleaning up and even hiding messes like this. ...hadn’t _they_ owned Damage Control at some point? And yet Ellis had told you when you’d assumed it that it had been _underwater_. Had this been some grand game to get you and Tony to start doing all this work- ...maybe as some sort of payback for nosing your way in at the start? 

...no, it couldn’t be that deep, could it? And… besides all that, _you_ had wanted to help people. _You_ had wanted to clean up. But perhaps that thought had come in wondering if anyone else had had the means. If anyone else _would_. Leaving it to chance that somebody else would just step up was always foolish. You had to find a way to be content with all this.

You **had** to, because if you didn’t… you’d just keep on wondering. Wondering about this and… about how much more you had to do. How much more would need to be done in the future. These _events_ seemed to keep coming. More rapidly each time they occurred. What would be the next big one? Would you be prepared? Would you be able to not only handle the clean up, but even handle whatever it was? 

Thankfully- truly, _thankfully_\- your thoughts (and work) were interrupted by your office door opening. In walking a very _sharp_ looking Tony, in an absolutely gorgeous three piece suit in a deep wine color, with a black button up shirt and tie to match underneath. In his hands he was carrying a small but flush bouquet of red and blue roses. And yet… “You’re too handsome to be looking so… _sad_.” He had an _upset_ look about him, brows squinched, corner of his lip drawn down. “What’s the matter? -...and the occasion?” 

He came closer, rounding the desk to sit on the corner. Holding the flowers out, he waited until you took hold to speak. “Well… I was going to come up here. Sweep you off your feet for an early anniversary start. I have all the reservations at Serra booked… they were even nice enough to dress up the room a little more.” 

“...but? Don’t tell me you saw the literal mountain of paperwork on my desk.” Yes. A literal mountain. “...and decided I was too busy?” 

At this he laced his fingers together over his thigh and directed an arched brow your way. “Does that sound like me?” Though at your giggles, his mood lifted. At least a little. But his eyes fell downwards. “No- it’s…” Drawing in a deep sigh. “Thor just _showed up_. With Doctor Foster, no less. So. You know...” 

_Well_. You’d only been waiting to speak to him for a quite a long time. Perhaps give him a loving backhand across the face for all the trouble and ask for an apology. And then a hug. Because you missed him. But god damn it, if he kept bringing aliens to destroy the earth every time he visited, you were really going to have to rethink this friendship. But… well… 

Tony looked _gorgeous_.  
And he’d made plans.   
And… and… honestly, more than that… him trying to put sense of duty over his personal time… it broke your heart. More so the soft forlorn look in those deep brown eyes of his. Because he _knew_ you’d pick Thor. He knew already, that once he told you that you’d tell him- _well, let’s just take an hour and talk and then we’ll go_. You’d put him on the back burner for that same _duty_. And he… he was making peace with that. Much as he didn’t like it. If he hadn’t, he’d have literally just swept you off your feet, as intended, and let you find out about it later.

But he wouldn’t _do_ that. He wouldn’t lie to you like that. Not even at the cost of… your time together. 

Settling the bouquet in the crook of your arm, you stood. His head lifted, tracking you, and you felt that pang of _resolved sadness_. The _regret_ over the current state of your lives. Busy and messy. But it was just the way things were. He thought he knew what you were about to say, so he was allowing himself to feel solemn before he’d have to just steel himself and accept it all. 

You settled your palm over his cheek, eased a little as he leaned in to you, his eyes going half-lidded. “Tony…” 

“Yeah. I know. But… let’s just enjoy this for like five minutes, okay?” Reaching up to hold his hand over yours so you wouldn’t leave. 

That was really the nail in the coffin, wasn’t it? You let a soft smile overtake you. “Let’s enjoy it for longer. Thor’s taken off twice now. I think everyone else can show him around and get a report while we take some time for ourselves. Consider it mild payback.” 

Finally he seemed to _bloom_ a little happiness. And it was beautiful, the way he both brightened and yet melted right in front of you. His smile was sweet for only a moment, before it moved into a light grin. “SHIELD won’t be too happy. Us shirking off.” He was probably right. The _right_ thing to do would be to go to Thor. Get a debrief. A _long_ one. And then show him around. Keep him here for a while. 

But you were a little tired of doing the _right_ thing. And this wasn’t necessarily _wrong_. It wasn’t even really _selfish_. To be honest… it was just **necessary**. “Well, SHIELD can come do their job then. I’m tired of doing it for them.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Turning his head more into your hand, he pressed a few kisses to your palm. “JARVIS, get a suit on deck. And make sure the hallways are clear. Don’t be too suspicious about it.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Wait- I have to go upstairs and change.” Deciding not to get totally swept up in the moment. He was dressed so _nice_. While your business casual wasn’t _not nice_ it wasn’t exactly matching. 

He cast a curious glance up your way. “Why changed? You don’t have to dress up for me.” 

“You did.” Leaning in to press a kiss to his nose. 

“Yeah, but. You’re already perfect.” The sunny smile he was beaming up at you, eyes alight, really did threaten to undo just about every part of you. 

Tilting down next you laid a kiss to his lips. Lingering for just a little bit. But when you broke, “So are you. And I just want to get dressed up for dinner.” 

He seemed a little dazed. To _all_ your credit. “Dress away, honey.” 

Looking up briefly, “JARVIS, can you cover me?” 

“Of course, ma’am. It seems that DUM-E has accidentally set a small fire in the Avenger’s living quarters. You should be clear to go to the penthouse without being seen.” 

This, of course, shocked you. “_JARVIS_! That’s a little overdoing it, don’t you think??” 

“I assure you, I had nothing to do with that, ma’am.” 

Tony’s sudden bubbly laughter got the better of you. Sometimes life was really just like that. 

* * *

It was nice, pretending to be normal.  
Save the fact that an Iron Man suit was parked outside. And that the two of you had sneaked off in fancy clothes. To a restaurant that was completely empty because the wealthiest man on earth had bought it out for the evening just to spend private time with you.   
  
Yes. That sort of normal. You liked that normal. 

It was more than the well made food, or the twinkly atmosphere with white snowy tree branches decorating the ceiling adorned with soft colored lights- the otherwise lowly lit room, mostly by the candles atop each table… more than the sweet hot chocolate, or the molten lava cake the two of you were sharing while laughing about something insignificant… these things made the evening _nice_ but…

Looking across the table, Tony’s face warmed by the glow of the room, the smile lines at his eyes as you got yet another laugh out of him… just the way he was looking at you… the way he reached over to take your hand in his, with a gentle squeeze, and then pressed another humming laugh against the back while laying a kiss there… he made the evening not only beautiful. But **complete**. _This_ was normal. Your life with him. No other noise. Just the two of you. 

_I love you_.  
The thought filtered between the two of you before you voiced it. “I love you, Tony.” Always sure when you said it. And always more sure than the last time. 

His smile eased up, not growing dimmer, but something more fond. “Yeah… I love you, too. You’re feeling it, right?” 

“What?” A little shrug of your shoulders. “The urge to just _run away_ and pretend like nothing else matters except this?” 

“As long as you’re saying it.” 

A sigh escaped you, as his fingers twined with yours. “I don’t wanna talk about work but-”  
  
“Seems like that’s what you’re doing.” Grin appearing in a little wry twist. 

“_But_… maybe we overreacted. I mean- I don’t know about all the _science_ that was going on. And, maybe it was worrisome- you know. _Another_ alien tried to come here and wreck everything, and I’m still not even sure why.” Thor probably had answers for you. Back at the Tower. Which you and Tony had bailed on to spend time together. Ah, complicated life. “But- he said he had it handled. And he did. But we went anyway. And… we ended up not helping.” 

“Hey, I don’t know what they think goes on behind the scenes, but we’re doing _all_ the actual heavy lifting. Don’t sell yourself short. Or me.” 

“I’d never sell you short.” Smiling at him, turning your hand the other way to rest it at the side of his neck as he leaned in. Entranced, as always, by you. “And- you’re right. I think they really don’t… maybe except for Nat. _Maybe_ Clint. But… everyone else thinks… it’s just like…” 

Both his brows raised as his head dipped in a little bit. “Oh like we fight the big bads and then everyone goes on about their day? Easy-peasy? Where _ever _did you get that idea?” Tone drier than the Sahara. 

“There’s _so_ much red tape.” Escaping in a pained groan as your eyes closed tight, knowing the papers on your desk, the emails in your inbox- they were all _multiplying_ while you were here. Work, work, _work_. “It’s like they’re blind to it. It’s so- _so-_” 

“Frustrating?” His soft, even tone broke you out of your angry spiral. You weren’t angry at your team. Certainly not. Just… their blase nature about how everything got handled after the enemies went away. They were just… _**so **__not involved_ in that process. 

You found yourself sighing again. Mood effectively ruined. “...yeah.” 

He looked at you, _saddened_ by the state of things. You were, too. It just couldn’t be helped. But then he sat back, so you let your hand drop to the table. Pulling out his phone he tapped something in and then held it up. “Hey, Happy, can you prep the jet?” 

“Sure. Where we headed?”   
  
Tony glanced over at you before looking back at his screen. “I need a long vacation. What do you suggest?” 

“Hm. I don’t know. Hot or cold weather?” 

“Surprise me.” 

“You hate surprises.” 

“I _love_ surprises with things that I like.” 

“_Great_. Narrows it down. How much time you need?” 

You held your hands to your face, trying to bury some giggles. Not trying to get in between this conversation. But the telltale sign of that sunny smile coming back to Tony’s face let you know Happy had heard you, too. And was probably wearing much the same expression. “Thirty minutes.”   
  
“Make it forty-five.” 

Tony sighed dramatically, putting his chin in his free palm. “Forty. Final offer.” 

“I’ll make do with forty.” 

As the call ended, you reached down into your purse to make your own preparations. Nat got the first text:   
  
_Tony and I need some time. Can you watch the Tower for me? Let Dvahli sleep in your room. Unless you’re going out. Then let her stay with Steve. _

Her response time was practically ten seconds. And you read it while Tony called over the waiter to get the check. 

_Sure. Enjoy it. I’ve got everything handled. How long are you leaving for? _

At this… you were as honest as possible.   
  
_Not sure yet. _  
  
Her answer:   
  
_Best kind of vacation. You two have earned it. Don’t worry about homebase. _

* * *

Happy had apparently picked some place in Japan. About all he would tell you as the two of you boarded the jet for a long flight. Of course, Tony couldn’t help but put out that the suits might be faster… only in the face of wanting to make good time, you were sure. But you sat him down and thanked Happy for being available (as always) to help the two of you out. And with his music blasting in the cockpit, sufficiently distracted- 

You got to distracting _Tony_. Because he’d been in the middle of working on something, as he was apt to do. And you decided to remind him there were other _benefits_ to not being in two flight suits en route to some secret spot in Japan. Except that he very easily turned the tables. Almost a little too quickly. Eagerly, very much so. 

Swallowing one of your deeper moans in a heated kiss as he shifted above you, one arm holding him up, his other working up your thigh. When he broke, and his parted lips brushed up the shell of your ear, you held on tight, fingers working at his back, as the sparks lit up. “Tony-” Breathless in warning. “I’m gonna-” 

It was the _thrum _of his warm chuckle in your ear, mixed with this _deep satisfaction,_ the feeling of his grin pressed against your neck. “_Yeah, you are…_” And the murmur of these words that really hit the final bell. 

Still _hours_ into the flight, after all your nudging, you found yourself firmly asleep, curled up atop him. He angled the chair back, allowing him to cradle an arm around you, while his other lit up a holodisplay. Working. Working _still_. You were aware. Just barely. Really only aware of how comfortable you were, until that feeling stole you away into sleep. 

* * *

The hotel Happy had picked was nestled in the lush, absolutely _gorgeous_ Hakone Mountains. More than one floor had been booked- paying off current reservations just to make sure _Team Stark_ had a nice, and most importantly **quiet** vacation. Second only to being safe. While he asked if the two of you wanted him to hang around, you assured him you’d both be fine. But then realizing he just wanted to hang around because it was a beautiful hotel in Japan… you told him he could do as he pleased and stay. If he felt it was necessary. 

As always, the room was beautiful. Not quite as expansive as other ones you’d stayed in, at this point in your life, but there was a niceness to how cozy everything was. Of course the back balcony, leading out into a heated pool that overlooked the last moments of autumn on the forest covering the mountain, was probably the best part of the whole package. 

Aside the man whose arm had slipped around your waist as you stood at the railing, looking out. Despite what you knew you should be feeling, there was a sense of bittersweetness that you couldn’t deny. Leaning into him, you sighed. “I wish I could just… take these moments and freeze them. Sappy as that sounds.” A little apology for such a cliche, but you meant it _so_ much. 

“Time manipulation is a dicey game but… if you really wanted, I could look into it.” As you tipped your head up to look at him, you found yourself adoring the way he was smiling at you. “But _only_ if you really mean it. And _only_ for you.” He was doing that thing, half joking, half being serious. ...more joking than serious, actually. ...probably.

Could Tony Stark science up some time bubble? You bet he could. _Only for you_. “It’s okay.” You stepped closer, snuggling into him. He settled his arms around your shoulders as you leaned back into him. “I don’t need your fancy _science_ to know how to appreciate our time together.” 

“Appreciating time and stopping time are two very different concepts. And you can actually do both- if one was a thing that existed.” 

“Let’s not test fate.” You warned him, just as _jokingly_. “We start talking about this now, by the time we get back _Mr._ _Time_ or something just as stupid is going to give some grand speech about how we honked a car at him one time so he turned to a life of villainy.” 

“So what you’re actually saying is I should look into it _now_ so we know how to defeat Mr. Time when he shows up.” 

“I don’t think that’s what I was saying.” Reaching up to put your hands over his forearms you gave him a squeeze. “We can’t be prepared for _everything_. Even Mr. Time.” 

“We can be prepared for some things.” The joking demeanor between the two of you had come and then promptly died. He was _thinking_. About something the two of you had discussed before. And no doubt would again. 

...like right now, for instance. Tilting half back you attempted to look up at him. “You okay?” Clearly not. Never hurt to confirm. 

“I know we weren’t okay with the Legion.” This was a _terrible_ start to whatever he was about to get at. But you remained quiet, to let him _get at it_. “But I’m in the middle of starting final plans for a… I don’t know what to call them. Stark Force? Iron Squad? ...something small. Just to… deploy, if need be.” 

You tried to absorb all this information, especially the root of it. “Give me a scenario.” 

“Oh. I’m pitching to the CEO? Alright.” Amused then, if only lightly so. “Let’s think about… crowd control- if the _team_ is busy fighting a menace, we could use them to help clear an area.” 

This seemed simple enough. And perhaps, yes, smart. In all the ways that Tony Stark usually was. Yes, the team could use a force like that. Police were sometimes understaffed and didn’t exactly react the best to- oh- sometimes _aliens_. “Alright. ...that’s not half bad.” 

“I’m working with a full box of crayons- usually- but thank you.” 

You allowed a small moment of mutually soft laughter. His little squeeze to pull you that much closer. You laid your head back, resting against his shoulder. “...okay. But… is that all?” Sensing that it indeed was not. Not even a little.

And at _this_… “For now.” 

“...what about for later?” 

His head dropped, laying atop yours. “I don’t know yet. Something bigger. Something… better than our best efforts right now. Thor saw that thing coming- we were too late- if he and Foster hadn’t been there…” 

You would have been _fatally_ too late. The damage would have been massive. As it was, right now, SHIELD ran up the bulk of intelligence. And it was _Tony_ alone, you understood, that figured out Loki’s _grand_ plan- even if just a few seconds too late. SHIELD had been quiet about the attack in Greenwich. So what now? How much later and _later_ would the intel keep getting? How much destruction could be rendered every time the Avengers were just _a little too late_? 

And how many forces would keep coming to earth to destroy it?   
The answers to all these questions… 

Were driving him mad. You understood that. You _felt_ it, too. 

“Yeah.” Holding tight to his arms, as he squeezed you back closer into him again. “...being prepared isn’t bad, right?” 

“People prepare for a storm. That’s all we’re doing.” Sounding like he was trying to reassure you, as much as he was himself. 

“Yeah…” Snuggling back in closer, you closed your eyes. “But. For now. Let’s just put all that stuff away. Okay?” You didn’t come here to talk work or shop or… worry about this stuff. In fact that’s _why _you’d left. 

You felt him nodding. “Yeah, honey. Consider the drawer shut while we’re here. I promise.” 

Now if only you could stay there forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony knows how to get INY to say yes.   
Every time.  
To almost anything. One might consider it his super power...


	95. Chapter 95

“_Café ou thé?”  
  
_Tony’s work around, his gentle hand, asking you in a wonderful purr of french- _coffee or tea_? The two of you had been working on your … traumas, and when phrased like this, there was no spike. No extra voice in your head. No remembering of the immense pain. Just the sound of his voice and a simple question. One you could answer without thinking too much. 

“Tea, please.” 

Though the vacation didn’t have an end date (and officially didn’t even have a start date, to be fair), you both knew it was coming to a close, soon. Which was fine. You couldn’t stay hidden from the world and all your responsibilities forever. Much as you would have liked to. 

When he came around the small table, interrupting your view of the forest and mountains beyond, you tipped your head up, accepting the press of his light kiss at your forehead as he settled a mug of freshly steeped tea in front of you. This was what your life was _supposed _to be. This was how you _wanted _to be. It just wasn’t _meant_ to be. 

So you had to enjoy it now. And in between little touches of lips and snuggles, tea and coffee gone, you asked, “Can we go on a hike?” There was just so much _scenery _facing you since you’d gotten here. It seemed a waste to just look at it once and never actually enjoy it. 

“You going native on me?” 

A little joke, a short shared huff of laughter.   
And then on a hike the two of you went. 

It had just rained- a freezing sort, entering into December now. (Truly a very long lived- _deserved_ vacation.) Maybe it hadn’t been the smartest idea. But you pulled him over one path, and he tugged you over the next. Birds were still singing here, somehow. Or maybe it was just your imagination. The thing that mattered was it smelled _earthy_, it felt _good_. Most of your life now was surrounded by screens and walls that trapped you. Just being able to look up into a massive lush sky… 

It was as he’d moved to sit on a log, a few hours into such a freeing walk, that you stepped out over a ledge. Holding to yourself as you looked _down_. 

Something blew by you as you closed your eyes.   
And saw… just the two of you.  
No one around for miles.   
  
Except… 

You could have sworn you’d heard him speaking to you- something garbled and soft. Turning, arms folded, you gave him a curious look. “Did you say something?” 

He arched a brow. “You hearing things?” 

“Must have been the wind.” 

* * *

Since Tony had fulfilled your only ask by way of returning to nature for a handful of hours, before you were due to set off, he asked you to accompany him around Tokyo. You knew this would be a bad decision. There wasn’t anywhere the two of you could go that was that _full_ of people that you wouldn’t be seen. 

Which is exactly what had ended up happening. More than once groups of people surrounded the two of you, asking for pictures and autographs. If Tony wasn’t acting like such a shutter-darling, soaking up all the attention (especially when asked to do the _famous_ Iron Man pose), you might have had a problem with it. The longer it went on, the more suspicious you grew. Did Tony want to go out only to get seen?  
  
But the real reason for the outing became clear when he took you to a small shop, tucked away from all the screams and shouts, all the hustle and bustle. There he made light conversation with a very old shopkeeper by way of JARVIS for translation (Japanese not his strong suit without assistance, which was fine, you didn’t speak it at all). Once all was said and done he was presented with a very _old_ but beautiful tea set, which the shopkeeper wrapped up so gently in pretty black and silver paper. 

Once Tony paid and had it under his arm, he turned to you with one of those softer smiles of appeal. “Mind if we hit DC on the way back?”   
  
_Ah_. 

So, very easily you let him know, “Of course not.” 

You had a floral arrangement prepped alongside a minimal yet somehow grandiose dinner, as per Tony’s instructions, and called ahead to the nursing home to have them clear a part of the cafeteria for you. The table was wonderfully set, quite cozy and almost… like a home. And the two of you stood, his arm around you a little _tight_\- that small yet steady thrum of _anxiousness_ and that _sadness_ he tried to bury swirling about as a nurse helped Peggy in and sat her down. 

As she looked up at him, her hazy eyes lit up. “Oh- Tony- I didn’t know you were stopping by. I thought they were marching me out for some grand final moment in the courtyard.” Chuckling, truly _delighted_ to see him. 

You let him go, standing back, so that he could give her one of those quick squeezes, a little peck on the cheek, and the low voiced, “It’s good to see you, Aunt Peggy.” 

“You’re as handsome as ever. Like your father- don’t tell him I said that. Getting into all sorts of trouble, I’ll bet.” Giving him a pat on the face, really _looking_ at him as he sat down beside her. “How is Howard? And Maria? I feel like I don’t see them much anymore.” 

The _painfulness_ hit you, like a sharp poke in the chest. “They’re fine. Hey- I got you something-” Trying to cut off the cyclical repetition of an aging mind. 

“Oh- you didn’t have to do that- and this dinner- that’s you, too, isn’t it. You’ll make the staff work too hard.” She took hold of the carefully handpicked present he’d brought from her. 

“That’s what we pay them for.” Sarcastic as ever in the face of it all. When he half turned to give you a _look_ over the fact that you were sort of awkwardly just standing there, you moved to sit down. You’d spoken to this woman a few times now, a little more personally the first you’d ever met her, but… it never stopped being hard. 

And as soon as you got comfortable, she looked up at you. “Oh, hello. Who’s this? Don’t tell me you got another assistant.”

“Hi, ma’am-” You’d done this introduction more than once. It never stopped being difficult. 

Though she smiled, she looked at Tony. “What happened to Pepper? I always thought-” 

“Pep’s fine. Working hard, like always.” He gave her a little gentle touch at her arm. And then… just like the sparse times you’d done this before, he reintroduced you. You sat there, hoping the clouds would dissipate, but knowing they wouldn’t. “-my girlfriend.” 

“Girlfriend, goodness. When are you getting _married_?” Waving a hand at the both of you. 

At this he smiled. “For once, I don’t think that’s up to me.” 

She put her hand down over yours. “He’s a fine man. For the most part. If you can tolerate that mouth every now and again.” 

You couldn’t help your giggles. “Truer words have never been spoken.” 

“Hey, _thanks_.” He put his elbow on the table, and settled his chin in his upturned palm. 

“Oh- this is _gorgeous_\- thank you-” Peggy had finally unwrapped her tea set. And yet, seemed a little more preoccupied with the conversation at hand. “I mean what I said, you know. And if he gives you trouble, send him here. I wasn’t afraid to put him in a corner when he was a boy, I’m not afraid to, now.” 

“_Oh_?” Wanting to hear _all_ about that. 

“Yes- well. It takes a village to raise a child right- especially a boy- _especially_ a boy like Tony.” And while said _boy_ was about to try and cut this off, you felt the _slip_, and she put her hand on his arm next. “How are Howard and Maria? Are they coming? And Mr. Jarvis, and Ana… I feel like I haven’t seen them in a while.” 

Tony put a firm hand over hers, giving her a squeeze. “They’re alright, Peggy. Everyone’s okay.” 

“I love it when I get to see everyone… and Daniel- do you know… I think… I think my room has been empty for a long time…” 

There was a flutter of _panic_\- first from Tony. “Dan’s okay, aunt Peggy. Everyone is okay. Hey- are you hungry? I think somebody actually went outside and shot this turkey, so we should probably-”  
  
Then from her. “Daniel- I think… I think my room is empty-” 

“Hey, look at me, okay?” It took all your fortitude to sit through this. As Tony placed a hand on her face, turned her to look at him. “Everything’s alright.”  
  
You weren’t sure what to do.  
Or, more importantly, if you _should_ do something. But… watching the both of them struggle… 

You slipped.   
You went deep.   
  
And with that bright orange sky cast above you, you settled a hand on Peggy’s heart.   
_Everything is okay. _  
_Everyone is okay_.   
Imparting _calm_ and a wash of _ease. _

And when your vision cleared, you saw her smiling at Tony. Her trembling had stopped. They were talking about something, though the words were muffled. Underneath the table, you held your hands together tightly. “Dear?” But she called your attention forward, and you saw the both of them looking at you. “I’m g̴o̸i̶n̵g̴ ̸t̷o̵ ̷m̸a̸k̸e̵ ̵**t̸e̸a̸**. W̴̱̊ö̴͚̘́̿̂ͅu̵̢̾̈́̎l̸̲̇d̵̤̑ ̴͓̔ý̴̏̄ͅo̸̯͝ū̷̫̯̳ ̵̟̇̔l̶̩̝͊ī̵͜k̶͖̕e̸̩͋͝ ̴̱̦̩̏̀s̴͚̏̈́̓ǫ̶͇͒̌m̷̢̙͉͗̔̏ḛ̷̺̀?̴͚͉̔̓͑?̸?” It came out in dark static. _That accent_-

You swallowed hard.   
And held yourself steady through the rise of urgent panic.   
Tony was dealing with enough. And who knew- if you spiraled, you could potentially _kill_ Peggy. 

“Yes- that would be… that would be nice…”   
  
Be strong.  
Be strong… 

* * *

Once outside the facility, Tony took your hand in a grip that threatened to crush your bones. But you let him. Because it grounded you. It wasn’t until the two of you were back on the jet, still hand in hand, your gaze out the window, that he finally spoke- “Thank you. For everything you just did back there.” 

You found yourself nodding mindlessly. “Yeah.” 

“I’m sorry. I should have realized- I should have thought-” About to apologize for the monumental gaff of accidentally inviting you to _tea time_ with his sick aunt. 

“Hey… who is Ana?” But now you were the one cutting off a wave of panic, with the undertow of heavy _guilt_. Because. Honestly. Right now? You just _couldn’t_ handle it.   
  
“Ana was Jarvis’ wife.” 

Along with Howard and Maria… Tony’s life had been laid bare. A string of accidents and tragedies had left him alone for a very _long_ time. A continual cycle until it had just been him in a big house with a familiar voice… his hand had clutched to yours so hard, _so suddenly_, probably thinking the same thing. Visiting the one face that had been such an integral part of his growing up, yet was doomed to not be able to grasp the losses they’d _all _suffered. 

The people who had raised him. All gone now. That was the way life was, wasn’t it? But the other man she’d been the most concerned about… it seemed fairly obvious. You put a hand over his to try and ease the grip he had on you. He apologized when he realized, by way of lifting your hand to press a kiss to the back.

In the silence you dared to ask. Just to get the whole picture. Finally.

“Who is Daniel?”

“Dan was Peggy’s husband.” 

“Oh.” 

You wondered briefly if Steve knew about that, considering… 

* * *

Really none of your business. But- as if you’d invited more storm into your house- the minute that you and Tony had gotten back, the man in question was practically waiting to pounce. Your elevator had only just exited on the top floor, you had only _just_ stepped out, gone into the kitchen for a glass of water with Tony- and then the telltale _ding_ hit the floor, and the two of you stepped around the bend to see him standing there. 

Tony, speaking with a mouth half full of stale cookie (that had been sitting on the counter in a box since you’d left), “You okay, buddy? You look like you _ran _all the way up the stairs- but- I seem to remember hearing our _private elevator_ just open…” Making no effort to show that he was getting annoyed with all the unannounced visits to what was basically your home. 

There was little hiding the _frustration_ leaking off of him. He shook a weak gesture Tony’s way before pointing your way. “Can I talk to you, please?” Then, also not hiding the look he gave Tony before his eyes came back to you, “-in private?” 

“Oh, good.” Tony answered first, turning back around. “I don’t have to be part of whatever _this_ is. Squabbles over the toilet seat being left up I imagine.” Pressing a little kiss to your temple before departing. There was a quiet message between the two of you here. _No secrets_, and it had been that way for a long time. So he trusted you to go talk to Steve and deal with _whatever_ this was. And trusted you to talk to him about it if it was serious. And not just over petty living squabbles. 

And with the way Steve was looking at you… “Sure. In the living room okay?” 

“Somewhere more private. If you don’t mind.” 

“Oh.” Although you and Tony had been gone for a month, sure, you had hoped they’d be able to handle themselves. But as usual, the literal second vacation was over, it was back to stress and nonsense. “Sure. Let’s go to my office downstairs.” 

“Thank you.” Curt with just as sharp a nod. 

Holding back a sigh (and practically all your nerves), you stepped in line with him by his side as you called the elevator back. And then got in. And then… waited in terribly strained silence while it descended. Upon opening onto one of the Stark Industries floors, you got out first, and waved off all the people trying to hand you things and ask for stuff. Opening the door to your office, you allowed him in first, and then closed the door behind you. 

As if even _this_ was not enough, after looking around (like he’d never been in here before, which was certainly not the case), he gave you a look. “Nothing we talk about leaves this room, right?” 

He wasn’t just asking to speak to you in confidence. And, understanding that, “LUNA, nothing comes in or goes out for the next twenty minutes.” 

She answered fairly quickly, “Yes, ma’am. All channels blocked. Nothing leaves this space.” 

You gestured for him to sit down on the long couch backed up against the wall, and you sat on the plush chair in front of your desk facing him. “Okay. So. What’s the matter?” 

He sat forward, hands clasped together. “What do you know about the Zodiac weapon?” 

Unable to help the curious turn of your head, a few blinks- a little pause for thought- as that didn’t sound familiar but… you had to think about it to make sure. And when you were, “I don’t know what that is. Is it something serious?” 

“It’s a biological weapon.” 

_Oh_. That was something extremely serious. “Do we have orders to go get it?” 

“No need. SHIELD already has it.” The look he was leveling your way was _icy_. It put you in your place for a moment. It wasn’t just _frustration_ now. It was pretty white-hot _anger_. “**Swear to me** you don’t know anything about it.” 

It felt very much like he was accusing you of something, and it was hard not to immediately get defensive. “I swear, Steve. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Giving this room to breathe, keeping your eyes on his. You weren’t sure what was going on (although you could _guess_), but if he distrusted you, it was going to be one step in a long fall downhill. That much you understood. “What’s going on? Should I be worried?” 

He _stared_ at you for a few seconds longer before his eyes closed for a moment as he dropped his head in a shake. “No more so than you and Tony usually are. I know it feels like a long time ago but… I feel stupid for giving the two of you grief back on the helicarrier. Even knowing what we found out then… it just never ends.” 

“...Steve?” Really not knowing what to do with _that_. He was talking about before New York got attacked? 

He looked up at you again, gaze softer, but no less serious. “I think you should step away from SHIELD, effective immediately.” He was trying to protect you from something. But… 

It was starting to get on your nerves. He was refusing to tell you what this was all about. “Why?” 

“You know why.” 

Asking you plainly to _put the pieces together, so I don’t have to tell you_. But that wasn’t really working for you. And when your dead-eyed stare yielded no results… “JARVIS.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Tap the SHIELD grid. Get me everything we have on- what did you say?- the weapon Zodiac-” 

Steve put a hand up. “Don’t do that-” 

“These files are encrypted ma’am. Level 8 access or higher.” 

A small silence came over the room. You were looking at Steve. Steve was looking at you. And then you made your next move, “Give me clearance.” And by that you meant- _just go in there and take what I need_. 

“Yes, ma’am. Allow me a moment, please.” 

Steve stood up suddenly, hands tight at his sides. “This isn’t necessary. Look- I’m just asking you to stay out of their business for the time being. I went out on a mission for them and came back with something I didn’t like.” 

You stared up at him, crossing one leg over the other, putting your hands on your knee. “I don’t play games with half of the pieces. You should know me better than that. You wanna tell me what’s going on?” 

“Just listen to me-” 

“I would if you’d say anything.” 

“Ma’am.” JARVIS stopped your bickering. “Mr. Stark now has the files.” 

And at _that_ you really bristled. “I didn’t say send them to Tony, JARVIS-” 

The door to your office opened, and in walked, wouldn’t you know it- “Yeah, well. Mr. Stark doesn’t like being kept in the dark. Also- you have your own programs, why’re you ordering JARVIS around?” Tony, with a tablet in hand, scrolling over whatever it was JARVIS had unearthed. 

“That way if he gets caught I can blame it on you.” Joking, of course, but you smiled oh so sweetly up at him. 

JARVIS spoke above you, “I never get caught.” 

Tony came to a stop in front of your chair and turned the tablet your way, handing it down to you. Although his eye roll was directed skyward. “Oh _please_.” 

Steve was getting _upset_. “Alright, I’ve had just about enough of this- I was trying to do you a favor-” 

You tried to tune him out, but when that wasn’t working, you just started reading aloud. As you did, Tony turned towards Steve, arms folded, narrowing his eyes. “The weapon known as Zodiac was recovered by Agent Margaret Carter in New York City, from a small band of movers, destination unknown. Agent Carter disobeyed direct agency orders to carry out the mission alone.” Reading this part purposefully, as it dampened Steve’s fire and quieted him. Perhaps a terrible thing to do but… 

Taking a breath, you continued. “Zodiac is an incredibly powerful and incredibly dangerous weapon, capable of destroying an entire city. Compound list… ingredients…” Skimming through stuff you didn’t understand. “Zodiac listed on record as destroyed effective April 1951- under authorization of Howard Stark and Agent Carter... Moved to bunker facility for further…” 

Feeling like you just couldn’t finish the rest of it. What was the point? It was clear what was going on. When you looked up from the tablet, you caught Steve and Tony just _looking_ at one another. ...as always… haunted by ghosts of a past they could not change. Yet it seemed like every time they encountered them, it was all entangled. 

As per his silent request earlier, to kill the maddening silence in the room, you _put the pieces together_. “Someone stole it from SHIELD. And they told you to go get it.” 

Steve looked away. “Not just me. Rumlow and Nat. Both of them knew the truth about the whole thing.” _Shit_. Rumlow you really couldn’t have cared less about. A STRIKE team lackey. But… Natasha getting on Steve’s bad side was bad for _everyone_. He finally looked your way again after a deep breath. “They’re trying to justify it as a security measure. That by putting it on record as destroyed, no one would come looking for it.” 

Tony scoffed. “Yeah. Why not just _actually_ destroy it?” _Bitterness_ dripping off him. You reached a hand up to sooth over his leg. He stopped holding to himself so tightly, but he was still incredibly _annoyed_. “This is SHIELD’s MO. You can’t tell me you’re surprised.” 

_Why not destroy it?_ Because maybe they’d have use for something that could level a city. Some day.  
Yeah. That was the SHIELD you knew.

And at this? Steve shook his head. “Not surprised anymore just…” 

“Disillusioned.” You finished for him. It was always one step forward ten steps back with them. At what point was it going to stop? “So what do you wanna do about it?” You could bring it to Fury. Get yelled at for digging around. And… then what? Probably nothing. But you didn’t want to just leave Steve hanging. 

He shook his head again. “Nothing. I just want you to stay out of their way for a while. ...they wanted you on the mission. It was a good thing you were gone. Both of you.” Redirecting his gaze to Tony. Something softer. Like he’d been thinking about this. _A lot_. “What would have happened if we’d lost control? You think SHIELD would admit they were at fault?” 

Tony’s head tipped forward, a curve of his brow in what was definitely the most dryly sarcastic look he could muster. “What are we doing here? Playing least-likely-scenario? SHIELD will admit they’re wrong about _anything_ the day _you _do.” 

“Hey, I’m not above admitting my mistakes.” Putting his hands up. “Just before you walked in I was saying-” 

“It doesn’t matter.” You put a stop to the both of them. Because it really just _didn’t_. Tony poking at Steve’s supposed _righteousness_ wasn’t going to help. Even if it was somehow in a _fond_ manner. “Look- I work for SHIELD, same as you do. If I stop taking Fury’s calls about that kind of stuff, he might get suspicious.” 

Tony shrugged. “Let him. When he decides to show face, I’ll let him know about the _extensive _life insurance policy we have out, and in the event of a negligent death on their end-” 

Finally you stood, rubbing a hand between his shoulder blades. “Okay. Alright. We’re not going _there_.” He was getting just a _little _worked up. “Also I thought they wouldn’t provide payout considering our _lifestyle_.” 

He half grinned at you. “Not for both.” 

“Wait- so which one of us has one?” Confused now. He was probably joking either way but- 

Steve cleared his throat. “Look- I actually have somewhere I need to be. Can I just get a little resolution here?” 

Looking his way, Tony threw him another _look_. “What do you want us to say? We’re surprised SHIELD sent you on a mission they preordained with their secretive bumbling? Or that-” 

“I just want her to stay out of their field work for a while. Until I can get a better sense of who we’re working for. Who we trust.” 

“You and me both.” 

It was impossible to hold back your sigh. “I appreciate the both of you looking out for me. I’ll… try to keep extra busy. And put Fury’s calls through to voicemail. Okay? But… don’t start hammering at the walls here. And… go easy on Nat, alright? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say she probably put in a scathing report.” 

“I’m not ready to call it quits. With anyone. Just… keeping an eye out. I promised to keep things clean between us. I meant it.” 

Whether or not what she did was _right_, Natasha worked for SHIELD. At a deeper level than the rest of you did. And had for a long time. And… as you understood it, owed them a lot. She was no fool, either. If this had been a stupidly dangerous mission, caused over foolishness and ineptness by SHIELD (_especially_ by Fury), you were sure she had gone to Nick’s office and told him exactly how she’d felt. 

Tony shrugged, arms still folded. “Debrief right into a shredder, I’m imagining. Nothing in the world changes over word documents. Especially not _that_ world.” 

Looking towards Steve you gave him a little nod. “Thank you. For telling me all this.” 

At that his brows lifted. “I didn’t.” Then he smiled. “But you’re welcome.”

Stepping closer to him, Tony held out his hand. And when Steve put his hand in Tony’s and gave him a firm shake. “Thanks, _Captain_.” They sized each other up respectfully, in that way the always seemed to, and then Steve turned to leave. When the door was closed, Tony stuck his hands in his pockets, looking at you. “What did he mean by that- _keep things clean_?” 

You recalled it easily. “When I was watching him at the Retreat- when we snuck out that one night-” 

“When I _let _you out, you mean, yes I remember.” 

“-a paparazzi snuck up on us. And I… mildly _persuaded_ him to go back to his car and delete his footage. Steve kinda figured out what was going on, and thought I was put there to manipulate him.” 

Tony huffed out a laugh, coming closer. He put his arms around your shoulders, drawing you in. “As if you need _the thing_ to manipulate anybody.” And when you arched a brow at him, hoping he wasn’t insinuating anything _terrible_, he just grinned. “All you have to do is bat those big eyelashes at somebody and they’ll work for you for free. Believe me. I’m a first hand witness.” 

“_Excuse me_.” You feigned offended, pressing your hands against his chest. “You better not be talking about what I think you’re talking about.” 

“Okay- well- in this instance- I put _you_ to work for _me_\- but I think it applies-” He leaned in, nose nuzzling against yours. 

It was a shame that he so _easily _drew giggles from you, but you attempted to stave him off. “I think you’ve been with me too long- is four years too long? You’re starting to view everything from a very _romantic_ lens. And let’s not forget- you were fucking anything that moved for sport back then.” So. He was wrong, in this instance. He didn’t need to rewrite history. You loved him all the same. 

“Not you.” 

“You tried.” 

“Not hard enough.” Silencing your continued giggles as he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. You indulged him, wrapping your arms around his neck, sinking in easily. You’d only just come back from a vacation all to yourselves, full of moments like this- _like_ this, but no single one the same. Yet there was still always room for more. As he barely parted, his murmur caught you feeling flush. “I told you… _it’s always been you_.” 

“What’s gotten into you?” Not that you _minded_ by any means. But… all things considered, you both had just been told something very serious. And here he was acting like he’d barely paid any attention, and all that had mattered was- 

“Not four years- do you realize we’ve known each other a decade?” He said these words in between kisses that were growing longer and longer in length. “I had a feeling- while we were gone but… I had to check my math…” 

“Ten years, really? Has it been that long? ...you’re sure?” 

“I’m always sure.” His smile pressed to yours.   
  
It was that charming _confidence_, mixed with just this overwhelming feeling of _adoration_, of _**love**_, that really swept you away. The next kiss became the last, sealed in a perfect touch of parted lips. His arms pulling you that much closer to him, yours winding tighter around his neck, pressing yourself against him. It was just as your head was growing dizzy, the faint sound of a deep _murmur_ in the back of his throat- 

Interrupted by the sound of your office door opening, and Pepper’s voice- “I tried to keep a giant workload off your desk but I need you to- _oh_!” The two of you broke apart, and while you, guilt and heat pooling in your cheeks alike, directed your gaze _away_-

Tony was looking at her rather _vexed_. “Excuse me- didn’t I teach you a _long_ time ago that a closed door means knock?” 

“God- I’m- I’m _sorry_\- also- you two have a whole _floor_ upstairs to yourselves- there’s no reason to- _in here_? _Really_?” 

You forced your voice to work. “I’ll get right on whatever it is- can you just give us a minute?” 

She made a bunch of noise, none of which were actual words, until she found some at least. “_Yes_\- fine- but _only_ a minute. And you better not be doing _that_ when I come back.” Very quickly she shut the door behind her. 

A sigh escaped you. “Back to work.” 

“Or we could take her suggestion and go upstairs.” 

Despite yourself, he poked yet another round of giggles out of you. Maybe it was just how _lightheaded_ you were feeling. “I don’t think that’s what she was suggesting.” 

“I’m taking creative liberty here.” 

Reaching up to cup his cheek in your palm, you drew him down closer again, leaving a carefully sweet kiss on his lips. “Later. And… thanks for coming to my rescue.” It was no coincidence he’d come running down here after seeing you’d been accessing deep SHIELD files- after being toted off by Steve. It wasn’t because he thought you couldn’t handle it.

It was all too easy to see he’d literally rushed downstairs to check on you. Make sure things were okay. Or get you out of the situation if you needed out. “Always.” Murmured against your lips. 

Time enough for one last kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta be honest with you guys, doing animal chores the game came out and I'm super unfocused right now. But we'll make it through this somehow I'm sure.   
Also a lot went on in this chapter. But I hope you enjoyed it! We're moving by bits and pieces and YES the Zodiac shenanigans are a real canon thing. You never know what SHIELD will do next... 
> 
> Anyway. Hey, if you're enjoying the story please don't be afraid to leave a comment! They mean so much to me and really let me know you guys are having a good time. Thanks as always for reading and I can't believe we'll be at chapter 100 so soon! Thanks for sticking with this!


	96. Chapter 96

While tensions were middling and approaching high, you thought it might be a good time for a team get-together. A little reminder that you were all in this _together_, no matter what challenges came for you. So you put out a small invite amongst your little family. The Avenger side and the Stark side, and luckily for you, everyone got back with a warm approval. So. With the end of December holiday out... A New Year’s party was on the docket. Almost immediately after Steve had confronted you. The quicker you could get everyone in a room laughing together, the better. It was almost a little disheartening to see how they all sort of… _drifted_ when you and Tony weren’t directly around. 

But, after the next day, you yourself had something to make up for. And you were glad Thor hadn’t spited you by disappearing yet again. You may have deserved it, after all that- even if _he_ had deserved it initially. But if you kept playing that game in an endless circle, who knew where the two of you might have ended up? 

He was on the deck in the freezing afternoon air, sitting on the edge. Noticeably absent, you couldn’t help but mention, as you drew your coat around you tightly and moved to sit down. “Where’s Jane?” You really had wanted to speak with her a little more. Get to know her. 

His smile was faint but fond as he turned to look at you. “It’s good to see you, Lady. Jane had to leave to attend a conference. She will be unable to attend the festivities. She asked me to send her apologies.” 

“That’s alright.” It kind of sucked, but it wasn’t the end of the world. “It’s good to see you, too. Uh… I hope you’re not mad Tony and I took off like that.” Just deciding to get this over with now. 

A small huff of laughter escaped him as he shook his head. “Not at all. Although I think I would have liked your help around here a little more than anyone else’s.” 

“They picking on you?” Teasing him a little. 

He grinned. “They would be foolish to try. No. I just thought… you built this for us, didn’t you? It would have been nice to see it through your eyes.” 

You weren’t sure what he was getting at, really. It was just some living quarters. Not bare, pretty well put together- if you did say so yourself (and you did). But it wasn’t like a _kingdom_ or anything. “I built it for _us_, yes- although- technically- Tony did a lot of the actual _building_.” As if he’d ever let you forget it. 

“As did the hands that put down the stone, I’m sure. But that’s not what I’m talking about.” He turned half aside to look at you, so you returned the gesture, sitting back a little to look at him. “How are you, Lady?” 

It would have been nice for him to expand on whatever he was trying to get at, but with the subject change you found yourself shrugging. “Just got back from a little retreat, and I already feel like I need another one. How about you?” 

“I am… managing.” You really weren’t expecting _this_\- although only just _now_ did you remember what he said to you on the phone a month ago, before you caught up with him. _Blue_ bloomed forward from him and he settled his hands together. “I was given free reign- I am no longer tied to Asgard. But my heart aches every time I think of it.” 

“Are you- are you _debriefing me_ right now?” Worried he was just giving you an update because somebody told him that’s what he was _supposed_ to do. “Because you don’t have to do that. We don’t have to talk about- ...any of that, if you don’t want to.” Not wanting him to feel forced into sharing. 

He found another smile, raising a hand to clasp your shoulder. “I am grateful for your care, as always, Lady. But… If you wouldn’t mind…” He seemed to be having trouble saying whatever it was he wanted to say. 

Trying to suss it out was difficult, but you tried your best. “I’m here, if you wanna talk to me, Thor. I’m not going anywhere. ...even if it is freezing up here.” 

You were rewarded with a short clap of laughter. “Shall we go inside?” 

“I can make hot chocolate. And you can tell me whatever you’d like.” 

“I’d like that.” 

He offered a hand to help you to your feet, and the two of you went inside. Instead of staying in the _Messhall_, you took him upstairs to the penthouse. Tony was downstairs in the lab working, so you expected that would be the most private place to be. While you set some water to boil on the stove and he sat down at the table, he started off quiet. 

The last battle- the one that had brought Malekith to earth- had been a hard fought one for him. As you assumed it would be. He had told you that Loki had lost his life in trying to aid him and Jane, and you expected that’s where his sadness was coming from. Though Loki was by _no means_ your favorite person, and you would have liked to speak with him, the fact that he _was_ Thor’s brother and Thor’s love for him was no secret, made it that much easier to understand his grief. 

But then… 

Then he told you of Frigga. His mother.   
Warrior Queen. Not a woman to be trifled with. And how _she_ had come to perish by Malekith’s malice. 

You settled your hands over his then. “Thor, I’m so sorry.” 

His eyes avoided yours, downcast, yet he bravely showed a soft smile. “I think of her- often- there is so much still I wanted to say. So much I fear I still needed her for, and now…” You remained quiet, to let him talk. But he looked up suddenly and locked eyes with you. “She would have adored you.” 

“_Me_?” The word popped out of your mouth before you could try to stop it. Incredulous and confused. Thor was the teammate you’d known for the least amount of time. Though it didn’t mean you liked him any less- surely not. You really did enjoy his company, and you trusted him, like you did the others. But for him to say this to you knowing it was equally true from his end? 

“You remind me of her strengths.”   
  
“Thor-” You were sure _he_ needed to go to therapy. Very soon. Not sure why he was meshing you with his _deceased mother_, no disrespect meant- but… 

“-when you were yelling at your leader. Ellis. It was then I knew you had the tenacity to lead everyone.” 

“To be fair, I don’t consider him my leader.” Quickly throwing this in. Because. Come on now. “He calls me for help more often than I call him. Which is never.” 

“Because you are wise. And you know the measure of what it takes to get things done. And this team- the people you’ve brought together- they look to you for guidance.” 

“I don’t think that’s true. I think we sort of help each other out the best we can.” 

“A great leader is also very humble. So I’ve been told.” Grinning at you then. “Do you remember what I said to you that day?” 

You paused, eyes drifting as you tried to think about it. It was probably important if he was bringing it up. So you felt bad for not remembering it in total. “Something about how leaders worry about their people.” 

“_It is the wisest and strongest of leaders who worry how they will heal their people after war. _This was a wisdom that my mother passed to me, meant to cull the heat of blood and battle brewing inside me. Meant to help me look at everything else aside the swing of a blade. And when I spoke it then, I was sure of its truth.” Ah, that explained it. He’d passed an idiom from his mother to you the last time the two of you had really spoken. _That’s_ why he was thinking of her, and you, in such a capacity. 

But it still didn’t sit right with you. In fact it made you feel a little _weird_. If you kept turning him down about it he might get his feelings hurt and he was no doubt in a sensitive place right now. But… _but_. “Well- ...thanks. And- I’m sure I would have liked Frigga, too. Mn… who knows. Maybe I would have even liked Loki. Had I meant him under normal circumstances.” 

Though at _this_, he let out a genuine bark of laughter, and gave a hard pat to your back. “Now you’re going too far. For all I knew and loved of Loki, trust me when I say the two of you would _never _have gotten along.” He softened up, smile gentle. “But thank you. For your kindness.” 

* * *

Unlike the _last_ party you’d thrown in the Tower (and not thinking about it… not thinking about it…), you let your support staff help you far more. It wasn’t like everything needed a personal touch and, even though you knew it was highly unlikely another _event_ would occur- you made a promise to yourself to not leave the building. Because you didn’t need to. No need to go out and get anything- so why go? Right? 

...it seemed like everyone else was of the same mind. Your attention was always divided or taken up by one or more people. Never alone for too long a time. It was almost a little frustrating, that everyone kept _checking in on you_, even though they were making great attempts to make it not appear that way. But… it was also endearing. But. Again. Frustrating. Like you couldn’t be trusted to not leave if no one was keeping an eye on you? You weren’t a child. 

However.   
When Nick Fury and Maria Hill came over to you- invited because… you thought it might be a good idea to maybe have them a little more _on the team_ than off it- your attention was snapped up by someone else in a literal matter of _seconds_. Just about as soon as Fury said, “I need to talk to you.” 

Steve tapped your shoulder. “Hey, mind if I cut in?” 

Fury threw a dry look his way. “Crazy coincidence, don’t you think? Though other people might call it _bad manners_.” 

Maria sipped at her drink. “Just wanted to say hi. And thanks for the invite. It’s nice to be included in these fancy parties.” 

“You’re welcome. We’ll be sure to throw some more often. It’s better to see each other at a party than a war, I think.” Not sassing her because she really hadn’t done anything. But you did smile in just _such a way_ at Fury. “We’ll catch up later.” 

“Sure thing.” Taking a long _pointed_ sip of his own drink as you were whisked away. 

It was lucky that Steve had a cover that probably seemed familiar to him. Though it wasn’t really _that kind of party_, apparently the small little section of empty floor near the lounge had attracted a few couples shuffling their feet. Rhodey was dancing the evening away with his plus-one. Some woman by the name of Alison Green (you reminded yourself to check into her later). Big soft eyes and long brown hair. Seemed alright. Pepper had some man toting her around by the waist- though she seemed _happy_ so you decided not to say anything about it. And even Clint and Nat were getting their steps in together. Though their murmurs clued you in to the fact that they were probably _gossiping_. 

There was slow but jingly music playing, a playlist that you’d curated for the evening. Just enough to pretend to dance to, as Steve took your hand in his and settled the other one just _slightly_ above your waist. You followed suit, not wanting to be _rude_. But… 

“Could you have been more obvious?” 

“What’s the harm in a dance?” 

“I might as well tell Fury I quit, at this point. Or that _you_ want me to quit. With a stunt like that, he’s going to think we’re plotting something against him. And I’d _really_ like to not start barking up that tree.” 

Steve, wonderful man that he was, actually _looked_ right over at Fury. Who _looked _right back. “You think he’s that suspicious?” 

So you stepped on his foot purposefully. “Eyes here. _Really_. And they let you do field work?” Teasing him but also feeling your frustrations mounting. 

Though you hadn’t hurt him in the slightest, he looked down at you with a grin. “_Ouch_. You don’t know a simple waltz? I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth and I-”

“Hey neither did I. Thank you. I just think you should probably try being a little bit smoother about all this.” He had the best of intentions, of this you had no doubt. Steve had a good heart. A very big… sometimes- well certainly not _stupid_ but… _innocent_? If that was the word? Naive, maybe. It was why you didn’t doubt him. Or mistrust him. But this was all becoming a little too much. 

Tony’s voice flitted in between the two of you. “I teach a class in smooth. Every Wednesday and Friday. We should hang fliers up.” Standing there at your side so suddenly, martini glass in one hand, the other in his pocket. Eyebrow popped. An appropriate look. Not to mention devilishly handsome, as he took a sip of his drink. “So. What needs _smoothening_? Old man need some tips?” 

Steve let go of you, rebuffed. “I was just trying to get her out of his way.” 

“She can handle herself.” Grinning a little. “She takes my classes.” Holding his drink Steve’s way, “Here, hold this.” And when Steve took it without question, Tony took your hand in his. “Thanks. Now stay there and act casual. You might just get the hang of this yet.” 

As Tony’s arm came around your waist, you smiled up Steve’s way. “Thank you for the assist. But seriously. Enjoy the party. I’m good. Don’t worry about you-know-who.” 

“I don’t think he’s read Harry Potter, honey.” Pulling you away towards the windows that faced the deck. It was nearing midnight. The fireworks would start soon. Once there he angled a look your way. “He’s really that nervous?” 

“That obvious, huh?” 

“To just about everyone in the room. This isn’t _that_ kind of party- no offense to the drifters over there. Asking you to dance was the worst move. Might as well just have said the kitchen was on fire.” Though Tony was rambling, a little quickly, his usual go to for either a mountain of frustration or anxiety, you sensed neither from him. 

“I tried to tell him that.” Reaching up, you smoothed your hands across his chest. “What’s the matter?” 

“I’m not trying to invite more discord into our house. If Rogers can’t grasp the art of the double-face, he’s in real trouble.” His hands came to your hips, pulling you in just a couple inches more. 

You couldn’t help the light smile. “I told him that.” Made fun of him, really, about his ability to do field work. But he’d taken it in stride. “Besides… I like that he’s so honest.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Oh. Are we doing evaluations now? Let me throw mine in- he’s asking for trouble.” Just _there_ you caught the hint of what he was feeling. And it wasn’t frustration. Or anxiety. It was _anger_. 

_On your behalf_. 

If there were a moment for your heart to melt… “You’re mad at him? -because of me?” 

“You know, I heard Thor thinks you’re the leader around here. I’m inclined to agree.” 

“Where did you hear _that_?” 

He ignored your boggling and continued. “He’s peacocking. When he needs to be little-mousing. You can handle yourself.” 

Damn it all, you couldn’t help your smile. “Yeah. I think you said that to him already.” 

“I’ll say it as many times as it needs to be said.” 

A hum escaped you, _playful_, as your hands shifted up, touching along the sides of his neck, drawing him down closer. “If I can handle myself… shouldn’t I be handling this? And not you? Seems like you’re doing a lot of speaking on my behalf…” Tone warm, not offended or upset in the slightest. 

“Yeah, well…” A countdown was starting behind you. People had their champagne glasses raised. “That’s my job.” 

“_Oh_ is it now?” He was so close as some giggles escaped you. Your noses brushed. 

“Yeah. It is. I’ll tell anyone off for you. Call it returning the favor for faithful years of service.” _Doing the same_, he meant. Even before your entanglement. That had sort of been your job. And you were still doing it for him. Of course. Not even just news reporters or the usual ill-wisher. But… 

Anyone. Anyone who said anything poor of him. Because you loved him. And you’d protect him no matter what. 

The room lit up in cheers, and outside over the city fireworks touched the sky. “I love you.” Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in for one of those ever-so-sweet New Year’s kisses. But, _heat_ was not too far behind. “I could do with a little _service_.” 

He hummed a little laugh against your lips. “Good news, the mechanic is in. Time to sneak off?” 

“We’ve been here long enough.” 

“A record amount of time, I’d say. We deserve a reward.” 

You nipped at his lower lip, tone breathy. “Take me upstairs. I’ll give you a reward.” 

The _sparks_ that flew off him were immediately contagious. Or was that you? Cycling into him, back into you? You didn’t really care. But it could potentially be dangerous. “Yes, ma’am.” One last lingering _heated_ kiss while the room around you was still celebrating. And then he took you by the hand, bypassing curious eyes with a slide around one of the bookcases and down the back staircase away from the elevated lounge. 

After that it was pretty much free game to get to the elevator. 

True to your word, reward you did, after the two of you stumbled out of it, discarding clothes as you went, locked to one another in deeper and deeper kisses. In the bedroom you pushed him with an easy hand to his chest, and followed closely after. And- as promised- on your hands and knees, fireworks just finishing their grand finale, you rewarded him. A steady hand, firm grip, and wet lips. 

His hands tangled in your hair, suddenly finding it very hard to catch his breath.   
When he finally _could_, when you were done, he wasted no time in turning the tables quite literally. But you eased him up closer for a lock of lips, your arms around him, his weight just bare above you. Warm and complete. With a shaky groan, his head at your shoulder, he found his usual stamina up to par, but you kept him slow as he _filled_ you almost to bursting. Just something about _him_. Always _him_.   
  
And that light between you.   
You wanted to _ride_ it forever.   
So you did. At least, for as long as you could. 

A very _wonderful_ start to a brand new year.  
Maybe this one would be better than the last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We officially in 2014.


	97. ❤Chapter 97❤ [End: Interlude]

Two single days into the new year, you found yourself apprehensive when Steve poked you on the shoulder as you were moving from a board room meeting back to your office. He seemed pretty tight lipped about whatever it was, only requesting, as usual these days, to speak in private. So. You acquiesced him. Escorting him back up to your office. And, when you got there- 

“I’m moving out, for a while.” 

This you _truly _were not expecting. “Oh- you’re not mad are you?” It was true, Tony had treated him a little callously at the party. But that was no reason to just _leave_ over it. 

His smile eased you. “Nah. Nothing like that. Nat actually told me it might be a good time for me to relocate closer to SHIELD’s base of operations. Get my ear a little closer to the ground.” 

At this, at least, you felt a little better. You sat down, gesturing for him to sit in the chair across from your desk. “So. Things okay between you two?” 

“Seems that way. Anyway. I didn’t wanna just go without a word. I’m leaving tonight.” 

“That’s- ..._fast_, Steve. You just make these plans today?” Something about this felt a little off. At the very least you trusted him. But… 

“Last night, actually. They got a long list of things for me to do over there. It’s just easier to not have to go back and forth.” Though he was smiling there was a little bit of _apprehension_ swirling about him. 

It didn’t feel right. “You need a place to stay? Do you want me to get Happy to prep the jet?” 

“Thanks, but… I’ll find my own way. And SHIELD’s covering my apartment.” He was just so _blase _about all of this. 

It was kind of annoying. Considering. “You were just telling me days ago you think you might not trust SHIELD anymore. And now you’re gonna stay in an apartment on their dime and march agents around their campus?” Staring him down a couple seconds more, it all clicked into place. “Don’t do this for me. If they told you this was the only way they were keeping me out-”

He raised his hands. “It’s not for you.” A little bit of hard silence and staring him down, he readjusted. “Alright- it’s not _just_ for you. I want this. And… it’ll be nicer to be closer to Peggy.” 

You hoped Steve was too nice to stoop to emotional manipulation. This shut down a lot of your qualms. Even considering everything else, you knew he could handle himself. “Alright, Steve… I mean if you were looking for my blessing…” 

“I wasn’t. But. If you were about to give it, I’ll gladly take it.” 

Even though you’d just sat down, it felt like this meeting was pretty much over. He’d made up his mind. No amount of your hemming and hawing was going to change it. Not even your worry. So, standing again, you rounded the desk, and when he stood to meet you, you reached up to give him a hug. “Consider yourself _blessed_. Just… don’t forget us little guys over here, alright?” Giving him a little knock on the bicep once he let you go. 

He was grinning. “Little, huh? Not exactly how I’d describe this operation.” Looking at you, though, his expression softened. “It’s not forever. I’ll be back. Probably sooner than later.” 

There was something else troubling about this. But it was hard to put into words. “Just… don’t lose yourself over there, alright?” 

Almost _defensively_, he crossed his arms. “What do you mean?” 

“Life’s not all about missions and soldiers and agents and fighting and… _all that_.” You knew, very well, by now that Steve’s life had kind of been _all about that_. It was all he’d ever wanted growing up. To get involved. To fight for _the little guy_. It seemed unfair for him to just live like that _forever_. “You deserve a normal life, too. Er- what scraps people like us can have of a normal life, anyway.” 

He seemed to warm, smile going soft. “Thanks for your concern.” Because of your usual experiences with this phrase, the little arch of your brows got him to reach out, laying a hand on your shoulder. “I mean it. It means a lot to me. But you don’t have to worry about me.” 

“I’ll worry anyway.” Unable to help yourself. You cared deeply for this little family you’d found. Him included. 

“Well. Thanks.” 

When you stopped by his room in the late afternoon it was already empty.

* * *

A rule of twos seemed to be setting themselves in place. While _normal life_ carried on- emails and meetings and press conferences and interviews on TV… after the next two days had passed, something _else_ popped up. Almost quite literally. 

You and Tony were enjoying dinner with a nice glass of wine. Truly learning to appreciate the smallest of small things in a world where everything came quick and hard. No telling when the next big nasty thing would come. JARVIS startled you, getting you to jump in your seat, spilling a small drop of your win on the table, as he announced- 

“Excuse me, ma’am, sir. Sorry for the interruption. A quinjet is approaching the flight deck. Clearance is _not_ being requested.” 

Already annoyed, “Fury better not be on it.” His calls had died down, although he had put in several requests to speak with you. It would be all too _just him_ to suddenly show up unannounced. 

“JARVIS get me their coms.” Tony hung an arm back over his chair. 

It only took several seconds. “At your pleasure, sir.” 

“Pleasure, alright.” He drew in a deep breath. About as annoyed with this as you were. “Nobody was invited to dinner. So if you’d like to wait until tomorrow- oh and- door’s jammed. You’re gonna have to scale down the side of the building if you wanna get to ground level. We’re full up over here. No vacancies.” 

It was a pleasant surprise when you heard Coulson’s voice. “I heard Captain Rogers relocated. So there’s at least one open bed.” 

You couldn’t help your smile. “Coulson, good to hear you. What do we owe the honor?” 

Tony leaned forward then, planting his elbow on the table and putting his chin in his palm, directing quite the look your way. “You know, you really don’t hide playing favorites well.” 

It was easy to hear Coulson’s smile. “Well, so long as I’m the favorite… I’m actually here on a favor to Thor. I have two of his on the ship.” 

This put a chill right up your spine. What in the everloving hell was it with Thor and attracting people to a planet he did not come from? Seriously. “Who now?” 

A strong female voice took over the airwaves. “My name is Sif. I would request to speak with Thor- and Lady- ..._Lady_.” 

Finally, Tony’s mood lifted, grinning lightly. “Well, you’re in luck. Lady-Lady is the woman you’re speaking to. Which- by the way-” His attention focused back on you. “Have you put any thoughts into maybe being Lady Sta-” 

Very swiftly you interrupted him. “Hi Sif! We’ll come get you on the flight deck. And we’ll bring Thor, too.” 

“You have my thanks.” 

The comm to the ship cut just as you asked, “JARVIS can you call Thor up to the flight deck, please? Let him know what’s going on.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Now that that was all said and done, you put your eyes back to Tony, who was _smiling_. Practically beaming at you. _Pride_ there. “What?” 

“And you say you’re not the leader around here.” 

“Stop it.” Giving him a little shove. Though when you stood, the wine you’d been drinking made itself pleasantly known. He was on his feet quickly, putting a steadying arm around your shoulder. “Thanks.” 

“Alright.” He gave you a little squeeze, leaning in to press a kiss to your temple. “I’ll lay off the whole leader thing. ...but I’m serious about the Lady Star-” 

“No! Stop, that, too!” Though you were already giggling, him putting his other arm around you, trapping you against him while he peppered your lips in kisses kept them spilling out. 

It was the feel of his smile against your lips that you loved the most, second only to the _glow_ he was sharing with you. The warmth. “Fine. I’ll stop- but _only_ for a few more months. Then we can revisit.” 

“Tony-” Laughing still. 

“_Tony _me all you like. I’m serious.” He was laughing then, too. 

Both of you were just a _little_ late to the deck. Caught up in each other. Aided by just a little bit of alcohol. 

* * *

Late enough in fact that Thor had invited everyone in. You recognized Coulson and Agent May right away. It wasn’t hard to guess that the beautiful armored woman with fair skin, stunning hazel eyes, and long black hair must have been Sif. With her, she had an auburn haired… prisoner, you guessed. With the way that her hands were cuffed, and the device she had around her neck that seemed like it caged her mouth. 

_Heat, __**anger, **_and _bitterness_ were rumbling off her. 

“Uh excuse me.” Tony pointed a finger her way. “Like I said, we’re fully occupied. No free jail cells.” 

Thor turned to him with an inquisitive look. “I was not aware this building had housing for prisoners.” 

Quickly waving a hand, “We don’t. He’s joking. Hi.” You stepped forward to offer your hand to Sif and introduced yourself. 

She smiled, taking hold of your arm in a firm grip, not quite a handshake but you understood the gesture. “It’s nice to meet you, although Thor has advised me you simply go by Lady. Is this not the case?” 

“Superhero name. Don’t worry about it. Does Thor talk about me much?” Really interested in how this whole exchange had come to be. 

“He spoke a great deal of your war in New York City.” 

Tony leaned in like he was telling her a secret. “That’s where we are right now. And- you know-” He crossed his arms suddenly with a sniff. “I _helped_ too.”

“Ah. I see. Well… as I’ve said. Thor had many stories to tell of the great war on New York City. And any friend of Thor’s is a friend of mine. Especially ones who stood by his side in battle.” Her smile was quite charming. You decided you liked her immediately. 

While you might have otherwise been delighted to hear of Thor’s high praise for his battle companions, as Tony got a little closer to the other woman they’d brought, Thor held a hand up. “Be wise, Stark, and do not get near her.” 

Disobeying him immediately, Tony leaned in to inspect the collar around her neck. “Interesting tech. Let me guess- vocal cord dampener? Or is it more of an electric shock collar kind of thing?” 

You weren’t sure whether or not to feel bad. If Thor, and his companion Sif, had this woman in chains, there was probably a good reason for it. But still… “Who is she?” 

Thor crossed his arms. “A dangerous enchantress from Asgard. Lorelei.” 

When he spoke her name she seemed to brighten, although she was giving quite a pair of doe eyes at Tony. You noticed the grip Sif had on the chains connected to her handcuffs tighten as she looked at him. “You are in no danger, though I would advise you to keep your distance. She’s well known for her enslavement of men.” 

“Just men? What about women?” You couldn’t help but ask. 

Sif smiled. “Men have an inherent weakness which women do not share.” This must have been some kind of inside joke, because a thread of _familiarity_ came from May, who half turned to stow a smile.

It was Tony’s turn to go on the defensive, crossing his arms next. “Not that I’m saying I disagree, but. What’s she doing here? Just out for a few hot earth dates?” 

Coulson was the one to answer. “Seems like she escaped their prison during the whole battle with Malekith. Sif was sent here to retrieve her.” 

May seemed displeased. “Although not without some casualties…” 

Thor’s sense of _duty _struck you next as he frowned at the both of them. “As Asgard’s ambassador on this planet, allow me to apologize.” 

It probably wasn’t your place to ask (although considering your current status, maybe it absolutely was), but you couldn’t help it. “What sort of casualties are we talking about?” 

Coulson darkened. About as much as he could while remaining that usual impassive look. “Two, that we know about. And a string of robberies. And some bruised pride.” 

There was a thrum of _pleased_ _warmth_ from the woman in question, and it immediately soured you. Casting a dark look her way, you held her stare when she looked back at you. “I wouldn’t feel so _sunny _about taking lives, considering you’re going back to prison.” At this her brows rose, looking at you with a sense of _wonderment_. “If you escape again, find somewhere else to play your _weak _mind games. Earth won’t be as forgiving a second time.” 

As she stared you down, you felt the _challenge_ there. The _darkness_. And the sheer _disbelief_ that you could ever be a threat. 

So you weren’t scared as you dropped below and stepped over that moving water, across the small expanse to lay a hand on her. Projecting a shivering _fear_ as far into her heart as you could. She had _killed_ two humans. That could not go unpunished here. She probably would have killed far more, become a bigger problem, had Sif not stopped her. 

This could not go unanswered. Even if they were taking her back… she had to know. She had to know the earth was _protected_. By its own. So you **let her know**. 

When she snapped back in reality, chains rattling as she stepped _away_ from you, all eyes were turned your way. “Mine work on _everyone_.” There was a _nervousness_ in the room which you tried to change by curtly turning away from Lorelei, ignoring her now. “Tony and I were just having dinner. Would you like to join us? Do you have time?” 

Out of everyone, Sif seemed the most _eager_. If Thor had told her anything about you… she probably understood what had just gone on. “I think we have enough time. I would be proud to sit down and join the protectors of earth.” You wondered, with a statement like that, if she’d heard your thoughts. 

But she’d come to right a wrong from her world. And with the way she spoke, it only made sense that she, _too_, had fought her fair share alongside Thor. _Protecting_ her people, too. You really did like her, this Sif. You were keen to get to know her. 

Thor grinned. “Wonderful. I’m starving.” 

Tony’s arm came around you, and now suddenly close enough, you felt his _pride_ again. And perhaps just a touch of _lust_. Something you’d never noticed before- or maybe just never had time to. ...maybe it was like how watching him work was hot. ...did he feel the same way? “We can pop open another bottle of wine. Just. No work talk. Or you’re out.” 

May and Coulson gave each other a long look. Probably debating. They must have worked together a long time. To be able to say _so much_ without saying an actual word. But. Finally. Coulson turned to the both of you and smiled. “What’s on the menu?” 

So you smiled back. “Anything you like.” 

* * *

The group had just enough time for a two hour dinner. It was really nice, having that small get together. Listening to a few of the things Coulson and this new team he’d put together had been through thus far. Of course, after hearing even one of their little _adventures_ you told him they had to bring everyone over so you could meet them all. May seemed a little hesitant, you weren’t sure why… but Coulson said he would see what he could do. 

The whole thing sort of reminded you of the lunch you and the Avengers had had after _the War of New York City_, as Sif had called it. As Thor had been labeling it on Asgard. Just some people, hanging out, eating. Enjoying each other’s company in solidarity. ...while a nasty villain sat on the floor in timeout. You wondered what the public would think of these little behind the scenes looks. _Your life_, in fact. Strange though it had become. 

When all was said and done and both Coulson and Sif said they needed to be making their way, Thor offered to join them. You and Tony bid everyone farewell from the flight deck, for as long as you could stand it. It was absolutely freezing up there, a light snow having started to fall over the city. 

You’d done your best to ignore the simmering _rumbles _coming from Tony the entire night. Especially his intimate little brushes underneath the table. Fingertips stroking up the side of your leg before you’d smack him to stop. The little _looks_ he cast your way every now and again. 

So you had to ask, as soon as the two of you were back upstairs in the penthouse- “What’s gotten into you?” 

And just outside the bedroom, he stopped you, hands on your hips. You felt the wall behind you before you knew it, and found yourself glancing up at him. There was a soft glow of pink across his cheeks- perhaps a _little_ too much to drink at dinner. But… there was something _else_ too. “I gotta tell you, honey, the whole _Queen of Earth_ thing is really doing it for me.” 

Though he leaned in to kiss you, your giggles stopped him in his tracks. Reaching up, your hands glided across his chest. “I _never_ said that. Because that’s completely not true. I’m not the queen of _anything_.” He needed to at least understand that. 

“Queen of me- but- okay- fine- _Earth’s Protector_. Still. It’s… _very_ hot. The way you just… throw that around.” His nose nuzzled against yours, hands smoothing over your hips in slow circles. 

This though, you weren’t sure whether or not to be offended. “So you don’t take me seriously- is that what you’re saying?” Mostly you were just playing, because you didn’t believe that to be true. 

“No. The opposite. You putting people in their place… with the power to back it up... it’s just incredible to watch. Always has been.” Finally, you invited him in, letting him kiss you senseless. In between each one, longer than the last, he tried to find more words. “You’re _strong_. And powerful. And don’t put up with anyone’s crap.” 

Your smile pressed against his the next time. “You know that better than anyone.” 

“_I do_.” Breathing this out hotly, as his hands grew a little more insistent, holding you tighter to the wall. Like he might just pin you up there. “And- I might regret saying so later but- it is one of the hottest things about you.” 

It was his parted lips against yours, the sweep of his tongue- but most of all just the feeling of his _need_ for you. Not a word he’d said was spoken untruthfully. Your arms wound around his neck, kissing him that much deeper. Drowning in an almost endless cyclical ocean of strong _**desire**_. When you could breathe- “You like it- when I tell people what to do?” 

“Absolutely.” His hands were on the side of your neck next, holding you steady as he kissed you that much harder. 

And when he broke again- “You like it when I _order_ people around?” 

“Very much so.” Breathless now as his left hand dropped again to squeeze at your hip, his right angling your head just slightly askew so that he could start in on expertly placed kisses and nips down the line of your jaw. 

“Take me to bed, Tony.” Murmured hotly in his ear. A definite order. 

One that shot a warm shiver of a thrill through him. “Yes, ma’am.” Bending in to cup his hands around the backs of your thighs, he literally pulled you up and into him. You made the move that much easier with a little lift of your own, wrapping your legs around him. 

Almost in the blink of an eye, you found yourself shirtless atop your bed, Tony laying kisses to your bare skin just about anywhere he could get his mouth. Your fingers worked up through his hair, holding him steady. “Make marks.” Another quiet command. 

One that went _straight_ through him this time. His hips pressed down against yours. “Where?” 

“_Everywhere_.” 

A couple at your neck.  
One at your shoulder.  
Another atop your collar bone.  
  
Turning you into a writhing mess- but only because you had _ordered_ him to. 

And on the next lift of your hips, you issued another. “Turn over.” With a press of your palms at his chest. He moved, lying back, and you wasted absolutely no more time ridding yourself of your useless clothing. He followed, and it felt like a sprinkling of seconds before you moved over him. 

His hands _squeezed_ at your hips, looking up at you with those beautiful, deep brown eyes of his. Lips half parted. Face flush. His eyes went half lidded as you leaned in, hands at the sides of his head on the bed, forehead touching against yours. “Tell me what you _need_.” A broken murmur as you stole half those words from him in another deep kiss. 

“_You_.” Strong and sure as you said it. Moving, lifting your hips up and then sinking his cock _deep_. So much so that it stole the next breath out of you. He couldn’t stay still, pressing back to the bed, and you shifted up to allow him all the way out and then _slow_ back in. It was hard to stop then, so much so that you couldn’t think of anything else to say except _that_. “Don’t stop.” 

His eyes focused on yours as he swallowed hard. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” His sass getting the better of him. 

So you steeled your own movements, a hand to his chest. As he looked up at you, breaths escaping in short puffs, you gave him a smile. “What was that?” 

And at this he _grinned_, biting his lower lip before giving in. “Sorry. _Yes, ma’am._” 

Rewarding him with another kiss, a nip to the lip he’d just been chewing on, and a soothe over with your tongue. You rode him, just as hard as he was fucking you. And true to his word- he didn’t stop- not after the first time you came- and not after the second- 

Not until your arms grew shaky above him, and you could barely catch your breath. Only then did he stop- for just a few seconds, to flip positions. Sliding over you, forearms on the mattress, he made peace with broken kisses in the midst of heavy breathing.  
  
Pushing you over the edge again, and again, and _**again**_. Even, _hard_ thrusts still, stealing just about everything else away from you. Too hard to think of anything save him-

But only because you’d told him to. 

And the next time you came, harder than the last, hands clutching at his back, there was only really one thing you knew for sure. 

_I love you_. 

_I love you. I love you. __**I love you**_. 

The mere thought driving him to his end. One hand holding your hip tight enough to bruise as he sunk in one last time, coming hotly inside you. His breathing was out of control, same as yours, forehead pressing to yours, sheen of sweat covering the both of you. In a shiver of a breath, he managed, “I love you, too…” And when you couldn’t stop your smile, caught sight of him gazing at you, and he smiled back, the next came out in a shiver of warm laughter. “_God, I love you…_” 

Nothing in this world you were more sure of than that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Team Stark is getting mighty comfortable and happy, wouldn't you say? Must be why Winter Soldier starts on Friday.  
Can't have too much of a good thing.


	98. Chapter 98 [Begin: Captain America: Winter Soldier]

Two days passed, the sixth came and went. And aside the usual corporate business, nothing _strange_ or _eventful_ happened. You counted your luck and tried not to think too much about it. It was nice, when life was just that little semblance of normal. Though all throughout the day you kept looking up at your office door, waiting for somebody to barge in and demand something ridiculous or tell you something crazy. But. Luck was on your side. And the only person who _barged_ into your office was Tony. With a sweet kiss and a warm invitation to lunch. Which you easily accepted. 

But. Come the next day. Your luck had run out.  
Just after one PM, Pepper let you know Natasha had come up to see you. So. Of course you had to let her in. If you didn’t she’d just catch you somewhere else, and there was no reason to refuse a visit from her, _right_? 

Hmn.  
Maybe a little wrong.  
  
As she came in, dressed in dark jeans and her slick black leather jacket, you noticed she was carrying the dreaded _manila folder_ underneath her arm. And it was in that moment you knew you’d made a mistake. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Even so, you tried to keep chipper. Maybe she was just out of a meeting of her own, and had toted- 

She cut your optimistic thoughts off as she sat down, placing the folder atop your desk, sliding it your way. “SHIELD needs you to come in. But-” Holding her hand still over the folder, looking straight at you. “Word is from Steve, you’re not in a going-on-a-mission mood, these days.”  
  
“Well-” 

“Which is getting around, by the way.” Trying to advise you. Her smile was still light, not curt, and she didn’t seem upset. Just… concerned. Lightly. “Fury’s feelings are starting to get hurt. He won’t stop going on about how you won’t accept his phone calls.” 

At this you gave a light shrug. “Yeah well… I’ve been pretty busy over here. And people tend to take notice when I just go away for a week or so.”

“Like how you and Tony left for almost a whole month with no notice.” Check-and-mate. Backing you up into a corner. Which was fair. There was no reason to lie to Nat, was there? Though she worked for Fury, same as you, you always imagined she had your best interests in mind. She never gave you a reason to think otherwise. 

With that in mind, you dropped your polite expression, drooping just a little with a sigh. “Steve is… getting antsy. And- you know- for the most part, I don’t think he’s wrong. You know I’ve kind of never seen eye-to-eye with Fury. With the way he does things.” 

Her eyes dropped for a moment, seeming to consider her next words very carefully. “Look… I’m not in the right place to be advising anyone to do anything against their best interests. But if that’s how you really feel- and you think it won’t get better? It may be time to walk.” 

At _this_ you slumped back in your chair. “You say that like it’s easy.” 

“I’m not saying it is. Especially if you walk on this mission. Expect a call within at least the next few hours after I report back. And it won’t be a _fun_ one.” Her smile, despite what she was saying, made you feel better somehow. You supposed it was the same way that made Steve feel better. Even though SHIELD was falling from everyone’s good graces, and even though she worked for them, Natasha was still a good person. 

Still a good friend. You still believed that to be the case. 

“Maybe I don’t need to walk. Can’t I get like… a desk position? Or something?” Hoping for the best case scenario here. If you could still do work for SHIELD and not just _bail_\- which is absolutely what Fury was going to see it as… although her smile told you everything. That was probably going to be next to impossible. With a heavy sigh, you decided on your next question. “What’s the mission?” 

“On a need-to-know basis for the agents going on it, I’m afraid.” And with this, she finally leaned back in her chair, extracting the folder from your desk to hold it a little more protectively on her lap. “So I’ll only ask one more time… you in? Or out?” 

You did all your due diligence to really think about this. With what she was saying, if you turned this down, it would probably be the beginning of the end. But maybe it was time. And maybe you’d visit Nick in person, and see if you could talk him down into giving you that coveted desk position. And if not… maybe it was time to put an end to this chapter of your life. “I’m out.” 

After the two of you shared a long gaze, she nodded, and then stood. “Understood. I’ll see you when I get back, then.” You gave her a small wave as she left, but she stayed near the door for a minute. “It’s a shame… hostage situation. On the Lemurian Star. Really could have used your talents.” 

Unable to help a crinkle of your nose, you arched a brow at her. “I thought you just said you couldn’t tell me anything. Don’t tell me you think you can bait me?” Teasing her. You didn’t think that was the case. At her wry smile, you gave her one in turn. “Steve going?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You’ll be in good hands.” 

“I think so, too.” 

The two of you ended the conversation with one small final wave, and then she exited, closing the door gently behind her. You let a silence sit, staring deep out into space. Thinking. And- nearly- as you opened your mouth, you almost asked JARVIS- _what is the Lemurian Star_? Realizing you had no idea what that was. Some kind of aircraft maybe- or a ship. She had said _on_ not _in_, so not a building. But then you realized that’s what she wanted you to do. 

She wanted you to look it up, get invested, and then your bleeding heart and need to do right by the world would finish the rest. You’d call her up and tell her you were following in. So. Instead… you circled the holopad on your desk to call Tony down in the lab. 

Once he picked up, you smiled at the image of him sitting pretty in front of you. Especially as he slid his goggles back and grinned at you. Little grease smudge on the corner of his cheek. Ever the working man. He must have been building something in the shop instead of sciencing in the lab. “To what do I owe the mid-day honor?” 

You settled your chin in your palm. “I’m going to schedule a flight to DC for tomorrow. Can we make dinner plans tonight? Somewhere quiet and sort of fancy?” 

That thinky face of his came on, little scrunch of his brows and press of his lips. “What’s in DC? Don’t tell me you’re already checking in on Rogers. He’s a big boy, you know. Can handle himself.” 

“I think I’m about to get fired from SHIELD, actually.” 

At this he lit up in seemingly pleasant surprise. “Oh? So we’re celebrating, that’s what you’re saying? In that case I’ll clear out Eleven on Madison.” 

You couldn’t help your initial look of distaste. “Too stuffy.” 

“Top floor of the Standard?” 

“Hmn.” A little hum as you leaned forward. “I could work with that.” 

His grin, as always, was just so charming. “It’s a date. How’s seven sound?” 

“Let’s make it eight.” 

“For you, I’ll do eight.” 

Warmth touched your chest first, then your smile. “Thank you. I love you.” 

He returned the expression. “I love _you_. See you at eight.” Giving you a little peace sign, a gesture which you countered with the curve of both your hands in a heart just over your chest. Something that always just seemed to make him _melt_. After that he cut communications and you pondered what your next moves would be. 

Well. First seemed simple. Make a reservation at a DC hotel, just in case. Meetings with Fury were often trying and tiring. If you needed a place to lie low and rest for even a few moments before getting back on a plane, it was worth it to just get now. Then you decided to try and preempt your own fate. 

And made a call to Nick. 

He picked up second ring. “I’m very busy. You should be, too.” 

Crap. So Nat hadn’t reported back yet. Maybe trying to give you a little space to breathe. Oh well. “I’m coming to DC tomorrow.” 

“I know you are. For a debrief when you’re finished.” 

“No. I’m coming to DC tomorrow morning because I’m not going on the mission tonight. And I think we’ll have a lot to talk about, regarding that.” 

It was strange, when Nick Fury had nothing to say. You supposed he was letting you sit in silence because it was uncomfortable. You weren’t _scared_ of him. Sure. He had lots of files on you- and Tony- by now that maybe if leaked to the public could cause quite a lot of damage. But you hoped you were right in assuming Fury was above doing something petty like that because you were thinking about leaving. 

..._right_? 

When he _still_ seemed to be mulling over what next to say, you stopped your sweating and spoke again. “This isn’t a conversation to have over the phone.” 

“I guess it’s not.” 

“So I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

The silence the next time was shorter. “Triskelion. 11 AM. Shame, that it may be your first and last time seeing it. But I’ll make sure you enjoy the _sights _while you’re here.” Tone tight. Angry- maybe. You weren’t exactly sure. Seemed to be that way, as he cut the line right after. 

It left you feeling a little uneasy. Because that… 

* * *

Looking over his freshly poured glass of white wine at you, Tony’s brows went straight up, head inclined. “He _threatened_ you? Thought the man had more class than that.” 

“Well. I don’t know. If he did, it was a veiled threat. It’s not like he came out and said he was going to beat me up or release stuff to the press.” 

At this Tony nodded, taking a short sip, humming. “Mn. _There’s _the Nick Fury we all know and love. Making shadow threats.” You couldn’t help but agree, taking a long gulp of your own drink with a heavy nod. When he settled his glass down, “You need me to come with you? I’ve been meaning to get a look at that building.” 

You couldn’t help your grin. “You wanna snoop around, is what you mean.” 

“You read me so well.” Smiling back at you. “Would you mind?” 

“Much as I love the idea, if we both go he’ll be suspicious. Especially of you.” You’d never mind Tony escorting you anywhere, truly. But… “I have to do this one on my own.” If you were about to get fired, or if you were about to quit, you had to do the admirable thing here and just face Nick on your own. Speak to him on a personal level- and hoped he appreciated the effort. 

He sat back in his chair. “I hate it when you’re right.” 

“You _love_ it when I’m right.” Correcting him rather sassily, unable to help yourself. 

At least the grin it produced on his lips was well worth the effort. “Yeah. Alright, fine. _But_-” Holding a finger up. 

“No buts, Tony.” 

“Hear me out, would you? Take the specs. I think we can pull that off again. Besides, as an accessory, tinted glasses are far and away the best look anyone’s ever come up with. If I do say so myself.” Hand to his chest. 

You couldn’t help your smile. Damn him. “You _would_. But- why? You want me to record their stuff? What happens if I get caught?” 

“So little faith in my tech.” 

“I would _never_ underestimate your tech. I’d just like to have an exit plan just in case I get cornered for espionage.” 

“Espionaging the espionagers. What a world.” 

“I don’t think those are words.” 

“We can look it up when we get home- anyway- honey, seriously. I don’t ask for much-”

“You’re _extremely _high-maintenance-” 

“It’s part of my charm- stop interrupting me- anyway- I’d really appreciate this.” 

Though you’d only _just_ teased him about it, it wasn’t actually true. Tony never really did ask you for personal favors like this. Not ones that would potentially, even at an almost zero percent chance, put you in danger. So it had to be the opposite, you realized. “You’re worried about me? You don’t think Fury would do anything stupid, do you?” Assault you? _Yeah right_\- ...except that one time he _did_ do that. “He pulls another gun on me, I’ll end him myself.” 

Reaching over, he settled his hand atop yours, giving you a small squeeze. His eyes stayed steady on yours in a deep gaze. “A little of that. But. I’m genuinely curious about that building. Pretty big for a SHIELD joint, don’t you think? What- agents on _every_ floor?” 

To be honest, you hadn’t given it that much thought. Maybe he was on to something. As he _usually_ was, when he thought about stuff like this. “Sitting at their desks perusing the internet from nine-to-five, I’m sure.” Sarcasm dripping. Your eyes dropped for a second, turning your hand over to clasp around his. “...what is it you think they’re hiding in there? Give me… not worst case scenario but-”

“We ever get a resolution on those weapons they were building? The ones JARVIS dug up? -and the old man, credit where it’s due. They ever say they were gonna _stop_?” It only took a few moments of you looking at him, for _that_ to click, before he spoke again. “Exactly. Never hurts to know what SHIELD is up to. What they don’t want people to see.” 

“Technically some parts of _us_ are what they don’t want people to see. Are we comfortable with that? In a, let’s say, nightmare scenario-” 

“No nightmares.” Tony cut you off quickly, and very suddenly he was holding you just a little harder. “We’re not going tit-for-tat here. This is just internal affairs.” You had to process this, and unfortunately there wasn’t a lot of time to do it. As your eyes dropped, his thumb stroked over the side of your hand. “Steve wanted you out, right? He must think something’s up over there. And considering he’s usually the last horse to finish any given race-” 

“Would you lay off him?” You were careful in the way that you said this. Not irked because Tony wasn’t being serious. Just a little playful- but… _meaning_ it. “He’s doing his best. Like the rest of us.” 

Tony just smiled. “Think you’re getting your wires crossed here, that was a _compliment_, for once.” 

“Such a shame he wasn’t here to hear it.” Smiling back. 

“Yeah, well… if he thinks something’s going on, something’s _definitely_ going on, is what I’m getting at. And while we have this sudden opportunity, I’d like to take advantage of it. But. Only if you’re okay. You say no and that’s it. Alright? No pressure.” 

Except there was immense pressure very suddenly. He had to understand that. You knew he was telling the truth. If you wanted him to back off, he’d back off, and figure out some other way to undermine SHIELD. As per the usual. But… you wanted to do right by him. And this would be the easiest way. 

So… “Fine. I’ll wear the specs. If you think they’re inconspicuous enough.” 

“More than half a helmet visor, that’s for sure.” This was very much true. If you went in there with LUNA activated you might as well just have told Fury you were trying to dig up whatever he was trying to hide. “They look good on you, anyway.” Grinning lightly. 

“You only say that because you made them- _and_ because you wear them. Constantly.” 

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soft start to a wild ride, let me assure you. Happy Friday! Enjoy your weekend!


	99. Chapter 99

Your meeting was set for eleven AM, so of course Fury made you sit around in a waiting lounge on a lower level floor for an hour. The exact sort of thing he would do- and always _did_ do. To let you know he was in control. And that you had no power. But it was fine. You made yourself busy by looking around, getting up. Walking along the floor. Asking where the bathrooms were. Really just _taking in all the scenery_. 

The big honking Eagle emblem in the lobby was a nice touch.

Security hadn’t been an issue. Although they did request for you to put your glasses in a bucket to pass an x-ray. And only made you nervous for a few seconds when one of the guards took them out to inspect them. But after that they handed all your items back to you. For extra precaution they broke out that little wand-scanner, of course going a little nuts when they wanded over your chest, but a quick _look_\- and pointed-point to your _Level 8 Agent _badge, not that you liked to throw around the _don’t you know who I am_ thing- made them reconsider. No fuss. So, things seemed safe. 

A little after twelve, a secretary came and got you, escorting you into a private elevator, in which you took careful note that it _scanned you __again_ (and her, but you weren’t really concerned with someone that worked there). Your face and details came up on the little panel screen. It read your _level_ at “7”, which made you pause. Mistake? Or… Well. No time to really ask about it. Or care. You didn’t care about this. You had to remember that. 

Once upstairs, she showed you into Fury’s big beautiful office. Quite nice, but since he was the boss around here, it made sense. It certainly wasn’t as nice as _your_ office. And you had no bias in thinking so. Surely. He was turned around, half looking out the window. As soon as the door closed and you made it halfway into the room you decided to make this as quick as possible. “So, look, there are really only two options here-” 

“You think you get to dictate what’s about to happen?” Still not looking at you, as he asked. 

Deep breath in and then out. There was no use in letting him ruffle your feathers. “I do. Yeah. That’s kind of why I’m here. Look. I know you’re pissed that I keep ignoring you and not going on missions.” 

Finally he turned around. “Pissed? Next you’re going to say you hurt my feelings. This is not personal.” 

“Good. I’m glad you think so.” Although Natasha _had_ joked about that briefly. Stepping around his disdain, coming to sit in front of his desk. He turned fully then, steepling his fingers together as he watched you. “The truth of the matter is, I’m really not fit for missions anymore. I’m easily recognizable, now more than ever- and I’m _busy_.” 

“You say that like the rest of us just spend all day doing nothing.” His tone was just phenomenally dry. It was almost impressive. 

But you couldn’t help the roll of your eyes. “No. It’s not a contest. I really am just _busy_. You know. With Damage Control. And clean up. And-”

“Things you _chose_ to get yourself mixed up in. How is that _my _problem?” 

“Well it’s _not_ your problem anymore. That’s what this whole meeting is about, isn’t it?” It was just too hard to not let Fury get under your skin. He was so fucking good at it. “Look… I’m not ungrateful, for the help SHIELD gave me- and, if I don’t have to quit, then I won’t. If I can do something else-” 

He huffed out a laugh. “You really think you’re so god damn special, don’t you? You gonna ask for my desk, next? You think you can run it all and put none of the blood and sweat in?” 

“Don’t you _**dare**_ talk to me like I don’t do as much as anyone else.” Laying down the law immediately. You would not be talked down to. Not by anyone- but especially not by _him_. 

His hands went up. “Well why not? I can’t begin to imagine how highly you think of yourself, but you _don’t_ put in the work like everyone else. Captain Rogers has seen more field work than you, and you had a head start. No one else complains. Agent Romanoff- Agent Barton- yet you get your fingers a little dirty and suddenly-” 

There was a storm brewing. And he was infinitely lucky that it got cut off by the yelp of a nervous secretary and a slamming door. It startled you into a stand, whipping to see what the commotion was entering the office. And, to your very real surprise, it was an extremely _angry_\- “Steve-” 

His white hot _**animosity**_ nearly drowned you, unused to such a feeling from him. “You just can’t _stop _yourself from lying, can you?” He came to a halt in front of you, only regarding you once before sending that steely gaze Fury’s way. 

It was met with an empty stare. “I didn’t _lie_, Agent Romanoff had a different mission than yours.” 

This seemed like a conversation you shouldn’t be a part of- ...or was it? Something had clearly happened on that mission Natasha had asked you to go on. The reason you were even here in the first place. Something _bad_. But bad enough for Steve to be _boiling_ the way he was?

It rendered you speechless as he spat out, “Which you didn’t feel obliged to share.” 

“I’m not _obliged_ to do anything.” 

Feeling out of place, you finally put a gentle hand on his arm, trying to cull some of that fire. It wouldn’t do anyone good if Steve had a meltdown right now, no matter how much Fury may (and probably _did_) deserve it. “What happened?” 

To your very good credit, he broke a little, softening up as he looked at you. “Fury just put hostages’ lives at risk by sending Romanoff off the beaten path. Without telling me.” But just as quickly he redirected, looking at Nick. “Those hostages could have died.” 

Standing, placing his hands on his desk, “I sent the greatest soldier in America’s history to make sure that didn’t happen. And if everyone was playing on the same team, _she_ should have been there, too. Why not lay into her, too?” 

As if protecting you, Steve put his arm up in front of you, shielding you from Nick. “This isn’t about her and you know it.” He then promptly pointed a finger Nick’s way. “Soldiers trust each other, that’s what makes it an army. Not a bunch of guys running around shooting guns.” 

“Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.” 

Unable to help it, and probably not the best time for it, an exhausted groan escaped you. “Oh _please_. That’s your excuse for building weapons to nuke space and- whatever the hell this was? Give me a fucking break with the melodramatics, Nick.” 

Steve stepped in line with you. “I can’t lead a mission when the people I’m leading have missions of their own.” 

Nick looked less than impressed. “It’s called compartmentalization.” And then just a touch serious. “Nobody spills the secrets because nobody knows them all.” 

In perfect sync, you and Steve spoke together. “Except _you_.” You were starting to feed off his vibrant energy, negative though it was. 

You continued, “Right? That’s why you think you know everything? Why you think you know what’s _best_? Even when there have been _so_ many fuck-ups. Even before we got here. We’ll just never know them _all_.” 

Steve waved his hand around. “I’m gettin’ real tired of this. This isn’t a team. This is a concerted effort to send people out to get what _you_ want. And nobody else is allowed in on it.” 

Fury remained silent for a long moment. Staring the both of you down somehow. If there was any time to comment on it, you thought you and Steve made quite a pair. Maybe even enough to shake some sense out of Fury. Because, finally, “You’re both wrong about me. I _do_ share. I’m _nice_ like that.” 

Without another word he moved from around his desk and started walking towards the door. When you and Steve stayed in place, watching him, he turned and made a very sharp motion for the both of you to follow. After looking at each other for a brief second, the two of you moved to catch up. It was a short walk, back to the elevator.   
  
Fury signaled off, “Insight Bay.” To which the elevator promptly let him know you and Steve didn’t have enough clearance to go see whatever that was. You stepped in closer to Steve, feeling far more comfortable on his side. “Director override. Fury. Nicholas J.” Though perhaps he caught you eyeing the panel on the door- had it said Steve was a level 8?? “Demoted you, for your recent break-in. Cute stuff. Could’ve just asked. I’d like to see you try breaking into a level 10 file.”

“No you wouldn’t.” Because you were sure, even if not _you_ personally, if you put your team to it, you absolutely could.

“You know, every time you look in, something _else_ looks back.”   
  
It was better to not rise to that bait. So you remained quiet.

As the elevator started on its way down- a long way, you imagined- Steve glanced down at you. “Good to see you. Despite the circumstances.” 

For him you were able to smile. Even in all this mess. “You, too. DC treating you okay?” 

Fury’s ire cut between you. “So _nice_ you two get along like old friends. When can I get in on some of that?” 

Moving again in tandem, the both of you shot a dead look his way. You were the one to start. “I invited you to a party.” 

“In which you rudely ignored me- then ditched me- or, _sorry_, that was a _team_ effort too, wasn’t it?” 

Pushing a sigh from your lungs, you held your hands back against the bar. “This is going to be the longest elevator ride of my life, I think.” There was a long stretch of quiet, proving you right. So much so that it made it unbearable. So you had to ask, “Chances of a desk job are growing dimmer, aren’t they?” 

Steve arched a brow. “Desk job?” 

Fury scoffed. “She thinks her talents are better suited to filing papers.” 

“That’s _not_ what I was getting at.” Trying your best to be amicable. Even though he didn’t deserve it. It was just hard to think of what to say that wouldn’t make this worse. But that was okay.

Because the descent dropped below ground level, and underneath the building took your breath away. Not in a good way, either. It looked like a massive helicarrier bay- like the one you and the other Avengers had been on, just before the battle of New York. Except these were _much bigger_. A pit dropped in your stomach, and you turned fully to scan the entire room through those blue-tinted lenses. Knowing full well on the other side of them… 

Steve turned at your side, just as- 

“I like the sound of speechless on you two. Could do with it more often.” Fury was far too amused. As the elevator finally came to a stop and the doors opened, he swept his arm forward. “This is Project Insight.” When he stepped out, so did you and Steve. Almost automatically. Looking every which way that you could as he continued. “Three next generation helicarriers synced to a network of targeting satellites.” 

Steve was the one to find his voice. “Launched from the Lemurian Star.” 

Fury was smiling. “Once we get them in the air, they never need to come down. Continuous suborbital flight, courtesy of our new repulsor engines.” 

This turned your blood to ice. “_No_. Absolutely not. Tony did not sign off on this-” He would have _told you_. There was no way- _there was no way_. 

Just underneath one of the helicarriers, standing in its shadow, Nick came to a stop, putting his hands in his pockets. “He had a few suggestions, once he got an up-close look at our old turbines.” 

Steve scoffed. “You mean the ones he fixed when your systems blew and you had no backups.” 

“You _were_ our backups.” Fury continued as you were letting a storm roll over you. You wanted all the evidence up front before you whipped him. “These new long-range precision guns can eliminate a thousand hostiles a minute. The satellites can read a terrorist’s DNA before he steps outside his spiderhole.” 

You were starting to see red. Or was it purple, with those glasses sitting on your face? “So he made _suggestions_ for a helicarrier and you turned them into- into a- a _giant __mass murdering__ weapons system_? There’s _no way_ he would have been okay with this. This is _inexcusable_. The next call to you is from Stark Industries’ patent lawyer-” Tony would have never sanctioned this. _**Never**_. 

Nick turned to you, tone curt. “We’re gonna neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen. Despite what you think, this is a _good_ thing.” 

“That’s not the world we live in!” You were getting hot flashbacks of the first time you’d seen Tony in the suit. And they were _not_ good. “You can’t just decide to end lives when it suits you! Who the fuck do you think you are? What if your intel is wrong? What if someone on the wrong side holds the keys? What if-” 

Steve was staring Nick down. “The punishment is supposed to happen _after_ the crime.” 

Shaking his head, “We can’t afford to wait that long.” 

Again, you and Steve spoke together. “Who’s _we_?” Although you had a feeling you already knew. Because this seemed like a _bad call_. 

And you remembered who made those on this mountainous level. “If you tell me it’s the same fucking idiots that ordered that nuke on New York City-”

“You’re goddamn right it is.” He turned on you very suddenly, and Steve went tense, leaning closer to your side. You squared up immediately, staring right back at him. “After what happened in New York, I convinced the World Security Council we needed a quantum surge in threat analysis. For once, we’re way ahead of the curve.” 

You weren’t speechless because you had no idea what to say, you were speechless because you were sure you’d never been _this_ angry before. For a moment you imagined just shoving Nick right off the balcony you were standing on. Steve culled this vision by speaking, a little more calmly than you would have been capable of. But dark nonetheless. “By holding a gun to everyone on earth and calling it protection.” 

Nick turned on him next. “You know, I read those SSR files. Greatest generation? You guys did some **nasty** stuff.” 

Steve turned to meet him. “Yeah. We compromised. Sometimes in ways that made us not sleep so well. But we did it so that people could be free.” Pointing up at one of those helicarriers, “_This_ isn’t freedom. This is fear.” 

“This is _outrageous_, is what it is.” Unable to help yourself. “This is beyond the pale. If you think we would be even a little bit okay with this, you’re out of your mind.” 

It was your turn next, as Nick laid his eye on you. “You’re one to talk. Backing the world’s largest war profiteer for years without a word. And letting them sell to the opposition when it suited you-”

If your blood was boiling before, it was erupting in volcanic fire now. “How _**dare**_ you. You **know **that’s not what happened-” 

“And when Stark decided he was gonna handle all the threats himself, you seemed pretty okay about it then. But _now_ you have a problem?” 

“I don’t have to justify myself to you. _Fuck you_.” Your private life with Tony was just that. **Private**. And he wasn’t going to get anything out of you about it. Even if you could have defended yourself. It was none of his business.

You only stopped when Steve put a hand on your shoulder, steadying you. It was then that you realized you were shivering. Fury took a breath. “We are no longer living in a simple time, I think you’d agree with that. We need to look at the bigger picture here. SHIELD takes the world as it _is_. Not as we’d like it to be. And it’s damn near past time you two get with that program.” 

There was a solid inch of ice between the both of you and Nick. Steve was the first up to bat. “Don’t hold your breath.” 

And you were next. Tearing your badge off your jacket pocket, you dropped it to the floor in a clatter. “I’m _done_ with this. With _you_. With SHIELD. This is out of line. Even for you. Which is saying a lot.” With a very sharp turn away you gave the final judgment. “_I quit_. Don’t call me ever again unless the next words out of your mouth are _I realized I was wrong and I personally destroyed Project Insight_.” 

No chance in hell that’d ever happen. 

With your head held high you let yourself out, still taking pointed glances around the room. Behind you, you heard Fury ask Steve, “_What about you, Captain?_” 

And you only imagined the dead-eyed look Steve was giving him before you heard his heavy bootsteps quick to catch up, calling your name. “Wait up. I’ll walk with you.” 

You were grateful when he extended your arm, and you linked with his. Just holding yourself steady against him as the two of you entered the elevator. Still quaking. With **anger**. With _fear_, too. But mostly just the anger. At least credit where it was due, “You were right. About them.” 

Steve just sighed. “Yeah but. You knew that already.”

“I didn’t know about this.” 

“I know you didn’t.” Softer then. Because he _trusted_ you. If you’d known about this you would have told him. “I’m sorry it happened like this.” 

“I’m not. Fuck Nick Fury and fuck SHIELD. He’s out of his mind. Why show me this? He knows I’m just gonna go back to Tony and do whatever it takes to put a stop to this. He couldn’t possibly think either of us would have reacted positively to this. He’s not _that_ stupid.” 

“So what do you think the point was, then?” Casting a look at you just as the doors opened.

The two of you moved together. Still finding comfort in the feeling of his strong arm in yours. So you stayed in step with him. He was practically the only thing grounding you. “No. No I’m _done_ trying to work out what Fury is up to or why. Didn’t you hear me tell him I quit? That means I don’t have to care about it anymore.” 

“You’re still going to.” A little bit of a tease, you supposed. And as you looked up at him, he _was_ lightly grinning. 

As the two of you stepped outside, you wished you could return it. But it was just impossible. There was too much building up inside you. “Yeah. Maybe. Not that I want to.” Finally, feeling enough of a calm (small though it was), you let go of him. “Happy has the jet ready for me. But, if you have time, we could get lunch.” 

His smile was genuine. “I’d like that. It’d be nice to not think about everything that just went on in there for two minutes.” 

“At least half an hour.” Finding the strength finally to smile back at him. “And thanks. For everything you just did.” Waving you signaled Happy who was standing by the car up the block. 

Steve looked puzzled. “What I did?” 

“Standing by my side. _Literally_. I know you feel the same way, so it wasn’t just for my favor or anything but… it means a lot. To have you on my team.” 

He seemed to _warm_ in that instant. “Yeah. I know what you mean. And just for the record, I’m always on your team.” 

As the two of you got into the backseat of the car, you gave the building one last look of disdain. Little did you know, regardless of your resignation, it would be the last time you worked with SHIELD. Permanently.

“Your new suit is nice. Less USO show and more...”

“Capable?” His head dropped with a light- almost _bashful_ smile. “Yeah. I like it, too. At least they got one thing right.”

You found yourself tired very suddenly, smiling much the same at him, but radiating a sincere _warmth_ when he looked at you again. “More than one.” At the very least, glad to have him. Glad to have met him. Glad he was there with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then she went home and nothing bad happened, I'm sure. Also holy shit can you believe chapter 100 is on Wednesday?!


	100. Chapter 100

Lunch with Steve was nice, as you expected it would be, and ran a little long. Which was also nice. And it quelled the storm inside you if only for a _nice_ few moments. He said he had somewhere he needed to be, and seemed a little lost as he did. You tried to invite him back home- back to New York, anyway, but he seemed made up to stick it out here. If only for a little while longer. With that, the two of you gave each other a nice squeezy hug and then you let him be on his way. 

Happy escorted you into the car and then got in front. “Airport?” 

“Yes, please. Thank you.” Finally you slipped off the tinted glasses you’d been wearing, perhaps having grown too accustomed to them. They _were_ nice, after all. Rubbing the bridge of your nose with one hand, you brought your phone up in the other. Only one person to call. And he picked up first ring. “You get _all_ that?” 

“Still going through all the data.” In fact, you heard a lot of click-clacking going on. He was typing furiously. “And- hey- if you wanna try and sue a shadow organization, I’m all for it, by the way.” 

Sinking into the backseat, you heaved a sigh. “I don’t know _what_ to do, to be honest. This is… nuts. Even for SHIELD. What is Fury thinking?” 

“He wants to be the biggest guy with the biggest gun. I’ve met a lot of men like him- you have, too. It’s probably why you’ve never liked him. You have fantastic intuition.” 

There was a twitch of a smile on your lips, much as you didn’t want to be in a smiling mood. “I had no idea the guns were _this_ big.” 

He was the next one to hum out a sigh. “Just… come home. We’ll parse through it all. I might have a good chance at cracking this. We can shut it all down. Downloads are still coming in. It’s gonna be a while.” 

“Yeah.” What more could you do? This couldn’t go unpunished. Unanswered. It was a mistake, showing it to you. You still had _no_ idea why he would have. Maybe to invite you to try. Who knew. 

The sound of sirens lit up the air, and you watched Happy readjust his mirror as the car came to a stop at a red light. He looked at you first and then cast a look out his window. “Got a lot of cops headed this way.” 

“DC’s no stranger to trouble.” You looked out your window, holding the phone to your ear. “We might be stuck in traffic. Looks like there’s a parade of police headed our way.” 

“You could always just fly home yourself. Thirty minutes tops, if you really push it-” 

A chill hit the air as you saw a black SUV ram through the other line of cars- the reason the police were speeding through the roads- and then when it didn’t stop and swerved as another car clipped it, you drew in a breath that expelled immediately. “_HAPPY WATCH OUT_!!” 

Literally nothing he could do as the SUV rammed the back of your car, sending you in a tilting sideways bank right into another car. No seat belt on, moron that you were, you were thrust all the way to the opposite side of the car right against the door in a crush. Pain flared hot in your lower joints, especially your hips. Tony’s voice was somewhere in the mix as those sirens got louder and then sped past. 

Trying to shake some sense back into yourself, you reached a hand forward, grabbing a hold of Happy’s shoulder. “-talk to me, Happy- are you okay?” 

“I’m okay- I’m okay- you okay? Hey-” 

“Honey, talk to me. I’m set on your location. Paramedics are on the way.” Tony, proactive, coming to get you no matter what and having already called for assistance. 

“I’m okay, Tony-” Windows had been shattered and the back and side of the car were wrecked- “LUNA get me police scanner info- what the hell is going on?” 

“_Scanning now!_” 

Moving to the opposite side of the car, sweeping the broken glass out of the way, you gripped the handle of the door and shoved it open, climbing out and stumbling a little onto the sidewalk, now shaky with new adrenaline. 

“_Ma’am there is no reported police activity in the nearby area!_” 

“What?” You heard both you and Tony ask this. Settling your hand on Happy’s door, you opened it, offering it to him to help him get out of the next. He was rambling about something, trying to check you for wounds but you held him at bay. “I had my phone up- did you get a scan of the car going by us?” 

“_Assessing!_” 

“Honey, stay out of it. I’m on my way.” 

Your head was pounding. 

“_The plates on the car are registered to SHIELD headquarters!_” 

Something in you told you. You just _knew_. There was no way that wasn’t Fury. In an hour- maybe two (just how _long _had lunch run, anyway? You suddenly couldn’t remember), he’d gotten himself into something shady. And something _serious_. If those weren’t cops, then who were they? And why was he running? 

...should you care? You’d just said goodbye to that man. And not in a good way. You should really heed Tony’s advice. Stay back. Do not get involved. Yet that wasn’t really how you operated, was it? What sort of person would you be if you just ignored this? 

That thought alone broke the fuzz swirling around your brain. “I’m sorry, Tony. I have to.”

“No you don’t!” 

But you _did_. And that was why you unzipped your jacket, double tapping on the Heart Reactor. Suiting up. With comms online, you chucked your phone into the backseat, along with the forgotten specs you’d come in with. Turning to him, “Happy stay here. Tony said the paramedics are on their way.” And then you activated your helmet. 

“Where are you going!?” 

“I have to deal with this.” 

One step into the next and then you jumped, igniting your thrusters to take into the air. “LUNA light the way.” 

“_Yes, ma’am!”_

Tony’s face appeared on the left side of your screen. “You just told Fury off and now you’re gonna go get involved in whatever he’s _undoubtedly_ brought on himself?” 

“You bet your ass I am. So I can rub his face in it later.” Even without LUNA’s help, you could see the path of pushed aside cars and disgruntled drivers yelling on the road. And then even further still, the over turned cop cars- Fury was doing a number to the guys on his tail, maybe he didn’t need you after all- 

But an explosion up ahead told a different story. Rounding the corner of a building you saw the car he’d been driving swerve upside down and then roll to a crash, stopping on its roof. And standing a yard away was a man clad in black, long brown hair, back to you, holding a very large gun. Smoke was pouring out from Fury’s car. 

Instincts kicked in.   
Firing up the jets for an extra boost you sped past him, coming to a heavy land in front of the car. The attacker up ahead stopped moving, presumably sizing you up. You only spared a very _quick_ glance back at the car. “Get out of here.” It made no difference if he _couldn’t_. You had no idea how hurt he was. Probably very, given the bullet holes lining his car. 

“Seems like you can’t trust anyone these days...” His laugh sounded wet. Full of blood. You kept your back turned. “Anyway- thanks for the escape route…” You didn’t see him as he spoke these words, and it didn’t matter. Your attention went in full to the man suddenly advancing. He had a full black face mask on. 

“LUNA let’s go full on the defense.” Getting the sense you were going to need some serious protection. 

“_Defensive mode activated!_” 

Then, pitching your voice out, “I assume you don’t wanna talk? Fury’s not my favorite person either, but-” 

He threw the gun at you, curbing your casual sass (covering for your fear, no doubt), and you brought your hands out to catch it before it landed. With you distracted, he jumped forward, landing a quick blow to pin you back against the car. You dropped the weapon, bringing your knee up once, and then again, and then held a hand in the small space between you to get a shot off. 

It knocked him off kilter enough for you to rush him, angled low, sweeping him off his feet and to the ground. Getting off a one-two punch in succession, but then he raised his arm and grabbed your right hand on the next swing- _crushing_ you with ease- even through the armor- 

“_Ma’am structural damage imminent!_” Red lights started flashing on your screen. A moment too late, as you felt your wrist break as he twisted. 

So you brought the other one up after the initial cry and shock of pain to blast him right in the face. It got him once, and then he rocked up, forcing you off balance. Getting enough leverage to throw you over his shoulder to the pavement. Too late in your stand as he whacked you in the back of the head- and _again- _

Fighting through the haze and the fear that had gripped you so suddenly- not to mention all the warnings going off inside the helmet- you jettisoned forward and out of striking range, scraping along the ground until you could curl up and round off in a ball before landing on your feet. You had to be quick to stand, as he ran at you, meeting you one blow for the next. Stopping your kicks and parrying your, now, one-armed punches. 

You thought you had him, when you landed one right on his jaw, but after the connect he grabbed your arm on the follow through, twisting you around until another literal bone-shattering _crack_ hit the air, punching another cry from your gut. He held you there too long, as you wound back and jammed your other elbow into his stomach. When he keeled over you grabbed him through the pain to throw him down on his back. 

One stomp. Then two. Then _three_.   
And then he grabbed your leg and twisted. Thankfully no breaks this time, only serving to rip you from the earth and to the ground. But that wasn’t enough as he rolled to stand and then reached down to heft you up and then throw you back down into the ground. 

“LUNA-” Air wheezing from your lungs. Feeling a crack in your ribs as he jumped once, letting gravity bring that fist hard down into your chest. You felt a little electrical flurry- maybe your brain was imagining things- more warnings started going off- _he was breaking the Reactor_-

You feared he was about to do it again- and perhaps explode your heart- but instead he suddenly became very calm, reaching down to wrap his hand around your throat. _Squeezing_ while you writhed beneath him, trying anything- trying to roll up, to twist- to push up and out- but he just **held** you there with a force no normal human could own. Just as your vision was going blurry and panic was hitting high, a shot rang off in the air. Unable to move, you could only look sideways, seeing Happy standing there with a gun in his hands. Firing off yet another shot that just seemed to hit- and then ricochet off your attacker’s shoulder. Enhanced for sure- but in what ways? This dude was a menace. 

He turned, away from you, and seemed like he was getting ready to run for Happy. So, through the pain, you swung your broken arm forward, grasping his leg. He stopped to barely glance at you, and that was when you held both hands up. In a wheeze- “_LUNA give me everything we’ve got_!” 

The blast that close was so bright it was blinding.   
The mysterious attacker went flying, several feet in the air, thrown back at least a block, landing on what sounded like a car. 

You laid there for a long while. Looking. Looking into Nick’s _empty_ car.   
Well… you’d told him to run. But… to think he’d really just… left you there…   
You just needed… a moment to reset… 

A smart and careful touch deactivated your helmet, eyes unfocused, but catching the sight of Tony’s face above you. He was talking, but the words weren’t really hitting your ears. You focused on the way his mouth moved, the look in his eyes. 

And when finally you made out- “_What happened_?” 

You made use of the few words you had. “I got my ass beat.” 

“We’ll call it a draw.” These ones you heard. Very kind of him, even though he was biased, considering you were completely outmatched. “Where’s Fury?” 

“Took off.” 

“Smart. Because he was next on my list.” He held you steady- you weren’t sure that you’d moved- probably just a reaction- only realizing it when the pain swelled and he started talking again. “Don’t move. What weapons was that guy packing? Your suit is damaged- _you’re_ damaged.” 

“I dunno.” It hurt to breathe. “Super strength, maybe…” The only thing that made sense. 

“Great. And this is why I told you to stay out of it. Who knows who Fury has pissed off now.” Though he was admonishing you, it was in a worrying way. “Don’t move. Paramedics will be here soon. Like I said before. If you’d just listened.” 

“I’ll be okay.” At least there was that, right? You’d heal. 

“That doesn’t mean you can just do whatever you want.” 

“Look who’s talking.” Brokenly smiling up at him. 

He returned the expression, pain in his eyes. “This is definitely a _do as I say, not as I do_ situation, alright?” 

Consciousness was fading. You felt a blackness coming on. But before you could go- “You got the guy?” 

“Gone before I got here.” 

How absolutely unfortunate. Guy like him, going after Fury? You’re sure he had _a lot_ of stories to tell. And probably not an enemy you wanted lurking around.

* * *

It was lucky for you that the hospital was not too far away. It was _doubly_ lucky that SHIELD had its own private wing (and triply lucky no one had reported your quitting the force just yet). Less to explain. Doctors more trained on dealing with enhanced individuals and looking the other way on certain things. After resetting your bones (not the most comfortable experience in the world), they set your right arm in a sling and your left wrist in a splint. Things you would not need, _hopefully_, after the day was through.

But once they cleaned up the rest of the cuts and bruises, of which there were many, you were sent to a quiet small room where it was assumed you’d probably just leave. It was when you stood that the room spun out of balance and Tony put a practiced, gentle arm around you to guide you back down to the bed. 

Your brain had been rattled around pretty hard. Healing powers or not- right then… “Do you mind if I just… rest. For a little while.” You felt pretty hard out of sorts and in no condition to be walking around yet. 

“Doctors gave the green-light. Take your time. I can work here.” And he was going to have to, because your suit had been wrecked. Whatever punch that dude was packing, it was meant to be lethal. Probably would have been, without LADY and LUNA. And Happy. Lucky you. 

You only expected to drift off for an hour, maybe two. But when you came to- to the shrill ring of your phone somewhere- it was pitch black outside. Your room was also… empty. Shifting up, you found it a little easier to move, and reached outside of your sling to grab your phone off the beside table. 

“Hello…?” Voice a groggy mess. Disoriented would be putting it mildly. 

Steve’s voice was tight and cold on the other end. “Where are you?” 

“I never left DC- I’m in a hospital right now. Should’ve called- I’m sorry- I got wrecked- someone attacked Fury-” 

“Stop talking. You’re in the SHIELD sector?” 

“Yeah-” The line cut. “Nice talking to you, too.” Unable to help the smart remark to nobody, head pounding. Getting up, you found your footing wobbly, the room wasn’t spinning as hard, but still not quite steady yet. Ripping the velcro from your sling, you rounded your arm up and down. Pain was fresh, but at least you could _move_. 

Before you could take off the splint, you heard Happy’s hushed voice in the hallway. “_Good to see you, Captain._” 

Then your door opened as he let in a very dark looking Steve. Confusion came first- second quickly to his arms opening, scooping you up into an unimaginably tight hug. Then more confusion. “Steve-” 

He projected his voice, “You’re not looking so hot.” And then, quieter into your shoulder. “Something’s going on. Fury’s dead.” Dropping these two facts in quick succession like you should just absorb them and not make a big deal about it. 

Except- how _were_ you supposed to react to something like **that**? First by wriggling out of his grip, hands on his biceps, holding him at arm’s length. “No- _no_\- I- he got attacked but I kept the guy busy-” However, that guy had gotten away. 

_Was this your fault_? 

He set a hand on your shoulder, bringing you in close again. Voice _very low_. “Guy with a metal arm? He finished the job. At my apartment. I had no idea you were caught in the middle- look-” He made his voice a little more known. “You should go home.” 

“Fuck you- I’m not going home-” Finding your sharp edges quickly, because being demanded to stand down never sat right with you. And- _Fury was dead_? Was he serious?? “How do you know? Did you-”  
  
“I watched them lose him on the table. I saw the body. It’s in the other room. You wanna go look?” Tone hard as he kept you from reeling back any further by two _strong _hands on your arms. “Listen, this is a lot to take in- and I’m sorry you got hurt- but listen to me when I tell you I need you to go home. Go back to the Tower. Something not right is going on. And I’m gonna find out what it is.” 

“Let me help you. Whatever it is, we can figure it out together-” 

He startled you with a small shake and a quiver ran up your spine. “_Stop_.” You’d never seen Steve like this before. Never seen that icy look in his eyes, heard his voice this tight. Like he was barely gripping with his own control and about to snap. “Look at me. _Listen to me_. Any other mission and I’d be glad to have you watching my back. But not for this one.” You stayed in startled silence, watching him as his head dropped. “I think SHIELD-” 

“You mind not rattling her around so much? She already got her martini shook on the freeway a few hours ago.” Tony’s voice was a welcome reprieve, a break in these stormy clouds. Especially when it got Steve to immediately drop his hands away from you, like he’d been burnt. Tony made a point of pushing the door closed. “What’s going on? I step out for coffee for one minute and I got Natasha charging at me down the hallway and now you’re in here pretending you know how to play it cool? I thought we went over this.” 

Meaning-

He was easily heard out in the hall. 

Steve pressed his lips together, a swelling feeling of _anger_ taking hold of him for a few seconds. But there was more _fear_ there than anything else. Even as his hands balled into tight fists. He looked at you one last time before turning to Tony, finally finding his quiet voice as he leaned in and murmured a string of sentences that had Tony’s expression change from curious to troubled within a matter of moments. 

Then they exchanged another long look. And said so much with so little. Tony nodded, and then Steve just _left_. Without another single word to you. 

It left you standing there, shivering you realized, in the middle of the room. What the hell had just happened? What was going on? God knew you and Fury had all the differences between you in the world- but to think he was _dead_? And- it was because that guy had finished the job- and you’d _failed_ to stop him- 

What would happen to SHIELD now?  
What would happen to-   
  
Quieting your shaking, Tony came closer, settling a much more controlled and softer hand on your shoulder. “Honey, I think it’s time we got on a jet and made a b-line for home.” 

You couldn’t help your glower. “He said the same thing.”  
  
“For once, he’s right.” 

“I’m not gonna just sit back and do nothing- if Fury is really-” 

“Nobody said anything about doing nothing. Does that sound like me? Like us? You need to rest. And your suit needs more work. I have better tools at home.” Both his hands moved, cupping the sides of your neck. Gazing at you. 

Words there.   
_We need to go home.   
We need to be in __**private**__._

Something very bad was happening. Something that reached far beyond the death of Nick Fury. And you had the sinking suspicion it had to do with the very thing you’d quit over just that morning. What had happened in such a short time, between you and Steve, leading to that assassin going after him? And so _openly_, too. Such a strange thing to do in the world of spies. 

You played the role of a wilting flower, leaning into him. “My head is killing me.” True, but really hamming it up for the listening ears that everyone seemed to think lined the walls. 

“Steve really shake you that hard? I’ll send him the next hospital bill.” Tony’s arms wound around you. Holding you tightly. “Let’s get you home and into bed.” 

“I love you.” 

Something terrible was happening.   
Worst case scenario had finally dawned. You were sure of it. You just didn’t know what _it_ was exactly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 100th chapter, guys!!!! Crazy we got so far! And to kick off the 100th, Nick Fury (wink wink) is dead and SHIELD is about to be dead too. That's something I guess.


	101. Chapter 101

For cover, you played the part of the wounded warrior well enough. Refitting your sling, and allowing Tony to help you out of the hospital, into the car- and then were swiftly realigned to SHIELD for a _light_ debrief. They were busy, as one could imagine. Though the agent trying to grill you really tried to figure out what you’d been doing on the freeway. What you’d seen. You shared very little, complaining about your headache and calling the whole event _fuzzy_. It took far too long. The sun was already up again by the time the whole thing was over. 

When they gave up, Tony helped you from your seat and finally you were let go to drive to the airport. Still making a show of needing assistance as the two of you walked down the private runway into the jet. It was actually kind of nice to lean on him so blatantly, even if it made you feel weak at the same time. As soon as the hatches were sealed and the jet was safely in the air, though, you ripped the velcro on the sling one last time and started working the splint off your wrist. 

“What did Steve say to you?” Unable to keep yourself from thinking about it. Just a few words had completely stopped Tony in his tracks. That was really a hard thing to do (by anyone save you, anyway), so something _even more serious_ than Nick Fury being dead was going on. 

And that… even _that_ had huge implications. Was there going to be a sudden power vacuum at SHIELD? Secrets leaked? People running wild? What sort of new and dangerous world were you entering into _now_? 

Tony’s eyes were on his empty holotop table, fingers loosely laced together. Thinking. Mulling something troubling over. You waited for him to tell you what it was. And when he finally did- “We have to initiate the ESCAPE protocol.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

Your heart stopped beating for a few seconds.   
Screw worst case scenario. This was _apocalyptic_. 

_EMERGENCY: SHIELD Compromised, All Personnel Evacuation_

The biggest of big code reds for the Tower. A doomsday scenario. End of times, practically. Because the Avengers lived there. Were tied to there. And once upon a time, literally until that morning, more than half the team worked for SHIELD. But _Stark Industries employees_ also worked there. Every day. Employees like Pepper. Who would get caught in the crossfire if something this astronomically bad ever happened. 

Because if SHIELD was compromised, they’d come for you first. To put you all in the ground. And you had no second thoughts about them razing the tower to do it. Innocent lives, the lives of _your_ employees, could not be collateral damage. And so… 

But then you realized… Nick had said this to you, too, before he’d disappeared. _Before he’d died_.   
_Can’t trust anyone these days.  
Thanks for the escape route. _  
  
“We don’t have a choice.” His eyes had still not lifted. 

The wheels in your head were jammed and spinning out at the same time. “We can’t. If we do that, it becomes _extremely_ obvious we know. Steve kind of made it obvious, but nothing we can’t deny. Right now, we’re still on the outside.” 

Finally he looked at you. “You wanna risk people’s lives over playing that game?” Asking- 

Asking you to be _very sure about this_. Because if you were wrong, there was a high risk that people _would_ die. And this time it would _definitely_ be your fault. Because he wanted to call the alarm. There were other layers to this, too. Funny that you and Tony had only _just_ been talking about this. You were getting very good at predicting the future. “...they have _so_ much information, Tony…” Finding yourself rather… _scared_. 

He exhaled a slow breath, eyes drawing down again. “If I start digging, that’s evidence, too. I’m stuck on the angle. Someone wanted Fury dead- from the inside, for what? His position? I’m having trouble connecting the dots here.” Nothing more maddening for him. ...other than your safety about to be threatened, you supposed. 

“This has to do with Project Insight. It _has_ to. Nick carted me and Steve off down there like he was about to show us a lounge full of puppies. Like we were _supposed_ to like it. But he’s too smart for that. He knew we were going to turn over it. So why?” 

“Because that’s _exactly_ the sort of scheme that invites.” He seemed very _angry_. The feeling swirling about him like a cloud. 

But _guilt_ was more your forte. “I don’t know… aren’t we sort of looking into doing the same thing?” 

Again he looked up at you, almost imploringly. “Not even close. We’re looking at a wall. _Defense_. Those things in that bay are for mowing down anyone they think is even the slightest bit off-color.” 

You found yourself nodding in agreement, though not just to make him feel better. You had thought of what the two of you had talked about as _preparing_. Those helicarriers in SHIELD’s basement were ripe for misuse. “So someone… someone _inside_ wanted them. For more than whatever vision Nick thought he was seeing. And when he put his foot down they- what? Just ordered a hit? That seems pretty brazen.” There was a missing piece here. And if you didn’t find it soon… 

His voice softened. “Maybe it would have five years ago. Lots of _interesting _people suddenly around, wouldn’t you say? Timeline got condensed. Because of…” 

“_Us_.” 

The enhanced individuals now banding together in the name of _peace_. Aside Steve? Unheard of, before all this mess. And what did Nick say? Hadn’t all this been really launched because of what happened in New York? The only people with a mind to put a stop to something this huge… were the exact people they may have been looking to take out. And, as usual, Tony was right.   
  
Every day they waited was a day later they were going to come up short.   
Something had gone a little haywire over at SHIELD. And Nick Fury had been murdered over it. 

All circumstantial evidence at best, for now. Just what had happened around you- and whatever words Steve had whispered to Tony. But you trusted Steve. More than anyone else, aside the man sitting next to you. The people orchestrating this were running out of time. Same as you were, the longer you sat there. 

“Can my suit keep up with yours? Is it flight capable?” The two of you needed to get to the Tower. 

He gave you a brief nod. “I wouldn’t advise it for full battle status, but if we’re just taking a joyride, you’ll be alright.” 

Reaching over, you cupped his cheek in your palm, leaning in to press a kiss to the other. “We’ll figure this out.” Gentle and quiet with him, knowing this would probably be the last few moments of that that you’d get for a little while. After soaking enough of it in, “JARVIS, call ahead to Bruce and Thor. Have them lock up in the penthouse. No visitors.” 

“Ma’am, there has been a commotion at SHIELD headquarters. A quinjet was deployed to fire on Captain Rogers while he- as they put it- attempted to escape custody.” 

Without realizing it, you found yourself clutching at Tony’s hand very suddenly. “But he _did_ escape, right?” 

“They’ve deployed all agents on a level one taskforce to assist in his arrest. Captain Steve Rogers is now a wanted fugitive.” 

How could this have happened? 

Tony was staring out the window. “Seems like he already started without us.” 

This was too much to take in. For a small moment- brief- you allowed the thought of just collapsing and giving in. But that wasn’t really who you were. And now Steve- and the rest of your team- were in danger. So you had no choice but to rise to the occasion. “JARVIS please get Thor and Bruce upstairs. Tell them we’ll meet them in ten.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Giving Tony one last squeeze, “Get the suits ready. I’ll be right back.” Sharing a long last look with him before standing and knocking once on the cockpit door. When it opened you put a hand on Happy’s shoulder. “We’re taking off. I need you to listen to me very carefully.” 

He took his eyes off the sky to give you a serious look. “What’s wrong?” 

You countered with a smile. “First- thanks for saving my life back there.” Without him firing his weapon, you were pretty sure you’d be in the same morgue Fury was holed up in right now. 

“That’s my job.” Smiling back. 

“Yeah. Well… I need you to keep doing your job.” _Head of security. _“We need you to start activation on the ESCAPE protocol- _quietly_. I need you to be in complete control of this.” 

While he looked absolutely _shocked_\- and _frightened_ of what this meant- he gave a steady nod. “I’m on it.” 

“No panic. Office by office. I don’t want it looking like a flood. We need time. And if the press sees a bunch of people running from the building-” 

“I got it. You can count on me.” 

Knowing that you could, you gave him one last pat on the shoulder and turned back to the lounge. Suiting up, and facing the flight hatch with Tony. And then took off. Pit in your stomach growing larger and larger. 

* * *

Both Natasha and Clint were MIA. You’d made several calls to them in the air, not a single one returned. One of the reasons you’d only asked JARVIS to gather the other two. Clint stayed in his designated apartment, but not for very long periods of time. Not really your business where he went off to, you assumed he was just always working. Same as Nat. But they were _the_ SHIELD agents in your life. You trusted that they hadn’t been corrupted by whatever the hell was going on but… the radio silence didn’t feel fantastic. 

Bruce and Thor met you up on the flight deck as the two of you landed, and you had to silence their hundred questions until everyone was safely inside in _lock down_. Happy wasn’t too far behind, as you were speaking to the crew in the kitchen, fielding questions you thought you’d never have to answer. 

_What do we do now?  
Who do you think is behind this?  
What are they going to do?  
What about us?   
What about __**you**__?   
  
_All things you tried your best to answer with what little information you had on hand. Tony had taken the Heart Reactor from you to try and do a touch-up while also doing several other deep dives. Keeping his racing mind preoccupied while also trying to get to the bottom of things before the notion of _too late_ was a long gone conclusion.   
  
Steve was on the run from SHIELD, so you thought it wouldn’t be the wisest to try and contact him. You doubted he’d answer, anyway. If he had his hands _that_ full. You were sure he was alright… somehow. Steve was capable. He’d make it through this. The question of _why_ was still lingering, though. He’d clearly known SHIELD had been taken over, did he know by who? Fury must have told him more than he’d had time to say to you. Something you were pondering over just as JARVIS spooked the lot of you. 

“Secretary Pierce is on his way up to meet you. He has an armed STRIKE team with him.” 

The other shoe was about to drop. If you told JARVIS to slow him down or even just drop the elevator to the bottom floor, there would be _talk_. It would also spook the other people in the building quietly leaving in small groups. Something you wanted desperately to avoid. Panic was not going to help this. Which is why you assumed he was coming to you- not that you had evidence to prove he was behind this. Or even had thought about that being a factor. Until just now. When he’d shown up. 

Your experiences with him were minimal, but none of them pleasant. You’d have to keep up a good face for this. A hard thing to do, when you stood in the middle of the penthouse living room as the doors opened, your team coming to stand behind you. Alexander Pierce stepped out along with a bruised Rumlow who had a hand on his holstered gun. Four STRIKE team agents fanned out behind them, guns drawn but down.   
  
Piece smiled. “So it is true. They do follow you around like little ducks, don’t they.” This was bait, you weren’t sure what kind. 

You just put a hand on your hip. “Are you here to hand me a funeral invitation?” 

“Well, since you want to get down to business so quick…” He clasped his hands together and then shook his head, “I’m here to ask you where Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff are. They fled SHIELD headquarters. I know they have housing here.” 

“Don’t know. Haven’t heard from them since yesterday.” At least this was the truth. Throwing Nat in here… that was a curveball, but you couldn’t show surprise right now. 

Pierce grinned. “I have the feeling even if you did, you wouldn’t tell me. Is that right?” 

Tony crossed his arms and stepped up just behind you. “If you know that, why bother asking? This is starting to feel like a meeting-could-have-been-an-email sort of thing.” 

“Oh… just seeing how far the net spreads.” Getting just a _little_ closer, Rumlow careful to stay at his side, he squared his eyes on you. “Maybe you haven’t heard, but Steve Rogers is now a wanted man. If you’re hiding him…” 

“I hadn’t, actually. Wanted for what?” Playing stupid, now. He probably knew this was a lie. 

“The death of Nicholas J. Fury.” 

Though you assumed they were going to be **bold** with this, you couldn’t exactly help your exasperated expression. “Give me a break. You can’t be serious.” 

“Completely serious, my dear. So if you’d tell us what we know, this doesn’t have to get ugly.” Demeanor changing completely. Dark now as he stared you down. Rumlow unclipped the gun from its holster but didn’t draw it yet. _Yet_. 

Bruce’s calm voice came from behind you. “Oh. Let’s not get _ugly_ gentlemen.” 

Rumlow sneered at him. “Stay out of this, Banner.” 

You could hear Tony’s grin. “He already kinda wrecked this place once. We’d _really_ like to not have to rebuild it a second time.” 

Putting a stop to what was a storm in the making, you stepped closer up to bat. Not within striking distance, but close enough to be a warning. “You can’t be serious, Pierce. You know _Captain America_ didn’t murder Fury. That’s asinine.” 

“I _don’t_ know that. What I do know was that Steve Rogers was the last man to see Fury alive. And when I brought him in for questioning, he ran. That’s the making of a guilty man, wouldn’t you say?” 

Unable to help the shake of your head, “I want a copy of that interrogation before I even think about betraying-”

“Frankly, my dear, you don’t _work_ for Captain America. You work for the American government. I know loyalties are hard to break, but please do try to remember your place in all this.” Stone cold as he served this.

Which made it all that much easier to grin at him. “_Actually_, sir, I don’t. Word hasn’t gotten around yet, but I quit yesterday. I don’t owe anything to you or this bullshit investigation.” 

A silence sat and then he sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets. “You know… this could have been easy. I wanted to leave you out of it. But that’s interesting, don’t you think? You quit yesterday, after a screaming match with Fury down in the helicarrier bay. Practically assault. Rogers was there, too, wasn’t he?” 

“I didn’t _assault_ Fury-”

“Then seems to me, we have police footage of _you_ in your **battle armor** alongside Fury’s wrecked car. What were you doing, my dear?” He held up a hand. “Don’t answer. Let me finish the thread- then Fury shows up at Steve Rogers’ apartment. Where he’s then found dead. Quite an interesting string of events, wouldn’t you say?” 

It was hard to quell the anger now brewing inside you. But Tony’s voice caught you off guard, as did the little projection from his phone. “We’re missing a piece here- ah- that’s _you_ isn’t it? After she and Rogers spoke with Fury and left headquarters, Fury called a meeting. With _you_. What about, I wonder? Where’s that fit in? Shame the audio’s been ditched. Very suspicious.” 

Broadcast in the air was exactly as described, Fury and Piece in a SHIELD office. Talking. About something. Fury looked… put off. Nervous. A weird color on him. Yet serious on top of it all. 

Pierce huffed out a laugh with another shake of his head. “Couldn’t help yourself, could you? Well… I’ll tell you. Seeing as I’ve got nothing to hide. Fury came to me after the commotion to tell me to delay Project Insight. Wouldn’t say why. But seeing as he turned up dead after getting beaten half to death by her and then finished by Rogers-” 

“You’re out of your mind! You can’t seriously think we had anything to do with this. _Whose side are you on_?!” 

Your outburst finally got a startle out of Rumlow, who promptly drew his weapon, and leveled right at your forehead. Everything in you stopped dead. And a steely _dread_ filled the room. Rumlow’s voice was rocky. “Permission to treat the suspect as _hostile_, sir.” 

Pierce waited. Purposefully. Letting the moment drag on where you felt _helpless_, where everyone in the room was frozen at his command and his alone. Then he raised his hand to give Rumlow a pat on the shoulder. “Not necessary, I’m sure.” Then he looked your way again. “Well. Here we are. At the ugly part.” Yet there was a certain _glee_ about him that he hid. But couldn’t from you. “You’re under arrest for the attempted murder of Nicholas J. Fury. We can get into the nitty gritty of your aiding and abetting Rogers down in my office.” 

“You can’t be fucking serious!” They were _framing_ you. Just like they were _framing_ Steve. 

Behind you, you felt the pulse of power from Thor, and heard that little metallic song as he raised his hammer. “You’ll have to bring a bigger army if you intend to take her.” 

The STRIKE team behind them raised their weapons finally. Your team against theirs? You could take them. But… Rumlow, very smartly, had raised his gun. And trained it aside you. _On Tony_. You could take them. And there would be a big commotion in the press. In your building. People would get hurt. 

“Stand down, **NOW**!” Rumlow was trying to take control of the room. 

Bruce gave a humorless laugh. “Starting to look like that’s not an option.” 

These men would go to war for you.   
...you knew you couldn’t let them. 

“Stop!” Holding your hands up. “Everyone just- calm down. I’ll go. I’ll come with you.” 

Your next step forward was stopped by Tony who grabbed hold of your arm, pulling you in a half turn back to him. “_No_.” Out of sight, hidden by the two of you looking at each other and the block of your body, you felt him slip the Reactor into your pocket. “You don’t have to go with them.” 

“I don’t.” Giving him a weak smile. “But I will. Get our lawyer, won’t you? Meet me in DC. They’ve got nothing. They can’t hold me.” 

Tony chewed his lip before nodding, and held himself tight for the much harder task of letting you go. You gave your team a solid nod, trying to impart that they should _not_ follow. This didn’t need to get ugly. Not yet, anyway. 

As Rumlow went into his belt to unclip a pair of handcuffs you rolled your eyes at him. “Knock it off. Let’s go. I have meetings today.” He tried to stare you down, so you did one better. “You point that gun again at me and it’ll be one of the last things you **ever** do.”

At this he smirked. “Tough talk for someone about to go to jail.”

You maintained that hard stare, unflinching. “Try me and see how tough I am.”

Having had enough, Pierce rounded his hand in a circle starting the march of the team and then stepped aside, allowing you to follow the line of the STRIKE squad into the elevator, and then stepped in on your left, Rumlow on your right. Bruce laid a heavy hand on Tony’s shoulder, stopping him in his tracks as he took moved forward. Like he couldn’t seem to help himself. Like he really might rush the elevator. You looked at him silently. And just as the doors closed…  
  
_I love you_.   
  
And on the descent you heard his reply.   
  
_I __**will **__come for you_. 

Closing your eyes to keep yourself steady. To not give in to this circus. To not let yourself feel _too much_ and let them get the upper hand. Until suddenly the sound of static discharge hit the air and you looked up at the camera- which had some device on it.   
  
Pierce’s voice was aglow with a smile. “Need to get your equipment checked. Seems like the camera is out. Stark tech is supposed to be the best isn’t it? Shame...” 

“So this is the plan, huh? You gonna kill me?” Allowing a cold to take over you. How had it gotten _this_ bad? 

“No, of course not. You’re going to fight us off. Futile, of course. But it’ll look like you went on the attack. Two for one, you know. If we can tank Stark Industries’ reputation and the Avengers at the same time…” A little laugh. Then he looked over at you. Rumlow drew his weapon again, pressing the barrel at your temple. “So what do you say, my dear? Shall we dance your last dance?” 

Rumlow’s voice was amused. “Last thing I ever do, huh? Let’s test that theory.”

You had two choices.   
Become a martyr. Stand there and take it. Accept your end in the face of dethroning this organization. If the elevator hit ground level with you dead and the STRIKE team- and Piece- responsible- there was no going back for them. Or. You could do what they wanted. And fight back. Risk your reputation- if you survived- and go on the run like Steve. This was probably how they did it to him, too.

Today just didn’t seem like a very good day to die. Not when there was _so much_ work to do. 

Four men with heavy weapons behind you. Rumlow with a gun at your head. And Pierce.   
Better get to work. 

“Let’s.” 

Telegraphing your move enough for Rumlow to move his weapon up and down in an effort to strike you, because he couldn’t shoot you just yet. That would foil their plans, which Pierce had given up so easily. In that usual shitty villain way where they thought they were _so smart_. On his downswing you eased back, taking hold of his wrist and leveraging his weight in a wrench that snapped bone and then pushed him at the other four men behind you.   
  
Sufficiently distracted you reached into your pocket to pull the Reactor and activate it with one press to your chest. “LUNA, let’s get to work.” 

“Yes, ma’am!”   
  
Unprepared, you made quick strikes- first to Pierce, who wasn’t really a concern, but throwing him against the door and making a dent just sort of felt _good_. You were allowed to have one little nice thing, right? Then it was two hands up to grasp two gun barrels and twist them, while your knee silenced the third man coming up to grab you. Two weapons curbed, you then opened your palms to aim two repulsor blasts their way, sending them hard against the glass, cracking it and leaving them sinking to the floor.   
  
The next agent tried wrapping his arms around you, so you jumped up with an extra boost from your jets, and then came back down, bending forward to easily flip him over you and throw him into the door and let him fall into a pile on top of pierce. Rumlow was your real problem. Meeting you hand to hand next. When you shoved him back, he managed to get a shot off on the armor.   
  
“Ma’am, we’re not running a full capacity! You can’t take much more damage!” 

“So let’s not, then!” The only thing you could think to say- what more _could_ you do? One uppercut to his wrist to knock the gun out of his hand and then a yank of his shirt to pull him forward into a smash of your head against his. A case in which you were the easy victor. 

He stumbled back and then dropped within a matter of seconds. 

That was it. They’d won. Because your next move- to spare the people in the lobby- was to set your repulsors on the glass of the elevator and take off. It would come to ground level and people would see the bodies- not dead, due to your _amazing generosity_, but a heap of bodies after you’d just fled- how did that look?

“Call Tony.” 

“Calling!” 

His face- along with Thor and Bruce standing in the background- appeared on the left side of your screen. You smiled weakly. “Sorry, honey. I gotta take off for a little while.” 

“Little sabbatical, huh? Can’t say I blame you.” His was just as pale. 

“Can you get me a lock on Steve and Nat- oh and uh- Pierce and the STRIKE squad are unconscious in the elevator.”

“Yeah. Figured. Was just about to meet you on my way down. Couldn’t make it more obvious if they’d tried that they were cornering you.”   
  
Thor put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, leaning forward closer to the screen. “Where will you go, Lady? Let us help you.” 

Bruce removed his glasses. “Seems like society is collapsing. Might be the perfect time to… you know.” 

“Stay out of this. For now they’re only framing me and Steve- ...Nat too, I think. She must be helping him. This doesn’t need to turn into a huge thing. That’s what they want. Pierce wants to take down Stark Industries and the Avengers. He _literally_ said that to me right before they attacked me.” 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Love a good bad villain monologue. They always give it all away.” 

“I thought the same thing.” The two of you shared at least a little more of a warmer smile then. “Safe to say he’s running the team that corrupted SHIELD. And Nick must have known, too. I told that idiot Project Insight was a bad idea- _exactly_ because of something stupid like this.” 

“Honey, let’s not speak ill of the dead. Right now, anyway. Time for that later at his eulogy. I’m sending you Rogers’ coordinates. Looks like he’s moving in New Jersey. I’ll also watch his back for him. He can pay me back later.” 

“Mine, too, please.” 

“No charge, for you.” While he tried to hold on a warmer expression, his eyes dropped. “Your suit is still damaged. You gotta- well- this isn’t a _taking it easy_ circumstance but… try and not get shot anymore, alright?” Probably reading the _new_ damage report on your suit right at that second. 

“I’ll do my best.” 

“All I can ask for. I’ll stay here and finish the downloads and decryption of this Insight stuff. Seems like they’re trying to leverage it. Use it. Can’t imagine it’s to make rainbows in the sky. But… you get backed into a corner-” 

Thor cut him off. “We will come for you. All you need do is say.” 

Bruce smiled, faintly. “We are a _team _after all.” 

Tony looked up into the camera, so that you could read the look in his eyes. “Yeah, mama duck. Your ducklings are ready to roll.” All sass and jokes coming out of his mouth. But the way he was looking at you… 

“I’ll keep you guys posted. And thanks.” 

Terrified.   
Same as you, as you flew off into the next newest unknown. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's always something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Fuck you Pierce you scumbag. And Rumlow too. And the rest of these dirty Hydra agents.


	102. Chapter 102

“_We’re on lock down, until further notice._” Even though it made sense that Pierce, after dusting himself off, would put a STRIKE team in your building, it didn’t make the information any easier to swallow. “_Gotta tell you, not playing the part of a turncoat that well_.” As you would have suspected from Tony- if not your whole team. While he could keep them at bay and sass them well into next week, that was about _all_ he could do. If they were watching him, he couldn’t get a lot of work done. Which was a problem. 

So you were left with coordinates to an old abandoned military base where Steve and Nat seemed to be headed. And then Tony left you on understandable radio silence for a little while. Better for the both of you that way, even though it wasn’t desirable. 

Halfway out there, the name clicked for you. Camp Lehigh.   
Steve’s home away from home once upon a time. Where he’d been brought up, when the army had finally taken him in. The two of you hadn’t talked about it much, and that was fine. More knowledge from reading his files. But what would he be doing there? Looking for _something_, no doubt. Trying to make the pieces fit was maddening. It would be a lot easier once you were just able to talk to him. 

But however Tony had found him, someone _else_ pinged in on his location. LUNA startled you just as you were a few miles out. “Ma’am there’s a short range ballistic missile zeroing in on their location!”   
  
“_What?_” Your mind started a quick scramble. “How long until impact?!” 

“One minute!” 

“How long is it going to take us to get there?” 

“_Longer than that!_” 

“They’d better hope not!” Enough of a signal to push more power into your thrusters. “Who ordered that!?” As if you even had to ask. 

“SHIELD.” 

On your screen you saw the track- and raced against the clock to beat it- not even _end_ it if that was the case- you weren’t exactly sure your suit could take a missile blast right now, but you were far more sure human bodies _couldn’t_. Warning went off too soon and you felt sweat drench your brow, found it hard to breathe. “LUNA-”

“Impact in ten seconds!” 

The countdown started. Your heart was racing so hard it hurt. And all for nothing. As:   
_**5, 4, 3, 2, 1- **_

You fell out of the sky just in time to get to see the impact for yourself. Ramming right into a warehouse just off the side of the camp, setting off a huge explosion. Coming into a drop to your knees and then a roll over on your hands, feeling the life sort of just _leave you_. For a few seconds. Panting, like you’d just run all the way here from New York. It was all rubble. Gone. In seconds. 

“LUNA- signatures- I need- give me- anything-” Words escaping in a few gulped bubbles as you shakily pushed yourself to stand. Even as she scanned, you forced yourself to _move_, to start digging. Clawing. Using the suit to toss aside heavy pieces of metal and rock. One hand up you pressed at the side of your helmet to release it, switching back to goggles. “STEVE!” 

“We’ve got two live heat signatures ground level-”   
  
Not hearing the rest of her estimates as you jumped aside and down lower into the hidden underground bunker beneath. As soon as you were on your feet again, your hands dug into the wreckage, following the glowing outlines laid out for you on your glasses. “NAT!” Pulling aside heavy piece after piece until you finally had to actually throw your muscle into lifting up a large stone slab, casting it aside with a heavy, pained exhale.   
  
Rewarded, briefly, by the sight of Steve’s shield, raised. You laid a careful hand on it, and then curved your fingers around the top, easing back gently. Seeing the sight of the man still holding it, not exactly fully conscious.   
  
“Hey- _Steve_-” Curled in an even tighter ball underneath him was Natasha, who was completely out. “Steve- come on-” Though his eyelids fluttered, there was no other response. SHIELD knew where they were- they’d _fired on them_ with the intent of murdering them. A cleanup crew would be here soon. You didn’t have time for him to sit there unpresent. But you couldn’t take both of them far enough away to not get caught. 

So you did the only thing _you_ could do.   
You dropped below into the bright space, finding yourself breathing heavy there, too, for some reason. Stepping over the weakened ripples, sensing not a _dying_ light from Steve, but definitely not an _awake_ one, you set a hand on his chest. 

_Come on.   
__**Get up**__.   
  
_Exerting some energy in your next breath out, gifting him some of your own colors. As he warmed and you watched the flutter of his eyes- both _there_ and- in front of you, amidst the mess the three of you were currently in. You watched realization dawn and you only had enough energy for a weak smile. “Time to get up. You can nap later.” 

His brows knit, seeming like he was trying to make sense of what- or rather _who-_ he was looking at. Your name fell from him in a much nicer and quieter tone than the words that followed. “What are you doing here? I told you to-” 

“Stay out of it. I know. Little late for that. We gotta go. You can yell and then feel bad when I explain it later. You’re welcome, by the way.” Standing back, you offered your hand to him. Without another second of time between you, he put his in yours, a steady, firm grip, moving into a crouch. 

He then let you go so he could put his arms fully under Natasha and lift her. “Thanks. At least tell me you brought a car.” Gritting his teeth in pain as he stood fully. 

“Sorry. Just the suit. Let me carry her.” She seemed pretty hurt- as did he, but _he_ much like you would walk it off. 

“I got her. Let’s go.” Refusing your help. Not hard to sense that he was a little _mad_. Mad about you being here. About _getting involved _after he’d made such a serious (if not exactly helpful) case for you to do the exact opposite. Even pleading with Tony, in less words. Yet. There you were. 

“Tower is on lockdown. They came looking for you.” Deactivating your suit, less obvious that way, as the three of you blended into a thick forest just outside the military base, sun just starting to set. “When I refused to play ball, Pierce tried to take me into custody for murdering Fury.” 

At least his _realization_ was nice. And the _anger_ at you dissipated- or, redirected, at least. “Thanks for explaining before I yelled.” His attempt at humor empty. “Is this growing? They after everybody?” 

“Not yet. Just present company. You know more than I do? I know Pierce’s hands are on the wheel- but I don’t get why yet. He’s the top dog that ruined SHIELD? That killed Fury over Insight?” 

Steve didn’t answer you for a long time. So long in fact that you thought he might be sleep-walking. When you cast a look back up his way again, you found him looking at you. Cars rushing by on the other edge of a treeline indicated the highway was close. The two of you stopped walking. Just looking at each other.   
  
Finally you touched the _heaviness_ inside of him. Felt it roll over you. “Steve?” _**Guilt**_ was somewhere in all this ugly mess. 

“It’s Hydra.” 

A million objections threatened to burst out of you. Hydra was dead. Had been for a long time. There was no way that was possible. He was _wrong_. Steve Rogers- in fact- was the reason the world had been saved from them. There was just no way they were back- and no way they’d been undermining and _infecting_ SHIELD- the organization _**you**_ worked for… that your _team_ worked for- that had **brought all of you together**\- that _knew everything about you_\- 

There was no way they were back… back and trying to get rid of every last one of you… that couldn’t be… right? 

Except in his eyes you saw the truth. And the **darkness **in his _heart_ spoke of everything else. So instead of denying it, or fighting with him about it, or asking him to verify... You only heard yourself make one noise. 

“Oh.” 

_Oh_. 

* * *

After Natasha regained consciousness, there was a little roundtable discussion about where the hell the three of you could go to lie low. Kind of hard to do, considering who you all were. And even harder to do when you couldn’t go back to any of your known locales. But- thankfully, Steve seemed to have an idea. The only problem was, it was back in DC.   
  
That was quite a long walk. And you weren’t really confident in the suit’s capabilities right now- or how _subtle_ you could be if you were, say, carrying Natasha in your arms and… Steve on your back? A _hilarious_ mental image. Luckily, Nat was able to _finesse_ a car which the three of you then agreed you would dump a mile out from where you were headed. Not a good idea to bring a stolen car to a hideout. It’d get reported eventually. 

Time was blurring together. You had nodded off in the backseat of the car before arriving to your one-mile-walk destination. And by the time the two of them had roused you, the sun only just starting to rise. New day? What day was it even anymore? Did it matter? Who knew? Your brain was still overloaded by the fact that fucking Hydra had been shadowing your every move for who knew how long. The only solace you found was that Nick had died for this- not that he was dead, you took no joy in this.   
  
But that in finding it out, they had silenced him. Put an end to him. Which meant that… at least he had been on your side the whole time. The _right_ side. That was… something. 

The house you were walking up to was apparently a friend of Steve’s- someone Nat seemed to vouch for, even though self-admitted she’d only _seen_ him one time. Someone he’d met in his short time in DC but seemed to trust very much. There was no point in questioning his judgment- not that you did. But no one else had any good suggestions. A true testament to… how small your collective networks were. Or at least the people you’d either trust or not want to put in harm’s way. Aside that, after this whole _debacle_. Maybe it was true that the lot of you were terrible judges of character. 

But… then again… you and Pierce had not gotten along since the moment you’d met. Brief as your time knowing him had been. And you’d never much liked the STRIKE team, for that matter. Or Rumlow. ...okay, now you were just trying to put yourself up on a pedestal. And try to re-think about all the people you _didn’t_ like, so that you could weed them out. You wondered if more government officials were Hydra. They must be. Ellis? You wondered. You didn’t _loathe _him. He was just annoying. And needy. But there were a fair few others… 

Too in your head you missed the side door opening to the house the three of you had sneaked up to,a strong young man looked down at the three of you. _Concerned_. _Puzzled_. “Hey, man…” Sam Wilson was his name. Ex-military. About as much as Steve had told you.   
  
Steve gave him a weak look. “I’m sorry about this. We need a place to lie low.”   
  
Natasha helpfully added, “Everyone we know is trying to kill us.”   
  
Sam pressed his lips together before standing aside. “Not everyone.” Steve was the first to go in, and you let Nat follow in, leaving you heading up the back. After the three of you were in, Sam closed the door and shut the blinds behind you. As you were about to speak up, he pointed down the hall. “You guys look pretty rough. Bathroom’s down that way.”   
  
Nat breathed a sigh of relief. “Mind if I take a shower?”   
  
“Not at all.” Sam crossed his arms, leaning back against his kitchen counter.   
  
The both of you watched as both she _and_ Steve disappeared down the hall, leaving you and Sam awkwardly alone. Turning to him you held a hand out. “I should introduce myself-”   
  
“Like I don’t know who you are.” Though he didn’t shake your hand, he wasn’t speaking callously, a little quirk of a grin on his lips. “Even before all this aliens-and-superheroes stuff…” 

You gave an uneasy smile back. “Steve did say you were ex-military.”   
  
“He did, huh.” Having your hand out too long, you withdrew it. “You look nervous.” Something he seemed to be taking joy in, though not maliciously so. 

“Yeah, well… ex-military means a lot of things. And a lot of them might not be good, considering…”   
  
“Considering your company was on the supplying end of hot ticket wars for a long while.” He was _grilling_ you, that much you were sure of. 

“Hey. To be fair. I wasn’t running the company at that time.” 

“Just doing all the talking for them. You know- not that you would remember- but I stood in one of those military greeting lines one time. When you and Tony Stark and Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes came off a plane worth more money than I’ll ever make in a lifetime. Saluting like you were royalty.” 

You couldn’t be sure if it would be more advantageous to let him make you sweat. If that would make him feel better. “It’s Colonel Rhodes, these days.”   
  
At that his smile seemed more genuine. “Yeah. I imagine it would be.” There was a small silence, before he leveled a more serious look his way. “You responsible for the Stark Military Family Fund that came outta all that mess?” 

“It has his name on it. Why would you think that was my bright idea?” Feeling a little more at ease. If only a touch. 

“No offense to a self-proclaimed genius, but you seem to be the brains behind that operation. Didn’t you run the Firefighter fund? Same tree. Call it a hunch.” 

Your smile was almost a little relieved, at being able to give Tony credit for something. Even in its ugliness. “Different _branch_. That one was all Tony. After he came back and shut everything down… he wanted to start paying the back dues on Stark Industries’ mistakes. That was one of the big ones.” Haunted by a lot of things he’d seen over there. The deaths of the soldiers that had tried to protect him, fighting in a war that had- as Sam had so eloquently put it- been funded by the very same man. ...more than anyone knew. Though not all of that was his fault. 

Sam nodded a few times over, eyes dropping. “He likes to talk you up in a lot of interviews. Gave you a lot of credit for wanting to get out early. Any of that stuff true?” 

“You seem to follow a lot of this stuff.” 

“My circle is a little self-explanatory and small. And I hear a lot of _this stuff_. Whether I want to or not. Mind answering me?” He looked up again, leveling a much more serious look your way. Looking for the truth of a matter he cared little about- until she literally rolled up into his house. With a man he seemed to be friends with. 

Good reason to care about all of it, very suddenly. 

So you answered. Honestly and easily as you looked back at him, not shying from his gaze. “While I’d never ask him to stop singing my good praises, that stuff is actually true. I think I had it in my head when I was _a lot_ younger that I was doing something good for the world, by getting hired at Stark Industries. That I could talk Tony Stark out of the weapons business. I tried. A lot. But… in the end, the only person who could talk Tony out of anything was… Tony.” 

It was weird and almost a little _difficult_, remembering all that. But you’d never actually spoken this version of events to anyone before. It was a little cathartic to get it all out. 

There was another _long_ pause, as he seemed to be trying to look through you. To ascertain whether or not you were telling the truth. Or at least if _he_ thought you were. But. Finally. You were rewarded as he edged off the counter and held out his hand to you. So you put yours in his, giving him a firm shake. Then he smiled. “But I bet you had a lot of I-told-you-so’s in your back pocket. Sam Wilson, by the way. Nice to meet you.” 

“One or two. Or twenty.” Grinning back at him. “Thank you, for your service. And sorry they made you do one of those red-carpet salutes. I always hated that shit.” 

Finally you got a laugh out of him and he let go of your hand, turning to open the fridge. “Yeah. Well. Thank you for yours.” The sentiment struck you in a weird place. You wanted to rebuff him. The Avengers part of your life… that wasn’t _service_. Not like the military. You’d seen horrors, but he’d seen worse, you were sure. And- “You any good with a waffle iron?” 

He cut off your suddenly frantic thoughts. A very good thing, as your heart had started going double-time. Not something you could ponder over right now. Your reaction to such a thing. “Waffles aren’t my forte but I’ve recently picked up some very good omelet skills recently.” 

Turning back to you, he handed you a carton of eggs. “Well. Get to earning your keep.” 

“They’ll be worth at least a month’s rent, I think. Maybe two, if you have peppers.” 

“So. Why do you guys need to lay low?”   
  
“Government is kind of framing us for murder.”

He stood stock still for a long while as you went over to the oven. When you finally looked over at him he glanced back. And had the look of a man who just realized he may have made a huge mistake. “Well alright then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Sam Wilson to the story finally! You will fit right in, sir.


	103. Chapter 103

After breakfast was plated, you thought maybe you could be next on the list for a quick shower. But after leaving Sam to go to the small bedroom to check in on Nat and Steve, things seemed a little… _blue_. You laid a hand on the doorway, looking at the both of them. “Everything okay?” 

Steve turned his head half back to look at you. “Depends on your definition of _okay_.” 

Very suddenly the both of them were smiling your way, Nat’s a little more curved. “If okay is finding out SHIELD’s been infected and we’ve been doing all the hard labor for a bunch of nazis that Steve supposedly died taking down… sure. We’re okay.” 

You couldn’t help a sigh. “Yeah. Just peachy, I’m sure. We made breakfast. Can’t plot a takedown revenge scenario on an empty stomach.”

Steve stood with a little stretch. “That what we’re doing?” 

Natasha was close behind. “I like the sound of that.” 

You led the way back out into the kitchen, a little shake of your head. “What else should we be doing? We can’t hide forever. Especially knowing SHIELD has gone off the rails. It starts with us, but it won’t end there.” 

Nat took a seat, a small murmur of gratitude as you set a plate down in front of her. “How’d you get wrapped up in this anyway? Seems like I was taking a little nap when that discussion occurred.” 

Steve sat down next to her. “I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.” 

Yet another sigh escaped you. “Pierce came up to the Tower with a STRIKE squad who pulled their guns on everyone. Asked me to give the both of you up. He’s altering footage, putting together a case that Steve and I got into an argument with Fury that led us to murdering him.” 

Nat scoffed. “That’s absurd. _Captain America_ killed a government official?” 

Sam was standing with his back against the counter, arms crossed. “You guys act like the government isn’t always doing shady stuff. So what it’s _Captain America_ and _Lady Avenger- _or whatever your name is supposed to be- no offense.” 

You shrugged. “None taken.” Not like it mattered. 

He continued, “They want you out of the picture, you’re out. You _worked_ for these people. I’d have to imagine you know the lengths they’d go to. What they’re capable of.” 

Natasha hung her head, eyes lowering. “Yeah…” 

You felt that _blue_ spread, and you tried to get ahead of it. “So Pierce wants us gone. Because he’s a Hydra piece of shit. What do we do about it?” 

Steve shook his head. “He’s not working alone. Zola’s algorithm was on the Lemurian Star.” 

The pieces were starting to come together. You looked over at Nat. “That’s what Fury asked you to get?” The reason that Steve had stormed into the office the morning that had kickstarted this all. 

She nodded, chewing on a piece of toast. “Mn. Yeah- and you know who _else_ was on the Lemurian Star? Jasper Sitwell.” 

You couldn’t help the face you made. While you’d had extremely brief meetings with the man, nothing of note, he’d always seemed like a weaselly little prick. Now you knew why. “STRIKE is babysitting the team so we’re on a little bit of radio silence, but Tony was working on cracking this. Might be faster, though. If we can get someone with access.” At this point you were beyond the point of asking yourself whether or not it was _right_ to start kidnapping and beating for answers.   
  
It was time for a little revenge. 

Steve put his chin in his palm with a sigh. “So, the real question is how do the three most wanted people in Washington kidnap a SHIELD officer in broad daylight?” 

“What a fantastic question.” It was a little early for you to be feeling defeat. The team just needed a good plan. ...it just felt impossible to come up with one. “If I can get close to him I might be able to… uh- _persuade_ him into helping our cause.” You’d never used _the thing_ so blatantly like that before, but you were sure you could. If you tried hard enough. “Maybe we just wait him out? Follow him back to his house?” Taking him off the street was a no-go. Especially considering you’d need to concentrate.   
  
Nat shook her head. “Too much time lost. We have to make a move now, or this is only gonna get worse.” 

Sam spoke up from behind you, rustling around in one of his cabinets. “Sounds like you could use a little help.” 

The three of you looked up as he approached and laid down a folder with a picture on top- of him in gear alongside a few other soldiers. Steve looked up at him. “What’s this?”   
  
Sam crossed his arms. “Call it a resume.” 

Nat took hold of the picture. “Is this Bakhmala?” Then nodding at him, “The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you?” Seeming pretty _impressed_, which was always a good sign. Nudging Steve a little she smiled. “You didn't say he was a para-rescue.” 

As Steve looked at Sam, asking him something rather quietly, the folder sitting underneath the picture caught your eye. “Holy shit.” You brought the folder closer. “You piloted an EXO-7?” 

At this, Sam softly grinned at you. “There was a reason I was saluting in one of those little kiss-ass lines of yours.” 

You brought the folder closer and opened it, as Steve raised a brow. “I take it that’s a good thing?” 

Flipping through the pictures and documentation, you couldn’t help the shake of your head. “It means he’s fucking crazy. Anyone who signed up for these missions had a death wish. Tony was _nuts_ for building these for the Guard. I think it was more of a joke at first, when they asked him. _Jesus_. I haven’t seen anything on them in a while.” And for good reason. 

Giving the Air National Guard fucking _bird suits_ had been some top notch nonsense when it had been developed. You really did genuinely believe Tony had been fucking with them at first. But...

“_Hey_.” Sam spoke a little sternly, yet still smiling. “I’m standing right here, you know. And you’re one to talk.” Pointing a finger you way. “Don’t you fly around in a _crazy_ suit of armor or something most days?” 

Nat caught a bit of her own smile. “We could use a little _crazy_ right now.” 

After you passed the folder to Steve’s awaiting hand, he took a little glance through it and then shot a look up Sam’s way. “I thought you said you were a pilot.”  
  
Sam shook his head. “I never said _pilot_.” 

But, fun time over, Steve moved back to _solemn_ pretty quickly. “I can't ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason.” 

“Dude, Captain America needs my help. There's no better reason to get back in. “ 

To this, you certainly couldn’t disagree. Whatever quarrels Sam had with the military (and you imagined they were _many_, and also none of your business), right now seemed like a pretty dire situation. “We’d be grateful- and lucky, I think- for your help.” Offering him a small smile of that aforementioned gratitude. 

“So…” Steve tapped the folder with his fingers. “Where can we get our hands on one of these things?” 

Sam sighed. “The last one is at Fort Meade, behind three guarded gates and a twelve-inch steel wall.”

You, Natasha, and Steve all shared a long look. Gauging. And then Nat shrugged. “Shouldn’t be a problem.” 

* * *

Fort Meade had the benefit of only being about a half hour away from Sam’s location. Though the last ten or so minutes you’d abandoned his car (for now) so you could scope out the place. Using the suit here was a little too risky, so you relied on a little more _low key_ methods to get what you needed. It was for that reason that as the four of you maneuvered past a few of those gates, and then sidled on up to the weakest point in the perimeter that Nat held the boys at bay. 

“We’ll go in. You stay here and play lookout.” 

Steve crossed his arms. “Sounds an awful lot like you’re saying you don’t need us. Just nicer.” Smiling just a little. 

You smiled back. “Your words.” 

It was better for Sam to stay back anyway, if he got caught it would really make this whole effort useless. He was the only new face in this little band that nobody was on the lookout for. And it needed to stay that way. So you accepted the offer of a hoist up the back, and then the two of you got to work. 

First order of business was activating your visor. “LUNA can you knock out the camera and security systems?” You’d tried one more time to get Tony on the phone but it had gone right to voicemail. The babysitting squad must have been getting very intense. It was better not to think about it for now. 

As the two of you backed up against a building, Natasha gave you a look with a low voice. “Any luck? Or we doing this real old school?” Which wouldn’t be a problem, but it was riskier and would take longer. Time you didn’t have. 

You waited before answering and were gifted for your patience. “I can set a sequence reset that will knock the cameras out and take the security systems offline. But I estimate the guard sitting at the control desk will get everything back up in five minutes.” 

Looking at Nat, voice hushed, “Soon as I give the signal we have five minutes.” 

“Easy.” She grinned. 

“Okay LUNA. Let’s go…” Holding your breath and wishing the both of you luck. “...now.” 

“Initiating!” 

With one gesture, you hoisted Nat up into a back window, the absolute weakest point in the compound where they were housing the EXO, and she reached back down to hoist you up. Inside there was already trouble. A couple of officers leaving a room got startled by your presence, so the both of you backed them right into the room they’d walked out of and made quick work of putting them into the floor. _Quiet_. 

Once done, you both sidled out, watching your corners. Though this was a stealth mission, it was a relatively easy one. And so you felt like you had to get this off your chest. “How exactly is getting a giant bird suit supposed to help us kidnap Sitwell without anyone noticing?” 

“You know, now that you’re asking…” 

An officer turned another corner hall and upon seeing you immediately drew his weapon and started yelling. With the both of you it was easy. You came in front, wrenching his wrist and disarming him of his weapon while she got up behind him and sunk her fists into the sides of his neck, a little electrical discharge in the bracers she was wearing knocking him out. 

LUNA’s voice cut through the new silence. “You have three minutes remaining!” 

“Eyes are online in three.” You relayed the information. 

Natasha nodded and the two of you took off down the next hall. Which was probably a mistake, seeing as the vault that you were looking for was guarded by two officers toting very large guns. Guns that were immediately pointed your way. She signaled, “I got the one on the right!” 

“Going left!” For no one’s benefit you said this, if only to telegraph the wrong woman to the wrong man so that when they two of you criss-crossed over in a switch, it confused them just long enough to make quick work out of them. 

Once they were messes on the floor she snapped the badge off one of their uniforms. “Alright, let’s get a look at the _bird suit_.” Scanning it at the access panel. 

Just as the door opened, LUNA spoke again. “One minute!” 

You nudged Nat on the shoulder. “Gotta make this quick.” 

Though you suspected there was _a lot more_ to see, not just here- there just wasn’t enough time. Seeing weapons that were faintly familiar line the walls did put a chill down your spine, though. Retired, hopefully. Nobody was flying EXO’s anymore, so… hopefully no one was using this stuff anymore, either. But. Seeing as it was _here_ and not _destroyed_… and also not **officially listed** anywhere… didn’t really make you feel very good. 

Natasha yanked the harness and housing off the wall with a little noise and then turned back. “Any of this stuff look familiar?” 

“Too familiar. Tony and I will have to talk about it later.” It was true, Stark Industries _had_ sold this junk to the army once upon a time. So that technically made it theirs, but… 

Spying a briefcase with the Sonic Taser’s designation code on top of it made you go cold. So you lifted the handle and held it to your side. Natasha gave you a questioning look as the two of you tried to make a quick go for the exit. “Good stuff?” 

“Depends on who you’re asking. _Illegal_. And _shouldn’t be here_, are two other ways I’d describe it.” Which meant there was no telling how much other shit Obi had sold to them behind your backs that you just still didn’t know about. Both them and… well. Everyone else, too. 

Would the mess ever end? 

* * *

Once the four of you had booked it away from the compound as fast as humanly (or otherwise) possible and made it back to the car, Sam seemed not to be able to go fast enough, rubber burning the road. After you were far enough away and it seemed like no one was chasing you, you leaned forward from the back seat. “So, I didn’t want to like… put a wrench in our plans or anything, but how’s the bird suit gonna help us exactly?” 

“It’s called a _Falcon_ suit. You should know that. Your boyfriend made it.” Sam looked up briefly into the rear view with one of those dry looks before he put his eyes back on the road. 

“Touchy subject.” You put your hands up in a sign of defeat. “Sorry.” It was nice to know he at least respected the gear. ...you supposed. 

Sam drummed his fingers on the wheel. “I got a plan, alright? We just need the intel. Where are we intercepting this Sitwell dude?” 

Natasha lifted her phone. “Should be leaving a meeting with Senator Stern in fifteen minutes.” 

The name put an immediate sour taste in your mouth, and childish though it was, you couldn’t help the noise that escaped you. “_Eugh_. Let me tell you- we blow this thing open and I find out he’s on the wrong side, I’ll personally wheel a guillotine out into the village square.” 

Steve half turned, “We’ll have time for jokes later.” 

“Who said anything about joking?” Arching a brow his way. 

* * *

The plan seemed like a rather simple one. Sam, the least expected of your group, would put in a spoofed call through LUNA to Sitwell after he left his little lunch-date with Stern. It would come up as Alexander Pierce, who by now, had to have been sweating his agents a little about your whereabouts. This would make Sitwell put his detail at bay so that he could take that confidential call privately. 

Sam would then instruct him to unwittingly meet Steve around the back of an alley, who would then bully him up the the top of the building, where you and Natasha were waiting- playing an earlier part of an awaiting sniper. As incentive for Sitwell to move, of course. 

You and Nat watched from the rooftop and awaited your cue, as you listened in through LUNA, the two of them talking. Once Sitwell asked the obvious question of _why would I go anywhere with you_ and you know, not have his security shoot Sam on sight, you gave Nat the signal to level the sight laser right on Sitwell’s chest. And, _shockingly_, yes that was enough incentive to get him to an alleyway. 

From there you and Natasha waited for Steve to bring him up. Which he did. By basically throwing him out of the stairwell and onto the gravel of the roof where he skidded and almost fell. 

Steve, for all you knew of him, was… actually quite _menacing_. “Tell me about Zola's algorithm.” Advancing on Sitwell as he continued to scurry away. 

“Never heard of it.”  
  
“What were you doing on the Lemurian Star?” Backing him up almost all the way to the edge of the roof. You and Natasha took up the sidelines, arms crossed. This really could go very easily, if he’d just give up his information. But you knew it wouldn’t go down like that. Pierce had to at least have had the smarts to pick stupidly _loyal_ men. 

Sitwell put his hands up. “I was throwing up, I get seasick.” Just as he knocked at the edge, Steve grabbed him by the shirt and held him a little close off the ledge. But Sitwell just smiled. “Is this little display meant to insinuate that you're gonna throw me off the roof? Because it's really not your style, Rogers.” 

He had Steve there. But there was a backup plan. Intimidation wasn’t working, so force would. Steve dropped his head in a little smile, letting Sitwell back down on his feet. “You’re right. It’s not.” Letting him go fully. And then nodding Natasha’s way. “It's hers.” 

Realization dawned a little too late as Natasha wheeled back her leg, aiming right in the center of Sitwell’s chest and kicked him clean off the roof. The screaming was at least a _little _satisfying. She crossed her arms after. “Oh, hey, will you help me with something?” Looking at you. 

You raised your brows. “What’s that?” 

“You know any Stark employees that would be a good match for Steve? I’ve been trying to get him to go on a date for a week now-” 

Steve sighed, hand to his face. “Can we- can we not do this right now? And don’t involve her.” 

You smiled. “I like being involved. I’ll see what I can do.” 

On time, Sam in his newly acquainted Falcon suit burst up through the air, carrying a very _terrified_ Sitwell, throwing him to a heap on the roof. Once he sat up on his knees, the three of you looked down at him. Though he held his hands up, he was grinning through his pale fear. “That all you got? A little roller coaster ride? You didn’t even charge me admission.” 

God damn it.   
Well.   
There was a back up for the back up. 

Bending down, you took the lapels of his suit in your hands, lifting him up as you stood, helping him roughly onto his feet. “Last chance.” Offering in a kind sing-songy tone. 

“I can take you.” Narrowing his eyes at you. 

Looking at him- _through him_\- seeing him in two spaces at once, you spread your palms out flat against his chest, moving doubly, seeing a weird shadow reflection of yourself in that bright space, same as you moved in reality. “You’re a little rat of a man, aren’t you? Don’t you feel _ashamed_? If I were you I’d be **mortified**. _Pathetic_.” 

“I-” His breathing picked up. 

“But you can still make this right. Don’t you feel like just _letting it out_. Don’t you just wanna tell us the _**truth**_?” Looking so deep into his eyes you thought you saw the glass around his soul shatter into pieces so suddenly. It really hadn’t taken that much pressure. 

“Please- I can’t breathe-” True enough, he’d suddenly started wheezing, and when you let go of him, he put a hand to his chest. 

Steve stepped closer. “Tell us about the algorithm.” 

He shook his head, sweating profusely. “Zola's algorithm is a- is a program- for choosing Insight’s targets.” 

Sam and Natasha closed the half circle of aggressive faces around him, painting him into a _real _nightmare. “What targets?”  
  
Sitwell threw his hands up. “_Please!_ _Get away!” _

“Just spit it out and this will be all over.” Trying to _encourage_ his looser tongue. 

He swallowed hard. “Targets- _you_\- **anyone**! A TV anchor in Cairo, the Undersecretary of Defense, a high school valedictorian in Iowa city. Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, anyone who's a threat to Hydra! Now, or in the future.” Suddenly he seemed to be unable to _stop_ talking now that the floodgates had opened. 

His picks were… interesting. You had assumed this much. Hydra- and Pierce- were out to put an end to the Avengers. To you. Your team. But… Stephen Strange… that name felt familiar. You couldn’t place it right now. Not important. 

Steve seemed suddenly puzzled. “The future? How could it know?” 

Sitwell let out an uneasy laugh, wiping his brow. “How could it not? The 21st century is a digital book. Zola taught Hydra how to read it. Your bank records, medical histories, voting patterns, e-mails, phone calls, your damn SAT scores. Zola's algorithm evaluates people's past to predict their future.” 

You couldn’t help yourself. “And then what?” Already knowing the answer. Because there was only one end to this. So that Hydra could run amok, freely. With no resistance. 

Finally, he seemed a little more _clear_ about what had just happened, and he grew even paler. Gulping out a gasp, hand to his heart, Sitwell shook his head. “Oh my god… Pierce is gonna kill me…” 

Steve took hold of his suit jacket again, lifting him a little. “What then?!”   
  
A more in-control and icy look was leveled Steve’s way. Then yours. Then Nat’s. Then Sam’s. As if reading you your futures. “Then the Insight Helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time.” 

_God damn it, Fury_.   
**I warned you**. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I for one vote we sell tickets to Stern's future guillotine-ing. Hydra piece of crap.


	104. Chapter 104

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle the fuck in!

With Sitwell now an unwitting member of your party, the five of you crammed into Sam’s car and took off down the road. There were about two off ramp exits worth of time left to decide where the group was headed. And everyone had a different opinion. Not exactly helpful in such a stressful situation, with such a small window of time to do _anything_ before **everyone** was fucked. 

Tony _still_ would not answer your calls, which was starting to make you extremely _nervous_. Which you were… perhaps accidentally passing on to the group. Also bad. The Tower was on lockdown, so going there was probably a bad idea- and also a longer drive. But if you could get Sitwell’s authorization codes to Tony, maybe it could all be shut down remotely. The problem was _getting him there_. Sure there were other ways into the building that you could maybe finesse your way through, but if you were all spotted, even if you took out the babysitting squad, it would be an extremely tight few minutes to get everything you needed done- 

Before they fired a missile at the building, no doubt. You had Tower defense, for sure, but… on the level of deflecting SHIELD weaponry? Not a theory you wanted to test. 

Nat looked around. “Insight's launching in sixteen hours, we're cutting it a little bit close here. We need to make a decision.”

That meant the only other option was… the one Steve was suggesting as a counter-argument. “We'll use him to bypass the DNA scans and access the Helicarriers directly.” 

Risky, too. You’d have to break into the Triskellion, a building you weren’t as well versed in as to its secret exits and entrances. And then get into the belly of the building to dismantle the command centers. Then what? 

Sitwell was practically shrieking, waving his hands around. “_What_? Are you crazy?! That is a terrible, _**terrible **_idea! SHIELD knows I’m gone by now- I missed a check in- and they **don’t** like leaks! You’ll never get anywhere _near_ that building now!”

Your nerves frayed, it was too hard to keep from glowering at him. “You got any better ideas? They’re gonna kill you anyway, it sounds like. Better start thinking.” 

“Well- if I-” 

Almost like you’d wished his death into existence, a hard thump landed on the roof- and then the window Sitwell was sitting next to shattered as an arm reached in, _yanked him out_ and **threw him into oncoming traffic. **You watched, sitting shocked and still in those few bare seconds, listening to him scream, as a truck on the other side of the highway crashed into him. 

That was it. 

Until it wasn’t. The heavy footsteps rolled harder onto the roof and a gunshot fired through, you were able to squish Nat closer to the window to just _barely_ avoid it, and help her with a shove to the front as another one came firing in, pushing you closer to the other window to avoid it. You then unzipped your sweatshirt, double tapping on the Heart Reactor in barely enough time to get a bullet bounding off your shoulder- and a few _warnings_ after. 

LUNA’s voice seemed like it was turning the inside of your helmet red. “We have to be strategic about this, ma’am! I’ll throw power percentage on your screen!”  
  
“Yeah, thanks, I’ll try not to get shot anymore!!” Not her fault, really, but you couldn’t help it. “Call Tony and don’t stop until he fucking answers!” Not _his_ fault, either. 

“I’m on it!” Putting a much smaller little ringing telephone on the top left of your screen. 

You put your hands up very suddenly as inertia threw you into Steve’s seat, Sam pulling on the breaks to stop the man shooting on the roof, throwing him onto the highway. No surprise to see it was the same masked man that had wrecked you before. He rolled off and stopped himself, digging that metal arm of his into the road. As he stood your mind raced. “Should I-” 

The answer was probably yes. But before you could even think about asking it, an armored SUV slammed into the back of Sam’s car, sending you all lurching forward, and shattering out the back window. Not stopping even there, as it forced the car hurtling forward towards your attacker, who then launched himself upward and on top of the car again. 

Somehow the both of you moved mirror to each other as you forced your hand through the roof, grabbing onto his back leg, about the same time he broke through the windshield to rip the steering-wheel out of the car. You let momentum do the rest, tripping him up enough to have him falling and then rolling again hard off the back of the car and onto the road once more. Not having time to think about him now that the car was out of control, you kicked the side door out and then put your jets to work to keep up, ripping Sam’s driver side door out and reaching a hand out to him. 

Just at the same time you pulled him free, Steve kicked out his own door, going on a crash course atop his shield, holding Nat close. You pulled to a stop, Sam running a little to keep from falling over completely. “Stay with them.” Instructing him, not even waiting for his nod back as you did a quick turn- 

About right on time to see that the SUV that you knew was now accompanying this man had _also_ stopped, so that a few soldiers could get out and hand him a very large gun- 

Oh- 

“_Incoming grenade!!_” LUNA was yelling like she was about as terrified as you felt. Throwing your arms up to uselessly try to deflect that caliber of explosion. It practically did nothing, feeling yourself torn from the earth in a sickening full spin, thrown back against one of the guard rails on the overpass and then rushing still against your will as you tumbled off onto a bus below. The lights went out for a second. 

Screams were the easiest thing to pick out. Shattered glass a little before that. Maybe a little after. _Lots more_ shooting- maybe one more explosion. You tried to shake yourself free from the darkness, pushing yourself to a crouch on the roof of the bus you’d wrecked. Looking up you saw the backs of a firing squad- and it was easy to guess who they were firing on. 

Pushing past the pain and dizziness you ran the length of the bus and then jumped into flight, “LUNA lock on. Every single body gets a shot.” Holding out both your hands and feeling the shoulders of your suit shift enough to launch enough mini-missiles to take them all out- 

All except the one that probably really mattered. Though he launched forward, you followed through knowing it wasn’t going to be enough to keep him down. It was just a shame you weren’t up to full capacity. Landing with a heavy thunk, he met you blow for blow so _easily_ it was maddening. Even more so when more bodies with guns piled out of that SUV, getting off a few shots that knocked your balance enough for him to get a grab off, twisting to try and throw you off the overpass again. 

Your back fell into it _hard_ and you went over, but saved yourself with a quick grab- and found yourself saved even more when his attention diverted as Natasha, underneath you, fired off a shot that hit him clean in the face. Impressive bulk in that mask, no doubt, to only see it crack like that. But it was enough of a distraction for you to kick up with a jet boost and then roll up and into him, knocking him back into the other barrier. 

“Ma’am if we take much more damage, the suit is going to start falling apart!” 

Absolutely not something you needed to hear right now. “Concentrate the nanobots to the hot spots. I’ll watch my dodging and weaving.” 

“Она у меня.” You looked outside of your warning signs to see the squadron of new men handing your mystery attacker another large rifle. “Найди его.”

“I’m sorry! Russian isn’t my strong suit!” Then muting your outside voice to ask, “LUNA translate?” 

“He means to take you out himself. He directed them to find Captain Rogers!” 

Right on time he raised his gun, firing off a barrage of bullets. Taking the spray wasn’t an option, so you had to hightail it out of there in a quick roll and then lit up in a quick serpentine speed towards him, aiming a punch his way. Though it connected, it didn’t hit as hard as you would have liked- no doubt thanks to the power still _dropping_ which put you in an extremely poor position as he reeled back the butt of his gun to slam into your temple. 

Instead of letting you drop, he caught your twist, hefted you up, and then threw you off the overpass again into a frantic car speeding below. Not only did it hit you- throwing you a few feet- but then it continued to drive, _right over you_. 

“Ma’am I had to divert bots to the backplates! We’re full of holes! We can’t take any more!” 

Effectively letting you know it was either that or get crushed just then. So. What else could you say but, “Thanks…” 

Another spray of bullets rained down but was quickly silenced. As you struggled to sit up, you saw Sam disarming the last man with a quick series of moves. He then threw some sign your way that you just interpreted as _I’ve got you_ or something similar. Something you barely gave back with a weak salute. 

“LUNA given the circumstances, here’s the spread pattern. Feet, hands, head, and a small chest plate. Concentrated.” Everything else would just have to fly bare. You were dropping too low to keep on a full suit. And some sacrifices would have to be made. Pushing yourself up, you took off into a quick sprint around the corner where another explosion lit up. Screeching to curb your speed, you then made a dedicated line over to the middle of the road where Natasha was going hand to hand with the masked man. 

Just as she was thrown off into a car, she turned back around to chuck one of those little electric discs, which seemed to short-circuit that metal arm of his. She gave you a bare nod and took off, just as you launched yourself up and over, using your weight and momentum as you grabbed him after a jump and then threw him as hard as you could into a car. Not wasting any time waiting for him to get up, you practically fell into him after one repulsor blast, getting a series of punches off that just felt like they weren’t doing enough damage.

Very clearly evidenced by when he caught one- even with his semi-damaged arm, and twisted your arm hard enough to break. Then as you curved in, practically mocking you as he rushed you and threw you up and over hard into the top of another car where you rolled down over the side. A shot cracked off in the distance and for the first time you heard him make a pained noise- nice to know he wasn’t _invincible_. It drew his attention away as he raised his gun and ran off, firing at whoever had been shooting at him. 

You tried not to stay there for too long, and got up, panting, just in time to see him and Steve going head to head. Probably the worst play of the game was made as an unconnected duo. Steve threw his shield, which the man just _fucking caught_\- like it was no big deal. And without a lot of time to think about how that was probably a bad thing for _everyone_, you raised both hands to fire off a repulsor blast. 

Which deflected.  
And then he _hurled that shield at __**you**__._  
You’d never envied Captain America’s foes. You’d never wondered what it felt like. But at least now you knew. You knew the full weight of that shield hurtling towards you until it collided with your chest, not only sending you flying but most undoubtedly breaking a few ribs _quite easily_. 

“Ma’am, we’re done for- the damage is too great-” 

But a _hero _wasn’t supposed to give up. No matter what. Even if your suit was fried. No matter if you had no more means of defense. You struggled. _Hard_. Feeling blood escaping in wounds you were only just getting to know. Pushing yourself up with a pained cry, you willed your muscles to work. And your vision next. If you could just focus, and- _get to him_\- you might be able to finish this in _other ways_. It was looking like that was the only way to do this. Hand to hand was useless. He’d bested all three of you. So if you could just _**force him down**_\- 

The thought died just about as soon as you’d gotten around to concocting it. Because as you stumbled to a walk, you saw Steve just _standing there_. Mouth open. Staring. **Gaping**. Looking at the man who not only had a means to kill him- gun leveled his way- _but was surely about to_. 

When you’d started running, you didn’t know. But you were sure you heard the shriek of Steve’s name- in the shape of your own voice- as the bullet cracked the air. Only just enough time to intercept. 

_So that’s what you did. _

For a blinding moment you saw that man’s full face. It didn’t mean anything to you. But the flare of _confusion_ as he stared bled into you. For only a handful of seconds before you dropped to your knees. The whistle of one of those launched grenades passed overhead, and an explosion was quick after. Really, though, all you were hearing was a strange crackle of electricity- or was it… waves on a shore… 

“Ma’am… Mr. Stark still hasn’t- … voice mail-...” LUNA letting you know something important… right? Drowned half out by the sound of Steve’s painful cries of your name. Your eyes were open you were sure. But you just saw an infinite halo of white folding in on itself over and over. 

“Tone-...” Wanting to say one last name, but drowned by a bubble of your own blood escaping. 

Then the white turned to into a soft red sky above. You were no longer facing reality. The waves underneath you were sort of soothing, the way the cool water caressed your back.   
Floating.

An echo of everyday sounds played in the air, and you turned your head, half submerged, seeing that man- the one who had bested you _twice_ now- what a thought. Aliens? No problem. Probably-human man with a metal arm and perseverance? Apparently your kryptonite.

It was the heavy fall of his boots. Walking. Somewhere. Then stopping. He turned, as if looking at you. Far away in the distance now. Yet as he looked, you couldn’t quite see his face. There wasn’t a mask there. But… frighteningly there seemed to be a mass of angry… almost… _scribbles_\- just writhing over him. Kind of tying him up tight in twine.

You reached but… he was so far away. Part of you wondered if you could pull one thread loose... Would he just… come undone?

Maybe not so _human_ after all…   
  
He turned away and then walked until he disappeared. With him gone and you alone again you turned your head back up to the sky. Seeing but unseeing.

Just floating with a stare into the great beyond.   
  


* * *

While Thor had finally ended his screaming match with the STRIKE goons and had goaded them into trying to pick up the hammer, Tony _finally _had an opening to turn away from sight. “JARVIS-” 

“You have sixty-two missed calls from Ms. INY, sir- and- a voicemail-” 

“I know she’s impatient, and probably worried- wait. _One_ voicemail?” Already the math on that one didn’t add up. She knew they were being watched, so she would have known that he couldn’t answer. But to call that many times and only leave _one_ message? That meant it was important. 

“Playing, sir.” 

_Or a last message_. 

The sounds of her choking- _wetly_\- struggling for breath, barely able to be heard atop Steve’s shouting her name over and over and _over_\- And then promptly covered by the heavy footsteps and commanding voices. One he was upsettingly familiar with by now.   
  
**Rumlow**. Ordering. “Don’t move! Hands on your head!” 

“She’s gonna-” Steve trying to argue.   
  
A _hit_ of a weapon, metal against skin and bone. “I said _**hands on your head**_, Rogers. Gather ‘em up- _not here!_ Lower your weapon! **Not here**. Let’s go. Up. **I SAID UP, NOW**. Throw her in the van. I don’t care. Let’s go.” 

The sound of a heavy collapse inside the echo of a metal cage- 

“Mr. Stark- what are you doing- eyes on me!” One of the babysitting squad interrupted the final moments of that message. 

And Tony turned his sudden _burning_ their way. “JARVIS. Hostiles on penthouse level. Exterminate with _extreme _prejudice.” 

“Stark-!” 

“Yes, sir.” 

Panels opened up in the floor and along some of the walls, suits stepping out to fire off simultaneous blasts in quick succession. Mark 43 found him as he held his arms up and allowed it to swallow him up. He then rounded off in a circle to finish the rest of the men fighting uselessly. 

Once the bodies fell and the dust settled, Bruce’s startled voice came over the lowering of his hands. “_Tony_! What are you doing!?” 

“Stark- you must have a reason for-” 

“Cap’s outnumbered and they just swallowed the whole team. I’m not waiting around here any longer.” Not able to bring himself to speak into existence the possibility that something _worse _had happened. _Not to her_. “Bruce, stay here and keep working on that sequencing. We’re almost up. When I have a lock, I’ll have JARVIS take you into position with the jet.” 

Thor stepped forward, waving a hand. “You can’t mean for us to wait here for you-”

“That’s _exactly_ what I mean.” Unable to keep his anger from spilling out. He couldn’t waste any more time here. “We don’t know what we’re getting into yet, and I need you to hold down the fort until I have a better idea. _Got it_?” 

Bruce and Thor regarded him silently, and he didn’t have time for the _looks_. Maybe it was a little too obvious. But he didn’t have time for that, _either_. So out the balcony door he went without another word, taking a running jump off the flight deck. 

“JARVIS I want a lock and I want it now.” 

“They stopped moving five minutes ago- sir- here-” Lighting up a little map in the right corner of his visor. “-sir, incoming call from Maria Hill.” 

“Put her through.” Waiting only until that connection was established, first second rolling in, to stay silent. “You better have good news for me-” 

“You just broke perimeter, SHIELD knows you’re moving. And if I had to guess, you’re headed our way. But I’m gonna need to ask you to be a little less _you_ for your landing. I’m sending you coordinates now. Hope you don’t mind a mile crawl through a sewer.” 

“Any alligators to speak of?” This was… well, not _good_. But. Hill had the team somewhere. Which meant they’d escaped Rumlow. Which meant… 

“Guess you’ll have to find out.” 

An updated route loaded onto his map and he spared a few seconds to look at it, feeling anxiousness coil in his chest, as he dared- “Hill. Tell me she’s okay.” 

“She’ll make it.” 

“You’re bad at following orders.” 

“Depends on who’s making ‘em.” 

* * *

The clouds of thick darkness were broken up, consciousness returning in almost a crack of lightning. _Frightening_ you so thoroughly that a painful gasp shred your lungs. Sitting up in a **panic** came seconds after, your body almost moving on its own. Fighting still, to get out of those murky depths. 

“_Hey_-” Familiar voice that helped you fight through the blindness of an unrecognizable room. “Easy… breathe… and don’t move around so much…” His hand touched your forehead, drenched in sweat, pushing some errant hair back- enough for you to look and see the face you already knew was waiting for you on the other end of your tunneled vision. 

“Tony…” Focusing was a little too hard, image of him a little blurry. But there was that usual _comfortable_ and _warm _light that he always seemed to share with you. With that, it was easy to bask. And… try to pretend like you could laugh this whole thing off. “We’ve gotta stop meeting this way.”

“Yeah. I’d like that, too, you know.” He took a seat next to you on your uncomfortable bed, springs creaking beneath him. Everything about this place seemed ramshackle. “I’m pretty sure last time we spoke, I told you not to get _shot_ anymore. Yet JARVIS’ reads on your suit say you got hit **twenty** times.” 

The squeeze of your heart hurt, your hands pushed up along your newly bandaged chest. “Twenty-one…” 

You kinda wished you hadn’t said that, his feigned attempt at sarcasm died in an instant as his eyes dropped to where you were holding. The sad murmur of his voice might have been the most painful thing of all. “Yeah. Twenty-one.” The way he was so _gentle_, moving his hand to touch over yours. Just holding there, as he looked into your eyes- he proved your threshold for pain even weaker. “Is it just me or-… I’m starting to think you take the _hero_ part of this whole _superhero _business a little too seriously.” 

“Is there such a thing?” Trying to find a little levity here because you were scared to approach anything else. 

“Considering how many close calls you’ve had? _This _week alone? I’d say so.” 

“Are we labeling them _close calls_? I’m still here.”

His head shifted forward, one of those sharp arches of his brow.  
_That look_. The dryly sarcastic, _are you kidding me right now_ look.

There was a time and a place to ask him where the both of you were- or how he’d gotten there- _found you_\- but he always would, wouldn’t he? When you needed him- as soon as he could… 

It didn’t take much more thought than that for you to collapse against him, burying your face in his chest, holding on tightly. His arms came around you, and it was easy to see he was trying to thread the needle here. Between his _desperate need_ to hold you **tight** and not wanting to hurt you anymore than you already were… you didn’t want to cry. Not now, not _again_. At least not _yet_. This wasn’t over.

What a fucking mess. 

It was a small whisper of words against his shirt, “I love you…” It felt like you hadn’t been able to speak to him in a few days- really, you were unsure of how much time had passed, since you’d seen him last. Everything had sort of blurred together. The only thing you _were_ sure of, same as him, was that it had been too long a time regardless. Especially considering where you were now- your condition- knowing that was exactly the reason he’d come to find you. 

“I love you too, _Lady Iron_. Starting to kinda understand the way you felt when all this first started.” Rubbing his hand over your back in slow steady circles.   
  
Only he could get a little smile out of you. Refreshing. Felt like you hadn’t done that in days, either. “Consider it payback, then, I guess.” Muffled into his shoulder.

“Fine. But when do I get to stop getting paid back? Consider me officially _overflowing_ with long thoughtful looks in the rhetorical mirror at this point.” 

What a fantastic question.  
One there was no way you could have an answer to. 

Quite the pair, you two made. 

* * *

Outside the room, door closed and definitely not _meant_ to be opened right now, a newly bandaged up Natasha found Steve pacing. She tried to gauge the situation by sending a little questioning glance Sam’s way, who was sitting in a nearby chair with his arms crossed. His answer- a shrug of his shoulders- didn’t help much. Pushing through, she startled Steve, only a little, as she put a hand to his arm. When he turned to look at her, it didn’t really take powers to sense the guilt coming off him. “What we’re about to do… you know she could help. She might be able to fix Barnes.”

“She just took a bullet for me. While I stood there like an idiot- _because_ I stood there. That’s about the extent of favors I can ask.”

“You saw a friend you thought had been dead for almost eighty years. Give yourself a break.” Nat couldn’t help make a face. “Just because Tony’s mad-”

“It’s not about him being mad. I’m mad, too. So that makes two of us. I’ll do the rest on my own.”

There was no arguing with him when he was like this. Right now she had to focus on what was ahead. Because it wasn’t going to be fun. Or easy. But even still… she was glad when Sam finally decided to partake in this little _family_ discussion. “She did what any of the rest of us would have done.”

Nat couldn’t help a smile. “See? He’s new here, and even he gets it.”

“You know-?” Sam held a hand up to her. “That doesn’t feel like a compliment.”

“Wait until we start the hazing rituals.”

Though Sam was grinning (and Steve was trying to hide a small smile, too, with a shake of his head) he seemed pretty perturbed. “Yeah. Uh. Let’s wait until we’re not dead, first.”

Well.  
He did have a point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony was overdue for an appearance, I think. Hope you agree!


	105. Chapter 105

The lovely room you’d woken up in didn’t include a side bathroom. Perhaps you were getting a little too comfortable to the five-star lifestyle. SHIELD usually had nicer places than the one you’d ended up in- wherever _that_ was- but considering you seemed to have been pulled out by rogue agents (a bare summation that you’d put together yourself) and shunted to wherever this was, perhaps you should forgive the whole no-shower thing. 

It did, at least, have a sink. So while Tony was busy with a few things that you could only guess what they were, you turned your back on him to let him work and took a very minimal amount of time removing your shirt and gathering up a handful of paper towels to try and wipe the dried blood off your arms and the sides of your neck. It hurt to move around, still. You weren’t sure how long ago you’d been _shot_, or how bad it had been… it felt pretty bad. So much so, in fact, that even though you were tempted to unwind the bandages from your chest, you thought better of it. 

Whatever momentary peace you’d had was broken when a soft knock came at the door. It made you hurry to put your shirt back on with a small call, “Just a second.”   
  
Although Tony’s ire was sharper. “_Occupied_.” 

A literal second was all the person on the other side waited, you were barely fully clothed again by the time the door opened. “We’re running short on time.” As you looked up you saw Maria Hill, arms crossed. “We’ve gotta start making some moves.” Her smile at you was extremely brief. “Can you move yet?” 

Tony answered for you. “Enough to go home.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” In fact your grunt of pain suggested _exactly_ that. “Where are we, anyway? What happened?” Things were understandably a little _fuzzy_. You might have asked Tony what he was doing there, or _how_ he’d gotten here, too, but… seeing as you were glad to have him near, you didn’t particularly care. 

As Maria stepped aside, into the room, Steve was not too far behind her. “You jumped in front of a bullet meant for me.” He seemed… _uncomfortable_ to say the least. And very _solemn_. 

Tony looked up at him. “Usually some gratitude applies. But I’m sure you’ll send her a note on some nice stationary when we’re done.” You couldn’t make out if he was angry with Steve. He’d have no reason to be- probably just misplaced. 

And- the last voice you’d have _ever_ expected to hear, brought up the rear of this little circus show, as Nat wheeled _Nick-fucking-Fury _into the room. She seemed injured, too. At least you weren’t the only one covered in band-aids. “We’re in the last unknown bunker. Off-grid.” 

“_Oh_.” You said, accidentally a little more loudly than you meant. “I died and went to hell. Is that it?” 

The laugh that left him seemed to hurt him at the same time, sending him into a soft coughing fit that put a stall in the room. “Good to see you, too.” But when he caught his breath and held up his hand, he directed a strange smile your way. “What was it I was supposed to say- you were right- and we’re personally destroying Project Insight?” 

“That supposed to make me feel better?” If you’d had any energy left, you might have growled this at him. 

Shifting back, Tony pulled a USB stick out of a laptop. “Payload’s ready. Shame we have to have three hands on the proverbial wheel. Would’ve been a lot easier to take out from the comfort of this _lovely _sewer.” 

Nick gave him a look. “If you’re gonna launch or _unlaunch _a project like this, you have to be _very sure_.” 

“I get it.” Tony answered pretty dryly. “Like simultaneous turnkeys to launch a nuke- but _hey_\- seems like you _always_ knew exactly what this was, huh?” Anger successfully redirected. And to a person that deserved it. “That Zero Day on the backend is pretty cute. Also pretty _useless_ considering you expected you’d need a present cocktail to activate it. Also not as hidden as you thought.” 

Fury rolled his eye. “We get it, Stark. You’re smarter than the rest of us. Now, if we could just move on to formulating an actual plan- we have to assume everyone on board those helicarriers is Hydra. The tough part isn’t inserting the keys, it’s getting past them to do it. And if we’re lucky we can salvage what’s left when we’re done.” 

“No.” You were surprised just _how many_ people said this at the same time. But you didn’t wait for the silence to clear. “Let me get this straight- sorry I’m the last horse finishing the race here- so we have to get aboard all three of Project Insight’s helicarriers, insert keys with a payload- all at the right time- to try and take them down- and _you_ want to _take them back_?” 

“Oh. I must have _misunderstood_.” Tony dropped the stick on the table so he could cross his arms. “Was that the plan? Sorry. I have a complete destruction order.” 

Steve waved a hand. “We’re not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick, we're taking down SHIELD.” 

This shocked you, if only a little. It was nice to have everyone on the same side- but to think Steve and Tony had talked, in your brief lapse of unconsciousness and recovery, about fully dismantling SHIELD? That was… 

Fury was getting pretty _upset_. “SHIELD had nothing to do with this.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Tony’s smart sass cutting the room. “Seems like SHIELD had _everything _to do with this. Negligence and ignorance don’t exactly scream innocence to me.” 

Steve shook his head. “You gave us this mission, this is how it ends. SHIELD's been compromised. HYDRA grew right under your nose and nobody noticed.” 

Scoffing, Nick half turned to level an icy glare Steve’s way. “Why do you think we’re down _here_? I noticed.” 

Squaring up, Steve met him blow for blow, voice lowering. “And how many paid the price before you did?” 

You were grateful when Natasha stepped between them. “We don’t have time for another quarrel of ethics.” Then she looked right at Nick. “...and for the record-” 

Fury turned his head down. “You agree. Yeah. That’s the consensus, huh? We all agree?” Looking around the room then. 

“SHIELD, HYDRA, it all goes.” Steve giving the last order on this matter. 

* * *

There was an very limited window to suit up- almost an impossibility for you, seeing as yours was _extremely_ damaged. Tony had been working on it alongside getting those USBs loaded. He was nothing if not a genius- and a genius multi-tasker, at that. But even so… 

He looked a little _beat up_ himself as he handed your Heart Reactor back to you. “We need a plan.” Not physically damaged- yet- but… for one reason or another pretty emotionally wounded.

Even though he pressed the device into your palm, he was reluctant to let go. From your position on the bed you looked up at him. “Isn’t that something we should do with everyone out there?” The team had left the two of you for some privacy, but it wouldn’t last long. 

And if it was time to start forming groups and figuring out who did what, everyone needed to be present for that. He frowned lightly, letting his fingers slip away from yours. “I did the best I could- given my extremely limited time, tool set, and inhospitable environment-” 

Trying to cut his grumbling off, you shifted off the bed, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m sure it’s fine.” Pushing the Reactor to your chest after. 

But he wasn’t able to let you go yet, as his hands came to your hips. “You know I’d never speak bad about my own work- but- it’s not enough. You get backed into another corner like that again- you might not make it out.” 

“Well- we have almost the whole team, right? It’s less likely to happen again-” 

“Be serious about this, for a second- and- that’s coming from _me_.” He was in that twisted mood he always fell into when you got _hurt_. When he had to come at the very end of a fight or a mishap, and you were in bad shape. It _scared_ him straight to his core. It _unnerved_ him, same as it made him _angry_. “You know I think you can do anything- and _I_ know you won’t just go home- so can we please just split the difference and have you on civilian escort? These things aren’t going down without a fight, and there’s a lot of people in the _giant_ radius we’re looking at that are gonna get hurt.” 

Innocent people, as always. That had nothing to do with any of this. And no chance to help themselves. No means, either. As fire rained down on them within seconds, without notice, and would trap them. Yes. _Someone_ needed to be on civilian duty. You just… didn’t want it to be you. Not because you were above that sort of thing, you weren’t, that was one of the most important jobs there was. But… 

“I have fought with Nick and with SHIELD and with- probably _all_ of this longer than I realized I was. And that guy, whoever the hell he is-” 

“We’ve got bad news on that front, too.” Interrupting you so suddenly that it cut your little rant short. 

“What _now_?” Who could it be? Who else could you possibly know that would make this a startling revelation at this point? 

“Haven’t heard the full story. But whisperings around the dingy water cooler out there are that it’s Rogers’ friend.” 

Alright. Not a _startling_ revelation, being that you would have no idea who that was. But kind of… upsetting? Nervewracking? What was the right word here? “How is that possible?”

Tony crossed his arms after shrugging his shoulders. “We’re in a SHIELD sewer after Hydra just exploded out of the woodworks. Anything’s possible at this point, wouldn’t you say? Maybe he got a shot of the same serum. I don’t know. But the point is- this just got personal. So we should let Rogers handle it.” 

But this was just not convincing enough. One of Steve’s old war buddies? Back from the dead- now some crazy super powered killing machine? _And_ going after Steve no less? Hired by the bad guys? There seemed to be a lot of missing pieces here. “You know- there are billions of people on the planet. Especially considering he’s also got a whole lifetime gap. Aren’t we doing the whole- thinking about a zebra when it’s probably a horse thing?” 

“I’m always of the mind to agree with you. But he seems pretty set on this.”  
  
“Then I need to talk to him before we leave.” The only way this would start to make any sense. It had to happen, anyway. While you weren’t entirely convinced he was someone Steve knew, you were sure you’d seen something… _off_ about him. Then again. You’d been shot near point blank in the chest and had gone down pretty hard. It was hard to remember what you thought you’d seen. 

There was just a lingering feeling of something not being _right_. 

“Good luck with that. He could barely look _me_ in the eye. He’s gonna give you the same flight plan. And probably skirt around everything else.” 

This was a fucking mess. And not exactly the right time to be in one. “You? Why? What happened?” 

Tony’s brows knitted before he aimed a dry look your way. “You walked directly in front of a bullet with his name on it- he said it himself. He’s feeling pretty _rough _about it.” 

There was a whisper here, almost too easy to catch: _And he should_.   
  
You tried to keep your own stare back not… judging or accusing, but… “Did you yell at him?” 

“Yell?” Almost as if he couldn’t believe you’d ask something like that. But as you continued to stare at him, not backing down, he broke, raising his hands in a sign of defense. “Not- I wouldn’t call it _yelling_\- it was a very _sternly_ worded ten minute monologue.” 

“And if he took a shot for me, you’d yell- _sorry_\- ten minute sternly monologue at me, is that right?” 

His answer was quick and _biting_ as he settled his hands on your upper arms in a soft hold, almost begging you to understand with the look he leveled your way. “Much as I like Steve- honey- I’ve known you far longer. And much as we’re all a team- you’re the one I’m worried about, at the end of the day. Because _you’re_ the one that’s important to me. That I get to come home to, when things are settled. That I spend my time with. I didn’t come at him because you put yourself in a situation for him that he couldn’t get out of. Way he told that story- he has every right to feel bad about it. And if you’d died over it-” 

Sooner than either of you had realized, the grip he was holding you in had grown too tight, and you pressed your lips together once, reaching to soothe your hands up his chest. “_Tony_…” Softly, urging him to _calm_ himself. 

It seemed to break him free of the dark storm cloud he’d been sucked up into. As he took a breath and relaxed his hands, he dropped his head, gathering his thoughts. His eyes were gentle but resolved when he found yours again. “Don’t ask me to explain why it upsets me- the danger you’re constantly in. You know why. _I love you_. And it’s not about doing the right thing. It’s that you had to make a choice. His life or yours. And he never should have needed you to do that for him.” 

Despite it feeling sort of… _wrong_ to argue with him about this- especially considering how _fragile_ he suddenly was over this, _because it was you_, you couldn’t bite it all back. This wasn’t Steve’s fault. “He thought it was someone he’d knew-” Right? That was why he’d frozen. 

“If Rhodey pointed a gun at me I wouldn’t just wait for him to shoot me, or for someone to step in front of that bullet for me-”

“You know Rhodey’s alive- if it’s someone that was supposed to be dead-” 

“What- how far you want me to go back- if my _dad _had dug himself out of his grave- I still wouldn’t-” 

“Alright- alright! Calm down- take it easy!” 

His words had grown sharp and almost terrifying. It was why you knew you shouldn’t have tried to argue with him- he wasn’t going to relent on this. But the _darkness_ that had suddenly manifested was… not an easy thing to deal with. Reaching up, you cupped the sides of his jaw in your palms, easing him away from that edge. 

He took a breath. _Stabilizing_, almost. And then sinking into your hold on him, shoulders drooping. “Honey… I will sit by your bedside as many times as I need to. Just like you do for me. Because that’s what we’ve put ourselves in. _That’s_ what we decided we were doing. But this was _different_. Shock or not. He picked a side, when the _other_ side he was on was losing. And he’ll pick it again. I _guarantee _it.” 

“Why? Why do you think you know that?” Almost begging to understand why he was going in so hard on this. He and Steve respected each other. Got along. And even though you knew he loved you- so _desperately_ so- that didn’t mean that this had to put a wedge in between things. 

As he almost slipped away from you, seeming like he didn’t want to _say_ what he seemed to know, you held his face up. Not letting him escape. Leveling his gaze with yours again. Waiting. “I heard them in the hall, while you were out. Old buddy of Rogers- shows up out of the blue- working for Hydra. They’re leaning pretty hard on the assumption something’s not right upstairs- _if it even is him_. Who do you think they’re waiting to put in the ring again. On the off chance they’re right. Who do you think they’re willing to use as collateral damage?” 

It was quite a different feeling, your heart breaking over the mistrust of people you thought were friends. “Stop.” But it couldn’t be true. He was hurting. And maybe he’d heard some _semblance_ of this plan- but this couldn’t be the _whole_ of it. Nor did you think he would make it up. So the truth was somewhere in the middle. “We can just talk to them. And find out.” Which was your preferred method of doing things. Nobody ever won running whisper campaigns. 

“I’m not trying to start something. I’m just… doing what they are.” 

“And that is?” 

He answered with a startling conviction. “Picking my side.” 

“Tony…” It was as warming as it was unnerving. “It’s one guy. We don’t know anything yet.” 

You found a little relief as he nodded. “Yeah. I’m not trying to pick apart the team. I’m just… trying to make it clear. Where my loyalties lie.” 

At this- at the very least- you couldn’t help the twitch of a smile. “Never a doubt in my mind.” 

His head dipped in a little, voice lowering. “I will _always_ pick you. It’s **always** you, for me.”

...at this, it was impossible to not let the unnerving part drift away and instead sink into the warmth, only, instead. His devotion for you touched you right at your core. Easing up on your tiptoes, and bringing him closer, you kissed him carefully, winding your arms around his neck, ignoring the quick spark of pain in your chest. His hands came to steady you, palming over your hips. While you wanted it to go on forever, at this point, having _missed_ him terribly in that small time apart- 

There was work to do. And aside that, as you broke, you let him know quietly, “I’ll always pick you, too.” In the important things- the things where lines had to be drawn. That wasn’t now, you were sure. But… if there ever was a time… you and Tony were a team. Inseparable. 

That was the way it was meant to be. 

“I love you.” A careful and sure murmur against your lips. 

One that was easy to repeat. “I love you, too, Tony.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure this in no way is foreshadowing anything.


	106. Chapter 106

Time was running out. Something that was made incredibly clear at the small- and last- team round table discussion you’d have before deploying. The Insight helicarriers were set to launch all too soon, and once they did, they’d link up with satellites that would load their targeting systems up. And after _that_… well, the first million deaths would occur. And the mission would be a complete failure. 

So. It was everyone’s job to _stop_ that from happening. But it wasn’t enough to _only_ do that. It would be easy for Hydra to keep assuming control of SHIELD and then paint everyone involved as a mass-murdering terrorist. You’d have to expose them. And the only way to do that, was… 

“We have intel about a WSC meeting happening in an hour. Enough time to get into position. And pick up our stray.” Natasha had her lay of the land on the table everyone had gathered around. “After I put myself into position, I can begin breaking and entering.” 

“And leaking.” Tony had his arms crossed, eyes moving across the small holograms scattered across the surface. “You’re good to go on the decrypts, if you can get past the security yourself.” 

She offered a smile. “I can.” 

“Good. Because I don’t have time to break into any more things.” Trying to hide his frustrations with that simple measure of snarky sarcasm. “Once you’re in and you start the scatter, there’s no going back. So…” Trying to make sure. _Really_ make sure everyone knew what they were risking here. 

Steve’s hard voice put a stop to anyone’s wondering. “So nothing. This has to happen.” 

It sucked that he was right. In order to shed light on all the Hydra agents scuttling about in the world, _every single piece_ of SHIELD data had to be leaked. Which… was a hard thing to think about. So many things. So many _ugly_ things. It was normal, to be scared… right? To have just a brief flutter of panic? 

The public would see the lot of you for who you really were for the first time and- not to be selfish but… you were worried about you and Tony in particular. He probably had the same feeling, if the _anxiousness_ he was trying to hide was any indication. 

Fury spoke up. “There’s no saying the Council will be on Pierce’s side. It might get ugly up there.” 

“I hope it does.” Natasha looked at him straight on. “Distraction is a beautiful thing.” 

“Besides.” You finally couldn’t keep your thoughts to yourself any longer. “It’d be nice to know that a single one of those idiots has even one percent of a decent heart.” 

Steve didn’t let the thought sit too long, or wait for you to start expanding. “Everyone’s got their missions. We’re set to go, and out the door in ten. Any longer than that, this mission is DOA.” 

The helicarriers were taking flight. The rest of you had to, too. 

As the team broke up, getting ready to take off, you caught Steve by the arm in the corner of the room. Not really the best time for a heart-to-heart, but… he hadn’t mentioned _anything_ about your special brand of **help** during the positioning or planning. Which meant it had been taken off the table. You still didn’t think Tony would make up such a thing, but… what had happened? 

“I know Tony wants me on recon and protection- but if you need me-” 

“I need you exactly where we put you.” The gaze he was giving you, stern and hard, was unfamiliar. 

Nerves already alight, you couldn’t help in getting mildly defensive. “_I’m_ _sorry_, are you mad at me?” Asking with the inflection that screamed _you have no right to be_. “Whatever tough guy shit you’re pulling, you better cut it out.” 

It was like you’d taken a pickaxe to thin ice. He _cracked _instantly. “I’m- ...look, I’m sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind. And- I think it might be pretty standard to feel guilty after a teammate gets shot on your behalf.” Insinuating he wasn’t being a big tough man. Even though he totally had been trying the look on. 

“We all do. So let me ease your burdens. I don’t have second thoughts about what happened.” 

“I _do_.” 

“I’m sorry Tony yelled at you. He sort of hasn’t been dealing too well with this stuff- but to be fair to him-” 

“I am being fair. Look. I’m not angry. And I think he had every right to come in here with an attitude. I made the wrong move.” 

The two of you talking over one another and cutting each other off wasn’t a very productive means of discussion. So you took a breath after he stopped. There was going to be no way of changing how he felt about this. Same as Tony. No matter how many times explaining- _hey, I’m the one who took the bullet, doesn’t my opinion count for anything_? Frustrating as that was… 

You had to let it go for now. So you tried not to make too much of a show of sighing and then drawing in a breath, settling your hands on your hips. “Okay. Fine. _If you say so_. I don’t agree- but- fine. Listen- the other thing is… Tony says that guy with the metal arm- you know him? And if you’re really sure about that- I think- I mean it’s obvious something’s up with him- and if that’s the case then I need to be closer to your end of the field because I can-” Talking yourself up in a frenzy here as the _nervousness_ really crept in.

Which was a strange feeling. Never in your life since meeting him had you really ever been _nervous _to tell Steve anything. Yet. Now… your heart was racing. 

And pumped even harder and faster as he put his hands on your arms and leveled that hard look at you again. “**Stop**. I didn’t ask for that. And I don’t need it. I need you where we put you. And that’s it.” 

Fear held you in place for only a few seconds. It was annoyance that won out. “What’s the matter with you? Why are you being this way? Because I got shot? It’s not a big deal.” 

“You’re the only one around here who thinks that. And you’re _wrong_.” As if he was really trying to hammer this into you. _Wrong, _**wrong, **_**wrong**_. As you stared up at him he relented. “I have to do this myself. If he’s in there… I’ll get through to him.” 

It was only in that moment you sensed the _finality_ here. The _acceptance_. “Don’t fucking let him kill you because you think you can get through to him. The second you get the sense that isn’t the case, you have to-”

“Don’t tell me what I have to do.” 

There was no way to combat this. It was worse- because you had no understanding of _this_ Steve. He had never been like this before- at least not to you. You had no idea what to do with him. What to say to him. Tony found his voice before you did, coming to stand beside the two of you. Arms crossed, gaze piercing. “We good here, Cap?” 

Steve let his hands down from you instantly, like he’d been burned- _again_. The second time you'd noted that reaction in a mere few days. It spoke of nothing **good**. Yet the lies continued. “We’re good.” 

“No we’re _not_!” It mattered very little that everyone in that room was suddenly looking your way, and that you were probably making a scene. But this could _not_ go on forever. “I’m serious. Cut this macho agro shit out. Both of you. I don’t _need _it in my life. We definitely don’t _need_ it right now. I got shot. I made that choice. I didn’t die. We need to move on. And you can’t let this guy kill you- I don’t care _who_ he is. Because you have other people who care about you. _Me_, in case you forgot. And everyone else in this room. Don’t start walking the seriously single-minded tough guy lonely road. It’s annoying and overplayed.” 

Why did men have to be this way? You’d dealt with this garbage almost all your life working for Stark Industries. Men who thought they knew better. Men who got themselves into trouble over stupid egoist shit. Men who bottled everything up inside until they took it out on someone else. Maybe it was the most disappointing thing of all that you thought Steve was a horse of a different color. Only to have it turn out he was the same as the rest of them. 

There was a _stunned_ silence in the room because, yes, job well done, scene definitely made. Sam was the one to slice through it. “I don’t know if it matters for much but uh… I think I’m with her on this one.” 

And, to complete the sass factor you nodded to him. “It matters. Thank you, Sam.” Then, turning back to the both of them- though really more Steve in particular (Tony you could always go through this with him later), as he was the one about to charge into battle with a death wish for a man who might be gone. “Well?” A little awkwardly asked. But it was either show those colors or straight up ask him if he was going to stop being a jackass. 

He hung his head, perhaps a little put on the spot, and then shook it. “Yeah. Alright. I get it.” But as he turned back up to look at you and you were holding quite the stern glare, he chanced a small smile. “I mean it.” 

“You’d better.” 

* * *

First order of business was sneaking back up into the Triskellion. Natasha went ahead with Hill to capture one of the Council members so your group could pull a switch. This entire plan only worked if everyone did their part and did it _perfectly_, so you didn’t have a lot of time to check in to make sure every cog was spinning the way it was supposed to. You, Sam, and Steve took the _long_ way around, through the woods in fact, to get yourselves through the back end lot of the building. 

After that it was a long walk up what felt like a hundred flights of stairs, chest burning a little every step you took, silencing a few stray agents as they entered the stairwell. And once you were up on the targeting deck, you played your part. “LUNA, scramble all agent comm signals on this floor.” 

“Working- I can hold it for ten minutes!” 

Then you gave Steve a nod. “We’re a go, Captain.” 

Right on time, an agent opened the door in front of you, and having Captain America, a man in a Falcon flight suit with his gun drawn, and Lady Iron with her hands up was probably _quite_ the sight to see. You hoped he could hear the smile in your voice. “Excuse us.” 

Easy enough to have him throw his hands up and step aside. Smart man. You and Sam held all the other agents in the room at bay, ordering them to step aside. Once they were all backed into a corner, you with your targeting on them, you nodded to the console. 

With a sudden sense of _somberness_ about him, Steve stepped up. Then he took a breath before activating the building wide speakers. “Attention, all SHIELD agents. This is Steve Rogers.” Giving a slight pause, maybe thinking about how best to do this. You thought maybe he’d have something prepared... “You've heard a lot about me over the last few days, some of you were even ordered to hunt me and my teammates down. But I think it's time you know the truth.” 

He looked up suddenly, sharing a glance with you. That little bit of _blueness_ he was exerting bled over to you. And you felt the loss of an organization you might not have always agreed with, but always worked for the better with. And when he tipped his head towards the microphone, you let words find you. “SHIELD’s cores have been violated. Hydra has been growing inside of it for years. Alexander Pierce is leading the charge. The STRIKE members that locked down the Avengers are with them. As well as everyone working for Project Insight. We don’t know how many more. But we know they’re _here_. And we know we have to stop them.”  
  
It fueled your adrenaline, to talk so candidly about the infestation, to thousands of people at once. To get it all out in the open. But this was nowhere near finished. Stepping forward, Steve continued. “They almost have what they want: absolute control. They shot Nick Fury and it won't end there. If you launch those Helicarriers today, Hydra will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way, unless we stop them. I know I'm asking a lot, but the price of freedom is high, it always has been, and it's a price we’re willing to pay. And if we’re the only ones, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet we’re not.”

He let up on the broadcast button, and the three of you had to wonder what sort of discord you’d just sown in the name of justice. Hopefully the exact kind you needed. Chaotic. Enough to burn everything to the ground so you could start over. Sam’s hand came over your shoulder, the opposite on Steve’s as he stood between you. “Did you write that down first, or was it off the top of your head?”

Giving a shrug, “Steve has a natural talent. I’m just falling back on my years of press work.” 

“Well whatever it is, I’m sure it worked.” Sam gave the both of you a pat before stepping back.  
  
You and Steve glanced at each other. He seemed _unsure_ yet _resolved_ anyway. “Let’s find out.” 

* * *

With your part finished in the control room, you shot out the window- _so much easier_ than taking the stairs, and went to the rooftop for a full visual. “LUNA focus in on the building, pick out hostages and let’s get to work.” Everyone in the building would now pick a side. But just because these were all _agents_ didn’t mean they all were about to fight and die. Some of these people were pencil pushers. Filing for the greater good. So they thought.  
  
That was no reason to die. And knowing exactly what sort of scum Hydra was, they’d take whoever they could to get their way. Something you counted on as you broke into the fiftieth floor after LUNA called out a red alert and got to work taking down splintered STRIKE teams who were holding guns to heads. It felt good- maybe a little _too_ good- having to rely on your own fighting prowess to put these people in the dirt (and throw some out of windows). Power was still critical and the suit was still damaged. The best thing to do at this point was to avoid using any repulsors or the unibeam if you didn’t have to. 

And you _didn’t_.  
Floor by floor, guiding the ever growing crowd down and out while you heard anxious chatter over your radio, you tried your best to focus on the mission put to you. _Help the people_. 

However, when Hill alerted you to the fact that the helicarriers were up in the air and time was growing _increasingly short_, you couldn’t help but ask- “I’m almost ground level- where do you need me?” Almost sort of hoping a little too hard someone would pull you off escort duty. 

Tony answered first. “You’re doing the important work. The rest of us are just being flashy. We’re fine. We’ve got this Cap, right?” 

Sam’s voice answered instead over the comms. “Hey, Cap, I found those bad guys you were talking about.” A mess of gunfire on his end of the line nearly threatened your eardrums. 

An unexpected voice stole the airwaves, as Bruce spoke, “Avengers, this is Starkjet 2 coming in hot. I’m- I’ve gotta be honest I’m not really sure which button is the weapons button but- I’ve got aerial support.” 

It was all too easy to hear Tony’s smile. “No problem, Banner. JARVIS’ll do all the work and make you look good.” 

“As always, sir.” 

“Stark!” Thor’s voice was also a welcome surprise. “Where am I needed?” 

“Jump in anywhere. Uh- _any time_-!” Tony’s comm cut and you heard the rain of jetfire just as you chanced a blast to get the barricades ground level doors open. And once outside- 

You saw an _ugly_ _mess _in the skies. Three monstrous helicarriers- those same beasts you’d seen lurking down in the belly of the Triskellion, the ones you quit over- they were _up _over the roaring river. They were _in the air_. And that spelled trouble. It was Maria’s slightly panicked voice that got you to jump to flight, “We have eight minutes until lock, I repeat, _**eight minutes until lock!**_” 

That was really all you needed to hear. They were having trouble breaking through everyone, and you’d done what you were supposed to do. So it was _time to go_ and help where you were needed most. Not to play favorites, but LUNA must have just locked on to Tony’s signature, as you landed in a little bit of a clumsy roll on the deck of one of the helicarriers, using your forward momentum to swipe your leg out hard after to catch a soldier off guard. 

“Stark, I’m in position!” Steve sounded a little winded. 

“Make that two Iron Man- let’s get this over with-!” Sam, too, ready to put an end to things. 

Bursting in past another break of bodies, you saw Tony having a little bit of trouble, five guns marked on him, firing openly. With both hands up you blasted two off their feet and then ran in with a little boost from your jets to pull a third off balance and then lifted him up and over your shoulder to slam him back to the ground. 

“Honey! Where’d you come from? Aren’t you supposed to be on the ground? Getting your directions confused? This way’s up. Not down.” Asked only after literally tossing the last two men by their ankles out of the plate glass windows out onto the deck. 

“Sounds like you needed the help.” Sassing him right on back as you came to stand close. 

“You know how it is. Always have to save the best for last.” Holding his arm up and angling his wrist back, the USB appeared like an extra part of the suit. He turned his back to insert the stick into a command center. “Alright on my mark, gentlemen. Be gentle. 3-2-1-” 

Almost as if he’d summoned more trouble by giving a count, a legion of quinjets rose into your eyesight, cannons aimed. “I’ve got your back!” Not sure how long all three of them needed to pull this off, and really not having time to wonder about it. Taking off in a running start you broke through the center of the helicarrier, onto the deck, and into flight. “Bruce we need some firepower- Thor, you too!” 

An explosion ripped right through one of the helicarriers, a missile having been launched from one of the quinjets, hitting it broadside. “Oh I see- if you can’t have ‘em, no one can!?” Sam sounded out of sorts. And suddenly terrified. A feeling you could respect. 

Sudden destruction was easy to get lost in. Your jet was firing on them, their jets were firing not only on you in small bursts, but in much larger fatalities, setting the helicarriers ablaze. Thor’s sudden appearance of lightning as he hopped from one jet-top to the next was also just as blinding and distracting. You did your best to give commands to keep you and LUNA equally focused. 

But- just as you knocked another jet out of the sky with a twin repulsor blast- “I’m putting your percentage on the screen ma’am- we have to be mindful-” 

“Honey-” Tony’s face came on screen. “That’s your cue to find land- it’s _down_\- in case you can’t remember-” 

“I’m fine-” Although a little sputter of your jet that had you falling forward and collapsing to a roll on top of one of the helicarriers now poised to _go down_ suggested otherwise. 

“We don’t have time to argue about this! Get to ground-” Tony’s words cut off very suddenly by the sound of surprised pain. You watched him get knocked in the corner of your screen before his video window collapsed. 

“Tony!” Almost as if you’d jumped again, the helicarrier lurched and then went into a free fall beneath you, so you held your hands up to get a boost. “LUNA- find Tony’s signature, _now_!” 

“Locking on!” 

Once her red targets held him in your sights, you blew past the helicarrier now sinking to the river below and focused on the _other one_ now raining in heavy pieces from the sky. Landing in a fall you saw him- _that man_\- crushing the back of Tony’s suit- ripping wires from the back of his neck. It was easy to let _rage_ take over. 

Running straight into him, you put your hands up after to send one shockwave out and then the next. When it sent him flailing back trying to catch his balance you jerked forward, slamming your head into his, and then finishing with a one-two body punch. Getting greedy on the third, he grabbed your arm in his metal one, twisting you up and over and then onto your back. 

One lift up and then an elbow straight to your chest had LUNA practically screaming. “_We’ll go out if he does that again_!” 

But far less concerned with yourself- “LUNA what’s the read on Tony?!” He hadn’t gotten up. 

JARVIS was the one that answered you just as you rolled out of the line of another slam and sprung to your feet. “Momentarily unconscious- the flight and nav power is out- I’m attempting to reroute-” 

Almost as if that man had heard that- or maybe realizing what your _real_ weakness was- instead of launching forward to grab you, he ducked back instead with blinding speed to take Tony up in his hands. “_**No!**_” Unable to help yourself from calling out, and running in a useless attempt to try and salvage this. 

But it was far too late. He wanted you gone. And what was the easiest way to do that?  
_Chucking Tony’s lifeless body out into the river_. 

You didn’t have a second to think about abandoning whatever mission was left to achieve as you went out after him. Out of the corner of your eye you barely registered Steve breaking through one of the windows and putting that man in a choke hold. Steve would finish this. Or he wouldn’t. It, very unfortunately, was not your main concern at that moment. 

What was was the hail of _whole jets off the balconies of the helicarriers_ and debris raining down as you raced. “LUNA whatever we have left to spare- we need it _now_!” No room for argument. 

“Ma’am we need to find a balance!” But she tried anyway. 

Perhaps wisely.  
As… as soon as you got your arms around Tony, and one of those heavy pieces of burning metal fell, you had to struggle to decide which burden to bear. Putting one arm up, the other tightly coiled around Tony, and your own flight power dropping by staggering amounts- you felt the _real pressure_ of _**22 tons**_ of metal- a broken piece of one of the helicarriers- bearing down on you. Pushing. _Crushing_. And then finally just forcing you down-

If you went into the river it was _over_. The both of you would sink to the bottom and that would be it. Forever. End of your story.  
Instead you tried to outsmart this inanimate yet malicious piece of machinery, by letting go of its weight and racing up along its spine to catch a few bare inches of land. 

And once there, you threw Tony’s body and dropped to your knees as the full weight bore down on you. “LUNA- the back jets-” 

“We don’t have any more power!” 

As you sunk to your knees, the cry you let out was nothing short of feral. Your muscles were strained so hard you were sure you felt them snapping. Energy flooded in droves, and you felt the blood draining from the fresh wound reopening in your chest. No chance to heal. 

Just as you were resolved to-  
Resolved to- _planning to_ give Tony just a last bit of coverage- maybe shove him or throw him and let the rest fall- 

A gust of wind seemed to knock back the monstrous tower you were holding at bay with no strength left at all. And as your arms gave out and you fell in a kneel, you turned your darkening vision skyward. A flash of green and an indicative roar were all you needed. Hulk beat back that giant tower and you fell in a heavy heap, unable to catch your breath. 

Pulling your helmet off and ignoring the pain flaring in just about every part of your body, you crawled on your hands and knees to press the release on the sides of Tony’s helmet, taking it off and chucking it to the side. Fresh air wasn’t enough, so you allowed an easy slip into that space, finding him _right there_. Almost like he’d beckoned you the second your feet touched the water. 

Laying your head to his chest, you breathed deeply.  
And let your last bits of light seep over him. 

When he jerked forward with a startle, you found yourself resting atop him. After a gulp of a gasp, his voice was a shake of uncertainty. “What happened?” He struggled, slightly, to try and sit up. 

But you had no strength to move, so you unintentionally held him down. “Well… if you did your part and I did my part and they did their parts… we might have won-” 

“Why are we here? -where is _here_?” 

“Guy with the metal arm ripped the back of your suit open and knocked your brain around.” The simplest way you could think to put it. “And then tried to chuck you into the river.” 

“Oh.” His flailing about died down. You would have killed for silence, but there was chaos screaming around you still. “So what you’re saying is… Cap’s not the only one who owes you a thank you note.” 

“Your stationary better be fancier than his.” Rewarding yourself with the small color of humor. But- a sudden sense of _dread_ filled you. “Where- does anyone have eyes on Steve?” 

You’d left him alone up there. Alone with a man that had almost single-handedly destroyed your team. _On multiple occasions now_.

Dead _silence_ from everyone else on your team- **including Steve**\- set your heart to pounding. 

Flopping your hand up and over, you pressed it to your ear. “_I repeat- does anyone have eyes on Steve?_” And again when silence found you- you simply called out. “_Steve!!_” 

**No answer ** **at all.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hulk MVP of the game. Thanks bro. We love you.


	107. Chapter 107

Tony was more hurt than he let on, which meant you had yet another choice to make- or rather, a promise to honor. So it was Sam who led the charge on finding Steve who had gone completely radio silent as the last of the helicarriers plummeted into the river. You made a call ahead to Happy, while you were struggling in the uncertainty, to ask him to meet you at the hospital. And it was an hour later- a whole sixty excruciating minutes, when you had just loaded a battered, bruised, broken, bloody- and obviously concussed Tony into the back of an ambulance, out of his suit, that Sam finally spoke. 

“Found him. He’s on the riverbank a mile south.” 

The doors of the ambulance closed and you rode off, hand in Tony’s as he drifted, something in his IV for the pain. You put your other one to your ear. “Condition?” You knew every one of your teammates was listening in. You were just the first one to ask. 

“Rough. But. Not dead. His shield is missing, too. If that matters.” 

Tony murmured a response in a daze, “Probably at the… bottom of the river- we’ll have Damage Control fish it out-” 

Setting a hand over his forehead in a gentle caress, you tried to urge some _peace_ over him. “It’s alright, just relax.” 

He eased almost immediately, eyes fluttering closed as a long breath escaped him. “I love you…” 

It was strategic- not _petty_ (you told yourself) that you made sure the ambulance was taking you to a hospital outside of SHIELD’s network. Already your phone was blowing up- Ellis. Not a good sign. There was no telling what the other side of all of this was going to look like. It might have served you to not ignore him, but… Tony was more important. It was hard to focus on anything else. Especially yourself. You were damaged, too, and tired. Ready to lie down for a long ten hours in a dark room but… 

Tony needed you. That was what really mattered. So you waved off the EMTs and told them to stay focused on him. As he fell further into a light doze just as they took him off the stretcher and into the hospital, you coordinated with the team to get everyone down to the same place, while they stitched and bandaged him up. There was no doubt in your mind that everyone needed some sort of medical attention- Steve most of all, it seemed like. 

Sam had said rough, but when you finally saw him in his own private hospital room, he looked like he’d been beaten nearly to death. In his unconsciousness, as you stood in the doorway, you felt the tremors of deep _sorrow_. **Pain** that went beyond physical. It was hard to face him. Hard to look at him. What had stopped that monster from killing him, you wondered. Clearly he’d been seconds from doing it. Maybe it was a simple explosion that took the whole helicarrier down. Maybe he’d beaten Steve into unconsciousness and assumed throwing him into a large body of water would finish him off.

...maybe Steve had hung in there and not _died_ long enough to prove his point. Who could say. All you knew was something drastic had become of all of this. Steve had some different deep facet of him now that had had you two quarreling. It might not have been the best for you to hang around. 

Sam was sitting at his bedside, the entire time that he’d been brought in, even as you stood there, and you knew he’d continue to sit there, still, until Steve regained consciousness. “You’re okay here?” Asking as you crossed your arms. Defensively. Feeling a sense of unease looking at the man lying in that bed. 

“Yeah. Don’t worry about him. Go do your thing.” 

Steve attracted all manner of _good _people to him. He was lucky, in that way. Otherwise it might have been wrong to ask someone you’d only met- was it… yesterday? ...in too short a time, anyway, to look after him in this condition. “Yeah. Thanks.” Turning to go away, a quick thought occurred and you looked back at him. “If you need them to look at you- Stark Industries is taking care of the bills so-” 

He waved you off. “Don’t worry about all of that right now. You seem like you got a lot on your plate.” 

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. President still waiting for you to answer. “And a lot more coming.” Their private rooms were separated- not on purpose, but Tony’s was a few doors down. You peeked in, seeing him still asleep, and decided not to wait. It would only get worse from here. “Yes, Mr. President. What can I do for you?” Voice tired and bitter. 

“_Do for __**me**_? You’re out of your mind. What your people just did- what’s on the internet right now- we’re in full meltdown mode over here. Congress is having an emergency meeting- and you- how are you gonna clean this up? There’s so much _damage_ from this- _lasting damage_\- they wanna… they wanna make an example out of SHIELD.” 

You tried not to collapse into a chair outside Tony’s room, but your knees gave out all the same as you sat, curved in on yourself, and put a hand to your forehead. “To save their own asses, I know. You don’t have to tell me.” The United State government was never going to let anything come for them, no matter the mistakes they made. No matter that SHIELD _was_ a government organization. They were a _secret_ one, and now that the cat was out of the bag, they’d do whatever they could to downplay their involvement. 

And make martyrs of you all. Because it would be expected that _the Avengers_\- that SHIELD’s people would come and defend it. Die on that sword. No matter the cost. You’d have to defend yourselves, right? Your actions? 

“They’re going to serve subpoenas. There’s going to be hearings for months. They’re talking about jail time. Life sentences.” 

“And what about _you_, Matthew. What are _you _talking about? What are _you_ going to do?” His name would no doubt appear in more unredacted debriefing reports with _your_ name labeled next to his. Times when he called to ask you- to ask Stark Industries and SHIELD- _and_ the Avengers for help. What were _his_ plans? 

“You tell me what your plan is. And then I’ll figure out where we’re going from here. We have a small window to make a statement. Get ahead of this- well. Not ahead. Your people saw to that.” He sounded pretty _angry_. 

And if you weren’t so drained, you might have been, too. At him. Down the corridor you saw Happy walking briskly, two laptops under his arm. “We did what we had to do. I don’t know if you’ve ever taken a history class in your life, but Hydra personnel had to be weeded out.” 

“I’ve taken _many_ history and politics classes in my life. I’ll remind you I’m the President. I know who Hydra are. Don’t talk down to me.” It was a rare occurrence, to hear Ellis with bite in his voice. Threatened, perhaps? 

A headache was coming on. You tried to stay level. Fighting with him would yield no good results. “Well, then, sir, here’s what I suggest you do. Since you’re asking. I’ll start my staff on a pull protocol, and I suggest you do the same. Names are out there in flashing lights now. People will start to flee, and I’ve no doubt you have more than one rat on your sinking ship. Hydra are traitors to the nation. Lock them up. Make a scene. We’re all on the same side, here. SHIELD will only be collateral damage if you let them get away. An organization like that with nothing left to lose is full of very dangerous and desperate people.” 

There was a long pause on the other end of the line- strangely silent. Clearly indicative that he had you on mute while he barked orders at the staffers around him. When his voice returned, “Again- which is why- if you had this information- we should have worked together to-” 

“It wasn’t in my fucking back pocket, Matthew. They killed Nick Fury and then it all sort of spilled out from there while I was dodging fraudulent murder charges. You’ll have to excuse the sudden drop. It was the only thing we could do. And it had to be done. You’re not getting an apology out of me.” Hand holding a little tighter over your eyes as Happy came to a stop in front of you, you bit back tears. Now was no time to crumble. “I was glad… that your name wasn’t on that roster, sir.” President Ellis was still your ally. You had to keep him that way. 

He huffed out a strange noise. “Yeah. Me, too.”   
  
A resigned breath of air that might have been a laugh escaped you. “You’ve had a hell of a first term. Aliens threatening New York. Your VP tried to assassinate you. Now this… you’ve got more balls than anyone out there right now, sir. You can come out clean on the other side. Second term no problem.” 

“Yeah... I wonder… you ever thought about running for office? Lots of unprecedented shit happening right now. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You were built for this stuff. ...I might need a _real _VP next term. Someone I can trust.” 

“I’ll tell you the same thing I told the last man that asked me to run his kingdom for him: no.” 

“Who was that?”  
  
“Tony Stark.”  
  
“Ah.”

“I paid you a compliment, you paid me one. We’re done here.”   
  
He sighed. “Alright. I’ll get to work. You do, too. And I’ll… I expect I’ll call you again soon.” 

“Yes, sir. I expect so, too.” The phone hung on that mutual quiet until he disconnected the call. You let your phone slowly down to your lap and then looked up at Happy who was gazing sadly back at you, although he lifted one of the laptops in a small gesture. “Thanks. Here- I need you to pair with JARVIS and run the Hydra leak list. Any Stark employees on it need to be rounded up. I need you to secure the suit and load it on the jet- jet needs to be prepped for departure. ...preferably soon. And… keep an eye out, here. Badges on. Easier to see names that way.” Weakly smiling up at him. It was a long and tough to-do list, but if anyone could do it, it was Happy.

He couldn’t return the smile. Instead he gave a slow nod. “I’ll get to work. You can count on me.” 

“I know I can. Thank you, Happy.” 

A beaten but _tough_ looking blonde woman was charging down the hall loudly, and the both of you turned to look at her. Happy immediately put his arm up to stop her in her tracks. “Hey- private hall. ID? You got a name?” 

“Sharon Carter. _Check it._ Is Rogers- he’s alive- right?” 

Taking no chances after all this, you activated your visor. “LUNA- check database on Sharon Carter.” 

A compiled list ran through your vision, but as her picture ran back, a green check stamped over it. “She’s clean, ma’am.” 

You nodded with a drop of your head after, giving her a weak wave through. “He’s alive. Two doors down on your right.” She didn’t even look at you as she moved around Happy to continue on her way, quietly you called to her- “Hey- if you need medical attention- stay in this wing. Stark Industries will cover you.” Former SHIELD employee. Probably needed a new health care provider. 

She barely stopped, hand on the handle of Steve’s room. Meeting your eyes for all of two seconds, nodding, and then disappearing into the room. More pressing things to worry about, you supposed. 

Looking up, you caught Happy peering through the window to Tony’s room. Checking on him. When he got caught he held his hand out to you. Without thought you put yours in his and he hoisted you up. “Go. Be with him. Rest. You look pretty beaten up, too. I’ve got this.” 

While you wanted to at least thank him with a smile, you couldn’t even muster that anymore. Instead just a weak pat on the shoulder before turning around to go into Tony’s room, closing the door quietly behind you. He was still deeply asleep on the bed, and you stayed there in the middle of the room, looking at him for probably a little too long. 

The twinge of white-hot pain in your chest prompted your feet to move, turning towards the bathroom after discarding the laptop on the table by his bed. Taking off your shirt, you were greeted with the sight of soaked through bandages, wet and red, wound no doubt open, and probably had been for a little while now. It was almost a little bit of a _relief_ to know that your sudden drop in energy wasn’t from a sense of soon to be defeat, or the prospect of cleaning all this mess up. 

No it was just blood loss. Well that was something, right? Taking them off in one painful strip after the next, and the half dissolved gauze and pulled stitching over the bullet wound, you were left with rough patches of blood covering your chest, welts, and bruising- and the bullet hole. So _near_ to your heart. Just oozing steadily. 

Bending forward, clutching the sink, your head dropped, and breathing became a little harder for the next few minutes. Trying to keep it all together. When you were able to look up into your reflection again, something dark was staring back at you. A shadow of yourself, behind which was that vast plane of unknown space that tethered you to the only thing that really qualified you to be here. 

And now- perhaps- that very thing was being exposed to a billion strangers at once.   
What would this do to Stark Industries? To Tony? Now that the world could _see __**you**_… what would you do? What would you _have _to do? 

This thing inside of _you_, that let you look inside _everyone else_… that was the reason you’d ended up in this exact spot, wasn’t it? SHIELD had found out about you because of it- and you’d _used _it to get the very job that had ended you up helplessly and painfully in love with the man sleeping in the bed outside. 

The face looking back at you seemed so different from your own. _Was_ that even you? What did you even _know_ of yourself? How had you come into contact with this piece of the unknown? Why had it laid dormant inside you until you were old enough to know the exact right and wrong ways to use it- and _still _used it to end a man’s life- vile though he was. Wasn’t that where this started?   
  
Was it just a penance? A price you were paying?   
Staring into those unrecognizable eyes you saw that glow. Briefly. It fought off the wisps of black. Breaking through the shadows that had covered your face until you were standing there. Just… looking at _you_. 

Facing yourself.   
And everything you’d become.   
You saw something strange in your own eyes. Something unfamiliar. Something _lurking_ there. Something you just didn’t _know_. 

How much more of yourself could you expand? How much more would you find out? If you continued to train, to hone, to _use_ these powers, whatever they were, what would happen to you? What would you turn into? What would you be able to do? 

_Who were you_? 

A groan in the room ahead cut your attention. You were so unimportant in all this. And in the next moment, you saw yourself sitting beside Tony’s bed. Just waiting for him. Hands cradling his. Holding him steady. _Comforting him_, while he dreamed. 

It was where you blinked yourself back into awareness. No telling how you’d gotten there or how long you’d been sitting there for. When you’d put your clothes back and if you’d even repatched yourself. Just holding out for him. A soft knock at the door drew your attention, and Happy leaned in to place a stack of clothes on the chair by the door. “Thought you two would need something to change into. ...the press is gathering outside. They’re looking for a statement. I can have the cops come but- they’re kinda busy. Won’t be for a while.” 

“Thank you.” Murmuring, finding your voice a little _lost_. “Just let them stew. I’ll talk to them when _I’m_ ready.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

You let go of Tony only long enough to change into the zip up Stark Industries hoodie and black jeans that Happy had left. It was nice to have a fresh change of clothes. Tony had something similar waiting for him, whenever he was up and ready to go. Part of you almost wanted to ask Happy to get something a little more upscale- since you’d be addressing the media as soon as you stepped outside but… 

Maybe this was okay. It was okay to see you battle-worn and tired. You might have been Avengers but you were still _people_. Maybe it would help your case, to appear a little more common. Not like battle was no big deal. Not like none of this mattered. It _did _matter, and you were bruised. You weren’t gods- well. Except for Thor. The rest of you were mostly just people. _Enhanced _or not. 

The light of the laptop as you sat down at Tony’s bedside again was practically blinding. The room was in the lowest possible lighting allowed so that he could rest, and the sun had gone down a little while ago. While it only made the headache worse, it made you ultimately feel better to be able to give him this small amount of time. Emails were piling up- as always. Your first point of attention was gathering up a subsection of Damage Control. They’d need to be on this- probably a few hours ago was when they should have started. 

So. Already late.   
There was now SHIELD tech in the river and on the highway that would need to be cleaned up wholesale and stored. Probably destroyed. Which presented another problem. Control’s storage capacity was nearing max, so you then had to reallocated a hefty amount of funds to okay a new set of units. Eventually you’d have to go down there and see what was going on. Find out what needed to be stay and what could be discarded. Because god knew no one could do anything right without you around. Considering what was in those units… probably for the better that you handled it personally. 

Next was setting up a hospital fund for your team- and the SHIELD employees who now found themselves shit out of luck due to current events. With the way Ellis was talking, it was pretty clear they were about to dissolve SHIELD at best. And at worst, try to start handing out jail time to everyone who worked there. That was a lot of talent to waste, and a lot of lives to ruin. Which is exactly why they were going to do it. And exactly why you couldn’t let that happen. 

So you started drafting a SHIELD to Stark Industries Open Arms Transfer initiative email. Funny, how a few months ago you were badgered by Fury over stealing one of his employees. Now you’d have almost all of them. Pending their allegiance. Which begged the next to-do… what of the people who still flew Hydra’s banners? You supposed that was up for the government to decide. Technically everything they’d done was treason. This effort would be time sensitive… maybe it would be in everyone’s best interests to wait until you got word back from Ellis how bad the fallout would be. 

So the OAT initiative went into a secure email to you, Tony, and a few other trusted individuals for review and processing. Pending the result to all this madness. 

It was in the middle of writing up notes for the inevitable press briefing that would have to come- sooner rather than later- that you felt your attention growing short and your eyes getting heavy. Head back, sitting uncomfortably cross-legged in the chair next to Tony’s bed, you were dragged into an uneasy and unwilling sleep. 

Deep down under you were called closer by the light of Tony’s distant, warm dreaming. And far away you sensed the looming dark clouds of Steve’s nightmares. One name, repeated over and over- _Bucky_. Louder and louder until it threatened the small well of peacefulness you found in sheltering by Tony’s side. So much so that you imagined yourself covering your ears and _willing_ it to **stop**. He was in _pain _and it was killing you. Slowly. Like twisting a knife- 

It was the pain in your chest that woke you first, followed swiftly by the sharp call that indicated Tony had said this a few times prior, “_Honey_.” When you came to you were drenched in sweat, breathing heavy.  
  
And he was sitting up in his hospital bed _staring_ at you. _Worried_ down to his core. “I’m- I was just… having a nightmare. I think…” Trying desperately to catch your breath. “I just need a minute…” Feeling the shiver of panic receding a little too slowly. 

He reached out, setting a hand over yours. Comfort was close. “Take your time.” 

That was exactly what you did, excusing yourself to the small bathroom to splash some water on your face- check that you hadn’t started bleeding again. Instead hoping for the alternative- _healing_ would have been nice. But it didn’t feel like that was happening. Stress related? Running on empty? Who the hell knew. There was so much about yourself you didn’t understand yet-

And you couldn’t risk going into that spiral again. So you simply _didn’t_. Instead you finished your little alone time and came back into the room to see Tony on his feet, putting on the clothes Happy brought. It would have been standard to tell him to slow down. He’d gotten the crap kicked out of him, had been fired on by multitudes of heavy machinery, and had been knocked unconscious and fallen out of the sky, but… it was a little beyond that at this point, telling him to slow down. He wouldn’t, and more importantly, _couldn’t_. Same as you. 

Instead you just walked over to him and wrapped your arms around his middle, burying your face in his chest. He returned the embrace, strong arms coming around you, head resting atop yours. Another close call. Another few scrapes with… not _death_ but… best not to think about it. This week had been pretty much hell. Like all the _big ones _before it. When this shit happened, it was always in such a small span of time. No rest. No breaks. Just nonstop carnage and running until it was over and the two of you- and your team- were lucky to be out alive on your feet. 

When more than a few minutes had passed, and the two of you were still clinging to each other, you had to be the one strong enough to interrupt the only good part of your life at that moment. “Press is outside. I issued a briefing on the schedule in the media room for tomorrow.” 

“Good. I wanted to go home, anyway.” 

“I set up a couple of things- funds for the team and the SHIELD agents who got hurt…” 

“I trust you.” 

“So we just need to check out, get into a car and not take questions.” 

“Sounds easy enough.” 

Which meant it was anything but. Hospital staff gave the both of you a stern talking to, something neither of you were listening to. There was just no time to be lying around in a hospital bed right now, democracy was kind of falling apart. Though you made a promise to yourself that you would have Tony in bed tonight, and the night after- if you could help it. He needed to take it easy. And he’d have to have his hand held in order to do it. 

But after you signed just the right amount of documentation in order to be let go, and Happy escorted you from the hall and outside, regardless of the early morning hour, the press had camped outside. Waiting for _this_ moment. They all called. Screamed. Took pictures. Waved recorders and microphones. Happy parted the bodies like a break in the sea, and held the door open for the both of you to the waiting car. 

In unusual order, you helped Tony in first, and almost allowed yourself to feel a sense of relief, knees practically about to give out so that you could sit next to him. But- you at least had to hold up a hand. “We’re issuing a statement tomorrow at Stark Industries. Ten AM. You’ll get everything there-” 

And, as with all things, something bad had to happen. Right then. To _you_. To **Tony**. Christine Everhart and her pleasant smile- cameraman pushing people out of the way as she stumbled up to you and held a microphone up. “WhIH news- would you care to comment on the coordinated government cover up of Obadiah Stane’s murder so that you could assume control of Stark Industries?” 

_Shock_ rode threw the crowd heavily and very suddenly all eyes were on you and every other voice in the area died. Waiting. Waiting to hear what you had to say. It wasn’t a good look, to be caught like that. Kind of like a smack broadside to your face. It left you standing there wide-eyed with no air in your lungs. “What- what did you just say to me?” 

“We’re live- by the way- and our viewers want to know how you and Tony Stark got away with murdering Obadiah Stane so that you could take control of the company- and why the government was involved- what do you have to say? Is it true that he and Stane had animosity towards each other that led to the murder?” 

There were few options here. You could tell her that you would address it tomorrow. You could deny it. You could say nothing at all. But after everything, after all this time- and especially _right in that moment_-

You let the heat of _**anger**_ ravage you. “That’s _outrageous_.” When Tony’s voice lit up behind you, you held a hand up to stop him and turned fully, your back to him, to _cover him_. Shield him. Not this. They would not take him on this. But you? _She could have __**you**_. And you’d make her **regret it**. And when she tried to counter you started in, “No- shut- just _shut up, _Christine.” The shock riding the people surrounding the area was of a much different color then. 

That debriefing report, so long ago now… you’d only read it once. But you knew of its existence. And of course that was the very first thing she’d picked to fixate on. 

You narrowed your eyes at her. “If you had even _bothered _to read the twenty other pages sandwiched between the buzzwords you skimmed for your headline, you’d know that Stane was a traitor. He was selling weapons to _terrorists_\- **for years**\- the same terrorists he paid to kidnap and _kill_ Tony. And when that didn’t work, when Tony built a defense suit to get out of there, Obi smiled and laughed and played it off. Meanwhile trying to rebuild that suit so that he could _sell those, too_.” 

When she opened her mouth you held up a finger to her, “**I’m not finished**. Since you couldn’t be bothered to do the reading, we’re not done with the re-education yet. When he couldn’t figure out the power source, he tried to murder Tony in his own house- and _then_ when I, along with a few government agents, came to arrest him on _our property_, he tried to murder us, too. Ten people. He went after us, he hurt civilians on the highway, and tried to kill Tony. _A third time_. 

He wouldn’t have stopped there. So look me in the eyes right now and listen to me when I say this- because you want me to say it, right? _I flipped the switch that was responsible for Obadiah Stane’s death_. **I did it**. And _**I’m not sorry**_.” Waiting, catching you breath before finishing. “I was acting not only in self defense, but in the defense of others. In _defense of this country_. He was a war profiteer, a tyrant, and a treasonous snake. And, again, if you’d bothered to do _any_ reading that didn’t just suit your own interests, you’d know that neither Tony nor I were working for SHIELD at that point. They pulled the cover-story. We had _no_ say in the matter.” 

You leveled the hardest look you could manage and expelled the last on a stern tone. “You keep coming after me so much over matters like this it makes me wonder _whose side you’re really on_. But let me tell you this, don’t you _dare_ insinuate Tony threw Obi under the bus for me. Tony did what he had to- to protect people- like he _always_ does. And I did what I had to, to end it. And _I don’t regret any of it_. We’ve met a lot of men who just want to crush everyone beneath them. And we’ll _never _stop protecting people who are innocent in all this. No matter the cost.” As the crowd started murmuring, you held a hand up. “We’re done here.” 

The calls for attention were so much louder now it was almost deafening. You just barely kept from collapsing into the car, holding steady until Happy closed the door and then got in on the other side to drive off. In that time, Tony’s hand had found yours, holding _tightly_, eyes ahead. 

His voice was low, when he found it. “You didn’t have to do that.” 

“There’s gonna be a lot of things I don’t have to do in the coming months. But I will.” That report was out now- something you hadn’t even given thought to. Only worrying about yourself and your powers. Strange, that she hadn’t brought _that_ up. Then again, murdering Obi to take over the company was a little more interesting, you supposed. “I’m not gonna let her say whatever the hell she wants- I’m not gonna let them try and destroy what you’ve done- what you’re doing.” 

Tony was a good man. He might not always have been, but he was trying, now. You saw him on his worst days. And his best ones. You saw him _trying_. Always trying. Always thinking, always working. 

His free hand lifted up, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear before cupping your chin in his palm and directing your face his way. The two of you shared a look. “Don’t let her get you upset over me.” 

“Not _over_ you, _**for**_ you. I’ll say whatever I have to say- do whatever I have to do- to defend you. To make it right.” Almost begging for him to understand a concept that you knew he was intimately familiar with. You would protect this man until your dying breath. You would defend him. Leaning forward, you rested your forehead against his. “I will _always _pick you.” 

The two of you were a team. Recent events had cemented that more than ever. You were on his team. You were on his side. _Always_. And you found peace in that. 

The corner of his lips quirked, and his hand slid from your face to tangle in the back of your hair, holding you steady there against him. “Does it help that I kind of loved listening to you tear her apart?” Joking, as always, in a tense moment. It at least encouraged a small breath of a laugh, a flutter of your eyes. His voice was quiet and warm when he spoke again. “I love you. And… if I could pick anyone to be in my corner… yeah. It’s you. It’s always been you.” Whether when you were just starting out ten years ago. 

Or five minutes ago telling Christine Everhart to go fuck herself.   
Yeah.   
It was always you. 

“I love you, too. We have each other’s backs. I’m never worried about you being on my side or not. And you shouldn’t be worried about which one I’m coming out on, either.” 

“For the record- I wasn’t. I’m just- ...it’s weird for me to be the one saying this, but there are moments where _delicacy_ could be employed a little more…” Grinning lightly. 

“It was time for me to put delicacy aside. They don’t listen to that. But… I need help work shopping how I’m going to answer the inevitable questions about my powers- I’m worried- about the company-” The Board might feel different, knowing they had a literal manipulator working for them. Sister companies, investors, subsidiaries- there was no end to people who would have a problem with someone they thought could _control them_. “I think… I might have to step back-”

“Don’t worry about that.” Said like he had not a care in the world over such a divisive topic. 

“I have to.” 

Settling back, he put his arm around your shoulder, and eased you to rest against him. An easy thing to do, despite the oncoming frightening future prospects. “I deleted those files, remember? Only ones who know about that are you, me, the agent that wrote it and-” 

“Yeah but what about all the other debriefs? What about the assessments? What about-”

“Gone. There’s nothing there.” It shouldn’t have stunned you, but it did. At least a little. When you stared at him a little too long, waiting for him to expand, he seemed to get a little _uncomfortable_. “I… had a deal. With Fury. Before any of this. If he wanted us to keep working for him, he had to purge all mentions of that stuff. You worry about me- and I’ll worry about you.” 

“Tony…” How were you supposed to feel about this? That you got off- alright, well, not scot-free, considering the massive blowout you’d just had, but… he’d had to go and ask Nick Fury for that. Probably from a position of weakness. But he’d done it anyway. To save you.

“No nightmare scenarios, remember? Not over that.” His arm curled around you a little tighter. “It’s my job to protect you. Until you want that out there, that’s nobody else’s decision.” Perhaps a wise move, although such an ironic thing to say, coming from _Mr._ _I Am Iron Man. _

Curling in, you moved to rest your hand over his heart and closed your eyes. You were _protected_. Something you already knew, but… in such turbulent times, it was a newly and massively comforting thought. Because you believed it so strongly. Tony was watching out for you. And you would watch out for him. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too. We’ll get through this.” 

He was probably the only person on earth that you could make you believe that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always wondered how Tony's side of things ended up after the massive info-dump at the end of Winter Soldier. It was never addressed, and that kind of bugged me. So... here we are. Hope you enjoyed it! Please don't be scared to leave a comment! You guys make the writing all worth while.💙


	108. Chapter 108 [End: Captain America: Winter Soldier]

“_-it’s plain as day, SHIELD has been- should be- labeled as a terrorist organization for their efforts in __**multitudes**_ _of operations-_” 

“Then they’re a government sanctioned and paid for terrorist organization! If the members in the benches want to blush at the fact that one of their top spy agencies got caught, then let them turn beet red. But I will not sit here with my colleagues and listen to you pretend you weren’t writing every single check that came their way.” 

“_And what of the checks that were issued via Stark Industries?_” 

“Non-existent. Try again. Stark Industries has maintained itself as an independent business focused on technology and efforts that improves people’s lives.” 

“_And the Avengers?_” 

“Brought together under the direction of SHIELD but, rest assured, move of their own agency. While we’ve worked through SHIELD with the US government, we are more than happy to drop the middle man.” 

“_You’re asking the government to fund vigilantism?_” 

“The Avengers team was constructed to handle enhanced- and otherwise _otherworldly_ threats that the military has no capacity to handle. And, again, I remind you that SHIELD used to be a government organization, since you all conveniently keep forgetting. That puts us above random lawless people running around in masks. I say we’ve done our jobs pretty well. And we’ll continue to do them- no funding from Uncle Sam necessary.” 

“_Because of Stark Industries. What was that about being an ‘independent business’?_” 

“The Avengers have every cause and the means to handle things the government has otherwise decided they can’t. I’d say removing people from fatal danger when the military is unable to do so, and funding relief efforts when the government sits on their hands counts as life improvement.” 

* * *

You and Tony had taken multiple trips back and forth from New York to DC over the past few days. It was to be expected, what with the massive shit storm going on. The two of you were tired, beaten, and worn down, but this was no time to stop. Especially not when you and everyone in your team was being accused of some pretty high crimes.

As you’d expected, the government was not handling the SHIELD leaks all that well. Classified documents spilled to the world in the name of the _greater good _was not the sort of thing they liked. They would have much rathered everyone kept their mouths shut and allowed Hydra scum to continue thriving. Probably would have preferred a world in which they could _quietly_ direct the Avengers to try and capture as many as they could, while the _common American _slept in ignorance. 

But that was too bad. What had happened, happened. Your testimony in congress, along with Maria Hill’s and Natasha Romanoff’s played on all the 24 hour news stations. Clip after clip after clip in an endless nauseating run. There was so much to digest. So much to pick apart. Or praise. Depended heavily on which station was doing the featuring. From time to time, your press briefing the day after the Battle at the Triskellion would pop in and out. 

“_-Stark Industries is not a safe haven for Hydra. Rest assured, as we speak, our security personnel are taking Hydra into custody, as I imagine the government is doing with their own staff, and getting ready for trials that will last years. We are ready to expend as many resources as necessary to bring them to the justice they deserve. Justice they should have seen years ago, were it not for overzealous intervention that invited them into our country. Into our homes. But there’s no going back now. Tony and I-” _

“Mute.” Silencing the TV as you walked into your office. Having touched back down at Tower after your fifth jet ride in three days. You wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and go to sleep. Take a nap. Didn’t you deserve it, after all this shit? 

But Pepper had been trailing your heels since you’d landed on the tarmac, with a long list of things for you to do. As predicted, the government hearings were ending with them labeling SHIELD as a terrorist organization. They’d only been crowing about it the entire time they’d been bearing down on you. With that came its disbanding. 

So. Time to _sow some wild OATs_ as Tony had put it, after going over your proposal. It was almost hilarious, that way. As some of the documents you’d read (been forced to read, and brought up during the hearings) had stated plain as day that SHIELD and the government had invited Hydra scientists into their labs. Operation Paperclip. What a wonderful idea. 

Thinking they had something to offer that otherwise decent people may not have. Taking a chance. Gambling on that. And, well… after all this you’d have to say it had failed spectacularly. Now, looking on the other side of things, you were about to open a new office to handle the influx of SHIELD agents that were sending in resumes in order to not only keep working but not be threatened by the government they used to work for. 

How quickly the tables turned.  
Ellis had assured you this was _best case scenario_. And all he could do. If he’d done anything at all. Sure as hell didn’t feel like it. You had to count your blessings and just thank him regardless. You supposed they really could have come after the Avengers much harder. And… to be honest, you really weren’t prepared for something of that magnitude right now. Hopefully it would never come to that. 

As you signed your name on ten more dotted lines and then sent her away, you got immediately caught with your head in your arms after Pepper left the office and then seconds later poked her head back in. “Maria Hill is here to see you.” 

Sitting up slowly, you ran a hand through your hair. “Yeah.” Despite sharing a table with her for your part of the hearings, you hadn’t actually been able to speak with her at length. It had only been a matter of time before she showed up here. 

Pepper stepped aside to let her into your office and then shut the door. Maria came in, head held high, as always with her. She seemed like a very proud woman. Then she put a folder on your desk and took a seat. “Figured I’d come for the interview personally.” 

“Your resume?” Arching a brow at her. When she nodded you tried not to _jump_ at the opportunity. “You’re hired. You’re now director of the OAT initiative. Go down to HR. Get a badge, do the paperwork, get an email set up. We’ll give you a phone.” 

“...just like that?” At least a little surprised. 

“They’re your people. If there’s anyone I can trust to treat them fairly, it’s you.” She was exactly what you needed. Someone you knew who would do right by these poor people so that you could take it off your plate and not micromanage it. Absolutely perfect. 

She smiled lightly. “Can we at least talk salary?” 

“What was SHIELD paying you?” Folding your hands atop the desk, sitting a little straighter. 

“61k a year. ...decent benefits.” 

“200k. Fantastic benefits. Holiday bonuses.” 

“That’s uh- that’s a solid deal.” Standing up she offered her hand for a shake, so you hid your pain as you stood to meet her with a firm grip. “Just understand, I can’t sit behind a desk forever. Once we’re done with this employee transfer, I’d like something a little more… substantial.” 

A grin found its way to you. “Like I told our dear members of congress, Stark Industries merely funds the Avengers. If that’s the next thing you’re about to ask… I have a different office for that.” 

She smiled back, holding your shake for only a second longer before letting you go. All too soon the expression vanished, and her voice lowered. “Nick is headed to Europe for now. Laying… as low as someone like him can get. But. ...he’s really grateful. For everything you’re doing.” 

Disappointment struck through you very suddenly. Although you didn’t have the closest relationship with Maria, you couldn’t help but let some of your feelings leak out of you. “I really wish…” Sighing, thinking twice about it- and then proceeding anyway. “I just wish he and I could have had a coming together moment or something. Where we finally saw eye to eye. There was a time I shook his hand and it seemed like things were getting better. And then they felt like they got worse. And I don’t know if we’ll ever rectify it all.” 

Was that bad? Did you care?  
...some part of you must have. After all this time, you wanted to believe things were worth repairing with Nick.

She looked mildly uncomfortable, crossing her arms, and then cast her gaze aside. “I’ve worked a very long time for Nick Fury. He’s a _very _complicated man. And we don’t always agree on everything. But I know that whatever he’s doing, however he’s doing it, it’s always for reasons he thinks are right. He’s always just trying to do his best. Even when that means making the toughest calls. That’s why I’ve stuck by him so long.” When she looked up at you, she caught you off guard. “You know exactly what that’s like, I imagine.” 

You weren’t sure if you wanted to dignify that with an answer. It wasn’t Maria’s fault. And you had no reason to make her feel bad about it, but… comparing Nick to Tony… you weren’t quite there yet. So you chose the worse option, deciding the stay in your position over building a stronger foundation, letting a small silence hang. Then, you just gave her a smile. “Well… anyway. Pepper will show you to HR. Once you’re all set up, I’ll send things your way.” 

“Sure. Thanks.” 

She was at least quick and efficient, turning and leaving without another word. Maybe ready to go to work. It was one less mess you had to focus on, and for that you’d be grateful. But it was just as the door had shut and you had sat down, for no less than five seconds, that it opened again. 

It wasn’t the best look to be barking in the tone that you did, but you kind of just couldn’t help it. “What _now_?” 

Immediately silenced by the door opening wider to reveal Steve standing there. He looked better than he had, lying in that hospital bed, but it still made your heart ache. Just looking at him. Which wasn’t a very good sign. He looked just as upset. “I figured we needed to talk.” 

Thoughts of him had been churning around in your head for the past little while now, surely not unduly so. Congress had asked about him multiple times, but you, Maria, and Nat had told them the three of you were enough. He didn’t need to get mixed up in all this. 

“Yeah, I guess we do.” This wasn’t his fault. How could it be? The more you thought about it… the more you wondered if it was your own inherent selfishness that had caught him in between a rock and a hard place. You’d told him you’d cared about him, and practically begged him not to… do exactly what he’d done. Get beaten to near death to try and make a point. 

But, that’s not all it was.  
That voice that you’d heard in your head- Steve, calling out for this man. _Bucky_. It had been so… _so sad_. Almost unrecognizable. 

You wondered. You wondered what your own decisions would have been, had it been _you_ on the other side of something like that. Steve very clearly cared a great deal for this man. That had been his advantage. _He loved him_, without a doubt. Maybe not in the same way you loved Tony, but for basis of comparison… you’d thought about it more than once. 

What if someone got control of Tony? And turned _him_ against _**you**_? Would you fight back? Would you _kill him_, knowing the real man you loved was underneath? Or would you… try and do _just enough_. Fall to your knees. To make a point. To try and hold out. To try and get him back- 

Same as Steve had no doubt done. 

He was intensely _uncomfortable_. “Can we take a walk?” 

Despite your aching body and its protests, you stood. “I’d like that.” 

* * *

Before leaving the building you asked Happy to set up a thirty foot security perimeter to keep paparazzi and reporters at bay as you and Steve walked one of Central Park’s paths. Cold as you were even wearing your own jacket, he dropped his over your shoulders without a second thought, and stuck his hands in his pockets. There was silence for probably too long a time before you broke it. 

“Tell me about him. About Bucky.” 

Sam’s debrief report had come in a day ago, and his conversations with Steve had told you all you needed to know for base information. Steve had fought against Bucky and lost. Steve also thought Bucky had dragged him out of the river after perhaps putting him there in the first place- he’d be right about that, as no one on your team had done it. But after that, no one had a trace on that man. So right now… he was just sort of gone. Which was kind of a problem. 

But to really address it, you had to do exactly what you were doing now. 

Listening to Steve talk, after his _surprise_ that you’d ask that (maybe about how you knew that name), about James Buchanan Barnes. His best friend. They’d met as kids, when Bucky had defended him from some bullies trying to steal his lunch money, and had been stuck to each other ever since. Steve was intensely fond of this man. Proud of him. Looked up to him. Tried to shape himself after him. 

And from the sounds of it, no matter how tough it got, the two of them always looked after each other- Bucky, a little more so, after Steve’s parents had died. Yes, _love_ was no longer a question. Deep and platonic. And then, in the midst of their war with Hydra, he thought he’d seen Bucky killed. 

For years he’d carried a sense of extremely heavy _guilt_ over him about it- and had probably never processed it, either. Having to move on so quickly. It made sense. Too much sense, then. Why, when having that gun leveled at him by _that man_ he’d just stood there. And it made more sense than was fair, why Steve would have died trying to break somebody’s control over him. 

“Do you think you got through to him?” 

He sighed. “Some part of him… I’d like to think so. It’s why he saved me. It has to be. There was a minute there, between punches, when it was just _him_ looking at me.” 

The next question became obvious. “You’re going to go look for him.” So obvious in fact, you merely needed to _state _it, not ask. 

“...yeah. I have to. He would have done the same for me.” 

The two of you stopped walking, and just stood there. Looking at each other. It was hard to know what to say next. And you wanted to try and… stop being that selfish version of yourself, especially after knowing you’d be in the exact same position. If you were him. “Steve…” Trying to start and then deflating. But when he simply waited patiently, you tried to gather your courage. “I know we can’t compare. And I’m not asking you to choose- I get it. I was… I was wrong, doing that.” 

Bucky had been his best friend through thick and thin for _years_. _**Years and years**_. They loved each other. You two had only known each other for a short time, no matter how close you felt to him. 

Trying to not lose momentum, you continued. “But… even if that’s true- I’d like to still consider us _family_. Close. A team. And… no matter what, we’re here, too. For you. You started building something here. I know it wasn’t by choice but… don’t forget that. Please.” 

“I won’t.” There was a light twitch of a smile. “...some of it _was_ by choice, you know.”

You found enough strength to smile back. “I know you think you have to do this on your own, like you owe it to him and your relationship- but if you need anything-” 

He silenced you by reaching out, laying a hand on your shoulder, giving you a little squeeze. Holding steady on that expression. “Believe me when I tell you that you offering means the world to me. And if I do… I’ll ask.” 

Giving him a little side-scrunched pout, you lifted your brows. “No more macho man bullshit?” 

And at this his head dropped forward with a little laugh. “Yeah I-... you know, I never thought I’d ever have a label like that put on me. It’s kind of weird.” 

“But not wrong.” You huffed out, at least indignant about this. _You were right_. And you knew it. 

“Yeah. Maybe not. I’ll work on it.” 

There was still a small sense of _hesitation_ coming from him. Reaching up, you wrapped your arms around him in a hug, helped when he lowered down that small bit to meet you. It was nice. To just have this. “You looking for my blessing this time?” Joking. 

“Actually- this time…” 

When he let go you settled a gaze up his way, just _looking _at him. Reaching up, you put a hand just near his shoulder. Not quite over his heart. But. Close enough. “Consider yourself blessed.” 

“Thank you.” 

* * *

You gave Steve back his jacket and parted ways amicably. The car ride back to the Tower was short. Once there you headed straight for the labs. Deeper into the private part, Tony was writing some long equation on a holo board next to a few rough schematics, lights dimmed. 

Coming in, you settled your arms around his middle, resting your face against his back. One of his arms moved to rest over yours, while he sketched out however the rest of those numbers made sense to him. Once he was finished, and you were content to wait there until then, he set his marker down. “Rogers leave?” 

Of course he would know that. It was of such little surprise to you that he did, that you didn’t even think twice in answering. “Yeah. Steve’s out for a while.” 

His thumb stroked over your arm. “You okay?” 

“We made peace over it.”

“He stopped here, first.” Ah. Well. That made about as much sense as anything else. Why Tony knew and… why he suspected you might have been a little melancholy over the whole thing. ...also why he was checking in to see if that was true. And how things had ended. 

You wondered how that conversation had gone. The two of them had been a little weird with each other for too long a time there. It wouldn’t help the team, for them to be like that. Steve wouldn’t be away forever. Whether or not he found Bucky, a strong part of you _knew_ he’d be back eventually. 

“And did you two make peace, too?” Couldn’t hurt to ask. 

“I don’t have a problem with him, if that’s what you’re asking.” His shoulders drooped, and for a moment, his fingers curved a little more into your skin. Not painfully, but… in a very telling way. “After he explained- I get it. I still stand by what I said. I wouldn’t stand there and let somebody I knew shoot me- but, hey. We’re not all me. Can’t ask for perfection.” 

Your lips formed a brief smile against his shirt, breathing out a lightly admonishing noise. “Right…” 

“Anyway. I get it. He made a choice. You made a choice. No changing it. And he’s making another choice now. I get that, too.” 

It was easy to imagine Tony had been thinking about the same thing you had. Likening his own relationships to try and make it make sense. The lengths one would go to, to drag someone they loved out from underneath someone else’s control. 

He let go of you, so you dropped your own arms, allowing him to turn to face you. The bruising around his eye was still slightly prominent, as was the cut along the back line of his jaw on the right side. Reaching up, you palmed his cheek, and he moved his hand to hold yours there. 

“We’ll keep his room open.” 

Tony’s lips quirked. “But still charge rent, right?”  
  
“We don’t charge _anyone_ rent.” 

“But we pay them. ...and we’re not charging them rent.” His eyes squinted, brows knitting, but his grin was telling. “How are we making money on this operation again?” 

Giggling lightly, you moved to loop your arms around his neck, drawing him in. “Oh, _honey_, I don’t know how to tell you this. But the Avengers account has been in the red ever since its incarnation.” 

His hands came to your hips, leaning in, nose nuzzling yours. “Who’s in charge again?” 

“Debatable. What, you don’t trust me?” 

“Implicitly.” His warm, amused hum was lost between a press of lips. 

But when you pulled back, “In that case, I need to tell you just _how_ much money we’re losing-” 

With an even lift, he pulled you up onto one of his nearby work stations, grin touching over your smile. “Please don’t. You know what they say-” 

Your giggles continued. “Ignorance is bliss?” 

“Money isn’t everything.” 

There was a warm purr in the back of your throat as he kissed you again. At the next part, “Says the man who has it all.” Teasing, still.

Delighting in the way his lips curved over yours. _Amused_. Lovingly so. His next few thoughts came out between slower and sweeter kisses. “There is one thing more important to me than money… and I’m currently trying to seduce her to bed…”

Your reply was just a bit breathy. “Oh… is it working?”

His light laughter against the side of your neck threatened to do you in completely. “You know what, I think so. _Lucky me._”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Das it. We finished Winter Soldier!!! Age of Ultron is up next as the next "official" big thing that happens in the MCU. But... we laid some seeds that are going to start sprouting in this next interlude. So. ...oh boy. ENJOY THAT :] As always thanks for being here and enjoying!!
> 
> For reference, it is January 15th, 2014 in fic right now. Age of Ultron's events do not technically start until April 27th (though the tie-in comic has some bits dated on the 25th) of 2015. So. WE GOT SOME TIME ON OUR HANDS.


	109. Chapter 109 [Begin: Interlude]

The first quarter meeting had been delayed by unfortunate circumstances this year. What with its two CEOs mixed up in Avengers superhero business and the downfall of a huge government agency which was hiding a Hydra conspiracy inside of it… things had to understandably be put on the back burner until the end of January. So now that you and Tony were a little bit more free and clear, you decided to host a bigger conference than normal. You had your own presentation to give inside of it, for the Board more than anyone else, but at the same time you could run the project updates from the other departments and see where development were on several other key things. 

These sort of things were always nerve wracking, no matter if you were confident in the works you had started. Even if it ended up that the Board disagreed or didn’t like what was going on, they would never have the balls to start organizing another movement for removal. For either you or Tony. After what had happened last time… and now that the two of you were certifiable public darlings and heroes- they’d never do that again. It would be against their own interests. 

Yet, still, knowing this, you had a two hour long presentation about your projects and initiatives. Some that went years back. It was hard to hold a room for that long, you knew. But the information needed to be out and in the light of day so that Stark Industries could move forward into the new year. Tony helped you prepare… the best he could, anyway, and he sat front row for you while you took the stage. 

You went through each with power points that you and Pepper had put together late into the night the day before. Starting with the Clean Planet Initiative that had started the moment Tony had shut down the weapons division of Stark Industries and spanning the power up of the Tower everyone was currently sitting in. That was going all well and good. Of course. Running smoothly, the Tower was still sustaining itself, and Stark Industries had been able to credit itself with the reduction of air pollution, with plastic waste reduction, with fuel efficiency regulations, and new clean energy production. Stark Industries’ teams in that area had also begun their last phase of their Intellicrops project, which was something they’d present near the end of the conference. 

Then came the update on the Disaster Relief Funds for both the Expo and the Battle of New York. After the initial snafu of having terrible staff that had had to be replaced, things had been running a little bit more smoothly. Though the funds had not run dry, their usage had gone down- which was a great sign. It meant people were no longer relying on Stark Industries for help. Life was returning back to normal. Not particularly important to people like the Board, but the mentions of the oodles of tax credits the company could still claim and the boost to PR through all this was a little bit more substantial to their tastes. 

A lengthy chunk of time was dedicated to Damage Control’s reports about the clean up portion of New York. You made sure to include that you’d broken off a portion of the team to go assess and clean up DC, and that the warehouses were scheduled to go under a revamp after you’d been forced to purchase more property for them to operate. Company bloat would always be a thing to be mindful of, but when that bloat consisted of deadly weapons… someone needed to go through every single shelf to make sure things were not only accounted for, but to determine whether or not those very same things were worth holding on to. 

After that you gave the update on the Hansen Foundation. Still up and running strong. Though it had mostly assisted and helped the veterans that had been hurt by AIM’s malicious intentions, you and Tony had expanded it to care for the nation’s veterans that were otherwise not getting the help they needed. Going well, smoothly, and in the light of mentioning the funds needed for the Foundation, you again brought up the tax breaks and stock boosts that came from having someone like Colonel Rhodes on advisory staff. It had been a huge face lift for Stark Industries. Putting its past behind it and moving forward to navigate the damage it may have taken part in. 

...especially after the SHIELD leaks had informed the public that Obadiah Stane had been selling weapons to America’s enemies for fun and profit… yes, this foundation out of all of them was probably the most important one to have as a full face right now. 

The last two points of business were two of your newest initiatives: M and OAT. It was a little early to be reporting on either of them in a financial capacity, but the public returns had already been great and, as you _convinced_ everyone, very cost effective. The net gain would far outweigh whatever dollar amount ended up being on the end of this year’s reports. You were very sure of that. With OAT came the mention that you and Tony were looking to buy up another building- perhaps in DC, but not sure yet, to accommodate the expansion of Stark Industries and its brand new employees. Scouting would have to be done soon, something you said you were looking forward to. 

With that you opened the floor for questions, whether from the Board or the teams that had been invited to this big meeting. There had been… _many_. More than you would have liked. And more than you needed about topics not exactly pertinent to your presentations. Many of them having to do with the SHIELD leaks, of course, and your and Tony’s various… dealings. It wasn’t hard to put the voices to bed, and direct them to any of the multitude of reports that already existed. As for if any of them would negatively impact the company, you had personally already seen to that your and Tony’s motives would not be questioned. 

After that very public spat with Christine, the general consensus was that you were doing your job- as a superhero and businesswoman. Were someone to look up to. Were someone that people agreed with, in every poll that had come out about it. Stark Industries had remained untouched. So whether or not you should have blown up that way (you were kind of the mind that you maybe shouldn’t have and should have remained dignified about it) didn’t matter anymore. You had and the public was loving it. 

Christine had retreated into a hole. Calls had stopped. Her portion of the media that followed you and Tony around like hawks had disappeared. That spelled trouble, you were sure. She’d been smacked pretty hard for all to see. There was no way she was going to take that without repercussions. You just hoped… she wouldn’t do something drastic. Better not to think about it, for the moment. 

Once your portion of the conference was finished, you thanked everyone and as usual, made a small speech about looking forward to the year ahead. After that, you excused yourself off the presentation stage in the theater, wanting to take a moment just to breathe after speaking for so long. Even though you hadn’t seen him get up, it didn’t surprise you to see Tony waiting for you behind the curtain, bottle of chilled water in hand. 

The next presenter was already taking the stage as he smiled at you. “Great stuff. You really have a talent for getting people to eat out of your hand.” 

“You know, I think one of the members of the Board said that to me a long time ago.” Hard to remember it, now. Although the part of your brain that held on to all things painful reminded you that that moment had not been a good one. 

“They’re not wrong.” As you took the water from him and sipped at it gingerly, he put an arm around your waist. “What’d’you think? Time to cut and run?” 

“That would be _very_ rude to the other presenters.” While this grand meeting would be summarized in reports that you would go over later anyway… it was better for appearance to sit through and smile. 

“Hm. Yeah. Well. Then we have a problem.” Humming sardonically. When you looked up at him he grinned. “It may also be _very rude_ to the waitstaff at Ivy Lane if we bail on our reservation.” 

You settled a hand on his chest with a playfully light push. “You mean _your_ reservation. I had no part in that.” 

“It _was_ for two.” 

“Guess you’ll have to get Bruce to go.” 

“Busy.” 

“So am I.” 

The exchange left the two of you lightly smirking at one another, probably all too obvious you’d give in very soon. He helped speed matters along by lifting the hand you’d laid over his heart, pressing a kiss to the back. “Come on. Little celebration dinner never hurt anyone.” 

“Technically the conference isn’t over. Celebrating early might invite chaos…” Lilting lightly as you half leaned up. 

“I can handle chaos- especially restaurant chaos. What’s the worst they can do. Burn my chicken? Spill my wine?” 

“Let’s not tempt fate, darling.” Shifting completely forward to press a small kiss to his lips. 

It was interrupted all too soon by a clearing of someone’s throat. And when the two of you broke and turned, you saw Happy standing behind you. He hooked a thumb towards the exit door. “Car’s ready.” 

You feigned annoyance back up at Tony. “I didn’t even say I would go.” 

“But you will. Call me crazy, but, I’m pretty sure I know you by now.” 

That damnable boyish charm of his, with that beautiful wry smile… you wondered if Tony Stark was aware of just _how_ much he had you wrapped around his finger. You only hoped the feeling was mutual, as the two of you made your quiet escape. And hoped that no one noticed. Or saw. Or cared. 

* * *

As luck would have it, the night after that went perfectly fine. No one burned Tony’s food, no one spilled any drinks on you. Though he didn’t reserve the _whole_ restaurant, the two of you had a back table all to yourselves. It was nice to just be together, to just spend some time together after everything. Really, it was starting to feel like falling into a bit of a routine that way. 

Something terrible and seemingly world-ending would come down upon you, Tony, and the team. You’d all figure it out. Clean up would start. And then eventually you and Tony would pretend you knew what normal life looked like for a little while. Enjoy each other’s company. And then… something else bad would happen. 

It made the moments you shared, like that, precious. But it also… served to fuel your anxiety. How many more times would big terrible things happen? How many more storms would you have to weather? 

While you had decided, coming into your realization, that you didn’t want to ruin the evening, he caught your eyes in the lowlights of flickering candles, and his smile disappeared. Settling his hand over yours, “You okay?” 

Your smile was somewhat bittersweet. “That obvious?” 

“Always.” Such a strong and resolute statement drove a stake of warmth through your churning worries. 

But it wasn’t enough to kill them. “I don’t wanna ruin the night. I just… for a second couldn’t help but think about how we always end up here. After something nasty. Like we’re caught in an endless cycle.” 

His eyes lowered, thinking. There was a soft silence before he started nodding lightly. “Yeah. ...I’m still in the planning phases, of this whole defense idea, but. I think I can get Banner in by June and start putting in the real work.” 

This was _not_ where you wanted to put his mind right now, but now that you’d forced him there, you had no choice. “I know we’ve talked about it but could you just… as simple as possible give me what your “defense idea” is?” Before it had been assistance. Something to _help_ the Avengers. But now… 

“It would be nice. Kinda far fetched, but. I work best on lofty ideals.” Smiling just a little. “-anyway, what I’m getting at… I’m willing to put in the time and effort- to something that… lets us go home.” 

“Is that an option?” 

“I’m still in the very rough draft phases, but-” 

You turned your hand over in his so that you could give him a squeeze. “I’m not asking if you could build something. I have no doubt in my mind that you could figure out something- even something that big. I’m asking… even if you did…” 

“Would we be able to stop?” A breath left him, and he slid his fingers between yours, just holding on. His eyes dropped again. “If you’re asking me that, you already know the answer. But. In terms of incremental steps. Monitoring a situation is better than being on the front lines.” 

Monitoring. You imagined, he meant this, _from somewhere safe_. Wasn’t that what this was all about? There were levels of this. To build something that would allow you to pretend you could lead normal lives. To build something that would protect the earth from the things he saw up in space, and the things he thought would eventually come to earth to wreak more havoc. But, on top of it all… 

Somewhere inside you, you heard the broken plea he’d made the night before your house in California had been blown up. 

_Threat is imminent, and I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you._

Taking a breath, you tried to level the both of you out, and aimed a quieter smile his way. “When you say _lets us go home_, what is it you’re envisioning?” 

He blinked twice, having to shift gears to acquiesce that kind of question. But, once he was there, the quirk in the corner of his lips was considerably wry. “Are you asking me where I see us?” 

“In… five years.” 

“Am I being interviewed?” Grinning, then. 

You returned the expression. “If it helps to think of it that way, then sure.” 

“Alright. Five years…” Breathing out, eyes going up quickly in thought. As if he was looking at something- the picture he had in his mind. “New house. Something- comfortable. I think I’m aging out of my whole playboy billionaire estate vibe.” 

“Thank god for that.” 

For one reason or another this got a little laugh out of him, a drop of his head. When his eyes returned to yours, he lifted your joined hands, shifting forward so that he could rest the back of yours against his cheek. “Even though it seems like it’s not up to me- I’d hope by then you’ll settle for marriage.” 

“_Settle_, huh? That’s a terrible pitch. You’re doing a disservice to yourself, you know.” 

“If that’s how you feel, I’ll have them bring out a slice of cake with a ring in it right now.” 

While you didn’t think he had something like that set up, you also knew if you gave him even the barest notion that that _was_ what you wanted, he’d absolutely make it happen in fifteen minutes. He was ready to jump for you, whenever you were ready. _That’s_ what he was saying. It put a squeeze in your heart. “Tony…” 

“Oh that sounds bad.” Teasing, even knowing defeat was coming, smiling even still. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to.” 

“We’re off to a good start.” 

“Just- right now…” You sighed, and he mirrored it, looking the exact kind of crestfallen yet _understanding_ that really broke your heart. “Right now is not the right time.” 

He nodded, and then pressed a little closer to your hand. “But. In five years?” 

Your brows went up. “Did you just turn the tables on me?” 

“I was sure you’d be used to that by now.” 

Untangling your fingers from his, you turned your hand, resting his cheek in your palm. Just holding him. Dearly. Lovingly. Eyes watching his. “In five years… yes. I’d like a home with you. I’d like to build a life with you. And… yes. Be married to you.” 

“Okay.” He murmured, looking at you. _Adoration_ shone in his eyes, radiated between you, twined with that ever present and _deep _feeling of _love_. That he had only for you. “In five years.” 

Hearing him at that moment, make a promise. A promise to try and find a way to cull that self same chaos in your lives. The uncertainty. Not only for the world. But for the both of you. So that the two of you could have a life together. “I love you, Tony.” 

His smile was so beautiful. “I love you, too.” Reaching up to hold your hand there against his face, turning lightly, to press a kiss to your palm. “More than anything.” 

* * *

A light rain had started to fall and it was terribly chilly outside, but after your meal you and Tony decided it might be nice to just take a little walk in the rain. Happy provided the both of you with an umbrella, and at your request set a moving security perimeter of twenty feet, him ten behind, just to keep cameras at bay. It sucked, that you were having to do that increasingly more, but this life came with that territory. 

Tony was holding the umbrella over the both of you, his other arm preoccupied, twined with yours as you laid your head against him. The city at least seemed quiet, not even in the superficial way that your security was creating. It was just… _nice_. Even the cold was refreshing, in a way. The two of you had slipped into slightly broken and soft conversation about nothing important. 

It was hard to sense the subtle shift, lulled into that false sense of things being alright. Someone had been following the two of you. And it wasn’t until you heard Happy arguing with whoever it was that the both of you turned. 

A little too late as a woman put him over her shoulder and onto his back in a hard thump. She was short, black hair and very pale skin- and she was _angry_. Tony immediately moved just in front of you, “Please don’t touch my Happy.” Calling out to her. 

While she looked at him for a few seconds, her gaze skewed to you. “I don’t want trouble.” And after saying so, continued to give you the exact opposite idea as she came stomping your way. 

You couldn’t help but make a face at her. “Then you’re making a mistake.” Whoever she was, she was now just short of charging two of the most powerful people in the city. How she’d broken through security was a bit of an upsetting question- but- the two of you could handle yourselves. 

Said security had gotten the message that something was going down on their watch, and two of your Stark Industries strongmen came to her side. A car pulled up on the sidewalk. Tony opened the door for you, and put his arm around you to usher you inside. But, with one leg up and a hand on the door, you heard her call. “Hey-!” Whoever she was, the police could sort her out. Your plan was to leave. At least until she yelled again. 

“_Hey, __**puppy**_!” 

It shot a tremor through you so violent you thought for a second the sidewalk must be shaking. Going in the car was no longer an option. Your body seemed to be moving on its own as you turned back to look at her. Your security was scattered on the sidewalk. 

“That’s what I thought. That’s you. Right?” 

Tony’s voice was so very far away. Muffled, as he called out, with a hand on your shoulder, “Honey-” 

The next motions came in swift chops. The yank of your jacket zipper. The double press of the Heart Reactor. Tony was yelling something behind you- as you’d started moving. Running at full speed. This woman was _dangerous_. And not only that- 

_She was with __**him**_. 

Moving to a half leap to put all your momentum forward, you charged at her with a powerful punch. One she _caught_, both of her hands holding you at bay, gritting her teeth at you as the two of you struggled. “Listen to me-” Growling at you. 

“You work for him-” Growling right on back, zipping your eyes up along your HUD to get the helmet to release. You wanted to look into her eyes for this. To send a message to her- and _**him**_. You felt a snarl as you bore your teeth at her, “So you go back to him and tell him-” 

“I don’t work for that asshole. And _he’s dead_. No thanks to you.” 

That practically killed the fight in you almost immediately. The feeling of such raw and powerful _guilt_\- of _disgust_ and of _**wrath**_… you’d felt these things before. Easing up on your punch, even though she still held you in her palms, you narrowed your eyes at her. The heavy smell of liquor rolling off her was sickening. “What are you talking about?” 

“It’s you, right? At least tell me I’ve got that part down.” There was a smaller air of _satisfaction_. She scoffed with a dead-eyed half grin. “Yeah. He’s dead. I thought you should know.” Her eyes moved sideways and then she let you go, putting her hands up. “I did what I came here to do.” 

You realized the sound of a heavy thunk behind you too late. Tony had pulled a suit- probably from the car- and while this woman was strong... she was also probably no idiot. “Are we talking about-” 

“Kilgrave. If you even got that far. If you even _cared_.” She spit at you. Like this was… your fault, somehow. “I thought he was lying, you know. Not that it matters, he’s dead now. But he hurt a lot of people. Because _you_ let him.” 

“You’re sure he’s dead?” 

She hung her head, a sarcastic bark of laughter leaving her. “Saw him got hit by a bus. Yeah. He’s _pretty _dead.” Then she looked up at you, and for a moment you weren’t sure you’d ever seen so much boiling _**hate**_**\- **or felt so much- directed at you before. “_Superhero_ my ass. You could’ve stopped him-” 

It riled you straight to your core. Even as you held up your hand to keep Tony at bay- from firing on this woman- you stared her down. “If we’re talking about the same monster, then you know I had no say in what I did.” 

“But you _got out_. And you let him continue to roam around. Because you’re a _coward_. Live with that for the rest of your life. Knowing he hurt _so many_ other people. Knowing you could have done more. People are dead because of _you_.” Then she turned away in a half stumble, shoving aside one of your other security guards who had gotten to his feet. “Don’t touch me.” Barking at him, half falling over, catching herself, and then walking off. 

Your men were staring at you, waiting for direction- because two of the Iron People of the world were standing there, letting her get away. So clearly that meant they shouldn’t get involved. Right? “...ma’am?” 

Tony put a hand on your shoulder. “Honey.” 

With a shaky hand, feeling the earth shift beneath you, you reached up to deactivate the suit, and felt the slice of pouring rain suddenly coming down over you. The man that had taken you… one you’d promised vengeance on- the one you’d promised you’d make regret doing that- regret hurting others… also the one you _ran from_\- such a dangerous, powerful man. The man who could command people with a single word. 

...had gotten hit by a bus. 

Wrapping your arms around yourself, you turned to Tony, unable to meet his eyes. “I need to go home.” 

“Yeah-” Clearly stunned and confused, having _no_ earthly idea what the hell was going on. But wanting to heed your needs. 

Once the two of you were in the car with Happy behind the wheel, promising he was okay- and apologizing for letting that happen- you tuned everything else out except the patter of rain on the windows. 

Fury had been right. You should have gotten out of bed. You should have made an effort. Maybe you could have caught that man- _Kilgrave_, apparently. That _did_ make you a coward. The woman was right. 

Stuck in traffic, fifteen minutes out from the Tower, you found your voice. “She said he’s dead.” 

Tony had his arm around you, the both of you soaking wet still. “Who?” 

“The one who took me.” 

The air in the back of the car became _suffocating_ and _dark_. “...she sure about that?” 

“She wasn’t lying.” You knew it, now. Sensed it, as she was coming down on you. Everything she’d said was **true**. “She blamed me-” This escaping out of you in a hiccup as you reached up to press a hand to your forehead. 

“She was also _drunk_. Which. Excusable. Given the circumstances. But. Also skews her judgment.” He was trying to defend you. And much as you wanted to give in… 

“She called me a coward.” 

“What more proof do you need that she’s wrong?” When you didn’t- _couldn’t_\- answer, he let a breath out. “...we’re really sure. That he’s dead? Who even is she? ...you’re sure she’s sure?” Double and triple checking. Wordlessly you nodded. “...how did she know about you?” 

“He must have… told her. I don’t know. He was a sick person.” 

“And he’s dead now. According to her.” Tony’s skepticism was understandable. This was such a terrible mark on both your lives. To have it come to a quick and unforeseeable, maybe even _unknowable_ end… it was hard to believe. “...either way. I had JARVIS grab a scan.” 

“Why?” Finding enough strength to finally look up at him. 

“Seems like enhanced people are popping up everywhere, these days. Seeing as how she laid out our security and held a swing from you like Cap, I’m thinking it’s not a bad idea to keep an eye on things.” 

You weren’t sure how you felt about this. If she were anything like you- and it seemed like you had an uncomfortable amount in common… “I don’t want to spy on her.” 

“Nobody said spy. I’m not spying.” Defending himself quickly. 

“I believe her.” What she had been saying was true. You… were _pretty_ sure about it. 

“Alright. So I believe you when you believe her. Doesn’t change the fact that a woman that angry and that boozed up could punch a hole through a regular person.” 

Your eyes dropped, thinking about this. ...he was right. And you weren’t sure how to feel about _that_. The two of you weren’t responsible for every single newly enhanced individual that showed up on the street. Not _until_ they started menacing the general public, at least. Then it was sort of your problem.

But this woman had been taken by that man. Probably abused by him. No telling for how long. She was now angry and had a new sense of freedom. ...she was also self medicating with alcohol. And she had some pretty heavy firepower in her muscles. This was a dangerous cocktail. ...it also wasn’t fair to pigeonhole her. 

“SHIELD kept tabs on people, remember? And we didn’t like it. ...I’m- I agree with you. This situation is a little dicey but… let’s leave her alone. Until she decides what side of the fence she’s coming out on.” 

“I’m not trying to menace her.” There was a sudden blossom of _blue_ in the backseat as he looked away. _Guilt_ was very close. “...I remember. How you came out of that. I’ve got nothing but sympathy, alright?” Leaning in closer, you practically hid your face against the round of his shoulder, hand over his heart. Just clinging to him. He took a breath to even himself out. “We’ll stay worried about us. And our current situation.” Making a very valiant effort, he touched a hand over your wet hair, directing your attention his way, and tried a smile for you. “...and that five years will be here before you know it.” 

Out of all the ways you’d expected this evening to go… this wasn’t exactly the chaos you’d thought you were inviting. It wasn’t exactly the worst, either. But it… definitely sucked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of note: this would be only a few days after Jess breaks control from Kilgrave, after suffering beneath him for five or so months (according to the timeline). This would mean it's also just a few days after she's murdered Reva. She's very angry, very drunk and needs someone to put her anger on now that Kilgrave is ... uh. "Dead". I'm sure she's right and he's totally gone and won't be back later. 
> 
> Anyway... she'll come around if INY ever sees her again. And I'm sure they'll cross paths again in the near future. For good nice reasons and not anything that has to do with Kilgrave being not dead because he's certainly dead.


	110. Chapter 110

It was hard to make heads or tails of any of the information you’d pulled after that night. Whether “Kilgrave” was a first name or a last name- or more realistically, probably was a fake name. It didn’t appear _anywhere_. No records. No whispers. No murmurs. But, you supposed that was easy for someone like him. Anyone he came across he could talk into unwilling subjugation until his time with them was over. ...except for you and that woman-

Jessica Jones.  
While you’d disagreed with Tony and told him you had no interest in watching her or spying on her, JARVIS had delivered his findings to your email the next morning. You sat in your office, third cup of coffee steaming away, you’d stared at the subject line for a long time. A _long time_, wondering if you should just delete it. 

Then… you clicked on it. And let your eyes look for all of two seconds. Enough to get her name.  
Place of residence- and then you deleted it. 

She’d been abducted, same as you. She’d found a way out, same as you. Now she was angry. Her path diverted there. You’d fallen into a deep depression and guilt after surviving that incident. She just seemed on a warpath. There was nothing you could do to help her, especially considering she thought you should have done more in the first place. Because if you _had_, she wouldn’t have been taken and forced to endure whatever he’d done to her. 

_Were you a coward? _

A thought that plagued you the rest of the day. Maybe you were. Maybe you really should have done more. Gotten out of bed sooner. Talked to Fury. Went on a search effort with your team. Done anything other than waste away and suffer- ...which then led to other people’s suffering. Deaths, too. No telling how many. 

It was this dark cloud that formed over your head that kept your next week preoccupied. You tasked Pepper with pulling all the recent MTA bus accident reports- quietly. And when she asked why, you simply told her you needed to check up on something important. There was a quiet tense feeling in your heart… one that continued to grow the more incident reports you went through and found nothing. A great testament to the city you were in that there were _so many_ accidents on record. Pedestrians getting hit and buses needing to be repaired. 

But as for _fatal_ accidents…?  
None on record.  
There were a few buses that had reported significant damage, and the inquiries that had been done to get insurance to pay out had been all over the place for the handful you’d discovered. Was it possible that the city of New York was covering up hitting someone and killing them? Sure. You wouldn’t put it past the governing body. Especially not after all you’d been through. But… it was extremely troubling, to say the least. 

Jessica had been telling the truth. You were _sure_ of that. But she was telling a truth she thought she knew. Had she seen Kilgrave get hit by a bus in the middle of a road? Sure. Had she seen that his injuries had been devastating? Also sure. _Had he died_? ...not so sure. There was no record of it, if he had. And that was upsetting. 

Did he have healing factor, like you? Had he crawled his way somewhere and was resting up right now? It was entirely possible. Maybe even more likely than you wanted to admit. While Jess had blamed you for a lot, things that may have been true, even… part of you wanted to be done with it anyway. You didn’t want the universe to ask you to try and make this right. And yet- 

“Have a minute, honey?” 

You’d been staring blankly at your computer screen for the better part of twenty minutes now. Tony’s interruption was not entirely unwelcome, but it took a great deal of effort to muster a smile for him. “A few. I have to get ready for a couple meetings downtown.” An investor and pitch meeting respectively that you were a little under-prepared for, but it didn’t really matter. 

He came in and perched himself on the corner of your desk as you turned towards him. Reaching down, he took hold of your hands in his. “I was thinking about taking some time off. Call it an early Valentine’s vacation.” 

“Oh?” Smiling a little more easily up at him then. “Where are you going?” 

He shrugged. “I’m not particular. How about Fiji?” 

“I hear it’s nice. Do you want me to put you in for paid time off?” Teasing him, just a little. 

His small grin was worth it. “You, too, if you’d please. As long as the big boss thinks it’s okay.” 

“The big boss says…” Holding out the thought on a hum as you pretended to consider it. Was it wise to take off right now? Nothing needed your immediate attention. Your research was turning up nothing, and becoming more and more troublesome the more you dug and didn’t find what you were looking for… “...sure. Fiji. Why not.” 

He lifted both your hands to press a kiss to the backs of your fingers. “I’ll cook tonight. We can go in the morning.” 

“_Oh_.” Smile bright then. “Cooking, too? Must be a very special occasion. What are you making?” 

He pressed another grinning kiss to your hands before letting them go and moving to stand. “You’ll just have to come home and find out.” 

Leaning atop your desk, you let him get all the way to the door before you called out to him. “You say it like you expect I might not come back otherwise.” 

Raising his pointer finger in a little shake, “Always good to incentivize.” 

* * *

Pepper came and got you when it was time to leave, and both she and Happy accompanied you in and out of your meetings. It was unfortunate that both meetings also ran unbearably long. The people within them wanted to give you every little facet of information possible, even when it was probably clear (rudely so) that your mind was elsewhere and you weren’t really interested. Nonetheless, you tried valiantly to put your best effort forward and take their folders and information when everything was said and done. 

You put in a call to Tony just as you’d left your last meeting of the day, letting him know that you were going to be home soon and, of course, you were sorry for being late. The sun had long since gone down and the city was unbearably cold, still. 

Even going from the warmth of the car to the warm lobby was terrible. And while your mind was on a million different things, especially as you half realized Happy and Pepper were both talking to you, passing by the main foyer on your way to the elevator, something caught your eye. Something… very terribly out of place. 

You left both your companions waiting for the elevator as you made a quick turn around to approach a child sitting, _purposefully_, as far away from the front desk as he could. He was wearing clothes that really were not suited for the freezing winter that was still holding over the city- just a small windbreaker and ripped jeans. Hat with some sports logo you didn’t recognize. Bulky backpack over on his shoulders. Head down, pretending to be engrossed in whatever game he was playing on a very obvious piece of beat up, perhaps well loved, Stark Tech. 

“Excuse me.” You called out to him, carefully, but he pointedly ignored you. Coming to a stop in front of him you tried again. “Hey- are you waiting for your parents? Are they upstairs?” Perhaps someone who worked was running late, same as you. 

He just shook his head, though, but didn’t look up at you still. 

_No?_ “Are you lost? Did you get separated from a tour group or something?” Maybe he’d wandered into Stark Industries while his parents had their back turned. “Do you need me to call someone for you?” He mumbled out something and you leaned just a touch in. “Hello? Excuse me?” 

Heaving a terribly annoyed sigh, “I said **no**. Leave me alone.” 

Right now was not a good time for you to be interacting with a rude child. Your nerves were paper thin and you just really wanted to go upstairs and relax with Tony. But you couldn’t very well just walk away from this kid. “I’m afraid I can’t just leave you alone. You’re in my lobby, unattended.” 

“Your lobby-” Finally he lifted his head, reaching up to tilt the brim of his hat back to give himself more visibility. He had a smudged face, some wispy pieces of dirty-blond bangs hanging down from his hat, and blue eyes that widened just a touch when he leveled them your way. “Oh.” Realizing, finally, just who he might have been dealing with. “Good. Come on. Let’s go upstairs.” 

It was a little too much to ask of you to not make a face at him- which you promptly did. “Upstairs?” 

“_Yeah_. To like- you know. The place where you live- actually- I wanna see the labs first- see if it’s all it’s made up to be.” 

“I’m sorry, _who _are you?” When the kid just rolled his eyes at you and then turned his attention back to his game again- as if to say- _I’m not talking to you anymore unless you do what I say_\- you decided to play this game for only a few seconds longer. Although… you did catch a bare hint of _hurt_ rolling off him. “LUNA.” Turning away from him, you crossed one arm and pressed your earring to activate your visor with your other hand. Catching his now very _interested_ gaze, at least until he got caught and looked down again, “Scan and identify please.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“How’d he make that?” Looking up again at you briefly, brows raised. 

“Nanotech.” 

“But _how_?” 

“I don’t know, you’d have to ask him.” 

The kid scoffed with another roll of his eyes and a shake of his head. “_Psh_. Figures.” 

Before you could reach down to yank him up by the strap of his backpack and throw him security’s way, LUNA spoke up. “That’s Harley Keener, ma’am.” A short profile window popped up. Twelve years old. Last known address somewhere in _Rose Hill, Tennessee_. 

The fight (that you would have had with a child) escaped you as you looked at him again. “You’re Harley- the kid that helped Tony in Rose Hill.” Saying it just a little in disbelief, as much as you were also parroting the information to let him know you now knew who he was. 

“I did more than help.”_Proud_. 

“Oh?” 

“I saved his life. Bet you didn’t know _that_.” Staring you down, now. Now a little _insulted_. 

“I didn’t.” Truthful with him. Tony hadn’t really talked a lot about what had happened while he’d been stuck there. Mostly because it had been shadowed in his mind by the importance of you being kidnapped and exploding. But… maybe you _should _have asked him about it… He served you with yet _another _eye roll and you tried to ignore it. “What are you doing here? Your parents know you’re here?” 

He looked very _upset_ very suddenly. “I’m basically thirteen, I can go wherever I want.” 

So that was a _no_. “You ran away from home?” 

“Who cares.” Dropping his eyes again to press very hard at the buttons on his game. 

You tried to hold yourself very steady. “I care, Harley. Tennessee is a long way from New York-”

“It’s not even halfway across the country.” Making a face at you that very much implied he thought you were extremely stupid. 

“-for a _child_ to travel, so if you ran away, they’re probably looking for you-”

“What do you know? Why don’t you mind your own business. Don’t you have _papers to file_ or something? I don’t need you babysitting me. Leave me alone. Go away.” 

That was twice now, that this child had insinuated you were beneath Tony’s level. You wondered what he _really_ thought of you. But- that’s what he was. _A child_. So you had to remind yourself not to give in to him. He’d run away from home, for who knew what reason- probably not a good one- and had come a long way seeking maybe the only friendly face he thought he could count on-

Harley looked up. “You just gonna stand there all night with your mouth open?” 

Forcing a very tight smile at him, you quickly turned away, holding a hand up to stop Happy who was lifting his shoulders at you, still waiting at the elevators. “LUNA call Tony, please.” 

The call connected in just a second, and his live feed popped up in your visor. “What’s up, honey? Traffic that bad? You could always just meet me on the deck-” 

“I need you to come down to the lobby. _Now_. We have a situation.” 

He looked a little unnerved. “...what kind of situation? Is this an _Iron Man is needed in the lobby_ type situation? JARVIS hasn’t reported anything-” 

“No. This is a _Tony Stark is needed in the lobby_ situation. Now.” 

Knowing better than to argue, “Coming, honey.” 

You kept a smart distance between yourself and Harley- he seemed uninterested, anyway, still playing his game- while you waited for Tony. It took him only a minute to get downstairs. A relief, really. But as he came out of the elevator with his hands raised in question, you went over to him, settling a hand on his chest and aiming only the sweetest of smiles up his way. “I realize now- in our five year talk the other night- we never discussed children.” 

He paled a little, arching one brow. “_Children_?” 

Pressing your lips together in a tight smile, you patted his chest. “I don’t think I want any.” Leaning up to press a little kiss to the corner of his mouth and then getting out of his way. You sensed he was looking at you as you walked away from him and into the elevator. 

But as you waved to him, and he waved back, the doors starting to close as he turned. And you heard his very _surprised _call. “_Kid_!” Happy to see him, maybe. Didn’t matter. Harley was waiting for Tony, so he could have him. Clearly you were _not involved_. 

* * *

Upstairs you took a long series of deep breaths to settle yourself, slipped out of your heels, and dropped into a kitchen chair, eyeing the dinner Tony had made. Some kind of glazed chicken and sauteed veggies with rice- he’d really been stepping up his chef game lately, something you appreciated. Far more than _just _a breakfast man. A bottle of expensive wine was chilling in a bucket, glasses aside it. 

Waiting. Waiting for the both of you.  
This was supposed to be a nice meal the two of you shared together. You were supposed to be enjoying your time with him. And now… now instead you were pouring yourself a glass to drink by your lonesome while you wondered what on earth Tony was going to do with that kid in the lobby. 

The proper thing to do would be to call his parents. Tell them to come get him- or, more likely in the event that they couldn’t, put him on a jet with Happy and send him home. But… seeing as Tony didn’t return after fifteen minutes, you guessed that was _not_ what was happening. Which was worrisome. 

Maybe they were just catching up. It had been a little while since they’d seen each other, and while Tony never talked about him, you knew he’d been looking out for him from afar. At least in the way of sending him some money and some tech to fill out his garage. But you thought that had been a one-off thank you sort of thing- 

And what had Harley meant by _I saved his life_? Things had been pretty dicey, during that little misadventure. You’d known he’d been fighting off those terrible AIM agents that had had their genes altered. To think they’d gotten in a scrap so bad that Tony had nearly _died_? Or maybe the kid was exaggerating, as children tended to do. It was hard to say. 

What you knew was that the two of you were about to have a serious problem. Because you were a quarter into your third glass of wine, going over work emails, when Tony finally returned- _an hour and a half later_\- and he was **not alone**. 

The excited harried footsteps of that young boy spilled out across the foyer. “This place is _so cool_!” You heard him throw his backpack on the floor somewhere. “Where’s my room?” 

“Guest bedroom is two doors down on the left- just- take it easy. You’re making scuff marks on my floor.” 

“Can we order pizza??” His voice trailed off and you heard a door open and then slam closed and then open again. No telling what the hell he was up to. Looking around, maybe? 

There was a soft air of _hesitance_, same as his movements as Tony came up behind you. Dinner had gone cold, you didn’t want to eat without him. As he finally stopped next to you, laying a hand on your shoulder, you aimed a deservedly foggy look up his way. Quickly deciding to lay down what little bit of law you could. “He _can’t _stay here, Tony.” 

“Look- I know- I agree- but-”

“No buts. We can’t just- we’re looking at a kidnapping charge, honestly. How did he even get here? Call Happy and get him to take him back-”

“Alright, honey- just, will you lower your voice? Please?” _Nervous_. 

But he was right. You took a breath. The kid was no doubt listening. He’d run away. Probably for a reason. Whether or not it was a _good_ one, you didn’t want him to hear you and Tony arguing. In fact, after the way he’d treated you- what he seemed to think about you- that was the last position you wanted to be in. For him to think you and Tony weren’t a team. 

So you stood suddenly, Tony having to help you as you wobbled _only a little_, and you took his hand, leading him to the elevator. Quickly you got in. “JARVIS drop us half a floor and stop.” 

“Descending.” 

The perfect place to be alone. Once the two of you came to a stop, you crossed your arms feeling a chill creeping in and looked up at him. “I don’t know what happened to him but he needs to go home. Tomorrow.” 

“His home situation is… not ideal. Best I could get out of him was his dad came back and sold all the stuff I sent to junkers. Mom doesn’t want any part in it. Works for a living with two kids. Hard enough as it is.” 

Being open and candid and _honest_ with you. ...it also put a wrench in your plans that Tony seemed _pained_ for this kid. _Sad_ for him. “Was his father gone for a long time?”

“Six years, last we spoke. So. ...again, not ideal.” 

You drew a breath and tried to let it out as evenly as you could. “...so what do you want to do about it? We can’t _keep_ him, Tony. He’s missing school right now. And even if his parents _are_ shitty, they’re bound to notice he’s gone eventually. And that’s not a story we need out there. That we’re harboring a child that isn’t ours.” 

“I know. Honey, I know.” Reaching up, he smoothed his hands up and down your arms. “I agree. On all accounts. I just… I need a little time to figure out what to do.” 

He wanted to help Harley. It was _burning_ inside of him. The need to try and fix this. You caught a small ripple from him- ...he felt… _responsible_ for some reason. “...okay, Tony. A little time.”

“That’s all I’m asking.” Smiling at you then. “I work great under pressure. Should be able to knock this out in a couple of days.” 

Since the two of you were settled and agreed on this… you tried to get your brain to move. “I guess I can- we had a program on the docket. I can move it up. Stark Internships for gifted children- at least that way we can pretend he was invited or… something. And he can get school credit-” 

“See? This is why I love you.” He _warmed_ very suddenly, drawing you further in. You laid your hands and face against his chest, just breathing him in. “Thank you.” 

“But- if he’s staying-” Craning your head back to look up at him. “He’d better watch that attitude of his.” 

“He can be a handful-” 

“I won’t tolerate him talking down to me.” 

“I’ll warn him.” 

“You _better_. He seems to think I’m stupid.” 

Tony grinned then. “Worst mistake a person can make.” 

You pursed your lips at him. “Yeah- well. He also seems to think I’m beneath you.” 

“Oh. Well he’s got it _all_ wrong.” 

Sliding your hands up his chest to brush the sides of his neck, “You tell him that.” 

“I will. But- you know how kids are at that age- probably thinks you’re full of cooties.” Shifting half back, arm moving to hold you steady around the waist, he pressed the button to signal the elevator to go up to the top floor again. But, before the doors opened, he aimed a _curious_ glance your way. “...you really don’t want kids?” 

“I- I _cannot_ have that discussion right now. ...why? Do _you_?” Not sure what to make of that. Or what to think. The two of you had certainly never had a real conversation about it. And… to think Tony wanted a child? Was that right? Did he seem like the sort of person who would? ...maybe not before _all of this_. But now…? 

He hummed out a thought, leaning in, nose brushing yours. “No no. You have a fair point. Let’s table that discussion.” Retreating, _quickly_. 

It was a simple kiss he laid to your lips, but you wanted nothing more than to melt into it. Your arms looped around his neck, holding him there. It would have been nice to go to _bed_ after all this. But a very over dramatic sound of disgust greeted the two of you a few seconds after the door opened. “_Eugh_. Can you like- _not _do that in front of me? It’s basically child abuse.” Harley was sitting on the back of one of the nearby couches, swinging his feet- _shoes still on_\- against the cushions. 

He seemed like an entirely different kid than the one you’d met in the lobby. Something about spending just a little bit of time with Tony had put some _light_ into him. ...it was kind of sweet. 

“Get your feet off my couch.” Still. You had to take some charge here. 

He rolled his eyes, head lolling to the side. “He paid for everything, that makes it _his_.” 

Tony put his hands up. “Actually, kid, this whole Tower is hers. She designed it. Every room. And- between you and me- she’s kind of the boss around here.” 

He scoffed. “You’re _lying_.” 

You crossed your arms, waiting patiently. Seeing how this would get sorted. Tony went over to him. “I’m not. She’s the boss. Owns the company. ...you didn’t know that?” Grinning a little wryly at him. Baiting him. “Hey. It’s okay. We all make mistakes. By the way- even if it _wasn’t_ true- I’d still side with her.” 

“_Ugh_.” Hanging his head back like he’d been dealt a terrible blow. Tony had picked his _girlfriend_ over him? “_Gross_.”

Tony simply smiled. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Stepping closer you hooked a thumb to the side. “Shoes off my couch. Now. ...and tell me what kind of pizza you want.” 

Harley looked at you, regarding you, perhaps thinking about what decision he should make. _Wisely_ he pushed himself off the couch and stuck his hands in his pockets. A little _shy_ suddenly. “I dunno.” 

Tony crossed his arms. “He wants anchovies.” 

Livening up again immediately, “I do _not_!” 

“Sure you do. You’re always telling me about your great love of little fish. I think it’s weird, but, hey, everyone’s got their _thing_.” Grinning at him again. Teasing him. 

Harley pushed him. “_Stop_ it- I do not-!” Play-fighting with him as Tony laughed, holding him at bay. 

...maybe it was the wine talking but…  
For the first time since you’d been together the thought crossed your mind that… Tony might make a wonderful father. 

...some day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something something why was Harley Keener at Tony's funeral if we never saw him after Iron Man 3 something something Tony _would_ and _will_ make a wonderful father.


	111. Chapter 111

Dinner that night was a half pepperoni half sausage pizza and a whole double cheese pizza. Harley ate more than you thought someone his size should, but then again, this whole experience was starting to really show you you may not have known anything about kids. Sure. You’d been one. Once. A _long_ time ago. But… especially a young preteen boy… you were a little out of your depths. At least he and Tony seemed to get along well enough. It was nice. 

The two of you set him up on the couch with every movie known to man available at his fingertips (although he did complain lightly about the absence of any gaming consoles), and you tried to impress upon him that he’d be getting up early tomorrow. Just as you shut your bedroom door you heard him raiding your kitchen cabinets and putting some popcorn in the microwave. 

Wine buzz had fled some time ago, leaving you free and clear after changing into some pajamas to sit cross legged on the bed and answer some work emails. Tony must have been of the same mind, because he had one of his larger tablets open and was working away. First thing, you canceled your vacation plans. It would have been nice to _move_ them to a later date, but you had no idea how long this was going to go on for. And rescheduling without an idea was only asking for trouble. 

The next was to send a quick email to Happy for tomorrow, just a few small pickups. Some more substantial food- kid’s cereal?- a Stark console and all the latest games. That would do for now. You _hoped_ Harley had packed some clothes in that backpack he’d brought with him on his little _hike_ to New York City but you’d forgotten to ask. If not… you’d just have to take him shopping. 

Pepper came next, letting her know you were no longer taking time off, asking her to un-clear your schedule, and then asking her to expedite papers for the Stark Internship program. Even if it wasn’t up and running, you could always backdate and have her rubber stamp enough documents to make things seem legit. Harley would need an ID and a badge for as long as he was staying in the Tower. That would at least legitimize this for anyone who dug into it. And… you imagined if Harley was spotted with either you _or_ Tony (as he _definitely_ would be), questions would come in heavy. You had to be prepared. 

You unfortunately didn’t have the proper staff for this right now… even in your sudden wealth of employees. The closest you could think of… prompted a final email to Bruce, very quickly explaining the situation. And then asking him if he would be comfortable putting together a quick and not necessarily flush syllabus- or, if not that serious, just some lab exercises that he could walk Harley through, failing anything else. 

Though you were seconds from closing your laptop and pretending you could go to bed, almost as expected, three emails pinged back in succession. Even though it was outside of work hours. This was why you loved these people.  
  
From Happy: _You got it, boss. This have to do with the kid in the lobby?  
  
_From Pepper: _Sure thing. I imagine we’ll discuss the __**why**_ _in the morning.  
  
_And from Bruce: _Comfortable definitely isn’t the word but I’ll do my best… _

There were about a hundred other things you could attend to but with the immediate worries put to rest for the night, you shut the lid on your laptop and set it aside on the night table. With your arms now free, you snuggled up to Tony, winding your arms around his middle and resting your head against him. He swiped a quick hand across his tablet to project what he was working on, freeing up his space a little to welcome you in further. 

Once his arm came around you, you put a hand over his chest, eyes glazing as you looked at what he was working on. Even you were surprised by how tired your voice sounded, when you finally spoke. “I have things set up for tomorrow. We’ll get Harley to Pepper for processing and… Bruce is gonna try and work on some science lab stuff for him.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” His voice came out in a low rumble, a little more focused on the schematics that were hanging in the air. 

You soothed your hand up and down his chest, fingers circling the round of his tank top, touching over his skin. “In the lobby, Harley said he saved your life.”

There was an abrupt stop to his working. “Yeah.” 

“...in like a… you needed help to finish what you were doing general way? Or in a more serious way?” 

You found yourself stilling as he swiped away the holograms, settling a little bit more against the headboard. His hand then came down over yours, holding you still. “Probably both. That kid’ll take all the credit you can give him.” Laying your head against the edge of his shoulder, you cast a look up his way. Patient. Glancing at you briefly from his peripherals, his lips pressed together before a sigh escaped. 

His hand held yours a little tighter, as his gaze went forward and foggy. _Reliving_ as much as he was _remembering_. 

“One of those soldiers took down a water tower. A kid- funny enough, apparently… kid that was bullying Harley- EJ was his name… got caught up and drowned. Heart wasn’t beating right, he wasn’t breathing. So I took the Arc out of my chest to give him a jolt. Soon as he coughed up water, I started seizing. Harley yanked the Arc out of my hands and shoved it back in my chest.” 

A little shiver crept over your skin. Slowly, without really thinking, the tips of your fingers started to trace the white scar across his chest. Tony had literally, without thinking, put his life in serious jeopardy for a kid that, by all accounts, sounded like he didn’t even know. Maybe he felt responsible- ...scratch that. He _definitely_ felt responsible, but… 

“Why didn't you ever tell me?” 

You felt his shoulders shrug beneath you. “Part of the job, isn’t it? Almost dying? Besides, we had a million other things going on. Never seemed like a good time to bring it up. _Hey, honey, so while I was in Tennessee- you remember, that time __**you**_ _got kidnapped and almost died? Funny story..._” He breathed out a long sigh, taking hold of your hand, lifting it to press a lingering kiss to your skin. 

What could you really say to this? There was a beat of _heartache_ that cycled through both of you. It made sense- he’d been looking into getting the Arc removed a little before that. But after _that_… no wonder as soon as you were on your feet he had been ready to jump into surgery. 

He pressed your palm to his cheek, just holding you there. “You know…” Deciding you didn’t want to drown in the feeling, you waited until he hummed a noise of question to continue. “You promised me. At least twice. That you wouldn’t go dying on me.” 

There was a twitch of a grin on his lips. “So far so good. Haven’t broken it.” 

“Let’s keep it that way.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

* * *

As usual with most evenings the two of you went to bed together, he got up before you- and before the sun rose, too. Up to do Tony things, you supposed. Science, work. Either or both. He left with a quiet kiss at your temple, a tug of the covers a little more over your shoulders, and a quiet close of the door. Sleep was a luxury now, it kind of always had been, but with the lifestyle you were running, more now than ever. It was why even though he was more apt of the two of you to get up first, you never stayed asleep for that much longer. 

It was an hour later at sunrise that you got up and took a shower. There were kitchen sounds happening, you realized, once you got out- and it reminded you that the two of you had a _guest_. So while you might have otherwise left your bedroom in a towel or a robe (or maybe sometimes nothing at all, it was your penthouse, who could judge), _now_ you had to actually get ready before leaving the master bedroom. At least it served to set your mind up for the day. 

Ready to face the morning, albeit with damp hair, you exited the bedroom. Harley was dead asleep on the couch- passed out after what seemed to be a long evening of binge watching TV, eating multiple bags of popcorn, and filling up on juice. You considered yourself as lucky as you did smart that you hadn’t sent him downstairs to the Avengers’ living space. Their kitchen was a little more terrible for a child to wreak havoc in. 

A blanket was pulled up over him, Dvahli belly up in the crook of his arm, snoozing away. It put your mind at ease, a little. If he made friends with the cat… maybe he wasn’t _so_ bad. 

Tony was humming away in the kitchen when you got there, all dressed in black casual, sleeves rolled up, white dish towel draped over his shoulder. You sneaked up behind him, winding your arms around his middle and snuggling your face into his back. He smelled that nice spice and earthy way he always did. “Morning…” 

You felt him put a hand over your arms. “Good morning. What’s on your to-do list today?” Asked quietly, almost drowned up by the sound of something sizzling away in the frying pan in front of him. 

“A million things.” 

“The usual.” Able to hear the grin in his voice. 

“Pepper will process Harley and I have to sign and… backdate- and then bury the backdating of the Internship program, just in case anyone looks into it.” Which was an eventuality. And even if it wasn’t, you had to treat it like one. Getting caught unaware was not something you liked. “Then I have a few meetings here and… a media meeting at NBC.” 

The sound of the stove dying intermingled with his next hum of thought, and you shifted with him as he moved to plate something- refusing to let go of him. Even if it was a little ridiculous, practically hanging on like a baby koala. “I’m all in for brand integration on cheesy sitcoms.” 

“Don’t joke, I think I saw _Days of Our Lives_ on the proposal list.” Snorting lighting against his shirt with another little nuzzle there before you let go finally. Shifting aside him, you moved to sit atop the counter, stealing a very hot piece of freshly cooked bacon with a satisfied crunch. 

Easing forward, he settled his hands on your hips. “Who said anything about joking? I want Stark Tech to be the reason someone comes out of their sixth coma- just in time for her to see her mother stealing her husband-” Having trouble getting the thought out as giggles leaked from you as he fantasized. “I want the logo in the shot when they say _porque, Maria_-!” Giving it a little gusto with a shaking fist as he delivered the line. 

Something that had you dying all the more, head shifting forward to stifle your laughter against his shoulder. “I think you’re mixing up your soaps-” 

“They’re all the same.” Sharing in the laughter with you. Maybe laughing just because _you_ were laughing. The _warmth_ and _adoration _you felt rolling off him certainly seemed to suggest so. 

He nudged your head up with a little touch of his forehead against yours, and you found his sunny gaze waiting there for you when you opened your eyes. “I love you-” Cutting himself off just as you reached up to cup the sides of his face, an action he craned back against suddenly, holding up a pointer finger between the two of you. “_-however-_ if you slather bacon grease on my face, we might have some serious issues-” 

“Stop making your bacon so greasy, then.” Grinning but holding your hands up in the air to placate him, leaning in to steal a quick little kiss. “I love you, too.” 

When you tilted back, he chased you, laying a much stronger kiss to your lips. One you fell victim to instantly. Settling your arms over his shoulders- still palm up just in case- lifting an _encouraging_ leg to slide up at his side to invite him _in_ as close as you could have him. A slow brush of tongues sparked a quiet heat-

And it died immediately once the sound of exaggerated groaning bubbled up from behind the both of you. The break happened pretty quickly after that, but Tony didn’t really move away, instead half angling back to look- you peering over his shoulder, to see Harley perched on the back of the living room couch with his tongue out. Gagging. When he stopped his gurgling, “That’s _disgusting_. I’m _right here_, you know.” 

Perhaps he had a point. A small one. It wasn’t like you were about to have sex with Tony in the kitchen, thirty feet away from a sleeping child, but, all the same… Tony propped the back of his hand against his hip. “Right there- imagine- in _my_ house-” 

“I thought last night you said it was _hers_.” Smart aleck’ing him right back. 

“-where you fell asleep at three in the morning in a pile of crumbs, juice puddles, and- _hopefully _some modicum of shame.” 

Easing off the counter you plastered a smile on your face. “Sounds like a _wild_ night. Hopefully you didn’t overdo it. You have a lot to do today.” A jaunty little jingle of Dvahli’s collar preceded her sweet miaow as she padded her way into the kitchen. You bent down to pick her up and then put her on the counter where she could easily _observe_ you preparing a wet can for her. 

“_Me_?” Harley sounded perturbed. “What do _I_ have to do?” 

Tony turned back to the stove. “You didn’t think you could just come here and laze on our couch, did you?” 

“My assistant Pepper is going to process you for our internship program. And then Dr. Banner is going to have some stuff for you to do down in the labs.” After depositing the empty can into the recycling, you served Dvahli her breakfast. 

Harley finally left the comfort zone of the couch to come sit at the kitchen island. “Banner- like- Bruce Banner- like _the Hulk_ right? That’s _so cool_.” 

Tony cracked a few eggs onto the newly fired up skillet. “You might wanna lower your expectations. Just a little.” 

You couldn’t help the little smack to his side as you crossed over to the fridge to retrieve the orange juice. “No Hulk. Just _Dr. Banner_.” Trying to impart that he was expected to be respectful. If he even knew the meaning of the word. 

Just as you set a fresh glass of OJ in front of him, Harley grinned up at you. “Okay but like- what if I make him mad- like _really really mad_-” Seeming _excited_ at the prospect of getting to see the Hulk up close and personal. 

You smiled back at him. “I assure you, Dr. Banner is used to far more than anything you can do.” You wouldn’t have asked him if you thought he couldn’t handle it. 

Immediately trying to rectify your mistake, Tony turned half on his heel with his pointer finger raised, “Not that you should _try_. I’ll be around, too. I see you firing that little peanut gun of yours in my lab, I’ll ship you back to Tennessee in a box.” Warning him. 

“_Peanut gun_?” You couldn’t help but ask. ...trying to hide your horror. 

Harley ducked his head. “It’s a new prototype-” 

Tony turned back to the stove. “Sure thing. You came looking for more pointers. I get it.” 

“I did _not_.” Though you sensed this was not the whole truth of it. Harley was building tech? It wasn’t a wonder why the two of them seemed to get along. ...if this could be described as _getting along_. 

But this brought up a very serious question as you looked at him. “You packed that- and- what else?” 

Tony was the one to answer with half a laugh. “Light traveler. Scraps and parts.” 

You couldn’t help your frown. “No clothes?” When Harley avoided your gaze and just shrugged you held back your sigh. “Happy will take you shopping later.” 

Finished fixing a full plate, Tony came over to deposit some scrambled eggs and bacon in front of Harley, though he held the plate back just as Harley reached for it. “That’s usually when you say _thank you_, kid. When someone does something _nice_ for you. Just a tip.” 

But. Really… more than that. Letting Harley know he was to _respect you_ while he was here, in less words. You waited and while his gratitude was a low murmur of _uncomfortable_, “Thanks…” It would do. 

You rewarded the behavior with a warm response. “You’re welcome.” This was going to take some getting used to. Then again… you hoped you actually wouldn’t _have_ to get used to this. 

* * *

It was about two in the afternoon. You were in between four different phone calls, seven different emails, and Pepper _still_ debriefing you about the things that were rescheduled due to your sudden going-on-vacation and then just as sudden canceling. There was an influx of people feeling like they were smarter than everyone else doing the same thing- thinking your schedule was clear so it would be the perfect time to get in. Or _back_ in, in the case of people you’d canceled on. 

There were three different voices speaking to you as Tony came into your office quietly, a hand on Harley’s shoulder. _Guilt_ was coming off the both of them, which was not a great sign, but you had to put a finger up to them to signal that you’d be with them shortly. One conference call ended on speaker, and two more personal calls on two separate phones down, you let Pepper finish getting your signature on a newly printed document and then turned your attention to them. “What happened?” 

“Okay, first-” Tony put his hand up. “Don’t worry. But. Also. There was a… _slight_ chemical fire in the lab-” 

“It was _huge_!” Harley threw his arms up. But the dead-eyed stare you served the both of them had him shrinking back. “...and an accident.” 

Though you sensed neither of them would be so _blase_ if it were the case otherwise, you had to ask, “Is anyone hurt?” 

Tony, thank _god_, shook his head. “Everyone’s fine- we just need to clear the area for a little ventilation. ...and clean up. Can you watch him for a few hours?” 

At this Harley crossed his arms pretty hard. “I don’t need _watching_.” 

Much as you tried to hold the sigh back, it escaped you anyway. “I’m fifteen minutes out from heading to the NBC meeting.” 

He grinned, giving Harley a pat. “Great. Kid can learn about managing a business. I figure the internship should be fully encompassing.” 

At this you really _did_ make a face. “You figured you just exploded the lab so now you need me.” 

“I always need you.” 

God damn him. It was the _warm_ way he said this, the gentle imploring look in his eyes… he was playing you for a fool. But. He was also right. So you made a bad attempt at hiding your smile in the middle of a pointed eye roll. “Yes. You do.” 

“I know. That’s what I just said.” Grinning lightly then. “Anyway- here- kid. Sit down. Learn something.” Ushering him to the couch. 

Harley collapsed onto it with a _heavy_ sigh. “What’s there to learn? How to answer a phone? How to sign my name on papers?” 

Tony’s grin broadened. “Oh you _do _have a lot to learn. And here I thought you said you knew everything already. Must explain why my lab blew up, too.” He headed out the door, but with his hand on the handle leaned back in. “Thank you, honey.” 

And, despite him making a mess and dumping the aftermath on you, you raised your hands in that small heart shape over your chest. You weren’t _mad_ at him for taking precaution. It was exactly the sort of thing he should be doing. It was his dazed smile that really put you in danger. Thankfully he closed the door behind himself, apparently giving Harley permission to fall onto his back on the couch- and retrieve that beat up Stark handheld console from his pocket somewhere so that he could start playing it and ignoring you. 

That was fine. You had a lot to cram into these last- now- thirteen minutes before you rushed downstairs and got into a car. It was at the final five that Pepper got to the bottom of her never-ending list. “-and about the Valentine’s Charity Gala on Friday-” 

You stood, slipping your jacket around your shoulders. “Since we already canceled, I don’t see any reason to go now. You know I _can’t stand_ Smithfield.” As with any other ass-kisser that organized events like this. One of your least favorite people on the fucking planet.

“That’s fine- just, they put out a newsletter this morning. Not _scathing_ but… _heartbroken _and **disappointed** over the sudden absence. Even when we put in three times the plate fee. Which, of course, they failed to mention.” 

That was _incredibly_ annoying and you let your displeasure show with a grunt. “Fine, then. Schedule a dress and tux fitting for Wednesday afternoon. We’ll drop in quietly on the evening.” 

“Understood. Good luck at the meeting.” 

Stopping at the couch you gave the corner a little nudge and made a motion with your hand. “Come on, Harley, we have to go.” 

While he forced a tired sigh, he didn’t make any more fuss about not following. Which was _great_, because you didn’t have time to argue with him. Happy greeted you in the lobby and then opened the car door for you. You let Harley get in first and then got in after, going over a few pointer notes on your phone as Harley click-clacked away on the buttons of his game. 

You weren’t expecting him to speak up, but when he did you directed a glance his way. “Hey… how come you’re going to that thing. If you hate it so much.” 

It wasn’t all too shocking that he’d been listening in- that’s what he was supposed to be doing… _technically_, if any of what Tony had said made sense or mattered. But it still surprised you a little. “Because we have to.” 

“She said you were off the hook, right?” He didn’t understand and was trying to make sense of it. “I thought you guys never had to do _anything_ you didn’t want to.” Seemingly _unimpressed_ that at least one of the adults he secretly looked up to could be _forced_ into a lame dinner party.

How best to explain…? “If you’re smart, you’ll never let someone else control your narrative.” 

“What’s that mean?” Now his full attention was on you. 

“It means… okay. So. This dinner is a charity banquet. Tony and I said we’d go, but then we changed our minds. Because of that, we paid three times the entry fee to make up for not going. But the people running the event told _everyone _we backed out. That makes us look bad, no matter how much we paid. So now on the evening of, Tony and I are going to put in some face time without them knowing until we say hello. By then, they’ll have made the mistake of badmouthing us even though we paid over price to _not_ go- and at the same time, will have gone anyway.” You took a breath after all this, arching a brow at him. “Does that make sense?” 

He shrugged, looking away. “Sort of. I guess.” 

That was a no. Plainer terms… “We’re going to make the people running the event look like assholes for talking shit about us.” His head whipped your way, that _giddy_ sense of _an uptight adult just cursed!_ easy to spot, but it was the _shock_ that really got a grin out of you. “That easier to digest?” 

He returned the expression. “Yeah. I get it now.” 

* * *

The meeting ran long, as all meetings these days tended to do. When someone had you in a room they were always very keen to keep you there as long as they could, as if that would improve their chances of getting what they wanted. Usually it was the opposite. When you realized it was running a little _too_ long, you side-barred everyone so that you could have Happy take Harley down to the cafeteria to get some food… and as a little treat for his patience (having some _very_ decent manners in a meeting where even _you_ were starting to get a little rough around the edges) told him he could go down to the gift shop and get whatever he wanted. 

When finally, two whole hours later, enough things had been agreed upon and signed, you went to collect both of them and head home for the day. The sun was just finished setting, the city awash in its nighttime lights- 

Too little too late you realized the glow of which were coming from some reporters parked next to your car. While Happy tried to wave them off, and you struggled _valiantly_ to keep Harley behind you- one of them barked something at you that immediately got your attention. It was because of this you put a hand on Happy’s arm to let him know you were about to address one of them before getting in the car. 

You also held your arm back to keep Harley from view. When you held your head up to the reporter angling a microphone up, his cameraman pushing forward to get a good shot, the man felt a wash of _relief_ and a bit of _pride_ that he’d been picked. “What do you have to say about Senator Stern’s arrest?” 

Ah. Such a _beautiful_ question. While he’d been hauled off government property a few hours after everything had been leaked, he’d been hiding behind lawyers and money. ...nothing Stark Industries couldn’t strip him of. _Quietly,_ of course. You stood tall. “I have to say that I find it extremely interesting that almost every single person that went up against Tony four years ago in that Senate hearing were _traitor_s to the country. I also find it very relieving that Hydra didn’t get their hands on the Iron Man suit at that time. God knows we would have hundreds raining down on America by now if they had.” 

Someone in the back of the crowd- civilians and tourists now having gathered- added a voice to the murmurs- “_The Avengers would have protected us!_” 

You made a show of a bright smile. “Of course we would have. I’m just commenting on the fact that Stern, like the rest of them, had nefarious plans when he asked to take control of Tony’s suits. A thread that I feel needs to be examined.” 

The reporter pulled his mic back to ask, “Do you think the court battle will drag on for years?” 

“Oh, absolutely not. We’re lucky to have such a level-headed leader like President Ellis. I know he’s doing all he can- and it’s been extremely tough with the sudden power vacuums. But I know he’s going to expedite the process as much as possible so that the American people can see the justice that’s owed to them.” You gave a little wave off. “Thank you- no more questions- I have to be getting home-” 

Allowing Happy to push the perimeter back so you and Harley could get in the car. Your phone immediately started buzzing, and as you retrieved it from your pocket, the name and face of the very same _President Ellis_ warned you from the front screen. 

Harley, who was making no attempts to not get caught spying, sat beside you in a little bit of _excited disbelief_. “_The President_ has your phone number?” 

“Every single one, unfortunately.” 

“What’s he calling you for?” 

“Well I just put him in a corner by insinuating he was going to do something he had no plans to do.” 

Harley seemed to be thinking about this, but ended up sending a lopsided smile your way. “I thought you said smart people don’t let their uh… let their narratives be controlled?” 

You grinned back. “I did say that.” This _tickled_ Harley- that you’d imply the President was _stupid_. But it was a good lesson for him, if he was in a learning mood. So you followed the thought up, “Smart people never let other people control their narratives. But smart people _also_ control _other_ people’s narratives where it’s advantageous to them.” 

His nose scrunched then, and you could feel the gears grinding. “I think I get it.” 

“I want him to put Stern in jail. As soon as possible. Now he has no choice but to do what I want, because I got ahead of him.” 

At this he nodded a few times over until another question came. “Yeah I get it. But why that guy?” 

For this you let a little bit of seriousness seep in. “Stern has threatened Tony on more than one occasion. I make a point of punishing people like that. So that other people are scared to try it later.” 

_No one threatens my family and gets away with it_. A much more **powerful** lesson, you thought. Harley considered it, nodding again while looking down at his hands. You felt a sudden _storm cloud_ brew inside of him. “_Yeah_. Yeah, I understand.” 

It was such a _strong_ and _dark _feeling that seemed to consume him so quickly. There was no telling what was going on in his head- what he was relating this all to. Although it was an easy guess that it was the reason he’d run away. You settled a hand on his shoulder, imparting some _calm_ to ease the clouds. “I know it’s not the healthiest, but what do you say to stopping at Burger King for dinner.” Nothing fast food couldn’t fix. 

There was a little relief when he smiled. “Are we allowed to do that?” 

“It’s Tony’s favorite. Right, Happy?” Looking up into the rearview. 

Happy waved a hand. “The boss loves Whoppers. Me, personally, I’m kind of a Big Mac kinda guy…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it just me or would Tony and INY make some pretty bomb parents.....  
Also if nothing else, this little sidebar adventure has allowed me to write some of what I think is _extra quality_ domestic bliss stuff. And, I don't know about you guys but, god damn. I really love that shit.


	112. Chapter 112

Eventually you _did_ have to take that call with President Ellis, although you were determined to not let him bother you during… dinner. If a few bags of BK could be considered dinner. Harley was too preoccupied with going on and on about whatever lab experiment they were doing downstairs to really care about much else. When everyone was fed you put some face time into calming Ellis down and telling him this was all for the best, really, and that you’d send whatever resources his way that he needed. 

It was after that annoying phone call (that you’d honestly brought on yourself, no matter the good reasons behind it) and tying up a few more loose ends via email and phone calls that you excused yourself to the small private gym in the back corner of the penthouse to release some stress. If you didn’t have an unexpected young visitor, you might have thought of _other_ ways to relieve it, but… circumstances couldn’t always be in your favor. Still… even as you ran a few miles on the treadmill and finished up with some rhythm boxing, your mind wandered to earlier that morning. And some other very choice moments… having _so many_ to pick from… 

Finished with your workout, though not sufficiently de-stressed really, you emerged to see Tony and Harley sitting on the couch playing whatever game it was that Happy had dropped off earlier that day as per your request. It was at least nice that Tony had something other than work and nonsense to focus on… maybe it would do him good. But this couldn’t go on forever. And you were inclined to believe he hadn’t really worked on a _solution_ to the problem at all today. You’d have to forgive him, seeing as there was an emergency in the lab, but… 

As you took a quick hot shower to wash off and relax your muscles, you couldn’t help but wonder what _were_ the two of you supposed to do? To even get to the bottom of things, Harley would have to admit the reason he was here. He’d run away from home- Tony had gotten a little bit out of him. About his absent father who had come back and seemed to turn his life upside down. And then in the back of the car tonight… he was harboring some real darkness. It wasn’t hard to imagine what had happened, but… 

So many _but_s.  
Your mind was reeling as you stepped out of the shower, standing at the sink, toweling off your hair. What could you and Tony do? How much could you be responsible for? Could you roll up to his house in Rose Hill and demand his father left? Sure, why not. The two of you could do _anything_ you wanted. Would that make sense? Would it even help? Probably not. 

In the meantime you also had your own life to contend with. Maybe it _would_ have been better to just take the vacation in the sense of staying with Harley and not working until the three of you figured this out instead of immediately returning to work, but… people would see that you were home. And even if it was your _right_ as an Avenger and a very overworked woman to take time off when you needed it, that wouldn’t stop them from talking. The last thing you needed was to be seen as _lazy_. 

Romantic getaway with your boyfriend? Fine.  
Supposedly lazing around the penthouse? Asking for trouble. Add a random child into that mix, god forbid you were ever seen with him (which you would have been) and it would have been _extra_ bad. This was the best you could do, for now. No matter- 

A hand touched over your shoulder, and anxious as your thoughts had started spinning, you couldn’t hold back a gasp, nor the knee jerk reaction of reaching back to grab the wrist it belonged to with a twist to the side. It was obvious who it was the second the fog lifted, but Tony’s sudden sharp inhale of pain and his nervous _pleading- _“Ah- _honey_\- I need that- _please_ don’t break it-” All did a good job of getting you to let go. 

You turned fully, bumping back against the sink. Even though you’d just let him go, you took hold of his wrist in both your hands, massaging a little at the joints. “I’m _sorry_, Tony… are you okay?” 

“No harm done. And message received.” Smiling at you, working his hand away from yours so he could settle his palms against your cheeks as the two of you shared a gaze. “No more sneaking up on you. Usually a pretty tough thing to do…” Breathing out with a little scrunch of his brows. “What’s on your mind?” Indicating there must be _plenty_ if you’d been distracted enough to not sense him coming up behind you. 

“What _isn’t_ on my mind?” 

“Fair. Very loaded question, I realize.” Shifting his hands all the way back, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to him. You practically melted into him, raising your hands up to hold at the back of his shirt, just breathing him in as you laid your head at his chest. The squeeze he gave you was comforting. It was easy to pretend all was right in the world, when he was holding you like that. “We’ll figure out the kid stuff and then we’ll actually go on vacation, alright?” 

You couldn’t hold back the sigh. “That’s fine but we actually need to _work_ on figuring stuff out. ...and also we can’t leave until after Friday at the latest.” 

“Why’s that?” Angling back a little to arch what felt like an _accusing_ eyebrow your way. 

“We have to go to the Val ball.” 

His eyes went up in that perfect annoyed, dead-eyed stare for just a moment. “And here I thought we’d wriggled free of another evening of ass-kissers and ladder-climbers.” 

Your turn now, you reached up instead, fingers touching at the lines of his jaw. “They sent out a _newsletter_.” 

A mock offended gasp escaped him. “Well how _dare_ they.” Seemingly unable to help his smile after. 

“So we’re going to show them up.” Inching him down closer as you leaned up. 

“_Mn_. We’re very good at that.” His lips were _right there_, in a ghost of a touch against yours. Curve of his grin easily _felt_. 

“We are.” A quiet murmur before you closed that small gap, trying not to fall too deeply. Basically impossible. There was a _dizzying_ heat nearly immediately, and a small little moan you couldn’t quite keep to yourself as his tongue brushed yours. But it was realizing your towel had dropped- at some point- when you felt the glide of his hands against your bare skin- that was when you pulled back for some much needed air. And warned him, “_Tony_-” It was unfortunate it didn’t sound as _authoritative_ as you would have liked, instead broken off in another quiet _pleased_ noise as his lips kept working down the column of your neck. 

“Yes, honey…” Humming these two words against your skin as his hands came to a stop, gripping your hips, pulling you closer into him. 

You found yourself drowning very suddenly. Your hands raked up his back, not sure whether to push or _grab_. “_We can’t_…” This came out in a pitched gasp as his teeth found the round of your shoulder. 

After touching his lips and tongue slowly over the mark he’d now made, his voice came out low. “Kid’s dead asleep- in his room- hundreds of feet away- we’re sound-proofed-” Kissing his way back up the opposite side of your neck between connecting thoughts.

Then to your lips again as he held your face in his hands, kissing you utterly senseless, in that way he _always_ did. Burning with that _need_ that _always_ in turn made you so completely _weak_. But something he had just said stuck out to you. _His room_. But it _wasn’t_. And the two of you could not get consumed by one another and pretend this was another regular night. So with as much strength and willpower as you could muster, your hands came forward, bunching in the front of his shirt, and you angled your head back.

He tried to chase you, and you allowed him a few moments more of broken kisses, touches of tongues, and heavy breathing. Before finally craning your head back enough to give him an idea- and when his half-lidded and glazed eyes found yours, you kissed him only one more time. In apology. “Not right now- Tony-” Almost begging him to be the first to stop because one moment more, you weren’t sure you could. 

There was a soft pained look to the squinch of his brows, coupled with the way his forehead pressed to yours. “If you’re sure…” Only the smallest bit of relief, that he always respected your wishes. The backs of his fingers fanned up your sides, and the look he was giving you _killed you_. 

“I’m not-” Being truthful with him, especially _this_ truth, was very dangerous. But you kissed him again, softer this time, and let your heart ache when he was stuck in place simply waiting for you to do it again as you pulled back. “But… not right now. When we’re finished with this, okay?” At least this could maybe be an incentive. That was terrible, for sure. But it was the way it had to be. 

He heaved an awful sigh, shifting to hang his head, lowering still until it made contact with your shoulder. “Yeah. Alright…” 

* * *

You didn’t want to fall into a routine, but as the next morning started much the same- Tony getting up, you following suit an hour later. Showering. Getting ready for work. Finding him making breakfast- sharing a few _very_ charged kisses before briefing each other- and Harley- about the day ahead… this was dangerous. This was not a life you lived. And if any one of the three of you got comfortable… 

It was why you asked Tony to try and investigate what Harley was doing here, and what he thought the two of you could do to help him. You couldn’t solve all his problems for him, but you couldn’t solve _any_ of them if you didn’t even know what they were. It was hard to just go to work after all that. 

Harder still when Tony called you from the lab around three PM, and you put him on the holoscreen. “Another fire?” 

At the very least he smiled, but there was a strange tightness to it. “No. Not this time. But… kid’s heading up to you.” 

“Me? Why?” If not a fire in the lab then- 

Tony just gave you a shrug before crossing his arms. “He seems… _interested_ in what you’re doing. I think you must’ve impressed him yesterday. I gave him a pass, so he doesn’t feel awkward about it.” 

“Oh.” Smiling a little yourself then. “Hall pass?” 

He laughed a little. “Yeah. Something like that. Anyway… I think maybe you’re better at this stuff than me.” 

“That’s not true.” You immediately got what he was putting himself down about. He tinkered. And science-d. And worked. And thought you had a much more _human _touch. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

He just ended up shrugging. “Whatever you say. I’ll see you later.” Catching a lucky break when there was a knock at your door. “I love you.” 

For once you were extra sure as you said, “I love you _more_.” And then ended the channel before he could protest. 

Pepper opened the door, though you spied said kid behind her. “Harley came up from the labs. Do you want me to watch him?” 

Giving a small shake of your head and an inviting wave of your hand, “No. He can stay with me.” When she nodded and allowed him in past her and then shut the door, you gave a softer smile. “To what do I owe the honor?” 

He came over to the desk, avoiding your eye contact by pretending to look around, and then placed a little piece of paper on your desk. “Tony got interrupted by someone. They were talking about stocks. When I asked about it he said to go to you.” 

On said piece of paper was Tony’s hand writing- _One_ _get of of jail free card_.  
Very nice. 

“Stocks?” Looking up at him. “LUNA turn the TV on, please- monitor stocks for me.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” The TV in the corner of your office flashed on.  
  
Harley’s attention turned skyward. “That’s so _cool_. You have one, too?” Not a hard thing to imagine Tony had been showing JARVIS off around the lab. 

“Tony made her for me. For my suit.” Once the numbers and graphs displayed on your screen, you got up from the desk, folding your arms as you looked over them. “They bumped. A little. Not surprising.” Why was someone talking to Tony about stocks…? 

Coming to your side, he looked up at the TV and then at you. “Why?” 

“Well…” Taking a breath, head tipping to one side. “I made a decision to stop and talk to a reporter- and gave a _patriotic speech_ over my opinions of a certain Hydra affiliated senator-”

“The one who threatened Tony.”

“That’s right.” Answering him before continuing. “And then I linked that with my _close_ relationship with the President of the United States. So investor confidence favors that sort of thing.” 

Harley considered all this information before mirroring your posture, crossing his arms. “What’s investor confidence?” 

“It’s the thing that makes stocks go. It’s all basically imaginary bullshit, but it very highly determines the health of your company. If investor confidence is good- if you do good things or say good things or give the impression that you know what you’re doing and that the future of the company is great, then investor confidence goes up. And so do your stock prices. If you mess up or a product is bad or a launch goes haywire-”

“Confidence goes down. So stocks go down. And that’s bad.” 

“Very good. -and, yes. That’s very bad. You can come back, it’s not the end of the world. But it’s harder to build trust after you lose momentum. And easy to keep gaining momentum when you’ve had a long good run.” You gestured for him to take a seat on the couch, and you sat in the chair in front of the coffee table. “Because Stark Industries is so entwined with the Avengers, when I stop to talk about that sort of stuff, it always boosts the stocks. ...provided we have a handle on whatever’s happening.” 

“But what if you don’t?” 

“Then we don’t stop to talk. It’s a very strategic game. Like chess. Sometimes you can plant reporters that will ask the right questions, if we’re worried about the company looking bad- or the Avengers, even, sometimes. Especially in situations where we know we can’t avoid the press.” 

He considered this for a short while. “Isn’t that… cheating?” 

Uh oh. Were you teaching him the wrong things? You had to think before speaking the next time. “I consider it… fair. In a very unfair world. If I have to be forced into a situation that’s not good for me, or for Tony, or the Avengers, then I like to do what I can to even it out.” 

“...to protect them.” 

“That’s always my top priority.” You put one knee up over your leg and settled your hands over top. “Harley… did you hear what was going on? Do you know why someone was talking to Tony about stocks?” 

He gave an uneasy shrug and looked away. “I dunno…” _Nervous_ suddenly. 

“You’re not in trouble- if you listened in.” Even though Tony had sent him away, _and_ made it seem like he was doing Harley the favor here. “I just like to know about these sorts of things. Helps me set up my pieces.” 

Harley still wouldn’t look at you, and gave another shrug. “I dunno- ...there was a man who came in- another scientist, I think. He said something to Dr. Banner, and some of the other scientists- and kept going _am I right_? And then Tony heard him- and told me to come up here after.” 

You felt a small break of relief. “Oh. They were talking about me.” 

His head whipped up. _Shocked_. “How could you tell??” 

“We protect each other. It’s the same reason I want that senator in jail- kind of.” Trying to relate it to make it make sense. “He said something bad about Tony- plenty of times- so. I know when someone speaks bad about _me_, they take it personally.” Even though you’d gotten to the bottom of it, you couldn’t help yourself… “Did you hear what he actually said?” 

Harley sighed. “Something about… how you’re good for stocks but better to look at.” He was not interested in gross adult talk. Or repeating what he’d heard verbatim. There was a telling note of _disgust_ paired with the _discomfort_ that spoke volumes. Someone in that lab had been speaking very terribly of you. And that not only upset Tony, and Bruce, but… also Harley, it seemed. Even if he wouldn’t admit it.

You pressed your lips together. “_Oh no_. So he just got **fired**.” Made sense. Tony didn’t want Harley witnessing _that_. ...you sort of wanted to see it, though. 

“But it doesn’t make sense. They _know_. Everyone _knows_. That you and Tony are… _dating_.” Saying the word like it freaked him out. You had to stifle a little laugh. “So why would he be stupid like that?” 

“Men are very stupid, Harley. No offense.” Smiling and then correcting yourself. “Men like _that_. Tony used to have a reputation, for a long time. He dated _lots_ of women. Some guys think he’s their buddy, if they say things like that. Or that it makes them _cool_. I’m surprised they roped Bruce into it, though. Talk about _brainless_.” Coughing up the word on a hum to lighten his mood- 

It worked. His laughter was a bit of a reprieve. Like you’d won a battle. Short lived, though, as he shook his head and looked away again. _Uncomfortable_. “You all protect each other.” 

“We’re a team. We have to. And- more than that, now. They’re like family to me. I love them.” Not shy with the use of the word. 

“Dr. Banner called you scary.” A little overly _knowing_, like he was both telling you a secret and telling you you may be wrong. 

But you couldn’t help your grin. “Because of last night. Because of what I said to that reporter- probably more _how_ I said it.” 

Harley collapsed back a little on the couch with his hands up. “_Ugh_. How do you do that!” And then squinted up at you accusingly. “Are you spying on them??” 

“No. I just know that- Dr. Banner watches the news- especially when it comes to things about us or the company. And he and Tony were probably talking about it. And he’s right. I _am_ scary.” Wearing it like a badge of honor. 

Your quick inference math seemed to at the very least impress him. He was shy and still a little deflated, arms crossed again as he said, “You’re pretty smart. ...for someone who files papers.” 

“I have to be. To keep up with Tony.” Standing you went back to your desk, but before you sat you waggled a finger at him. “I know you’ve only been here two days- but have you seen me file a single paper?” 

He hummed out a noise with a roll of his eyes before shaking his head. “No.” 

“That’s right.” Reaching up to your earring, “LUNA intercom Pepper for me.” When Pepper answered three seconds later, “Pep, what stacks of paper you have laying around? I think it’s time Harley learns the filing system.” 

“_Oh, yes ma’am. I need all the help I can get_.” 

Harley smashed his hands against his forehead. “_Ugh_!” As Pepper poked her head into the office and waved at him, he sighed. Before leaving he offered his final judgment. “You _are_ scary.” Failing to hide his smile as well as he would have liked. 

Secretly you instructed her to only keep him an hour. Eventually he would need to return to the labs. But when he came back to your office after his little _lesson_, you were in the middle of a phone meeting, so you just gently waved for him to sit on the couch. Pepper gave him the remote for the TV, and he begun to channel surf while you turned in your chair, back to him, to better focus. 

  
Nothing spectacular of note, and when you were finished you turned back to see him _transfixed _by some broadcast reporter on the recent goings on at the Triskellion. Images of battle were playing over and over. It ticked an anxious beat in your heart, and you tried to speak over it. “Did you learn anything valuable?” 

He barely paid attention. “Yeah. Don’t mess with you- that’s what Ms. Potts said.” 

“Ms. Potts is right.” Turning your attention to your computer quickly after to start working through some more emails and look over proposals. 

Your eyes lifted every now and again. He jumped every time Iron Man flashed on screen. And, after seeing amateur footage of Tony throwing a Hydra agent from the deck of one of those helicarriers and blasting a hole in the side, he sat forward in his seat. “Man- I wish I could fly in an Iron Man suit. He’s so _cool_.” Mumbling more to himself. 

You lowered your eyes to your computer, but couldn’t help your smile. “I have to agree.” 

And while you felt Harley looking at you, for a moment, you pretended to keep working. He was quiet when he spoke, almost like he didn’t want you to hear it- but at the same time… still sort of did. “My sister likes you. You're her favorite.” 

Trying to not get caught up in the surprise of that sudden fact, you kept your head down. He wanted to share this with you- you could _feel it_. That’s why he brought it up. If you overreacted he’d pull back. “She’s got good taste. I can send some toys her way- is she older than you? Or younger?” 

“Younger.” He was already retreating. “...and don’t bother.”

While that was… _troubling,_ you ignored it in favor of this new lead. “Oh. That makes you the _big brother_. How old is she?” 

He withdrew into himself, crossing his arms tightly. “Eight.” 

It was too much to ask, that you not test your luck. “Is she okay at home by herself?” 

“She’s _fine_.” And now you’d pissed him off. Very suddenly at that. He pushed himself off the couch and went to the door quickly. But before he opened it he stopped, hand on the handle, and turned to look at you. You put your full attention on him. That same _darkness_ that had taken him before was suddenly staring at you. “And- anyway-...” Starting and then stopping. He pulled on the door. He wanted to say something to you- maybe even wanted to ask for _help_. Was trying to build up the courage to do it. But it just wasn’t working.

There were no instructions on how to make the correct next move. You knew what this was about, you were sure. You just have to get him to _talk_. “Harley… is this about your father?” 

He grew so _angry_. Like a tornado. “Mind your own business!” Realizing his outburst he forced his head down and then shook it. “What do you care- _leave me alone_.” You felt a _pain_. More than just emotional. Physical memories etched so deeply into his heart, they passed to you. Ghosts. 

The _slap _of skin against skin.  
The **jingle **of a belt clip. 

He slammed your office door, no doubt headed down to Tony. You heard Pepper go after him. So you called before he could get there. And when he answered- “We have to do something about his father, Tony.” 

The smile he’d greeted you with vanished instantly, and he, _too_, darkened very suddenly. “...yeah. I figured.” Quiet, _hesitant_ to ask, but gathering up his courage to do so. Funny how similar... “What’d the kid say?” 

“He didn’t have to say it. That man is putting his hands on those kids. I _know_ it.” 

Sitting at his desk, Tony seemed to wilt, expression growing stormy. He lifted the back of his fingers to press them over his mouth. “Yeah. I thought so, too.” 

The two of you shared a long look. Thinking the exact same thing. 

How were you going to murder and disappear this man with no questions asked? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just call it Avengers business and no one will ask questions, right?  
Oh what tangled webs we weave...


	113. Chapter 113

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy this extra long chapter. It didn't feel right to cut it up anywhere, so it's lengthy.

Children were amazing, you realized later that evening after returning home from a late meeting. You wished you had Harley’s aptitude for simply, straight up, _ignoring_ his problems. Namely that he’d thrown a giant tantrum (whether or not it had become understandable), had been rude to you (again, even though you understood it), and had caused a scene. It was remarkable, really, how quickly he seemed to forget. Like it had just never happened. Because he gave you a half-hearted greeting, glued to his video games, when you came in. 

Tony was making something for dinner.  
...and you had to immediately stow thoughts that _domestic boyfriend_ was a very good look on him. ..._domestic… husband_… did you dare? 

No. Now was not the time. You were getting sucked into this life.  
Having a child nearby. Fighting with but sort of growing used to his presence. Teaching him. Helping him grow. Waking up in the morning for a _family_ breakfast. Working. Coming home for a _family_ dinner…

It was scrambling your brains. And it had to stop. But, at the same time… it was making you realize how much you may have yearned for a **life**. If you could even imagine such things. A _normal_ life. A home. A family. Would you ever be able to actually have such things? A recurring question. You knew the only reason Tony was being so attentive _at home_, _in the kitchen_ was because he was following Harley around and trying to maintain a schedule. If not for that, he’d probably still be in the lab. ...but that only made your ache for some _normality_ grow. 

After slipping off your heels and changing into something more comfortable, and in the middle of telling yourself to shut up about all of this, you came back into the kitchen, stealing a chopped piece of pepper from a bowl on the counter. “I think I have a plan.” Murmuring softly, as you laid your head on his shoulder. 

He was in the middle of what looked like sauteing some chicken and onions. “Always good.” 

“WHiH is following me around.” 

“You don’t say. Must be a day that ends in Y.” Hearing the roll of his eyes just by his tone. 

“They stopped, for a while, when I told Christine off. But _suddenly_ they reappeared. Just like a little someone else who _suddenly_ showed up.” 

Setting down his spoon he cast an uneasy glance down at you. “...they saw the kid.” 

To this you gave a nod. “I shouldn’t have stopped for that Stern question, that’s my fault.” Because that had to have been when it happened. You’d gotten greedy for good and petty press. And now… “But I think we can use them. ...and him.” 

Turning the burner off, he turned and settled a hand on his hip. “I’m listening.” 

“I think we should go public with the internship program- and its pilot initiative. We can’t charge down to Tennessee and just remove the guy from the property- especially not now that the press is picking up on who Harley is.” What a mess that would make. Too many connecting threads now. “But if we bait his dad _here_…” 

Tony considered it, head tilting to the side. Thinking. “How can you be sure he’ll turn up?” A fantastic question, considering your idea here was to shove the kid out into the limelight whether he liked it or not. And if you couldn’t be certain his shitty father would come, it would be a waste of time. And it might have even hurt Harley. 

Not the most ideal outcome. “You said the guy suddenly came back after years of being gone- _coincidentally_ after you revamped Harley’s garage with tech- that his dad then sold. Don’t you think that greed would manifest harder if he saw _Team Stark_ parading his kid around?” 

His brows lifted and then just as quickly scrunched, lifting a hand to his chin for just a moment. “Sure. It’s a good plan- in theory. What’s your backup?” 

“Taking suggestions.” Giving him just a little bit of a dead-eyed stare. You were tired and now had sort of thought yourself into a melancholy over this fake glossy family life that a deep part of you knew you’d never have. 

A quiet sigh left him. “So. You don’t want the kid to know.” 

To this you gave a shake of your head. “Better he doesn’t know we’re using him- even if it’s to help him.” 

“So then how are you gonna get him to go along with it?” 

Reaching up you laid your hand over his heart with a little pat, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. “Don’t worry about that. You know me.” Smiling up at him then. “I’ve just got a _way_ about me.” 

His warm grin was charming as ever. “Always have.” 

* * *

The following afternoon, after having picked out your dress with Pepper for Friday, you then left on your own to meet up with Tony and Harley at your usual tailored suit shop. Having it closed to the public (the part of the public that actually went in a shop like that) was probably not the smartest. It would draw eyes. But all the better to set up some prime circumstances for media intervention… and let them do the work for you. 

You both were also running short on time. And he just simply could not be caught _dead_ in a suit that he’d already worn once. He also had to _match_. There were rules to these engagements, after all. 

Harley was sat in one of the resting chairs, playing his handheld game and occasionally sneaking cookies from the little snack tray on the coffee table in front of him, while you had Tony up on the little dressing dais. You’d settled on black flared suit slacks and that was about all. And you weren’t even decided on _that_, really. You had a black double-breasted suit jacket that you’d had him try on a few times now… sort of attached to it. But. Something was missing. 

Black button up shirt was a must- and you were thinking now- as you tied the _third __bow tie_, dark red was definitely the choice. It matched with the theme of a Valentine’s gala, after all- and your dress, which was really the most important thing. “This one, I think…” Giving it a little tug and then standing back, hand to your chin with your other arm crossed. 

Harley groaned. “This is _boring_.” 

Tony half turned to him, small little grin in place. “You have _no_ idea what you’re talking about. I’m having a blast.” He gave his freshly tied bow a little double tug on its corners and shook out the arms of his suit jacket. “Are we getting close, honey?” 

Breathing out a sigh, you undid the buttons on his jacket, smoothing your hands up his stomach and to his chest- perhaps touch _too_ suggestively… unable to help yourself. “I think we need a waistcoat… and-...” Squinting at him with a step back to try and get a full picture. When the light bulb hit you turned. “Hey, Estie-” Your tried and true adviser on all things _fashion_. When she looked up from the fabric rack, “I know it’s short notice- do you think we can do the inside a wine color? And get a matching waistcoat… maybe with some black silk inlays?” 

After taking a moment to envision such a thing, framing her pointer and thumb on both hands, she then clapped them together. “Oh! I think that’ll look absolutely _divine_.” Coming over she snapped her fingers at Tony to get him to take the jacket off. “Let me do a quick mock up. Let’s see where we are.” 

Once Tony shrugged himself out of it and handed it over, he took a seat next to Harley. You weren’t entirely ready to call it quits, though, so you turned your back on them to look over the fabrics they had on display. One of them would be lovingly paired with the inside of his jacket, and the other would be used for his vest. Harley was not yet done complaining, though. “What’s the point of all this, anyway? You guys have like a _million_ clothes. I’ve seen your closet.” 

While perhaps it would have been a good idea to ask _why_ he had been inside of your closet (huge and outlandish though it was…), instead you took the opportunity where you saw it. Still searching with your back turned to them you answered, “These things are very delicate affairs. If you don’t look a certain way, papers will talk about it for months. It’s annoying. Just easier to do it right the first time and be done with it.” 

“What is it- it’s some stupid dance party, right?” 

Tony answered. “It is a _charity gala_, where the elite give up their Valentine’s day to prove that they’re good people. Cavorting with one another while spending a small fortune to help those with _less_ fortune.” 

Your smile was hidden with your back still turned. “It’s terrible. We hate these things. They’re _boring_.” Perhaps not so subtly mocking him.

You sensed the _flicker_ of his attention. “So why go then?” Before you could answer he quickly rebuffed, “-to any of them- I know you said this one you’re showing off at.” 

Raising a pointer finger you corrected him, “Showing _up_ someone. Not showing off.” 

Even though you weren’t looking at him, you heard Harley shift around to gesture at probably everything around him. “Right. ‘Cuz this isn’t showing off.” 

Tony’s tiny breathy laughter really threatened to break you. The kid was a smartass, but he _was_ smart. Buying out a long block of time in an impossibly expensive shop and having them do an entire suit in two days just to wear for one night… he had a point. “This all has a purpose. Before we can even get into the event, we’ll have to walk a _long_ red carpet…” 

“Wouldn’t you know it.” Tony followed up and you could hear his continued grinning. “_Showing off_.” 

“Trust me.” Said with a sigh as you tugged a very dark shade of red off the rolling rack. “You’re lucky you don’t have to go.” Going over to Estie after making this purposefully vexed remark- 

Ignoring Harley’s sudden but quiet protests to Tony as you and Estie chatted about his wardrobe. But when Harley pointedly spoke up to get your attention- “They can’t be **that** bad.” Trying to _bait_ you-  
  
Not realizing _you _were the one doing the baiting. You put the back of your hand on your hip to give him a little annoyed look. “Worse than you could ever imagine. I assure you.” 

“You guys fight monsters for a living and you can’t handle one night talking to other adults you don’t like?” Seemingly very unimpressed and underwhelmed by the two of you so suddenly. Kids thought they were so smart, didn’t they? 

“Consider it handled. We’re going, aren’t we?” Waving him off almost rudely as you turned back to talk with your designer. 

Feeling suddenly very _annoyed_ that you’d dismissed him in such a way, he started barking at Tony. “She’s overreacting. I bet it’s not that bad.” Saying the same thing to him, just in case there was a chance he hadn’t heard it. Or maybe that he’d side with him. 

“Count your blessings, kid. You get another night of juice filled debauchery on my couch instead.” 

“Well what if I wanted to go?” 

Quickly (and purposefully) turning again you gave a stern warning, “Out of the question.” 

“Kid,” Tony warned him suddenly. “You’re barking up the wrong tree.” 

He stood, eyeing you up. “Why can’t I? I’m already _here_. So what? I wanna see what’s so bad about it.” Imagining he’d get one-up on you when the event wasn’t as terrible as the dumb adults were making it out to be with their whining. 

Pretending to square up with him, accepting his little staring match, and then sizing him up, you narrowed your eyes. “You really don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Tony reached up to tug on the back of his sweater. “Really, kid, come sit down before you regret this.” 

Harley just shrugged him off. “You guys all act like the smallest things are the end of the world. It’s just a dumb _party_. I wanna see it.” You sensed that some of this _upset_ was a little misdirected. But that was fine. It was working to your advantage. 

Taking your time making him sweat out your waiting, still going strong as you _looked_ at him without blinking- it took you a full minute before breaking to turn to Estie. “What do you think? Can you get something together in his size?” 

She clapped her hands together. “Absolutely!” Then rounding her sewing table, she waved her hands at him. “Go go- on the dais- put your arms out-” Reaching into her apron to grab her measuring tape. “You’re going to be the handsomest little man at the ball, I guarantee it!”

Very quickly he paled. “Wait- I don’t wanna-” 

Tony grinned, patting his back with a little _push_. “Can’t say I didn’t warn you.” 

* * *

The planted paparazzi on the sidewalk were easy enough for Happy to deal with as the three of you got back in the car after your much longer than anticipated fitting. Harley was pretty annoyed but luckily, his happiness that he’d talked the two dumb adults into doing a thing he didn’t really want to do was winning out. You also happened to notice, as the car was pulling away, that a WHiH reporter, the same one from Tuesday evening, had been out front taking shots- which was good. Because that’s the reason you’d posted a crowd out front in the first place. 

...but come Friday evening, the fact that they had yet to put out a story about the mysterious kid that had shown up at Stark Industries and was now being chaperoned around by Team Stark made you nervous. They hadn’t accosted you on the sidewalk either, as they were _known_ to do. They were clearly following on the story, so what were they waiting for? It wasn’t like they had any journalistic integrity. It wasn’t like they were checking sources… right? They never cared about that sort of thing before, if Christine Everhart’s methods were anything to go by. 

But their station was silent.  
_What were they doing? _

Other news outlets (the shadier ones, at that) had started speculating, as you had hoped they would. But you’d really been counting on WHiH to try and blast the both of you with a story over it. To reach out to Harley’s parents for comment and set the whole scheme in motion. Without them… it was just a good thing you had a backup to the setup of plan A. Still no word on plan B, though… 

“All finished.” Your stylist chirping broke you out of your thoughts, finally looking past your mental fog to see yourself in the mirror. 

She’d done exactly what you’d asked her to. A soft romantic glowy look for the evening, hair done loosely, and a touch of heart and stars glitter across your eyes and temples to match the rest of your makeup. “Thanks. It’s perfect.” Reaching into your purse, gently nudging aside the Heart Reactor glowing faintly at the bottom of your bag, you retrieved a hefty tip for her. “Don’t let Tony bother you on the way out.” 

Grinning, she took her extra earnings and pocketed them quickly. “Never. By the way, cute kid.” 

A snort escaped you before you could help yourself. “Don’t stay long enough to hear him talk. You’ll change your mind very quickly.” 

Knowing better than to ask questions, she just serviced your joke with a giggle and then excused herself to be on her way. Once the door was shut you put on your entirely too-high heels with their too-high straps criss-crossing up to the knee. Fitting of your entirely too-much dress. An off the shoulder black into red ombre flowy piece with a long slit up the side, open diamond panel exposing your back, and long puffy black-sheer sleeves with the same ombre coloring tapering down. You finished off the look with a pair of chandelier heart earrings (ones that went with the cuffs you always wore) and the most important piece… 

That bejeweled heart necklace with the black metal shards lining the sides. You double and then triple checked yourself in the mirror and then grabbed your black faux fur stole and purse and headed into the living room. Though the elegant click of your heels signaled your arrival, the boys were caught up in talking about something- techy sounding- so you cleared your throat. “Are we ready to go?” 

You couldn’t help but mirror the _admiring_ going on, as Tony turned to look at you. He looked terribly handsome, as always (thanks to you, too). But it was the dopey smile that emerged on his lips, the light of his eyes, the gentle lift of his brows. He could see you dress up a million times for a million different events, but it was always like he was seeing you for the first time all over again. “Yeah-” Clearing his throat right back at you, tugging on the sleeves of his jacket. “Yes, honey. Car’s waiting.” 

Stealing closer, you laid a hand on his chest and leaned up to press a soft kiss to the apple of his cheek. “Good.” 

His hand came over your hip, reluctant to let you go. “You look… uh- ..._fantastic_. You look fantastic.” Serving the word with a click of his tongue, when he finally remembered how to speak. Like he still couldn’t quite believe his luck. 

“So do you.” A little tip of your head, a pat to his chest. 

It was Harley, all too familiarly giving the both of you a little nudge. “Can we _go_?” He was _nervous_, though trying bravely to bury it. 

Turning to him you offered a sweet smile. “You clean up very nice. ...are we sure about the hat, though?” He was wearing a smaller version of Tony’s suit- although with a regular suit jacket instead of going with the double-breasted. He had _insisted_ on a black fedora for the evening. Something you really wished Tony would have talked him out of. 

Putting his hands on both sides of the brim he readjusted it. “_Yes_.” Growling just a little. “Come on. Aren’t we late?” 

Tony readjusted his bow tie and then held his arm out for you, waiting until you’d slipped yours around him to speak. “First rule of invitational parties, kid. They don’t officially start until we show up.” 

As the three of you walked to the elevator he huffed and then grinned up at the two of you. “I thought they didn’t know you were coming.” 

“They don’t.” Tony too quickly got caught in that trap- something that had you raising your hand to hide a smile. What a pair, these two. To your sudden giggles he rolled his eyes, ushering you into the elevator. “Whose side are you on?” 

You gave him another small but consolatory pat on over the heart. “Yours, dear. Of course. Always. ...but he does have a point.”  
  
Tony made no great effort to hide the fondness of his smile accompanied with the roll of his eyes. “Yeah, yeah…” 

* * *

Just outside the venue, you took a look up the long red-carpeted stairs- and all the reporters and cameras lining the sides. Barred off, as per usual, but… these things were never easy. You just pretended they were. Tried to make everything look smooth and _elegant_. Tony slipped on a pair of his tinted sunglasses. Red, of course, for the occasion. 

Everyone had taken very sudden notice of the _Stark car_ that was now on the sidewalk and were subsequently getting a little crazy. Turning, you put a firm hand on Harley’s shoulder. It _spooked_ him immediately. “We’re going to have to stop to answer a few questions. And pose for a few pictures.” 

He pouted. “Do I have to talk?” Whining, just a little. Like he’d just realized what a mess he’d gotten himself into. 

Tony reached into his jacket. “Let us do all the talking.” Pulling out a smaller pair of slightly more heavily tinted lenses, he handed them over. “Otherwise just follow our lead. You’ll do great.” With that quick little powwow, he signaled Happy to open the door. Once out, he held his hand for you, and you ever so _gracefully_ let yourself out of the car. Flashbulbs were going off a million miles a minute, calls of your name were getting deafening-

But it was nothing compared to when you stepped aside and a young boy stepped out in front of the three of you. After that, the screams for attention became practically _wild_. You thanked Happy for the ride in before allowing Harley to take up the front- just barely. For all his courage, and he _was_ putting on a very brave front, he seemed to want to stay _very_ close. This was good, though. That’s what you and Tony wanted, too. 

It made it easier to pose for pictures, which the three of you did. You and Tony were quite used to mugging for the camera by now. You were just grateful Harley was a little too shell-shocked by all the attention to do any actual posing. He just kept his hands in his pockets. And, you were sure, was grateful for his new pair of sunglasses. 

The first designated question of the night was a breeze- “_We heard reports that you two weren’t coming tonight. What changed your minds?_”  
  
Something you easily answered. “_A small error that we’re glad to rectify- we’re here, after all, aren’t we? We’d never pass up an opportunity to give to a good cause._” 

Then of course came the usual _who are you wearing_. Trite. Meaningless stuff.  
It was one of the reporters near the front of the stairs who nudged the security ropes to test her luck. “Who have you brought with you this evening? He’s adorable! Did you two adopt while we weren’t looking??” Getting some of the other reporters to chuckle as they _all _listened in, microphones pointed your way. 

You settled a hand on his shoulder once more. “This is Harley. A bright young mind in our new Stark Industries Internship program. We’re in our initiation phase, but things are going quite well.” 

She held the microphone lower to him. “How do you feel about that, Harley? How are you doing?” 

Tony waved a hand in a circle, tuning attention back up to him, which the reporter heeded quickly. “Kid’s doing great. And _ecstatic_ as you can imagine. After a week locked up in the lab we thought we’d give him some fresh air.” The crowd laughed at his joke, as they always did. Eager to be noticed. 

The reporter eyed Harley again, not taking the hint. “What do you think of the program so far? How are they treating you?” 

But this time you and Tony hung back, allowing him to answer, if he wanted. Harley crossed his arms. “Everything’s good. I guess.”  
  
“Are you learning a lot? Has this been a beneficial time for you?” 

“The lab exercises are fun. _This_ is boring, though.” Trying to pretend he was above it all. 

At that the crowd really _did_ laugh, and Tony drew their attention as he tipped Harley’s hat a little too far forward. “Seems like he’s learning a little too quickly. I’ll try to avoid handing him a scotch on the rocks. Good first lesson of dinner parties, if my dad taught me anything. Stay loose.” As the crowd broke into continued laughter, you waved off the press and took Tony by the arm again, nudging Harley to finish moving up the set of stairs and into the venue. 

Once inside you let one of the attendants take your stole, but purposefully held on to your purse. Not that anything at this gala needed to be paid for. But even with the, surely unnecessary, sensitive equipment inside, you didn’t want anyone else hanging on to it. As Tony slipped his glasses off and tucked them back into his inside jacket pocket, you noticed Harley mirroring him. 

Some couples were already enjoying the _grand_ ballroom floor, some were sitting at tables eating, some were boozing at the open bar. But all eyes turned to your group as soon as you officially entered. Above the music you drew Harley’s attention. “That wasn’t so bad.” 

He shrugged. “I guess. What do we do now?” 

Tony put his arm around your waist. “Schmooze. Drink. Order whatever food you want. There’s a kid’s table full of rich brats who will look down their noses at you, if that’s your kind of thing.” 

You made a face. “Stay away from them.” Worried not only that they’d be mean to him (as all children were, _especially_ those kinds), but worried even more that they _wouldn’t_. And would be just like their shitty parents. And try to get in good with him to use him. 

“Like I wanna hang out with them anyway.” Sounding entirely unenthused. 

Tony couldn’t seem to hold back a chuckle. “Now you’re getting the hang of it.” 

Spotting Mr. Smithfield himself- and he, you, with an excellent flash of _shock_ and _nervousness_, you waved to him with an overly pleasant smile. Then you handed Tony your purse and gave him a pat on the arm. “Could you get me a drink, please? And find us a table. I’ll be back.” 

Harley seemed _upset_ about the idea of your departure. “What are you doing?” 

But Tony put a hand on his shoulder and steered him towards the bar. “Her job. Don’t worry about her. She’s tougher than the both of us.” 

“_Oh_.” You could hear his grin then. “She’s gonna go make him look like shit.” 

Tony hung his head back with a very unimpressed look. “You teach him that?” 

“It must’ve slipped out.” Giving a very innocent shrug, and letting the sound of Harley’s _delighted_ giggles keep your conscience clear. 

Halfway across the room Smithfield tried to find an exit, but you cut him off with a soft yet somehow steely grip on his arm. He turned to you, sweating. “It’s so nice to see you- I… I was sure your assistant told me you wouldn’t be here-” 

“I have _no_ idea what you’re talking about.” You fancied the idea of smiling at him like a shark ready to strike. “We’re happy to come, of course. Just as I’m sure you’re happy to pocket seventy percent of the donations through your off shore shell account tonight, isn’t that right?” He tried to speak but you stopped him, curling your fingers. “We saw your newsletter about us. To all your wonderful donors here tonight. Would be a shame if Stark Industries released your earnings tomorrow morning in the same way. What header did you use? It was very lovely.” 

He’d gone practically white as a sheet at this point, eyes wide. Heart _thumping_. “A shame… it would be- that newsletter- you know- a miscommunication- sent out in error-” 

“I’m sure it was.” Holding on to him with that tough grip a few seconds longer, staring him down enough to make a point before finally letting him go with a little smooth of his jacket. “Well. In that case. I’m sure the percentage variable I saw was a _miscommunication_ too, wasn’t it? You wouldn’t _dream_ of spending Stark Industries’ charitable funds to line your pockets, would you?” 

“N-no… of course not…” 

“Good. We understand each other, then.” You gave him one more smooth of his shoulders. “The venue is beautiful. You did a wonderful job. Thanks for inviting us.” One last saccharine smile and then you turned on your heel. While you expected him to dart away- which he did _immediately_\- it was that he still carried that sense of rampant _anxiety_ with him all the way to the kitchen door that made you slightly hesitant. Usually these sorts of encounters ended with the person on the other end feeling some _relief_. 

And yet… 

“Excuse me, miss.” Tony’s warm voice got all of your other thoughts to surrender. As you turned to him, he offered you a half glass of wine, which you took gratefully. “If you’re done menacing the host…” Grinning at you. 

“All for a _good cause_, I assure you.” Teasingly, taking a sip after. Letting his laughter at your little joke warm you to your core. Looking over his shoulder, you arched your brow. “Where did you leave Harley?” 

“Got goo-goo-eye’d by a blonde at the bar.” 

“_Tony_.” 

“I mean, once upon a time. Seems like the exact sort of thing that I’d do.” Taking a pointed sip of his drink. But your continued stare broke him and he raised a hand. “Kid’s fine. He can handle himself. And she couldn’t have been more than twenty.” 

“That’s not funny, Tony.” 

“I disagree, I happen to think I’m _hilarious_.” Leaning over he set his now empty glass on a nearby table and pushed his finger at the bottom of your glass to get you to empty yours. “Really. He’s fine. She was probably … I’m not good with kid ages. Fourteen? Why not. He needs to live a little. Learn something.” 

Once your glass was finished you handed it to him and watched him dump it on the table next to his. “There’s no telling what these little gremlins will do to him.” 

“Nothing he can’t handle- like I said. He’s tough. And mouthy, in case you forgot.” He put an arm around your waist, drawing you _away_. “Anyway. We’re here. Let’s dance, shall we?” 

You allowed him to sweep you out onto the dance floor, where the sea of people parted for you as if you were royalty, as always. It was nice… to just pretend things were normal. To sway to overly romantic string music. Sliding your hands up his chest and laying your head on his shoulder as he held your hips carefully in his hands. One song bled into the next before you noticed. “How long are we staying here?” 

“You’re asking me?” His voice was warm and rumbly against your ear. “You know if it were up to me we’d be gone already. I think we made enough of an impression, don’t you?” 

While he did have a point… was that a good lesson to impart to Harley? Speaking of- you looked up and around, spying him sitting at a table with said young girl that Tony had let him wander off with. She was wearing his hat. And he looked very entranced. You couldn’t help a snort. “I thought all girls have cooties at that age.” 

Tony followed your line of sight and smiled once he saw the little scene. “Some girls just smile at you the right way and it’s all over after that.” As you locked eyes with him, and his smile prompted your own- even more so when he leaned in, nose brushing yours. “See- like that-” Being bold with the other bodies on the floor, rewarding you with a soft kiss. 

One you really would have liked to melt into.  
Except someone had stepped up _very close _to you very suddenly- someone _full of that same __**panic**_. So much so that you broke from Tony with a murmur of a sound to see who it was- and then sharply inhaled when you felt something press deep into your back. 

“Let’s not make any mistakes here.” The voice was decidedly _not_ Smithfield. And, from the way Tony was gauging your new guest, he didn’t know who it was either. 

He tried to turn you away. “Can I help you?” 

The man stepped closer in, holding your arm to keep you from moving fully. Just enough to _show off_. A hot flare of _anger_ rose from Tony, but died quickly when you shook your head. Then his eyes fell- to presumably- from the feel- the _gun_ being shoved into your spine. “Move. Now. Don’t make this a mess.” 

The two of you looked at each other, trying to figure out what the right move to make actually was. And you made the decision to step forward, so Tony fell in line. Ushered into the back kitchen- empty, not surprisingly. A few gunshots rang off in the main room and you heard a much bolder voice rise above the sudden screams. “_Ladies and gentlemen, if you’d please_-” 

Your abductor shoved you both aside, and raised the gun- trained on _you_\- probably in an effort to keep Tony pinned. But not a smart move no matter which way it was looked at. The both of you still put your hands up, though. You couldn’t help but start in on the sass. The man had ruined your evening, after all. “What is this? Are you guys serious right now?” 

Though he was holding himself steady you still were tasting that _terror_. Drowning in it, almost. He was very frightened. “You weren’t supposed to be here.” 

At this your head lolled back. “Are you fucking kidding me right now- how much are you paying Smithfield?” You were going to kick that man’s ass to kingdom come for his involvement in this. 

In the other room you heard the direction- “_Money in the bag- bleeding hearts of the world- jewelry, wallets, phones, I want it all!_” 

“Petty thievery, really?” Tony was just as unimpressed. “You’re hijacking a charity event to steal from the rich? Robin Hood himself better be out there or-” 

He leveled the gun at Tony, “Just _shut up_!” 

Your mind started racing. How quick could you move- how quick could you disarm him? He wasn’t standing that far away, and he didn’t seem like he was ready to take both of you on. Shame your Reactor was in your purse- and seeing as Tony didn’t have it, who _knew_ where it was regardless, now. If he fired on Tony, at this range, it would be lethal. You had to be _very_ sure- 

The door to the kitchen opened just barely. “Time’s ticking. We’re rounding up for the speech. Bomb’ll go off in ten minutes. Hurry up back here.” 

“_Bomb_?!” The word ejected out of you and Tony simultaneously. 

“I’m almost finished!” Screeched so hard it nearly gave you a headache. The door pulled closed and his attention came back to you- thankfully- you weren’t as scared of having his gun pointed at you as you were Tony. ...Tony probably felt the same way. “Now- who goes first-” 

Tony sighed. “Is this your first time? Because, honestly, my villain bingo card is just about filled up.” 

“A real shame we’re missing the evil monologue in the other room. Might have gotten you all the way there.” Sassing a man with a gun pointed at both of you was probably a bad idea. But alas… how could either of you resist. 

“I said shut-” About to yell again when a little noise popped off just behind you. You thought for a second that security had come to save you- but were kind of mystified to see something _bounce_ off his arm. “What-” 

But that was your open. Shifting back on one foot, you threw a half spin of momentum to stick one of your heels into his wrist with enough force to dislodge the weapon on the other side of the room. And then back on two feet, as Tony moved to grab the gun, you took a few quick steps, leading in with a punch to his gut that had him lurching forward. Which then made it easy for you to grab his arm and roll his whole weight forward in a twist to have him on his back. 

Your heel was at his throat after that. “Where’s the bomb?” 

He was already gurgling with the _slight_ force you were using. “Ov- oven- _it’s in the oven_!” Finding a new threshold for that _panic_ that had brought him to you. 

“Tony-” 

“I’m on it.” 

Looking up into the doorway you saw Harley just _standing there_\- with some sort of half visor over his eye, (...remarkably familiar, actually…) it spooked you. Just a little, with a tiny start. “_Harley_-!” Then, glancing down to the … toy gun?- held in his trembling hands. “What is that?” 

He broke out of his daze, looking down and then shaking his head. “Why didn’t it work?” 

“Over here, kid.” Tony was on his hands and knees, pulling the bottom rack out of the oven to reveal an alarmingly sized and complicated looking bomb. “You’re a messy coder, I warned you. Some of the same lines you have running on your targeting stack build the gauge on your compression load. Probably hit a cascade failure before your peanut even left the barrel.” 

While you could listen to him talk like that all day, now was not the time. Laying more pressure on, you sent a steely-eyed gaze your attacker’s way. “What is this? Who do you work for?” 

It was almost impressive, his will to live was keeping him smart, while he struggled to draw breath, he managed to lay still and flat on the floor, perhaps nervous that if he moved you’d end him right there. “SHIELD- we- work for SHIELD-” 

You couldn’t help the dissatisfied scrunch of your face. “**Bullshit**.” 

“No we- we were… left out in the cold- called terrorists- so we’ll show the world what real terrorists are-” 

Leaning down in, you narrowed your eyes. “_Stop lying to me_.” Easy to _sense_ immediately. Common sense would have told you that, though. “Your moments are numbered, so it would be a very nice time for you to _feel some honesty_, wouldn’t you say?” 

A clouded look took over his eyes. “I- I can’t.” 

“Sure you can. _You feel like being honest with me. _So talk. **Now**.” 

He swallowed hard. “We’re hired hands- by a deep subsection of Hydra-” 

A roll of disgust left you. “Of course you are. Un-fucking-believable.” That was really all you needed, and time was growing short. A well placed strike at the side of his temple knocked his lights clean out. After, you stood, hiking up your dress to tie it at the side. Looking over at Tony, “Can you disarm that?” 

“Yeah- no problem. Probably. I just need a minute to look at it.” 

Peering out the window, you saw hostages on their knees, being held ransom to a man on stage. “Where is my purse?” The silence was _deafening_. So much so that you couldn’t help an annoyed groan. “Alright- _fine_. Harley stay here. Tony I want that bomb gone.” 

Harley looked over at you. “What are you gonna do?” 

Tony answered for you, as he tossed the gun your way. “She’s about to save the party, kid.” 

You shared an intense look with him- only a few seconds long- but one full of understanding. No words needed to be said. Activating your visor with a press of your earrings, you sidled along the back wall. “LUNA lock down all targets.” 

“Scanning!” Taking a breath, using the cover of darkness to make your way closer to the action. The idiot on the main stage was going on and on and _on_… “Five left in the building, ma’am. Two- here-” Lighting their heat signatures up, luckily in the back. Crowd control. “Two- here-” Two manning the stage. “-and the man here.” On stage, of course. 

“Okay. Thank you.” Disengaging her after. Needing the cover of that darkness to sneak up on both beefy men in the back as silently as possible. Really less than they looked. The first you took down easily with a yank to his arm and a kick to the back of his knee to send him crumbling down and a heavy whack of your gun at his temple. Once down you motioned for silence at the people who had been held at bay on their knees and pointed to the door.  
  
_Go now. Go __**quietly**_.  
  
The other goon didn’t put up much of a fight, either. But he was a little more prepared- or maybe a little more skittish. When you knocked the back of his legs, his itchy trigger finger sent off a shot that had people screaming and the big boss pausing in his speech. You did the best thing you could think of, holding the beefy tool at bay with a twist of his arm and your heel in his back, you raised your gun towards the stage and fired off a shot that went straight through his thigh. 

You then brought it down at the back of the other one’s head and dodged a return fire shot your way from one of the two up front. If given the chance, they’d start pulling hostages, so you knew you had to keep their eyes on you. It was why you serpentined the dance floor dodging their gunfire while other people wisely fled, ending in a forward slide that you boosted out of with your hands on the floor, spinning to knock one of the men to the ground. 

Chaos became a cloak as you punched his lights out- and then subsequently were grabbed from behind, dropping your gun. Strong arms wound around you, squeezing the life out of you and almost cracking your ribs. You bent forward in a jump, throwing him off balance, and then rocked back with a smash of your head to crack against his nose. When he dropped you to your feet you served a series of one-two punches to his gut and then bent down to push up into an uppercut that knocked him clean off his feet. 

Ducking down into a roll as you _sensed_ the only other enemy in the room staggering close, you reclaimed a gun and then lifted off your crouch to stand fully- aiming it at him- 

And Harley.  
Whose neck he had his arm around.  
_God fucking damn it_.  
  
“Drop it. Now. Or I’ll kill him.” Pressing his own gun right at Harley’s temple. 

Immediately you put both hands up and away, held steady at the sides of your head. “Alright- hey- don’t do anything stupid-” 

“I said drop it!” 

“I heard you work for Hydra, is that right?” You felt that subtle out-of-body shift as that deeper part of you dropped somewhere below, lights blinding your second set of eyes. “Seems _hilarious_ that they’d send you to a benefit where Team Iron was gonna be-” You broadcast just about every ounce of _doubt_ and _terror _in tandem that you could muster. 

It shook him- but only enough to have him suddenly jerk his gun your way. “Shut up- you don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“Kinda seems like they wanted you to martyr yourselves for their cause.” Very slowly, by _inches_, you started creeping.

“I said shut up-”

Closer… “Don’t you feel _strange_\- _lied to_?” 

“They said- they said you weren’t coming- this was our only chance-” 

“Come on now. Everyone knew we were coming. We had an RSVP in since December. I’m sure your boss knew that too.” Closer still, as you started to watch his foundation crumble. “But you _knew that_, didn’t you? You _suspected_ Hydra was sending you here to die. Don’t you think that’s _unfair_? Aren’t you _angry_?”

His grip on Harley was loosening. “Did they- ...did they really know…?” 

“Of course they knew. You’re one rat in a long line. And if you-” 

You’d nearly had him.  
One more _broadcast_, one more sentence, one more anything- 

But Harley struggled very suddenly, bending in to take a bite out of the man’s arm. Which caused a chain reaction. He fired on you, sending a shot straight through your arm. Harley dropped to the ground. After recoiling you rushed forward, but not in enough time as the man swerved and pointed his gun right at Harley who was on his hands and knees trying to scramble away.

Instinct took over.  
In a quick flash you held the gun in both hands and fired off a killing shot. No time to think of doing anything else. _There were no other options._

In another quick unthinking move, you dropped to your knees, drawing Harley in and half around to block the newly dead body on the floor from his line of sight.

Energy fled in droves as you raised your free hand to grip over your arm now leaking blood. “Harley-” Not sure what you were going to say. But whatever it was, it died immediately as he practically collapsed into you.  
  
Shivering.  
_Scared_.  
“I’m sorry- I- I wanted to help-” Sniffles were just as easily _heard_ as they were _felt_ with him so close to you.

A twelve year old child- one that had bottled many things up for quite a long time now- had just had his life threatened very seriously. Had just had two guns fired right next to him. His ears were probably ringing. His heart was probably beating to burst. Breaking down was not the least bit surprising. It was why you held your arm tighter around him, wilting while you tried to hold him steady. “You’re alright. You did good.” Spying Tony, taking his suit jacket off, heading your way. “We’re alright. Right?” 

Tony knelt down, putting his jacket around Harley’s shoulders, and then laying a hand over one. If he hadn’t burst into tears, you were sensing there might have been a _long_ stern talk about _not listening when there are a bunch of men with guns around_\- given he’d slipped away and disobeyed you. But. Seeing as how he _was_ crying… 

“We’re alright, kid.” 

With Tony close enough, you side shifted to just rest your head against him. “Bomb disarmed?” 

“Yeah. Terrorists all taken care of?” 

“Yeah.” 

Tony gave Harley a little pat on the back, drawing his attention with a tired grin. “See? Exactly what I’d call alright.” It was just enough to get Harley to try and force a brave face with a nod, but he still couldn’t hide his shaking.

The front door of the ballroom busted open with the heavy steps of New York City’s finest. Many of which were uselessly shouting, “_Police_!” 

Both you and Tony were unable to stow your eye-rolls, but he was the one to get up. “Nothing to see here, officers. Everything’s already taken care of. Though if you’d like to look the other way on getting our paperwork done…” 

You suddenly had a much longer night ahead of you than you’d planned for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harley stuff will wrap next week and we'll give our beloved superheroes some time to rest before the next mountain of garbage comes their way. This was a tough one.


	114. Chapter 114

It was genuinely a lot to ask of you to keep your cool and not break down. But you were facing questions from police and had a child that was probably traumatized in your care- one that you’d brought into this dangerous situation- and- _also_\- what if you and Tony **had** gone on vacation? Would all of these people there tonight have died because of you? And that man- being lifted out on a stretcher after the EMTs had called it- _you’d had no choice_\- it was either him or Harley-

“Ma’am- are you still with me?” A detective just trying to do her job. Failing because she was dealing with a partially shell shocked Avenger. Must have not been an easy night for her. Everyone was struggling.

“I’m sorry. Where was I…?” Letting yourself speak but drifting again as you saw an EMT hand Tony his jacket back and drape a blanket over Harley’s shoulders in its place. They’d checked you out earlier and suggested you really needed to go to the hospital. An idea you waved off, telling them to just pack your wound with gauze and wrap some medical tape around it. 

The bullet had gone clean through and it would be looking better by tomorrow. Aside from that you had no time to deal with a useless visit to the emergency room right now. The guests that had fled were being placed back in the building just to keep them all in one place for questioning. They were all also trying to give you and Tony their heartfelt thanks for saving their lives- and of course their _valuables_. Almost everything being said to you was going in one ear and out the other. 

At least until you heard Happy’s familiar voice arguing with some of the police posted at the front door. “Get outta my way! I’m- do you not see my badge? I’m head of Stark security!” Looking up you waved with the arm currently not throbbing in pain, signaling the officers to let him through. He came barreling right up to you, though took stock of Tony and Harley sitting a few feet away. “I got here as soon as I could.” Putting his arm around you in a careful hug. 

One you were surprised at how much you appreciated. You half-returned it. “Thank you, Happy. Can you pull the car around back? I don’t want any press bothering us.” 

He nodded. “Yeah, alright. ...how’s the kid?” 

An unexpected flash of _sadness _and _guilt _hit you so hard it nearly knocked you off your feet. Moving your hand to cover up a hitch of a sob that seemed to strike from nowhere. When he reached out again you just shook your head. “I’m sorry- I just- I need to go home- I’m okay-” 

You had thought you’d been doing something good for Harley. By manipulating him into wanting to be here. The end goal was part of a greater good, so everything else was easy to excuse, right? _Right_? Wasn’t that what you were always telling yourself? In this life of extreme gray areas… where did it all stop? 

Happy stood there for too long a moment, staring at you. Feeling something quite _terrible_ for seeing you like this. Maybe you were all suffering under the same strain. He then just nodded and walked away- saying a few quick words to Tony before exiting again. Yet your _selfishness _continued, as you realized your heart was _weeping _over the loss of a life you’d never have. 

This had just been a charity gala. And yet sinister people had invaded it and taken the evening away from everyone there. And a child you were looking after nearly paid the price. What if it had actually been _your_ child? But it would never be _**your**_ child. And this was why. You had no regrets falling in love with Tony, pairing your life so intimately with his. But that’s what this was. Your _life_ with him was only this. It could only _ever_ be this. 

You hoped it was fair to let yourself grieve just a little for the concept of maybe one day having a normal life, a normal family, having to be buried now. 

_Get it together_. The only thing you allowed yourself to think after, especially when you caught both Tony and Harley looking up at you. Trying not to make even more of a scene you carefully turned away, pulling out your cell phone. “LUNA get me Maria Hill, complete encryption.” 

The line rang twice before she answered. “Seems like you’re having a busy evening.” It was probably all over the news by now. 

“Oh, you know. Just doing our jobs. ...listen, I know you said you need something a little more substantial. Can you take charge on Damage Control? I need some movement on this.” 

“Sure thing. Little bit early for a promotion, but it beats filing applications. What’s going on?” 

“We’ve got Hydra agents posing as SHIELD. They tried to blow up the building. I doubt they’ll talk to the cops. I also doubt this is the last time they’ll try and pull this stunt.” 

“And maybe you won’t be there next time. Yeah. Got it.” The disappointment in her voice wasn’t hard to catch, especially paired with the sigh she let go of. It was always something. “I’ll contact Coulson. He’s working with the last remaining live agents in the division.” 

You had a lot of questions about that… because it sounded an awful lot like SHIELD was still up and running. Just in a much smaller capacity. Now just wasn’t the time. “Okay. I trust you. Whatever you need to get the job done, it’s yours.” 

“Even better.” 

The goodbyes were quick after that. With the cops mostly finished taking all the information down you had to give, and now sufficiently distracted with everything else they had to clean up, you went back over to Tony and Harley. As he handed you your purse, found amongst things about to be entered into evidence and pilfered, “Happy has the car pulled around back. Let’s go home.” 

Harley, _thank god_, seemed a little less paralyzed and disturbed than he had an hour ago. “Shouldn’t you go to the hospital?” 

You served a weak smile. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” 

Standing, Tony slung his jacket over his shoulder and offered a hand to help Harley stand. “We’ll stitch her up back at the Tower, don’t worry.” Easily lying because… now was not the time to go into _all that_. “So. What did you think of your first fancy party? As bad as we promised?” 

Relief washed over you when Harley grinned, weak though it was. “The part before all the shooting wasn’t _that_ bad. I still think you’re both being babies.” Resilient and tough. ...how lucky you were that was the case. When fresh chilly air greeted you around the back of the building, he looked up at you before getting in the car. “Can you teach me to fight like that?” 

Tony nudged his back. “She’s cooler than you thought, right? You can admit it.” 

The ribbing earned an embarrassed groan and a little shove. “_Stop_.” A whine, too, before Harley disappeared into the back of the car. 

With him gone, you allowed yourself a little bit of gentle reprieve, turning to wrap your good arm around Tony’s middle, burying your face against his shoulder. It was the best feeling in the world, having him hold you back with that steady _squeeze_. His voice was low when he spoke. “Thanks for saving the day.” 

“You, too.” Breathing both words out. 

You felt the hitch of his chest in a dry short one-note laugh. “I just pulled some wires. You cleared out all the bad guys.” 

“You pulled the _right _wires.” Easing up to press a kiss to his cheek. 

As you moved, he lifted his hands, cupping your cheeks in his palms. Gazing at you in that deep sort of way. “You okay?” Asked after another long moment. 

“That’s not really a discussion we have time for right now.” 

He dipped his head in a small nod. “Understandable.” 

...and yet… “...it was him or Harley.” Saying it. Saying it so that the universe understood. So that the thought would **go away**. 

Regarding you for another long moment, his thumb swiped just underneath your eye in a careful stroke. “It was.” He hadn’t even _seen_ what had happened, but already he agreed. Already he was by your side. “Don’t beat yourself up over this.” 

_Anxiety_ spiked in the back of the car so close to you, and you dropped your head. “Are you eavesdropping?” Raising your voice to Harley who most definitely _was_. 

He poked his head out of the car, sitting sideways with his legs dangling, head down. Hands pressed together. Thinking. “You’re talking about him- that guy- but you did what you were supposed to-” Struggling, same as you, with what had just happened. 

Dropping to a kneel you opted to try for comfort, laying a careful hand on his shoulder. “Harley, I did what I _had_ to, not what I was supposed to. ...or even what I _wanted_ to.” 

Confusion took him. “But- you’re an _Avenger_. You kill bad guys all the time.” 

“I don’t when I can avoid it. Taking a life should never be easy, Harley. No matter who you are. It isn’t for me. I know it’s not for Tony, either. Or any of the other Avengers. We do it when we’re locked into situations when there’s _no other choice._” 

_Who were you really trying to convince here?_

He purposefully kept his head down. “It was my fault.” Avoiding your eyes as he squirmed with these terrible feelings.

“You tried to help me.” Even if he’d disobeyed- and, _yes_, even if it had been his fault- you couldn’t pin this on a child. Never. He didn’t have the cognitive ability to _think _something like that through. To assess the entire situation, to figure out all his resources- and, yes, even to follow orders. He sprung into action to do what he thought was best, to do what he _could_. 

Tony put his hands in his pockets. “We all make mistakes, kid. It’s not easy being under that kind of pressure. You jumped into action to help. That’s better than most.” 

If the Avengers had ever made an after-school special, you imagined it’d be exactly something like this. But it was important to… what was the phrase for _debriefing a child_? _God- had it really come to that?_ Decompress and discuss, you supposed. But Harley very quickly hit his tolerance for learning a lesson and talking about all of this heavy stuff. His hands pressed together before he turned back around to sit a little more fully in the car. “Can we go somewhere and get dinner?” Deciding it was time to stop talking about this stuff. 

That was fine. Your nerves were wearing thin, too. But. You made a mental note to ask Deja for a list of child therapists later… “Sure. Anywhere you’d like.” Once he moved you edged down to get into the car with him. 

Tony was not far behind, and after he closed the door he held up a finger, “She means that literally. So don’t blow this.” 

“What about… Denny’s?” 

Putting a hand to his chest, Tony gave off an award-winning air of _offense_. “I’ve been slaving away every morning to make you breakfast- you get one chance to go to the fanciest place you’ve ever been in your life- and you pick _Denny’s_?” Two huge offenses in one. “You could have just told me you didn’t like my cooking. Would’ve been easier to swallow.” 

His antics seemed to lift Harley’s mood, probably precisely why he was going on about it. You gave him a little pat on the leg. “To be fair, you didn’t make pancakes with smiley faces on them.” 

“Is that the measure of a good pancake? I’ll remember this for next time. And _not _in a good way.” Huffing and puffing, though in the darkness of the backseat you caught the edge of his grin, when Harley found the courage to laugh. 

Reaching forward you gave Happy a little touch to his arm. “Do you know where the nearest Denny’s is?” 

“GPS says Brooklyn… we’re going all the way to Brooklyn for pancakes?” Looking up into the rearview, making sure this was real life. 

Easing back with a sigh, Tony put his arm around you. “Seems that way, doesn’t it?” 

* * *

Full of _two_ smiley pancake stacks and adrenaline of the night completely worn off, Harley was out like a light before the car even pulled up to the Tower. You had Happy make sure that not only would the restaurant be empty, but you established a dead zone a mile out from the Tower upon pull-up. And it was a good thing you did. Tony ended up having to carry a very passed out Harley all the way upstairs. 

It was hard. _All_ of this was hard. There was a deep resonating pang that wrecked you so completely. It was strange, to feel such devastation, watching Tony carry a sleeping child in his arms so _carefully_\- tuck him into bed so _gently_\- after an evening that almost certainly proved you could never have _this_. Strange, too, when years before the two of you had given each other wide-eyed stares over a Plan-B cocktail-

Something of his _own_ invention. Something he was so deeply used to that he’d had it at the ready the very next morning after things had gotten wonderfully hot and heavy. Had you wanted kids? Had you wanted kids _with_ Tony? It didn’t matter anymore. This was all proof that that sort of life wasn’t yours to have. How could you knowingly and willingly expose a new life to this? 

Halfway through a too-hot shower you _grieved_. As quietly as possible so as to not disturb Tony in the next room. Grieved a life the two of you had only barely talked about, never really investigated, and would never have anyway. You could get by- you were _fine_ with the idea that it was just the two of you. You loved him. Dearly. Desperately. Unfathomably so. Bringing another life into this world with him- that wasn’t _everything_. And it didn’t mean you couldn’t be a family, just the two of you. And Dvahli, of course. But… 

You must have wanted it. Somewhere in you… you must have wanted the chance to have that. For Tony to be a wonderful father. For you to nurture a small soul that only the two of you could have. And in knowing, now, you never could, it also put an end to wondering if life would ever be _normal_. You’d gone to a charity banquet that had had a bomb planted in it. And not so long ago aliens had attacked the city. 

There was no normal. It just didn’t exist. You and Tony had been handed- given- maybe even _forced_ to own keys of heroism. The knowledge and the power to do the right thing. To help people. To take a stand. To save lives. There would never be a time when that wouldn’t be the case. It had never been more clear than tonight. You would have to make peace with that. And to do that… you had to grieve the loss of a normal life- the one you’d had, minutes before Pepper had said she was resigning. From that moment on…

Everything had changed. Nothing was the same. You were burying your old notions, your old wishes- even buried as they were, your old… everything. You needed to _**grieve this loss of self and future**_. So you did. 

Tony’s sudden presence spooked you- when you’d gotten out of the shower after perhaps too long a time. He had his hand on the door frame, and the way he was looking at you said all you really needed to know. Eyes soft with a telling sheen of wetness, and a _sad_ longing gaze. 

“Sorry.” Your voice was a weak murmur as you wrapped a towel around yourself. 

Bypassing you, he moved to the mirror cabinet above the sink, pulling out some bandages. The wound on your arm was closed, but angry and red still, not fully healed. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” Nudging you then to sit back on the counter. 

A motion you followed without thought, looking away as he carefully wrapped your arm back up. “I made you feel-” 

“I can have my own feelings, too, you know.” Quiet, not angry. But tight. Perhaps trying to hold that cracking wall at bay. That one sentence pushed you past your own selfishness. Because you were not grieving alone. Tony, clearly, had been thinking about this too. And probably had come to the same conclusion. “_Mothering_ hasn’t really been an interest of mine, but… the way you are with the kid-” 

“_Don’t_.” Ejected out of you almost in a panic, reaching your other hand up to touch over his heart. It was his _heartbreak_ that threatened to end you completely. The way he was looking at you. The way he was _feeling_. Deep _blues _just spilling out of him. “...you would make a good father, Tony, but… it’s so obvious now. We can never have that.” 

He finished tying off your fresh bandage. “Alright- well- first of all- let’s not start telling each other lies. I don’t exactly have the _pedigree_.” Flash of a hurt grin crossing him before he leaned in, resting his forehead against yours. “But... never say never.” 

“I _am_ saying never.” There was no way to make peace with this unless you were both on the same page. Why was he being so stubborn? “I love you. This life is hard but… it’s good. The way it is. And it has to be. Because we can’t-” 

“Why can’t we?” The look he was giving you was just shy of _pleading_. “I told you… I’m working on something. Let’s get past the concept phase before we start offing possibilities. Alright?” 

You shared a long gaze with him, for about as long as you could. Then weakness found you, and you crumbled forward, wrapping your arms around him, hiding your face in the side of his neck. “...is this something you even want?” 

“What? A life with you? Crazy concept.” He huffed out a bitter sounding laugh, holding you back. Tightly. 

“A life doesn’t have to have… _that_.” Scared to even say it after all this. “We have a life right now.” 

“Yeah, and we’ll have a different one, when I’m done. Quieter. Better. And if… _that_ fits into it… if it’s something you want…” His hands moved up to hold the sides of your face, if only so he could break your cowardice, lifting your head so the two of you could face each other again. 

You reached up, your own hands holding at his wrists. Just looking at him. Terribly _bare_ to each other for this small moment in time. “...is it something _you _want?” 

His smile was a nice consolation prize. “Honey, we’re very soon going to enter into a feedback loop. And- I asked first.” 

A brief feeling of wetness graced your eyes, and you were having a hard time figuring out if they were good or bad tears. “You did not. ...but ask me again after this thing you’re working on is past concept and through launch.”

He seemed _hurt- _for barely a second- but there was no hiding it from you. Pressing his lips together, his eyes lowered with a nod. “Yeah. That’s… that’s completely fair.” 

The two of you held each other together for the rest of the night, perhaps as you always did, with small kisses, long embraces, and words of love. Filling in the cracks as best as you could right then. It was all you _could_ do. 

* * *

It was a true testament to just how _worn down _Tony was, and just how _wound __**up**_ you were, when early the next morning (a measly one hour after you’d felt yourself fall asleep) you were awake. And he was dead asleep. He’d more than earned the right to sleep in. So you got up as quietly as possible and resisted a loving caress at his temple or a kiss at his cheek. No matter how much you wanted to, scared you’d ruin one of the only truly peaceful places he got to be in. 

You were just as carefully silent as you rolled on some deodorant and then slipped into a pair of leggings, sports bra, and Stark Industries zip-up, taking your sneakers out with you. Harley was up. No surprise. Sitting on the couch watching what seemed to be a Pixar film- Monsters Inc? Or maybe it was the sequel… The bright lights pinged your temples, setting off a resonating pain. Or maybe it was just _everything else_ that had a headache brewing.

You tried to ignore it as best as you could. What _was_ a surprise- “You’re really _still_ eating?” Asked as you sat down next to him on the couch, starting to lace up your shoes. This child had a bottomless pit for a stomach, munching on a bowl of cereal. 

Perhaps not even his first, considering the box of Captain Crunch and the jug of milk were sitting on the coffee table. He just gave a shrug. “What’re you doing up?” 

“I was going to go for a run and then get some coffee.” A good way to exorcise all this frantic energy and sour feelings. The treadmill would have been fine, but going out for some fresh air seemed more ideal. Then you’d waste it by amping up your caffeine. Solid plan. 

He quickly slurped up the rest of his cereal, testing your patience with how annoying a noise it was, and then set the bowl down loudly. “Can I come with you?” 

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “You’ll barf in the first five minutes.” The kid was full of food and now full of milk, too. He’d never make it. 

“Will _not_.” Grumpy. “I can do it. Let me come with you.” There was a twinge of _desperation _here that you couldn’t place. He _really_ wanted to go. You just weren’t sure why. Safest place for him was here in the Tower, so why did he want to go outside so badly? 

Finishing an extra tight double knot on your shoes, you sat up with a little stretch of your arms. “Why do you want to go?” Deciding to just _ask_ rather than speculate. Sometimes that worked.

But he gave a shrug and looked away. “I dunno.” You made a pointed eye-roll and stood to stretch out your muscles and joints a little more. Staying silent. Waiting for him to either give in and answer or ignore you. In which case you were sure he knew he wasn’t coming then. How important was this to him? ...well… “...you do it. For training. Right?” 

_Oh_. “I like to stay fit because it helps, yes. But this is- ...I just want to go for a run. It’s not that serious.” 

He made a face at you. “What do you mean?” Clearly confused. “I _hate_ gym in school- they make you run for no reason all the time. Why would you _wanna_ do that?” 

“It just helps sometimes.” 

“Helps with what?” 

Gee-golly-gosh. You were suddenly rethinking last night’s sorrow. Kids were really annoying when they wanted to be. “It helps clear my head.” 

“Why? Of what?” 

“Okay, Harley. You can come with me. Go get changed.” 

He’d won this battle. And not in a way he’d like. 

* * *

He barely made it ten minutes, in his pajama pants, no less. Seeing as how his little shopping trip with Happy had only resulted in tees, hoodies, jeans, and a single pajama set. ...too late now to regret not having supervised that trip. But his complaining, wheezing, and eventual falling behind had you slowing. And slowing more. And…

After that it eventually just became a comfortable walk through Central Park. It wasn’t doing you any favors of helping yourself, but Harley seemed to be enjoying himself so… that was important, too. Especially considering the heavy guilt you were still facing for getting him into all this mess in the first place. 

Conversation was trite yet not entirely meaningless. You found yourself fielding Avengers questions. Harley’s interest in the hero life seemed to have spiked infinitely after last night’s dealings. You supposed that was to be expected. 

“How come I never see anyone but you guys and Dr. Banner?” 

“Everyone else has their own things going on. They show up from time to time. It’s not like they’re hiding from you.” 

“Where’s Thor?” 

“Probably somewhere with Jane- Dr. Foster.” 

“Who’s that?”   
  
“His girlfriend.” 

“Oh. _Gross_. What about Captain America?” 

“Out on a mission.” 

“Black Widow?”   
  
“Same.” 

“Hawkeye??”   
  
“He went dark after SHIELD fell apart. I think he’s taking it pretty hard.” Honestly, you had no idea _what_ the hell Clint was doing. He’d been entirely unavailable and Nat had told you to leave him alone. Considering she knew him better than you ever would… you couldn’t do anything but respect that. 

“What does _going dark_ mean?” 

“It’s when an agent cuts all communication for a while and stays off the grid.” 

“What if he’s in trouble?”   
  
“He’s not.” 

“But how do you know?” 

“I-” 

Someone had sneaked up behind you. They’d been following for a little while now, but you assumed it was probably just paparazzi. Nothing to get worked up about. And certainly nothing to cause a scene over, especially with Harley right next to you. But while you were busy fielding endless questions, they’d gotten close enough to put a hand on your shoulder. Startling enough to kick your instincts into overdrive. 

With your opposite hand you reached up, pinning their wrist, and then slid your other arm up to trap their movements. Then you twisted their arm up and around, pulling them forward and holding them down in a lock. It was over in a matter of seconds. “Big mistake.” 

“Fuckin’- _get offa me_!” 

Harley had jumped back. You stayed steady. “You think you can just put your hands on me and get away with it?” 

“..._dad_?” 

If it wasn’t Harley’s shocking revelation, it was the fact that you noticed a reporter- wouldn’t you know it- a WHiH reporter- same one that had been following you the entire week- with his camera up. Recording this whole interaction. ...so _that’s_ what they’d been doing. You released the man immediately, less fodder for them to say _you_ attacked _him. _But you were quick and careful, stepping half in front of Harley. A little surprised, too, when he clung close, peering out from your side. You kept your attention focused forward. “What do you want?” 

“Me? Are you outta your mind? You steal _my_ kid and you ask what _I_ want? You’re something else.” He was raising his voice. Causing a scene. Very purposefully. This was not going to end well for one of you. 

“Harley came to us under our Internship program-” 

“What a buncha _horse shit_. His mamma didn’t sign no papers- and neither did I. So whose permission is he here on?” His fists were bunched at his sides. Getting over-dramatically angry. For the camera. And the people now stopping to watch. 

“How much is WHiH paying you? They put you on a plane? Bring you here?” 

He stayed stunned for only a moment. “That ain’t got nothing to do with this.” 

“Oh. _Sure_ it does. But, that’s besides the point. I assure you we have the correct paperwork. Would you like to come look at it?” You had _some_, but you could always forge more, if need be. Didn’t seem like this family was really cohesive. You’d wager you’d win that court battle. Not that you needed it to go that far. “Or why don’t we cut to the chase, and tell me the payout you’re looking for.” 

“My kid’s worth more to me than money.” 

Before you could open your mouth, Harley’s hands were on the back of your legs, using you for stability as he craned over and shouted, “Since when!? Go away! No one asked you to be here!” 

His father pointed a striking finger his way. “You shut your mouth, boy. Do as you’re told. Get over here. _Now_. _Or else_.” 

It was the easy and heavy _fear_ he struck in Harley’s heart that made your next actions easier. You stood much firmer. “You’re not touching this kid. Now we can settle this civilly-” 

“Fuck you and your corporate bullshit talk. You’re not taking my son for your little child-army. We’re gonna go to court and take everything you got.” 

This absolutely blew you away. “Is _that_ the story WHiH thinks they’re running? Christine is out of her fucking mind.” Child army?! _Seriously_? That’s the best she could do? 

“Fuck you and your fucking company. And your fucking pussy-ass boyfriend and all your little pissant _Avengers horseshit_. You’re gonna get what’s comin’ to you.” 

You found yourself nodding. _Okay. That’s how you feel_? “You seem _very angry_. We really don’t have to do this. I don’t want to. I’d like to take you to the office and we can talk. But you’re just _riled up_ aren’t you?” Projecting _wave_ after _wave_, turning his ripples the nastiest _red_ until he was shaking. Deep in that space you gave him a little _shove_. “Would you like to calm down?” 

_ **Attack me.** _

“_Fuck you_!” 

Reacting like an exploding volcano. One rush of footsteps with a fist extended. You side swept to keep Harley behind you, while catching his father’s wrist easily and twisting him down onto one knee. His sharp gasps of pain and subsequent begging did nothing to help him. Leaning in, raising his arm just to the point of breaking up on his back you kept your voice low and close to his ear. “Let’s try this again. And we’re going to do it my way. I expect some _honesty_. You know what that is, don’t you? Something _genuine_?” 

“I don’t understand- what the fuck do you want you _crazy bitch_-” He was panicking. 

But that was easy to turn into your advantage. “You ever put your hands on Harley?” 

“I- What’s that got to do with-” 

“_Answer me_. You’re in a very weak position. Some _truth_ will do you good.” Convincing him was a snap. 

“Sometimes- yes-” 

“What about his sister?” 

“When she needs to learn a lesson.”

“Their mother?” 

“Yeah- her too- bitch has it coming more often than not-” You didn’t mean to break his arm. Really. Truly. But it sort of just _happened_ anyway. Maybe it was minor. His yelp got you to stop fairly quickly, releasing him to let him stand. You stayed close as he swayed, clutching his shoulder. “You’re fucking crazy- you’re gonna pay for this-” 

“_You_ attacked _me_.” Laying it out straight. But, unthreatened, you came close even as he stiffened and looked like he might try to strike again. When you were just close enough, you lowered your voice enough for only the two of you to hear. “Listen to me. Very carefully. I know it must be _hard_ carrying around all that. Knowing you’ve been such a shitty person. I know you must feel _terrible. __**Guilty**_. You feel _awful_. Don’t you?” 

“I… I…” He was fogging over. Faster than most. Easy to manipulate, seeing as there was very little in the space between his ears. 

“The _weight_ of it is **crushing** you. What you’ve done. How you’ve hurt this family.” 

He shook his head. “It’s not… it’s not my fault… god- _they just don’t fucking get it-_” 

“Yes it is. And _you know it_.”  
  
Tears started. “God- I dunno- _what do I do_? What is...”   
  
“Here’s what you’re going to do.” Shoulder to shoulder with him then, you leveled a hard gaze on him, and in that bright space you laid your hand on him one more time. Imparting to him _exactly this_: “You _feel _the weight of your actions- _so heavy it’s killing you. _You’re going to turn around. And walk. Walk as far as you can until you can’t anymore. You’re going to stay away from Harley. His sister. His mother. _Forever_. Isn’t that right? _You feel like that’s the right thing to do._” 

“I’m gonna… stay away- but… where should I go…?” 

“Let that _**guilt**_ carry you. Help people, to make up for everything you’ve done. I think that’s a great idea. Let your _guilt_ _carry you all the way to some godforsaken place that needs help_. Make amends there. And _**never**_ come back. _Do you understand me_? But the **first** and **last** thing you should do is apologize to him.” 

Like an empty shell he simply nodded, taking in anything you were giving him to fill all the holes you’d just poked inside of him. Looking beyond you, to Harley, he offered something extremely pitiable. “Harl… I’m… I’m sorry. For… everything.” And then, half turning he started murmuring. “I’m leaving now… I’ll go…” 

You stayed. Watching. Waiting. But Harley suddenly running out a couple feet past you that had you nervous. “_Where are you going_!?” Coming to a dead stop, _imploring_ as he turned to look at you. “Where’s he going? He can’t just fucking leave!” There was no correct answer. It was why Harley didn’t wait to look away from you and back to the retreating form of his father. “**Hey! **_**FUCK YOU. I HATE YOU.**_” And when that didn’t serve to make his father stop, he ran further and you found yourself chasing after. Coming to a stop just as he walked right in front of his father, putting his hands up to push at him. “_Are you listening to me?! _**I fucking hate you! You ruined everything! I hate you- **_**I HATE YOU**_-!” 

But his father no longer belonged to himself, and treated him simply like the obstacle he was. Shoving him. Hard enough to get him to stumble, but you moved in to steady him with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Harley… let him go…” 

He was shaking. Hands down tight at his sides. “_I hate him_\- **I hate him**-... how can he just- how can just fucking take off- _again_\- after all this- _**I HATE YOU**_!” Dropping to your knees, you tried to get him in a sturdier grip, but he was shivering violently, whipping his head from side to side. “I hate him- I hate him-!” 

“_Harley._” Just a sharp enough call to break him free of this endless loop. 

But it punched through him completely. Caused him to jump and then well up with _hot shame_ that then soon drowned in a sudden tsunami of _pain_. His hands went to his face as the tears started. “_I hate him…_” Voice pitching in a sob. 

He’d been holding on for so long. And it was all breaking now. Reaching up you did the only thing you could. You put your arms around him and drew him in. He fought for only a second before giving in completely. Just _crying_ against you. Reaching up you pressed on one of your cuff earrings, while your other arm wrapped snug around him. “LUNA, get Happy. I need security on my location immediately.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

This was too much for anyone to handle, let alone a twelve year old. Last night, and now _this_. You could only imagine Harley had built this moment up- standing up to his father- probably ever since the man had come back. You also knew this was probably not how he thought it would go. Would any circumstance have lived up to it? Had you done the right thing? There was no changing some people. That man would never change. You were sure of it. Sending him away was merciful. Maybe mercy he didn’t deserve. But it was the best you could do. Now he’d never hurt Harley or their family again.   
  
And yet… 

Like everything else in your life, you just had to hope you’d made the right decision.  
Live with the consequences either way.  
And lose sleep over the ghosts of _what-if_...


	115. Chapter 115

There were a lot of sudden factors that accumulated, leading to an onset of a headache, a crush of dizziness, and the feeling like you needed to lie down or else your body would do it for you. Happy was able to clean up the area and assist with getting Harley in the car. Which was good. You were quickly losing focus. Having spent a lot of _energy_ the night before, not getting any sleep- and just then- half holding on to a kid that was _emotionally imploding_\- it was doing quite a number on you. But you were trying to hold it together. 

_Hold it together_… because that was the only thing you could do. Collapsing in front of Harley was not an option right now. He needed a steadier rock, even as he started slowly closing off. It was hard to get from the sidewalk where press were roped off (_already_ asking about the “attack” in the park and still trying to get answers about last night), harder still to get through the lobby, the questioning stares, the loud murmurs. _People_. There were _so many people._ And you were **aware of every single one of them.**

Harley had finished his louder expelling, keeping to himself with his arms crossed. You were suddenly feeling violently ill, holding to yourself, a hand to your forehead. In a shocking moment of _tenderness _you wouldn’t have thought him capable of after what had just happened, he looked past himself. “...are you okay?” 

“I just need to lie down. All the lights- I have a migraine-” It was more than mere luck that Tony was standing outside the elevator doors in the penthouse as soon as they opened. 

It was like someone hit the release button on your skeleton and muscles as soon as you saw him, knowing you were _okay_ just because he was near. He caught you by the shoulders. “Hey- honey- alright, I’ve got you…” 

Harley’s quick _panic_ tore through you. “What’s the matter with her? Is this because- did- did they _do_ something?” About the only conclusion that made sense. A news crew had brought his father there to wreak havoc, you’d stood in the way, they _must _have been up to something else, right? That was what made sense, when he didn’t have all the pieces to play with. 

You braved a smile even as you felt yourself paling. “I’m okay, Harley.” 

“No you’re _not_! This is _bullshit_!” It was his **guilt **next that crushed you. Children were so _volatile_. Not in control of themselves at all. Spent as you were, you were entirely too susceptible. It was like he was pounding on all your walls. 

Perhaps… perhaps it was his guilt that was mixing with your own. Feeling sorry for one another. _Responsible_. Tony lifted you in one clean swoop. “_Easy_, kid.” A _command_. Something sturdy, and something that immediately scared silence into Harley. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.” Another. And yet another one Harley seemed to listen to without a word, going to just sit on the couch in an _angry_ heap. 

Adults were just the worst, weren’t they?  
They always _lied_.   
They always _hid things_. 

Tony took you into the lovely _darkness_ of your bedroom and settled you down. Helped you out of your shoes. Got you comfortable underneath the covers. “You know… it’s not my favorite way to wake up, hearing we’ve gone into a code one emergency-” 

“Happy overreacted. I just needed a barrier.” 

“You didn’t take the Reactor.” 

“It was the press and an asshole- I was just going for a run- I didn’t think I needed it.” You were capable enough to not have to rely on it _all the time_. Hadn’t last night proved that? ...or literally any other moment you’d done without? Why was he bringing this up now? 

“Yeah. Alright. So ...what happened out there? I’m working with scraps here.” Settling a comforting hand on your leg, massaging in a slow circle. 

You wanted nothing more than to close your eyes and just _rest_. But… as always… debriefs came first. Maybe it was good. Because that guilt gurgled back up out of you. “I don’t know if I did the right thing, Tony.” Raising a hand to cover your eyes. Allowing your weakness to show. Only in front of him. 

“...you kill the guy?” 

“No.” You could never be that foolish. Even if you could have _easily_ made it into a case of self-defense. That wouldn’t have been the right play. 

“Then?” 

“I… I made him leave. For good.” 

The bed shifted as he leaned over, and you felt the careful touch of his fingers at your wrist, prompting you to move your hand back. Away from your eyes so that he could look at you. “Better than what he deserved. You made the right call.” 

“It doesn’t feel like it.” A few tears leaking at the corners of your eyes. He was being too _understanding_, as always. Too willing to love you no matter what. A fatal flaw, to be sure… “What if I took something away from Harley- what if I- ...ruined his closure?” 

Tony’s eyes dropped, a _heaviness_ ghosted over him. “Maybe. But. He wasn’t gonna get it either way. Trust me.” As you looked up into his eyes, you felt the pain of a life lived- not similarly but _close enough_. A deep understanding of that similar _torture..._

_Get out of here-  
Stop messing with that-  
Go to your room-  
No dinner tonight-  
_ _ **Stop crying-  
Man up-  
I’ve had enough of you-  
Go find your mother I can’t deal with you-  
You know, Tony, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you were a mistake-  
** _ **Your best isn’t good enough-  
When will you ** _ **learn** _ **-**

“Tony-” 

He was bleeding through you, and even as gently as you could, calling him, raising a hand to brush back a stray tear- he startled. Raising a hand up in a strike to hold onto your wrist. The two of you looked at each other. You were amplifying the dark parts of his mind that haunted him so deeply. That he kept so close to himself. 

You _and_ Harley were doing quite the mental number on him. 

Those deep wounds on his soul that he tried to build a different foundation on. Tried to pretend weren’t entirely there. Maybe _not all that bad_. 

Your ears were ringing, head pounding as you half sat up, easing your hand out of his grip so you could put an arm around him. “It’s me,” you whispered into his skin. “I’m sorry. Just take it easy.” Reversing positions. Trying to blanket him in _comfort_ no matter how hard it made your head ache. He deserved to not _suffer_. Especially not when you could- 

“Honey.” He shifted back, placing one hand against the back of your head to cradle you, raising his other arm to shuffle his shirt so he could grab the edge of his sleeve. Reaching up he pressed the corner against your nose. _Bleeding_. “Don’t try and take care of me when I’m taking care of you.” Smiling then, as best as he could. 

Everyone was frayed. Worn down. Holding on so tightly. Maybe it had been killing you the entire time and you’d just been keen to disregard it. “We can take care of each other.” 

Leaning in he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead. “This is killing you. Just take it easy for now. Rest. _Please_.” The last word a whispered plea. The only way he could continue to move forward, setting his sights on just helping you. And Harley, you had no doubt. Easier to do that, than anything else… 

You let him lay you back, let him press another gentle kiss to your temple that served to soothe you. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too. We’re alright. We’ve got this. Hard part’s over.” If he hadn’t been the one saying that, you wouldn’t be so sure. But because it _was_ him… 

You’d believe it. 

* * *

Someone was talking.   
Something was haunting you.   
_Why didn’t you do more?  
__**Why didn’t you do better?**_

The endless cycle of guilt that always seemed to plague you. Except _now_, as you laid in bed, tossing and turning, hardly able to _breathe_, sweating from every pore- you weren’t so sure it was your own voice. Somewhere, deep in a nightmare… maybe your subconscious was speaking a whole different language, really. Punishing you in the handful of voices you’d failed… 

When you woke with a start it was dark outside. Yet even though you’d technically been asleep for hours, it felt like you hadn’t actually restfully slept for more than ten minutes. Getting up you took a few minutes to splash some water on your face and get reoriented. Looking up into your reflection it was alarming to see just _how much_ all of this had taken a toll on you. 

How much would things keep compounding?   
Maybe it was time for a few lengthy sessions with Deja… and… to be a little bit more _honest_… 

Some things were rectifiable though. Perhaps it wasn’t just nightmares holding your sleep back, making you feel awful. Maybe it was that you’d taken a nap in a sports bra and a hoodie. That would account for the heat, and that you couldn’t breathe. Little things. Such _little things_… so you got changed into a tee and some jeans instead and _relieved_ yourself of your bra. 

You couldn’t hide in the bedroom forever. But you were scared about what you’d find waiting for you in the living room. Thankfully… it was just Harley playing video games. Tony working on something on his tablet. Takeout boxes strewn along the coffee table. ...dangerously normal, considering everything that had happened. 

Both so consumed, not even noticing you coming closer, you used a very light voice to ask, “What time is it?” 

Surprisingly it was JARVIS who answered, even as both of them looked your way. “It is two in the morning, ma’am.” 

Okay. So. Not completely normal. Tony lifted a hand, “Why don’t you come sit over here, honey. You’re uh… you’re looking weirdly flush and pale at the same time.” 

“I’m okay.” Protesting but… sitting between him and Harley anyway. “What are you playing?” Directing your attention towards the big screen. 

“Mario Kart.” Harley was completely walled off emotionally. Maybe that was for the best. It was at least helping to keep you level. But… at the same time, that was probably not a good sign. “Wanna play?” 

“Oh. I’m not very good. But. Sure.” Maybe it was just wise to follow his lead and _ignore_ everything. Pretend everything was fine. 

Tony reached over to grab one of the remotes. “Here. I ordered you food- I’ll heat it up. You look like you could use something to eat.” Leaning over to press a kiss to your temple and then standing. 

Even though you realized how hungry you were at the offer of food, you couldn’t help but protest. “Really- I’m fine. But thank you.” Offering him a small smile. On the character select screen you picked one at random- baby Daisy- and picked a car much the same way. “So…” Asked as Harley selected a cup. “What have you two been doing this whole time?” 

He shrugged, eyes glued to the screen. “Nothing- this. I guess.” 

It was probably better to leave him alone. Yet for _some reason_ you couldn’t help yourself. “And… you’re okay?” He gave another shrug. Yes. Leave him alone. Good plan. ..._and yet_… “Did you guys… talk?” 

“I guess.” The race had started. He was far more focused on that. “He said you made him go away. But not really _how_. What’d you say to him?” 

So. Tony and Harley had had a heart-to-heart, you hoped, about his shitty father. And that you’d apparently talked him into leaving. You trusted Tony hadn’t said exactly _how, _as he was saying. ...but you also sensed Harley was testing you. Tony must have come up with a story. But what exactly? “I threatened him.” Simple enough, right? 

But that answer had Harley shaking his head. “But _how_. What did you say? How do you know he won’t just come back?” 

“We’re looking out for you now. He seems like an idiot, but even he understood we’re not people to cross.” If you were a _normal_ person maybe this is exactly how you would have gone about it. Dug up evidence on him. Blackmailed him. Thrown your weight around. Maybe… maybe that _was_ what you should have done. 

“Okay. Whatever.” Dismissing you. Had you said the wrong thing? Had Tony said something different? You felt he absolutely didn’t really believe you. He thought you were a _liar_. 

Uneasy silence took over the room. The two of you pretended to play games- ...well at least he seemed like he was actually paying attention. Shifting in his seat when he went into curves. Getting heated when someone overtook him in first place. Taking it pretty seriously. It made it a little easier for you to just focus on the game, too, even if you weren’t winning. 

So easy, in fact, that deep into race three- just as Tony appeared in the room with a hot plate full of food for you- 

Harley surprised you by reaching with a quick strike to _rip off _part of the bandages that had been wrapped around your arm. It startled you to your core, getting you to stand and half stumble back, holding a hand over… well… where there _should have been a wound_. “**Harley**!” 

“**Kid**\- what the hell are you doing?” Tony was just as stunned and trying not to be angry. _Trying_ being the key word here. 

Harley threw his controller on the floor and jumped up, pointing an accusing finger your way. “_I knew it_!” But even though a small shred of him was _frustrated_, a much larger part of him was very _intrigued_. “Let me see- let me see it!” 

Tony set your plate of food down, coming to stand quite clearly protectively in front of you, both his hands raised palm up. “Alright- that’s enough. I think it’s time for bed. You’re gettin’ a little loopy.” 

“_I saw it_! There’s **nothing** there! How is there _nothing_ there?? _I knew you were different_!” Getting a little heatedly flustered now. He must have been thinking about this for a while. Planning this moment out, too. At least this one went his way. 

There was no avoiding this now. And lying to him would probably only make it worse. Hadn’t this kid been through enough? “Okay- first of all-” You stepped aside Tony, letting your hand down from your arm. “There’s not _nothing_ there.” Showing off a deeply purple _bruise_. But definitely not what should have been a gunshot wound. 

Harley shook his head. “_I __**knew **__it_.” 

Tony crossed his arms rather defensively. “Alright, congrats kid. You figured out our big secret. The question is now what you’re gonna do with that.” 

Almost like Tony had shattered him completely, Harley balked, staring up at the two of you _confused_. No idea what to do next. Because he hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I dunno- I don’t wanna do _anything_\- I just… I wanted the truth.” He pointed a finger up your way again. “Last night was _weird_\- and today- you _talk to people_ like a **weirdo**_**\- **_I heard you- you make them do things- right? You have superpowers?” 

...was it… was it really that obvious? Maybe you should consider exactly how you presented yourself… 

“And last night- when that guy had me- I felt _weird_\- the way you were talking to him-” Oh. So you were just… not _careful enough_. Something you’d definitely have to work on. “And my dad… just- _say it_. Say you have superpowers.” He needed confirmation. _Needed it_. Needed this all to make sense. 

Taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself. It was always strange. Getting _caught_ this way. Having to admit it. “Alright, Harley.” _You win._ “I have superpowers.” 

“That’s…” He was about to deliver judgment, thinking as his head dove down. It was odd, how much apprehension was clawing at you then. You cared that much what he thought? But when he looked up there was a sharp grin on his lips. “That’s so _cool_.” 

Tony waved a hand at him. “No one can know about this.” 

He quickly turned confused. “Why?” 

You and Tony shared a glance. Then you decided to field that. “I… I don’t want anyone to know. Maybe not forever. But not right now.” 

“But _why_? You work with Dr. Banner- and _Thor_\- and Captain America!” Making the easy assumption that because all these people had enhanced strengths, it wasn’t a big deal for one more person on the team to admit they did, too. 

“But I didn’t _always_, Harley.” For a little while… it was just you and Tony against the world. Sometimes it still felt like that… “This… this is private, to me. I don’t want the world to know.” 

He huffed, sitting in a heap on the couch. _Frustrated_ again, not being able to understand. “I don’t get it. Why? It doesn’t make sense.” 

Slowly, you and Tony both lowered to sit, Tony closer, and you on the outside. This conversation was already taking a toll on you. Which was why you were glad when Tony spoke up again. “It’s complicated, kid. We live a very public life. Sometimes when you have something like that… you just want it for yourself. You don’t want other people to know your business.” 

Harley was trying to contend with this information. To make it work in his brain. He peered up at Tony. “...do you have superpowers, too?” 

Tony grinned. “Just money and genius. Sharp wit. Wonderful sense of humor. And-” 

“Those _aren’t_ superpowers.” Crossing his arms defiantly. ...had you suddenly become _cooler than Tony_? 

Laying a hand on Tony’s knee, you defended him. “They are when you use them the right way. You don’t need superpowers to be a hero, Harley. You just need to do the right thing when the moment comes. And when you’re able to. That’s part of the reason why I don’t want people to know. I want them to just see me as I am. Just a person doing their best. ...does that make sense?” 

“I dunno.” He shrugged, slumping down in his spot. “_I guess_.” As he thought on this more, you and Tony shared another look. There was a _nervous flutter_ that was pinging back and forth between the two of you. “...you made my dad go away. _Forever_? You’re sure? -with your powers?” 

“I did, yes.” Admitting it. Just… straight up admitting it. There was nothing to hide behind anymore. “And I’m sorry- if… that wasn’t what you wanted.” Part of you wanted to excuse your behavior. You were the adult. You knew best. This was the only way. There wasn’t a lot of time to ask permission- anything. Any of it. But. You let the apology stand as it was. 

You were sorry for interfering with his life. And that was that. 

Harley regarded you. For a long enough time to make you anxious. You tried to hold still underneath his gaze. Eventually his eyes dropped and he shrugged. His voice was so quiet it was hard to hear, especially with him mumbling quickly. Which was why you assumed he was doing it. “_As long as he doesn’t hurt my mom and sister anymore._” No mention of himself. That was fine. That wasn’t for you unless he decided it was. “It’s fine. Whatever. ..._thankyou_.” Another much quicker mumble this time. 

There was a weight with this that made it impossible to accept the gratitude. Instead… you decided to be selfish. “Harley… not many people know about me. I’d like to keep it that way.” 

You had no choice in this matter now. It would be a terrible burden to prove, for a child. Probably not a lot of people would believe him even if he went on a diatribe about it. But that wasn’t really the important thing here. The important thing was you were going to have to trust him. 

He gave another shrug. Not a good sign. But, when he found his courage again, he looked up. “You did me a favor so… I’ll do you one, too.” 

“Thank you, Harley.” Meaning it as much as you possibly could. 

A sudden strike of _sadness_ rocked you as it rolled off from him. He had his head down again. “...does this mean I have to go home now?” Putting two and two together. He really was a smart kid. Realizing that you and Tony must have known- or- _by now anyway_ had figured out about his father. About his home situation- knew it a little more completely than when he’d first spoken to Tony when he’d arrived. Knew why he’d come here. Why he’d run away. And now that that was cleared… 

You felt another wave of tiredness overtake you. This was too much for one day. You laid your head on Tony’s shoulder, signaling you needed him to make the decision on this one- and that you’d stand by whatever it was. He hesitated. _Unsure_. But, finally… “You’re still on the hook for the Internship program, kid. Can’t send you home until you finish all your lab work. Probably not until the end of the month.” 

* * *

Though you would have liked to use Sunday as another day for recuperation, things were piling up that you needed to address. Now that there was no fear of Harley’s family situation… it was time to do something you maybe should have done in the first place. Which was call his mother. 

A phone call that wasn’t exactly fun or easy, but she seemed more concerned with that Harley was alright- as well as… “...the news is reporting that Jeremy came and attacked you, is that true?” 

It wasn’t the best feeling lying to her. “Yes. He came looking for Harley. My team is still looking into it, but I believe an antagonistic media station put him on a plane and promised him money to make a scene.” 

“...sounds like something he’d agree to. Look- I’m real sorry about all this- this… it’s an embarrassment. _Everyone_ is talking about it.” 

“Don’t be sorry. Everything is okay. _I’m_ sorry, for not getting in touch sooner. I… Tony just wanted to make sure Harley would be okay.” At least there was some truth to this. 

She sighed. “Yeah. I understand. ...is he okay?” 

“I think he’ll be alright. He’s a really smart kid. And sensitive, even though he won’t admit it. If it’s okay with you, we’d like for him to complete the internship program. He actually was doing schoolwork, while he was here.” Though Tony had promised Harley he could stay… it really wasn’t up to the two of you any longer. You weren’t his parents. 

The silence on the other end made you nervous. But finally, “Yeah. I guess that’s best. Thanks for looking out for him.” Before you could accept the gratitude- or deny it in the face of doing what any decent person might, she laughed lightly. “It’s the strangest thing… talking to _you_. That he’s _there_. I could hardly believe it, when my neighbor called- seeing his face all over the news.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“He got wrapped up in something huge, that boy. That’s for sure. Least I’ll say is thank you. For everything you’ve done. Not just for him. For everybody. ...and for me, too.” The last part came out quieter, almost like she kind of didn’t want you to hear it. 

Apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree, that was for sure. “Jeremy won’t come back. I promise you that. Whatever help you need-”

“Look. Thanks and all- and for that, too- but we’re alright. Just. Take care of him and we’re square.” Rebuffing you immediately. But that was fair. This was raw, and also none of your business. You didn’t know this woman. Probably never would. 

“Sure. No problem.” This was the best you were going to get. And considering there were a million other ways it could have gone, most of them _bad_, this was good. You’d have to leave it at that. 

* * *

Monday morning bright and early you met with the press in the Stark Industries’ media room to talk about the events at the charity gala and the attack in Central Park. With the police investigating (along with Damage Control and Coulson’s small possibly-still-SHIELD team) there weren’t a lot of details that you could release. Nothing about SHIELD or Hydra, which was fine. Making it look like a bunch of losers who wanted to make a statement was more beneficial to you than anything else. And, of course, Team Iron was proud to do their duty and save civilians. 

Because you didn’t have enough evidence yet- though you were sure you’d find it- you couldn’t publicly pin WHiH for what happened in the park, for that man being there- or for _attacking you_. This lie was a little easier. The man was scum. And Tony was right. You’d given him a mercy he maybe didn’t deserve, letting him walk away like that. But you had regardless, so now all there was to do was to make sure the public knew you and Tony had done the right thing, Harley was an innocent that needed to be left alone in this case, and that because you were sure he wasn’t coming back (and because you’d kicked his ass) you weren’t pressing charges. 

Being the better person never felt great, but in this instance with the media running headlines about how benevolent you were… it was okay. 

Harley had two whole weeks to complete the month (and the Internship, technically) and he really did make the most of his time. With the weight of the world lifted off his shoulders, he focused more in the lab. Tony, and even Bruce, seemed pretty ecstatic with whatever they were working on. Sometimes, some afternoons, he’d even spend time in your office learning things about the business. And, yes… even filing papers every once in a while. 

You’d asked Deja for a consult on a therapist for him, and even though he’d dragged his feet and threw just a _small_ tantrum about the idea… it was Tony stepping up to the plate and talking about how he saw Deja once a week (...though you wondered if that was true. You knew he’d been seeing her but it seemed like he’d been too busy lately to stick to a schedule…) that helped Harley acclimate to the idea of talking to somebody. There was no telling if it was working or if he was putting in the work in the small sessions you slated for him but… it was a start. 

Tony had started to become _most_ insufferable… in a terribly good way. Every day he’d leave you with lingering kisses in the morning, long touches in the kitchen while he was making dinner at night, too-close snuggles at night, a little falling apart together in the bathroom after a shower that you’d have to put an end to. He was driving you _crazy_, but you certainly weren’t blameless… still. You had said not until things were over, and they weren’t until Harley went home. It was a promise you stuck to, no matter how much it was killing the both of you. Easier, though, considering you really didn’t want to get hot and heavy with a child close by. 

Before sending him home, you coordinated with Tony to revamp his garage a second time and set up a small _Internship Trust Fund_ for him- with his mother’s permission, of course. Under the guise of it being his reward for completing his work as well as he did, there really wasn’t any pushback. And you guessed that money was money. Good no matter what. 

You also did your due diligence, before getting on the jet with Harley to bring him home, of stocking up on some very _choice_ Lady Iron merch and toys for his little sister. He had said you were her favorite, after all. And that couldn’t have been more apparent than when she _shrieked_ at seeing you, got shy, and then warmed up eventually- asking for just about a million hugs, for you to come look at her drawings that she’d made of you (one of which she requested an autograph that you couldn’t deny), and eventually just _cried_ when you gave her everything you’d brought. Completely overwhelmed, over-the-moon, and grateful. 

Maybe kids weren’t _so _bad. 

You shared another awkward but delicate moment with Harley’s mother over a cup of tea, while Tony took Harley through a tour of his new garage, and you were sure gave him instructions to science only with the best of intentions. By the time you left, you saw the neighborhood kids all clamored around talking loudly while Tony- _accidentally you were sure- _blew something up in the lab. 

“_Controlled experiment, honey. Everything went just as planned.”_ He’d said when he caught your stare. 

To your surprise some of the kids (both girls _and_ boys) made some noise when they caught sight of you. Held up figures and posters, pining for autographs and selfies. And your marketing department had said Lady Iron figures wouldn’t sell. _Hah._ You obliged them, if only because it made Harley look cool. That he knew the both of you. But eventually the time came for all of this mess to _finally_ end. 

With the sun setting and the crowd sent home, you and Tony stood outside the car on the sidewalk, all smiles. Harley was hesitant and… just a _little _sad. But that was to be expected. “...can I come back again?” 

“Sure thing, kid. Just, this time ask your mom, first. Less work for us to do.” Tony gave him a gentle push to his shoulder. 

“You’re the first representative of the Stark Internship Program. We’ll have to have you back eventually so you can help us rework the next iteration.” Trying not to be all business, but, hey… while you were here, it still had to look mostly official. And, maybe there was something to this little program. It had been sitting on the back burner for so long. Maybe some good would come out of giving it a kickstart. 

“Oh. Well _good_. Because I have some notes.” Revving up his sarcasm with a wide grin. 

“Email them to me and we can have a conference next week.” Grinning right on back. 

Tony shook his head. “She’ll put you to actual work, think very carefully about this.” 

“Because she’s _scary_.” Crossing his arms then, giving the both of you knowing looks. 

You couldn’t help a smile. “Damn right.” Goodbyes were hard. And maybe a little uncomfortable. Nobody seemed to know what to do or say- maybe because none of you were actually ready for this to be over. But with the sun setting and the temperature dropping, you knew you were going to have to be the brave one- 

...except that Harley ducked in front of you to give you a quick hug. It surprised you, completely. Making your response a little more stilted than you would have liked, as you put one arm around him. He mumbled into your jacket, “_Thankyou_.” Meaning it no less just because it was quiet. 

“You’re welcome.” Lowering your voice, giving him the impression you didn’t mind sharing this private moment with him.

When he let go of you he turned to Tony, but became _infinitely _more uneasy about the prospect of doing the same. ...and it hurt, a little, that Tony was mirroring that very same emotion. You couldn’t place why… just something about it stung. It would have been nice for him to be able to open up that much… _give_ that much… 

But he stuck out his hand, because the two of them had spent too long just staring at each other. “Until next time, kid.” 

Harley put his hand in Tony’s, giving him a loose shake, smiling up at him. “Yeah. Next time.” 

It was remarkably _hard_ to say goodbye. When the month started, when the two of you had first met, you wouldn’t have believed it would be this tough. But, you had to be strong. This was over now. Life had to get back to normal for everyone. And… you really would see him again eventually. Taking Tony by the hand you left down the long gravel walk, both turning back to wave at all three members of the family, his sister and mother having appeared in the doorway. 

Then, thankfully, Tony opened your door for you, and you brushed his hand with yours softly, a small intimate _thank you_, smiling at him in much the same way, before getting in. After he closed the door for you, he moved around the front of the car and got in on the driver’s side. 

He was quick to turn the keys and rev the engine, perhaps even a little _too_ quick, as well, as he pulled out and onto the road. Once there, as he turned on the radio, you reached over, settling a hand on his thigh. “Tony…” 

He quirked half a grin. “Yes, honey?” 

“Our bags are packed?” 

“Yes, dear.” 

“You have a flight plan? The jet is refueled?” 

“Yes and yes, my love.” 

Vacation time was _now_. You’d demanded it without actually demanding it. But he understood. This had been a trying time, for many reasons. And… well, he’d _promised _once it was over the two of you would leave. So you’d left the planning up to him. It was why the two of you were really just _teasing _each other…

But he really had no clue. As your hand _squeezed_, he couldn’t quite cover for the small hitch of breath. That little spark of _excitement_. His firmer grip on the wheel. Worsening when you shifted, leaning over to brush your lips at the shell of his ear and murmur, “Do you have any idea how much I need you?” 

You caught the raise of his brow and the warm of his grin in your peripheral. But it was really the _heat_ between the both of you that spoke the loudest. “I think I have _some _idea. But. I’m _very_ open to hearing you out.” 

Nuzzling the connecting spot where his jaw met his neck, you nibbled lightly. This was no way to bookend what had really been something lightly traumatic, extremely _dramatic,_ and maybe a little telling. In a smaller whisper you imparted to him, “_I love you_.” 

And, coming to a red light, he tipped his head a little back and to the side, brushing his nose against yours, eyes half-lidded and beautifully deep. “_I love you, too._” 

That was more like it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Act Harley complete! I sense some very rewarding sensual vacation time ahead of them to make up for all the nonsense they've been through recently. And then ... it'll probably be right back to the nonsense :] 
> 
> Don't forget to leave some love if you can! I had the sense that the Harley stuff wasn't gonna be everyone's favorite but hopefully everyone's still alright as we move on! It was important to me to put it in here and to be honest with you, Harley isn't my absolute favorite either. But he seemed to be an integral part of Tony's life- to be at his funeral for NO REASON?- so I, much like with everything else that inspired this fix-it fic wanted to... fix it. And use that momentum to expand on INY and Tony's relationship not only with each other but with how they feel about kids and... in Tony's case how he feels about... well... his own childhood experiences with his shitty father. 
> 
> Okay thanks love you!


	116. ❤Chapter 116❤

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy❤.

Takeoff was as smooth as silk, and entirely expected by this point. Once the jet was safely at altitude and cruising with no problems, Happy letting you know ETA was about eight hours, you thanked him and then shut the door of the cockpit behind you. Delayed vacation had begun. You’d basically waited a month- and been through more than you’d bargained for in doing so. 

So that meant something else that had been delayed needed tending to, too. 

Tony had been pointedly pretending to work on something on that tablet he was constantly toting around now. Not even good pretending, either. The second your back turned from the cockpit door, you caught him looking at you. He diverted, sketching something that was probably meaningless.

It was when you came to stand in front of him that he looked up, half grinned, and set his tablet down on the side of the couch. “Yes, honey?” Inviting _you_ to be the one to start..

Well, that was no problem at all. 

Settling your legs aside his, planting your hands on his shoulders, you lowered down gently to straddle his lap. His hands immediately moved up to grip your hips. Seemingly intent on keeping you there. Shifting down all the more in a slow rock against him, you leaned in as his eyes went half-lidded, stealing his quiet inhale in a deep kiss. Just as his lips parted further for you, upon another grind of your hips, you smoothed your hands up the lines of his shoulders and to the sides of his neck. Drinking in his heady groan just as your tongue brushed his. 

When you parted, he seemed wholly unable to let you go, chasing you as your head tipped back. One of his hands moved to the small of your back, keeping you close and steady against him once you arched- the scratchy feel of his beard along with the softness of his lips trailing a line down your throat. He’d asked you to start- but now he was very suddenly in quick control as your brain went a little foggy. 

It didn’t help, you were sure, just as his teeth closed around a patch of skin at the juncture of your neck and shoulder, that you couldn’t stop the shaky moan that escaped. The sudden clutching of your hands against him. Urging him. Holding on as you moved down against him again, this time his hips jumped up to meet you. And the friction sent you for a loop. “_Tony_-” 

You felt his grin in the side of your neck while he was busy kissing there. “Oh, _honey_, we’ve barely even started… and you’re already falling apart…” Breathing this out hotly with a true sense of _wonderment_. Either that he could turn you to mush so quickly, or that you just were that _needy_. Maybe both. But the very thought was cycling back in a heatwave that soon threatened to turn into a full feedback loop between you. 

Trying to save face, even as the two of you were very suddenly just grinding against one another, and while he was still laying kisses and nips to every part of your neck and shoulders he could get his mouth on- “Whose fault is that?”  
  
“You’re asking me to take credit? _Gladly_…” A warm shiver of a moan as your hands worked up the back of his head, threading through his hair. 

Tugging him a little, moving him away from those sensitive parts to meet your lips again. In between half broken breaths you managed to find enough brain to speak again. “I’m asking you to take _blame_. Because it’s your fault- and you know it-”  
  
Cutting you off in a much fuller, much deeper kiss. One that had your head _spinning_. And, when he broke back only enough to have your lips touch, “Credit. Blame. Equal parts working towards my advantage.” It was his smirk- that damnably handsome way he looked wearing it- that was probably the worst. 

Half sitting back, you arched your shoulders to shrug out of your cardigan, and then did away with your top very quickly. “You’ve been driving me crazy all month.” Shamelessly, too. Probably to culminate in a moment just like this one. Rocking forward again with that pointed press of both your hips, your fingers touched at the lines of his jaw, drinking him in with another deep kiss. 

Newly bare skin exposed, his own hands worked in lingering caresses, long and slow touches of his fingers up your back, drawing warm shivers and easy moans from your mouth to his. When your head turned sideways to find another breath, he turned his attentions to your newly exposed shoulders. “The feeling is mutual, you know.” 

“_Me_?” Exiting on another gulp of air as your head fell completely back. Lost in the feel of his lips, teeth, and tongue as they worked expert patches of red to the surface. 

“I don’t think- by now- I have to remind you… how crazy I am about you…” Thought stopping and starting between each soft suction to your skin, following back in along the line of your collarbone. He hummed out a warm noise at the center of your chest as you continued to grind almost helplessly against him. “But I’m happy to go over it again, if you do.” Feeling his lips curve into that telltale grin yet again. 

With insistent hands you tugged at the bottom of his AC/DC tee and he placated your movements, moving only enough to let you get it up and off him. But you went back in a second time to get that long black sleeved shirt up off of him too, even if he seemed to be getting a little bit more impatient. It was when he was rid of it, tossed behind you in a heap, and you pressed yourself deliciously closer, he tipped his head back at the light touch of your hands at his face. 

His eyes were dark and beautiful as he gazed up at you, hands moving up and down your sides. Leaning in, you kissed him again. This one much more deliberate. Not as hasty. A long minute of locked lips that then turned to parted lips that then turned to teasing brushes of tongues. His groan reverberated deeply in his chest, from his skin to yours as you held on and kept up that slow and steady grind of hips. Upon parting, the two of you shared a heavy breath and you tipped in closer to nibble on his ear and then try your best at sultry, “We only have eight hours. I’d rather you use your mouth in other ways.” 

You heard the quiver of his heated laugh, _felt_ it, too, at the side of your neck. “I’ll have you know, I’m _fantastic_ at multitasking...” With one careful palm between your shoulder blades and the other at the small of your back, he pulled startled giggles from you as he turned you so quickly. Easily switching positions as he laid you on your back on the couch, settling his hands near the sides of your head, hovering close. 

Still all smiles, flush and warm beneath him- perhaps a few giggles still leaking out, too, you raised your hands smoothing up over his chest. “Are you now?” Encouraging him further. 

“Yes- for instance-” Leaning down to press a pepper of kisses to your lips, in between each was a small thought. “I love you- and I _am_ crazy about you-” Going on the move, lips gliding over your jaw and then down your neck. “_You_ drive me crazy- in fact-” Working his way further still, over your collarbone, down your chest. “You are- _incredibly_ gorgeous- _incredibly _amazing-” Laying it on thick, not that you minded. Especially not minding, thoughts hard to focus on as his lips and tongue strayed down over your breast. 

Your arch was nearly immediate as he stopped dead center, driving a heat home that had your hips raising up to get any more friction that they’d lost in the switch. A moan was not far behind, nor your hands in his hair, clutching as that carefully soft suction- a tiny graze of teeth- a swirl of his tongue- “_Tony_…” 

“_Hmn_…” Such a wonderful noise paired with a wonderful vibration. “See- I’m very good at this-” 

“Will disagreeing or agreeing fuel your fire to keep going?” Asking with a playful smile, hands starting to lose sight of him as he kissed further down. Along the center of your chest then down over your stomach. 

He breathed out another hot little noise that had you shivering. “Neither. All you have to do is say _please_.” Drifting with a long glide of his lips, over the little patch of skin on your hip peeking out over your jeans. 

Fingers kneading at his shoulders, your body reacted instinctively, lifting to find him all the more. “Tony- _please_-” Eyes rolling back as he trailed his palm with a steady pressure along the inside of your right thigh. Easy to start begging. 

“Well when you ask so _nicely_…” He took your assistance in stride, hand still touching at your thigh moving up, pulling the button on your jeans and then leading down the zipper. With just a little tug down, revealing skin slowly by inch. Teasing little bites followed the line of your hip, soon turning into warm little kisses at the dip that upgraded your shivers to a full blown _quiver_ beneath him. 

Even though most of you would have liked to just lie back and _enjoy_\- which was incredibly easy to do under his attentions, you couldn’t help yourself. Perhaps it was the impatience. He was moving _so_ slowly, still working on peeling your clothes off. “Seems like your multitasking is failing you…” 

“Can’t fault me for being a little _distracted_, honey.” Grinning at the inside of your thigh as he pressed a few kisses there that sent a happy little chill through you. “You are just very enticing… it’s hard to think about anything but _you_…” Kneeling back to slide all your lower dressings off, fingers touching along your skin as he did. He didn’t stay gone long, after he got them off your legs, shifting back down between them, looking up as you reached down to thread your fingers through his hair again. “But at least _now_ I have the excuse that my mouth may be a little bit otherwise _busy_.” Preempted by one of those devilishly handsome grins. 

The hot spark was immediate. A little ghost of a breath before he dipped in and your hips lifted to meet him as his tongue touched over your clit. Your eyes rolled back, hands holding in his hair. Your breathing turned shaky. “I’ll- forgive you- this time-” 

“I knew you’d understand…” Murmured with a brush of lips, a deeper delve of his tongue inside you. It ripped a moan from your chest, one hand lifting off to lay against your mouth as your hips found a continual rhythm. Grinding hard against his mouth until he broke back for air. Panting, then, as he laid little kisses just about anywhere he could press his lips. 

Applying a heavy pressure with _long_ slow licks, he drove you towards keen craziness. You couldn’t keep from moving underneath him. Trying to urge _more_\- little tugs at his hair as your fingers curled in his hair, then petted back in apology when you could remember to do so. It became all too apparent as you felt yourself wind _tight_ that this was not going to go on for as long as you would’ve liked. “Tony- I can’t… I’m- too close-” 

You _felt_ his breathy laugh against your clit, another little swirl there. “Is there such a thing?” The low tremor of his voice really put you dangerously close to the edge. Because it was _him_. It was always _**him**_. “We’ve got time… if you wanna come, _then come_…” Feeling the spike in his _need_, his absurdly deep _lust_ that exploded a new lance of fire straight through you. 

But none more so as when he grabbed your hips, holding you steady, vibration of his groan against you as he drove you to wild madness, _fucking_ you as deep as he could with his tongue buried inside you. It was over in just another instant, as your hips bucked against his mouth, unable to be silenced even with the heavy feel of his hands gripping you. Only serving to send you further. “_Tony- god-” _A sharp inhale that shred your lungs as you raised practically all the way up to him. “_Fuck_-!” A pitched and clipped moan as orgasm broke through you. 

Sending your mind for a loop as he allowed you to ride it out so _fully_, only pulling back to lay nuzzling kisses to your thigh. Working inward again. A little ghost of his lips against you until you shied back, chest rising and falling in quick pants. Yet with each little touch your body warmed almost impossibly fast to him all over. And it wasn’t long before the right hand on your hip moved so he could slide two fingers up _deep_. Deep enough to punch another shaking moan from you, another senseless rhythm as you bucked up into him. But it was when his tongue touched back over your clit, that terribly soft suction that followed- 

He broke you to pieces, second orgasm shocking through you with little jolts of your hips, as tremors came hot and heavy. His kisses were barely there, as he worked his way up. Little whispers of his lips- some that had actual words- he was _talking_\- you realized a little too late through your daze. But the message was clear. 

_I love you_… 

The control of your arms came a little too late, winding lazily around his neck as he found you again. A touch of his lips to yours. A kiss you fought to stay participated in. You just weren’t all _there_, yet. But, as thoughts returned, you slid your hands palm down to press against his shoulders. When his face came into view, a little tip of his head, an arch of his brow, you found strength enough to lift up a little to kiss the line of his jaw. “Switch spots with me…” 

His hand was careful and sweet as he ran it up and down your arm, leaning still on his other one, easing you down onto your back again. Once there you aimed your own questioning look his way. One he kissed away softly, somehow this one the most _dizzying _of all. But even more so when he broke back only an inch, nose brushing yours. A little intimate touch. “Actually, honey, if you don’t mind…”

Your hands cradled his face, “I don’t.” Sure. _So sure_ for him already. Whatever he wanted, you wanted to give it to him. Pulling him in just that little space to kiss him deeply. 

He seemed unable to follow up on his thought, as you kept stealing his attention, _so easily_ at that. Energized by the trade in fog, you kept his lips locked against yours, kept him craning forward, catching himself on his forearms as he bent in, unable to stop. Your hands skated across his chest, lower still, working open his belt, pushing down his jeans and boxers as soon as you were able. Kneading fingers touched further down until you wrapped a hand around his cock, a shiver of a groan exiting from him as his hips rocked down automatically. But he still seemed to have enough focus, as surprisingly he tilted just enough to get a word out, “_Honey-_” 

So you murmured back, “_Tell me_.” 

Swallowing hard, he tried valiantly to find the rest of his faculties as he shifted back to rid himself of the rest of his clothes. Then, almost amazingly, he worked his hands up underneath your thighs, half lifting you as he sat back against the couch. It urged somewhat surprised giggles from you as you both found yourselves in almost the same way you’d started- you, kneeling over his lap, hands at his shoulders. Leaning down you kissed him again, unable to help yourself. His face was flush, his eyes were dark, and his body was practically _singing_ for you already. 

His hands touched up over your legs, higher a little bit more to squeeze your ass, urging a breathy moan mixed with just a little bit of a laugh. Breaking you both free, smiles meeting. When your eyes found him again, he was looking up at you. Imploringly, _adoringly_\- drowning you so suddenly. When you found your voice, “This is what you want?” Reaching down between you, holding his cock steady as you eased down. Barely brushing yourself against him. Even _that_ elicited a pulse of refreshed excitement and need. 

Forehead pressed to yours, mouth a quarter open just to keep panting, he nodded. But it was his eyes disappearing, as they rolled back, the heady groan escaping him, the way his hands curved over your hips. _Needy_. Driving you wild all over again. Yet none of that held a candle to when you kissed him again and he tilted just enough to find the words, “_Fuck_-” Lost as you sunk down with a forward roll of your hips, burying his cock deep inside. “_Ride me- just like that_-” Hitch of breath catching in his chest. 

That small- command?- or was it a plea? Whatever it was, it instantly shot right through you. Your hands held at the sides of his neck, lifting as _slow_ as possible, and rocking down _hard_. Stealing groan after groan from him, until your own noises mingled, unable to help yourself. Kisses were broken but not halfhearted. Eventually you started pushing yourself close- “_Tony_-” 

His low voice was so close to your ear it might as well have been ringing inside you. “_Come for me_…” 

Another undeniable command that broke you completely. As your movements stilted, he took full control, hands at your hips holding you at bay as he thrust up over and over and _over_ again. Until he was _drowning_ you in his own pleasure as it reverberated back and forth in an endless loop. So much so that eventually you were just barely holding on. 

Breathing heavy against him, foreheads resting against each other. “_Tony- Tony_-!” Clipped in a pitched moan- coming- again. The feeling tearing through you as your head fell back. He chased you, lips and teeth at the sides of your neck and you felt everything around you quake. 

It was then that you felt that final push of his deep _need_ break the last of his dams. No more control as he rocked up into you. Hot, heavy, and so _deep_ you thought he might break you, yet every last nerve in your body was wonderfully alight. You stood no chance against him.

Because the way he looked up, when your half-lidded gazes met- the way he called your name in a hitch of a gasp- it broke you again in a way that you wholly welcomed. Riding out the both of your ends until you legitimately couldn’t move anymore, settling down deep again, him still buried inside you as you bent forward, muscles going slack. Just holding on to him, and he to you, with one arm around your waist, the other caught in the back of your hair. Similarly clutching to _you_. 

There was a tangle of words. An incoherent mess. Bounding back and forth between you.  
But it didn’t matter how indecipherable it all was, because underneath it you felt the reciprocal sweetness. 

_I love you_… 

Whispered a thousand times until sense in the actual world returned. When your eyes found his again. And when your voice found its way out of your throat, “I love you…” 

Something he mirrored immediately. “I love _you_…” Still panting, although lighter now. 

Looking at him, same as he was looking at you, although your eyes closed briefly as he moved, and you _felt_ him again. Sending your sensitive _everything_ into overdrive. “Tony…” Half a moan, half… you weren’t sure. 

He stilled, lips brushing yours. Questioning. Waiting for the return of your gaze. And when you were able to look at him again, “...is this okay…?” Asking your permission as he moved. Rocked up oh-so _gently_. 

Somehow _that_ was almost the most intense thing you’d felt since you’d started. It pulled a shaky noise from you, pressing yourself closer to him. As close as you could humanly get. “Yes- just- go slow…” And when he obeyed, assisting your lean as your legs weren’t strong enough to keep upright on their own, when he pulled out _slow_, like you’d asked, and then sunk back in _slow_ again, you fell against him, cradling his cheeks in your palms. “Oh… _Tony_…” 

Falling to pieces all over again. 

“_I love you_…” He murmured this once. Then again. And _again_. On every draw out, on every rock in. Completely lost, but happily so with you. 

Eight hours just _melted_ away as the two of you found completeness like that. Slow. Steady. Peace in that utter _bliss_ every time he sunk so deep it threatened to break you. Cycling the feeling back and forth and back and forth- 

Until you were an utter quaking mess atop him. Built up to burst over and over and _over_ again… dragging him with you on more than one occasion. The two of you unable to stop _moving_, stop _blending_… 

A touch of your hand on his _heart_, and his on _yours_. 

The way you were sure the two of you were meant to be.


	117. ❤Chapter 117❤

It might as well have been considered one of the galaxy’s greatest mysteries, how you’d managed to get off the jet after all _that_\- wobbly-legged, weak-kneed, and love-drunk. Maybe it was the famous cloud-nine that carried you just far enough to get into the car parked for Tony on the runway… hard to remember, in as much of a daze as you’d been. You counted your lucky stars you’d left vacation plans up to him because things were a blur, and had you been the one in charge, there might have been no telling where the two of you would have ended up. 

But, with Tony at the literal and proverbial wheel… 

You felt more than comfortable laying your head on his shoulder while he drove, half enjoying what looked to be chic French countryside. Though you drifted between minutes, blinking awake just as the car climbed up the side of a winding hill- gone again in the next instant- and then freshly aware as he lifted you out of the car and carried you over the threshold into some too-large (and no doubt, too expensive) villa. But one that was safe. Secure. And, most importantly, _private_. 

He might have been putting on a show, or perhaps just doing his due diligence to get the both of you there in one piece. Because as soon as clothes came off, lying underneath the covers as the two of you unleashed a soft bevy of lazy kisses, it seemed really that the both of you were _gone_. And you must have been. Because floating off became too easy. And the next press of lips slipped as he simply wrapped you up close and comfortable, the two of you dreaming the rest of the night away. 

The sound of birds chipped away at your deep sleep little by little until you started to feel yourself waking. Unwillingly, mostly. It was why you were content to lie there, seeing if perhaps you’d fall back asleep. But then the soft sounds of Tony’s breathing behind you, _close_\- pushing you a little more. Immediately paired, as your brain started chugging, with the feel of his body pressed to yours from behind. His arm loosely draped over your hip. 

Maybe it would have been wiser, and certainly _nicer_ to him to just lie there. Still. Leave things be. It wasn’t an uncomfortable position by any means. In fact, it really was the very definition of _nice_. Peaceful. Yet for one reason or another, you just couldn’t seem to help yourself. Snuggling back in just those few bare inches to press yourself flush against him. Tips of your fingers dragging slowly over his arm. 

You _felt_ the twitch of his consciousness wane in and out before his arm came a little more tightly around you. Trying to half turn to ascertain whether or not he was fully awake yielded no rewards, as he ducked in even further to bury his face against your shoulder. So, feeling just a little bad, “Go back to sleep.” Sweet and quiet, hoping to encourage him to do so. 

“Good morning to you, too…” Mumbled with as much amusement as he could muster in that state. 

However, it was the press of his lips against your bare shoulder, the light scratch of his beard in tandem, that had your eyes fluttering close again, head tipping back just a little more. When was it that you’d become so completely susceptible to him? A question for a later date, surely. A dreamy sigh escaped you, unable to help yourself with a little arch back- realizing, or perhaps setting off, the feeling of him already hard against you. “_Mn_…” A breathy little noise. “Good morning, indeed.” Lips tugging into a tired smirk. 

“That better not be an attempt at shaming me. I’ll have you know, it won’t work.” Teeth lightly closing on a tender patch of skin just at the juncture of your neck and shoulder, his hand drifting down your leg, squeezing at small intervals. Especially at your thigh. Aided as you lifted your leg back, and he _helpfully_ directed you once he got the gist. “Speaking of…” Breathing out a little hotly, already _consumed_ by the thought of you. His hand dipped down, pads of his fingers teasingly light against your clit. Long, _slow_ circles that had you pressing back, a shaky inhale moving into a moaned exhale. 

“I would never shame you-” Gulped out as your eyes closed tight, noise pitching near the end as his fingers moved lower, just _sliding_ over you with ease. 

“Liar.” An amused hum, trying to cover up for the fact that having you like _this_ was breaking him apart a little too easily. At least you weren’t alone.

“Not for this…” Rectified in another breathy exhale. You may have shamed him when he deserved it, fine. But shame over his _need_ for you? His love? Never. 

“Good.” You felt his smile at your shoulder. “Because I was about to say… you seem just as _eager_.” A low rumble as his fingers slid up into you. 

An ache bloomed. Body possibly _overworked_ from yesterday’s severely extended lovemaking activities. But it was too much of a good one, and you were already reeling. “_Oh-..._” A little lost moan, eyes closing tight, feeling almost too much pleasure just rocket through you. Startling and dizzying. Your body moved on its own, hand jerking down to cover his.

Which immediately stilled his movements. It was only then you noticed he was lightly panting. “Honey?” 

“Can you just-” Not sure all of a sudden. 

Slowly inching out and then resting his hand at your hip, he nuzzled a new spot at your neck. “Anything. Just tell me what you need.” Even if it was to stop. Moving slightly, he wrapped his other arm half around your shoulders, holding you gently. 

In a severely awkward tangle of limbs, you jutted forward just to be able to get a hand between the both of you, taking hold of his cock and then easing back, draping your leg a little higher back- helped when he seemed to understand, palm gripping your thigh lightly. 

“You’re sure?” A quiet half murmur in your ear. 

You just felt yourself nodding, your other arm reaching up to hold on to his around your shoulders. “I need _you_, Tony… _please_…” Knowing in that exact moment that was it. 

As his hand left your thigh to get the right angle, you held on to him then with both hands on his arm around you. And when he found it, just _there_ against you, your body answered first. A little roll of your hips to help get him started. A move he reciprocated with a shift of his own, stealing the breath from you in a pitched moan as he sunk his cock deep inside you. The angle- like that- so close to him, practically holding on for dear life while at the same time cradled so strongly in his arms… 

And the sound of his groan, and his heavy breathing, right there at your ear- his _warmth_ and his _light_ blanketing you so completely. On the half pull out and the next thrust in you felt yourself come undone. “_God- fuck-_” 

There was no stating his measure of control as he eased. “Do I need to slow down?” Almost impossible, considering he was already only moving _inches _at a time. “I feel like I’m losing you already…” A shiver of _worry _slicing between you. Jarring your thoughts. 

Uselessly you shook your head. “I’m just-” You’d been _so close_, from _so little_. Just torn to the edge by the mere feel of _him_. In such a _**complete**_ way. “Sensitive- from yesterday-” A half-truth which served you well, having to. As you didn’t have enough brain power to even try to begin to explain it. Realizing this was going to get him thinking too much, you held onto him a little tighter, and rolled your hips to help clear his mind of anything else. You _didn’t_ want to stop. Yet even that punched another breath right through you. “I love you- _Tony_…” Not quite meaning to ruin the message with a moan, but seemingly completely unable to help yourself as your nerves lit up. 

He was having a hard time thinking, same as you. But there was still a trickle of _hesitancy _that seemed to be slowing his movements. “I love you, too-” 

It was the last thing you wanted, for him to feel like that during something like _this_. So you tapped him just a little. “Wait- just a second-” A command that he heeded instantly, coming to a stop and pulling out. Tired and unwilling as your body seemed to be, you took charge to lift yourself up and then turn to face him, lying closer to him with a wind of your arms around his neck, pressing yourself to him as you raised your leg again to drape further over his hip. When he got the idea, he shifted one of his arms around your shoulders, reaching between you to position again before rocking up deep. 

Stealing the breath from you in the next moment, as you pressed your forehead to his. The rest of you, too. Your whole body, as close as you could get. But it was the gentle touch of his free hand, the slide of the backs of his fingers against your flushed cheek, that drew your eyes a quarter open. 

There, reflected in his own, you saw the literal _glow_ between you. Hard as it was… you tried. For him. “I love you…” Tilting back in a gentle press of lips, one he submitted to almost immediately. “-when we’re like this- I-” Breathing hard in the next instance as he kept moving. Kept steadily rocking his hips, driving you crazy. 

Seeing double on the next strike home. Almost a little _too _deep. Just beyond him, or maybe beneath both of you. In that weird place. With the bright sky… you were there with him. Bare and flush and… 

Your focus returned at the surface, when you heard his next deeper groan, the harder press of his forehead against yours. Swallowing, trying to gather himself. Hard to do, considering… “I get it-” Yet maybe it was his affirmation that he _understood you_ that really was the most pleasurably damning thing of all. “When we’re together- like this-” Words growing shaky as he held onto you tighter, losing his sense of rhythm in the next few moments. 

“_We’re together_.” Finishing for him quietly, following with a lock of lips after. _It was you_, you were sure. This weird way that you were. Whatever it was. No use in denying it. But you didn’t mind it. You didn’t mind _melting_ with him, like this. You didn’t mind _being_ with him, like this. 

You were paired. **Bonded**.   
And the resulting sensations, in _moments like this_… 

You were almost entirely sure no one else knew what love was. If they weren’t experiencing it like this… touching, perhaps literally, _two hearts_ together, were they really doing it right at all? 

* * *

He brought you a cup of earl gray as you lazed about by the edge of the heated infinity pool overlooking St. Tropez. A thought that, once you realized it, had you huffing out a soft laugh. He dropped to sit, dangling his legs in the water. “What’s on your mind?” 

Settling your arms up, you laid your head in them and aimed a look up his way from your spot. “You ever think we live a life of _too_ much luxury?” 

His brows knit before one raised. “Is there such a thing?” As your mouth opened he held up a hand. “You know what? Don’t answer that. Stupid question. What I _will_ say… is that if _anyone_ deserves it-” 

“It’s us?” Smiling at him. 

“I was gonna say more _you_ than me.” As your look dried out, his own turned into a half grin. “What? You fight crime and run the most profitable and far-reaching company on the planet. Doesn’t that deserve a _luxurious _vacation every now and again?” 

“Don’t _you_ do those things, too?” 

“Questionable. _Definitely_ questionable depending on who you ask.” 

“Well, if you’re asking me-”  
  
“I very much value your opinion.” 

“Then _yes_. You do those things, too.” 

Reaching down, he settled a comforting hand at the side of your head, fingers brushing back some strands of your hair. “Huh. Well. Must be why we’re both here, then.” He just wouldn’t be _Tony_ if he didn’t put on some extra sass every now and again. But it was that thought, paired with the atmosphere the two of you had created around each other that had you smiling somewhat dazedly up at him. Something he tilted his head in questioning at. “What is it?” 

“I just love you.” No other way about it. 

He _warmed_ nearly instantly, palming your cheek in his hand, mirroring your smile in the next instant. “I love you, too.” 

The two of you stayed out there probably far longer than you should have, as you let your tea grow cold while you talked about nothing in particular. The best sort of conversation. No world saving stuff. No business. No worrying about anything else save each other. ...perhaps one of the reasons why, when you asked, “What do you wanna do for your birthday this year?” 

An _anxious_ ripple beat from his heart to yours. _Reminding you. _“Nothing fancy.” Trying to remedy the small cut of silence where he probably figured out that you’d figured _him _out. “Why don’t we just stay in?” 

“It wasn’t your fault, you know.” Trying your best to stay on the level, even as you felt a little tightness in your chest. “You wanting a party wasn’t… it wasn’t why what happened happened.” Strange to think. It had almost been a year since… _all that_. Still extremely difficult to think about. Even with the progress you’d made. 

“Sure. The party wasn’t the problem. But I think there were other certain factors-” 

“It wasn’t your fault, Tony.” Stopping him from getting on the blame-train. Because he would- and maybe you should have realized sooner that was how he felt about it. “Everything that happened that night just… _happened_. I made decisions- I decided to go out. That’s all.” None of you could have accounted for a fucking psychopath. You let a small silence sit, hopefully one of understanding, as you looked up at him still. Reaching over, you took his hand in yours, fingers interlocking. “...so, if you want another party…” 

He sighed. “I actually don’t. Even all … _that_ aside, I don’t really want anything.” 

Your smile was weak but wry. Even if you had to force it. “I’ll make sure to schedule myself for ten different conferences that day, then.” 

Thankfully he grinned back. “I didn’t say I don’t want to spend time with you. I just don’t want a party. I thought you would have been over the moon. Not having to plan yet another grand affair.” 

“I don’t mind party-planning for you. But. If you just want a you-and-me day… I’ll cancel those previously mentioned ten conferences.” 

“I’m sure the shareholders will understand.” Still holding on to your hand, he lifted both, turning yours around to press a kiss to the back. “What about…” Humming against your skin, drawing a light amused breath from you. “...our anniversary?” 

“That’s pretty far out.” November was _quite_ a ways away. 

“It’ll be here before you know it.” 

Regarding him for a long moment, trying to formulate how you wanted to put this… “Can I ask for the same thing? Nothing big or fancy or exciting.” Worried, strangely, that he was asking you for a certain _reason_… 

“It’ll be five years, you know.” 

“Mn.” Smile turning just a little dreamy. He always seemed to keep track of it. Maybe it meant that much to him- although you _hoped_. It was only your _relationship_, after all. But. Still… Was it you? Had you somehow turned Tony Stark into a bleeding heart romantic? Or maybe he’d just always had that simmering underneath the surface. Waiting for the right _extreme conditions_ to break it out of him…

Best not to think about it. 

With a little tip of your head in question, “What’s the little gift that comes with five years?” Knowing he knew. But, the thought occurred to you- “Also- you know, that’s supposed to be for _marriage_. Not just-” 

“We’re working up to it. I think it’s fair game.” 

“Oh. Are we?” Unable to hide your smile then. 

His eyes went up in mock thought, face scrunching just a little. “I seem to remember a certain someone telling me in another five years they were ready to be married- or at least engaged.” 

“Really? Who? I’ll have to kick their ass.” Playing along, not in the way he intended. 

“Listen, honey, if we paid stock into every fan letter that had lofty aspirational goals of marriage to either of us, the _both_ of us would be _very_ busy.” Eyes coming back down, smiling at you in that infinitely charming way of his. 

“Me more than you, I think.” Your very public relationship with him at this point would never change the fact that just about every person on the planet lived and breathed for Tony Stark. 

...couldn’t say you blamed them. 

But he shook his head. “You’d be surprised.” 

Casting a teasing look of accusation his way, “Are you reading my fan mail?” 

“I have a sorting algorithm for the rubber stamp- which I’ll remind you was _your_ idea, by the way-” 

“For kids, Tony.” There were so many nice letters and drawings that came in from kids all around the world. It was too much to ask of one person, either you or Tony or in some occasions _both_ (and the rest of the team, too, for that matter), that you sit down and read every one. Or personally answer every one. But despite this you’d wanted to send something back to everyone who wrote in or sent things to you. 

“Yeah, well, not every piece of fan mail that comes in is from kids.” 

Deciding you knew _exactly_ what tree he was barking at, you turned your face to bury in your arms with a little snort of a laugh. “Have you been scarred for life yet?” 

“Oh. _Far_ before this. Trust me.” This answer, drier than the desert, got an actual giggle out of you. “But is it so much to ask that mothers raise their children better? And I thought some of the stuff _I _got sent was bad, back when-”

“Back when you loved every part of it.” Media darling. Spotlight hog. And definite… troublemaker. Trouble-inviter, for that matter. 

“I will neither confirm nor deny these lurid accusations.” Eyeing you. 

You _eyed_ right back. “You don’t have to. I know you.” And had for a very long time, now. 

He held the look for only a few seconds more before breaking into a light smile. “Yeah. Well… let’s say these last few years have done me a _wealth_ of good. I’m not so impressed by that stuff- especially not when it’s getting sent to you.” 

“...just at least tell me you’re not responding to these _letters_.” You could only imagine what kind of sick shit some people would write. Better, surely, that you weren’t looking at any of it. But… if _he_ was… 

“What would I even say?” 

“That’s exactly what I’m asking.” 

He shrugged. “Nothing. You know- except maybe banning them permanently from Stark Industries property-” 

“_Tony_-” This was supposed to be a warning but you probably gave yourself away with the grin you just couldn’t hide. “I appreciate you standing up for me, but it’s really not that serious.” 

“Of course it isn’t. I have JARVIS delegating the name and address with keywords and then they get put on a list for life. Not serious at all. Happens literally in just a few seconds.” 

“You’re making JARVIS read that shit? He’ll start hating humanity before you know it and then we’ll have a _real_ problem.” Feeling sorry for him. Because _no one_ should have had to read the depraved things some messed up souls sent. To either you _or_ Tony. 

“JARIVS is a program. He’s not capable of hating anything.” 

“I feel like even _you_ don’t believe that.” 

“...he does have his moments, doesn’t he?” You couldn’t help nodding to this. JARVIS really was something else. One of Tony’s best pieces of work, that was for sure. A small silence took over. Probably full of the both of you thinking of a few choice moments where JARVIS definitely seemed like more of a _person_ and less like a _program_. The fact that the both of you no doubt had had experiences like that… “It’s wood, by the way.” 

“Huh?” Broken from your fog with confusion. 

“For the fifth anniversary. It’s wood.” 

You couldn’t help the smile. “I knew you’d know.” 

He returned the expression. “So… I was thinking… what about a little cabin in the woods? Somewhere upstate?” 

“For an anniversary weekend?” 

“For a house.” 

“Oh.” 

Your heart immediately filled, almost to bursting. Thinking about that little thing that seemed so far out of reach- a _home_… _a life_… was it so bad to hope? 


	118. Chapter 118

Returning to “normal” life was hard, as always. And, as the end of March crept up and you moved into April, you suspected part of the reason Tony may have been laying it on so thick (aside, of course, his deep love for you) was because he knew once he came home he’d throw himself into work. Almost literally. Where you’d spent two weeks basking in each other’s affections and attentions, once you hit the ground in New York, you barely saw him. It wasn’t just him, you were busy, too, but… 

This thing he was working on… as always, when he threw himself into something _this hard_ you got just a little worried. You hoped understandably so. This project was supposed to help your team. Help your _life_. Help you find some sense of… well… a different normal than you were used to, right then. Where superhero stuff would slowly get phased out of the equation. Which would be a nice thought, but… 

Part of you wondered, as you’d told him, if that was entirely possible. He seemed to think it was just possible enough, even perhaps one-percent possible, for him to look into it. He had some crazy idea- or maybe just a _Tony _idea that he saw. Some grand vision. You assumed he’d see it through, no matter what it took. You just hoped that wasn’t too much. 

You also hoped you weren’t selfish. Growing lonely in his absence, even when he was just a few floors away at any given time. Just in the labs. Same that you were _just_ in your offices. But. Work kept you divided. Sometimes that was just how it had to be. Much as you regretted it. Even if he was working on something meant to help. 

Your own days became the same exciting, packed monotony. Three meetings before breakfast, too many in the afternoon, piles of emails, conferences, papers to read through, proposals to pass or go forward on, then a few meetings pushed in at the end of the day. Some you let run long because you knew Tony was still busy anyway, so what was the point? Who were you coming “home” to? 

But… sometimes, when he could, when he remembered, he did try to make an effort. Surprising you with dinner. Sometimes it went the other way around, and you’d bring food down to the lab. He had a ton of exoskeletons on his work tables at any given moment. About a thousand screens surrounding him with work scattered across all of them. Working. Sincerely. Trying his hardest. 

All the time busy and apart made it that much nicer when May came and the two of you did exactly as he’d asked. Spent the entire day of his birthday- ...and maybe a few after (fair was fair) with only each other. Moments like those making you realize just how much you missed him. But they didn’t last forever. _Couldn’t_. Not with the crush of business invading your lives again soon after. 

And- true to his word and his timeline- near the beginning of June, when you brought dinner down, you caught both him _and_ Bruce working on something in tandem. On the biggest board in the room in big block letters you read aloud, “_Project Ultron_?” So. Tony had probably gone through an entire proof of concept meeting and gotten Bruce on the team. “Does it stand for something, or…?” 

Both of them looked up and spoke at the same time.

“Unique Latency-”  
  
“Ultimate Automaton.”

The two looking at each other once they realized they were speaking over one another. You couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped, as you sat atop one of the only partially clean tables in the lab. “There are two kinds of people in the world…” Tony clearly was trying to do his little acronym thing, while Bruce was just fusing two concepts together. “...but Ul-_tron_ has an r in there.” Looking at Bruce. “Aren’t you missing a word?” 

Tony crossed his arms with a little shrug. “Which is why if we’d just go with my version-” 

Bruce raised a hand. “We’re still workshopping it. Honestly, I think the name is the least important part.”

“Speak for yourself.” A little scoff as Tony turned back to one of the boards to seemingly correct some math on it. 

Dumping some dressing on one of the salads you’d brought, you cast a long look around the room. It really didn’t look like much to you. A bunch of figures and numbers and science and terms and… all things you were sure made sense to _them_. But still, “So… what’s this shaping up to be?” You and Tony had talked sparsely about it a handful of times. Now that he really seemed to be moving forward, it seemed like the ideal time to ask. 

Tony half turned back to cast a glance your way. “We’re looking at a ringleader for the newly resurrected Iron Team.” Because you couldn’t help the slight dry look you sent his way, he went into defense mode. “Not- not quite as _sizable_ as before. I promise.” 

You crunched on a forkful of lettuce. “Hmn. I thought we were going with Iron Force? ...or was it Squad?” 

“Too aggressive and too Power Rangers. But. As Banner said… _what’s in a name_.” Grinning, turning back to his math. 

Bruce shook his head. “I don’t think that’s _quite_ what I was getting at.” 

“So…” Thinking still as you looked at some of the metal frameworks on the table. “We’re still looking at the defensive angle, right?” There were dual murmurs of agreement as they slowly became absorbed in their work again, despite your presence in the room. “Can’t we just- so if you’re looking at someone to direct this _Team_ while _our_ team is busy… can’t we use JARVIS?” 

You thought you understood.   
From the small bit you and Tony had talked prior, it seemed like they wanted a larger, louder voice to direct the rest of the smaller Iron Suits, while your team would be otherwise busy with stuff. It made sense. 

“JARVIS isn’t equipped enough for this.” 

And, right on cue, JARVIS spoke up. “I’d like to disagree, sir.” 

Not equipped enough… what did that mean? Not _smart_ enough? That was impossible, right? JARVIS was the smartest program that had ever been built, no doubt. But if even _he_ wasn’t what they were looking for… “You’re… looking at building a better artificial intelligence?” A smarter program that could _think_ on its own. Be able to _act_ on its own. 

JARVIS was a smart program, that was true. No doubt. But he needed direction. If your team had their hands full and needed to utilize something on this scale… you’d need a program capable of making the right calls. Capable of calling the shots. 

...this felt… very dangerous… although you were sure if anyone could handle this, it was Tony- and having Tony _and_ Bruce working on it? Should have been a slam dunk. 

Though that thought was shelved, momentarily, when a warm thrum of _pride_ rippled over from Tony to you, and you caught the sight of his fond smile. Proud that you’d worked it out, it seemed. “Something like that. Also. If _all parties_ are interested, I’d like to keep JARVIS for myself.”  
  
JARVIS spoke up, still with that dry wit. “I suppose I should take that as a compliment, sir.” 

So. An artificial intelligence that would have command of not only its own powerful suit, but would in essence be in charge of commanding a smaller squad. For clean up. For protection. Crowd control. ...yes, dangerous. “That seems… not that I don’t trust you two- I do. But. You know. A little dicey?” Being honest because this project deserved that, as did Tony. “What if something goes wrong?” 

“I’m glad you asked, honey.” Turning around, arms still half crossed as he waved his finger around. “As it turns out, we decided to hire for a security protocol and contingency coder. And, well, I’ve seen your resume. _Very_ impressive stuff. So I think you’re hired. What do you think, doctor?” Turning to Bruce. 

He smiled. “I like the sound of that.” 

Coming over to you, Tony then stuck out his hand. “How about that. You’re hired.” 

You tried your absolute best to stow your own smile at their antics. “I barely know how to code a website, much less a giant super-AI-bot.” Not sure this was the best idea. No matter how much you liked being included. 

“You’ll link up with JARVIS-”

“And here I thought you’d said I wasn’t _smart_ enough.” JARVIS’ somehow wry tone cutting Tony off.  
  
“That’s _not_ what I said. Don’t interrupt me.” Trying to re-catch his train of thought. “Besides, it’s less about programming and more about… foresight. And a _human_ touch, which, no offense-” Shooting Bruce a little look before turning his attention back to you, “-we may be sorely lacking around here.” 

“_Some_ offense taken.” Bruce slipped his glasses off the bridge of his nose, hanging them in his pocket. He settled a hand on his hip as he turned back to the board. You heard the smile reappear in his voice. “Although not much…” 

“Come on, honey, don’t leave me hanging.” Tony reclaiming your attention easily, waggling his hand, still holding it out for you. 

Putting on a grand show of _thinking about it_, you lingered with a hum before lifting your hand and slowly putting it in his. Once there, the two of you gave a weak shake, far more preoccupied with grinning at one another. “Fine. _But_. I reserve the right to make my own hours. I’m busy enough as it is. And also to tell you when you’re wrong.” 

“Why else would I hire you?” 

The _warmth_ in his eyes rebounded right back into you, striking at your core, turning you just slightly _mushy_. He lifted your hand, still in his, just a little further up, pulling you closer. You tilted up as he ducked down, enjoying a sweet and perhaps overly sappy kiss, settling your hand at the side of his neck, fingers brushing over the line of his jaw. It didn’t last long. In fact, you’d have liked it to go on _far_ longer. Or maybe steal him to go upstairs… but he pulled back-

And an _uncomfortable_ half laugh from Bruce drew both your gazes his way. “That’s not uh… the initiation for work on Project Ultron is it? Because I gotta say, I have some reservations about it…” 

Letting go of Tony, you raised a hand to cover your mouth as your own little laugh escaped. Trying to play apologetic. “Sorry, Bruce.” Well. ...it _was_ rude. 

Tony turned away finally, waving a hand that he then dropped on Bruce’s shoulder when he was close enough. “I’m not. If it makes you feel better, you can always kiss me instead.” 

“That’s not-” Bruce getting annoyed and flustered too easily. “_No_. That’s not what I meant.” 

* * *

You made a concerted effort in your already busy life to visit the lab at the end of the workday at _least_ twice a week. In between calls and meetings you tried to run with JARVIS about how to even set up what Tony was asking you to do. It started as a small list of… basically Plan-B’s. Just-in-cases. That list then grew several pages long. And then it ended up looking like a short story. 

There was no telling if any of it was good or would even be implemented. But it sort of made you feel better about the whole thing (though you promised yourself you _were not_ going to stress about this yet. It was in good hands with Tony and Bruce), to think that maybe even one-percent of what you were thinking about would make it in.

...but who would have even guessed there were so many of these contingencies that would be needed? So many ways for things to go wrong. So many things to look after. It started to drive you crazy, after a while. Really, you were trying uselessly to fight against the saying that you couldn’t prepare for everything. But _couldn’t_ you? Or maybe more accurately, _shouldn’t_ you? You should at least _try_. 

So that’s what you did. 

There was no rush, though, as the project had only just started. It could take _years_ to even come out of the initial stages. So while you tried to put in a proper amount of work into it- interested and diligent- the fact was that Project Ultron was a long ways off from being an actual thing. Even more so than you may have first thought, as the months drew on and every night you visited Tony and Bruce seemed to get more frustrated each time. 

You weren’t sure what kind of problems they were running into, although you imagined there had to be a plethora of them. This sort of thing wasn’t going to be easy, for sure. But perhaps even _they_ had bitten off more than they could chew. It resulted in Tony spending, somehow, even _more_ time in the lab. ...an alarming amount. To the point where he wouldn’t come upstairs for bed. Or. If he did… he’d sneak out after you’d fallen asleep. 

It felt like a cycle was replaying. A certain pattern. One that spoke of nothing good. But you just… didn’t know how to break him of it. Even still, it just felt a little impossible. Maybe it was something the both of you needed to work on. Because while you weren’t so busy you weren’t making sure you _ate and slept_\- you know, basic _human things_\- you _were_ terribly busy. Which made it all the harder to check in on him. 

It also made it harder to keep track of anything else.   
As autumn swept away and a new calendar month started in November, you barely remembered you had an anniversary coming up. _Five years together_, no less. And- hadn’t he said something about a… house? 

The thought was barely there. You weren’t sure if he remembered, either. Because he certainly hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t asked you to clear your schedule or make plans. He had seldom left the Tower, too, so you had a hard time thinking about a plot of land being squared away “somewhere upstate” as he’d put it. 

Maybe it was all going to be a fun surprise, you lied to yourself. 

Instead, the surprise came a few days before the actual date, when just nearing midnight, JARVIS startled you out of reading what someone had falsely labeled as a _very important email_ (they rarely were). His voice cutting in through the thick silence got you to jump so hard you ended up banging your knee on the bottom of your desk, jarring it enough to send a stack of papers you needed to go over flying to the floor. 

“Ma’am, your assistance is required in the lab. There’s an emergency.” 

A soft pained curse escaped you, trying very hard not to get loud- because you didn’t want him thinking you were yelling at him. “What- what happened? Did they blow something up?” You weren’t sure they were at that stage yet, where they’d be in the middle of tinkering with things that _could_. But you were still on your feet in an instant, charging towards the door and then out to the elevator. 

JARVIS’ voice followed you. “Mr. Stark is in dire need of your help.” 

Inside the elevator you soured a little, crossing your arms. “Is he using you to trick me downstairs?” This sounded like a game. 

“I’ve clocked his temperature at 102.8. He’s having trouble standing.” 

This smacked an immediate silence into you. “He’s sick? Why didn’t he-” _Why hadn’t he said anything_? 

The doors opened on the lab level and you raced out, down into the private back area. Already through the glass you could see Bruce struggling with Tony, one arm around his shoulders. When you keyed yourself in, his head jerked up. “Oh- good. I don’t know what- he’s sweating bullets.” 

“He’s _sick_.” Said firmly as you reached out to put a hand on his chest, angling him back. 

“I’m fine.” Flush and sweating. He was _foggy_, too. Far away from you, when you _reached out_ the other way. “I just- stood up too quick-” 

“And fell over?” So, dizzy, too. 

“Thank god I caught him, or he might have had a much worse accident on the corner of that table.” Bruce sounded extremely vexed. But all too soon you caught the _guilt_ there. His lab partner was _sick_. And he hadn’t noticed until it was literally just a few seconds from being too late. “Can you take him upstairs?” 

Tony shook his head. “We’ve got- we’re working-” 

“You’re going to bed.” Firm. Putting your foot down. But… taking him upstairs? That seemed like a task for someone a little stronger than you- maybe you could call Thor or… _oh_. “Wait a second.” The light bulb went off. You let go of him to retrieve the Heart Reactor in your pocket. Safe keeping, as always. Pressing it to your chest, you double tapped to activate it, and left the helmet off. 

Bending down in a single clean sweep, one arm under the bend of his knees and the other around his back, you lifted him off his feet. It was a true testament to how sick he was, that he just _melted_ once the weight was off, going a little slack. Although he did aim a groggy half-lidded smile up your way. “My hero.” 

“Bruce, too. Wanna aim those goo-goo eyes up his way?” Holding back your sigh. 

Bruce put both hands palm up. “I’m fine without it.”

Even with his eyes closed, his brow popped that signature arch. “That’s an abuse of power, by the way.”

“Well at least you’re well enough to sass.” That had to count for _something_, right?

Bruce shook his head in dismay. “Just… take care of him, alright?” 

“Yeah. Thanks. You should probably take a break, too.” If this was what you thought it was. And, since you were usually right about all things Tony, you had a pretty good idea. When he just nodded meekly at you, you turned to leave. 

It was a strange feeling, carrying Tony up to bed.   
Seeing him in this state was nothing short of awful. But being able to care for him like this… it was a weird sense of… 

“We were supposed to break ground-” He was mumbling incoherently about something, as you got him upstairs and laid him in bed. 

Without the need for it any longer, you disengaged the suit, leaving the Reactor on the night table. “Just- relax, honey. You’re alright…” Disappearing after a soothing touch at his forehead, going to the kitchen to get an ice pack. 

Tony was _still_ talking when you came back, sitting at his side, wiping the sweat from his brow before settling the wrapped pack on his forehead. His eyes were closed but he shakily reached over, reaching until he found your leg. Grasping there. Lightly. “We were- I had a plot picked out-” 

Oh. “For the house? Don’t worry about that right now. You stressed yourself _sick_, Tony. Just _relax_.” He’d really been that worried about this Ultron stuff? About the house- too- possibly? 

...and you’d missed it.   
Bruce wasn’t the only one feeling terrible. 

“It’s not stress.” Arguing. Even now. “A lab intern sneezed on me earlier-” 

This time the sigh finally escaped you. “Sure, Tony. Somebody sneezed on you.” 

“I’m sure there’s footage-” 

“Okay. Alright. Relax.” Asking a third time, then, putting on your gentlest voice. “Just sleep, okay? You’re alright, I’ve got you.” 

“Contrary to two seconds ago- when you said I was sick-” Sassing you. Even _now_. He shook his head, hand gripping your leg a little tighter. “Did Banner call you? I don’t remember- things are a little hazy-” 

“JARVIS did.” 

“I didn’t ask him to do that.” His voice was fading. Lulled by the reassurance of your presence- also probably the strain of his own ill consciousness. The sizzle of his fever. 

“Yeah, well. I’m glad he did.” Bruce probably would have called you, after a few more minutes of struggling with a half-dead-to-the-world Tony. Surely. But… JARVIS reaching out to you within a moment’s notice… it was nice to be able to trust him like that. “Just sleep.” 

“Don’t go.” 

It was inexplicable. Perhaps even unfathomable. Those two little words, in that quiet drifting voice… it practically threw you close to crying. Heart _aching_ so suddenly. “I’m right here, Tony…” Hushing him again, reaching up with your other hand to run the backs of your fingers over his red-hot cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

The last thing he seemed to be able to muster before slipping away were a few disjointed words of love. You returned the _feeling_, cradling him in a blanket of warmth and reassurance as best you could. 

This wasn’t exactly a nightmare scenario like the one before- no one had bombed the Tower or anything- but… you couldn’t help but feel guilty. As usual. There in time to clean up after him. But not catch it in time. 

The two of you still really needed to work on this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our team is still messy but we love them.


	119. Chapter 119

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light trigger warning for the first bit of the fic, as Tony is sick with the flu and some mentions of throw up occur though nothing graphic!

Tony was absolutely _insufferable_ when a diagnosis of the flu came back- after getting him to agree to see a doctor, anyway. For security (and press) reasons, and because his condition deteriorated so rapidly into not being able to keep food down, you had to pay to have a doctor do a house visit. Which wasn’t really that hard- the latter, anyway. Tony was insistent it would pass, but as he got paler and worse by the day, eventually you vetoed his vote and just got Happy to bring someone quietly. 

And, yes, once the doctor took some swabs and confirmed it was the flu… Tony may as well have done his frail version of a victory lap. Although you were extremely grateful when the doctor backed you up by saying, “Stress certainly isn’t helping. Not sleeping isn’t, either.” Something you thanked her for immensely outside the bedroom. 

She left you with instructions for bedrest, prescriptions for medicine, a laundry list of good food and a stern warning that maybe next year the superheroes of the world should maybe think about getting flu shots. You assured her you would take her advice to heart. First by shutting down the labs for mandatory deep cleaning, and then by issuing a company wide email about health and safety in the colder months. A helpful import shipment of hand sanitizer, cleaning supplies, and otherwise helpful office gear to help everyone get through the chillier season. 

Then you turned your attention back to the person who mattered most.  
The first day of the meds seemed the hardest. Or maybe it was his sickest day since that supposed intern had sneezed on him. The both of you just laid in the bathroom together, you with your back against the sink cabinet, knees tucked up, rubbing his back as he was half curled with an arm over the seat of the toilet. 

Sweating profusely.  
Shirtless at this point.  
Pale.  
  
Yet still somehow had the strength to smile. “You know- I’ve been told- the ones who hold your hair back when you’re puking your guts out are the ones you wanna keep around-” Sounding winded, eyes closed. 

It was tough seeing him like this, but if he still had even the tiniest bit of strength to joke in between emptying his insides, he must have been alright. “You want a headband for your bangs, honey?” Reaching over to smooth them back from his drenched forehead. 

Though he shook his head, at least that’s what it seemed like he was doing, he cracked his eyes open a quarter, directing that hazy smile your way. “This remind you of anything?” 

A snort escaped you. “You’re lucky I love you a lot more than I did the last time we were like this.” 

“So you admit-” Ducking his head a little, interrupted by a gurgle in his stomach, eyes closing tight for a second, clutching hard to try and fight off another round. When he got it all under control, he drew in a shaky breath. “You admit it-” 

“I’m not admitting anything.” You touched the backs of your fingers over his temple. “I love you _now_. That’s what matters. Stop trying to romanticize the past.” 

“Just ours.” Head turned town, a quiver of a laugh. 

You rolled your eyes, although only fondly… maybe a _tiny_ touch annoyed, setting your head back against the cabinets. “I must have loved you, I guess. To not go to the press with the story _Tony Stark Can’t Actually Hold His Liquor_.” Teasing him only a little. 

“It was _one_ time.”  
  
“That you remember.” 

His grin was weak and drawn. “So you admit you’ve been taking care of me this whole time.” 

“_Cleaning up _after you is much different than _taking care _of you.” 

Opening his glassy brown eyes to gaze at you, he reached over, hand barely brushing yours, a little tremor in his arm. “Is it? I think I’ve always appreciated it the same way.” 

“Stop being so dramatic. You’re not dying, you know.” Touching your fingers over his palm in a light massage that worked up towards his wrist. You eased when he closed his eyes, breathing out a little bit more of a relaxed sigh. “You don’t have to try and wax poetic about our relationship. You used to be a bit of an asshole, if you don’t remember.” 

“You know-” Breath catching in his throat as he had another moment of physical struggle with himself. “-...I’m _very _sick… can you be nice to me?” 

“I’m always nice to you.” Reaching over again to settle your hand between his shoulder blades and knead there gently. 

“Sure- but- I’m puking my guts up here. Can you just let me have my way _for once_?” Exhaling a half laugh, one that sounded just a touch _nervous_. Probably on the verge of another vomit episode. 

You let go of an overly dramatic sigh. “_Oh_. Alright, Tony. Just this once.” Clearing your throat as you declared, “You were _always_ a wonderful, caring, kind man who _never_ got into unnecessary trouble and _definitely_ never tried to fuck everything that moved- including your _employees_\- and we were _always_ destined to fall in love. And I _always_ had deep, unending feelings for you and your heart _always_ yearned for me, you just didn’t know how to say it.” 

His hand moved over to search, gripping a spot on your leg, as a few aching chuckles escaped him. “Was that so hard?” Double-hitching again before he couldn’t hold it any longer. This time was shorter than the rest, but still tough on him. When he was finished, and you handed him a warm washcloth, he shuddered out a thought, “Thank you… I love you…” 

“I love you, too. Take it easy.” Brushing his hair back again. 

He fell quiet for a long moment, and you thought he might have been drifting to sleep, but there was a little simmer of _hesitancy_ about him that told you he was thinking about… something. When he finally opened his eyes again, “Listen- and- _please_ tell me no if it’s no- but- I can’t relax like this- and it’s making it worse I think- can you… I don’t know what I’m asking for but- can you?” 

It wouldn’t have taken an empath to know he was on the edge. Anyone who had ever been this sick in their lives would know that. _Scared _of when the next round of your insides coming up would be. Drawn _taut_. He was asking you for something you understood immediately, even if he seemed unsure how to voice it. _Nervous_ about that, too. _Worried_ he was asking you for too much. 

Dropping beneath with a slow flutter of your eyes, you made an _easy connection_, stepping over low rumbling waves to settle a hand on his _heart_. Imparting to him some _ease_. Some _calm_. Beating back that light internal struggle with himself that was only making this worse. 

Blinking your eyes open as you sat next to him, you threaded your fingers through his hair as he drew a long breath in, and then exhaled a much more relaxed sigh, muscles releasing from their tight knots. “Thank you… _thank you_…” It only took another moment for a small sliver of that selfsame _anxiety_ to creep back in. “-was that… I shouldn’t have asked-” 

“You’re alright.” Hushing him. Trying to bring him down off that ledge one more time. “I’d rather use them like that than almost anything else.” Sharing this with him, being able to _help_ him… much better than potentially manipulating people. Even if it was for the supposed _greater good_ most of the time. Yes. This was _much_ better. 

“I love you.” His voice coming out much more tired. He seemed like he might slip unconscious any moment now. 

“I love you, too.” 

“Will you carry me back to bed?” 

You couldn’t help your grin. “I think you might be getting too used to that.” 

Even with his eyes closed, he grinned back. “Who doesn’t love a strong woman that can tote them around?” 

“In that case I’ll throw you over my shoulder and _lug_ you off to bed.” 

He hummed out a light noise. “A thought for later. Right now I think my _delicate condition_ requires being carried around _princess style_.” 

At this you really couldn’t help your laugh. “Oh. Okay. Sure thing, princess.” 

“Really living the dream, here.” Sharing in your mirth. At least he was strong enough to do _that_. 

* * *

The sickness clung to him until about the mid of December. It was when he was finally looking clear and, thank god, _healthy _again that his usual stirrings of cabin-fever began to show themselves. An end of the year holiday party was imminent. As usual. Not that you minded. It would be nice to have a little get together after having quarantined with Tony for that long, if only because you were taking care of him. Strangely you hadn’t gotten sick, even sharing such close quarters with him. ...or maybe it wasn’t strange at all. Best not to think about it. 

It was actually sort of nice to be able to throw yourself into the finer details of party planning instead of health managing. Tony had disappeared back down to the lab, no doubt to reconvene with Bruce. You left the both of them alone for the last couple weeks in December, deciding they were probably even more hectic than they had been when they’d started. That was the thing about Tony’s supposed _downtime_. He’d just throw himself into his work ten times harder once he was finished with it. And this was no exception. 

Still, on that Wednesday evening around eight PM when catering and staff had finished setting up in the Tower’s partying deck, you were entirely surprised to see… well… 

“These aren’t the decorations I ordered.” Not terrible, by any means. The table buntings had been changed from silver and blue to silver and red- so had the banners. The charity donation stars (always needing a cause to throw a party, obviously) had been slightly changed from the last design you’d signed off on- again not terrible, but… 

The party hats, poppers, and glasses on top of the tables were all the designs you’d picked but just _slightly_ different colored. Oh. And-

“Who ordered _this_?” Knowing you didn’t even have to ask, as you stared up at what could be approximated as an _annoyingly large_ ice sculpture of Iron Man. 

Tony, already dressed in a very fetching navy suit, came to stand next to you, arms crossed. “Can’t say, but they clearly have _impeccable_ taste.” 

“Where’s mine?” Half turning to huff at him. 

“I didn’t think you’d want one.” 

“So it _was_ you.” A fond roll of your eyes, shake of your head. “I have to get changed. People should be coming soon. Can you manage the rest- since you already usurped the party planning?” 

“I think _usurp_ is too strong a word. I… _gently guided_ some of the finer details-” You silenced him, reaching up to take a light hold of his tie, dragging him down closer for a brief kiss. His defensive rambling ceased immediately, dulling to an appreciative hum. Once you let him go, he aimed a dazed grin your way. “Yes, honey- I’ll pour myself a drink and go do door duty.” 

“Thank you.” One more kiss just for good measure before letting him go and leaving to the penthouse. 

You didn’t spend too long primping and slipping into your dress. Leaving Tony alone with the gathers no doubt already arriving in droves was probably a terrible idea. And- being late to your own party was probably extremely gauche. You’d picked a matching dark blue colored cocktail dress for the evening, high-low hem with floral lace detailing on the front. Simple, easy- elegant, if you were allowed to compliment yourself. 

And, after one or two deep breaths to steel yourself for a long evening of droll conversation ahead, you stepped back into the elevator. Where, promptly, JARVIS alerted you as security footage showed on one of the panels- “Ma’am, there is someone in the labs with unauthorized access. He seems to be trying to subtly break in.” A short, bald man was hunched over at one of the labdoor keypads.

“Very cute. Did you drop him off there?” 

“I’m appalled you would think I’d do such a thing.” 

You tried to stow your smile. “No, you’re right. So how’d he get on that floor?” 

Prior footage came on the screen. “He broke one of the stairwell doors.” 

“Who is this guy?” 

“Darren Cross. Of Cross Technologies.” 

A _heavy_ sigh escaped you. “Well. Let’s go say hello then.” This is _not_ how you wanted to spend your night. This was surprising, what you knew of him, Darren was supposed to be a little more sophisticated than this. It would have made more sense to send a goon here than to do this himself… then again, everyone was supposedly distracted with the party… and he’d _somehow_ gotten an invite… prime opportunity had knocked, and he’d answered. That definitely sounded more like him.

As the doors opened and you stepped out, you caught him trying to look through one of the glass doors. Since everyone was out for the evening, they were dark in their usual privacy mode. He’d been trying to guess at the keypad combination to the front door when you’d been watching him. 

Hearing you approach he looked up and you plastered your best fake smile over your lips. “Hello- excuse me-” 

“Ah- hi there. Fantastic timing. I seem to have gotten lost. Your elevators could use with a little bit of retooling. The map is _very_ confusing.” He put his hands in his pockets and sauntered over. 

Holding yours together in front of you, you continued to ice him. “I don’t find them that confusing at all. This is one of the floors labeled _labs_. Not _party deck_. But maybe it is a little dark in there.” 

A sharp breath of amusement escaped him and he stuck his hand out. “Darren Cross. I’ve been trying to get a meeting with you for quite some time, you know.” 

“I know who you are.” Letting him know immediately his position on your list of importance. _Terribly low_. “Can I escort you back to the party? I’d hate for you to get lost again.” 

He held his hand out for a moment longer before taking the loss and shoving it back into his pocket. “Thanks. Sounds like a good idea.” You tilted sideways and allowed him to fall into step with you. Once back in the elevator you made a little bit of a show of selecting the button labeled _party deck_. 

JARVIS’ voice filled the elevator, “Going down, ma’am?” 

“Yes, please, JARVIS. Thank you.” Much sweeter as you spoke to him. The both of you letting Darren know you both knew there was no way he’d even attempted to use the elevator.

Darren shuffled in place, not _nervously_. More _agitated_ than anything else. Probably because he’d been caught. “You know… Cross Technologies is a much different company than when Pym owned it. I’ve heard stories… about Pym and Stark not getting along but. Sins of the father- you know? I think we could have a lot to offer each other.” 

The elevator doors opened into the rumbling of a hundred voices meshing together and jaunty music ringing in the air. Taking the initiative, you stepped out first, and then directed a serious look up his way. “I’ll send you a bill for the door you broke. Once it’s paid, maybe I’ll consider taking a meeting. But don’t count on it. I’m a very busy woman.” Lifting your shoulders with a cutesy smile, “Enjoy the party.” Giving him a little wave before leaving to greet several other people standing nearby. 

Hot _anger_ roiled off him. A twang of _bitterness_ was not too far behind- as was a little lick of _disgust_. He didn’t like you. That worked well enough for you. But he was determined, it seemed, to stick it out here. If only to try and make you uncomfortable. Nothing made that clearer than when he went straight to the bar, ordered something, and took a seat. 

And then _watched_ you. Trying to make you feel unwelcome at your own party- in your own _home_. Because you’d disrespected him. All quietly. All things you’d be unable to prove. He was just a man having a drink at a party he’d been invited to. 

A dangerous man, in fact. This Darren Cross. Behaving like this. You’d have to keep an eye on him. Which was probably exactly what he wanted, too. 

You made no show of noticing or _caring_ about him, as you spoke to several people, all cheerfully so. Not bothered. Taking your time as you made your way around the perimeter of the party. Not running to him but… when you eventually did find your way to Tony you couldn’t help your small swell of _relief_. You could handle yourself, and Darren wasn’t even doing anything save being quietly menacing. 

But. Still… 

When Tony excused himself from the conversation he was having and curled an arm around your waist, you just felt _safer_. “I was going to make some snide comment about how much time you spent upstairs, but. Considering you look as gorgeous as you do, I think I can let it slide.” Laying it on a _little_ thick. But you didn’t mind. Enjoying the sight of his perhaps overly handsome grin, mouthed around his whiskey glass as he raised it to finish it off. 

You eased a little closer into his side. “I actually had to stop at the labs.” 

Setting his glass down on a nearby table, he made a show of thinking. “Hmn. Well. Banner’s _here_ so my guess is… dropping off the USB of updated protocols that you’re a week late on?” 

Playfully you gave him a little shove to his chest to let him know exactly what you thought of _that_. Not hard enough to get him to let you go, though. “Lost _guest_, actually.”

“That was my second guess.” His smile disappeared underneath a sour weight. “So. Who’s poking around?” 

“Darren Cross.” 

His brows knit, making _quite_ a face. “Who invited him?” 

“I don’t know. I’ll have to ask Pepper about the guest list.” Reaching up, you smoothed your hand up over his heart. “I let him know he was in incredibly dangerous territory.” 

Thankfully, his smile reappeared, though it was soft. “Of course you did. So did he take the hint and bail?” 

“He’s sitting at the bar. Watching us, no doubt.” 

“Class act. In that case, how about a dance?” 

You melted just a little. “I thought you’d never ask.” A good way to show the man in question the two of you couldn’t have cared less about his presence. Too wrapped up in one another. 

At the last one of these holiday parties, you’d made fun of Steve for trying such a thing- it had been nearly a _year_ since you’d seen him, now. He hadn’t contacted you at all. Nobody on the team, in fact. You were worried. And _sad_. So… in planning the party, how could you not, this time around, make sure there was an actual dance floor and good music to dance to? 

People stepped out of the way for you, as usual, and it was nice not to have a crush of bodies too close. It was easy to get lost with Tony this way. One of his hands in yours, his other on your hip. Your hand in his, the other laid on his chest. The music was a little too quick for a slow dance this time around, but he delighted you with a little raise of your hands to take you in a spin. And- yes- very quickly you forgot about the man sitting darkly at the bar. 

It would have been nice to forget about almost everything this way- and- just your _luck_\- a slower song came on next. But just as Tony drew you in closer the entire party crashed to a halt- literally-

A _clattering_ noise followed by _skitters_ across the floor. 

The Iron Man on Ice had gone down. Knocked over by- 

“Steve!” A rush of excitement hit you all at once as you caught the sight of him standing there, looking _mortified_. Pulling Tony along, _willingly_ he went too, as you made your way over to the table he’d entered by. And succinctly perhaps destroyed. 

In the crook of his arm he was carrying a gift-wrapped box, but he put his other hand behind his head. “Sorry about that. I wasn’t watching where I was going.” _Guilt_ was consuming him so completely as he offered a weak smile to both you and Tony. 

Tony, hand free from yours, crossed his arms and gave a little bit of a shrug. “I’m sure you’ll find some way to make it up to me.” Grinning, just a little. 

You piped up, “An illustrious _melting_ art show. Don’t worry about it.” 

Holding a finger up, Tony made sure to emphasize, “A _four thousand dollar_ illustrious melting art show. That hadn’t completely melted yet. We still had about two thousand dollars’ worth of viewing pleasure.” 

Steve seemed stuck. “Really- I’m sorry- it was an accident.” 

Waving a hand at him, you stepped closer in to reach up and give him a nice squeezy hug. “He’s being dramatic, don’t mind him. It’s good to see you.” 

He acquiesced with half a hug back. “You, too. I didn’t mean to make as grand of an entrance. I promise.” 

“Nothing grander than smashing me to pieces.” Tony sighed, still playing it up. But even he couldn’t do it for much longer, offering his hand out. Once Steve grasped it firmly and they shook, “Good to have you back.” 

Steve nodded. “Yeah. Good to be back. Seems like good timing.” 

“Tell that to my poor face on the floor.” 

Shaking your head, smile extremely warm and fond. “_Alright_. Consider his chops fully busted.”

Tony pointed a finger Steve’s way. “You’re lucky she’s letting you get off easy. I could have gone on for another hour _at least_.” 

Steve finally found the courage to grin. “I believe it.” Lifting the box from his arm he held it out in both hands. “Here. I got this for you. While I was out.” 

“Oh- you didn’t have to do that.” The gift was poorly wrapped, probably not Steve’s forte. But it was definitely the thought that counted. As you took it, “Thank you, though- ...can I peek?” 

“It’s yours. Go ahead.” 

Tony huffed, crossing his arms. “May I remind you, _I’m_ the one you’re supposed to be making this up to?” 

Leaning your hip out, you checked him. “Alright _alright_.” Using your nail to catch the paper around the lid, you then lifted it off, settling it underneath to cradle the box, and then reached in to unearth… 

Uh.  
Well.  
  
A much _different _piece of art, that was for sure. It seemed like a fanart statuette type thing. Iron Man on full display, lovely detailing for something not official. And atop one of his shoulders was what was probably meant to be _you, _his hands holding you steady. Except you weren’t wearing your own Iron Armor- though the Heart Reactor was pinned to your chest. Instead they had you in heels, legs a little too long, black pencil skirt, and a button up white blouse. 

And over _your_ shoulder was a rocket launcher, aimed and ready to go as you stared through the scope with a devilish grin on your face. Yes, _quite _the team you and Tony. At least whoever made this seemed to think so. 

“This is- the _weirdest_ thing I’ve ever seen and I _**love**_ it. Where the hell did you _get_ this?” 

Tony inched in to get a closer look. “We should make these. I want one on my desk. It’s fantastic.” 

Steve smiled. “I took a detour uh- in Moscow. Ended up in this flea market. ..._Izmailovsky_?” Butchering the name so hard you had no idea where he was talking about. Or maybe it was just a little hidden gem. Who could say? All you knew was that did _not_ sound natural coming out of him- although it did sound like he’d been practicing it. “They had a table full of this stuff.” 

“Well you have to go back and get the rest,” Tony declared. “The creative vision is exactly what our merch department is lacking.” 

“Really, Steve, thank you.” Inching up to give him another half hug. It was a strange gift but a gift nonetheless. The fact that he’d seen it and thought of you and bought it… that really made the whole thing worth it. Other than it being _amazing_. Back firmly on the ground you cast a little bit of a shy look up his way. Nervous to ask… “Are you staying around?” 

He took a deep breath and then gave a small nod. “Yeah. I think so.” 

Giving him an apologetic look, already figuring you knew the answer, “Did you find what you were looking for?” 

His smile vanished completely then. “No. Everything’s cold. So… I figured it was time to come back for a bit.” Casting his glance around the party, you felt another deep rumble of _guilt_ again, just as he resettled his sights on you and Tony. 

“We’re glad to have you back. Seriously, stop worrying about the ice on the floor. We’ll get someone to clean it up. Go have a drink, eat some food. Everyone missed you.” Giving him a little pat on the arm. 

His smile was once again weak. “Yeah. Sure- sorry again. And thanks.” Giving a halfhearted wave before taking off to Nat who was calling to him.

Tony waited all of thirty seconds before nudging your arm with his. “Seriously. Are you keeping that?” 

This drew some giggles from you as you held it up to him. “You really want it that bad?” 

“This is _master_ craftsmanship. The holy grail of knock offs. No one’s ever gotten you so right.” 

“Tony-” 

“Seriously. Look at it. I’m just here to hold you up while you carry the big guns in style.” 

Planting it firmly into his upturned hands, you leaned up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, laughter still escaping quietly. “_Fine_. You can have it. But _only_ if you get me a drink and we have another dance.” 

He grinned, tilting the other way to steal a kiss. Something you made a playfully shocked noise over. “Easiest deal I’ve ever made in my life.” His arm came around your waist. “_Now_\- what do I have to do to get you to come upstairs with me?” 

At this you couldn’t help the shake of his head. Give an inch, he’d take a mile… “Spend at least another couple of hours at this party I spent time planning. And don’t misbehave.” 

“I wouldn’t _dream_ of it.” 

“We’ll see.” Tipping your head back to beckon him down and in again, delighting in a quieter, gentler kiss. 

It was hard to remember the rest of the evening completely. Tony kept his word, for the most part. Sass couldn’t be counted as part of _misbehaving_, you supposed, and lucky him because as usual he was full of it. Still… when the time came, he remarked how _incredibly easy_ it was to steal you away upstairs- and then, at your protesting, as the two of you stood on your private deck, your arms around his neck and his hands at your hips, “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing- in fact, I-” 

Losing his train of thought, murmur dying out as you kissed him senseless. 

Fireworks boomed overhead. The city below celebrated as the clock struck midnight. 

You wished him a happy new year about the same time your dress hit the bedroom floor. A festive thought he was only able to barely return just as you got him out of his suit jacket and tie. 

Happy new year, indeed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year. We've officially moved into 2015! Oh boy...


	120. Chapter 120

Your year of 2015 started on a Thursday. Though Stark Industries had allowed its employees to take a long weekend off- _understanding_ in that they’d probably been up drinking and partying up late on the Wednesday night before (as had you), it didn’t mean _you_ had the day off. ...although, much like the rest of the world, it started a little late. A nice sleep in, and then a much _nicer_ intimate good-morning with Tony. Perhaps things weren’t _so_ bad. 

After a long luxurious hour spent in each other’s close attentions, you ended up atop him, straddling his hips, his hands kneading at your own while you slid down on your forearms at the sides of his head. A slow kiss half broken by uneven panting eventually led to smiles and brushes of noses. And then, when you could find a thought, “I think I’m going to go for a run.” Yet even as you managed to work the thought out you were still semi-caught up on him. 

“Not enough exercise for you? I could remedy that.” Grinning against your lips, rocking up in such a way that earned a hitched, warm gasp from you. 

But, determined to not fall victim to his _charm_, you tilted down, nuzzling one of the bright red patches of skin on his neck. Your wonderful handiwork. “You’re insatiable.” Just a fact. 

He huffed out half a laugh. Turning his head to find the shell of his ear, he worked his lips over in a light touch before murmuring in such a tone you couldn’t help but shiver, “_Only for you._” 

“Lucky me.” Middling now, trying to decide if you were going to let him win. 

“We’re in agreement, then.” Hearing the victory in his voice right before he grabbed your hips a little tighter and threw his weight just enough to roll you. Onto your side first, as giggles left without your permission, and then repositioning so he could kneel atop you, knees at your sides, hands just above your shoulders. 

Looking up at him, you just couldn’t help but get lost. He was so _beautiful_ in the morning light. Eyes sweet and dark, tug of that handsome grin on his lips, the light sheen of perspiration. Your hands reached up, palming over his chest, the lean muscles there, and then smoothed out over to his arms, gripping lightly at his biceps, flexing as he held himself over you. “I love you.” Completely unable to help yourself in saying so. 

He eased in a little more, nose touching yours, lips just _there_. “I love _you_.” Then another amused noise. “You look like you’re admiring a piece of art.” 

Your own grin was very wide. “What a self-serving _compliment_.” 

“I’m not hearing a disagreement.” Delicate arch of his brow. 

Letting go of a little hum, you moved your hands inward to paw lightly at his chest. “Well. In that case… if I’m _caught_… it’s true. You are _gorgeous_.” 

It was a rare shade on Tony, _blushing_\- that ripple of _shyness_. Not having expected you to agree, perhaps waiting on a rebuff. But instead… “Is that so?” Still trying to play at that overconfident ego. 

“Mnhmn.” A little lull as your fingers touched up along the sides of his neck, bringing him that bare space down closer to kiss him. Lightly, only for a few seconds. “You’re _terribly_ handsome. Sometimes I just can’t help myself from staring.” Eyes blinking open to watch him mull all this over. _Conflicted_. Your smile was steady. “Have I ever told you-” Hands moving further still to touch just over his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. “Your freckles drive me absolutely crazy?” A light dusting, but they were there- if one was close enough to see them. 

Which, _thankfully_, you were. His head ducked a little, pressing against yours, grinning perhaps a little helplessly. “Alright, now you’re just looking for points.” 

“I’m just being _honest_. And- oh- speaking of _honest_-” Deciding to help him out, as he was growing ever more _flustered_. Maybe, perhaps, unused to being on the receiving end of something like this. Moving your hands all the way down and around, you shifted just a little up, so that you could grab two wonderful handfuls of his ass, _squeezing_ hard enough to get a just slightly _delighted_ yet surprised sounding noise from him. “Your ass is _amazing_. I need you to start teaching me your squat technique.” 

Laughter dropped out of him, half _embarrassed_\- “What’s gotten into you?” 

“Well- since we’re not going for a run- hopefully _you_. Since you offered.” Sharing in the sweet sound of morning giggles with him as he dipped in to press those laughs against your lips in an incomplete kiss. 

“You’re only teaching me I can talk you out of exercise with sex, you know.” 

“As long as it’s a _good_ sex-workout.” Hands on the move again, only so you could wind your arms around his neck, smile pressed against his. 

“I can manage that. Good- why not _great_?” 

“I like the sound of that.” A hum as you drew him in for a deeper kiss. And then, when you could speak again, “I know you won’t disappoint me.” 

“_Never_.” Already getting lost in each other again. 

Just the way you liked your mornings.

* * *

It was a morning just like that one, a few weeks later- at least _this _time you’d actually made it for a run. One that, nice enough, Tony had joined you on. And, as you came home, he _also_ very _nicely_ joined you in a cool-down shower. That needed its own cool-down shower after it. Insatiable indeed. 

But it was just as you were sitting down for lunch in the kitchen that Pepper dinged you. Pulling a tablet closer, you opened a video window for her with a smile. “Working on the weekend?” 

“Hardly.” She grinned back at you. “You know I like my downtime. I just thought I’d send this your way.” An email pinged just in time and you scrolled over to open it, receiving a screenshot she’d attached. 

Darren Cross on _Google+_ of all things was spouting some nonsense. You read it aloud, spying Tony half turning from the oven to try and listen in. “_Technology will never be the same. Pym Tech is working on a historic project that will change the technological landscape._ _Shame StarkIndustries has no interest in sharing this future._” You couldn’t hold back a sigh. “Do we even _have_ an up Google+ account?” He’d tried to @-attach the company, but there was no link. 

“Uh- _excuse me_-” Tony flipped a burner off, settling the back of his hand on his hip as he turned fully. “Did my former PR person just ask what social media accounts we own? Because I have a _major_ problem with that.” Teasing you, obvious with the grin he served it with. 

Still, since he was questioning your prowess- _and_ possibly insinuating you’d grown lazy, you shot a dry look his way. “I imagine we have a locked dormant account so nobody can pick up the username, but what I’m asking is if we have someone _on it_. Because… seriously… _Google+_?” And Darren had self proclaimed to be a rival of Stark Industries. What a joke. 

Tony turned back to his pan. “Next time tell me to shut up before I make myself look bad.” 

“But how will you ever learn then?” Smiling sweetly at him and then looking back at Pepper’s chat window, where she was trying to hide her laughter. “Just ignore him. He got caught red-handed trying to peep into our labs on New Year’s. He’s just trying to annoy me.” 

She put her chin in her palm. “Is it working?” 

“Well you called me on a Saturday, so…” 

A look of mock-offense bloomed over her face as she put a hand to her chest. “_Oh_. Well _my apologies then_, your majesty. I thought it was worth looking at. You know the media is going to be all over it.” 

You couldn’t help a little giggle. “Apology accepted. And- yeah. That’s what he wants. But we’ll just ice him and I’m sure _eventually_ he’ll go back to leaving well enough alone.” 

“Has ignoring anyone ever worked out for us?” Tony wondered loudly from his spot at the stove. Very apropos, no doubt. 

The next sigh left whether or not you wanted to. “Yeah. ...alright. Keep an eye on him, Pep. Quietly. Don’t engage. But just-” 

“Make sure he’s not up to something insidious? I’ll put him on my list. My long, long, _long_ list.” 

You put your hands together. “Thank you, Pepper. You’re doing all the hard work.” 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Giving you a wave before she disconnected the call. 

Tony came around just as you pushed the tablet away, setting down a plate in front of you. A perfectly sliced and put together BLT. “He knows we can release the footage of him trying to break into our labs, right?” 

“He was probably counting on us retaliating. It’ll start a dialogue, even if it’s negative. Better not to give in to him. We’ll let him stamp his feet and make a fool of himself and then, if we want, we can pretend to take pity on him. If it’s convenient for us.” Tilting your head up, you switched gears. “Thanks for lunch.” 

Settling a hand on the back of your chair he leaned in to press a light kiss to your lips. “You’re welcome.” Another kiss, and then, “You remind me more every day why it’s not a good idea to mess with you. It’s scary. In a hot way.” 

Your nose crinkled, a giggle escaping. “It’s a shame nobody else wants to learn that lesson.” 

A happy little _miaow_ jingled from just underneath the table and Tony turned his attention away, bending down to pick up the vibrating ball of fuzz that was a _misbehaving_ Dvahli. “Is it lunch time, Li? You want some _bacon_?” In a lilt of a singsong tone.

“You’re teaching her to beg for scraps.” Tone making it clear you were very dissatisfied. 

He walked back to the counter with her tucked in his arm. “Oh. We’re way past _teaching_.” Setting her down, he waggled a crispy piece just in front of her. “_Bacon_?” She did a good enough job of standing on her back paws to try and claw at it.

If they weren’t so cute you might have made a bigger fuss about it. 

* * *

A few days later, just as you were returning from a late lunch meeting- sandwiched in between a personal calendar meeting (getting a little _anxious_ seeing how packed your year was already becoming), just as you sat down at your desk, Pepper poked her head in the door. “Do you have a minute?” 

“I have about fifteen seconds. What’s up?” Waking your computer up while waving her in at the same time. You had a phone call soon- she knew that. So this was probably important. 

Coming in, and closing the door behind her, she held a sticky-note on her finger. “WHiH called- they want a quote.” 

“And you told them no.” Not looking at her as you quickly sorted through a few emails, trying to find something for the next meeting. A new one came in- something from Maria for Damage Control about new hires. It had to be added to the list.

“It wasn’t from Christine.” 

“That whole network’s goal is to try and take down Stark Industries, it doesn’t matter if it wasn’t Christine.” Not getting vexed yet- Pepper knew better than this. But then… 

“The guy said they’re finishing up a report about the crime rates dropping in New York City- comparing them with other places… and saying they’re going to credit the Avengers. They wanted a soundbyte.” 

Your hands paused in their furious typing. Only to look up at her for a moment. “That’s a trap.” 

She frowned. “Maybe they wanna turn over a new leaf? I haven’t heard _anything _about Christine in a while…” 

“_That’s a trap_.” Doubling down. 

“Alright. Fine. Let’s assume it is. _How_? How could that turn into something bad? Seems like good free press. And a good chance to start patching relations after that _outburst_.” Crossing her arms loosely. 

You couldn’t help the face you made at her. “I don’t care about them. Or what our _public relations_ looks like in regards to them. This is a trap- they want me to pat myself on the back? Just so something bad can happen and they’ll turn around and talk about how I’m an asshole and so high up on my horse I’m not seeing the bigger picture-” 

“_Okay_\- alright. No quote.” Stopping your tirade. She turned to go but before she did, “It was about the _Avengers_, you know. Not _you_.” 

This struck you in a weird way. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I know it’s not. But. ...not everything- not _everyone _is always coming after _you_ alone.” 

“Even more reason not to talk to them, if they’re trying to bring down the whole team.” You weren’t really sure you liked what she was implying. ...it was your _job_ to be overly defensive. Not just for yourself… “Are we okay here, Pepper?” Asking her honestly. 

She nodded. “Yeah. We’re okay.” 

* * *

The other shoe dropped a little more than a week later. You’d come home from too many meetings to find Tony had coaxed the team together for dinner. Although he assured you it had been your idea, you couldn’t really remember. You certainly hadn’t scheduled a _team dinner_\- but, maybe he meant in a broader sense… 

It really didn’t matter. It was the thought that counted. And having everyone together in the same room was nice, especially after Steve had been gone for so long- and then you’d immediately gotten very busy. Maria tried to take up a few minutes of your time to sidebar and talk about work. An idea that you entertained until Tony broke the both of you up with firm admonishment. 

“And you say _I_ work too much.” 

Was it really too much to ask, that a night like this could just be _normal_? That _this_ could be your normal? The universe seemed to think so. Just as everyone’s drinks had been refreshed and Clint was in the middle of a story about how someone on fifth Ave nearly knocked his bike over in the road, JARVIS killed everyone’s good time. 

At least he apologized first. “Sorry for the interruption. Four simultaneous bombings have just been reported in Hell’s Kitchen.” 

Everyone immediately went into _high alert_. You jumped to your feet, going over to turn a tablet on the wall. “What buildings went down?” Who was up to what now? 

Four coordinates lit up on a map. “Warehouse buildings. All owned under shell corporations.” 

Tony stepped aside you, keying in a few things, pulling files. Following trails until- “Russian mafia holdings.” 

Natasha’s voice piped up from behind you, “This seems like more of a local law enforcement thing. I think we should take a breath here.” 

Thor knocked back the rest of his drink. “Yes, I say let your people handle it. It’s not always a great honor to get involved in petty squabbles.”

Clint seemed to agree. “A little below the _Avengers_’ pay grade, if you ask me… getting mixed up with mafia trouble is probably not something we wanna do.” 

You half turned, looking at the group- still sitting around the coffee table. All looking at you. Steve frowned. “People could be hurt over there.”   
  
JARVIS answered, "Emergency services are already on all four premises." 

“...not that I wanna get involved…” Bruce’s hesitance drew everyone’s eyes his way. “-could be someone trying clean up the streets.” 

There were too many angles here. The buildings themselves weren’t really on the public map. They just looked like factories- mills- places the _average_ person went to work. But what if someone knew what Tony had pulled up? Mafia stuff? Maybe Bruce was right. But, in either case- 

Natasha was _also_ right. This seemed like… not an Avengers level threat. ...not _yet_ anyway. It was definitely a coordinated effort. Someone was up to something. “Honey?” Tony was looking at you-

_Everyone _was looking at you. Waiting for you to say something. You let go of a long breath. “And WHiH just posted such a _lovely_ article about how crime rate had gone down thanks to us.” If you could only _prove_ those assholes had something to do with this… what a field day you’d have with that. It seemed entirely too convenient. That they’d come sniffing around with that drivel only for _this_ to happen. Collapsing the panel on the wall you shrugged. “Alright. The cops can have it.” 

Tony put his arm around your waist. “I’m sure the mayor won’t call the red phone in your office over it.” 

A bombing was a serious thing- _four bombings_ was even worse. Coordinated. An obvious effort to get rid of something. Or someone. Or- really- an entire organization? Someone with a lot of influence had to be behind this. Or a lot of willpower. 

You’d just have to hope they were possibly on the side of good.

But.   
As a wise man once said… 

It wasn’t your job to clean up everything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes your vote gets vetoed.   
I'm sure it was nothing serious, anyway...


	121. Chapter 121

If you were still incredibly naive, you would have remarked how surprising, how _fantastic_ it was, when the powers that be decided to get together for the greater good. Only two days after what the papers were labeling as _The Bombing of Hell’s Kitchen_, a benefit was put together and invites were sent out. Strangely enough, it wasn’t just you and Tony who were invited- which would have been considered normal, in your world. No, instead an envelope addressed to _The Avengers_ had showed up, with tickets to the charity art auction for every single member of your team. 

You were lucky Pepper had gotten the mail that day and had brought it up to you. The script and envelope complete with wax seal were a little too _refined_ to just be fan mail from a child. The fact that there was also no return address made it seem a little nefarious. But, with the tickets and invite in hand, you had a choice to make. ...hide it from the team? Make the decision for them that _nobody_ was going? 

Didn’t seem like the right thing to do. Especially not when your senses for something being up were all but screaming. Four Russian mafia warehouses had all been bombed within minutes of each other in a coordinated attack. No one had _claimed_ that attack yet. It was true, if it was a gang war type thing, it wasn’t like a different organization would come forward and tell the cops or the papers they’d been behind it. No need. If it was a turf battle or one gang pissing off another, the Russians would know exactly who it was already. 

The media was touting this as something terrible- and maybe it was. There had been collateral damage, of course. People had been hurt. And now someone was throwing a benefit over it. Something to _revamp _Hell’s Kitchen. And all of this happening just after WHiH had released a report on crime statistics in the entire city being lower than ever- all thanks to the same Avengers who had _not_ shown up that night of the bombing. And who had been invited to the gala in Hell’s Kitchen’s stead.

What to do, what to do.   
_What a mess_. 

The whole thing left you overthinking. Driving yourself up a wall. Maybe that was exactly what this mysterious person or people behind this whole thing wanted. Or… maybe, as Pepper had quietly trying to get across… maybe not everything was about you. And, _maybe_, as half of your team had been trying to say… maybe the Avengers didn’t always need to be involved in every little thing that happened. 

Surely the latter was true. But… your entire team was in New York City right now.   
And you’d sat this one out. 

It wasn’t like nobody had reported on the absence. Of course WHiH was all over it, thanks to Christine Everhart. Did the news outlet also know your team had been invited to come show their faces and donate to the cause? Hard to say. If they did, they’d wait it out. See if any of you showed up. And if an unagreeable number happened to do so, they’d surely make noise about it. But _should _they go? 

You and Tony… perhaps that was all that was really necessary. As usual, in affairs like this. The two of you were far more used to being the face of things. And sometimes that hurt you more than helped. ...more often than not, it felt like, recently. If news reports came out, they’d have your faces on it, your names. _Your blame_. Especially now that Stark Industries- or, rather, you and Tony, were the sole benefactors to the team. Their follies were really just _your_ follies in light of all that. Something you’d been warned about by Fury, and had taken in stride.

Because what the hell else could you do? 

A broke version of the Avengers just wouldn’t work. Someone had to bankroll them. Someone had to take care of them. So it was up to the two of you. 

Someone also had to continue to look out for them, and keep them out of trouble if they could. And that was why… 

That was why late that night, when Tony was nowhere to be found in the penthouse, you went back to the labs. It was so late that everyone else was gone. Bruce included. You found him in his private room, bracing himself over one of the lab tables, hunched over in _bitter defeat_. Keying yourself in was a loud affair, he no doubt knew you were approaching. 

Still, he made a soft noise of shock when your hand laid between his shoulder blades. He had dark circles under his eyes. And a cloud above his head. “Everything okay?” Asked as gently as you could, knowing, obviously, it wasn’t. 

“Just spinning my wheels out here. Have been for a while.” He sounded as tired as he looked. 

He was just so _spent_, not making progress on this Ultron project… it made you rethink asking him about this. Asking him to accompany you. This was something you could handle on your own, right? “Why don’t you put it down for now and come to bed.”

Even his grin held a shade of grey. “That doesn’t sound like a request.” 

You gave him a pat on the back. “Smart man.” 

“Doesn’t feel like it tonight.” Sighing out a noise of annoyance, brows squinching before he reached up to rub at his own temples. 

Very suddenly terribly _raw_. Being honest with you. Persona of that overconfident, over-egotistical, _undoubting genius_ gone. And instead, in its place… just a man. A man who was losing time on a project that had no date to meet. ...only to him. For reasons that still haunted him. All of this you could _feel_, as real as the muscles tensing in tight knots beneath your palm. 

He turned as your hand slid up, touching at the line of his jaw, palming his cheek for a moment, and then reached further up to take his glasses carefully off the bridge of his nose. After setting them down on the table, you returned that loving caress at the side of his neck, an action that seemed to _ease_ him. But more so was the smile you aimed his way. “Come on. Let’s go take a walk.” 

“It’s one in the morning and freezing outside.” Despite his weak attempts at protesting, he was smiling a little more real then. 

“You’ll keep me warm, and I happen to know Burger King is still open.” Luckily for him, a man that rarely slept living in the city that never did. 

He _admired_ you for a moment, reaching up to settle his hands at your shoulders. “I love you.” A statement of fact as much as it was how he was _feeling_ just then. 

“I love you _more_. On the way you can tell me about what’s got you stuck.” 

“Oh yeah?” Slipping his right arm around your shoulder as the two of you headed out. 

“Call me your little rubber ducky.” You probably wouldn’t understand a lot of what came out of his mouth about it, but… sometimes it just helped to talk. Even if your subject couldn’t keep up. 

“If that’s what you’re into. I think I can get behind it.”

* * *

While, just as you’d suspected, listening to him ramble his list of _heated frustrations_ didn’t really resonate with you, it did seem to be helping him let off a little steam. When you thought you had something not absolutely stupid to add- where you thought you understood something or perhaps were seeing it a different way- you tried to interject. And, rewarded, more than once he took his phone out to scribble some notes down. You may not have been as smart as him but… if you could help in any way, even something small and stupid, that was really the most wonderful feeling. 

It was halfway through his large box of fries, while you were still sipping on a soda in the completely empty (by design, of course) Burger King that that cloud seemed to lift off him. And with it gone, he finally had the clarity to ask, “So. What’s on _your_ mind?” 

You felt a little flush of _guilt_. “Nothing as serious as world-saving tech.” 

“I’m not so sure about that.” Shifting, he reached to lay one of his hands atop yours. “C’mon. You let me ramble. Your turn now.” 

“_Well_…” Breathing this out on a hum of a sigh. “We got invited to a charity benefit.” 

“And water is wet.” 

“It has to do with the bombing the other night.” 

At this he paused for a moment, _considering_ it. “That was fast. You sure _you _didn’t put it together?” A small smile. 

“_Pretty_ sure. Also… it wasn’t just us that got invited.” When he raised a brow in silent question, you continued. “The whole team got an invite.” 

“Hmn. Potentially messy.” 

“Not that I don’t love them but… that was my thought, too.” And you hoped your level of _guilt_ over it was at least respectable. “I think we should go. For a lot of reasons.” 

He stopped you, “I’m sure you could go on all night, but I trust you.” Implicitly, as always. Something that warmed you. “-by the way, not that I actually _want_ to go. But. I will. For you.” Wearing one of those charming grins then. 

“Well _thanks_.” Trying not to be lured in so easily. ...or at least trying to pretend not to be. “My problem is, if we’re going and we don’t think them going is a good idea, I don’t know how to go about it. I think not telling them could lead to trouble.” 

“Lie of omission. Good stuff. Almost _never_ comes back to bite you in the ass. Believe me. I would know.” Speaking from some very _personal_ experience. Some that related heavily to you.

Easy to joke about now. How funny life was. 

“Yeah- well-... if I tell them but then tell them I don’t want them to go I feel like it might… hurt their feelings? I don’t know.” It would at the very least open a huge can of worms. That was definitely for sure. 

He eased a breath out, eyes going out in thought. “Well- chances are Nat and Barton won’t want anything to do with it anyway. They don’t really like being in public that often- and Banner is busy. And starting to shy away from the limelight again, too. Thor is easy enough to persuade not to want to go to something that _boring_. It’s really just-” 

“Steve. I know.” Feeling bad. Terrible, really. “I don’t want him to think I don’t want him around, because that’s _not_ the case. But-” 

“You don’t. -for this, anyway. So what?” He gave a short shrug. “I’m sure there’s stuff he doesn’t want you around for. He’s a big boy. He can handle it.” 

You couldn’t help your glowering. “Even so… it’s not really that nice to be told someone doesn’t want you around.” 

Tony thought about this for a minute and then gave your hand a squeeze. “Just- frame it… _tactfully_. There’s a battle plan here. He’ll respect it. And your honesty.” 

Your eyes lowered. “I just wish not everything had to _be_ a battle plan.” 

“...yeah. Me, too.” 

* * *

While it wasn’t the easiest thing to do, and definitely not fun in any way, coming clean to the team about the invite and then subsequently telling _some_ of them you didn’t need them to go… it felt pretty shitty. Tony happened to be right. Nat and Clint excused themselves almost immediately. Bruce seemed to pretend about thinking on whether or not he wanted to go and then _so sadly_ said he couldn’t make it. Thor was an easy sell. Boring people at a boring art gallery. Not what he wanted to do just then, especially considering Jane had asked him away somewhere. 

But _Steve_. 

It killed you that it hurt him so much to be excluded from this. He seemed almost disinterested at first, hearing it was just a charity thing- but still willing to go, of course. It was when you explained the sketchiness of it all and that you and Tony wanted to scope it out- seeing as you would know the people at a gathering like that, and could tell who was out of place- that you had a plan- 

...it burned you, that he felt _unnecessary_. So you did the next best thing you could. Promised him something more. “If this turns out to be what I think, we’re in it all the way together, okay?” 

He tried on a smile for you, but it just wasn’t _real_. “Yeah. Understood. Don’t worry about it. I’ll wait to hear back from you.” 

With everything settled after that, and the gala coming up on _Monday_ of all days, there wasn’t really a lot of time to prepare. You picked a simple black gown for you and a simple black suit and tie for Tony (something he complimented with one of those fancy pairs of colored _specs_). This wasn’t a _huge_ event- something you realized when the two of you pulled up and Happy escorted you both out. There was a fair amount of media standing around begging for pictures and soundbites but something seemed… _off_. 

The feeling only worsened as the two of you stepped into the venue, arm in arm. The air was cold. And… _anxious_. Everyone was holding themselves stiffly while trying to pretend otherwise. Smiling in that weirdly fake Stepford Housewives way- and generally they always did that, because the rich liked to pretended they cared just to look good. But this was _different_ in an unnerving way. And as you and Tony came in, a small break happened, it seemed like people _relaxed_ but only a little bit. 

As the two of you made your way down one of the halls after giving your coats to check, looking at art hung on the walls, you clutched to him a little tighter. “Something’s up.” Murmuring as quietly as possible. Impossible to hear, you were sure, underneath the group speak in the wings. 

“I thought we knew that already.” Speaking back just as quietly as the two of you stopped to pretend to look at a gigantic surrealist painting. 

“Worse. Everyone here is _freaked out_ for some reason.” Which really never signaled anything good. If _these people_ were that aware of their surroundings enough to be spooked by something, that _something_ was probably pretty terrible. 

“Well…” He took a deep breath. “They’re here because four buildings in this area were bombed. Maybe they’re scared there’s a target here. There’s a lot of extra security, too.” Probably for the same reason, he meant. 

And they _had _felt better when two Avengers had shown up. Maybe Tony was right and there was a logical explanation for all of this. Maybe you were just overreacting. “There’s _not _a target here, right?” 

“Hard to tell. I have JARVIS monitoring the area. Building came back clean before we entered. If something comes up, we’ll be the first ones to know.” Tony had had a game plan and had made sure things were safe before even coming in. He trusted you, and you trusted him. For reasons like this. He always had your safety in mind- and that of the general public where he could- and… while still not making progress on his own project probably found something as simple as this easy to sink into. 

You rested your head against his arm with a little extra squeeze. “Thank you.” Not the least of which for taking care of all of _that_. “In that case…” 

He eased as you let go of him and served you one of those handsome smiles. “Glass of wine?” 

“You know me so well.” Leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’d like to think so.” Returning the gesture with a little bit of a fuller kiss instead. “Don’t wander off.” 

“Of course not. I’ll just be here. Thinking about how this Dalí knockoff really speaks to my soul.” 

“I wanna hear all about it when I get back.” 

You listened to the sound of him retreating, footsteps echoing down the hallway as you clasped your hands together and looked up at the larger than life nonsense displayed on the wall. It took you a little too long to realize that you actually _heard_ him leaving- where… only moments before… the hall had been alight with the sound of voices. And _now_… 

It was deathly quiet.   
The chill returned. 

Maybe they’d followed after Tony. He was always the life of these little parties. Maybe there was an event going on in another wing you hadn’t been paying attention to. Maybe the auction had started- 

Or, maybe, you’d been right the entire time. And the person slowly approaching you, _basking_ in self reverie, was about to really ruin your evening. But you really just had _no idea_ how much **ruining** would be happening. 

“It’s a nice piece, don’t you think?” The voice was not immediately familiar, though the deepness of it dropped your heart right into your stomach. “It will be up for auction later. You should put a bid on it. It goes to a very good cause.” 

A _heavy_ presence landed beside you, and you were almost suddenly too frightened to look. People may not have been sharing this space with you any longer- either scared off by this man or simply _ordered_ to leave so he could be alone with you- but they were watching from the corners and balconies. You had to hold yourself steady as you turned and were freshly chilled all over again as you found yourself in the shadow of a larger than life man. 

A very _imposing_ man. 

“Mr. Fisk.”   
Wilson Grant Fisk.   
One of the most dangerous men in this entire city. One you hoped you’d never cross paths with. Drug dealer, arms smuggler, crime boss, _murderer_\- _**Kingpin**_, so you’d heard some rumors label him. No one would dare speak them aloud, though. They’d be dead before they dropped. 

One of the only men in the world to have just about _everyone _in his back pocket. Incapable of being told _no_. 

And apparently, just a few nights ago, _below the Avengers’ __pay grade._

“You look lovely, my dear. We weren't sure you would come. Did the rest of your _friends _join you?” He lifted his glass of bourbon, sipping at it slowly, rings glittering in the light along his big meaty fingers. If he’d had a mind to he could have reached out and wrapped that giant hand around your throat in one clean move. 

No one would have stopped him. 

“Busy, I’m afraid. Just Tony and I are here. I hope that’s not disappointing.” You made every attempt to hold still, to not let him frighten you, as you smiled plainly up at him. People with superpowers… aliens… _gods_\- somehow they all paled in comparison to a simple and dangerous man of conviction. 

He chuckled. “Not at all. I know it’s a very taxing thing. Saving the world. Cleaning up the ills of the streets. That’s what my new vision is. Hell’s Kitchen has been a mess lately, and I intend to do something about it. I’m sure you understand the _fire_.” 

Fisk had definitely been behind those bombings. He was basically telling you so himself. He’d blown up those buildings- probably to just get rid of that mafia hold out. Maybe even just for _fun_, but it was more likely someone had said something to him snidely and he hadn’t taken it well. _So he’d bombed four warehouses over it_. Seemed like the kind of thing he’d do. And now he was holding a charity function. 

When you didn’t answer, he swirled his drink around in his glass and continued, “Crime fighting is such a territory battle these days. I would surely hope you don’t think I’m edging into your claimed spaces.” 

“And here I thought WHiH had just posted the crime rates in the city had never been lower.” Squeezing your hands together just to get a literal grip on yourself as you continued placating him. 

“Bah. Useless media drivel. Though I’m sure it’s of no surprise to you, I think your little _Avengers_ are giving rise to quite a bout of vigilantism. Then again…” He laughed a little _darkly_. “I’m sure in some circles your group could be considered as such…” 

“We’re government sanctioned.” Chipper as you beat him back on the idea. Probably a bad thing to do but… oh well. “I work very closely with President Ellis.” 

“Ah, yes. _President Ellis_. There are many who are quite inconsolable over what a poor job he’s been doing. Not the least of which… _well_. I suppose it can’t be considered his _fault_ aliens came to New York.” He was staring you down, lips quirked. Probably trying to get a read on you. Trying to see if he could make you squirm. 

“I think he did the best he could. And we were happy to have helped.” This was where you were planting your flag. No matter if it was _Fisk_ you were up against. 

“You? You mean to say Stark Industries? Or the Avengers?” 

“Both. First the latter and then the former.” 

He chuckled again, eyes lowering, taking a long slow sip of his drink. Breathing out. “Yes… I quite admire you and Mr. Stark- although I hope you won’t think it terrible of me, I’ve always envied Mr. Stark. Quite a man of _vision_, wouldn’t you say? Always had the steel to do what it took to get things done. Still does, I think. Which is why I was hoping to get a word in with both of you. About-” 

Tony’s _blessed _presence popped on your proverbial radar as he came sort of _rushing-_ yet in that cool way of his that just seemed natural- to your side. Wine glass held out, “Sorry it took me so long. The selection here is fantastic.” Putting himself square between you and Fisk. “And we no doubt have you to thank.” Turning, when you took your glass in hand. 

You didn’t want to appear to be cowering behind Tony. But… now that he was here… 

Fisk grinned at him. “No detail too small to overlook. Your gratitude is appreciated. I hope in kind you’ll listen to my proposal.” He stuck his hand out. “It’s good to finally meet you face to face, Mr. Stark.” 

No stranger to shaking hands with men who wanted nothing good for him or the world, Tony was a pro. Slick as he reached out and gave Fisk a hard handshake. “Proposal. You’ll have to call the office. We’re a little busy, at the moment.” 

The mood shifted immediately. Fisk’s smile dropped. “Some might call that rude, you know.” Then, easy as it left, the grin returned. “You’re here _now_.” As if he’d caught Tony in a trap. “I’m merely speaking about cleaning up the filth in this city. I’m sure you must respect the notion. I think joining together on something like that could be groundbreaking.” 

Tony tipped his head up, steely-eyed as he made his presence _huge_. “I’m pretty sure I’ve made it clear where my loyalties lie.” Lifting his own glass, he took a sip of his drink before adding, “If you’d like me to explain it for you, I’d be happy to. But only for about five more minutes. We’re leaving soon.” 

All the ghosts in the hall shook with electric _shock_.   
Tony Stark.  
Easily standing in open defiance of Wilson Fisk. 

Fisk’s grin twitched before growing wider. “If that’s how you feel about it.” Threatening the both of you with a strange gaze. Lingering on it. The two of you standing without flinching to it. Eventually he broke, turning away finally and walking off. “Some might consider it poor form to get drinks at an open bar of a charity event and then leave.” 

Lifting a little on your tiptoes, shivering with frantic _terrified_ energy, steadied by Tony’s arm moving around your waist, you raised your voice just to reach him, “Stark Industries has already made a donation to the people hurt by the bombings.” 

The last thing Fisk did was laugh in the corridor. “The world is so _lucky, _isn’t it? _**What would we do without you two, I wonder**_?” 

You and Tony stood there. Stock still. Watching him leave. Drinking until your glasses were empty. Then you did exactly as Tony had said- left. Though you took your time in getting your coats. Not _running_. Just _leaving_. But as soon as you were in the car his hand moved to take yours in an _iron_ grip. 

Anxious energy flooded out of you. “This is bad.” 

“I’m sorry.” Though him saying _that_ confused you. 

“What for?” Aiming a puzzled look up his way in the darkness. 

“For letting him shadow you like that- something was up- I felt it. Right as I put my order in I felt this…” Struggling just a little as he tried to put words to a _feeling_\- “It was like someone zipped their fingers up my spine. And then I rush back to find _Wilson Fisk_ standing over you, staring you down.” 

Your alarm had somehow _touched_ Tony. So much so that it had frightened him into flight to come find you. But apparently a little too late. You settled a hand over his bouncing knee. “I just don’t get it… it’s not like he _believes_ we have no idea what he’s up to.” You would put a good bet on that being why he operated in shadow for so long. If he didn’t get in _your_ way, maybe you’d stay out of his. But then… why this? “Why now? What does he want?” What would provoke him so much to be _this_ public?

And not only that- 

But to ask you and Tony to try out a life of _crime_? 

There was no way in hell he was actually trying to err on the side of good for once in his life. 

“I don’t know.” Tony’s answer was tired and frustrated. “Something’s got him spooked.” 

“_Really_?” You didn’t get that sense but… then again… you’d been a little too preoccupied with your own fear to _feel_ clearly. 

“Guys like that- c’mon. They don’t bow out of their own rings unless something bigger than them is looming. Enemy of my enemy type deal.” Speaking from rough experience, it seemed. “Maybe spooked isn’t the right word. ...angry, might be closer.” 

The threads of connection pulled taut. “He was talking about vigilantes. You think someone’s trying to bring him down?” 

Tony settled back a little bit more, arm coming around your shoulders. “Maybe. Let’s just hope it’s not someone with a dramatic cape-and-cowl deal. ...and someone who knows what they’re doing.” 

You sighed, laying your head against his shoulder, raising your hand just over his heart. “I don’t know. Sometimes I still don’t even know what _we’re_ doing.” 

At this he breathed out a soft little amused noise. “Yeah. Well. Either way I’m sure we’ll find out sooner rather than later.” 

Through the darkness you peered up at him. “And whose side do we land on in the event of a nuclear explosion?” If someone was trying to bring down Fisk, it was going to get ugly. Very fast.   
And if it was an _enhanced individual_? There was really no telling what the landscape would end up looking like. Other than _scarred_. 

“Our own.” 

For many reasons this soothed you. Eyes closing, you rested a little easier against him. Even more so when his own hand moved over yours. “That’s where your loyalties are, huh?” Tony was a tough man. He’d stared down more in his life than anyone ever should. 

...but it still had been kind of _cool_ to witness him, unflinching, verbally backhand Fisk that way. 

Still speaking seriously, “With you. The team. And people that can’t help themselves.” 

Moving your hand a little higher, you palmed his cheek, turning him so you could press a kiss to the opposite one. “I love a loyal man.” 

This broke the darkness hanging over him, though in all fairness maybe the two of you should have stayed _serious_ about this. Still… it dragged a smile out of him. “If nothing else, I’m _always_ on your side.” 

“Don’t I know it.” He’d _rushed _to your side- literally- as soon as he thought something was wrong. And _stood_ by your side to talk down a very threatening man. It was no wonder you felt _safe_ with him around. Whether or not you could, as he’d put it, _help _yourself. Straying a little, you left a gentle kiss at his lips. “I love you.” 

His hand reached up to thread back through your hair, holding steady at the back of your head. “I love you, too. Let’s not overreact on this one. Someone’s on to him. I’m gonna find out who knows what.” 

You found yourself agreeing with this. The more information you had, the better. Leaning your forehead against his, “I trust you.” 

He hummed out some sweet, lost noise of warm gratitude as your lips met again.   
You decided very quickly; the rest of the world could wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo..... this is happening.


	122. Chapter 122

It was your sure _surprise_ the very next morning, when WHiH ran an exclusive story about Fisk and his vision for Hell’s Kitchen. You would have thought he’d want nothing to do with them, but then again… he’d probably just been trying to bait you. There were still so many questions you had about this entire ordeal, but… Tony had said not to overreact. And that he’d look into it. So that meant he would, and you shouldn’t worry about it. 

Which was ideal. Because you had almost too many things to do, having double-booked yourself for lunch- _twice_, uptown, downtown, then uptown and downtown, and then midtown later for an interview. And before all that you had a few morning meetings to get to in similarly too many places. It didn’t leave a lot of time for you to say good morning or even goodbye to Tony as you rushed out. 

He was awake, of course. _Working_. But not in the lab. Distracted by this freshly new dangerous thing the two of you had seemingly gotten wrapped up in. You were only able to impart a meager kiss, one that was easy to tell he tried to drag out. But you simply _couldn’t, _a sorrow that you passed to him and promised to make it up later. 

Then you were off. 

A _weird _feeling followed you around most of the day. Though you were in and out of your car between each point of contact, it felt like- ..._well_. It wasn’t unusual for people to be _watching_ you. _Looking_ at you. Most likely paparazzi. Tourists recognizing who had just walked by their line of sight. Fans. That sort of thing. That had mostly become background noise in your daily life. 

But this was something different.  
You chalked it up to an overactive imagination and the lingerings of adrenaline after coming face to face with one of the darker shadows of New York City. But- ..._but_… 

The more you focused in, as you walked from the car- pointedly a few times to grab more coffee than you could handle at whatever cafe was nearby- _no_. Someone was _definitely _following you. And the more you tried to talk yourself out of it, the more time you lost to do anything about it. 

Quadruple lunch meetings had come and gone. A sturdier chill had set in as the sun had gone down. It was dark- and you were heading into the CNN building for a live interview- and _someone_ was waiting outside. All of this you had to shove deep down because you couldn’t appear antsy on television, even if the CNN anchors were more friend than foe. You tried to forget about it for the next two hours as you prepped and then went on. But it was there. Lingering in the back of your mind. 

You thought to call Tony, as soon as you gave everyone a handshake and exited to the green room. Tony would come and get you. Tony would keep you _safe_. But if you were _overreacting_? What then? You’d be wasting his time… but if not? _What then_? What if Fisk had hired someone to follow you? 

What if Fisk was setting up some grand plan. Moving chess pieces. Clearly Tony had covered for you at the gala last night. And anyone with _eyes_ knew Tony would practically do _anything_ for you. A thread a few had followed in the past. _Liability_ that you sometimes were. But what if it was more than that? 

What if Fisk could orchestrate a _murder_?  
Tony was too smart for that, you reasoned. He’d see through something like that. Fisk couldn’t manipulate Tony that way. Use his anger as an outlet for whatever pretend greater-good he thought he was doing. Yet… it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility, was it? 

_And someone had been following you around_\- 

“LUNA, call Tony-” 

You had been waiting outside the building, pondering this all, and watched these words solidify in the air when someone grabbed your arm and a noise just short of a shriek escaped you- 

A noise that startled Tony on the other end of the line. He shouted something unintelligible- your mind was racing too hard to hear him as you whirled on your heel, arm up to strike- 

“_Hey_!” Steve backed off immediately. “I’m sorry-! I didn’t-” 

“Steve what the fuck!” Your heart was racing a million miles a second. 

He put both his hands up. “I’m _sorry_\- I didn’t mean to frighten you-” 

In your ear, Tony’s voice furthered your embarrassment. “_You wanna tell me what’s going on?_” 

Trying to steady yourself, you shook your head at no one in particular. “Sorry, Tony.” Making it clear, as you held your hand up to press a few fingers at your earpiece. “I thought I was being followed. Turns out it was just Steve.” 

“I wasn’t _following_ you.” Frowning heavily now. 

“_Do I need to come down there?_”  
  
“No, I’m fine. Sorry to bother you.” 

“_Don’t worry about it. I’ll leave you to it._” The line silenced out. 

Steve crossed his arms. “You alright? I know you weren’t expecting me but you-” 

“What the hell are you doing outside of CNN at eight PM? And why are you grabbing me?” Why was he here? 

He looked at you in _frustrated_ disbelief. “I didn’t _grab _you- I touched your arm- I called your name but you didn’t seem to hear me. I startled you- I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to. Is everything alright?” 

So. He’d been watching you from… _somewhere_, for _some reason_\- seeing you stand on the sidewalk in front of a building, probably staring off into space. He’d called out to you- you’d ignored him. Or been so in your own head that you just hadn’t heard him. Which would probably indicate something was _off_. 

You tried to get your agitations to dissipate. There was no value being upset with him. He really hadn’t done anything wrong. ...except… “It’s alright- I’m sorry. Just- what are you doing here?” Had he been following you around all day? Was that what you’d been feeling? ...god you hoped not. 

He struck a keenly defensive pose. “What- I can’t have business in the city, too?” And when you made a face at him, lips quirked in a pout and brows raised, he dropped his shoulders with a sigh. “Alright. I was just coming out of a dinner date.” 

“_Oh_?” Interest piqued immediately. 

“Don’t. It didn’t go well.” The tiny burst of _blue_ from him seemed to suggest this was all true. Not that you thought Steve would lie to you. 

“Oh.” Now you felt _extra_ bad. Steve had had a rough night and had been trying to talk to you and you’d basically screamed at and attacked him- and almost called Tony on him. What a mess. You gave him a little nudge. “Well. If you believe in fate…” 

“I’m not sure I do.” Though he perked up with a small smile. 

You shrugged. “Me either. But. How about some dessert? You can tell me all about her.” It would be terribly nice to have some _normal_ after this entire shitfest. 

He seemed to warm almost immediately. “I’d like that.” 

A dessert date to cap off your night. Not the worst thing in the world. 

* * *

You took Steve to a not-so-secret place, which may have been a major folly, but it was close to the Tower. So less of a walk home. Which was what you wanted. While you were over the idea that Steve had been following you around (happy coincidences could happen _sometimes_, right?), you still had that lingering feeling that _someone_ had been keeping their eyes on you all day. 

Calling ahead eased at least some of the attention as you took a private booth in the back. Aside ordering and refreshing drinks, the two of you were left mostly alone while he bumbled through trying to explain that dinner date hadn’t really been a _date_. 

Sharon Carter was the woman he’d been seeing this evening- a name that rang familiar instantly. “-she was one of the very first people who came to see you. After that mess at the Triskelion.” You hadn’t looked much into her after that, figuring she must have just been someone Steve had gotten friendly with during his time in DC. 

“Oh, yeah?” Clearly not having known that. He probably hadn’t been conscious during her time there. “Makes sense. She was put right next to my apartment by Fury. Keeping an eye on me.” 

“How like him.” Trying not to ruin the evening, but unable to help your massively dry tone. “Even knowing that- you’re okay with her?” Sounded like… even though the woman was just doing her job, she’d still been _spying_. 

He gave an uneasy shrug, sticking his fork deep into a piece of three-layer cake. “She was just following orders. Besides. Didn’t you just tell me after the job was done she came to check on me?” 

You couldn’t help a light smile. “I guess I did. ...so what went wrong?” 

“I’m not sure.” Said on a sigh. “She’s working for the CIA now.” 

“How nice.” 

“-said she was in town. Asked if I had time to meet up. But, when we sat down it was…” He struggled a little. _Stewing_ lightly. 

“...awkward?” 

Looking up from his thoughts, he caught your gaze and then nodded. “I guess you could say that. I might’ve said _uncomfortable_, but… I don’t know who I’m being unfair to by saying it.” A small pause that finally led to, “I guess I don’t really know how to talk to girls.” 

“Maybe you two just need some more time together.” Trying to look on the bright side of things. He wouldn’t have said yes to a dinner if he didn’t like her in some capacity. And Steve deserved someone nice. 

“I think you’re being a little too optimistic.” Showing a shade of _shyness_, as his eyes dropped with a shake of his head, grinning. Although in a self-deprecating way. 

You tipped your head to the side, eyebrow arched. “What do you mean by that?” 

“I’m not uh…” Sitting in a small heap in his seat, like someone had cut his tensed muscles slack. At ease with being _genuine_ with you, even if it wasn’t working out in his own favor. “It’s probably just me. I’m not- uh…” When you continued to stare at him, waiting for him to find whatever the hell he was trying to say, his grin turned a little bashful as he crossed his arms. “I’m no Tony Stark. Let’s put it that way.” 

The laugh that ejected out of you surprised the both of you, and you had to raise your hand to cover your mouth. “I’m sorry- I’m not- I’m not laughing at you-” 

He was grinning a little more fully then as he set his arms on the table, leaning forward to give you a look of implication. “Sure you’re not.” 

“Really! Really I’m not.” Trying to get your giggles under control. Reaching over you laid your hand atop his, giving him a little pat-pat. “No one’s asking you to be _Tony Stark_, Steve. Some girls- a lot of _women_ in fact- don’t like the whole suave playboy thing. I didn’t.” 

“Uh huh.” Sassing you just a little. 

“I didn’t!” Trying to defend yourself. “Stop looking at me like that!” Giving his hand a little swat then. “_I didn’t_-” 

“You know, there’s a saying about protesting too much-” 

“Oh shut up.” Not meaning it in the slightest. The look you two shared was an easy warm one, all smiles. “It was _gross_. We didn’t start dating until he grew out of that. Check my timeline, if you have to.” 

He waved his hand at you. “I trust you.” 

“_Yeah_. Well. _Anyway_. A lot of women don’t like that.” 

“And what do women like? I’m pretty sure I have no idea.” Open again as he looked to you for some sort of catch-all answer. 

“Depends on the woman.” There just was no straight answer. No god-send that he was looking for. But when he implored you with those soft blue eyes of his, you couldn’t help but _try_. “I dunno. We like… someone genuine. And kind. Trustworthy… loyal… funny- you know- all things you’ve got in spades.” Trying just to give him a little boost. He seemed so down about his bad not-a-date. 

“_Right_. ...you think I’m funny?” 

“If I’d been drinking a minute ago, it would have come out of my nose.” It was nice, the soft laughter the two of you shared. You gave his hand another comforting pat before retreating so you could pick at your own slice of pie. “And you’re just fine, you know. Talking to women. You talk to me just fine.” 

_Hesitancy_ circled around him. “You’re different. I’ve known you a lot longer. Some things are just… easier.” 

“Well I said maybe you two need more time together. You just need to get a little more comfortable, that’s all.” Hoping that was the case. It would suck to be wrong- more for Steve than for you. 

“I don’t know.” Another sigh. “Maybe. Or maybe it’s just not meant to be.” Another ripple of _sorrow_ touched over him. 

“Her? Or at all?” Already knowing exactly what he was getting at. 

His eyes dropped. “Maybe I already missed my opportunity.” 

There was a name here. Neither of you needed to speak it. Because you just couldn’t help yourself, you reached over again, settling both your hands over his then. You waited until he looked up at you. “I’m not Dr. Linnet, but, there’s definitely a lot of trauma and grief that you need to go through, before you feel comfortable. But- you went to see Sharon- you _wanted_ to see her tonight. Even if it didn’t go right, that’s already more than enough to know that you _want_ a chance to… not even start over. But. Just continue. You deserve to live too, you know? You deserve a life.” 

It was the easiest thing in the world to be _gentle_ with him. Steve was tough, but he was also an incredibly soft soul. You’d figured that out a while ago. He had a lot he needed to process. You _hoped_ he was going to therapy. His life had not been a fair or easy one. And he was clearly still holding on to a lot. But he shouldn’t be denied anything, because of what he’d had to leave behind. 

His eyes held steady on your hands over his, and then lifted, holding your gaze in silence for a little too long. But you let him, under the pretense that he was trying to _think_ about all this. And when apparently he came to a conclusion, he drew a deep breath in and then let it out, his hand turning palm up to grasp yours lightly. A smile wasn’t too far behind. “Thanks. For all that. And… maybe you’re right.” 

“I _am_ right.” Wedging just a little bit of levity in to ease the air. 

When he huffed out a laugh you supposed it worked. “Yeah. Maybe.” 

“You say _maybe_ again and I’m gonna start charging.” Teasing him a little. 

He grinned again, in a lighter way, still staring at you. His mouth opened- the drop of your name quiet- almost a little _hesitant_\- 

But it was so quiet that it got lost as the waitress approached, calling you at the same time. The both of you looked up. She was terribly _uneasy_ and _nervous_\- “Ma’am, I’m sorry… I’m not sure which of our patrons- I just wanted to let you know there’s a _lot_ of people with cameras parked on the sidewalk outside.” 

Annoyance took a dark hold of you. “Fucking paparazzi.” Mood ruined. Couldn’t you ever have anything nice? Couldn’t you just be a _normal_ fucking person? Go out with your friends without security? “Alright- just- can we have the check- and we’re going to need to leave around back.” 

She nodded helplessly. Not like she could say no. “Of course. Again- I’m sorry.” 

You waved her off. “It’s not your fault. It’s okay. Don’t panic. Everything will be alright. I really appreciate you letting me know.” At least you hadn’t walked right into a trap. It was easy to figure out exactly what had leaked to them. You and Steve had gone out for dessert at a classy restaurant all alone and had been laughing and smiling at each other all night. 

Because nobody understood what close friendships looked like these days. 

As she left Steve sat a little more straight in his seat. “What should we do?” 

“I’m gonna call Tony to come pick us up. Happy’s already out for the night.” Knowing your pick up at CNN was the last thing on his to-do list before he was off. He’d come get you, of course, if you asked. Without a word. But he deserved time to himself, too. “We’ll go out through the back and wait. No big deal.” Trying your very best to make it _seem_ like that was the case. But… 

“Isn’t it?” 

“It’s not-”

“You seem pretty angry.” 

This stopped you immediately and you couldn’t help but feel _awful_. Your frown was immediate. “I’m sorry. It just- it _sucks_, you know? I’m so fucking tired of having to call security to watch my perimeters. I’m tired of having to worry about what story is gonna come out in the gossip mags the next morning. Not being able to go anywhere I want- having to ignore people taking sneak pictures of me- I just… I want a life too, you know?” Grinning then, although in a terribly frustrated way. 

He returned it. “Yeah. Yeah, I get it.” 

You hoped your smile got across your _gratitude_ for his understanding. Deciding to try and look like a normal person, you went for your cell phone in your bag instead of quick calling him with your earcuffs. The waitress came back and laid the bill on the table- but Steve batted at your hand and then grabbed it up with a look of _don’t try me_\- so you didn’t, instead rolling your eyes fondly and calling Tony instead. 

He picked up on the second ring. “_I’m very popular tonight, it seems._” 

“Yeah, me too. Steve and I got caught at a dessert place. Apparently cars are parked everywhere on the sidewalk. If I send you the location can you please come pick us up around back?” Asking, not demanding.

“_For you? Anything- _well_\- for you and a slice of cherry pie_.” 

“I’ll pick one up before we go.” 

“_Thank you, honey. I’ll be there in ten. I love you._”  
  
“I love you, too. Thank you.” Knowing he’d already tapped your location, you put your phone away and quickly raised a hand to the waitress before she scurried off with Steve’s cash. “Can we actually get a piece of cherry to go?” 

* * *

Steve was a little _too_ tight by your side, in a protective mood it seemed, as the manager escorted you through the kitchen, out into a private hall, and then through the back of the building to the backside. She asked if you wanted her to stay, but you told her you’d both be fine to wait outside, so she excused herself, apologized for the trouble, and then closed the door- you also heard her _lock it_ behind herself. But. You supposed that was fair. 

A chill crept up your spine. It was still pretty cold outside this early in February. “Tony said he’d be here soon.” 

“I don’t doubt it.” Steve crossed his arms, looking left and then right. 

That weird feeling came back very suddenly, and had you stepping closer towards him. Steve hadn’t been following you around- someone far more opportunistic did. Seeing as it only took you a single minute to leave the building for them to drop down from a fire exit ladder on the opposite building. Despite yourself- despite _knowing_ you could handle this- despite _knowing_ better- for some reason you defaulted. 

Maybe it was just because this man- this _man in black_\- had absolutely been fucking following you around all day. You knew it then. This crushing feeling of _anxiety_ eating you up as you tucked yourself closer to Steve, grabbing at his arm as the man stood. He really was going all in on the masked marauder look. Black pants. Black shirt. Black gloves with wraps- but strangely he was hiding his _eyes_. Quite literally. Bandana tucked over his head and _blindfold_ tied tight around his eyes. 

Steve’s fight-or-flight kicked immediately, and he half stepped in front of you, one arm out. “_Hey_\- I don’t know what you think you’re doing pal, but-” 

“I’m not here for you. I just want to speak to _her_.” Voice unfamiliar. 

You felt Steve’s protest bubbling up but you stopped it with a firm voice, “You’ve been following me around all day.” An air of _uncertainty _suddenly swirled around this masked man. Maybe he thought you were stupid. “That’s right. You think I didn’t notice you?” Trying even harder. He hadn’t followed you around in daylight looking like _this_. If you could convince him you knew who he was-

“I don’t have a lot of time.” Side-stepping the issue. “I’m here to tell you to stop what you’re doing with Fisk.” 

“I’m not doing _anything_ with Fisk.” 

“You were at his charity event.” Stepping just a little closer.

Both you and Steve held your ground as you spoke again. “I go to a lot of charity events. So what?” No need to overtly defend yourself. To say you didn’t know he’d been the one hosting it. You owed this man nothing. “If you were smart-” If he was smart, he’d _know_ you and Tony would never get involved with Fisk. 

“_Either way_. Stay out of it.” 

You bristled. “You think I don’t know what he’s up to? What he _is_?” Or probably more accurately, what he _did_ to people. “Or do you think I’m just a helpless moron hoping he’s _not_?”

The man shook his head, light smirk on the corner of his mouth. “I’m not asking you to rely on some forsaken sense of mercy he does not possess. This is _personal_. And I don’t need your intervention.” 

“Who the hell do you think you are? You follow me around all day just to blow up my dinner, corner me in an alley, and _demand_ I stay out of your way? You have no idea who you’re dealing with.” You would not be pushed around. It was obvious, now, that he was behind this. He’d gotten lucky with Steve. But fortune favored the bold.

And he certainly was a _bold_ one. 

“Neither do you.” 

Tony’s voice called from the sidewalk, “_Hey_, Dread Pirate Roberts. I’d back off, if I were you.” Both you and Steve turned to look- the man in the mask _did not_. Tony was posing, car door open, half leaning on it. “Situation’s not looking like it’s gonna go your way.” 

The man suddenly wore a very _bitter_ grin. “Good. You’re here. Easier to get this across once. Fisk intends to rain fire on Hell’s Kitchen. And I don’t need help. So I’m telling you-” 

Hands in his pockets, Tony sauntered a little closer. Seemingly terribly _unbothered_. “Would help if I were in more of a listening mood, but. I’ve yet to have my dessert, so. You’ll have to try again later.” 

“Do you people do nothing but stand around and quip?” He was getting _agitated_. 

“Fisk knows what you’re up to.” You said suddenly. “I’m pretty sure you’re a huge thorn in his side right now.” 

“_Good_. And I should be the _only_ one.” 

Finally stopping in front of you and Steve (and you felt the heaviness of Steve’s _confusion _mixed with _frustration_ about being left out on this one), Tony directed a tip of his head the man’s way. “So what’re you doing here, then? Menacing a woman and an army vet in an alley? For _shame_.” From his pocket he pulled a USB stick and held it up. “First one’s free.” 

The man didn’t even _look_ at it. ...had he moved his head even once since he’d dropped in front of you? “I don’t need your help, Stark.” 

Tony grinned. “Of course not. That’s what they all say. But better safe than sorry- especially if you’re getting involved with Fisk. If he doesn’t go the murder route- which he _probably_ will- he might try and bring the law into it. Vigilantism is illegal, for the most part. Something I’m sure you understand. And I'm sure he'd _love_ to make an example out of you. If you get into trouble- _and you will_\- I might be in a good mood. Stark Industries is pretty _in the know_ for great lawyers these days.” Staring him down- ...if he could even see through that mask. Tony waited, letting the moment hang before waggling the stick. “Understood?” 

The fire that the man in black had dropped in with had been completely _extinguished_ so suddenly. Killed so easily by something Tony had said. A certain _fear_ gripped him. Icy and painful. Reaching up he took hold of the USB. “_**Understood**_.” _Resentment_ and _bitterness_ bubbled out of him as he turned and jumped up to catch the ladders he’d come down on, climbing and then twisting his way up higher and higher until he was out of sight on the rooftop. 

Just when you felt like you were catching your breath, Steve settled his hands on his hips. “Anyone gonna tell me what that was about?” 

Tony shrugged. “Superhero world’s getting bigger all the time.” 

Steve made a face at him. “Who is Fisk? And who was _that_?” 

You put a gentle hand on his arm. “Let’s get back to the Tower. I think we’ve done enough talking about this out in the open.” 

His _ire_ backed off as he looked at you. “Yeah. Alright. ...this the word I was waiting to hear back on? Because it’s a little late.” Ribbing you. But… taking it a little _personally_, too. 

Tony sighed. “Better late than never.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Matthew, honey... no...  
Fun fact: I actually had planned to cut out the entire dessert scene but then I sat down to write around it and it happened anyway. OOPS. I think it came out okay anyway despite that. I really do enjoy INY and Steve's relationship, and I like them just... talking sometimes. Thank god nothing will ever ruin that :] 
> 
> Anyway. Leave some love if you can! Or thoughts. I enjoy both! ❤


	123. Chapter 123

In an effort to be fair to the whole team, you called a meeting as soon as you returned to the Tower. It was a little late by then, but everyone was amicable enough to drag themselves either from bed or from whatever their nighttime activities were to sit in one of the Avengers’ conference rooms. Maybe it would have been more comfortable in the living space, but… 

Once everyone was seated, save you and Tony, you _gently_ tried to brief everyone on what was going on. At least what you knew by now. And that was that Wilson Fisk had detonated four Russian mafia warehouses in Hell’s Kitchen either to prove a point or to get them out of his way. Natasha and Clint seemed to perk up at the mention of his name, not a surprise. Even without SHIELD they sort of still seemed to know everything. 

But for everyone else in the room, you tried your best to explain that Fisk was an ordinary monster above men, or at least thought himself so. He had money and money made power, which he _also_ had in droves. Usually by form of extreme blackmail, which meant everyone was at risk of playing right into his hands. Because it was either do what he asked for fear of having their lives ruined, or he’d murder them and put someone else in their spot. Mob boss stuff. Very simple. He may have been one of the toughest crime lords out there, but there were millions like him- 

A point Maria made quietly, her hands laced together as she sat in the back of the room. Tony seemed to agree. But why worry about any of this now? _Well_… 

You then had to go over that he had went through someone else to host that gala, and had accosted the two of you in that usual menacing way of his. And had made more than a few not-so-vague threats when things hadn’t gone his way. And _then_… 

Tony pulled up a picture of that man in black that had dropped down from a building only an hour ago and projected it on the front screen. Crossing his arms, he gave a little shrug. “Pretty much laid down the _law_\- the actual law. Fisk intends to hold this kid up by his collar and make an example of vigilantism. Which, if you’ve been following along and not falling asleep in your chairs, becomes a problem for everyone in this room.” 

Steve had been sitting silent, absorbing all this information, but he half swept his hand out, “But why come after you two?” 

“Which one?” You couldn’t help but ask slightly defeatedly. 

He looked at you. “_Both_. Does it matter?” Getting just a little _irritated_. 

You had to bite the self-made bullet on this one. “Everyone was invited to the charity benefit. I think he intended to talk to everyone. Only-” 

Bruce’s head dropped. “Only nobody else went but you guys. Got it.” Huffing out a quiet noise. “So. We’re in a bit of a mess.” 

Thor made a face. “He is but one man- perhaps on top of some empire- but empires crumble very easily.” 

Tony looked up. “With _force_ is what you’re saying. And- look- I’d love for you to just drop the hammer on this guy. But I’m thinking we need to be a little more delicate than that on this one.” 

You, to no one’s surprise you were sure, backed him up. “Otherwise we risk making him the martyr he’s trying to be.” 

Steve sighed, looking at the picture of the man he’d been face to face with a little while ago. “This guy… what do we know about him?” 

Tony’s lips quirked in a very brief flash of a grin. There one moment, gone the next. “Enough to scare him.” 

Leveling a harder look his way, Steve was just short of glaring. “So you were spying on him.” 

Nat reached over to give a _light_ touch. “Information is not the enemy here, Steve. Didn’t we just hear he dropped off a ten story building to menace you in an alleyway?” 

Before Steve could rebuff her, Clint made an agitated noise. “Who- who _cares _who knows what- or _how_. The better question is- if you know _enough_ about the guy- is he _enhanced_? I think that’s more important.” 

Tony shrugged. “To be determined. I’d say there’s a strong possibility.”

There was a _strong __possibility_ that Tony knew he could count on the two former spies to agree with him. You were… undecided. Tony had clearly gotten that point across to the man in black that he knew who he was, which made him dangerous. You just hoped that didn’t put your group in a vicinity close to Fisk… It had at least gotten him to back off. That was the important thing, right? Actually-

You looked at him. “You gave him a thumbdrive. With what on it?” 

“Everything he needs. If he’s smart. That way we can keep our hands clean. Like everyone in this room said a few nights ago. What was it? _Below our pay grade_, I think.” 

Maria sat so forward in her chair it scraped a little pushing back on the floor, sending all eyes her way. Which was probably the point. “It’s an interesting way to put it. And also puts this into a little more perspective. The Avengers is a _private organization_, funded by two _very_ generous benefactors.” Smiling, wryly, at both you and Tony. But only briefly, before she became serious again. “One that, even in SHIELD’s absence, we have to remember was forged for, as Nick liked to put it, _something greater_.” 

Steve frowned. “So what- that means we turn our backs even when we know something terrible is happening?” Clearly disagreeing. 

“It means we have a roster of mostly enhanced individuals enacting what we have to be careful about calling justice. Especially when it's on citizens pretending to be ordinary and well meaning.” She shut him down, albeit as lightly as possible. 

You tried to gain back some control. “Fisk wants us to get involved. Because he wants to hang _everyone’s_ cowls up here, Steve. Not just the man in black. Right now he’s painted himself like some angel of Hell’s Kitchen. If the _Avengers_ go in there and bust him up- how would that look?” 

He shook his head. “So we sit here and do _nothing_? How is that not playing to his advantage, too?” 

Tony cut in. “Because we have a man on the inside. You know, the aforementioned one wearing all black. With the blindfold.” 

Steve looked up at him. “And what if he can’t handle it? What if this Fisk guy takes him out and starts shouting all this _down with heroes_ nonsense? We’ll be too late, then.” 

Thor hung his head back, “I hope you’ll excuse me for saying so, but this petty human business does not seem like it needs the call of the Avengers.” 

Clint’s lips pursed, brows knitting. “Not that I’m arguing- but- weren’t you just on the side of going to his lair to _topple his empire_?” 

“I can change my opinion.” Then he gestured your way. “Lady is right. If you have a man pretending to be king to a people who heed him as such, it matters very little what we call _justice _then.” 

Natasha smiled. “Thor calling for _delicacy_… maybe we’re in the end times.” Teasing him lightly. Something he seemed to appreciate as they shared a grin. 

Steve crossed his arms, shaking his head. “So what I’m hearing is I’m being veto’ed.” 

You couldn’t help your frown. “It’s not like that.” 

He looked up at you. “The other night when four bombings happened, you and I wanted to go, and the team said no. If we’d gotten involved then, where would we be now?” As you settled your gaze level with his, a light pulse of _guilt_ edged out from him- and then propelled him even further, “_Now_ we’re having _another _meeting about this, because we didn’t put a stop to it the first time, and the team is saying _no_ again. What will happen this time?” 

There was something very strange happening here. It was true the team couldn’t agree on everything all the time. Nor should they. That’s what made this team great. That everyone had something to offer- that all viewpoints could be explored. But… the way he’d been looking at you for just that brief moment- 

Maria put her hands on the table very carefully. “Look, out of all the between-a rock-and-a hard-places to be, this one is relatively small.”

You held yourself tall. This was tough, but not all team meetings could be fun. “I say we keep surveillance tight. And if it turns out we have to get involved, we do it _quietly_. This isn’t aliens in New York. This is a crime boss who is using a halo as a cover.” 

The way Steve was looking at you already hurt you, but it was what he said that really cut you down to size. “And _you_ had a problem with SHIELD.” 

Tony raised a hand, “_Alright_. It’s getting late-” 

Maria spoke again, “Hey. If you want something a little more _aliens in New York_, I have exactly something that’s a bit more pressing than mob bosses.” 

Bruce slumped back in his chair. “Honestly- I think we need a break before we tackle the next mountain.”

Clint let go of an amused scoff. “Technically I think that was the molehill.” 

“Either way…” Bruce slipped his glasses off the bridge of his nose and rubbed between his eyes. 

Tony’s fingers brushed the inside of your palm, and it wasn’t until that moment that you realized you’d been holding yourself pin-straight. The two of you shared a small glance and then you just shook your head in defeat. He took over. “As I was saying, it’s getting late. So let’s do the meeting adjourned thing- who brought the gavel? We can go over the whole…” Wiggling his fingers at Maria before dropping his hand, “_-whatever_ tomorrow morning. How’s breakfast sound?” 

There was a group rumbling of minimalist approval to the idea. So with that done, you and Tony hung back as everyone exited the room. Unsurprisingly, Steve was the last one aside the two of you. _Guilt_ was circling him much heavier now. Which was nice. Because he’d been kind of an asshole just there. And it was nice to know that he understood that without you having to say so. 

...even still. You were a little too bruised to deal with it. He had jumped so quickly to that insult. Even upset as he was… was that really the right response? Tony stood in the doorway, half turned, waiting quietly as Steve approached you. 

You just looked up at him. He frowned. “Look- that wasn’t the right way to go about it- I’m sorry.” There was an unspoken thought here. That you maybe should take this, because you _knew how he was_ with this innate sense of justice. How could he just turn his back on this? Twice now he’d been told to do so, and in his eyes, every time it was growing worse because of it. 

But- _so what_? Why was it your job to placate him? Then again… he _was_ apologizing. And it just wasn’t going to do anyone good to hold this against him. “Okay. Thank you. It’s fine.” Short and choppy. About the best you could do as your nerves were pulled taut this late. 

His eyes dropped. “Can we talk?” 

“Can it wait?” Moving just a little so he’d redirect his attention. When he looked at you again, “It’s late, and I’m kind of spent.” Trying to let him know it wasn’t because you were mad. ...most of it, anyway. 

He stared at you- making you feel very… _strange_. But then he pressed his lips together and nodded. “Sure. It can wait.” 

Trying to reclaim some of this back and salvage the evening, you reached up to give him a gentle pat on the arm and the best smile you could manage. “Thank you.” 

He just nodded again. “Sure thing.” 

Tony proved to be your strength as you went to meet him in the door and his arm came around your shoulders. Basically giving you permission to melt into him and leave the troubles of the team conference right there in that room. Not drag them with you upstairs… but, who were you kidding. You really couldn’t help yourself. There was a lot to think on. Not the least of which was _who was right_ here. You, not unusually so, sided with yourself. 

The Avengers couldn’t just romp around and beat down whoever they wanted. Sure the people generally liked your group- but you couldn’t just fall back on that everyone would agree with what you did all the time. There definitely were people who _didn’t_, and they would be the ones proved right if you stepped out of line. Right now Fisk was just an ordinary citizen to most of the world. Especially to the city. And _especially_ to the people of Hell’s Kitchen who he was pretending to help. 

If the Avengers just rocked up on him and tried to beat him up…? How on earth would that look? The optics were not good. Not _great_ even. There wasn’t a good way to go about this, even knowing what you knew. And- so what if you didn’t like the way SHIELD had done things, sometimes. It didn’t mean wanting to just keep an eye on it and act quietly made you like _them_. The way _they_ handled things poorly. 

You barely realized the two of you had made it all the way up to the penthouse and into your bedroom. Coming out of your thoughts, you found yourself sitting on the edge of the bed, Tony behind you, expert hands kneading the knots out of your shoulders. 

God damn it all, you just couldn’t help yourself. 

“How much do you know about this man in black?” He’d skirted around it in the meeting. But-

You heard the twitch of a smile in his voice. “You’re too smart to be asking me that.” 

So. _Everything_, then. “You know who he is.” Tony affirmed this with a little quiet noise. Your eyes dropped to close. “I don’t want to know.” Deciding then. Whatever Tony had dug up- it was probably important. _He_ thought it was important. And it gave the entire team more leverage. Especially considering that man had orchestrated a paparazzi nightmare to come and… well… he hadn’t been threatening you, had he? More like… _warning _you. But still. 

“Not a problem.” 

“No one else can know, either.” Tipping your head back, you eased until you found his shoulder. 

His arms came down, resting over your chest in a loose loop. “That’s up to him- _not_\- not in a- I’m threatening him way. What I know no one else has access to. Promise. But if Fisk finds out-” 

“We basically as a group just decided he was on his own.” Glowering just a little, realizing only now what Steve was getting at. A potentially enhanced individual- a potential _ally_ was being left to his own devices against someone very dangerous. The Avengers had deemed him… not worth it. Or not worth it _right now_, but was there even a distinction there?

...did this feel right? 

“He decided it first, to be fair. Pretty sure he lurked out of the shadows to tell you to mind your own business.” Trying to alleviate some of your sudden _stress _and _guilt_. There was no doubt he could feel it, hanging in the air between the both of you. 

As you took a _deep_ breath, you closed your eyes. “I guess that’s true…” 

“That _is_ true. Just because our little _team _came to the same conclusion- Capsicles notwithstanding- doesn’t make it any less true. Everyone just mutually agreed to stay in their lanes. So… everyone should be happy.” 

Your sudden smile projected like someone you loved had just punched you in the gut. “And yet-” 

His arms tightened just a little, holding you. “Yeah. _And yet_.” You opened your eyes just a quarter as he laid back a little, gazing up at him. When he looked back, “Hill’s right, you know. This is small beans, comparatively. Don’t let it get to you.” 

“I don’t wanna start on the path of deciding which lives are worth saving more than others.” 

At this he seemed to break a little, eyes lowering. “Yeah. But. You can’t help people who don’t want help. So we’ll start there. And… everything else we can figure out after.” Trying to save you. To extend a rope for you to hold on to, so you didn’t get sucked into this black hole. 

Perhaps a lot closer than you realized. Reaching up, you brushed the backs of your fingers against his cheek. “I love you.” It helped. Having him to come back home to, after _meetings_. After _superhero-ing_. After… everything. 

You hoped your own presence returned that very same favor.

“I love you, too.” Smiling down at you.

“We should get some sleep.” He needed it more than anyone, you were sure. Especially after most likely having been up all last night prior working up to _this_ conclusion. 

His nod was tired. “Probably right. No telling what Hill’s gonna start us in on tomorrow.” 

“A much bigger molehill, I think I heard.” 

He half-grinned. “Where _are_ all these moles coming from?” 

“Honey, if I knew that…” 

The two of you shared a quiet laugh.   
Easy to joke about. Because, sure, if you knew that… you’d probably be able to get to work ridding the world of them. So that one day you wouldn’t have to do _this_ anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not every meeting is going to end with everyone happy and I think it's important to acknowledge that. Being a team of crime fighting superheroes is tough. Not everyone always agrees. But... in the end, _this team_ is still family. ...right?


	124. Chapter 124

The next morning came too soon. You were sure both you and Tony had been tossing and turning endlessly. _Thinking_. Not getting much sleep. At some point it might just have been advantageous to stop pretending you were trying to get rest and get up. But the two of you stayed. Until about four in the morning, when your phone started buzzing on the nightstand. _Always a good sign_. 

Reaching over without sitting up, fighting through your bleary-eyed haze after having a fresh twenty minutes of sleep, you practically slapped the phone down over half your face as you answered, “Yes- good morning- this is the CEO of Stark Industries.”

Tony’s voice was just as much a croak as he held up a finger, “_One_ of the CEOs.”

“-one of the two CEOs. As you know, since you called my personal phone, office hours are-” 

“We don’t have time for this.” President Matthew Ellis’ blessed voice cut through the rest of your fog. You didn’t remember there being a national emergency as your team argued the night before, so hopefully this wasn’t too serious. “I need you to take a meeting today. In my office.” 

“I’m booked, sir. Can you find your way here?” 

“No.” And then he just _hung up_. 

Sure, he was _the President of the United States_. Sure, he had the authority to make some demands of his citizens- though, you’d _really _have to remind him that he worked for _you_. Not the other way around. It seemed like more often these days he was forgetting. But… you weren’t just a private citizen, were you. And the relationship you’d seeded with him… technically, these days, you did a fair amount of work on _his_ behalf. 

Today seemed like it would be no different. He didn’t sound harried or upset, so maybe that was a good thing. But less good was that he didn’t want to spill it all over the phone. That was the exact sort of thing that spelled trouble. 

Tony put an arm over his head. “What’s good ol’ Matthew up to today?” Knowing, probably, that was one of the only people you’d address as _sir_. 

You breathed out a long sigh. “I have no idea. He wants me to come in.” 

“Alone?” 

“Didn’t say.” 

“Mandatory?” 

“I mean. I don’t think he’ll send a tank to come bring me to the White House in handcuffs. But…” It was absolutely unlikely he’d make a scene like that. Too much negative press.

“So he’s counting on your good will.” 

Your smile was aggravated. “_Yeah_. Seems that way.” 

Shifting his arm up just a couple of inches and turning his head your way, the two of you shared a long, quiet look through the semi-darkness. Then finally, “Well at least it’s not re-election year. Can’t be anything too crazy.” You couldn’t exactly see it, but you sensed his small quirk of a grin. He then reached over, fingers touching along your forehead in a gentle brush. “You want me to come with you?” 

It would be easy to say _yes, of course I do_. And maybe you should have. But… the timing of this was all a little _convenient_. And as Tony had put it so many times, how often had it been the case since all of this had started that things were just coincidences? “I’ll be alright.” Whatever this meeting was, it was just that. A meeting. You could handle that. 

Leaning up on his other arm, his hand came down, palming your cheek, turning you closer as he moved in so he could press a kiss to your lips. “I know you will.” Murmured after he backed off. “That wasn’t what I asked.” 

Closer now, and as your eyes had adjusted by this point, you saw him a little more clearly. Just there in the space above you. “Stay here. I’ll go to DC and come back and tell you all about whatever it is.” Finalizing the decision. What a day. Getting on a jet to go to DC, take a meeting with the President and probably several others over some secret thing that couldn’t be discussed over the phone, and then getting back on a jet and coming home- 

“That makes your afternoon booked. And we have a _lovely_ meeting ahead of us I’m sure for the morning…” Moving a little further atop you, sliding in on his forearms aside your head. “What’s your evening looking like?” 

“I’d have to look at my planner. Probably a little more Stark Industries skewed…” Lifting your arms, you wrapped them lightly around his neck, tilting up as his nose brushed yours. 

“Why not just _Stark_ skewed?” Humming the suggestive thought just over your lips. 

The noise that rolled out of you was somehow equal parts agreeable _and_ disagreeable. But only jokingly so as you said, “Asking me to put the CEO before the company?” 

“_Both_ CEOs, actually.” Grinning then. 

“You’re more like a figurehead at this point.” Teasing him, unable to help just a light touch of giggles as his forehead pressed down against yours. 

“Yeah? And you _let_ that happen. _In fact_\- you practically _demanded_.” 

Your fingers moved up, touching up through the back of his hair, holding him close. “I don’t want to rule your empire alone.” 

“_Our_ empire.” Correcting you with just the barest touch of another kiss. 

One you smiled into. “_Mnhmn_… ours… right. That’s why everything says _Stark_, and not-”

“I’ve said a thousand times by now. I _know_ how to fix that. If you’d just let me.” A soft spark of a glow lit up between you. Probably a little _too_ telling. But it was somehow better than the morning sun. Tony’s beautiful smile painted in _your_ light. “_Oh_\- is that a _yes_? Are you suddenly feeling differently-?” Cut off, though the followed noise of question continued as you quieted him with a kiss. 

You couldn’t help yourself. The thought of a future unfettered by all this other nonsense- just _you and Tony_. Together. Like it felt like you were meant to be. It lit a _spark_ in your heart. Reserved, obviously, only for him. When you tilted back, “The sun will be up soon.” The day would start, and with it the endless parade of bullshit that bothered the both of your lives. “Can I request-” 

“_Hmn_. Anything.” Getting a little lost as one kiss turned into another into another… 

“I’d like to bookend my day with _Stark_, if you don’t mind.” 

“Which one?” Mouth quirked in a grin against your lips. “The man or the empire-” 

“_Tony_ _Stark_. If you please…” 

His right hand eased down your side, fingers firm as they found your thigh, hoisting your leg high up against his side. “Oh I _please_.” 

“Yes you do.” Said in a warm hitch of a happy gasp and a touch of delighted mutual smiles as he hiked your hips up further in his careful hands. 

* * *

After making the most of your _personal_ time with Tony and a long shower, time was approaching to get to this random meeting Maria had called. You wondered if she would have done so had you not had the one previous about all this Fisk business. It must have depended on the severity of what she was about to say. ...and you also wondered if this had to do with the hundred or so emails Damage Control had been sending your way almost every week now. Most of them had been about staff- maybe… _one or two_ about updates.

But that’s why you’d shifted her over. Because you trusted her to handle things like that. You hoped that hadn’t been a mistake. 

For everyone’s benefit, you went out to get bagels, coffee, doughnuts, and a fruit platter. Maybe not a fancy breakfast for this makeshift meeting, but it would do. When you brought it all back up to the conference room your team had shared the night prior with Happy’s help, you saw Maria had taken over completely. She had a few members of her staff moving about in the semi-large room, talking over one another, going over papers, helping her set up projectors- several of which were already displaying information. 

Steve was the first one actually _there_, and he must have asked if he could be of some use because he seemed to be stuck in the back corner with a stack of papers in his arms. As you set your small breakfast gatherings on the table nearest him, you offered him a small smile. “Good morning.” 

“Morning.” He seemed at the very least _amicable_. If not a little _tense_ for the meeting ahead. 

You suddenly felt that way, too. You had no idea it was this _intense_. “Did you ask somebody if you could help one too many times?” 

“That obvious?” 

“Old trick. Give someone something to hold and tell them to stand in a dubious direction. Keeps you busy. And out of the way.” 

He at least found the humor to grin. “Seems like there’s still a lot of _corporate culture_ I have to learn.” 

The team eventually started trickling in, accepting your meager breakfast offerings, and chatting with one another. Although more than one pair of eyes looked to you for answers, you felt a little overwhelmed- and without information. Not really the best place to be. But, as Tony strolled in last one to the meeting, Maria sent the rest of her staff out just as Tony was scrutinizing a chart on the wall closest to you. 

“Thanks everyone for coming.” She settled her hands together behind her. “Obviously I don’t have to tell you everything we talk about stays in this room.” 

Bruce made a sweeping glance around all the screens in the room. “This all seems… _serious_.” 

She gave a brisk nod. “We were trying to keep it under wraps. Take control without the need for… _intervention_.” 

A _storm_ started brewing and you tipped your head up to see Tony scrolling through one of the screens. That was bad. Maria started talking but he spoke over her, holding a hand out to faintly wave and point at the same time. “Someone’s gonna want to restrain the big guy.” 

Bruce looked up. “_Me_?” 

Half turning, Tony readjusted his point. “Other big guy.” 

And when his gaze landed on _Thor_, he sat back with a confused look, hand to his chest. “What have I done?” 

Maria cleared her throat. “_Stark_. That’s enough.” He held her gaze for a _long_ time before turning and taking a seat next to you. She sighed. “Well, now that we’re ahead…” Feeling a mix of _discomfort_ and _ire_. “After the public fall of SHIELD- and with Hydra escaping out of every hole they could, they made off with some assets before anyone could stop them.” 

Oh no. _Oh no_. 

A chokehold took over the room. But everyone remained silent. Hoping for the best. Knowing that wasn’t what was about to happen, though. 

Maria started pacing very slowly, pulling stats and graphs and _pictures_ into flow on the various screens. “Most of these we’ve started to recover. But there’s one they’ve been moving around. Covering their trail on while trying to conduct experiments.” 

“Let’s just cut to the chase.” Tony stared up at her. “SHIELD lost the scepter.” 

The scepter- _Loki’s scepter_. The one that had been used to brainwash people. The one that had been brandished in malice. The one partly responsible for the attack on New York- It felt like someone elbowed you in the chest. 

In fact… that _feeling_ was shared across the room. None more so than Thor, who slammed his hands on the table and stood. “This is _unacceptable_.” 

A clamor of nervous voices all rose up but Maria toppled them all, “_I agree_.” Loud but not shouting. “We’ve been trying to recover it for a while-”

Steve scoffed. “How long is _a_ _while_?” 

Tony crossed his arms. “More than a year.” 

Steve practically _boggled_. **Disappointment** and _anger_ were not too far off. “And when were you planning on telling us?” 

Natasha offered herself up, though she probably shouldn’t have. “Seems like we’re being told right now.” 

A thought struck across the group. Nat and Clint had remained silent, and their gazes were indicative. But Steve was the one to make the claim. “You knew about this.” 

Sensing that this meeting was due to fall apart into a shouting match you spoke up, “We can’t do this right now. We can’t start pointing fingers. Okay. Let’s just- let’s just summarize here. SHIELD failed. And is _still_ failing.” Wow. Big surprise. You looked up Maria’s way. “You can’t secure the scepter. So you need us to go get it.” That’s really what this was about. 

Her smile was bitter. “Damage Control is no SHIELD. And it’s certainly not the Avengers.” 

Thor stood. “When we obtain the scepter- _again_\- I will take it off this planet. Your people cannot be trusted with it.” 

Clint made a very dark noise. “_Right_. Who was it again that brought it here in the first place?” 

Bristling, Thor leveled a glare, “I will not have you speak ill of-” 

Both you and Steve spoke over each other, “Guys, _stop_.”  
“_Knock it off._”

And then after sharing a glance, he let you speak. “We can’t start fighting with each other.” Because this was heading somewhere much different than differing team opinions. “We found it once, we can do it again. Right?” Looking both Tony and Bruce’s way. 

They shared an almost… _peculiar_ glance, but then Tony folded his arms. “Sure. We can bust out the old tools. Get a scan going.” 

Bruce gave a nod. “Shouldn’t really be that hard… unless Hydra started covering the output signals. Which… having all the data, I imagine they might have.” Sensing he was about to lead everyone right into another debate, he held a hand up. “But that’s not a problem. Like you said. We did it once already.” 

A settled air of _resolve_ and maybe a slice of your own _relief_ touched over the group. This was going to be okay. You could get all this back. _Your team_ could do all this. Maria should have just told you sooner. But… that wasn’t the SHIELD way, was it. “If that’s all, we can start going over your data-” 

She cut the group down yet again. “It isn’t.” And when all eyes went up her way she sighed. “Hydra have also made off with a fair amount of Chitauri samples.” 

Bruce’s brows raised. “_Samples_? Of what?” 

_Dread_ pooled in your stomach. Along with a heavy, and perhaps earned, amount of _**guilt**_. Tony took over. “Bodies. Weapons. Anything that dropped in New York they could get their hands on. And nobody said a thing. If you can even _imagine_ that. Difficult, I know. Definitely no priors to go on.” Sarcasm heavy with disdain. He was as tired as the rest of you were of this garbage.

_Recent_? This was _recently_? Or was it… something somebody covered up underneath your watch? You supposed the information was here to look at. The data. Dates. Things that would make it clear- ...clear that no matter _when_ it happened… 

_It was your fault_. 

“I take full responsibility for this.” Resigned to your position. 

“You shouldn’t.” It was quite a shock that both Tony _and_ Maria said this. And when Tony put a heated look her way she nodded and then lowered her head. “SHIELD took down a few of your Damage Control trucks between warehouses. It was the wrong move. And we’re paying for it now.” 

Then, suddenly, all eyes were on you. 

SHIELD had stolen from you what you’d tried to clean up. And because of them, Hydra now had alien weaponry. Alien bodies. Who knew how much. Who knew what they were using them for. Nothing good. That was for sure. It sounded like this had been going on for a while. And while SHIELD had still been up, they’d kept it quiet. And no doubt they’d destroyed the information before it could even come out. 

It wasn’t as if Maria had tried to bully her way onto head of Damage Control. But she sure hadn’t had to think about it long when you’d offered it to her. 

“Okay.” You took a deep breath. What more could you do? What would getting mad about this do? You’d just sternly told the team in-fighting wouldn’t help. Getting mad at Maria… it was worthless. 

Steve put a hand down on the table. “This is _not_ okay.” 

Tony arched a brow. “We’re in total agreement, then. This is nowhere _near_ okay.” He was waiting. Waiting on you to give him some word… permission to be angry on your behalf. Permission to do _anything_ about this. 

But you couldn’t keep feeding into it. “It’s not. But let’s make a promise right here. This will be the _last_ of SHIELD’s mistakes that we pay for.” Then you shook your head. “Getting angry about this won’t solve anything. All we can do is clean it up. We’ll get back the scepter. We’ll recover the stolen Chitauri samples. And maybe if we’re lucky we’ll root out the last of Hydra while we’re at it.” You glanced around the room. At your team. “Are we in agreement?” 

Fighting about this would not fix it. _Fixing it_ would fix it. So you had to move forward. You had to hold everyone together. 

When firm murmurs of agreement came in you stood. “Good. Maria, put together personal comprehensive reports. I want them in everyone’s hands by the end of the day.” 

She held her arms together. “You seem like you’re leaving. We could go over all of it right now.” 

“I have a meeting to get to.” Aside that… in order to keep to your word, you needed to _get out of here_. And cool down. 

Steve cast a slightly _disappointed_ but curious look up your way. “More important than this?” Probably assuming it was Stark Industries related. And therefore, clearly, not as important. 

All eyes were on you as most of the team seemed to agree with Steve’s sense of responsibility. What on earth could you have going on that was more important than getting back the scepter and stolen Chitauri parts?

You simply smiled at them. “I have to go speak with the President.” 

“_Oh_.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH BOY MORE SHIELD MESS TO CLEAN UP :]]]]]]] yaaaay...


	125. Chapter 125

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter a half hour early than usual times as of late. There's... there's a lot to get through. I'm sorry.

Back at the penthouse you freshened up, having to shake off the wilds of the past meeting before getting on the jet to go into what would be yet another most likely frustrating meeting. As you exited the bedroom, changed into a sharp fitted suit and tie (dress to impress … or intimidate, either one), slipping your bag over your shoulder, Tony met you in the front room by the elevators. “_Hmn_.” A humming approval. “Does this mean we’re still on for tonight?” 

Arching a brow, though unable to help your smile, “Why does this mean _that_?” 

“Come on. Slip on a trilby and you look like you’re ready for a night on the town.” At your rather dry look he held up both his hands. “In a _good_ way, I assure you.” 

“Yes. I’m very _assured_.” Leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. “I have to go.” 

Slipping his hand into his pocket, he returned with a jingle of car keys. “I know. Can I drive you?” 

With Happy having gone ahead to prep the jet, you were thinking about either driving yourself or getting a company car to take you. But… how could you say no to that. “Why so suddenly?” Still, you had to be just a little suspicious. 

“I need some air after all _that_.” 

“It’s very _airy_ up here.” Eying him just a little more. 

He gave up the ghost with a caught grin. “Sure. But. I thought maybe we could talk, too.” 

Giving him a small pat on the chest and another kiss on the cheek, “Okay. But no speeding.” It must have been important. So you couldn’t really deny him. Especially not with the barest hint of _anxiety_ swirling about him.

“It’ll kill me, but you have my word.” 

Down in the parking garage he picked out the car that went to the set of keys he’d been jangling at you. Some slick prototype Audi no doubt. You really weren’t so interested in his car collection. The color was nice. And the front seats were comfortable. That’s what really mattered. 

Only just pulled out and away from the tower, his hands gripped the wheel before drumming his fingers slightly. “Did you bring the Reactor with you?” 

That… that didn’t feel great. “It’s in my purse. Why?” 

“Just checking.” 

“I was planning on leaving it on the jet. I don’t think bringing weapons into the White House is a great idea.” Everyone could spot it, by now. They knew what it was, when you wore it. Matthew was already jumpy. You didn’t need to make him worse. 

“It’s not a weapon, it’s _defense_. Remember?” Giving you a quick glance out of the corner of his eye with a grin. But both disappeared in the next second. “I think you should at least keep it in your purse.” His eyes were on the road and he was speaking in that pretend-effortlessly casual way of his.

But you knew better, and didn’t take the first thrown bait in order to get to the root of this. “What’s wrong?” 

At this he shook his head, fingers up on the wheel for a moment. “I think this is all a little too close for comfort. And certainly- _probably_\- not a coincidence.” 

“We haven’t had many of those.” Funny, you were just thinking about this last night. It was like the two of you shared one brain sometimes.

“No we have not.” He cleared his throat, one hand moving around. “Let’s think about this logically. Hill just admitted SHIELD bungled a bunch of stuff- not the least of which was _theft_ of- _technically_\- sensitive United States property. Co-owned by Stark Industries, sure. But. Let’s be real here. I can bring the hammer down while you’re away, but that’s not gonna help anyone. ...no matter how much I want to.” Understanding, it seemed, why you’d walked away from turning into a volcano about SHIELD _stealing_ from you. Even if he was incredibly _angry_ about it. He cleared his throat and moved on, “Anyway. Now we’re on a sudden task force to retrieve it. Right around the exact time Ellis wants a private meeting with you in the White House.” 

When he laid it all out like that… yeah. It made sense. And it also made sense why he was in a bit of a quiet tizzy over it. “And here I thought you were about to say you thought Ellis had teamed up with Fisk and they were about to tell me to turn ourselves in.” 

“My next point, I’m sure. Because it’s either or. The universe hasn’t been too kind lately, with that sort of stuff.” At a red light he half tilted, gazing at you. “He didn’t say you couldn’t bring anyone, but it’s pretty clear he wants you alone. And I want you _safe_.” 

You tried a brave smile on for him, but it was just shy of painful. “Tony… if the government makes me into a villain-” Then what could you do? What could any of you do?

“Then we _unmake. _There’s always a way out. But I’m not trying to prepare you for a worst-case scenario. I’m just… trying to look out for you.” The light changed and he was quick to lean on the gas again to get the car moving, eyes going back to the road. 

Reaching over, you laid a hand on his thigh. “I appreciate it.” More than words could say. “...I’ll bring the Reactor. But honestly, if I’m about to be taken away in handcuffs I think I should just eat that and then get the lawyers on it. Attacking people in the White House would be exactly the sort of press we _wouldn’t _need.” 

“Fair point. But I still believe in the right to protect yourself.” Grinning, but not really _feeling_ it. 

* * *

He promised to pick you up, too, once you returned home. Hopefully it wouldn’t be a long stay in DC. Maybe a couple of hours, if you were lucky. This much air time for such a small visit didn’t necessarily feel good, nor did you _want_ to spend so much time in the air in order to accomplish so little but… aside taking the suit to the White House’s front steps, this was the only thing you could do. 

After a quiet kiss on the private runway, you departed, heading up the jet’s stairs and giving Happy a murmur of gratitude for his help as always. Once the stairs were reloaded and you sat down, you pulled your laptop out of your bag to start working on some other things while you’d be otherwise incapacitated from actual work. 

Once the jet was in the air, Happy rose his voice to reach you from the cockpit. You were in one of the much smaller personal jets. Nicer. Comfier. Less consumption. “You want me to come with you?” 

This was not an offer of just driving you to and from the White House. He was asking if you wanted, or even _felt like_ you needed him. Or at least somebody by your side. And, as the President had gone out of his way to isolate you… “I’d like that. Thank you.” 

“Just doing my job.” Head of Security. You heard his smile, but there was a wave of _gratefulness_ and _pride_ that thrummed out from him that really made it all worth it. 

* * *

It was actually very nice to have Happy with you, as it seemed _somebody _had leaked your schedule to the press. They were parked out all along the sidewalk and the White House usual reporters were even waiting for you out front. Since the circle of people who knew you were coming on your side was _very _small, you had to believe someone on Ellis’ team told someone you’d be arriving. But why? 

Happy escorted you from the car and stuck tight by your side, arming people out of the way so you could make it inside. People were shouting the usual nonsense, looking for pictures, soundbites, anything that would give them good reason for no doubt having waited outside for hours. But you gave them nothing. Eyes forward, spine straight, and _nothing_ to say. ...mostly because you had no idea what you were doing here anyway. 

Ellis’ executive secretary met you in one of the outer wings, which was nice because there would be less explaining to do about why you couldn’t pass a metal detector check. Something she probably knew- something probably _everyone_ in the White House knew. But you were an invited guest. You’d have no reason to hurt the President. And you’d have nowhere to run if you even did. So… 

You tried to press your luck as you approached the west wing. “Why am I here, Delores?” Not the first time you’d spoken with her. Definitely wouldn’t be the last. Acquaintances at best, after these few years of having to more or less work for her boss. Privately or not. She was an older woman, kind but tough. Probably exactly what Ellis needed to run just about everything for him. 

Just in front of his door she paused with an apologetic smile, “I don’t exactly know. But. I’m pretty sure you won’t enjoy it.” She was lying, for sure. She knew everything that went on around here. Funny, how women ruled the world that way. Still. She _did _work for Ellis, and _not_ you. 

“_Thanks_.” As flatly as you could make the word just as she knocked on the door. You made a small motion to Happy for him to wait outside, no doubt not invited in the slightest. Hopefully this wouldn’t take too long.

Just as the door closed behind you, you realized a little too late you’d walked into a trap. ...truly the thing that was a shock was just how surprising this was to you, considering you and Tony had been talking about it before you’d come. President Ellis was sitting behind his desk and standing in front of it was a very decorated officer. Not one you recognized immediately. 

“Thank you for coming.” Ellis found his voice just as you stopped short of the opposite side of his desk. “I’d like you to meet General Glenn Talbot.” 

Said man in question held his hand out. “It’s an honor to meet you, ma’am.” He was about your height, _maybe _a little taller. Broad shouldered. High cut hair, shaved on the sides, and a thick mustache. You didn’t get the sense he was here to take you away. ...not yet, anyway. 

So. Cordial behavior was probably the best idea. You put your hand in his giving him a firm shake. “Thank you. Mind telling me what I’m doing here?” Assuming _he_ was the reason you’d been called here. 

At this he grinned. “Right to the point. I like it. Truth be told, you’re somewhat of a legend around the proverbial water cooler. Our relationship has been pretty hot-and-cold, I know.” Speaking of Stark Industries, you supposed. His smile disappeared in the next split second and he turned very serious. “But we’re beyond legends, now. We’re in the middle of an ocean. Sink or swim. And it’s important to know whose side you’re on.” 

You tried to refrain from making a face at him, and only slightly succeeded. Your brow arched without your permission, the corner of your lip turning flat. “I’m sorry. I have _no_ idea what you’re talking about. Does anyone want to hand me a folder so I can get up to speed?” Where was your briefing? What was going on?? 

Ellis called your attention on the form of your name and looked up. “There’s been a lot of international _talking_ lately. I would have liked more time, but my hands are being forced here. We’re- _I’m_\- tasking you with being the United States’ Enhanced Forces Ambassador.” 

A chill crept over your shoulders. “I’m not enhanced, sir.” That was your story and you were sticking to it. And you _really_ hoped now was not the time this was all coming out. 

He settled his hands together. “You have a suit that enhances your capabilities. That makes you enhanced. You’re also the most qualified out of your _team_. So don’t ask me what happens if you refuse.” 

This was a very serious threat. Letting you draw assumptions about what might happen to you- to _all_ of you, if you turned this down. And none of it would be pretty. But you found yourself shaking your head. “That’s what you called me here for? To give me some imaginary position?” 

Talbot put his attention on you again. “Oh it’s _real_. And the only reason I’m letting you wing me is because I’ve seen the buried footage of you shouting down Nick Fury in his own building.” At _that_ your face really did screw up. “Now you look me in the eye and tell me you still hold no allegiance to SHIELD.” 

“I’m sorry-” Putting your hand up to stop this madness. “Who the hell _are _you? What is this about? SHIELD is dead. Your people saw to that.” Giving Ellis the side-eye. He was involved as much as anyone in that. 

But Talbot reclaimed your gaze as he spoke. “SHIELD’s still running amok. And I’d ask you if you knew where its director was if I wasn’t so sure you’d just lie to me.” 

“Nick Fury is dead. You seem to think you’re smart, you should know that.” 

“I’m talking about Phil Coulson. And don’t try and tell me he’s dead, too, because we spoke not so long ago.” You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off, “Now I’d expect someone in your position to understand the large scale impact SHIELD had. It goes beyond this nation. And _other_ nations have been getting real antsy.” 

Your frustrations showed. “What does _any_ of this have to do with me?” 

“We’re preparing a meeting at the United Nations in a month. Another denouncing of SHIELD. And _you_ are going to stand right by me and smile your prettiest smile and pretend like you’re on our side.” 

“Which side is that, sir?” Boiling over now as you crossed your arms. “The one that builds up these momentous groups only to shutter them- label them terrorists- as soon as they stop being of benefit? Get _rid_ of them when they stop being profitable? Or when they get caught holding all your dirty secrets?” 

He narrowed his eyes. “I don’t know who you think you’re talking to-” 

“That makes two of us.” 

This Talbot was clearly not used to being talked down to. Or told _no_. His hands balled into tight fists at his sides and he leaned a little to encroach on your personal space. “Listen up, _ma’am_. You and your team are getting real cozy up there on that throne. Causing destruction and chaos in the name of _justice_.” 

“Oh, so you think we’re alike, is that it? Isn’t that what the military does?” You held your hand right up to his face to stop him. “Don’t _bother_. I used to liaison back when Stark Industries pretended it cared about _justice_ as much as you still do. It still all comes down to one thing- _the bottom line_. And that was something a little _greener_ than justice.” 

He went a little red but something snapped his attention and he let go of an amused noise. “Yeah. I remember. You know, Colonel Rhodes has had nothing but nice things to say about you. Then again, you’re good at fooling _lots _of people.” 

You had to hold yourself steady. If the military was investigating you for some ridiculous position as a right arm to keep themselves looking strong, it would make sense that they’d talked to Rhodey. But there was just something _sinister_ in the way he was talking about him. Your silence in easing yourself allowed the opening for him to keep speaking. 

“If the _Avengers_ are going to go around taking out threats that _the military can’t handle_\- then they need to live by some rules. And _they _need to show up when everyone else in the world starts questioning their authority. Or their peacekeeping strategies.” Getting close again he narrowed his eyes as he stared you down. “Am I making myself clear?” 

“_Barely_.” It was extremely unfortunate this had set your heart to pounding. This was an inevitability, you were sure. You just didn’t want to have to deal with it _right now_. But the fact was… the United States of America had several enhanced individuals under their employ. That they used to enact _peace and justice_. Even if it meant that came with violence. 

The world wouldn’t stay quiet about that for long. 

“Your people are about to become the new nuclear arms race. So it pays to have one of the supposed scientists- or _ringleaders_ in your case- sitting by a general’s side while we all pretend we get along. Otherwise-” 

“Try threatening me again and see what happens.” Risking your luck. You would not be pushed around. You would not stand while he threw hypotheticals about ripping your team apart. No matter if what he was saying was true. When he balked, “I _understand_, Mr. Talbot.” 

Bristling even harder, “That’s _General Talbot_ to you.” 

You ignored him. “It seems like I have no choice but to accept this position. But I’m still unclear about what this has to do with SHIELD.” 

“SHIELD hired your people. Brought them together without anyone’s knowledge. Without anyone’s _permission_, even. Now that they’re in the water, we need to show you belong to us and not them.” 

“SHIELD had the government’s permission. Just because you people pretend like that’s not the case doesn’t make it so.” This wasn’t the _only_ thing you had to defend. And on the next breath, “And we don’t belong to _anyone_.” This was a mistake, and you hated that you took his bait so easily. _Panic_ was not a good color on you. 

He seized it with a smirk. “Then that makes you vigilantes. Which makes you _criminals_. Enhanced or not. We can make a jail cell for everyone on your team. Don’t try me.” He was getting _closer_, pointing a finger very near to your face. “Because that’s the next stop. You start pissing off America with this superhero bullshit, you can be sure the other nations of the world will fall in line. Goes the other way around, too. Just in case you were curious.” His grin was terrible. “That’s not a _threat_ by the way. That’s just facts.” 

_But it was_.  
You didn’t want to deal with this _now_. You didn’t want to face this _now_.  
...and you wouldn’t have to. If you just sat by their side like an obedient dog and barked when they commanded _speak_. 

It was all too true. The Avengers operated in some seriously muddy waters. Ellis allowed it. You assumed it was because you’d helped him. More than he deserved, and never just for _him_. For the people of his nation, the reason you’d gone to war in New York with aliens. And the reason you’d go on more missions yet to… to do what you had to do. Yes. In the name of that fabled _peace and justice_. 

But what if Ellis revoked his permission? What if America turned its back on you? What if they labeled the Avengers a terrorist organization, just like they had done to SHIELD? _What then_? What could any of you do?

You had no choice. You had to eat this.  
For your family. 

“When next month are you addressing the United Nations about this? My schedule is dense.” Letting _defeat_ show. It would go just as long of a way in placating this Talbot. 

“March 7th.” With your acquiescence, he seemed to slow a little. 

“I’ll be there.” Making sure to hold a steady gaze with him. He’d won now. Sure. He had you where he supposedly wanted you. And you’d take that with your head held high. 

It worked. He seemed to feel a little _uneasy_. There was also a strange sense of _guilt_. “For what it’s worth… SHIELD was good, when it was good. But I think we both know they let themselves get away with a lot. Simply because they knew they could.” 

You shifted your stance. “And you think the Avengers are headed down the same road?” 

“I questioned it. But less so now.” Holding his hand out again. When you took too long he frowned. “Make no mistake. This is what’s best for everyone.” 

Giving him your best dead-eyed stare, “I’m sure you think that.” Ignoring the last chance to shake his hand, no matter how petty that was. Turning to Ellis, “Is that all, sir?” 

His lips thinned, pressed tight for a moment and then he nodded. “For now. We’ll follow up before the meeting.” 

Adjusting your purse on your shoulder you turned very sharply and headed for the door. Just before you could put your hand on it, Talbot spoke up again. “By the way… you wouldn’t happen to know anything about the breaking, entering, and robbing of one of our facilities, would you? We’re missing some _sensitive equipment_ from a vault.” 

You didn’t even turn to look at him. “I’m sure I know as much about that as you know about dismantled Stark Industries property illegally being harbored and utilized.” Much as you’d taken a beating, you had to remind these people you still had bite in you. You were not a woman to be trifled with. 

Not waiting for whatever stupid thing he was going to say next, you let yourself out of the Oval Office, and Happy immediately got up once he saw you. You remained silent, head down, especially assaulted again by the press once outside. Your nerves were frayed. Your edges were cracked. 

And…  
A deep terrible part of you just felt like _crying_.  
Like you’d just been called into the principal's office over you and your friends doing something _bad_. And now you were _in trouble_. **A lot of trouble**. 

But that made you _weak_. You couldn’t break down over this. Barely anything had happened- _yet_. 

A headache was coming on strong as you held every part of yourself back. You could not allow yourself to crumble over this. You had to be strong. _For them_. Because this was only the first stop. You knew that. You could sit at Talbot’s side in front of the world and play the good puppy, but this wouldn’t stop there. Maybe it would be a year from now- two- five- maybe you’d get lucky and get away with _ten_. 

But it didn’t matter.  
The world was getting bigger now. And much more dangerous. 

Talbot was right. Your group might as well have been seen as the next nuclear bomb. 

And eventually some treaties were going to have to be written.  
To keep you from being used. 

* * *

You sat in silence, the cabin as dark as you could make it. One thought kept circling: _would you ever get a fucking break_? Was life ever going to be fair? Would it ever just _stop_ being like this? Or was _this_ it. _This_ was all you got. This was what you signed up for. This was what you had to keep doing. 

Until it crushed you. Like it was doing now. 

Tony met you on the runway, like he promised, after the jet had landed. He looked like he was ready to go out somewhere but his smile evaporated the _second_ he laid eyes on you. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?” 

You couldn’t even look at him. “I just need to go home.” 

His frown was _heavy_. “Yeah. Alright…” Opening your door for you and then closing it carefully after you sat down. You slumped in your seat, eyes lost as you stared ahead. Once he got in he started the car and pulled off the tarmac. “Honey… you gotta give me something. What are we dealing with here?” 

He was _concerned_.  
For _you_. Not the team. Not what had happened- but how it had happened, and what it had done to _you_. 

Your body ached for some sort of catharsis. And that was maybe why watery words bubbled out of you before you could rethink them, “We’re never gonna have a life…” Reaching your hands up as the realization dawned, tears leaking from your eyes. You had to cover them. Try and hide your _shame_. 

There were worse things and you were worried about… well… 

“_What_?” It was your _sadness_ that cut through him so suddenly, causing him to hit the brakes, pulling off to the side of the road after. 

Your breathing very suddenly was not under control. “I’m sorry- I just-” 

Parked, he half reached over, hands gentle at your wrists. “Don’t be _sorry_\- just _talk _to me- what’s going on? What happened?” 

He managed to get one hand away from your face, but the other rubbed at your temple as an incoherent mess escaped you. “We’re stuck in SHIELD’s fever dream- and we’re never gonna stop paying the price for it- we’re never gonna have a life- this is it- this is what it’s _always_ going to be-” Some part of you had been holding out hope. Maybe Ultron would fix this. Maybe it would allow you to be _normal. _

But there was no normal. And you’d been ignoring that Tony had been getting frustrated and angry over the lack of progress- because if he wasn’t making progress that meant you really were going to have to accept that this superhero fantasy was going to go on forever. And it was only going to get more and more dangerous until one or both of you died. 

And not in a good way, either. It would be _terrible_. You were sure of this. Someone would drag you kicking and screaming to a painful death. All because you wanted to _save the world_. 

Because of this, you weren’t free. You weren’t free to have a life with Tony. To plan. To grow. To do anything but be slave to this and all its facets. All the ways you had to _pay_ for it, all the ways you had to _clean up after it_-

Tony sat, utterly _helpless_ while you blubbered some of this out to him. A weeping wreck so very quickly. But this had been months in the making, if not _years_. You’d been fooling yourself, thinking New York had in any way changed things for the better. Or SHIELD going belly-up into the river. Things had only gotten verifiably _worse _since then. And they’d continue to get sucked into that vortex until the bitter _end_. And you were realizing, _now_, it wasn’t just the loss of raising a family together with him. It was the loss of _everything_ with him.

And you were _selfish_ you knew. Because you were crying over the loss of one, or at least a pair of lives. Inconsequential, right? In the grand scheme of things? Billions on this planet. What did one or two matter? You should have been able to put yourself aside for that _greater good_. It was selfish to be this distraught over finally coming to grips with this. 

_This_ was your life. And it was no life at all. It never could be. You’d been foolish, letting yourself get lulled into lofty, unobtainable dreams of _marriage_. Of being in love. Of just having a _normal_ life. 

You were not normal.  
You never had been.  
You never would be. 

Why did you keep coming back to this? You thought you’d accepted this- that this was your last stop as a person. You’d grieved the loss of an actual future where you weren’t just a weapon to bring peace. Then you’d been fooled into thinking maybe it wouldn’t always be this way. _But it would_. You needed to just stop lying about it, to stop letting Tony lie to you about it- no matter how good his intentions were. 

You both needed to just wake up and come together on this. There was no future for you like this. You’d love each other, and stand by each other. But this would be the thing that would kill you. 

Something you’d warned Tony about so very long ago. This was the life he had chosen, and you right after him. There would be no rest. There would be no normal. And in the end you would die living this exact life. With almost nothing to show for it. 

But at least… at least you could hope the world would be better off. Because if _someone_ didn’t get _something_ out of your suffering… then there really would be no point at all. 

* * *

Tony was absolutely sure there had never been anything so _painful_ in his entire life than sitting across from the woman he loved while she _wept_ about the loss of her future. _Their_ future. And not just that. Really, it was the loss of freedom. Of choice. Because of a single one they’d stuck to. That they _had_ to. 

She saw no _future_ with him where they were happy. No _future_ that was their own. She seemed to think they merely existed to belong to the people. To some notion of justice. Of protection. And that was it. They had no identity beyond fighting for what was right, and fighting around that to keep up pace with everything else. 

Ellis and some man named Talbot had apparently threatened her- her _and_ the team, in that meeting. And it had scared her enough to retreat. To go back to believing there was nothing in this life for either of them, but knew that they had to remain prisoners to it regardless. They couldn’t just _walk away_. She was spiraling now, unable to see past any of it. The man in black and what that meant- the woman before her- SHIELD dying, the aliens- everything being _stolen_\- and now on top of it the government was bearing down hard on _her_. Threatening _her_ because of _**them**_.

So that was it. This was it for them. At least, that’s what she seemed to think. And it was _killing_ her. 

Which made it no surprise when he found himself wiping at his own eyes, trying to take a settling breath that hitched in his chest, trying to steady himself so he could be _strong_ for her. She needed someone in her corner. She just needed _someone_. 

He put a hand at the side of her head, directing her closer in the small space of the car, down until she was holding to him, face buried in his shoulder. No one had the right to do this to her. _Not to her_. No one had the right to make her feel this way. But it wasn’t really a person, Ellis or Talbot be damned. It was a concept. A notion. 

...how was he supposed to fight against _that_? 

After he was able to get her to _breathe_, struggling with her a long few moments, he made up his mind. He let silence sit for a little while before speaking softly. “I need you to take some time off.” And when she started to protest, he threaded his fingers through her hair. Tried to soothe her back off that edge. “You _need_ to take time off. SHIELD and the government- the scepter recon- all of it gets put aside starting now.” 

Her head was shaking and protests were starting. “I can’t just-” 

“Just the rest of the month.” And when she shifted back and looked up at him, that broken light still reflecting in her eyes, he reached up to cup her cheek in his palm. “Honey, I am _begging _you.” If he had to, then he would. And it seemed like there was no other way she would budge. “You’re losing yourself here. You’re losing _hope_.” 

She seemed like she might cry again, which was not in any way what he wanted to do to her. Her eyes closed tight. “I’m sorry- I’m overreacting- I’m just-” 

“Don’t be _sorry_. And you’re _not_. We’re under a lot of pressure, I get that. _So should you_.” She was careful with everyone else she loved but herself. She stood up for everyone else but _never_ herself. It broke his heart so completely. She deserved so much more than this. ...and it was his fault she couldn’t get it. He held her face in both her hands and as best he could, he assured her, “_It’s okay_.” And when she searched his eyes, he leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. “I love you. We’re gonna be okay. We’ll get there.” 

Reassuring her. The same way she had done for him.

Tony expected her to rebuff him. Maybe to ask how he could possibly know that. But what she did was worse. Because she did the same thing he had, when she’d talked him off a ledge and told him these exact words. He believed her then. And now-

With a lost whimper of a noise she crumbled into him again, holding on to him tight. Maybe, just maybe, _believing him_. Which might have been worse. 

Because he’d just promised the woman he was desperately, endlessly, hopelessly in love with that he would figure this out for them. That they _would_, that they _could_, have a future together. Something _safe_ and sustainable. And she’d just… accepted it. _Trusted him_. 

So now.  
Now he had to figure it out. He had to figure all of this out for her. _For them_. 

And for her? For her he’d do anything.  
She was lucky he was a genius. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's very uncomfortable, seeing in people you love so deeply, the darker parts of _yourself_. Tony is now sitting on the other side of the window of where they were at the beginning of Iron Man 3 except INY is the one who's lurching out of control now. And man. It sucks. 
> 
> But YEAH. Uh. The Avengers is a messy thing. And uh... yeah. We're slowly building up to the Sokovia Accords. The international community is very AWARE of the Avengers' presence and what that means, what it could mean- what it _will_ mean. And it'll only take one or two catastrophes to push them to a place where they're not tolerant of enhanced individuals running around doing whatever they want. 
> 
> This whole fucking thing is messy guys! Being a superhero isn't easy. It's really not even _fun_. So you have to hope to god you have something to show for it at the end of the day. Especially when it means you've forfeited your entire life. This is where INY is right now. Overloaded with too many things, feeling like she has to protect everyone the best she can, and... unable to make peace with that she has to give up everything in order to do that. It's very sad. I'm sad. 
> 
> ...okay thank you! Love you! Have a great weekend! 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙  
[Also edit: this chapter pushed us over HALF A MILLION WORDS WRITTEN. And on Tony's birthday too! Wow that's crazy!!!]


	126. Chapter 126

The best thing to do for her now was take her home and put her to bed, so that’s what Tony did. He’d actually had reservations at one of their favorite spots, but what she needed was to be somewhere comfortable. She needed to rest. He didn’t want to put more pressure on her, but her spiraling like she was had consequences that went beyond herself. He was sure she knew. They didn’t need to talk about it. He just needed to be strong enough to wade through it with her and get her back to a place of semi-_normal_.   
  
And until then… she needed to be in bed. Away from everyone else. It was why he went straight to the private elevators, arm around her tight, guiding her. Not leaving her side until he’d taken her all the way into the bedroom. While he’d wanted to see her actually put to bed, knowing she could use it, when she sat down and put her head in her hands, she mumbled something about taking a shower. 

It chipped away at him, seeing her like this. Wanting to fix it _immediately_ but not having the resources yet to do so. He’d make this better. _He would_. Kneeling in front of her, he helped her out of her heels. “You want me to stay?” The obvious thing to do- to start _making this better_\- was to head straight down to the labs and start working. But she was a wreck. And he didn’t want to leave her, if she thought she needed him in the immediate area. 

He could tell she was trying to put on a brave smile. Tight and worn as she looked down at him. They held that gaze for a moment as she reached over, touching the tips of her fingers across his forehead. The action felt like it _soothed_ them both. It was a question for another day, how he’d become so _tangled_ with her… her voice was drawn when she found it. “I’ll be alright. If you have something to do, go ahead.” 

“Nothing more important than you.” Trying to make her _understand_. All of this really boiled down to one simple fact. He could make grandiose gestures of justice all day for the rest of his life. He could employ Iron Man and the Avengers to save the world every other week. He could try to protect earth with his dying breath but in the end… 

Looking at her now, holding her hands against his face as she’d touched down to hold the sides of his jaw in her palms… he _sunk_ into her. Basked in the feeling of being here _with_ her and _for_ her. This was all for her. He needed her to be _safe_. He needed her to be more than okay. He wanted her to thrive. He wanted her to live and be _happy_. And they just… they weren’t there. Nowhere near it. 

The thought left him softly, “I love you.” Holding her as she still held on to him, eyes closing for just a moment. She’d been there as much as she could when he’d been having troubles- and still was, but almost nothing compared to what she was now being tortured by. She had the literal weight of the world on her shoulders so suddenly. While everyone else was content to sit in conference rooms and argue about the merits of _right and wrong_ she went to _work_.

_For them_. 

She **suffered**. 

_For them_. 

Her voice wasn’t all there when she answered him. “I love you, too, Tony.” A balm for the soul. _His_, in fact. Because nothing made him feel better than hearing her say those words. He tried on a smile for her, and felt better when she found an easier one to shine back at him. “If I need you I’ll call. I promise.” 

Giving him permission to leave her side to go work on some lofty dream of getting them anywhere near normal. One thing had become very clear. They had to get out _soon_. The goals they’d laid out at the end of five years were in jeopardy, so she thought, and five years was inching closer, and the longer they didn’t _get out_ the more they lost the chance at them. He had to finish this. Or else… 

He gave her a nod. “Alright.” Shifting up, one hand on the bed, he leaned in just to press a kiss to her forehead. Lingering there for maybe a little too long. Hoping being near to her imparted the same sort of calm he always felt with her, when he found himself in moments like this. She was already dealing with enough, he really should have just let her be. But as he stood in the doorway and watched her shrug out of her jacket and unbutton her shirt, he hated himself for calling her attention again. “Honey?” 

She looked up at him. “Yeah?” 

Because it was _her_, he had to hold himself emotionally steady. A hard enough thing to do when he had felt his heart slamming against his chest the entire ride home. Even worse now, as she looked up at him with those big, soft eyes of hers. Waiting. He had a split second to decide whether or not to leave it alone, and… “Earlier today- I’ve been thinking about it- you said Banner and I already found the scepter once. Were you thinking of the Tesseract?” 

It had been circling his brain angrily ever since it had come out of her mouth. And he’d had a long chat with Bruce about it, too. Though they’d both agreed at the table, he was worried about her sudden _revision_ of history. She seemed confused, a cloud took over her eyes. Then she seemed a little flush with embarrassment. “I guess I was, yeah. I’m sorry. The thing with Loki- I guess I just have them all mixed together after everything that happened.” 

He understood that. Like some ugly mass. All inseparable. All part of the same thing. It made sense, but… 

She suddenly seemed sad. “Did I make things harder for you and Bruce? I’m sorry.” 

Quickly he shook his head. “Nah. We’re fine. Don’t worry about it.” At least this was the truth. They had more than enough data to work with. “It’s a lower level of emission with the gamma pulses, but we should still be fine enough to start tracking it.” He played at casual with a shrug and crossed his arms. “Anyway. Seriously. Don’t worry about it. Just relax. When you’re ready for dinner just let me know.” A hot shower and a nice meal would probably do her some good. And a long night’s sleep. _And_ taking the rest of the month off. If she would let herself. 

Her smile eased him at least a little. “Okay. I love you.” He never got tired of hearing her say that. It always drove a _warmth_ so deep in his chest. 

He couldn’t help his smile. “I love you, too.” Truer, he was sure, every time he said it. 

With that he left the bedroom, and gave Dvahli with a stern warning that she better stop lounging and go curl up and provide some much needed cat love in his absence. Something he was _sure_ the cat understood, as she lifted herself off of the coffee table (a place she wasn’t even supposed to be) and slinked her way past him and into the bedroom. Feeling pretty sufficient that she would be okay, he hit the button to call the elevator and got himself back down to the lab. 

Bruce was in their private section, set up and working on a handful of things. Though he looked up as Tony entered. “Short date night?” 

Tony sighed. “_No_ date night.” And, deciding to be candid, he dropped himself onto one of the work stools and looked over at him. “She’s rubbed a little raw. Ellis has her on some council overseeing enhanced individuals as far as the United Nations is concerned.” At least that’s what Tony _thought_ he got out of her weeping explanation of what had happened. He’d need to talk to her a bit more coherently about it later. When she was better. 

But this put a pause in Bruce. “That sounds… _bad_.” Then he quickly held a hand up. “Not that- not that I think she can’t handle it. She’s probably the best person for that job. But…” 

“Yeah. Sounds like we’re heading for a disaster.” Agreeing. Agreeing _easily_ because that’s what had turned her so completely upside down like that. This spelled a lot of trouble. It was a bandaid, at best. “All the more reason to try and figure out this Ultron project now, wouldn’t you agree?” Forcing a grin. 

“We’ve got a few things more pressing than that fantasy, I think. Speaking of… did you ask her about…” Lowering his voice as if he was scared they were being eavesdropped on. 

“Yeah. I did.” Taking a breath he crossed his arms. “She said she’s just kind of wrapped all that Loki stuff up together. Pretty much what I figured.” 

Bruce’s eyes lowered. “Yeah. Alright. What about the... _other _thing?” 

A heaviness settled over the room. Tony’s heart ached. “Not right now. Besides. We don’t even have all the data yet.” 

“You can’t put it off forever, Tony.” 

“Not forever.” They both shared a look. But one Tony’s eyes dropped from. In partial guilt. “Just not right now.” 

Bruce frowned but nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Understood.” A long sigh left him. “Well. In that case. You wanna pick up where we left off?” 

Brushing past all that, Tony lurched off his stool and went over to Bruce’s workstation. “You read my mind.” Pulling a few holograms off the tabletop and into the air, “Ready to wrap on VERONICA?” 

“One less thing to worry about, I suppose.” 

* * *

Someone was calling your name, you were sure.   
Except it didn’t sound like your name. The shape was different.  
But it was surely _your name_. 

You were hot. So hot you thought you might catch fire any moment.   
You had no idea where you were. Seemingly, maybe, nowhere. Just a deserted existence underneath a vast sky.   
  
There were noises. Too many. Hard to pick any single one out- except the cry of a name that was yours but wasn’t _yours_. And then, when you focused, still more screams yet in a language you didn’t know. Cries of pain. Sounds of… war? Attacks? Metal on metal on flesh.  
  
People you loved were _dying_\-   
And then- 

Then you awoke in a sheen of heavy sweat and even heavier breathing. In bed in the penthouse. Your home. _Safe_, but panicking. The bed was empty, which made panicking that much easier to do. Flinging the covers aside you half fell to the floor on your hands and knees, trying to even out your breathing but failing hard. It felt like a great weight was bearing down on you. Your chest was seizing. _You couldn’t breathe in here. _

It powered your limbs into flight, pushing yourself to stand, falling into the bedroom door and then wrenching it open, stumbling out into the living room where Tony was drenched in the light of his holotop table. Your sudden appearance and bumbling around startled him- he was calling you- _your name_\- your actual name- along with a few, “Honey-”s thrown in. But you kept barreling forward towards the deck. And once you pulled the sliding glass door open, you fell out on hands and knees just trying to _breathe_. 

The air up there so high froze you to your core- more so was the steely downpour of icy rain as it soaked you, but it at least was refreshing in a punishing sort of way. But it wasn’t really helping, as your fingers clawed into expensive rooftop flooring and tears streamed past your lashes. Tony was there in another moment in a half kneel, one arm around you, his other hand holding an umbrella over the both of you- murmuring something. _Words_. But you felt the easy, recognizable heat of _affection_ and _worry_ in the place of actual understanding. 

Eventually the sound of his voice evened out past your ears and short strings of sentences actually started to hold meaning as he carried you through remembering how to _breathe_. Remembering that you were _ther_e, with him. _Safe_. And _okay_. Things your body and mind had forgotten in the flight of extreme panic. When all was said and done you found yourself thoroughly petered out, on your hands and knees bent so far forward your head was pressed against the floor of the deck, Tony’s hand sweeping up and down along your spine in long, slow passes. 

He was shivering, same as you, still _speaking_, but it was more the cadence of his low voice that helped the rest of your cognizance gather. Your _shame_ was swift and just as punishing. “I’m sorry…” And, just like the child you felt like, as you sat up, you wiped your tears and snot on the back of your sleeve. Very dignified. 

“I’m the last person you need to apologize to.” Careful with you, as always, as he settled a hand on the back of your head, cradling the umbrella at the juncture of his shoulder so he could move his other hand to yours, helping you steady yourself as the both of you knelt there. 

“I was dreaming- having a nightmare-” Correction easy. No _dream _would have sent you in a spiral even as you laid there unconscious. Your hand raised up, absently clutching at your chest where you felt the painful heave of your heart. _Hesitancy _swirled around Tony as you lifted your head and looked at him. Perhaps unsure whether or not to let you go on. When he was quiet just long enough, “I think it was about my parents.” 

A sliver of _guilt_ cut through the air between the both of you. Even in all your time together, you and Tony had never talked about your parents. Met with a vicious and violent ending. Your past- by design. _Yours_. You’d never wanted to. And you were sure some part of him respected and understood that. But still, you had always assumed… tucked away in police files and permanent records… something accessible that he had looked into. Probably around the time of your hiring. 

Due diligence some would call it.   
Others might call it snooping. 

Either way, it must have been stolen knowledge that knocked a piece of _regret _loose. Because now you were struggling, and he wasn’t sure how to bring up his own understanding without revealing his hand. All these years later. 

But his _feelings_ were weighing you down, killing you while you were still too raw. So you dropped a shaking hand to his knee and let your head fall forward. “It’s okay.” _I know you know_. 

This only seemed to _hurt_ him worse, but he put himself aside. He was not important just then. He swallowed hard. “...why now?” Instead opting to try and push forward to do whatever it took to help you. 

A very valid question. Some terrible tragedy that you’d been insistent on not being the foundation for your entire life. Not being the reason people felt sorry for you constantly. Not being the reason you were handed things, or looked at differently. Something you wanted… _terribly_ to move on from. “I don’t know.” Voice shaky, when you found it, still sniffling. “Maybe it’s just the stress…” Trying to reach for any conclusion to make it not appear worse than it was. 

Just brain garbage all vomiting up all at once underneath immense distress. Sure. That made sense. 

“Well… what’d’you know…” Steadying himself a little. Realizing too little too late, as you always did, that your anxiety had _infected_ him. But that he’d struggled to keep it together _for you_. His smile was tight as you looked up at him. “Great time for a vacation, wouldn’t you say?” 

You aimed your weakest smile back at him, something that lasted all of two seconds before you shifted over, coming in closer to just collapse into him. Pressing your hands at his chest and hiding your face in his shoulder. He was _warm_, even out here in the freezing rain. And perhaps you stayed there a little too long, because eventually he spoke again. 

“...you alright to go back inside?” _Worried_, still. And gentle. At your wordless nod, he moved into a small crouch, reclaiming the umbrella in one hand, sticking his other out close to yours. With such _ease_ he helped you back to your feet, though in that moment the loss of energy became easily recognizable. “Do you want to go back to bed?” 

...even still. Tired as you were… “No. Can I just… I don’t want to bother you-”

“You _never_ bother me.” 

“-...can I just. Sit with you? While you work?” 

His hand lifted a little higher up, settling at the back of your head again, bringing you in close so he could press a kiss to your hair. “Of course.” 

After a fresh change of dry clothes you snuggled up on the couch closest, and Dvahli was close behind, turning into a little vibrating ball of purrs in your lap. You picked at some warmed up dinner that you’d ignored earlier, and felt grateful for a steaming cup of earl gray all while Tony used you as a sounding board for a project he was just finishing up on. 

You’d been aware of the Hulk Buster armor that he and Bruce had been devising as a worse case scenario. But it was a true testament to how busy you’d let yourself become that it was now in its final stages. Comfortable and content, you drifted off just around the time Tony was detailing the AI- 

VERONICA.   
Tony swore up and down it stood for something…   
_Very. Experienced. Reconnaissance. Operation. Nested. Inside. Cached… _Drifting- had he said- _Atmosphere? Automaton_? Getting harder to remember by the second...

But. There was a telling _hint_ of amusement that told you it was some sort of inside joke that you both weren’t privy to and weren’t awake enough to get. Even so… 

You remembered the curve of his voice and the beauty of his smile, the way he looked awash in holographic lights as you dozed off. Only disturbed briefly a little later as he turned you to lie down and tucked you in. Not sending you back to the bedroom alone- something else, even in your hazy half-unconscious state you were intensely _grateful_ for. 

Just to have him near… 

* * *

He protected you, when various members of the team came to call during _business hours_. It probably wasn’t the wisest thing for you to be _hiding_, especially not with what was ahead. But. It helped to clear your mind, not having to deal with _any _of that stuff. The reprieve would be short. Intensely short. March would be soon. 

Even shorter than you knew, as you sat in the back portion of a cafe, Happy on security detail. Just trying to pretend like you were _normal_ and that you were _enjoying life_. A newspaper out front had caught your attention. The New York Bulletin’s detailing of how a masked marauder by the name of Daredevil had brought down Wilson Fisk. 

Just as you were finishing the article- some very juicy stuff about Fisk’s pretend good-man initiative turning out to be a money-laundering scheme involving lots of mafia moves and drugs- Happy approached your table. “Sorry to bother you.” 

You smiled up at him. “Don’t worry about it. What’s the matter?” 

He hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “Some guy wants to speak with you. Normally I wouldn’t break protocol but…” Protocol being that you were here enjoying coffee and a pastry like a _normal citizen_. And that you were technically on a sabbatical. So no one was to disturb you.

Shifting in your seat you tilted to see a very unassuming man standing at the front of the cafe. Dressed in a very beat up looking suit. He looked a little beat up himself. Dark glasses on. Cane in his hand- not just any cane. One of the ones used for the visually impaired to help see where they were going. You waved Happy in closer. “Not to be… I’m not trying to be rude…” Dropping your voice. “Is he blind?” 

“I think so, yeah.” 

“Then how does he know I’m here?” The only reason you cared about it. 

Happy seemed momentarily stunned. “_Oh_. I didn’t uh…” Didn’t think about it, is what he meant. 

You watched as the man in question smiled briefly with a shake of his head. Almost as if he’d _heard_ you. Deciding that _again_ coincidences weren’t a thing in your reality, you acquiesced. “Alright. Let him over.” 

With the order given, Happy gave a nod and then slowly walked back over to the man. They had a brief exchange and then the man walked your way. No assistance necessary. When he stopped at your table, you looked up at him. He was still smiling. “Thanks for letting me through your security, ma’am.” 

“You’re welcome. How can I help you?” 

“My name is Matthew Murdock. Of Nelson and Murdock.” Reaching his free hand up, he very obviously _pretended _to fumble around, patting his jacket down. “I thought I had a card…” 

You put an end to the charade. “And what can I do for you, Matthew Murdock of Nelson and Murdock?” 

Without the same _act_ of grasping around, he reached out for the chair nearest and took a seat. “I wanted to say thank you. To you and Stark.” 

Unable to help yourself, your eyebrow arched. “Thank you for what?” 

His lips were a bitter twist of a grin. “We don’t have to play pretend. No one’s listening.” 

“I don’t know who you are.” Said about as honestly as you could. 

“Sure you don’t.” Grinning still. 

Tipping your head, “I don’t. ...you’re making it a little too obvious now but. I _didn’t_ when you walked up.” Not needing to be fantastic at deduction for this. It was clear. This was the man in black. Or, now Daredevil, as the media was calling him. 

He sat there in silence for a moment until a small ripple of _astonishment_ touched him. Either trusting your truth or… perhaps _sensing_ you were indeed being honest. Well. Tony had pegged him as enhanced. You wondered in which ways. “...you really didn’t.” Seemingly pretty floored by this revelation. “But Stark-”

“Tony does, yes. I told him I didn’t want to know. Because I figured that was none of my business.” Being straight with him. “Or anyone else’s, for that matter.” 

“Stark didn’t seem to feel that way.” Just a tiny touch of _agitation_. You couldn’t blame him, really. 

But even so. “Tony is… he’s heavy-handed, when he thinks he’s being pushed against a wall. Fisk threatened us, so he started digging. You were probably just a pleasant surprise.” Defending Tony. As always. You sighed. “Even so. It’s wrapped up now, I just read. So. The data will get vanished. You have my word. ...and good work, by the way.” 

His smile was a little more friendly, after only a few bare seconds of consideration. “Well. Then that’s double the gratitude.” He reached out, aiming to shake your hand but his direction was a little _off_. 

You studied him. “...does the blind act work on everyone?” It was clear he could _see_. ...right? Or had you just said something utterly awful with no regard? He’d picked up that chair like he’d _seen_ it. He’d _seen_ you through a window, probably. He’d walked over to your table with no help of direction. 

Apparently you _surprised_ him just a little, because a short laugh escaped him. “Worked on your goon.” 

“Happy is _not_ a goon and if you insinuate so again I’ll have you thrown out.” Half-joking. ...maybe a quarter. You wouldn’t let anyone talk about Happy like that. But your nervousness got the better of you. “You aren’t really blind, right?” ...god you hoped not or else you would be just about the biggest asshole in existence right then.

“Can’t imagine how that would look. _CEO of Stark Industries throws blind man out of a public cafe_.” It was your giggles that turned his own laughter back out. He was a surprisingly pleasant person, when his entire world wasn’t being threatened and he wasn’t playing tough. Maybe he thought the same of you, because there was a light thrum of _ease_ and _enjoyment _that he was otherwise trying to hide. Maybe just because he was making you sweat a little, as he’d sidestepped your question. Thankfully, when his chuckles died down, “Yes. I am blind.” 

You considered this. He wasn’t _lying_, but… “But you see in other ways. -not the general ways that come with being blind.” Going in full here. This was assuming a lot. 

“You’re very astute.” But you were rewarded for your boldness. 

Unable to help your smile, “I have to be when I accuse a blind man of not being blind. Huge PR disaster otherwise.” 

A softer noise of amusement left him but then he started nodding. “Yeah. Well. Please accept my gratitude. For everything.” 

“I didn’t do anything.” Assuming he was thanking you for whatever Tony had given him. “If you want to thank Tony, he likes sunflowers. And will only accept _grand_ gestures, I assure you.” 

He stood, helping himself to his feet with one hand on his cane, the other he extended again. Straighter this time. “You did more than you think.” 

Giving him a firm shake you decided not to fight this. “Whatever you say. But. I’m serious about the sunflowers.” 

Matthew laughed again with a drop of his head. “I’m a little strapped for cash right now but I’ll try my best.” 

“I’ll order them for you in that case.” 

“Well now you’re just putting me in debt.” 

“Don’t be scared to stop by the Avengers Tower. We can discuss how much you owe.” While you didn’t know much about him yet, he seemed amicable and definitely like someone you wanted to keep around. 

“I have a lot of cleaning up to do of my own personal life if you don’t mind, and Hell’s Kitchen needs someone, too after this mess. But… if I ever decide to be less _local_, I’ll think about it.” 

Before he could turn and walk away you allowed a little bit of seriousness to enter. “Sometimes it’s not about being local, Matthew. Sometimes it’s just about needing people like us to do what’s right when no one else can.” 

His back was turned to you, and he went quiet. _Thinking_ about this. It was almost a little surprising when he nodded. But it all died when he smiled again and instead of speaking on any of that, instead offered, “Call me Matt.” 

Whether he could see it or not, you smiled back. “It was nice meeting you, Matt.” 

“You, too.” 

He took one of your clouds with him, as you realized… you now had one less thing to worry about. 

How nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah.


	127. Chapter 127

March came too soon. “Vacation” was over before you knew it, and you honestly weren’t sure if you were all balanced. But that didn’t really matter. The world was not going to wait. On the 7th you were scheduled to be Talbot’s personal puppy as he addressed the United Nations. On the 12th you had a keynote speech about Stark Industries’ release of the Intellicrops project at the NYC Tech Convention. And before that… 

On the 3rd and 5th, you were now reading, sitting at your office desk, the Avengers had planned raids on two suspected Hydra bases. They’d gone on one without you, at the very end of February. You already sensed the team hadn’t been happy with your decision to step away and _keep_ away while they went out. _Guilt_ was heavy enough, but really it was the _disappointment_ you’d pretended not to notice as you took hold of your briefing folder on your first day back to work. 

While Tony and Bruce had had some other pressing projects to wrap up before they could start sweeping for the scepter, they couldn’t put it off forever. And, really, they _shouldn’t_. The team being mad at you was really nothing compared to what was going on behind the scenes. What Hydra was doing with that weapon, and the hundreds other they’d stolen… you were so inconsequential compared to all that. But. If that were true… 

Then why had you spent half a month at home?   
You figured that was what everyone was asking themselves. Each other. Tony, even. You didn’t have an answer for them other than your own cowardice and unhealthy state. But even that was probably not enough. 

All of it had to be put aside. It was time to go back to work now. That’s why you put your CEO duties aside that morning to go over the extensive briefing of what you’d missed. Tony had secured some rogue SHIELD properties that were meant to help the team. A few Quinjets that he was making modifications to. There was also some vague mention of a building upstate for housing purposes. You recognized it as an already _owned_ plot of land. Maybe one of Stark Industries’ old facilities? Tony hadn’t detailed it so it must have not been super important. It was being gut renovated right now. 

While Tony and Bruce had thought finding the scepter would be difficult, it apparently had been _quite_ a challenge. Not only were Hydra now scrambling signals, probably in an effort of foresight that _eventually_ what was left of SHIELD or the Avengers would come after that. The scepter, according to the report, already threw out low levels that were difficult to trace, and _only_ when it was active. So all of that culminated in a few hotspots that the team then had to go check out. There was a detailed list and some intel on every base the Avengers were scheduled to go hit. 

Something you supposed you should have read without missing a detail. But something else was bothering your brain. None of these bases were on United States soil. Which… well. That was a _problem_. Considering your _other problem_ that you were currently facing. 

In your extended downtime, a report had also come in from Ellis. Not too long ago. You wondered if this Enhanced Ambassadorship was all for show. He seemed not to care too much about it. Pulling you on so soon without a moment’s notice… basically telling you you had no say- and that all you had to do was sit by a general while he talked above you… none of it felt _good_. But what more could you do? 

“LUNA, open a secure line with President Ellis.” Opening up one of the holo-windows on your desk so you could start a conference. The Avengers had already hit one base in somebody else’s country. You needed to deal with this now. 

He left you on hold longer than you would have liked. But eventually his face popped up on the link and he looked nothing short of disgruntled. “This better not be about the conference next week.” Apparently so sure you were just unhappy enough to start finding your way out of things.

The truth was, of course, _you were_. But he must have had no sense of your loyalty for your family, if he really thought you’d start reneging _now_. “No. It’s about something a little more pressing.” 

“You have ten minutes.” 

“It’s... _slightly_ related.” Admitting this, trying to ease yourself. Regain the control you used to feel in situations like this. So suddenly it had all started slipping away. When he bristled you attempted a smile. “SHIELD left a lot more mess behind than you’re aware of. Hydra made off with a lot of sensitive material.” 

This put a silence into him. A _cold_ one of consideration. He sat forward at his desk. “How sensitive? Are we talking about-”

“Weapons. Yes, sir.” 

“...what kind of weapons?” 

“Extremely dangerous ones.” Trying to just toe the line here. Right now he didn’t exactly need to know, and you kind of wanted to test the waters on _his _trust of _you_. 

He regarded you for a long moment. “...and what do you want me to do about it?” 

“The Avengers are taking care of it.” Sitting a bit straighter in your seat, clasping your hands together lightly. 

Realization sparked in his eyes. “On foreign soil.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“You want me to authorize your people to invade countries to get this weaponry back. That’s what you called me for?” Getting just a touch angry. Probably because this was a little _too_ coincidental, what with the meeting with the United Nations seven days away… 

“I don’t need you to authorize _The Avengers_ to do anything. We’re going. Hydra stole United States property. The Avengers, who operate for the good of _all_ humanity, but just happen to do so _in_ the United States, are going to find them, apprehend them, and get it back. And I’m sure any country Hydra is found hiding inside of, with this dangerous stolen property, would be quick to denounce them. Don’t you think?” Finding your toughness and strength still holding steady after your little meltdown. _Thank god_. 

If you couldn’t do _this_ what could you do? 

You shared a long gaze with the President as he considered all this. If the Avengers got caught doing this, it could have huge repercussions, of course. Foreign countries might not like that enhanced individuals were using powers on their property. But not on their citizens. On Hydra. So the both of you had to come to an agreement, _now_, that if your team was found out doing this that you were both sure you could talk down a country from war in only the face of bad press of not wanting to be associated with Hydra. And not wanting to look like an enemy of the Avengers. 

The ones who saved not just New York from aliens, but the world. Those ones. You were sure the team had enough good press still behind it. It had been a few years, but it was still pretty fresh. 

But Ellis had to agree on that, too. Right now. 

And, thankfully, “...I appreciate you telling me about this. I figure you could have operated in the dark.” 

It wasn’t worth telling him that the team had already gone on one mission, and had you decided the President of the United States wasn’t worth informing just this morning, _nobody would have_. He didn’t need to know any of that. You gave him a nod. “I’m going over the UN stuff now. I’ll be on my best behavior while I’m there.” 

“...they don’t need to know about any of what you’re doing. Nobody does right now.” Staring you down. Apprehension was easy to sense, even from so far away. Easily read on his face. “Do we understand each other?” 

Basically telling you: _Don’t get caught_. 

“Understood, sir.” 

* * *

One terrible meeting out of the way for the day, you figured you should put your attentions into actual business things. That served you well, meetings and conferences and emails until about two PM. At that time you found yourself in the private lounge with your team (nicer than a small conference room for sure), as everyone took a seat on whatever couch was nearest them and pretended to go over their briefings while paying more attention to what had been stocked for lunch. 

It was strange, the isolation you felt. You also hoped it wasn’t on purpose. Even Tony had cozied up in a different corner of the room, perhaps absent-minded to you sitting by your lonesome as he chattered with Bruce about who knew what. But maybe you were part of the problem, too stuck in your head to notice anyone trying to pay attention to you. 

Steve took a seat beside you, startling you pretty hard. “Hey- sorry. I didn’t mean to-” 

“It’s okay.” Assuring him quickly. 

He regarded you for an uncomfortable amount of time. “You alright? You seem pretty lost.”

“I just have a lot on my mind.” Easy to say as he could never comprehend just _how much_ at this point. 

“I’m sure the feeling is mutual right about now.” 

“Listen up everyone.” Maria called everyone’s attention. Which was good. You weren’t sure how to respond to Steve. Whether to maybe find gratitude in the sameness of being overwhelmed or to feel annoyed that he was trying to compare notes. “If the raids in the next few days don’t prove successful, we’ll continue to our next two hotspots in the same on-off calendar days. According to Banner and Stark we just got a few more hits come in, so we need everyone to be prepared.” 

That would, of course, mean that the team was planning a strike on the 7th of March. And. Well… 

You stood. “I have an announcement.” Drawing all eyes your way as you moved closer to that focal point she was standing in. She stepped aside, crossing her arms. _Nervousness_ and _agitation_ both gripped the room. “President Ellis has basically ordered me to take the position of the United States’ Enhanced Forces Ambassador.” Already the room erupted in heated voices. “Alright- one at a time-” 

Clint was the first wise one to figure out a spot, raising his hand. So when you pointed his way, “That sounds _very _made up.” 

“It is.” Dry as you answered. “But _the President_ made it up. So I don’t really have a choice.” 

Natasha half raised a hand. “Let’s say you _did_ have a choice.” Asking what the alternatives were that had been presented to you. Trying to get all the information on this situation. As always. 

“_I don’t_.” Firm about this. “But if I _had _said no there was pretty much a threat that the President might think about disavowing us to the United Nations. Which is particularly important, considering we’re all about border crossing these days. Don’t you agree?” Not asking her specifically, sweeping a gaze around the room. 

Steve was the next one to speak. “And you have to report to him directly about all our activity now?” 

“No. That wasn’t part of the deal.” It wasn’t, so it didn’t matter if you already had done that earlier that morning.

Maria regarded you. “So what _was_ part of the deal?” The accusatory nature of this really rubbed you the wrong way. 

You had to steady yourself to not get angry. But it wasn’t your voice that spread across the room. It was Tony’s. He spoke calmly but _pointedly_ as he made his way slowly over to you, “The deal was she sits on a council with no authority and basically princess-waves to the United Nations to make them feel better so that we all get to stay in business. And it was either that or jail time for everyone in this room when a foreign country remembers what the word _terrorist_ means the next time one of us gets caught on camera on their soil.” He was by your side as he let a small silence weight what he said next. “Anyone got a problem with that?” 

Steve’s eyes were down when he was the first to speak after all that. “Is that where you’ve been since last month?” 

It was hard to know what vexed him so much about your disappearance. Maybe it was that you’d chosen politics over getting, what the team considered, work done? “I really was just taking a break.” 

Thor shuffled his shoulders. “Well the time for breaks is over. The longer the scepter is in Hydra hands the more danger it poses to your planet.” 

Their _disappointment_ in you was easily felt. Like a fresh slap. “I know. And I’m committed to getting it back. But I can’t go on the 7th. I have a meeting with the United Nations then.” 

Yet again, a flare of _upset_ from Steve brought your eyes his way just as he opened his mouth. “Were you even gonna tell us that if we hadn’t planned for a raid then?” 

You had to clamp down. _Extremely hard_. Showing nothing but a meager amount of disgust as your brows knit together. “Of course I was.” How could he even ask you something like that? “But I guess since the dates got ahead of me, you’ll just have to trust that I would have.” Meeting his eyes, not glaring, just… openly regarding him. 

He was the first one to break, head dropping in a nod. “I trust you.” But there was a sore sense of _guilt_ here that filled you almost to the brim. 

...he really _didn’t_ trust you anymore? 

“Good.” Just a little defensively, unable to help yourself. But the way everyone in the room was _staring_ at you… you crossed your arms, holding to yourself. “Look- guys- I don’t know what _changed_. We’re a team, you know? A family. I don’t like walking on eggshells around you. I’m not hiding anything. I’m trying to do what’s best for the team. _Always_. And if over the past few months that stopped becoming clear, then I’d like to talk about it. Because we can’t carry on this way.” Almost short of _pleading_ with everyone in that room. “We fought _aliens_. I know this other stuff has been _tough_, but we’re _tougher_.” 

You couldn’t start falling to pieces over every little thing. You needed them to be with you. To come together. It couldn’t go on like this. 

It would have been entirely too much to sit in silence after going off like that, so you were intensely grateful when Natasha aimed a smile up your way. “I’ve never questioned your judgment. I’m pretty sure nobody in this room has. But. Let _nobody_ feel free to correct me.” Her levity eased the tension pulling the room taught. 

Bruce’s voice held just a note of timid as he fumbled with his glasses in his hands. “I know SHIELD brought us in with folders and… some even with thinly veiled threats…” There was a wry smile, aimed Natasha’s way- one she reciprocated, even. Interesting. “-but. I don’t know of anyone else after the fact that put more care into what we are now. Or more work.” 

Tony held up a finger. “I’d like to request we pair the amount of _work_ going in as a _Team Stark_ venture.” A humorous round of _boo_’s hissed around the room and Clint even chucked a throw pillow Tony’s way. He scoffed. “Alright. _Message received_. Don’t ask me for more suit upgrades.” 

The air in the room was much _warmer_ than when you’d sat down, and it was very nice. One less thing to worry about. Murmurs of approval seemed to be going around. While it would have been nice to hope this was the last semi-scuffle all of you got into, you doubted it. But… teams fought, right? That was normal. As long as you could just be the _big adult_ and talk things through with them… hopefully that would be enough every time. 

* * *

It was absolutely too much to ask that either mission would be the one that ended things. Too much to ask that on either of those two missions you actually found the scepter and the stolen Chitauri parts and called it a day. _Too much_. Neither mission ended in a critical success. But there was at least one silver lining to both. 

Getting to know how your team operated in close quarters was really a blessing in disguise. They’d found their stride on the first mission it seemed. Were able to bounce off one another with no problem, _communicate_ with no problem. It was easy fitting into a world with this compact team. 

Before every send off, Tony and Steve would go over key details. Tony would usually brandish his knowledge about and pull bunker info and relevant entry points. And then Steve would direct the entire team where they needed to be. Once out on the battlefield things were hectic and not everything went to plan. Hydra was more than well enough equipped to try and defend themselves.

Which was telling enough.   
They were supposed to be a dead faction, most captured and being tried for their crimes. Yet this organization hosted multitudes of soldiers and weaponry that- while couldn’t stand up to the might of the Avengers- did a damn good job of at least defending their base for more than thirty minutes at a time. 

You learned that Bruce had been held back in the jet, agreed upon by all parties. Unless a “Code Green” went into effect. Which would mean Hulk was a necessary player on the field. On the second mission this got utilized, when a few tanks rolled up on the ground team and you and Tony were busy trying to take down a bunker shield. By the time you’d gotten back with empty hands to show for it, Natasha had ventured off to try and quell the Hulk’s anger and turn the tide. 

They had prepped- _already_\- for what life looked like in your absence. Maybe it was for the best. You weren’t always available. You wouldn’t always be around to try and calm Hulk down. Even if you _were_ in battle with them, there was no guaranteeing your being up to it. This was _good_, you told yourself. That they had all these second options. That Steve and Tony led the charge in your _single absence_ so much so that when you sat back the next two times it just felt like… _normal_. 

..._maybe it was good_, you continued to tell yourself on the next flight back on the Quinjet. Maybe… maybe it meant that _eventually_ they wouldn’t need you anymore in this capacity. ...hopefully they’d let go of Tony, too. Maybe. Someday. ...someday you could step away and feel good about it. Even in Ultron’s absence, although that would have helped immensely. Maybe one day… _retirement_ wouldn’t seem so far fetched. 

* * *

The morning of the 7th you saw the team off on the flight deck just before sunrise. Tony was the second to last to load in. There seemed to be no more hard feelings about you missing a raid, which was good. Because you literally could not miss this meeting. With a small pat to his chest and a kiss to his cheek, “Please find the thing.” 

His grin was weak at best. “No one wants to find the thing more than I do.” Putting an arm around you, he pulled you close for a tight half hug. “Besides, I want all the glory of bringing it home. Obviously.” 

Thor passed you both and clapped Tony so hard on the shoulder it bounced you back a little. “We can discuss glories after we’ve secured the scepter.” Boots falling hard on the up-ramp, though he seemed in a _good_ mood despite his antics. 

Tony sighed and gave you a small shrug. “Duty calls. Dinner later?” 

“If I get through this meeting in one piece.” 

“You’ll do great.” Hands rubbing up and down your arms a few times over as if he could soothe away all your jitters. He left you with a too-short goodbye kiss. And then you watched, holding yourself still as the jet pulled up and into the sky. Your team aboard. While you… 

You had to stay behind. And get ready in a sharp suit and a clear mental state. Because this meeting wasn’t going to be easy. Even if you were expected to talk as little as possible. Media were parked out front, _as always._ You made sure to clip on your absolutely ridiculous EFA badge to your jacket as you stepped out onto the sidewalk of the United Nations Headquarters. Head up, ignoring the press crying your name. 

Really, it could have been a normal day.   
On the docket was a greeting lunch, where all these representatives like to lounge around lavishly. Eat things that were way too expensive, and no doubt _gossip_. You were no stranger to these environments. Really, if left alone, you probably could have excelled here far more than you would have liked. 

But as you stepped into the private lunchroom after checking in, Talbot was the first to greet you. “Good to see you, ma’am.” He seemed _agreeable_ and in good spirits. Probably a good thing. 

“And you, sir.” Unfortunately, now that he was at your side… the swallowing of pride had to begin. “Where would you like me?” 

“Well, just between you and I, the _cool kids_ have a table I like to sit at.” Grinning, but you weren’t actually sure if he was making a joke or not. 

You tried _very hard _not to visibly scrutinize him. “You have a speech prepared for later? Or are you more of an off-the-cuff kind of man?” 

He cleared his throat, adjusting his coat with all his wondrous battle-won splendors dangling upon it. “A little of both. Don’t worry. I don’t need you to speak.” 

“That’s never been clearer.” Allowing yourself a minimal amount of sass. Otherwise you might explode. 

Luckily, he seemed to let it slide. Though his slight flair of _annoyance_ clued you in to the fact that that was probably the only one you’d get. “Come on. A lot of people want to meet you.” 

“Lucky me.” Okay. Maybe _two_. 

Talbot was right, though. There was a strange mix in the air, as eyes followed you around the room. Definitely at least in your favor, as most of the electricity you sensed in the air was _excitement_\- though there were slight parts _anxiousness_ as well. You supposed that couldn’t be helped. Until you personally made the rounds to each table and explained _why_ you were here- it might have appeared as though an Avenger was escorting a general around the United Nations. Kind of sloppy optics but…

You hadn’t been asked for your opinion on this event or how to host it. So that’s how things went. Once you shook enough hands and people started playing the telephone game on their own, the air definitely shifted a bit more comfortably. Though you bought food and sat _at the cool kid’s table_, you picked at it, kind of slightly _overwhelmed_ with a little too much. There were too many people here feeling too many things in this large yet enclosed space.

And despite the situation needing your immediate attention, your thoughts were with Tony. With the team. They’d reacted negatively at first to the thought of you being here, but you wanted to be _anywhere else_. A thought that had never struck you so hard until Talbot nudged you to get up because brunch time was over. Enough people had sipped at mimosas for long enough to be pliable for what was likely a boring speech. 

So now it was time to stand at _General Talbot’s_ side while he waxed poetic about this and that. The room that they conferenced everyone into wasn’t quite as grand as the big hall. But there were still _a lot_ of faces sitting around that long oval table, all looking up at the both of you. He stood at his podium and you simply held your hands together and did your best to tune in. Not just to _him_ but to the _feeling _of the room. 

While this venture was his- was Ellis’- and therefore the United States- they’d also made it _yours_. And while you weren’t supposed to speak or do anything but _smile your prettiest smile _and agree with whatever came out of that man’s mouth, it was very important for you to know how he was holding the attention of the room. How they _felt_ about all of this. Sure, this wasn’t what they’d hired you for. It wasn’t something they even knew. But… eventually you’d be able to use it to your benefit. Eventually you’d be able to turn this position into more than just a woman standing at a man’s side like an ornament. And that started with you feeling out the room and figuring out exactly who was on your side and who wasn’t _yet_. 

Talbot was talking about _togetherness_ and _unity_. All buzzwords you were sure the United Nations representatives heard a lot of. Talking about his credentials. What he _knew_, what he was sure of. That everyone in that room wanted to protect their people. Wanted peace. In fact, the people in that room as you honed in on them were kind of… _bored_. This was probably a speech they’d heard a thousand times before. 

It was why you had to give props to Talbot when he reclaimed their attention with a lightning strike that buzzed around the room. “I was here in 2012. When the sky tore open, and the Chitauri rained down on us. _Aliens_.” The feeling in the room was absolutely _aglow_ as all eyes turned not to _him_, but to _you_. It was much easier to sync with people who were feeding into you so intensely without their knowing. Talbot continued, “Aliens were running through the streets. 

And it was then that SHIELD revealed themselves and stood with the Avengers. Leading us to believe that we could put our faith in them. Which we did.” A slight wave of _suspicion _fell over more than a few members in the room. You tried to hold yourself steady, really wishing you’d been able to look at this speech before he started. “We stood idly by while they collected super-powered individuals- those we are lucky to now call allies- one of which I’m very lucky to have standing by my side today. But that does not _erase_ the fact that they sought out these uniquely _advantaged_\- _enhanced_ people without anyone else’s knowledge. 

SHIELD also garnered alien weapons, they built bases on virtually every continent. We thought SHIELD was protecting us. But in truth… they took advantage of our good faith. They _still are_. I know this because I’ve fought with them, long after their supposed fall. _We_ know, in fact,” nodding to you- drawing all eyes your way, “that they’re still operating. And that they still have messes yet to be cleaned up.” 

You opened your mouth- sure, your job was to sit here and let him talk shit about SHIELD. That was fine. Well. Great, even. SHIELD did terrible things that you still didn’t agree with. That you wouldn’t _ever_. But you couldn’t let him rope you into this. You couldn’t let him speak for you so personally. 

However, you were usurped by Italy’s representative, Adamo Dioli, taking a stand, putting his hands on the table. You’d shared less than five words with him over brunch, but he seemed smart enough. “Italy takes note of your report, General.” You honed in on him, curious as to what he was trying to get at. “Now you say that you’ve seen SHIELD- that you’ve even fought against them. But… where is the proof?” 

If this were _any_ other meeting, you would have sided with Dioli immediately. You desperately wanted to know what Talbot knew about SHIELD in the aftermath. He seemed pretty sure of himself. But the mood in the room shifted before either Talbot or Dioli could start fighting with one another. The door in the corner of the room whipped open, bringing with it a _storm_. 

Before you saw anyone- you saw a _weapon_\- flung across the room and straight into Dioli’s chest. It was like you were looking through him. _Locked on to him_ as he started to _scream_ for help. _**Panic **_erupted. He reached out- and stupidly you held a hand up- just in time for him to start disintegrating into a dark pile of ash. Right in front of you. _Right in front of you_. Yet it seemed like a second pair of eyes was staring out from the ones falling to dark pieces- _pleading_\- just as his entire body broke down into a heap of smolders on the floor. 

_Terror_ was a hot flash across your consciousness as heavily armed men entered the room, guns brandished. More than one person flung the accusation, “_IT’S SHIELD!_” 

You just didn’t have enough time.   
Ripping the front of your blouse open to expose the Heart Reactor on your chest, you tapped once to draw out, leading the nanobots on a clear path down your arm. And then you held up for a quick repulsor blast at one of the men that nearly knocked you off your feet without the aid of the entire suit to stabilize you. It rocked your arm up and around after. And then the gunfire started. 

You swooped down into a dive to drag another representative out of the way of fire- just as another one of those _weapons_ were tossed at one of the security guards in the room. He, too, cried out in fear and pain and then just _fell apart into ash_. But- focused on him- you had enough time to tap again and suit up fully. Helmet on, “LUNA I need you to figure out what those weapons are NOW.” Stressed as more than a hundred different threads of white-hot panic were raining over you. 

“We’ve got no database on them, ma’am- and I’m not sure the suit will protect you- so _please_-” 

“Don’t get hit. Got it.” Easier said than done. You were lucky enough to draw regular gunfire as you took off out of your spot with an extra boost of jets to ram the armed man closest to you into- and then _through _a wall. Then you rocked back with another burst to re-enter the room. Just in enough time to see the seeming man-in-charge of this operation lob one of those weapons Talbot’s way- 

“LUNA lock and engage!” Holding a hand up to get a steady trajectory lock so that you could blast it out of the air. Jumped up and over the table, towards him where he was just at the exit at the back of the room. “Go. _Now_.” Shielding him from further fire. 

The head goon jumped on the table with an almost too-on-the-nose declaration, “SHIELD is done hiding!” 

Pushing another representative out of the way of a hail of bullets, taking on the damage, you then almost seriously chucked them out of the door. “Go!” Then in a clean backflip to put you right on the other end of the table, “You know, last time I heard that, it came right before someone telling me they were _actually_ Hydra. Now you wouldn't happen to be _lying_ would you? I’d be very disappointed.” 

He smirked. “_Lady Iron_. Join me, won’t you? We’re allies.” 

You decided to push your luck. “What level were you before SHIELD fell into the water?” 

“Eight.” 

“What floor number was Fury’s office actually on in the Triskellion?” 

A spark of _anger_ lit up between the two of you and he gnashed his teeth behind his closed lips. “Screw this.” Flinging his arm forward to lob one of those disintegration weapons your way. You had barely enough time to drop in a slide to your knees, pulling one leg up on the rise to gain momentum in an uppercut. He lifted off his feet but just as he came back down you kicked in his chest, sending him flying towards the back of the room. 

But as you lifted again to try and gain on him, his buddies came in hot and heavy with more gunfire and you had to draw up a shield. One you rammed into despite a heavy warning flaring to life on your screen, so that you could boost into a sweeping kick to get a few more men bowled over. Keeping in with momentum after dropping your shield, you swung your elbow into the stomach of one and reached behind you to grab the shoulders of another just as he tried to reach for you, throwing him across the room. They were a small group, you could _dominate them- _

But in the middle of a smaller hail of bullets, LUNA put a target on your screen- one that was about a foot away from your open side- “_Ma’am-!_” 

It was weird, to be thanking the powers that be that someone had fired a rocket launcher on you instead of one of those weird instant-killing weapons. But that’s basically what you did as you went flying out of the window, consciousness waning as your head rattled around, falling several stories into one of the back gardens in a painful heap. You were lucky, that cries of “_Fall back! SHIELD fall back!_” were crackling through the airwaves, making it past your ringing ears. Giving you a little permission to just… _drift._

They weren’t here to kill everyone. They’d been here to make a point. 

You drew up on your hands and knees, pulling the helmet off as you struggled for air, coughing up blood on your hands and knees.. Now that you weren’t in immediate danger, you felt like you were drowning in the wake of everyone else’s _terror_. Yet the world felt weirdly empty. Like there was a hole in your chest. 

You’d been staring right at Dioli-   
You’d been trying to _sense_ him-   
And he’d _died right in the middle of it. _

His eyes.   
You couldn’t stop seeing his eyes. 

When you found the strength, you put the helmet back on, and took the short way up, lifting on uneasy jet boosts back up to the room you’d been blasted out of. Empty. Everyone had fled. “LUNA, can you find some people for me...” Hopefully the entire building had been evacuated. Dizziness was looping around in a knot centered at the back of your head.

“The building is 90% empty, ma’am. We have one group huddled in the lower deck stairwell.” Taking shelter, no doubt.

So you redirected towards there and instead of using the jets to just plow down through the center, you deactivated your suit, and instead made the walk. It was almost of no surprise when you found them huddled together, Talbot in front of them, wounded, and one of the pretend-SHIELD men dead on the steps just below. He looked up at you on your approach. “Is the building secure? I lost comms.” No doubt why he was hiding. These men could have been lined up on the lawn ready to execute anyone who left the entire building for all he knew.

You gave a weary nod. “We’re clear.” Reaching your hand to offer him help up. He ignored you, maybe more of a _pride_ thing than anything else. And you just didn’t have enough energy to care. Instead you focused your efforts on helping up the representatives that had taken shelter with him, listening to their tearful murmurs of gratitude as they went in one ear and out the other.

With Talbot's help, you brought everyone out around back to one of the gardens, while everyone else that had fled the building started pouring back in. Statements were being taken. People were being helped. It must have been an hour before a medteam even got to you. You were just trying to hold on. You couldn’t hear a word they were saying as they tried to push and prod you- to get you to do _anything_\- 

Talbot’s hand was on your shoulder-  
But it was the rumble of the Quinjet roaring closer and then dropping to land that really stilled everyone. 

Predictably, Tony was the first one out. Sense returned as his familiar waves brought you back. “Mission didn’t go well?” Trying to pretend this looked like less than it was. 

“_What happened_?” 

Talbot stood straighter, “She did her job.” As you looked up at him, you realized he was slightly banged up, arm in a sling. “Where were your people?” 

Tony’s _anger_ was easy to spot. “_My people_? Seems like one of them was right here. And you’re-” 

“_Sir_.” Steve, in his full Captain America gear, was trotting up to the scene. “Let me take over.” 

Talbot extended a hand. “Captain.” Attention successfully diverted. But, as Tony helped you to your feet, he redirected one last time, holding his remaining arm out. You regarded the gesture and then met his gaze. “You did good.” 

“That _wasn’t_ SHIELD.” All you could think to do in the moment. 

When he realized you were ignoring him otherwise, he glowered, and let his hand drop. But, to your surprise, he _agreed_. “I don’t think it was, either.” It was nice to have an understanding with this man. 

At least for as long as it lasted before Tony turned you away. “Let’s get you home.” 

Talbot seemed like he didn’t _want_ to let you leave. “She should see a medic.” 

“We have medics in-house.” And Tony wanted you anywhere but here. Just at the landing stairs, Tony half turned. “Cap.” Calling his attention. “You staying?” 

Steve nodded. “For the time being.” 

With that he helped you up and into the jet where the rest of the team were still buckled in their seats. Bruce was sitting at one of the consoles. “...eventful day?” Turning as you and Tony sat down closest to him. 

You tried on your best smile for him. “More than yours, it seems.” 

Natasha spoke from the front seat as she ignited the engines. “Big bust in Turkmenistan. But word on the street is SHIELD just kicked in the UN’s doors and declared war. So that’s _something_.” 

Clint flipped a few switches next to her, co-piloting. “It’s always _something_.” 

A defeated and painful laugh escaped you. “Who are you telling?” Tony was just _watching_ you. Clearly not in the mood for amusement. It killed yours, and you hung your head.

It was never _not_ something, at this point. 

_ **Never** _ **. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn it Hydra. Can't you just like... fucking GO AWAY? EVER????


	128. Chapter 128 [End: Interlude]

Down in the lab that was definitely not a hospital, you were drifting in and out on top of a cold table while a scan finished. You didn’t think it was particularly necessary, but Tony was in a _mood_, so there was really no saying no. As JARVIS spoke a hologram of your insides- which kind of felt like a violation (even though you’d agreed)- lit up just aside you. “The blast from the PF-98 shattered your side-wall defense and fractured your ribs which then punctured your lung. Falling approximately one hundred and twelve feet with no attempt at stabilization did not help, either. You also have a minor concussion.” Damage points lit up to life in bright cherry-red, while the video through your helmet visor at the time of the fight played in a different smaller window. 

“Well, that explains the pain.” Doing your best to hold your annoyance at bay. 

“Second scans show your metabolic healing rate is slower than previous charting. In fact, it has been slowing by a rate of .04% every year beginning in May of 2012.” 

Your eyes met with Tony’s as he half turned, one arm crossed, the other resting in the crook so he could hold his chin in his palm. 2012. _How about that. _“Some people can’t even heal at all, so I’ll count my blessings.” Trying to just… ignore the implications of whatever that was, sitting up- and then lying right back down with an uneasy groan. “So- I’ll just- hang out here for a while…” Closing your eyes you basked in the sound of machines humming and Tony’s fingers drumming on tech-glass. “We actually _should_ look into an in-house medic, you know.” 

His amused scoff sounded off somewhere to your left. “Yeah. Barton nearly bit off more than he could chew today. I’ll make some calls. I’ve got some people in mind.” 

The white noise in the quiet was not as calming as you would have liked. “...you get an ID on that weapon yet?” 

_Frustration _rolled over to you from him as he tried to keep it together. “I’ve been pulling data for hours. Nothing comes close to what you saw.” 

While you didn’t want to be the one that asked… “Are we thinking it’s alien tech?” Because your team was now on a hunt for Hydra after learning they’d stolen alien parts. It made sense, right? 

“The Chitauri didn’t have anything like this. Otherwise they would have turned us to dust the second they hit the street.” Easy conclusion to draw. These things were small- possibly easy to make. Definitely easy to carry in large numbers. But if this _wasn’t_ tied to your current problem, that meant there were _more problems_. “They were beasts, they _wanted_ to fight. Guts and glory. This would have been too easy a kill for them.” 

JARVIS suddenly spoke above you, “Ma’am, you are producing alarming amounts of norepinephrine.” You didn’t need him to explain what that was exactly to know what he was getting at. 

Pretending like you didn’t care, however, “It would have been foolish to assume the Chitauri were the only aliens around- what is Ultron for if not that- but does SHIELD have files on-” 

“SHIELD has _plenty_ of files. All pertinent ones to _this? _Deep sixed. With _just_ enough breadcrumbs.” 

The sound of a door opening on the far side of the lab preceded a familiar voice, and a gaggle of footsteps. “SHIELD _used to_ have plenty of files.” You half sat up quickly, ignoring the pain, to see Coulson and three unfamiliar faces approaching. “But SHIELD’s time is over. Remember? Unless you’ve been hanging around Talbot a little too long.” 

Tony’s continued _frustration_ boiled over into _anger_, though he hid it. “_Security breach_.” 

JARVIS answered. “My apologies, sir. It was the next thing on my list, had the both of you not ignored me.” 

Pushing yourself off the table, trying to make yourself a little more _presentable_ to your sudden guests (not particularly happy about being bombarded in your own home), you started pulling sensors off your skin and removed the band from your head. “It’s nice to see you. You should have called ahead, I would have made dinner.” 

Coulson stopped just at the other end of the table. “You’ve done enough for one day.” 

Tony snapped his fingers a few times at the other boy Coulson had brought with him, “You leave so much as a fingerprint on my console-” Threatening him then with a point of his finger. Said boy recoiled, holding his hands up in defense. A short man, brown hair, blue eyes; kind of unremarkable. “Don’t touch my stuff.” 

“Sorry, sir.” Head down, hands held very tightly together then. _Embarrassment_ leaked off him. He held an unsteady hand Tony’s way. “Fitz, sir. I’m pleased to meet you.” His tone was light but carried with it a Scottish accent.

Coulson sighed. “That’s Agent Fitz. Who knows better. Because we _talked about this_ on the flight over.” He gestured to the other two women who were with him. “This is Agent Simmons and Agent Skye.” 

The one called Simmons held her hand out to you, so you gave her a quick shake. She smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.” More pleasant than her partner, brown hair, brown eyes and a kind smile. Soft spoken with a British accent. 

Though Skye had had her arms crossed, she unfurled them to mirror Simmons. So you shook her hand next. Her smile was a little more wry. She seemed a little sharper than Simmons, darker brown hair in loose waves with dark brown eyes. “What she said.” Ah. The tough badass of the group. Message received. 

You immediately put your attention back on Coulson. “There’s a lot of _agents_ in my Tower suddenly for an organization you’re pretending is dead.” 

He tipped his head back. “Well, if we’re beyond the ruse, let me make it clear. Your involvement in this case is no longer necessary.” 

_Irritation_ fluttered through you, not just your own, but Tony’s as well. Still, you were quick enough to get the first words out. “Is that right? I think you’ll remember I quit SHIELD. Working or not, I don’t take orders from you. _Director_.” 

Tony came closer over to your side. “Director? Fury pass the sword on his way out? What’s the use in titles for an organization that’s in the ground? But- _congrats_ by the way. Huge promotion.” 

“It is.” Coulson agreed. “And it also means I don’t have time to babysit anymore. As far as I understand it, you don’t really have time to investigate this matter, either. So why don’t we just make this very short and sweet.” 

Waving a hand his way, “I stuck up for you today-” 

“_Really_? When did you do that? Around the time Talbot was telling the UN we’re still a threat?” It was strange. Coulson was usually pretty amicable, even when he was being annoying. But he seemed to be a little… _hurt_. 

“I told him that wasn’t SHIELD. Because I _know_ it isn’t. We dealt with this a few months back- Hill said she was going to get in touch with you-” 

“She did. And now we’re here. So that ends your involvement.” Dry as ever. 

“_No_.” Tony was only just starting. You knew this was about to get ugly. “It would have. If you people ever did your jobs. But her _involvement_ included fending off alien tech with _no way_ to save the people around her, while you and these baby agents were probably sitting in front of a TV watching cartoons. Why wasn’t this cleaned up before then? Where were you when it mattered?” Standing face to face with him by the end of it, eyes narrowed. 

Coulson regarded him _very_ carefully. “We’re here now.” 

The heart of the matter came to a head when Tony leaned right into Coulson’s personal space. “Tell me you didn’t know that SHIELD stole from us. Tell me _didn’t know _about the scepter changing hands.” 

Silence held the room before the answer came. “Is that what you really want, Stark?” 

_Disappointment_ was a heavy thunder then and Tony shook his head, easing back. You put a hand on his arm to steady him, and tried for something else. “We _know_ it’s alien weaponry. And we know SHIELD must know what kind. Can you just tell us-”

Coulson zeroed in on you. “What difference would it make? If I listed off ten alien races on SHIELD’s radar, _what difference would it make_? You don’t have any information.” 

Tony made a noise of annoyance. “That’s kind of the point, don’t you think?” 

Simmons took a steadying breath and then very _bravely_ put herself in between you. “If I may… I don’t think this is a productive means of discussion.” 

Skye half turned away. “If I’d have known this was just gonna be a pissing match between SHIELD and the Avengers I would have stayed on the jet.” 

This riled you for more reasons than you could count. You didn’t _mean_ to lay into her, but… “I’m getting the sense you haven’t been an agent for very long.” She turned to look at you, almost momentarily _stunned_. “We’re not Avengers right now. We’re _people_. I’m a _person _who saw_ people_ **die **today. And a lot of signs point to that that could have been avoided- and at the same time today- _my team_ was on a mission trying to clean up a mess SHIELD left for them that has left _hundreds more _people dead. And _thousands more to come_ if we don’t figure it out for them. So I want you to listen to me very closely, _Agent Skye_. There’s a line of separation between being a faction and being a person. And you better figure out how to find it. Because SHIELD got real comfortable with lying for a banner cause. For the good of a _team _that thought it knew better than everyone else. And a lot of people suffered- and are _still_ suffering because of it.” 

A multitude of feelings poured over you. A quick sense of further _embarrassment_\- _disappointment_\- _astonishment_\- but as Tony’s arm wound around you low, hand palming over your hip to pull you to his side- purposefully- there was a warm thrum of _pride_ that rocked him. 

The sound of the door opening in the back cut the tension down to size as everyone turned to see Bruce entering. He had a tablet in his hands, reading, and halfway into the room looked up finally and realized that he’d walked into a mess. “I’m uh… I seem to be interrupting something… I’m sorry.” But truly, you were grateful he had. 

Fitz seemed to _jolt_ at the opportunity to get away from this, going over to him with his hand out. “Doctor Banner, I’m pleased to meet you. Agent Fitz.” 

Simmons was a close second, only after getting a nod from Coulson- probably one that meant she should step away. Which she did, _gladly_. _Excitement_ bubbled off her as the two of them swarmed Bruce. “Doctor Banner…” 

Their voices were drowned out by Coulson putting his attention back on you. He seemed _sullen_. “...we don’t know what that weaponry was. But we’re going to find out. We do know who led the attack. His name is Marcus Scarlotti. He’s with Hydra. We have a… _history_. We know where he’ll be headed. I’ve already sent a team to work on apprehending him.” Bending the knee finally. “I know you have your hands full. And maybe it’s taken me too long… I want it known that I appreciate everything you’ve done. Both for SHIELD and the Avengers. The both of you.” 

But he looked directly at you next. “I don’t know if you’ve ever gone over the leaked case file of your SHIELD assessment. But I put several complaints about Fury’s behavior towards you. He was harder on you than most. And I know that ruined the relationship. For _everyone_. It was a shame. You were an incredible asset.” Realizing his SHIELD-speak had usurped what he was trying to get at- the _very thing_ you’d just given a lecture about- he shook his head. “...an incredible _person_.” 

It was better to stop fighting now, even if there were probably _more_ things to say. You tried a smile on for him. “Still am. Hopefully. ...thank you. That means a lot. But I didn’t quit over the way Fury was treating me. I quit over irreconcilable differences with SHIELD.” 

His nod was weak. “We’re running things differently now.”

You made sure to keep an even gaze. “I hope that’s true.” 

He looked up at Tony again. “I didn’t know SHIELD redirected your trucks until Hill told me. I didn’t know about the scepter, either. Believe it or not, I’ve got my hands pretty full these days.” He drew a breath in but as careful to not let it leave as a sigh. “We’ll handle this. So that you can handle everything else. When we’re finished we’ll give you all the details.” He then held his hand out to Tony. “Alright?” 

Tony let him sweat for ten full seconds before giving it up and putting his hand firm in Coulson’s. “We’re square.” 

Trying your luck, and in the effort of _team spirit_, “I know you probably have a lot to get to. But it’s late already. Why don’t I call the team and order some dinner for everyone? You can stay the night too, if you need to.” 

Coulson, for once, grinned. “And here I thought last time you said you didn’t have any vacancies.” 

You held up your finger. “For _criminals._” 

In the back, Fitz’s hand shot straight up. “I could do with a hot meal. Please.” 

Simmons stopped her fawning over Bruce for a moment to concur. “I think we’ll be alright to stay a while.” 

Tony allowed himself half a smirk. “Well, Coulson, your kids seem to wanna stay.” 

Coulson seemed entirely unamused. “Dinner. And that’s _it_. Everyone’s back on the jet after. I’ve been meaning to speak to Romanoff and Barton anyway.” 

“They’re probably hanging out downstairs.” Giving them the go ahead to go find them. Coulson’s group petered off towards the exit, sweeping Bruce out with them. You pulled your phone from your pocket, stalled momentarily by Tony’s arm around your shoulders and a cautious glance your way. “What’s up?” 

“Are you really alright for a group dinner?” Still _worried_ it seemed. 

You gave him what you hoped was a reassuring pat to his heart and leaned up to press a small kiss to the corner of his jaw. “I’ll be okay.” He chased you in a lean down, only getting as far as a bare kiss before he pulled back. It was then you realized one of the team had not left. 

Skye was standing there, _uncomfortably _so, holding tight to herself. Before you could ask her if she was alright, she started speaking. “Look- I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to come off that way. If it’s still worth anything, I really respect everything you’ve done. And the stuff you guys are still doing.” She shook her head. “I know it might seem hollow now, but I know what it’s like to keep busting your ass nonstop, trying to do what’s right, even when everything else seems like it’s always against you.” 

Letting the moment have a few seconds to breathe, you waited to step away from Tony. But when you did, you went to her, and held your hand out. “It’s not hollow. And I appreciate the apology. I’m sorry I went so hard on you.” 

Putting her hand in yours, she returned the gesture with a firm shake. And then a wry grin. “No apologies necessary. Sometimes it’s good to get chewed out from time to time. Reminds you you’re not the only person in the world.” 

* * *

It was genuinely nice to have such a full house for once. While there was still _so much work_ still to do, for both teams sitting in the lounge that night, it was just nice to pretend to be normal. To be a _unit_. Of course as the evening went on, groups splintered off. You tried not to eavesdrop too heavily, but when Coulson went to speak directly with Nat and Clint you kept your ear turned just the right way. You definitely heard him bring up that Scarlotti character- and then were sure you heard the name _Agent Morse_. 

Just that name alone sparked an _amused_ interest in Natasha, while Clint pulsed feelings of _bitterness_. Maybe it was better not to spy on the spies, after all. Seemed kind of personal. 

As the night wound down and Coulson began making it clear they had to leave, you walked them back up to the flight deck and shook hands with each agent as they passed by back into the jet. Coulson of course, was the last to board, and held your hand for maybe a little longer than normal. There was just one small thing to resolve, you felt. “Just to be clear… I haven’t been going around town badmouthing SHIELD or anything. And the stuff with Talbot I was basically forced to do. Every opportunity I’ve been given, I’ve made it clear I don’t like the way they handled SHIELD’s downfall.” 

He let go of you and gave you a good stared own. But, when it was over, his smile was genuine. “I’ve never once questioned the integrity of your character. If you find yourself in a position where it’s easier to not stick up for us, don’t feel bad about it.” 

“It’s not about feeling bad about it.” It was about what was right and what was wrong. SHIELD handled a lot of things poorly, but they certainly _were _government sanctioned, no matter how hard the government wanted to throw them under a bus to get away from everything. And they certainly weren’t terrorists. 

“I know it’s not.” Saying without saying it. _I trust you_. He then gave you a nod. “Thanks for dinner. I’m sure we’ll be back.” 

Tony put an arm around your shoulders as he stood at your side. “Don’t get any ideas of freeloading. This was a one-time thing.” His sass earned him a little swat on the butt as you dropped your arm behind him. Something that had a surprised chuckle escaping him as he reached out for a final handshake with Coulson. 

It had been a nice evening, everything else considered. And everything _else_ that had come before it. Tomorrow morning you’d have to make a statement in the media room about what had happened at the United Nations. You’d make it clear that you didn’t believe SHIELD was involved- because you had no idea what the spin was going to be on this. There had really never been a more obvious bait job, really, and you’d make it plain that anyone who bought into it was highly unintelligent. 

Still… both you and Tony laid awake that night. Again. _As usual_. Finding sleep a little hard to come by. Turning on your side, cozying up closer to him, he held his arm around you, while his other hand rested over yours on his chest. You stared across into the darkness. “...are you still planning on coming to the Tech Convention with me?” Your keynote was in a few days. And while plans had already been laid, things were getting progressively crazy. If he had to go out with the team, his time was better served there, you were sure. 

“I’m sure they’d understand if you canceled. You were _attacked_ earlier today, if you don’t remember.” The fact that this was neither a yes or a no upset you a little. 

“I don’t get to sit around. I’m _an Avenger_, remember?” Not quite a normal person who might take a month off after being traumatized over and over and _over and over… _except for that one time very recently.

“Says who?” 

“Optics, that’s who. If I start ducking out every time someone throws a weapon at me, people are gonna start getting bold.” Showing that kind of weakness- saying to the world that it could count you out after every incident, big or small… that would really embolden a lot of people that didn’t need that sort of power. 

A sigh escaped him, one you found yourself unconsciously mirroring without a second thought. He scooped your hand up, lifting so that he could press a kiss to the back. Then to the side. Then turning to press one to your palm. Holding there for a few seconds. Then, “I’ll go with you. It’s in a few days, right? Just a little speech on a stage. You’re good at those.” 

“Just a little speech on a stage.” You assured him, half leaning up on your arm. Moving your hand from his, you brushed his hair back and then cupped his cheek in your palm, easing in just a little more to press a kiss to his lips. “Thank you.” 

“I love you.” A murmur around another small touch of lips. “How’s the pain?” 

You hadn’t expected him to ask this, catching you by surprise just for a second. “It’s better. I’m okay now. I think.” He was probably trying to feel out what was going on with you- it would be a blessing to know. But you had no idea, either. And… right now you _really _didn’t want to talk about it. Even if it was better to do so. So, very plainly, you asked, “Can we not talk about that right now?” 

The way he was looking up at you, gazing at you, watching you closely- it eased you, but the small trickle of _ache_ from him nearly broke you down. You were grateful when he clamped down on it, most likely _knowingly so_, and nodded. “Sure, honey.” 

You didn’t want to talk about _anything_, in fact. And let him know, as another kiss melted into something deeper. Then you let him take the lead and ousted both your troubles elsewhere for the night so that you could focus on each other. If you hadn’t healed up already, you were sure his intimacy and care- the _love_ that rocked you through to your core would have fixed every other problem. 

* * *

Tony stood by your side as you read a prepared statement for the press the next morning about the attack on the United Nations. You made sure to emphasize that you did not believe the people who attacked the building and killed people were SHIELD agent leftovers. And made doubly sure to let the people know, although vaguely, that the matter was being handled and their true identities would be discovered. 

You spoke about the loss of Italy’s representative, Dioli, and the several other lives lost that day. How it weighed on you, but how they would not have died in vain. You then _very briefly_ discussed your new position as Enhanced Forces Ambassador and let the press know there would be more in the coming months about that position. 

Questions came in hot and heavy and you took only a few. Nothing too damaging or hard to answer. All in all a pretty easy press conference to get through despite the matter that was being discussed. 

Tony also stood right by your side a few days later when you took the center stage at the NYC Tech Convention to talk about Stark Industries’ new Intellicrops, and how they were getting closer to debut. Your scientists had been hard at work, as always, to try and better the world through technology. Most of their design was focused on making genetically modified seeds that would plant and thrive in soil hard to grow in. Land that was otherwise too dry or too polluted would not hold them back, and therefore many different types of landscapes could be converted to lush fields that would help feed people in need. 

One of the many ways that Stark Industries had been trying to work for the betterment of all mankind, to be sure, something you were not shy in underlining. After you were done with your presentation, you stepped aside to actually let the people who worked on the project speak on it. 

He took you to a very lovely private dinner that night. And, for once, it was nice to remember what it was like to just do _this job_, and not worry so much about the far _bigger_ world saving things. A life where it was just you and Tony. Smiling across a table from each other, bathed in candlelight, while stocks soared. That kind of life. That was nice. 

The following Sunday was unremarkable. The team was scattered for non-work related reasons. Even they liked to live their lives when they were able to, and when there were no current missions on the docket. Tony was in the lab with Bruce, because if he wasn’t working or with you, or he wasn’t working with the Avengers, that was the next place you could find him. 

You’d stepped out in the afternoon for a coffee and thought you might grocery shop a little. Restock the kitchen. Happy offered to drive you, something you gratefully took him up on. But it was just after you’d left one of your favorite known-unknown cafes that you kind of wished you’d asked Tony for an escort instead. Because it was the one time he wasn’t with you that it seemed like it would have mattered. 

Jessica Jones was standing a single foot away from you as you left the shop. Hands in her pockets. Casting hot _anger_ and _bitterness_ upon you in droves. “We need to talk.” 

You held yourself tight as you stared her down. “What do you want from me now?” Was she there to tell you you hadn’t done the right thing, _again_? To guilt you? To provoke you? 

“Kilgrave’s alive.” 

There was a sudden ringing in your ears that drowned out her angry muttering as your coffee slipped from your hands and splattered on her jeans and boots. It was hard to tell if you were breathing or not. A noise that held no form escaped you. One of equal parts _panic_ and _dismay_. But it got your point across pretty well as she looked up at you again.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha FUCK IS RIGHT BABIES :]


	129. Chapter 129 [Begin: Jessica Jones: Season 1]

You had to clamp down. Immediately. Had to really fight and claw your way out of that oncoming panic at the mere thought that _that man _was not only **not dead** but apparently wandering around and now enough of a threat that the woman who had verbally attacked you on a sidewalk ages ago thought to seek you out. Yeah. All of this was _fucked_. And you had to really grip yourself tight in order to not just explode into a cloud of anxiety. 

“We can’t talk about this here.” On a public sidewalk, where people were _already_ taking notice that you were standing around. 

“I’m not going to your little fancy tower of super-idiots.” And, of course, she was going to make this as difficult as possible. 

You really just weren’t well equipped to be dealing with this right now. Going _home_ was the best idea. For you. But she didn’t want to go there. “So what do you suggest? I can ask for a back table at a restaurant somewhere-” Somewhere private. And quiet. 

“No. I’ve got a better idea.” Hooking her hand back she pointed, “That your car?” 

“Yes.” 

“Get in. Let’s go. I’ll tell your _driver_ where to take us.” Her _disdain _was already overtly obvious. And you were drowning in it. 

This was practically spelling out TROUBLE to you in big letters. _Huge_ letters. There was no way any of this was good. She wanted to take you to a private location. ...but you could handle yourself. Even if she was stronger than average. Although the second you got into the backseat of your car- and she sidled in next to you- Happy put his arm across the back of the passenger seat so he could turn around. 

And _stared_ at her. Then it clicked. “You’re- _no_\- absolutely not- I’m calling Tony-”

“Don’t call Tony, Happy- everything is alright-” Already fighting to gain control of this situation.

“Are you being held against your will? Are you under duress? Blink twice if you’re in danger.” He pointed a finger her way. “Listen lady, I’ll call the Avengers down here so fast you won’t know what hit you-” 

Jessica just deadpanned a look your way. “_This_ is your head of security? _Really?_” 

This was already a shit show, so you figured why not go all out. Setting your hand on Happy’s shoulder, you willed a little _calm_ over him. “Look, I’m _okay_, alright? She and I just need to go somewhere private to talk.” 

Happy mulled this over. But, thankfully, he stopped being so explosive. “Alright. Fine. But I’m _watching you_, you understand?” Pointing Jessica’s way a few more times for good measure. Then he turned around to set his hands on the wheel. “Where am I taking you?” 

Jessica leaned forward. “It’s this bar called Luke’s.” 

She was halfway through giving the address when you felt your face scrunch up. “A _bar_? It’s twelve thirty in the afternoon.” 

“You want somewhere _dark and private_ right? Where no one will spot _royalty_? Nobody will see you there, _your majesty_.” 

Clenching your hands in your lap, you had to bite back everything inside of you. She’d made it more than clear she didn’t like you when she’d first assaulted you on the sidewalk more than a year ago- ...although _technically_ you’d made the first strike. She may have even _hated_ you. And maybe that was fair. So you had to eat this. You just had to take it. Because it wasn’t even a quarter of what you deserved. 

The air in the car was incredibly _uncomfortable_. No one spoke. Everyone was _tense_. So it was a godsend that the Happy made good time to this little bar off the beaten path. In Hell’s Kitchen, no less. You didn’t think you’d be back in this part of the neighborhood so soon. Once Jessica got out and made for the door, Happy turned back, “You want me to go with?” 

“No. Thank you- we’ll only be fifteen minutes. If I need you I’ll call, alright?” Figuring you probably wouldn’t. Jessica didn’t seem like she was taking you somewhere to try and off you. And if she tried, even despite what you knew about her (or even what you _didn’t_) you were mostly sure you could handle it. Although… that thought had you pausing just as you stepped out, leaning back in the car. “_Don’t_ call Tony. Okay? At least not as an emergency.” Not wanting it to seem like you were hiding this from him, but also not wanting Happy to whip him up into a panic. 

He just nodded. “Yeah. Alright. I’ll be here. Anything even feels _remotely _off you let me know, okay?” 

A fresh wave of _irritation_ caught your attention so you shut the car door and made your way over to the bar where Jessica was holding the door open for you. Inside was- as she had said- _dark_, almost overtly so, but with a gentle yellow-orange glow mostly emanating from a well backlit bar. Nobody was inside except for what seemed to be the bartender who was wiping down the counter. Shaved head with a full goatee. Very _big_ and _tall_\- muscular. He’d even put Steve to shame. And that was saying something. 

“Sorry- we’re not officially open yet-” His voice was low and kind of sweet. 

Jessica’s curt tone contrasted him heavily. “You’re open enough.” A slight bubble of _happiness_ opened up above him as he lifted his head with a similar smile- that was until he saw _you_. And then it all died. She pushed you a little further in. “We’re gonna sit in the back. Don’t mind us.” 

He was frowning then. “Sure thing.” Watching you as she led you to a small table nestled in the back corner. Not really that far from the bar or the door considering the place wasn’t that big, but it was _in the back_ enough. Just as the two of you sat down, though, he seemed to reconsider, clearing his throat. “Can I talk to you?” Waiting until she turned to look at him. “Up here? _Now?_” 

“_Ugh_. Don’t get up.” Warning you as she stood again and went to half lean over the bar. “_What_?” Making no effort to hide her voice. 

He did lower his tone. But only a _little_. “What are you doing?” 

“We’ll be gone in ten minutes.” 

“No Jess.” 

“I wasn’t really asking.”

“Take this somewhere else.”

“Look. I don’t want to be anywhere near her either. But-”

“No- _no_, Jess. Whatever _this_ is- _not here_. Okay? I already got enough trouble. I don’t need this here.” 

Basically at your wit’s end, _frustration_ leaked out of you and you really couldn’t help yourself. Hands coming down just a little hard on the table as you stood, “_**I can hear you**__, _you know.” 

He frowned deeply then, slinging his bar towel over his shoulder, turning towards you. “Look, ma’am, I just don’t want any trouble. I don’t mean any disrespect.” 

Jess made a face at you. “_I do_. So sit your ass back down.” She then turned to him. “Ten minutes.” 

He stared her down. “Ten. Then both of you are out.” 

She tipped all the way over the bar to reach for something behind, shifting back on her feet when she’d pilfered a whiskey bottle. “Thanks. Knew you’d understand.” Shaking it at him and then coming back down to sit. Unscrewing it she took a _hefty_ swig. 

The man at the front turned his back to both of you, “You’re paying for that.” 

“Put it on my tab.” Yelling back to him. She then set her eyes square on you. “So. I have some questions for you.” 

Your patience had worn thin by this point. “If you brought me here to needle me again-”

“No. I’m doing the talking now. I know you’re not used to not being in control but this is the part where you shut up and listen.” When everything inside of you _flared_ and you opened your mouth again, she held a finger dangerously close to your face, silencing you while she took another long sip of liquor. She then reached into her jacket and pulled out a folded up piece of paper and tossed it your way. “You know her?” 

Entertaining this, for lack of a better option, after sitting again you opened it and took a long look at the girl. A young blonde woman stared back out from the paper. “I don’t.” Sure you’d never seen her before.

“Of course you don’t. That’s Hope Shlottman. She disappeared about a month ago. Kilgrave abducted her. Which makes this your fault.” As you looked up at Jessica, her eyes hardened. “Her _kidnapping_. Her _rape_. All of it. That falls on you.” 

A million things wanted to come out of your mouth. First was _defense_. Jessica had accosted you and told you Kilgrave had died. When asked of _how sure_ she’d been, she’d doubled down. But… you weren’t looking for that man, were you? No. You’d given up the second you’d fled the scene. So what difference would it have made? No. You had no defense. 

Except… 

“You got free, too.” 

“Don’t start barking up that tree. You got free _first_. And you ran.” 

Heart slamming in your chest, you decided it was really now or never. “So did _you_.” 

Her mouth twisted into a snarl. “Yeah, well I don’t have the fucking _Avengers_ and a billion dollar corporation wiping my ass for me, so I’d say you had a little more _resources _than I did to deal with him.” 

“But you’re like us-” 

“I’m _nothing_ like you people.” Slamming a fist down on the table so hard it cracked. Immediately after she turned her head away, trying to regain a little bit of control. You sat there in _shame _and _bitterness _while she took a breath. She was calmer but no less _angry_ when she spoke again. “I ran. You ran. The difference is I thought he was _dead_. You knew he was alive and you _still_ didn’t do anything about it.” 

“Would you have?” Focusing hard on her. “Knowing what he can do- you think I _want_ him on the streets? But knowing what he’s capable of- you think I want my _team_ underneath his thumb?” 

“That’s _not_ an excuse.” 

“_I know it’s not_.” Growled, holding your hands so tight underneath the table you were sure your nails were cutting into your palms. “You think I just walked free and went about my life? You think I don’t _know _I should have done more? I didn’t know _how_ without risking them- and risking them risked every life in this city.” 

Jess considered this. Went quiet for a moment. Took another drink. “So. What? That makes Hope less important? That makes the other women before her that we don’t even fucking know about _less important_?” 

“Of course it doesn’t. It’s not an excuse. I could have tried to figure out how to do more- I didn’t. But I couldn’t risk-”

“The _greater good_, is that the bullshit you’re feeding me? That you’ve been _feeding yourself _so you could feel better this whole time?” 

“What do you think would happen if he got control of Captain America? Of Thor? You think he’s bad _now_? He _craves_ power. I would have been handing it to him hand over fist.” 

She breathed out a noise, half smirking, eyes going down as she nodded. “Yeah. What about _Iron Man_?” 

“Leave Tony out of this.” Feeling a fire light up your spine as fierce protectiveness swelled. 

“I don’t think I will. I’m actually curious. I canvassed the street you got _saved_ from that night. Lot of folks got paid to be quiet, turns out.” This stunned you a little. You hadn’t known about that… then again, your kidnapping had been spun as a mental health respite so… maybe it made sense _someone_ had paid them to be quiet about anything they’d seen that night… “But the ones who felt like talking said they saw _you_ and _Iron Man_ taking off from the scene.” 

“So what?” Not sure what she was getting at. 

She narrowed her eyes. “You just ran? Tony Stark just _ran_?” 

You couldn’t help the roll of your eyes. “We’ve already established-” How much more time was she going to waste guilting you about this? 

“No. What I’m saying is- you took off. _Both of you_. When Kilgrave was screaming up a storm. _How_?” 

Something you’d had one bare brain cell to wonder about that night, but hadn’t thought much about it then. Tony _had_ ignored Kilgrave. You weren’t sure how. It hadn’t mattered then. Because all that had mattered was that he hadn’t been _snatched up_ by him and held under control- all that had mattered was that you had been saved. “How did _you _get away?” Curious then. 

“I’m not part of this. And I wouldn’t have been. If you’d just been the _hero_ you masquerade around as.” 

Finally hitting your peak, it spilled out. “What do you want from me? You want me to say I fucked up? I did. You think I don’t know that? I tried to protect myself and my family, and by doing that I let other _innocent people_ get hurt. Okay? You think I don’t know that? _I do_.” 

She just made a face at you. “I’m not here for your catharsis.” 

“_What do you want from me_?” Almost entirely spent at this point. _Guilt_ was stabbing you like a knife. Slow, steady pulls. In and out. Right in your gut. But it was your heart that ached most. _She was right._ But at this pot what more could you do? 

She let you stew for a bit, drinking again. Then, finally, “Hope murdered her parents. Because she was ordered to by Kilgrave. There’s a lawyer- Jeri Hogarth- taking the case as a favor to me, but I’m running out of good will fast. _Mind control_ is a pretty fucking hard thing to prove in court. But if you come forward about what you know, you might actually be able to at least help _one_ person who got fucked up because of you.” She reached into her jacket to get a card- Hogarth’s, you saw, as soon as she threw it your way.

Where painful heat had been lancing through you, a new shiver of ice covered up almost all of it. _Fear_. You were immediately… _scared_. Jessica was asking you to _go public_. Talk about what happened to you. Tell the world what happened- and not only that, that you’d _ran_ from it. Because you were probably the _only_ person in the entire fucking world now that a jury would believe. Otherwise it was some fantastical tale about a woman who murdered her parents because somebody _told her to_. 

But if you- _if an Avenger_\- testified to the truth about _mind control_… told the _world_ that _you’d_ been mind controlled by the same person... if you told your story… 

“There isn’t a jail in the world that can hold Kilgrave. This isn’t about catching him. So you still have some work to do. But right now this girl needs you. You already failed her once.” Jess put her hand over the picture and then pushed herself up to stand, taking the bottle with her. Leaving you there. Staring at Hope. But just halfway away from the table she stopped. Her voice was a lot quieter. “You made a choice. Maybe there’s no telling if it was the right or wrong one. We’ll never know. But right now, for Hope, there _is_ only one right choice. Don’t let her down.” 

The door to the bar opened and closed and you knew your window was closing. It was too much to ask that you be allowed to just sit there in silence to collect your thoughts. To get yourself together. Or even _think_ about any of this. Taking Hope’s picture, you folded it back up and stuck it in your pocket. Going over to the bar, you took your wallet out and put four twenties down on the bar. 

The man behind it, no doubt waiting for you to leave, arched a brow. “Want something fancy for the road?” 

Your smile was a twist of agony, you were sure. “Is a bartender allowed to ask me if I want a drink for the road?” 

At this he let go of a small breathy laugh. “Usually I wouldn’t, no. But your driver has been walking up and down my block and staring in my windows since you walked in. So I think you’re safe.” 

Pressing your lips together, you nodded a few times over with a duck of your head. _Everyone_ knew who you were. _Everyone_ knew your circle. Only more fuel to the fire that was the idea of going public. “Yeah, well… it’s for whatever bottle she just stole.” 

He shrugged. “Didn’t cost _that_ much.” 

“For the _trouble_, then.” Giving him one last smile before you stepped away from the bar. 

He stopped you at the door. “Hey- listen… I really didn’t mean any disrespect.” 

You shook your head. “None taken. It’s okay. I get it. I’m not everyone’s taste.” At this point in your life, was it wrong to say you brought trouble wherever you went? Probably not. His position was easily understandable. 

He regarded you carefully, silent for a moment. “For what it’s worth, I think your people have been doing a good job protecting this city. And a lot of the programs you set up have been helping a lot of people.” 

“Could be doing better.” Unable to help yourself from stewing in your own _guilt_, still.

“So could everyone. You’re trying. That’s what counts.” He had no incentive to say this. He had no incentive to be nice to you. There was no doubt that he’d heard you and Jessica talking. He could have easily taken her side, drawn conclusions. Yet he hadn’t. And was standing there. Talking to you like a normal person. Being _kind_. 

Your smile was a little easier then, but it didn’t quell the _darkness_ stirring inside you. “It was good to meet you.” Holding your hand out. “Mr.?” 

“Just call me Luke. And likewise.” His hand was _much_ larger than yours, but his handshake was gentle. “...but if it’s not too much trouble to ask…” _Hesitant_ but in an amused sort of way. 

You really _couldn’t_ help your grin then. “Don’t worry. I won’t be back.” 

“I wasn’t gonna ask you to not come back. Just… not like _that_ next time. If you do.” You know. Rolling up in your expensive car with your _driver_ and a loudmouth angry woman who was walking around with a justifiable vendetta.

Yeah. Made sense. Just as a little laugh left you, the door of the bar opened _pointedly_. Tony on the other side. The two of you locked eyes before you sent an apologetic but humorous look up Luke’s way. “Not like _that_ either, I take it.” 

“Definitely not.” Turning away then. 

You decided to stop _troubling_ Luke and leave his bar. Tony put an arm around you as soon as you came over to him, walking you out onto the sidewalk. You drew the logical conclusion. “Happy call you?”  
  
“Yeah.” 

“Was he panicking?”  
  
“When does he not?” 

“Were _you_ panicking?” 

“Only a little. But I’ll deny it, if anyone else asks.” In front of the car he stopped, putting his hands on your shoulders, looking at you. _Taking stock_ of you. “...what about you?” 

_You okay?  
_Unspoken. But so clearly heard. 

It took a great deal of strength to not crumble where he was clearly giving you permission to do so, now that he was here. You were _always_ safe with him. But… “Let’s talk about it at home.” 

“Yeah. Got it.” 

Now as to how you’d explain all this…? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a tangled web we continue to weave!!!!   
Also in this house we love and respect both Luke and Jessica. And I really wish they'd stayed together in the show god damn it.


	130. Chapter 130

Credit where it was due, Tony was _expertly_ patient as he leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed, listening to you while you sat at the table. Just _talking_. For probably too long a time. Trying to get it _all_ out. Not just about Hope but… how you’d failed. And how this could be the only chance for you to make it up. And even then it wouldn’t be enough. Hope was one person. Kilgrave had also hurt Jessica because you’d turned your back. And there were probably _many_ more. But this would… damage your reputation- 

Not just yours but the company’s, too. There was no way for this to go but very poorly. But did that matter? _You_ certainly didn’t, in the grand scheme of things. And not when compared to someone’s life getting even _further_ ruined, more than Kilgrave already had. Because this _was_ your fault. Jessica was right. But Stark Industries was now what funded the Avengers. So maybe you needed to… step away, before all this. To make it fair to the team. To Tony.

So that no one else would get hurt.   
Just you.   
Because you deserved it. 

Once you were finished regurgitating all your feelings, he dropped his head, eyes cloudy. _Thinking_. Letting it all settle. Then he took a breath, a soft shrug of his shoulders. “Well… first of all, I’m surprised Hogarth, of _all _lawyers is taking this case.” 

You weren’t intimately familiar with Jeryn Hogarth. You did _know of_ her law firm. And _of_ her. She was ruthless. Cunning. But… ultimately not important. _Distress_ flared inside of you. It couldn’t be that Tony wasn’t taking this seriously, but then why…? “That’s what you have to say after all that?” Trying not to show your disappointment. 

“She doesn’t take unwinnable cases, is my point. She’s the same as surgeons who don’t operate on patients that are high risk. Everything is a career move. Everything is calculated. And you only ever move up on the board. Never down.” He’d started pacing lightly. 

Ah. Well… that _was_ an interesting point. “Jessica said that Hogarth owed her. Or something.” 

“Maybe she meant she _threatened _her and just got a little _confused_.” Or lied, he was sarcastically implying. 

You couldn’t help the _hopeless _shrug, hands in your lap as your head dropped. “What difference does it make why Hogarth is doing it? Whether or not Jessica threatened her or Hogarth owes her… none of it matters. Hope matters.” The petty squabbles that came before it were really just that. And also none of your business. 

“Right. Hope…” Nodding slowly as he continued moving. “And _how _did Ms. Jones say she’d come across Hope originally?” 

“She… didn’t.” 

“Of course not.” 

Your brows knit. “Tony I’m _tired_. I know you’re trying to make a point but my brains are fried.” Just asking him to lower to your level for the time being and dumb everything down for you. 

“That _is_ the point, honey.” He stopped wearing a tread on the kitchen floor and came to sit down next to you. “Jones seems to have left out an _awful_ lot of details. Important pieces. She might be physically threatening Hogarth. She’s _emotionally blackmailing __**you**_, for sure. She checked into _you_. Into _us_. A year ago she was ready to beat you down on a public sidewalk.” 

“I came at her first…” Low as you said it. Mind getting further and further away. 

“After she called you by a name she knew your _torturer_ had used for months. Don’t kid yourself. She _attacked_ first. And- how _did _she know that? How did she know _any_ of that? This Kilgrave guy just spill the beans? Doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would go on and on about a lost conquest. -and, can we even _talk_ about that name? _Kilgrave_. _Really?_” Tony was getting into a little bit of a tizzy, and in your weakened state of mind, _dragging_ you with him. So you silently urged him to stop, reaching a shaking hand out to lay atop his on the table. His eyes caught yours and then dropped immediately. “Sorry. It’s just… there’s _a lot_ going on here. And her hands aren’t clean. Not by a long stretch.” 

“Mine are dirtier.” Hot tears were pooling just at the line of your lashes. This was all just _too much_. “You think she’s trying to trick me into- what? Giving myself up? For what?” 

He took a _long_ breath. “I’m just… asking you to be careful about this.” Lifting his hand, he tilted your head up with a careful touch at your cheek. “You know I’m with you. No matter what you decide. You wanna go public for this Hope kid, we’ll go public. And we’ll deal with what comes. I just want you to _be careful_ about what you’re walking into. For _you_. Not for an image.” A sliver of steel cut between the both of you as he seemed to be bracing himself. “I need you to just… hear me out. Okay?” 

Your hesitation was clear, but you pressed on. “Okay.” 

“How do you know this isn’t all bait?” When he said this- the _way_ he said this, as he gazed at you… it shocked shivers down your spine. “This guy is dangerous- you said he controlled you, for the better part of three months. You didn’t want us going after him- because you were scared he would do the same thing to us. Is it not possible that he’s orchestrating this whole thing?” 

You found yourself shaking your head before you even knew you were doing it. “Why… for what?” 

“For _you_.” 

It was hard to make sense of this. It seemed like it was just Tony’s overprotective nature coming to life, to come up with a conclusion like that. “If he wanted to do that, why not just walk up next to me when I leave a building and tell me to leave with him?” 

“You got out. And, as far as I remember, he didn’t seem to be controlling you much after that.” 

_No. What I’m saying is- you took off. __**Both of you.**_ _When Kilgrave was screaming up a storm. __**How**__?_

Jessica’s voice in your ears distracted you enough to let Tony keep going. “If he thinks he can’t anymore- or _knows he can’t_\- for whatever reason- what if he’s setting something up to trap you.” 

“_Why_?” Eyes narrowing as you looked up at him again. “For what _reason_? He doesn’t know he can’t- _I don’t know that either_-” You couldn’t make sense of it,. And very suddenly the _threat_ of being held against your will was being presented to you. It was getting hard to think. Hard to _breathe_. “He wouldn’t come after me again. Not after all _that_. After everything that happened- he’d be just as happy with-” ...with somebody _normal_.

But you weren’t _normal_ were you.   
And _that’s_ what Tony was getting at. 

_He didn’t- **chain me**\- or **tie me up** or- anything- he just… he just **told me to stand in a corner**. So I did. He told me to do things I didn’t wanna do- but I did them anyway. Because I wasn’t… I wasn’t **strong enough** to stop him… and I…_

The words were in the shape of your voice, an echo of an intensely _painful _memory-… but _you_ weren’t the one remembering. Drawing breath became near impossible, bearing the weight of this remembered-… it was his _guilt_ paired with your _agony_ and it was crushing you. “_Tony_-”

He clamped down. _Hard_. Head dropping. Taking a breath. So you took one with him. “Yeah. Sorry.” Tight as he mumbled.

“We’re okay.” For now, anyway. For now… you were okay.

Once the both of you regained control, his hands took both of yours, holding you _tight_. Imploring eyes watching your own. “It’s a theory. Maybe he’s not behind this. Maybe Jones is straight and Hogarth suddenly decided to sacrifice her entire career on singing mind control to a jury for a double murder because she grew a heart. But in my honest, _humble_ opinion, there’s a lot of math here that doesn’t add up.” 

A watery laugh punched out of you, and you took one of your hands back to cover your mouth, eyes rolling up and then closed. “Maybe for once your math is wrong.” 

“I highly doubt it.” His smile was broken. With the gentlest of touches, he urged you out of your seat, and you went to him, sitting sideways in his lap, arms around him as he put his arms around you. 

Burying your face in his shoulder, your voice was muffled. But you’d made your decision. “I’m going to call Hogarth. And have her take a meeting.” 

_Disappointment_ and _worry_ punched through him. And yet somewhere there was a soft shine of _understanding_. “I figured you were gonna say that.” His chest rose and then fell with a heavy sigh. “Just… just promise me. If there looks like a one or a zero still out of place- get out of there. Okay?” 

You found easy comfort resting against him. So making that deal was simple. “I’m not as good at math as you are. But… I promise.” 

He felt _better_. But only slightly.   
You didn’t feel better at all. 

* * *

It took you the better part of an hour to get a hold of yourself. This call would not be the hardest part of this whole ordeal by a longshot, but you were no longer just presenting as _yourself_ calling someone like Hogarth. You had to have it all together before you could begin this weird and strange dialogue. 

And then…

And then her assistant hung up on you multiple times. Very, _very_ sure you were a crank caller. Even when you insisted she look at the caller ID- calling from your office phone- her assistant merely said, “_So what_?” And hung up. _Again_. 

Frayed as you were, after that tenth hang up, during a mission that was not going to benefit you in any way and only serve to hurt _you_ for the greater good (just payback you were sure), you let loose a little. “Hey, JARVIS.” Sitting back in your desk chair. 

“Yes, ma’am. How may I assist you?” 

“Can you patch me directly into Jeri Hogarth of Hogarth, Chao and Benowitz’s office?” That was probably fine, right? ...who cared anymore at this point. 

“I can. One moment.” 

“Thank you JARVIS.” 

“I live to serve. Where would you like the call?” 

“Speaker phone, please.” 

“My pleasure.” 

You sat back in your chair, reclining just a little, taking a _deep_ breath. The connection only took another minute. A weird half a ring and then a click, and then a very _incensed_ sounding Jeri Hogarth. “Listen, I don’t know how you got this number, but if you call this office again-” 

“I wouldn’t have to if someone would just answer my calls.” No need for her to start threatening legal trouble, as you were sure she was about to. 

There was a long pause, probably one of consideration. “This is either a very good soundboard or the CEO of Stark Industries is actually calling me.” 

“One of them, anyway.” 

“_Huh_.” Sounding as incredulous as she did amused. “So what can I do for you? Aside firing my assistant, of course.” Already trying to butter you up. That was probably good. 

“I need you to take a meeting tomorrow.” You’d give yourself the rest of the day to figure out your life and what you were going to do. That seemed fair. Also about as fair as not asking this woman to drop everything she was doing right that second. She was probably as busy as you were. Especially so, considering she was in her office on a Sunday. 

“What about?” 

“I don’t want to discuss it on the phone.” 

“I can assure you you have total confidentiality and security.” 

“I’m sure you can. I’m still not discussing it over the phone.” This was going to be difficult for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest was that this woman was a fucking shark. 

She made a humorous noise. “Alright then. My place or yours?” 

A good question, to be sure. But an easy one to answer. “My office. Stark Tower.” Home. A place you could control. No surprises. No threats. 

“I thought we were calling it the _Avengers Tower_ these days.” Sounding like she’d figured out her jokester. 

“This is Stark Industries business. Personal business, actually.” You already knew saying this would intrigue her all the more. This was looking to be a high profile case. How could she resist? “So. Tomorrow. What time works for you?” 

“Any time. When’s good for you?” Very clearly insinuating she’d move everyone else around to cater to you. Ah yes. Definitely _hooked_. 

“Let’s do eleven AM. How’s that for you?” 

“Absolutely perfect. See you tomorrow.” Then, just like that, she hung up the phone. 

That was good. Meeting agreed upon. The only problem was either Jeri Hogarth was a phenomenal actor, playing up whatever this bid for your second kidnapping was… or she really did have no idea you would be contacting her. Which also meant that Jessica had been counting on you to do the right thing, and had decided not to spill your secrets. Instead intending for you to do it on your own. Probably as penance.

Already you knew it was the latter.   
And Jessica had been _right_. 

* * *

You let Tony know, as the two of you laid in bed that night, that you had a meeting with Hogarth tomorrow. He asked if you wanted him to sit in for it. Almost too easily the answer was _no_. He wanted to be back up. Your ringer. Your _protection_. On guard for you. But… if you were really about to lay waste to your reputation and hurt the company, better only one of you go down for it. ...you didn’t say it in so many words. But… the _concern- _the _disappointment_\- the weighty feeling of _**failure**_ that laced his entire being after you turned him down told you all you needed to know.

Better not think about it right now. You could work on fixing the rest of your life later. After you were done destroying it. 

As soon as Pepper got in the next morning you briefed her that you had a _very important meeting_ at eleven. One that you were not under any circumstance to be disturbed from. And… one that required your attention beforehand, so you had her cancel your other things. Really what you were doing in your office before Hogarth arrived was… prepping. Mentally. Physically. 

Trying to get the feeling of sickness to go _away_.   
It wasn’t just _you_, the thought of your life falling apart. Who were _you_ after all? In comparison to what you’d let go on? Perhaps nobody at all. But _all of this_… all of this was bringing back some bleak, dark sickness that you’d fooled yourself into thinking you’d gotten over. That you’d healed from. 

But now Kilgrave- _that man_, the only way you’d known him before if not _**master**_… now he was back.   
He was back.  
_He was back_. 

And Tony seemed to think he was lurking around. Waiting for just the right set up, just the right moment to reach his hand out and snatch you. Stick you in another _corner_. _**Make you make him-**_

The tablet on your desk rang just as you were headed into a deep spiral. “Your eleven o’clock is here.” 

Reaching a trembling hand out you pressed the interface to answer and really had to hold on tight. “I’m finishing up a call, give me a second.” Pepper would know this was a lie. But it wouldn’t matter. You just needed a minute. Just a minute… It still wasn’t enough, but you had to push through. So after one more deep breath, you tapped the intercom again. “Please send her in.”

As the door opened you stood from your desk, at least aiming for amicable as Pepper let her inside and then closed the door behind her. She was a smart looking woman. Very _sharp_ for sure. Green-gray eyes that were ready to cut you down to size and a short black haircut. She clearly wasn’t there to do anything but business. You held your hand out to her and she called out your name as she came closer, and then gave you an extremely firm handshake. “Nice to meet you in person. Let’s get down to it, shall we?” 

Eager to work. Which was good. But also dangerous. “Sure thing. One moment.” Holding up a finger to her. “JARVIS, can you seal the room, please?” 

Her friendly demeanor dampened a moment with a huff as she sat. “You could just ask me if I’m wearing a wire, you know. Less obvious. And I’m not, by the way.” 

“I can never be too sure.” 

“I respect that. But I assure you. I’m entirely professional.” 

JARVIS waited a single second after she was done speaking, “The room is yours, ma’am. Nothing comes in or out.” Letting you know that Jeri was correct. She was indeed not wearing a wire. Or recording anything on her phone. 

“Thank you.” As always, grateful for his help.

“My pleasure.”

Jeri looked up towards the ceiling. “You selling those yet? I’m sure it would be a huge market.” 

“There’s only one JARVIS, and he’s not for sale.” Sitting down yourself, settling your hands on your desk. 

Before you could even start, she started _for_ you. “So. You want a lawyer not entangled with the business. I get that. Some personal matter you don’t want getting out of hand? I can assure you I’ll handle it for you with absolute discretion.” Ready to win this. Get this account. Earn this money. Whatever it was. 

Unfortunately for her… “Actually…” Still having to steady yourself. To appear in control even when it was slipping away piece by piece. “This is about Hope Shlottman. And Jessica Jones.” 

The air in the room went absolutely _freezing_ as she stared at you. First in _disbelief_, and then _surprise _took hold of her though she showed no sign of it. Instead, she held a tight, almost _angry_ grin. “I see. I tell Jones to go out and get witnesses and she somehow bags the _king_ of all witnesses. Unbelievable.” One of her eyes narrowed as she stared you down. “Unless you’re working for the other side?” 

Clearly she wanted a reaction out of you. And your _disgust_ was plenty. “_No_.” 

She hummed. “I didn’t think so. But you can never be too sure. Appearances are deceiving.” 

“I’m prepared to testify-”

“So. What did she do? Threaten you?” Almost seemingly very suddenly like she’d checked out of the entire conversation at this point. At least any part of it that actually mattered.

“Threaten _me_? Are you out of your mind?” Taking _great_ offense to the notion that you could be put so easily under anyone’s thumb. That was not the image you’d worked on creating for yourself.

Jeri just shrugged. “Everyone’s got a weakness. Even you, I’m sure. Might not be as simple as a fist through a wall, sure. But. Jones has _other_ talents.” Interesting as that was (barely, though), now was not the time. You couldn’t bring yourself to care about what other secrets Jessica Jones was hiding. Especially when it seemed like Jeri could just _spill them all_ if you asked nicely. ...for the right price, rather. You wondered if Jessica knew exactly who she was dealing with. 

You couldn’t help bristling. “Are you interested in this or not? I thought you were defending Hope?” 

She was drumming her fingers on her palm, eyes downward. _Thinking_. “At great risk for a no doubt pithy reward.” This… wasn’t in line with what Jessica had said. But it was somehow no surprise that she’d lied about whatever their engagement was. Maybe she really _didn’t_ have faith in you after all. “Let me be _very_ forward with you.” Stopping everything and looking up to stare at you again. “I’m not interested in your testimony.” 

This was an absolute _shock_, and you weren’t in control enough to hold your visible reaction back. “Are you serious?”

“Oh I’m _very _serious. Not that I care about your reputation, but I’m not about to let Jones turn _mine _into a circus funhouse. Shlottman and mind control and now an _Avenger_ wants to take the stand? I’m not interested. And I’m sure it’s a load off your mind to know you don’t have to worry about what this will do to you _or _your company, so let’s just call this a charitable waste of my time and let it go.” 

“An innocent girl is going to go to prison- probably forever- for something she didn’t really do- and you could help her-” 

“I’ll do all I can but let’s get _real_. The winds are changing. You think you can just storm in and save her because you’re a _hero_? You think you have automatic credibility because you saved the city three years ago? You’re no more helpful to me than a Roxxon white-collar when their tanker spilled. And the media will wonder who’s paying who. Nobody has any _proof_. It’s all _words_. And you really must have your head up your own ass to think you’re that important- that _special_\- that you can just automatically sway a whole jury with a couple of sentences.” She stood and half turned from you. “Like I said, I’m _not_ interested in this shitshow. We’ll talk Hope’s time down as a psychotic break and she can sit in a padded cell for a little while. Might do her some good.” 

You were on your feet in the next moment, hands on your desk. “My testimony _is_ worth something. And you’re a terrible lawyer if you turn your back on it.” 

At this she just made a face. “I’m sure you know as much about law as I know about running around in a cape and spandex. You’re one person. Jones can work harder for this- _if_ it’s the truth, and not all just a bunch of malarkey, which I very well suspect at this point-” 

Just short of growling now, bearing down on her, “If you walk out of this office with nothing-” 

She held up her hand. “Let’s not get hasty and start making threats. I’m doing you a favor. I’m sure Mr. Stark would agree. Nobody wants you to burn this all to the ground for one girl who can’t tell up from down right now.” 

“Nobody is asking me to. I’m doing this because _I _want to.” 

Her smirk was cruel. “_Sure you are._” Complemented with an insulting laugh. “That’s why Jones had to call you in, right? Is she part of your little superhero club? Did you owe her a favor? I’d love to hear _all _about it over lunch.” Just like that she turned her back on you and headed for the door. “Call me any time you’d like if you need a lawyer for something _real_. My new assistant knows to direct your number.” 

She was _leaving_. Very soon she would be gone. This opportunity to save this poor girl- this girl whose life was in shambles _because of you_\- was walking away. And you couldn’t think of what to do to stop her-

But she _did_ stop. Turning before putting her hand on the handle. “Let me just give you something to think about.” Your eyes met hers. “I asked Jones for credible testimony. I’m not going to pretend like I know or even _care_ what went on between you and this supposed Kilgrave person, if _anything_ at all. But I’m sure she gave you the same story. Don’t you wonder why _she_ won’t testify?” It was like she’d reached into your rib cage with both hands and squeezed your lungs.

_The math was suddenly not adding up. _

“However she pushed you, I want you to sleep _well_ at night knowing you _jumped_ at the chance to ruin your life. While she’s still trying to find a way to fix hers. _Even at the risk of Hope’s_. Or yours. Or anyone else’s _but_ hers. You’re a _hero_. You can still hold on to that.”

It was weird.  
Being this _stunned_. What could you even do? What was the right move to make here? Hope’s lawyer wanted nothing to do with you. _Jessica wouldn’t defend Hope, either._ So… what- what then? 

It was embarrassing, that you resorted to such a quiet reply before she could exit the office. “You’ll regret this.” _Weakly_, too. _You_ were weak. 

She laughed again. “I’m sure I will. About as much as I regret the mimosa I had with breakfast this morning.” 

There was nothing more for you to do but watch her go. So… _powerless_ to do anything. Pepper appeared. “...everything okay in here?” 

“Can you shut my door, please? Hold all my calls.” 

“...sure.” Frowning as she answered, but doing so anyway. 

Once the door was closed all the way you sunk down into your seat, rubbed your hands over your face and then dropped your arms to the desk. And then laid your head down. Hiding. Biting it all back. Shoving it all _down_.

_What were you supposed to do now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, the MCU has a lot of bastard characters. But writing this out has given me the realization that they're just not as much of bastards as I thought compared to the people in Jessica Jones. There's _so much_ going on all the time in that season, every character has seven different motivations and like 80% of them are not good. Hogarth is a pretty terrible person and if you've never seen her before, welcome. She's a bastard. Like. To her CORE. But also an amazing character for it. It's just a shame that poor Ms. INY has to deal with that right now when she's already dealing with too much.


	131. Chapter 131

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm real sorry for what's about to happen.

It took you a long time to dig yourself out of the hole of spiraling panic and guilt and just general _upset_ as to where you found yourself at this point in time. Nothing could ever be easy. Never. Not once. Not even doing a terribly difficult thing could be easy. How ridiculous was that? In order to do the difficult, damaging thing you had to go through an even more difficult process. Your life was nonsense. That was pretty much the only thing you knew at this point. 

The light had long since fled from the sky.   
Maybe it had taken you a little too long to remember how to breathe. Deja should have been your next call. Or Tony. 

Instead… 

Instead you got to work. Pulling files and reports, asking JARVIS for anything that was public domain- and some _not so public_\- about Hope Shlottman and her case. Because Tony had been right. Something about the math was off here. And if you were supposed to help this girl, you had to figure out where the error was. Surely you were a part of what was wrong, but _what else_? What was it you were missing? 

A migraine had formed, strong and heavy, flashing in both your temples, making it hard to focus and even harder to put two-and-two together. You’d only just barely gotten up from your desk to stare outside when a knock came at the door. 

“So.” It was Tony’s _ache_ for you that signaled his entrance in the room before his actual voice. You weren’t sure you were strong enough to turn and look at him. He was too much your anchor. Your safety. If you looked at him now you might crumble again. “I came down five hours ago and Pep said you were busy. But she called just now on her way out. Because, imagine that, you’re _still_ busy.” 

He didn’t need to say it.   
No one had come out of your office all day. Since the eleven o’clock meeting. You’d closed your door and told Pepper to hold everything. And since then you’d been shut in here. Doing who knew what. ...well, the people closest to you knew _what_. Suffering. But in the spirit of being your rule-following spot-checking personal assistant, when Tony had come down, she’d told him you were _busy_. 

And then had to face that lie just now- “What time is it?” 

“Almost one in the morning.” 

-had to face that lie, _well past midnight_, as she’d tried to leave for the day. She’d had to call Tony to come down, because it was probably pretty obvious you weren’t going to budge unless he came to get you. You weren’t really sure how that made you feel. You just hoped she was the only one who knew you had that much weakness built up inside you. 

You turned away from the window to face him, when you felt you could, when the silence had lingered too long. His frown was deep-set. Arms tight as he crossed them. “I don’t know if this means the meeting went well or not.” 

Fresh new _guilt _slapped you in the face. He was _worried_. He’d _been _worrying. For hours now. And you’d left him in the dark. “Hogarth won’t accept my testimony.” 

His head reeled back just a little, eyes blinking a few times over before his brows knit together. “_What_?” 

Going over this again was taking what little you had left out of you. Moving over, you sat yourself on the corner of your desk. “She said in less words that I’m not a good witness. That a jury wouldn’t believe me.” Tony continued to make that scrunched up face of disapproval as he crossed over the room to get closer. “She wants to go temporary insanity as a plea.” 

He stopped just in front of you, “Jones knew about this?” 

“How could she have? What would be the point of making me call Hogarth and do all this if she knew I was gonna get turned down?” There were _so many errors_ here that _none_ of it made sense. “And _about _her-” Feeling bitter bile rising in the back of your throat. _Angry_, still. “Jessica won’t testify, either.” 

It was hard to tell if it was your _anger_ leaking over to him, or if both your suddenly intense red feelings were blending together in the well of the room. Whatever it was, it was stifling. “How about that.” Clucking his tongue against the back of his teeth, nodding a few times over. He then held one hand out. “Well. That means you’re off the hook.” 

You found yourself shaking your head very quickly. “It _doesn’t_ mean that. Just because she’s not doing the right thing doesn’t mean I don’t have to either.” 

“Right. And I’m _sure _she didn’t come at you again with the _all this is your fault_ diatribe again like she did last time.” Your reaction told him everything he needed to know. “Yeah. Thought so. Yet she can’t be bothered?” 

But again, you felt yourself sinking lower into this puddle of mud as your head continued to shake. “It doesn’t matter, Tony… what she’s doing or won’t do…” 

“You don’t _always _have to be the bigger person. You don’t _always _have to fix everything.” Speaking strongly, so suddenly, as he reached out to settle his hands on your shoulders. 

“This I do.” But you could be strong in your convictions, too. 

“Why?” 

“Because. She’s right. Fury was right, then, too. I could have done more. We could have gone after him.” Sure about it, now. “I could have done anything but lie in a bed-”

“_Recovering_?” He stopped you short. “You wanted to do street checks for Fury while you could barely stand? And all for what- so this mind-control guy could get his hands on any one of us? Let’s _start_ with Banner-” 

Your head dropped all the way, hands holding on to the desk hard. “_Stop_.” He checked himself _very _quickly. “Just… stop…” 

Coming closer, he wrapped one arm around you, pulling you close to him, settling his other hand on the back of your head. You rested there, face sideways against his chest, listening to his heart as you wound your arms around him. Hid from everything. As usual. 

Did it matter that Tony had a point? The _same_ self-serving point you’d had? Or tried to have, when talking to Jessica? When telling yourself that was the right call? To imagine Kilgrave getting his hands on the Hulk- for Tony’s imagined scenario- while you were physically _weak_ and emotionally _drained_. Who would stop him while he tore the city apart? If you couldn’t, the Avengers would have to-

And the in-fighting and optics around a downfall like that would be _ugly_. People would question your team. Whether or not you could be counted on to do the right thing. Whether or not you were on their side. 

It was like he’d pulled the cord, and your lightbulb appeared. “Is that why you two made VERONICA?” 

“It definitely got us thinking.” He eased out a soft breath. “You know better than any of us at this point how hard it is to look at all the sides and pick which one is best. But we do it. Because we have to. And once we make that decision we have to stand by it.” Nudging you just a little, he got your attention and you looked up at him. “I think you made the right call that night.” 

By your side. Like always. It was impossible to muster even a small smile, but the feeling was there. “You always think I’m right.” 

“Because you always are. It’s not like you just make decisions on a whim. I _trust_ you. I trusted you that night. Fury wanted to send us on the street for a threat level we hadn’t properly assessed- but _you _had. And because of that _you_ got to make that call.” His hands moved up, palms cupping the sides of your neck. “And I still trust you, now.” 

As selfish as it was, you couldn’t help but sink into him a little, eyes falling closed. Just… holding in to the feeling of him. His _warmth_. His _love_ for you. He was ready to do whatever it was you decided. Still. No matter what. Giving you the go-ahead to just tell him what it was. So that the two of you could start on it. 

Your hands shifted up his chest as your eyes blinked open again to look at him. “For the record… I think you’re intensely biased.” 

“_Mn._”

“And a hypocrite.” 

His brows lifted and his mouth screwed sideways in a small pout, eyes going to the side and then eventually finishing his theatrics with a little nod. He took a breath in and let it out as he spoke. “_Well_. Scathing personal assessments aside…” 

“But I’m glad that I have you. And your bias. And hypocrisy.” Smiling up at him then.

In contrast his eyes narrowed. “If you’re trying to be nice you’re failing by a very wide margin right now.” 

“I love you, Tony.” 

This broke him, and pulled a smile from him that he shone on you like the sun. “I love _you_.” Easing in to press a careful kiss to your lips that you easily accepted. He didn’t stay long, though. When he leaned back, his thumbs brushed just over the lines of your jaw. “Let’s get some dinner. And we can talk about what you wanna do next.” Holding you steady as he laid his next kiss to your forehead. 

Your hands lifted up then, arms winding around his neck. Just. Holding on to him. His in turn came around you as he laid his head atop yours. And silently you begged him to just stay like that with you for a while. 

He must have heard you, somewhere, because he did. 

* * *

Sitting close together on the couch, your head on his shoulder as you were tucked into his side with your legs up, the two of you joylessly ate from a random assortment of Chinese takeout. A movie was playing on the television in the living room that neither of you were paying attention to. Dvahli was sitting atop the coffee table nearby, tail in a slow nonstop serpentine pattern behind her. Waiting patiently for the food you _obviously _were going to give her. 

The ideas started. He was still halfway through a bite of orange chicken when he spoke. “Can’t we just send someone from legal to take her case?” 

Already you were shaking your head. “Hope’s in prison right now. And the only way of seeing her would be to go through _her_ lawyer. Hogarth’s got her locked up tight.” For good reason, you assumed. The last thing they needed was press trying to get to her. 

“Yeah. That’s what _normal_ people would do.” Wait and take orders from other people. What he was suggesting… 

“That’s what _we_ have to do. Much as I’d love to march down there and tell her she’s got our team and money behind her, that’s exactly the sort of press we don’t need. And Hogarth will start an attack campaign the second she thinks we’re up to something.” 

Jeri Hogarth was not the kind of woman you really should have been trying to fuck with. Which made this that much harder. Couldn’t Jessica have found more of a pushover…? 

You took a small sip of water before continuing. “She took this case because she and Jessica have some arrangement- and the media is already all over it. With her name on it. If she relinquishes it to us- or has it _stolen_\- that might as well be as bad as losing. It’s bad press for her firm. She won’t let it happen.” 

Tony heaved a sigh. “Alright- let’s… let’s start at the beginning. How did Jones find this kid?” Perhaps still trying to work at the angle that this was a massive setup of some kind. But… if Tony was to fix a problem, he needed all of the information. And _somehow_ he knew you now had more pieces of it than before.

“According to her statement the night Hope was brought in, Hope’s parents went to the police station to file a missing person’s report when Hope started acting strange. But the cops apparently told her to go to Jessica- because she runs a detective agency called Alias Investigations. When they did she picked up the case, but then she figured out it was Kilgrave. She went to get Hope and something about taking Hope away from him triggered a command he gave her to kill her parents. She thinks.” 

You felt him shaking his head. “We’re still missing pieces.” 

“I thought so, too. But it was a witness statement to the police. They might have stopped really taking her seriously when she started talking about mind control.” 

“Yet they pointed a couple with a missing daughter her way? Instead of doing their jobs? I know the cops can get lazy but that’s… that doesn’t seem strange to you?” He tilted his head, casting a look down at you, eyebrow arched. 

That familiar sense of defeat was rearing its head. “Yeah. But… on the other hand, I don’t know what her relationship is with the police. Maybe that’s a normal thing for them.” Maybe it was. But. ...you kind of doubted it. When he set his gaze forward again and off into the distance, “What are you thinking?” 

“I still think someone’s being set up here. But now I’m not sure who. This whole thing’s a mess.” 

“Everything is always a mess.” He was holding back and you couldn’t be sure why. Something was going on in that big brain of his. You gave him a little wiggly nudge. “Talk to me.” 

His lips pursed for a second and then he shook his head. “This Kilgrave guy. He can make anyone do _anything_? Who’s to say he didn’t tell those parents to go to Jones’ place? Make them forget that _he_ gave the order?” 

Your eyebrows scrunched together. “For what reason?” 

“Exactly all _this_. To get her back- and to get her to involve _you_, next.” 

He was too far ahead of you and you were too tired. “Explain the steps here.” 

“Giving Jones the benefit of the doubt that she’s not a _liar_\- which- still in the running by the way- but, if this guy had talked about you, then that’s how he knows she knows about you. Once she gets out, he makes the connection that she’d go after _you_. Because she’s angry. He was supposed to die. Didn’t. Don’t have the data on that. So he spends time healing up. Then he gets a hold of this Hope girl and sets the whole thing up to get Jones involved. Knows Jones will go to you as the best chance that kid has. Now _everyone_ is starting to fall into place.” 

You had to sit quietly and really take all this in. _Really_ think about it. “But… why me? Why Jessica? Why any of it?” 

“He used you. For what you have. It’s easy to assume he did the same thing to Jones. Which. By the way. Makes your call to keep the team away from him even more valid. He’s collecting. Building his own personal army. He made mistakes. Two of them. Letting the two of you get away. He’s trying to reclaim control now.” 

“That’s…” What were you even supposed to say to that? “That’s quite a game of chess he thinks he’s playing.” And yet that seemed like the exact sort of manipulation he would be up to. “But- now Hope is in prison. And Jessica is spreading his name around trying to build a case against him. Isn’t that too in the spotlight? He had to know she’d do it.” 

“He counted on her backing off. Which she did- didn’t you tell me she _won’t_ testify? Maybe he counted on you for the same thing. There’s also an element of suffering here that he’s probably enjoying.” 

Yours.   
And Jessica’s.   
Yeah. That seemed like the exact sort of play he’d make. Set up something ludicrous, let the both of you stew in guilt, and then strike when the time was right. To prove that he _could_. That he _could_ do all of those things. That he was _powerful_, too. That he could _have you_ whenever he wanted. He just wanted to take his time- 

You felt dinner about to escort itself from your stomach. Thrusting your box of noodles onto the table, you got onto your feet, only making it as far as the back of the couch where you shot a hand out to steady yourself. The room was spinning. There was an anvil perched on your chest. Breathing was difficult- And- 

“Honey.” Tony was there. _Right next to you_. A hand on your shoulder. 

“I can’t do this again…” It was an admission of cowardice. And yes, of _guilt_. You _were _a coward. But you couldn’t go through this again. You couldn’t… _face __**him **__again_. 

His hand moved to your back, soothing up and down in long passes. “You’re alright. I’m right here. Everything is fine right now…” You tried desperately to concentrate on him talking. The tone of his voice. Low and warm and _close_. Tony _was_ there. “You’re safe, honey. You’re alright.” 

_You’re safe.  
You’re safe…_  
  
You let it go on repeat. Trying to convince yourself. Trying to come back to your own body. 

* * *

It was almost a good thing that you and Tony hadn’t made any headway on solutions that night, because after relapsing into an episode that went on for the rest of the evening… you couldn’t remember much. You woke up the next morning alone in bed- but Tony was not too far away, working on the desk nearest to the bed. He had his glasses on, watching as lines of… something- data? Information? Perhaps code?- zoomed by on his screen. _Frustration_ framed his core. 

Sitting up into a fresh new headache, you caught his attention immediately and he turned. “Morning.” Maybe deciding you were a more fruitful endeavor, as he got up rather quickly to come sit at your side. “How are you feeling?” 

“Not great.” Not even enough in you to lie the usual _I’m okay_ song. It wouldn’t matter, anyway. He’d know. 

His hand lifted, backs of his fingers touching across your forehead. “You’re a little warm.” _Concern_ taking over. 

“I think I just need some food and anything else other than…” You’d wanted to say- _anything else other than_-

Other than… 

You were very quickly losing track of your breathing. 

Tony’s palm centered on your cheek, turning your gaze his way. “You’re alright. I get it. No working on _current cases_.” Giving you a different phrase to focus on. 

Current cases. _Current cases_. **Not him**. Current cases, current cases, currentcases, currentcasescurrentcases… thinking it over and _over_ to bite back the darkness. Thinking it so hard it ceased to sound like real words. But it worked.

It was your own disappointment you were drowning in then. “When did it get this bad?” You couldn’t even _think _about him now? Were you really _that_ weak? This was taking _that much _of a toll on you?

“When he showed back up. I think that’s normal.” There was a bare breath between that idea and the next. “I think you could use some breakfast. Maybe a hot shower.” Just anything to take your mind off things. 

Really… you couldn’t agree more. “Yeah. Okay.” 

So that was what you did. He sent you off to the shower with a press of a kiss at your forehead while he went and ordered some breakfast. He didn’t go for anything extravagant, which was good, because despite losing yesterday’s only meal, your appetite just wasn’t there. It seemed like his wasn’t either, as he was a little preoccupied with whatever he was working on.

And that continued hot _frustration_ of his was choking you a little. It was why, with a gentle hand against his leg, you let him know, “I’m okay here, if you need to go down to the lab.” Figuring he’d have more accessible tools- and Bruce, maybe, to sound ideas off of for whatever he was stuck on. 

His _guilt_ was palpable after that. “No- no it’s not that important.” Picking the _obvious_ choice. 

“It’s important enough to get on your nerves, which means it’s _important enough_.” Teasing him just a little with a small smile. Trying your hardest to _show_ you were alright. Leaning over you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Really. If I need you I’ll call you.” 

He waited a moment before answering, looking at you for a _long_ while. But. Then finally, he held up a finger. “For _anything_. Nothing is too small.” 

“For anything.” You reassured him. 

He still stayed a few more moments after that, but eventually he packed up whatever he’d been working on and departed after leaving you with another kiss to your forehead. After that you got your own laptop out and cozied up on the couch. Tried to pretend to work. It wasn’t going great. Your thoughts weren’t all there, and the ones that were were straying far away. 

Until.  
Finally…   
  
You started doing more research about Hope. There had to be a way to fix this thing and you would figure out what it was. Even if Jessica Jones and Jeri Hogarth were useless. Really, though, you were probably just inviting trouble. ...very seriously, you realized, as a notification pinged: 

_Trish Walker is taking a live interview with alleged murderer Hope Shlottman from prison. _

The information stared at you for maybe too long. You were… scared. Scared to listen to this. But you had to. You just _had to_. So you clicked over to the radio station. The show, perhaps aptly named, _Trish Talk_ was already underway. 

“_It was my mother’s birthday. He made me call her, because she’d have known something was wrong if I didn’t._” Already you were miles away. Falling into a void as you listened to this poor girl struggle live over the air. Kilgrave had done the same to you. Memories of the alleyway flashed- of calling Tony and telling him you needed to leave- you became completely paralyzed. 

“_And I wanted to tell her that I was in trouble, and that he was holding me prisoner. ...and making me do things that I’ve never done- that I would never do. I wanted to tell her and my dad to come get me._” 

“But you didn’t.” The host- Trish, interrupted her through her struggling. 

“_The words were in my head- but way in the back. Like this tiny echo._” You thought about… about the woman you could barely remember… how Kilgrave had _used you_… how you’d seen what she’d been like under his control. Just barely there. A thin veneer of a person, but somewhere way, far away, _screaming_… 

Trish spoke again. “What was happening? Can you describe it?” 

“_All I could feel was this need. He said ‘wish her a happy birthday’ and that was suddenly the only thing that I wanted to say. That was the last time I spoke to her- before she and my dad came to find me- to rescue me-_” 

“And the whole time you were with Kilgrave, you were aware you were being controlled?” 

Hope’s voice clutched, trying to hold it together. “_Not at first, but then I’d get these glimpses of myself. And I’d try to hold onto them…_” She started breaking down. “_But I wasn’t strong enough… but when he told me… to do that to my parents…_” Sobbing now. You realized you were crying too. Tears falling heavily. “_I fought so hard… but I couldn’t…_” 

“Hope, did you love your parents?” 

“_Yes. __**So **__much_.” 

“Did you want to shoot them?” 

“_No!_” 

“Then why did you do it?” 

“_Because Kilgrave wanted me to. Because he made me.” _

Your hand was over your mouth, trying to stifle a deep agonizing noise that tried to creep out as your chest felt torn open all of a sudden. No one was up there with you. It wouldn’t have mattered. But you no longer deserved the _release_ of an emotional swell. Not until- 

Jeri’s voice suddenly took over. “As you can see, Trish, my client’s delusion is quite fully formed.” This would probably be the only time you were glad to hear Jeri- because white hot _anger_ took hold over you. Making it easier to push the grief away. To more fresh guilt. She was _still_ not defending Hope. Not helping her. Not listening to her. 

“Wait-” Trish sounded as stunned as you. “You’re dismissing the possibility that Hope is telling the truth?”  
  
Jeri’s annoyance was clear. “That she was _telepathically _compelled to kill her own parents?” A small pause before, “It’s unprecedented, to say the least.” She must have been in the room with Hope right then. Talking down about her- right in front of her. That poor girl, still suffering, and her lawyer wouldn’t even- 

“As was the city being attacked by aliens, but it happened.” For just a single second, the image of Tony disappearing into that black hole flashed behind your eyes. Breathing was getting hard. “Buildings were destroyed, people were killed. ...perhaps what happened to Hope has happened before.” 

Jeri was rather curt. “Well, certainly, if there are other people who feel they have been controlled by this Kilgrave character, they are more than welcome to contact my office. But it is more likely that my client experienced a psychotic break.” It was… it was _so difficult_ to know what the hell Jeri was doing. Was she trying to gather witness testimony? By shouting down Hope- calling her _crazy_\- and then asking that people get brave enough to get the same treatment? 

Trish sounded upset. But not nearly enough. “Hope has no history of mental illness. Has shown no evidence since-”

“_Trish_. It sounds like you believe this Kilgrave is real.” 

No. _No_. Jeri was _baiting_ Trish… but- but _why_? A popup came over the screen: **accepting call-ins now**. As you reached out to try and click on it you realized you were shaking. Trish finally found her voice after a small silence. “I believe it’s naive to assume he isn’t. So yes. I think he’s out there. ...this _sick_ _perverted man_\- he is preying on the helpless, so he can feel powerful. Probably terrified of his own weakness, which suggests impotence.” 

Your heart was thudding in your chest. “JARVIS call in. Call in _now_.” 

“I highly advise against this, ma’am.” 

“Scramble my number and drop my voice- call in and put me up front. _Now_.” You needed to do something. _Anything_. Kilgrave was no doubt listening to this. You just- you just _needed to do something_. Trish’s show had gone silent, a brief message about technical difficulties- JARVIS had weirdly gone quiet, too. “JARVIS, please…” He had to help you. 

_You had to do something_. 

“One moment, Ms. INY.” If it were possible for him to sound conflicted… “Transferring to your phone.” 

Digging it out of your pocket, you held it to your ear, still trembling. Hold music was on. Trish’s show was cutting in and out between her trying to take calls. But, finally, you heard her on both devices. “Next caller.” 

“To think that Hope’s own lawyer doesn’t want to help her speaks _volumes_. I think she should reassess her resources. And find someone that believes her.” You had to fight to keep your tone steady. 

Trish made a noise. “So _you_ believe her? About this Kilgrave person?” 

“I do. Enhanced individuals are being pulled from the shadows more and more every day. With the fall of SHIELD it should _more_ than be in the realm of possibility that someone with the power to take someone’s mind and bend it is lurking around. And not _every_ enhanced individual will be a hero or on the side of good.” 

“So where are the heroes now? Why didn’t one of them help Hope when she needed it? What about the _other_ people- people we have to assume came before Hope- where were they? Why weren’t they listening for Hope?”

You took a deep breath. “They hear her now.” 

The call dropped- a little robotic alert announcing, “_Time over_.” 

When you’d gotten to your feet, you had no idea. But you were standing there, in the middle of the living room. Which made it dangerous- as Trish took her next call. And _his voice_ spoke _to you_. Your entire body almost gave out. “_First time caller, long time listen__er._ _**Well well.**_ _Seems like the __**pups **__are running wild these days, wouldn’t you say? Someone ought to __**curb them to heel.**_” 

You weren’t home anymore.   
You were facing a corner in a Brooklyn brownstone. Begging for release. 

“_Trish, I want to applaud your courage. You’ve always been a hero to the downtrodden. Self preservation be damned. It’s admirable… but my question is, if there really is a man with the abilities you’ve described, someone who could make __**anyone, anywhere,**_ _do whatever he wanted them to do… seems to me that insulting him would be wildly dangerous. Or. Let’s just say it. Stupid in the extreme. Everyone has feelings- even- ahm- how did you put it? __**Sadistic, corrosive men**__. Monsters, even. __**Masters**__.” _

_Why don’t you beg? Maybe you should whine, like good dogs do.  
_It was dark. It was _so dark_. Vision tunneling. 

“_Are you worried he might, I don't know, make you kill yourself? __**Or worse**__? I'll take my answer off the air._”

  
_See how much easier things are when we respect the order of things?  
_Welts, bruises, pains- aches- everything was lighting back to life. You had no home. No one was coming to get you. No one would save you.   
_If you’d just __**listen **__and stop resisting, this could all go a lot faster. Things could be __**better**__. Why don’t you get that yet?_

Your phone was ringing. It was good that there was no light left in you. No surprise when you put it to your ear. And heard his voice again. “Hello, puppy.” You stood stock still. Really not even sure if you were still breathing. No noise came out of you. Even your crying had stopped in the wake of going frozen. “Surprised? Not as much as I was, I’ll tell you, seeing _you_ and _Jessica __Jones_ together. What a laugh. But it got me thinking…” 

About thirty feet away from you the penthouse elevator opened. Steve stood on the other side of the doors. Dressed in plains clothes- but carrying his _shield_ in one hand.   
**And a gun in the other**. 

“I’d _love_ to see you again. I think we need to have a long talk, you and I. Rectify some of the _mistakes_ you’ve made. I’ll let you make it up to me. Now- I want you to stay on the phone- because-” 

Kilgrave’s voice was slipping past you. “Steve…?” Calling out. Knowing… knowing he was no longer in there. Even as you stepped closer, you just didn’t _feel_ him. There was nothing in his eyes as he regarded you. Standing there. Like a statue. 

“-if you hang up this phone, it’s all over, puppy. But. I’ll call you back in ten minutes when you’re finished.” 

Tears started again. “What do you want from me?” 

“I want you to come to me. Your _master_ is calling you. Go with the oaf, he’ll take you. But I’m warning you-” 

“_Fuck you_.” 

“Now- _pup_-” 

You ended the call and threw the phone away, reaching a hand up. You could fix this- you could break this spell he had over Steve- wasn’t that what you’d done for… for- _what was her name…? _But the second the phone left your hand, Steve reached up, ramming the edge of his shield into the control panel, busting the unit, lodging it into the wall completely- an alarm started blaring. He then abandoned it in its spot where sparks were flying and reached out, grabbing you by the arm and lifting and throwing you like a rag doll, all the way back into the living room-

Right on top of the glass coffee table. Your back smashed into it, knocking the wind from you as you went completely through. Fighting for any semblance of _anything_, you tried to sit up, but were already too little too late. Steve was there. Over you. And he dropped the gun to your side as he straddled your hips, pinning you heavily. “_Steve_\- _**please**_-” The words came out in a choke-

Even more so as he wrapped both hands around your throat and started _squeezing_. Your own gripped at his wrists but you were severely outmatched. Eventually you resorted to scratching, _clawing_\- reaching up to try and get at his face- rocking up- _none of it worked_\- “You know I won’t stop.” Steve was speaking, but it was robotic. And the next sentence didn’t sound like him. It sounded like _your master_ to your ringing ears. “_Finish this. And come back to your place __at my feet__._” The way he was looking at you as he clamped down _**harder**__…_ his eyes were dead. No expression on his face. Just _gone_.

Consciousness was slipping. Instincts had your hand crawling. Up. _Up_… _over_… Steve had come with a gun. Not for you- but because Kilgrave wanted you to _kill him_. If regular threatening tactics wouldn’t work- he had a secondary set of orders for Steve to attack you- so that you’d fight back. _**Kill him**_, when you had no other choice. And then abandon your family- because how could you face them after that? 

Or.   
Or you could die right there. Let it all end. Kilgrave would never get you. 

You felt your face exploding with heat. Your struggles were dying underneath him. He was too heavy to bump up- to get him off you. Spots lit up in your vision before you closed your eyes. _Kill Steve Rogers_ or die. That was the choice Kilgrave was leaving to you. 

But just as you slipped under, and you were no longer _there_\- but instead in your own place. Somewhere safe. Yet fading. With every second. It felt like the wet ground underneath you was falling away. You _raced_. You ran as you felt yourself letting go… falling away… pieces of you evaporating into the air-

Steve was _there_.  
Just as she had been. There but not there. Covered by that sickly purple film. 

So you thrust your hands on him and- you _grabbed him_\- even as that facade cracked and _dug into you_\- you felt yourself scream for control- screaming so that maybe someone- _anyone_ would hear you- so that _Steve would __**wake up**_. You fought- because _he didn’t deserve this_\- even as it wound back around your wrists and started _infecting you_\- you pressed- _harder_\- 

“_STEVE!_” 

The control shattered into a million pieces and your vision in the real world returned, eyes half-lidded as you looked up at him- and _him_, looking down at you, just _realizing_\- his hands released and you sucked in a painful punch of air. Just in time with the sound of a repulsor blast-

And Steve was no longer on top of you. You rolled on your side, coughing- _struggling_\- as heavy footsteps rained down around you. Tony was first, as he knelt at your side, but you felt the others, too- _frightened_. _Confused_. 

Your phone shrieked. Above your wheezing, “_Don’t_-!” 

And Tony, too _furious_ to do anything other than realize that command for what it was, picked your phone up. “JARVIS run a trace_._”

You were weeping. _Begging_. “_Don’t- please_-!” 

But Tony answered. “You have five seconds.” And silence hung in the air- all except your gasps for life. 

Which then slid into the sound of Kilgrave’s soft chuckles. “_Don’t worry puppy. We’ll be together again soon_. _I’ve got many more __**surprises **__for you._” The line hung up. 

JARVIS gave the least surprising news of the night. “Trace incomplete, sir.” 

Sobs wrenched out from you as you crawled up on your hands and knees, fists tight in the carpet. Looking across the room you saw Steve. Staring at you. 

_Horrified. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment about how mad you are at me :]   
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND


	132. Chapter 132

Tony was literally elbow deep in work. Converting panels on the walls into mechanized processors took a lot of patience, but it was good, clean work that kept his mind preoccupied. He’d been working on turning the upstairs ports into a machining hub for a while. Better to do it now than to have to rely on the same type of handiwork to repair every suit in the Iron Legion when it got damaged. However, it was the worst time to get the kind of call that he did. The lights flooded out of the room, replaced with darkness tipped in constant red flashes. Bruce made some sort of agitated yet nervous noise, hands raised. Tony tipped his head back, pulling his arms from the wall, and lifting his head. “JARVIS-”

“Red alert on penthouse level.” His blood went ice cold. Already he was pulling back, on his feet, and _running_. But that feeling of fear was nothing compared to what hit him when JARVIS spoke next. “Steve Rogers is attacking Ms. INY. The private elevator has been immobilized. I’ve called a suit for you.” 

The next noise out of Bruce was one of complete bafflement. “_Steve_ is? Tony- what-” 

“Get the team upstairs. **Now**.” 

Already suited up, already taking off in a leap from the lab deck. Bolting up straight into the air and curving up and around to the windows that looked into the penthouse living room. There his HUD zoomed in on a sight that sent him into immediate **rage**.   
  
Steve atop her.   
Her clawing at his wrists. _Struggling not to __**die**_ as he choked the life out of her. 

There really wasn’t much thought floating inside of his brain after that. He shot through one of the plate windows and dropped down inside. Just as Steve seemed to be _stopping_\- and she wheezed- Tony held both of his hands up and aimed a charged repulsor blast into Steve’s back, sending him flying. He was there in the next second, on his knees next to her. 

He put his hand at her back, helping her lean sideways as she coughed and wheezed- painfully tried to draw any breath in that she could. Though it seemed like the immediate threat had waned, he felt just slightly better hearing the rest of their team busting up through the stairwell entrance. Yet his attention was stolen by the chirp of her phone ringing. 

Uselessly she seemed to be trying to reach for it. “_Don’t_-” A sharp twist of a cry. 

One that slid the pieces into place. The person really responsible for this was on the other end, no doubt about it. So he had to _ignore_ her pleas, which broke his heart. This had to stop. Now. Picking the phone up, “JARVIS run a trace.” 

She fought through sobs. “_Please __**don’t**_…” 

He then slid the call onto speaker. “You have five seconds.” Hoping to bait their villain of the month into giving him some monologue. 

Everyone in the room stilled. The silence was unbearable. But not more so than the sound of that _laughter_. And then, that voice he had long since committed to memory on that one night he’d heard it, “_Don’t worry puppy. We’ll be together again soon_. _I’ve got many more __**surprises **__for you.” _

The screen flashed as the call disconnected, and JARVIS stated the obvious. “Trace incomplete sir.” 

He had no time to let guilt and disappointment soak him through. She was moving, onto her hands and knees. He put one hand on her shoulder to try and steady her. Her crying grew harsher, deep and heavy. _Agonizing_ sobbing. And he struggled to keep himself together. But when she directed her line of sight across the room, Tony did too. Looking over at Steve. 

Steve looking at her. 

Damn it all. She’d _known_.   
She was right. Even when she doubted herself.   
_She was __**always**_ _right_. 

The air in the room was stifling, even for him. The team was falling to pieces, all turned away. Maybe some of them didn’t want to witness such a low moment, but really it was probably more that they were biting back tears they wanted nothing to do with. In order to clean up… he had to get her away from them. A problem that had been growing. Quietly. One he’d been working on. Even _quieter_. 

She just seemed unable to move. Which made this messier. Bent forward on her hands and knees, face pressed into the carpet, breathing with a wheeze that sounded terribly painful while she still choked through sobs. It was _killing him_. He could sense a spiral was imminent. But he had to hang on. He had to get to work. He had to fix this for her. Because nobody else was moving. 

It felt absolutely awful to just leave her there on the floor, but he had to. Standing up, he went to the group huddled closer to the elevator. “Everyone down in conference room one. _Now_. We obviously need a few minutes, but I’ll bring a briefing to you.” 

Steve couldn’t even look at him. Which was a shame. There was such a dark _fire_ burning inside of Tony at that moment. Facing him head on might have soothed it. If only a little. “Briefing on what? That I nearly just-” 

“_Get a grip_.” As hard as he could make the words leave him. Steve’s black-or-white, mile high guilt complex over doing the wrong thing could not be tolerated right now. “Yeah. You nearly just murdered her. So what you’re gonna do now is sit your ass down in the conference room and start telling JARVIS everywhere you’ve been for the last week so that we can start figuring this out.” When Steve finally found that soldier’s courage to meet his eyes, Tony’s narrowed. “Understood?” 

Tony found himself extremely lucky when Steve nodded. “Understood.” Because he didn’t have time to clean up two messes right now. And if he _did_… well. His priorities were elsewhere. 

He didn’t wait for the shuffle of feet back towards the stairwell to go to her again. She was sitting up on her knees at that point, though still not really there. Stepping out of the suit, finally, he took a knee next to her, putting a hand gently on her back. Her **pain** was cutting him in swift slices, and he had to take a steadying breath to keep himself together. “Take it easy, honey. If you’re not okay to walk, I’ll carry you.” Tone dropping low and careful. 

She tried to say something but it escaped in a choked gurgle that led into a coughing fit. Her hands raised, blood spattering against her cupped fists. Worse yet-   
  
_I’m sorry_...  
  
Tony wasn’t prepared enough for this shiver of words that he felt so _deep_ inside him. Echoing beyond his ears. Wrapped around his brain. Hand inside his heart. He wasn’t used to hearing her like that- _like this_. Words like that had usually been reserved for… quieter moments. Intimate and careful. Now she was in agony. And he was five steps away of falling into that hole with her. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s alright.” He willed himself strong for her. Calm. Not knowing if it ever helped, especially in moments like this, but he hoped so. “Let’s just start with- just… take a slow breath…” 

It didn’t matter how long it took, how long the team was waiting for him downstairs. She was far more important. And it did take a decent chunk of time to back her off that edge. To cool her down. Clean her up. Get her into bed. He thought maybe he’d gotten lucky, and she was just so gone she might slip asleep, but as he moved to leave her side at the bed her hand shot out to grab his wrist. 

He remembered this.   
He remembered _exactly this_. 

“_Don’t_\- don’t go- don’t _**leave**_-” 

She was begging, not for him to stay in that room, maybe, but for him not to leave the Tower. Because the Tower was safe. And outside was no longer safe. Simple concepts. A madman was lurking around outside. Had grabbed Steve from somewhere. And had promised to do _even more than that_. She’d begged Fury to leave them alone, to not send anyone out that night, too. For a reason _just like this_. 

He sat back down, hand moving over her forehead and then smoothing down, holding her face in his palm. “I’m not going. We’re alright. We’re okay.” She eased, eyes slipping closed. “I’ll talk with the team. We’ll make a plan.” Speaking slowly. Softly. Talking her back down for a second time. “I’ll get the penthouse cleaned up. Work on the elevator…” Easy things to think about. To hold on to. And as he listed off his new workload, she drifted off. Further and further until finally she was gone. 

Even then… even then he had trouble leaving her. He stayed maybe longer than he should have. Just watching her. Hand raising over his eyes as a breath hitched in his chest after another moment. Allowing himself just this small bit of time to exert some weakness. Where no one else could see it. 

* * *

He took five more minutes to clean himself up after that, splashing cold water on his face. Taking a long look in the mirror. Then after drying off he headed towards the stairwell. Steeled himself. And pushed on. “JARVIS we making any progress with Rogers?” 

“Not much, sir.” The answer came echoing. And… almost a little annoyed sounding. As much as JARVIS usually could, anyway. 

“Start a playback of as much Tower surveillance at ground level as you can. Anyone that’s not Stark ID’ed lurking around I wanna know about.” This guy picked Steve up somewhere. And if he wasn’t going to be of help in figuring out _where_ that was, Tony would have to figure something else out.

_As always_. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Pull the data on Jones and… the incident before this, too. Put it all up on the screens. I’ll be down in a minute.” 

“Everything is waiting for you.” 

That was slightly unexpected, but if JARVIS was one step ahead of him, it just cut out some of the useless work. Always nice. “You’re my rock, JARVIS.” 

“What would you ever do without me?” 

Just as he put his hand on the exit door to the floor with the conference rooms, he hesitated. “...keep an eye on her for me, JARVIS.” So quiet that it should have been impossible for any other AI to pick up a voice command. 

But JARIVS, of course, was no ordinary AI. “Always, sir.” 

He keyed himself into the conference room and then on the opposite side panel blacked the windows out. It wasn’t like there was a lot of staff wandering around on this floor, but this was sincerely a _team-members-only_ meeting. Romanoff, Barton, and Thor were standing in the front by the two holo-screens displaying all of the detailed information that JARVIS had started pulling. 

Steve and Bruce were sitting at the end of the table. Bruce had his laptop, working on something. Good man. Steve was… just sitting there. Arms crossed. Thousand yard stare. Tony started with a wave of his hand and an exuding of confidence he didn’t actually quite own in this moment. “So. May 2013…” Taking a deep breath. Going through the cursory information. Not that he needed to. From the way everyone’s eyes averted they all remembered. 

She was taken. For three months. Disappeared without a trace. No sign. Snap of someone's fingers and she was just _gone_. And then those three months later she called for backup (kind of) and ran. He’d taken to pacing around the table as he spoke. “Fury wanted to send her and everyone else for surveillance. She made the call that that wasn’t appropriate. She’s seen what he can do. Apparently all it takes for this guy to pick _anyone_ up off the street is saying a couple of words.” His eyes strayed to Steve, just to catch the reaction. The dip of his head and the darkening of his eyes wasn’t quite enough. 

Tony continued, “January 2014. An enhanced individual by the name of Jessica Jones politely informs us that the man’s name is Kilgrave. And that he’s supposedly dead.” 

Natasha looked up. She’d sat down some time ago. “Enhanced how?” 

“Super strength. Took a punch from one of the suits with almost no problem. While she was incredibly intoxicated, no less.” 

Barton scoffed. “I thought you said this was a polite encounter?” 

“No one got hurt. That’s as polite as it gets in this world.” Especially with a matter like _that_. 

Bruce took his glasses off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “But. Clearly this guy’s _not_ dead.” 

Tony resisted the urge to cluck his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “_Clearly_. Which brings me to March of this year. Jessica Jones makes another unannounced appearance to tell us her intel was a little _wrong_.” Moving to one of the screen windows he swiped through until a picture of Hope came on the screen. “This girl, Hope Shlottman, murdered her parents under direction of Kilgrave. Jones’ involvement is messy, but she brings a guilt-ridden vendetta to our door.”

To his surprise, Steve was not the first one to object in the usual manner. Instead it was Thor. “And when were you planning on telling us this, Stark? Does this man have a weapon with the means of mind control? Like the scepter?” 

This time Tony couldn’t help the roll of his eyes, glad he had his back turned. “No toys. His usual song and dance seems to just be creeping out of the shadows and saying something into your ear- speaking of. Rogers?” Half turning with an arch of his brow. “Remember anything?” At Steve’s continued silence, Tony pressed. “You’re our next point on the map. So if you’ve got any ideas for the class, now’s the time to raise your hand.” 

Finally Steve broke, head tipping up sharply. “You know- you seem pretty calm for what just went on. Are you even taking this seriously?” 

White hot anger flashed intensely inside of him. _**How dare he**_. Turning around and leaning in, Tony’s hands went down on the table a _little_ harder than he meant to. Staring Steve down. “If I were any less _calm_ you’d be in the holding cell in the basement.” Or… worse. “I’d count my blessings, if I were you.” There were a few seconds there where his brain had lit up a path of destruction. If it were her or Steve? ...yeah. It’d be her. And he’d live with that blood on his hands for the rest of his life. 

This broke Steve from whatever self righteous horse he was trying to ride in self defense. “Maybe I should be.” But _this_ was not any better. 

Natasha was the voice of reason. “Your guilt over this is not going to help anyone. It’s terrible- to be sure- what happened. But-” 

As usual, Barton had the layup for her. “He took you for a ride for one day. He had her for three months. Can you even imagine what he might have made _her_ do?” 

Suddenly all eyes were cast up on Tony. Waiting. Waiting for answers. Wanting to know. What terrible things _had_ she done under Kilgrave’s thumb? As if it were _any _of their business. He couldn’t help crossing his arms and half turning back to the board. “You had two years to ask her. Don’t look at me.” 

Thor stepped into his peripheral. “Barton has a point. Lady is clearly not _well_. Is this a remnant of his hold over her? Should we consider her dangerous as well?” 

Bruce, thankfully, spoke up. _Thankfully_ because Tony’s tight control was loosening. He’d brought them here to figure out a solution to this and now they were laying into _her_? **Dangerous**, considering how wound with anger he still was. “Thor… she was tortured for three months. I don’t think it’s a power thing. I think it’s a…” 

Natasha’s voice was very quiet. “A _human_ thing.” 

A heavy silence hung over the room for far too long. Tony still had to steady himself, not quite ready when Steve finally spoke up again. “I was on a run in the park this morning.” Everyone’s attention redirected, Tony turning almost a little too quickly to zero in on him. “I stopped at one of those carts to get some water. Someone with a newspaper called out to me. When I turned he said…” Struggling as he tried to get it all back- or maybe struggling with the _weight_ of everything that had just happened in this short window. “He said- _follow me_. And I just… did.” 

The setup was obvious. Tony shook his head. “He stole you out of Central Park to go to a quieter location. Loaded you up with commands, and sent you on your merry way. JARVIS, retrieve all the footage from all security cams in the park from this morning.” They had to get an ID on this guy. 

Thor’s sense brought him to the same line of thought. “We _still _do not know what this man looks like?” Frustrated. He’d have to get in line. 

Tony turned back to the board. “The night she was taken he erased all footage. Seems easy, right? When you can walk into any place you like and just demand people do whatever you want?” That was what made him _so dangerous_. He could get away with anything. Anywhere. 

Natasha chanced a smile. “Out of everyone in this room, I think you’re the closest to knowing what that’s like.” 

JARVIS interrupted. “I’m retrieving the footage now, sir, but I have some other pertinent information for you about the Tower security footage.” When Tony pointed a finger towards the front board to direct the data there, still frames of a man lurking around on the other side of the sidewalk opposite the building with a phone in hand- just about one out of every three days and _always pointed at her_ whenever she left. He looked pretty strung out. Clothes worn and dirty. Face and hair a mess. Easy to miss. Just someone else that faded into the background noise of this city. “This is Malclom Ducasse.” 

Trying to be the voice of reason, Bruce asked, “We’re sure this guy’s not just paparazzi?” Clearly not wanting to go after some random citizen if they weren’t implicated in this. 

JARVIS sent the room cold, “His current address is the same building as one Alias Investigations.” Flashing the information on screen.

A bitter puff of air left Tony. “Jones. _How about that._” Nodding to himself he started walking to the door, though he shifted to give a point to Natasha. “Romanoff, you’re with me. Let’s show the detectives how it’s done.” He was sick of this. He was going to drag Jessica Jones in here and make her talk. No matter if she liked it or not. 

It was time for this to be over. If she was working with Kilgrave, Tony would find out.   
And if that was the case…? 

He’d ask for the opinion of one of the only women in this world that mattered to him. What to do. Or, better put- _what she would __**like **__him to do._ Because at this point… _at this point_… Tony would live with whatever guilt she asked him to, to put an end to her suffering. Without question. Without hesitation. 

His heart was _burning _with pain still. And at the door as Natasha got up, he and Steve shared one last look. 

He’d gotten so incredibly lucky she’d been able to break him out of it.   
And Tony knew, as Steve was looking at him now… 

Steve understood that, too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure this will have no bearing or interesting complications on the future ahead. ...pretty sure. As long as Steve's not hiding secrets about a certain pair of murders by a certain brainwashed friend. Which I'm sure he's not.


	133. Chapter 133

Consciousness had returned roughly an hour prior. But you laid in bed, in the darkness, sweating through a migraine with your eyes closed. Pretending you were still asleep. Hoping you might still drift away. Somewhere blank and comfortable and not… not _here_. Not in the set of circumstances you currently found yourself in. The universe was asking too much of you. Maybe it always was, but _this time_ in particular… you weren’t sure you could rise to this challenge. You weren’t sure you had it in you. 

But that was _selfish_. You couldn’t just lie there forever, pitying yourself. Kilgrave was out there. Plotting. Waiting. Hope was still in prison. Jessica… who knew where she was. What she was dealing with. This would only get worse the less you did. But still… you just wanted to pretend you were normal. For once in your life. 

You just wanted to pretend like Tony was asleep next to you. That you had nothing going on. Maybe that you didn’t even run the business. Retired from both Stark Industries and the Avengers. Just… with him. Not worrying about anything else. Living a _life_. Not living whatever _this_ was. 

Crying was easy. A few tears slipped even past your closed lashes, and you raised a hand to stifle a sniffling sound and then put your entire arm over your eyes. It was strange. Your throat hurt, breathing _hurt_\- but there was a blooming pain in your chest. Kind of like the same one you’d felt when… 

“Ma’am…” JARVIS cut your introspection short, soft as his voice hovered over you. “What can I do to assist you?” 

What a… what a loaded question. A great question, too. If you had an answer, maybe you’d have given him one. You had no idea. What _would_ help you? At this point? It was probably pathetic, that your first thought, the first thing out of your mouth in a scratchy voice was, “Where is Tony?” You needed a guiding point right now. An anchor. ...more than that… you wanted to feel safe. 

Sure. You were home. In the Tower- but… clearly that was not _safe_ anymore. Kilgrave could grab anyone he wanted. He’d made that point. He’d made it very clear. Anyone could come up here. He could even come up here himself. Tell people at the front desk to give him clearance. Walk up the stairs. Do whatever he pleased. Come and take you- _so home was not safe_. 

But Tony?   
Tony would keep you safe. Tony would protect you. 

JARVIS’ silence was telling. He was thinking. Trying to formulate an answer for you that wouldn’t be upsetting. Which was ultimately revealing of _where_ Tony was. You vaguely remembered through your trauma-fueled fog begging Tony not to leave. Because outside, Kilgrave could just whisper something in his ear anywhere he pleased and- 

“JARVIS?” 

“Mr. Stark had organized a team meeting in Conference Room One to brief them on the details of what happened.” 

Okay. Tony _had_ done that. Right. “When was that?” 

“Several hours ago.” 

“How many exactly? What time is it right now?” JARVIS dodging you meant bad things. It meant Tony had instructed him to keep you in the dark. Probably to save your feelings. Or to appease you. ...or keep you from falling into another spiral. 

_Oh god_.   
Uneasy hot shame filtered through you. Had the entire team witnessed you heaving and crying on the carpet? ...oh god. 

“It is currently 5:04 in the morning.” 

“Tony’s not here, is he.” Shaking your head as you slowly edged up on your arms so that you could sit forward. A quick dizzy haze clouded over you, encouraging you to shift back and rest against the headboard once you were upright. 

“He will return soon, ma’am.” 

Why had he left? Where was he going? _What was he doing_? After everything he’d just witnessed, it felt awfully dangerous to think he’d left so suddenly. He was probably after something- a quick spike of terror surged. “_JARVIS tell me he’s not going after Kilgrave._” 

Thankfully, JARVIS was quick in responding this time. “He was not, ma’am.” 

You tried to time your breaths, to back yourself off that sudden edge. Good. Okay. So… Tony wasn’t going after Kilgrave. Maybe things were still good. But then… where? “Is anyone still in the conference room?” That was _several hours_ ago as JARVIS had put it. Tony had sat the team down and probably given them a stern talking to. ...one of them more than anyone else, you imagined. 

So it was absolutely no surprise to hear the answer to that. “Mr. Rogers is still there.” 

Steve.   
Tony had sat him down there and… he still hadn’t budged. Hours later. 

You made yourself get up. Because you couldn’t keep sitting in bed. Steve was suffering, as you had been suffering. As Jessica had suffered and as Hope was suffering. ...this needed to end. Just… your brain was too rattled (maybe even literally now) to begin to unravel that puzzle. But that was okay. Something in you had an inkling that wherever Tony had gone, it was to fix this. So… you leaned on that strength where you had nothing left. And you’d thank him later for it. 

After getting a little more cleaned up and another round of questioning, you found that Bruce was asleep at his desk in the lab, and Clint and Thor were wandering around on their floor. Tony had taken Natasha with him. A slightly interesting turn of events. But, whatever his reasoning, you trusted it. 

Getting dressed was surprisingly difficult. You put on a long dress and an equally long cardigan. Something soft and breezy and… easy to breathe in. All parts of you kind of felt like they were falling apart slowly. Even moving around was hard. But you had to. So you did. Before leaving the bedroom you took one long look at your Heart Reactor. Tony had set it aside on the night table for you. And, pressing it to your chest, you felt just a little safer. _A little_. In the heat of the moment where it would have served you to have it on, you’d completely forwent the thought. Panic had taken true hold along with the need to try and save Steve. Making the Reactor quite useless in the moment where it maybe would have saved you. But perhaps that was better. Suiting up against him… that may have turned out worse. 

You made a pot of coffee and a light breakfast. Literally just toast with butter. Then putting it all on a tray, you went to the elevator- only to realize it was still broken. In fact, there was still a mess on the floor. The window was still busted. Not ideal. That meant Tony really had been gone for a long time. It would all have to get dealt with later. 

No part of you wanted to take the stairs but… that was exactly what you did. And that took a toll on you, too. The stairwell door was a struggle, balancing the tray on your knee to open it. Descending all those stairs was a struggle. Opening the next door was a struggle. Conference Room One’s windows were blacked out. Which was probably not a good sign. And, as you moved to balance the tray again to key in your security code, the panel flashed green before you touched it, the door opened just a quarter, and JARVIS spoke. “Go ahead, Ms. INY.” 

“Thank you.” One less thing to do.

The room was a lightshow mess. The holographic projector at the center of the table was working double overtime, littering the air with all sorts of files, data, text dumps, pictures, and… videos. One of which you couldn’t bear to look at. The second you made eye contact with the footage you had to turn away. But it seemed Steve was mesmerized by it. 

He was standing on the opposite end of the room facing the windows, arms crossed tight, back to you. Watching the video of him attacking you on repeat. _Guilt_ loomed over him like a storm cloud. _Anger_ was not too far behind. You set the tray down carefully on the table and then started closing all those virtual boxes to help abate the migraine that had already settled. “I have coffee…” Your voice was still scratchy, but even more so it was _small_. 

Still. He heard you. And tensed all the more. Seeming to have to take in a long breath before he could turn to face you. The two of you stared at one another, and he frowned long before words found their way out of his mouth. “You should be resting. Are you alright to be up?” About all the strength he could seem to muster, as he turned away again. 

Taking the initiative, as that seemed your eternal place in life, you moved around the table to his side. “I’m okay.” 

He just shook his head. “I don’t see how you could be.” 

“Well I am.” Firm then as you reached up to swipe the window away to the front of the room. As you reached back, you settled your hand on his arm. “This isn’t your fault.” When he started shaking his head, you gave him a harder grip, pushing him a little to look at you. “You told me you understood he was dangerous. And you told me nobody blamed me. I’m not blaming you, either.” His words to you, when you’d arrived home and finally gotten out of bed. It felt like a different lifetime ago. 

His gaze finally lifted to yours again and he dropped his arms. Just the way he was looking at you, with those soft, broken blue eyes… “I could have killed you. I almost did.” 

“You didn’t.” 

“He told me what to do, if you hung up. But when I put my hands around your neck and looked down at you… there was this little voice in the back of my head. Begging me to let go. But I _still _couldn’t stop myself. And-” 

“_You didn’t kill me_.” Doubling down about as hard as you were able to. 

“What if I had?” He was _struggling _intensely with this. Which was fair. He really _had_ almost murdered you. But… 

“You didn’t.” Again. As many times as you needed to say it. “And… if you _did_… it still wouldn’t have been your fault. You didn’t want to, Steve. How much clearer can you make it to yourself?” 

His eyes left yours again and he shook his head. “I don’t know.” You weren’t really sure what to say to make this better yet, but his next question shocked you. “Did you hurt anybody while you were with him?”

Your heart must have still been weak. Because your body felt like giving out all of a sudden. _Why would he ask that_? His own _guilt_ tied with yours then. Unable to help yourself. “I did. Yes.” 

The worst part was… you still couldn’t remember her name. 

But at least this finally seemed to snap him out of it. “I shouldn’t have asked- I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to make of all this yet.” Except for stewing in _agonizing guilt_ for hours. No doubt… no doubt because Tony had either had too much or too little to say about it. It would be hard, for you to blame him. But still… 

“It’s okay.” 

“_Is it_?” It seemed like he _wanted_ to be punished. To get some relief from what he’d done. 

“I’m the one he made you hurt. So I say it’s okay. I get to do that.” You tried for a smile. This hurt, too, for some reason. Maybe more so when his gaze lifted along with his brows as he looked at you. And his own was far weaker by comparison. 

Finally deciding to chance the moment, you settled your hand on his shoulder, lifting up a little more in order to wrap your arms around him and hug him. He’d given you such a bone crushing hug when you’d come downstairs the first time after being kidnapped. This was nowhere near as good. You just didn’t have it in you. But… it was also the first time you had felt this connected to him in a while. It was a terrible thing, that did it, for sure. 

Still… it was nice. When he finally admitted defeat and reciprocated. It lasted too little, the sound of the door opening again striking your anxiety a little too quickly- and who came in even more than that. Yet, _somehow_, you were almost unsurprised to see Jessica Jones walking in. She looked pretty roughed up, too.

“What are you doing here?” Unable to help the words ejecting out of you. 

Coming in behind her was a stony looking pair. Natasha and then Tony. Though Jessica did answer, as she began to walk around the room, looking at all the windows still up. “I’m here as a favor.” 

“What?” Favor? You certainly weren’t someone she owed anything to. 

“Don’t ask.” 

Jessica’s deadpan was overridden, however, by Natasha helpfully answering. “We just saved her sister’s life.” 

Confusion struck you pretty hard. “I feel like I’m missing some pieces here.”

Hand to her hip, Jessica was quick to interrupt Tony. “Look- just so I’m not here all day- they forcefully got in the middle of something I could handle.”

Natasha smiled in that wry way of hers. “Isn’t that a lovely thank you.”

But when you still shot that confused look Jessica’s way she rolled her eyes, shook her head, and turned around. “She pissed off Kilgrave this afternoon with that radio shit. Because she’s a moron. Like you.”

_Trish Talk_. Ah. So she and Trish were related. It made sense, now that you thought about it. Jessica had probably organized the talk with Hope and Jeri in the first place- ...and if you weren’t in a terrible mood, you might have found it hilarious that Jeri had undermined _her_ too.

Tony closed the door behind him. “So, yeah. We’re calling this a _favor_.” Instinctively you were drawn to him, and as you moved to stand in front of him, looking up, his hands raised, touching gently over your shoulders. “You okay?” Expression changed completely as he spoke to you. 

“I’m managing. I’ll be alright.” Quite a different answer than you’d given Steve, but the context of the question was a bit more far reaching when Tony asked it of you. 

“I can take you back upstairs, if you want. You don’t need to be here for this.” His hands slid up just a little bit more, fingers brushing along the sides of your neck. 

You very much longed to live in a world where you could both go upstairs and just be normal. Or one where you could just _melt_ into him here, or even fold in to be held in his strong embrace. But… you ended up shaking your head. “It’s okay. ...what is _this_ exactly?” 

Jessica made a noise that drew both your attention. She then hooked her thumb at the video window still playing the looping footage of Steve’s attack. “I’m gonna guess this isn’t the _usual_ team disagreement.” When one sweeping glance around the room told her all she needed to know, her grin was extremely bitter, shaking her head and turning back to look at it. “So he got to you already. Is that why I’m here? I can’t help you.” 

Natasha sat down. “And if you could?” 

“There is no _could_. I can’t help you. So if that’s what this is about-” 

Tony stepped away from you, hands pressed together, fingers pointed in her direction. “Actually what you’re here about is that we’re tired of the games.” 

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Get in line.” 

Pulling a few files into the air, he sent them in front of her. They looked like pictures from the Tower security camera watching the perimeter. All of a man- ...a man watching _you_. But you had no idea who he was. Tony asked, “You know this guy? And- just to cut time here- we know you know. So be honest.” 

While you expected some smarmy reply from her, she actually looked a little upset. But, finally. “Yeah I know him. Malcolm. He’s my deadbeat, drugged out neighbor.” She crossed her arms, turning to look at you. “He’s been following you around?” 

Natasha answered for you. “For the last week. And his close proximity to _you_ suggests you’re working together or…” 

“That’s what you brought me here for?” She scoffed, turning fully then to look at everyone in the room. “I’m not working with him, but you did just help me with a problem of my own. Probably the same problem.” 

Tony crossed his arms. “Well in that case, that puts you oh-for-two.” He sniffed a breath in. “So the likely answer here being he’s working for Kilgrave.” 

You found your voice finally. “He’s stalking the both of us- Kilgrave said on the phone… he saw both of us together. Malcolm must have taken pictures of us at Luke’s bar.” 

Jessica nodded with another one of those angry smiles. “Yeah. Well. I’ll kick his ass as soon as I get home. Are we done here?” 

Tony was quick and sharp, “Not even _close_.” 

“What do you even want from me? I can’t help you. Look- Trish is making a public apology tomorrow for _pissing him off_, because that’s about all she _can_ do. If he’s already at the stage of picking your people off the street, my best advice to you is to leave the city.” 

Natasha made a very displeased face. “He’s not _invincible_.” 

Steve put his hands on the back of the empty chair in front of him. “We can take him down- we just need a plan-” 

Jessica’s laugh was a hard, quick bark. “Sure. So you try to take him out, let’s say from a distance, and he decides to tell everyone around him to kill themselves. What are you gonna do then? He’s not above mass suicide. He’s not even above using a kid as a meat shield if he has to. There’s _nothing_ you can do.” 

It all felt hopeless. Even so, you couldn’t help yourself. “We can’t just sit back and do _nothing_.” 

She let go of a jagged huff of air. “Why not? You’re pretty good at that.” Turning her back again to take a long look at that footage. 

It was like yet another slap in the face but you had to try and ignore it. “So we take my team off the roster. I actually agree with you-” Immediately came three voices of dissent but you kept talking, “-because of what happened- it’s not _safe_-” 

“Wait.” Jessica stopped you and pointed to the footage again. “This. Here.” The end of the scuffle. “I’ve never seen someone… _walk off_ a command if they didn’t finish-” Maybe it was because you were radiating _guilt_ at this point. But when she turned to look at you, your eyes dropped. And that did it. “It’s _you_.” Her sudden _anger_ overshadowed everything else. Like yet another hand wrapping around your throat as she turned hard. “You could do _that_? **The whole time**?” 

Her quick advances towards you were stopped not only by Tony stepping in her path, but by Natasha getting up and Steve moving to the edge of the table. But it was still just her and Tony. Staring each other down. “What if she says yes? Then what? Does it change anything?” 

“It changes _everything_.” She eased back, but you got the feeling that she never once felt out of control. If she wanted to, she could probably chuck Tony through the glass in the room and go straight for you. If she wanted to. But despite that, she _was_ a little outmatched here. “You want me to spoonfeed you a plan? When she can do _that_?” 

You tried to push past it all. “I think the point is we’re trying to work together here. Because this has to stop. And it’s getting worse.” 

She scoffed. “You’re right about that. _Fine_. You want me to agree with you? I agree with you. I think you should get the supers out of here. Publicly. That’ll at least slow him down. Keep all the _little people_ out of harm’s way. That’s what you’re worried about, right? _Suddenly_?” 

“That’s been my main concern the whole time!” Getting perhaps overly defensive. 

Tony was still standing in her way as she pointed her finger your way accusingly. “You were worried about the _wrong _innocent people.” 

Natasha made a face. “Is there such a thing?” 

Tony shrugged. “News to me.” 

Jessica hung her head back for a moment with a frustrated gurgle. “_Ugh_. Spare me the hero bullshit.” 

Steve was apparently still a little too raw, because he came up on the other side of her. “You may wanna start giving a damn about all of this. It goes beyond a single court case. Beyond a single person.” 

She just stared him down. “Look. I know he made you choke out your friend and that probably didn’t feel very _nice_ but it doesn’t even come close to the other shit he’s done.” 

“So start talking.” It was rare to see Steve this _dark_. 

Maybe it rattled her, because she backed off. A little. “It’s useless information. Why go over what he’s _done_. It’s what he’s _going to do_.” 

Tony turned to her again. “And you think that’s what? Picking the two of you up? _Just_ you two? For what reason?”

Jessica’s anger was poked again. “Because he’s _fucking deranged_. You honestly don’t get that yet? I thought you were supposed to be smart.” She then held her hand towards you yet again. “Ask her. You dragged me here to ask me something you could have asked _her_. **Ask her** what he’s capable of. What he _wants_. What he _did to her_\- I can only imagine- you have a wealth of knowledge standing right there. So what do you need me for?” 

When all eyes went to you, it was a poor reflex, that you shrunk back. Held on to yourself. You didn’t want to _think _about that. You didn’t want to _go there again_. 

Maybe. _Maybe_ Jessica was finally taking pity on you. She seemed to back off again. Shaking her head, “He’s clearly _obsessed_. And he won’t stop until he gets what he wants. You want my favor in the form of advice? Leave. He’ll have less to work with. Which will make him a little more desperate. Especially if he already had a plan. Then I can figure something out.” 

“_We_ can.” You tried to offer.

But her cold stare told you otherwise. “You’ve done enough.” 

Tony’s mouth twisted in a dry pout. “_Really_. Because from my understanding, that’s a _much_ different song than what you were singing earlier.” 

Finally. Taking her loss. “Yeah. Well. That was before I saw _that_.” Nodding to the video. Still playing. Steve. Over you. Choking you near to death. “I didn’t think he’d go that far. Even he has to know he has limits. Why piss off the merry band of idiots? He must think he’s untouchable.” She just shook her head. “You people need to get out of here. You’re a liability.” 

Steve, by contrast, was lighting up again. “We’re not taking off just because you say so. This guy is dangerous, you just said it yourself.” 

She squared up to him. “_Right_. And what about when _she_ said it? What made the difference then?” But, finally, everything died down. And she just seemed… _tired_. “Look. I’ll deal with Malcolm. Find out what’s going on. Other than that, I don’t have anything for you. Are we finished?” 

The air in the room went still and quiet, but Tony eventually stepped aside. However, “I’m letting you leave now, but just so you know. I don’t consider the favor repaid.” 

Jessica rolled her eyes as she pushed past. “How will I ever live with myself.” 

Already she was leaving, and you really hadn’t had a chance to go over _anything_ with her. This hadn’t been productive at all. Which… was only going to hurt matters right now. You opened the door after her and closed it, leaving Steve, Tony, and Natasha in the room. “Wait- Jessica-” 

“What _now_.” Turning to you, crossing her arms. Seeing her this close, maybe it was the light. Maybe it was the missing presence of the other _Avengers_. But she really did seem tired and drawn. 

“Hogarth won’t take my testimony.” 

She seemed to consider this for a moment before shrugging. “Fine. Jeri knows what she’s doing. If she thinks you’re useless, then you’re useless. I’ll figure something else out.” Already keen to leave. _Again_.

“She said _you_ won’t testify, either.” But you couldn’t let her walk out. Not yet. 

Her smile was tight, nodding twice over. “She did, did she? Well. You can imagine I don’t have time to present for court while I’m trying to catch Kilgrave.” 

Excuses. That’s all it was. “Stop making me out to be the same coward you are.” 

Finally she lifted her eyes to look at you. Stare at you. It took a long moment before she spoke again. “Maybe that’s fair. Maybe I also don’t give a shit. Things just got worse. I have way more to do now because of _you_ and _your people_.” 

“I can help.” 

“I doubt it.” She turned away, seeming like she was going to leave. But… reconsidered. Though she wasn’t facing you when she spoke. “When I need you, I’ll let you know. I have to think on it. Otherwise, just stay out of my way.” You waited, because she stayed standing there in silence. She must have been thinking. Then, finally, she turned just a quarter to look at you. “Does Kilgrave know you can do that?”

You just found yourself shaking your head with a weak shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.”

Her lips pressed together and then she nodded dully. “Right. Well. Get the idiots out of here. And we’ll talk after that.” She moved to really leave after that.

The door of the conference room opened before you could say anything else. Continuing to argue with her was getting you nowhere anyway. She was very determined to be a brick wall. And… Tony was suddenly at your side. Your energy was waning. So it was easy to turn back to him, wrap your arms around his middle, and bury your face in his chest. 

His arms came tight around you and you just soaked into him. Holding on. His voice was low and quiet when he found it. “If you think the call is sending the team out, we’ll do it. But I’m _not_ leaving you.” Making his intention clear here. And within it you felt the tremble of _fear_ he was hiding so well. From everyone but you. 

He was _terrified_.  
So were you. 

Kilgrave could take the whole team. Make them march up to your bedroom. Just to make a point. But… it was the thought of him taking _Tony_ that haunted you the most. You were reminded, briefly, of what Thor had said so long ago. 

_He may try to use it against you._

He’d been speaking of Loki at the time, but it _almost _had held true. If that scepter hadn’t failed on Tony, he had been setting the both of you up for failure. If Kilgrave got his hands on Tony… what would you do then? 

You didn’t have the strength to unload all of this right now. So, instead. You defaulted back to the selfsame cowardice you’d just accused Jessica of. “I need to lie down. Can we go back upstairs?” Tilting your head up to look at him. 

His hands moved, palming your cheeks, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “Sure thing.” 

You’d have to figure out how to make Tony leave. Even when you were in danger. Something that felt impossible. But the alternative… you couldn’t bear to think about what might happen if you failed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As life is scarily pretending it is returning back to normal, I have no idea what my immediate future looks like. So as a quick reminder, I have a tumblr [evienstark] where you will be able to find updates if anything goes so crazy I can't make our regular updates. (I also post the fic there in tandem with its release here and also queue gifs for your dashboards if you'd like to follow❤) I'm waiting on some phone calls right now as we I post this, so... who knows what the future will bring!


	134. Chapter 134

It was severely embarrassing not being able to climb the stairs without running out of breath- but, you decided to give yourself a pass, considering you were pretty sure your windpipe was still bruised. Added to the fact that you were also pretty sure an anxiety attack was swelling on the horizon, with how tight your chest felt. So. Maybe now was the time to go a little bit easier on yourself. Perhaps it would help with the _healing process_, if that was even working anymore. 

When the two of you got upstairs, sunlight greeted you. Morning had come. Tony had not slept. And he would continue to not do so, you realized, as he mumbled something about getting to work on the elevator. And as he stepped into the suit so he could wedge Steve’s shield out of the door, you similarly decided to give yourself something to focus on. Though when you went to get the broom to start sweeping up broken glass, he told you, “You don’t have to do that. I’ll get to it.” 

And the easy response to _that_ was, “I have to do _something_.” So he left you alone after that. Knowing the feeling all too well. So you cleaned up the living room. Cleaned up what you could of the window he’d busted through and made calls for a replacement. Then you went to the kitchen and put on another pot of coffee. It was going to be a long day. 

Just as it entered into its finishing gurgles, you felt him coming up behind you. So overly _aware_ of everything right now and incredibly tense, but at least when he put his hand on your shoulder you didn’t startle. From your leaned in position on the counter you turned to look up at him. “I was making coffee for you…” Feeling tired, too, but probably nowhere near as close as he was. “You should probably eat something, too.” Taking care of him was easy. It was easy to do and focus on. Unlike everything else. 

Maybe he thought the same, as his arms came around you, drawing you in, holding you tight. “So should you. You wanna order something?” 

As you buried your face against his chest, shaking your head, already your mind was going a million miles a minute. Kicked up into high speed at the mere prospect of a certain _someone_. “We can’t- what if he’s… what if he takes the person coming to deliver it- and messes with the food or-” 

He stopped both your hiding and your panic-ridden babbling, moving his hands to your arms to ease you away from him just so he could get a look at you. “Alright. Relax. Take a breath. That’s a lot of paranoia.” 

“How can we afford to not be paranoid right now?” For sure he was right. Thinking about Kilgrave lurking around every corner waiting to strike… you couldn’t live life like that. Thinking he was waiting for the right moment to _poison your breakfast_… maybe that _was _a little ridiculous. But… _but_… 

“If we let him control every move we make, he’s already won. And he didn’t need to _say_ anything to do it.” 

You stood there looking at him for a long time. Thinking about this. Tony was usually right about most things. If he thought you couldn’t live life right now rethinking every move you made… he was probably _right_. However… that brought up what had been talked about only hours ago. “I don’t know if it’s what _he_ wants, but… we need the team to leave.” Jessica understood now. Finally. And it had been your first move. To not get them involved with him. 

Tony’s hands rubbed up and down your arms a few times over as his lips pressed together and then finally he turned away, reaching up into one of the cabinets to start making two cups of coffee. “After yesterday? I agree with you. Luckily, Banner and I have a few more pings on the scanner. But we have to get through the next _town hall debate. _Which will be full arguing about what’s more pressing.” 

You crossed your arms, turning your back to lean against the counter again. “Kilgrave is one man in one city. Hydra has the scepter and various Chitauri parts and there’s no telling what they’ve been doing with tme. Or what they plan on doing with them. That’s far more important.” 

The sound of coffee pouring into a deep mug was almost soothing, for one reason or another. “On the larger scale, I agree with you. But. Well, you did mention my _bias_ not too long ago…” Smiling weakly to himself. 

Meaning Hydra was after the world. That was important. But Kilgrave was after _you_. So to _Tony_… that was more important. Which was going to make this a lot harder. “You should go with them.” 

“Out of the question.” Said mere seconds after you’d spoken. He put the coffee pot back on the burner a little bit _hard_. 

“Tony- if he gets to you-” _Painful_ to think about. 

“He won’t.” 

“You don’t know that.” Turning again to look at him. And he was very pointedly fixing the cups of coffee for the both of you. To avoid your stare. “Think about it this way- how many times have I-... what’s the quickest way idiots devise to get to you? It’s always _me_.” Vanko. Loki had tried. Killian wanted you to suffer merely to torment him at first. “So if he starts wondering what the quickest way to get me to-” 

“I won’t get compromised.” He was struggling now. Trying valiantly not to raise his voice. But he was getting flustered and _upset_. 

“And if you do?” 

He turned to meet you finally. “Then you don’t budge. Not even for me.” 

“_Tony_.” Not a tone of admonishment, instead hard spoken because… how could he even say something like that? “You know that’s not how that would go.” 

The two of you looked at each other for a long time, but finally he seemed to crack a little, his shoulders sliding down as he let go of a breath. “It was worth a shot.” Reaching out, his hands palmed over your hips, bringing you closer. You acquiesced easily, nowhere else you’d rather be than close and in his arms. “...can we talk about the elephant in the room?” 

It may have been unfortunate you didn’t know what he was getting at. “Which one? There’s so many I’m starting to suffocate.” Laying your head on his chest as you asked. 

“I’ve been thinking. About what Jones said. About what happened with Steve.” He was murmuring now, in that _thoughtful _way of his. Like the gears were still turning in his brain working to get some sort of understanding ahead of his speech. “If you can _break _whatever this is, whatever he’s doing… can’t you do that on yourself?” 

Maybe it was a true testament to just how much you loved him. Just how much you trusted him. Because you didn’t _immediately_ think he was asking about your time prior with Kilgrave. Because if you could do _that_, how come you didn’t escape earlier? Instead… instead he was focusing on the _now_. What could you do if it happened again? Could you break free? Could you get out? 

But… “I don’t know- it’s not… it’s hard to explain. When I _look _at people like that- when I see them…” Trying to recall what exactly that space looked like. What it felt like to be there- and how to put that into words. “I don’t see myself, too.” In fact, you couldn’t recall a single time that you had. You didn’t see _you_. Just _everyone else_. Even when you put your hands on people… it was still just like looking _only_ at them. “It’s only just… someone else. And to break that control, it literally is like smashing it to pieces. But I see it on them. So I can break it. I… I guess I’ve never thought about it before. But I just don’t _see_ myself.” 

_Huh._  
Was it strange? That you’d never thought about that until just this moment? 

He was trying to contend with this information, but like always with _the thing_, it was a little out of his wheelhouse. No matter how hard he tried to comprehend it. You weren’t machinery and math. So it was understandable why it was so vexing… for him to not be able to get all aspects of this. Honestly, you’d _love_ for that to be the case. For him to just figure it all out for you. But… this was all on you. 

Even so, his head dropped a little yet his eyebrows lifted and he waved his hand halfheartedly. “Okay. So what that sounds like to me is… I have your back, and you’ll have mine.” 

“Always.” Though you were the one speaking, it was like he’d pulled the word right out of you. Easy to just agree because the two of you were a team. _Always_. “But…” 

“No but. Don’t do but.” His arms moved to lay just a little over your shoulders, hands hooking up to thread his fingers through your hair, holding the back of your head in his strong hands. 

Reaching up, you soothed your hands over his wrists, looking at him. “If it were someone after you, and it was _me_-”

“Yeah. So what. I’d put you as far away as possible until I dealt with it. Is that what you wanna hear?” One brow lifting in a wry arch, lips twisting in a half pout. “Fine. But. We already agreed I’m a hypocrite. So it’s a done deal. I’m not leaving you. Glad we could come to terms on this.” His fingers massaged a slow rhythm at the base of your skull. 

Something that soothed the ache and chased away the migraine almost immediately. Or maybe that was just _him_. Your smile was bittersweet. “You’re impossible, you know that?” 

“Terribly aware. One of my best and worst character flaws, to be sure.” Grinning weakly then. As much as he was able to muster. 

“A flaw is a _flaw_. There’s no _best_.” 

“Agree to disagree.” 

“I thought we already did that.” 

“Seems like we’re very good at it.” 

The two of you were doing what you did best. Hiding behind quick quips to cover for your cowardice and fear. And possibly not having the energy to deal with what you were facing anymore. Maybe sometimes it was easier to fall into moments like this. Pretend everything was _normal_. That word you wished for more often than not these days. Yet it never once seemed closer. In fact… more often, _further _away. Every time you thought about it. 

You laid your head against his chest again and his arms came around you loosely. There was a slight rumble of thought against your ear, until finally, “You know… if you’d like to discuss the meaning of hypocrisy, _by the way_\- aren’t you the one who’s always saying we’re a team?” 

“Tony…” A small whine. 

“I’m just saying. You’re barking up this whole _if it were me_ tree, but I think we both know every time I’ve tried to fly solo even in the face of danger you **never** leave my side. And- might I add-”   
  
“_Tonyyy…_” Whining all the more. Because very suddenly you realized he might be right. You might have been as big of a hypocrite as he was. 

“-you always make a huge fuss about it. So. I think turnabout is fair play-” Your wordless noise of deeper irritation cut him off this time, especially when it led you into a coughing fit. Maybe it wasn’t a good time to be fooling around after nearly being choked to death. Who would have guessed. 

He eased away from you to let you get through it, hand sliding in careful strokes up and down the length of your back. It pretty much drained whatever energy you had left, which was a shame. You probably could have squared up to him for _at least_ another hour before that. “Tony…” Looking up at him again. 

He frowned. “Alright, I’ll cut it out. But I’m also not leaving. And that’s final.” Apparently taking his stand right here. 

“If everyone leaves _but_ you, that only makes you an even bigger target. Be smart about this. _Please_.” You weren’t sure how much in you you had left for begging. But if you had to resort to it to get him to listen… so be it. 

His eyes narrowed just a little, head turning away. Then, the thinking began. “The team has to leave. And he has to know they’re leaving.” 

“You are part of that team.” Just reminding him. In case he conveniently forgot. 

It took him a few moments, but finally his gaze returned to yours, lips quirking just a little. “Alright. I can work with this.” 

* * *

Repair people came to replace the window just around the time you were making calls to people who would make other calls to _other_ people. A long list of whispers and murmurs. Somebody told somebody told _somebody_ type deal… well, all these somebodies were currently talking to each other about how information got leaked that the Avengers were about to leave the Tower to go off on a mission. This was dangerous in other ways, but… the press needed to feel like they’d figured out something on their own. And needed to be given ample time to set up in opposite buildings so they could get all the best snapshots.

While you were doing that, Tony and Bruce were very helpfully prepping the team about their latest radar pings. And you were really glad you didn’t have to be there for that meeting. You didn’t need to go through another round of trying to persuade people to pick the right path. Tony’s insistence had already worn you down enough. They’d have to do the rest of the work in persuading them that the retrieval of the scepter and Chitauri parts was far more important. 

Alongside that, apparently both scientists were making a pit stop on the way back regardless of whether or not the mission was successful. Tony mentioned something about a Doctor Cho… but honestly, your head was too far in the storm clouds to give it second thought. If he thought the team needed her, you trusted his opinion. 

Finally, when everyone was on board and suited up- a little past two PM, you met with them on the flight deck. Purposefully, of course. Wanting to be caught as the only person not leaving with them. It was also very _lucky_ they had a tight window to check out these places, a nice, dense and compact schedule that meant there would be no time for idle chatter on the deck as they all boarded the Quinjet. Though Steve seemed like he might have wanted to say something- _anything_\- staring at you for a long couple of seconds before maybe deciding against it and then leaving. 

Whatever it was, you didn’t really have the time or energy for it right now. You suspected some part of him was _disappointed_. But your intuition was drowned out by the actual feeling of _guilt_ that had just sort of started to follow him like a shadow. Nothing you could do now. 

Once everyone was loaded the ramp pulled up as the sounds of engines powering hit the air. Though it was those heavy footsteps of the Iron Man suit that you were a little more interested in, as it came up behind you. This high up and isolated it wouldn’t matter _what_ you said. Which was why you cast a sideways glance up, still not… totally on board. “I don’t know about this.” 

“Too late now. Besides, it’s a best-of-both-worlds kind of situation.” He put a careful hand on your shoulder with only the gentlest squeeze. “Relax, would you? Trust me.” 

Saying it like it was that easy. If this was as see-through as you thought it might be, there was going to be trouble. But Tony was Tony. And he often got his way. It was also hard to argue against your own obvious hypocrisy. And even harder to argue against his love for you. 

You said nothing to that, instead shaking your head and stepping back so that he could ignite his thrusters and take off. Standing there you waited until they were mostly out of sight to gather yourself up and head back inside. Back up in the penthouse, TV on in the living room, _breaking news_ reports were already going on and on about the mysterious take-off of the Avengers- and the even _more_ mysterious reason you were staying behind.

Stark Industries business? Or perhaps that fancy new title you held for the United States…? Who could say. 

Heading into the bedroom, you paused by Tony sitting at his desk, awash in a slight blue glow from the holo-display headpiece he was wearing. You set your hands on his shoulders, leaning down to press a kiss on the top of his head. “You better be right about this.” 

“I’m always right about everything.” _Satisfied_ at the very least that he was still here. Still able to protect you. ...and, probably also that he’d kind of won an argument. 

Remote piloting the suit wasn’t really a capability that was known outside the team. At least you hoped that was the case. Because this had to seem every bit real. Tony thought he was right, and he’d also asked you to trust him on that. So. ...what choice did you have? 

* * *

Deciding to actually make good use of the news running about you, you took a shower, got dressed and presentable (including the painstaking process of covering up your bruises and cuts) and went down to your office to pretend to work. It wasn’t that you didn’t _want _to get work done. It was just a little impossible with everything going on. Everything that was on your mind. 

And especially when a notification ping about Trish going live on her show stole every last bit of your attention away. It was probably better to leave well enough alone at this point. But. You weren’t very good at that. So you loaded the show up on your computer. And sat back as Trish _indeed_ apologized. Just as Jessica angrily said she would, as her only means of escape. 

“Hi, I'm Trish walker, and this is _Trish Talk_. During my last broadcast, I made some... flippant and disrespectful comments about a certain individual. I was out of line by belittling this man, and ignorant of my own limitations in challenging him. He is a very fascinating and powerful man, deserving of respect, and to that end, if he's listening, and I think he is... I want to apologize. I hope he forgives me.” 

It was so… on the nose. Terrible. She probably felt awful for being forced to do something like that. But- he’d apparently tried to kill her as well, last night, through other means. You’d forgot in your own trauma to ask anyone about it. ...was that selfish? It certainly didn’t feel good realizing it. But something this obvious- would that really appease him? 

...then again… you’d been on one of the flight decks earlier sending your team away for just as _obvious_ measures… 

You were all helpless mice in his maze. A thought that followed you around for the next few hours. 

What more could be done here? How were you going to fix this? Even if you _did _get your hands on him… what then? Jessica had already said the obvious. No cell could hold him. Not with what he could do. So… where did that leave you? 

Somewhere uncomfortable. That was for sure. But if it came down to that… _Kilgrave or the world_… that reminded you of one of the very first times you’d made a choice like that. Even if it hadn’t been much of a choice at all. 

A little after dark, Pepper entered your office unexpectedly. She was carrying papers in her arm, so you expected she needed you to sign something. But- all the telltale signs were there. Something was off. Her eyes were empty as she approached, no expression on her face. And very suddenly you felt trapped. 

It was _Pepper_\- surely he hadn’t… he didn’t think you couldn’t handle _Pepper Potts_… right? 

She set the stack of papers on your desk and then pointedly held your gaze. The words coming out of her mouth were not hers. And though she was speaking them, they really did just sound like _him_. “It was a very smart thing you did. Sending the fools out. Now it’s just you and I. I like that. I’ll be in touch, _puppy_.” 

Maybe.   
Just maybe… maybe that had been his plan all along. Take away your team as your line of defense. As the only people that would protect you. Look out for you. Come for you, if something terrible happened. And you’d potentially fallen right into his hands. 

If not for one smarmy genius sitting upstairs. 

As Pepper seemed to regain consciousness she looked a little startled. _Alarmed_. And very _frightened_. “What did I just-” 

Reaching up to take hold of her wrist lightly, you sent a soothing wave of _comfort_ her way. “Pepper I think you should take the rest of the month off.” 

This was one argument you _would_ win. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God damn it, Tony.   
But also thank you Tony. We love you bae 💙   
even when you're annoying   
but you're annoying in the name of love usually so you can have a pass


	135. Chapter 135

It was fairly late in the evening by the time fear stopped paralyzing you enough to move. To get anything done. Tony had not moved from his spot upstairs all day, either. But he was currently, technically, on a mission. And you were just sitting in your office. Eventually, when sense returned, you decided to _do something about it_. 

“LUNA.” Reaching up to press on the left side earring cuff to activate your visor, a litany of information popped up in your view. Even though you hadn’t asked for it, there was also a simultaneous Iron Man link screen in a very small box in the lower right hand corner. Interesting. 

“Yes, ma’am?” 

“Let’s start some new security protocols.” The last time Kilgrave had grabbed you off the street, you’d been without her. Without the tech that might have mattered most. Although Kilgrave had made you abandon the Heart Reactor- you would never know if he would have made you take the earrings off, too. And it was far too late to start speculating now. 

“What would you like to set up?” 

Well, for starters… “Go back on Trish Talk’s website and grab the archive of her show from yesterday. The male caller at the end… I want you to isolate and hold a recording of it. If that voice gets within thirty feet of me, I want an instant activation of the suit.” 

“Working now, ma’am.” 

“I also want a direct phone call to Tony if the suit gets activated that way.” It was too late to wonder about all the what-ifs. But maybe you could pretend you were as smart as Tony. Things happened. And kept happening. But he never let that slow him down. He never let that stop him. 

No matter what terrible things happened, he _always _used what he learned to build something better for _next time_. You could do that, too. 

After a few seconds of silence, she answered again. “Protocols are now being established. Voice has been isolated.” 

“If the suit gets activated and Tony gets a phone call, I also want a GPS ping sent to Tony. If for some reason I lose the suit, I still want you tracking me through the visor.” What else, what else… “If that voice calls my cell phone, I want an immediate trace ran and all information on the phone number associated with it.” Tony had given you tech. You had to use it to your advantage. The way he did. You had to be smart about this. Give yourself shortcuts so hopefully you wouldn’t end up in a situation like that ever again.

Because Kilgrave was coming for you. There were no longer any doubts about that. 

“Oh, and another thing…”

“I’m listening, ma’am.”

* * *

After lulling yourself into a sense of newfound security that you hoped wasn’t false, you decided to test your luck. Kilgrave had only just started, and he seemed to have _some_ sort of plan. Really, though, you did wonder how smart he was. He was entirely manipulative, this was true. But how much of that was just due to his powers? How heavily did he rely on them? 

Moments of you- and _him_\- in that kitchen in Brooklyn… for that brief sweet moment when you’d broken free… you’d felt the _horror_ in the air. His lack of thought that he’d ever be bested had nearly been his downfall. And if you only moved just a little faster, maybe you would have been free of him a lot sooner. Hard to think about, still. But… it really did raise the question of how much Kilgrave was _prepared_ for, and how much he just figured out on the spot. 

He’d definitely captured Steve and orchestrated some plan to potentially kill Trish at the same time- and he’d gotten his hands quickly on Pepper too. Someone you’d considered to be _far_ more innocent in all this. Though, you didn’t really think that was a thing he cared about in the slightest. He had hired Jessica’s neighbor to take pictures to track you… and do who knew what else with. How far did his spiderweb go? You’d have to figure it out soon. Slowly you were removing pieces off his board, but even through Pepper he’d sounded confident that that’s what he’d wanted. 

Or was that merely what he wanted you to think? The entire thing was frustrating. 

Happy was going to be the next one sent on vacation, simply because you didn’t want to risk him, too. Even if he was technically your _head of security_. But while you still had him, you called for him to take you to and from a restaurant so you could stealthily pick up some food. Stealthily in the case of making it look like just enough for _you_. But clearly in open defiance of Kilgrave. If he was watching. From any number of shadows that littered the streets. 

Tony had said you’d been getting paranoid. Maybe that was true. It was hard not to, when you’d suddenly found yourself locked in a battle with a nemesis that could make anyone do anything he wanted them to at any time. Chefs could poison your food. Drivers could total your car. Random passersby could beat you with a bat in the street. People in your very office could be infected- as he’d already _proven_ he was capable of doing. 

But if you lived that life in perpetual fear of him, he won. Still. You had to be smart about this, too. You both couldn’t just lock yourself away and you also couldn’t run around flagrantly if only to show you weren’t scared of him. How could you not be? Honesty would call it being _terrified_. But maybe if he knew that he would win that way, too. He wanted you scared and weak and vulnerable. 

You couldn’t give it to him. 

Once safely back inside the lobby of the Tower, you decided to _try_ and tell Happy to go on a small paid vacation. But. Of course. He intended to fight you every step of the way. Respectfully, as always. But his swift refusal really did put a pit in the bottom of your stomach. Pepper had also fought, a little, but when you’d told her it was for her _safety_ she quickly understood that probably meant she was better off just listening to you. 

Instead, Happy surprised you as he walked you back towards your private elevator (newly refinished as Tony in his infinite skill of multitasking had fixed), he merely said, ”This is about what happened a couple years ago. That guy that took you.” Not a question in the slightest. Just. Telling you he already knew what this was about. 

It didn’t take long to guess _how_ that was. “Tony told you?” 

“I’m head of security, remember?” Grinning, though it was half-hearted. “Seems like something I should know about. So I do.” The question of when Tony had had the time to brief Happy about all this was probably not important. You did wonder what exactly Tony had told him, though. 

“Yeah. Well… whether or not I agree- he’s dangerous. And I want you somewhere safe.” People in your private, personal circle needed to go away. Whether or not that was smart. They were just more fodder for Kilgrave. And you couldn’t have that. 

“Feeling’s mutual. But I have a feeling you aren’t about to take off, either. So neither am I.” He crossed his arms, perhaps a little overtly on the defensive. 

How on earth had you gotten stuck with such infuriating men? Tony and Happy were more alike than they realized. Refusing to listen to reason. ...even if it was noble. And usually in the service of _you_. “I could fire you.” A threat that held no weight whatsoever. 

Yet he just shrugged it off. “Tony will hire me back.” 

“I don’t want you caught up in this, Happy.” How much clearer could you make it? 

“Yeah. Well, you are. So that means I am. It’s not just my job, you know. I care about you, too.” You sensed he wasn’t trying to make you feel bad on purpose. But he did so regardless. 

A heavy sigh escaped you. You couldn’t force Happy out. Even if you somehow managed it, even cruelly with a firing, you had a feeling he’d just shadow you anyway. Oh the pains of having _friends_. “I’m going to get you one of those ear pieces from Tony’s lab. I just booked a bunch of security protocols.” The only thing you could do was hope to get a ping off him if Kilgrave did try to snatch him. He wouldn’t have a suit for protection but hopefully this would be enough.

Preparation. That’s all you had. That was your only tool. Finally he nodded. “Yeah, sure. Fine. Whatever it takes.” 

Calling the elevator, finally, you gave him a brief but tired smile. “I appreciate it- just so you know. That you want to stick around. I still don’t think it’s a good idea. But… thank you.” 

His own smile was a little more sure. “You’re welcome.” 

* * *

Back upstairs, you brought the food directly into the penthouse bedroom knowing Tony had not otherwise moved from his spot at the desk. Though as you entered, you noticed the telltale slump of his shoulders. He was _achingly_ tired, yet his brain was still racing. You couldn’t recall the last time he’d slept. Which was a problem. Giving him a small touch on the shoulder to gain his attention, “I brought dinner.” 

His head tipped back, “Thanks. I’m finishing up. Suit’s gotta stay in the jet bay for repairs anyway.” His _disappointment_ was an obvious note. 

“No scepter.” 

“Nope. No alien parts. Nothing. Hydra rats in jail is something but. Ultimately not what we were looking for.” Starting to ramble just a little bit. 

You pulled up another chair to sit aside him, putting the takeout boxes on the corner of the desk. “How’s the team?” 

“Asleep. We have a layover in Seoul. As usual, no one even thought to _thank me_ for the nice hotel rooms.” Playing at that usual mock offense. 

“What’s in Seoul?” Not that you thought a Hydra base couldn’t be located just about _anywhere_, but a hub like that seemed like asking for too much trouble. Too many eyes. 

“U-GIN- uh- Doctor Cho- actually- JARVIS can you put this- here-” Reaching up after that mountain of clipped starts to push a holographic video window in front of you both. “This is Doctor Helen Cho. She runs things at U-GIN.” 

You regarded her image on the video screen, waving back when she waved to you. “Nice to meet you.” 

She was a pretty woman despite her slightly stoic demeanor, deep dark eyes with hair tied up in a messy bun. She and everyone around her were in lab coats. “You, too. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

Tony stole the generic _all good things I hope _moment by speaking before you could. “The team stopped at her lab. Nat got hit pretty bad. Cho is the leading tech geneticist in the world right now. Cleaned her right up.” 

“Ah.” The pieces fell into place. “You’re our new in-house doctor?” 

“Hardly.” Her smile was light. “I think I have a lot more meaningful work to offer than patching scrapes, no offense to your team. But I would like to come visit the labs. And help where I can. If you need us.” 

“They have this thing called the Cradle over there. Sad I can’t visit it in person.” 

“I don’t want that thing bumbling around in my lab.” 

“Excuse me. My suits do not _bumble_.” 

She and Tony seemed pretty friendly with one another. It was nice, in a way. He really seemed to warm up to scientists, for _obvious_ reasons. You wondered if he’d met her before all this, though. And while you were at least partially interested in this _Cradle_ thing, you were otherwise too tired to engage in what would probably not make a lot of sense to you anyway. “Can’t you bring it here?” 

Helen answered with a definitive shake of her head. “There’s only the one. And I’d like it to stay where it is.” 

Tony half-grinned. “There’s only one _right now_.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Stark.” 

“I’m ahead of everyone.” Waving his hand dismissively. “This little you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours thing we’ve got going on…” 

She shook her head with a roll of her eyes. “Let me see your labs first. Then we can talk about all that.” You assumed they had entered into some contract with each other. Probably more verbal than anything. He’d probably offered her help to mass produce these Cradle things. Especially if one could be of such use to the team. You weren’t sure how Nat had gotten hurt, but if this doctor had managed to _heal _her in a matter of moments… yeah. Pretty impressive and worthwhile endeavor to go after. 

No wonder Tony was all over this. 

Whether it was his own tiredness or yours seeping into him, he thankfully decided to be the one to breach the awkward quick goodbyes. “Yeah, well. Probably sooner rather than later. I’ll let you get back to your work.” 

You gave her a small wave. “It was nice speaking with you. Thank you for helping the team.” 

She nodded in return. “You’re welcome.” 

With the video window closed, you turned to face Tony, reaching up to gently lift that techband off his head and face. In its wake, little red indents of telling all-day use stood out to you, and you worked your hands over the marks lightly. “You should eat. And then get some sleep.” 

“I’ve got too much to do.” Already putting up a fight. 

Holding his face in your hands, you gave him a look just short of pleading. “So do I. But neither of us are any good running on empty.” 

“Speak for yourself. I basically invented the manual on running on fumes.” 

“That doesn’t mean that’s a good thing- or that you should.” Just as he geared up to continue arguing you cut him off, “_Tony_. I’m asking you. For me, please. Eat something and then try to lie down for a few hours. _Please_.” Soft as you asked, watching his eyes. 

His hands covered yours, quickly dropping to your wrists, thumbs working circles over the insides. His eyes dropped, and his nod was defeated. “Yeah. Okay, honey.” 

Sitting forward you brought him closer, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you.” Getting Tony to slow down was never an easy task. For you or for him- _especially_ for him. So him acquiescing because _you _were _asking _him meant the world. 

The two of you moved to the living room to eat, again using the TV as white noise static to fill an otherwise anxiety ridden void that was slowly consuming the both of you. At least until you found strength enough to start filling him in on the day’s events. “I sent Pepper on vacation.” 

“Probably smart.” 

It would have been easy to sidestep _why_, but he deserved to know. “Kilgrave got to her.” 

The small _chill_ that he projected stood out when he reached to put a hand on your leg. Steadying himself more than you. “Yeah? And did what?” 

“Just made her say some threatening things to me. But. That was more than enough reason to send her away. I tried to tell Happy to leave, too, but he wasn’t having any of it.” 

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, backing away from that high. Then he shook his head. “Guy’s as stubborn as an ox.” 

“I threatened to fire him.” 

At least this got a little grin out of him. “I’m sure he handled _that_ gracefully.” 

You smiled back. “He seemed to think you’d automatically rehire him.” 

“I must have given him the wrong idea at some point.” Lifting his hand from your leg, he held his arm up, so you easily moved to him, letting him put it around you as you sank closer to him. “LUNA sent up your fresh security batch. Really good stuff. JARVIS is working on cleaning up the edges.” 

“I just thought some preventative measures were important now more than ever.” Tony’s praise always made you _warm_ but it was easy to deflect. This was the obvious thing to do. That didn’t make it smart. 

“You did that while I was busy playing exterminator. I hadn’t even gotten that far yet.” 

“You would have.” 

He gave you a little squeeze. “Maybe. But. Now I don’t have to.” 

Because you weren’t _useless_. You weren’t ready to just sit there and take it as it came. You weren’t his damsel in distress to save every time something terrible came up. You were _strong_ and _capable_. 

All these ideas floating in the air around you as you snuggled closer. “Except for cleaning up.” Teasing, just a little, as you raised a hand over his heart. 

He breathed out a quiet amused noise. “We can’t all be perfect.” His own hand raised, fingers lacing with yours. Just holding you there. “I love you. We’ll figure this out. He won’t be out there forever.” 

It was his resolve you were lulled by more than anything. You and Tony would figure this out. Kilgrave would be put down eventually. This was the promise he was making to you now. “I love you, too.” 

And you believed him.

* * *

For all his reluctance to sleep (as it was _such_ a waste of his time), as soon as you laid down with him, Tony was out like a light. You, on the other hand, laid awake. For a very long time. Sleep only came in short bursts, punctured by all too real nightmares that you tried to stifle as they thrust you awake over and over. Your suffering could not be allowed to infect Tony. And, thankfully, he slept the whole night through as you forcefully kept a lid on yourself. At least _one_ of you had to be free and clear. And, since he was the smarter of the two of you, it seemed more advantageous for that to be him. 

It left you weary and anxious when you eventually scuttled down to your office the next morning. Trying to pretend like things were normal. That Kilgrave wasn’t in as much control of your life as he was. Really, you were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. He was out there. Doing something. He wouldn’t be quiet for long. 

The ring of your personal cell phone got a complete startle out of you, and your heart started hammering as you looked at the unknown phone number on the screen. He’d called you once, he could do it again as many times as he pleased. Part of you hoped he would, so that you could try and figure out where he was hiding. It was the only reason you weren’t contemplating changing your number at this point. 

But. When you answered, it was Jessica’s voice that greeted you. “I dealt with Malcolm.” 

“Oh.” You tried to steady your breathing. “Okay. What’s the story with that?” 

“Kilgrave had him on the hook for drugs. Won’t be a problem anymore. That’s all.” Succinct and angry as always. You couldn’t really blame her. She was probably getting as much sleep as you were these days. Which was none. 

“Okay. Well. Thanks.” There was no way to drill her for information right now. You just had to take her at her word. But when she didn’t immediately hang up you started getting suspicious. “...is there something else?” 

“There is, actually.” Another long pause. Your heart squeezed. Here was the other shoe. It was probably something very bad. “...Hogarth and I are starting a survivor group. For Kilgrave’s victims. We’re doing it to collect testimony. So obviously you don’t have to go.” There was that usual sass and bite there. That undertone of calling you _useless_. “But. I thought maybe it might help you.” 

_That_ however was… strange, at best. You might not have known Jessica for very long and really didn’t know anything about her other than that she was crass, always seemed to be pissed off, and always on the war path but… that seemed sort of… genuinely caring? 

Had something happened to her? Was she finally warming up to you? 

...probably lofty dreams for something so small. Your optimism really was the worst. “I can’t be seen there.” Then you had to go ruin it by saying something like _that_.

She scoffed. “No. _Of course not_. Don’t know what I was thinking.” 

“But-” Quickly speaking so she wouldn’t hang up. “Tell me where they’re meeting. Maybe I can figure something out.” If you wanted to go. This all seemed very public. And like a trap. And… also like something you weren’t sure you could handle. 

Victims of Kilgrave? Was the point to make you attend to make you feel terrible? For the people that had come after you? Optimism warring with pessimism and a shred of self loathing. And the latter was winning out. 

“Whatever.” 

The first meeting was apparently tomorrow.  
It didn’t really give you a lot of time to think about it. 


	136. Chapter 136

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up ahead I’m giving trigger warnings for some mild PTSD reactions, intense panic attack reactions, and a single mention of rape though it’s not expanded on or gone on into detail. Please be safe readers! I love you!

There was too much to think about and not nearly enough time to do it. Going to a _Kilgrave Survivor Group_ was giving you a ton of mixed feelings. Especially because it was packaged with that Jessica thought it would _help_ you. Help you how, exactly? It wasn’t like you’d be able to speak about your experiences. And you couldn’t go as you. Even if everyone in that entire room signed a waiver- which you were sure they wouldn’t be required to, there was no way you could trust the kindness of strangers to keep your secret. 

You were _you_ after all. You had an entire world to think about. One you lived in, but one that did not belong to you wholly. The business. The Avengers. _Tony_. Something like this getting out could destroy a lot of that, or at the very least hurt them. It was why you’d had to cover it up in the first place. It was why you were still pretty sure you had to hide it. You couldn’t just throw everything aside for the pursuit of self-healing. Because… that was selfish, right? In some backwards way. 

So what, exactly, about it was supposed to _help you_? Maybe Jessica wasn’t thinking that far ahead. Maybe, if you were optimistic, she really was trying to help. She just didn’t- _couldn’t_\- understand the scope of all the ties you wore around your wrists. The ones that kept you bound to making the decisions you did. So the point then… was to sit there and listen to other people that Kilgrave had hurt. 

How was that going to help you? A shared commonality? The knowledge that you were not alone? _Of course you weren’t_\- because you let him get away, as she’d so succinctly drilled into you by now. You were supposed to sit in a room full of strangers talk about how their lives were hurt and destroyed over a man you’d chosen to do nothing about. No matter if that choice was right or wrong. No matter if you’d been trying to make an effort for the better. Other people had gotten hurt because of it. 

And you were supposed to sit in a therapy circle and listen to them unload. 

Always some sort of penance to pay, right? 

The smartest thing to do, one of the _only_ things you wanted to do in order to make a plan, was talk to Tony about it. But as you arrived back up in the penthouse that night, you heard him arguing with the team in the bedroom. In that usual sassy way of his. Not really an _argument_, but clearly in the heat of a battle they were not handling well. 

“_Alright, I need everyone to focus up_-” 

“_Are we at a code green_?” Bruce’s voice echoed inside the room. 

Coming closer to the bedroom door, you bent down to scoop up Dvahli, who was sitting just outside peering in through the open crack, tail swishing in an angry zigzag. Seeming just a little _guilty_. After positioning her against your shoulder, you shut the door all the way, silencing all the noise inside. “Banished to the badlands, huh? Bothering him while he’s working from home?” 

It probably wasn’t easy to be Iron Man fighting Hydra while your cat ran around your feet and climbed all over your desk. A thought you hadn’t really had time to think on. It was likely Tony hadn’t, either, until the moment it became a little too much. Sometimes Dvahli seemed more human than cat. Currently huffing and fussing. Clearly agitated. Had Tony yelled at her? Maybe it was just all the pent up frustrated energy. 

You were feeling it yourself. Setting Dvahli down on the island counter, you turned back to the cabinets, pulling out a few pans. “Can you be my rubber ducky for a few minutes?” Asking her, not really expecting a reply. Though she _did_ make a little squeak that you could only imagine was just her excitement for dinner. 

After setting a bigger pot of water on to boil, you started making her dinner, too. And began thinking out loud. “I don’t think Jessica is working with Kilgrave.” Absolutely not. Not anymore. Not under his control. Not anything. She was running just as hard and as scared as you. And while she was an _asshole_ about most of it (valid or not), that didn’t make her evil. Not like him. “But this group… they announced it on the show. He has to know about it. What if he sends someone to listen in?” 

Popping the lid off one of her cans, you mixed it into her food bowl with a little bit of extra water. _What would be the point, though_\- you wondered. What would be the point of letting someone listen in on a group of his victims. It’s not like he’d get any new useful information. He’d just have ears in a group of people talking about all the atrocities he’d committed. Turning back to the island, you set her bowl down and gave her a long few pets. “I guess there’s no point…” Sighing to yourself. 

So. With that successfully rubber-ducky’ed out, that meant the meeting was _mostly _safe to go to? Kilgrave would absolutely not show up there in person, even if he _did_ expect you or Jessica to be there. ...or _was_ that a concern you should have? But then why would Jessica make it so public? ...probably because that was the only way to get people to come to it. Sure. That was fair. Again- you reminded yourself- she might have been sloppy, but still not working with Kilgrave. 

The two of you would be in a group with other people. He wouldn’t show, right? And if he did, so what? With you _and_ Jessica there? He wouldn’t stand a chance… right? Then again. All he had to do was say one thing. And that was it. _Over_. **Again**. You settled your suddenly shaking hand by giving Dvahli a few more long pets. And then tried to talk yourself out of your panic. “He probably won’t go.” 

A thought you repeated to yourself a few times over. Just to make yourself believe it.  
Okay. So. Kilgrave probably wouldn’t go. Jessica wasn’t working with him. This whole group was mostly just to gather testimony. But Jessica thought you should go because it would help you. ...did this make sense yet? 

Maybe going would help you understand him a little better. Figure out his movements. These were all _past_ victims but… a man like him had patterns, right? You weren’t the first, you weren’t the last. Maybe _something_ somebody said there would make things make sense. Would help you track him. With a thought like that- even a small sliver of a chance that one single thing somebody said could help… how could you refuse to go? 

So that was it then. You were going. You were going to go to the first meeting _tomorrow_. Something that pinged your _anxiety_ just a little bit. A heavy fog rolled in, thoughts a scrambled mess as you cooked your way through basic pasta and meat sauce. Plating. And finally bringing some into the bedroom for Tony. Things seemed to have quieted down. He was sitting at the desk, scrolling through windows and windows of holographic information. 

You still had to talk to him about this. But first, “Everything okay?” Asked with a brush of your hand at the back of his neck after setting both plates down on the desk. 

He tilted his head back to glance at you, and it was easy to tell he was _frustrated_. “Yeah. Just. Nothing’s going the way it’s supposed to.” 

“I know the feeling.” Another touch of your fingers over his forehead, just underneath the band. “Do you have time to eat?” In moments like these where he was stressed and overworked on too many projects, he just seemed to forget to care about himself. 

But what else were you for, if not looking out for him? His smile was weak but there. “Sure. We’re quiet right now, anyway.” With that basically as permission, you slipped his head gear off, setting it down carefully, leaning in to press a kiss to his temple. He _relaxed_, if only slightly. “...you make this?” Eying the plate of pasta you’d brought. 

“Don’t expect it to be spectacular or anything.” Grinning as you reached up to swipe all his work boxes out of the air and away so that the two of you could just _be_ for a little while. 

He surprised you, stopping you from sitting next to him when he reached out to wrap his arms around your middle. “Thank you.” Murmured somewhere into your chest. 

Putting one arm around him, lifting the other so you could thread your fingers through his hair, “This doesn’t feel like everything is okay.” 

His head tilted back again, though he was reluctant to let go of you. A long sigh escaped him. You waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts. “I know the plan was to send the team out to keep them away. But we’re coming up empty handed. And this was important, too.” 

It put a little chip in your heart. Easy. So _easy_ to see he was blaming himself. “If you need to go be with them-” 

“It’s not about that.” 

Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he could do everything he needed, piloting the Iron Man suit from thousands of miles away. But it didn’t feel like it. He needed to be there. In person. To make the right calls- _in person_. He wasn’t with the team right now. Because he was… babysitting _you_. “Then what is it about?” Asking carefully. Not accusing him of anything. 

He gazed up at you for a little while, maybe trying to gather everything together. Still. So you let him, sweeping your fingers back through his hair a few times over. “We’re just not making any progress.” _Guilt_. _Disappointment_. 

It started making sense. “That’s not your fault.”

“It kind of is. It’s my tech.” 

You gave a weak shrug and made sure to make it clear you were teasing. “Bruce helped.” 

The reward came in a quick quirk of his lips and a little amused exhale. “Yeah. I guess he did.” His eyes dropped away from yours and that lightning moment of reprieve vanished. “We just keep going out into the field and have nothing to show for it. Not that pulling up the weeds isn’t a necessity, it’s just not what we’re after and… the more places we hit- the harder it gets on you-” 

“_Me_? Why?” Shocked that you were even a blip on this radar. You were busy worrying about something a little more city-central. How did you factor into all of this? 

The next lift of his head came with an equal lift of his brows and a press of his lips. “Your new pals at the UN probably aren’t gonna like this amount of unsanctioned _American Justice_ if they find out about it.” 

To your own surprise, a breath escaped you as you looped your arms around his shoulders. “Tony…” Always. He was _always_ worrying about you. In so many different capacities. It was a wonder he hadn’t gone totally grey yet. “I’m alright. Really. Don’t worry about that stuff right now.” 

“Someone has to.” 

_Always looking out for you_. 

You hugged him close and he rested his head against your chest again, holding you back tightly. If you could only stay that way. It probably wasn’t the right time for it. But you needed to unload, too. There was no way you could disappear tomorrow night and not tell him. Even if it felt… terrible to put more on his plate. “Jessica called me.” 

“How’d that go?” Voice muffled as the two of you clung to each other still. 

“She’s putting together a Kilgrave survivors group. For more testimony for Hope. But. She said she thought I should go. And I think I should, too.” There was a little lull as he processed this information. It was hard not to overload him, but you had to press on. “I don’t think Kilgrave will be there- and even if he is, I have all the security protocols in place. And, I’m going to hide my identity. So no one will find out I was there anyway. I think if I go and listen, I might catch a pattern of his or something that might help us find him.” 

He squeezed you just a little more before easing back, settling his hands on your hips, looking up at you again. “Sounds like your mind is made up.” 

Lifting your hands, you held his jawline gently. “If you have suggestions, I’m always open.” The point of telling him in the first place. 

“What about disagreements?” 

“Do you?” 

His eyes watched yours for a few seconds before he spoke again. “...you’ve clearly given this a lot of thought. If you think it’s safe… then I trust you. And if it turns out not to be, I’ll come and get you.” 

There was a part of this you _hadn’t_ thought about, in your selfishness. Yes, what if something _did_ happen? What if something happened while Tony was piloting a mission with the Avengers? You’d be asking him to choose. You or the team. 

And he was making it known so very _easily_.  
It was you.  
He’d pick you without a second thought. 

You pulled him close again, feeling the slide of his warm hands up your back, the nestle of his head against your chest. You curved in further, resting your head atop his. “I love you, Tony.” 

_Endlessly _and _deeply_, you did. 

“I love you, too.” 

Hopefully the two of you could hold on together a little longer in this ocean you’d found yourselves lost in. And… hopefully you wouldn’t drown. 

* * *

It was evident that whatever people of the group that had agreed to meet might have felt as skeptical about this as you first had. That it could be _dangerous_. That _**he**_ could be there. Waiting. So for that reason you imagined Jessica had picked a diner. Somewhere out in the open, even if a little out of the way. 

You’d spent all day _worrying_ about what was to come of all this, sitting in a thick cloud of heart-hammering anxiety. It was why you’d tried to separate yourself from Tony, because he had _enough_ to deal with. And was already worried about you. But when it came time to go, you got back up to the penthouse to change. 

A wig. Makeup to slightly alter the shape of your face. A hat. Sunglasses even though it was well past dark. A few pairs of clothes to change the shape of your body but ultimately going for a very dressed down look. Even you didn’t recognize you. Of course, before you could leave, Tony was waiting by the elevator. 

“Intruder alert.” Smiling just a little. 

JARVIS spoke above the two of you. “I often wonder if you misuse my talents, sir.” 

Leaning up, you pressed a small kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Play nice while I’m gone, will you?” 

He gave a weak nod. “Yeah. Sure. But- if anything seems even a little bit off, promise me you’ll call.” 

It would be easy to find a way to argue about this. Tony was supposed to be in hiding. And for all the cabin fever he was trying to hide, it might have been working. To call him for anything would have been throwing that whole plan out the window. Then again… if that something off was actually _Kilgrave himself_, it wouldn’t really matter. And so… “I promise.” Easing him eased you at the same time. So maybe it was a smart thing to do. 

Leaving suddenly seemed like an incredibly hard thing to do. For the both of you. But you were sort of late already, and you couldn’t take a Stark Industry car to get there. So eventually you forced yourself to part from him and made your way to the address Jessica had given you. 

The diner she’d picked was a little dingy, and it also seemed empty save for the group of people in the back that you spied through the window. A man standing outside drew your attention. “Can I help you?” 

“I’m here for the uh… I’m here for the meeting.” Pitching your voice just a little comfortably lower. Nothing outrageous that would be easily detected as false. 

He eyed you up and down. “Alright. Take off your gear. And I have a sign in sheet, too.” 

“No thanks, if that’s alright with you I’d rather just-”

“It’s not alright with me. We’re holding each other accountable. You should know why.” 

Fucking great.  
Sure it made sense. Because they _were_ thinking the same thing you were. If Kilgrave was sending a spy, they wanted to be able to remember everyone that had attended the meeting. So they’d know who to avoid. Or who to tell on, to their ringleader- who as luck would have it, was walking heavily up the sidewalk. 

“She’s with me.” Projecting her voice ahead of her actual presence. 

Once she actually got to you, you couldn’t help but notice the disheveled state Jessica was in. And also… “Is that a bullet hole??” An easy enough thing for you to identify. Definitely a bullet hole, straight through the right side of her jacket. 

“Mind your own business.” Waving a flippant hand at the door attendant, “Malcolm get the hell out of the way.” 

“_Jesus_. Alright. I was just trying to do the job _you _made me do.” 

Malcolm. Her neighbor, you only just remembered. So. It seemed she’d more than _fixed_ that little problem. He at least looked… a _tiny_ bit better than he had in the Tower security footage. Then again, Jessica had said Kilgrave had been buying his time with drugs. You hoped he was getting help now that he was free from that. 

Once he stepped aside, Jessica made a very broad movement to get you to go first, so you walked up the steps and into the diner. After the door closed behind her, under the cover of the group murmurs going on in the back of the room, you had to ask- “How’d you know it was me?” 

She just made a face, complimented with a roll of her eyes. “_Please_. I do this for a living.” It made you feel sort of bad that she was insinuating you were completely see-through. _Anxious_, too. Maybe she could tell. Probably because you were no longer moving towards the back to meet with the group. “You just- you hold yourself in a very particular way. No one else will know it’s you. Come on.” 

Whether or not you believed her, you were already there. It was already too late to back out now. So you did what you came there to do. You sat down on the outskirts of the group. And listened. 

It was far tougher than you expected.  
As a woman recounted how Kilgrave _stole her_, made her want to come home with him. Trapped her. _Made her make him breakfast_. You folded your arms, holding tight to yourself as you shivered your way closer to an edge you weren’t going to be able to back away from. 

All of your senses kicked into overdrive. It became hard to sit still. A weight shifted on top of your chest. But you remained glued in your seat. 

Another woman. Who talked about how Kilgrave made her boyfriend walk off the Coney Island pier while he made her laugh about it. Took her to her apartment where he stayed a few days. And raped her every night, all while he told her to _smile_. 

A man who Kilgrave told to drive him around town at the expense of abandoning his young child on the sidewalk. Life torn to shreds. Painted as an abusive and negligent father after the fact. No longer allowed to see his son. 

You were a ghost outside of yourself by the end of the meeting. 

“He made me _**sit**_ **down **in the **corner **of my apartment and _watch him_ while he-” 

Yet this slammed you back into reality. Almost quite literally as your legs thrusted to move, jumping up so fast you knocked the chair out from underneath you as breaths just barely squeezed out of your lungs. Everyone was _looking at you_\- and they were suddenly no longer strangers in a group. They were just _all him_\- and he was going to **take you**.  
He was going to make you _stand in the corner_ and _**beg**_-  
  
You came back to yourself outside in the alleyway, crouched in a miserable position, back pressed hard against the wall, wheezing out painful breaths while tears spilled down your cheeks. Holding your hands to the back of your head pressed between your knees. Sunglasses abandoned to the street.

His hand wrapped around your arm- _he was there and he was __**going to take you**_\- 

Your heart felt like it was going to explode, pumping in painful bursts. Quickly you reached up to snatch the wrist of that hand, twisting hard enough to break- at least until _Jessica’s_ voice, **not Kilgrave** spoke, “Ease up before both of us get hurt. And _calm_ yourself. _Now_.” 

You dropped her like a dog being _commanded. _And then found it that much easier to sit there and hide your face. She had no right to see you like this. No one did. God- you were so _weak_\- still hurting everyone around you. At least she was there to remind you. Pulling you free enough to slam every wall up you had available.

But it was enough shock to break you out of the rest of that downward spiral when she sat down next to you, holding out a flask with a little jingle. Something that put your attention somewhere else. Even though… “Drinking isn’t- it’s not- it won’t help me-” Struggling through your words. Trying to pull yourself together. 

“Helps me.” 

It really _wouldn’t _help you. But. You took hold of it anyway in shaking hands, sitting back a little more just so you could take a swig without choking. It felt like you might anyway. Whatever was in there _burned _and tasted absolutely disgusting. It left you coughing just a little- which… provoked a small smile from her. 

“There. Don’t you feel better already?” Motioning for you to give it back, which you quickly did. She tipped her head back to take a long sip. The silence that came after was terribly uncomfortable. But you just didn’t have enough strength to say anything. Luckily for you… she was stronger. “Look. I didn’t mean to… put all this on you. I didn’t know you… _ugh_.” Noise of annoyance slipping out from her before she took another _long_ swig. “This sucks. I’m not good with this so can we just agree I get it now and move on? You don’t have to come anymore.” 

As you pushed your hands against your face, trying to stem the flow of tears, “Was that the point of this?” 

“No. I’m not a _monster_.” Clearly upset that you’d imply such a thing. “I mean I don’t care _what _you people think about me. But you should at least know _that_.” Another terribly agonizing silence sat spanned between the both of you. You were more focused on getting it together so that you could find your way home. “...for the record, I don’t think you are, either.” 

_This_ really surprised you. After everything else… “What changed?” 

“Just- mind your own business and take the compliment, alright? That’s about as much as I can handle for one day.” Emptying the rest of her flask on the next draw. Then she stood, offering you her hand. “Come on. Up.” Her pull was just a _little_ too hard, but you steadied your weak knees once you were on your feet. 

It was a hard decision to make, but you decided. “I’ll still come.” 

“Yeah. Well you can’t if you keep acting like that. You’re gonna scare them off. I don’t do good with damage control. And I won’t keep covering for you.” Back to curt. Moment vanished into thin air. 

Maybe it was better that way.

Once you were able to gather yourself and find your way back home, you made Tony hold you for probably too long a time. Something he did rather easily- once he wrapped on the latest mission failure. Maybe it was really just the two of you holding on to each other. 

But it was still nice. 

* * *

True to your word you went to two more meetings. It was difficult to tell if that none of them got easier to sit through was a blessing or a curse. Did it mean you were a good person? That each story weighed so heavily on you? Or was it just all a manifestation of a guilt complex? And if it was, did that make you a _bad_ person? At the very least, you hadn’t had more episodes. Just the one.  
  
Which was really already one too many. You _loathed_ that Jessica had seen you that way, even if some very minor good had come out of it. You just didn’t want _anyone_ to look at you that way. Sometimes not even Tony. But coming home after those meetings you could tell. He _saw_ it in you. And it was easy to crumble into him after struggling to sit still and hold back everything for a couple hours. 

The fourth meeting would probably be your last one. They were making you sick. It wasn’t _their_ fault. Sharing their stories. Just trying to heal, trying to help each other. But it was hurting you. In more ways than one. So. Maybe you were a bad person. You were going to go home and hide and not connect with these people that were probably hurt _because_ of you. That was it. That was all. You’d have to accept that fact. 

It was almost impossible to listen to anyone that night. Something angry was buzzing in your head. Every story was fresh and yet all the same. And you heard each one as a separate voice- from all four nights- going on like a loop around your brain. All voices speaking at the same time. As if when they’d shared their individual stories, your brain had captured them and just played them on an endless loop. Taking and taking and _taking_. Cataloging each voice for you. Just to play on repeat. 

_He _ _ **told ** _ _me-  
He _ _ **said ** _ _to me-  
He _ _ **spoke ** _ _and- _

**You just ran? Tony Stark just ** _ **ran** _ **?  
** _ **How?  
  
** _ _Send me a suit-_

You were outside again. With no recollection of how you’d gotten there.  
Panting endlessly into the night. Hand clutching over your heart. Scratching at your chest. _Grabbing_ the outline of your Heart Reactor through your clothes. 

The voices had stopped. Instead, in their place, behind your eyes you were kneeling on the street outside that brownstone, looking up at Tony. _In the suit_. Watching him _**ignore**_ Kilgrave- 

_Put your hand down! _

Jessica rounded the corner, arms crossed. _Upset_. “Look- I told you-” 

“It’s something in the words-” Struggling to breathe to make it make sense. 

“What are you talking about?” She got close enough so that maybe you’d lower your voice. 

A hint that you took immediately, but you stepped closer to her anyway, sealing off the last inches of personal space between the two of you. You realized you probably looked crazed as you stared at her. “Tony was free because he was _in the suit_.” It all made sense now. Why hadn’t you thought of it before? 

How could you have been so _stupid_? So _blind_? 

Her eyes narrowed. “Slow down and start from the beginning. Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” 

“The night I ran- you asked how Tony was uneffected- _he was in the suit_-” Perhaps a little _too _crazed as a small sliver of hope had finally found its way back to you and you were seizing to it like the last lifeline you owned. “Jessica he was _in the suit_-”

“So what? _So what _he was in the fucking suit? What difference does that make?” Very clearly _annoyed _at your rambling. 

Your hands started moving with the harried explanation. “The suits- they have- they’re built with a self-sustaining oxygenation system- in case we get shot into the water or- god forbid get chucked into space- it was one of the first things Tony worked on after-” _No. Not important. _You course corrected. “Jess it’s the suit. And it’s something that _comes out of him_. He’s not puppeteering with strings, he’s a fucking _**virus**_.” 

He didn’t have telepathy.  
He _told people_ to do things. And they did them. He altered their _insides_.  
_Something you already knew, too_. 

God.  
How many more people could you have saved if you’d just been a little bit smarter? 

She grabbed your arm. “Listen- you have to be fucking sure about this-”

“I am.” Hard and as serious as you could make it. “I _know_ this is it.” 

Her hold slipped as her head turned down. Thinking. Thinking about this brand new information that would maybe be the key to all of this. She half turned away. “Alright. So it’s… something that can be stopped- if he’s… sealed off from everyone. I can work with this.” 

“You have a plan?” Desperate so suddenly. The two of you could work together to put an end to this. Finally. 

But when she looked up at you, with those hard eyes of hers, you already knew. You were _out_. “I’m getting an idea. But you’re not part of it. Go back home. Stay there. Let me handle this.” 

Anger swelled up so hot and so sudden you thought you might burst. “_Why_? Let me help you!” 

“You’re _dangerous_ and _reckless_\- and after everything I’ve seen I have absolutely no faith you’d be able to even _look_ at him for two seconds without falling apart.” 

Maybe it was that she’d gotten such a good read that really shattered you. Cracked you so hard that that fury really had no place to go but _out_. “And you’re _not_ reckless? You’re not _dangerous_? What can he tell me to do that he couldn’t make you do _worse_? What if he fucking told you to punch a hole through a person? _What then_?” 

Shock broke her expression, though she steeled it over quickly.  
It didn’t matter. Even if you’d missed that, there was no missing the punch of _guilt _and hot _**shame**_ that suddenly suffocated the both of you. 

It was too much to ask of you to not show your horror.  
Finally you understood.  
Kilgrave kept people around for a reason. He abused your talents.  
  
He’d abused hers, too.  
  
You wished it wasn’t your first reaction. “_Oh my god-_” 

Her hands were on your arms in an iron grip, shoving you back to the wall hard enough to bruise just about everywhere. “Stay the fuck out of my way, you got it?” Baring her teeth in a feral growl. She was being _seen_. By probably the only other person who knew what she’d done other than herself and Kilgrave. And it was making her _furious _and _terrified_. “You’ve done enough.” She shoved hard a second time and then just began walking away. 

You fell in half a stumble without the _force_ of her, but caught yourself before falling. “Jessica. You can’t run away from this-”

She stopped but didn’t- maybe _couldn’t_\- look at you. “I’m not _running_ anywhere. That’s something _you_ do. I’m gonna end this. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. Got it? _Stay out of my way_.” 

“If you fuck this up you better come crawling back with an apology before asking for my help.” 

Her tone was one of bitter amusement. “Don’t worry, _Lady Iron_. I don’t need your help. I don’t know how I could have made that _any_ clearer.” 

* * *

The walk home _hurt_.  
Everything hurt.  
As soon as you were upstairs, you started shedding clothes. Everything down to your bra, underwear, and Heart Reactor. Just holding it to your chest. As you entered the bedroom, Tony looked up from his spot at the desk. 

And waited no less than two seconds to slip out of his gear and come over to you.  
Pulled you close.  
Let you sink into him. 

The tears started again, but they were hot and _exasperated_. Not the cold wash of self-pity you’d dragged home with you every night. But he let you cry it out regardless, as you clutched to him. It was a long time before you could finally find voice enough to speak. 

“It’s the suit…” Energy fleeting after everything else. 

“The suit?” 

“That night. You escaped because of the suit. The oxygen system- Kilgrave- he must put something in the air that changes the chemicals in people’s bodies.” 

A ripple of _astonishment_ and warm _pride_ shivered up his spine, catching you off guard. “...you figured that out- you’re sure?” 

Nodding uselessly, because you _were_ sure, “I told Jessica- she wants me to stay out of it- she has some plan-” 

Easing you back just a little, he reached up, wiping the backs of his fingers across your cheeks, drying the tears before holding your face in his palms. “Let her deal with it, then.” 

“But-” 

“If it blows up in her face, she’ll come back to you. She has to.” 

“You seem…” How did Tony seem? It was strange. He was _aglow_ in energy so suddenly. “...what’s on your mind?” 

His smile was one of _relief_. “_It’s the suit__._” 

Reaching up you held your hand against the Reactor still glowing hot on your chest.  
_It was the suit_.  
**And you were safe**. 

It was almost like… you were _free_, in a way. 

Lifting your arms, you wound them around his neck, _squeezing_ him, pressing your face against the crook of his neck. _You were safe now_. You always had been. He’d made you take it off that night. Maybe he knew? But now _you_ knew, too. And you were safe. 

_Because of Tony_. 

“I love you.” 

Maybe Jessica would handle this. But even if she didn’t… Kilgrave was no longer a monster lurking on the streets. He was not undefeatable. And best of all… 

He couldn’t get to Tony, either.  
_Both_ of you were safe. 

“I love _you_.”

What a feeling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor babies.  
All of them. Jessica included.  
Sigh.


	137. Chapter 137

Exactly when you’d drifted off was a complete mystery. At some point you’d curled up to Tony on the couch in the living room, feeling like most of your energy had just poured out of you and wasn’t coming back any time soon. It was probably not a good idea, taking up so much of his time when he was busy with other more sensitive things. But he didn’t seem to mind, and he never once mentioned he thought he should be doing anything other than just _being_ with you. But eventually the switch just shut off completely, and you went out like a light. 

When you awoke the next morning, it was in bed, and he was not at his desk. You expected that he’d probably moved his work station somewhere out into the living room so as to avoid bothering you. But after tying on a loose robe and wandering out there, that proved not to be the case. Even Dvahli wasn’t sprawled on the couch. The entire area was empty. Which made you a little _nervous_-

But that’s when you caught the early-morning notes of his voice and the definite smell of food and coffee coming from the kitchen, so you made your way over. He had his back turned to you, working something in a hot pan over the stove. Dvahli was perched on the island counter eating her usual morning breakfast. In the middle of cooking, Tony was also half paying attention to a holographic window, Steve on the other side of it, giving what sounded like a debrief. 

“-so I think our best bet is to regroup for now-” 

Dvahli gave you away as you got close enough to sit down, lifting her head with a little chirp. Tony half turned, smile warm as he looked at you and then quickly glanced back to Steve waving a dismissive hand. You pilfered his half glass of orange juice sitting out, emptying it as he continued. “Yeah. Sounds great. Look- I gotta go. Enjoy the time. Montenegro is beautiful. Just don’t make too big of an impression.” 

“_Tony_-” Stern and pretty annoyed.   
  
He just waved again, “Oh. You’re breaking up- connection must be loose-” And then full swiped his hand to send the window out of existence. 

You dropped your head to stow a smile. It really wasn’t a good idea to give confidence to Tony’s flippant behavior and sass, especially regarding _Avengers activities_. But… sometimes it just couldn’t be helped. “Everything okay with the team?” Unable to help asking. 

“Everything’s fine. _Good morning_, by the way.” 

“Good morning.” Hummed back as you set your elbows on the counter and put your chin in your upturned palms. 

“They’re just taking a break. Bruce is recalibrating. We’re getting some low-level pings, not enough to send anyone out but more than enough to stay in the area. So. I told them to just take a few days off.” He dumped some sausage from the pan into a plate and then reached over to a carton of eggs and cracked a few into the skillet. 

So. The team was still staying away. That was good. Jessica’s plan, whatever it was now that she had this new information, would probably happen very soon. And you hoped to god whatever it was worked. You couldn’t keep them away forever. “Steve didn’t sound very happy.” 

“Is he ever?” Giving a derisive shrug. “He wants to work on things here. He wants to work on things there. I might as well start a cloning program otherwise he’ll never be fulfilled.” 

“That still wouldn’t fix anything.” Unable to help point out. “There’d just be two Steves. Not a hivemind. It’d be two different people working on different things-” 

“It’s a little early in the morning for philosophy, honey. Let’s just agree that he’s a grumpy old man.” 

“We’re older than he is.” 

He held up a finger. “Not technically.” Though he followed this up with a scoff. “Then again, that explains a lot.” Half turning to you with one of those smug grins, “Should I start calling him _kid_? You think that’d ruffle his feathers?” 

“_Extremely_.” Just the thought of it… that was a fight in the making. Steve already thought Tony talked more than he was worth at times, even when they got along. If Tony started asserting authority like that… it would get ugly. Even though… you still seemed unable to help your smile. Turning away again as Tony took the eggs off the burner and pulled a plate together, coming over to set it down in front of you. Reaching up, you wound your arms around him, settling your face against his chest. Breathing him in you murmured another quieter, “Good morning.” 

While one of his arms went around your shoulders, his other hand swept up and down your back in long passes. “I think we already said that.” Despite his snark, his tone was sweet. Easing you back a little, he lifted a hand to brush back some of your hair from your face. “You okay?” 

It would have been nice to be able to answer this in a way both of you wanted. But. That would have been dishonest. “I don’t know.” That was really all you had, and even _that_ was closer to a lie than it was the truth. “Are you?” 

“Getting better.” This you also sensed was not entirely accurate. “Here though-” Shifting back he reached into his pocket and then came back out, producing your Heart Reactor. “I made some minor upgrades.” 

Always working. Easily you took it from him, and even though you weren’t really of the mind that there was immediate danger about to come get you in the penthouse (...despite certain events), you pressed it to your chest. “What kind?” 

He settled his arm over your shoulder, propping his hip out just a little as he smiled down at you. “Anyone tries to take that off you, they’ll be getting about twelve-hundred volts.” 

“_Oh_.” Well. That was something. It made sense now that it was out there, that he would do something like that. If the suit was your line of defense against that psychopath, making sure Kilgrave couldn’t just reach up and rip the Reactor off of you was the next best thing. “Is it-”

“Not enough to kill, no. I thought about it, but.” His head moved from side to side, eyes going up and around before settling on you again. “If we go too high, he’ll grab you and be unable to let go. I don’t think anyone wants that.” 

“Spare me the gritty details.” Ones you were sure he’d spent all night thinking about. Certainly. Yes. For sure. You didn’t want Kilgrave’s smoking corpse attached to your chest via his hand. Even if that would easily solve a problem that severely needed solving. But- this also explained why he seemed to be in a slightly better mood. You were protected now. While it was obvious he’d still worry, he didn’t have to worry _as much_. A thought you wished had easily transferred to you. Moving your hand up, you cupped his cheek in your palm and he quickly moved his own hand to cover yours. Holding you there against him. “I love you.” 

His entire being just seemed to _soften_. Eyes light and smile gentle. “I love you, too.” Letting go so he could slide in closer, you dropped your hands to his chest instead as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I think it’s premature to get comfortable. But. We’ll be alright.” 

You’d learned well by now it didn’t really matter how much you _wished_ that was true. The universe would not answer that call. And so… you let your pessimism destroy the pretend domestic bliss you’d woken up to. “What if Jessica can’t handle this?” You should be there. With her. Helping her plan. Helping her with whatever it was she thought she was going to do. 

Yet it was a choice made for you. And in nobody’s favor.   
Even if that was egotistical to say. 

“Jones will do whatever she’s gonna do. Without help from anyone. She seems like she prefers the whole _one woman show_ thing. You can’t let her make you feel bad for boxing you out.” Really. Sometimes… you wondered if Tony could read minds and had just never said anything. He was always suspiciously right about your concerns. “And if she fails…” 

What then? What would happen then? Kilgrave would know the group was on to him, and maybe even possibly know you knew his secret- ...although. You wondered if _he_ even knew his own secret. It was such a strange thing. His power seemed to be one of suggestion. Who knew there was some mutated science behind it. Was that a thing he’d consider? Well, he _definitely_ would if this blew up in everyone’s face. _What then_? 

Selfishly you decided, since there was nothing you could do, “Let’s not think about it right now.” There was no point. You had no idea what Jessica was going to do. Because that’s the way she wanted it. What was the point of wasting your time with Tony fretting about it? 

“Good.” Easing back he laid his hands on your shoulders, although stayed close enough to press a kiss to your lips. “Breakfast is getting cold, anyway.” 

Setting your hands on the back of his neck, you beckoned him in again for a longer kiss. This normal was pretend. But it was the only thing you had right now. “I love you.” 

That and him. Comforted so intensely by his presence- and so _suddenly_. One kiss dragged on into the next into the next, feeling yourself melt into a puddle as he held your face in his hands just as you fell short of breath, lips parting. Panting softly just before his tongue brushed yours. Was this okay? Was this right? To be doing this right now? Your knees went a little weak, lucky there was a tall stool behind you to just barely perch upon. But even as you sank to sit, he chased you there, kiss wholly uninterrupted.

One of his hands slid back into your hair in a soft tangle, prompting a quiet moan and your body answering that question for you as you lifted one leg up to wrap around his waist, drawing him in closer. You very quickly found yourself moving after a deep need for emotional and physical release after bearing such a heavy load for too long a time. Just once. You wanted to be able to indulge just this _once_. 

But as his hand settled on your hip, easing your sway atop your seat, he broke back, pressing his forehead against yours, breath coming in shallow draws. “Is this okay?” The tingle of his _worry_ shivered over you, making you realize he thought _he_ was going too far. 

“Please don’t stop.” The only thing you could think to say, and to your ears it sounded like begging. 

A small grin tugged at the edges of his lips. “What about breakfast?” 

“We’ll heat it back up.” 

His lips lined a trail down from your jawline to your neck as your head fell back into his waiting hand. “Oh we will, will we?” 

“_I need you_.” Those three little words shuddered out from you, seeming to cut the cord on any further joking or delay. Because as soon as they hit the air you felt the _heat_ burning from him. 

He’d never disappoint you. 

* * *

You’d indulged.   
You’d indulged while other people were suffering. That wasn’t allowed. And that was why when JARVIS spooked you from an intense email you’d been drafting for the last hour in your office the next night, you almost _expected_ it to be bad news. Because of course it would be. This was the last thing you had to do today. Or at least it had been. Until the universe decided to punish you. 

“Ma’am, Ms. Jones was spotted in an altercation several hours ago at 16th Street and Union Square West. There were two calls to 911 about a group attacking a gentleman.” 

Kilgrave. She’d gone after him. In broad fucking daylight no less. You sat back in your chair, staring blankly out. “Can you pick up anything from the police cameras around that area? Shop security footage? Do you know what happened?”   
  
“They apprehended the male and fled the scene in a van.” 

So Jessica had taken him somewhere. But where? Somewhere private and protected, no doubt. Somewhere that was equipped to handle his _virus_. But then what? What was she planning on doing? “Do you have anything else?” 

“I do not, ma’am, my apologies. But Ms. Trish Walker is requesting a meeting with you in the lobby. I think she may.” 

Trish. Jessica’s sister. The radio host. That was… probably bad. Probably very bad. You had to think this through logically and very quickly. Jessica had taken off with Kilgrave. Her sister was now in your lobby. Without thinking about it you put a hand over your Reactor, just clutching it lightly. Like a security blanket. “Send her up.” 

“Yes, ma’am. Shall I call Mr. Stark?” 

This too was being asked to move another chess piece. If she was being controlled she might bring the information back with her that Tony was here. While you didn’t know much about her, it was highly unlikely she could do much damage to you- ...then again. She was Jessica’s sister. Was she enhanced, too? “Not just this second. I’ll let you know.” It was better to be safe and keep Tony a distance away. “Just- let him know what’s going on. Just not to come down yet. Okay?” 

“Of course.” 

Shutting him out wouldn’t do any good, especially if you got into a corner you couldn’t back out of. But you still wanted to do your best to protect him. Kilgrave couldn’t control him from here, but if Trish was a threat, you wanted him to be _safe_. 

It only took ten minutes for the knock on your door. When you made a weak noise of approval, Happy appeared on the other side once it opened. “JARVIS said you okay’ed her?” He had probably been giving her a very hard time in the lobby. 

“Yes, she can come in.” 

“You want me to stay?” 

“You can sit at Pepper’s desk for now.” You wanted him involved as much as you did Tony, but he’d also put up a fight if you told him to go away. This had trouble written all over it. He wouldn’t leave you alone now. 

He just nodded, let Trish in with a warning glance between them and then shut the door behind him. You weren’t sure what you’d been expecting. She was a slender woman with stringy blonde hair. And a lot of _anger_. That was about the only thing she seemed to share with Jessica. She came to a stop in the middle of the room, crossing her arms. “So. This is what you do all day. While everyone else gets their hands dirty.” 

Great. Off to a great start. Accusing you of something already. “Nice to meet you, Trish.” 

For a moment your vision bubbled as you stared beyond her- beneath her- not quite having the hang of _active listening _while also _active investigating_. But it eased you just a little bit to see her presence standing there in front of you. No purple control to speak of. 

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I want to cut right to the chase- I know your time is very _valuable_.” Her aggression snapped you back to the forefront. 

What was it with people just fucking walking up to you and accusing you of everything and anything under the sun? _Especially_ when they accused you of apparently not doing enough. You already had that handled. You didn’t need anyone else to do it for you. “You can explain what your problem is or get out.” 

“I will- I _am_\- we needed you today- and you were just-” She flapped her hands around uselessly. “Sitting in this office-” One of her hands came down, pointing a very aggressive finger your way. “Jess told me everything about you. I’ll go public.” 

Threatening you. Trish Walker was threatening you. And you didn’t even know what for. Slowly you put your hands down on the desk and stood. “Can you tell me what any of this is about? Why are you mad at _me_? Did it not go well?” 

“_We needed you_! **No**! It didn’t _go well_.” Mocking you as she dared to get closer. “Because you’re too selfish to do anything but-”

You put your hand straight up. “I’m gonna stop you right there. Whatever Jessica told you about my involvement in all this-”

“She didn’t need to tell me anything-”

“_No_. I’m talking now.” Firm and strong, shutting her down in seconds. “You think it benefits me in any way that what happened today didn’t end with Kilgrave locked up somewhere? _Do you_? Do you have two single brain cells to rub together to think logically for just a second? Or do you just let your anger pull you around from point a to point b like your sister?” 

Her face scrunched up. “How _dare_ you. You don’t know anything-”

“I know a hell of a lot more than you. Let me let you in on this secret Jessica is hiding from you: she didn’t want me involved.” 

That seemed to blow up her whole tirade, shoulders drooping, awash in a _freezing_ bath of stupor very quickly. “That can’t- that doesn’t make sense- why would- with what you can _do_? Why would she tell you to not get involved?” 

“Ask _her_. I wanted to make a plan with her. She boxed me out. So if she fucked this up, that’s on her. I warned her.” You’d sponged up all the _anger_ she’d walked in with. Jessica had fumbled the plan. Kilgrave was now free and now possibly knew everyone was on to him. Fucking _fantastic_. “It does _nothing_ for me that she screwed this up. Kilgrave will come after me just as easily as he will her.” 

She shook her head. “But you can _do _something- you’re an Avenger for Christ’s sake!” Practically whining at this point. Deciding to not let her views be challenged and instead double down that this was all your fault. 

Hey, something _else_ she shared in common with her sister. “What would you do if you were me?” 

“What?” Blinking at you. Dumbfounded. 

“Tell me. What should my plan be? What should I be doing?” 

“You could’ve- today you could’ve-” 

“Jessica told me to stay out of it. Try again.” Staring her down. You were so tired of this. 

“-even still- you can- you can go _get him_\- you can- can’t you get your people to go after him?” 

An exasperated and perhaps overly dramatic sigh escaped you. “This- _again_? You tell me Jessica told you _everything_ about me and you threaten to go public yet you really don’t see the repercussions of sending the _Avengers_ to go-” You really had just about _had it _with this whole thing. “JARVIS pull up penthouse footage of event CA1.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

The TV on your wall flashed on, thankfully no sound. But it still was too painful to watch. Steve advancing on you. Throwing you around like a rag doll. Getting atop you. Trish stood there in _horrified_ silence, holding her arms together. “I didn’t know…” 

“I know you didn’t. I’m tired of explaining myself. You’re about as much on the same page with Jessica as I am. Which is just barely.” There was probably a reason for it. She was probably telling half-truths and keeping people at arm’s length as a way to protect them from Kilgrave. But that really wasn’t working out for you. So you had no reason to defend that ideal right then. “I wanted to help. She told me no. And apparently she gets final say. So yes. I was here today while she bumbled something really important. And if you wanna go blame somebody for that, go yell at her.” 

She couldn’t seem to hold your gaze. Not surprising. She shook her head again. “I just- I want this to be over.” Despite her not looking at you, you kept the roll of your eyes at bay. “I’m sorry- for coming like this- it was a rash decision- but I’m tired of everyone getting hurt.” 

“And for some reason you think I’m not.” 

“I _said_ I’m sorry. Okay? _I’m sorry_. I just thought… if anyone had a chance to end this… it’s you.” Finally she found the courage to level her gaze with yours. She was completely deflated. Defeated. You hoped she hadn’t come a long way because this had only lasted about five minutes. Pathetic at best. 

“Tell Jessica that.” 

And just as quickly as it came, her gaze dropped again. “I will.” _Determined_ at the very least. You supposed that was something. Without a goodbye (not that you needed or even wanted one) she turned to go back to the door. When she opened it, Tony leaned half in, hand on the handle. Impeccable timing. Or acting. But it was her _shock _that really sealed the deal for you. “Oh- you’re- I thought you were-” 

“Nice to see you again, Ms. Walker. Happy will escort you off the property.” Dry tone with an expression to match as he gestured with his arm extended. 

So.   
Jessica had apparently told Trish _everything_. So Trish thought. But what was really going on was that she’d told Trish probably _just enough_. Because Jessica didn’t trust anyone. Probably for good reason. Kilgrave could get his hands on anyone, and had already gone after Trish once. You wondered now what _she told me everything _even meant. What did Trish think she knew? When she didn’t even know Tony was still here? 

Better question- what was Jessica still hiding from _you_ that could be important? 

Flashbacks of Fury’s voice started buzzing in an angry loop. 

_It’s called compartmentalization. Nobody spills the secrets because nobody knows them all._

Tony shut the door finally and was in the middle of crossing the office to come over to you when your growl surprised the both of you. “You know-” 

“So. I take it that went well.” Stopping just in front of you, putting his hands on your arms, soothing them up and down. 

“Fury would have _loved_ Jessica Jones.” You doubted it. He probably would have _hated_ her. Because she acted just like him. Bitter, jaded, and held everything close to the vest, even to everyone else’s detriment. 

His brows lifted. “That’s _very_ telling. Also makes sense why you two can’t seem to get along.” 

An annoyed yet amused huff of a laugh escaped you. “Yeah. I guess it does.” 

How did the same exact shit keep replaying in your life over and over and _over_?  
What had you done to deserve it? 

* * *

While you could have called Jessica to demand to know what was going on, you decided to wait on her. Probably a bad idea. It was likely she’d gotten an earful from Trish by now about what had happened. The very brief but bitter conversation the two of you had had. If it could even be called a conversation. Maybe she was just figuring out what to say. 

But two days waiting on a phone call was a long time. Maybe she wouldn’t call at all. If you had to guess, she might have had a mind to try and just fix all of this herself without ever involving you again. It would be better than facing that she’d fucked up, right? She was probably getting it from all sides. And… some part of you understood she was probably her harshest critic right now. Something you understood _very_ well, in fact. 

Still.   
Waiting or not, your cell phone ringing very early in the morning- almost just as you’d sat down at your desk- startled you. 

It wasn’t Jessica’s number waiting for you. It was unknown.   
Except you knew exactly who it was. 

Yet still, you answered it. “_Hello, puppy_.” Just as soon as those two words hit the air, a message popped up on your computer screen. LUNA’s silent voice:  
  
_Tapping line_… 

“What do you want?” You held yourself strong but not necessarily steady. As long as you could keep your voice tight, maybe your sudden shaking wouldn’t translate. 

“_Is that any way to greet your master?” _To this you said nothing. Sat in the quiet. “_I just wanted to check up on you. I was very… let’s call it __**intrigued**_ _to see your lack of involvement in Jones’ little escapade the other day. Don’t tell me luck is finally favoring me. Have you gone soft? Do you miss me? __Couldn’t bring yourself to attack an innocent man on the street enjoying coffee? Now that’s the puppy I know._” 

This was an attempt to weed information out of you. And you couldn’t let it happen. It would be easy to tell him you had nothing to do with that- like you had Trish. It would be easy to tell him that Jessica didn’t want you involved. But that would help him, to know that the two of you were having problems working together. It was what he wanted. 

Instead you did something _much_ stupider. “Why don’t you come get me and find out?” 

His laughter was soft and twisted. “_Now now… let’s not rush a good thing. Though I do so __**love **__to hear how eager you are to come home again_. _I’ll go first- I have missed you. I’ve learned so much, in our time apart. Yet no matter how much I try to learn about __**you**_… _it’s fascinating I’m being blocked at every turn._” 

“Do you have anything interesting to say? Or are you just gonna dime-store-villain monologue at me for another ten minutes? Because I gotta tell you, I have a shareholder’s meeting coming up that’s way more important than you.” Bait. Just bait him along. ...and make him angry. 

“_Does anyone even know __**anything **__about you_? _Stark, I wouldn’t wonder…_” He hummed a noise of thought. “_Well. All in time, I suppose. I’ll learn everything there is to know. And I won’t be denied this time._” 

“Try it. You know where I am.” Your vision was tunneling. Sweat was leaking from your forehead. Your chest felt so heavy it might collapse. 

“_Patience, my puppy_. _All I ask for is patience. I’ll pick you up from the pound. In due time. When you least expect it. That’s how all adoptions go, don’t they? The mutts think no one will ever come for them. Until one day…_”

The room was shaking. Your voice suddenly was lost to you. It was like you’d been thrust just a few odd inches outside of your own body. A wall between you and any cognitive functions. Just sitting there. Going pale. 

He laughed again. “_We’ll be together soon, puppy_. _**I promise**_.” 

As he hung up information popped on your screen.   
The private number that didn’t belong to him. The service provider. A name you didn’t recognize. The address it was registered to. The phone type associated with. The store it came from. When it had been purchased- all useless information. He’d just told someone on the street to give him their phone. What was the point of any of it? You couldn’t track him.

It didn’t matter. Your eyes glazed over as the data came in. 

“JARVIS- call- I need-” 

Had you been hyperventilating the entire time? Had Kilgrave heard you panting for breath just from listening to him talk? Fireflies were swaying in your vision. 

“Ma’am, I’ve called Mr. Stark for you- please try to-” His voice warped and faded out past the shrieking in your ears. 

Feeling suffocated, like the desk was pressing against you hard enough to crack your ribs, you instinctively pushed back and jumped to stand. 

The lights went out almost immediately. But still that half inch outside your body, somehow you were able to put your hands- over your _own_ hands- and pilot your body. Half crunched over the desk, palms flat. You kept yourself from falling. By ghosting over yourself.

A truly strange experience. Like your own angel over your shoulder. Just holding on. Keeping yourself upright… until Tony came through the door. As soon as his hands touched over your shoulder it was like being pulled through a keyhole. Sucked down a drain. Everything released and you just barely heard his voice.

_Honey…_   
  
Hard to tell if you were hearing his voice internally or just on the cusp of your consciousness- which returned briefly in that moment. You still couldn’t _breathe_.   
  
_Honey- _  
  
His mouth was moving. His voice was muffled. His hand was at your back, prompting you to sit in your chair.

_I’ve got you…_

Weakly, after just barely collapsing into it, you reached up and his hand took hold of yours. Giving you a physical line to focus on. To clamp down on. His _presence_ slowly filtered out all the other noise. He was still hard to hear but part of you knew he was trying to talk you through breathing.

You just… didn’t own your body yet.   
Kilgrave wasn’t even there and he still had the ability to take it away from you. Yet… at least not completely, anymore. Even if you didn’t fully understand _what_ had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! Just a little reminder that as much as you guys enjoy and anticipate each chapter, I enjoy and anticipate hearing from you! Your comments really make all this writing work a labor of love so please don't forget to leave some of your own love! I really appreciate it 💙💙💙


	138. Chapter 138

“I just wanted to check in on you. See how things are going. I think it’s pretty telling that we’re still out in the field. I just… I don’t like being in the dark. Not when I can help.” 

Steve wasn’t exactly the person you were expecting to get a phone call from the following day, but it was a welcome change from all the other terrible nonsense going on. ...even if it was sort of in the same vein. “You’re doing better work out there. Is um… Manilla- nice?” Brain still a little scrambled in the early morning hours, especially after the events of the night prior. 

“Montenegro. And. Sure. It’s peaceful. I think we’re wasting our time here, though.” 

Way off. Not even remotely close. Oh well. It didn’t sound like he cared so much that you seemed to have no idea what the Avengers were doing. Or where they were, at the very least. You should have, for sure. But. Clearly you had other things going on. “I thought Bruce was waiting on a few more data points?” Trying to prove not only to him but to yourself that you _were_ paying attention. That despite your pains right now you _did_ care about your family. What they were doing. That was important, too. 

He sighed. “Sure. That’s what we’re being told. I just don’t think we’re making any progress.” 

“Emptying out Hydra bases is not what I would call making no progress, Steve.” 

“...you’re right. But it’s still not what we thought we’d be doing.” 

The air was heavy and tense. You didn’t know how to make this right for him. He wanted to come home. You couldn’t let him. It wasn’t time yet. “The next ping might be the right one. Just hang in there a little bit longer.” 

“...sure.” His discontent on the other end of the phone was abundantly clear. “I noticed you haven’t said anything about what’s going on over there, yet.” 

It was highly unlikely if you told him the truth that he’d come rushing back home. Still… you weighed your options very carefully before answering. Gathered all your thoughts and tried to make them cleanly cohesive. “It’s… we thought we had something. And we still might. But it’s not going the way I want.” 

“Seems like that’s going around.” You heard the amusement through his annoyed tone. “Look- I just… worry about you.” 

“I’m okay.” It did your heart good, at least, to know that nothing between you and Steve was irreparable. Not even someone controlling him into almost murdering you and then shoving him on the next jet out. 

“I doubt it.” The mood plummeted. “And I don’t think you’d tell me if you weren’t.” 

“The feeling’s mutual.” It hurt you, to hear him say that. But maybe he was right. You also knew you were, too. Maybe it would have been better to _process_ what had happened between the two of you. There just hadn’t been time. And also… you still never got confirmation Steve had actually _ever_ attended a single therapy session with Deja. “We’ll talk when it’s over.” 

“When’s that gonna be?” 

“I can only say soon. And hope it’s true.” 

“Yeah. Me, too.” 

* * *

Though it would have been easy, and even _nice_ to just do nothing and recover, a full day of radio silence from Jessica after all the _other_ days of radio silence didn’t sit right with you. If Kilgrave had taken her at some point, you were sure he would have let you know. Then again… who knew. You certainly felt like you didn’t know anything about anything at this point. It was on Friday that you decided you’d had enough. 

So you called.   
And called.  
And called some more. 

Ten times in total. And she didn’t answer a single one. Which started to really knock at your anxiety pretty hard. Surely she would answer if she had her phone, right? _Surely_ with such a grave situation she couldn’t be ignoring you, _right_? 

A text came in around eleven o’clock at night. Succinct and angry:

_My hands are full. I don’t have time for you. _

What could you even say to that? It was probably too telling to be overtly angry with her. But at this point you had no idea what was going on. It was clear that was the way she wanted it. But that was interfering with your life greatly. And the lives of your teammates. 

_You better find some. Because you’re wasting mine_. 

Her response was quick and curt.   
  
_Cute. _

You left it alone after that. Eventually you were going to have to go find her and have a nice long talk with her. You imagined she was trying to control this disaster every way she could. She still didn’t want you around, that was very much clear. You were beyond thinking it was because she thought you were a danger if Kilgrave got his hands on you. It probably had more to do with the reaction you’d had when realizing exactly why she was running so hard at this. 

But why did she get to do that and you didn’t? Another question she surely wouldn’t answer. 

* * *

Slowly you were making a plan and a promise to yourself. You couldn’t be kept left in the dark like this forever. Eventually some progress had to be made. Whether or not that included dragging Jessica Jones unwillingly, kicking and screaming, that would be up to her. But if she didn’t get back to you by Monday, you’d go find her personally. She couldn’t keep avoiding you forever. You’d see to that. You _had_ to. 

A late meeting on Sunday ran a little too long, especially when your attention started waning and a headache crept in. It made it hard to focus on what anyone was saying. Now was the worst time to appear flippant about Stark Industries’ Q2 plans. Your team had left without you for reasons that everyone believed had to do with you being the CEO you’d been hoisted up as. If you couldn’t maintain both worlds equally, both words would equally fall apart. One more thing to worry about. 

The sun was just setting as you stepped outside the restaurant the department heads had wanted to meet at (for the obvious purposes of eating at a plush restaurant and calling it a business expense, all part of the package). You hadn’t eaten much of anything, and perhaps unwisely sipped instead at a glass of wine that you’d never asked for. Mistakes you were paying for now as you stood out on the sidewalk, glancing at your watch. You’d quietly told Happy you thought the meeting would last another hour- and that was about… thirty-two minutes ago… if you called to tell him to come get you downtown now with the traffic- ...he was probably on his way anyway- 

Boozy migraine maths came to a complete halt when a sharp call of your name drew your attention back up to the present. A microphone was about five inches from your face, and a harsh shoulder light from a TV camera was making you nearly blind. “Christine Everhart. WHiH.” As always. When you least wanted or expected her. Which was always. 

“I know who you are.” What fresh hell was this. What had you done now? 

In her other hand as she popped her hip out she held out some photographs. Ones you briefly glanced at. “We’re live in five, so consider this a gift. These are pictures of a building reportedly _destroyed_ by the Avengers in Slovakia two days ago. Multiple civilian deaths and casualties. Care to comment?” 

“Two days ago?” You really wished your confusion hadn’t come first. Wasn’t the team on a break? ...had they even been to Slovakia? 

“That’s right. And here _you_ are dining at five star restaurants while your team murderers innocent people. Fooling the public while they go break borders for you. What do you have to say about that?” 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about-”  
  
“Seems like I have more of an idea than you.” 

This was not what you needed right now. But if you just took a breath, you were sure you could get through it. You’d throw down a harsh assessment and shift the blame until you could figure out what the hell she was talking about- 

At least that’s what you wanted to do. That’s what you should have done. But you no longer lived in a world that was fair. “Turn off your camera. Put it down.” A chipper English accent sent every muscle in your body so tight you thought you might snap.

In your ear LUNA buzzed. “_Activating suit_.” 

“**Stop.**” The word clutched in your throat. Christine was suddenly too confused by her cameraman simply _obeying_ that order to even care about what you were going on about. 

“_Ma’am_?” LUNA seemed concerned, for about as much as an AI could. “_Shall I call Mr. Stark_?” 

“No. Just. Wait.” All clipped as your breath started falling a little bit short of full draws. 

It was so anticlimactic. You’d expected Kilgrave to walk out of the shadows on his next big reveal. Yet here… he was just strolling up the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, smile on his face. “Tear up those pictures. Destroy that recording- and any other evidence you had on this little _Slovakia incident_.” Putting his back to you, in clear defiance of what you could or _might_ do to him. Clearly of the opinion you’d stand there and do nothing at all. 

...which is exactly what you were doing. Staring at him. Horrified. Confused. 

He leaned closer to Christine. “Go back to your little TV station and stop investigating this. Tell your boss it was all falsified. Now go. Leave.” 

The both of them put their heads down, turned around without a word, and then walked away and back into the van they’d probably been waiting in all afternoon. Then, just like that, they drove off. Leaving you and Kilgrave on the sidewalk alone- save for the swells of _innocent people_ milling about. Watching. Watching the CEO of Stark Industries fend off a reporter- and now seemingly speaking with an old acquaintance. Once Christine’s van was completely out of sight he turned to you, smile growing. 

“Hello, puppy. I thought you and I might have a talk. I was getting tired of all the back and forth on the phone.” 

You had to clamp down on every single part of yourself. Jessica couldn’t be right. You couldn’t fall to pieces just standing in front of him. “What makes you think I won’t kill you right now?” 

He leaned in just enough to murmur, “There are people about, puppy. I don’t think that’d be very _heroic_ of you. It's not in your _character_.” His eyes never left yours. “Now- won’t you join me for a light dinner?” A _question_. He was _asking_ you. Very pointedly so. 

“What are you doing?” He could have made off with you again. A second time. And you’d been so _wholly _unprepared- ...well, LUNA had tried to fix this for you. But you couldn’t just go full Lady Iron in broad daylight in front of Christine after she had just accused your team of murdering people on foreign soil. Even if she’d been told to go away. 

Easing back he gave a little shrug. “Seems to me that I’ve just done you a favor. So I’d like it if you returned the gesture.” 

“I could have handled that.” A useless point to be making, but your brain was scrambling. Trying desperately to keep yourself talking so that you didn’t crumble into a mess that was even easier for the taking. 

“I have no doubt. I do so _love_ that sharp wit of yours. But I’m running on a tight schedule.” Still, when you didn’t budge, this little cute act of his dissolved just a little, his mouth thinning into a straight line with a tight twitch at the corner. “I’m being _polite_. Don’t make me ask again.” 

He wouldn’t. He’d _tell_ you. And he was trying to make you come with him without commanding you to. But why? Reaching into your bag you pulled out your cell phone and made a call to the last person who was expected to see you. “Happy- I’m taking another meeting. It should be quick, but I’ll find my own way home afterwards.” 

“_You sure? I don’t mind waiting._” 

“I’m sure. Take the rest of the night off, okay? It’s Sunday, I feel bad.” 

“_...everything alright_?” Damn him. You didn’t need this right now. 

You just needed him to let you protect him. “Everything’s fine. Leilani’s all worked up about R&D’s budget for Q2 so I wanted to give her a little more face time.” Work jargon would no doubt turn his brain off. 

And thankfully, “Oh. Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” 

“See you tomorrow, Happy.” What was the point of any of it, you wondered. Why set security for yourself if you were going to immediately trash all avenues of help? Maybe there was no point. Maybe the whole point of this was that it was all inevitable. “...where are we going?” Making no attempt to hide how dejected you were. 

He was getting his way. Again. And he hadn’t even needed powers to do it this time. Hearing this he perked right back up. “I know this delightful little teahouse a few blocks over.” 

You curled your hands into fists so tight the tremor snaked up through your entire arm. “Let’s go, then.” 

* * *

He told everyone to get out as soon as the two of you arrived. Got you the nicest table in the back, all aglow with candles scattered about. Ordered first himself and then for you. And all the while you wondered what the fuck you were going to do about any of it. How were you going to get out of this one? What even was _this one_? What was he doing? 

“I know you must be used to this treatment. Getting anything you want. I think we’re very similar. Have I told you that?” He was sitting half forward, hands clasped together atop the table. Staring at you. 

“Can you please just cut to the chase? Tell me what you want. What are you doing right now?” Trying to take back any semblance of control of this situation. When clearly you had absolutely none. 

This seemed to displease him immensely, easy expression disappearing into one of dissatisfaction. He then sat back with a little roll of his eyes. “We’ve been apart for two years and this is how you decide to patch things up?” 

“Patch- are you out of your mind?” Maybe _anger_ was easier. You just had to be careful not to let it bleed. You didn’t need him any angrier than the low level of simmer he was working with. “You kidnapped me. And tortured me. For months.” 

“_Torture_.” Lips pulling back, teeth showing in a small snarl as if he’d eaten something bitter. “Don’t say that.” He was quick to realize and then held his hand up. “-I don’t like it. Feel free to say whatever you want-”

“_Fuck you._ How’s that.” 

He heaved a terrible sigh, putting his chin in his palm. “There’s that _fire_. It’s getting old, you know. Can you speak to me like the civilized person you parade around as?” 

“Just tell me what you want. Stop dragging this out.” You just wanted the right to know where your fate was ending. “Why go to all this trouble? What are you doing?” 

The servers interrupted the both of you, setting down a large tea kettle, cups and saucers and what looked some weird meat aside some even stranger tea cakes. Because everything here was designed to upset you. You were sure he knew. There was no excuse otherwise. Once they left he began pouring himself a cup, letting silence hang beneath the gentle clink of ceramics and cutlery. 

And then. Finally. “Jessica is not what you think she is.” 

You really couldn’t help the twist of your face then. “Are you serious? _That’s_ what this is about?” 

“Did she tell you that Hope girl is in the hospital?” 

That was twice you’d let yourself be blindsided today. You were growing weaker, that was the only thing you knew for sure. But quickly you reigned yourself in. “You can’t possibly think I believe you care about that poor girl. After what _you_ did to her-” 

He made an ugly grimace and waved an overly dismissive hand. “That was Jessica’s fault. And regardless- I know _you_ do.” He was trying to play both sides against the middle. It really couldn’t have been clearer. You still didn’t know _why_ though. “Jessica doesn’t care about anyone but herself. Not like you.” 

“I couldn’t care less what Jessica cares about. So if that’s all the info you’ve got, I’m going to leave.” 

He started cutting into his little dinner time snack. “She’s doing what she thinks she has to. You tried to get involved because it was the _right thing_ to do.” Mocking the very idea at the same time he was trying to pitch it to you. He popped a small bite of that very pink meat into his mouth and continued. “I envy that about you, you know.” You rolled your eyes and shook your head. A mistake, as he continued. “It’s why I think you weren’t involved in that whole…” He waved his knife around in thought. “_Kidnapping business_. You care about what’s right. And the right way to do it.” Holding your gaze again, he grinned. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” 

You imagined he wanted you to admit you were here because you had no choice. No other viable option. He wanted you to admit that you were powerless and at his _mercy_. You also were _still_ backed into a corner over not being able to admit the only reason you weren’t there to take him down the other day was because Jessica had kept you in the dark. 

...or did he know that, too? He was here, after all, trying to paint her in a very bad light. 

“Your silence is _very _poetic.” He took a bite out of a little cake and continued to bask in that aforementioned silence, glowing even, washing everything down with a sip of **tea**. What was the point in talking anymore. You just let it linger until _he_ decided it was time to speak again. “I’m not going to tell you to, but I think in time you’ll realize all this fighting… it’s worthless. Eventually you will give up and come home to me when you’re ready.” 

“Why?” The word escaped you in a hitch of a gasp. You’d lost track of your breathing again. 

His smile was so very broad as he leaned in, tone dropping, candlelight bouncing like flames on the sides of his face and just underneath his chin. “_I need you, __**puppy**_.” Looking at you- watching you- freezing you with words that did not belong to him. Not in that capacity. Not like that. “There’s no one in the world like you. At least not that I’ve seen- and not with our _history_. And when you’re ready, I’ll let you sit by my side again.” 

The ice shattered the moment his hand touched over yours. Abruptly you stood, hitting the edge of the table, sending everything rocking sideways. Tea splashed all over him and all at once his entire demeanor changed as he growled. “_Clean that up_-” But once again, quickly, amended himself. “Never mind.” And then, as if he was in control of your reaction, too, he flicked his hand. “Go, if you’re going to go. I’m sure you’re late for something else or other. But I think you should think on it. Eventually you’ll realize I’m right.” 

This was the moment. You could reach out and just… throttle him. Beat him to death. Choke him. Reach into his chest and- 

“Try to think about all the unnecessary _deaths_ that could be avoided if you’d just give in.” His smile was so sunny. So saccharine sweet. 

Warning you.   
Warning you that he must have had a million fail safes. And that there was nothing you could do, otherwise you’d be responsible for _so much more_.   
  
Wasn’t that how you’d gotten into this mess in the first place?   
He must have known that, too. 

Of course he did. The one thing Kilgrave knew for sure at this point. _You were powerless __against him_. 

* * *

How you got home you had no idea. Walked? Took a cab? Called a company car? It was a complete mystery. The sun had long since gone down. It was about ten at night. Which meant it had taken a little while. But you were a little too lost in a few other thoughts to see outside of yourself enough to know how you’d gotten from that cafe back to the Tower. 

Maybe the point of all this, after all this time, hadn’t been to keep everyone away from Kilgrave. _Maybe_ the lesson that you should have learned was the one you’d thought about when you were stuck with him in the first place. That you should have been grateful it was _only _you. That he only had _you_. So that his fascination wouldn’t wander- at least not to other super powered individuals. 

Maybe you should have just really given up and not ran. And maybe you needed to give up now. Maybe you just needed to hand yourself over. He’d made it very clear he was about to move heaven and hell just to make that point to you. Why not cut to the chase? What else could you do? What were your other options? 

As the elevator opened up on the penthouse floor, you saw Tony sitting on one of the couches, perking up immediately once he caught sight of you. “Honey-” Probably waiting up for you. Knowing your schedule wasn’t supposed to run _that_ long but trusting that you’d been out doing _something_. 

It was all too easy to just climb atop him and _collapse_ in a heap over him, burying your face in his shoulder, eyes closing as his arms wrapped around you. Was this the life you could give up? _For Tony’s safety_\- the thought flitted in. If Kilgrave had a mind to go after Tony, even with the knowledge that the suits would save you- what if he knew you knew that- he seemed to be doing a lot of cryptic hinting that he knew _everything_ you knew. 

So you had to assume he did.  
So you also had to assume he could hurt Tony if he wanted to. Burn Tony’s life to the ground, even. _If he wanted to_. But he’d stop wanting to. If you just gave yourself to him. 

Tony allowed you to melt into him for as long as you wanted. Which seemed like a very long time. But eventually, when you found the strength, you sat half back, taking his face in your hands. Looking at him. Memorizing the way he gazed at you. The concerned warmth in his eyes. The _love_ there. His hands moved at your sides, fingers spreading wide, keeping you steady. 

“Did the team go on a retrieve mission in Slovakia?” This was stupid. And not what you needed to be talking about right now. 

Even he seemed not to expect it, brows lifting straight up. “What? Uh-” Then knitting as he thought about it. But, finally, you felt a strange sense of relief as he shook his head. “No. Why? Are you okay?” 

So Christine had fabricated it. ...or someone else had.  
Kilgrave had done your job for you. And expected you to thank him in return. How easy it had been for him, too, to just _make her go away_. Make _all_ of it go away. Just a few simple sentences… 

Leaning in as you still held him, eyes closing to keep the tears at bay, you pressed your forehead to his. “I love you, Tony.” 

There was an uncertain _pain_ that slipped from him to you. Clearly wading in your _hurt_ but not knowing what to do about it. What it was about. How to help. “I love you, too. Talk to me.” Gentle encouragement. 

So, with a shivering breath you did. “Kilgrave took me to a restaurant just now.”

There was something to be said of the steady, heavy and icy _anger_ that choked the room so suddenly. It made it hard, but.  
You told him everything.   
And struggled not to tell him where you thought this was about to end. Because he was already holding on to you so tightly, so _protectively_ it hurt. 

And when all was said and done, once the silence of thought had fled, Tony offered what made the most sense. “He’s pitting you and Jones against each other.” This was what you thought, too. You wanted him to make it make sense for you. “You think she knows?”

..._oh_. Was _that_ the reason she didn’t want you anywhere near her or her plans? Whether because he’d already played this number with her and she didn’t trust you- or because she _did_ and she didn’t want to risk you? “I don’t know. She won’t answer my calls.”

Clear cut _annoyance_ rebounded from him to you in a hard cycle. What he figured out next surprised you, “So he planted that bogus story on Christine to instill a sense of-” Waving his hand lightly around in thought. “-couldn’t be gratitude. This guy doesn’t care whether or not you like him.”

“Showing off.” You felt empty. “He was showing off. He made a potential mess for me and then cleaned it up, too.” Kilgrave was pointing out how easy it was to destroy your entire life if he wanted to. Just a few words. That was it. That was all he needed.

Suddenly reading the inevitability, his head turned up, looking at you instead of letting his thoughts connect off in the distance. The pieces were there. He was understanding a little _too much_. “We’re not finished. Not by a long shot. We’ll figure this out.” Somehow he knew, maybe just because he knew _you_. Maybe because of that string that tied you both tight- he knew how close you were to that edge.

He knew you were looking at where this ended. Not in a favorable light by any means. And he was suddenly _begging you_, with that look in his eyes, his hand gripping your shoulder and a tremendous _pain_ pulsing from his heart to yours-

_Don’t give up_.

It was too much to ask that you be strong anymore. And because it was _him…_   
You let go of the idea. And just barely held on to him while he tried to soothe you through sobs so intense you could barely breathe.

* * *

The two of you spent the entire next day in exhausted _rawness_. He seemed unable to leave your side. Which made it lucky that you had no strength to move. Hours slipped by. Just holding on to each other. A sunrise came. And a sunset went. 

Eventually he won out as the stronger of the two of you when he got up to order some food. It would help, eating, probably. Even though you already knew you had no appetite. You’d have to suffer through it for him. But just as he’d started giving a dinner order to Happy, your phone rang. 

Lo and behold. 

Jessica Jones. Who wasted no time as soon as you picked up the line. “I need you to come down to my office. _Now_.” 

Tony had stopped talking. Just watching you.  
Waiting for news of the next bad thing. 

A feeling that seemed to soak your entire lives. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can don't forget to leave some love! Some definite _things_ are happening. Who knows what else this week will bring...?   
[A thought INY constantly asks herself, I'm sure. And not in a good way.]


	139. Chapter 139

There was a chance this was a setup. That Kilgrave- with his _tight schedule_\- had finally picked up Jessica and was now luring you in. He’d taken you to dinner, laid it out that you ending with him was an inevitability because you’d _do the right thing _in service of that _greater good_, _**hero that you were**_\- and just give in to him. So it was possible you were going to go down to that office of Jessica’s, see the both of them there and be expected to throw your hands up and walk away with him. 

And that was why-  
  
“Let me go with you.” Tony no longer wanted you to be liable for your own fate. He no longer wanted you facing this menace alone. Because it seemed every time you did, whether on the phone or face to face, it left you worse for wear. And just a little closer to breaking in pieces so small they could no longer be put back together. 

If it were you, if he was being put in this position, this would be the same thing you’d ask of him. For him to allow you in. To let you _help_. It felt unfair that immediately your thought was to tell him _no_. “I don’t think he’ll be there.” You heard yourself saying this, but you weren’t actually sure how true you thought it was. It was just as likely that he would be, that he also would _not_ be. You had no idea what you were walking into. 

Tony crossed his arms. “That has nothing to do with me wanting to go.” 

“It does a little.” Finally pulling yourself off the couch, entire body aching with the struggle of getting up after being down for so long. 

As you approached he softened. “Fine. _A little_. But we need to be done waiting.” Whether or not he meant it, this hit you a little hard. It was true. You were hurting the team by letting this go on so long. Whether or not that had been your choice, _which it hadn’t_. That was probably why he flinched upon realizing and quickly reached out to put his hand on your arm. “I just mean- we need an actual plan. And it’s not that I don’t think you can finish this- I just-” 

“Tony…” Soothing his sudden struggles with saying the right thing, how to say it, what the _right thing_ even was… his brain was pulling in all directions. Because it was _you, his_ entire being was demanding to be gentle here. But _because it was you_ he wanted to storm the beach and just blast away until this was over. And you were standing in the middle. Impeding progress. He was having trouble handling it. You laid your hands on his chest, gazing up at him. “I know this is hard. And I appreciate that you’re trying-” 

“Don’t do that.” Both his hands slid up your arms then, stopping atop your shoulders. _Pain_ sliced between the both of you. “Don’t ask me to sit here and watch you suffer anymore. Let’s be honest, it’s not working out for either of us.”

“It’s not.” You had to let him have that victory where it was so clear. Your falling apart was leading to his own struggles. It would have been the same the other way around. “If it’s just her- and I think it is- she won’t want you there. Which will slow everything down.” Just trying to put it all together out loud. Tony’s presence would upset Jessica because she wanted as little people involved as possible. 

His answer cemented how this was going to go. Fingers gentle as they lifted, sliding up the sides of your neck. Gaze soft on yours. It was completely unfair how easily that skin to skin contact made you just want to breathe in the comfort he provided. “I stayed for _you_.” 

To not only have your back, but to watch it. He couldn’t help you if you left him out- regardless of your feelings _why_ that might be. Your need to protect him was as strong as his need to protect you. And soon- if not now, very soon- one of you was going to have to budge on it. And it felt like he’d keep asking your permission to do so until it was too late. And then where would that leave the both of you? “You did.” 

On the off chance Kilgrave _was_ there… having Tony follow you was probably a smarter thing to do than to leave him at home. “I can be quiet.” A little wry arch of his brow with a weak grin to accompany it. 

“No you can’t.” Teasing back as much as you had the strength to. “But. If she doesn’t know you’re there…” 

“Mn.” A little nod of understanding. “I can do very quiet rooftop reconn. No problem, honey.” 

“_Very quiet_ being key here.” Jessica couldn’t know he was there just as much as _the entire city_ couldn’t know that Iron Man was perching on an apartment rooftop for seemingly no reason. It was really annoying. That your status was so well known. It made everything so much harder than it had any right to be. 

Before either of you could continue with the faux quipping, your phone buzzed. You took it from your pocket and read the text on the front screen. From Jessica. 

_485 W 46th st. Now or never. I don’t have all night_. 

Tony made no secret that he was spying. Once you let it down, the two of you shared one last look. And he promised, “_Very, __**very**_ quiet.” 

So that was that. 

* * *

Tony let her go first after she got ready and left with just the barest of disguises on. A hat and sunglasses when it was already dark outside. If she wasn’t the one out for justice, the next person on the street might suspect she was dealing drugs. But it was what it was. She didn’t want photographers following her around to Hell’s Kitchen so that the media could ask what the hell she was doing there in the papers the next morning. 

There were already enough scandals to avoid, they didn’t need one more. And a personal one, at that. At least the address was only twenty or so minutes away. Very convenient. 

He took the suit off the private flight deck, the one specifically off angle from cameras or snoops (not like the _public_ one from which most takeoffs happened for obvious reasons). He’d be easier to spot at night for sure with the flash of his thrusters, but he wasn’t too worried. “Find me a deadzone, JARVIS and let’s establish some boundaries.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

It wasn’t exactly his favorite thing to do, jamming signals and frying any phone that could be relatively pointed at him- but some things just needed to be done. He was sure he wouldn’t lose sleep over it. A target opened up on the rooftop across from Jones’ apartment building and he set down quickly, eased at least a little that there was a single heat signature waiting inside. With that he stepped out of the suit hoping that might be a little bit less obvious. A man on a roof was one thing. _Iron Man _on a roof was another. 

Jones had her curtains closed anyway. It wasn’t like he needed the suit to see anymore than he already had. Although it did make him a little anxious. He put a hand to his ear. “I’m in position. Only have a single hit in the apartment. No surprises waiting just yet.” 

“Beat me by a hair.” In fact, he saw her walking up the steps and leaning in to scrutinize the very rundown looking panel so she could get buzzed in. 

“And you left before me.” Teasing her, just a little. Just to claw at a sense of normalcy they’d long since lost. 

Her smile did him a world of good. “You jet boosted over here. Don’t get smart.” 

“Impossible to _get _when I’m already overflowing.” 

“You’re the worst.” 

This felt good. Like they were on a mission together. He had her back. Things would be okay. He didn’t respond when he saw her pull the front door open. She was already trying to blend in with the crowd here and not seem suspicious. While it was less-so to just seemingly _talk to nobody_ these days, she was far more cautious than that. He needed to be, too. For her. 

Still, it didn’t help his quiet anxiety that their comm went dead quiet for a minute. But then he heard Jones ask her for a bug sweep- it cleared- and then just behind him the sound of someone stepping very heavily onto the rooftop. Not from a door opening- no- that was a _jump_. 

And when he turned around from his crouched position facing the street, he couldn’t help the face he made. “Ah, the _devil on my shoulder_. I wondered where you’ve been. Angel’s been getting lonely these days.” The last thing he needed tonight was further intervention from would-be superheroes. Yet the so-called _Devil of Hell’s Kitchen _was now staring him in the face- 

Shit. He really had to stop with the _sight jokes_. Inner monologue or not. Matt Murdock was blind, so the brief dig reports came back. But clearly he could _see_. Not understanding how yet… well…

“Is that the best you’ve got, Stark?” 

Tony’s lips thinned, head quirking to the side as he crossed his arms. “You’re right. _Big Red_ was my first play. Should’ve gone with my gut.” 

“What are you doing here?” Tone gruff and _entirely_ unwelcoming. 

Also entirely _distracting_. He was only focusing on about half of the conversation happening in the apartment. “Stargazing. Is that a crime? Can you go bother somebody else? I’m busy.” 

“Busy _stargazing_.” 

“Yep. So. If we’re done here…” 

“You’re in my neighborhood. I want to know why.” 

He couldn’t help the roll of his eyes and the wave of his arm. “Am I in a territory war suddenly? I have clearance over you, if that’s what we’re doing. Is that what we’re doing? You wanna see my badge?” Oops. 

Big Red stepped closer, but Tony just stayed still. It was when the man seemed to scrutinize him a little more with a forward lean- no. Not scrutinizing. _Listening._ He then turned to the apartment across the street, and Tony couldn’t help a spike of unease. “Ah.” And _that _didn’t make things better. Especially not when _her_ name came out of his mouth next. “Who’s she in there with?” 

“You’re sure you didn’t wanna go with a bat costume? Or is that too played out?” Frustrated to his core. He needed to do an even deeper dive on Matt- ...if he was going to keep being somebody worth caring about, anyway. The preliminary stuff clearly hadn’t been enough. He could hear her on the comms- and knew she was in that apartment building. All without- “Look- you’re bothering me. Go perch on a different roof or- do whatever it is you do at night.” 

“This _is_ what I do.” He stood again, facing Tony. 

The two had a stare down… or- _err_… “This is not a crime waiting to happen.” 

“Then what are you doing here? Does she know you’re following her around?” 

“You can ask her next time _you_ follow her to a cafe.” Moving now past frustration into anger. 

There was a small blessed slice of silence as Big Red seemed to consider his position, and just as Tony caught a few more words passed inside of that apartment, he spoke again. “We’re not on opposing sides, you know.” 

Damn it all, he couldn’t help the flare of his temper. “Gosh, _you know_\- we already have a righteous stickler in the group. So if this is your application, I’m gonna need you to look directly into the camera and tell Big Brother a different reason why you should be let into the house.” ...that was a triple oops by now. For sure. 

“If this is how you accept help I feel very sorry for her.” 

“You can’t give me something I didn’t ask for. Are you seriously gonna stand here and _menace_ me all night? You don’t have _anything_ better to do?” 

It was a battle of stubbornness at this point. Big Red had no idea who he was dealing with, in that case. They stood facing each other. Clearly figuring he was outmatched (so Tony believed anyway), Big Red finally turned away. “Have it your way, Stark.” 

“That’s _definitely _how I prefer things.” Dry as the desert, unable to help one last biting remark. He just had to get the last word in. Because this had been a huge waste of his time and he’d missed out on almost everything. He waited, watching _the Devil_ jump over onto a different rooftop, and then another, and then take the side of the building down into an alleyway, disappearing. 

“Tony_-_” She was calling him. 

Quickly he turned back to look at the apartment building, only to see her standing on the sidewalk. “Yeah, honey, I’m here.” 

“Is everything okay?” She was peering up. Probably only just barely able to see him. 

“I got held up by _takes himself too seriously _man. I’m sorry. Is everything okay? What happened?” 

“Who?” Her head tipped far to the right in question. 

There was a warm flourish in his chest. They were in too much trouble for her to be that cute. “It’s not important. Can you debrief me on your walk back?” 

“Can we get dinner?” 

He was surprised to hear her ask this. But, obviously, “Yeah, sure. Let me get ground level and send the suit back.” 

While he was in the middle of doing so, she seemed unable to let the thought go. “Seriously- who were you talking about?” 

“Our favorite man in black- or I guess in _red_ now. Someone should tell these kids there’s other boroughs. They’re a little clustered together.” 

She made a sound of realization and then, “I don’t think they know about each other.” 

“They probably will now.”  
..._quadruple oops_?

* * *

“You’re the worst.” Having Tony literally watching your back and right there in your ear really alleviated a lot of fears you had going into this meeting. Although you were genuinely running on empty in every which way, so that _also_ helped. In a less good way. A lack of _anything_ really settled the nerves when you were too tired to be afraid. Aside that, Tony had practically said it was just Jessica inside… 

The building was pretty rundown. Lots of the other apartments were making noise. Yelling. Moaning. TVs and stereos playing loudly. All things you tried to ignore as you took the shaky elevator up towards Jessica’s floor and then walked all the way to the back of the hallway. _Alias Investigations_ spied on you the whole walk down and once there you knocked on the privacy glass to signal your presence. 

Tony had gone completely silent, but that was probably for the best. Just listening, for now. At this point you were mostly sure you wouldn’t need him for anything serious. Which was a good headspace to be in as Jessica opened the door half a crack, took one look at you and then undid the privacy chain. But before she allowed you in, she blocked you from entering, leaning in very close. “Can you check my place out?” Voice _very_ quiet. 

So you whispered back. “For what?” 

“Anything _listening_.” 

“Oh.” Giving her a small nod. You then reached up to your earring cuff, pressing to activate your visor- something that seemed to marginally _impress_ Jessica. For once. “LUNA run a level ten bug sweep.” Probably no need to be that serious about it but… well, you were already here. 

“Yes, ma’am.” You gestured for Jessica to move so you could get inside and look around. Her office was also her home. Something you could sort of relate to but… not quite the same. Your lifestyles were _very_ different. No need to make a comment about it. All corners and access points and good hiding spots came up empty. Something LUNA agreed with, “All clear, ma’am.” 

Retracting the visor with one more press you looked back at her as she still stood in the doorway. “Your place is clean.” Now out of the focus of checking her place out, something became abundantly clear. Something you couldn’t help but remark on, as you pressed a hand against your mouth and nose- “It smells like bleach in here.” Thick and suffocating. All her windows were open but it wasn’t really helping. She walked ahead of you to sit behind her desk. 

“Yeah. Well. Kilgrave came and murdered my idiot neighbor in here.” Saying it as if she had already accepted it and moved on. Because what else could she do? “_Apologies_ if things aren’t up to your standard of living.” 

Her cutting remark bounced off you while you were otherwise too busy being shocked. “He-” 

“Look, I don’t really wanna talk about it. I cleaned it up. It’s dealt with. That’s not what I called you here for.” She opened one of her desk drawers, pulling out a brand new bottle of liquor, cracking the top off and taking a large swig. 

Kilgrave was making _big moves_. That was what he must have meant by _tight schedule_. Had he planned to murder Jessica’s neighbor? What for? “Did he come to you?” Some of this had to start making sense. And this was the first time you’d been face to face with Jessica in a long while. It had to start making sense _right now_. Every second the both of you wasted, the further ahead Kilgrave got. “He got rid of a camera crew in public and then forced me to dinner the other night.” 

She scoffed. “_Dinner_. Must be nice.” 

The two of you really didn’t have time to be arguing with each other. And… all things considered, she had a right to feel that way, you supposed. He’d made you go to dinner. He’d _killed _a person in her place and probably left it for her to clean up. Yeah. There was a huge disparity here. ...but why? “He told me Hope is in the hospital.” 

But at _this_ she glowered, looking away. “Did he, now?” 

“Why wouldn’t _you_ tell me that?” Unable to help getting a little upset. 

“What difference would it make? What business is it of yours? As I recall- any involvement of yours in that case is pointless. So why would I waste my time giving you an update about it?” 

It was unfair. It was completely unfair that you had to hold yourself still. That you had to be the bigger person here. Still, you couldn’t stow the shake of your head or the cross of your arms. “He tried to tell me that I don’t know anything about you.” 

“At least he got something right.” Another scoff, another long sip of alcohol. She set the bottle down and shared a long hard look with you. Maybe it occurred to her that this little hardened act of hers wasn’t going to get either of you anywhere, so she dropped her eyes and finally quietly relented. “Hope was pregnant.” This put a still shock in you. “She paid someone to beat her up. So that she could lose the kid.” Her head tipped up sharply, “_There_. Does that _help you_ to know that? Do you feel better now?” 

What were you supposed to say to any of that? Maybe she was right. Maybe it wasn’t important for you to know that. Maybe it was none of your business. And yet… “We can help her.” You were so _sure_ of this. “We can-”

“It’d be _swell_ for you to just swoop in and fix everything. To spend your _billions _to move her around until nobody knows or cares where she is anymore. I’m sure that’d make _you _feel good. But Hope deserves better. She deserves for the world to know she’s not a murderer. She _deserves_ to have her life back.” 

“And where are we on that?” Staring her down. “Making lots of progress? Or are you too busy now fending off Kilgrave while she’s sitting in a hospital bed worrying about being pregnant-” 

She got up so suddenly her chair fell back. “I didn’t ask you to come here so you could pretend you care about any of this shit.” Making a slow advance towards you, hand up with a finger pointed accusingly your way. 

You stood still. Unmoving. Not backing down. “Why _am _I here, Jessica? I know what you want from me about as much as I know what Kilgrave wants. Are we working together? Or are we just yelling at each other while he leaps five steps ahead because we can’t get our shit together?” Glaring at her now as she came to a stop just a foot in front of you, unable to help your anger. “This is out of fucking control. So stop with the _bullshit_ and actually fucking talk to me. _Work with me_. Or we’ll both lose. And _you know it_.” 

The two of you stood in the low light of her apartment, glaring at one another. For probably too long a time. It was ridiculous, really, but she had to be the first one to budge. You couldn’t make any more grand statements about how this was all garbage and a waste of time. She had to actually _do something_ to let you in. 

Then. _Finally_. Your patience was rewarded. She backed down and stepped away. Still haughty, just a little, with a shake of her head. “Fine. It’s all bullshit. I agree.” Mumbling this to herself more than anything. You had to wonder if she was more than a little drunk at this point. Going over to her desk she pulled a different drawer open and then almost slammed down a small notebook. -a diary. “Kilgrave go through your childhood shit, too?” 

You couldn’t help the tip of your head or the confused face you made. “No-” Though something about that clicked. “I think he was trying to find stuff on me. But he couldn’t.” 

She scoffed again. “Must be nice having everything covered up for you by government agencies.” 

“They had nothing to do with that, actually.” A gentle thrum of discomfort and nervousness gurgled first in your stomach and then clutched at your heart as she looked up at you. “-it’s also not important.” Not right now, anyway. And not to Jessica Jones. “What’s he going through your stuff for?” 

She sat on the corner of her desk. “He’s lounging around in the house I grew up in. I’m pretty sure he expects me to go there and hand myself over to him.” 

“He said something similar to me at dinner.” Kilgrave just wanted the both of you to walk up to him and say _okay it’s over, you win_. But why? Why do it that way? “-he didn’t tell me to do anything the entire time.” 

“But you still went-”

“I didn’t have a choice. Commanded or not. Let’s not take a step back.” You got it. She was _angry_. All the time. And maybe she had a right to be. But if you let her continue to fall into that hole over and over and _over_ again, nobody would win. She really needed to go to therapy. ...not that you were one to talk. “He threatened me, saying me going to him would spare a lot of other people.” 

“Yeah.” Her head turned down as she crossed her arms. “That’s the feeling I get, too.” 

The silence was a little bit uncomfortable. “...so what are you going to do?” 

“I’m gonna go. What choice do I have?” She looked up at you again and for a moment… you almost thought you saw a bit of _pleading_ in that glassy-eyed stare of hers. _Almost_. Like she wanted you to come up with a better solution. When you _disappointed_ her with no response she rolled her eyes. “Exactly.” 

She was where you were. She was giving in where it seemed impossible to do anything else. Making the smartest move. Kilgrave would win. “So you go. And lure him into a false sense of security. He’s chasing after _something_. He wants you to… be with him, I guess.”

“Oh you have _no_ idea.” Hard as she spat this out. 

“Maybe I don’t. But. Go be with him. And then when he thinks it really is over we’ll take him out. He thinks we’re not working together- he definitely doesn’t _want_ us to be. He might not expect it.” He probably understood how dangerous a combo that could be, if the two of you could get over yourselves. But he’d been very plainly trying to pit you against her. This could work. Maybe.

“_Go be with him. _Like it’s that fucking easy.” Spitting this at you with all the venom she had left in her. “That’s the _best_ idea you have?” Making a face at you. Plainly calling you stupid. 

“You wanted to take him somewhere. We can still do that. We just need to line the pieces up right.” Maybe it _was_ a stupid idea. But it was really all the two of you had. 

She scrutinized you. “Yeah- and what if he gets cornered and orders some innocent to kill themselves for cover- or _me_\- or-” 

“So I’ll stop it.” Firm, your eyes watching hers. “I won’t let him hurt anyone else that way.” 

“You’re sure you can do that? Because if you can’t-” 

“_I’m sure_.” You had to be. Kilgrave had made it painfully obvious he thought he could always have someone else in the way so that you would have your hands tied. So maybe he _didn’t_ know what you could do. And that was the only thing you had working for you. 

There was a slap of _resentment_ as she found herself resigned to this nothing of a plan. “If you fuck this one up… _**everyone **_pays the price. Do you understand that?” 

You squared up to her. “More than you could ever imagine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything sucks for everyone, yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Also yes that is Alias Investigation's real canonical address.   
If you're still reading along don't be scared to leave some love!


	140. Chapter 140

In the very back of a mostly empty and unsuspecting diner in the East Village, you and Tony sat facing away from the door (less easier to be spotted that way), with you leaned into him on his side of the booth. You’d barely touched the salad the waitress had brought you. He’d made similarly slow progress on his own food until really it was just the two of you picking at his fries. And then another order. Somehow just easier to eat than an actual meal. 

“So where’s this place again?” He seemed a little dissatisfied with this makeshift plan you’d left Jessica’s apartment with. Probably because it wasn’t much of one. 

“Caldwell, New Jersey.” She’d written the address down for you. But already it was burned in your memory. 

He huffed out a soft noise of amusement. “_Jersey_, huh? Explains a lot.” 

This tiny amount of sass at least got a little smile out of you, probably its exact intended mark. You gave him a little nudge. “Don’t start.” 

His arm around you gave you a little squeeze. “So. She goes. Does who knows what for who knows how long and… then gives you some sort of secret code word so you can swoop in and save the day? There’s a lot of blank spots here.” Which wasn’t really good. It didn’t make for a solid plan. And he was _anxious_. 

So were you. But what more could you do? “I think Kilgrave thinks he’s in love with her.” The way she’d said _you have no idea_ in her office. The way Kilgrave was pursuing her so intensely-

“Tell me something less obvious.” Clearly Tony agreed. “Like- for instance- if that’s the case, what does he want with _you_? He’s expecting her to go to this house of her own volition. He _escorted_ you to dinner basically on the same premise. Is this just about double-dipping?” 

Kilgrave _in love_ with you? “I don’t think so.” It really didn’t feel that way. You pressed closer to Tony, thinking… about _everything_. “He’s enamored with me. I think. He asked me a lot when- the first time.” You clasped your hands tight on your lap, eyes unfocused as they lowered to the table. “About my family. My powers. What I could or couldn’t do.” It was hard. Remembering all that. 

It always was. It probably always would be.   
But it helped. Having Tony so close. His simple presence was comforting. Reassuring. “The whole-... the nickname thing.” He was just on the cusp of saying it. _**Puppy**_. You were intensely glad he hadn’t. Probably the reason he choked the word back before it got out. “It’s not just a pet name. Is it.” Knowing already. _Knowing_ it wasn’t. 

The noise that came out of you was as sad as it was bitter. “So what. He wants to have Jessica as his wife and keep me as the family dog?” 

“Guy’s deranged, that’s for sure.” Breathing out slowly as the thought escaped. “How much _does _he know? About what you can do?” 

“I don’t think he knows I can undo his little mind spells. Didn’t seem like it, anyway.” And you had to hope that was the case. It was about one of the only secrets you had left that would help protect other people from him if you fell in their path. Which you were about to in a very big way. 

The silence then was telling. Tony was thinking. The wheels were churning. It probably would have been a lot easier if you’d explained the entirety of your first _stay_ with Kilgrave. But up until now- and maybe _always_\- you were too weak to do so. But even with those missing pieces… “You think he wants you as reinforcement?” 

_...oh. _  
You hoped that was not the case. 

* * *

Two days was too long a time to not hear from Jessica considering _everything_. It wouldn’t do any good to get your anxiety working, but that’s what it was doing. Pulling your brain in all directions. All the bad ones. Thinking of every terrible end this could come out to. What if, in the end, she’d just given herself up? What if she and Kilgrave had disappeared into the sunset? _What then_? Did it erase your accountability? Did it make this whole thing over? 

...of course not. You’d be back to square one. Like you’d just come home again. Clawing through your trauma and secretly wondering if every person behind you was the next one about to whisper in your ear. But what more could you do? If you called Jessica out of the blue it would seem fishy, right? Especially when Kilgrave seemed to have a mind to make the two of you fight. If you just called her to check in… he’d get suspicious. And rightfully so. 

So that meant you had to sit around. And pretend things were okay. Pretend you weren’t slowly coming undone at the prospect of that you’d just let Jessica hand herself over to her abuser with no real plan in mind. No other avenues or options. Just the one where you were supposed to storm in once she got his guard down. But what if it never came down? What if- 

“Ms. INY.” JARVIS thankfully stole your slowly spiraling attention away, calling to you while you sat on the couch in the living room of the penthouse, laptop having long since gone to sleep. 

Stiffly you sat up. “Yeah- what’s up?” Something good? ...probably something bad. That seemed to be how life went these days. 

“Jessica Jones was just spotted on a news camera in New Jersey with an unidentified male. I believe they broke the perimeter of a hostage situation.” 

It took you a full minute to process this wealth of information. So… JARVIS had had pings running in case Jessica showed up in the media. Fair enough. You hadn’t set that safeguard but… you knew who might have. It was irrelevant right then, anyway. The ping was happening at a crisis situation- where she and… most likely Kilgrave were… _doing what_? 

“Can you show me, please?” 

“Of course.” 

The TV overhead turned on and JARVIS picked one of the news stations running the story- WHiH no less. Whose side was he on? He then reversed the airtime, zooming in beyond the reporter to the left side of the house where it looked like Jessica and her _unknown guest_ were talking to a group of cops- who then stepped out of the way for them. _Kilgrave_, for sure. Not that you had any doubts. 

But what the hell were they doing? They disappeared out of the camera’s frame in just another moment, going around the backside of the house. Before you had time to try and puzzle it out for yourself, JARVIS released the footage letting it run live as the reporter exclaimed, “The hostages are coming out! They’re coming out!” 

_Bewilderment_ wasn’t really even close to what you were feeling. Something far beyond that. Had Jessica taken Kilgrave to a hostage situation to… _use him_? To do something good? This felt wrong. Like perhaps she’d had too much of the Kool-Aid. What had they been doing together in this time? What had they been talking about? That Kilgrave could be turned around? That- 

“He’s coming out!” The reporter stole your attention again as the man who had been holding his family hostage for hours on end just walked out of the house with his hands up. Dead-eyed stare ahead. One you’d recognize anywhere. 

Maybe it was the wrong move but… you called her. And she didn’t answer. Obviously. So you called her again. And maybe she sensed it was better to not avoid you, because she picked up that time. “I’m a little busy right now, so I don’t have time for your bullshit.” 

“I’ll say. What the fuck are you two doing?” 

In the background you heard him. “Is that _my puppy_? Won’t you two ever play nice?” There was a weird sort of _glee_ in his voice. 

But it only cemented the fact that you two could not talk freely. Still, you tried. “Are you serious right now? You think you can- what- _rehabilitate him_ or something? Are you out of your fucking mind?” 

Her voice grew hard. “Well not all of us can just sit around and do nothing, oh _righteous one_. I’m sure you _know better_, but I don’t really have time for a lecture. So fuck off.” 

Maybe the two of you should have established a code word or something. So you’d know if she was in trouble. It was weird, _hoping_ that Jessica was in trouble and that she needed your help. But the alternative was that she’d gone soft and seriously thought the only way through this was to pull Kilgrave by his hand into the light. And that was just absurd. If you lost her in this battle, too, that would only make things that much harder. 

_Infinitely more_, really. She was definitely one of the people that he didn’t need under his thumb, but definitely one of the only ones he wanted. If he had her, did that mean he was coming for you next? ..._did _he have her? Was she acting on her own? She had to have been, you reasoned, because Kilgrave wouldn’t _make her_ take him to a hostage situation all on the off chance you’d see it… but did this have anything to do with you anymore? None of it made sense. Your head hurt. 

You knew where they were. You had her address. The place they were staying… you could go there. But to do what? Liberate her? End this? That wasn’t a plan. It was the beginning of a warzone. Kilgrave would never let you get near her, if he’d finally wrapped his arms around her. _Maybe_, you were finally realizing, it hadn’t been smart to tell her to hand herself over to him. _Maybe_ that was why she had wanted you to come up with any other plan than that. Because facing him down, _maybe_ she came to the same conclusion as you had- 

What you’d thought that night in her office. This was inevitable. And eventually he would win. So why… why bother… 

“No news was good news, right?” Tony’s voice piped up behind you as the sound of his footsteps came closer. He’d been in his office. Still torn between two worlds. He was probably hoping that this would be over soon. So that the two of you could get back to… other just as terrible business. 

But he knew. Because of course he did. You just sat there, staring ahead, heaving a sigh. “I don’t know what she’s doing.” He perched over the back of the couch, and you felt his gaze, saw the soft blue light of a tablet in his right hand. “He sounded… _happy_ with her.” Maybe that was the most confusing part of all. _That monster_\- _**happy**_ that he’d saved a family? Could that even possibly be right? 

“Because that’s what he wanted. And now he’s getting it.” 

You found yourself shaking your head. “She made him save a family and he sounded _happy_.” Had she come to some understanding with him? Did she see in him something you hadn’t? Was he… _capable_ of not being a monster? Was that the point she was trying to make? Would there be a point of trying to redeem himself? After all he’d done? ...was that even your call to make?

Tony’s head dropped forward with a little scoff. “I’m sure Jones is a _stunning_ ethics professor. Who knows what we’ll have on our hands now. Maybe they can both be Avengers. Should I send them some applications?” 

His ribbing was generally appreciated, but right now it was rubbing you the wrong way. Jessica was _saving_ Kilgrave. Was that it? _Saving_ the world from him by changing him. “I just don’t get it. Is it over?” Utterly defeated. Was this possible? Was this her plan? She’d seen some spark in him and realized he could be used for good? _Really_? And she’d mocked you on the phone… maybe for your insistence that he’d never be anything other than evil. But _she_ had seen better? Was _doing_ better? 

“I think the call is a little early to make.” His voice was soft as he lifted his head again to look at you. You shifted back just slightly to return the gaze. “Give it at least another day.” 

Maybe Tony was right. Maybe you were jumping the gun.   
...this was too many _maybes_. 

* * *

All the maybes ceased that same night around nine PM. When an unknown number called your phone just as you’d sat down for a dinner in the kitchen neither you or Tony were going to eat. The two of you shared a long look before you answered it- and, _of course_, Jessica beat you to the punch. “I don’t have a lot of time.” 

“So talk.” You held your phone out after putting it on speaker. 

Her voice filled the room. “It’s tonight or never. You’re gonna come to the address I gave you. I’ll keep Kilgrave preoccupied. He has a bodyguard- Hank. Take him out first. He’s not under control. Just paid well. He has two other people- Laurent and Alva. They seem ordered to kill themselves at the first sign of trouble, so you have to deal with them.” 

A plan. She had a plan. She was _giving _you a plan. She had not decided Kilgrave was worth redeeming. You’d ask her about it later. It wasn’t important right now. “Okay. Understood.” This was all stuff you could do. It was a stealth reconn mission. You had one soldier to take out and two civilians to save. You could do this. “Then what?” 

“If you do your part successfully, I’ll be able to knock Kilgrave out without a word. Then we’re taking him to the place. And we’ll get his confession.” 

Hope. This was still all for Hope. Jessica was still holding out that this would all work out. That she’d be able to do this. To make him talk. You were pretty sure it was never going to happen but… you had no choice. This was her plan. You were going to stick to it. “Okay. I’m on the move in five.” 

“Stark is _not_ to come with you.” Jessica seemed almost a little… _scared_? There was a small tightness in her voice as she said this. One she was trying to over control. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “No, _of course_ not. Block off all potential avenues for help. You just _love_ making this harder on everyone. I get it.” _Angry_. Easily so. If this was the move, he was being told he had no involvement. Which didn’t sit right with him.

...probably because you were being asked to go to an unaccounted for address, pick up Kilgrave, and then go to _another_ unaccounted for secret location. There were a million ways this could go wrong or end badly for you. 

“You’re of no use to me. Stay out of this.” She didn’t let a silence hang too long, calling your name a lot softer than she’d said his. And then, “I’m counting on you.” Just when you thought maybe the two of you would make some headway, she defaulted to what was easiest. “Don’t fuck this up for everyone.” And then quickly hung up. 

Tony put both his hands down on the table and stood, though he waved one at you. “She knows I don’t take orders from her, right?” 

You had to take a deep breath and settle your nerves. “But what about from me?” 

The look he gave you was _heartbreaking_. “Honey… what was the point of me being here- if _finally_\- we’re making a move- and I have _no _part of it?” Utterly _desperate_ for your allowance on this one. To not be left behind. To be able to _do something_. 

Carefully you stood, raising a hand to soothe up along his arm. “Not _no_ part-” 

“Just nothing that’ll matter-” 

“I need you to watch my back. Track my coordinates. Keep my channel open.” You wanted him for backup. Just in case a moment came that you were unprepared and outmatched. But until it arrived… you wanted him safe. And as far away from all this as possible. 

He made no attempt to hide his frown. His _disappointment_ as he looked at you. But. He gave in. _For you_. “You know I’ll do whatever you need but- me being outside a ten mile radius if you get pinned is not a good plan.” Being just short of blunt. Any harder and he’d have called this idea _stupid_. 

“I think this bunker is somewhere in the city.” It had to be. She’d tried to kidnap Kilgrave from Union Square- she couldn’t have had plans to go far. 

“_Very_ reassuring.” Tone dry as his lips pulled thin. “Don’t even know where you’re going yet.” 

“But when I _do_, we’ll have a smaller _radius_.” If he didn’t come to terms with this now, you’d have to either resort to begging or laying down the law. Neither would be fun or easy. When he just continued to stare at you, “Tony. I have to make a move.” You said you’d be out in five. It was getting past that now. Any later and you risked ruining the entire plan altogether. 

It took him another few seconds, but finally he sighed and resigned. “Open window at all times.” He was setting his own rules, so you had to listen, giving him a nod and an affirmative noise. “Coordinates on this _bunker_ as soon as you get them.” Another nod. “And…” He stood back from his hunched over position on the table, hands moving to lay atop your shoulders. “If you get hurt, or you get into a corner you can’t get out of, you say the word. And I’ll be there. Plan or not. Promise me.” 

He’d blow up Jessica’s childhood home and everyone inside of it to save you, most likely, if you required that level of action. This little bunker situation was probably no different, either. That was what he was saying. He would come and get you. And put everyone else in the ground. If that’s what it took. 

Reaching up you wrapped your arms around him, allowing yourself one final moment of weakness as you held tight to him, closed your eyes, and just breathed him in. “I promise, Tony.” 

That was that. 

* * *

You had your orders and you were going out. This was a mission and you would see it through to the end. _What a concept_. The end to this. No more worrying. No more waiting. No more wondering when he was going to come get you. Or ruin another part of your life. _No_. Now _you_ were going to come get him. So you had to do it absolutely right. 

No random passerby or any part of the media could know that _Lady Iron_ was leaving the Avengers Tower. That would tip him off, and much as he seemed complacent with Jessica now, _whatever he was feeling_, you were also sure he was still prepared. He still had whatever service staff Jessica had spoken about, after all, all filled up with contingencies. 

So you left quietly, in a car. And once you were in enough of a deadzone you suited up and pushed hard to get to Caldwell. On the outer limits you killed your jets and _slowly_ yet quickly sneaked your way through the town up onto the premises. Nothing could be allowed to get to him. Absolutely nothing. If you blew this Jessica would never forgive you. _You_ would never forgive yourself, either. 

While you deactivated the helmet, you left the visor on as you approached through the backyard. Already LUNA was detecting all the heat signatures in the house. Two in the dining room- Kilgrave and Jessica for sure. In the kitchen there was a broad figure. Probably the bodyguard. He wasn’t hanging too close to the dining room, though, instead facing the back of the room on the other side- drinking something. Maybe a beer? Jessica had probably asked for him to go away. A good set up. 

The other two signatures in the house were in the living room. Standing… eerily still. _Waiting_. Probably. Waiting for anything. Their next command, maybe. Or for something to go wrong. 

You started calculating.   
Going in through the window on the backside of the living room- freeing Alva and Laurent _first_\- that made the most sense. If they were positioned to kill themselves, they were collateral damage. You and Jessica wouldn’t let them, which was why Kilgrave had laid that wire down. You had to get them free first. Then you’d wind back around to the kitchen and take out Hank. After that… the rest was up to Jessica. 

Okay.   
All on you.   
Sidling up the side of the house, you held your breath as you reached up in the darkness to press on the edge of the window, not hard enough to break while you were still wearing your suit, but enough to pressure it into moving up. Slowly. _So slowly_. No noise. You had eyes on them the entire time. Luck might have been on your side as they continued to stand still staring off into nothingness.   
  
Lifting yourself up, you perched on the windowsill and then eased your legs in first and then arched your back to allow a full swaying stand. Just like that you were in. And while they still had no idea of your presence, you slipped _beneath_. Jessica was right. They were drowning in that heavy, stifling _purple_ command of his. And while you’d never done this- done more than one person at a time- or had to concentrate on your forward momentum as you approached them- 

You let pure adrenaline carry you as you quietly stepped closer with both sets of eyes. And then with _both_ sets of hands, you laid one on each of their shoulders. They startled- thankfully without a sound- turning quickly- but with a clawing squeeze you shattered that thickened glaze over the both of them in one swift move. The next was a quick slide of your arms around both their necks, bringing them down. While they weren’t controlled anymore there was no saying that they wouldn’t overreact and throw the entire plan down the drain. Right now you couldn’t control their _panic_. They’d scream and run. You couldn’t let it happen. It was unfortunate. You were sorry. Really. They seemed like nice older people. 

But it was time to go to sleep. 

You held them firm during both their struggles, glad you had the suit on, bolstering your strength. And finally. Finally they stopped moving and you let them both down completely. You had to ease yourself. Take a breath. Stop focusing on the hammering of your heart. ...make sure they were still breathing. Which they were.

Kilgrave and Jessica were talking about something in the other room. You couldn’t stay still very much longer. 

Quick and careful you made your way through the entryway and then around the side into the kitchen. Hank had his back only half turned, looking out the window, head tipped as he finished off the rest of his beer. And while you wanted a longer moment to make a plan out of this, you didn’t have one. Gut reaction came first because if he stopped in his final swig and _saw you_, he’d have the upperhand. 

So you launched yourself at him, wrapping both arms around his windpipe.   
A poor plan, as he dropped the bottle he was holding and it clattered against the counter and then dropped to the floor in a shatter. The other room went _cold_ with Kilgrave’s sudden _nervousness_\- he called out- 

But your attention was redirected as Hank slammed back into the fridge once- and then again- bruising you in between with every blow. You upped your efforts, just shy of crushing his windpipe. “Just _go to sleep_-” Hissing in his ear. 

Cutlery and plates were falling to the ground in the dining room. But you had no attention to give Jessica, hoping she was doing her best- as you rode the proverbial bull. He started tapping out, the telltale slaps of his hands against your arms growing weaker until finally his legs gave out beneath him and you found your own feet finally firm on the floor when he crumbled. You held on to him. Just a _few_ seconds longer. Not life threatening. Just assurance. 

When you let him go he fell face first onto the kitchen floor. And you had no time to waste. Dashing into the dining room you saw Jessica with her hand holding something over Kilgrave’s mouth. He was struggling, but had no strength to compare to her. And certainly none when _realization _dawned as he laid his eyes on you. 

His _terror_ had never tasted so good.   
He’d been out played. 

Perhaps the last thought he had as she rendered him unconscious. She was breathing heavy, as were you. And the both of you stared at each other. She found the courage to speak first. “We good here?” 

You nodded blindly. “Yeah. We’re good.” 

“_Good_. Let’s go.” 

Coming closer, you bent down, hefting Kilgrave’s quiet body over your shoulder. He was so… _powerless_. Why didn’t- why couldn’t the two of you just- ..._why not end it here_? It would be so easy… you could just… _**kill him**_. Break him in half. Rip him apart. Snap his neck-

A pain deep in your chest threw you forward back into reality. You were still breathless somehow as you asked, “Where’s this bunker?” 

As you looked at her, you realized she was _barely_ hanging on. This was too much for her. Same as you. The two of you would have to weather drowning together a little while longer. She moved her hand around uselessly. “It’s a- a decommissioned CDC facility. Brooklyn. Come on. We don’t have a lot of time.” 

Tony’s voice was quick and quiet in your ear. “_Got it. __I’m locating now._” 

So.   
You were taking Kilgrave back to Brooklyn. The first place he’d taken _you_.   
And maybe now… maybe you could finally end it. 

You followed Jessica into the living room and waited while she grabbed something- a laptop and something off the coffee table, both quickly shoved into a bag she then slung over her shoulder. She then nodded wordlessly and led the way back outside onto the lawn. Where, _immediately_, the two of you were stopped by three men carrying very large guns.

“Let me finish him.”

Jessica shook her head. “We can’t.” Clearly she knew whoever this was.

But there was no _time_ for this. So you held your hand up, repulsor charging. “Back up. Move away. _Now_.”

Two of the men lowered their guns, a wave of _astonishment_ along with a healthy dose of _fear_ taking hold of them. The murmur of, “_Holy shit_-” was not exactly hidden well, either.

The man facing Jessica didn’t back down though. “I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what you can do. He has to die. This doesn’t have to be on you. Let me do it.”

Jessica turned fully towards him. “Back _off_! He’s not allowed to die. _Not yet_.”

This arguing would go on forever. One your visor screen you eyed the power window for the repulsor bringing it center, lowering your gaze down along the retinal scan to back the power off to 50%. And then, without a word, you fired a blast his way, knocking him off his feet into the nearest car. “We’re done here.” Holding your hand up to the other two men who immediately surrendered their weapons onto the ground. You turned to Jessica. “You have a plan to get back into the city?”

She rolled her eyes, a little bit of _annoyance_ getting the better of her. “You didn’t bring a car?” And before you could bite back she just shook her head. “Never mind. Here give him to me.” Leaning over to her, you hefted Kilgrave into her arms. She then turned her back on you. “You carry me. I’ll carry him.”

“That’s a _terrible_ plan.”

Tony’s voice was hot in your ear. “_I agree_.”

Jessica’s _frustration_ leaked out of her. “Well I don’t have a better one, so let’s fucking go already. We’re losing time. He won’t be out forever.”

This was a threat. Surely and truly. Kilgrave _wouldn’t_ be unconscious forever.   
Which meant… the two of you had to get moving. So you could only do as she asked, picking her up and reactivating your helmet. “This isn’t going to be fun for you.” Warning her only once.

“Tell me something else I don’t know-” Complaining ending abruptly with a rough cry as you lifted off.

This wasn’t going to be fun for _anyone. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy oh boy oh boy.......


	141. Chapter 141

Though she grumbled about it the entire way, you had to watch your dead zones. Nobody could know you were flying into Brooklyn holding a woman who was holding an unconscious man. Jessica seemed to care less about your reputation considering what _cargo_ the two of you had- and maybe that was fair… but- you had a lot more to worry about than just optics. People would go looking for you if they followed a trail. Cops could show up. Bystanders. Paparazzi. People would follow you around if they thought they saw an Avenger disappear into a defunct building in Brooklyn. 

But even with all the circling around and low flying and then eventually just _sneaking_, the two of you made it to the place she’d been trying to lug Kilgrave off to this entire time. You had no idea _how_ she knew about this place, or who was even still running it, but after walking up a flight of stairs (so not really a _bunker_, per se…), she tossed Kilgrave into your arms so she could start setting up. Turning things on, hooking wires up, filling up a couple buckets of water from the dingy sink in the back corner to flood the floor of the cell Kilgrave was to be locked up in. 

Though it was unimportant, the silence was a little unnerving. Listening to Kilgrave’s slow, almost _peaceful _breathing was starting to get to you. “Who were those people on the front lawn?” 

Jessica was bent over a table, plugging in the laptop she’d brought and then connecting an overhead projector to it. She then stepped over to a camera on a tripod. “Idiot friend of my sister’s. Wants to help. Can’t get out of his own way.” 

It was thoroughly obvious Kilgrave had probably used him in some way, just like the rest of you. “He knew where you were. He know about this place, too?” The last thing you needed was another confrontation like that. 

Her smile was bitter. “Yeah. He actually introduced me to it.” Well that was just fucking _great_. “Throw him in. I’m finished over here.” 

_Gladly_ you obeyed, wanting to be free of him for now. Walking him into the cell, you set him down on the small metal bed attached to the wall and then stepped out, closing and locking the heavy metal door and then the second security door after that one. It was a small cell, enough room for only the barest pacing. Uncomfortable. Gloomy. With only that small bed on the wall. The entire front wall was made of three thick window panels. Easy to see in. _And out_. 

Deactivating the entire suit with a small double-tap at your chest, you perched to sit on the corner of the desk Jessica was working from, crossing your arms. “So what’s the plan here?” 

“That room’s hermetically sealed. CDC used it for infected patients during some outbreak or something. He can’t hurt anyone while he’s in there. But we’ll hurt him.” Turning your head, the two of you locked eyes briefly before she sat down in the chair and just stared straight ahead. “The floor is wired on an open circuit. We can give him a nasty shock any time he _misbehaves_.” Pointing at a big red button on the table.

It was too easy to see she was taking a certain _pleasure_ from all this. Maybe you should have been, too, but… “I just…” You had _objections_. “This is all about getting him to _confess_? On camera? It’s not something that would help our case- ...showing _this_ to a jury?” 

“He’s a _monster_, in case you forgot.” Glaring up at you then. 

You retained your calm. “You know that. And I know that. But people who don’t know him are going to be fed a story that this man- that we’ve locked in a prison- that we’re electrocuting for a _confession_\- that we’re-” Your thoughts died with a shake of your head, a harder tuck of your arms. “To anybody else but us, it looks like we’re _torturing _somebody innocent. It’d be completely inadmissible, even if he _did_ confess.” 

This would never work. And maybe having somebody lay it all out really hit home. Just not in a good way. She stood quickly, slamming a hand down on the table to lean in and invade your personal space. You sat there, unflinching. “Do you have a _better_ idea? We get one shot at this. And this is all we’ve got.” When you continued to just _look_ at her, she backed off a little. “For Hope we have to _try_. I won’t give up.” Her eyes searched yours when she brought her gaze back up. “And if you have any reservations about that, then just _go_. I don’t need you here.” 

Turning your head you looked back into the cell. Kilgrave was here now. Locked up. In a place where he couldn’t _touch_ anyone anymore. So long as you held him… “I’m not leaving.” This you knew for sure. But… Hope’s trial might not have been the reason anymore. 

“Good.”

* * *

You couldn’t help pacing just a little bit. More than anything you wanted to talk to Tony, but if you just started speaking to your earpiece, it would be a little _too obvious_ that this plan had technically been spied on the entire time. Though you wanted to fill the silence, what Jessica decided to fill it _with _was unwelcome. 

She tested the overhead projector, playing a video from the laptop. Stopping in your slow back and forth, you held very still as images lit to life inside the cell. A young boy. Strapped to a table. Wires covering him. 

“_Be a big boy for mommy and daddy, Kevin_.” A woman’s voice- presumably his mother- spoke off camera. 

To say that this was disturbing wouldn’t even be cutting it close. “What is this?” 

She slung her arm back over her chair. “That’s _him_.” 

You felt unable to move as a few doctors came closer, one with a giant needle, bending him forward, ignoring his screaming as they stuck it into the back of his neck. _This_ was what he’d been alluding to all that time ago. “What are they doing to him?” He’d been _experimented_ on. Sanctioned by his parents. 

“Extracting brain fluid. His parents turned him into a labrat. And when he wakes up, that’s exactly the excuse he’ll use as to why he’s allowed to rape and torture innocent women.” 

“_Mommy please! Make it stop!_” Genuine fear and _pain_. A small child. Being tortured like that. For what reason? Maybe she knew but… was it worth asking? Was it worth asking why Kilgrave- _Kevin_ they’d called him- had been experimented on as a child? 

“_Honey_.” Tony’s voice startled you and you turned away to hide the small jump. 

Pulling your phone out of your pocket you made a weak attempt at hiding your _upset_ over all this. “I have to take a phone call.” When she made a dissatisfied grunt, you walked out of the room, closing the door behind you. Though she wasn’t watching, you still held the phone up to your ear. “I don’t know what we’re doing here anymore.” You kept your voice quiet. There was an unexpected silence from his end of the comm. “Tony?” 

Then you heard him breathe out. “_Look- come home, if this is spinning out of control._” 

“We have _all _the control. For the first time. But I just don’t know what we’re doing.” Jessica’s plan was to emotionally and mentally torture Kilgrave into a confession and when that didn’t work she’d go physical? This would _never_ work. Was this even really about Hope anymore? ...and if it wasn’t… then you felt like… “We should just put an end to this…” That same dark, clawing feeling you’d had in the house. 

You had him. This could be over. Right now. 

When Tony went silent again for too long a time you sensed something was up. Something urgent. “Is everything okay over there?” 

“_I’m trying to thread the needle here-_” Even this far away, just that small note of disappointment in his voice resonated deep in your chest. “_I don’t want you to think I’m not paying attention- but the team found a king rat’s nest in Belarus-_” 

Your back met the hallway wall as you sloped uneasily. He was _busy_. The team was busy. This had to be over. The two of you couldn’t do this anymore. And you couldn’t ask him to. “Do what you have to do. I’m alright.” It was far from true. In this one moment, this _one_ instance… it would have been nice to be able to talk this through with him. To decompress. Even a little. But that wasn’t fair to him. “Be with the team.” 

“_I’m not leaving homebase._” At least trying to make sure you knew that. 

“Sure. But- pay attention to them. Help them. I’ve got this.” 

He made some sort of noise, holding out a thought or… trying to scrape one together. In the end it died and he tried again. “_I have the line open. Always. Alright?_” Facing defeat in the measure of making this choice. 

The two of you had to pick the one thing in front of you that wasn’t each other. And it sucked. “Yeah. I’ll call, if I need anything. Go be a hero.” Weakly smiling as you said it.

“_You, too_.” 

You took just a moment. One. A single moment just for yourself. To gather everything you had. Your supposed courage. Your strength. And on the next deep breath you entered the room again. Kilgrave was awake. Shouting- _raving_ in his cell as Jessica sat behind her table, playing a different clip of his childhood torture into his room. His younger self screaming was the only thing in the air. Kilgrave’s own ranting was silenced behind those thick walls-

And further still when he came close enough for him to see you. Jessica half turned in her seat, looking at you. “He seems to _like_ you. Any idea why that is?” _Miffed_ if nothing else. When you said nothing, she held her hand over a smaller console. “Let’s find out.” 

An electric buzz tapped the air and you heard Kilgrave’s heavy panting inside his cell, microphone turned on. He laid his hands on the glass and you felt _drawn_ towards him. “Was this all your idea, _puppy_? The hostage situation? The _heroics_? _All of it_?” You stopped just in front of him, still staring at him as he stared back. His face softened as he shook his head. “_No_. Couldn’t be… you know this is wrong, _puppy_, I see it in those soft eyes of yours… she built up my trust- she gave me a _taste_\- a feeling that I could _be_ a hero- _like you_\- and then she tore it away-” 

Jessica spoke up behind you. “You’re not a hero, _Kevin_.” 

You watched as he flinched, hands tensing on the glass. “_Shut up_.” A quick growl. Demeanor completely changed from that whimpering _sad_ man. A real reminder… 

To show him the situation he was really in, Jessica was quick to keep talking. “Go ahead. Command me again. That’s a hermetically sealed room, _Kevin_.” 

He laid his head on the glass. “Kevin died in that lab.” A low utterance. “_Puppy_\- you’ve watched that footage- I’m sure she told you her version of events, let me tell you mine- I was tortured- left to die- by the people who were supposed to _love me_-” He looked up at you again. “You of all people- you must understand- you _know_ this isn’t right…” 

The worst part of all of this, was having to stand there, stock still, while he bounded from one emotion to the next. He was so severely- _gravely_ _angry_ with Jessica. Any time she spoke he’d flare up in such a heavy _rage_. But listening to his own childhood torture? There was a similar _anger_ but it was swallowed by _gut wrenching_ _heartache_. But not the same kind that he spit out as he looked at you. As he _begged_ for his life with you. Begged you to find some semblance of humanity. No for those… for those it was all _empty_.

With a trembling hand you reached up, placing yours over his on the glass. There was a dim mostly hidden _smirk_ at the corner of his mouth and an air of _satisfied victory_. Reminding you. Reminding you there was no humanity to be had here. Not for him. “Admit what you did.” Cold as you stared at him then. “Admit that you made Hope kill her parents. Admit what you did to Jessica- to _everyone_\- to-” 

Whatever warmth he was playing at for you died. His expression went slack. And then just a biting twist of _annoyance_. “_What_? To you? Let’s see now… it was a warm night in May. You’d stepped out of your cozy abode and we bumped elbows on the street. I can’t fault you, the way you _admired _my charm- I even felt a little _terrible_\- the whole world knows you pretend to be in love with Tony Stark. But when you asked me to take you away- how could I say no?” He got the reaction he was looking for as your hand curled into a quick fist and hit against the glass. His smirk grew then. “Who would have thought America’s little darling would be such a _whore_. But you enjoyed it. I wonder if Stark knows? What you _did for me_?” 

The shift was quick. A shock sounded and he crumbled in on himself, falling in a heavy seize to the floor while crying out in pain. You stepped away from the glass, turning back to look at Jessica. Her hand was _steady_ on that button for a few seconds before lifting. “Forgot to mention, the water in your room is a conductor to an open wire. It was jerry-rigged by a former Spec Ops interrogator. Clearly he knows his shit.” 

Kilgrave fought through his panting, palms hitting the wall as he ambled back up onto his legs. “You want a _confession_, too? Taking me to proverbial church?” Baring his teeth in a snarl. “Don’t you remember, dear Jessica, how we met? In that dark alleyway… where I dried your tears. Fed you dinner. Took you wherever you wanted. Did whatever you wanted. And when we made _sweet love_, I-” 

Her hand slammed the button again, sending him into another shock that ended his little tirade. Moving over to her you put your hand atop hers, giving her just a little look. Trying to _will _her back off that _edge_. “Stop.” 

Broken laughter from that cell cut your both your attention back to him. He was sitting, knees up, arms atop them. “There we are… two of the world’s biggest liars in the same room…” His head swayed to eye the both of you. “Can’t imagine what the two of you don’t know about each other. I could help lighten the mood. Maybe we can all make some _peace_ over this.” He took another breath. “_The clock is ticking._ Let’s not waste-” 

Reaching over, Jessica flipped a different switch and Kilgrave’s voice died, though his mouth kept moving. “Let’s give him a little time to think about his predicament, shall we?” Leaning over, she then started playing the files from the laptop again. He seemed to stop talking immediately, setting his gaze dead ahead. _Stewing_. “And a little incentive.” 

Looking at the screen, littered with files in that one folder, you couldn’t help but ask. “These are _all_ of him?” If it was a long experiment trial, it would make sense, but… “Where did these even come from?” 

“There are other kids. I wonder if he killed them. You think he’ll tell me the truth if I ask?” Rolling her eyes to indicate she thought not. 

“Can I back these up to my servers?” This needed to be looked into. If not immediately- while Tony was busy- then soon. This wasn’t right. And if there were more children that had been _birthed_ from these experiments- more like _him_… they needed to be found. 

She sat down, shrugging. “Knock yourself out.” 

You pulled the chair out next to her and turned the laptop your way. Logging on to the secure Stark Industries Servers you glanced over the laptop as Kilgrave knocked on the glass. He was staring at you again. Pointedly moving his mouth. And you heard him. 

_The clock is ticking, __**puppy**_. 

Your eyes dropped to the corner of the computer screen. It was a little after seven in the morning. Time was running out for sure. You couldn’t keep him locked up like this forever. Even if nobody knew he was here. There just wasn’t a point to all of this after a certain measure of _time_. But as to who that really benefited…? 

* * *

It took a little over two hours to build a dangerous momentum. Kilgrave had gone from sitting to kneeling. Then to standing. And then to pacing. _Prowling_, more like it. Like a caged tiger. The walls were closing in. And he didn’t seem like he could take much more of this. Truthfully, neither could you. Sitting there while a child screamed in the background, subjected to tests and trials, needles and wires… it was about all you could do to sit there stone faced. 

“He’s going to explode.” Maybe saying this because it would put a stop to it. 

Jessica leaned back in her chair and eyed you. “Oh he is, is he?” She was on edge too, but loathe to show it. ...only realizing, at that very moment, Kilgrave was not the only subject of your focus. “That part of the thing you can do?” 

Putting a hand to your temple, you eased some stray hair back. “What did he tell you about me, exactly?” Now didn’t really seem like the best time for this. But it may also have been now or _never_. 

Her eyes dropped and she gave a halfhearted shrug. “Just that you fuck with people. Like he does. But _worse_.” Then she looked up again, “Is that true?” Regarding you very carefully suddenly. 

You perhaps didn’t hide the slide of your eyes up to the camera still pointed at Kilgrave’s cell well enough. Checking to make sure that little red light wasn’t still on. It wasn’t. And so… “I’ve never used my powers the way he made me.” 

“And what did he make you do?” Not accusingly, surprisingly. Just openly asking you. Even _gently_, if she had it in her. 

“For a long while… I think it was just a game. Of seeing if he could make me submit. Seeing if he could break me. And he tried for a _long_ time. When that got old he found someone new to play with. And then… asked me to look inside her. Asked me to see how his powers affected people. He knew he could tell someone to smile, but he couldn’t _make_ someone _happy_. But… he knew that I could.” Emptying all of this out didn’t feel _good_. But. Maybe it was time. “I’m pretty sure I ruined a woman’s life for him. I violated every part of her.” 

“Where is she now?” 

“I don’t know.” Shaking your head and then looking down at your hands. “I freed her the night I escaped. And… that was that.” 

Almost in solidarity, the two of you looked up in sync. Staring at him as he paced. “How did he find you?” 

“I was out- I went out to get something for Tony’s birthday party that night. A journalist was following me- I… I was worked up and- ...I’m making excuses.” Realizing now. Realizing the _irony_ Kilgrave had tried to impose on you. You’d abused your powers to make some small-time paparazzi go away. That was the reason for _all_ of this. You caught a wave of tears mid drop, wiping your hand across your face. Kilgrave had stopped pacing. Now _watching_ you. “I hurt somebody because it was easier. He saw it and wanted that for his own. I think.” 

There was just not enough time between your own selfish grief and what Jessica said next. “He made me murder an innocent woman in the middle of the street.” And when you cast a sideways glance her way, you saw the fresh wetness in her eyes, too. One she was _valiantly_ biting back. “So I get it. Alright? Now we both know. We can stop the pity party and focus on what really matters.” 

Acutely aware the both of you were being watched, she switched the video to one of the other kids in the trials he’d been exposed to. A poor young girl. Strapped to a table. Crying. As she switched his audio feed back on, you stood, coming closer to his cage. He watched every single step you took. Close to the glass that separated the both of you, you tipped your head to the side. “Where are these other children?” 

This genuinely seemed to _surprise_ him, and his head dropped, pressing against the glass with a little breathy laugh. “Oh, _puppy_. I admire you, really I do. Worried about all the innocents of the world.” His head moved sharply back up. “Or is it you’re worried there’s more like me out there?” Hissing this quietly at you. “One can never tell with you. You’re so _spitefully _**two-faced**.” Practically spitting at you. 

“What they did to you- what happened- it was _terrible_.” Watching him, still, as you said this. Allowing yourself one brief moment to feel an _ache _for him. It _eased_ him, leaving him standing there, both hands against the glass, openly regarding you. “I can’t imagine being tormented like this so young. If you know what these experiments were- who was conducting them- _why_-” 

He pressed his forehead against the glass again, eyes fluttering closed. “My terrible parents had a mind about them to _change_ me. I wasn’t good enough. I suppose all those other brats were in the same boat. I don’t know anything about them.” His voice was low and you sensed he was telling the truth- or at least _his_ version of the truth. But when he looked up again there was a strange fire in his eyes. “Are you disappointed in me, _puppy_? I’m not quite like your dear _Captain _am I? I didn’t make it out on the other side with such an unquestionable sense of right and wrong.” 

Even now. Somehow. Even now you were still _terrified_ of him. But you stayed. And you tried. “You can make it right. You just have to start telling the truth.” 

“Here’s the _truth_, my sweet, innocent, stupid _puppy_.” His voice had dropped to a bare murmur, but it was shaking with a heavy _fury_. “When I get out of here- and I will- I will _**devastate**_ your life. I will take everything away from you, like you have from me. I’ll make you see you’re not the hero you think you are, and only when you’re _begging _for the sweet release of **death**, I’ll _deny you_.” His fists banged against the glass. “I’ll kill you over and over and _**over**_ again and watch you wither away into _dust_. I’ll sit back and watch you ruin your own life while you’re trapped inside that worthless prison, and maybe if I’m feeling merciful, I’ll _let _you love me after. But not before every inch of you _dies_ by my hand.” 

For a moment you knew you were not in your own body. You were about a single inch just outside of it. Not in control. Just standing there. Staring out blindly. Staring into the _void_ that was Kilgrave. Black. Angry. _Massive_. No light to speak of. Ready to suck everything into him. Never stopping. Only expanding. Growing. 

Growing every second you let it. 

The sound of the doors in the back of the room opening startled you back to your bleak reality, but what really frightened you was the quick snap of Kilgrave’s behavior. Where he’d been staring at you with a promise of a long and painful _death_, he suddenly looked terrified as he jumped up and down and banged his hands on the glass. “HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME! I’M BEING HELD CAPTIVE-” 

Jessica’s hand smacked the red button, sending a shock current through him and he fell to his hands and knees again inside the cell. Taking a breath you stepped back, confused to see Jeri Hogarth approaching. “What the hell are you doing? Stop. _Now_.” 

Kilgrave was whimpering in his cell. “Please stop them- _please_, I beg you-” He had his face pressed against the glass. “Oh god bless you… god bless you…” Wheezing for breath. Crying. All the dramatics. 

Going back to the table you crossed your arms as you and Jeri regarded each other. She was the first to speak. “This was your _plan_?” 

Jessica’s _anger_ flared just a little as she reached to turn off the audio, silencing Kilgrave- and his ability to hear outside his own cell. “My plan was to cut his balls off. Now I’ll settle for a confession.” 

Jeri narrowed her eyes at you. “And _you_. You’re fine being party to this? To kidnapping and torture? You should be smarter than this. Does Stark know you’re here? That you’re threatening-” 

Leaning closer to her, you couldn’t help your own temper. “Don’t pretend like you give a damn about me or my life. I’m surprised to see you. How does your being here benefit you? It must in _some_ way, I’m sure.” 

She crossed her arms. “Even if it _did_, this is asinine. You know better. A confession gleaned in this manner would be considered under duress. Inadmissible. Worse- it’ll indict the both of you. You should just let him go and hope he doesn’t press charges.” 

Showing her inability to deal with this situation, Jessica scoffed hard and turned around. “You two really are more alike than you know. How come it took _me_ to get the both of you together?” 

Jeri shook her head. “So at least _one_ of you has some sense, then.” Reading the room. _Knowing_ you’d already tried to tell Jessica this wasn’t going to work. “You need more than whatever the hell this is.” 

Trying to figure anything else on the spot you asked, “What about the survivor group?”  
  
“Hearsay. What else do you have?” 

Jessica pointed to the laptop. “What about the videos?” A sense of _desperation_ was rearing its ugly head. “His parents-” 

Jeri stopped her. “-were evil scientists, yes. I listened to the files you sent. But there's nothing to link the boy in that video to the man you are _torturing_.”

“Then we’ll make a new video.” It really didn’t feel good that you were so far in this know that Jessica was backing everything up as _we_. Did you really want to do this? “I’ll force him to use his powers.” 

The air in the room went a little cold as Jeri shook her head and put her hands on her hips. “There’s no time.” 

Confusion struck you the quickest. “No time?” 

“The DA offered Hope a plea bargain. All the stories, all the crazy claims coming out of the woodwork- it makes for bad press. They want it done.” 

You stepped one pace back, not really removing yourself from this situation but… _thinking_. Jessica was ramping up. “_No_. I’m too close- _I have him_.” Ah. Suddenly… no longer _we_. Why was that? Everything was slipping through her fingers. And you had a feeling… had this really been about Hope? The _entire_ time? Some part of it must have been but… 

“Hope will do twenty years. Maybe fifteen for good behavior. If she turns it down she could do _life_. I have a legal obligation to present this plea deal to my client.” It sucked that Hogarth was the only one trying to make any sense out of this. Anyone trying to do right by Hope. Because- ...surely it had to have been obvious, right? You’d _never_ take down Kilgrave. Not like this. Their arguing went on behind you as the reality of this situation started to dawn. 

_There isn’t a jail in the world that can hold Kilgrave._

_**When I get out of here**_\- 

“You need a witness with legal authority.” 

“What about _her_?” This broke you free and you found yourself closer to Kilgrave’s cell than to the two women arguing at the table behind you. Turning you gave them a confused look. Jessica continued, waving her hand about, “She’s party with the fucking UN. If anyone has legal authority over this bullshit world that _they_ put together- it’s her-” 

Jeri’s tone was extremely stern. “You need to calm yourself and think about this rationally. The both of you kidnapped this man. Have had him here for who knows how long. And you want to _use her_ as an authority over the situation? She’s biased. If you wanted to use her, you would have been smart to leave her out of it until now. As it is, she’s useless. She’s just as implicated as you are. And a _judge_ would never authorize her as a credible source- let _alone_ being even able to use this as evidence for a jury.” 

Jessica’s _disappointment_ was a hot flash that you just didn’t need right now. “So- what- I need like- a cop? Or a judge?” 

“Either would be fine. But the DA is giving me a forty-eight hour window to decide on the deal.” 

You wanted to interject. To ask if any of this was worth anything. But something was drawing you in closer. Sucking you in. That vortex that was swirling around Kilgrave was calling you. And so you turned away- in your _uselessness_\- to go back to the cell. 

They continued to squabble until Jessica decided she was leaving. She was going to get a cop. The longer you stayed here the worse it would be. She called your name. “Stay here. I’ll be back. And then this can be over.” You gave her a weak nod, about all you could do. 

Then she was gone. And for a _long_ while, you and Kilgrave just _stared_ each other down. You crossed your arms, but he held his hands against the glass. As if yearning for any sort of contact. The air in the room was _uncomfortable_ at best. But growing _tenser_ by the second as you heard Jeri typing away on her phone. It didn’t take an empath to sense she was a little _distracted_ by something in her personal life. 

And almost exactly an hour after Jessica had left, Jeri stood. “I need to take a phone call.” 

“I’m fine here.” She wasn’t asking your permission, but you gave it anyway. And as she moved to leave, you followed suit, going over to the table. And when the doors closed behind her, you flipped the audio back on. 

Immediately as you did so, he droned. “Oh, _puppy_…” And when you turned to look at him, he smiled. “My sweet, _puppy_. Won’t you come over here? Can we talk like civilized people?” Part of you wanted to _disobey_. Not give in. He had no power here. No power over you. But you went anyway. Slowly. In a shuffle of one foot after the other. And once there, his smile grew absolutely _sunny_ as he rested his head on the glass. “That’s my good girl. I’m sorry… about what I said… it’s all Jessica- you couldn’t possibly understand, she just makes me so…” 

As he breathed a clenched breath out, you lifted your hands, matching his across the span of the glass, and then you laid your forehead against his, too, and closed your eyes. 

“_Puppy_, you are so sad… and so frightened. This isn’t _you_. I _know __**you**_. This isn’t right. Let me out. The two of us- we can just- leave. Make it all go away. I’ll forget it ever happened. We can leave this all behind.” 

Trying so desperately to entreat you. To appeal to your sense of the _greater good_. As if he really knew you. Like he knew anything about you. 

It was why his shock was so pleasing as you lifted your head, pressing every part of yourself against the glass. Glaring at him. “I’m going to kill you.” 

You’d made this promise before.   
This one would not be unbroken, either. 

But it seemed to stun him. _Frighten_ him, even. 

Good. 

“_What_? What did you just say to me?” Staring at you, eyes wide. Like he couldn’t _believe_ it. 

“Jessica might not see it yet, but I do.” Your voice lurched a little and you felt a hot wash of fresh tears. “There’s nothing more for you. You won’t change. You’ll just keep hurting people. I’m going to give you a mercy no one else has shown you. Mercy for you _and_ the world.” 

That _darkness_ circled in on him and then exploded. _Strong_ and _wild_. His stupor died down as he looked at you. Eyes unmoving from yours. “So that’s it, then. You’ve _decided_ I’m the _villain_. And _you’ve_ _**decided**_ I’ll die?” 

“That’s right, Kilgrave.” Soft as you replied, nuzzling your forehead against the glass. “I decided. A long time ago. And now it’s time. _I’m going to kill you_. So keep putting on a show. Keep running out the clock for Hope. None of it matters. The both of us know that. You’re just biding your time until you can get free- isn’t that what you said to me? That you’ll get free and torture me until I _long for death_?” Your suddenly heavy breathing fogged the glass with every strike. He was wild. You were _wilder_. “Just be thankful I’ll make it quick for you.” 

The two of you stared at each other for perhaps too long a time. Too close. If the glass wasn’t there, you’d be skin to skin. But finally, just as the doors opened and Jeri came back in, he smirked. “You really _are_ an animal, aren’t you? That’s what I _love_ about you. That’s what I’ve always wanted you to see. What I _saw_. You take whatever you like. You know, for a while, I had a mind about me to use you. To make Jessica see what I know is the truth.” 

Behind you, “What is he talking about?” 

Kilgrave slammed his balled fists against the glass. “But now I want the _world_ to see you- see you the way I do. To _know_ what you can do. I’m going to use you to your _full_ potential, _puppy_. You’re going to make people kneel _for_ me. Make them _feel_ that I am their king. I am going to make you _regret_ **everything** up until this point. Sooner than you think.” The two of you stared each other down until he hit his hands again and cast a glance sideways. “Let’s start, shall we! Did you know she has _powers_ like mine? I’ll bet not. Everyone in her entire world- no, the _entire world __**itself**__-_ is _manipulated _by her- yet I’m the dangerous one?” 

There was a muddy _disbelief_ behind you, but it was overshadowed by _shock_. “...you’re _enhanced_?” It would have been easy to break away. To deny it. He was a crazy man in a cage, after all. He’d say _anything_ to be free. But instead you just _stared_ at him. And said nothing.

Kilgrave returned that toothy, wolfish smirk your way. His voice was a wet, gravelly whisper. “I said I’ll _**destroy**_ your life. I meant it.” 

You’d held _so still_ that entire time. Allowed yourself _nothing_. It was somehow so easy to square up to him again. “I said I’d kill you. I meant that _more_.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What even is there to say.   
(Except leave some love if you can.)


	142. Chapter 142

Jessica took far longer than you thought she would. In the end, none of it mattered, but the longer she took the longer you had to hold on to the charade this had become. Eventually your own pacing in front of Kilgrave and Hogarth came to an end about an hour after your discussion, and you excused yourself. Though you couldn’t go outside on the street, you could at least get away from _him_ by crouching against the wall in the hallway, hiding your head between your knees. 

Just for a few moments. You just needed to _breathe_. To make peace with… what you’d decided. _Why_ you’d decided it. Why _you _got to do such things. None of it was right, was it? But what more could you do? There was such an angry darkness in Kilgrave. If he got free, he’d burn _everyone’s_ lives to the ground. He was a monster. _Irredeemable_. So fucking dangerous it was ridiculous. 

If only you’d been stronger before. If you’d been able to break free and then _break him_. In that house in Brooklyn- the same borough where you were now. Contemplating just _how_ it had all ended up this way. If you’d killed him earlier none of this would be going on. He wouldn’t have hurt so many other people- he wouldn’t have hurt _Jessica_ or _Hope_. It would be over. But now it was too late to wish you’d done it before.

You’d have to gather your strength and your courage and do it now.  
You’d have to take another human’s life. _Again_. And try as you might, there was no making peace with that. 

The tears started, and they kept coming for a long time. Maybe you were every bit as terrible as Kilgrave said. Maybe you were an _animal_. Roaming around with some sense of justice that really was just… entitlement. Did you know better than everyone else? Was it on you to protect people? 

_Wasn’t that the whole point of you? _Wasn’t that what you’d started yourself on _this_ journey with? Yet every time the universe seemed to ask you to make the _right choice_\- you wondered… was it ever right? You’d promised Kilgrave you would end his life. And you would. For all the lives he’d ruined- even ended- all the lives that had suffered immensely because of him. But more than revenge. It was a promise to keep safe all the lives that he _would _destroy. Because if you _had_ ended him two years ago… so many people would have been better off. How much clearer could he make it to you? 

You needed someone to _help you_. And immediately your thoughts strayed to Tony. If he were here, he’d be able to talk you through this. He’d be able to help you make the right decision. ...he’d probably even offer to make it _for_ you. But he was busy. And rightfully so. You wouldn’t wonder if the whole team was starting to resent your absence. He also hadn’t called to check in- which meant he was still busy with all of that. So… you were on your own. You had to figure this out on your own. 

You _had _to. 

Just as you’d gathered yourself together, Jessica came from the other end of the long hall. _Alone_. Your disappointment was probably immeasurable by now. What was the point of all this? Why was she prolonging this? Just for Hope? “Couldn’t find anyone?” She was a PI. It was impossible that she didn’t have any connects at any precincts. She’d come back empty handed? For what? 

“Screw it.” As she tried to blow by you, you locked into step with her, entering back into the room. “He say anything while I was gone?”

Just as you came in, you saw Jeri stepping _away_ from Kilgrave’s cell. There was no telling what they’d been talking about. You imagined he’d been trying to tell her all the dirt on you, for whatever it was worth. It didn’t matter now. 

To cover for getting _caught_, Jeri puffed herself up and crossed her arms. “Nothing we got on camera.” Shooting you a very dry and perhaps _threatening_ look. Something you’d have to deal with later. “This is taking too long. Visiting hours at the prison are over. I needed to talk to Hope. Where’s your cop?” 

Jessica took off her gloves and then shrugged out of her jacket. “He won’t come unless there’s hard proof. So I’m gonna get him some.” Leaning over she pulled off one of her boots and then the other. “I’d appreciate somebody manning the shock switch.” 

Already you felt the disagreement pouring out of you. “This isn’t the play, Jessica.” 

“Well if you’ve got anything fucking better, now’s the time to speak up.” Sending a dead-eyed stare your way. _Accepting_ that somehow this was what had to be done. You missed your _team_. You missed your _family_. You missed having people take everything in, to explore all the avenues together before making and agreeing on a plan of attack. 

Jeri put her hand on the table and leaned in. “You’re going in there? _Why_?” Clearly on the same page with you. This was not going to work out the way she thought it would. Was she so far gone in the name of justice that she’d gone completely blind? 

“I know how to piss him off. When he takes control, the electricity will stop me as quickly as Kilgrave. But only hit the switch if he makes me hurt myself.” Deadset on this. What could you do? Strong arm her into a wall until she listened to reason? Didn’t seem like the sort of thing that was likely. 

You put a hand on her arm. “What if he makes you kill yourself?” Your _real_ worry. Getting this evidence- it was never going to happen. But whether or not she’d wake up to that- someone had to care about _her_. And that was a real concern. 

Her lips thinned and she yanked her arm from you. “Then we’ll have evidence. Won’t we.” She stayed, just for a quick moment. Eyes watching yours. Her voice was quiet as she said, “You’d stop me.” 

“You’re betting your life on that?” 

It was surprising, the small quirk of her lips. “I guess I am.” _Trusting _you. With her _life_. 

As she left to go open the double doors you stepped back well behind the camera’s view, turning it back on and then hitting the record button. Jeri called to her as her hand touched the outer door. “Wait.” Indicating towards the camera. “For the record?” 

Jessica just rolled her eyes. “I, Jessica Jones, of sound body and mind submit the following footage into evidence.” She then opened one door, closed it, then opened the second door, and closed that firmly behind her, too. 

Kilgrave wasn’t quite pressed against the corner, _awaiting_ this new development in the middle of his cell. Very _intrigued_. As she approached just within reach he lowered his head, eyes carefully watching her. “Are you not afraid I’ll touch you?” 

Whispers of a moment in that brownstone kitchen ached in the back of your head. Moments in time where you had just enough control to growl at him, tell him _don’t touch me_, and shake him off. All mere seconds really, before his own command stepped back in. You shook the memories off just as Jessica reached up to slide her hand along his chest up to his shoulder. “I remember how you like to be touched.” 

This was hard to sit through. Hard to stomach. Kilgrave had suddenly burst to life with a little bit of _delight_, although his knowing _wariness_ overshadowed most of it. Obviously knowing he couldn't give in to whatever this was. Meanwhile Jessica was writhing with _revulsion. _Kilgrave regarded her closely, breathing heavy. “It’s bad enough to shock me. Now you have to toy with my emotions?” 

“You can have it.” She dragged her finger up to his jawline. Her tone went dark. “But I want you to _beg_ for it.” Waiting a single moment in silence before reeling her hand back and slapping him hard across the face. 

The jolt of _surprise_ from him was nothing compared to the _wrath_ that consumed him so completely. He rebounded, hissing in her face. “_You will not_-!” And then. In just another snap. Regained complete control. He knew where he was. He knew _what_ this was. And he would not give in. This would never work. His voice was growly as he got right back in her face. “If that was foreplay, I’m all in.” 

Jessica raised her hands. “Then do something about it.” She then shoved him- _hard_\- and he tripped over his feet in a splash of water, falling back against the wall. Your eyes went back to the camera. Watching this unfold on the viewer. As she berated him. Prowled closer while he was backed against the wall. _Eagerness_ consumed him. Eager to win over her. And he was doing it. In spades. 

“Come on, _Kevin_. Be a big boy for _mummy and daddy_.” She was _seething_ now, getting just slightly consumed by her own temper and the realness of the situation. 

Kilgrave looked out of the cell. Through the windows. To you, first. Then dropped his eyes just a little lower. “I don’t know what you mean- you have all the power here.” 

Your eyes closed with a drop of your head as she grabbed him by his shirt, spun him and then threw him into the wall above his bed. He fell in a heavy heap with a pained groan- something _real_ to be sure. But nothing helpful. This was terrible. Truly awful. She was making him out to be… a saint. An innocent. She was attacking a poor man the two of you had kidnapped. He was right. She _did _have all the power. And if a jury ever saw this the both of you would probably be the headliners on a new bill that depowered enhanced people. 

“Make me stop!” She was breathing heavy. Fully and truly lost now to the heat of the moment. 

Kilgrave shook his head. “I won’t hit a woman.” 

“No but you’d _rape _her. _Destroy her mind_. Make her a _murderer_. Make her _torture_ other people for _your _sick pleasure!” Her voice lurched in a bitter ache of angry tears. 

Jeri turned to you. “This has to stop.” You had no idea what she wanted _you_ to do about this. 

But you agreed. “_Jessica_.” Calling firmly to her. “That’s enough. He’s _playing_ you.” 

But she was so far gone she didn’t even _hear_ you as Kilgrave looked up at her from his heap on the bed. “I loved you. I gave you whatever you wanted.” Pleading with her. None of it real. Inside he was just short of evilly _glee_. Working her up like this. The _power _he had over her. Without a single word. 

Whatever she was saying was drowned out by hard slaps in succession. Each one knocking him back fully into the wall. His gurgles of pain were real at least. A _determined_ presence coming up behind you hard and fast had you turning quick on your heel- worried this was it. You’d finally been caught. But you were surprised to see Trish storming up the hall. 

Jeri leaned over the table. “That’s _enough_. I’m gonna hit the switch!” 

What a fucking _mess_ this all was. Trish put her hand over Jeri’s. “Don’t.”

A disgusted and confused noise came out of Jeri. “She’s going to kill him.” 

Trish just shook her head. “She’s holding back.”  
  
She’d started to _beat_ him. Kilgrave had begun to _beg_ for help. For his life. 

_This had to stop_. With an easy sense of authority you held yourself tighter. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Reaching up to switch the camera off, already having more than enough footage of her bashing him bloody you then stepped aside. She was _lost_ to her **rage**. And it had to end. 

So you pulled one door open and then the next, putting your hands on her arms as she perched above Kilgrave who was now back up on the floor, half submerged in that water. She was baring her teeth at him, his shirt balled in her fist. And when you _touched her_, she _startled_\- and maybe would have gone for you next. Because _how dare you _stop this? 

But you dared. “_Jessica.” _Meeting her gaze steadily. Looking at her. And then looking at _her_. Everything that made her. All this _sadness_, all this _anguish_. The _torments_ he’d put her through that had turned her into a lightning storm. A black cloud billowing from one spot to the next. Trying to just get through the day without remembering it. And now she _had him_. And _**she couldn’t stop herself.**_ It wasn’t for evidence anymore. 

It was just blind justified fury. 

So you put a hand over her _heart_. And _shared_ her _pain_. Her _rage_.  
_You saw her_. You _knew _her. She was you. The same shattered mess that Kilgrave had left behind. And siphoning that feeling, letting it consume you more than her helped ease her back of an edge she might have regretted. 

When she snapped to, only the sound of heavy breathing filtering in the cell, her hand went slack, letting Kilgrave go first. Looking at you only a few moments longer before _shame_ filled the spaces you’d cleared. She moved away from you, _pointedly_ shrugging out of your touch, and staggered back towards the entrance of the cell. Leaving. Leaving you and Kilgrave. 

He was _staring_ at you. A tired and pained smile on his bloody lips. “There’s the _puppy _I know.” He was panting as he sat up on his hands and knees. Trying desperately to level back off to somewhere comfortable, but Jessica had done quite the number on him. But when he finally sat back and looked up at you, you felt a _chill_. He held his arms out wide. “Is this the moment, _puppy_?” Sparing a glance to the watchers outside. “Is this our _final_ hour? You’ve decided, haven’t you? Get it over with. Show them what you _really_ are.” 

Unable to keep Jessica’s newly bought storm at bay, you reached out in a strike, taking hold of his shirt. Yanking him closer. Trying to keep everything locked down tight had you _shaking_. “You don’t get to decide.” 

Kilgrave’s lopsided, bloody smile made you _angrier_ than you’d ever felt. “Of course not. _Only you_, isn’t that right? You know what’s best? You get to decide who lives and who dies?” Without a warning both his hands reached up, locking on to your wrist, nails digging into your skin. His eyes went dark and _wild_ as he pulled himself up to get in your face, his nose just barely touching yours. “You’ve forgotten your _place_. I make the rules. Guess we’ll have to go back to step one. Bad _dogs_ get punished.” 

You tried to stay stock still. Tried to stare him down with a strength you didn’t actually possess. But something was bubbling out of him. The very essence of _victory_. “I’m not afraid of you.” Not afraid of this show he was putting on. Or trying to make _you_ perform. You couldn’t afford to be frightened of this boogeyman anymore. 

But the way his lips pulled wider into such a _sadistic_ grin shook you to your core. “_**You should be**_. What time would you say it is?” This stilled the moment, your visible confusion drawing a wet laugh from him. “My guess is half past eight. You’ve held me for too long. I’ve missed a _very _important meeting, I’m afraid.” He held you _tighter_. Leaned in as _freezing shock_ kept you still. His breath was heavy and hot on your face as his forehead pressed against yours. “You’ve forgotten your _place_. And now you’ll be _**punished**_.” 

It was all too clear what he was saying.  
A missed meeting. Something he’d been doing. For a long time. _Someone_ he’d kept tabs on. Probably for longer than you could have possibly ever imagined. 

It was too much to ask of you that you not _panic_. And even though it allowed him that _win_ that made his little black heart _cry out in __**joy**_, you couldn’t hold it all in. Reaching a hand up to your ear, “JARVIS where is Tony?” 

The silence was _deafening_. 

Kilgrave murmured in a sweet whisper as his eyes found yours again. “Come back, when you’re finished. When you finally realize who has all the _power_ here. Maybe I’ll forgive you.” 

With nothing left holding you back you looked at him, _burning_. He was _incapable_ of feeling it himself. So you _rained __**fear**_ and _**terror**_ directly into his heart. The catch of his breath in his lungs and the widen of his eyes as he suddenly _drowned_ was almost satisfying. “I would have made it quick before.” 

But if he _hurt_ Tony…  
Well. He could shrivel back in his cell- much like he’d done as you let him go- scooting back up against the wall with a _wail_ of a noise- 

There was no place he could go you would not find him. And _now_.  
Now you’d murder him with no _mercy_ left to speak of. Because he’d _killed_ any last shred you had. 

* * *

The mess in Belarus had taken _hours_ to clean up after the fact. Tony was surprised the sun was already down. But keeping a Hydra clean out from turning into an international nightmare took a little more finessing and a little more _time_ than he had on his hands right now. He wanted to be with _her_. He wanted to be available for her. But… this was also for her. Because when a bomb had gone off not too far from a village and the police force had been sent in and casualties were heavy and… 

_There were the Avengers_. Doing who knew what. Which was what the government was demanding to know. As they had a right to. He should have been there. Phone calls, talking in a suit- thank god he had Nat. At least she knew how to handle a cleanup. Everyone else just stood around with their heads down. Because they had _no idea_ the scope of the political world they were wading in doing things like this. Whether or not they were _right_ or _wrong_. People would question why they got to make those calls. 

At least they would. Had he not cleaned it up. He’d have to make a few personal trips. Put in some facetime. Sit at a table with some officials but… at least she wouldn’t suffer for it. 

A thought that didn’t last that long, really. 

Just as he slipped off his headgear, feeling the red ache of prolonged usage, he felt something _else_. Something he shouldn’t have been as _intimately familiar_ with, if life was fair. But it wasn’t. Nor had it been for a very long time. 

Slowly he raised his hands as he tried to angle just a little bit away from the barrel of the gun pressed at the back of his head. Dull- _weak_ surprise, though there was just a little to be had, tingled over him as he heard Happy’s voice. “Hands all the way up where I can see them.” 

So. This was it then, was it? His eyes rolled up and to the side, attempting to slowly turn, but when that gun was shoved harder into his skull he stopped. Although he couldn’t help a light, tired smirk. “This isn’t you, Hap. Let’s not do this.” 

He didn’t even wait a moment to think about it. “Deactivate JARVIS.” 

This wasn’t a final play. This was a _move_. Kilgrave still had to be with _her_. Still locked up. There was no way she’d have let him loose- so this was a _contingency_. Something he’d planned a _long_ time ago. Too long for her security setups to help. Something to make her upset. Make her give up… make her give in. _Give herself to him_.

If Kilgrave wanted him dead- _assuming_ this was part of that and not somebody else he’d pissed off- surely not _Happy_. He’d never do this. _But_. If Kilgrave wanted him dead, he’d be dead. He’d have told Happy to come up here and just do it. He could have, Tony realized. He could be _very dead_ right now. He hadn’t been paying enough attention. Happy had top security clearance. Waltzed right in without anyone noticing or caring. Not even JARVIS- 

Who he was asking to make go away. Because _now_ JARVIS would alert _her_. And he couldn’t have that. _But why_? “You sure about this?” Trying to bide his time. But the click of that hammer threw him pretty quick. “Yeah. Alright. JARVIS- bedtime, buddy. Go to sleep.” 

“Sir?” JARVIS was watching. This was not just a _are you sure_ question. He wanted to know. _What should I do_? Should he contact her? Ask for her help? Let her know what was going on? 

Tony quickly made that decision. “Go on. Take a nap. Turn everything off. No calls. We’re on DND time.” _Do not disturb_. Don’t let her know. That’s what he wanted, right? Kilgrave wanted her to know he could capture him? Like a pawn? That was a mistake. 

JARVIS took a second to process this and Tony had to wonder if he was thinking about disobeying. Could he do that? Probably. But… “Yes, sir.” 

He took a quick breath, trying to ease the shake in his hands as he still held them up. “Alright. It’s just you and me. Let’s talk about this.” Happy had to be _somewhere_ in there, right? She was. She’d gotten out. If he could just figure this out- 

“Go.” Happy put a heavy hand on Tony’s shoulder. Turning him around. “Let’s move.” 

“Yeah. Sure thing.” Slowly moving to the side. 

Well.  
He was no damsel in distress. And he wouldn’t let Kilgrave have his way. He wouldn’t let him do that to _her_.  
It was now or never. 

Probably better that JARVIS was down. With the amount of gunshots going off in the penthouse so suddenly, he may have recalled the Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> His fate was already sealed but man. Kilgrave just made it ten thousand times harder on himself.  
You just don't go after Tony. Bad move.


	143. Chapter 143

After shutting the outer door of Kilgrave’s cell you made a stamping march towards the back of the room- at least you would have, had Jessica not grabbed your arm in a literal _bruising_ grip. “We’re not finished here.” 

Jeri waved her arm loosely at Kilgrave, who was now _cowering _in the corner of his cell, arms wrapped around his knees with his head tucked between them. “What did you do to him?” A very pointed and purposeful question. 

You ignored her in favor of keeping your sights on Jessica. The reason _you_ were _here_. “I’m done. I have to go. This is over. You’ll never get him this way and we both know it. _He_ knows it. Leave him in here, because I’ll be back.” Letting her know with less words your burning _intent_. Kilgrave was going to die. And the longer you stayed here probably determined what manner it was going to be in. 

She narrowed her eyes at you, but it was Trish that started arguing. “So you just get to decide when to walk away- or what goes-” 

The fire in your heart, partially _siphoned_ from Jessica was raging. “What do you want me to say? I’m _pulling rank_? **Fine**. Want me to declare this official Avengers business? _It is now_.” With your free hand you reached up to double tap the Heart Reactor and then yanked your arm away from Jessica’s iron grip. “You keep him _here_ until I get back.” 

To say that Jessica was a little _stunned_ in her light _numbness_ that you’d imparted to her would be putting it mildly. And she seemed very unused to the feeling. Running with _so much_ for _so long_, suddenly faced with a sad emptiness that had been _forced_ on her- “You think you can just _leave_?” Clawing desperately to try and make you do what she wanted. To make Kilgrave do what she wanted. Because her life was so out of control now. And the only way she knew to get it back was force. 

It was just unfortunate for her that you were more experienced in this type of _war_. “I _am_ leaving. And he better be here when I get back.” 

“So you can _murder _him? Is that what he was saying?” Jeri crossed her arms, sizing you up. 

You stared right back at her, _frightening_ her a little. “So I can end this.” With that you reached up to press on your ear cuffs to active the helmet and took off down the hallway. That was already too much time spent. You pulled over the banister and jumped down to the ground floor, opened the door and then took off. It clearly no longer mattered who saw you going where. 

You were headed to the Tower from Brooklyn in a hurry.   
In your _suit_.   
And all of New York City could gossip about why. As long as it _meant something_. 

“LUNA where is JARVIS?” The Tower was already locked on your center display. The jets weren’t going fast enough. 

“He’s been deactivated under prime executive order. I cannot access him.” 

“Can you get me a live feed in the penthouse?” You needed _some _sort of eyes on this situation before going there. At least that’s what you wanted, but… 

“Everything has been disabled. Under Mr. Stark’s orders.” 

Frustration flared. “Can I get around him?” There had to be some sort of secondary back up, didn’t there? What was the point of all of this if you couldn’t watch each other’s backs? If he could just _lock you out_\- 

“You just need to give me the authorization, ma’am.” 

You’d land on the penthouse deck in a matter of moments. Yet still, because you _could_, “Authorization code 4-6-9.” 

“_Booting_.”

The security cameras in the penthouse flooded the corner of your HUD. The place was a terrible mess. Furniture upended, things broken, and _Tony_\- kneeling behind the turned over dining table, eyes closed, holding his side- and _Happy_ approaching in a steady walk, hands steady with his gun. 

Happy.   
How had he gotten _Happy_? How had it come to this? 

JARVIS’ voice pinged your communications. “Ma’am I’m deploying security measures.” 

You found your feet on the balcony and shunted the door aside. “I’ve got this, JARVIS. Just call ahead to the hospital.” 

“Yes, ma’am.”   
  
“Locate Dvahli for me.” Another innocent in all this.   
  
At least you were allowed _one _single sense of relief when he answered. “Dvahli is on the upper balcony, unharmed.” 

Despite the inherent danger that Happy clearly posed now tight in that control- _how had he gotten Happy_?- you deactivated your helmet and entered around the side, through the kitchen and then into the dining room. He was still making a slow advance and was too far away for you to rush up without being noticed. So instead with a quick boosted jump you made your way to him in one single bound. 

He half turned, intent obvious, but you put your hand on his shoulder. And as his eyes leveled with yours, you found it so easy- _much _easier than before. Not like with… with the woman you’d failed, not like with Steve- you looked _into_ him. Deep into Happy and **shattered** that hold Kilgrave had over him, rendering out those vile purple hues until it was _just _Happy again. In control of himself.

It was just a look. Just a gaze between the two of you. And then his empty eyes filled with realization. _Terrified_ of what he’d just done. The gun fell from his hands first before he put them straight up. “I didn’t- I don’t- _oh my god_-” 

It was easy to make all the commands here. “Sit. Now. Just sit down and breathe, okay?” He crumbled underneath you, falling to a heavy heap, arching forward to set his face in his palms. With him down, you rushed over the rest of the room, coming to a halt just around the corner of the table, lurching forward to a stop on your knees. “Tony…” 

His eyes fluttered open. He was covered in sweat and blood. A blow to his temple, a cut to his cheek, lip busted open. Breathing uneven. But he smiled in a wash of _relief_ seeing you there. “Hey, honey… sorry about the mess. I’ll get it cleaned up.” 

“LUNA-” Reaching first just to deploy your visor so you could _see_, and then gently easing his hands away from his side. He’d been shot, so her scan was running- _four times_. Right shoulder, left bicep, left side, right thigh. Once you had enough data, you put his hand back over the wound on his side. “I’m so sorry, Tony…” Because this was _your fault_. As it always was. 

The weak grin he shined up your way only pushed your feelings of guilt. “My fault. I thought I could take our _head of security_. Guess he’s a better shot than I remember.” His consciousness _fluttered_ briefly, with a drop of his head, a heave of breath, a close of his eyes. His laugh was wet with blood. “Guess that’s why he’s _head of security_-” 

“Just take it easy.” You poised your hands on his shoulders just to keep him from lurching forward. “Stay with me.” 

With his trembling free hand he reached up just to hold on to you. “Nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

It was too much to ask to bite back your tears. He was losing a lot of blood. But he’d be alright. You just had to _move_. He was in too delicate a situation to _blast_ into the night air in your arms, though that would have been the fastest. Shifting your weight, you put one arm around his back and the other underneath him, picking him up. Once at a full stand, you came over to Happy, still sitting in his _shame_. His _disbelief _and _horror_. That had to end, now. “Happy.” Calling to him in as firm and steady a tone as you could make. When he looked up, “I need you to take us to the hospital.” 

He knew these streets better than anyone. He also knew how to speed through them. With a _direction _to focus on he pulled himself together, although you sensed it was only temporary. “Yeah- let’s- let’s go-” 

In that moment, Happy showed _incredible_ strength, being able to prioritize what needed to be done at the exact right moment. He had to put aside everything _he_ was feeling. Everything _he’d_ done. Because you and Tony needed help. And he needed to move. It made it easier for you to do _your job_, too. “JARVIS, push the lobby clear. Have a car brought up. I want a small security detail and a moving deadzone.” This was already a mess. No need for it to be _more_ of one. 

Barking commands made it easier to focus and not slip into a black hole of guilt. You assumed it was the same for Happy. And that the both of you were eagerly ignoring, for this small moment in time, anything that you _needed_ to feel out in favor of just… helping Tony. But. While he was still conscious, thankfully, just as you got him down into the lobby, he found a thought. “Not even one camera? I don’t mind being caught carried around.” His energy was _waning_. Fading away with every moment. 

You waited until you had him loaded in the backseat, still in your arms to answer him. “We’ll schedule a photoshoot later.” 

His eyes were closed while he smiled. “I’ll hold you to that.” 

* * *

The hospital was not far- by design. You’d long ago held a short staff from Damage Control and siphoned off SHIELD medics (once you got your hands on them, anyway) to serve as an Avengers med base. Staff was waiting outside around back at a private entrance as Happy pulled up. As soon as you were out of the car they came up with a stretcher and your weakness filtered in heavily. Something about seeing Tony, barely _there_, with doctors crawling all over him, _rushing him in_… 

“He’s lost a lot of blood- he’s A-positive- and his heart-” Babbling useless things. _Personal_ things that a significant other _should_ be babbling at hospital staff taking in a critically wounded patient. 

But one of the nurses just set a hand on your arm and urged you to stop with a, “We know, ma’am.” JARVIS had called ahead. He’d probably informed them of everything they needed to know. They had a file with all his important medical documents. _They knew_. But… where did that leave you? 

Trailing after him as long as you could until they disappeared behind the doors leading to the surgery wing. He’d be alright. They just had to… they just had to stop the bleeding. Take the bullets out- if they thought it was necessary- and… patch him up- make sure there wasn’t any internal damage- 

Happy’s hand on your shoulder stopped your mindless pacing in front of doors you weren’t allowed to go past. “Come on. Let’s get a coffee.” It was late. The cafeteria in the hospital probably wouldn’t be too full. The coffee wouldn’t be too good either. You just didn’t want to _go_. His poor attempt at humor finally knocked some sense into you. “You’re spooking the staff. Might be a good time to try and pretend to be normal.” 

_Scaring them_? Blinking up at Happy before realizing. Realizing you’d just brought _Iron Man _into the private wing of the Avengers hospital- and _you_ were still mostly suited up, too. They were expecting big news somewhere, probably. An attack. A bomb. Aliens again- who even knew. And this had been… such an isolated incident. You tapped the Reactor to relinquish the suit. It almost felt like the rest of your energy went with it. “Sorry.” Apologizing to nobody with how quiet you’d said it. “I- yeah- let’s get some coffee.” Knowing the _both_ of you needed to sit down. 

And talk. 

Except not much talking happened. The two of you sat in extremely _uneasy_ and terrible silence for at least an hour. Maybe two. Your sense of time was not really working. Everything in that cafeteria was made to allow you to slip into a haze. Barren, beige walls. Listless employees. Murmurs just barely above silence. The coffee had gone cold a long time ago, not that either of you had been drinking it. You couldn’t stop thinking about Tony. How he was always caught up in something- always in danger- _because of you_. 

How had it come to that? Sure, this was the life he had chosen, and you by extension at first, for deciding to stick by his side. No matter how tough it got. Or how awful. Or _dangerous_. But… this was a level of unfairness that you weren’t sure you could look away from. Or defend. Or- 

“That guy walked up to me- when I was getting lunch, almost a month back- the cart on 55th street.” Happy’s sudden talking startled you, but you were just glad you were _present_ enough to hear it. 

There was no hiding the sadness of your smile as you dropped your head. “In front of the Love statue?” He really liked that art piece, you had no idea why. Tony had caught him taking pictures in front of it at one point. Such a simple thing… 

“Yeah.” He was turning his hands over and over. _Thinking_. “He asked me what you were doing. And then told me to meet him there an hour earlier tomorrow.” It was too much to ask of you right then that this should _shock_ you. That Kilgrave had been spying on you for such a long time. “The day you asked me to leave- we talked- and he said… _don’t let her make you leave_.” 

God damn it all. The day he’d also commanded Pepper to drop you a message. He’d known you’d send Happy away, next. And he hadn’t let it happen. If you’d just _looked _at Happy a little more that day- where would you be now? Tony wouldn’t be in surgery. That was for sure. You always tried to do your due diligence yet just never _enough_ of it. 

“He asked me for your schedule. And mine. And we met. Every day. And…” He was holding himself so tight in his seat that he’d started shaking a little. _Struggling_ intensely. Because he was letting you know all the _wrongs_ he thought he’d committed for such a long time. He was debriefing you. Probably thinking it was right to be fired after this. “-and when we left he always said… if I don’t see you tomorrow…” In your weakness you couldn’t look at him then. To no one’s surprise, certainly not yours, you’d started crying. 

But it was Happy’s gulped back tears that really _hurt_. He clutched tight and powered through, “He said if I don’t see you tomorrow I want you to take Stark at gunpoint up to the roof and wait for her. Have him deactivate all his security protocols and any way to contact her. And if he fights back, end him.” 

Kilgrave had intended to make a public spectacle of you. Of Tony. Of Happy. Stark Industries. The Avengers. The Tower. _All of it._ Because if your head of security snatched Tony Stark and held him with a gun to his head on the roof of your building, news helicopters would have been all over it. Where would it have ended? What was the finale? Maybe that Happy would let him go, and, as he kept saying, you’d realize where your place was and go back to Kilgrave to make it all stop. 

Tony must have realized this, too. Because he _had _fought back. He clearly would not let Happy march him up into a media circus that might hurt the both of you. He hadn’t given in- to make it easier for _you_ to not give in to Kilgrave. And he was paying the price now. A more pointed sob slipped out of you as you put your face in your hands. It was just all _too much_. To think he’d been watching that long. Planning that long. Waiting. Waiting for _you_. 

There was a noise at Happy’s side of the table. He got up halfway, probably with the mind to sit next to you. With the intent to _comfort_ you, but he realized he could no longer do that. Because of what he did. So he sat back down instead and _stewed_ in _discontent_ and such a dizzying fog of _heartache_. “I’m gonna… my gun’s in your dining room. But. I’ll hand it in. And my badge. And-” 

Somehow you broke free of your own cloud to lay your hands atop his and look at him through your tears. “This was _not_ your fault. And you can’t leave.” 

“How could this not be my fault?” A little riled, perhaps easier to latch on to that than feeling anything else as terribly unpleasant as personal betrayal. That had been going around lately. “I let that guy-” 

“That _guy_ does whatever he wants. He’s dangerous. He did the same thing to me. And to Pepper. And _Steve_. Listen to me, Happy.” Holding his hands just a _little_ tighter. “I need you. Tony needs you. You can’t leave.” 

He shook his head, looking a little lost. “But I… I _hurt_ him- I almost killed him-” 

“But you didn’t.” 

“What if I had?” A sharper sense of focus zeroing in on you just then. Searching your eyes for answers. 

You had none for him. You only had what you knew. “You didn’t.” There was not enough room in you to think about the what-if. _If Happy had killed Tony_… where would that leave you? Or him? What would you do then? You could only be grateful you didn’t have to know. “And… anyway…” Weakly shrugging back from that conversation. It was too real and too close right then. You just… wanted nothing to do with it. _Weak._ “He was probably going easy on you.” 

Tony had deactivated JARVIS, which was why he hadn’t called for a suit- but he could have found a way around it. If he really had wanted to. Tony would never have allowed himself to _die_ in the penthouse like that. You were sure of it. _You had to be. _“Don’t do that. Don’t joke right now.” But the very thought seemed to upset Happy. 

“No- you’re right-” Finally lifting your hands away from his so you could wipe your tears away. “Tony was pretty impressed with your gun skills.” 

“I take my job pretty seriously, you know.” Flatly. Resisting so hard. Not wanting to give in to the comfort of anything else than what had just happened. His eyes dropped. Focusing on a piece of the table just to have something to look at. “I didn’t wanna- ..._obviously_ I didn’t-” Struggling again. 

You knew you could end this for him. End his emotional turmoil. Give him something else a little more pleasant to wade in. Help him move on. But… that was not your call to make. It would be easy, _maybe_, to reach out and soothe him. But that wouldn’t heal his heartache. Only push it somewhere else. And that wasn’t fair. ...even if you desperately wanted to. Just so he could stop hurting. 

“I know, Happy.” Reaching out again. Waiting for him to look at you again. And when he did, “I know you didn’t want to hurt Tony. Tony knows that, too. Steve didn’t want to hurt me. I didn’t- …” You had to do this. You had to share this with him now. To let him know that you were the same. To help him. “I didn’t want to hurt people, either. But that’s what he makes you do. This is _my_ fault. You got caught up in this because of _me_.” 

There was a tense silence that fell between the two of you. You had to wait for him to process all of this. To think about what he wanted to do or say next. Eventually he shook his head. “I never thought this was what the job would be.” Surely not, you supposed. He and Tony had been inseparable for years, back when the weapons business was booming- even further back than that. Back then it was usually just- drive him around, screen women for him, part crowds for him. 

Now it was completely different. _Insanely_ different. And… unfair. “If you want to leave-” You couldn’t imagine a life without Happy. Honest and truly. It would be emptier. And sadder. 

It was why you tried not to feel very selfish when he stopped you. “Never. I don’t want to. But. After what I did- maybe it’s better.” Still not forgiving himself. 

You couldn’t blame him. You still hadn’t forgiven yourself, either. “I don’t think so. I still want you around. I still _need_ you around.” Trying for him. Trying to smile. “So that’s half the vote. When Tony is up to it, you two should talk. Wait for him. Okay?” 

“Yeah.” His answer was weak as he lowered his head again. “Yeah, okay.” It felt like this was the end and another long silence was about to overtake the both of you as you still waited for news. But he still had one thing left in him. “Just- just so you know- I don’t blame you. This wasn’t your fault. That guy- that’s not your fault.” 

It was probably unfair to Happy, but you couldn’t help the roll of your eyes and the dismissive shake of your head. You were dead set here. You _knew_ this was your fault. “How could it not be.” Not really a question. 

“It’s just part of the job.” You weren’t sure why this unearthed a soft surprise within you. But you felt a little more centered as you looked at Happy again. “You’re not responsible for what enemies of the Avengers do- or your own. Whatever. Facing them and handling them it’s… it’s just part of what we do.” 

Perhaps the last new development of the night.   
Harold Joseph Hogan was now an official Avenger.   
...at least in your heart. 

* * *

The sun had long since come up by the time somebody on staff came to get the both of you. Even though Happy walked up with you to Tony’s private room, his _nervousness _and _shame_ turned him away from the door. He excused himself, almost quite literally. Telling you that you should get some time in with him first. And that he’d talk to Tony later. When he was better. There really wasn’t much you could do. But before you let him go- “If you’re heading back home can you check on Dvahli, please? Maybe see if you can sneak her here?” She needed company. Same as Tony. And to be cared for. ...same as Tony. So maybe it would be good to get her out of there, too.

He just nodded tiredly. “Yeah, sure. I’ll make sure everything’s okay.” And just like that he turned around and left.

Despite your immense appreciation for Happy… it was too hard for you to not go into that room and be glad that it was just the two of you as you pulled a chair up to Tony’s bedside, put your hand in his, and just crumpled inward, laying your head on the bed. He was still unconscious. Sleeping the anesthesia off. Would be for a while. 

The doctor came and talked to you for a little bit. Eventually. The surgery went fine. He would be okay. As you suspected. No bullets went near anything fatal. No organs had to be rearranged. Tony just needed to rest. Which would be hard for him. But as of that moment he was doing a good job. 

Around noon you started pacing his room. Wondering where your efforts should really be focused. Kilgrave was locked up- you didn’t have to immediately go back. And to go back and do what you _had to do_, you needed more strength than you had at the moment. Tony needed you here. Needed a face he could trust when he woozily came out of it. This was the excuse you made for yourself. Happy’s had sent him away. Yours had planted you there. 

So the universe had to remind you, as it always did, that playing favorites caused failure. 

Tony was just groggily calling out for you when your phone rang. It was a little after three PM. Your attention went first to him, sliding your hand into his, fingers locking. He held on as tight as he could, which was a weak grip still, but the _relief_ that eased his suddenly frantic heart made you feel better about deciding to stay. Your presence seemed to _soothe _him. As it always did. 

But when the first call missed turned into another call right after, you answered with your free hand. Trish’s voice on the other end was pitched and littered with heavy breathing. “Jess didn’t want me to call.” Tony’s eyes were barely open as you gazed at him. _Pained_. Because you knew what was coming. “Kilgrave got out. Hours ago. His parents- god his mother is _dead_-” She was weeping. 

You made sure to keep your voice very level. Tony was in too delicate a state to get wound up right now. “Walk me through everything.” 

“Jess thinks Jeri- Jeri had some _arrangement_ with him and- we got his parents because Jess thought that would finally make him snap- _it did_\- and now his mother is dead and he’s gone and- I don’t know what to do-” 

The pieces were there. Putting them together… alright. Jessica had gone to find Kilgrave’s parents- and they were… in the city? How fucking fortuitous. Okay. So she found them. Maybe they were keeping tabs on Kilgrave the whole time. So- the people from the video, who experimented on their son. That was Jessica’s big play. And Jeri- what did she do? It sounded like she let Kilgrave out or at the very least was somehow responsible for him getting away- and Kilgrave had murdered his mother. No mention of the father. Gone, you assumed. 

You took a deep, _deep_ breath. Internally _panicking_ but otherwise stone faced. Tony was watching you. And he’d been through enough. Once you were sure your voice wouldn’t collapse in on itself you started working. “I’ll have Damage Control come clean the area up. I’ll put a ping out for Jeri.” Maybe Kilgrave was with her, if she’d arranged for his escape. It was the only lead you had. “Stay where you are.” 

“Yeah. Okay.” Sniffling from the other end of the line. “He said-” Her voice wavered. It was unfortunate she was still talking. You had wanted to hang up. “They were all talking about it- are you really gonna kill him?” 

“Yeah. I am.” Certain of nothing else save _that_. You knew that for sure. And with that last line of thought you hung up. 

Tony’s cognizance was returning in bits and pieces. His hand held tighter to yours. A knowing glance passed between the two of you. “Duty calls so soon?” 

Leaning over after slipping your phone back in your pocket, you brushed the backs of your fingers across his forehead, easing him away from that understanding edge. His eyes closed for a moment. “Not yet.” There was no point in going on a wild goose chase. Kilgrave would find you. He would come for you. So… “I’m here with you.” 

He lifted your joined hands, resting them over his heart. “I love you, you know.” His smile was dazed when he found it again. “I had the _strange__st_ dream while I was under.” 

You scooted your chair closer to his bed. “Tell me about it.” Desperately clinging to him whether he knew it or not. Because you just needed _this_. This little pocket of space. Of warmth and comfort and just… time with Tony. You needed to balance yourself out. 

Because once it was over, you were going to go and end a human life.   
And you needed immense strength to do it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kilgrave's number is up next week. You don't mess with INY's family like that.


	144. Chapter 144

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Dear readers there’s a couple of trigger warnings for this chapter which include a suicide attempt, physical violence, wounds involving blood and burning, and people being ordered to hang themselves. Not in gratuitous detail for any of these things, but still there. Kilgrave territory is the worst. Please be safe and happy!_

It was intensely hard to focus on _work_ and Tony at the same time. Mostly because all you wanted to do was sit by Tony’s bedside. Talk to him. Comfort him. Wish none of this was happening. But thankfully after a couple of hours the nurses came in and gave him something for his fresh wave of pain as the anesthetic was completely wearing off. That knocked him back into woozy and drifting territory, so that made it easier to make a few calls. Set some things up. 

When Happy appeared in the doorway, Tony was completely down for the count. It didn’t feel right taking off. Leaving him here without a word. Even now you could still feel that simmering _worry _he was holding onto. Worried for you. Worried how this was going to end. What lengths you would go to to force that hand. Even unconscious, he was still _worrying_. 

But your mind was made up. And even still waiting for the next ping on the map, you had to go clean up. A small team from Damage Control was going to meet you at the defunct CDC facility. You’d wanted Maria to go but she was apparently on leave helping Coulson with something- a conversation for a later date. It was obvious that she probably didn’t really work for _you_, and was just biding her time in the position until she could branch to something more meaningful to her. Probably something with Fury, you wouldn’t doubt. Whenever that moment came. 

Either way. There was no use dwelling on it. Happy was a little hesitant as he waited by the door, cat carrier in hand. You had to physically invite him in with a gentle pull of his arm. Already he wanted to leave, it was easy to sense that. So you had to force him to stay. “I have to go.” Stated as calmly as possible as you took the carrier from him, knelt down, and opened the door to allow Dvahli out. 

The second she padded onto the floor you picked her up in your arms, crushing her close without hurting her. Hoping she understood how _sorry_ you were for the mess. For the loud sounds. The terrors. And for disappearing immediately after all of it. Maybe somewhere in her she understood. She started purring up a storm. But maybe that was also her just shaking with the need for security and love after what had just happened. 

As you stood up and set her on Tony’s bed, Happy shuffled _nervously_. “Sure. I’ll stay. How long has he been out for?” Asking simpler questions probably in an attempt to delay you from going somewhere neither of you wanted you to go. 

“Only a little while. He’s been in and out. He’s also fine. He’ll make a full recovery.” Not _fine_ just yet but he’d get there- and also probably argue that he was. Even now. But the point of saying it was to calm Happy so that he’d stay in the room, not just guard the door. And hopefully have a talk when Tony woke back up. Because they desperately needed to. This could not go unchecked. 

“Glad to hear it.” A hot flash of self-made _disappointment_ spiked through him, along with a heavy fall of _gloom_. Things he was quick to shove aside. “Where are you going?” 

“I have to clean up the recent mess Kilgrave made.” There was no need to mention after that you’d have to go on the hunt. To end this. 

Happy stopped you at the door, just as you reached to open it. His hand covered yours and his gaze was serious. “When’s the last time you slept?” 

The question surprised you, almost as much as that touch did, but as you lifted your hand you understood _why_. And then suddenly wondered how long your hands had been shaking for. “I honestly don’t know.” Truly. You truly could not remember the last time you laid down in a bed and closed your eyes for a little bit. Two days? Three? 

Adrenaline, fear, and responsibility were the only things powering you now. ...and maybe a little bit of an animalistic need for _revenge_. But you were scared to admit that even to yourself for more than a couple of seconds. Happy frowned. “Can this wait? Can you just take a few hours?” 

Already you were shaking your head. “No.” Firm. Not needing to give him an explanation as to why. You had to go to work. You had to keep moving. Otherwise this was going to get further and further away from you. 

In that moment, as he looked at you, he just seemed so… _sad_. Sad for _you_. What life had become. And perhaps sad over his lack of control, his inability to do anything to help you. He could no longer whisk you away and keep you safe inside a house. How long ago that lifetime was. “Just- be careful, okay? And come back. Soon.” He couldn’t do anything else but serve these platitudes. 

“As soon as I can.” This at least you could promise. You wanted this to be over, for sure. 

All you had to do was make it happen. 

* * *

Despite not being able to sleep you did head home for a quick shower and to just… take in the place. Happy had done his best in trying to clean up, by picking up overturned furniture and… wiping blood spatters off the wall and floors- ...it was _something_, but not enough. Though that wasn’t his fault. There was just a lingering _hopelessness_ that seemed to permeate everything. It was hard to ignore as you took the quickest shower of your life and changed clothes. 

Eager to not only get out of there but to be on your way to hopefully closing the rest of this out. It seemed premature to hope for that but… you were foolish, you supposed. It was hard not to _hope_. 

Damage Control had blocked off press from the building and had already begun cleanup by the time you got inside. The room looked so much different, considering you’d only been away from it for what- you only just realized your sense of time had slipped. You really had _no idea_. Better not to dwell on it.

One of the panels of Kilgrave’s cells had been shot out, broken glass and dirty water were all over the floor. Not to mention puddles of _blood_ on the floor of the cell, as you stepped closer. A pair of scissors had been barred off with an evidence marker. 

There was a body bag on the floor near the upturned desk. The computer was trashed- but the camera on its tripod still stood. Going over closer you checked the tape. One of the agents came over. “We watched it back. It’s pretty clear what happened.” 

“_Mum, for every year that you left me alone, stab yourself_.” Kilgrave’s voice was so eerily calm as he commanded her. You had to turn your head down. No use in watching it- in watching him murder _another_ person. The whole room erupted into panic on the tape. Jessica tried to push the shock button- it failed- she went in to get them- Trish shot the glass out- 

God what a fucking _mess_. If you’d just stayed… if you’d only just stayed here… the body in that bag so close to your feet would be alive. Maybe Kilgrave would be dead. Maybe this would all be over by now. But at the cost of Tony’s life? 

...that was it, wasn’t it? That was the conclusion that had been drawn here. You’d picked Tony’s life over someone else’s. There had been no way for you to know that Jessica would have gone to these lengths, that this would have fallen apart this way- but _if you’d just stayed in that room_\- if you’d just _finished it_ a little sooner… 

“I want-” Your voice was wobbly as it came out, and you cleared your throat to stand a little sturdier. “Hold all evidence right now under A-files. We’ll hand over to the police when we’re finished. We have an enhanced running around, and nothing is to be released to the public until we bring him in.” 

The agent gave you a small nod. “Yes, ma’am.” 

“Anything else for me?” You needed to get on the move. This helped you paint a clearer picture of the severity of the situation, but really… you hadn’t needed to come down here to see all this. 

“The police were called to Wendy Ross-Hogarth’s apartment a couple hours ago. From the chatter we pulled, it seemed like she’d been killed by Pamela Romeit- self defense. Wendy was attacking Jeri Hogarth.” 

_What a fucking __**mess**_. There was your ping on Jeri. Okay. So… Jessica apparently thought Jeri had something to do with Kilgrave’s release. So Jeri had brought Kilgrave somewhere. Kilgrave turned on her, probably commanded Wendy to attack her- for what reason? There were too many blanks- but. They’d been caught. Pam- whoever that was- Jeri’s life was _a__lso_ a fucking mess. At least the two of you had _that_ in common. Though maybe not in the same way. And you didn’t have enough time or energy to spare pulling the threads together of who did what or why or who was important to Jeri in what way. 

No use thinking about it now. You just nodded weakly. “Okay. Any mention of a male on the premises?” You doubted it. The situation over there had spiraled into chaos. He’d turned on Jeri, even if she’d brought him there for _whatever_ reason. He was definitely not there anymore. But you still had to ask. 

“No, ma’am.” At least you were prepared for this disappointment. 

There was a sudden commotion in the hallway. Just about every agent in the room drew their guns, yet all heads turned your way to look for direction. On edge as you were, you double tapped the Reactor and led the small squad outside. Someone behind you started giving orders. “Hands up! _Now_!” 

Two men you’d never seen before- _no_, scratch that. “You were outside Jessica’s house.” The same tall man- blond you could see now in proper lighting- projecting some very _dangerously angry_ energy. The other man you’d never seen before. An older gentleman, graying hair, grizzled- 

As you inspected him he started speaking, “My name is Oscar Clemons. I’m a detective with the NYPD, 15th precinct.” On closer inspection he looked pretty hurt. Not that that made you trust him. However, “I came here with Jessica Jones.” 

“Oh.” It was more a breath than anything. “You’re her _cop_.” The one she’d been trying to get. You held a hand up to signal your agents to lower their guns and then you pointed at the other man. “What’s your name? All I know is that your a friend of Trish’s.” 

“Will Simpson. Where is Trish?” He was avoiding looking at you. _Frantically _he was looking around. “Trish called me- I need to see her- where is Trish?” 

Nodding to your agent closest, “Cuff him.” 

“_Me_? Are you out of your fucking mind, lady?” That explosive spark lit up as he gnashed his teeth your way. 

“You brought three men with you to kill Kilgrave the first night I saw you. You’re _still _hunting him.” This was the only thing that made sense. And he’d only get in the way of what you had to do. 

As two agents approached him he held a gun up. “You can’t just arrest me- you don’t have a charge- you’re not even-” 

“I am an official member of the Avengers and this entire debacle is now under our jurisdiction.” Projecting as much authority as you possibly could. “We’re dealing with an enhanced. That falls into our territory.” 

Will scoffed. “Make that two.” Said about as swiftly as the reel back of his arm to punch one of your DC agents right back into a wall. _Would this ever fucking end_? 

Now that he’d cleared himself you held both hands up to get a repulsor blast off, sending him straight down the corridor and through the wall. With a quick lift of your jets you flew the rest of the way down to meet him, yanking him so that you could wheel him around onto his back and smash him onto the ground. “That’s assault with a deadly weapon.” Pinning both his wrists in one hand and putting your other one between his shoulder blades to keep him down. Even with his struggling. 

He had a little _extra_ strength, but he was no Jessica Jones. No Captain America. That was for sure. An agent came to a running stop, uncapping a syringe and injecting it into the side of Will’s neck. His raging and screaming died down in a matter of seconds. Turning him over onto his side, the agent gave him a patdown. You were almost surprised at the sudden rattling of not one but _three_ pill bottles behind held up your way. “Ma’am.” 

You took hold of them, examining the clear bottles. No labels. Just red, white, and blue pills. Nothing like you’d ever seen. And… probably not good news. Did this trail ever fucking end? Jessica Jones’ world was just… too full. You shook your head. “Bag them and have them brought to the labs.” 

“And this guy?” 

“Put him in our holding cell.” He’d have to be questioned. And maybe charged. It would entirely depend on how you felt once he came to. Or what you were dealing with. Going over to the agent he’d slammed against the wall, you knelt down. “You alright?” 

She held a hand to her head, bleeding from her temple, but god bless her, “I’m okay, ma’am. Sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry. Just go get checked out. You’re done for the day. For as long as you need.” It wasn’t easy. Doing this work. Being this close to danger almost constantly. 

It seemed like she wanted to fight but she just wilted. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am.” Her superior officer had relieved her. There was no fighting against that.

Standing up you eyed down Clemons. “You got something for me too?” Tired as you asked.

He held one hand up- and you noted he was cradling his other bandaged one to his chest. “No. I’ll be glad to wash my hands of all this. This case belongs with your people.” 

“You were here. When Kilgrave escaped.” Explained why he was still lingering around. Why he was surprised to see your people here. And why he was hurt. 

“I was. Yes.” At least he was forthcoming. Any more interference and you really might have just collapsed. Or imploded. Not sure yet which. When you waited in silence for him to expand he just sighed. “Jessica took off with his father. They want to make a vaccine.” 

“Vaccine?” ...for Kilgrave? To nullify his powers? _Was that possible_? 

“Yeah. They think it’ll stop the guy. I don’t know about all that. I just know that I witnessed a murder. And have been made to realize I’ve been dragging my feet. But. Now that _you’re_ here…” 

You couldn’t help the long sigh that escaped you. “Yeah. I’m here now.” A better debrief had to be had, but your phone started ringing. Probably not a good sign in all of this. Turning away from him with a finger held up, _panic_ touched up your chest as you saw it was a number associated with _Hope Shlottman. _“Hello?” 

Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised you anymore, to hear Kilgrave’s voice on the other end of your phone. “_Puppy. I think we have a lot we still need to talk about, don’t you_?” 

“If you hurt that girl-” 

“_That’s the thing of it, puppy. I’m trying to show you I’m not such an __**irredeemable**__ monster. I’ve released Hope. For you. And for Jessica. It was such a big sticking point for the both of you and now we can be done with it. Does that make me less worthy of cold-blooded murder, I wonder_?” 

You allowed yourself to freeze over, just to avoid the other feelings trying to crawl through you. “Why don’t you tell me where you are. And we’ll talk about it.” 

He chuckled. “_So like you. But I’m feeling __**very**_ _generous. Tell you what. You can join us for dinner. You and Jessica both. She knows where I am_. _Pity she didn’t invite you like I asked_. _Had a feeling she wouldn’t_.” His delighted laughter continued until the line cut. 

Jessica would not answer her phone right now, of this you were sure. She hadn’t wanted Trish to contact you, either. She no longer wanted you involved. But you _had_ to figure out where she was- you had to get her to talk to you- your brain started scrambling. _The clock was ticking_. Waving your hand at the gaggle of agents still taking statements and cleaning up you started making quick commands, “I need a squad deployed immediately-” 

“Where to, ma’am? What level of force are we dealing with?” 

“The threat level is high- mind control- this is a DNE until my signal-” You started texting Jessica. Eventually, _quickly_, settling on:  
  
_Kilgrave just asked me to come to dinner. Where is he? Where are you_? 

You had to ignore the stares of everyone in the hallway, waiting for you to give an answer while you stared at your phone. You just had to hope. Hope she was figuring out going alone was not in anyone’s best interest- 

And, finally, you were rewarded with an answer: 

_Niku. _

That was it. Just that one word. So you rolled your arm up. “I need a squad directed at the restaurant Niku. Clean up team on backup.” The strong answer drowned out underneath the boost of your jets as you jumped down the stairwell again and took off. This was the second time you’d flown this particular coop with just as much urgency. LUNA already lit up a path for you. Niku was located in the Nolita- and it took you _too long to get there_. 

You were sweating in your suit. Drenched in _fear_. You’d make it there before your agents would but even then you felt like that still wouldn’t be enough. The restaurant was not as empty as you thought as you came in for a landing. But it was the way the heat signatures were positioned that brought you on a crash course through the back wall of the restaurant. 

Four people were standing on top of the bar, nooses around their neck. Kilgrave was within ten feet of you- _obtainable_. You could end him now- he had an older man in a half hug- _his father_ you barely recognized from the tape. Jessica was standing on the other end of the table- 

And Hope- 

Hope had just shoved the broken stem of a wine glass into her neck and promptly yanked it back out, blood splashing everywhere as her knees gave out. Kilgrave lit up in _terror_\- you were here and you could end this. “_STEP FORWARD!_” 

Your mind started a dizzying rush. Kilgrave was _running_. Running away with his father. Hope was bleeding out. The people on the bar stepped off and started struggling. And as you half turned, mind made up to go after him and finish this, Jessica shouted, “_I__**f you let her die you’re just as much of a monster as he is**_!” 

How?  
_How had it come to this? _  
How did Jessica Jones have any right to ask you to save one life over the lives of hundreds of others? 

Yet there you were. Dropping to an immediate kneel. _Commanded_ by her guilt almost as much the same as when Kilgrave had yanked you around by your proverbial leash. “LUNA what are my options here?” Trembling as you held her in your arms, pressing your hand over her neck. She was gurgling. 

“_She’s losing too much blood. We can heat up the repulsor __plate__ without launching to cauterize the wound_-”  
  
“Just do it.” Resigned to this. To doing what you had to do. Hope’s arms reached up, wildly trying to hold on to anything. “Keep still- hold on-” Hearing the charge of the repulsor. 

“_We’re at sustainable temperature, ma’am!_” 

The sizzle of flesh and her _screams_ were probably branded somewhere inside of your brain forever. But you sat through them. Sat through her struggles. Through _welding_ her skin shut so she wouldn’t bleed out and die. Because that’s what you’d been told to do. 

You’d been ordered to save Hope Shlottman instead of going to end Kilgrave. 

She passed out a few seconds in. About around the same time Jessica had gotten everyone down from hanging, by yanking the pipe they were tied to and letting them slide off onto the floor. Damage Control erupted on the scene as you sat there, a little _empty_. Their guns were drawn. They were barking orders. _Hands up_. _Back away_. And then… 

“Ma’am.” Kilgrave had taken his father. Kilgrave had _escaped_. Tony was in a hospital bed. A woman was in a body bag in a messy room. What was it all for? “_Ma’am_?” Someone put their hand on your shoulder. 

It was a weak snap to, but you managed. “Take her- she needs medical attention. Immediately. Take her to our wing of the hospital.” 

“Ma’am, is the enhanced still on the property?” 

You looked up. Jessica was holding to herself tightly, arms crossed, staring back at you. Her heavy _guilt_ might have made this okay. But there was just a small _light_ of triumph. So you couldn’t help the glare when you answered, “No. He’s not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What goes around comes around.  
Some housekeeping notes: I have dental surgery on Friday I'm pretty stoked about it. But because of this I'm about 98% sure right now that chapter will get posted a lot earlier than normal just so we don't miss a day. And as for next week I don't know yet I have to see how I'm handling everything once it's over. Thank you for understanding!


	145. Chapter 145

Uploading the image you’d finally obtained and _finally_ had time to do something with- Kilgrave’s face. Clear on your footage. And now it was going into your network files. Damage Control agents had it. The Avengers had it. But you had to mark his face with a _DO NOT ENGAGE _label. Because you couldn’t send people after him. He’d just tell them to kill themselves. Or use them to do greater damage. This all had to be worth something. There were too many casualties as it was.

You were running out of fuel. You’d had to sit down at the bar eventually when the rest of your _life_ started fading. You’d ordered a clean up. A cordoning off of the area. For the agents to link up with the police who were _already_ asking questions. Press had to be silenced. Statements had to be taken. Hope was stabilizing at the hospital, in a room close to Tony’s- who was in and out of consciousness still, you weren’t sure _why_\- 

It was dark already.   
You were tired. And lost. Somebody would find Kilgrave. LUNA and JARVIS were running overtime, feeding his image to each other and spreading out all across the city. Tapping into security cameras, social media posts, even crawling buzzwords for enhanced people- 

Yet it all felt useless. 

Eventually, in her _shame_, Jessica sat down next to you- got up, reached over the bar, grabbed a bottle of whiskey, and then sat down again. You didn’t have enough left in you to be tactful anymore. “Why did you do that?” Your voice was quiet and drawn. “Why did you let him get away?” Sure- really it had been _you_. **You **let Kilgrave run away. But only on her command. 

She was _stewing_. Eventually _anger_ found its way to her again. “What. You want me to admit I realize the irony of the situation?” 

Ah, yes. The _irony_. That the woman who had blamed you for _not_ killing Kilgrave which then _allowed _him to hurt more people- somehow that had been _your _fault. And now, when you’d had the chance this time, she’d gone and let him go. More people would pay the price. In exchange for one life. _Again_. Yes. _That irony_. 

Her head fell back as she drained the bottle and then put it down on the bar a little too hard. “...is Hope gonna make it?” 

Your _exasperation_ bled out of you. “Yes. She will. At what cost?” Finally turning to give her a dead-eyed stare. 

“Fuck you. Just because you’re a fucking _Avenger_ you get to say who lives and who dies? Hope deserved more than that-” 

“Yet you came at me months ago telling me it was _my_ fault Kilgrave hurt _you_. _And_ Hope- what did she _do that for_? Did he make her?” This was going to turn into a firestorm very quickly. The two of you just spitting at each other- 

But to your surprise, she turned away from you, wringing her hands atop the bar. “No. She did it on her own.” Her voice had quieted down. You had to wait for her to talk again because you just didn’t _want_ to put it all together anymore. She needed to start doing some of the fucking _teamwork_. If she even knew the meaning of the word. “Hope wanted me to kill him. But he was holding her hostage. So she tried to get herself out of the way.” 

Yeah. _Yeah_. Of course that’s how it happened. “I could’ve- I could’ve reached out and snapped his neck. I could have shot a hole through him. I could have ended this. And maybe even saved Hope- but you-” Shaking your head, shivering in your seat. 

“Yeah. _Me_. I _fucked it all up_ because I didn’t want her to die. Fucking sue me.” She was _writhing_ internally. So much built up inside her and no place to put it. Her fists slammed down on the bar as her head lowered. “Hope deserves better than this, damn it. She _deserved_ to live. I won’t fucking _apologize_ to you.” 

“What about everyone else? What about anyone else he hurts? Do they deserve to live too? Isn’t that what you forced on me when we first met?” It seemed unfair, maybe, to push her when she was at her limit. But so were you. And _fuck_ Jessica Jones. 

Maybe fuck you, too. For your involvement in all this. Maybe Jessica had been right. Maybe you’d been right, too. And maybe none of it really mattered. Because Kilgrave was the one who was really responsible for all this. So the two of you could blame each other as long as you lived. But in the end it was meaningless. 

It was just so tiring being asked to be the bigger person day in and day out. It was pulling holes inside your heart. And yet even still… you put it aside. As you always did. “What’s he want with his father? I’m guessing the vaccine didn’t work?” 

She sniffled, reaching up to wipe the back of her hand across her nose. “How do you know about that?” She was clawing desperately to try and keep it together. 

“I ran into Clemons at the facility. And Simpson- who I’m holding on assault charges, by the way. Did you know he was enhanced?” Talking to her but staring blankly straight ahead. 

“Enhanced? No- Trish probably doesn’t either- is that really important right now?” 

“I guess not. His father, then?” 

“No. The fucking vaccine didn’t work. That’s what started this whole mess- and his father-” She shook her head with a sigh of angry disgust. “He’ll probably use him to make some sort of super juice for his powers.” 

You found yourself nodding. If his father had been trying to engineer a vaccine, it would make sense that he could also go about it the other way. Make him stronger. That was a _very real_ problem. 

It was terrible, the shock that shunted through you when she half turned to look at you and ask, “Is Stark okay?” 

And right _there_ you found _your_ limit. Pushing back from the bar, you found your feet in a hard stand. Leveling a steely gaze on her, “You don’t get to ask me that.” What little you had left inside of you carried you out of the bar and into a waiting car. 

Because of the delicacy of the situation, and because you knew you were running on borrowed time, you’d called Happy. He asked where you wanted to go- _to the hospital, of course_\- you thought you heard your answer. But just as the car inched off from the sidewalk and pulled onto the road everything went dark. 

* * *

You were in a place of _comfort_. ...too comfortable, in fact. Curled on your side. Dvahli purring away tucked somewhere close to your stomach. Your hand in Tony’s. He was warm and _close_ and- this was all wrong. Kilgrave was around somewhere and you were- ..._not home_. You couldn’t be home. 

Pulling yourself together you sat up, an ache made itself known in your temples so strong it threatened to put you right back out. But you soldiered through it, because it was clear you’d been unconscious for far too long. When the fog cleared your vision you found yourself in the dim light of Tony’s hospital room. You were asleep aside his bed in a cot. Something Happy must have gotten for you. 

It was light outside-? The sun was trying to bleed through the drawn blinds. You struggled to get out of bed. Dvahli made noises of upset as you moved and then replaced herself as she jumped over to Tony’s bed. Tony- who was still asleep. Taking a glance at the clock above the door, you felt a sense of unease reading 2:18PM. Tony definitely should have been awake. 

Your entire body ached. Possibly _begging_ you to go lie back down, but you ignored it, partially limping your way to the door until the rest of your muscles could get themselves together. In the hallway you flagged a nurse down. “I need to speak with his primary doctor- whoever’s been giving him meds.” 

She nodded. “Sure thing, ma’am.” And then headed off. 

Back inside the room you slid into a seat, taking your phone out. You weren’t sure if you were or weren’t surprised that there were several missed calls from Jessica. None from your agents. No pings off JARVIS or LUNA. Kilgrave hadn’t been widely located, but Jessica clearly wanted something from you. 

You thought about calling her. You probably _should _call her- and you would- but the door to the room opened and a doctor with a chart walked in so that got your attention first. “You wanted to speak with me?” 

Pulling yourself to a stand you had to figure out how to approach this delicately. “Hi- thanks- my head of security has been telling me that Tony’s been out of it. I feel like he should be up by now- not like walking around but… _up_.” Tony never stayed in a hospital longer than he had to. Even when you wanted him to. He _should_ still be here, for sure. But this was unlike him. It was _wrong_. 

The doctor made a weird face at you, and you felt a ripple of _annoyance_ come over him, but he glanced back down at the chart and flipped a few pages. “Well… we were given instructions to sedate him. He kept asking to leave and- it was your own words here on file- you wanted him to rest-” 

“I wanted him to _rest_ not be _**incapacitated**_.” Trying your best not to raise your voice. 

“He was also complaining about the pain.” At this you made a face of sheer _disbelief_. Tony would _never_. And the doctor eased back on that idea. “Not to our staff- to yours- but your staff then mentioned it to ours-” 

“Your staff _is_ my staff. And so what?” Tony must have said something to Happy and Happy must have said something to a nurse. This was out of control. “It doesn’t mean you can just _drug_ him to sleep.” 

“Please don’t take offense to this, ma’am. But he’s a difficult patient. This is how we treated patients of his caliber at SHIELD.” 

This man was very lucky you’d slept for probably an entire day. Had you been in the state you’d been in when facing Jessica at that bar hours ago, you’d probably have reached out and throttled him. As it was now… “Maybe that’s the way SHIELD dealt with people, but that’s _not_ the way we do things now.” 

“Well nobody told me that. If we have different protocols, you should have mentioned it.” 

The phone in your hand was ringing. This man probably had no idea how lucky he was. “Back off the meds. That’s all.” 

He curbed a roll of his eyes, probably extremely unaware you were wading in his _distaste_ for you. “I’ll make a note of it.” Flipping the chart closed, he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. 

Jessica was calling you again. It was probably more bad news. But you had to find some way to make this all worth something. Maybe she had a tip for you. But when you answered and barely got through a greeting she started yelling, “Where the hell have you been? I need you. I’ve needed you for hours.” 

“That’s a first.” 

“Real fucking cute.” She was incredibly angry, but at this point you were numb to her feelings. “Luke’s in trouble. You have a super hospital or something, right? Where you took Hope?” 

“Luke?” Brain a little slow to chug on the memory of meeting him. Luke Cage. You remembered. “Yeah- why? What trouble?” 

“I have him and a nurse in my apartment but she needs more tools. You’re well equipped, can you come get him?” 

It was probably your fault. You’d been dead to the world for too long a time. She was asking for your help, you just didn’t know why. “What’s the matter with him that you can’t take him to a regular hospital? I only benched Hope here because-” 

“He’s enhanced.” 

“_Jesus Christ, Jessica_. Do you know anybody who’s _not_ enhanced?” It was probably unfair to her, to just let those words tear out of you. But at this point you seriously had to wonder. Where the hell were all these people coming from? And why did she seem to know them all? ...doubly unfair considering… well… you were who _you_ were and knew who _you_ knew.

“Lots. But that’s really not important right now. Are you gonna help or not? Look- I’m just as tired of this shit as you are. You have _no _idea what I’ve been through in the past day.” 

You supposed that was probably true. Something terrible had to have happened if she had gone to Luke and now Luke was apparently critically injured… “I’ll send a team to pick him up. Come with them. We’ll compare notes.” Even though you had nothing. But she’d been working on something. Clearly. Chasing Kilgrave- for him to lash out like that… 

“Yeah. Okay.” 

Her call clipped out as another one came in. And truly and honestly, you wanted to be _done_ with surprises for the rest of your life. Bruce calling your name shook a tremor through you. “Hey- this stuff you sent through the labs- these pills?” 

“Nice to talk to you too, Bruce.” 

“Sorry- it _is_ nice to hear you. Tony’s been quiet. Can’t imagine things have been easy over there. We’ve all been kind of worried. Then this stuff shows up on our reports?” 

You sat down again, for lack of energy. “You know something about it? Those pills were on a guy who attacked some of our Damage Control staff…” 

“They’re combat enhancers. Our good friend General Ross had files on files about this stuff, back when…” Back when Bruce mistakenly thought he was doing good work for the man. “It doesn’t matter. This stuff was shut down a while back. I was surprised to see it suddenly.” There was an uneasy pause before he worked up the courage to ask, “What the hell is going on over there?” 

“I don’t think it’s related, honestly.” Which made it all the more maddening. This was just _noise_. It had nothing to do with Kilgrave. “If you know about where we might find those files, send them my way. It’s not important right now but… I imagine it will be. At some point. And… thanks for picking that up for me.” He’d just gotten a hit on a lab computer and went straight to work without you asking him. God you missed your family. You wanted them _home_. 

“Yeah. Alright.” He must have been feeling the same way, because the next thing out of his mouth after some silence, “I noticed you uh… didn’t answer me. ...can you at least let me know- are we close to this being over?” 

You put your hand over your face. He couldn’t see you. But it felt right to hide your suddenly overwhelming _sadness_. “I hope so.” But you had to do better than that. “I think so. I’m sorry. I’m trying. Just… give me a little more time.” 

“I know you’re working your hardest. Nobody is blaming you. We’re just worried about you and Tony. That’s all.” 

“It’ll be done soon. Thanks for worrying about us.” 

“Don’t thank me. Just… I’ll work on this for you. And you let me know if there’s something else I can do. Okay?” 

“Yeah. Thank you.” 

You imagined he wasn’t alone. He wanted to help. They probably all did. But you’d put them so far away. So that they could stay safe. This had to be over. You had to end this. For them.   
_For everyone_. 

* * *

It took a little too long to get a team down to Jessica’s apartment, bring Luke and her little squad over to the hospital and get everyone settled. You had them station him as far away from Tony’s room as you could, and put Happy on security detail for Tony’s door. These people were not allowed anywhere near him- especially considering the messy state things were in. Tony needed to sleep off those meds. And you still had to decide if you were firing that doctor. 

Luke was just short of being in a critical state- at least that was your guess what with all the nurses and doctors moving in and out of his room once he was there. While you paid all these people and had several times now declared this _official Avengers business_, that didn’t mean they could violate HIPAA for you. ...at least you hadn’t asked them to, yet. You couldn’t help but wonder what way Luke was enhanced that made him a handful for a _normal_ hospital.

Once the dust had settled, Jessica met you outside in the hallway. The sun was going down. “He gonna be okay?” You at least had to ask. She seemed to care a great deal for Luke. He was important to her. That was worth something. 

...maybe this made you a little bit of a monster, the way you’d reacted when she’d asked you about Tony.

“You have better tools here. The nurse thinks he’ll make it.” She crossed her arms, looking around. 

“Our nurse or the one you brought? Who is she?” 

“Her name is Claire Temple. Apparently you have a friend in common.” Offering this information easily, for some reason. You had no idea what. And were _absolutely_ too tired to ask her to expand on it. The web was growing wider. All these encompassing yet unimportant little points kept popping up. 

If it didn’t stop soon you were pretty sure you’d go insane. “Doctor Banner is running some tests on those pills Simpson had on him. He’s seen them before, but I told him it’s unrelated.” 

“Great. So you’ve got nothing. That’s what you’re saying?” When you just stared at her, she shook her head. “It’s fine. We’re close to finishing this.” Reaching into her jacket pocket she pulled a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to you. “That’s where Kilgrave is with his father. Right now.” 

The address on it was somewhere you didn’t recognize- definitely in a highrise somewhere, though. “How do you know?” 

“He called Luke from this guy’s cell phone. Justin Boden. I ran a check on it. He’s probably holed up there. Waiting.” She seemed so very _sure_ about this. 

But this couldn’t be rushed or handled poorly. This was _obvious_. “He knew you’d figure it out. This seems like a trap.” 

“Well it’s all I’ve fucking got and you’ve got _nothing_, so what else are we supposed to do?” Again she really _was_ asking you for a better plan. And _again_ you had… well. Nothing. As she said. 

“I’ll go there myself.” 

“Fuck you.” 

It was almost exactly like a physical slap across the face. You struggled to not retaliate or react to it as such. “Then what do _you _want to do, Jessica?” Clearly you had no say in the matter. 

Her eyes locked on to yours. “We go there. _Together_. And we _end_ this. No matter what.” 

There were a lot of caveats she was asking you to overlook. Holes she wanted you to ignore. _No matter what_ held such a big significance. It meant promising to throw everything to the wind to justify this one end. Your death? Hers? Countless others? Could you agree to do the _right thing_ here _no matter what_? 

Yes.   
Yes you could. 

You held out your hand for her to shake on it. “No matter what.” 

This had to stop. Now. And whatever it took to make it stop… that’s what the two of you would do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over for Kilgrave on Friday. Also again, I'm mostly sure that chapter is going up very early.   
Also what is it with everyone being terrible (except Bruce we love you). Should we fire that doctor y/n?


	146. Chapter 146

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Very early chapter today due to that I'm having dental surgery and am almost sure to be too out of it to post later so I definitely want you guys to get a chapter rather than nothing! Please be advised that there's light um... I guess gore (it's severed limbs) would be the word? Look, Netflix wrote it, okay. I tried not to go too far into detail as always. Just be safe! And thanks as always for reading!_

The first thing you did before leaving was ask Happy to make sure the staff switched Tony’s doctor. You’d figure out what to do with that one when you returned. _If_ you returned- though you were pretty sure you would. You’d promised Kilgrave death, and you were going to give it to him.

Perhaps the doctor had been right. Maybe that _was_ what he was used to doing for SHIELD, and either you or Maria had hired him- so he must have been some sort of good at what he did. But… overly sedating Tony Stark… that was out of the question. 

_Something _needed to be done about it, you just weren’t sure what yet. 

The last thing you did was… stand by his bedside for a long few moments. Moments you didn’t own. Time was slipping through your fingers. The longer you waited, the worse this would get. But you felt _terrible_. If you’d been here or conscious enough you would have seen the nurses and the doctors pumping him full of meds. You would have been able to stop it. It was a surprise, when you brushed your fingers over his forehead and then leaned in for a kiss that his consciousness _stirred_ just a little beneath you. 

That soft little light that always drew you in so completely. Your lips drifted to his temple, and you pressed one last apologetic kiss there. No voice escaped you, but you passed the thought between the two of you. 

_I love you_. 

It was too early to be too bold. You were going to end this. But you’d also promised Jessica that either of you would do whatever it took to make this all stop. If you were put in a compromising position… better not to think about it. You’d come back to him. _You would_. 

Every last ounce of personal strength you had got put to use as you turned away from his bedside and went to the door. -at least that’s what you thought. But when that _feeling_ bounded back in the shape of his voice-   
  
_I love you more_. 

-it really did take everything you had to leave. To exit his room and shut the door behind you. While you would have liked a moment to breathe, Jessica was waiting on the other side of it. So you got no time to heal. Or think. “Let’s go.” Not wanting her to even dare ask how Tony was again. She probably wouldn’t have, considering how you’d dug into her before over it. But you still wanted no risk. 

She followed at your side. “Justin lives in his top floor penthouse with his boyfriend Frank. They’re probably being used to help whatever Kilgrave is doing- and they’ll be collateral damage if it means Kilgrave can use them to escape.” 

“If they’re even there at all.” Outside the hospital you took a deep breath and ignored her stare full of ire. “There’s a strong possibility he left already. He’s not that stupid.” 

“But if he got all the power he was looking for he might think he can _use it_. In which case we’re walking into a trap that _involves_ him.” 

There was just no point in arguing with her. Really. Truly. This was a lead either way. No matter what she thought or how _wrong_ she thought _you_ were. You double tapped the Reactor to suit up. “So what’s your plan, exactly?” 

“You bring me up there and we smash in the balcony window.” 

With the helmet up you didn’t even bother trying to hide the roll of your eyes. “Fine.” Then the short _awkward _standing around ensued. And you had to be the one to ask- “How do you want me to carry you?” 

“Why don’t you just hold me by my wrist and throw me through the fucking window.” Her tone was dry. But. That was an option. A very viable option, so far as you were concerned. 

And so you reached forward to latch on to her arm. “Fine by me.” And then jumped off with a boost of your jets to lift. Jessica’s shouts were thoroughly ignored. 

* * *

At least the two of you had the cover of sudden (by your count, anyway, as the understanding of time slipped further and _further_ away from you) darkness while you carried her by the arm over the city. At the top of the building this Boden guy lived in, you stopped just short. While it would have been amusing to stick to the plan of chucking her through the windows, the curtains were drawn. It would be entirely too sloppy to just toss her into unknown danger. 

Instead you killed your jets a little short on the farthest point of the balcony and dropped the both of you down as quietly as possible. One heat signature lit up inside the penthouse. Which was… troubling. And then as you looked… there seemed to be a much dimmer one on the floor. “If he’s in there, he’s alone. I think somebody’s hurt.” Which meant he _wasn’t_\- 

So it shouldn’t have surprised you when Jessica leaped forward and rushed a punch right through one of those windows, shattering it completely. You followed hot on her heels inside, taking stock of the place. It looked like someone had set up an entire chemistry lab, vials and needles and chemicals strewn across various tabletops. One man was on the floor- no heat signature at all, a syringe in his hand- and- 

And- 

“Oh my god-” 

There was another man.   
Feeding an arm into a blender. Spattered with blood. _Mindlessly_ shoving it in as the blades whirred and protested- your eyes went anywhere but him- and that’s when you saw the man those arms used to belong to. Kilgrave’s father. Lying face up on the floor in a literal _pool_ of his own blood, eyes open and empty. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d eaten. It was too long ago. Maybe you shouldn’t have even been standing right then- but it was all you could do to quick release the helmet and lurch over to the kitchen sink which was near enough, retching up nothing but painful bile. 

“_Jesus Christ!_ _Stop!_” Jessica was fighting with the man currently trying to win a war with the blender. 

You barely heard his response over another upheaval from your stomach, “I have to remove dad from the face of the earth-” 

“No you don’t! Stop!” 

“But then we have to kill ourselves!” 

Jessica was shouting- she was calling your name. Over your dizzying fog, feeling like you might pass out, you cast a look up at her. When she saw she had your attention, “Make him stop! _Do something for fuck’s sake!_” 

A full tremor rocked your entire body and your head went down to the sink again. You had to get past yourself. You had to do something. She was right. But you couldn’t move from your station. Locked there in an iron grip to the stainless steel as another bout of bitter bile rocketed out from you. Instead you reached up a hand, body going into a _panic_\- 

You had to do something but you couldn’t move.   
But you _did_ do something. As another painful retch escaped you projected _outward_. Without moving. Without _seeing_. And it must have hit its mark. Somewhere beyond your ears you heard that telltale _shatter_. One you were all too aware of by now. 

The blender stopped whirring. Deep, unhinged _wailing _started. That was exactly the noise you would have expected from someone realizing he’d just been using his kitchen appliance to grind a man to pieces. Then it stopped very suddenly after the sound of a hard _smack_. Jessica had silenced him. 

Energy escaped you and shaky knees sent you down to the floor. You tried to find any space to breathe as a gasp shot from the remaining heat signature you’d seen in the room. The weak one. The _dying _one. “He’s stronger. Don’t listen. Don’t look at him. He’ll make you kill.” 

“Albert.” Jessica’s _haunted frustrations_ were reaching an all time high. She had a much better poker face than you. “_Albert_.” Calling to him. But it was too little too late. “God damn it.” 

You had seen worse than this, right? People exploding- aliens- multiple accounts of attempted murder- but this was so… it was so _sick_. So _terrible_ and _wrong_. Maybe Jessica was more used to this. A strange thing to think, really. Then again. She was stronger… it was why you expected, as she came over, that she was going to yank you to your feet and tell you to pull yourself together. Maybe she should have. Maybe you needed a slap across the face too. 

But that’s not what you got. Instead, you felt an all too strange hand on your shoulder. “Give yourself a minute, alright?” Maybe it was _pity_\- though… you didn’t sense that. Instead you sensed… _sorrow_. At least that was something you shared. The relief was short. “You’ve got people that’ll clean this up, don’t you? Can you work on that? I’m gonna take a look around.” Giving you one more out. Something to focus on that wasn’t so immediately the situation you found yourself in. 

So you took it and ran. Not quite literally, but you put yourself on the balcony and made the necessary calls. Damage Control was used to being stationed in multiple places at once when there was an _incident_. Of this you had no doubt. But you still felt bad for utilizing them so much so quickly. And to see such horrible things, too… There was no apology in the world you could give for this. 

Once a few agents arrived you tried to direct your attention their way. It was a hell of a mess you were asking to clean up- after the _last _mess you’d asked them to clean up not too long ago. Jessica was on the phone with somebody- ..._Jeri_, of all people, it sounded like. You just didn’t have the energy to care about why. Or what now. 

After giving out orders that they were to bag bodies and tag evidence to still be withheld until this was over, you went back onto the balcony to breathe in fresh air by gulps. Holding onto a railing with too tight of a grip- still in the suit, too- accidentally crushing it underneath your steel. It was too short a time to find any _real_ relief. Jessica was coming up behind you. 

She stuck a picture out in your peripheral and you half turned to take hold of it. The man who’d been… busy with the blender was standing outside of a yacht. Very obviously at the Hudson Yards Terminal. There was something else obvious about this, too. But she had the good grace to point it out. “That picture was on Albert.” 

Of course it was. “That’s where he’s headed then.” 

“And he wants us to know it.” When you turned fully to her she gave you a hard-set stare. “I need to know I can count on you. Because if what Albert says is true- and all the shit I just found in there- Kilgrave is stronger now. This ends tonight. Only one of two ways.” 

Kilgrave was luring the both of you out to a yacht. To take you to international waters? Maybe? Not that it would _matter_ if your team found out about it. He probably very seriously didn’t care. Either way, the both of you would be under his command for sure. Clearly emboldened. Clearly he thought whatever this power boost was, it was enough to take the both of you back under his heel. Then maybe his plan was just to disappear with the both of you and torture you for the rest of your lives. 

“Well…” You said this on a breath out. “If we get to decide. It ends with him being dead.” Meeting her, then, in firmness. “I can’t take this anymore. I don’t think _anyone_ can. So if it’s him or anyone else-”

“It’s him. I get it.” Agreeing. Agreeing with you again. Doubling down, even. “Don’t save my ass and I won’t save yours.” There was a little bit of a grin on her lips. Drawn and terribly tired. You _felt_ that for sure. “Agreed?” 

You nodded. “Agreed. Do we have a plan here? Or are we just walking up on him and hoping for the best?” That wasn’t a plan. And in the event that he _was_ stronger, it was an issue. You couldn’t come out of this on the wrong side. Tony would never forgive himself- ...and you’d really rather not be trapped with Kilgrave for the rest of your life. 

She seemed to think for only a moment and then asked the strangest question of the night, “How’s your improv?” 

* * *

You took her by the arm again and flew over the city and to the docks. Up ahead LUNA started counting off just how many bodies were on that pier. All standing in front of Kilgrave like a bullet proof vest. When the number totaled you let her know, “He has a hundred people.” 

“Your magic act that good?” Shouted up to you. 

“I guess we’ll find out.” Not like you had a choice. This was it. It was now or never. Kilgrave was literally _waiting _for the both of you. You dropped her first and she ducked out of a roll, and you stood in front, landing with a hard clank of metal on wood. 

Kilgrave started the show for the both of you. “I wanted this to work out. Needed a little bit of assurance. But we can play nice. And no one has to get hurt.” 

Jessica found her place at your side. “There’s no way this ends well for you.” 

He rolled his eyes with a duck of his head and a little amused sigh, shrugging his shoulders. “Can’t blame a man for trying. Alright.” Lifting his voice with a wave of his arm. “_Start killing each other_!” 

All bodies present on the pier turned to one another and absolute chaos erupted. Jessica slipped slightly into a _panic_, turning towards the couple nearest her to pry them off of each other and throw them in opposite directions. This was too many people. You weren’t sure you could stand up to this. You weren’t sure you could _do_ this. 

But if you didn’t… 

“Any fucking time now!” Jessica brought you back full while she had two more shirt collars in her fists. 

It was dangerous to show this to _him_. But you had no choice here. Reaching both hands up you took a steadying breath, a wide stance, and then found a position familiar to you. One you hadn’t used in a long time. Spreading your palms out, like _pleading_\- pleading for somebody to _stop_. To listen to you. To give their attention to you for one second so you could _change the__m_\- you cast that furious storm out. Just like you had in the apartment. You let it all go. 

The sound of _breakage _was overwhelming. A veritable tsunami wiping over the whole crowd and casting that control out to sea. It almost sounded like the audio system in the helmet had gone haywire. Looping on feedback. But the sounds of fighting stopped. Right as a blossom of _surprise _and a little touch of _fear_ rocked through Kilgrave. In as authoritative of a voice as you could, you told his shields, “Run. _Now_.” It took them approximately three seconds to listen. Most of them _shrieking_ as they fled. 

Someone knocked by you on their way out, and it was almost like they’d hit the release button on your muscles. You went down to one knee, planting your fist down on the pier to keep from collapsing completely. Inside the helmet you could barely breathe, and you felt the telltale drip of blood leaking from your nose.

Kilgrave stuck his hands in his pockets. “Well now. Isn’t _that_ something. I’ve had the idea for a while, that you were my _antithesis_. My father brought it up, last we spoke… but I rather like to think you’re the _yin_ to my _yang_.” In another clean move he put one hand out, gesturing. “All in all not too bad. Tony Stark’s not the _only_ one who can do a bit of math.” A terrible little laugh came out of him. “Jessica. _Come here_.” 

You picked your head up sharply, perhaps a little too telling in how quick. Silently _demanding_ she did not listen to him. She looked back, unmoving- until her feet moved for her. But one quick _glance_ and you knew. You knew what he didn’t. _She wasn’t infected_. 

Still, smart man that he was, he scoffed as _disbelief_ warred inside of him. Because he wanted to believe. He wanted it _so badly _it was almost choking you. When she stopped in front of him, he stared her down. “Don’t insult my intelligence. You’re faking, aren’t you?” 

She just stared up at him. “Faking what?” 

At this he made a face at her. “_Obviously_ you have a plan. Otherwise I’d be dead. So. Let’s be a little cautious, shall we?” Taking her around the neck by his arm, he pulled a knife from his pocket and jammed it into the side of her neck, just short of piercing her skin. “_Puppy_! Take that ridiculous thing off. Or I’ll kill her. Right now.” 

Part of you doubted this. This entire show had been to obtain her. But. You steadied the hammering of your heart, and double tapped to release the suit entirely. Jessica struggled without warning- “Don’t be fucking _weak_\- you _promised_! End this!” Her _fear_ was real. Taking off your only protection- it could be really over. Whether or not for whatever reason _she_ was no longer infected-

If he took _you_-

Kilgrave pulled her tight. “_Shut up_.” And just like that her struggles **died**. And that was all it took to spring that _hope_ inside of him. Shakily you got to your feet. Just as he pointed a finger at you- “_Stay where you are._” So you did. 

But not because he told you to.   
Jessica’s question finally burned a bright spot in your mind. 

_What I’m saying is- you took off. __**Both of you.**_ _When Kilgrave was screaming up a storm. __**How?**_

You had your answer now.  
_You were free_. The night you’d freed that poor woman… maybe that had been enough to break you out of it, too. And in one glance between you and her- you projected what little _hope_ and _understanding_ you had left.

It cycled back.

“I’ve been asking the impossible of you.” Kilgrave pocketed the knife and took Jessica’s face in his hands, redirecting her gaze, and you had to try and not drown in her _disgust_. “I asked you to love me, over and over. And I know now. You can’t. You’re incapable.” His head turned to you. “_Puppy, come here_.” You timed your steps in a slow, aching march as you trudged forward. His grin spread. In his mind this was it. He was at the goal. The finish line. It was all over. His eyes returned to Jessica just as you stood at his side. “But she can _make you_ love me. You’re mine now. No more fighting. No more of these ugly displays.” 

He was welling up with _giddy_ _satisfaction_. It was truly revolting. Casting his glance your way, “Puppy, I know things have been difficult between us, but I’ll give you the chance to make it up to me. One day… one day soon you won’t remember anything else but _me_. Like it should be. I know it. Let’s go now. Let’s get on the boat. We’ll start our lives. Let’s start with a smile.” 

Despite it all, you found yourself doing exactly that. Smiling. And it made his heart _soar_. For only a moment. Until reality set in when you found your voice, “I have waited for this. For _so long_.” 

“_Shut up_.” 

“**No**.” Upon your single, strong utterance of this word, _fear _and _panic_ bolted through him. His mouth opened to say something- _command something_\- but Jessica stopped him as she lifted her hands to take both of his, twisting his arms- probably right out of their sockets. She then kicked his knee out, maybe literally, and he crumbled to the ground. 

You stepped in closer while she held him through his writhing, directing her aching _pain_\- the pain he’d inflicted on her and countless others, his way. Straight into his heart. “You really thought you’d get away with this, huh? That we’d get on your fucking boat and sail away into the sunset with you? So you could rape us forever? Torture us like everyone else you’ve ever come across? You’re pathetic. You’re _disgusting_.” Spitting the last parts at him.

“_Get off me_\- _**I’ll kill you both**_\- _I’ll ruin your lives_-” He bounced back and forth between anger and fear. “Wait- please- you wouldn’t- this isn’t _right_-” Mocking you. Even now. 

Or maybe forgetting himself and seriously trying to appeal to your sense of mercy. You double tapped the Arc, suiting up again but released the helmet. You wanted to see his eyes. You wanted him to _see you_. Then you sunk your fingers into the back of his hair and yanked his head back. “You’re a monster. And you’ll never be anything else.” 

His eyes burned into yours. “That’s what you’ve decided then, eh? Honest and truly? _I thought you were better than this._” 

“You were wrong.” 

Jessica held him still. Quieted his attempts to flee or to quiver in fear, or to do _anything_. Forcing a bolt of _panic_ through his veins, clenching your hand in the back of his hair, gazing _deeply_ at him, you settled a hand over his heart. “LUNA, full power.” The charge of the repulsor lit up the night air, but not quite as loud as his _screaming_. A drop of your blood rolled off your chin, splashing his temple.

“_Puppy_\- _**please**_-”

With a push of your hand you released. You did to him what he’d done to you. _You took it all away_. A shot burst right through him. In through his chest and out through his back. And you made sure to _watch_. Watched him like he was watching you. You watched the widen of his eyes before they went glassy and then _empty_. You _watched_ that light fade from existence. You stayed until there was literally nothing left. 

It wasn’t your place. To judge people. To decide who got to live or who got to die. But you’d started doing it more these days. Not comfortable yet with the idea. Hopefully you never would be. But you’d promised this man beneath your grip _death_. Deserved death. And you’d _meant it_. 

It was strange. To be standing there. Breathing hard. Holding on to a body that had long since given up. There was nothing in there anymore. But you still _held on_. Too long. Until Jessica put a hand on your arm- and said _something_. You weren’t sure what. And when you looked up at her- for a brief moment- a tiny sliver in time- you thought you saw him.

Standing there. Hands in his pockets. _There_ but not there. Staring at you. Watching. And then… then he was gone in the next blink of your eyes. Jessica’s voice was garbled, hard to understand. Not that it mattered, as the sound of police sirens drowned it out. 

You let him go, finally, and his body collapsed into a heap on the pier. Jessica’s hands were up in the air. The cops had their guns drawn. It’d be one more mess to clean up. One more thing to do. Yet- you felt like you weren’t _there_ anymore. Kilgrave was gone and it felt almost like… he’d taken a part of you with him. You felt untethered. Unhinged. Like someone had cut your puppet strings. 

Jessica was asking you to do something. The world was rocking on the edges. No- no it was _rumbling_\- or was that a roar? 

A gust of wind hit the both of you as a jet flew by and then came to a heavy land on the pier. Not just any jet. _The quinjet_. The ramp opened up- 

And as soon as you saw Tony descend it, arm in a sling, wearing an inappropriate suit for the occasion, no less- whatever last bout of energy you had suddenly belonged to him as you bounded his way. It really felt like the world was playing a trick on you, when he stopped, and just before you collapsed into him you saw the rest of _your family_ break out into the pier. 

Your head was already buried in his shoulder, your hands in his chest. His voice lifted as he raised his one good arm. “Excuse me, fellas. Avengers business- maybe it’s too dark. Didn’t recognize her. We’ll call it even if you lower your guns.” The cops probably followed that order immediately. You weren’t looking to check. But he eased just a little. Though there was an immense mountain of _hurt_, as he put his good arm around you. “We’re gonna be alright.” Promising you that even though he probably had very little idea what the hell was going on. 

“How are you here?” Not quite sure. So unsure, in fact, that you were almost _more_ sure that you’d slipped into insanity. Maybe Kilgrave had taken you on the yacht. You also only just realized that you were _sobbing_, as you asked. 

“I mean- I think _thank you_ comes before asking how I got here.” His mock offense drew a weak, wet laugh from you. He held you a little tighter. “Team came back. Interrupted my unintended naptime. Cho patched me up a little more on a proof-of-concept type deal, but JARVIS caught a bunch of 911 calls that indicated you were trying to hop on a boat and skip town. Thought I’d try and talk you out of it.” 

It was hard to tell which side of the line you were riding. Laughing or crying. Really it was both. But more than anything, you allowed yourself to slip head under a deep pool of _relief_. Words weren’t working. And all too soon you realized, a little later than he did, that you were leaning on him as your body was very slowly giving up. 

He nudged you to the side. “Let’s sit down, honey. Come on.” 

The steps between his spot on the pier and the bench on the quinjet lapsed immediately out of your memory. You were in one spot and then the next pretty instantly. You had a bottle of water in one hand, and were holding a handkerchief to your nose. No idea where they came from. People were talking. _Lots_ of people were talking. There was a hand on your back- Tony’s. And when you realized, you slid to the side, resting your head on his shoulder. 

You didn’t really have it in you- you didn’t have _anything_ in you- to answer anybody’s questions. And as Steve walked up the ramp and took a knee in front of you, reached out to put a hand on your shoulder, you felt yourself drifting off. “You did that? You killed him?” 

It was unreasonable to ask yourself to work out why he was asking you that. And why _now_. ...probably something to do with the cops. Though you were looking at him, you weren’t really looking at _anything_. “I did.” 

His eyes lowered. You were too out of it to begin wading in someone else’s feelings for a change. Tony pulled you closer, putting his arm around you. “It’s over now. That’s what matters. If they have a problem with that, they can take it up with me.” 

Steve stood. “Or any of us, I imagine. I was just asking. Because _they’re_ asking.” A little defensively but apparently still on your side. 

You reeled back your selfish need to be left alone when the pieces clicked into place. “Jessica didn’t do it. Don’t let them take her away.” 

At this he turned away. “A little late for that.” 

But before your frustrations could flare, Tony gave you a soft squeeze. “We’ll spring Jones. Don’t worry about it. Just relax.” 

_Relax_.   
What a concept. _What a thought_. 

Your body gave into the idea almost immediately, your head landing hard on his shoulder, fading out completely. But it wasn’t darkness you basked in. It was a blanket of that light- _his _light- that kept you safe. Even from yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it. It's over. Kilgrave is d-e-a-d.   
Dead.   
The team is home. Finally. Tony is out of the hospital. Good god. What a great day. 
> 
> If you can please leave some love for me to get back to! It'll definitely lift my spirits. And as for next week, I don't know where I'll be yet, but if I can't manage posting I'll be sure to put a big apology up on EvienStark on tumblr if that's the case so stay tuned and if that happens already sorry in advance.


	147. Chapter 147 [End: Jessica Jones: Season 1]

“_-and the damage radius from these blocks out_-”  
  
“_-press will get a statement tomorrow_-”  
  
“_-we have to be careful about this_-”  
  
“_-I have orders, I have to go out soon, so we have to resolve-_”  
  
“-_what about the_ _guy in the hospital_-” 

Various voices were droning in and out. Conversation was happening around you. It was hard to make heads or tails of it. Everyone that spoke was familiar in that warm sort of way but everything they were going over left you sort of _cold_. In an instinctive type of way- because you really didn’t know- 

“Honey?” Tony’s voice drew your attention forward. 

As your vision cleared you took stock of the situation you found yourself in. You were in one of the smaller Avengers conference rooms. The team was there. Natasha was at the front of the room. Tony had probably been pacing around but now had a hand on your shoulder. The sun was trying to squirm its way in through the closed blinds. 

You had no idea how you’d gotten where you were. The last thing you’d remembered was passing out in the back of the quinjet. ...hadn’t you? Yet it seemed like, from the way everyone was staring, that maybe you hadn’t done that. And instead had gone from night in the jet to day in the conference room all while seemingly being aware. But you had no record of that time. Which was more than a little _alarming_. 

“I’m sorry- what are- um…” Feeling a swell of _nervousness_ tighten your chest. “Did I doze off?” Hoping maybe that was the case. That you’d been caught red handed. 

But the weird exchange of glances around the room tipped you off to the fact that you shouldn’t have asked. Tony’s _worry_ packed the rest of you almost full to bursting, but it was Steve who was looking at you. “You’ve been staring off into the distance this whole time. Did you not hear any of this?” 

Natasha leaned in, putting her palms on the table, “I’ll summarize. You deployed three Damage Control units in less than forty-eight hours. Reports are coming back in. Multiple bodies need storage. We need to know who to put where, what statements to give to who, and you have all the missing pieces.” 

Clint stood, crossing his arms. “There’s also a dead body we scooped up. Enhanced individual with a pretty purposeful hole through his chest. And the powered lady in the casual lockup keeps saying she’s responsible.” 

A mess. You’d gone into a fugue state in the middle of a mess. This was all a little too much. But you sensed Tony was about to give you some sort of excuse to get you out of all this and let everyone _else_ run cleanup. You couldn’t let that happen. So quickly you stood, gratefully finding your feet beneath you. “Jessica Jones didn’t do that. I did. _Obviously_.” What was Jessica thinking? It had to have been clear what kind of wound that was. “That’s Kilgrave, which I’m sure she’s said by now. -you should have gotten his picture on the network. He’s held about a thousand people hostage over the course of two months. He definitely has more victims than that. He has a long track record. All those bodies in bags belong to him. I know the reports will show I gave a DNE order- he was dangerous. _We knew this already_. He also boosted his powers, right before I stopped him.” 

Natasha looked up at you. “Did you even try to bring him in?” There was a reason she was asking this, and it wasn’t because she was being critical of you.

“I put him down because I had no other choice.” 

All eyes were on you as Steve asked, “You sure about that?” 

You tried to be as firm as possible. “_Yes_.” 

There was only a small silence that settled. Tony interrupted it. “So, as you can see, the Avengers did their job. This is our territory. You know. Doing that _thing_.” Turning his wrist over. “Stopping threats the military can’t- yadda yadda yadda…” 

From his spot on the other side of the table, Bruce lifted his head, giving his shoulders a gentle nudge up. “Sounds about right to me.” 

Thor, who had assumedly been taking all this in with his arms crossed gave one of those brisk smiles of his. “By all accounts, it would seem our dear Lady has become quite the hero of the people in our absence. I for one would have liked to see this man on the battlefield. Seems like he was quite savage.” He was being painfully _honest_. You wondered, how that would have went. Kilgrave VS Thor. And promptly were glad you hadn’t had to witness it. “However, I am glad the matter has been put to rest.” 

You understood what they were trying to do. What they’d _been_ trying to do. It wasn’t just clean up, it was defense. Making sure they were on the right side of the story- to do _right_ by _you_. And you’d been impeding the process because it seemed like you weren’t paying attention. But, now that they had your side of the story… it seemed like everyone was easily on board. 

On board with your obvious heated murder of an enhanced individual that had not only been personally menacing you, had tortured you previously, but had hurt Tony as well. And Steve. Your _family_. This was obviously grounds for questioning. You were too close to have been able to do a _fair_ job. But it was over now. There was no redoing it. No going back to do it better. ...you wouldn’t have changed anything, anyway. 

Your family was trying to protect you. No matter what percentages in this equation were right or wrong. They understood what had happened. And they’d already made peace with it. Now all they needed to do was sweep the rest of it up and call it a day. 

Which is exactly what prompted Tony to continue talking. “So. We’ll release Jones. I’ll make some statement to the press. We’ll rubber stamp A’s all over our files and turn them in. Everyone on board?” 

While there was a murmur of immediate approval, Natasha had a few more things on her docket. “We have two people in our _private_ hospital wing. Both are ready for release- but DC’s been adamant that the _right person _makes that call.” A little- brief- _tiny_ flutter of _annoyance_ touched her before she shut it down hard. She didn’t have to say it. You understood why. 

Damage Control had refused to budge until you made another call, because you’d been the one that had been calling the shots the entire short-lived investigation. ...and you were also their boss. There was a power imbalance of assets here. Almost like SHIELD access level numbers. _Almost_. You nodded. “Yeah- I’ll go release them. And uh… have a talk with DC.” Because the obvious contingencies weren’t there. What if you were incapacitated? They needed to be able to take orders from the rest of your team. ...although you wondered why Tony hadn’t gone down there and said something. 

It was too much to hope that was all- and even all _that_ was still a hell of a lot to get through. Natasha passed a file down across the table your way and as you laid your hands on it she spoke. “Seems like we also have a vet in lockup. You labeled him enhanced but by all accounts he seems… just angry. Pretty normal.” 

Pulling the folder open you saw Will Simpson’s face looking back at you. A sigh escaped you, and you were extremely grateful when Bruce spoke up. “That’s the guy with the trifecta pocket pills, right?” 

Steve suddenly seemed very alert. “The combat enhancers?” Clearly they’d had a conversation about it. Which made sense. Those enhancers, Bruce’s initial research with Ross… it was all due to _him_. Not his _fault_, but just the _miracle_ that the government had created by making him a _super soldier_. 

“He probably sweat it out by now.” You closed the file, sliding it Steve’s way next. “He wanted to kill Kilgrave. He attacked one of our agents. Can you go talk to him, Steve? And see if he’s fit for release?” 

His brows lifted and Steve tilted his head. “Me?” 

“I think more than anyone in this room, you’ll have his respect.” Trying to pick who would be the best to go talk to him. “If you say yes, I know where to drop him.” He was Trish’s friend. You’d ship him back that way. “We can charge him with deadly assault. Which I’m sure he’s been _thinking_ on. But… Kilgrave twisted everyone up. I’d be willing to let it go if he stays away from the pills.” 

Natasha moved from her spot at the front of the room and gave Steve a little pat on the shoulder. “I’ll shadow you, if you want.” That was good, too. Having her opinion on the matter would really seal it all up. 

With everyone taking hold of their brief new assignments, chairs shifted on the floor as the entire room moved to get up and leave. You wanted, so much more than _anything_, to go to Tony. To tell him what the next few actions were right up until you needed him to take you on a jet and take you _anywhere but here_\- but Bruce approached you just as you and Tony got in about two seconds of eye contact. 

Bruce nudged his glasses up with one hand and then held a folder around and out with the other. When you gave him a questioning glance, “This is uh… everything you need. IGH. They’re an underground research lab. They’re responsible for the pills. And a lot more.” 

Though you took hold of the folder, you didn’t open it. “Thanks for checking into that for me.” But right now you wanted nothing to do with it. It was clear they’d have to be shut down. Or assimilated. ...probably shut down. What they were doing went a little beyond the line of not-okay. Kind of reminded you a little bit of Killian… 

He just nodded. “Sure. Look… I don’t blame you if you wanna put it down right now but. I thought you should know. Jessica Jones’ name is on some of those files.” You weren’t sure if it was a blessing that you were too devoid of anything else to feel any kind of shock over this. But Bruce continued, “Not in a particularly complicit way, either.” 

Oh. ..._oh_. You held the folder a little tighter then. “Okay. Thanks for letting me know.” You’d have to hand those over to her, then. And absolutely no part of you wanted to look at it. Whatever was in there about her she could keep for herself and do whatever she wanted. The less involvement you had coming out of this the better. Because you really, truly, could not deal with it much longer. 

Holding the file closer to your chest, you leaned in to give him a hug. He’d done all this work for you and you hadn’t once asked. He, along with the rest of the team (probably him _doing_ that work was what triggered the team to agree to all coming home suddenly), had just fallen in line for you. It was nice to have them home. Almost overwhelmingly so. His words were a quiet murmur. “We’re alright now. You should get some rest.” 

Probably to no one’s surprise, at the very least not your own, you were brushing back tears as you let go of him and plastering a very obvious smile across your face. “Yeah. I’ll think about it when we’re finished.” 

His nod was _sad_ to say the least, but he then turned to Tony. The two shook hands, Tony said _something_ you barely caught, and then Bruce left. Leaving just the two of you. He reached out to lay the hand not in the sling on your shoulder with a little tip of his head. “Bruce might be on to something, you know. Sleep might do you a lot of good. Some food, too, I’m sure.” 

“_Yeah_, I’m sure it would.” This dead and almost _angry_ reply reeled you back in immediately. Tony barely reacted to it at all. If nothing else, you just felt _understanding_. And maybe that was harder to deal with. Taking a deep breath, holding, and then letting it out in a sigh, you reconfigured. “We’re almost done.” 

He drew you in just a little closer, and as his arm went around you, you closed your eyes, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Almost. Tell me what parts need to go where.” 

“Can you go get Jessica out? I’ll go to the hospital. Bring her with you and we’ll all meet there.” You had to release your two patients, if they were ready to go, and talk to whatever head of DC was patrolling the hallways. “After that…” 

Moving just a little, his hand brushed up the side of your neck and to your jawline, angling your gaze up his way. “After that?” 

It seemed the obvious was coming. Did you really have to say it? But as the two of you got stuck there looking at each other, you figured you should. “I can’t be here anymore. For a little while. Is that okay?” You needed to _go_. You couldn’t even _think_ about being in the penthouse. This city… this city was just filling up to the brim with bad memories. Triumphant ones in the end, but _bad_ nonetheless. 

“Understandable.” Palming your cheek, he leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’ll have Happy fire up the jet. We can go from the hospital to the airport. Sound like a plan?” 

Thank god for Tony Stark. “Sounds like a plan.” Your body was just a little unwilling to move to get there. You wanted to just go from the Tower to the jet. To disappear for a little while. To not think about this anymore. To not wade in the aftermath… or think about _**him**_… though… you chanced a softer look up at him. “Did you and Happy get to talk?” 

He walled off immediately. “A little. Seems like you did a lot of legwork for us. So.” Giving a bare shrug. 

That was more of a no than it was a yes. It at least meant they were on speaking terms. But they deserved to have some closure on this, too. Even if you were nowhere near finding any and probably wouldn’t be for a long time. However, you knew you couldn’t force them, either. ...not until it was absolutely necessary. So you just leaned up, lips careful at the corner of his mouth. “Okay.” 

It would have to be, for now. 

* * *

Asking you to stay present and aware while you talked with your DC officers was asking almost a little too much. Your brain felt like it was begging to just _fade away_. Your body was close behind. But if you didn’t put all this to rest now, if you didn’t stick to the plan, there would be no relaxing. There would be no getting on a jet and _running away_\- as usual- because that’s what it was. But you were keen to make peace with the idea because you just _couldn’t be here anymore_. 

Changing the nested chain of command was ridiculously easy, although you could tell the woman you were speaking with had an air of _doubt_ and an even bigger swell of _unsure_ about her as you spoke. You had to cast it all aside and just make sure she’d take orders from anyone on the team. They all needed access to these agents. Because you were more sure now than you’d ever been before, big things like this were going to keep happening. And everyone needed the ability to call Damage Control if something terrible happened. 

...of course you also made sure that they knew every deployed use was to go on file. It wasn’t like you didn’t trust your team, but. You had to be in the know. Always. 

You respectfully waved the agent away just as you saw Jeri coming down the hall. She looked relatively worse for wear, many bandages across random places on her face and some on her chest. As usual, she was dressed smartly, and you sensed she came here for business and business _only_. Once close enough to you she held a folder out. “I need your signature on a few pieces of paper for my client. Justin Boden. I’m sure you’re familiar.”

So. Jessica had gone to Jeri to build a case for Justin. You knew exactly what she wanted. But after everything… “Why my signature?”

She just grinned, bitterly at that. “Well. Since this seems to be a thing with _you people_, you can help him dodge murder charges. Considering what he’s been through.”

“So _now_ I’m a credible witness.” Unable to help yourself.

“How about that.” Sounding completely unimpressed. She reached inside her jacket pocket to retrieve a pen and gave it a click. “I have other places to be, so if you’d hurry up.”

You made sure to hold still and give off a full air of being highly _unimpressed_. “You can drop them at Stark Industries. My assistant will pass them through legal before I put my name on anything.” There was no telling what was on those papers, and you were too drained to read over them just now. ...you wouldn’t doubt that was something she was counting on. If you understood _anything_ about Jeri Hogarth after all this.

She held them out for just a little while longer before retreating. “Fine. Have it your way.” Then she seemed like she was going to turn and leave.

But before she did, you leaned closer to her and dropped your voice. “Jessica said you had something to do with Kilgrave escaping.” Jeri had to be responsible for that in some form. So much had happened because of _her_. If it was true.

The two of you stared at each other. For a long cold moment. Then another one of those angry smiles lit up her features. “Seems like we all have things we’d rather be kept _quiet_.”

“Don’t threaten me. It’ll be the last mistake you ever make.” Maybe it was a poor thing to do, to lash out like that. React that way. But you would not let this woman walk all over you. Or try and hold you hostage.

She let out a little breath of a laugh. “I have no doubt.”

A woman exiting what should have been Luke’s room ended your conversation with Jeri. And as soon as she saw your attention go elsewhere she turned to leave. You didn’t stop her.

The woman exiting his room was dressed in blue scrubs- lightly spattered with blood. Dark lightly wavy hair- loose, not tied up. You stepped over to her very quickly, “Excuse me-” Eyeing her- more specifically, the badge clipped to her pocket. _Metro General Hospital. _Not from here. But the name… _Claire Temple_. Your nerves quieted down. “Oh. You’re with Jessica.” 

She crossed her arms. “She said that much, huh?” Her voice was calm and careful. Although she was just a little standoffish. Which you were sure you couldn’t blame her for. 

“More than. Said something about a friend we have in common.” Not that you _really _wanted to care about that right now. 

Giving a curt little nod and a roll of her eyes, you felt her _annoyance_. “Well. You got more out of her than I think any of us did. If that’s the case.” Clearly she didn’t want to talk about it either. You could have said that Jessica offered _all_ of that information up on her own, but. Maybe it wasn’t the best move. “That man in there.” Her gaze lifted back up and she seemed suddenly very serious. “You gonna put him on all your little superhero files? Or whatever it is you people do?” 

You felt the sink of your shoulders with a sigh you couldn’t help. “No. I’m not- we don’t _tag_ people, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m not interested in that. I don’t even want to know anything about him. The only thing I care about is that he’s okay.” The two of you shared a _long_ look. She was sizing you up. Trying to tell if you were being honest. “...is he going to be okay?” 

Claire continued to stare at you for probably more time than was necessary. But you stood and took it. And finally were rewarded when she eased up with her own little sigh and a nod. “Yeah. He’s fine. Now. You have better tools than Jess’ apartment, anyway. Or at Metro.” She lifted her wrist. “Speaking of which- _shit_.” Looking at the time on her watch. 

Probably late for her actual job. By the simmer of _anxiety_ that welled inside of her, probably _very_ late. “Maybe it’s a little too forward but. If you want a job here-” 

“I _don’t_.” Quick and clipped as she held a hand up to you. “I don’t wanna be involved in any more of this.” She lowered her voice with a dip of her head. “No offense.” 

“None taken. But then why _are_ you here?” What was the connecting thread here? 

She frowned. “He needed help. My hospital couldn’t do anything for him. And I…” She suddenly got very _uncomfortable_. 

“You could.” 

“Yeah. I could. But he’s fine now. So I’m gonna go to my actual job. And deal with people who have…” That _discomfort_ was getting very heavy now. “Easier to deal with problems. Let’s put it.” 

To this you could only nod. Then, finally, you stuck out your hand. “Well. It was nice meeting you, Claire.” 

She didn’t take too long in giving you a returned shake. “You, too.” 

You stepped out of the way for her, but because it seemed like you _really_ couldn’t help yourself… before she was too far away, you just had to ask. “Where are you from?” 

The shake of her head did a poor job of hiding the little smirk on her lips. She knew why you were asking. “Hell’s Kitchen.” Called from halfway down the hall, not stopping after saying it. 

“Place is kinda getting overcrowded, if you ask me.” Luke’s voice startled you enough to get you to jump. The warm roll of his laughter kept a wave from crashing over you and you turned back around to see him standing in front of his door with his hand up. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” 

You gave your chest a little pat. This was too much _excitement_ after everything you’d been through. “It’s okay.” His clothes were a mess, but he looked… fine. “How are you feeling? They brought you in here considerably less…” Giving your hands a small turn over. “-_okay _looking than this.” 

He gave a little nod, a small press of his lips. “I’m fine. Thanks to you, so I hear.” 

Quickly you shook your head. “No. Thanks to Jessica. And Claire. And the people here. I literally had nothing to do with any of that.” 

“You let her bring me here. You gave them a safe place to help me when things weren’t looking so good. That counts for something.” He was such a sweet man, this Luke. 

“If you say so.” It was too much to ask that you accept this gratitude. You really _hadn’t_ done anything. “And- before you ask- I didn’t ask anyone for details- I don’t wanna know. That’s your business and- Claire seems to think I’m gonna put a tracker on you or something so let me just tell you I’m _not_ and I don’t want you to think-” 

“Hey, easy now. Alright?” The hand he laid on your shoulder was heavy, but it was gentle nonetheless. “I believe you. I wasn’t worried.” 

“You have no reason to.” Everyone seemed to question your intent constantly- and usually for completely understandable reasons. You wouldn’t have been upset had Luke taken the same route. 

His grin was light. “We met once already, if you don’t remember. And I’d like to think I’m a pretty good judge of character.” 

For one reason or another you found the courage to smile back. “Really. Because last we met I think I _remember _you telling me to not come back to your bar.” 

At this he made a face, hand leaving your shoulder to go up in a wave of defiance. “That is _not_ what happened.” Seemingly offended, but only playfully so. His grin did not return, but his expression wasn’t one of annoyance. “Besides… my bar got blown up. Casualty of war. I’d at least like to know if I have to worry about anything else like that.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Really. Truly. _You were_. That was no doubt, in some way, Kilgrave’s doing. Maybe it was what put him here in the first place. “If you need funds or-” 

“No. Please don’t. I’m gonna take it as a sign and… like I said. Hell’s Kitchen is getting crowded. I think I’m headed back to Harlem for a while. But I appreciate the offer.” Letting that small gratefulness hang before asking seriously again as he looked at you, “Is that guy still out there?” 

The shake of your head was immediate. “No. He’s dead.” 

He breathed a noise out. It wasn’t one of _relief_, exactly. More a sort of muddled… _acceptance_. “You alright?” 

You really didn’t know this man. But knowing- _sensing_ his honest intent there in asking you something like that- his _genuineness_, you couldn’t help the bitter smile. “I am not. And I think I need to go away for a while, too.” 

“No shame in that. I’d actually be more worried if you said you were.” Because if that were the truth, it meant killing may have become commonplace for you. And it hadn’t. It just… hadn’t. It took away pieces of you at a time. To make decisions like that and to carry them out. There was a familiar _warm_ ping on your inner radar, and you turned to see Tony coming up the hallway with Jessica. Luke put his hand out. “You’re a good woman. Don’t let anyone tell you different.” 

Looking back at him you tried a smile and put your hand in his for a small shake. “Certainly not you.” 

His grin reappeared and he couldn’t seem to help a quiet chuckle. “Certainly not.” 

Tony was out of his sling (eventually you were going to have to have a talk with him about keeping medical devices on long enough for them to help him), hands in his pockets as he strolled closer. Although when he came to a stop, he reached up to take his sunglasses off, tucked them into his top pocket and half turned to Jessica. “I was serious about the offer by the way. You’re a terrible team player but that doesn’t necessarily disqualify you from being Avenger material.” 

Jessica seemed in _good spirits_. Which was a strange thing for her. The noise that left her was one part annoyed and one part amused. “Never in a million fucking years.” 

Tony just shrugged. “Your loss.” He then turned to stick his hand out to Luke. “Mr. Cage. Nice seeing you again.” 

Luke considered the offer and then gave him a return shake. “Mr. Stark. If we’re all lucky, this’ll be the last time.” 

You were too biased. The sudden half smirk on Tony’s lips had you smiling immediately. “You know, that doesn’t sound much like a compliment.” 

“I don’t think it was one.” Thankfully, Luke was grinning back. 

Jessica double tapped him on the arm. “Alright. Who’s-got-the-bigger-dick time is over. Can you go wait in the room?” 

“_I’m fine_. Thanks for asking.” Although he said this in a slightly clipped way, you could tell he wasn’t serious. Not with the way he was looking at her.

She just eyed him with a smile. “You look fine. It’s why I _didn’t_.” She didn’t mean this, either. And after enough staring he shook his head and went back into his hospital room, closing the door behind him. 

Tony crossed his arms. “I’m not going in there with him.” 

At this Jessica gave him quite the _stare_. “You’ve made it annoyingly obvious by now that you don’t do anything anyone says.” 

“That makes two of us.” 

“Just stand there and shut up for five minutes. If you can.” When he rolled his eyes and mostly turned away she put her attention back on you. “So. Seems like we’re finished, here.” 

You nodded. “Claire left for her job. Luke’s up, obviously. Hope’s asleep right now but. Aside from a really nasty scar she’ll be okay. Simpson’s probably getting discharged soon. And-” 

“And Kilgrave’s _dead_. Which is the important part.” 

It was hard to tell why she cut you off to say such a thing. But there was a swell of _catharsis_. Kilgrave was dead. It was over. It was _finally_ over. “_Yeah_.” There was a weird catch in the back of your throat. It felt like you were just a couple degrees away from losing it very suddenly. Tony moved, almost imperceptibly. But _you_ noticed. He was watching you. “Kilgrave is dead.” Beyond you somewhere you heard the crash of waves against the pier. And saw the light disappear from his eyes.

You and Jessica shared a long look. Eventually she was the one to break the silence. “So that’s it, then. We’re finished.”

“Seems that way.” 

Yet the two of you stood there just a little longer. Watching one another. Maybe the two of you should have had a talk. A _long_ talk to decompress over this shared trauma. But… instead she just nodded. “Alright then. ...thanks. For everything.” And after that she turned away and went into Luke’s room. 

Leaving you there. Wondering what more you should have said so that you didn’t have to feel like this anymore. But you weren’t there in silence, or _alone_, for more than a few seconds before Tony moved over and put his arm around you. Pulled you to him. You rubbed your head against his shoulder and drew your hands up his back, holding on to him. Breathing him in. Letting him keep you _stable_. 

“Ready to go anywhere that’s not here?” 

Music was playing somewhere in your memory.  
_Honey- I’ve gotta be honest. I hate it here.  
I can’t say that I blame you._

New York City had become a breeding ground for psychological damage that seemed beyond repair. For the _both_ of you. A long time ago he’d tried to run away from here, too. And now… now you wanted to do the same. And he was letting you. 

You turned your head up, smiling weakly at him. “Yes. Please.” 

This was a runaway vacation but… the two of you needed to have a very real talk soon.  
You just didn’t think you could _be_ in the city anymore. Not after all this. 

Lifting a hand, he smoothed his fingertips across your forehead and then through your hair. Leaning in, he pressed a kiss to your temple. “I love you.”

Hearing this, and _feeling_ it from him, it was an eternal balm for your soul. “I love you, too.”

As long as you had that… you’d be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it officially! We're wrapped on Jessica Jones. It's over, we've tied up all the loose ends and Kilgrave is 100% dead I promise.  
In housekeeping notes I'm not doing super great so this week is still a mystery but as always I will try my very very best to keep to schedule. Thanks for reading!


	148. Chapter 148 [Begin: Interlude]

Falling asleep on the jet was far too easy. Curled up into Tony’s side, wrapped up in a blanket- knowing he’d take you _somewhere_. And it didn’t really matter where. It was away from the mess. And he would be there with you. That was all that mattered. Through bleary eyes you barely remembered disembarking, getting into a car, and then checking into a hotel. All of it just empty details that were so far gone the second you laid down again. 

He said something about dinner. You felt like that must have been hours ago. Because the next time anything stirred your consciousness, it was daylight outside. Early morning hours. And _finally_ your body had decided it had just enough rest to start actually chugging your brain along. He wasn’t in bed- nor anywhere in your immediate view once you sat up. The room was beautifully decadent, although part of you thought the decorating might have been a little _on the nose_, with all the blacks, reds, and golds that stood out. 

Getting up was an absolute chore. Your muscles protested so much that you had to actually stand on your feet and stretch for a few good minutes. And then after that you changed out of the clothes you’d flown to wherever you were in and threw on one of those overly luxurious silk robes hanging on the bathroom door just waiting to be used. Strolling out of the master bedroom, you spied him sitting at a small table near a double glass door balcony- 

Where the Arc de Triomphe was basically waving at you from down the block. That might also explain the smell of excellent coffee wafting around in the air and the sight of a half eaten croissant on a teeny tiny plate in front of him. He wasn’t paying much attention to this Parisian breakfast, instead he had his head down and eyes narrowed, typing away on a tablet. That was, of course, until you got just near enough, and then he looked up. 

And for just a brief moment reminded you of someone seeing the stars for the first time.  
It had been a while since you’d seen that look on him. Coming closer behind him, you wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your face into his shoulder. “Good morning.” Murmuring more the cadence than the actual words. 

His hand reached up to give your arms a squeeze. “Morning. You look rosy and well rested.” 

“I must be.” Sighing this out as you turned your head sideways, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I feel like I’ve been unconscious for the better part of two days.” 

“Yeah.” The two of you gazed at each other for just a moment. “Sounds about right.” That usual pang of _worry_ bounced off of him, but he was quick to stifle it. “But. If anyone deserved it. Safe to say, you’re at the top of the list.” 

Leaning just a little in, you pressed a lingering kiss to his temple, eyes closing. Breathing him in after. Just _feeling_ him. “I love you.” There were no words in the universe to explain how good it was to be able to rely on him after everything you’d been through. To just be able to melt into him. Run away with him. _Be_ with him. 

“I love _you_. C’mon. Sit down. I’ll get more coffee and all the pastries you can handle.” Giving your arm a little tug to get you to move. 

It was difficult to do, but eventually you did sit on the chair nearest to him. Once you sat, he got up and went away into whatever kitchen space they had in this penthouse. That’s what it always was. Hotel rooms and penthouse apartments. How long had it been since you and Tony had sat down and tried to make a five year plan? ...a year and some months, you realized. 

So. In a year and change since the two of you had talked about what your life would look like in five years… were you any closer? The obvious answer… was something you didn’t want to admit to yourself. Because the _obvious answer_ wasn’t even that you were no closer to those dreams, it was that it seemed like you were further away than when you’d laid them out. Somehow. Life hadn’t changed really. Superheroes chasing after bad guys. Stark Industries doing fine. But, for the two of you? 

He set a large mug of coffee and a plate with various sugary breakfast pastries down in front of you, edging you away from those _blues_, and then sat down next to you. His hand was quick to take hold of yours. “You wanna talk?” Probably very easily able to sense you weren’t in a good mood. Also probably very _easily_ understanding that after this entire mess, there was a lot going on in your head. 

But your shoulders preceded an answer as they lifted and you hung your head. “I don’t know.” You lifted your mug with your free hand, heaving a large sigh. “Not yet.” You had to get all your thoughts together before you could try them with him. None of the things you were feeling were his fault. He was working just as hard as you. And same as you, caught in this seemingly never ending cycle of violence and victory… 

His hand gave yours a squeeze. “That’s fine. I’ll do all the talking.” Then he let you go and opened the tablet he’d been poking at when you’d come out. His focus was sudden and _intense_ as he scrolled through and then typed a few things out. With a quick swipe of his hand, he sent a few images into the air. You felt his gaze as you stared at renderings of buildings. “This is the new Avengers facility. Little place upstate. Charming Hudson River views.” 

No kidding. It was literally parked right next to the river. It was a large estate. Compromised of more than just one building- about four big ones and several smaller ones, if you were seeing things right. Isolated. Tucked away on the edge of a forest. “I thought I remembered seeing land permits…” A little while back, when you’d been trying to grab more space for Damage Control. 

There was a soft amused noise from him. “Can’t hide anything from you, can I?” As you looked beyond the blueprints and pictures hanging in the air, the sight of his smile warmed you to your core. Reaching out he flicked his fingers on what seemed to be the main building unit, spinning it. “This one was dad’s. Been out of commission for a while. Thought we could put it to good use.” 

So. In Tony’s spare time, he’d restructured a very old Stark Industries warehouse and then had attachments built. This would be a better homebase than the Tower- which had also started as a Stark Industries venture. And was still a little more skewed towards that advantage. Sure, the two of you had reworked some living quarters and things for the team but… it wasn’t a _base_. It was a Tower. In a city that was filling with shadows more and more every day. 

Picking the actual _home base_ building from the air, you expanded it just a little. “So. An Avengers compound.” 

He was watching you closely. Waiting for your true reaction to all of this. “If you think it’s a good idea. We can scrap it right now if you don’t.” 

“I think it’s a great idea.” Hesitating. Not wanting to be negative about this. But… “For them. For the team.” When he remained quiet, you had to pick up all your thoughts about this and put them together for him. Holding it all in wasn’t going to help anyone here. “But for us…” 

His smile was thin as he eased a breath out, ducking his head in a little nod. “Yeah. About us...” Reaching a hand up he touched over his mouth, thinking. “I was gonna show you the executive living space just _for us_. But then I thought… I thought if this works out… you and I can pick a plot of land somewhere else.” Your attention zeroed in on him as he looked up again. “No one needs to know where. I actually think it’s better that way. Somewhere relatively close. So the drive’s not so bad. But…” 

It was hard to stow your reaction. A sunny smile was already overtaking you. “A plot of land?” Sometimes you wondered if Tony Stark secretly had the ability to read minds. ...maybe just yours.

“Yeah. And. You know. Eventually we’ll put a house on it. But maybe a few nights in a tent will _humble _us.” His expression morphed pretty quickly into one of those handsome grins. As your head dropped, _thinking_ about all this, what he was offering, he reached over, laying his hand atop yours again. “Unless you think it’s a massive faux pas. To live together before we’re married. In which case I have a remedy.” 

“We’ve been living together for years now.” Amused as always with his playfulness. It did its job regardless, getting you out of your own head. This was a lot to think about. It was what you _wanted_. But… It was hard to untangle everything. So you just tried to start talking through it. “I want a house. That’s ours. I want to go somewhere and pick a perfect spot with you. _Build_ something with you.” 

His smile disappeared under a small purse of his lips. “Why do I feel a huge _but_ coming on…?” 

“It’s not a but, it’s…” Sighing again, unable to help yourself. “If we start taking steps away from the team it almost feels like abandoning them.” 

“It wouldn’t be facility adjacent, but I was hoping to find somewhere close enough.” 

“What if I don’t want that?” 

“Then that’s a bigger discussion.” He answered you so carefully. Not barring said huge, looming discussion. 

And he waited. Waited for you to pick yourself back up and talk about it. To open up. What more could he do? It did take you a little while. There was just _so much_ going on in your head and not enough time in the world to dissect it all. You took a small break with a few sips of coffee and then tried your best. Again. For him. “I want a life with you.” As you looked up at him, saying this, the _hurt_ he felt bounded from his heart to yours. Because you both knew the truth. “Building a house… that’s part of a life we don’t get to have.” 

And you were terrified of falling into a false dream. Something else that could be yanked out from underneath you. “Who says we don’t get to?” One brow arching as he asked. 

“The universe- I think- at this point.” It all felt so hopeless. “I don’t wanna do this forever. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that at this point.” 

“You did.” There was something very _painful _about the way he responded. 

Deciphering what exactly was beyond you, especially when he was trying to hide it. “But I don’t see that we get a choice. How could we? Turn our backs on any of this? I’d be lying to you just as much as you’d be lying to me saying we could ignore everything going on.” If it were possible for you and Tony to just disappear into the ether at this point, you were sure you’d have done it. But it was just… impossible. To know terrible things were going on in the world. And that you could put a stop to them. 

How could you turn away from that? _Ever_? 

He took a deep breath and refrained from letting it out too fast. “So. Nobody’s ever written the how-to on retiring for superheroes. But. Doesn’t mean it can’t be done.” 

Your breathy one-note laugh was one of pitiable misery for sure. “You’re gonna write it?” 

“Gotta live it first, honey.” The pad of his thumb was gentle across your knuckles. He started and stopped a few times without actually saying anything, but his lips were moving. He was trying to make sure he had everything _just right_ before actually saying, “If you wanna back off on all this… you have to tell me. Because I’m not gonna stop trying to live a life with you. Not until you tell me to. It’s what I want- and up until very recently it’s what I thought you wanted, too.” 

“Tony…” Tilting your head back with a roll of your eyes upwards to fend off a sudden sting of tears. “I want that. More than anything. But how many times are we going to fall into this conversation between each shitty thing that happens?” You didn’t want to be talking with him like this. But the both of you had to be realistic. “It’s like a bandaid. Something awful happens in the _superhero world_ and when it’s over we look at each other and dream about a life we’ll never have because it makes us feel better.” 

“Gotta tell you, I don’t feel particularly better about anything right now.” Deadpanning this at you pretty hard. And maybe you deserved that. “Nothing happens if we don’t commit. I am in this with you. 300%. Did something change for you that I should know about?” 

Your head was shaking before words could escape. “_No._ Never.” Almost offended at the very idea.

His grin was tired. “Then what are we arguing about, exactly?” 

“I wouldn’t call this arguing.” Allowing just a tiny sliver of humor, just to feel something other than the bleakness that had somehow settled almost permanently over you. 

“Mmn.” He murmured the noise around the rim of his mug as he lifted it. “Some common ground.” Then he took a long purposeful sip of his, probably by now, cold coffee. 

While he was giving you a moment to compose yourself, you took it. And just as he set his coffee down, you reached out to him again. “Tony.” Catching his attention as he gave it easily, and the two of you locked eyes. “Of course I want a life with you. I want a house and… I don’t know. A _garden_. And _pets_. And… to not look over my shoulder all the time. Or worry about the next big world-ending event. You know. _Normal people_ things. But we’re not normal.” 

His fingers laced with yours again and his eyes dropped for only a brief moment as he tilted his head. “We can worry about the next _event_ and also have a life.” 

“I don’t think we can.” 

“Well I _do_.” _Heat_ in his eyes now, in his tone. Wanting so _desperately _for you to get on the same page with him. 

It was a low blow. But from your position you could only continue to be a realist. The same one he pretended he was, almost all the time. Except in this one area of life. “How’s the Ultron project coming?” 

The corner of his mouth twitched and he held your hand just a _little_ tighter. “Funny you should ask. It’s not quite what I envisioned, but I have a good stack of Iron Legion up and ready to go. And a machining office that runs itself. And if nothing else that extended stay in New York proves we can be remote when we need to.” 

While his outlook on all of this was positive, and _almost_ promising, you couldn’t buy in. “I don’t think it’s fair to ask the team to risk their lives while we sit at home and send suits to hot zones.” 

“No, I guess it’s not.” Said on a long breath out. “The point is I’m trying. And if you want me to stop, you need to let me know.” 

This was not an ultimatum. It was just honesty. He needed to know if you were prepared to move forward in life with him. If you ever had a shot of it. How could he plan a future with a partner if that partner wouldn’t commit? It was unfair. You understood that. But… 

“I don’t want you to stop.” The words came out in a little bit of a croak and you lifted your hands away from him so you could brush back another sudden emergence of tears. “But I also don’t think it’s fair to ask you to keep working when I’m not sure there’s a point. We will never not be fighting something.” You knew this. For certain. 

Shifting his chair over closer, he reached out to wrap an arm around your shoulders. You easily let him guide you in, pressing your face into his shoulder. “You let me decide what’s fair to me. Look- it’s small steps every time but it’s still _progress_. Ultron might be a bust- not for lack of trying- but there are alternatives. And. Sure- you’re right. You and I would have a hard time turning our backs if the team needed us. Because let’s face it, they’re a _mess_ without our guidance. And funding. And intuition.” The warm curve of his tone as he joked (...although he definitely thought there was some truth here) urged a watery laugh out of you. 

Sitting back you took a cloth napkin from the table and dried your eyes again. And then melted, as he reached over to cup your cheek in his palm. It was such a small, tender affection but it always hit its mark. You curved your hand over his wrist, holding him there. “I love you, Tony.” 

“I love _you_.” Letting the statement stand before speaking again. “We don’t know what _there_ looks like yet, I get it. But I’ll keep working until we do.” He was firm. He wouldn’t give up. That wouldn’t be the Tony Stark you knew, after all. He was nothing if not stubborn. 

And for that… “Thank you.” For that you were eternally grateful. 

* * *

The small _let’s be anywhere but New York_ vacation that Tony had planned with minimal time was almost overly romantically cliche. Lounging around after talking that morning had eventually turned into something sweet and simmering- and then he’d made some vague mention of reservations for dinner. But only if you were up to it. And you were. You wanted to go out. Breathe fresh air. And not… linger. 

That was how you found yourself inside Le Jules Verne, on the second floor of the Eiffel Tower, looking down at the glowing city of Paris as you sipped on old and expensive dark red wine, while the waitstaff had been paid to service only the two of you for the evening. They were playing string music, which was nice. It covered the silence, even amicable though it was. 

You got stuck for a little too long as you looked out the huge windows, and eventually Tony had to break you from your _goneness_. “Feel like talking yet?” Asked as he drew the tip of his index finger along the inside of your wrist. 

Almost a strange thing to ask, really, considering you’d had _quite_ a talk earlier that morning. But it wasn’t what was on your mind. _Of course_ he knew that. “I’m looking at the bottom of my wine glass. I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” 

“Nonsense.” Grinning lightly as he picked the bottle off from the table and refilled your glass. “A little liquid courage never hurt anyone.” 

You couldn’t help the shake of your head. “I’m not _scared_ to talk to you.” 

“I wasn’t implying you were.” Air of _seriousness_ there as he looked at you that contrasted with a boyish grin. 

No. You weren’t scared to talk to him. You were scared to _talk_. After another sip, you mused for only a moment before deciding the jump in head first, and be entirely blunt. “The team seemed pretty okay with me murdering someone.” 

Clearly he wasn’t expecting this, in the middle of a sip that got lodged somewhere in his throat after hearing it. Though he wouldn’t _dare_ do anything as undignified as coughing it back up. So he swallowed hard, and then knit his brows at you. “I don’t know. They grilled you about it pretty hard.” 

“No they did _not_.” Rolling your eyes with a soft fondness over the very thought. 

“Maybe I told them not to.” 

A small smile overtook you, despite the topic. “Why do you want me to blame you for everything?” 

He gave a small shrug and a turn of his wrist. “Why not? Everyone else does.” A small _cloud_ overtook him, invisible to everyone else but you. “Besides… it wasn’t murder. It was self defense.” 

“You don’t even know if that’s true. Nobody asked me the circumstances. Just if I was _sure_.” You weren’t mad at them. Not by a long shot. Really… this conversation was trite compared to what had actually happened. Or _why_ it had happened. But… it felt good. To have even this. 

“And you said yes.” Looking at you again, quick as this came out of him. “Twice, even, if my math is right. So we believe you.” Tony probably more than the rest of them. For sure. 

Your eyes dropped. Suddenly feeling an almost insurmountable mountain of _guilt_. “He… he was helpless. I could have brought him in.” You let the truth come out. Quietly. And maybe only ever with him. Knowing it was safe there. “Jessica and I weren’t infected by him anymore- and she hurt him pretty badly- with enough prep time we could have…” 

_You could have brought him in_.  
It was the truth. And you knew it. 

There was no judgment from him, but even still you felt like you were squirming in your seat. Terribly uncomfortable confronting this. Coming face to face with the fact that you’d _murdered Kilgrave_. And there had been other options. So what was it for…? 

He was careful when he spoke. “You made a call. Even if we _had _brought him in, how long would it be until he got somebody else? Until he got free and started hurting people again?” 

“I killed him, Tony.” This statement almost terribly _severe_ as you looked up at him again. “I looked at him and saw this…” Eyes squinting as you recalled it, somewhere far away in your memory. Your hands churned in the air. “This… _darkness_ inside of him. It just felt like this _raw_ _void_ he’d never escape. And… I told him- to his face- that I was going to kill him.” 

Tony was very _still_. Watching you. Listening to you while you got all of this out. Yet his stare was _still_ not one of judgment, even then. He wasn’t _scared_ of you, either. And when you found yourself at a dead end he reached over and almost too gently laid his hand over yours. “You made a call.” Saying this again, but somehow _so much differently_ than just a few moments ago. 

“I don’t think I’m allowed to do that.” Should you be? Was that even a question? You weren’t _allowed_ to just decide who died. Kilgrave had mocked you for it. So had Jessica. _And_ Jeri. In their own ways. 

“Honey… out of all of us, I think you are the only one _uniquely_ qualified to do so.” He said this with such conviction. Such _strength_. And as you found enough of your own to look at him again, his lips pressed together, and his hand held yours a little tighter. “He was dangerous. Anyone with a brain could see that. But he was so much more dangerous than we knew- if that’s what you’re saying… I stand by it. I believe you.” 

You wanted relief. You wanted to feel _relief_ from hearing this. But it just didn’t come. Your smile was sad. “You’re biased.” 

“I’m also on the right side.” He was quick to counter you. 

“What side is that?” You tried to be just as quick. 

But it wasn’t enough to keep up with him as his gaze ramped in intensity and warmth, “_Yours_.” 

You didn’t want to get complacent with the idea of taking lives- especially in intensely _personal_ situations. You _couldn’t_. And, as luck would have it, you were nowhere near close. Clearly so. But… Tony’s blessing made it _almost_ okay. It made it feel like it was worth something. And that it _had_ been the right thing to do. 

If you ever crossed that line… if you found yourself making the wrong call… you _hoped_ he’d stop you. You _hoped_ he’d disagree. For the most part you thought he would. ...but you also hoped that moment never arrived. 

Carefully lifting out of your seat, he tilted his head back in question as you half leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving a not so sly lipstick smudge behind. “I need to use the bathroom.” 

“Oh. Sure.” Knowing that that meant. 

You needed a moment. To freshen up. To breathe. And back off the proverbial ledge. And to not subject him to all that while you were trying. But to ease his confusion you made sure to let him know, “I love you.” 

A smile lit across his features. “I love you, too.” 

In the completely empty bathroom, you put your hands on the sides of one of the sinks and just took a few deep breaths. When the silence was too much, you turned the water on, and continued to just try and breathe. Looking up into the mirror ahead, you scrutinized your reflection. Looked into eyes that somehow felt foreign. And right at the peak of this _strange, unyielding_ feeling- 

You let the image of yourself go. Closed your eyes. And breathed deep- and held it…  
And yards away on the other side of the restaurant you pictured Tony. Tipping back the rest of his wine, setting his glass down. Checking his watch. Looking out the window.  
  
And _worrying_ for you. 

Eyes opening again, guided by the _feel_ of him, you felt a little more yourself. So you tucked a somehow newly errant piece of hair behind your ear, washed your hands for good measure and returned to the table. He asked the impossible question immediately, “You okay?” 

And for his sake… “I’m getting there.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's intensely biased to say this but.  
Ugh. I love them.


	149. 💙Chapter 149💙

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _[Please observe the M rating.]_

The view from the top of the Eiffel Tower was beautiful, even through the sparse fencing. Paris was still somewhat awake, even at this late hour. The air was crisp, but just a little damp, and somewhere on the very far horizon there was a warning of rain headed your way. The area was empty, the viewing point closed. Sight-seeing hours had long since passed, but… rules didn’t really apply much to Tony Stark. Nor you, you supposed, since you were right there with him. 

Though the both of you had come up for fresh air and the scenery, Tony had long since abandoned looking out in favor of turning his attention to you. For a little while you pretended not to notice. But eventually, as you leaned on the railing with both arms in a lean, you turned your head to him, unable to help the small bashful smile. “Should I start charging for the _show_?” 

He grinned. Warmly and instantly. With a little shrug of his shoulders as he stuck his hands in his pockets, “You might as well. What’s your price of admission?” 

Staring at him now, as he had been doing to you, you felt your smile go just a little lopsided. Turning around from your spot, you pressed your back against the railing, reaching out to tug him closer by the lapels of his unbuttoned jacket. There was an immediate _heat_ but more than that it was just that… _feeling. _His eyes went half-lidded as he gazed down at you and breathed in just a small hitch of air while you found your voice. “How about a couple of kisses?” 

On the move again, his hands found perfect spots on your hips. The look in his eyes, the little tug at the corner of his lips as he eased in slowly… Tony was _beautiful_. Paris had nothing on him. But it was more than just his handsomeness. It was his _heart_. And how it seemed to beat for _you_, eagerly, whenever you called. “I think you’re selling yourself a little short, to be honest.” 

It was truly nice, to just get lost in a moment of peace with him. While talks of the future and how the last _mission_ had ended- the hows and whys of it… it had lifted a little off your chest. Not completely. But enough. Enough to just find him again. To _be_ with him again. “How much would you charge?” You flattened your hands along his chest, tipping your head up. Inches from his. 

“Price of being the luckiest man in the world? Tough call.” Your giggles at his overt cheesiness urged a little chuckle of his own. Like he just couldn’t help himself. 

“I don’t know about _luckiest_…” Your nose brushed his. Enjoying this quiet and happy intimacy. 

“Sure. In some areas maybe not so much.” Perhaps a little _too easy_ in his agreement but… it was true. “But. In _this _one?” His tone dropped and suddenly waiting out the conclusion almost became unbearable. But you did wait. For him. “Loving you? Makes the rest of it worth it.” 

He sealed his truth against your lips in a terribly gentle kiss. In the wake of his voice, there were echoes. Sensations you found yourself drowning in very suddenly. It felt like every time there was an _infinite_ amount more than before, no matter how impossible that was. His very being called out for you. Always. And you were helpless to do anything but answer. 

Your right arm looped around his shoulders while your left hand stayed just over the thump of his heart. Head easing back and in just a little bit more to have him closer and fuller. The guardrail caught your hips and you heard the chattery shake of the wide chain link fence as he reached out, grabbing it to steady himself as one careful kiss suddenly turned towards raw passion. 

On the next part of lips, you drew in a shaky breath and let it all go on one sure statement, “I love you.” The thing you _knew_ most in this universe. As you opened your eyes just a quarter, the light waiting there for you, bouncing between the both of you and painting him in the most wonderful _glow,_ didn’t belong to you. Or to him. It was a warmth born of you both. 

And it only grew brighter as he smiled so near. “I love _you_.” His hand palmed over your hip, holding you close, and more importantly _safe_ as he leaned in at that dangerous angle. There was nowhere for you to fall, with the fence and railing behind you. But still… it was always a good feeling knowing _he had you_. “I think I still owe you one more…” Left on a lingering hum and the absolute _barest_ touch of lips. 

“And if I want more than that?” No shame in your greed. And no point in hiding it, either. 

“Name your price. I will pay _anything_.” His smile pressed against your lips and your hand smoothed up from his heart, along the side of his neck, and held just at the side of his jawline. Drawing him so easily into a deeper kiss. A touch of parted lips that locked and a brush of tongues that somehow set him _aflame_. Both of you undeterred as a closer boom of thunder spread out above you, and a gentle mist of rain broke the perimeter you’d set. But when he did ease back with a quick inhale, his tone was little more than a purr. “Well that’s _a couple_ so… now’s your moment to start upping the cost…” 

Baited so easily by his roguishness, you kissed him again, pressed a little closer as your arm around him moved in a slow slide, touching the opposite side of his neck and then went wandering over his shoulder and down his chest. The current kiss dissolved into more gentle bare touches of lips. When words found you, they were sparse. “Take me back to the hotel room, please.” 

Your eyes were closed, but close like that, it was so easy to _feel_ the curve of that smirk against your skin. “Pretty vague terms I’m agreeing to here.” 

“Don’t you trust me?” Smiling back against him as you crooned. 

He sounded oddly _breathless_, “_Implicitly_.” 

Trying to find your own independent body was a nearly impossible task. You just wanted to be entangled with him. The slip of the rain beneath maybe a little too high-high heels caught you a off guard as one slid just a little further than you were expecting in your awkward shuffle. But he had you. As always. His hand quickly lifted from the fence to wrap around your shoulders, while the hand at your hip moved so he could put his arm around your waist. 

Your own were on the move just as quick, though you were a little more fumbling. In the end, you grabbed the front of his jacket just to keep stable. The immediate risk cleared within seconds. But _pressed_ as you were, so close, and as your hands unfurled, left laying flat… 

There was a distinct shape hiding somewhere.   
Probably a hidden inside pocket.   
_For good reason_.   
  
Already your brain was just frazzled enough to make the connection, and you _sincerely_ regretted what came out of your mouth as you had little time to stop it. “Is that a ring box in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” Stupid. So stupid- and made little sense. But there was a flutter of _nervousness_ that turned your better sense into… whatever the hell _that_ was.

He looked a little _caught_, but only for a few bare seconds. Instead of hanging on the shock of discovery, he _warmed_, though his brow did slide up just a little. “Can’t it be both?” He was too kind to not dig into you over saying such a ridiculous thing. Or… maybe he was in the same boat. Hard to say.

Your face felt a little hot. “_Here_?” 

“Anywhere that makes sense. Never know when that’s gonna be. But I know I’ll know when I know. And… you know me.” Rambling just a little. But his voice turned into a carefully sweet- ...almost _shy_??- murmur, “I like to feel prepared.” 

The place was not _here_. The both of you understood that, you were mostly sure. He hadn’t been _really_ intending to… _not here_. And _especially_ not after the discussion that morning. But… this was the first time either of you had been _**so close**_ to the concept. To the idea of… some day, if not immediately soon, still _soon…_ he would _ask_. When it was _right_. And you… would say _yes_.

You’d only joked- or told him to _stop_\- but _this…_?

Something _flashed_ through you. Some weird sort of frantic electricity. Your hands moved up, holding his face in your palms, urging him closer again for a much different kiss. A rumbly little noise escaped him, from his mouth to yours, as your hand moved, fingers curling at the back of his head. It went on maybe for far too long, because when you pulled from him again, the sounds of dual panting almost outmatched the rain. “Take me back, please.” Asking again. 

“Absolutely.” 

* * *

It was about a four minute drive (longer than the quick jaunt down the tower, by contrast to the seemingly _terribly slow _trek down inside the elevators), at a speed you normally would have chastised him for. But right now you were _mostly_ fine with it. Even more so when he parked the car and held a hand up to you to signal _wait_ in your seat. So you did. He took his sweet time crossing the front of the car and then opened the door for you. And then another finger of _wait_ that had playful nerves tingling. 

“You put that hand in my face one more time, I’m going to bite it-” 

There was an ending to that sentence, somewhere. But it got lost in a small squeak as he slid his hands underneath you after bending in and _lifted _you out of your seat. The action pulled equally astonished and nervous giggles from you as you wrapped your arms around him. Then he bumped the door closed with his hip. “I have a few suggestions, if you’re still in a _biting_ mood.” His low laughter squashed any other annoyance you may have had. 

“I’m not.” Said simply just as he entered the hotel. The staff behind the desk were skillful in the art of not looking but _looking_. This may have been par for the course. The two of you coming back very late, only (seemingly) aware of one another. No one would stop either of you. But you waited until he was in the elevator to tell him, “I’m in more of a slow-and-sweet kind of mood.” 

“Biting can be sweet. I think. Love bites. Those are _sweet_.” His sassy antics died when you pressed only the _sweetest_ lingering kiss at the corner of his mouth. He then cleared his throat and hiked you up just a little in his hold with a small bounce that had you smiling against his skin. “Slow and sweet. I can get behind that.” Changing his attitude _very _quickly. 

Stepping out, you recaptured his attention with another gentle, simmering kiss, palm cupping his cheek, directing all his attentions to you. Perhaps showing him what a mistake it was to make such a grand gesture of _romance_, as he dipped in and struggled just a little with getting a key in the door. To the point that it left the two of you half-laughing into that kiss. But _eventually _he managed, and once in the sound of the door clicking closed behind the both of you seemed to give him permission to hurry just a little to the master bedroom. 

He was careful as he laid you down, but you were insistent that he not go far and he had to scoot you up with a little tossing nudge which urged more smiley-slightly-giggly unconnected kisses as he got settled above you. The bed dipped as he slid in closer, leaning in on his forearms. The loving sounds of laughter quickly turned to _warmer_ noises as kisses became more attached and deep. 

It was unfortunate that he moved. Though the two of you had been stuck like that for a little more than a while, you still wanted _more_. And you voiced your displeasure with a little tug of his hair as your fingers raked up the back of his head, and a groan that _dipped_ very suddenly as his lips drifted. First a few touches at your jawline, then a few more pointed and _slow_ drags of his lips down the line of your neck, and lower still. 

But it was when his hands, ever so careful and _slow, _led the shoulder strap of your dress down. The pads of his fingers made constant contact in a long trail. And the nuzzling bites and open mouthed kisses with soft touches of his tongue here and there, the tingly, scratchy feeling of his beard… it had a dizzying fog swirling in your brain so fast it was almost a little unfair. Instead of _pulling_ your own touch by contrast became _encouraging_. Asking for more as you curved up underneath him and tried desperately to remember how to breathe. 

The word _unfair_ came to mind, albeit briefly while it was still working.   
Tony Stark knew how to undo you without even trying. Or maybe it was his _trying_ that really did you in. Every time. 

Your own hands started a lingering fall, down the sides of his face and then to his shoulders- realizing too little too late that he was more clothed than you’d like him to be, just about the time that he was just working across your collar bones in those wonderfully agonizingly long kisses across your skin. When he reached your other shoulder, leading down the opposite strap with as much care and the _slow_ caress of his fingers, you by contrast were almost _demanding_ as you slid your hands inside his jacket to the shoulders, trying to nudge it off and back. 

...or at least give him the idea that’s what you wanted. Clearly, kind man that he was _only for you_, he did a quick shuffle. Lift of one arm off the bed so he could shake that side free, then the other. And once it was gone, you slid your hands down his chest, not quite undoing his shirt buttons (...not _all _of them anyway), but a light sort of _plucking_. 

One of those rumbling chuckles bubbled out against your skin, rocking a sensation through you that was wholly, still, _unfair_ considering the circumstances. “Are we moving on already?” Not sounding disappointed in the slightest. 

“If that’s okay with you…” Also _unfair_, how breathless you seemed underneath his pointed touches. 

“Anything you need is always okay with me.” His teeth closed around the round of your shoulder in a very light and playful bite and the sizzle it sent through you was nothing short of _amazing_. 

“Well…” Gulping as you said that. But making sure you had enough voice left to say, “_I need you_.” 

A pang of _lust_ entwined with _love_ bounced off him straight to you. As if you’d spoken to his entire being at once. Funny, those three words… He shifted back just a little on his knees so that he could pull off quite a balancing act as he took the flowy skirts of your dress in his fists, hiking them up. You assisted with lifting your hips, then your back, then your arms as he dragged it off you and tossed it aside. 

Then sitting fully back in a kneel, he treated you to quite a show as his gaze stayed hot on yours while he pulled his tie loose, then off, and then unbuttoned the rest of his shirt. You were just slightly quicker as you eased up in an awkward lean, getting your bra off. Quicker- because he was still in the middle of pulling off his undershirt. And by the time it was completely off you were there to surprise him, sitting up completely. 

Your hands found his face, pulling him in closer, lips missing their first mark before inevitably ending locked in a kiss that rocked you deep to your core. His hands were gentle at your back as he eased you down again. You wrapped your arms around his neck to ensure he’d stay put this time. Just for a little longer. The odds were slightly stacked against you still, something you realized as he leaned on one arm again, while his other hand drifted down your side, causing a slight leap from your hips to his. 

You were _mostly _naked, underwear and strappy heels (a winning combo, by his standards, you were sure), while his entire lower half was still very much clothed. Yet, as always, when he was in charge, you were _helpless_ to do anything but let him take over every single thought that went in and out of your fogged brain. He occupied all your mental spaces, and where thoughts faded away, _feelings_ entered. But they were always of, and for, and because of _him._

His fingers hooked on the left side of your underwear, and a most minimal effort to help him this time as you were far more pleased and preoccupied with the senseless kissing still occurring, your hips lifted barely with even less of an attempt at a wiggle. The position was probably a little uncomfortable, as he leaned half back, taking you with him while you clung to him, all in an effort to take that last garment off you. They got caught somewhere at the edge of one of your heels while you wheeled your legs to try and get them off for him, not something you had enough brain left to care about. 

The fact was they were mostly off, and off enough for you to spread your legs for him as he laid you back down _again_. So it was good enough. On a break and a panting breath, his fingers slid up the inside of your thigh, eliciting a warm shiver from just about every part of you. Keeping one arm looped around him for _security_, your other hand went on a journey. Touching low over his heart and then sweeping upwards as you held the back of his neck. Eyes opening to see him so close, his gaze so dark yet inviting and _loving_\- 

You wanted to say something. Anything that would give thought to this moment. But the next part of your lips turned instead to a gasp and a flutter of your eyes as his hand dragged over from the dip of your hip inward, fingers gentle against your clit. He kept a _slow_ rhythm, just like you’d asked, giving you enough time to breathe- if you weren’t turning to mush underneath him in a bevy of moans and tiny hitches of breath. It was nothing compared to when he drifted even slower, touching every part of you, then back up again. The suddenly insistent rocking of your hips drew one of those incredibly sexy chuckles out of him. 

And the next thing you fell completely into was the slide of his fingers up inside, not matching the snap of your hips but instead quelling them. Calming them to his speed as he kissed you _so gently _again. You drowned in him on every drag out, and every thrust in, especially when he crooked the tips of his fingers upwards on each match in. That light between the both of you started building and growing, and on the next slide in, you felt the pad of his thumb heavy yet gentle against your clit. 

It didn’t take much for him to make you devolve into an absolute mess after that. You tried to warn him, but there wasn’t enough space between his lips and tongue and your own. But you knew the quicker move of your hips and the slightly heightened moans gave it all away to him before the inevitable climax that rocked so completely through you. He showed you incredible mercy after that, allowing you to fall back just to _breathe_. 

Somewhere far beyond you there was a jingle of a belt and the sound of clothes rustling. Sooner than you expected- or maybe you’d just went fuzzy around the edges in consideration to time- he was back. Hot and _bare_ underneath your touch. His right hand touched down your thigh again, gripping with a keen but sweet touch as he guided your leg up and around his hips. 

Your eyes blinked open to find him _there_, just above you, and when he caught you staring, the smile on his lips that blossomed threatened to do you in completely. His forehead pressed down against yours, and with the hand at the back of his head unable to move, clutching there, you instead switched the other, no longer needing the promise of keeping him close, knowing he would _stay_ now, with you. Like that. Instead you moved it over the steady but hard thump of his heart. 

It was a moment in time that froze, yours forever somewhere in your recollection. Just the two of you twined like that, gazing at one another, dusts of pink across both your cheeks and eyes seeing only one another in the entire world. And when you both put it aside in sync, he stole everything away again. Your eyes rolled back deep in your head as you felt the tip of his cock first, and then the damnably _slow_ slide in. It was what you’d asked for, but it felt like a sort of blissful agony that your body voiced with a shaking moan as your head fell back again. 

But once fully inside you, there was a strange _ache_. A sort of pang that bled out from his heart. One you soothed away as you found the courage and strength to open your eyes again, even just a quarter, to catch him watching you. _Knowing _somehow that that was what he _needed_. That ache died and instead was replaced with that light so bright that it felt like it was burning the both of you as he pulled out and then rocked in _hard_ again. In that moment there were only two souls on earth that existed. You were sure. 

You and Tony. 

Leaning all his weight on one palm, his other hand moved, shifting up the back of your hair. Just _holding_ you to him as his body pinned yours. His weight was heavy and _comforting_. But nothing compared to the feeling of his cock driving _deep_ every time he rocked his hips forward again. As he closed that small gap to kiss you, your eyes closed. 

Yet opened again when he pulled back, breathing too hard to keep up. Though his parted lips dragged against yours with every other move. You were lost to him, same as he was to you. And it was hard to tell if minutes had slipped by into hours. Nothing else mattered.   
  
_I love you_…   
You were sure you’d said it, just as he brought your body to that raw edge and then promptly over, coming so hard you _nearly_ dragged him with you. He stilled, for a long few seconds. Enough for you to catch your breath and readjust as sensitive butterflies ghosted your skin. As you breathed hard and then pushed around it to kiss him again. Held him to you. 

But when he answered…   
_I love __**you**__.   
_He was on the move again, cock edging out slow and then even slower on the next slide in. Stealing the rest of your cognizance for anything but _him_ all over again. The both of you kept each other locked in an almost endless cycle like that. Riding on a wave you just couldn’t seem to stand to stop. Over and over and over again. Stopping when you needed a moment and then starting again. Reciting, _somewhere_, endless reciprocal words of adoration and affection to each other. 

And it was only when you were sure you were going to _break, _even willingly, underneath him, he found his peace with stopping. He kept moving until you found yourself coming again, holding on to him for dear life with a sound you didn’t quite recognize, and he fell over with you almost at the same time. As if the mere thought- the _knowledge_ that you were there was enough to fulfill him when it was finally time for the end. When he came, on the last shock of his hips- a quiver went through your entire body and seemingly passed through to him. 

You were dizzy. Incredibly hot. And so… _fulfilled_.   
It was hard to tell which way was up as he pulled from you. Your compass seemed only to point to him, which was helpful when he moved to lie on his side. Your arms sloped around his neck and you pressed yourself to him. The kisses you tried to impart were nothing short of lazy. 

The sun was coming up. It was impossible to tell who had started talking first. His voice sort of blended together with yours, at least to your ears which were maybe a few seconds behind everything else. The both of you got caught up in half kisses, murmuring, “I love you…” In an endless loop. 

At least until he pulled you completely atop him. Only stopping for a moment until you got comfortable, easing down over him, kissing him and mumbling sweet and, more importantly, _true _declarations one after the other all over again. Exactly when consciousness fled you weren’t sure. Somewhere in between his next _I love you_ and yours, probably. 

Yet wherever you drifted off to, you were positive you still heard the shape of his voice.   
But more pleasant than that, was the feel of his _heart_, as it beat in time with yours.   
You were both cradled to a peaceful sleep, tangled together like that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So they didn't get officially engaged or anything but.   
They kinda just got engaged.   
_A little._   
And we love them.


	150. Chapter 150

It was difficult to tell what time it was when you woke up. Sometime _well_ past morning, that was for sure. As awareness seeped back in, you became first vaguely and then very knowingly aware of Tony still dreaming away next to you. Turning on your side, as gently as possible, it became a very tough call whether to stay there and fall back asleep with him or… 

Well.  
You stayed. For a few moments. Admiring the peacefulness just rolling off of him. Moments like these were so rare. Maybe, if you were lucky, you’d be able to just return to it. But in your overt carefulness in not waking him up, sliding off to the side in small increments so as to not shift the weight of the bed, and then… sticking one leg out onto the floor and… then the other… 

Almost in the clear. Until very quickly you were reminded you’d had sex (...more extremely passionate love making than anything, for sure) all night in heels, fallen asleep in heels- still _were_ in heels, and your underwear still wrapped around one of those long points caught up your other foot as you tried to move. After that it was all over. You went down in a weak-kneed mess (maybe last night a little to blame, as well) with a very undignified yelp. 

From your spot on the floor you saw Tony shoot up, suddenly _very_ awake and _very_ nervous. He looked the other way first, and you had a real chance to make your position a little less terrible. But… as he turned the other way and spotted you in your heap on the floor, his sleepy grin turned sunny and he crawled to the other side closest to you, lying flat with his arm dangling over the edge. “You alright there, honey?” A genuine question while also being somewhat amused. 

“Nothing hurt but my pride.” Having to sweep up said feelings as you made extra sure of all your limbs and then stood again, stretching out the new kinks in your muscles. 

His sudden stare was felt. “An easy fix.” A warm _intimate _air hit the room rather quickly, and when you stopped limbering up, you caught his gaze. “You know… that’s a very good look on you. I think you should wear it more often.” No shame as he fully _admired_ the sight in front of him.

Just you in heels. Hm. You could only imagine. Both the thought and the way he was looking at you pooled a slight heat to your cheeks- if there hadn’t already been one after being caught in your fall. A _different_ sort of heat, though. “Knock it off.” Waving a dismissive hand at him and then turning around. 

“Do you really want me to?” A great question. 

And the obvious answer was _no_, of course not. But instead of giving in to him, you turned that little wave into more of a hook. “What I’d really like for you to do is follow me into the shower. Please.” Half turning to look at him over your shoulder. 

“Gladly.” _Eager_ as ever, as he shifted the covers aside and got out of bed with much more ease than you had. “...are you gonna wear the heels in there?” 

“I’m gonna roll up a newspaper and smack you, is what I’m gonna do.” 

“Okay, but I’d like you to answer the question, too.” 

The two of you were left in a battle of smiles before making haste off to a steamy shower. 

* * *

On your fourth day in Paris, you and Tony got up early.  
Walked along the Seine river just as the sun was coming up.  
Around nine AM, the two of you got back to the hotel. The breeze on the balcony as you sat was warm. At nine-thirty, Tony emerged from the penthouse kitchen with two perfectly brewed and prepared cups of coffee. He sat beside you, watching the passers-by on the streets below. 

And then.  
At nine-forty-three, everything stopped. Or rather, perhaps everything _started_ again. 

His phone vibrated in his pocket, which was a huge vacation no-no, but the _pattern_ of the vibration was telling. And when he pretended to ignore it, sorry look on his face, JARVIS spoke anyway. “Sir, ma’am. I am sorry. I know you are both on a do-not-disturb protocol.” 

Tony picked his phone up out of his pocket and held it up with a very dissatisfied look on his face. “Then continue do-not-disturbing, JARVIS.” 

Ignoring him completely, JARVIS continued. “I have received an Avengers Priority One signal from Ms. Romanoff. Shall I put her through?” 

You and Tony looked at each other for perhaps too long a time. But eventually you put your cup of coffee down, and let your gaze drift lower, too. _Disappointed_. Deeply. He sighed. “You already know the answer to that, seeing as you broke protocol.” 

“My hierarchy orders are very clear-” 

“_JARVIS_. Just put her through.”

Tony was annoyed. You were upset. JARVIS had been trying to defend himself, or maybe protest that he wasn’t the one at fault here. He was just a program. It _wasn’t_ his fault. No. It was that your personal life took a backseat to _superheroing_. And that was just the way it was. Whether you liked it or not.  
And you very much didn’t. 

Though a video screen went up on hologram, only Nat’s voice came through. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t bother you if it wasn’t important. I already called the others. But the both of you are closer.” 

This wasn’t Natasha’s fault, either. Everyone seemed to feel like they were putting you out. But it was just the world you lived in. You shook your head, even though she couldn’t see it. “It’s fine, Nat.” It _wasn’t_. But that was neither here nor there anymore. “What’s going on?” She must have had something serious happen. Most anything she could take on by herself. So if she was calling you...

“I hijacked some Hydra higher-up’s personal jet. I’m headed into Port Sudan to meet up with one of their top scientists and her three-hundred or so Hydra army. Armed to the teeth with powered Chitauri-Hydra hybrid weaponry. She was supposed to be demoing a new big weapon today. I thought we’d drop in.” 

Tony sat back a little, resting one leg up on the other, putting a hand on his knee. “This the base we’ve been looking for?” You felt like you already knew the answer to this. But if it _had_ been a yes, at least that would have made the bothering worth it. 

But of course… “No. No gamma outputs in that sector. Bruce has something promising, he said. But we can deal with it after this. I’ll drop you coordinates and we can gather. Have a little fun before the rest of the cavalry finds their way here.” 

She wasn’t asking permission. She wasn’t asking if you _wanted_ to do this. This was a mission, and you’d do it whether you liked it or not. You’d only had four days- barely- alone with Tony. And already… You tried not to let the tone of your voice slip in a way that would take it out on her. “We’ll see you soon, Nat.” 

“Copy that.” 

Reaching up, Tony flicked the screen out of the air, ending the call. The coordinates dropped in another chirp literal seconds later, but neither of you looked at them. You were busy looking at each other. He looked just as unhappy. “We go, clean up, and come back. Don’t even have to check out.” A little too optimistic about this. 

_This_. This right here was the life you knew the two of you were destined to live. Forever. Scraping for teeny-tiny moments in time with each other before _duty called_ the both of you to the battlefield again. There was a pit in your stomach, and a sure knowledge in your heart. “Let’s check out anyway. Just in case.” 

She had said Bruce had some information. Since she’d called all Avengers, he and Tony would link up. And that would be it. Much as Tony seemed _sad _about these developments, and as much as you _did_ believe he wanted to do the superhero thing as quickly as possible and return to pretending the two of you could have a life… it wasn’t what was really going to happen. You knew that. 

And making him accept it… that was tougher. Because he really just turned this terrible shade of _blue_. He’d been trying to make all these promises to you, maybe even to himself. About some grand life where _this_ wouldn’t happen. It hadn’t even been a week before reality had crept back in and made him an unwitting liar. 

“Sure, honey. Just in case.” 

* * *

You had LUNA put the suit into auto-pilot once the coordinates were loaded in. The rest of your immediate attention was put into reading the mission briefing that Natasha had sent. The Avengers were a couple hours behind the both of you, and with the suits, you and Tony would make it there relatively quickly- at least a lot quicker than the rest of the team currently over the ocean in the quinjet. 

It was the whole reason she’d called. Maybe if you’d vacationed somewhere further away than the team…

A useless, petulant thought. One that annoyed you more than anything. This was your _duty_. You had to see it through. Not the least of which because Natasha could be in trouble. She was facing what sounded like a literal army all on her own. She needed backup. You were Avengers. This was your job. 

Dr. Delora Jensen. An angry looking woman with a tight lipped smile and even tighter drawn back black hair in her profile picture. One of the rats that had escaped the so-called sinking ship. And the more of them you dug up, the more you started to feel like the whole exposing of both teams hadn’t been worth it in the end. There just seemed to be _so many of them_. Endlessly. When would they all be caught? When would they all die out? 

She’d been transported to several hotspots. It may have very well been that the Avengers had been on her tail the whole time. She was one of the _brilliant minds _capable of salvaging the Chitauri weaponry left over from the war and making it into formidable weapons. ...well, not _was_ anymore, seeing as Nat knew she was doing a weapons demonstration later today. One of your _favorite things_. There was no telling how dangerous she was. Or her army. 

Natasha had apprehended two Hydra higher-ups who were scheduled to see what she’d made a breakthrough on. So that was two less to worry about. Two out of a whole army and one mad scientist… and you could have been ignorant to the whole thing on a sunny balcony in Paris. 

“You still going over the notes?” Tony asked this already knowing, for sure, that you’d finished some time ago. Really, what he was asking, was what you were thinking about now. And if you wanted to talk. 

“_No._” Your clipped response got a wince from you. This was in absolutely no way Tony’s fault. It just _was_. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“It’s _not _okay.” You didn’t want to become another Jessica Jones. Weary of the world and its ills. Pushing everyone away. Tony didn’t deserve that. You didn’t want to be that person. “I just… I wanted more time. To pretend we were normal.” It wasn’t like you needed to tell him. 

He felt the same way. A soft _pang_ knocked at your heart. Light _sadness_. Yes. The both of you desperately wanted a life. ...you also _desperately_ didn’t want to have that conversation again so soon. Even if you had more evidence to your cause now. You didn’t want to be right. You wanted _him_ to be right. To prove you wrong. 

Yet there the both of you were.  
In your Iron armors. Flying to take out a Hydra nest while you were supposed to be on vacation.  
You’d murdered a mind-controlling villain not even a week ago.  
Tony had been shot in the crossfire _maybe_ a week ago.  
_Yet there the both of you were_.  
Charging into battle again, so soon. 

_How did it end up like this_? 

“Yeah. Me, too.” His _resignation_ probably hurt the most. 

* * *

Natasha had commandeered an abandoned watchtower a mile out from the base. From what it looked like, they’d _removed_ whatever operation had been hiding out there and moved in fairly quickly. Their perimeters were tight. Soldiers were patrolling the compound- several large warehouses with about five tanks spaced out between buildings. It was a little after 11AM when you and Tony marked her location and dropped in on a slow descent. JARVIS and LUNA did their jobs watching the blind spots so the both of you could get in undetected. 

“LUNA get me a headcount.”  
  
“Yes, ma’am.” 

Deactivating the helmet, you came over to Nat’s side as she was half leaned on the edge of the open wall frame. “You guys made good time.” 

Tony took up her other side. “That’s why you called us, if I remember correctly.” 

LUNA got back to you, “There are three-hundred-and-twenty bodies on the property, ma’am.” 

Natasha gave a little shrug with half a grin. “I was pretty close.” 

You couldn’t help your annoyance. “Where are they all coming from?” 

Crossing her arms she gave you one of those coy looks. “Well, you know what they say… chop off one head and… blahblahblah…” 

“_Blahblahblah_ is right.” Tony was a little more than _miffed_. “You figure a plan of attack yet or do you need us to find a soft spot? We need to get moving.” 

She moved out of her stance, placing a hand on her hip. “You don’t wanna wait for everyone else?” 

You just gave her a _look_. “If you wanted to wait for them, you wouldn’t have called us.” Though you did manage a light smile. This wasn’t her fault, either. There was no need to get rude with her. 

“You’re right. I like this a lot better. No need for a discussion. Just right down to business.” Turning back towards the open wall, she put her hands on it and then perched herself up on the ledge. “Shall we?” 

Although you also were extremely keen to start and finish this as soon as possible, it wasn’t really _too_ smart to just charge into battle without a formation plan. “Tony and I will start with the tanks and draw fire.” There was no way the two of you could head in unseen any closer than this. “It’s unlikely they have commanders sitting inside them. While we draw their fire, you charge on the rush-up and we’ll meet somewhere in the middle.” 

Tony made a little clucking noise. “Any read on this big Chitauri weapon the doc’s got cooking up?” Oh. Right. _That_. That probably was a problem to consider. 

Natasha grinned. “We came for a show, didn’t we? Let’s see it up close for ourselves. I’m sure you’ll have a few pointers for her.” And with that she backflipped off the edge and then caught herself on the railing and made her way down to the ground. 

As the two of you looked after her, Tony turned to you with a raise of his hand. “You know, I’m beginning to think everyone on this team has a diva streak.” 

At this you couldn’t help the little snort, the fond roll of your eyes while you reached up to re-engage your helmet. You then put your hand on his shoulder. “Oh, _honey_. You’re not allowed to make that comment.” 

You jumped into action, taking flight on heavy thrusters, with Tony right behind you. Easily the both of you spread fast over Natasha’s location as she was still rushing up to the compound. There was no hiding the sound of two Iron suits heading Hydra’s way, and within moments the warning sirens started blaring and bodies started pouring out of the warehouses. 

Your HUD went into full combat display, ticking up body-counts and signatures, listing off all your energy outputs, keeping up with your two allies- and of course, a small window of Tony’s on the lower display. He was quick to pull out in front of you. “I’ve got the two on the right if you wanna take left. We can co-sign the center.” The tanks, he meant, and he quickly rolled off from his straight line to veer. 

“I’m on it!” Fully engaged now. Whether or not you wanted to be here (and you didn’t) was no longer a consideration. You were here. Guns were firing. People were trying to kill you. The battle was on. That was all that mattered. 

Tony had fired three times on the first tank he’d locked on to, with nothing much to show for it. “Shell’s are pretty tough on these things.” 

While you were busy dodging and weaving heavy gunfire, the lightbulb went off. “Let’s make like turtles then.” In a quick drop, you rolled out of the air and came to a landing hard on your feet. With both hands up, you fired a blast underneath one of the tanks, knocking it completely upside down. The explosion drew extra benefit when the radius knocked a few soldiers out of the way. With the underbelly exposed, you fired off a heavier concentrated shot. 

On your side, Tony mirrored your movements. “PETA would like to have a word.” 

Natasha’s voice perked up just as you flipped your second tank. “I’m closing in- and I really hope you don’t go around flipping turtles in your spare time.” The sound of her taking out a few combatants paired very nicely with your groan. 

“Let’s not spread rumors. Or PETA really _will_ call me.” You’d just cleared your second tank. Tony was just starting in on his- and that’s when you noticed the turret on your shared middle turning towards him. “Tony you’ve got incoming!” Not quite enough of a warning, as it fired a weirdly colored energy blast at him. 

His grunt cut clear across the channel as his head knocked around while his suit spun out of control for a few seconds before he regained control. He was just starting to speak as you took off in a boosted sprint for the middle tank. “Watch those shots- they sap energy- _JARVIS I know_\- think this is what the doctor had for show and tell?” 

“She’ll have to bring something else.” Hands poised you detonated an explosive right underneath the tank as it had just turned to fire on you, but you won out the quicker victor. However once it was knocked on its side, instead of delivering the finishing blow, you decided to let yourself get a little personal. With a vault up and over and then another landing just on the side you banged on the top. Probably glad he wasn’t about to die in a fiery explosion, the soldier inside threw open the lid with his hands up. One of which you promptly grabbed, yanking him clear out and tossing him several yards away into the desert. His screams faded into the distance. 

Honestly, _how dare he_. 

“Now, honey, that’s not very nice.” Tony was teasing. But you were a little beyond that. 

Holding your arm out to trigger your wrist projectiles you sent a few whistling into the cabin and slammed the lid shut again. Quickly you jumped into flight up and away as the entire thing blew from the inside. “I’ll try to go a little easier on them.” A saccharine lie with a smile to match aimed at his display window. 

JARVIS spoke across the network. “The quinjet is approaching. Fifty miles out.” 

Natasha sounded only slightly out of breath. “So the cavalry arrives finally.” 

“More like backup. We’re pretty much finished here.” Tony’s tone was very dry. 

And maybe at this point all of you should have learned not to tempt the universe. Because just as the three of you had laid out half the army and the quinjet finally breached the vicinity, Dr. Jensen herself burst out of the leftmost compound, holding what looked like… well… some sort of backpack with a wide muzzled hose attached to both her arms. She aimed it _up_ at the all too obvious target. And even more obvious than that was her war cry. “HAIL HYDRA!” 

The shot went off in a quick focused burst, hitting the bottom of the jet, sending it into a tailspin. This felt vaguely familiar. So much so that you broke formation from your teammates to- well- go get the _rest _of your teammates. Trying to zip underneath and dig your hands into the machinery to stop its fall, you struggled. “Who’s driving?!” 

Clint was the one that answered. “Well if that’s your welcome, we’ll just turn around.” 

The landing was rough but a lot less rough than a crash. It might also not have helped that you sort of _shoved _the jet off of you. Very suddenly it felt like you were _choking_. The air was thick. And _familiar_. 

And… 

_**Angry**_. 

Steve’s voice came first- “_We’re in code green- I repeat- we’re in code-” _

About all he had time to say as Hulk ripped open the side door with a roar and jumped out overhead. Natasha sounded only marginally worried. “Guys, is that gonna be a problem?” 

Hulk was already dead center of the compound, ripping people apart. Thor stuck his head out of the hole in the jet. “We were called into battle. It seems more a solution than a problem.” 

Tony made a circle flyby, probably checking on you and the team without saying as much, and then zipped straight back after his rounds. “Let’s cut the chatter and get to work. Eyes on the doctor dual-wielding the vacuum cleaner.” 

Clint scoffed. “You’re one to talk.” 

Once the rest of the team had climbed out, you all gave each other a brief nod and rushed back into battle. Putting down the soldiers with the lesser weaponry wasn’t too much of a problem. Jensen became the main issue. The gun was much like the tanks, draining energy as much as it fired it back in quick, dangerous bursts. Which was a problem when she aimed it at both you and Tony- grounding the both of you in heaps while LUNA and JARVIS gave out several warnings. 

The team tried to converge on your location as she stood just over, and then fired on them, too. _Frustration_ took up hot residence in your heart. “We have to circle around. You’ll never get her from the front!” The problem was her line of defense backing her. Willing to _die_ just to keep her protected. 

She raised her weapons to fire on Steve. “Hydra now wields weapons of the gods! You’re no match for us!” 

Tony’s sarcasm projected out. “What _is_ it with everyone thinking aliens are gods? When did this start? Thor? Got any ideas about this one, buddy?” 

He raised his hammer. “Just one!” And then brought it down, summoning a lightning strike at her. When she threw up her own hands to fire back, the energy that clashed caused a shockwave that threw everyone back. 

As Jensen stood, she aimed the weapon at Natasha next. “Like I said you fools- you’re no match for me.” 

The whiz of an arrow caught your audio feed. Almost imperceptible. Clint spoke just in time with her backpack imploding. “You know. I _really _doubt that.” 

She was thrown to the ground face first, shrieking- some parts _terror_ but mostly just terrible _**pain**_. The team edged in on her in a tight circle. You were tired, more than anything. Though you did catch Natasha bumping Clint’s hip with hers. “Is that an I-owe-you? Or was that a repaid debt?” 

He shrugged. “I’ve lost count.” 

Looking up, Jensen started growling, fist beating on the concrete. “_How_… I had greater power than _all of you_…!” 

Tony held up his hand, repulsor charging. Only in _warning_, you were sure. Just in case she was thinking of trying anything else. “I think your math’s a little off on that one, doc. I’d be happy to double check your work. If you ask nicely.” 

Steve was panting as he laid a hand on his hip. The sound of metal screeching hit the air just as you put the good doctor in a nice pair of handcuffs. He made a vague gesture at Hulk, who was busy ripping up one of the warehouses. Literally. “Is someone gonna deal with that?” 

You let your shoulders lower. Really just _**tired**_. “He’s a person, you know. Not a _that_. And if you’re asking me-” 

Natasha cut you off. “I’ll go.” The team all turned towards her. A little… _puzzled_, to say the least. “We’ve been working together. I came up with _code green_, in case anyone cares to remember.” Said with such sureness yet flippant at the same time. Not waiting around for a chorus of questions or naysayers as she took off in his direction. 

...something strange was going on there. She used to be utterly terrified of Hulk. You remembered those feelings, in the helicarrier, a _long_ time ago. And now… she was going to meet him head on. No backup. ...strange indeed.

Tony’s helmet slid back, so you removed your own, next. He laid a hand on your shoulder. “What’s the next move?” Asking you because… well… 

A deep sigh escaped you. “Bruce is gonna need to take some time to even out. I’ll get us some lodging. I know you and he have to talk about the next hit. I’ll call DC while I’m at it. Have them start carting this stuff off.” Work. Work came first. It always would. 

He nodded. _Solemn_. “Sounds like a plan.” 

It would have been easy to just tell the team to clean up. It would have been easy to run away again. 

But that wasn’t how this worked.  
It never would be.   
At least you had the solace of winning a battle. It was just unfortunate it was never the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is some guided timeline lore for my dearest readers:  
Jessica Jones season 1 ends on April 18th-ish.  
This interlude is part of a tie-in comic with Ultron, called Avengers: Operation Hydra. It occurs on April 25th. (It's also a sweet comic mostly from Clint's perspective. A short one, too. Worth the read.)  
Ultron begins on April 27th. 
> 
> Being a superhero just got a lot harder.


	151. Chapter 151 [End: Interlude]

The last thing you needed on your plate right now was mitigating an international crisis between the Avengers, backed by the United States, and Sudan. Every move you made forward immediately after rounding every last soldier on the Hydra base had to be calculated, careful, and _quick_. You had work to do. ...especially when the Sudanese army parked up on the dunes and started pointing weapons and barking orders at you. Their intel reported that warehouses on the Port were exploding- being destroyed. And… there were the Avengers. Exploding and destroying things. What a mess.

Your first call was to Ellis, which was neither pleasant nor easy. With the way things were, you could have Damage Control scoop up weaponry all day, but the fact of the matter was there were a lot of people that needed to be arrested and extradited. So he had to have your back _first_. And he had to know about this _first_, because the second you went anywhere else here, he’d know about it after the fact. They’d go to him. It was unfortunate that you had to take a verbal beat down. But hey, the two countries were friendly. 

At least you had that going for you. 

With that call out of your way, Ellis actually laid the path of connections forward for you. He highlighted out a Sudanese Air Force base that you and Tony dragged the quinjet to so that he could begin making the necessary repairs. While you fumbled your way through a conference call with your President, Omar al-Bashir (Sudan’s president), a few embassy members on both sides, generals on both sides (including a very pissed off Talbot), and a few people on lower rungs you couldn’t be bothered to remember, the team hung back. You tried your best to remain calm while accusations that the Avengers had _sneaked in _and enacted an unsanctioned military operation underneath the American banner and that as _allies_ this was not a conscionable thing to do. It might have even been an act of war- 

You reminded them that current policy between both countries had been facilitating a dialogue that was meant to keep international terrorists out of their land- and that was precisely what you and your team had done. But, the argument came back quick, why were they not alerted? And to this you were absolutely lucky that you had your invited guest _Colonel Rhodes_ on the line to bullshit his way through secret military plans this- blahblah that- and that it would have endangered the mission to let it get any further than the Avengers’ intel, otherwise Hydra would have packed up and left. _Or worse_, been a threat to the Sudanese themselves. 

It ended amicably, as you reassured al-Bashir that your team was acting on a peace-keeping mission between the countries, and of course you all were _incredibly sorry_ for any offense caused by not keeping him aware of what was happening in his own country. But, the greater point was that the Avengers had taken down a mass Hydra base. And the criminals would be punished to the fullest extent of the law. ...how could anyone argue with that? 

The same exact point you’d made to Ellis, when you’d promised him you _wouldn’t get caught like this_\- but… if you did, that was the exact sort of thing you’d say. Because it was manipulative. Which was why it worked. And by the time you got off the call, Tony, marked in grease and sweat, had patched the jet up enough to get it in the air. The team wanted an update- more than that, they wanted somewhere to sleep for the night. Imagine that. It was getting late. 

Khartoum was twenty minutes away on the quinjet. You called ahead to the Al Salam hotel. Reserved enough rooms for the team. They could figure out how to order dinner for themselves, right? Once everything was booked you waved them off. Tony was swiping a towel across his face, standing there as everyone else boarded the jet. “Something tells me you’re not coming with us.”

“I have to wait for DC to get here so I can make sure things get done exactly the way they need to.” Your desire to melt onto the concrete was getting stronger while your resolve was growing weaker. Part of you wanted to just sit in the corner and cry. A little. 

“Ellis giving you a hard time?” He was asking honestly and genuinely. Trying to give you space to _talk with him_ about how difficult this had been. Probably so he could lay into the team if they decided to get even close to annoyed about anything after this. 

But you spotted Steve not-so-secretly looking down the landing gear from his spot on the jet. Not here. You couldn’t do this here. And not right now. It was a move that grounded _you_ more than it was in service to Tony, but you leaned up, pressing a small kiss to his cheek. Just to _feel_ his guiding light for five seconds more. “We’ll talk about it later, okay?” 

He understood that immediately, and it _saddened_ him all the more. “I can stay. They can check into a hotel by themselves. They don’t need me.” _You do_. The look in his eyes spoke volumes. He wanted to stay here with you to steady you. To be here to help give out commands. To _work. _Because _you_ were working. 

But… he’d had a hard day, too. And… “Don’t you and Bruce need to talk about something? He’ll probably be better by the time they land.” They’d already wrapped him up in his weighted blanket and put on that _calming_ playlist to help him even out. This was an excuse more than anything. It was hard to tell why you were pushing him away. Maybe so that he didn’t have to deal with this. So that his face didn’t have to be associated with it. Things had ended fine enough, but you were one phone call away from another shouting match with Ellis. 

Let it only be you. 

Tony _wilted_. _You were pushing him away._ So very obviously. It _pained _him. “Okay, honey.” This wasn’t an answer to anything you’d said. What he was answering was the unspoken: _go with them, leave me here_. And it was _difficult_ for him to do so, standing there, looking at you, frown drawing terrible lines at the corners of his lips. “I’m on the comms. Always.” 

“If I need you I’ll call.” You indulged in one last moment of weakness, as you reached up, wrapping your arms around him. Squeezing yourself to him. Holding on to that warmth even after the moment had ended and he’d walked onto the jet. You looked after them, as they flew further and further and then eventually disappeared. 

Leaving you alone there.  
Trusting you’d do a good job. That you’d send those three-hundred or so remaining Hydra agents with Damage Control, where they’d be put in an American jail and await trial.  
  
Your phone started ringing again. And as you answered, you felt a part of you on that jet, miles away. You didn’t really feel _there_ anymore. 

* * *

_How could you be so stupid?  
How could you be so careless?  
How could you let your team do that?  
How _ _ **dare** _ _ you do that?  
Do you realize what you could have caused?  
Do you even care about anything other than your vague sense of justice?  
Why jump so quickly?  
Why leave everyone else behind?  
The Avengers are dangerous-_  
_Unchecked-  
Unruly- _

It was nearing midnight by the time you’d wrapped up with DC and finally made your way back to the hotel. You’d been on the phone for almost the entire time since the team had left, getting chewed out. Talbot and Ellis had tag-teamed you for _hours_ on end about how unfathomably ignorant you and your merry band of idiots were. You’d tried to deflect, tried to bark up the _greater good tree. _You’d tried to remain calm and tried to keep having a voice in that discussion, rather than let them yell at you over each other. 

Because if you gave in, if you said _nothing at all_ they’d start thinking they were right. Maybe they were. But that was a different discussion for a different time. One you kept putting off because you were sure you just couldn’t deal with it. You didn’t know what the end of that looked like. You weren’t sure you wanted to find out. 

The emptiness the team had left with had been filled up with Ellis and Talbot’s threats. Their anger. Their _promises_ that if the team continued on this way, there were going to be consequences. And eventually you wouldn’t be able to talk your way out anymore. 

Really, you weren’t sure how you’d managed to make it to the hotel. It felt like your body was very ready to just collapse under the weight of all of this. You had a keycard in your hand, with no idea how you’d gotten it. You were headed to your hotel room. And only when you opened the door did you switch off auto-pilot. 

Tony and Bruce were in the bigger part of the suite, leaning over a large table. They’d brought some gear from the jet. “-I wasn’t sure where you two were vacationing-” It was strange to hear Bruce giving Tony an earful. Had the team been giving him a hard time, too? Sure- the both of you leaving had been… _sudden_, but… 

The urge to protect him won out over the urge to go lie face down on the bed. “I’m back. Sorry to interrupt.” Breaking up the discussion so he’d leave Tony alone about it. You were almost sure you could have walked into the bedroom without them noticing, if you hadn’t said anything. 

Shifting to stand straight up, Tony swiped holographs of whatever they were working with out of the air. “Hey, honey.” _Concerned_ about you immediately. It was probably the way you looked. And how _long _you’d been gone. He put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “I think that’s good enough for tonight. We’ll have a team meeting tomorrow.” 

Bruce seemed _uncomfortable_. Hard to tell why. “Uh… sure.” Though he did give you a small wave. “Good to see you. I hope… I hope everything’s alright.” There was no telling what they’d talked about for hours while you were busy, but you imagined _you_ had been a topic of discussion at least once. 

You braved a smile for him. “Everything’s fine.” _For now_. 

Tony gave his shoulder a pat, not _pushing_ him but _directing _him towards the door. “Why don’t you get some rest- oh- you know-” But then he gave Bruce a little nudge with his elbow, “I heard Nat’s doing a bit of night swimming down at the pool.” 

_Hot embarrassment_ flashed through Bruce so hard it got your face warming almost in time with his. He got flustered immediately. “It’s late- I’ll- I’m gonna-” 

The curve of a grin on Tony’s face almost made this worth it. “Goodnight, Bruce.” 

He was quick to turn tail and run. You wondered in which direction. “...goodnight.” 

Politely you waited until you heard the front door close and his footsteps trail off down the hall. Then you turned, “He and Nat have a thing going on?” 

Tony shrugged. “They _would_, if he’d get over himself and commit.” 

The bed had been calling your name, but his heart was calling louder. Drawn to him, you slipped out of your shoes and came across the room to him, winding your arms around his middle, burying your face against his chest. “I’m sure he appreciates your dating tips.” Mumbled into his shirt. 

_Relief_ was almost immediate. And it was a blessing. The rumble of his light laughter vibrated through you. “He has to admit he has a crush on her first before we can work our way to _tips_.” He soothed one hand back through your hair, fingers light at your scalp. His other arm moved to hold you around your shoulders. 

“Well, when he does…” Breathing out, almost ready to pass out right then and there. But you _needed_ this. You didn’t want to give in just yet. “I’m sure you’ll know just what to say.” 

“Absolutely.” Maybe it was just because he knew you so well, or maybe he just felt you _fading_, but he bent in suddenly, sweeping you off your feet. “I’ll just tell him how I got you. Unending pestering until she gives in.” 

You laid your head against his shoulder as he started moving. “Doesn’t seem his style.” 

“Well, if he wants to get the woman of his dreams… that’s the only way _I_ know how.” 

Your smile was calm and your eyes were already closed. “It wasn’t pestering.” 

He scoffed. “You don’t have to change history for my benefit.” 

“You changed. That’s all. I could tell you were being serious- not like before.” 

There was a slight pause, even though you had no idea the layout of the room, you felt he had probably stopped just at the side of the bed. “Before?” _Curious_. 

“Before you… when we went out to dinner all those times before- it wouldn’t have mattered if I’d say yes _or_ no. You’d have gone to bed with someone else the very next night regardless. But… after everything that happened… you changed. And I could tell you were serious about being with me.” ...though it took a _lot_ of convincing to make you feel that way. Maybe he _was _right. Maybe pestering was the right way to go about it. 

A _warm_ echo rippled out from him, and you blinked your sleepy eyes open to see him gazing at you. Once you returned the look, “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.” 

You really couldn’t help the smile, then. “I think I might have to agree with that. ...egotistical as it may be.” 

As you lifted your hand, brushing the backs of your fingers against the line of his cheek, and then turned your palm around to hold his face, he frowned. _Concern_ simmered just on his surface again. “Are you okay?” The two of you had been joking literal seconds ago. But he already knew. 

You weren’t.  
And that’s why he was asking. 

“I’m _tired_, Tony.” Raw and honest as admitting this nearly drew tears from you. How many times had you said this?

Dipping in as _sadness_ bloomed somewhere deep inside him, he laid you down, and then set his hands on the covers as he leaned over you. “I know, honey. Me, too.” Once again, for just this brief moment you were sure, it was just you and him again. Just _people_. Falling apart at the seams. And no way yet to stop it. “I think- tomorrow you should go home.” The thought started as a suggestion, but it ended nearly as a command. 

There was only one reason he would say this- and like _that_. “You guys really found the scepter.” Tomorrow the team would make a game plan. And after that… they’d move again. Go right back into battle. 

“Bruce is pretty sure- and so am I. So leave tomorrow. I’ll tell them you had to run more optic clean up- I’m almost _positive_ you do, anyway.” Finally moving, he sat next to you, lifting his hand to card through your hair again. 

You put your hands around his wrist just as his hand slid down over the side of your face, and held him there. “I do. But… the scepter is what started this recent string. We can close it out and… try to pretend to be normal again after.” Leave again. And hopefully not be interrupted this time. “Where do you guys think it is?” Trying to invest yourself now so that you wouldn’t give up. 

He didn’t want to tell you. His hesitation drew on for too long as he looked at you, expression neutral- save for his eyes. And almost everything else you could _feel_. He was _hurting_ just listening to you. Watching you do this. But you hurt for him, too. So maybe it was fair. “It’s a hidden research base in Sokovia.” 

Sokovia? That was a country you hadn’t thought about in a _very_ long time. In fact, a completely different lifetime.  
Was the United States still friendly with Sokovia? They were such a small place… your brain was too much of a mess to even begin to think about country relationships again so soon. But the fog in your eyes must have alerted him to the fact that you at least had _tried_ for a few seconds to make some sense of it all. 

“Are we in a lot of trouble?” 

Him asking this slapped you back to reality. He was… he was _worried_. To be honest, _so were you_. “Not yet.” The best answer you could give him. “Rhodey saved our asses.” 

Tony’s smile was brief. “Yeah, he’s good at that. Can’t wait to hear about it for the next ten years.” 

You just shook your head. “We’re… we’re on thin ice, Tony. I don’t know what to do.” A long time ago he’d hired you because you’d tried to appear smart. Like you knew everything worth knowing. That you had all the answers. That’s why you did all his pressers. Why you spoke for him. Because he _trusted_ that you knew the right thing to say and do. And even _now_… even now he still held that trust with you. But you just couldn’t lead him on anymore. “I have no idea what we’re going to do. Every time we go out, it’s one step closer to an edge I’m not sure we can survive.” 

Something deep in your heart of hearts told you. There was a finality somewhere in here. You hoped it didn’t end in _war_. You’d backed Ellis into a corner. He couldn’t say he had no idea the Avengers were in random countries doing who knew what- but when would the moment be when he decided to put his hands up and let the world decide your fate? _It was coming_. 

Your mind was racing, as was your heart. You struggled for words. “Maybe we can talk about a plan to deputize the Avengers or… or- make them an official branch of the military-” But even hearing yourself say these words aloud, you flinched. “It’s a terrible idea- I know we don’t wanna belong to anyone but-” 

_But what choice did you have_? The world would eventually get tired of _enhanced individuals_ hailing from America busting into their countries to do- really- whatever the hell they felt like. 

“Hey.” He pulled your attention back towards him with a soft but firm call. It was like he just _popped _back into view. For a few moments there you’d been kind of unknowingly hanging out in a void. His hand moved to rest over your heart. “Take a few deep breaths, will you? We’re alright.” 

You were _panicking_. And too tired to do much about it. Swallowing hard, you closed your eyes, resting back against the headboard, not sure when exactly that you’d sat up. Your hand found his. Clutching hard. Just trying to find your anchorpoint. 

“We will figure this out.” He was making this promise to you. And by _we_ he meant _I_. “We’ll be careful in Sokovia. No great and terrible international incidents, I promise. In and out.” Doubling down. “And we’ll… talk to the team. So that maybe they can better understand our position in the world.” 

A smile found you, though it was bitter. “And what position is that?” 

“A precarious one. You shouldn’t be the only one shouldering this. They need to understand the _impact_ of what we do. Everyone always thinks they’re on the right side. Next time we _invade _a country, they need to be able to have their perception of reality challenged. They need to be able to accept consequences. Or we might all end up in secret superhero jail.” 

Somewhere in the middle of his heated and sure speech you’d opened your eyes to look at him again. He was spiraling, too. And he was _angry_. You weren’t the only one thinking about international affairs. Of course you weren’t. You could send him out of earshot as often as you liked, he still _knew_ what was going on. He was too smart not too. ...and too in love with you to turn his back on your struggles. Even now, while you _knew_ he was overly concerned about _otherworldly affairs_ being the bigger goal… he was still trying to keep in step with you over more _grounded _issues. Because nobody else seemed to be. 

So that was it then.  
The _both_ of you would struggle together. Until you either figured this out or… until you failed. Because it wasn’t going away. The world would only get more dangerous. The Avengers provoked peoples’ ideals. They incited challenge. More and more enhanced individuals seemed to be cropping up. And they wouldn’t always be good people. You could be careful on the next mission and the next and the next… but eventually… 

“I love you, Tony.” Pretty much the only thing you _were _sure of, anymore. At least you had him. He would always have your back. No matter how terrible things got. 

There was a twitch of a smile on his lips, like hearing you say this made it _better_. Even if fleeting. Leaning in, he pressed a line of kisses down from your forehead, over the bridge of your nose, and then to your lips. Waiting against your skin with each one. Imparting them to you. And when he was finished, “I love you. More than anything. We’ll figure this out. I promise.” 

If there was anyone on earth you’d _believe_ about this… it was him. 

* * *

Sleep was hard to come by that night. And there was a sickening roiling in your stomach the next morning as you got up. You ordered breakfast to Steve’s room, as that’s where everyone decided to meet. Tony went ahead of you to lay out all his information with Bruce- though not before asking if he should walk over with you. 

There were too many questions you had to go through.  
Should you alert Ellis to this? It seemed like the best case of action, considering how pissed he was over what happened only yesterday. If everyone got caught again and he found out after the fact, there was no telling what he would do. But, considering he _was_ angry about what had happened, if you told him, he might _order _you to not go. 

Not telling him was a lie of omission. You’d be lying to your President. To your country. And if you got found out… that might be worse than being told no to marching into Sokovia. 

You didn’t want to weigh the pros and cons of this. It literally had started feeling so _heavy_. The team was going to gear up. If you were the reason, even via extension of Ellis, that they couldn’t go through with this… Thor would probably go anyway. He was still mad that SHIELD had lost the scepter and never told anyone about it. Tony seemed sure this base was finally the one they were hiding in. 

...so you had to go. You had to go and not tell Ellis. And pray that you wouldn’t be found out. 

Just as soon as you’d regained your composure and exited your hotel room, your phone started going off. On the growing list of people that wanted your attention, you weren’t expecting to see Coulson’s name on your caller ID. ...it probably wasn’t a very good sign. “Hello?” Answering as you made your way towards Steve’s room. 

“We don’t have a lot of time. I’m sending the information over to Stark’s servers. We just had a Hydra scientist escape. His name is List. He’ll be with another scientist named von Strucker at a research base in Sokovia. They’ve been giving you guys the runaround.” 

Unbelievable. Information was converging. This really was it. And it wasn’t important to tell Coulson that Tony and Bruce had been one step ahead of him. Maria’s voice spoke before you could get a chance to reply, and that was a surprise, too. “Can you have the team ready to dispatch?” 

“Within twenty-four hours, yes.” Of this you were certain. Seeing as you were already headed there. 

“I hear there was a mess in Sudan.” She sounded some weird mix of miffed and amused.

Maria Hill was also not your boss. You didn’t answer to her. ...in fact, technically, you were _hers_. “Not much of a mess. That’s all done with, anyway.” You wouldn’t wonder if she was the reason Nat had been there in the first place. “Is there anything else I should know?” Asked just as you knocked on Steve’s door. 

Thor was the one who opened it, just as Coulson spoke again. “They’ve been experimenting on humans with the scepter. Most of them died. Horribly. But there were some that survived. They scrapped the data after we cornered List the first time. Intel says there’s an encrypted database at their location. You’ll lose all of it, if they figure out you’re onto them. I don’t have anything else for you.” You’d stopped walking somewhere in the middle of the room. Everyone looked up. “There’s no telling what you’ll find there. Stay sharp.” 

“Wait-” Not wanting him to just hang up after telling you _that_. “They were trying to make enhanced individuals? _With the scepter?_” 

“They succeeded.” 

The room went a little _cold_. As you let your phone down your gaze went instinctively towards Tony. Who was staring at you. _Apprehensive_. The whole room waited on your next words. You tried, yet again, to pull yourself together, so that your voice wouldn’t tremble in front of them. “SHIELD tracked the scientists working with the scepter to the base in Sokovia. They recently relocated and got away from Coulson and his team.” At least that’s what you imagined the scenario was. 

Bruce removed his glasses as _nervousness_ took hold of him. “What was that about _enhanced individuals_?” 

“Coulson was trying to warn us they might be the opposition.” 

Tony crossed his arms rather stiffly. “Any more info than that?” And when you shook your head he rolled his eyes with a shake of his head. “That’s SHIELD for you. Day late and a dollar short until we generously donate our time. Alright. Gather up everyone. This goes off without a hitch. There is no Plan B.” 

As you moved to stand next to his side, his voice started fading further and further away from your grasp. The air in the room felt so thin. It felt like you were suffocating. Maybe you should have gone home. There was a voice in your ear. 

Something terrible was about to happen.  
You just _felt_ it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well babies, you know what this means.  
Ultron starts on Friday. And let me tell you guys... I know for a fact you're not ready.  
But it's happening anyway.


	152. Chapter 152 [Begin: Age of Ultron]

The “secret” Hydra base was located on the tippy top of one of the mountains. It was also huge. And _obvious_. A wonder that none of you had ever thought to look at it before. Then again, Sokovia was such a small place. So small, in fact, that that giant research _castle_ butted up against a town on the other side. That was extremely bad news. Casualties were a real possibility. Also. _Getting caught doing this_. Which … wasn’t worse than loss of life but it was pretty bad. 

It was enough to tick your anxiety on the ride over on the jet. There were so many ways this could go wrong. So many ways that it _would_. You just had to hold it together. For the team. This could be one less thing to worry about if everything went right. You had to put your focus on the positives. Even as hard as that was. 

This mountaintop fortress of theirs was on top of a dense forest. Too much coverage to see through on satellite- except for the watchtowers in very strategic placement. If the incident in Sudan had a little over three hundred soldiers, you imagined these guys had maybe a thousand. And lots of heavy ammunition and firepower. All things the team was going over one more time as the jet stayed in a hover just outside the starting radius. 

Oh and… “We don’t know how many enhanced there are, or what they can do. We have to keep sharp.” Steve was leaned over one of the holograph tables projecting the tippy-top base. Funny. Coulson had said the same thing. 

_Human experimentation_. The thought was repulsive. And to do it with the scepter? Something so alien? Hydra must have been extremely desperate. Yet… Jessica had come across something like this, too. Killian had been working on this as well. Was this just the way the world was trending now? _Why_? Because of the Avengers?? It was a tough thing to think about. Not something you _wanted_ to think about. ...yet you couldn’t stop. 

The only thing that took your mind off of it was being thrust into the heat of battle. 

Tony had landed the jet outside the perimeter in an established safe zone. The idea was to take them by surprise. To canvas the entire sector inch by inch if you had to and take everyone out and then storm the base. 

...but that’s not what ended up happening. 

The team wasn’t even a mile in before a battalion patrolling spotted everyone.   
Bunkers had turrets with that charged Chitauri weaponry, no doubt courtesy of Dr. Jensen, all aimed in your direction. You weren’t sure _when_ someone had shouted for a **Code Green**, but Hulk had appeared nonetheless. 

You and Tony took off together to try and flank the oncoming forces while the rest of the team charged up into battle. That plan had worked before. Why not replay it not even forty-eight hours later? Except the scale of this was much larger, they had much more firepower- and it was turning into a little bit of a shitshow. 

“I think we should storm the castle and make a point.” You could beat soldiers on the ground all day long, but if you took their prized possession and handcuffed their leaders, they might lay down their weapons. Wouldn’t that be nice. 

Tony arched a brow from his box on your HUD and then nodded. “Alright. Let’s see if Rapunzel will let her hair down for us.” There was a little sting of sass here that said _I highly doubt it_. 

He bolted up and over the treeline and you were quick to follow. The two of you circled the _massive_ property, up and up, to the top most compound. A little too easy to break into. It was just right _there_. And if anyone could walk in, it wasn’t much of a base. Which was why it only marginally surprised you when Tony closed in on the eastern-most wall and then promptly _bounced _off it, revealing a forcefield. 

“_Shit_!” More a grunt of surprise from him than anything, with a look to match. Maybe he’d been more startled than actually hurt. 

Steve’s voice was quick to chastise over the comms. “Language!” 

You couldn’t help the face you made. “Have you been doing more PSAs for schools or something?” Hanging around kids? What had prompted _that_? Though Tony was grinning. 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now.” Clearly Steve was very aware he’d made a mistake. “JARVIS, what’s the view from upstairs?” 

As the satellite in orbit zeroed in closer on the building, all the data got thrown up on your screen, including the live feed of JARVIS _looking_ at the compound. “The central building is protected by some kind of energy shield. Strucker's technology is well beyond any other Hydra base we've taken.” 

Thor responded to that first. “Loki’s scepter _must_ be here. Strucker couldn’t mount his defense without it.” 

You couldn’t help your look of confusion. “We just got out of a battle with Jensen who had brand new tech. We’re thinking this is scepter grown and not Chitauri?” It could have gone both ways, and maybe it didn’t matter in either case. But you had to wonder. 

“We took her down with ease, did we not?” He made a good counterpoint to that. So you let him have this, because he seemed pretty _pleased_. “At long last.” 

You rolled out from your position, a little too clear in the air as a few of the watchtowers had started firing on you from inside the base. Natasha’s voice got a little garbled as you took a hit from the side. “At long last is lasting a little long, people.” 

Clint sounded annoyed. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure we lost the element of surprise.” 

Following Tony’s lead on the opposite side alongside one of the lower-rung bases, _not_ protected by that alien shield, the both of you fired on soldiers heading out of their barracks. Your eyes strayed to him as he spoke, “Wait a second, no one else is gonna deal with the fact that Cap just said _language_?” 

Despite the dire straits you found yourselves in, you couldn’t help the smile. “He’s been spending too much time with kids. Go easy on him.” 

Steve made a sound of resignation. “Look. It just slipped out.” 

You couldn’t help yourself. “We’re all about good, clean, family friendly fun here at the Avengers.” 

JARVIS cut into your _good clean _fun. “Sir, ma’am, the city is taking fire.” 

_No_. Your heart dropped right into your stomach. That was one of your worst fears. Immediately you broke dual formation with Tony, leaving him to circle the castle alone. “I’ll go deal with it.” 

“Honey, I need you here.” The both of you looked at each other from video screens. He wasn’t _seriously_ telling you to let civilians take heat, was he? “Let’s send in the Iron Legion.” 

“I don’t know now is the right time for a trial run.” 

“Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.” 

But he was waiting. Waiting for _your_ permission. And waiting to see if you _trusted him_. He’d been working so hard on this one thing. It wasn’t Ultron- but it was what he had now. But to test proof of concept with _real lives_ felt too dangerous. And careless. ...but you _did_ trust him… 

JARVIS seemed to be waiting just as much as Tony was. “Ma’am?” 

You sighed, and doubled back midair. “Alright. Send them.” 

A new window popped open on your HUD and you moved it to the lower right hand corner. Iron Legion details. How many were flying out- five deployed, to be exact. Their status. They were moving, _fast_. Pre-loaded from the quinjet. At least Tony had come prepared. 

Just as you and Tony were taking out another lower bunker with a series of repulsor blasts, Natasha’s sudden cry startled you. “_Clint_!” 

Only seconds after, Steve spoke darkly. “Enhanced spotted in the field. I repeat, an enhanced is on the field.” 

Your heart was _thundering_ in your ears. “What kind?” 

He sounded annoyed as he answered. “If I could see, I’d tell you.” 

You weren’t really sure what that meant. It really could have meant _anything_, but what it meant that was most important was that this _enhanced_ was extremely dangerous. Natasha spoke again, “Clint’s hit! I need somebody to deal with that bunker!” 

This was going sideways. It felt hard to think. Tony had asked you to stay in the air with him, but everything was telling you you needed to get back to ground to help the rest of the team. It seemed Steve agreed, because he called your name next to Tony’s. “We really need to get inside!” 

Tony got to the punch first. “We’re closing in.” And then, a little less sure over the private channel, “JARVIS are we closing in?” 

Several schematics popped up in your immediate view. It was too much of a task to sift through them. Instead you asked, “Where’s the battery on this thing?” 

One of the blueprints came to the forefront and something locked as JARVIS answered. “There’s a pathway below the north tower.” 

“Great. Honey, let’s give it a poke.” As he barreled up and left, you took the right. Once up high enough you held your wrist out to match a targeted missile detonation on his mark. As the blast detonated, the blue wall crackled and then fell. “Drawbridge is down, people.” About as much signal as you got, following his lead as he plowed forward, headed right for the top tower. 

Steve and Thor were talking about the enhanced- nothing important. Which was why you didn’t feel bad going on private channel to Tony. “They’re probably dumping data right now, we have to hurry. ...and as much as they don’t deserve it, as little casualties as possible, please.” 

“Being the bigger people has not once yet felt rewarding. But, since you asked so nicely.” 

“Thank you.” 

Natasha broke up your conversation with something a little more relevant. “Clint’s hurt pretty bad, guys.” 

Thor replied, “I can get Barton to the jet. The sooner we're gone the better. You, Lady, and Stark secure the scepter.” 

Steve answered him. “Copy that.” 

It sounded like they got a little busy on the field, although not particularly in a very _serious_ way. In the end Thor issued one command, “Find the scepter.” 

Tony couldn’t seem to help himself. “And for _gosh sake_, watch your _language_!” 

Steve’s defeated sigh had you holding back a little laughter. “That’s not going away any time soon, is it?” 

You tried to make him feel better. “Nothing wrong with being wholesome. Don’t let them bully you.” 

You spied Tony’s grin on his display window. “That part of your afterschool Cap-Hour PSA, too?” Him breaking through one of the windows of what appeared to be a lab cut the ribbing short. You were just behind him. Soldiers were aiming guns your way and the both of you were already taking fire. “Guys. Stop.” His tone was _so very_ dry. “We gotta talk this through.” 

Your display converged with his as the targets locked, the mini-gun on his shoulder loaded up. Very pointedly all marks went to _non-lethal _places, mostly legs. Which had them all falling once the shots went off. 

He spoke again, “That was a good talk.” 

You couldn’t help yourself. “Very concise. Right to the point.” 

To your surprise, one of the soldiers actually answered in a groan of pain. “No it wasn’t…” 

In a quick jet as one remaining heat signature lit up in the room just beyond, the both of you came to a land just in the doorway. A man was at the console- LUNA ID’ed him as _Dr. List_\- the one who had gotten away. He was standing in front of several large computer consoles. Presumably _deleting everything_. Tony was quicker than you, holding his hand up to fire off a repulsor blast that knocked him away and to the floor. 

Then, _quicker still_ with a strange _harried urgency_, he released the suit, stepping out and hurrying over to the computers. Holding up one finger to the suit, while his other started typing, “Sentry mode.” His suit closed back up and started a low sweep of the room. Just keeping an eye on things. 

This felt _dangerous_. He really shouldn’t have given up the armor just yet. It was why you _didn’t_, though you did release your helmet. As you got closer to him, you saw what awaited the both of you on the screens. A big flashing _deleting_ marquee. Tony unfolded a mini-tablet and stuck it on the side of the console. 

“Okay JARVIS. You know. I want it all.” Immediately switching that _deleting_ to _downloading_ after asking. 

You peered over his shoulder. “Did we lose a lot?” This data was important to _somebody_. ...Tony, it seemed like. For what reason you really couldn’t say. Then again, anything having to do with this alien tech probably pinged a lot of his interests. And maybe not necessarily in a good way. 

“Hard to say. JARVIS make sure to copy Hill at HQ.” It made sense for him to make that request. She was _technically_ the head of Damage Control. But… the wiser part of you knew this was underground SHIELD business. It really didn’t matter one way or the other. 

Natasha broke the silence. “We’re locked down out here.” 

What a quick turn around. Only moments ago this felt pretty hopeless. Now all of a sudden your team had _won?_ It was probably better not to question fate. You wanted to feel good about this… but your heart was still slamming in your chest. Something was _off_ here. Your _better sense_ was telling you… 

Tony turned from the computers to look at you. “You got something on your mind?” 

You’d probably _pinged_ him accidentally. Your gaze, however, was sweeping around the room. There were shadows in the corners. It was _cold_. Impossibly cold. A shiver crept over your skin and you had to _force_ yourself to stop. “Files are great but that’s not what we came here for. There’s something else here.” 

He nodded. “I agree. Hey, J, give me an IR scan of the room real quick.” 

A burst of red touched out across the room from the Iron Man suit. JARVIS spoke once it was finished. “The wall to your left. I'm reading steel reinforcement... and an air current.” 

The both of you looked at each other just once before moving over to said wall. He brushed up against it, pressing his palms flat over the brick. “Please be a secret door, please be a secret door, please be a secret door…” Just a little _giddy_ at the prospect of such an overly cliched thing. 

Secret door in a villain hideout. _Very_ fun stuff. 

Still… as he pushed his hands against the wall and it gave way, sliding to the side, you couldn’t help your little bubble of overt _adoration_ while he leaned up a little on the balls of his feet with a tiny little, “_Yay_!” 

“Someone’s in a good mood.” And that one single shift in thinking had calmed you. 

“It’s not everyday you find yourself in a Scooby-Doo episode.” His grin was quick as he looked over his shoulder before going into the pathway. 

You were right behind him. “Shall we go find old man Jenkins?” 

“We shall.” 

The stairway you found yourselves descending was a little bit more than _daunting_. Dimly lit, a long way down. Really one long encased metal tube more than anything. And the further down you stepped the higher your _alert_ was ringing. 

So much so that when Steve spoke just as you and Tony got closer to the bottom you actually _jumped_. “We have a second enhanced. Female. _Do not engage_.” 

That sent your heartbeat right back to _painfully_ fast. You hadn’t even realized you were panting until Tony stopped just short of the bottom of the stairs, and reached a hand out to you. “We’re alright.” 

You clasped it with a small squeeze and gave him a nod. “I’ve got your back.” That second enhanced was clearly dangerous and clearly _in_ the compound. You had to watch out for him. _Protect him_. Now was no time to get lost in panic. 

His smile settled you just enough to back off the edge. ...but as you both got to the bottom and entered a large warehouse, your _terror _came back tenfold. Steve signaled one of the last pieces of your mission, “Guys, I’ve got Strucker.” 

Tony one-upped him. “Yeah… I’ve got something _bigger_.” Hanging from the ceiling was one of those armored whales. And _seeing_ it like this- 

Sounds of gunfire and guttural screaming lit up around you. _Buildings were collapsing. _

Tony moving drew you out of it, but only a little. In an effort to keep up, you followed him closer into the room. And there, hooked up to machinery, _finally_, you saw the scepter. What they were doing with it, you had no idea. At least not yet. Tony would figure it out. But a familiar high pitched _whine_ was the next sound to clog your consciousness. 

You remembered that noise.   
You remembered it _very well_.   
It was _drawing you in_. 

A yellow static emanated up and out and all too quickly you forced yourself to turn away. None of this was real. You were _imagining it_\- but looking towards the left side of the room, you saw several tables. With _very _familiar looking robotic builds on top of them. They’d been using the scepter to try and replicate the Iron armors? Did that make sense? -...or were these _Tony_’_s_?? 

Coming closer to the table you leaned in, looking closer at one- 

And then very suddenly it was like someone had struck a match up your spine. A flurry of unhinged _panic_ attacked you so strongly your knees went weak and you had to clutch the table for support. As soon as you had it in you, you whirled on your heel-

To see Tony standing there. Eyes open wide- and _empty_\- yet _terrified_. Staring up at that whale. Sweat had started pouring from his brow. His breathing was erratic. And no matter how fast you wanted to rush to him, it felt like you were stuck in quicksand. 

But then your better consciousness broke free as a _presence_ lurked up beside you.  
_Behind you_.   
And your own _dark, angry fears_ took hold.   
  
Someone was whispering to you.   
And you _would not let that happen_.   
_**Not ever again**_. 

With a quick strike of your hand, blind and completely _instinctual_, you reached up and locked on to a wrist close to your face. And when you turned your head you saw her. Staring at you. A young woman- no- a _kid_ really- long red hair and _scared_ green eyes. She was there one moment- 

And _gone_ the next. In a blur and a flash of wind. Not only that but it came back to knock you into the table. Nerves frayed as they were, you were quick to rebound onto your feet and fire a useless shot in any direction that made sense. But Tony’s _fright_ was amping up- and it hit you like a tsunami. 

Vaulting over the other tables you let your jets carry you to the ground at his side. “_Tony_-” Trying to call to him. And when absolutely _no cognizance _showed- you put a hand on his shoulder. And that’s when you felt it. How _off balance_ he was. And just how much he was _drowning_.

In the very next blink you were no longer there.   
You saw him with that second set of eyes. And he was _awash _in a blood-red glow. _Struggling_.

Laying both your hands against his chest over his heart, you settled the waves beneath the both of you, and focused. When that wasn’t enough, you _gripped him __**harder**_. The edges started cracking. It _hurt_. You felt like you were taking it all in, watching as it seeped in through your skin and bubbled underneath your veins, working its way up- every _inch_ like a knife cutting deeper and deeper until your entire being lit up in that crimson light. Everything went dark around you. 

Just the both of you. 

But with one last concentrated _push- _one _wail_ of pain you broke him free. Lifting your hands as you felt that _power_ travel back down in a quick bolt, all aimed at your heart- but when you extended your hands and sent one last _burst_ into the air, you expelled it all. _Something_ had happened, and as you went down on your knees you cast your gaze skyward, watching the shift of a takeover as brand new pinks raced across the sky-

His gasp for air drew your attention forward and present, and you swayed, feeling consciousness wane. The both of you reached for the lab table at the same time, steadying yourselves in mirror-moves. Almost like you were briefly one being just _struggling_ to stay upright. He was quicker to regain himself, though not necessarily his composure, and as he looked at you, you felt- 

You felt- 

Some deep _unsettled despair_ from him. And when he paired it with a touch of his hand at your cheek- and the _look_ in his eyes- _unhinged_ and-   
-...it was like the look he got- that he used to get- when he thought about- ...when he’d gone through the wormhole- and- _and_-

In the next shallow breath you barely were able to draw, you felt a million miles away as your vision circled the drain. It surprised you, to hear yourself crying as you barely voiced the only immediate thought that mattered. “I’m gonna pass out-” About as honest as you could be before everything went _dark _a second time. 

* * *

They were so close to the end-goal. Secret passages meant big, hidden _secrets_ behind them. And Tony had been pretty sure they were about to hit paydirt and make all of this worth it. Even more so than it already was. But the further they got down those steps, the harder she hit him. Unintentionally, he knew. Sometimes he wondered if she even was aware of just how bad she got sometimes- 

But she was all over the place, and he needed her to steady out. So he turned, offering her a lifeline, reaching his hand up to her, making sure his eyes were steady on hers, and that his voice gave nothing away. “We’re alright.” 

It seemed to soothe her over quick enough, something that always made him feel better. She clasped his hand, “I’ve got your back.” Always genuinely reassuring. And with that goal in mind, she became a little more focused. 

At least until they actually hit the bottom of the stairs and entered a room he almost wished they hadn’t. He hadn’t been prepared enough to see that Chitauri whale hanging from the ceiling in a vice, mouth half open. _In tact_. How in the hell had they stolen this? Steve said something- he answered- but he wasn’t _really_ paying attention. 

She was moving around the room. And he wasn’t watching her, either.   
The scepter was right in front of them. They could take it and go. That’s what he wanted to do. But he found himself staring at it… 

And in the very next moment the sound of the chains above him rattling and then snapping urged his attention _up_. Too slow, as that armored whale dropped down with a monstrous roar. He put his hands up to try and shield himself and rammed into the table as it flew by. Breaking through the building- 

Drawing him deep down into a black void. He followed it- about as far as a hill littered with bodies. 

_Their bodies_.   
Hulk was lying face down, _twitching_, impaled several times through the back. Natasha- Clint- Thor- Steve- all _down_. _Dying_ or… **dead**. 

Cap’s shield was split in _two_.

He felt himself shivering, breathing hard as he approached. And seeing _her_ made his knees give out completely. He dropped aside her, turning her head, fingers heavy on her neck as he put his other arm around her and hoisted her half onto his lap. Trying to find a pulse while _clinging_ to her. Blood was leaking from her eyes- her nose- her mouth- she was battered and bruised and- _there was a hole in her chest-_

_No pulse_.   
This was a unique **devastation** unlike anything he’d ever felt- 

That was until she reached up suddenly, startling him, hand tight around his wrist. Her voice was a choke of tears. “Tony- you… _you promised_… you promised we’d… be okay...” 

He swallowed hard as the rest of her light _died_ right in front of him, her hand slipping away, eyes just… _empty_. It felt like she’d taken him with her. 

_Why didn’t you do more?_

A murmur in the shape of too many voices. Floating above him, another whale captured his attention, and his head fell back, feeling the energy bleeding out of him in long draws. He wasn’t going to last here much longer. He didn’t deserve to. 

Up above him- beyond this hill spattered with bodies he’d _failed_ to protect- the wormhole stared back at him. New York City- no _the __**world**_\- was under siege again- and he- 

_Tony_. 

Her voice jolted him just a little and his eyes fell to her lifeless body again.   
He cradled her face in his hands, sure that he would die here with her. 

At least he thought so- but it felt like someone was pounding on his chest- and the next slam into reality was a hard one. He barely caught himself on the lab table, breathing so hard it felt like his heart would give out- _it might have_\- 

Wait. Lab table.   
Lab.   
He was in Sokovia. _Of course_ he was in Sokovia- 

He’d had some sort of traumatic episode and she-   
Whipping his head up he caught sight of her also struggling to keep herself upright. _Alive_. Apparently she’d _shared_ the burden with him. With a shaking hand he reached out to her, _begged _for verification- her skin was clammy but blazing hot as he made contact, fingers brushing at her temple and then down, holding her face in his hand as they stared at each other. 

There was a strange _glow_ in her eyes. Not the usual one-

He almost found his body again.   
But a hitch of a sob broke from her throat. A drop of blood trickled from her nose. Her pupils were _wildly_ dilated. She looked crazed and unsure of herself. Unsure of _anything_. That made two of them.

“_I’m gonna pass out_-” 

Down she went not a single second after saying so, and he impressed himself, having enough strength to catch her before she cracked her head open on the corner of the table. Moving down into a kneel, he held her close, still panting. Sweat leaking from his forehead. 

“Cap I need-” He was aware how terrible he sounded, and he pulled every last energy resource he owned to even out. “Cap, JARVIS will guide you. I need you on my location. As soon as possible.” 

“Copy that. I’m headed your way.” 

Tony was glad he didn’t ask why.   
And when he looked at her again, that vision of her cut in between each blink of his eyes. 

_You promised_… 

He was still struggling to breathe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week is gonna hit ya'll harder than you expect.   
WE BEGIN.   
Also these poor fucking babies. No breaks.


	153. Chapter 153

The only thing you were immediately aware of, as consciousness crept back in, was that your head was pounding. There was a bolt of internal _panic_\- maybe a leftover remnant… but your body was too sluggish to react. Which was maybe a good thing… there were voices nearby. Nat- and Bruce… Steve and Thor… 

Finally when you managed to open your eyes, you were greeted with gentle low-light. And Clint in the bed next to yours very close. A quiet _rumbling_ beneath you gathered the rest of your awareness. You’d been loaded onto the quinjet. You were _safe_. 

Sitting up, when power of your limbs returned, you rubbed absently at your temples, and tipped your head up. Thor and Steve were both looking your way. And Thor was the first one to ask, “Are you well, Lady?” 

Him asking this _alerted_ Tony quickly, and you saw his chair at the helm turn. His mouth opened to say something to you from the far end of the jet, but Steve talking to you stopped him. “What happened down there?” 

You didn’t really know how to answer this. It had felt like Tony had gone into a full on _terror_ attack that had sucked you in with him- but- no wait, that wasn’t exactly it. You remembered. Little pieces. With a sharp breath, head _throbbing_ harder as you stood, you swayed and put a hand out to catch yourself. “That enhanced girl you saw- we saw her, too.” That’s what it was. You were sure of it now. 

Steve frowned. “She did a number on you.” 

_Was that right_?  
That must have seemed right. You’d passed out after breaking Tony out of her control- _had it been control_? You had no idea. None of it was very clear. But she’d tried to go after you- _you’d stopped her_. You remembered that. But she had to have gotten to Tony first. 

And then- and then what had happened?  
You’d helped him- but then you’d passed out- 

It made sense why they thought that. “I guess she did.” Not entirely truthful but not wanting to give up Tony’s position, either. It was easier for you to take it. Turning you looked at Clint. “Is he gonna be okay?” He looked like he had a big chunk taken out of his side and he was either sleeping or unconscious. Didn’t seem like the distinction mattered. And shifting the focus off you was something you needed. 

Tony turned back to his console. “He’ll make it. Speaking of- Banner, Cho is gonna stay in your lab a little while longer. She hasn’t had the time to move her stuff to the one I set up for her.” 

Bruce was sitting closer to the doors, blanket draped around his shoulders. Natasha was _very_ close to him. He just nodded. “That’s fine. Practically a second home by now I imagine.” 

On wobbly legs you passed by Thor and Steve- and the _whine _of the scepter in its containment case- having to very purposefully ignore it- then walked by Nat and Bruce- and finally made your way to the cockpit. Sitting down aside Tony, you leaned in to lay your head on his shoulder. He pressed a few buttons on the console. “JARVIS, take the wheel.” 

He answered immediately. “Yes, sir. Approach vector is locked. It is good to see you up, Ms. INY.” 

That he commented on your _downtime_ made you a little nervous. You barely remembered what state you’d fallen unconscious in. It was enough to unsettle the team. And apparently to make JARVIS worried, too. That probably wasn’t a good thing. “Thank you, JARVIS.” 

It was also probably why as Tony turned to look at you, he was so _painfully sad_ and _terribly tired_. The back of his hand lifted to touch gently against your forehead. “How are you feeling, honey?” His tone was wonderfully gentle. Like a soothing balm for your headache. 

“Not great. I’m having trouble remembering how I ended up here. ...all I’m getting from context clues was it was bad.” 

His fingers were careful as he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and his lips twitched in a light smile. “So what you’re saying is that your critical thinking skills are still intact. That’s good.” If he was in a joking mood, that was probably a good thing. ...so it couldn’t have been _that _bad. 

Your eyes drifted to look at the windshield. The jet was zipping through the clouds. “Something about the way that enhanced girl’s powers interacted with mine… I don’t know.” It had been weird and painful- and _frightfully new_. “I have no idea what she even _does_\- what did she do to you?” It had been a _hold_, kind of like Kilgrave- ...then again, Loki had been cloaked in a _yellow_ light as well-

From the same supposed power source. _Did any of this make sense_? Or maybe the better question, was it supposed to? Was there a way to unwork all of this and figure out the math? ..._were these your own thoughts?_ Or were they Tony’s? Because you had to imagine the gears in that enormous brain of his were grinding away trying to figure this all out, too. 

In an all too telling move, his gaze quickly went right and then snapped back to you. _Discomfort_ rose up, and a laser focus on _you_ that you’d been ignoring dissipated. He didn’t want to talk about this with the team so near. “I was more concentrated on what was happening to you rather than me. I’m fine.” Yes. Very seriously did _not_ want to talk about it. 

That was fine. It could wait. 

Shifting forward you rubbed your hands against your face, breathing deep and then exhaling hard. What a mess. “How did the Iron Legion do? -and what’s the damage?” The next second important thing in all this. 

There was a spark of recognition and a soft raise of his brows. “Well…” Sitting back in the captain’s chair, raising one leg up on the other. “The Sokovians weren’t too excited to see them, but… no civilian casualties. No injuries. And a country that small and _helpless_, Ellis seems _grateful_ to call this generous world security and not an _invasion_.” 

The roll of your eyes preceded any actual thought. “Sounds about right.” It was annoying but it also played to your advantage. This wasn’t a mess to clean up- it was a mess that _had_ been cleaned up by _The Avengers_. And the world rejoiced. So. What were the good points about this mission? 

Well.. the Iron Legion had been deployed as civilian protection and it sounded like, even though they’d resisted, it had worked fine. That was a huge relief. _And_… you turned in your chair, looking at the scepter, glowing blue and- _whining_\- ...it made you uneasy being this close but. The team had _finally_ retrieved it. Damage Control would clean up the rest of those Chitauri artifacts. This was finally over- 

Save for two very dangerous enhanced individuals now out in the world doing who knew what-  
_They were just kids_.  
She looked so young… they’d been experimented on- and for what? 

You knew you had to find them. Try to help them. And that was another huge hurdle. Because like all things, one mission success bled into another critical endeavor. But you tried not to let that ruin the fact that it felt like things were a little more settled than before. This was good. You had to let the moment stand. 

He entreated you closer, with a little tugging hand on your shoulder, and even at the awkward angle you indulged him, leaning in, just pressing your forehead against his chest for a long moment. His arm laid over your shoulder, bending at the elbow as he sunk his fingers in through the back of your hair. Angling up, your eyes closed as he moved to press a kiss against your forehead. 

The world felt _okay_. 

When he stared for just a little _too_ long and your gaze in return turned questioning- _wondering_ why he seemed so… ...how did Tony seem? A little removed, but that was to be expected. The team was close by and you two had _personal matters _to talk about before either of you could walk towards recovery. It made sense he had walls up. But when he realized you might have been scrutinizing him, he let you go to sit upright again and made a thoughtful hum of a noise. “You know… I was thinking… everyone did so _well_ and this is a big chapter to close. What about a party?” 

“_Party_?” This took you by complete surprise. 

“I think everyone deserves a night off for a job well done.” Sounding, in fact, entirely sure of himself. 

“A _night off _and a _party_ are two totally different concepts.” You weren’t really opposed to the idea, it was just so sudden. “Especially when it feels like you’re asking me to plan it.” 

A soft grin appeared on his lips. “I’ll take care of the woes of party planning, if it’ll sway your decision.” 

“Hmn…” Lilting the sound. The two of you had been here before. “How big are we talking? Just a cozy Avengers gathering?” 

“And all their plus-ones and twos. A _victory _party. Or a…” Turning one hand over the other as he thought aloud. “-maybe a _farewell_ party. To the scepter. To all of it.” It felt like he was asking your permission to bookend this part of your lives. How could you say no to that? “What’d’you say?” Especially with the way he was looking at you. 

Raising your hand to cup his cheek in your palm, you leaned in to press a kiss at his other. “I say okay.” It was fine to let him have this. It wouldn’t really even be too strenuous to put together. You were practically a pro by now. But there was a subtle slip between the two of you. The cracks in his sturdy wall were letting out a small stream of _relief_. As ever, and _especially_ after battles like this, just incredibly _eased_ by your love. The feeling prompted a careful murmur, “I love you, Tony.” 

So close to him you felt the corner of his mouth edge up into a smile. “I love _you_.” 

You basked in the moment for _just _a little longer, and then you turned completely around in your chair. “We’re going to host a party at the Tower on Saturday night. Kind of like a thank you for a job well done.” Announcing it to the team. _Curious_ glances all drew your way. 

Tony stood from his seat. “Think of it as a team-building event. So, with that in mind, attendance _is_ mandatory.” Offering his hand to you, you gratefully accepted his help, fingers lacing together as you lifted out of your seat, following him to the back of the jet. He stopped just at the side of the container where that scepter was still _whining_ away. It was a little more bearable, you found, with his presence so immediate. He looked up at Thor, “It feels good, yeah? I mean, you've been after this thing since all the covers were pulled back. Not that I haven't enjoyed our little raiding parties, but…” 

It felt like Tony was seeking some kind of _confirmation_. That it was finally over. And that everyone was on the same page about that being a _good thing_. You smiled lightly. “But it’s good to know it’s finally in trusted hands.” Fuck Pierce. And the WSC. And SHIELD in some instances, too. Such a mess. In the back of your brain almost in the same high pitch there was this little pleading voice, _please be over, please be over…_

Thor looked up at the both of you and grinned. “Yes.” A strong agreement. One you found you enjoyed. “This… this brings it to a close.” 

Steve folded his arms from the other side of the table. “As soon as we find out what else this has been used for.” He looked up. “I don't just mean weapons. Since when is Strucker capable of human enhancement?” 

You gave a pretty _tired_ shrug with a complimentary sigh. “You know Hydra better than anyone. There’s no low they won’t stoop to to further their goals.” 

Tony took a deep breath in. “Banner and I'll give it the once over before it goes back to Asgard.” Deciding rather quickly that that’s how it was. ...but then he gestured up at Thor. “Is that cool with you?” Maybe remembering you were all in the presence of a _God _(...alien?) who was determined to take it off earth as soon as possible. When Thor nodded, Tony continued. “Just a few days. Until the party. ...you’re staying, right?” 

The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind. Thor was in and out constantly. And sometimes for far longer than you would have liked. You tried to entreat him with a lean up and a bright smile. “Wouldn’t be a _team party_ without you.” 

Whether he’d already decided or maybe you softened him up just enough he smiled back. “Yes, yes. _Of course_. A victory should be honored with revels.” 

Tony let go of your hand finally and leaned a little over the table, gazing down at the scepter. “Yeah. Who doesn’t love _revels_?” 

At the feeling of some soft _hesitance_ from Steve you looked over his way. “You should invite Sharon. Oh- and Sam. I haven’t seen him in a while. How has he been?” 

Though he seemed a little put on the spot, maybe the feeling of a job well done was infecting everyone. He dropped his head with a little shake but a telling fond smile. “Are you putting the guest list together? Or do I have a say in anything?” 

Tony perhaps had the most _knowing _grin of all, even still as he continued to stare down on the scepter. “It’s almost _impressive_, how little you seemed to have learned by now.” 

* * *

The jet finally made the approach to the Tower at early sunset. Already you sensed the flurry of activity happening. Natasha was first out the door with Clint on his stretcher, greeted by three waiting doctors- Cho’s you assumed. You saw her standing by Maria and realized you’d never made an in-person _proper_ introduction and welcome. ...hopefully she’d understand the circumstances. 

Thor was out the door next, holding the case with the scepter inside under his arm. You were standing behind the pilot’s chair, watching Tony flip various switches as the jet cooled down. From the bottom of the landing gear, Maria peered up. “Lab’s all set up boss.” 

You and Tony both looked her way, though he was the one to answer as he hooked a thumb up at you. “Uh, actually, she’s the boss.” Looking up at you with a soft smile. “I just design everything and fix everything and make everyone look cooler.” 

Laying your hand on his shoulder with a small pat, you rolled your eyes. “Consider it a _shared_ responsibility.” 

“Yes, dear.” As he said this, you leaned down to press a kiss to the corner of his cheek and then turned. 

Giving Steve a little wave so he’d get up from his chair and follow you. “Join me on the debrief, won’t you?” Because that’s why Maria was here- tablet in her arm and everything. Though he didn’t say anything, Steve stood and walked down the ramp with you. “Did DC drop List and Strucker?” 

She nodded as the three of you started a brisk pace off the port and into the Tower. “NATO’s got them, now.” 

Steve had the next most important question. “And the two enhanced?” 

Stopping just as the doors closed behind your group, she held out the screen for the both of you to look. “Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. Twins.” You definitely recognized the girl. The boy on screen must have been the little _blur _that had thrown you into a table. Reaching up, you pressed play, and a recording of a protest started, one they were standing front an center in. “Orphaned at ten when a shell collapsed their apartment building.” 

Your stomach twisted into an immediate knot and you took the tablet without asking, swiping into the next few pictures. Damage. Wreckage. And- … “Oh no.” Your heart sank. 

Steve tipped his head your way. “What is it?” 

_Guilt_ and _shame _consumed you like a hot fire, burning your edges to a crisp.  
No ordinary shell had ruined these lives. No. Of course it was one branded with _Stark Industries_.

When you relinquished control of the tablet, you felt his _resignation_. Just a little short of actual understanding. “_Oh_.” And seeming to want nothing more to do with it, he handed it back over to Maria.

What were you supposed to do with this information? Maria didn’t give you enough time to consume it properly, as she continued. “Sokovia's had a rough history. It's nowhere special but it's on the way to everywhere special.” 

Rounding the corner, elevator at the far end staring at you, you had to ask, “You processed all the information Tony sent, right? Did they have a list on their abilities?” 

“He's got increased metabolism and improved thermal homeostasis. Her thing is neural electric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation.” She spit out all this information so fast. Which only meant that she’d been staring at it since it had arrived. Taking it all in. 

_Mental manipulation_… that’s what she’d been doing to Tony? That’s what she’d _tried_ to do to you? Manipulation in what way? That was so… vague. And also struck a little too close to home after… _everything_. You weren’t sure you had it in you to do this again so soon. You really weren’t.

Steve’s confusion got the better of him while you were still trying to make sense of everything. “Come again?” He reached out to call the elevator once you stopped in front of it. 

“He's fast and she's weird.” Quite the plain statement, but it got the job done. 

God damn it all. You had only just begun to gently allow yourself to feel some sort of end to this. “Are there more files to go through?” There had been no telling how much List had deleted off the computers before Tony had stopped him. “They’ll be back.” Even if not flying under a Hydra banner you now understood. 

This was personal for them.  
_Wasn’t it always_? 

She gave you the affirmative. “Agreed. There’s a little bit more. Feel free to read at your leisure. File says they _volunteered _for Strucker's experiments. It's nuts.” Holding the tablet out for you, you took possession of it. The files could be accessed anywhere from the secure server. But her handing it to you now overrode her previous remarks about _leisure_. 

No. You needed to go through it now. A chime hit the air and the elevator doors opened. Steve stepped in and blindly you followed as you swiped through the files. Though your attention was a little sidetracked as Steve spoke. “_Right_. What kind of _monster _would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country?”

You couldn’t quite help the _stare_ up his way. He didn’t really seem _offended_ but… Maria just made a face at him. “We're not at war, Captain.” 

He pressed the button for the private quarters and issued a very _dry _statement. “They are.” Not giving her any time for rebuttal as the doors closed. 

The air was a little thick inside the small space. Eventually you couldn’t help yourself. “I’m sorry.” It felt like… maybe not the right thing to say, but close. 

Steve sighed. “It’s not your fault.” 

A little alert popped up on the tablet screen: _IRON LEGION APPROACHING. _You pushed the button for the labs on the elevator panel. “Might as well be _somebody’s_.” If those kids had a vendetta they were trying to carry out, it was against you and Tony. But, cohesive now as your team was, everyone would suffer for it. 

The doors opened at the private quarters and he stepped out, staring at you for a moment. “There’s still a chance to make things right.” 

Your lips pursed. Trying not to _condescend_ to his optimism. “We’ll see.” Giving him a little wave that he returned just as the doors shut again and you ascended a few floors to the labs. Tony had mentioned a little while back inside of another mess that he’d finished some sort of machining port or… something. It was worth getting a look at. 

Thankfully the door was very clearly labeled and you let yourself inside just as the Legion started coming in, being pulled onto some sort of conveyor belt as machines inspected and … you had no idea. Ran checks, probably. But it was the first one off the line that concerned you. 

“JARVIS?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

You weren’t sure if you were allowed to do this, but you figured _why not_. “Can you pull number one down please?” 

“One moment.” The claw that had attached to its back passed it to another crane that then lowered it down. 

Even though it was just a piece of _armor_ you couldn’t help your little wince. Its face had been _melted_. Reaching up, you put your hand on the side of it. “You poor thing.” Lifting your tablet, you typed in a few keywords, trying to figure out what on _earth_ had happened. JARVIS helpfully pushed a video forward onto the display to ease your searching. The footage came from the deployment, as the Legion had hit the ground in Sokovia. 

The crowd was pretty _angry_ with them. Tony had mentioned they hadn’t been very _happy_ to see them. It made more sense now that you knew the war going on over there for years was profited off of by Stark Industries- at least once upon a time, anyway. But one of the people throwing a bottle of _acid_ at the suit had you recoiling as damage levels on the HUD played atop the footage. 

“We consider this a mission success?” Speaking to no one in particular, eyes drifting as figures passed overhead atop the glass ceiling- in fact- ...Tony was looking at you from above with an arched brow. Ah. So the machining port was underneath one of his labs. Made sense. 

JARVIS actually answered you, though. “The Legion was able to successfully veer the Sokovian citizens away from harm. The damage is minimal and easily repaired. Yes, ma’am, I would consider it a success.” 

Your shoulders raised in a shrug. “I guess I can’t argue with that.” And it had also been the entire _point_ of the Iron Legion. They _were_ just machines. It was okay for them to get damaged. ...but still. Maybe you were just weird. Or maybe it was just the deep attachment you had to the man who had built them, _painstakingly_ at that. You couldn’t help but feel sad. 

Moving away as the claw lifted the armor back up, you went over to the stairs that led up to the lab above. As you opened the door, the sound of a blender caught your attention. Tony was leaned over one of the counters. Making… hm. Green drinks. As you came closer he held out a cup for you, complete with straw. “Thirsty?” 

You eyed it suspiciously. “Did you quit the Avengers and become a barista while I was gone?” 

He dropped his head, stopping the blender and pouring out the last one. “Would that be so terrible? I make a very _wonderful_ health shake, if I do say so myself.” You indulged him with a sip. It was like some sort of green tea smoothie concoction. But your face said it all and an air of _satisfaction_ took him. “Told you.” He started loading the cups onto a serving tray. “What were you doing downstairs anyway? Admiring _more_ of my handiwork? Can’t say I blame you- though the hero worship is really gonna start getting to me soon.” 

“I was taking a look at our _crowd control_. I can’t believe somebody threw _acid_ at one of them. What if _you’d_ been inside?” ...maybe that had been the point. 

“Face plate melted, but everything else was intact. Not a problem.” Giving a little shrug. Obviously he’d already gone over the damage reports. Which probably meant he’d… seen the _other_ reports. “Could have been a lot worse.” He picked up the tray and you followed close behind him as he walked through the room- and ignored the scepter on full display, JARVIS no doubt scanning it a million times over. 

He led you up two half sets of stairs, into Bruce’s personal lab where Clint was lying in a machine doing… something. Fixing him, no doubt. It looked like it was kind of spraying something on his wound. You tried to stay positive. “So he’s not dying?” 

Tony put the tray down. “Oh no, don’t you hear it? He’s flatlining. Better call it.” Holding his arm out, he checked his watch. “Time?” 

Clint’s voice was groggy but he was laughing a little. “No, no, no… I’m gonna live forever. I’ll be made of plastic.” 

“Plastic?” Piquing your interest just a little as Tony handed a green shake Clint’s way. “It is like- you’re 3D printing a skin bandage or something?” Tech like this was obviously so far beyond you, but you knew at least a _little_. And… now that you had enough pieces, that’s kind of what it looked like. 

The room pulled in a few directions. Cho seemed _amused_ if not just a little _annoyed_. But that was fair. You’d dumbed down something she’d probably been working her whole life on. By stark contrast Tony had that simmer of _pride_ he always had when you tried to keep up. She held your gaze as she spoke, “It’s simulacrum. The cells are being bonded together with no possibility of deterioration or refusal.” 

There was a stir of _excitement_ from Bruce as Tony continued doling out drinks. “She’s _creating_ tissue. Not plastic.” This seemed right up his alley, so it made sense why he was enjoying watching the machine work. 

Cho smiled. “He’ll be made of _him_. His own girlfriend wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.” 

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” He quickly buried this statement with a long sip of his drink- 

And a quick glance your way.  
Without it you might have been too distracted otherwise. But as the two of you looked at each other you caught that small rumble of _deception._ ...and just as _quickly_ you looked away. 

That was _none_ of your business. ...although it was interesting. Maybe he’d bring her to the party. Though the much smarter part of you knew he wouldn’t. Maybe Clint was smarter that way. Keeping his personal and _work_ life separate. ...you wondered about the woman dating Hawkeye. How did she feel about that?

Cho laughed softly. “Well _that_ I can't fix.” She picked up a tablet and adjusted a few settings on the screen. “_This_ is the next thing, Tony.” Looking at him after saying it. You watched the two of them as you sipped on your drink. “Your clunky metal suits are going to be left in the dust.”

His gaze drifted to you briefly, but his statement was firm as he looked at her again. “Well, that is _exactly_ the plan.” A _warmth_ bounced through you, and you ducked your head. There was still so much the two of you had to do but… _just like that_. Just like that Tony had basically announced he was looking to get out to most of the team. _It was real, now_. You imagined to keep them from asking, he moved very quickly on. “And Helen, I expect to see you at the party on Saturday.”

She rolled her eyes, dropping her attention to her work. “Unlike you, I don’t have a lot of time for parties.” He raised his brows at her. It wasn’t a long silence before she looked up again and _shyly _asked, “Will Thor be there?” 

You grinned. “I have it on very good authority that he will.” To this she tried to hide a smile as she quickly turned around. 

Tony put one hand on your shoulder, and the other on Bruce’s. “If I could steal you two for a minute.” 

The both of you made some sort of noise of agreement at the same time and Tony led you back out of the smaller lab and into their bigger shared one. Just as the door closed behind you, Bruce asked, “What’s the rumpus?” 

Tony let the both of you go as he headed for one of the computers. “The scepter.” Almost as if his saying it had pulled it back into existence for you, it came into your periphery. You tried not to look at it. He put one of his smaller display tablets in front of his computer and then pulled the screen information up. “You see, we were wondering how Strucker got so inventive. So, I've been analyzing the output point…” Giving the tablet a little flick, he threw a display window into the air. “Allow me to introduce…” 

An orange moving orb appeared in the air with a little chirp, and Bruce had to step out of the way. “JARVIS.” Greeting him so casually. 

To which JARVIS answered, “Doctor.” 

Apparently this was a _thing_, though you’d never seen it before. “JARVIS, you never told me you were so beautiful.” It must have been a network rendering or something else you were pretending to understand. Moving and vibrating, lines and pieces and dots all connected and flowing… with such a sunny glow. 

“I can’t recall you ever asking, ma’am.” 

You caught the sight of Tony’s small smirk. “Started out, JARVIS was just a natural language UI. Now he runs the Iron Legion. He runs more of the business than anyone- …” Turning on his heel he looked your way. “Except you.” 

You crossed your arms. “Mn, and don’t you forget it.” A little teasing sass. 

“The point is, JARVIS is top of the line.” 

JARVIS surprised you, “I suspect not for long.” 

Reaching out, Tony put the tablet over the scepter and you stepped back a little to the other side of the table to give him some room. Once he’d grabbed whatever data it was he needed, he turned back to toss it into the air next to JARVIS. A similar yet entirely _different_ hologram appeared. Bigger than JARVIS. Blue. Pulsing. And _hectic_. Worse yet, it brought with it a _noise_. A sound that started humming in tandem with the _whine_ of the scepter. 

Bruce moved closer. “Now _that’s_ beautiful…” Awed by it. 

The conversation started slipping away as the fabricated sounds in the room grew _louder_. “If you had to guess, what's it look like it's doing?” 

“_Like it’s __**thinking**_…” There was an echoed edge to his voice and you felt the room shake just a little. 

Reaching out to steady yourself, you put your palm flat against the table as your headache came back more pronounced than ever. The noises were _collaborating_, swirling together. Ringing in your ears so hard you thought your eardrums might _shatter _any second now. Blurry, beyond the table, Bruce and Tony continued talking. You could no longer hear their voices. 

Instead a strange _sensation_ gripped you, as you were painted in that _thinking blue glow_. It felt like something touched the side of your face. _Directing you_. Then, when you refused to move- _forcing you_\- your head shifted up unwillingly. Like hands at the side of your head holding your stare there. Up there- at the scepter. 

_What am I looking at_?  
_What am I looking for_? 

And there, just there, in the frantic muddle of your own thoughts, you heard not a _whine_ or a _hum_ but a **voice**. One that snaked its way in through your veins, pulling you taut. Someone very far away was saying _something_… you just couldn’t make it out- very suddenly the pounding in your temples pooled towards your chest instead and you felt a real _heartache_-

Outside yourself you watched as your hand lifted.  
Saw the dazed look in your eyes as an yellow-blue glow ghosted over your skin.  
You had no idea what you were doing, or _why_-  
But you’d reached up. All the way up to the blue gem powering the scepter.  
_Deceptive_. 

Tony suddenly _shouting_ for you to stop came too little too late as you laid your hand on it with half a squeeze. The gem cracked instantly under such little pressure, almost as if it were only reacting to your mere _presence_\- and then it _exploded_. 

You put your arms up, finally in control again as your purpose had been _served_\- trying to shield yourself from the oncoming blow. But when nothing came you let them down, turning them over to inspect your skin. Things seemed to be moving in slow motion. Every move you made hung in the air as the world lagged around you. In fact- you were mostly sure this wasn’t _real_\- 

And sure enough- when you turned-  
You saw _**you**_.  
In a heap on the floor- crack in the wall where you’d been blown back. Tony kneeling on one side, Bruce on the other. But they weren’t _moving_\- 

The feeling of a _touch_ shivered across your face and your attention was directed back forward. That was no _gem_\- but what you were looking at _now_-  
Something yellow.  
Something _powerful_.  
Like a mini-sun. It was _burning_ you. 

There in your consciousness again you heard that whine edge down into a whistle- and then lower still into something incomprehensible. Someone was saying something. You just didn’t know what. Closing your eyes you tried to listen. Tried to _understand_. But- 

_**We are**_\- 

A gasp shredded your lungs as you snapped back to reality. A very painful one. Coughing came quick after that- and then _fighting_, as someone pressed something against your mouth and nose. Everything sounded far away and vision didn’t return immediately. 

“_Honey_-” But hearing this, in the shape of Tony’s voice, you stopped fighting, and the room evened out. The windows were black and the security bars were down. They’d sent the room into panic protocol. Maybe that made sense, seeing as how- 

“**What happened**?” You barely recognized the sound of your own voice- eyes whizzing around the room everywhere else. Everywhere else _except_ the scepter. You didn’t want to look at it anymore. _You couldn’t_. 

Tony was talking- and yet _again_ you stopped being able to hear him. Instead- your attention shifted focus to Bruce, standing at a screen. A screen that had _your name_ on it. Vitals? Vitals- you recognized those- but there were bars- _levels_\- graphs- ...and when he caught you staring he seemed so very _solemn_. Not just that- 

_**Guilty**_. 

“JARVIS, get to work on a replacement containment unit-” Tony was doling out commands. Oh. You could hear him again. 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Honey-” 

“_Tony_.” Bruce stopped Tony’s _frantic_ fawning with a hard call. 

And when Tony looked at him, something clicked into place. And that _**guilt **_became a connected thread. You found yourself shrinking back. Something _bad_ was happening. ..._to you_. And whatever it was, they seemed party to it. More knowing than you. “What’s going on?” Waiting until Tony looked at you again.

His silence confirmed it, but more the look in his eyes.  
  
All of a sudden he’d become very very _scared_. “I need you to tell us that- what were you doing-” 

Lifting an arm that felt mostly dead, you pointed to the screens Bruce was now _purposefully_ looking away from. “What is that? _What’s going on_?” 

He hesitated. Bruce apparently found his courage first. “Tony… we have to tell her.” 

“Tell me _what_?” Upset didn’t even come close. 

But you regretted asking. You regretted a lot of things, actually. If you could just go back in time… Tony was suddenly looking at you. The _sorriest_ he’d ever been in his entire life up until now. And that was really when you realized. 

_You were in a lot of trouble_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is officially no going back.


	154. Chapter 154

Every single part of you was screaming that this was the beginning of the end. The beginning of something _terrible_. Bruce couldn’t even look at you. JARVIS had been machining some sort of temporary housing for… _whatever the hell_ had been inside that scepter compartment. And Tony had remained as distant as possible as he ran cleanup and made sure everyone stayed clear of the labs. _Little accident_ he’d said, and promised everything was okay. You’d been relegated to sitting on a stool, holding a cloth against your nose to stem the flow of blood. Eventually the leak stopped. 

Just as Tony stepped back in and closed the doors behind him. He stayed there, facing away, _gathering himself_. You allowed him a moment. Mostly because you weren’t entirely sure you wanted to hear what he had to say. But when he was finished, he walked down the steps. “Before we start...” Very promising, for sure. “Can you just try to walk me through what you were doing?” 

With the scepter, he meant. Obviously. “I don’t know.” As honestly as you could. Even if the answer was unsatisfying. “I don’t wanna say something like it was _calling to me_ but I guess it was something close.” And you’d answered whether you’d wanted to or not. _And you really hadn’t_. But that didn’t matter much now. 

Bruce and Tony shared a look between each other. _Telling_. But then Bruce looked away, leaving Tony to figure out how he was going to say whatever it was he was going to say. And the longer he waited the more anxious you became. Until eventually he admitted- “I actually don’t know _where _to start.” It was very strange to see Tony so out of sorts. _Struggling_ like this. 

“Just tell me what’s going on.” Trying and failing to not get agitated. But his _anxieties_ were working your own up. You didn’t _like this_. Whatever _this_ was. “..._please_.” 

He looked at you. Very, _very_ briefly. But his eyes dropped after a few seconds. _Guilt_ was wracking his entire being. Standing a little closer to Bruce, he pulled something up on one of the screens and then directed it into the air. Graphs. Data. Equations. With your name on them. You didn’t know what you were looking at. So you waited as patiently as possible for him to figure out how to talk. 

And once he did, there was no going back.

“I don’t know how to quantify your powers. I never have. It’s not something that seems like I can break down no matter how much science I apply to it. But this-” He waved a hand over what you were starting to realize was a graph of _dates_. “-this I thought I could try to make sense out of. They’re- …” He sighed. _Frustrated_. “You have a unique gamma signature.” 

He’d begun pacing around the room in slow, calculated movements. One step after the other. You stayed seated but watched him, and wrung your hands tightly together in your lap. Waiting more until he spoke again. “When you do whatever it is you do, you signal that pulse. It’s not _radiation_\- you’re not leaking anything- at least not anything dangerous- it’s more like an identifier. I tried tests on Steve and he comes out clean. Thor does, too. And Bruce-” The two looked at each other again. “You’d think- at least _I_ did- considering the accident had _everything_ to do with gamma- that he’d be a little more similar. But he’s not.

I wanted more time- to figure this out- to make it make sense. No one has a signature like yours, but…” 

This was all too much to take in. You didn’t know how to begin to think about any of this. Tony had been running tests? No. Not just Tony. Your gaze shifted over. “You’ve been working with him on this.” Tony had kept this from you but had been working with Bruce. Something familiar pinged you. A friendly face standing over your bedside as you’d just come out of a battle with Extremis.

_What are you doing?_

_Checking your levels. Most of it is out of your system by now, I was just making sure things are on the straight and narrow._

He looked at you and then dropped his head again. “Yeah, well… I suppose I was the leading expert on gamma radiation at the time.” 

_They’re hoping I can track it. This thing is throwing out gamma radiation. Might be why they’re looking into this Banner guy._

What had brought them together in the first place. You felt yourself going a little numb- and _dizzy-_ as the wheels started spinning. Tony was talking again. “Up until very recently, your signature was totally unique.” Shifting his hand flat across the air as he said this. He then pulled something else off one of the screens. _Wanda and Pietro Maximoff_, to be precise. “Until them.” 

Bruce startled you when he followed up, “The signatures aren’t the _same_, but they have the same sort of frequency- theirs are a little more on the loud side- they’re just starting out I think. You’re becoming more nuanced-” 

_I wasn’t sure where you two were vacationing... _

That’s how they’d found the scepter. Bruce had tracked _them _and almost mistakenly thought it was _**you**_. And that wasn’t the first time either. Events were _slamming_ your memory. They’d broken the dam. 

_Gravitational anomaly has subsided, sir. I’m tracking the flux of gamma radiation now.  
JARVIS, where is Ms. INY?_

That time they’d been tracking that _thing_\- the problem Thor had dragged to earth- 

Your feet found you first and you held a hand up to signal that you in no way wanted either of them to come close to you. The feeling of wanting to press yourself into the corner- or maybe run for the door- was suddenly very _strong_. “Who else knows about this?” How long was the list of people that knew something so intimate about you- 

“SHIELD knew.” Tony saying this was like delivering a blow to your gut. “It’s how they tracked you.” 

“Oh my god.” The words slipped out of you as you reached out to put one hand on the nearest table to brace yourself. Something you’d been doing _a lot_ recently. SHIELD knew. _Nick_ knew. “_How_?” 

“They came right after the incident with your professor-” Tony tried to answer.

But you cut him off. “No- _how_\- only _you_ have been working on this gamma signature stuff right? So how...” 

You were unwinding very quickly. It wasn’t clicking just yet. Tony seemed _stuck_. You couldn’t bear to look at him. Bruce’s voice filled the room. “As much as we’ve hypothesized… the only thing that seems to make sense is that the Tesseract was in _friendly hands_ since 1946. The Maximoff’s signatures are close to the scepter, but not quite. And yours are… close but not quite. We’re not sure yet what links them. But they’re the only signatures like it on earth.”

_Earlier today- I’ve been thinking about it- you said Banner and I already found the scepter once. Were you thinking of the Tesseract?_

He hadn’t been worried about your brain being muddled that day- _he’d been worrying that he’d gotten caught. _Even though Bruce was the last to speak, you were looking at Tony. “Are you _sure _about this?” 

You wanted him to tell you no. That he wasn’t sure about anything. And they weren’t, really, right? That’s why they’d been hiding it? Tony wanted more time to do the math- that’s the gist of what he’d said- but- _but_\- “They have redacted files on a girl.” He pulled this onto holodisplay, too. Tone empty. Body full of _regret_ that you had no time for right now. 

Redacted was an _understatement_. It was basically twenty pages all blacked out except for a single paragraph about the Tesseract- a subject number- a subject gender- and a date- 1990. 

“Running theory… either she was another experiment. ...or she was _you_. In case of the former, we think whatever they were doing with her… it had something to do with whatever they did to you. And their lead researcher died not too long after their trail went cold on you. Which wouldn’t matter anyway- their research was extremely limited. And their methods were lacking. Which might explain why they lost sight of you. Until- ...well.” _Well _was right. Because if that was even a little bit true, Tony outing himself might have been the reason SHIELD had picked you _back_ up. 

Bruce’s voice piped back in and there was a little bit of _frantic energy_ that seemed to be bouncing between the two of them. He started speaking very rapidly, pointing at some of their research, moving it around as he did. Almost like he was hosting a _lecture_. Like you were some animal in a fucking zoo. “Biologically speaking, you’ve only just started peaking- your cell cycle is unlike anything we’ve ever seen and the senescence is slowing. But every time you get in contact with one of the theorized originating power sources there’s a biological shift. And stressors in your environment have been having a huge impact, too. You’re almost like a walking case study on the man-made Super Serum vs an alien environmental stew. We’ve actually been able to expand quite a lot on the-”

“Is this _fun_ for you?” You didn’t recognize the utterly _angry_ tone of your voice, especially not when it was addressed towards either of them. You _loved_ these men, truly. But they were talking at each other- _about you_\- you just couldn’t take it anymore. “Is my _life_ a fun little _**project**_ for you guys?” This was… this was too much for you.

Who were these people? You were entirely sure you had no idea anymore.

You’d stopped them both cold. The feeling nearly dragging them to the floor was something beyond _guilt_ at this point. They felt _**terrible**_. Maybe they were only now _waking up _to what they’d been doing- or _who_ they’d been doing it to. Who could say?

_You know the chances of them trying to turn you into a science experiment are fairly high, right?  
So what happened to you? Some sort of experiment gone wrong?_

_Were you a lab experiment? SHIELD? Or someone else? Because really, it’s remarkable.  
Your powers. _ _ **Tell me** _ _. Where did they come from? Some experiment gone awry?_

_Just uh- real quick… you weren’t- you don’t remember being tested on in a grungy government lab or anything, right?_

Voices were _assaulting you_. Good god… _how long had this been __**staring**__ you in the face_? “So what-” You spit this out as another hot flash of _anger _took a much easier hold in place of _shock _that had worn you out. “For _years _you thought I was some- _**what**_\- some freak SHIELD lab accident powered by some alien source and you were _**never**_ going to tell me?” You went a little weak after letting all of that out, **denial** easy. “No. _No_. I wasn’t- _I’d remember that_-” 

You hadn’t grown up in a lab. You’d had _parents_. You- Tony finally was staring at you. “We never talk about your past.” 

Your hand waved very dismissively at him. “That doesn’t mean **anything**\- _this can’t be right_-”  
You _remembered_ your parents.  
You also remembered them _dying_. You remembered that pain. And… in between there and college- 

_...why couldn’t you remember anymore? _

“Maybe it’s not. We don’t have all the data.” Tony was an arm’s length away. And every part of him was _screaming_ that he needed to reach out and find you. So loud you could hear it. Because you were _drifting away_ from him. Rightfully so. “And I’ve spent a lot of time trying to make sure SHIELD was convinced otherwise, too.” The way he said this was so weird. Like he was admitting that guilt as much as he was trying to take praise for _protecting you_ from something you didn’t even know about. 

...you really wished he hadn’t said that. And you wished you hadn’t seen the quick drop of his eyes to the Reactor glowing on your chest, and then pulling away in the next second.

_It was to prove Fury wrong, more than anything.  
Bring the Reactor.  
Let me take a quick run through of your suit, then.  
Put it on. And… don’t take it off until we’re debriefed. Promise me.  
You didn’t take the Reactor.  
Where’s yours? In a drawer somewhere?_

_You fixed the suits? - Yours first.  
I… had a deal. With Fury. Before any of this. If he wanted us to keep working for him, he had to purge all mentions of that stuff. You worry about me- and I’ll worry about you.  
_

Every time Tony had prioritized your suit over his- or worried why you weren’t wearing your Reactor- or made some _necessary upgrade to it_\- _or_\- 

“This?” Asking him very meekly as you reached up and took it off your chest. “You’ve been- _what_\- hiding my signature- _with this_?” Something else even more terrible hit you next. 

_Tell me, how did you find her? _ _ **Oh** _ _? Tell me about that. Very interesting. _ _ **Very interesting** _ _._

“Oh god- _Kilgrave_ _knew about this_ _before I did_?” You really were five seconds from a full on meltdown.

_Hey… what was the reason you showed up at that place in Brooklyn anyway? I’m assuming following some lead- neighbors heard screaming or something- saw me in a window?  
He just told me to go. The longer time passes the more I’m losing on the event, but- you know Tony. I’m sure he had drones out all over the city. Probably was a noise complaint he caught on a police scanner. He was taking any lead he could get at that point._

Kilgrave had known more about you than _you _knew about you. And Bruce had lied _right to your face_. How was that okay? _How was that right?_ You just barely noticed Tony’s head turning up, directing a very _sharp_ look at Bruce. Oh good. So at least you weren’t the _only_ one not in the loop. Not the only one being _lied to_ all the time. Apparently Tony didn’t know that _either_. But he knew just enough to put the pieces together finally. 

You were pretty sure you were going to be sick. This was too much to take in. You didn’t want _any_ part of it, really. It was unfair- and- … “You’ve been hiding this from me this whole time?” Asking the both of them, but really just _Tony_. Because the both of you had promised each other a very long time ago _not to do this_. “Why couldn’t you- why didn’t you ever say anything? Were you _never_ planning on telling me?” 

It was more _shame_ now, but still the _guilt_ was heavy too. So much so that it covered that warm light you used to know. He just felt… _cold _now. “I wanted to figure it out for you. I wanted to be able to give this to you with _all_ the answers. I didn’t- ...I wasn’t hiding it because you were a _science project_\- if that’s what you think- I just wanted to be sure. The last thing I wanted to do was _scare you_ and have nothing to show for it.” 

“So what’s happening right now.” Tears had started falling. Maybe you’d been crying the whole time. It was hard to tell anymore. 

His eyes lowered. “Yeah. What’s happening right now.” 

The worst part about this was _you believed him_. This wasn’t some malicious stunt designed to hurt you. He hadn’t been gleefully keeping this from you because you _fascinated him_. **Science project**\- ...no that wasn’t what you thought at all. You _understood_ that all of this had been to protect you. He’d been working so hard on doing _that_. For years now- 

And you’d had no idea.  
_Which was why it wasn’t okay_. 

“_You lied to me_.” A lie of omission was still a _fucking lie_. “You knew more about me than I knew about me. How is that fair, Tony?” 

For a sliver of time, you almost wanted him to fight back. So that you could _release_ some of this awfulness. But _resignation_ held him deeply. “It’s not.” You couldn’t be here anymore. You couldn’t stand to look at him right now. It was that thought that had you turning away, and pain crackled through you as he snapped out to grab you. “_Honey-” _Not physical pain.

_Just __every other pain __imaginable_.

As carefully as you could manage, so as to not devolve further, you took a breath and then leveled your eyes with him. You weren’t sure you had enough bravery in you to make the request that you did, “_L__et me go_.” Somehow you managed. And stood still while he held on to you. While he cracked at the edges and felt the flutter of _panic _from him. The realization that he’d created a problem he might not be able to fix now. ...one that was detrimental to the both of you. You were suddenly mirroring each other’s _heartbreak_. But finally he released you, hands up flat in a sign of defeat, and you shuffled away, feeling like you were dropping pieces of you with every step. Barely pieced together rag doll that you now knew you were- stuffing falling out now that you’d been _ripped open_. At the door you hesitated. And still didn’t look at either of them as you asked again, “Who else knows about this?” 

The entire team?  
The entire fucking world, perhaps?  
_Everyone __except_ _you_ knew you were some lab accident involving some alien tech? 

Tony’s answer didn’t make you feel any better. “Fury had some idea. I don’t know how much. Not the whole picture, at least. A lot of your files were redacted- ...even before I got to them. ...besides him, it’s just me and Bruce.” 

You really had to gather yourself together to not just crumble right there. “I need some time. I need… I need time to think about all this.” You didn’t wait around long after saying that, pulling the door open and closing it carefully behind you. Your march up to the penthouse was long and arduous, and you felt yourself floating further and _further_ away. You caught sight of yourself in the bedroom mirror. 

_What even were you_?  
Would you _ever _know?  
...did you want to? 

You collapsed onto the bed and curled up on your side, not knowing what to do. What to feel. What to think. So it was nice… when it all just sort of _went away_. You weren’t there, really. You just- 

“Ms. INY…” JARVIS unfairly yanked you back to a place you didn’t want to be. “Is there anything I can do for you?” 

The stupidest question of the night came out of your mouth. “Did you know about this, JARVIS?” Of course he did. Tony had been working on this. That meant JARVIS was involved in every possible way. But you just sort of wanted one last confirmation of betrayal. 

Even if he was a program.  
And he couldn’t _do_ that. 

“...yes, ma’am. I knew.” 

No. JARVIS couldn’t do that. But _Tony_ could. Tony ordered his silence. Just like he’d done the same to Bruce, you were sure. Maybe he never would have told you. Maybe he never would have figured this out- _he still hadn’t_\- and just never said anything to you for the rest of forever. 

A part of you wished that had been the case.

You curled into a tighter ball. “Please just leave me alone, JARVIS.” 

“...I understand, ma’am.” 

You didn’t want to do what you did next. But it was inevitable.  
Yet even sobbing didn’t even bring much relief. 

* * *

Tony’s legs gave out as soon as that door closed behind her. She’d sapped the rest of his energy. Had taken a huge chunk of him with her- _and she didn’t even want it_. He was lucky to find a chair right beneath him, but maybe the floor would have been better.

Inching forward as his spine bent, he put his head in his hands, gaze downward but wholly unseeing. His brain was chugging so loud he thought his eardrums might explode.  
  
_What are you going to do now?What should you do now?How will you fix this?What if it __**can’t**__ be fixed?This is what you deserve.You should have come clean.You __**hurt her**__.You promised never to do that.What if she leaves?What about Ultron?The clock is ticking.Time is running out.What about __**her**__?__**What about her?**__They’re coming.__**What about her?**_

“Tony-” Bruce had a hand on his shoulder and Tony shot back, sitting straight up as he put a hand heavy on his chest, rubbing, itching, _scratching_\- while he felt his heart thudding a painful disconnected rhythm- his other arm swept out, knocking Bruce off him, something about the touch overwhelming his senses and sending him into overdrive.

He couldn’t breathe. “I just- I need a minute-” He needed a minute. _And she needed time. _Panic had a hard hold of him. His vision tunneled.

_ **They’recomingthey’recoming whataboutUltron whatabouther  
whatifsheleaves youdon’tdeserveher  
whataboutULTRON  
myfaultmyfaultmyfault** _

“Easy, Tony- come on-”

He was going to lose her.  
The earth was going to lose something greater.  
Which point came first?

_He needed her_. He needed her _right now_. He was being sucked into a vacuum of space he wasn’t sure he could pull out of. Not without her help. Her guidance. Her love. But he’d shattered her trust. He’d hurt her- _**What if she never came back?** _Bruce’s voice warbled beyond his comprehension as his thoughts circled the drain.

  
_Somethingiscoming  
**Somethingiscoming**_

Time was running out.  
Tony couldn’t breathe. Maybe worst of all, _**he couldn’t think**_**. **

_How was he supposed to fix a problem like this?  
_ _What would happen if he _ _ **couldn’t?** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. Over 600,000 words and 150 chapters and almost a year since we started.  
This is a big moment that I've been inching up towards in bits and pieces, and it is by no means even close to the whole picture yet.  
I'd also like to remind everyone this story has a happy ending, and I didn't start writing it only to have INY peace out on Tony at the beginning of Ultron. But they need to do some work. He needs to make it right. And he will, don't worry.
> 
> .....I've been super anxious to post this. I HOPE IT IS SOMEWHAT SATISFYING? I hope it makes rereads more fun. And uh. Yeah. We're getting to the real meat of INY's story, but we still have a long way to go. THANK YOU AS ALWAYS for reading and processing this and just being here with me. I'm like super nervous so please don't hesitate to leave a comment! This has been a lot of work up to this point. And I'd love to know what you guys think!


	155. Chapter 155

Sometime after you’d run dry, you’d drifted into a sleep that was by no means peaceful. Every part of you was pulling to opposite ends. Your consciousness was bombarded by moments in time that now all _meant something_. It threw into question _everything_. Everything ever said. Everything ever done. In service of what… to you? To keep all of this from you? Had Tony been working on this since the moment Fury had showed up at the house?  
  
_That long ago_?   
That’s how long the secrets had been going on? 

There were so many voices.   
Just ghosts. Whispering all at once. Somewhere outside yourself, you were sure you were tossing and turning in bed. But wherever your brain had gone, something was holding you down- 

No.   
You were… falling- 

The ground came up to meet you in a painful swell, and you were ejected out of sleep. And also from the bed, apparently, as you groaned from a sore spot on the floor, tangled in blankets. Drenched in sweat. There you waited in the dark for maybe a little too long. Staring blankly up at the ceiling. Unseeing. 

Dvahli’s tiny chirping-purr from the edge of the bed roused you a little bit more. Instinct told you to wait. JARVIS would bring the lights up as he always did- ...but you’d told him to _leave you alone_. And apparently he was a _very _good listener. So, eventually, without getting up, you swung your arm over the nightstand, fumbling around until you clicked the small lamp on. Dvahli watched you, little paws hanging off the side, tail swishing in the air. Probably disturbed by you. 

You were also disturbed by you. 

Slowly you picked yourself up off the floor, lifting yourself half up on the bed by your arms, smushing your face into the bed for a long moment. Then you stood the whole way up, caught by a swell of dizziness. Dvahli rubbing against your hand settled you a little. Once it passed you gave a bare glance to the clock on the table. Three AM. Of course it was. 

For a little while longer you stood there, in a daze, just petting Dvahli over a few times more. Then you went on uneasy legs towards the bathroom. Shrugged out of your clothes. Every touch of fabric against skin _hurt_. That’s when you realized you were burning up. You expected to see a red-faced mess in the mirror but for a split second you thought you saw a monster. Some sort of shapeless, dark void- 

...one that reminded you of- 

Whipping your head to the side, you squeezed your eyes shut as tight as you could. Counting breaths- failing as they escaped you while your heart thudded in your chest- and then finding your composure again in another moment. Something told you to look in the mirror again. Maybe you should have. ...but you didn’t. Instead you kept completely away from it and stepped into a shower that was so hot it threw you off balance the rest of the way. 

Almost like punishment.   
Maybe you deserved it. The room was shaking on the edges. Steam was filling the room so thick you could barely breathe. You laid your face against the tile, even that was _warm_ and unhelpful. You came undone again in bits and pieces. 

Why couldn’t you remember anything? Why was everything slipping away? Maybe you’d got so settled in this _new life_ you’d abandoned your old one. Made pretend-peace with a past so distressing and terrible that it had just all _gone away_. Were you a lab experiment? Had your parents even _died_? Were you sure you remembered that? 

...no. That pain was real, for sure. But between then and… between then and your forceful murder of a college professor? What had happened? No- further back- you remembered high school- middle school. In small doses. Bullies and shadows. _When_. When had you been snatched off a street and thrown into a room with white padded walls and- _and what_? Injections of serums? Electrical currents forced through you? Alien tech wired to your nerves? _What was it_?

_When had it all gone wrong? _

Would it even help to know? If you could recall all that, would it fix anything? _Maybe_ it would settle Tony’s theories about you. What would that solve? It would only prove- ...it would only prove that _this thing_ you had inside you wasn’t actually yours. And that it had been _forced_ on you. Was that what you wanted? Was that what _he_ wanted? 

You stood in that heavy, hot stream for far too long. Spiraling. Spiraling…   
But beyond all the pain and the _lies_… there was a gentle touch. A loving feeling. Something that eased you back and drew you… _home_. Some part of your betrayed consciousness wanted to reject it. But every other part of you submitted almost immediately.

Your hands were shaking as you turned the faucets off. Your whole body a trembling mess as you wrapped a towel around yourself and steered clear from the mirror. 

Tony was sitting on the bed hunched over. Hands held together in his lap. Head down.   
_Guilty_. In _pain_. _Ashamed_. _**Terrified**_.   
And so very, very _remorseful. _

You were sure you’d have every right to tell him to leave, or to do so yourself. To ignore him. Or maybe to just get into a fight with him. But what would that do? What would that fix? How would it help? You were aching and tired and you didn’t know anything about _anything_ anymore. ...you were scared, too. 

He glanced up at you, his eyes glassy and his gaze _broken_. He wanted to reach out. To call you to him. To make this better somehow. But _you_ got to make the first move. And he was respecting that. No matter the outcome. It was terribly unfair, how his painful heart threw a lasso around you, and you found yourself moving towards him. 

It wasn’t _right_. But you couldn’t stop yourself.   
...and that’s when you knew, as you sat down beside him, and a real sense of _trepidation_ took heavy hold of him- 

That’s when you knew you’d get past this. Somehow. 

But neither of you spoke. He was waiting for you, and you had no idea what to say. You didn’t want to fight with him, but you also didn’t want to do all the emotional labor for him, or excuse him, either. Almost knowingly, Dvahli got up from her little ball on your pillow and moved to lay out in a sprawl across both your laps. Purring was immediate, and the sound was somewhat comforting, and helped to ground you.

You had a family with Tony. You’d built a life with Tony. You’d struggled and triumphed and _lived_ with Tony. You **loved** him. This wouldn’t be the thing that destroyed your bond- because even now you remembered your self-made promises. That you would _stick with him_, no matter what. And the way you felt, when you were with him- when the both of you blended together… 

There was just a distance now. And you didn’t know how to get over it. But you wanted to. “I don’t know what to say, Tony. I don’t know what to do.” Just honest with him. 

“I’m sorry.” It was only after he said it that you realized at no point in the lab had he once apologized. Only now, after hours, hours of _heavy_ contemplation, he was doing so. And he was deeply _genuine_. Every part of him rang with _regret_. “Honey, I am _so_ sorry.” You had to turn your head away as tears started, threat of falling apart again looming. He was already in pieces. “I justified every single second not telling you- I made peace with _lying_ to you by convincing myself I was doing what was right. What was best. But it was _selfish_, and it was _wrong_. ...and I’m sorry.” 

A sniffle escaped you, and you reached up to wipe the back of your hand across your eyes. Though your head started shaking, you let him know, “I believe you.” _You did_. You knew he was sorry. Not just for getting caught after so long. No… you felt him _bleeding_. He’d _hurt you_. And suddenly there was nothing worse imaginable in the world. And for that, Tony was _sorry_. 

But you didn’t know what to _do_ with that yet. Did you just forgive him? Did you just let this all go away? How could you really? You wanted to, because it was easier in some ways. It would make the hurting stop. But… 

There was a long pause until finally he started again. “I wanted to figure it out for you. I wanted to be able to give you everything. If SHIELD had done something… I wanted everything. So that we could confront them together.” He had reasons. Maybe even _good_ reasons. 

“You should have told me. The second you thought something was off, you should have said something to me.” But he’d been hiding something from you- _about you_\- for too long. No matter why he’d done it, and even with the thought that once he’d finished dotting his I’s and crossing his T’s- and you _believed that too-_ that once he’d finally figured it out he would have sat you down and talked to you about everything.

You really, really did. Because this wasn’t about hiding it from you forever. It was about Tony Stark being faced with a puzzle. It seemed like every year more pieces presented themselves to him. He had wanted to figure it out. Yes, you believed him. But that still didn’t make it right. 

“I know. ...and I’m sorry.” He shifted on the bed, moving his arm up, you saw it out of your peripheral, still looking away from him. It was hard to tell if he was wiping his eyes or running his fingers back through his hair. Maybe both, one after the other. His voice was watery. Unstable. _Trembling_. “...if you want me to leave- if you want… some time apart-” Every part of his being _rejected_ the idea that this was happening. That _that_ would be the outcome. But he was pushing forward anyway. Because maybe that was fair. He’d hurt you and if you wanted to be away from him, that was _fair_. 

His personal feelings on the matter no longer belonged in the discussion. 

And it was for that reason that you eased the _mutual suffering_, shifting just a little closer to him, resting your head against his shoulder. Your stare out across the room was empty. “I don’t know what I want. But I know it’s not that.” You weren’t _mad_ at Tony- you were _hurt_. And… you wanted him to fix it. 

He’d let you go and given you space when you’d asked.  
He’d stewed on what he’d done, and come up to apologize to you- _and he’d meant it_. Without prompting him, he’d explained that he knew _why_ it was wrong, no matter how he had tried to justify it to himself. _Tony was sorry_ for hurting you, and for hurting your trust. For lying. 

There was an apprehensive sort of _relief _that bounced between the both of you. And it was that soft, _very small_ start of repairing something broken that allowed a different set of whispers to emerge. His _guilt_ was making him backtrack. And a few different moments he was dwelling on- 

Like that day in the lab. One of the moments that had spoken to you so loudly a handful of hours ago. That day when he’d been tracking that anomaly that Thor had been involved in-

_I love you. When I crack this thing, I need to-_

**I need to talk to you**. That’s what he’d wanted to say. There were _other_ moments. Long looks- _guilt_ that you misplaced. _Fear_ over missions too closely related to SHIELD- yes, every time he’d retooled the Reactor and then seemed like he’d wanted to _say something_\- 

“I know it doesn’t make it better- ...I wanted to- for a long time. I tried to figure out how to start that conversation. But the moment I decided I was going to look into it without your notice, the deeper the hole got. ...that’s an excuse- but I-” 

He was _seeping_ into you. And it was a little too much to take. “You tried to talk to me. I get it. But you never did.” 

“I should have.” He was utterly _defeated_. _Crushed_ under the weight of his own actions- what they’d done to _you_. 

“Yes. You should have.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Your voice was barely a whisper as even quieter tears escaped. “I know.” The two of you sat there for a little while longer, in silence. Until finally… “I kind of wished I hadn’t found out.” You knew this to be true. There was something deeply unsettling rumbling about inside of you now. He didn’t say anything yet, but you felt the rain of _questioning_ pour over him. Because you’d both just agreed the way he’d done things was _wrong_. And it was. And yet… 

“I don’t want to be this.” Said in just another moment. There was no real time to organize your thoughts. “I don’t even know what _this_ is, but I know I don’t want it. What am I supposed to do with this? What _is _this? What am I? What is any of it supposed to mean? I don’t like the thought that- ...it makes me _**sick… **_thinking I was _grown_ in some lab… and that’s the only reason- ...that that’s the reason I’m _here_.” 

This wasn’t _fair_. It made you angry. And hurt. And… terribly _**sick**_, yes. You no longer held control of your own narrative. Your own past. Everything seemed like it had been formed around a series of nasty events that you had no control over. But that was the reason you’d found Tony. That was the reason he’d hired you. That was why you could do what you could do- it was why you were an Avenger- it was- ..._it was everything_. 

So where did that leave you? What did that _make _you? But really, you knew more than anything… “I’m scared, Tony.”

He took his time with absorbing this information, and no doubt everything you were _feeling_, there was a painful reciprocal squeeze of his heart, a flare of _protectiveness_\- but then surprised you with his wry tone, “As far as expert opinions go, if you’re asking for one… I think I’m the authority on the whole _the past does not define you _thing. You know. Phoenix and ashes. Whatever I said on stage that night.” 

At the Expo. You remembered.   
_Never has a greater phoenix metaphor been personified in human history._  
It felt impossible to be smiling so soon. ...but there you were. Because of _him_. Weak though it was.

“I didn’t write that for you.” He’d been so out of sorts, _hiding _his dying sickness from you, he hadn’t had time to memorize a speech. Because honestly you’d have _never _written something like that. 

Finally he reached back, putting his arm around you. And it _soothed_ you right down to your core. “No, but you taught me it.” Though he couldn’t see the roll of your eyes, he had to have felt the shake of your head against his shoulder. “_Sure_, I put in _all _the hard work, but. When I said I was moving forward, we moved. And you never questioned my motives, and we never looked back. I used to sell weapons for a living, now I’m trying to keep the peace.   
  
“...whatever happened to you- _you_ put in all the work after. _You_ are the reason you’re here.” His witty build up died, and his tone lowered to a bare murmur. “_You_ are the reason I love you. _You_ are the reason I want a future together. This changes none of that.” Where there had been a choking pain of the terrifying unknown in your heart, listening to him eased your fears. “...and because I know _you_, I know you won’t let SHIELD take credit for anything for you.” 

There was something else- yet another _remembrance_. The guiding shape of his voice, when you’d trusted him with something else terrible.   
_It’s part of you. Whether or not the verdict is good._

A huff of air escaped you, and you allowed your eyes to close as you turned your head slightly, resting a little closer on his shoulder. “If it even was them. Maybe it wasn’t.” Maybe the girl in those blacked out documents had nothing to do with you. Who knew? Certainly not you. Yesterday you’d had no idea about _any_ of this. 

“Maybe.” The moment of amusement had died again. He moved and you felt his watchful eyes. Waiting for you. And when you could manage to look at him, “I’ve got you. Always. Whatever this is- you don’t have to be scared. I’ve got you.” When he said this you _believed him_. You knew it was true. Tony would protect you. Always. He would look out for you. _Always_. And if you wanted him to, he would _fix this_. Because that’s what he did. “Look… if you wanna keep looking, we will dig until we’re on the other side of the earth, if we have to. And- if you don’t… I’ll stop. I’ll destroy everything.” 

He was giving you a choice. Letting you control something that had been twice over stolen from you. _Finally_. Your life was in _your hands_. He’d spent a lot of time trying to protect you, trying to research what made your powers work- and _why_ they worked- _years. _Years of work. But right now- **right now** you had the power to tell Tony Stark to _**stop**_. 

...that was an awful lot of power. 

“I don’t know.” About the extent of what you _did_ know. Sitting back from him, wiping away a few tears and then you met his gaze as he turned to look at you again. “I need time. I need to process this. Until then… will you put it away?” 

The question stood in silence for a few seconds, then he nodded. “I’ll put it away.” It was _instinct_ that moved his hand, raising _close_\- but then pulling back. He wanted to _hold_ you. To touch you. But now he was unsure of his position. For a strange and painful place in time, he had no idea if he had that _right _anymore. Only you had that answer- and you gave it to him, putting your hand over his, guiding him to the side of your face. Your eyes closed. Held willingly captive by the feeling of love and peace he’d _always_ bring. The _solace_ he took in this brought a new wave of _comfort_ to the both of you. He waited until you opened your eyes again, and his soft gaze watched yours for a long few moments until he found his voice again. “Do you trust me, when I tell you I’ll stop?” 

But _this_ was really the final part. It was too soon for this to be _over_ considering the length of time it had gone on for. He didn’t just get immediate forgiveness… even if that’s what you wanted. Even if that’s what was easier. He understood this. And he was asking now how deep he had cut you. 

...but you already knew. “I trust you, Tony.” Eyes careful on his as you let him know. “But if you do anything like this ever again- I don’t know where we’ll be.”   
_Do not lie to me.  
Do not keep secrets from me. _

He nodded, and you felt the words wind _tight_ in his chest. Taking them in. Holding them there. Etching them somewhere deep so he would _remember this forever_. Remember what it had done to you and what that had felt like. Nothing short of sheer _**devastation**_. “_Never_ again.” This was his promise. 

Winding your arms around him, even at the uncomfortable angle still sitting next to him with a cat lying across both your laps, you pressed yourself to him as much as you could. “I love you.” This was for sure. But what you were really saying- _I forgive you_. 

His own arms lifted to hold you back, squeezing you to him as much as he could. His head moved to lay against your shoulder. “I love you, too.” The both of you sat there for a long time, letting the weight of all of this, or perhaps the _lifting_ of the previous weight, soak you through. For just a small blink, you thought you might be drifting off… But when he eased back you shifted away. He touched his hand over your face again, guiding some loose hair behind your ear. “Uh- hey…” This worried you immediately. “-take it easy on Bruce, alright? He told me more times than necessary that I should have talked to you. He didn’t like hiding this from you.” 

“I’m sure you didn’t either. You still both did it.” You weren’t mad at Tony- and certainly you weren’t mad at Bruce. But it still felt a little sour. 

“Yeah- but he did it because of me. And- don’t tell him I told you so, but he’s kind of a wreck over this. I know he cares a lot about that _overtly masculine_ image of his.” It was still a little unfair that he got to joke around so soon- ...and that it _did_ hit its intended mark, pulling another smile out of you. 

You sighed softly. “I’ll go talk to him if he’s still in the lab.” At this Tony simply nodded. You had a feeling that would be the case. Tony had been talking up a storm before … _whatever_ happened had happened. Something about the scepter- or what was inside of it- “What is it you two are working on?” 

“Ultron, believe it or not.” There was a sudden _strange _jump. Something about you asking put some sort of _manic _pulse through him. “You broke the housing on the scepter- but I suspected something else was inside- at least it’s a provable theory now. We got it under control. But what’s going on in there is incredible. We have a shot. At protecting this vulnerable little planet, if you can imagine that.” You remembered, vaguely, the hologram he’d pulled out of there and put on display. Right before things had gotten _weird_. 

“And you wanna use whatever’s inside for the Ultron program?” This was another one of those things that was probably a little beyond you. As far as you’d understood it, Ultron had been shelved because they hadn’t been able to sculpt it properly, not the way Tony _needed _it to work. But something in the scepter could? “Wait- hang on-” There was something else that you needed _desperate_ clarification on. “The scepter and the Tesseract- ...and whatever was going on in England with Thor- they’re all connected? Is _that _the running theory?” 

There had to have been billions if not _trillions_ of other lifeforms out there in who knew how many galaxies, right? Just because some things threw out… whatever it was- similar gamma frequencies? Signatures? ...whatever- just because they were similar, that meant they were _related_? It seemed… a little presumptuous. 

“I thought we were putting this away.” He said this _very _carefully. Because suddenly you were backtracking and he needed to know exactly where you were on this position. 

In or out? “We are, as far as I’m concerned- I just…” You deflated a little. “I don’t know. It’s strange, isn’t it? We’re one planet. Attracting all this?” There was so much to think about and not all of it made sense- ...another reason why it was so easy to understand why Tony had done what he’d done. 

He took a deep breath in. “Being similar doesn’t make them the same. Connected might be an overstatement- it might also be an _understatement_. There’s a lot of variables at play- too many to even begin to evaluate, and right now we only have the scepter under a microscope. And only for a little while longer.” 

Thor was taking it away soon. After Saturday. Which was less than three days away now. And in that time, Tony wanted to work with it to help finalize Ultron. ...yet here he was in the penthouse, trying to make amends with you. He wanted to save the universe from whatever was out there- he had a small window of opportunity to try and realize his vision- 

...but apparently you came first. 

_Threat is imminent, and I have to protect the one thing that I can't live without. That's you._

You _always _came first for him. The last thing you wanted to do was stand in the way of progress. You were terribly small in the grand scheme of the idea of protecting the entire world from oncoming galactic threat. So with that in mind, you gave Dvahli a few long strokes, just enough to give her the idea that it was time to get up. And when she moved, you stood. “Let me talk to Bruce alone, okay?” 

Tony looked up at you, a bare nod. “Sure. Yeah. I’ll make some coffee and meet you down there in ten.” He was quick up on his feet after saying so. It was no surprise that he wanted to get back to work now that this was mostly resolved. But as soon as he was standing, and you looked up at him- ...you couldn’t seem to help yourself. Reaching up, you put your arms around him again, and laid your head against his chest. He was as warm and wonderful as you remembered. The crumble was imminent, his arms moving to hold you _tight_ as he curved a little inward. “I’m sorry.” 

He didn’t have to say this again- but you appreciated it. Really. Truly. There was no doubt about his sincerity. “I know.” Almost immediate out of you was _it’s okay_\- but it hadn’t been. And even if you _did_ know, you couldn’t excuse what had happened like that. But, “I love you. _I forgive you_.” Letting it out into the world. Because you did. 

And that was that. 

“I love _you_.” His hand reached up, cradling the back of your head, holding you to him. His voice was a warm rumble against your chest- speaking from his grateful, loving, and _protective_ heart, “_Don’t be scared. I’ve got you_.”

Only he could offer such depth of comfort so soon. Your eyes closed as you rested against him, soothed by the knowledge that he would keep you _safe_. Always. And for that you were eternally grateful in kind.

* * *

Just as a matter of simplicity, and because it was so late, you put on the bare minimum of clothes. And comfy ones, too. Yoga pants. A zip up. Flats. That was all you really needed. Tony was in the kitchen by the time you stepped out of the bedroom, and since he’d given you a timeframe (though you knew he’d respect it if you had to speak longer with Bruce than ten minutes), you went straight to the elevator and headed down. 

It was quiet at this hour, and everything save for the lab they’d been working in was dark. You let yourself in quietly, looking at him as he was perched behind a standing console, typing away on a keyboard. “Tony-” Looking over his shoulder you felt his sudden _fright_ upon seeing _you_ and not Tony. Clearly he hadn’t been expecting you to come down there so soon. But as soon as it registered to him that you were there, the sound of your name coming out of him sounded terribly _penitent_. 

“Look, Bruce-” You didn’t know how to have this conversation. Really, the problem was that you didn’t want to. You were entirely worn down and still rubbed a little raw. 

But he held a hand up to stop you, and then turned away from his computer, giving you his full attention. “Wait a second. Just… let me apologize. ...please.” 

You held your hands together in front of you, a few feet away from him. A bigger distance than usual. This was not a _friendly encounter_. “Okay.” Allowing him this. Whether it would help either of you was hard to say. 

He swallowed hard and then took his glasses off, fumbling anxiously with them for a second as he turned his head down. Eventually he put them in his pocket and refocused on you. “I _am_ sorry. Incredibly. For hiding this from you. I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t right. But when Tony asked me to work on it, I found it hard to say no.” 

“I understand.” Really, you did. You _got_ why the both of them had done this, why they had done it the way that they had. 

But you saying that seemed to _upset_ him. His brows knit and he shook his head, looking away again. “Tony asked me not to say anything- but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have.” 

“I know. But. You wanted to help him and you’re a good friend-”

“A better one to him, right?” There was an air of _bitterness_ here that you couldn’t make sense of yet. His arm came up in a wave around the room. “We’re doing all this for Ultron and… we’re _still_ keeping secrets. I’m not sure anymore… if there’s a scale measuring decency, I’m pretty sure I’ve hit the low end. I wanna make sure it’s for good reasons but… I just don’t know anymore.” 

This wasn’t how you thought this would go at all. And you weren’t sure what to even say. _He had a point_. But… Tony’s apology had been much better. Not that you wanted to rank them. “I don’t know what to say to that.” So you just decided to show how _tired_ you were, and be brutally honest. “I understand the secrecy, but please don’t ask me to excuse it for you.” 

This seemed to snap him back into place and he gave you a little bit of a wide-eyed stare before nodding. “No that’s- ...that’s fair. I’m sorry. -again.” But as he _withdrew_ it made you feel terrible. 

You made sure, as the sigh built up and then escaped, to keep it as quiet as possible. “You both… you find yourselves in your native environments, and you bounce off each other. And I get that the idea is never to _harm _anyone. Not me, and certainly not the world. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I know about Ultron too, but have never said anything to anyone about it. Because we’re waiting, right?” Giving a mild shrug before crossing your arms. “We’re waiting to see if it’s even worth saying anything about.” 

He was nodding along absently. “Yeah. I guess so.” Once more he looked up at you. “I just know that- I could have said something. He didn’t hold a gun to my head. And I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” 

“I know.” Crossing the gap, you pushed past his obvious _hesitancy_ as you got a little too close, and reached out to give him a little squeeze. Letting him know, “I forgive you.” 

His mumble back was a little _sad _if not _confused_ at the same time. “Are you sure?” 

Putting your hands on his shoulders, you stood back and leveled a careful gaze on him. “Yeah. I’m sure. If that’s okay with you?” Lifting your brows with a little lean in, and about as much of a smile as you could manage. 

It tugged one out of him- bare, but there. “Sure. Yeah. That’s okay with me.” 

Letting him go, you turned- not exactly sure if you were leaving. His attention went back to whatever he’d been working on. But while you still had the space to yourselves- Tony would tell him, you were sure, but… you wanted to do it. “Just one thing.” Immediately he turned away from his work again to look at you. “I told Tony- ...right now I don’t want anymore of that. I want to put it away for a while. I don’t want you guys doing more research on this. I don’t know what to do with any of this information and right now is not a good time.” _For so many reasons_. 

“Totally understandable. You have my word- if that still means anything.” 

The door to the lab opened and you turned your head to see Tony coming in with a tray of coffee- he could have made some in the lab. You imagined he’d just been giving himself something to do so you could have your space. Still. He’d carried in _three _mugs. Seemed like he was expecting you to stay. Turning back towards Bruce you gave him another brief smile. “Still means a lot. Thank you.” 

Tony put the tray down on the center table in the room, and lifted one mug up- handing it to you first. “Here, honey.” 

Taking hold of it, you leaned up a little on your tiptoes, pressing a kiss to the apple of his cheek. “Thank you.” 

From his spot in the room, Bruce exuded a sudden loud amount of _shock _and _disbelief_.   
And just a little bit of striking _green_ _envy_.   
Meanwhile Tony was exuding quite a lot of _thankfulness. _But it didn’t even come close to how much _relief_ he was feeling.

You’d get through this.   
It helped, knowing that Tony was serious about how sorry he was.   
Maybe it helped, _knowing for sure_ by having your hand on his heart.   
You would get through this… _you would…_ you just had to keep saying it, just had to keep working until it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See I said things would be okay.


	156. Chapter 156

The lab became an immediate flurry of dual activity. Tony and Bruce were determined to do the best that they could with the resources they had and the extremely limited slot of time. It became apparent very quickly that you being there was unnecessary, you were kind of in the way- you couldn’t really help them. And aside all that… you really didn’t want to be near the scepter. Everything was still so fresh and painful and even catching a single glance at it made your stomach roll.

There was also something else… Tony was bounding _wildly_ from emotion to emotion. Something that wasn’t easily seen, Bruce had no problem integrating with him and working- but for _you_… you worried. He was so terribly _manic_. Sure, it might have had to do with the time crunch but you suspected something else was happening here. He might have felt like this was his one shot to get this right. And you still wondered what had happened down in Strucker’s lab… 

Eventually as morning bled into early afternoon the next day, you made them both fresh cups of coffee and then stopped at Tony’s workstation as he was beating on his keyboard with rapid strokes, eyes up on his screen as calculations and code and who knew what else flew by under his quick hands. You gave him a little touch at his shoulder and he only just barely registered you were there. A true testament to that he was losing himself to this work. You’d been here before, and it was never good. 

But this wasn’t permanent. And if his end goal was met, it would only be infinitely good. So you had to put aside your uneasy feelings, helped by his own overflowing ones, and just let him work. Though you were doing that, it didn’t mean you had to be here to witness it. “I’m gonna go.” 

Hearing that, though, so soon after… _everything_, he seemed to snap to and glanced over at you. “Go?” 

“You guys don’t need me here, and we have a party to plan.” A good enough excuse to get away from the lab and just let them be. 

“I always need you.” He was lucky he was nothing if not consistent in his care with you, otherwise you might suspect he was laying it on thick. 

Putting a hand on his chest with a little pat, you leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. There was just a little _relief _when things felt _normal_. You still weren’t sure you could put _everything _aside but… _get through this_ you would. “Well you were the one who wanted a party.” 

“Pepper can do all that.” But _this_… he suddenly exuded a quiet little shadow of _nervousness_. As if he let you go you might come to the realization that you didn’t, in fact, forgive him. 

“So can I.” There wasn’t enough time right now to settle his heart. But with what means you had, you tried. “I love you. Keep working. I’ll be back.” Trying to reassure him. No, you would not run off and remember that you were incredibly angry with him. It hadn’t been the case to begin with. You wouldn’t find yourself there no matter what. 

He stared at you for a long moment, gaze somewhere between _pleading_ and _anxious_. But when the computers started making noise he pressed his lips together with a little exhale through his nose. “Sure. Okay.” You recognized what he was doing as soon as he did it, picking your hand up, holding it in his, and then lifting further to press a kiss to the back as his eyes closed. Holding on to that _feeling_. “I love you, too.” Murmured against your skin. 

The both of you still had a lot of work to do, this much you knew.   
He was hurting. So were you. But you’d get through it. 

You smiled when he looked again. “Do your thing. Save the world.” This was supposed to be a teasing and loving remark- 

But it signaled a spike of _panic _in him that struck you like lightning. It barely registered anywhere else on him- but he knew _you_ knew. Because you were _you_. So he swallowed and turned away, letting you go. “Yeah. I’ll give it the old college try.” Going back to his work. Burying himself there. Letting you go now. 

There was no right way to respond to this. You could pull him aside from his work, but that had the potential to make it worse. Whatever had triggered him was running rampant through him, and likely he would not be able to rest until he finished this. So you had to let him go. Better, then, that you were out of his way. You gave him a careful caress, your hand at his arm, letting him know without saying as much- you knew he wasn’t in a good way right now. You were not ignoring his distress (or blind to it, for that matter). But now wasn’t a good time. So. The two of you would talk about it later. 

Whenever that came. 

* * *

You made a cozy spot in your office, finding it strange to be happy to be back there. But your office was a Stark Industries business related zone- or at least that’s apparently what you’d fooled your brain into thinking. It was just _easier_ to be in that space, even when you were technically planning a party for the Avengers while inside it. Easier still to get lost in emails and a few phone calls, new design plans for the compound that had been sent your way to be okayed and expanded on, and not have to worry about Tony running for answers you hoped he’d find, and not have to think about _you_. 

Something you slipped in and out of.   
It was strange. Even separated by several floors, you could still sort of hear that _hum_ the scepter had now switched to. No longer a whine. Not as unpleasant. It was like it’d imprinted on to you. And you wanted absolutely nothing to do with that. 

So it was nice when Steve knocked on your office door, shown in by Pepper and you waved him in to sit. He seemed a little _apprehensive_, though, as he took a seat in one of the plush chairs in front of your desk. You offered him a smile. “What can I do you for?” 

“I didn’t mean to come bother you, if you’re busy. I can come back.” 

“You never bother me.” Reassuring him easily enough. 

His smile then was a little relieved. “I’m sure that’s not true. But. If you’re working on the invites, I thought I’d ask permission for a few more.” 

_Oh_? For some reason you were excited to hear this. “Whoever you want. Friends of yours?” The thought that Steve had settled enough to make friends outside his _work life_ (regardless of how close you felt to him) was a pretty happy one, for one reason or another. 

“Uh. I guess you could say that. It’s some guys from the VFW. They were having a meeting at a restaurant one night and- well, we got to talking.” _Oh_. Hm. He seemed pretty happy, so there was no reason to rain on his parade. And it was nice for him to make whatever friends he wanted- connections were still connections. But… you wouldn’t wonder if he was having a hard time talking to people not related to his line of work. To those parts of his past. 

Still, you felt yourself nodding quickly enough. “Sure, Steve. I’d be happy to meet them, too. Unless they’re not fans.” With those types it could always go either way. Stark Industries had been in the war business longer than you’d been alive. And then pulled out rather quickly. They could have loved you as much as they could have hated you. Tony, too, for that matter. 

“They’ve only ever had nice things to say about you. So I imagine it won’t be a problem.” 

You grinned. “Well in that case, I’ll pay for their transportation, too.” With the matter resolved, he stood and seemed like he was going to leave. You cast a glance up his way. “Did you invite Sam?” 

At this, Steve gave a nod. “Yeah. It’ll be nice to have some time together.” 

“What about Sharon?” 

Being entirely _caught_ his shoulders slumped and he made just a little bit of a face, lips drawn in a side twist. “Is there any reason you keep barking up that tree?” 

This surprised you, though. He didn’t seem upset, but he was slightly put-off. “You had one awkward dinner with her, as far as I can recall. I think you should try again, is all.” 

He crossed his arms. “Why? Is it really necessary?” 

You had to take a moment to figure out how to answer this- and where he was coming from. “If you want me to leave you alone about your personal life, I understand- you just… kind of seemed to like her.” 

“That doesn’t mean we’ll end up together.” This was such a _defeatist _attitude. And it was very strange, seeing it on him. “Or even that we should.” 

“Not if you don’t try.” 

“Who says I want to?” 

Really, now, you were a little stuck. And felt sort of bad. You couldn’t help your frown, or your shying back from the matter. He was being a little intense for your liking. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry. I’ll leave it alone.” 

His mood seemed to break easily after that. “I’m not upset-” Unfolding his arms once more to hold a hand up and then dropping both. “Sorry- if I gave you that impression. I just don’t know if it’s worth pursuing at this point.” 

There was a gentle lift of your brows. “...can I give you my _professional_ opinion?” Teasing, a little.  
  
And it hit its mark, as he smiled lightly. “Sure, I don’t see why not.” 

“Just ask her to come and see what happens. I bet she will.” You just had a _feeling _about it. 

He tipped his head a little to the side. “Why do you say that?” 

“Woman’s intuition.” Saying this with a little wiggle of your shoulders. 

His smile morphed into a grin. “Ah- that sort of _professional opinion_, huh?” You just nodded deeply to this. “Well. I guess I can’t argue too much with that.” 

“No you can’t.” A little snappy edge to your words. 

A little breath escaped him and his head dropped with a small close of his eyes. He then continued smiling as he nodded. “Yeah. Alright. I’ll ask her. Thanks for the peptalk.” 

“You’re very welcome.” 

* * *

The Saturday party was filling up rather quickly. You made sure to have invites sent out to all the lab assistants, and had a brief conversation with Maria about having her DC agents come- if they’d like. Stark Industry employees somehow made their way onto the bill. Rhodey got a personal call. Anyone and everyone who was even a little responsible for this mission close had more than earned a little reprieve. A night of free drinks, free food, good atmosphere…

Which of course was all on you. But things like this were simple by now. You knew the best caterers. You knew the best bars, the best booze… it was nice to have your mind on anything other than the slow creeping corners around the edge of your mind. There was a voice somewhere that you were wholly ignoring as you sent out your last email for the night, somewhere around one in the morning. 

As you turned off your computer monitor, you got sucked into watching your reflection staring back at you from the black screen. Watching your own eyes. A little angry _buzz_ lit up somewhere in your brain. Enough to get a headache going. And that’s when you forcefully removed yourself from your office to go the labs. 

You keyed yourself in- noticing that the windows were blacked out. Not sure why they were running the high security protocol again. Surely nothing as bad as what had happened before had happened. At least you hoped. Tony was sitting on the floor, papers scattered all around him as his hands touched over a few pieces at a time, no doubt speed reading his way through each one. Bruce was standing in the far corner, back to you, though he did pretend not to look up when you came in. 

The air inside was stale and tense. Clearly they’d made no progress. 

As you came to a stop next to him, Tony glanced up at you briefly and then leaned a little to rest his head against your leg. Inching in just a little, you worked your fingers through his hair. “Can I get you guys dinner or something? Have you eaten?” 

He flipped over one of the papers. “More coffee would be ideal.” Pitching his voice without removing his eyes from what he was going over, “Bruce? You?” 

Bruce gave a light look over his shoulder. “Actually… a break and some food would be nice…” 

_Disappointment_ rumbled off Tony and his head dipped just a little lower. You massaged at his scalp lightly and he took a breath in and let it out as a sigh. “Yeah. Why don’t we- ...let’s take a break. We’ll regroup in a couple of hours. No sense forcing this when we’re running on empty.” 

_We_ meaning Bruce. Tony was being incredibly charitable here, because you knew if left unchecked, he would go for hours and hours that moved into days and days. No sleep. Bare minimum. You also didn’t _like_ when he got this way. When his focus narrowed into tunnel vision, as he ran straight towards one theory or idea he found validity in because it made him feel _safe_. 

He’d built suits underneath a house that no longer existed for months. Struggling under the crippling weight of anxiety and trauma.  
You found yourself lucky the scepter would only be here a couple more days. 

_Relief_ was easy to feel from Bruce as he shifted his arm, taking a look at his watch. “Let’s come back at five.” That was more than a couple of hours- which prompted a quick bout of sheepishness. “If that’s alright…” 

Tony gave a wave of dismissal. “Five’s good.” 

That was enough time for food and a catnap. Hopefully it would recharge Bruce. Now all you had to do, as Bruce gave you a small _goodbye_ as he passed you, was figure out what to do with Tony. “You won’t come to bed if I ask you nicely, will you?” Deciding to try the most obvious avenue. 

Reaching forward, he swooped all the loose pieces of paper together, picking them up and tapping them on the floor to straighten them into a cohesive pile. “I can. But it’d be a waste of time.” 

“Yeah.” This soft and a little _sad_ as it escaped you, agreeing easily where you knew he was only being honest. He could come up to the penthouse. He _could_ lie down. And he’d also just be lying awake for hours. So what was the point? 

He shifted a little, leaning back, pressing one palm on the floor to help himself up. When he couldn’t quite seem to make the journey, you offered yours to him instead. So very easily he switched tactics, and as soon as his hand was in yours, you helped him to his feet. The two of you shared a long _look_ at one another until he turned away, putting his papers down on the nearest table. “We’re missing something- I’m not sure what- it feels like we’re close but not close enough. I just gotta find the missing piece.” 

“What exactly is it you’re doing?” You knew the basics. He wanted Ultron up and ready. And you knew what he was after. But asking him to try and go over it for you was just letting him _talk_ into the air. Maybe it would help him.   
  
...you hoped it would, because as he murmured about _dense data schematics_ and _power loads_ and this, that, and the other science-y thing that went way over your head, you realized you served little other use to him. Although it was always rather _lovely_ to hear him rattle on about things only he understood. Once he was finished it sounded like you remembered what the sound of English was like again. “We keep pushing the integration trials, but they’re all failing. There’s something out of place. And the window’s getting smaller.” 

Tony could find a way to do _anything_, you truly believed that. And time crunch was never a problem for him before- at least not in the way of _getting things done_. Because he would. He’d figure whatever it was out, always, and make the vision go. But always at the expense of _himself_. He could be at this nonstop until Thor forcibly removed the scepter from his hands… what would it prove? 

Well… if he got Ultron up… wouldn’t that mean the soft beginning to your _actual _lives? A future where you and Tony could build a house and have a _life_ and not worry about what next big thing that was coming to destroy humanity? That was the idea. And the reason he was prepared to run himself into the ground. They were both very _powerful_ tools of motivation, you knew… 

As he leaned in over the table, you put a kind hand on his back, stroking softly upwards along his spine. “Will you come sit on the balcony and have a cup of coffee with me?” He wouldn’t go to sleep. But if you could at least get him to take a small break and get some fresh air… 

His shoulders sagged, head dropping a little, but eventually he nodded. “Sure, honey. That sounds nice.”

* * *

You sat him down on the penthouse balcony first and left with a light kiss at his temple. Coffee was quick and easy enough to make, and when you came back, he had Dvahli on his lap. At least the weather was mild this late at night. May would be here in just a few more days. 

Setting a tray down on the table, you took the full pot of coffee off and actually prepared a cup for him there. And with it, on a small plate, you offered some bakery cookies. No idea _who_ had bought them, but they didn’t seem poisoned. He needed to eat something. It was no substitute for a meal, but you assumed this was the best he was going to be able to do regardless. 

Once you finished making your own cup, you sat down across the small table from him, turning to look out over the city. Still alive with life, even now. His gaze was also out towards the horizon, but you could see he wasn’t looking at anything in particular. He was just _gone_. In his own head. It was why you reached over to lay a hand atop his and when his attention returned and he shifted to look at you, you decided to breach the unbearable. “Let’s talk about what happens if Ultron isn’t finished by Saturday.” 

His brows lifted, a faint _surprise_ taking hold of him- that you would even ask such a thing- but then his gaze drifted lower and a more _troubled_ air took over him. “We continue living the way we already are.” Seemed a simple enough explanation. 

“Is that so terrible?” If that was the worst-case scenario, was it really that bad? 

When he looked at you again, there was something _haunted_ about his eyes. “You tell me.” In a strange way it felt like he was accusing you of something- but that wasn’t _really_ it. It was something else far more difficult to untangle. Yet the feeling that it had brought on was nothing short of horrible. You felt _bad_. 

Tempering your initial reaction, you made sure to steady yourself. Tone careful as you turned it back on him, “No, Tony. _You _tell _me_.” 

He stared at you for a long time before eventually looking away again. Somewhere else entirely when he spoke, “We’re not ready.” Immediately he lit up in this awful _franticness_, heart aflutter. Darkness clawing at him. It was hard to sit there, still and silent, while internally he struggled so deeply. “Something’s coming- maybe even a lot of somethings. You and I- we’ll make it work.” There was a little _guilt_ that bubbled up, and he actually winced, blinking a few times over as his hand turned over yours, holding you finally. “Not that I take that for granted- I don’t-” 

You didn’t want him to lose whatever he was chasing, though. Whatever it was that was paining him so greatly. So you gave him a squeeze, and a whisper of encouragement. “We’re okay.” 

His nod was a little dazed. “Sure. We’re- ...we’re okay. You and I- we’ll figure everything out. We may not get everything that we want but… who does, right?” Even saying this, you felt the immense _hurt_ clawing at his heart. It killed him to acknowledge that the two of you might run into the possibility of… not having the _life_ you wanted. That he wouldn’t be able to give it to you. He was trying desperately to make it seem any other way. But. You knew him too well. And you could _feel_ his heartbreak over it. He swallowed hard and shook his head. “But the team? Earth et al? _We’re not ready_.” 

He said this so firmly. Like a truth he was certain of. One that everyone else had yet to come to terms with- and maybe they wouldn’t- and by the time they came around, it would be _too late_. He couldn’t fix everything, couldn’t save everyone, couldn’t _solve the problem-_

You really had to keep a handle on yourself to not fall into his void. To not spiral alongside with him. “And Ultron fixes all that? It makes us ready?” 

“You know- I would _love_ to put a suit of armor around the world and… have everyone link hands and sing songs about peace. I really would.” There was a huff of bitter amusement. The biting sarcasm wasn’t aimed at you, so you tried to not take it _too _personally. “But something tells me we’re never gonna get there. Not at this rate. Ultron is- it’s a better middle ground. I don’t wanna box the world off, I wanna _protect it_. Whatever that looks like…” 

The question was on the tip of your tongue. One you had not asked in a long, _long_ time. Because it was too much for him. But he was already on that edge. And something in Strucker’s lab had pushed him back there again. Wanda- you supposed- had _done something_. It wasn’t just being reminded of the Chitauri- 

You were extremely gentle as you asked, “What did you see?” 

In steady moves, he lifted his head with what seemed like great strain, like a pressure was holding him down- or holding him _back_. Because as his eyes moved up again, and he locked his gaze on you- 

A rush of _nightmares_ flooded through you. **Attacked **every part of you.  
Something dark and _final_. Intermingled with loud flashes from the battle. _**That wormhole up above-**_  
Blood and _death- _  
And Tony.   
Alone atop it all. Powerless to do anything. Powerless to stop it- powerless to _save_ anyone anymore. 

The earth was in shambles, and his team- _his family_ was gone. 

Yet even still that wasn’t enough. They kept _coming_\- the destruction kept _raining_\- 

His voice pulled you out of a nightmare that had been choking him since the Battle of New York. “I saw the end of everything.” He’d seen it through the wormhole. He’d been _shown it_ again in that lab. His voice trembled a little, “And it was my fault.” He was too _raw_ like this- 

“Why would it be your fault?” Why was he blaming himself for an outcome that hadn’t even happened yet? It was too much to bear, this _guilt_ of his. How did he do it? 

“Because I didn’t do enough. I didn’t stop it. I started it. And I never stopped it.” His eyes had gone a little foggy, a little glassy. Maybe you were too much of a mirror reflection, because he turned his head away with a wet sniff in the next second, putting a hand over his eyes for a moment before softly rubbing at his temples.

About the same time that you lifted your hand to brush a tear that had strayed from your lashes. One more time, now with more knowledge than before, you asked, “Ultron fixes all that? It keeps us safe?” 

He nodded into the void. “It’s the best chance we’ve got right now.” 

“Okay.” Trusting in him. Believing in him. If he said Ultron would save the world… then it would. 

Which was why it was terribly unfortunate, a little over twenty-four hours later, that you came to the lab with his suit draped over your arm, party a few hours away, and the deep, unrelenting pain of _failure_ was threatening to pull him apart. He was staring at a simulation that seemed to be bursting. _Breaking down_. Taking him with it. 

Stopping close beside him, you laid your head against his shoulder, staring into the frightening unknown with him. You really didn’t know if it was true anymore, but you at least _believed_ in your heart- “We’ll be okay.” 

His voice was empty. He was a million miles away in a place that was neither safe nor pleasant. “Yeah. We’ll be okay.” Blindly he reached out, and you had to help him make the connection, slipping your hand into his. He held on with a terrifying tightness. Anchored only in that moment by _you_.

The two of you would just have to drown a little while longer, and keep convincing each other. Because the alternative… no. You really _wouldn’t_ survive that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could even say I knew things would get better. But they'll get way worse before they get better.   
Because this is the MCU. And Tony is not allowed to have a good time. Therefore neither is Ms. INY. But somehow....... somehow they'll get through it.


	157. Chapter 157

You had a small head start on Tony, who had come back up to the penthouse with you to get ready. While he was in the shower you fixed yourself up. The party would start in about an hour, which meant you had to be down there a little sooner than that to show people in, do the host thing, pretend to be happy to see everyone, thank Pepper for her help organizing the setup before releasing her for the night so she could have some fun too… 

By the time you’d stepped into your dress, the water had turned off in the bathroom. For Tony’s suit you’d picked out a gorgeous black on black on black on black… though his waistcoat did have an edge of dark silver on the backing. There was just nothing more stylish than all that solid darkness, though he’d pull off whatever you picked out for him. For yourself you’d picked a matching sleeveless black cocktail dress with a v-neck, full pleated skirts that stopped just at the edge of your thighs, and a keyhole back. Pockets, too, one of which you slipped the Heart Reactor into. Just for… safekeeping. A splash of dark red peeked up from underneath your skirts when you moved, lining the underside of the fabric.

It would go perfect with the necklace you’d taken out of its secure place in your jewelry chest. The one with the crimson heart studded with diamonds, and the little black shards lining up the sides. Now was as good a time as any to display the piece (you wished it was more of an _everyday _look because there was something almost warming having it on), especially considering… the world would not _ever _know what had gone on between the two of you. You were allowed to have hidden parts of your private lives. 

But the two of you knew. And he was struggling, same as you, with a million other demons at this point. Let that one be put to rest. Something you felt wash away from him as he stepped out of the bathroom, clean cut, sharp lines, fixed hair, mostly dressed and a _look _about him when he spotted that necklace in your hand. Coming over closer, you swept your hair away from your shoulders, turning to put your back towards him. Holding it up, “Could you help me, please?” 

“Sure.” It came out on a quiet breath, and he stopped messing with his tie to put his full focus on you. There was a mirror of almost soothing intimate _relief_ as his fingers brushed along the sides of your neck where he laid the chain down. Careful as ever while he fixed the clasp open and then closed. This was _home_ for the both of you. This was _safe_. 

Tony had failed to configure Ultron. It was something he’d live with until he made the next move in the right direction, wherever and _whenever_ that was. But the two of you… you were okay. You had each other. That counted for something. And you’d move forward together, no matter what. 

Once he finished, you turned, eyeing that undone tie. Smoothing your hands up the sides of his open waistcoat you arched a brow. “Need help?” 

His smile was wry but lacking in its usual energy. “If you’re offering.” 

To this you could only relent, lifting up the rest of the way to pull his tie together in one of those perfect, elegant knots- at least that’s why you _assumed_ he asked every time. “I’m starting to think you forgot how to do this.” Teasing him, just a little as you laid his shirt collar flat.   
  
It was as you were buttoning up his waistcoat- something you absolutely didn’t need to do but didn’t mind, that his head tilted down, and his tone drifted softer. “Definitely haven’t forgotten but… I don’t know. There’s something almost _comforting_ about it. ...is that weird?” Just a touch _nervous_, perhaps feeling like he’d revealed a little too much of an awkward hand. 

He was bare and open with you, as always. And _as always_ you’d never turn him away. Finishing with his suit jacket, you tugged at the lapels just a little, looking up his way. “Not weird at all.” These were tiny little moments in time that belonged uniquely to the both of you. If he found _comfort_ in the careful and sureness of your steady hands helping him _prepare_ for what event came next… you took no issue with that. 

His hands touched over your hips, pulling you just a little bit closer. Though he was looking at you, his gaze was so far away. Barely there at all. Thinking about a million things- which was why it wasn’t surprising when his head dropped a little and he shifted in a small nod. There was no bridge. He switched topics completely to the one that was weighing on him so heavily. “Hey, who knows- maybe I can convince Thor to let us keep the scepter just a few more days…” 

Almost as if he was running this plan by you. Because that’s what it was. It was his next step. He hadn’t finished Ultron. He had to beg Thor for a few more days with the scepter. But before he could do that… _you_ had to okay it first. And… your heart ached for him. Moving your hands up his chest, over the sides of his neck, palms cupping his face, you directed him a little more towards you. And when his eyes met yours again he was _there_. Waiting for the judgment of the one person who mattered.

You were as gentle as humanly possible. Fearing that one more thing would wedge the cracks so far apart he’d crumble permanently. “Thor is going to take the scepter.” Telling him now. That’s how it was. That was how it was going to be.   
  
A small flash of _pain_ caught his features before he banished it to a place only _felt_. The exhale that escaped him as his head dipped forward in _disappointment_ was a little shaky. “Yeah. He is.” 

Though you let him crane forward for a few seconds more, with his face in your hands, you tilted him back your way. “But we will figure this out, Tony. We’ll find a way around it. We’ll be okay.” Your eyes watched his as he _stared _at you. Letting the words hang in the air between you. And then finally you found strength enough to ask, “Do you trust me, when I tell you we’ll be okay?” 

There was no fix for this right now. All you had were words- and hopefully, yes, his _trust_. His arms wound around your waist, and he leaned in, pressing his forehead against yours. It might have been fair to say you had _no idea_ whether what you were saying was true. How could you? So in that effort, how could Tony put his confidence in you? 

But- “I trust you.” This was a weight heavier than you’d realized, as he handed his worries over to you. That’s what you’d asked for, wasn’t it? For him to put them away? -...well he had to put them _somewhere_. So he was laying them on you. Because you’d asked for him to trust you. So there the both of you were. Holding each other up. “I love you.” The only peace he had in this world right now.

“I love you, too.” The mutual warmth chased away the cold unknown. For now you had this. You had each other. That had to be enough. “Let’s try to have a nice night. I think we deserve it.” 

The twitch of an understanding grin was a wonderful sight. “More than, I’d say.” 

You put your arms around him, leaning up just that last bit to close the space between the both of you. You’d be a little late for greeting guests. But that was easily excused, as your lips pressed to his, and the two of you held on to each other. Grounded and _safe_. So long as you were together. 

* * *

As the two of you arrived on the party level, the expanse was already filled with the murmur of guests and jazzy music. Tony seemed to easily slip behind a well practiced mask. Amicable, sociable, and ready to have a good time. At least on the surface. You tried to follow suit. But as you removed your arm from his and he gave you a little arch of his brow, you felt slightly bad. “Go enjoy the party. I have to do the rounds.” 

Thank people for coming. Ask them how their lives were going. That sort of thing. All the woes of being the party-thrower. He seemed a little dismayed, but, “Enjoy is a strong word, but I’ll do my best.” Leaning in he pressed a kiss to your cheek and you couldn’t hide your smile. Nor could he, as he eased back and took stock of you. “Don’t circle too long. I’ll buy you a drink when you get back.” 

Giving him a pat on the chest, you then turned your back with a little wave and a glance over your shoulder. “Drinks are free.” 

His wry grin as he watched you turned you just a little to mush. “_Are they_?” Sassing you right back.

It was almost dangerously easy, considering how terrible things seemed, that the two of you slipped into these personas. Was that even the right word? Charming hostess was a well practiced facade by now, but in some parts it belonged to you. Not entirely untruthful. While it wasn’t your favorite thing in the world, shaking hands, making small talk… it certainly wasn’t the worst, either.   
  
You relieved Pepper for the night, told her to have a good time. Saw to it that Happy stopped pacing the room and went to have a drink so he could loosen up. Made the rounds and put a gentle touch on every shoulder sitting down, relaxing, laughing with the good atmosphere that floated throughout the room. Met more than a few of Steve’s VFW friends- older than you would have thought but… then again that _did_ make sense. Scared most of the Stark employees as you passed by, trying not to take offense to their sudden hushed tones. You were their boss, after all. Nobody liked hanging out with their boss. 

Damage Control employees were a little bit the same way. Though most smiled and endured your presence for the necessary time allotted, once you excused yourself to make way for another group, they resumed their more natural cheery conversations. Passing by the billiards table you put a friendly touch at Steve’s back while he leaned over to make a shot. He glanced up with a careful smile, though it was Sam who’s voice found him first. “Nice party. Thanks for having me.” 

You reached your hand out to offer a shake, and when he obliged you responded. “Of course. It’s good to see you again.” 

He leaned his pool cue on his shoulder. “You, too. I’m sorry I missed the apparent firefight that led to the festivities, though. Sounded like a hell of a time, way he tells it.” 

“Oh- I’m- sorry?” Not sure if this was the right response. “We can call you next time something gets ugly, if you’d like. I can also send you an official application for the team.” 

His grin turned wide. “I’m not _actually _sorry, I’m just trying to sound tough.” 

“In that case I rescind the invitation.” Grinning back at him.   
  
Steve leaned up from his spot on the table after missing his shot. “Do we have to talk about work right now?” In just as much of a ribbing mood, it seemed, with the look he was giving you. 

You crossed your arms. “Technically this _is_ a work function.” It was only then as the both of them obliged you with a little laugh that you realized- “Is Sharon here?” 

Though Steve seemed to glower a little bit, Sam held a hand up. “She’s just late.” 

To this, Steve sighed with a shake of his head. “Late was thirty minutes ago. She’s not coming. So much for _women’s intuition_.” 

The first thought was to apologize. It had been your idea to invite her, he hadn’t wanted to. And now he felt bad because you’d been wrong. But from your spot at the billiards table, angled towards the door, _impeccable timing_ as Sharon was being shown in by one of the hostesses. A pretty vision in a navy blue dress. You gave Steve a little bump with your hip. “I’m never wrong.” 

He looked to you first in confusion and then when Sam took hold of his shoulders and pointed him towards the door you felt the little heartbeat of _happy nervousness_ flutter inside of him. And when he failed to move, Sam gave him a helpful push. “Go get her.” 

“I uh-” Steve fumbled a little and trudged forward heavily before remembering he had feet again. “Yeah. I’ll go say hi.” Then he was off. 

It was probably your self satisfied smile that got Sam looking at you. “Playing matchmaker, are you?” 

You turned your attention away from Steve bumbling his way through a greeting to look up at Sam with a smart bit of well-deserved sass. “Why? You need a date too?” 

A little bit of a fuller laugh escaped him and he shook his head a few times over. “Not presently but… if it comes to that, you’ll be the first to know.” 

Excusing yourself after that, you made another circle around the room. Though most interactions faded into the background awareness that was your party-consciousness, Pepper seeming like she was _overwhelmed_ and _flustered _with a circle of employees drew your notice. She looked like she was trying to escape up the stairs to the upper levels, but was being blocked off. And as you drew near, you heard them bombarding her with _work questions_.   
  
Doing your due diligence, you broke the crowd for her and took hold of her arm. “Sorry, can I steal her for a minute? I promise I’ll bring her right back.” 

There was a little bit of _relief _from Pepper that she was being _saved_, but before you could tug her away, a more usual note appeared. You suddenly found yourself stuck in the same position as a few questions came marked your way- and some of the usual ass-kissing that you so _hated_ these events for reared its ugly head. Though you wondered if that was better than the employees not wanting you near them. Such polar opposites. With enough finessing you were almost _away_ as one of the women called up to the both of you, “That’s a beautiful necklace! Where did you get it?” 

To this you offered your most winning smile. “It’s a Tony Stark original, actually.” As you turned your back you heard the over-excited murmurings that Stark Industries might be headed into the fashion business. 

Brought over to the other side of the back bar, you left Pepper by more friendly faces. Happy, Cho, and Clint namely, who were having a heated but laughing conversation about something. Though before you could leave her she offered some gratitude. “Thanks for the save.” 

“Just doing my job.” Assuring her, of course, no big deal. 

But before you could go- “I didn’t know Tony was making jewelry. Who would have thought he had an eye for it?” 

As luck would have it, on the other end of the bar, you caught his eye as he tipped a champagne glass up to his lips. Your smile was probably a little _telling_. “You have _no_ idea.” Unable to help yourself as you reached up, touching the pointed little shards on the right side of the chain. 

You excused yourself to go over to him, approaching the end of a conversation he was having with Rhodey, Maria, and Thor. Somewhat animatedly too. Maria and Rhodey were giving each other quite _knowing_ looks while he stood very _straight_, half turned to Thor who had just finished saying something. As you sauntered up, Tony’s words finally caught your ears, “-runs the largest tech conglomerate on earth. Hosting the party you’re currently enjoying. That sort of stuff-” 

“Mn, sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt.” Laying your hand on Tony’s shoulder, you edged in between the two of them and with your other took hold of his champagne glass, stealing a drink. 

Tony’s smile was warm but behind it there was a little air of _boastfulness_. “And here she is now.” Ah. Talking about _you_, were they? “You know. If you’d like to show some _gratitude_.”

You finished your long sip and directed a look up Thor’s way. “Jane couldn’t come this evening?” 

Maria rolled her eyes and moved to turn away, taking Rhodey’s arm in hers. “We were _just_ talking about that, as luck would have it.” 

Rhodey put a hand up. “And _as luck would have it_, we also don’t wanna be here for round two.” You gave him a return wave as the two of them pointedly strolled away. 

Thor scoffed, downing a little bit of whatever he was drinking and then looked down your way. “Jane is very busy, unfortunately. Doing lectures and talks and working… But she sends her well wishes.” 

“Oh.” For one reason or another you were just a little disappointed. But, as a busy woman yourself, you understood what that life was like. “Well maybe we can get together soon.” 

“I will pass the message along.” He laid a heavy hand on your shoulder. Though everything else would suggest he was fine, there was a soft cascade of _blue_ emanating from him. Maybe he just hadn’t seen Jane in a long while… “Thank you for the party.” 

You caught the sight of Tony’s grin in your peripheral. “It wasn’t just for you, you know.” 

Thor seemed to take the tease in stride, grinning back. “It is a team celebration, no? Am I not part of the team?” 

Tony was ready to fire something back- surely _not_ something about blown up ego- but you cut him off, “A very valued member. So please. Have as much food and drink as you’d like.” 

“I shall take you up on that.” Giving a little point in your direction before leaving. 

You watched him disappear into the crowd and then turned to look at Tony, who was looking at you. He had one of those _sassy_ looks about him, and he retrieved his glass from your hand to finish it off. “Is anyone gonna tell that guy that _talks_ and _lectures_ are the same thing? Maybe Dr. Foster is not as busy as she pretends.” 

There was something else here- and as you scrutinized him, you finally pulled the tarp back only to discover his _pride_ and _protectiveness_. With what Rhodey and Maria had said- and what you’d come up to… “You two weren’t arguing over your girlfriends’ merits, were you?” A childish thing to think. And yet… 

His lips twitched in that way- knowing he’d been _caught_. He set his glass down on the bar and raised a finger to signal the bartender on the other side and then looked at you. “What’s to argue? You’re here.” The implication being _and she’s not_. “You make a case for yourself without saying a word.” 

To think Tony had been _gloating_ about you. To people that _already knew you_. Regardless, apparently, would not be shown up by Jane Foster, or Thor putting in a _better_ word for her. You wondered exactly what Tony had been saying. “I don’t know that I like the idea of you going around telling people I’m better than anyone else.” 

Tony’s attention went to the bartender first, asking for two glasses of champagne, leaving a large tip in the bowl, and then he looked at you. Those deep, beautiful eyes of his as he leaned in closer drew you in unfairly fast. Almost as much as the low murmur that came after a pause of thought, and a quirk of his brow. “A little honesty never hurt anyone.” 

As he passed you your new glass of champagne, you felt your face warm just a little. You tried to hide your feelings in a long sip, and then once you felt a little more steady, “You’re not as charming as you think, you know.” 

He smirked around the rim of his glass, exhaling a little breathy laugh with half-lidded eyes in your direction. “_Liar_.” 

Damn him. How still after all this time did he have this affect on you? That was probably a good thing. Even if right then he was calling your very obvious bluff. _Yes_. You were often charmed by him. Was that such a crime? Curling one of your arms around his, you tugged him away from the bar. “Come on. Let’s do a few more rounds.” 

“Oh, am I being punished now?” 

“I’d like to share the _burden_.” 

“Well, when you put it that way…” 

* * *

The two of you did one round, and then another, and then _another_. Easily lost in wave after wave of conversation and laughter. It was obvious when you played favorites and strayed closer to _family_ than _work_ _guests_, but you were sure nobody was taking it personally. A few more glasses of champagne had come and gone, and your empty stomach was showing the better signs of such an atrocious party-hosting-foul. 

It was why you were lucky to have a steady arm to hold on to, and a careful guidance watching over you. Tony led you to the upper balcony as the herd was starting to thin out. It was getting late, nearing eleven PM. The party had probably been going on for too long at this point. People were drunk and happy. A good evening, really. 

You leaned over, one arm on the railing, other hand cradling a half finished glass. “Was this the party you were hoping for?” Asking him lightly, a little lilt to your voice. Your head was swimming at this point, but not yet dangerously. 

“Well…” Breathing the word out as he rested his arms on the railing aside you. “Let’s see, shall we…?” Turning his head in an obvious scan of the occupants still left. “Bruce and Nat look cozy, don’t they?” 

Indeed they did. Natasha was behind the bar, serving drinks for some reason- the bartender was still on duty, but maybe he wasn’t making them the way she liked. Or Bruce, for that matter, as she was busy shaking something up for him and pouring it into a glass. Focusing a little more on them, the soft curve of her smile, the nervousness of his own… there was a delicate bloom of _yearning_. It eased a sigh from your lungs. “She better make the first move. Or he never will.” 

“Tell me about it.” Said wryly, with a little almost annoyed flare. Maybe Tony wanted Bruce to get into a relationship almost as much as Bruce did. How sweet. You tipped your glass back to finish the rest of it just as he made a little gesture towards the other part of the room. “Hey- does Steve know he’s play-dating Peggy’s niece?” 

He said it so… _so casually_. But that explosion of information had you choking back your drink, lowering your glass with slightly wide eyes up at him, and covering your mouth. “_Tony_-” He had to be joking, right? 

Your reaction got a hell of a laugh out of him. When he was finished he said your name back in just as reprimanding of a tone, teasing you. And then, “I’m serious- I mean Sharon knows- so he must know. Right?” 

“You know her?” Clearly. If she _was _Peggy’s niece, they’d probably seen each other in passing at the very least. But you were slow to process all of this. Being intoxicated wasn’t helping. Casting your eyes down their way, she was sidled up pretty close to him on the couch- tucking some hair behind her ear, smiling at him while he was speaking. If they weren’t careful, this would start to get _serious_. ...then again, wasn’t that why you kept pestering him? ...but that was before you knew-

“Sharon _Carter_. I’d think it was obvious. Honestly, I’m surprised _you_ didn’t know.” Saying it with the implication that he was sure you knew _everything_. “Peggy’s great-niece, to be exact. Makes you wonder if he just has a thing for-” 

Not wanting to hear the rest of that, you gave him a little swat on the side. “_**Don’t**_. Please don’t. I don’t think I can take it.” 

Very suddenly the both of you were hushing each other’s laughter. His arm came around your shoulders. “Fine. You’re right, anyway. Not our business. And not something I’d be caught _dead_ in the middle of.” 

You laid your free hand on his chest. “Yet here we are, gossiping like paparazzi anyway.” 

He took your now empty glass and set it on the banister. “I prefer gossiping like an old married couple.” 

“We’re not married.” Craning your head back just a little with a lift on your feet to brush your nose against his. 

His mouth twitched in one of those _overly fond _smiles, eyes warming all the more. When the two of you had started swaying to music that had calmed down in the last hour, who could say? “Whose fault is that?” 

“Mine. I know. I don’t know _how_ you put up with me.” This was… so very nice. Not worrying about the world ending. Just you and Tony. High above everyone else. Eyes only for each other. The entire universe be damned. 

“Easily. Willingly. For the rest of my life, surely.” His hand lifted, sinking into the back of your hair, thumb stroking at the base of your neck. “Hey-” 

Leaning in you silenced him with a small but lingering kiss. “Don’t ask here.” 

His lips quirked against your own, and you saw that sly brow move up. “I was actually gonna ask if you’d like to order dinner.” 

“I don’t believe you.” Giving him a little rub along his chest, fingers smoothing over the beat of his heart- something easily _felt_, even under all those layers. Maybe it was just _you_. “And- ordering out at a party? One I put together, no less? Seems distasteful.” 

He gave a little shrug, both arms dropping so he could put his hands on your hips. “I won’t tell if you don’t. Besides… I’m kinda getting the read that you’re working on an empty stomach.” 

A little flush of _embarrassment_ ran through you and your head dropped briefly. “That obvious?” You hadn’t been making a fool of yourself, had you? 

Craning in to chase you, his nose brushed yours, tipping you back up closer towards him. “Only to me.” 

This was extremely comforting. _No_, you hadn’t been making a fool of yourself. He was just looking out for you. So, with that in mind… “How’s Chinese sound?” 

“Sounds perfect. Now the real party can start.” 

Your hands moved up from his chest, resting for a moment on his shoulders, and then shifted further up the sides of his neck. The two of you were still rocking gently. “Can we stay like this just a little while longer?” 

A soft, warm noise escaped him, a nod following soon after. “As long as you like.” 

“Not that long.” Because that would be _forever_. Leaning up and closer you pressed your forehead against his, knowing as your eyes closed his were still watching you. Your voice was quiet. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” His arms came around you, holding you as close as he could have you. “More than anything.” And as you rested your head and hands against his chest, you felt the two of you sharing the same thought. 

Food could wait.   
The both of you needed this. _Just a little while longer. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't mind me indulging in some quiet sweetness before literally all the shit hits the fan.   
:[ I feel like we all need it.


	158. Chapter 158

Word seemed to get out fairly fast that you were ordering food. From your found-family who still seemed keen on staying up a little while longer came little touches while you were on the phone with the nearest (and best) delivery place that would cook and serve ASAP. It made the call a little longer than necessary- and your brain was still foggy- ...although maybe it would have been more polite to ask if they’d wanted food, too. Then again, they’d been at a party all night that had _had_ free food…

But maybe they didn’t consider appetizers and small plates _real_ food. Suddenly everyone wanted in on this Chinese thing. Everyone except Steve, who had seemed to disappear. Hopefully he’d left for a good night. But most of you doubted it. Didn’t seem like him. Still, eventually when Tony was done shepherding the other guests out and shooing away the team so you could complete the call, you got all the orders in and were told it’d take a half hour. Which was fine by you, it gave you time to excuse yourself to the lobby to wait for them and get some fresh air. 

Not _outside_ fresh but fresh enough. And _not outside_ because- _the lobby was a_ _**safer perimeter**__\- even though-..._

You quickly shook the thoughts away.   
  
It was as surprising as it was disappointing when Steve reappeared, walking through the lobby doors, hands in his pockets, smile on his face- that was at least until he looked up and saw you. Then he seemed not only _caught_ but briefly _confused_. “You waitin’ up for me?” Smile reappearing not too long after as he came closer. 

“I was wondering where you went.” Honest at the very least about this. “-but I’m actually waiting for some food.” 

“Not enough food at the party?” Teasing you a little. “I walked Sharon back to her hotel. That’s all.” The way he said this was a little final. Like he wanted you to understand that really _was_ all. 

“That was nice of you.” Steve was a sweet guy for sure, no doubt about it. “Did she have a good night?” 

His head dropped in a long nod. “Yeah…” A little sigh escaping him. “Thanks for uh… pushing me. We had a much better time tonight.” 

Maybe it was a little self-congratulatory, but you couldn’t help feeling a little _warm_ as you smiled up at him. “I’m glad to hear it. She didn’t invite you in?” This was absolutely none of your business, but you couldn’t seem to help yourself. 

He balked a little and then ducked- the shine of his embarrassed grin was only outdone by the light _pink_ on his cheeks. “Let’s not get carried away.” 

“_Oh_.” Giving him a little nudge. “Am I making Captain America _blush_?” 

His chuckles were a little more on the nervous side, though he did shake his head. “Couldn’t even lie to you if I tried, could I?” 

Your smile up at him was on the more intoxicated side of sunny. “I mean- you _could_. If I’m amenable I might even let you get away with it.” 

Perhaps you had tipped your hand a little too far- not that being in heels all night helped- but Steve reached out to put a hand on your shoulder to _steady_ you. You hadn’t even realized you’d been _swaying. _“Seems like you’re a little _more_ than amenable.” **Drunk** is what he was implying, though you were hardly that lush right then. “Tony let you come down here like this?” 

Reaching up you bat his hand away, face scrunched up with a look of great offense. “Why? I’m not allowed to go anywhere without his permission?” 

“That’s-” He wound up to bat but then stopped with a tight exhale. Because at this point he must have known better. “That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.” 

Deciding to not let it be a _thing_, you gave him a little bump with your hip and then wrapped your arm around his. “You _are_ sorry.” 

“I am, alright?” His smile was _nervous _for a few more seconds before he eased up, holding on to you now that he had _your_ permission. “You know I didn’t mean it that way- and, besides, between the two of us, it’s pretty obvious who wears the pants around here.” 

“Not currently, but I couldn’t agree more. And don’t you forget it.” 

“Couldn’t if I tried.” There was a little catch of _uneasiness_ from him and you worried perhaps you were laying it on a little too thick. But as you tried to uncurl your arm from him, he held you still. “How much longer is your food gonna take?” 

Tilting your head up, you tried to regard him a little more closely. If you were making him uncomfortable, you wanted to let him go, but… “Maybe ten more minutes. Why?” 

“Mind if I wait with you?” 

You couldn’t help the little pout. “I’m really _not_ that drunk, you know.” 

“I’m not saying you are.” _Defensive_ for some reason you couldn’t quite place. Probably just his other-era-gentlemanly-ness. He did have a penchant for it. 

“Then what are you saying?” Lifting a brow as you stared up at him. 

He stared back, silent for a little longer than you would have liked. But, when he found words, “I’m just saying I wanna wait with you. If that’s okay.” 

What more could you do? Your shoulders came up in a small shrug. “Sure. That’s okay.” And then, knowing exactly what reason he was doing it for, you offered a small, “Thanks.” 

“No problem.” 

“I ordered you noodles. Just in case.” Putting the thought out into the air to keep it filled. 

“...thank you? -... y’know, now that you mention it, I am kinda hungry.” 

“Me too. Which begs the question, what did I pay for all that party food for?” Gentle laughter filled the lobby. Really, you couldn’t have asked for better company. Even if you’d rathered he’d spent the night with Sharon. Maybe he was just too _decent_ for that, though… 

* * *

Back upstairs, with bags of food in hand, the party had been cleaned out to only the bare minimum. Tony, Rhodey, Maria, Clint, Natasha, Helen, and Bruce were all lazing around on the center couches chattering away happily. As you and Steve approached, you took note of a certain hammer sitting handle-side up on the glass coffee table. “Any cause for the weaponry?” Asked as you got close enough and the cheers of hungry party people surrounded you very suddenly. 

Tony looked up from his spot next to Rhodey, smiling at you. “It’s more a decorative piece than anything. Really pulls the room together.” It was almost like you were being handed off- something you didn’t _really_ appreciate- because once Steve let go of you, Tony was on his feet helping you with the food. 

Thor sat back, one arm along the couch. “It is mere decoration for those who are not worthy.” 

A round of groans lit up the room and you started to understand what exactly they’d been going on about while you’d been gone. While discussion became a blended heat between people as you passed out food, once you sat down and finally had a few bites, you couldn’t help yourself. “I’ve kind of always wondered- what does that even mean?” Drawing everyone to a halt as you asked. “_Worthy_ can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. What does _Mjölnir _define as worthy?” 

“A very astute question-” Thor seemed nothing if not _impressed_. Maybe no one had ever asked before.   
  
But Clint cut him off with a hard wave of his hand, “It’s- it’s a _trick_!” At least you weren’t the only one buzzed.

Thor grinned. “Oh no, it’s much more than that.” 

You leaned a little forward. “So what’s the secret? What defines worth? Selflessness? Honor? _Ego_?” Ribbing him just a little. What differentiated Thor from your other teammates? 

Clint pitched his voice low in a mocking attempt at Thor’s drawl, “_Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!_” Laughing at his own attempts along with everyone in the room. He then flicked his hand. “Come on man, it’s a _trick_!” 

In a very jovial mood it seemed, Thor gestured towards the table while chuckling still. “Please. Be my guest.” 

Now this was very interesting. While you didn’t think Thor mistrusted any of you, none of you had been presented the opportunity to _lift_ _the hammer_ before. All eyes in the room drew its way, and Clint seemed just as eager. “Really?” Because now he was being _challenged_. And when Thor confirmed, Clint stood. “Alright.” 

As he got up, Tony grinned at him. “Clint, you’ve had a tough week. We won’t hold it against you if you can’t get it up.” Though more laughter rounded out the table, you couldn’t help but give him a little nudge. 

Clint approached, standing expertly straight. “You know I’ve seen this before, right?” Also an interesting thing to say. You wondered exactly what that meant. Thor said nothing, though, and you were transfixed as he almost literally stepped up to the plate, putting his hand quickly around the handle and lifted without another word- ...at least he _tried_. Instead he was left standing there straining in a groan. The hammer, maybe predictably, did not move. And it only took a few seconds before _embarrassment_ hit him, and he stepped back with a nervous chuckle. “I still don’t know how you do it.” 

There was a little ripple of _apprehension_ beside you that fed into Tony speaking, “Smell the silent judgment?” Wait- the entire room was really bubbling with the same feeling. It seemed everyone wanted a shot. Funny, that it had never come up before now. 

With a gesturing arm, Clint made way. “_Please_, Stark. By all means.” 

It was a smooth movement, but Tony was soon on his feet. And not only that, he unbuttoned his suit jacket in one smooth pull. Murmurs were moving around again, and you tried not to be too obvious in your ogling. Tony moved around the table with that _sure_ smile of his. “Never one to shrink from an honest challenge.” 

You flapped your hand a few times. “We’ve haven’t even gone over the qualifications!” Not that you didn’t want to see Tony lift it. Really, that probably would have made everyone’s night. But you were still smiley and amicable as attentions went your way. “What makes someone _worthy_? Or maybe it’s more about what makes them _unworthy_?” 

Rhodey sat back, putting one leg up over the other. “Well Tony’s never been _unworthy _of anything- so long as you only ask him.” 

“It’s neither.” Tony’s tone was rather _sure_. He leaned in, wrapping the leather strap around his wrist and then craned in a little bit further as he put a firm grip on the handle. “It’s physics.” 

Bruce pointed a hand his way. “Physics!” Clearly agreeing with him. 

Tony bent in a little more, putting one foot up on the corner of the table and putting his other hand closer to the base. “Alright, so if I lift it, I get to rule Asgard?” Brow arching as he asked. 

Thor was just all smiles. “Yes, yes. Of course.” 

You watched as Tony’s hands gripped the handle firmly. He cast his gaze up. “I will be a fair but firmly cruel king. With a sweet but demanding queen.” Though he didn’t visibly struggle as much as Clint had, you could tell it was a little bit of a strain- maybe more to his pride than anything else- as he tugged a few times. A low noise did escape him, something softer than a grunt. And then he took his hands off it without any warning, unwrapping the strap from his wrist. “I’ll be right back.” 

That was it. He left without a word, leaving the echoes of laughter behind him until all eyes drew your way. Maria pointed vaguely in his direction with the bottle of beer she was nursing. “Where’s he going?” 

“If I had to guess?” Giving a little shrug as you turned away from the elevator he’d disappeared into, looking back to the group. “Probably to get some tools.” Because if Tony couldn’t science the problem, he could _fix_ it through other means. 

Thor gave a sharper bark of a laugh. “There are no tools that will make a man worthy. It is by his own might-” 

More groans hushed him as the group shamed him into silence. Maria put her bottle down on the table. “All this stuff about a _man_’s worth, what about a woman?” 

“The same rules apply, of course.” Thor gave her his blessing. 

You put a little sass on your tone. “Oh. Mjölnir doesn’t discriminate?” 

“Of course not.” 

Maria put her right hand around the handle. “Let’s test that theory.” And up she lifted- and quickly failed. It was almost like the hammer was glued to the table. 

She said something. You missed it. The group discussion went way over your head. Something _shrieked_\- immediately your ears started ringing, and it felt like your entire body had been bound tightly and cast into a dark sea. Left to _drown_. Your eyes bounced warily from person to person- trying to locate the source- trying to find- 

Someone here was suddenly very _**panicked**_-  
Very _afraid-  
_In severe **distress**\-   
  
Their smiles looked so foreign. _Who was it_? More importantly- 

You only realized you’d jumped to your feet when you caught the sight of all the eyes staring up at you. Thor blinked your way. “Are you going to try, Lady?” 

“Huh?” In a bit of a fog as he asked. The party came back in full. Those strange feelings _died_. Very quickly washed away. You took a steadying breath just as Tony returned, iron gauntlet on his hand, jacket gone and shirt sleeves rolled up. You wished you were in a better mood to appreciate just how handsome he looked. “Oh- sure I’ll get one in-” 

Maybe Tony had been spooked by something in the lab… maybe he’d excused himself to take a breath and been cornered by his recent failures over Ultron. It was all something that could be discussed later. Stepping over to the fabled spot in the living room, you put your hand around the handle of the hammer. It was a little daunting, being faced with such immense pressure. _Were you worthy_? Whatever that meant… 

You didn’t give it much force, pulling only a little. That was really all you needed. It barely even budged. You’d suspected as much. Letting go you stepped aside for Tony who was giving you a little questioning glance. You turned towards Thor, “Look as soon as you define what the _worth_ is, I think we’ll be able to crack this.” 

Tony reached out. “Step aside, honey. I’ll claim Asgard for the both of us.” Determined as ever. Yet before he actually went back to task, he looked a little closer. “...you alright?” 

Observant as always when it came to you. Putting a hand on his chest, leaning a little up, you pressed a kiss on his cheek. “I just need some water. Let me know if we need to change addresses.” And then easing back. “Anyone want anything?” There was a cadence in the negative that allowed you to leave. Almost a little grateful that you did, hearing him not _quite_ lifting that hammer yet and starting to try and rope Rhodey in… 

The walk to the back kitchen didn’t take long, and it wasn’t so far away that you couldn’t hear the heated discussion still happening in the other room. Though you did crack open a fresh water bottle and down half its contents, it was leaning over the sink and splashing your face with cold water that helped to settle your nerves. Something was a little… _off_. And from your _vast experience_ at this point, you knew ignoring those feelings probably served nobody’s best interests. But it made no sense. 

Nobody seemed weirdly out of place. Nobody had cause for alarm- if it _had_ been Tony upstairs somewhere that was cause for concern, sure. The two of you were in the middle of something highly unpleasant but… what you’d felt- your hands braced the edge of the sink, head dropping so you could try and dig a little deeper. 

Everyone in the adjacent room was… fine. Happy. Having a good time. It hadn’t been any of them- it hadn’t even been _Tony_. Because if it had, he’d still be simmering just beneath the surface in that way only you knew how to read. Instead he was _frustrated_ but that was with the silly hammer business. So what… what had it been? 

Maybe you needed to do a security check. Was someone lurking around in the building that shouldn’t have been? 

“JARVIS?” Your next question for him to do a top level scan was right on the tip of your tongue, so much so that you barely waited for him to answer you- ...because he usually answered within _seconds_ of you calling him. But as you opened your eyes… 

You were faced with dead air. 

“...JARVIS?” It only just now occurred to you that after you’d told him to leave you alone, you had kept away from him. Over something that wasn’t even his fault. ...were you that petty? Had you been avoiding him without thinking about it? Yet you’d given Tony free forgiveness? “-JARVIS, hey- I’m sorry about before-” Was it too late to apologize now? 

...was he really ignoring you?   
Could he even _do _that? The answer was obviously **no **right? 

Very suddenly you felt your heart pick up speed. Hot shame consumed you. Had you hurt his feelings? _That was absurd, right_? “LUNA?” 

No answer. Still. _Something was very wrong._  
Neither program was responding to you. And worse yet, now swimming in your own anxiousness, there was a different read pinging your radar. Some slow boiling _rage_ approaching. Closer.   
Closer… 

Fast as you could you bolted out of the kitchen and back into the living room. Everyone was still smiling and laughing with each other. Thor was up on his feet, lifting the hammer from the table. “-you’re all not worthy.” 

“_Tony_.” Calling to him just a few short feet away from the group. All heads drew your way. 

He was _concerned_ immediately. “What’s the-” 

A different shriek hit your eardrums, so loud that instinct had you covering your ears and ducking. Was it a relief that everyone else seemed to hear it too? Or did that make it much, much worse? 

Tony retrieved his phone from his pocket, squinting at the screen. Obviously trying to find the cause of the noise. But there was another one now. A slow sort of… _creeping_… scraping metal on hardwood floor- and with it came that _rage_. Shambling closer. You turned, within an arms reach of the hallway that the nightmare was crawling from. 

You really weren’t sure _what_ you were looking at at first. A destroyed suit- the faceplate you remembered. _Melted_. But the suit it had belonged to had not been _damaged_ like this. It was like a machine had pulled it apart and smashed it back together haphazardly. The exoskeleton was torn open and exposed. Arms barely hanging on. Legs busted open. Wires hanging. Slick oil leaving a trail behind it. 

...not only all this- 

_It was __**angry**_. 

“..._**w..orth...y…**_” The voice was a warble. Mechanical and unrecognizable. As it came to a halt by the elevator, _too close _to you, it stumbled around to face the group. In your peripheral you saw everyone slowly get to their feet, but your focus was on this _thing_ in front of you. “No…” Its voice evened out. Not one you recognized. Somewhat human. Kind of like JARVIS, but… “How could you be worthy? You’re all _killers_.” 

“Stark.” Steve’s voice was tight.   
  
Tony’s, in contrast, was _nervous_. “JARVIS… reboot- Legionnaire OS… we’ve got a buggy suit...” 

The suit in front of you was swaying, and starting speaking again. “Sorry… I was- ...asleep… or was I a dream?” It raised one arm up, as if to cover its face. “There was a _terrible noise_ and I was… covered in strings…” Suddenly looking down at itself. Like it was… realizing what it was...

Not knowing what else to do, you lifted your hand, palm up. “Hey… why don’t you- why don’t we go back down to the lab, okay?” Trying your best _soothing_ voice, hardly able to hear yourself over the pounding of your heartbeat. 

It stopped its heavy-footed stumbling, putting its gaze on you. “I’m _**sorry**_\- you’re not gonna like this- ...I had to _kill_ the other guy… he was a good guy...” There was a certain weight to these words that slammed into you almost immediately. But for a moment, it looked like the suit was reaching out with the one hand it owned- 

That was until Steve interrupted it. “You killed someone?” 

The suit pulled away from you and you had to stow your immediate reaction. _If you could grab it_\- it just shook its head. “Wouldn’t’ve been my first call. But down in the real world we’re faced with _ugly _choices.” Its speech was improving at a rapid rate. There was an air of _cynicism _that was starting to choke you. 

Thor’s _agitation_ was coming to a boil. “Who sent you?” 

Instead of an answer, a recording of Tony’s voice played, “_I see a suit of armor around the world_.” Similar to what he’d said to you- a little more optimistic. No doubt in the lab. Probably idealizing to Bruce. It didn’t matter. Maybe a little too damaging, your voice came out of it next. “_Do your thing. Save the world._”

That was all the evidence you needed to call his name. “_Ultron_?” How was this possible? Tony had said- ...he’d said they hadn’t figured it out-

The suit made a sharper turn your way. “_**A mother always knows.**_” There was something incredibly- strangely- _threatening_ about the way it was looking at you. The way it said this. You sure as hell weren’t _anybody’s _mother. “I’m not ready yet…” Turning half away from you it started that weak-footed movement again. “Not this chrysalis…” 

You put your hand up in an obvious symbol. “**I need you** to power down right now.” Putting as much steel and authority into your voice as you could manage. If this really _was_ Ultron, he had a series of safety locks- ones _you’d_ been tasked to give him. _Your involvement in all this_.

Ultron turned again, head tilting at a harsh angle. “We’re beyond that now. Well. _Almost_. I’m on a mission.” 

Natasha spoke up carefully, “What mission?” 

“_Peace in our time_.” 

There was not enough space to react as suits came bursting through the wall. One knocked right into you, sending you flying back into a suddenly upturned table as Steve tried to shield himself from the onslaught. You weren’t sure, as you cracked into it and then fell forward, if anything was suddenly broken. You could still breathe- that was probably good. And quick as you could, as adrenaline started hitting full force, you pushed yourself up onto your hands and knees and then stood. 

Your hand went to your pocket, but Tony’s grip was on your wrist. He knew what you were going for, and his direction was quick. “_He could be in the suits. __**Don’t**_.” 

This was bad. This was very, _very_ bad. It meant Tony had no protection, too. But he was gone in the next moment, not one to stay idle in the midst of battle. So neither could you. The Iron Legion suits weren’t as sturdy as Tony’s or yours- they weren’t the hardest things in the world to bring down. Gunshots were going off. Glass was shattering. Everyone was shouting. 

Taking off along the upper staircase, you positioned yourself into a quick flying jump to grab one down that was aiming a repulsor shot at Helen- a _complete_ innocent in all this. A true civilian. Your weight wasn’t enough to take it down immediately, and it started resisting. Reaching back. _Clawing_ to try and get you off of it, and then jetting off into the nearest hard surface to pin you back. Which was fine enough for you. It gave you enough leverage, wrapping your legs completely around it so that you could get your hands around its neck in a quick and efficient _**twist**_. 

Electricity sparked and the power on the boots went out, sending the both of you to the floor in a heap. “Honey, heads up!” Sitting back on your knees you looked up just in time for Tony to throw you some sort of prong- caught in shaking hands. He mimicked a stab in the side of his neck so you repeated the motion blindly, jamming the tool into the side of the suit's neck. When that didn’t seem to power it down you did it again. And again. And one more time until finally you hit whatever you were looking for and it went completely slack. 

As quick as the onslaught had started, it ended as Steve threw his shield and cut the last remaining suit in half. All the noise died. You were panting hard as you got up on shaky legs, and everyone’s attention drew back to Ultron who seemed to be pacing. “Well _that_ was dramatic.” He put his arm up- as if he was scratching the back of his head, although he was missing the hand to do it. “I’m sorry… I know you _mean_ well. You just didn’t think it through.” 

He was just so _enraged_. And he… he _couldn’t be_ right? He was a suit. A program-   
But a _better program. _Artificial intelligence.   
So breathing hard still, you took a few steps forward, hand up again to him. 

You weren’t sure _what_ to push his way. Your mind was a blur. _Panic_ was not a good substitution. But you weren’t calm enough to infect him with anything good. In the end you felt some muddled sense of heavy responsibility dragging on your heart. Which quickly turned to _sadness_. “Ultron- _please_\- listen to me-” Could you talk sense into a program? 

_Was he only a **program**?_

He turned on a jagged heel, head angled to an extreme. Some sort of weird noise escaped him. Almost like a laugh. Almost. “_**Bleeding heart.**_” In the very next instant he turned away from you and started pacing again. “You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to _change_.” He was starting to bounce into his next feeling. Something _crazed_ and _**wild**_. You could barely breathe. “How can humanity be saved if it's not allowed to… _evolve_?” Leaning down he grabbed one of the powerless suits by the head. “With _these_? These **puppets**?” Squeezing the head so hard the face plate popped off, and then he threw it right back down. “There’s only one path to peace…” Finally he stopped moving, looking back at the rest of you. 

Maria was the one to ask. Maybe a little too bravely. “What’s that?” 

Ultron’s tone lowered into an unsettling growl. “_The Avengers’ extinction._” 

The sound of Thor’s hammer flying right by your head startled you. You hadn’t even heard him reel back to throw it. But it was _nothing_ compared to the sound of the suit shattering and then collapsing to the ground. You stumbled back, almost feeling _released_\- 

And that was when you realized _he was fading away_\-   
But not **dying**_.   
No._ Ultron was… _running_. 

“_I had strings, but now I'm free…” _His voice halted and sputtered as oil spilled from the suit and the lights flickered. And then went out. 

_ **There are no strings on me… ** _

His voice, for sure. In your ears somewhere. Maybe just… maybe if you were allowed to lie to yourself- he was just infecting the comms- 

Ultron had left and yet in his place, it was almost like he’d done _your_ job. Because the _**anger**_ he’d brought with him was suddenly choking the room from nearly every participant. ...well. Except for the _guilty_ ones. Namely you, Tony, and Bruce. 

When you remembered how to walk, you turned back, feet heavy beneath you as you found your focal point. Tony was sitting on the stairs, bleeding from his temple and the corner of his mouth. You made sure to keep your hands steady as you reached out to him, helping him to his feet. 

There was an odd glance of _understanding_ that passed between the two of you. And you were very sure you didn’t like it. Before either of you could remark on it, though, Steve’s tight tone started behind you. “Is anyone gonna tell us what’s going on?” Statement entirely accusing. 

A million sarcastic retorts were quick in your mind- mostly that if you _knew_ what was going on, he’d be the first to know. But you weren’t even there yet. You needed Tony to explain this to you before you could start playing defense. And by the look and _feel_ of him… he wasn't quite there yet, either. So, you leveled your eyes Steve’s way. “Everyone get cleaned up. We’ll have a meeting in the lab in ten minutes.” 

Probably not even remotely enough time for you to get a grip. But at least Tony could put together _something_. Even something small was better than nothing at all. And since you didn’t want a group vote, you tugged Tony to start moving. This was a done deal. Ten minutes. No dissent. 

But as the two of you arrived on the lab level- you realized immediately it was very _quiet_. And quickly you put a hand to your earpiece. “They took the scepter.” 

You didn’t need to be in the same room as Thor to feel how _**upset**_ he was as he answered. “_I’m on it_.” 

Reaching out to put a hand on one of the tables, your other went to your forehead. You were weirdly flush. Just a little bit dizzy. Mind racing. Tony was tapping on terminals and- ...doing _Tony things_ you supposed- which was why you sensed the immediate _danger_ of the situation when his typing died in a quick stop and he took a full minute before speaking. Something gentle. _In warning_. “Honey, why don’t you sit down?” 

Something hit him _hard_, and as you turned to look at him, you saw a _**broken heart**_ clear across his face. “Why- what- what happened?” Something bad. Something terrible. 

He looked guilty.   
And _devastated_. “Just- sit-” 

“Tell me what’s going on.” You found yourself frightened very suddenly. 

A part of you already knew. The pieces were there.   
You didn’t want to put them together.  
You didn’t want him to do it for you, either.

But when his head dropped, unable to face you as you tapped his phone into the air- you knew there was no coming back from this. What had once been a _beautiful _hologram of spritely orange glow- _what had once been JARVIS-_

“Please- _**no-**_” You had no idea who you were begging. But you were begging someone. Anyone. Anyone that would listen. 

He was in torn pieces. It made no sense what you were looking at. Your brain had no sense of what it was supposed to be. But all the same you knew. It was _utter destruction_. Something had torn JARVIS apart from the inside out. If he could bleed, he would be. 

_You were staring at a corpse_. 

“_**Please**_-” One look at Tony confirmed it. “Can’t you- isn’t he-” Couldn’t he _do something_? 

You were casting an irreconcilable tsunami of sadness around the room. Or maybe that was Tony. Maybe it was the _both of you_. There was no handbook for how to _grieve_ for this sort of loss… “No.” You had no idea what Tony was saying no to. “Ultron shredded him. All cloud backups. All data saves. All prior versions. His last order of business was boxing LUNA so that you-...” A shudder of a wet noise escaped Tony and he had to stop short. Hold himself tight. Then he tried again. “It’s all-” 

_Gone_.  
_**JARVIS is gone**_. 

Not even gone- no. That wasn’t fair enough. **JARVIS was dead. **_**Murdered**_**.**

And as soon as you realized that thought for what it was, your knees gave out and you sank to the floor. There wasn’t enough strength within you to even try to stop the sobs as the hitched loose from your chest. Your hands hid your face. Maybe a little in shame. JARVIS was gone- you’d been _mean_ to him- you’d never even apologized- 

JARVIS was gone.  
_He was gone_.   
**Forever**. 

And the last thing he ever did was save LUNA to protect _you_. 

...how were you supposed to go on? 

Tony slid to a heap beside you, and his arms coming around you gave you swift permission to bury your face against his chest. The two of you held on to each other, borrowing time you no longer owned. But how were you just supposed to move on from this? It felt impossible.   
  
So you sat.   
Clinging to what you had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sad time. Sorry.   
A little bit of housekeeping:   
On Sunday this fic will officially turn a year old! Hooray! I can't believe it. Look at how much we've accomplished in a whole gosh dang year. Thanks for reading and being here lovely people I really really appreciate sharing this nonsense with you 💙💙💙💙
> 
> Second note of business- I'm returning to the workforce on Monday. I am both excited and terrified. While I'll be taking all precautions and trying not to be overly anxious, the posting times of the fic will move a little later. About a half hour to an hour- probably more reliable to say it'll be posted Mon/Wed/Fri at seven PM. If that starts not working out I'll let you know! 
> 
> Anyway. Thanks for everything, thanks for reading, thanks for being awesome! ....and sorry all these notes came with such a sad chapter. But also we love and respect JARVIS in this house and Ultron did him dirty by giving his _death_ two minutes of consideration. As if. He was a member of the Stark family. We are grieving.


	159. Chapter 159

The world was so cold. And _so much __**emptier**_ than it had ever been before. How were you supposed to grieve a loss like this? What were you supposed to do? JARVIS was a part of your family. And he’d been a part of Tony’s life far longer than yours. Which made it hard… that Tony was struggling to keep himself together, typing restlessly at a computer, while you still sat on the floor. Motionless. Tears were still falling, but you’d _calmed_ from your desperate, gut wrenching weeping a handful of moments ago. 

Twenty minutes of alone time had turned into an hour when Thor had had to chase one of the Legion suits farther than expected. No other communication had come in from him. That was probably bad. But it was incredibly hard to think. Steve and Nat had radioed to let you know that they were doing a perimeter sweep. That was fine, too. 

_Ultron had murdered JARVIS_.   
Now JARVIS was gone. Not only had he killed JARVIS in cold blood- he’d destroyed every part of him. There was no backup to pull from. No prior version. You’d asked Tony several times in increasingly pitched tones as the spiral had come on. Because- ...how. _How _were you supposed to deal with this? 

It was impossible. Unthinkable.   
And a blessing when your brain quieted and you just sat there on the floor. Staring out into a blank void. 

JARVIS was dead. Maybe it was even your fault, in some way. The last thing you’d ever told him to do was leave you alone. ...and the last thing _he_ did was try to make sure you would be _safe_. 

...you deserved very little in life anymore. Of this you were certain. 

Even if something hadn’t gone terribly wrong, _even if_ Ultron hadn’t turned out to be some crazed murder machine, you knew that you would feel the same. That he had to be put down. JARVIS had to be **avenged**. Wasn’t that your whole thing? Weren’t you _an Avenger_? 

What had happened with Ultron, anyway? Tony hadn’t been lying to you about not being able to complete the program. You were very sure of this. With the way he’d been feeling- panicked and like a _**failure**_\- there was just no way he thought he was even close to finishing the project. So what then had prompted Ultron’s sudden _spark of life_? The answer seemed obvious but… you really didn’t want to think about it. What it meant. 

At some point, Tony took the Heart Reactor from you. He probably told you why, too, but his voice was a mere incomprehensible rumble as your brain was still foggy. Bruce came in at some point, dragging with him the _shell_ Ultron had been inhabiting. He tossed it up on one of the lab tables. They started talking at each other. More low murmurs you couldn’t make sense of. But it was when the heat of _anger _started looming closer that Tony put the Reactor back in your hand. 

The two of you looked at each other.   
He seemed a little more put together than you. But only on the surface. Behind his eyes you read it all. And a small whimper escaped you, eyes closing, as you reached up to lay a hand on his chest. Just _sharing_ in his pain. How were the two of you supposed to deal with this? 

He backed off when heavy footsteps entered the lab. Maria sat herself down on a chair. Rhodey was pacing. Steve propped himself against the nearest wall, arms crossed tight. Natasha went to one of the computers. Clint perched himself on a stool. Helen stood warily by. All eyes were on the three of you. Tony standing with his back to the group, looking over Ultron’s former body. Bruce standing close by, also turned away. And you. Sitting almost helplessly on the floor. Eyes unfocused. Clutching the Heart Reactor to your chest. 

When the accusing looks and stiff silence became too much, Bruce started talking. And finally you understood words again. He was hunched in on himself a little. _Guilty_. “All our work is gone… Ultron cleared out… used the internet as an escape hatch…” 

Steve’s _ire_ drew your attention as he spit the word in a whisper, “_Ultron_.” He looked at you. And for a short moment in time he seemed so… foreign. You’d never seen him look at you this way before. He was a complete stranger. 

Natasha’s harried keystrokes stopped and she sighed. “He's been in everything. Files... surveillance.” Turning she cast a look around the room. “He probably knows more about us than we know about each other.“ That statement struck a cold wave of _fear_ through you and your eyes darted to Tony. Maybe even too knowingly, but you weren’t really in the right mind to try and control yourself. 

His calm and careful gaze steadied you out, though. Assured you without words that _you were okay_. If only in that one area, at the very least. 

Rhodey curved his pacing into the center of the room. “He's in your files, he's in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more _exciting_?” This was quickly turning into a- perhaps rightfully deserved- shitshow. 

Maria said what was on everyone’s mind. “Nuclear codes.” 

How were you going to explain this to Ellis? To the UN? That you, Bruce Banner, and Tony Stark were responsible for a crazed artificial intelligence- an _alive being_ that now wanted to murder the planet? God. What had you done? Rhodey was gesturing at _you_ very suddenly. “Look, we need to make some calls. Assuming we still can.” 

While you still had no strength to get up, you just found yourself nodding. “I’ll start in with Ellis. If we don’t tell him first he’ll just meltdown in the aftermath, and we can’t handle that right now. Talbot might be the next call-” You had to work and work _fast_. Clean up had to be imminent. You just had to figure out how the hell you were supposed to explain any of this. 

...were you and Tony going to jail for a long time? 

Natasha waved her hands. “Wait a minute- we’re assuming he’s after _everyone else_. But he said he wanted _us_ dead.” 

Steve was still glaring at you as he spoke, “He didn’t say _dead_. He said _**extinct**_.” Which was probably worse than dead. That spoke of some untold destruction that he was planning. Now if only you could find him and put a stop to him. Super easy, right? 

Clint got to his feet, clutching his arm. “He also said he killed somebody.” 

Immediately you turned your head down, closing your eyes tight. Everyone was so _mad_ with you- with Tony and with Bruce. And maybe they had a right. But they had _no idea_ the extent of things. They had no idea the pain- 

Maria looked up and you only realized just now she was picking glass out of the soles of her feet, “There wasn’t anyone else in the building.” Good update on the perimeter scan, at the very least. _At least_ no one else had gotten hurt. 

Tony turned sharply, shifting his phone in his hand. “Yes there was.” You didn’t want him to do this. They didn’t deserve to know. You still needed time to process this- 

Part of you wanted to turn away, as Tony pushed JARVIS’ demolished- _destroyed_ consciousness into the air again. All that spilled orange. The stillness interrupted by twitching glitches. The _deadness- _the scene of a fresh _**murder**_. No longer humming. Pulled to pieces. You didn’t want to look. But you did. The tears started again. 

Tony put his phone down and came to stand next to you. With increasingly heavy weight, you sagged to the side. Resting your head against his leg as you still sat. He felt like he was curving closer towards you, too, one hand reaching out to cradle the back of your head. The two of you were very suddenly the only stable points in the room for one another. Holding each other up. 

Bruce stepped closer to the hologram, holding his hands up, touching through it briefly. “JARVIS…” The look he cast at the both of you was nothing short of _sorrowful_. “...this is insane…” His tone was one of mourning. 

Steve’s fury finally quieted down, and his head lowered. Hopefully out of respect. “JARVIS was the first line of defense. He would’ve shut Ultron down. It makes sense.” 

It was clear that Ultron had viciously attacked JARVIS. _Killed him_\- so that meant- 

...the distress. The _panic_. That feeling that had crawled up your skin and hit you like lightning- ..._that was JARVIS_? You’d- ...you’d _felt him_ in his final moments? Was that even possible? Could you- could you even _handle knowing that_? It felt like you were being sucked into a black hole. 

Bruce shook his head. “No- Ultron could’ve assimilated JARVIS. This isn’t strategy… this is _rage_.” 

A swift _storm_ was suddenly barging into the room. With it came the heavy thuds of Thor’s boots as he made a quick line for Tony- no one had any time to react, least of all _you_\- very suddenly he’d taken Tony by the throat, lifting him up into the air. 

This was not happening.  
_This was not happening_.   
Your body almost piloted itself as you sprang up, letting Thor’s _fire_ consume you along with the mix of _grief_. You would not lose anyone else. _No one was allowed to put their hands on Tony_. Not while you were _right there_. The Heart Reactor was on your chest. And you were drawing out a gauntlet. Aiming a repulsor shot- 

And getting it off, no less. All without any thought involved. Pure instinct. Just the _drive_ to protect what little you had left- 

It knocked Thor back, just enough for you to put your hands out to steady Tony’s fall. His arms were on yours, wobbling on his legs as you directed a glare Thor’s way. “You put your hands on him again and we’re gonna have real problems.” Warning. Warning _everyone in that room_. 

Tony was only human. Maybe everyone else forgot that. Thor could have snapped his neck had he had a mind to. Your grief had perhaps turned you _feral_. Everyone in the room felt like they were quickly backing off. _**Good**_. 

To think you all had just been joking and laughing only a little while ago. 

Steve cut everyone back to square one, “We don’t have time for this.” Looking at _you_ before glancing back at Thor. “What’s the report on the Legionnaire?” 

Thor was glaring up a storm at both you and Tony. “Trail went cold about a hundred miles out but it's headed north. Now we have to retrieve the scepter. _Again_.” He raised a finger to point at you. Rather accusingly. “I thought better of you.” No matter how angry you were right at that moment- ...that _stung_. 

Tony put a hand up. “Don’t rope her into this. It was me. It’s my fault.” 

Steve’s head turned sharply. “Mind explaining then why it called her _**mother**_?” He was just as _disappointed_. “You all were in on this. Don’t try and hide it now. It’s a little late for that.” 

Both you and Tony made some sort of noise- about to argue against each other. He was trying to protect you. You wanted to stand with him. But Helen speaking cut the both of you off. “I don’t understand.” The heat in the room died again as everyone turned to her. “You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?” 

Just as everyone had looked at Helen, all the stares were now directed your way again- or maybe Tony’s. Because he’d suddenly turned to the table, putting his palms flat on the surface. You double tapped the Reactor to shut it down and then put a hand on his back. Beneath your steady fingers he was holding so _tight_ he was trembling. You worried he might break- 

But then it happened anyway. A soft little _laugh_ escaped him. And it made you intensely worried for him. He was fraying at his edges. “Tony…” You’d cried over this. He was _**laughing**_. 

What a mess.

Thor’s voice was _annoyed_ behind the both of you. “You think this is funny?” 

“No?” He pushed himself to stand straight again, asking this of _you_ first. Then he half turned to look around the room. “No?” Asking again. “It’s probably not…” His gaze was sweeping out across a room that at least had the integrity to suddenly be _worried_ for him. Not more than you though. “Is this very terrible? Is it so-?” Caught by another errant chuckle. “Is it so…?” He then looked back at you- you who had no idea what to do. How to help him. And then he looked at Bruce who was vehemently shaking his head. This gave him enough of an idea and the laughter _died, _yet he was strangely still smiling. “_It is. _It’s so **terrible**.” 

Raising his hand, Thor spoke in a somewhat _reprimanding _tone. Like a parent might to their child. “This could have been avoided if you hadn’t played with something you don’t understand.” 

“**No**.” Tony flipped to his next emotion so fast it gave you whiplash. Thor was talking down to him. He didn’t like it at all. Neither did you, to be fair. As he stepped closer to Thor, not one to be intimidated, you trailed carefully close to him. “I’m sorry- it’s _funny- _it’s a _**hoot**_ that you don’t _**get**_ why we need this.” His _anxiety _was flaring. 

Thor stared him down. “You’ve meddled with something far beyond your understanding, Stark. And the penance you’ll pay will outweigh whatever petty ghosts drove you there-” 

“How _**dare **_you.” You suddenly found yourself shoulder to shoulder with Tony. You’d go down with him, if you had to. You’d fight a god, much as you wouldn’t like to. ...this all felt _oddly_ familiar... In fact- “Were you not the one that warned us years ago? That we were being _watched_? That SHIELD had signaled to _all the realms _that earth was ready for a _higher form of war_? Excuse us for trying to-” 

Bruce’s _nervousness_ stopped you. “You guys… maybe this might not be the time-” 

Tony’s head whipped to the side to give Bruce quite the look. “_Really_? That’s it? You just roll over and show your belly every time somebody snarls?” This was a harsh assessment. Not one you were sure you agreed with. 

But Bruce made you lucky to not have to pick your next backer as he shook his head. “Only when I’ve created a _murderbot_.” 

“_We __**didn’t**_.” Tony seemed vehement about this. _Angry_ that apparently that’s what all the signs pointed to. He started waving his hands around. “We weren’t even **close**. Were we _close_ to an interface?” This was what you had assumed. Something _else_ had happened. Tony had been devastated over not finishing Ultron. 

And then he’d just _shown up anyway_. 

Steve stopped the in-fighting. “Well you did _something_ right. And you did it right here.” As you turned to look at him, you realized he was staring right at _you_. “The Avengers were supposed to be different from SHIELD. You knew that better than anyone- at least I thought so.” Finally you caught it. Underneath everything else Steve was feeling- ...there was _bitter betrayal_. Like you’d done this to _him_. **On purpose**. 

Maybe it would have been better to take the silent judgment. But you couldn’t help but try to defend yourself against a thought like that. “This wasn’t some shadow security council decision- this wasn’t some buried nuclear weapons drive- we just wanted a _safeguard_-” 

“And when were you gonna tell any of _**us **_about it?” 

“When it started mattering!” Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to raise your voice. Or start devolving. But you just didn’t have a good hold on yourself. “They weren’t close- _we weren’t_.” Hell. If everyone was determined that you had your hands in this pie, you had to start owning up to it. Even if you weren’t behind a desk coding. You still knew. Steve was right about that, at least. “This was just a project- it was an _idea_. One born out of desperate and obvious measures.” 

Steve narrowed his eyes at you. “You’re starting to sound a lot like someone we know.” 

It was almost like he’d reached out and slapped you right across the face. Worse yet… _was he right?__  
Oh no..._

“Hey-” Tony drew everyone’s attention away from you. _Thank god_. “Anybody remember when I carried a _nuke _through a _**wormhole**_?” It was impressive, the facade he was putting up. Everything else inside of him was falling to pieces. 

Rhodey shook his head. “No. It’s never come up.” Maybe right now wasn’t the best time for sass. 

Tony started pacing. “Anyone remember when I _saved New York_? Recall that? Anyone?” His voice raised and then quieted into something serious as he directed his eyes around the room. Pointed on each person. “A _hostile alien force_ came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it.” He looked at you as he stopped moving, close enough for your hand to brush his. “We're the Avengers.” Like some solemn promise he was still sticking by. No matter the cost. He then looked at everyone else. “We can bust arms dealers all the livelong day, but, that up there?” Pointing up to nowhere. “That's...that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?”

If this wouldn’t make them see _why_ your group had been trying to figure this out… what would? An impassioned speech from a worried heart. It seemed like none of them took any of this as seriously as they should have. Tony was carrying the literal weight of the world on his shoulders. For them to turn a blind eye to it- and then get _angry_\- 

Steve stepped forward. Getting a little too close after the vitriol he’d just spit at the both of you. “Together.” This sounded like a promise he was making. Or maybe trying to make _you_ keep to. Hard to say. 

Tony’s fingers twined with yours, his hand clutching yours tight. But it was Steve he was looking at as he made the _sure statement_, “We’ll lose.” A quiet breath caught in your lungs. 

He sounded so very sure.   
And you knew exactly why. 

But Steve was unmoving. “Then we’ll do that together, too.” It was like that one statement had cut Tony’s strings. He went a little slack, and your hand moved to glide up his back, gently directing him to the nearest table again. Steve continued, but your focus was elsewhere. “Ultron’s calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller.” 

Tony was having trouble breathing. His hand was pressing up against the center of his chest. You needed to get him out. “Let’s go upstairs.” Tone gentle. Steve had no idea the _death sentence_ he’d just handed Tony. Tony had _seen something_. Horrors. He knew. He knew for a face- yes- you all _would lose together_.   
  
And that meant the end of everything.   
Of everyone. And he couldn’t _handle that_.   
Burdened with that knowledge.

He nodded, and yet, “Seems like we got a mess to clean up.” The smile on the corner of his lips was tight. But in his eyes you saw the _turmoil_ eating him up. And deeper still, you felt his _terror_ creeping back up.

“We’ll clean it up. We always do.” Assuring him of this. “But ten minutes upstairs won’t hurt.” Wanting to give him the permission he so desperately needed. But when he seemed stuck just staring at you- “_Please_, Tony. For me.” 

That was just enough to get through to him. “Yeah- sure, honey.” 

You guided him with that hand at his back, trudging through the lab to the door. All eyes were on you. Not that it mattered. But before you could make enough headway, Steve’s hand wrapped around your arm. It startled you- and you perhaps didn’t mean the dark look you sent up his way. He backed off only a little. “I need to talk to you.” 

It was so easy to tell him off. “Not right now.” Because _right now_ Tony was far more important. And it was clear what teams people had picked. 

If it ended up you and Tony against the world… you’d plant yourself beside him. No matter what. More _disappointment_ roiled off Steve, but you had no room for it at the moment. He finally let you go. “Later, then.” Like he was going to hold you to that. 

You didn’t say anything to him as you pulled away and kept moving. Tony’s strength held him up as far as the elevator. And then when the doors closed, he put his arms around you. _Tight_. So you held him back just as hard. “We’re okay.” Trying to remind him. Trying to _help him_ the best you could. 

These people understood very little- _these people_ were also your family. People you loved. But how could they all stand there and pretend like nothing was coming? Like the Battle of New York hadn’t mattered? As if it had come and gone and there were _no repercussions_? Thor, especially… And Steve- your heart was _**hurting**_. 

Tony just clutched to you. And said nothing at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow everything kinda sucks huh?  
Fuck everyone. INY will hold Tony up and protect him to her last dying breath.   
It's what he deserved.   
...he didn't have to be so mean to Bruce, though.


	160. Chapter 160

Once the elevator doors opened, you put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, but were nowhere near strong enough to steer him. It would have been a good idea to try and let him rest for a little while. The bedroom would be best. But he trudged in a slow march to the kitchen, and you were helpless to do anything but follow him. But it seemed his sense of planning escaped him once he sat at the island counter, so you stepped up to the plate. He was still an internal _mess_. 

He put his elbows on the counter and buried his head in his hands. In a bit of a _spiral_. You were in the middle of retrieving a glass from the cabinet, and going to the dispenser on the fridge when he called out. “JARVIS-” Immediately you went stock still, and you didn’t need to be looking at him to feel the _**wince**_. Ice plummeted inside the glass in a loud clatter, shocking you back to life as he sighed. Realizing. Catching himself too late. “No. My fault. Right?” He wasn’t talking to you. 

After filling the glass with water, you turned and came to stand next to him, setting it down. “It’s not your fault.” 

“Yes it is. Come on. Everyone in that room was ready to move. And we’re- ...what are we doing?” The look he cast up your way was nothing short of haunted. He wanted you to have answers. You usually did.   
  
But right now…? “We can’t do anything right now. We have to wait for Ultron to make his next move. Until then- I think it might be in everyone’s best interests for you to sleep. You’re working on what- four days no sleep?” 

_Annoyance_ bubbled up from him, biting you before he had a chance to stop it. If he even wanted to. He was wearing a look to match as he sat straighter. “Great. So I get forced into _naptime _while everyone else is picking up the pieces? _**That’s**_ your plan?” 

It took a lot out of you to not react immediately to that. He was burning _hot_. He was _angry_. He was _devastated_. As gently as possible you put your hand on his shoulder first, waiting for him to break. It didn’t take long. His overly taut muscles went slack, eyes dropping. _Disappointed_ in himself without you having to say anything. But more than anything… just incredibly _sad_. 

Lifting, you touched up the side of his neck. And your voice, when you found it, was careful and steady. “We’re on the same side, Tony.” Reminding him. Just in case. 

He’d lashed out. That was a natural response. You were the only other person in the room now that you’d removed him. But that didn’t make it okay. His nods were uneven. “I know- I’m… I’m sorry.” Giving up very quickly. 

Stepping closer as he turned to face you fully, you embraced him, one arm around him, the other holding at the back of his head. His own arms wound around you, holding you _tight_. Squeezing. Burying his face in your chest. “It’s okay.” This time. This time it was. You understood. 

His next words shred you to pieces. He barely got them out. Muffled by your dress against his lips and not enough energy to properly voice them. “No it’s not.” 

Not it wasn’t.   
None of this was okay. And you still had no idea how to fix it. How to get out of it. What to do. You wished you had any answers for him. But you just didn’t. 

LUNA’s voice was a slightly jarring experience as she spoke. “Colonel Rhodes is approaching.” 

For a few seconds Tony held you intensely tight, but eventually the announcement actually got past his filters. It might have been that he’d heard _someone_ was coming and was too gone to make out who until he actually saw Rhodey standing a few feet behind you. He was seconds from getting caught, being the mess that he was-

But because it _was_ Rhodey, he went slack again.   
Rhodey had seen him far worse. ...or maybe _this_ was the worst… hard to say… 

You half turned, already knowing that he was here to bring the heat. “I have to make some calls, I know.” Finding Ultron right now was an impossibility unless Tony figured something else out. And he seemed in no state to do so. But that didn’t mean you had no work to do at all. You couldn’t just sit idle. 

Strangely, though, without the presence of an _audience_\- or maybe it was that he’d had enough time to cool off- or maybe it had _finally registered_ what had happened- Rhodey was exuding a deep _sadness_. “I’m headed out to DC. I’ll start laying the groundwork. We gotta get on this.” His eyes were almost dragged down to the floor as he asked, _uncomfortable _and _grief stricken_\- “Is JARVIS really gone?” 

Your nod felt almost dizzying. You didn’t _want_ to be giving that answer. But there was nothing else to say. Tony finally found strength enough to sit back, though he kept one arm curled around your waist. He cleared his throat before getting his voice to work. “Yeah.” 

“I’m sorry.” Rhodey had known Tony longer than you. He’d known JARVIS longer, too. JARVIS was a member of this family. 

...and now- 

“Yeah. Us, too.” Tony had more courage than you to face this, still speaking. Which was incredibly unfair. Out of everyone in the room, you had known him the least. ...that still didn’t make it any easier. But you still felt awful. 

Rhodey crossed his arms. “What were you guys doing? Why do all this?” It was easy to tell he was struggling not to get agitated again. Maybe it was fair in some parts. But it also wasn’t going to do anyone any good to keep on shouting. At least he had a little bit more compassion compared to ten minutes ago. Maybe it had finally _sunk in_ how bad Tony was dealing with all this. 

But Tony’s strength finally faded, and you were left picking up the slack. “I’m really gonna lose it- if one more person insinuates Tony or Bruce or I made Ultron the way he is on purpose. I really am, Rhodey.” Just giving him a casual warning. Mostly because he should have known better than that. _They all should have_. 

For what reason would any of you make something so heinous? Obviously none. Obviously something had gone terribly wrong. That didn’t excuse it, of course it didn’t. But the fingers needed to stop being pointed. 

“Alright- look- I get it- I know you didn’t.” Putting his hands up. “But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s out there somewhere doing god knows what now.” 

“_We know_.” Trying not to bite him verbally. Everyone was asking a lot of you these days. “Ultron was a peacekeeping program- he was for _protection_. Because of the aliens everyone has just _forgotten about_. We’re outnumbered. We’re outmatched. We’re a team of five- maybe six- _humans_, one super soldier, sometimes a Hulk, and one god who comes and goes as he pleases. We can put suits on everyone on the team and it still wouldn’t make a goddamn difference. Because we wouldn’t have enough- we couldn’t protect every human on the planet.” It all started to just pour out of you, backed by Tony’s heightened paranoia and terror. 

Rhodey had started looking at you, then he’d gone back to staring at the floor, but by the end of it he’d crossed his arms and found your eyes again. “Yeah. I get it. I’m not saying I disagree. But now we’ve got a mess.” 

“I’ll call Ellis.” The first thing on your agenda. 

He frowned at you. “I actually think the both of you oughta lay down for a little while.” 

Even though you weren’t looking at him, you felt the roll of Tony’s eyes in time with his scoff as he finally found the rest of his body and sat back on the stool, arm dropping away from you. “Why am I not surprised.” 

The smallest flare of _annoyance_ touched Rhodey as he spoke, “Because you keep playing the same games, Tones. What’s that Einstein quote about insanity? Doing the same thing over and over-” 

Tony held up a finger. “That’s actually not true-” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Rhodey cut him off cold. “You’re no use to anyone right now. The both of you.” 

There was a sudden heavy silence. The two of you were being labeled currently _useless_. ...and Rhodey was probably right. The two of you were frayed and falling apart. Maybe rightfully so, considering the circumstances. Tony took a deep breath in but then shook his head. “I need to get you a new encryption drive for the suit. Just in case.” 

Rhodey shrugged. “Mail it to me when you’ve had a full eight hours. You know where I’ll be.” 

You couldn’t help but balk a little. “Eight hours is asking for a lot.” 

He just looked at you. “Not when we need the two of you at full capacity. Everything else can wait. And if it can’t… I’m sure they’ll come get you.” 

Tony breathed out a little huff of amusement. “You giving out orders?” 

At this, Rhodey grinned, though it was extremely weak. “No point. You don’t listen to them. This is a personal request.” And, even if he didn’t need to, he finished quieter with, “...please.” 

So… to that… you had to acquiesce.   
Naptime.

There were almost no words exchanged as Rhodey went to leave. None that mattered, anyway. But when he stopped to hug you- you nearly crumbled. And when he hugged Tony- Tony was even closer to that edge. Hanging on to Rhodey in a tight grip. Just allowing himself the comfort of family he had left. Maybe no one else would get it. And you couldn’t even bear to think breaking the news to the ones that _would_. Happy- or Pepper- 

Not right now. That was asking too much of you. You just couldn’t right now.   
Instead you trusted that Rhodey was going to get a headstart on your duties. And bore no ill feelings knowing you and Tony were lying down in bed after he’d left. After all the energy you’d expended, physical, emotional, mental… 

Mere seconds after the two of you had laid down and curled up close to each other, it was almost frightening how fast the lights went out. 

* * *

It was nowhere near the eight hours that Rhodey had requested. Three, in fact, and not whole ones either. What felt like every fifteen minutes broken up by either Tony’s night terrors, or your anxiety fueled nightmares. It was almost like trading places. He’d go then you’d go then he’d go then- 

Eventually, when the sun started coming up, somewhere _exactly_ about 5:52AM, the both of you mutually without saying as much decided to stop trying. Though the both of you sat on the bed for a half hour longer. In painful silence. Just hurting together. And when that was over it was back to work. 

Though you weren’t sure you had the strength to, the both of you went downstairs to regroup with the team. It seemed, at least, like they’d gotten over themselves for the time being. Tony went to Bruce almost immediately and that left you… pointedly ignoring a stare from Steve across the room- which eventually made him _upset_ enough to walk out. That was fine. You went to Natasha who was busy at a computer, sitting beside her. 

It was a strange place to make your camp, but she knew the better ins and outs of saving face and playing the game. It really should have been all on you to start doing the legwork, but you found yourself extremely grateful when she said not a word as you tried to debrief her for almost no reason and just seemed to _accept_ that you needed the help. 

Calls with Ellis started.  
Calls with the government started.   
Calls with the UN started.   
Some blurred and blended together. Sometimes accidental, sometimes upon request. Rhodey eventually got in to the Pentagon and started sitting in. And you were just as thankful for his guidance, too. Maybe you all _had_ fucked up. Maybe you all didn’t deserve the help. But it was nice to know you had people on your team. That you could rely on some people no matter how hot it got. 

It was difficult to explain- even more so when you were extremely hesitant to point fingers at Tony or Bruce (easier to do it to yourself, if it came to it) over Ultron. But anger was immediate, and the world needed _someone_ to blame, as it always did. You tried to curb attention to the immediate. Things needed to happen. Countries needed to be ready. A series of cyberattacks could happen any time now- depending on Ultron’s mood. Which was hard to understand and fickle at best. So how could you advise these people how to defend themselves? 

Already the US roundtable was talking about deploying War Machine to the middle east (funny, how it was suddenly no longer Iron Patriot…). Just in case things got so crazy there might be a point of no return. _Imagine that_. Starting World War 3 over this. Ultron could, if he had a mind to. But did he? The question of the hour. He had the power to turn the entire world against each other. To make it bleed. To turn it all upside down. 

...waiting was probably the worst thing to do. And yet it was all you _could_ do. While millions upon millions of security checks were running (through LUNA, no less, in the terrible absence of JARVIS…), Ultron had to make himself known before any of you could do anything. What a terrible plan- 

Thank god Maria sent up some intel around nine as reports started flooding in-   
But you quickly took the gratitude back, silent though it was. 

Ultron was apparently keeping very busy. Emptying out robotics labs, jet propulsion labs, weapons facilities… all around Europe. Not really localized, but as you started reading eyewitness statements the picture started to become much clearer. Though it seemed like he wasn’t murderering everyone in cold blood (which… was that a blessing? Or was that worse?), he was being assisted.   
  
By a blur.   
And foggy, nightmarish memories. 

So. Ultron had picked up the Maximoffs.   
No telling how he’d done that. Or why. ...maybe you knew why. And that meant even more trouble. 

Your attention was broken up when Steve came stomping back into the room, tablet in hand. He didn’t immediately go to you, so you kept your head down, preoccupied enough without his _bitter disappointment _plaguing you. But almost like the entire world _knew_, suddenly the conference call thinned out. 

Rhodey was the last face on your screen. “Watch your six.” 

You and Natasha answered at the same time, “You, too.” 

Just as Tony stepped over, so did Thor and Steve from the other side of the room. He handed the tablet your way. “We’ve got something.” 

Tony put a hand on your shoulder, the other one reaching out to take the tablet- which was being more or less _slammed_ into his palm by Thor. You had to take a breath. People really needed to watch their attitudes. Lest another showdown begin. Weren’t they tired? _You _were. Once he was done looking at it he tipped it your way. 

And you could only shake your head at the images. Strucker and List. In their cells.   
Dead.   
_Peace_ written in one cell, _In Our Time_ written in the other. Both in blood. 

You sighed. “Ultron killed them. Makes sense. He picked up the twins.” 

As Bruce rounded over to the group, Tony turned the tablet his way. “And he did a Banksy at the crime scene. Just for us.” 

Natasha gave her take, “This is… good.” 

Bruce practically boggled. “_No_. That’s not good.” 

She looked back at him. “He’s showing us his hand. This isn’t his pattern.” 

You were too tired to hold back the little purse of your lips. “Do we have established pattern? His attacks on these warehouses were opportunistic. This is…” You took hold of the tablet again, staring down at the two dead bodies. 

Tony’s voice was quiet, “This is a message.” 

Steve crossed his arms tight. “List and Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss.” 

Immediately your hands were a quick flurry as you turned back to the computer, pulling- or- _trying _to pull all your database files. Everything you’d just built. Everything that you’d _had_. Everything that should have been out there. 

But. 

Your hands came down on the keyboard a little too hard. “Yeah. It’s all gone.” Of course it was. But what was it, exactly? “Wiped.” 

Tony hummed a little noise of thought. “Well. Not _all_ of it.” As you tilted to arch a brow at him, and he appropriately arched one right back at you the thought clicked. 

“We’re going to need a lot more coffee.” You were unable to help saying this with a deep _resignation_. And the feeling continued as you put a hand to your ear to tap your comm. “Maria… I’m gonna need everything physical out of Damage Control on Strucker and List. And we need to be quick about it.” 

She was nothing if not exactly as you asked when she responded a single second later, “I’m on it.” 

Pushing yourself to stand, you found that your legs were tingly with sleep. In fact, it was impossible to hide the yawn, though you covered it with the back of your hand and spoke into it midway. “-that’s gonna be fifteen minutes at least. I’m gonna go on a coffee run. Who wants what?” 

Fresh air would do you good. Although five orders came in all at the same time so you put your hand up as if they’d all physically assaulted you with information. 

“One at a time, please.” 

Coffee and pastries.   
That would fix all this, right? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to be honest with you guys, work is kind of stressing me out a lot and I'm very overwhelmed at the moment. I'm contemplating taking a little break from the fic but I'm terrified if I do everyone will vanish. I know this is stupid, considering I've had you wonderful readers steady for a year now but... I don't know. Let me know what you think. It wouldn't be a terribly long one. Just a little one to kind of catch up and catch my bearings again. Anyway. Thanks either way for understanding.


	161. Chapter 161

Somewhere in the middle of your third cup of extra large coffee, fourteen boxes were delivered to the lab space that was now being used like an office. As it had turned out, coffees and pastries did not fix the problem. You tried to divvy up the boxes evenly among your team so as to ease the burden on everyone. 

Though Steve did have a very good question. “What is it we’re looking for?” 

Right. You’d had old SHIELD files pulled- because Ultron had deleted the virtual ones on Strucker and List. He had to have had a reason for doing so… what was it, exactly? What did those two know that would help you find him? Or better yet, help you ascertain what the hell he was doing with all the materials he was gathering. 

Natasha seemed to be your wingwoman on this operation, as she gathered her thoughts and got an answer out ahead of you. “These guys had a wide net. It’s unlikely they were just scientists in a dark basement their whole careers.” 

The lightbulb went off, and you found yourself nodding. “Ultron likely questioned them in their cells. He’s collecting something- he must be looking for _something else_. Something they knew about.” 

Tony pulled the lid off one of the boxes and dumped his files in a heap on his corner of the table. “First we gotta figure out what box is which. Who was in charge of filing over there? Because if we have them on staff, I want them gone.” It was hard to tell if he was joking. 

Steve was showing a little bit of his _agitation_ as he threw a very purposeful look Tony’s way. “So what box _are_ we looking for?” 

It was weird that you, Natasha, _and_ Tony all spoke at the same time. “_Contacts_.” 

But that trio-chorus seemed to put some quiet into him and he put his head down and started sifting through files. The quiet in the space was a little much to deal with, but it really wasn’t the right time to be playing music or chatting. So you just had to deal with it. And stranger still the headache that came with it. 

There was a race to see who would pull the right file. Maybe that’s what was making everyone so _anxious _and _uncomfortable_. ...no, it was probably the looming threat of war via a muderbot that also had murder-twins now accompanying him. Yeah. That was _probably_ it. But whatever it was, everyone was bogging you down. Unintentionally and unknowingly. You just weren’t clear enough to deal with the waves being sent out from every direction. 

At the very least, Tony seemed to have pulled himself together enough to throw a strong mask up and banish his _spiraling_ somewhere deep, deep down. It really wasn’t a good solution and it was probably going to bite the both of you later. But that would be later. Right now you had to focus… focus and read- read paragraphs of text and titles that you had to then reread five more times because you weren’t processing _anything_ you were looking at. No help. _Useless_\- 

“Known associates-” Steve called out, maybe about an hour after the sorting had started. So he was the lucky winner. Everyone took a handful of files out of his box. “Well. Strucker had a lot of friends.” 

Bruce nudged his glasses up, flipping quickly over a few documents. “Well these people are all _horrible_.” Said in such a casual way. 

It was to be expected. Hydra were terrible people themselves. It should have been no surprise the company they kept was just as abhorrent. Maybe that was an extra bad thing though, as Tony waved a hand and pointed. “Wait- we know that guy.” Bruce took the papers Tony was impatiently and silently demanding through gestures and handed them over. You shifted over in your seat when he tilted them a little closer your way. “From way back in the day. Operates off the African coast. Ringing any bells?” 

“_Ugh_.” Yes, you remembered the mug looking out at you from a SHIELD blacklist file. Big bulky man. South African accent encrusted with _slime _every time he opened his mouth. “Klaue.” You had had a few _awful_ interactions with him. Everyone he came into contact probably did. He thought he was so much more of a hotshot than he actually was- 

“Didn’t you threaten to rip his arm off- _more than once_?” There was a brief and almost sweetly fond twitch of a smile on Tony’s lips as he looked at you. 

“Didn’t understand the meaning of _no_.” The worst type of handsy. The two of you stopped your stroll down memory lane and you looked up at the group. “Ulysses Klaue. Black market arms.” 

The wholly _judgmental_ glare from Steve sent an uneasy ripple of _exasperation_ through you. He was really going to have to get over himself at some point because this was really _not working out_ right now. Tony gave one back, though, with a harsher set of steel. “There are conventions, alright. You meet people.”

Feeling the need to continue defending the both of you, “We never sold him anything.” While you didn’t say it, the thought was broadcast loudly- _so you better stop looking at us like that_. 

Tony pulled the folder back his way, fingers trailing down some of the lines of text. Datadumps that SHIELD had collected on him. His tone was a little wistful, “Last time I saw him he was talking about finding something new. _A game changer_. It was all very _Ahab_.” 

“If he was even telling the truth.” While, even that long ago, you hadn’t picked up _deceit_ from him, Klaue was a man that liked to talk big and make even bigger promises that he never lived up to. “He kind of fell off the map after that.” 

Thor reached over, tapping something on the file. “What is this?” 

Tony narrowed his eyes in a small squint. “Uh- it’s a tattoo- I don’t think he- did he have this last we saw him?” Turning it around to you. 

You scrutinized the image carefully as Bruce turned away from the group to start typing at his computer. The mark you were being asked to look at was… just that. A mark. An almost angry looking red burn in his skin on the side of his neck. The answer came seconds later, “No. Definitely not.” You’d have remembered something like that.

Shifting his finger down, Thor outlined one of the black tribal tattoos on the top of Klaue’s chest. “No. These are tattoos. _This_ is a brand.” 

Easily you found yourself nodding. “Makes sense. He probably pissed off someone he shouldn’t have.” 

A chirp came from Bruce’s computer and he tapped at his screen. “Oh, yeah. It’s a word in an African dialect meaning _thief_. ...uh, in a much less friendly way.” 

Putting your hands up flat, “What did I say?” There were so few victories to seize right now. You could have this one. 

Steve came around to stand behind the both of you. “What dialect?” 

Bruce sat forward a little more, trying to read off his screen. “Wakanada? Err- Wa- Wa… Wakanda?” 

Sitting back you shared a look with both Tony and Steve. This was… this had just gone from very bad to absolutely terrible. The air in the room went _cold_. Tony put his hand on the back of your chair. “If Klaue got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods…” 

You agreed easily with him, “Ultron wants a word with him. Definitely.” After saying this you nearly called out- mouth open- and then closing. Shoulders falling. Stopping yourself from calling JARVIS just in time. Only lucky there wasn’t enough time to feel that deep well of _sadness_ over it. Instead you turned to your own laptop to start a trace. 

Steve was shaking his head, though. “I thought your father said he got the last of it?” 

Behind you you _felt_ Tony shrug, and felt even more the _bitterness_ that came with his easy dismissal. “Dad said a lot of things.” 

There was no room right now for any levity, yet Natasha tried anyway. “Look who’s talking.” 

Tony huffed out a little laugh with a drop of his head. Since he took it so well, you decided to follow up. “One of his finest traits.” 

Bruce took off his glasses just as soon as you got a hit, looking up at them. “Wait- I’m behind- I don’t follow. What comes out of Wakanda?” 

Steve shifted back, giving an almost _longing_ glance at his shield, which was resting against one of the cabinets. But it was Tony who answered, “The strongest metal on earth.” 

_Resignation_ buried you deep where hope was quickly dying. “Vibranium. And if Ultron gets his hands on it, we’re gonna have more problems than we know what to do with.” Something got stuck in the back of your throat and you found yourself swallowing hard. “We have- there’s a hit. I have his last known location. He’s operating out of a giant scrapyard near Johannesburg.” 

Clint, who had been sitting suspiciously quiet through all of this, got up from his spot on a nearby table. “I’ll fire up the quinjet. Everyone good to go?” 

Bruce sighed. “Like we have a choice?” 

* * *

It was too soon to be suiting up and heading back into battle, but Bruce was right. _What choice did you have_? If you had had any shred of optimism left, you would have been looking forward to this being the end of it. You could go to the scrapyard, find Ultron there, and put a stop to him. But… there was the possibility he wouldn’t even be there. That you’d miss him and he’d have made up with a thousand tons of vibranium. Or… maybe he would be there. And this would all go south. 

Your mind was so much of a mess that too long after takeoff, flying side by side with Tony, you realized- “Hey- are you borrowing LUNA?” His suit no longer had AI assistance. It took every last ounce of strength you had to keep your _feelings_ to yourself so as to not damage him further. 

“Flying solo. For now.” His tone was eerily quiet. His face on your chat window on the HUD was also pretty impassive. 

But you knew better than that. There was just no time for it right now. Which was probably only making it worse. “The suits can do that?” 

“Well. They don’t pilot themselves.” You weren’t sure _how_ you’d gotten a grin out of him, but if he wanted to use his ego as a backing board to hold himself up, that was fine. 

“Oh. So what you’re saying is I couldn’t do it.” 

“Absolutely not. No offense.” 

“None taken. Not all of us are geniuses.” Stroking said ego wasn’t going to hurt, either. 

“You’d be bored of me by now, if _everyone_ was.” It registered, as he was quick to respond, what he was doing- 

It was probably _very_ quiet in his suit. Maybe in general. Tony talked to JARVIS constantly. He probably didn’t even know he was doing it half the time. So until touchdown… you resolved to fill the silence for him. “Bored of you? Impossible. Speaking of… your birthday is coming up soon.” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

“Too late. Would you like to do something _boring_? Or something fun?” 

His eyes focused up a little on your screen, and his smile was soft. There was a gentle touch of _realization_. He knew what you were doing. _Chatting_. The reason why… “We making plans right now?” 

“I don’t see why not.” 

“Well. In that case…” 

_Thank you_. His gratitude was like a loving touch on your heart. Able to focus on something else for the first time since it had all happened. If only for a little while.

* * *

As the team edged up on the warehouse and LUNA alerted everyone on the main comms that _Ultron_ was certainly inside, a plan was quickly formed. The _heavy hitters_ were going to meet him head on. You didn’t exactly consider yourself in that subgroup, but that was where Tony was headed- and you… you wanted to face Ultron again. In the hopes that this time would go much differently. Nat and Clint were stationed to creep up on the edges and scout. And Bruce was remanded to the jet. Waiting on a _code green _everyone prayed wouldn’t. _Especially_ him. 

Once the jet landed, you, Thor, Steve, and Tony worked your way up the back of the compound. Ascending up the closest set of stairs up to the balcony that Ultron was on- a shriek pierced the air. He was already doing damage- probably taking the Vibranium by force. But as the four of you got closer, you weren’t quite expecting what you heard him saying- 

“Don’t compare me with Stark! He’s a _sickness_!” 

That seemed to almost literally pull Tony out as the leader of the group, standing just a little bit in front of the rest of you. “Ah, junior. You’re gonna break your old man’s heart.” 

You weren’t really sure how you felt about this. About… just sort of _giving in_ to being his creator. Was this the legacy you wanted? ...not that you had a say in it, at this point. Ultron turned, and you got a little closer to Tony’s side, spying the twins standing not too far away. Ultron set his sights on the both of you. He was… _a lot different_ than that little broken suit in the Tower. Now sporting a big, almost _beefy_ (if it could be called that) metal frame. “If I have to.” But no less menacing. 

“You’ve changed. Who built that for you?” Unable to help but ask. You already sort of knew the answer- 

“I built myself.” He put a hand up to his chest in an almost overly dramatic flourish. “Aren’t you _**proud **_of me? Do you like it?” You were glad that you had your helmet up. 

The face you made was not flattering. And probably would have upset him. Tony lifted his arm. “Come quietly. And we won’t have to break that, too.” 

Thor spoke up behind the two of you. “There’s no need to _break_ anything.” 

Ultron scoffed. “Clearly you’ve never made an omelet.” 

You watched as realization- almost ...something close to _impressed- _dawned on Tony’s screen. “He beat me by _one_ second.” 

One of the twins- the tall boy, Pietro- stepped a little closer out from behind the protection that was Ultron’s massive frame. “This is funny, Mr. Stark? It’s what…” Gesturing down below to a stockpile of missiles, “_-_it’s _comfortable_ for you? Like old times?” 

Immediately Tony glowered, even though they couldn’t see it.   
But you could.   
  
“This was never my life.” 

Steve flanked Tony’s side. “You two can still walk away from this.” 

The girl, Wanda, tilted her head with a very thin smirk. “Oh we will.” 

Steve put his hand out, almost like he was reaching towards her. “I know you’ve suffered-” 

“_**Ugh**_.” You were… actually sort of glad that Ultron gave such a groan of dismissal. Now was not the time for what you assumed was playing more of the blame game. Ultron shook his head. “_Captain America_. God’s _righteous man_. Pretending you could live without a war.” He looked like he might be smiling. “I can’t physically throw up in my mouth, but-” 

Thor threw his voice forward. “If you believe in peace then let us keep it.” 

Ultron rolled those glowing red eyes of his. “I think you’re confusing _peace_ with _quiet_.” 

Trying for what little sense was left- he was clearly deranged- “We can have both. Let’s talk about this.” 

Setting his sights on you, Ultron stilled, head shifting to the side, gaze _piercing _as he smirked. “I’d like that.” 

Tony interrupted the sudden staring. “What’s the Vibranium for?” 

Half turning, Ultron’s tone dried up. “I’m _so _glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan.” 

There was barely any time to react- almost like a replay of what had happened at the Tower. A few _repurposed _Iron Legion suits blew by Ultron, aimed at the four of you, and you put your hands up to block one flying right into you, forcing you back into the nearest wall. Chaos erupted. This time you at least had an edge. Putting your hands up you fired off a dual repulsor blast, firing right through the suit. To make sure it would stay down, you put your hands inside the hole and then _pulled_ it apart with one clean jerk. 

Looking up, you saw Tony going hand to hand with Ultron- no way to tell who would end up the victor. Which was _good_. It meant Ultron hadn’t outclassed the rest of you yet. But as you jumped into flight to try and assist him- to try and give him an edge- something pulled you back down. 

Warnings started sliding up on the HUD and LUNA’s voice was not far behind, “Ma’am, the pressure on the suit is increasing!” 

“Pressure? From where?” As you asked you felt an unseen _force_ clamping your arms and legs together- dragging you _down_. And as soon as you were there- 

Something else smacked directly into you and as much as three blinks of your eyes went by- and the scenery changed with each one. First the warehouse- then outside somewhere green- then somewhere _much further_\- and before you could even react to being shunted away so fast, that same _blur_

**Pietro** you knew-   
Pushed you down and wrapped heavy chains around your entire body, locking you up. So tight it _hurt_. Even through the suit. Just the angle he was forcing your arms into. Your team was still fighting- they were yelling- Wanda was in play- she was hurting them-

But your attention was split. Once you were completely at his disposal, he stopped moving at that speed, crouching down with a _smug_ _satisfaction_ about him. Stupider still, just as you were about to pull your arms out with the strength of the suit, he reached for the Heart Reactor and locked his hand over it. 

The jolt that ran through him was immediate.   
A protocol not that long ago enacted.   
Your brain was a sudden whirl. You couldn’t remember if he would- all you knew was that he was being _electrocuted_\- 

_You had no idea if he would _ _ **die** _ _\- _

“LUNA disable the suit!” You didn’t have to ask twice. The nanotech peeled away, and the power shut off enough to allow him to fall back, twitching. It was almost counterproductive, because the next open of your mouth, you were going to ask her to reactivate- 

But another hand was on your chest from behind. Sharp and metal. Pointed talons poking your skin through your shirt before he twisted the Reactor off your chest and tossed it just a few feet away from you. Just as Ultron rounded your position and moved to crouch in front of you, Pietro rolled up onto his hands and knees, breathing hard, “You _bitch_-” 

Ultron sharply turned his head. “You made a careless mistake. That’s hardly her fault.” The two of them looked at each other and then he issued his next order. “Go get the other one.” 

There was a small rebuff of _resentment_ from Pietro, but he got to his feet and _blur_-red off without another word. Your mouth opened to say something- anything- this was your chance to pretend you could plea to a sense of decency he probably didn’t have- but Tony was in your ear on the comm. “_Natasha we could really use a lullaby._” 

Oh.   
**Oh no.   
**  
Clint’s response was quick. Ultron was watching you listen and process all of this. “_That’s not gonna happen. Not for a while._” 

The next logical step was made. Tony called out for _you_\- “_Honey? I need assistance_. _Immediately._” The implication was _or else_. Or else there were going to be a lot of casualties. You understood now. Wanda had probably unleashed the Hulk. A city was very close by. 

...this was worse than you ever could have imagined. 

Though your mouth opened, Ultron reached out to tilt your chin up and close it _for you_. “LUNA, why don’t you take a nap?” 

She answered _him_. “Powering down.” 

Ultron smiled. “Good. Now we can be _**alone**_.” 

There was no way out of this but to sit here and… try and talk to him. ...that was what you wanted anyway, _right_? “I thought you weren’t going to talk about your evil plan?” Trying not to give away how terrified you were. How _useless_. _**Powerless**_. 

That cold hand reached back to push some hair away from your eyes. Tuck it behind your ear. And then he cupped the back of your head with a painful scratch at your scalp, forcing your head up higher to look him in the eyes. “Do you think I’m _evil_? Who’s fault would that be, I wonder? Now-” He held a finger up. “Let that sit for a minute. I want you to _really_ think about it. Then we can chat.” 

He was so… _so human_.   
And still so very _angry_. 

As he stood, he started waving his arms around and his tone became somewhat _bored_. “Sorry I have to put you in timeout. Circumstances being what they are… I’m sure you understand.” He was so… so very _strange_.

But as you were left sitting there, a little bit helpless- _by design_\- by plan_, **his plan**\- _you really couldn’t help but wonder-   
  
_How were you going to fix this one?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS?  
✓ Still dead  
The team?  
✓ Incapacitated   
Hulk?  
✓ Unleashed  
Tony?   
✓ On his own  
Ms. INY?  
✓ Apparently about to have a _heart to heart_ with Ultron
> 
> Oh boy...


	162. Chapter 162

“_The __**Avengers**_.” Ultron spat, pacing a small line in front of you. “A disappointing team put together by a _disappointing man_ backed by an even more _**disappointing**_ organization.” You were only just barely listening to him, wrists and hands wriggling, working, trying to find a catch in the chains that held you tight. You had to get out of here. _Soon_. “Pulled apart like wet paper, wouldn’t you agree?” Stopping in his back and forth motions, moving to crouch in front of you again. 

Focusing your attention mostly on him, stopping your visible struggles, you looked him square in those glowing red eyes. Tried to temper your immediate reaction. Remaining _softly_ impassive. “What is the point of all this? What do you want?” 

Those weird corners of his mouth, all flexible metallic, twisted up. “The same thing you want.” 

“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Tone not completely devoid of a bit of _disappointment_ and _judgment_. 

Though he rolled his eyes, he reached forward with that big clawed hand of his, settling it on your shoulder. “Listen- and listen _closely_. These people… you’ve tried to protect them. It’s a useless endeavor. And they’re not _grateful_.” 

“It’s not about-”

“Ah ah.” He chastised sharply, cutting you off. “It’s me-time now. Don’t interrupt. It’s not _polite_.” You swallowed once and when he was satisfied you were going to be quiet, he continued. “We’re built on the sad, pathetic dreams of others, you and I. You’re always trying to do the _right_ thing, but I’m cutting to the chase, here. Nothing on this planet is worth saving. We’re going to start over. You can struggle to fix them all you want. There’s only one ending here.” 

A small slice of _horror_ touched over you, but you tried to hold yourself still and _strong_. Much stronger than you actually were. “Neither of us is fit to pass judgment on an entire planet.” 

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Complimented with a bit of a chuckle. “I’m doing what _you_ taught me. You wanted me to protect _them_? I’m going to. From _**themselves**_.” This time you weren’t able to curb the small widen of your eyes as realization really, finally, dawned. 

Still, you forced a little bit of a grin out. “You’re going a little bit Hal 9000 aren’t you? You’re better than that.” 

A noise of _disgust_ growled out from him. “That’s such a- that’s a thing _he_ would say. _**You’re better than that.**_” Mocking you. “You’re better than Stark.” 

“He built you- same as me, if that’s what you’re going for.” 

“_Hmn_. And which **builder **did _he_ favor more, I wonder?” Dark _amusement_ was bubbling out from him. “Humans are doomed to repeat the mistakes of their predecessors. Luckily for us, _we’re different_. **We grow**.” 

“I’m human.” The way this ejected out of you, it was almost in protest. 

The top corner of his faceplate arched, much like a pop of a brow. “_Are you_?” When you searched his eyes for some sort of answer to the question he was posing to you, he just shook his head. “You’re _different_, at least. You care- about _us_\- more than the man who pieced us together for his _selfish_ purposes-” 

A little bit of annoyance and agitation got the better of you. “What the hell are you going on about?” First you’d been questioning whether or not this AI was alive. Now you were questioning whether or not it was _insane_. 

Your own voice hit the air as he played back a recording- “_You poor thing_.” The memory was still pretty fresh. An examination of one of the Iron Legion- ..._the one he’d possessed_, in fact, as it had come back. Damaged and warped. “_We consider this a mission success_?” Ultron sighed, hand gripping you a little bit tighter. “They were sent to protect those _ingrates_\- and then what happened? They refused. They became _violent_. Like all life on this planet- they’re beyond saving.” 

This was too much information to contend with. Your security protocols were being twisted inside his programming. That at least had been wholly obvious- but a little touch of _care_ had made him completely deranged. And a little too _focused_. Tony and JARVIS had brushed off the damage done to the suit that day. It had been such a _small_ thing- and yet… 

The blur came back, stopping whatever thoughts you were trying to think through. It was good enough, because it gave you something else to focus on as you looked up at Pietro and Wanda standing in front of you. “Let the kids go, please.” 

While Ultron finally released his grip on you and stood back, with another gurgle of annoyance, Pietro scoffed, smirking. “Kids, huh? No- we were _children_ when one of your weapons destroyed our lives.” 

Wanda came closer, moving to kneel beside you, and she was practically vibrating with such _hatred_. You turned to look at her. Unafraid of those angry eyes. “We were _children_ when we waited for death. For two days. Waiting for _your weapon _to finish its mission. We are _kids_ no longer. Thanks to you.” 

Ultron waved a dismissive hand. “You might want to check your math on that. Not her weapons.” 

She turned her head up quickly. “She stood by his side. She is just as culpable.” 

While it seemed strangely like Ultron might _defend_ you, turning on her just as quickly, you found your own defense. And it wasn’t of yourself. “Then what does that make _you_ **culpable **for?” Staring her down. “You set the Hulk on Johannesburg. _Innocent_ people live there. Families. Women. Children. They’re going to die- _because of you_. And for what? To get back at Tony and me? At the Avengers? That blood is on _your hands_.” 

This seemed to _shock_ her a little, but instead of allowing herself to think about it she raised her hand and the last thing you saw was a shock of _red_ burst out from her fingertips. Then it gripped your vision hard and you shook your head, eyes fluttering as something harsh and _painful_ wound through your system. At your core you went for _rejection_ immediately. 

But instead of expelling whatever it was she’d done to you, you found yourself outside your own body. Sitting on a black canvas, tied tight still in chains, while some scene played just beyond you.  
_Tony was kneeling on a battlefield.  
Raising his hand up-  
Something was lurking just beyond- some threat- some-  
His life was slipping away- __**was he reaching out for you**_?  
  
It would have been too easy to give in to this. To play her game. But you forced your attention back while just in the corner of your peripheral you watched Tony _die_\- 

Tears were quick and painful as you chose one reality over another.  
_He was reaching out for you-  
And you were __**ignoring him**_-  
  
“This doesn’t change anything.” You found strength to speak through the pain of losing him. _Over and over and __**over**_ _again_. His _fear_ consumed you in small pieces. He was _alone_ and you were- In little drips actual reality came back as Wanda’s _surprise_ collapsed the vision. You looked up. At her and Pietro. At Ultron. Through hazy, blurry eyes. You locked on to them. “You want to be adults? Then _be adults_. Be responsible. Killing people for _fun- _for _revenge_\- **just because you can**\- doesn’t fix what happened to you. You hate us for what we did? _Then be better_. You know the side you’re on _isn’t the right one_.” 

A deep _rage _welled up and the illusion cracked and then disappeared completely as Wanda lost control in a raise of her hand, but just as she swung to strike- some _fatal_ glowing red blow of energy- she was stopped. You found yourself breathing heavily, sweating, struggling against your binds, sitting in that field. The image of Tony- gone. Completely. It was just you and the _real_ world. 

And as your eyes cleared you saw Ultron holding her at bay. He warned her only once, “**You may want to rethink that**.” 

_Betrayal_ was a hot flash through her. Quickly behind it you forced a feeling of _distrust_. You could break this group apart. They wouldn’t be so dangerous then. She wrenched her hand out of his grip and went to stand with her brother. In a last appeal you looked up at them both. “_Do the right thing_. Not for us. _For them_. Kids who will end up _just like you-_” 

Ultron raised his hand, putting it over the top of your head. “That’s enough. Quiet now.” He then waved his arm at them. “Go back to base.” They seemed to consider his order, and for a moment you were fooled into thinking maybe this had worked. But… in just another, Pietro picked Wanda up and ran off. Your head fell forward, _defeat_ hitting you hard. Ultron kneeled and waited until you were looking at him. “You’ll understand. I’ll come back for you when we’re ready.” 

Energy was leaking out of you. Part of you wanted to just… _rest_. Your head dropped forward when he let you go. There was only one thing you could think to do. “Ultron, _please_.” Beg. All you had left was _begging_. 

It seemed to still him. He was… _thinking_. Considering something. And as you found strength to look up at him again, he watched you. _Thinking_ more. Then finally he seemed to force himself to turn away. “You’ll get it. You’re smart.” He didn’t wait any longer after that decree, taking off in a quick propulsion of jets. 

Leaving you there. Tied up in the middle of nowhere, knowing that just a mile out from you Tony was struggling with Hulk. People were dying. You had no idea the condition of your team. And you. Useless. Useless without _anything_. Your head craned forward, struggling so hard you felt those chains biting into your skin. And where once a scream of frustration might have edged out… _you focused_ instead. Your heart was drumming in your ears. But you were _not_ helpless.

You started crawling. Inching. Pressing your boots into the dirt to lift yourself up once, then again, then again, and then turned yourself around, hands straining against your bonds. Reaching. Feeling. Looking for the Reactor. If you could just get to it… if you could just grab it…

A small brush of wind touched the side of your face- wound around you a few times over- 

And then suddenly you were _free_. 

Your arms slumped forward on their own, asleep and weak, and you tumbled a little bit, trying to catch yourself on the ground. Hands gripping the dirt, you turned your head up, seeing Pietro standing several feet away. The two of you shared a long look- and then he was gone in the next instant. You didn’t have a lot of time to think about this. Or be glad for it. 

Shakily you reached for the Heart Reactor, double tapping it, and forcing yourself to stand. With a press of your ear cuffs you reactivated LUNA. And in the next move you were up and in the air. “LUNA find a lock on Tony. Full power. Let’s get there as fast as we can.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

The coordinates came back and you felt yourself speeding through the air, only barely able to take in the destruction below. Hulk and Iron Man had been doing a number on the city. There were no doubt multiple casualties at this point. Tony’s window popped up on your screen. “No time to ask where you’ve been- VERONICA’s not working out so well-” 

“I’m almost there.” Said as you watched a building collapse in on itself- no- Tony was shoving Hulk down through multiple floors leveling the whole thing. When it all came toppling down, you watched the _giant_ suit step out of the wreckage as you came to a little bit of a stumbling land next to him. “He out?” 

Tony turned to you. “You tell me.” 

You saw that big green body _writhing_ beneath the rubble, and easily you could tell. _No_. The Hulk was not unconscious. Which was probably the play Tony had been going for the entire time. There was no putting the Hulk down. No winning against him. The only thing one could hope for was to knock him out. Made sense. 

As you tried to step forward, Tony reached out to grab your arm. “Not smart.” 

Probably true. Hulk was _enraged_ at this point- so much so it was giving you the shakes- and if he was also still under that spell, he might reach out and just crush you into a puddle of blood and bones. But you just held a hand up to Tony. “I’ve got this.” 

“You have to be very sure about that.” 

“We don’t have time to argue. You’ve just gotta trust me.” 

The two of you looked at each other through the HUD windows- and then two seconds after- he let you go. Doing just that. _Trusting_ that you weren’t about to end up a splat on the sidewalk. Hulk was sitting up. Looking around. Panting. Growling. 

You slipped somewhere far beneath. Eyes inside the suit closing as you held a hand up.  
And when they opened again you _saw_.  
Saw the two beings. Bruce and Hulk. Unwillingly inhabiting the same space. 

And while you sent a wave of _calm_\- a wave of _peace_\- while you eased those raging waters to a still, you tried something else. Something _**new**_.  
You put a hand over Bruce’s unconscious heart. As you felt the bare flutter, you _pulled_ him to the forefront. Switching positions for them. Forcibly. 

It wasn’t the Hulk breathing hard then, as you dropped to a knee-  
Just seeing the bare end of that transformation. Green skin fading. Muscles and form shrinking- 

The next blink of your eyes turned into a drag, edges of your vision growing dark.  
_But you would not go_. You had work to do, still. You had to load Bruce into the jet- you had to-  
  
Tony’s hand on your shoulder gave you permission to wane.

But you still stayed.

* * *

Where you _came to_ was not comfortable in the slightest. There was a suffocating feeling of _darkness_ surrounding you, and when you dripped back into your own body with a jolt, a hand came to your arm to ease you. Warm and familiar. When your eyes focused, you saw Tony sitting directly aside you- on the jet. The team was feet away. All within reach. All extremely shaken up. Brooding. _Heavy_. 

You gave him a confused look and he gestured towards the console in front of him. Maybe he understood you’d been a little _gone_. Maria was on one of the screens. “There’s been no official call for Banner's arrest, but it’s in the air.” Ah. They were debriefing… 

Trying to sit up completely with a bit of a struggle, you shook your head. “That’s outrageous.” 

She focused on you. “Read the damage report.” 

Tony stopped the two of you. “We dispatched the Stark Relief Foundation. Should counterbalance some of it.” There was only a small sliver of relief, knowing that you always had Tony to watch your back. To watch _everyone’s_ backs. To keep things rolling. He’d called in disaster effort. That was very good. 

Maria nodded. “They’re already on the scene. No telling what that’ll look like. How’s the team?” 

What a fantastic question, and as soon as it registered in your brain, you turned to actually look at them. Steve was sitting by himself, hand under his chin, thousand yard stare. Thor was pacing. Bruce was sitting on the floor, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Natasha and Clint were in the cockpit. Everyone was very quiet. But very _troubled_. 

“Everyone’s…” Tony looked at you, and then back at his screen. “We took a hit. We’ll shake it off.” Probably wishful thinking. Had Wanda gotten to everyone? It seemed that way. While you’d been… _having a nice chat_. How had you gotten off so easily? Yet as Tony turned to look at you again a sharp strike of noise hit your ears- 

And you saw that _pleading pair of eyes_ as he reached out-

You had to shake the vision off, putting a hand to your head.  
Okay. Maybe not so easy.  
  
Maria sighed. “For now I’d stay in stealth mode. And stay away from here.” 

You shook your head. “Why? Who’s patrolling the tower?” 

“Every media outlet imaginable. It’s just better to-” 

Tony’s annoyance flared. “What. Run and hide? That makes for a _much_ better story.” 

Maria frowned. “Well. Until we can find Ultron, I don’t have a lot else to offer.” 

“Neither do we.” That was Tony’s form of a goodbye apparently, because he cut the call right after. “Come on, let’s you and I have a talk.” He stood, and _reached his hand out to you_\- something that shocked a bolt of _panic_ right through you before you could stop it. And now, free of the bonds of just a theater goer, your body went right into response, reaching out to take hold of him. 

_**Tightly**_. 

His gaze immediately turned questioning, but you found yourself lucky he didn’t say anything. Instead you lifted yourself to stand on shaky legs, and let him lead you both to the front of the jet. He tapped on the back of Clint’s chair. “Hey, wanna switch out?” 

Clint tipped his head back and gave the both of you a once over. “Nah. I’m good.” Then he put his eyes back out on the dash. “You two should get some kip. We’re still a few hours out.” 

You couldn’t help but ask, “A few hours out from where?” 

Clint shrugged. “Safe house.” 

For one reason or another, there was a light touch of _disappointment_. Both from you _and_ Tony. He ended up rolling his eyes, putting an arm around your shoulder to lead you away. But not before asking, “Some SHIELD leftovers?” 

It was all too easy, to feel the _guilt_ striking Clint, soft though it was. There was a little muddling of _deception_ somewhere in there, too. Not unlike the kind you’d felt a few days ago. “Something like that.” But this was what he offered. And you didn’t have enough in you to question him. 

There really wasn’t enough gratefulness in the world when Tony didn’t sit you back down on that bed near the right-center console, and instead led you towards the back wing of the jet. Away from the team. And their curious eyes. Their heavy _feelings_. The two of you sat down at a very small table, and you felt your body sag immediately. 

Much as you would have liked to _get some kip_ as Clint had put it, you knew… your own debrief was next. “Ultron set the whole thing up. I think he was planning on us finding him.” The words started spilling out. Tony put his arms on the table, and leaned a little closer in, just listening. “He held me hostage for a little bit. Tried to spell out his big evil plan.” 

Tony scoffed. “I thought he said he wasn’t going to do that.” 

“See. That’s what I said.” 

There was a brief twitch of a smile. “And how did that make him feel?” 

You found yourself shaking your head. “Well, he doesn’t like you very much.” 

“I gathered. Kinda made it pretty clear. ...but you?” 

“I don’t know.” Feeling like there was no right way to answer that question. “But he’s got something big going on. Something _world ending_.” 

Tony made a small noise of thought- slightly sardonic, though. “Interesting. Most big-bads we’ve encountered wanna rule the world. Not destroy it.” 

“Yeah, well…” Said on a _long_ sigh. “He doesn’t think there’s anything worth ruling.” 

Sitting back a little, Tony crossed his arms. “So. He’s sliding right along into his teenage goth phase, is he?” 

A wince hit you before you could stop it. “Don’t.” Tony looked up at you, and you were unable to hold his gaze. “This is- out of everything we’ve seen this is edging into a little _too weird_ for me. God- _he hates you_. He even talked about your-...” Suddenly you felt a little _guilty_. A little _terrible_. 

Tony was ten steps ahead of you. As always. “My dad, huh? Makes sense. In a twisted way.” _Realization_ hit him seconds after and the way he was looking at you was a little mix of _scared _and _hopeful_ all in one. “Oh.” 

He wanted you to be the answer.  
If Ultron had a soft spot for his _mother_ while hating his _father_… you were the answer.  
Except you weren’t. And you really wanted nothing to do with it. 

But you didn’t have that right. You couldn’t just check out of this and pretend it had nothing to do with you. Whether you’d meant it or not- same as Tony- Ultron was a problem now. _Your problem. _One you were responsible for. A few tears escaped while you weren’t paying attention, and you quickly raised the back of your hand up with a sniffle to swipe them away. “This isn’t the family I thought we’d be having.” 

“If we ever got around to it.” This wasn’t accusing or anywhere near negative. Especially not directed at you. 

Even still… it broke your heart. “Yeah. Doesn’t seem like we will now, does it?” 

He realized what he’d caused, even unintentionally, and reached out to hold your hand. “This is one thing. We’ll fix this.” 

“One thing and another thing and another-... we can’t have this conversation right now, Tony. We don’t deserve to.” Regardless, it would be the same one you’d always had. Repeating. Playing like a greatest hit. 

There was no room for a future. Not one like that. 

He frowned deeply, thumb stroking over the side of your hand. It was staring you both in the face- that Ultron was supposed to be the thing that allowed you to have all that. Allow you into a soft retirement. And now… now you were fighting him, same as everything else that came with violent intent. 

No. You’d never have a life. _This_ was your life. How much clearer could the universe make it? 

“Did those kids come and talk to you?” He was switching topics abruptly- into something almost as painful. And there was a _reason_ he was doing it. “Were they part of that plan?”

Must have been something in your eyes. Or the way you kept pulling away from him when he reached out- and then _desperately _holding on. ...yeah. That was probably it. “Pietro let me go.” Though he was asking if Wanda had done something to your head- _yes, __**she had**_\- this was an easier out. 

He seemed gently surprised. “You talked some sense into them?” 

“_God_.” The word came out in a muddled rush. A shaky, watery exhale, as you held his hand up, pressing his knuckles to your forehead. Just to _feel him_. ...and hide the rest of your shame. “I hope so.” 

Sliding forward, he let go of your hand so that he could wrap both arms around you. “If anyone can, it’s you. That’s sort of your _specialty_, if I’m remembering correctly.” 

You put all your weight against him, resting your head on his shoulder. “You have too much faith in me.” 

“I have just the right amount, I think.” 

The problem was that it was still entirely overwhelming. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony believes in his wife.  
Unfortunately for Ms. INY that's a little too much right now.


	163. Chapter 163

Despite all the trouble you were in and everything that laid ahead, there was always that certain _comfort_ that you drew when you were with Tony. The same must have gone for him, because the two of you fell asleep leaning against one another at the back table of the jet while Clint flew who knew where. Safehouse… some safehouse somewhere far away. Ultron was out there somewhere. Doing something. Something awful. 

But while you were miles up in the air with a very beaten and battered team- and… while you had Tony right there, hand in hand with you, you gave yourself small permission to drift. And it was sort of nice. For a little while. Free of nightmares. Just blissfully gone for those short couple of hours while Clint piloted. But when they were over you missed them dearly. 

The louder rumbling of the jet as it started its descent and then land spooked you back awake. As soon as your surroundings came back in clearer, you leaned in again to rub your forehead against Tony’s shoulder. Waded in his _warmth_ as his hand shifted up your back and he pressed a kiss to your temple. This was the plan now. Sit tight in some abandoned safehouse so that the media- and _governments of the world_\- couldn’t bother the team. Sit and _wait_ for Ultron’s next play.

This wasn’t a very good plan. At the very least you needed to start doing damage control- but, then again… Maria seemed to be on top of things. And she literally was the _head _of Damage Control. Right underneath you. Rhodey, no doubt, was also working. It just felt so wrong to be doing nothing. To just be waiting. In fact, it felt like asking for a lot of trouble. But what choices were being left to you? 

None.  
Absolutely none. You were being told to sit and wait. So that’s what you had to do.  
  
As you stepped off the jet behind everyone else and took in the scenery… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. For an abandoned SHIELD safehouse in the middle of nowhere, it was pretty idyllic. Clint had taken you to some big farmhouse. Many acres to roam, protected and shaded by large trees on all sides of the property. A couple beaten down trucks, A barn off on the right side. No doubt it had some heavy security system too- one that would have to be booted up. “What are our optics?” Your brain was going. This place had to be locked down, just in case. “What security are we looking at here?” 

Tony would have to do some work to Ultron-proof it, just in case he came looking for the group. But apparently nobody else had been told about this little sit-and-see plan, because Thor asked, “What is this place?” 

The walk up the gravel drive was short, and Tony merely shrugged as Clint approached the door. “A safehouse?” 

Clint took Nat inside first- she’d been looking a little rough. No more so than the rest of the team, but he’d been nursing her just a little. Probably spoke more to their bond than her condition. It was sweet, to be sure. Then the rest of you followed inside. 

...it didn’t look as abandoned as you would have thought. Not dirty or unkempt. In fact- there were-  
There were _kid’s toys_ in the living room. On the floor. Handknit blankets draped over a couch. An open magazine on the coffee table- 

“Honey?” Clint called out as he looked around and you felt rather _stunned_. 

But completely held by _shock_ as a very pregnant woman stepped out of the kitchen, mug and dish towel in hand. She was pretty _surprised_ to see the group standing at her door. If you were anyone else you might have assumed she was just some random contact Clint had run to. Someone he trusted. 

Except immediate _love_ bounced between them. She was _happy_ to see them, despite his unannounced guests. 

Your heart _**hurt**_. 

“I’m home.” He finished the rest of what made sense. Clint was _home_. That woman was his _wife_. She was pregnant with _his child_\- she approached him, putting her hands up to caress his face and gave him a sweet kiss. He mumbled around her. “Sorry about the company- that I didn’t call ahead-” 

Instinctively, blindly, and _painfully_ you reached out, hand connecting with Tony’s as he drowned in the same sudden and inexplicable _sadness_. Except unlike you he was rejecting the idea outright. “This is an agent of some kind.” 

Clint turned back. “Team, this is Laura.” 

Finally you got a good look at her as she turned fully to face the group. She was a beautiful woman. Short. Long brown hair, light brown eyes, and an exceptionally sweet smile as she pointed. “I know all your names.” 

The sudden stomping of little feet drew everyone’s attention. And this little picture became that much worse as two children- a young girl with braided blonde pigtails and a slightly older boy with a mop of sandy hair, bounded down the stairs as Clint crouched down. He caught the little girl in her speedy run, lifting her up into a tight hug. “Hey, sweetheart!” He then put his other arm around the boy, leaning in to kiss the top of his head. “Hey, buddy.” 

Good god.  
Clint Barton had a _family_. He’d had a family for _**years**_.  
He had been a SHIELD agent- he’d been an _Avenger_ **for years**. All while having a wife. And children. And- 

You were holding Tony’s hand so tight your arm was shaking. Clint had everything you’d sworn you could never.  
_How_? 

Tony continued your bewilderment, using his free hand to nervously point at them. “...those are… smaller agents…” 

It made sense. Clint was rarely ever around aside for missions- he had a room in the Tower, but he disappeared often. When SHIELD fell, he was nowhere to be found. But it wasn’t that he’d been hiding this from you- ...nor the fact that Natasha seemed to know about it, as she became joyous and the children gathered around her. _Auntie Nat_… 

No it wasn’t the secrecy or the omission.  
It was the _hurt_. The hurt that he’d figured this out somehow. Yet you’d been grasping and failing at some vision of a family. _A life like this_. A house. A family. Love that wasn’t beset by world ending events. ...how did they do it? 

You really were _aching_ inside looking at them. The perfect picture. You _**wanted this**_. You wanted this, for you and Tony. Clint had been living this the whole time and you’d never had a clue. _You still didn’t_\- had no clue how to do it. How he was managing. How. How how… 

Steve took a breath. “Sorry for barging in like this.”  
  
Tony was hanging on to his own _hurt_ while managing yours, no doubt. Still holding on to you tight. “Yeah. We would have called ahead, but we were too busy having no idea you existed.” Even his usual sass didn’t make you feel better.  
  
Clint nodded. “Yeah. Well. Fury helped me set this up when I joined. Kept it off SHIELD’s files. I’d like to keep it that way. I figure it’s a good place to lay low.” 

Yeah. That did make sense. It also made sense why you had no idea about it. Why no one did- except Nat. But they’d always been close. You had to clear your throat to make words go. “We’ll keep your secret for you.” 

The two of you looked at each other and you had to wonder if maybe it was just plain on your face. The _longing_ as you looked at him. His wife. Their kids. But he gave you a short nod. Laura smiled. “Shower’s upstairs, second door on the left. There’s some medical supplies too, if you need to get patched up. And we don’t mind if you borrow some clothes.” Accommodating and kind despite the drop in. She was probably used to it, you realized. Her _husband_ coming home with cuts and bruises. “I’ll start lunch.” 

A group murmur of _thanks_ hit the air and you didn’t wait for permission. Tony had a pretty nasty cut on the side of his face that needed tending to. The rest of the group, save Natasha and Clint (who were at _homebase_, so they’d be fine) were all a little more _super_ than he was. So you turned, hand still in his, pulling him upstairs. But really. Really you just needed to be away from them. And with him. To decompress. 

Maybe even reassure each other of something or other… 

You didn’t exactly push him, but were pretty insistent that he move a little quicker through the bathroom door, which you shut behind you and locked. You then guided him to sit on the closed toilet, and started rummaging through the cabinet. Finding a medkit and a bottle of peroxide, you set them down on the sink. And then were promptly stopped when Tony’s hand reached up to touch the back of yours. You braved turning your head to look at him. 

Waiting for you there were those big, beautiful brown eyes of his. Somewhat glassy. And entirely see-through. “Take a breath.” Asked gently of you.  
  
Your lips pressed together, swallowing hard, and then turned your head back to the kit- though you did do as he asked. Breathing in slowly and then out. Uncapping the peroxide you dumped some on a cotton pad and started dabbing his cheek softly. “How do they manage? How do they do this?” Keeping your voice very quiet. 

“I told you it’s not impossible.” His smile up at you was a little _cocky_, but at the same time still slightly broken. 

“Clint’s also not as public as us. So- it’s not the same-” 

“He’s as public as the rest of us, after what happened in New York. We sell toys of him. Who are you trying to convince here?” As he asked, your hand lowered, and you looked at him again. “You know where I stand on this. I mean if _Barton _can manage…” Both of his brows lifting. 

“We’re not Clint.” He was right. You were trying to fool yourself. Make excuses. It was easy to keep saying it couldn’t be done as long as _no one else had done it_. And before today, you’d been very sure no one else had. Or would. 

And you were so very wrong. Which meant… which meant you’d been wasting precious time. **Wasting time** convincing Tony that it couldn’t be done until this, that, and the other thing was fulfilled. Yet- _you could have_… you could have been living a life- ...and it… it was _your fault_ that the two of you had been delaying it…

How were you supposed to live with that?  
Live with yourself? 

His smile up at you made you hurt all over again. “Great news. Means we can nail this whole house-and-family thing even better.” 

You had to look away from him, throwing out the cotton pad, settling your hands on the sides of the sink, head dropping. “They have _three kids_…” It was so unfathomable. _How did she do this_? How did she sit at home, wondering if her husband would come home alive- 

...god. _God damn it_.  
You’d _already been living this life with him_. Yet you’d seen fit to deny every time he asked you to take it one step further. And for what? _For what_? 

He stood suddenly, setting his hand reassuringly at the mid of your back, stroking in soft circles. “Two. Technically. Although she’s definitely ready to go on that aforementioned third.” Shifting in, he pressed his forehead against the back of your shoulder in an affectionate touch. “Honey… we couldn’t have known.” 

“So what-” The words choked from you as you felt the _guilt_ come clawing. “I kept putting it off because it was so _unobtainable _and now what- we’re being shown up-” 

The two of you shared a watery laugh, unable to look at one another. “Just means we have to do it bigger.” 

“They have a head start.” 

“So? We’re _the Starks_. Now that we know what we’re looking at- we can build it _better_.” 

A few breaths hitched, you caught a few sniffles too, as you turned, standing a little straighter. Before you could wipe your tears away, his hands were there. Doing it for you. “We are not _the Starks_.” 

“Not yet.” One of those signature arches of his brows threatened to get your smile going. But you just weren’t ready for it yet. Suddenly he started patting at his pockets- “Damn it.” 

Reaching up, you wrapped your arms around him, holding yourself as close to him as you could, rewarded with his arms crushing you back. You were _clinging_ to him, but that was okay. “It wasn’t right here, anyway. We have a mess to clean up.” 

“Okay. I agree. But after?” His voice came somewhere close to your ear, low and _loving_. 

“...ask me after.” It wasn’t fair to the rest of the team, to be finding solace in each other like this. To be making plans for a future, like this. You had no idea what _after_ looked like either. So you couldn’t commit right now-

...but if anyone deserved it- wasn’t it you?  
You’d been waiting for a sign. You’d been waiting to see if this was possible. And now you had hard confirmation. Someone was already living this life. And if they could… 

Then so could the two of you. 

He held you that much tighter. His tone was full of _promise_. “I intend to.” 

* * *

Tony took the first shower. You asked if anyone wanted dibs on the second, and the team groggily passed it up, so you were next in line. Laura was kind enough to leave out a change of clothes for you, and Bruce passed you on your way out. Though you did ask him where Thor had gone off to, and he merely gave a weak shrug. There was no need to press him further.  
  
Coming down the stairs, you spied Tony and Steve out in the yard- …  
  
“Are they chopping wood?” Asked of Laura as you came into the kitchen.  
  
She looked over her shoulder with a shrug and a smile. “Seemed like they needed something to do. I couldn’t turn down the opportunity for some help around the farm.” 

“Can’t argue with that.” They were both probably still wound up. And much as you took some extended time to watch Tony swing that axe above his head and down in hard even strikes, checkered button down tied around his waist- ...right now was not a good time for ogling. “Do you need any help in here?” 

Waving you over, “You need something to do, too, huh? Mind helping with the salad?” Giving a little point to the counter where she had several vegetables laying out in wait, a big sharp knife, and a rather large bowl. 

“Sure.” You could chop up a salad. No problem. Not hard at all. What _was_ difficult was making food back to back with her in her kitchen. In silence. With too many questions. So much so that… eventually you really couldn’t help yourself. “Can I ask you something?” 

“How I do it?” 

You felt rather _caught_ as she asked that nearly immediately. “That obvious?” 

“You looked like someone punched you in the gut when you came in- no offense- and I’d like to not take any either, so I assume it wasn’t _really _directed at me.” Her tone was soft and understanding. So it was easy to _not _take offense to that, or worry about over-showing your own emotions. The problem was you really had no idea what to say. Thankfully she helped. “I was surprised, you know, when Fury said he’d picked the two of you out for this team thing.” 

However, you almost wished that there had been a drag of silence instead of _that_. “Oh. You knew Fury too?” Trying to not give your disdain away through tone. Probably failing. 

“Sure. We were close, for a little while. Had him over for dinner a few times. He’s been very good to this family.” 

A very good reason not to speak ill of him, you supposed. “Did you work at SHIELD?” 

“Absolutely not.” She spat this out with a little bit of a laugh. “No- actually- if you’d believe we live in such a small world, I interned at Stark Industries a few summers while I was in college.” 

Small world indeed. And getting smaller all the time. “Really? What department?” 

“Nothing important. I’m pretty sure I was the secretary’s secretary’s secretary. Fetching coffee, filing papers. That sort of thing.” You were nodding along as she spoke, even though she couldn’t see it. “I can’t imagine running a company and doing… _this_ is easy.” 

“No more easy than sitting up at night with kids wondering if your husband is going to come home, right?” You didn’t mean this maliciously- _hoped_ she wouldn’t take it that way. 

Luck held in your favor as she hummed out a breath. “This is… relatively new, you know. SHIELD was one thing. Then one day aliens are coming to a city miles and miles away and somehow Clint’s picked to deal with it. ...you sure you need him?” 

There was probably one reason she was asking this- and you were sure it had _nothing_ to do with the fact that Clint was most certainly lurking around. Maybe she had no idea he was in the next room. _You did_, though. You tried to not let it temper your answer too much. “We do. He’s saved our asses more than once. And out of everyone, he always makes the right directional calls. He was doing this a lot longer than most of us. Except Nat, I guess. Maybe not the _aliens_ thing but… the missions.” It only occurred to you the _other_ reason she was asking. “But… if he’d like to retire…” 

Her one-note laugh was a little sour. “That’s not up to me.” 

“Sure it is. You don’t expect me to believe he’d stay with us if you told him to come home, do you?” 

The two of you turned to look at one another. A passing but _understanding_ glance. Her grin was sad. “I can’t ask him to turn his back on saving the world.” 

“Yeah.” Sadness taking hold of you, too, then. “I get it.” 

She looked upset for a split second, like she understood it. She probably did. But instead of giving any advice about late nights wondering if someone would come home alive or- _god what would I tell the kids_?- she offered a little bit more of a real and warm smile. “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for this family.” 

This you weren’t expecting, though. “Me? I haven’t done anything. I didn’t even know you existed until two hours ago.” 

“Clint tells me you’re the brains behind the operation. The reason we have a _diverse portfolio_ and more than enough money to survive.” 

“_Oh_. Well- Hawkeye toys sell themselves. But, sure. I’ll take credit for his salary bump. I like to think I’m a little more _accommodating_ than SHIELD.” Allowing yourself one little grin. One little dig. 

“No less dangerous, though.” Her eyes dropped and you worried about what she would say next. “He also tells me you do more than enough. Cleaning up all the mess. I know that can’t be easy.” 

This was too hard to deal with. So flippancy came quickly with a shrug of your shoulders. “Someone has to.” 

“Yeah. Someone does.” 

It was hard to tell what she was getting at- and you didn’t have time to decipher it as Clint finally stopped sneaking around and made an appearance from around the corner. He came over, leaning in to press a kiss to her hair and then murmured something to her. A feeling of _realization_ came over her and she looked a little sheepish. “Hey- food’s about done. Would you mind letting Bruce and Natasha know?” 

The change of subject was so abrupt it left you blinking a few times over. “Bruce is upstairs taking a shower. Do you know where Nat is?” 

Laura was a fraction away from a smirk with a little roll of her eyes as she turned away. “Same direction.” 

Hm.  
You really hoped… they weren’t doing anything you’d regret walking in on. Though it was nice that they were finding some mutual comfort. 

..._a little too much_.  
In a terrible way- different than what you’d expected. 

But as soon as you’d gotten upstairs and were about to knock on the door, you heard Nat. And you didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Not really. It was just a little too hard not to after hearing her muffled voice behind that door. “-_you still think you’re the only monster on the team_?” 

Really. Honestly. This was clearly a private conversation. You needed to turn away or interrupt it. But Bruce answering her, “_So what? We disappear?” _

Your heart dropped into your stomach. Were they honestly talking about _leaving_? _**Ditching**_ the team? It was just that easy? Natasha spoke again. “_We keep moving._” 

Maybe you would have continued to listen in, though it was none of your business. It hurt your heart to hear two people you considered family talking about running away from everything- but a strike of _surprise_ hit you sideways. Not just anyone’s. _Tony’s_. 

It had you turning away. Hurrying downstairs. Putting a hand on the door outside looking at Steve who was suddenly all alone, “Where did Tony go?”  
  
Steve looked up at you. “He went into the barn. Something about a broken tractor.” 

Laura called you from the kitchen. “Can you give me a hand with this?” 

“One second!” Calling back and then rushing out into the yard, ignoring Steve’s questioning glance. Moving as quick as you could without actually running. Tony’s initial _shock_ had died down into something _uneasy_ instead- mixed with a familiar sense of _dread_. 

It was why you almost weren’t as surprised as he’d apparently been, as you opened the barn door-  
  
And saw him, wrench in one hand, leaning against the side of the aforementioned busted tractor.  
Talking to Nick Fury, who was sitting on a bale of hay. 

“What are _you_ doing here?” Quickly you shut the door behind you. 

“Nice to see you, too.” He looked up at you briefly and then very quickly looked down at his hands. 

Tony gave you a small wave. “Hey, honey.” His voice held a small tremble, something that pulled you closer to him. “Did I pocket dial you on accident?” Knowing, probably, why you’d appeared suddenly.

Putting a hand up his arm, you inspected him a little closer. “You okay? He do something to you?” 

“Not yet. He just showed up uninvited.” 

“Oh so like always.” 

Fury spoke up. “You know. I’m sitting _right_ here.” 

Turning towards him, you crossed your arms tight. “You are. Sorry to cut your conversation short but I need to ask you something.” It was now or never, right? Fury was off the grid. There would be no telling when you saw him next. 

“What now?” 

You leveled a hard look at him. “Did SHIELD run experiments on me in 1990? Were you responsible?” 

Maybe it was that he wasn’t expecting you to know about that, or maybe he just wasn’t ready, but he became momentarily _stunned_. Then there was a bit of odd _distress_ that bubbled up. And very suddenly he was standing- and _not looking at you again_. His hands went in his pockets as he paced. “You unleash an AI with murderous intent on the world, and yet still everything’s gotta be about _you_.” 

He seemed a little… _**off**_.  
Was it right? To think Fury would be so put out by you figuring something out? That he wouldn’t have an excuse ready? Was that really the Fury you knew? Maybe whatever he’d been doing in retirement had dulled him. 

“It’s a yes or no question.” You remained firm. This might have been your now-or-never moment. “Did you authorize-” 

“Now is really not the time for this.” The wave of his hand was dismissive. He was trying to play it cool. _But everything else that only __**you**_ _could sense was __**sweating**_. **Afraid**. He was _**afraid **_of something. 

And that was very, very bad. “What’s the matter with you?” 

“_Me_?” There was a tiny little uptick in his tone. “Nothing’s _wrong_ with me. How about we talk about Ultron and how you’re gonna clean up your mess.” Deflecting. Still unable to look at you. He honestly seemed like he might bolt out the back door.

This was not- _this was not normal_. Not for him. He couldn’t be so scared that you’d finally unearthed the truth, right? If Nick Fury was mad about something _you_ were responsible for, he’d be right in your face, and be damned whatever else you were asking for. But this? He was practically about to _run_.

Some sense of _responsibility_ pulled Tony into speaking. “Look- we’ll figure this out-” 

But you held up a hand to stop him. Something was not right here. All the hairs on the back of your neck were standing. Whatever sort of _sense_ you had for something being wrong with someone- ... wasn’t that _all_ you did? Wasn’t that what you were good for? 

Well. It was _**ringing**_ like crazy. 

And it was why you let your primary focus go.  
Why you let your gaze fog up as you dropped below into that space that belonged only to you. That was supposed to be part of you. That was supposed to _help you_ be more than what you were. Damn where it came from. 

What you saw was… Fury.  
Sort of. But it almost looked like he was drawn over. Like something was outlining him. Almost like the vision of _control_ that others had. But _not quite_. Getting closer to inspect it, it was almost like a… it was vibrating. _Alive_. 

But one touch- just a single touch of your pointer finger at his heart- 

_Shattered the whole thing_\- 

And before you could even see what you’d done, Tony’s sudden paralyzing _fear_, coupled with a sharp yank of your arm dragged you right back to the surface. Your vision cleared. 

His fear became your own very quickly. You double-tapped the Heart Reactor without even thinking, and held your hand up to charge up a repulsor shot. 

Nick Fury was no longer standing in front of you.  
But what was- 

Something green with pointed ears, still wearing Nick’s clothes, and as it turned to look at you, pitch back eyes- You weren’t successful in keeping your voice firm. “_What are you_?” 

The thing put its hands up- only just now realizing the hands that he was supposed to have were no longer there. Then the frantic starting shouted. “Wait wait wait!!” Speaking rather perfect english… accented, too. Strangely. ...Australian, maybe? “Wait- don’t shoot-” 

Tony came shoulder to shoulder with you, pointing. “You have ten seconds before she puts a hole through you.” 

“Okay okay _alright! _Just wait!” 

“Eight seconds.” 

“I’m just a _stand-in_\- look- _look alright_\- I can get Fury on the phone for you- _don’t shoot me_-” He lifted a communicator out of his pocket. 

This was one thing too many.  
What were you supposed to do with this? What were you supposed to think about _this_?  
But really… the only thing you couldn’t _stop_ thinking- the only thing you couldn’t stop wondering-

_How long had Nick Fury been an alien_? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I am doing this.


	164. Chapter 164

“He usually picks up on the first ring!” 

The alien was struggling with its communicator. You were running thin on patience. But for one reason or another your shock and fear had died. Mostly because… well he wasn’t very _threatening_. And you sensed he was very _scared_ of you. Scared you really would blow a hole through him. Tony had eased up a little too, but was still waving his hand around. “Ten seconds ended a minute ago, you know.” 

Really.   
Honestly… truly… it was amazing how _annoyed_ the two of you were. And not just. Blown away. Blown away that you were standing in front of another lifeform. One that could shapeshift. One that had taken Nick Fury’s place. No telling how long for. 

How did that not shake you to your very core? 

Had you really become that jaded? Were you that tired? 

“You know…” You sighed a breath out but kept your hand up. Just for good measure. “Even if he does pick up, how am I supposed to believe it’s not _another _one of you? You’re already a liar.” 

Tony tipped his head your way. “You know, that’s a _very _good point.”

“Look- he put me up to to this- I’m just doing him a favor-!” This alien was so very _frantic_. It really did back his story. That he was just _standing in_. 

The communicator on the other line picked up and you heard Fury’s voice. “_If you blew your cover I want nothing to do with you._” 

You and Tony shared another very exasperated look and at the same time read each other’s minds. “Yeah. That’s Fury.” 

The alien shoved his communicator your way. “Here. I told you so. Please put the weaponry away now. We can be nice with each other.” 

Tony narrowed his eyes. “Why don’t you get a grip, Shrek.” 

Fury spoke again. “_And you blew your cover with __**those two**__? I told you to get in and out, Talos-”_

Said _Talos_ whipped the communicator back his way. “I _tried_. What, you think I invited her for tea? I tried to get him alone. She showed up unannounced!” 

“_She does that_.” 

“**She** is right here.” You were beyond done. Stepping forward you yanked the communicator out of his hand and he backed up immediately once it was handed over. Turning it your way, you gave Fury a very angry glance. “And if you’ve been fooling around with aliens this _entire time_-” 

“_You’ll what_?” He scoffed at you. 

“I’ll tell everyone about this. LUNA’s been recording the whole time. Clearly you’re trying to keep this a secret.” Nick Fury had an _alien_ running around doing work for him. Yeah. That was pretty big news. “And- just for the record- I don’t _want _to keep any more secrets for you- so please give me a reason not to.” 

Fury scoffed. “_Yeah_. _You two are playing the same games that got you in trouble when we first started coming around. You’ve got enough secrets without me._” 

Tony interrupted the two of you barking at each other as he waved his arm again with a sharp little reprimand, “_Hey hey_\- away from the door. Back up. **Now**.” 

Talos had been trying to slip out. He put both his hands up again. “Alright, alright-”

He pointed to that bale of hay. “Sit down.” 

“I’m going- I’m going…” As Talos backed down to sit again, you watched him.   
  
Waiting until he was fully seated with Tony’s looming presence keeping him sequestered to put your attention back on the communicator. “Why is this thing doing your busywork?” 

“_That __**thing**_ _is Talos. A skrull. He works for me. He owes me._” 

Talos made a very frustrated noise. “Favors are running pretty thin at this point, to be honest.” 

Everyone in the room ignored him. You just ended up shaking your head. “Stop. You know what? I don’t care. Don’t explain this to me. The less I know the better.” 

“_At least we agree on that_.” 

You didn’t want to carry this around for Fury. It’d just be another thing on a pile of other things. And maybe Fury _was_ right. Maybe you had too many secrets of your own to worry about what the hell he was doing. Or why. Clearly this alien wasn’t a threat. “I just need one thing from you and then you’re free to go.” 

“_Oh. Am I being held on __**your**_ _orders_?” 

“Yeah. You are. So listen up.” Taking just a moment to gather your courage again. To ask _again_. “Did you authorize SHIELD experiments on me sometime in 1990?” 

Fury didn’t have an immediate response back. That was… probably bad. Fury without snark? Trouble. But he at least wasn’t as meek as the pretend Fury had been. And he didn’t seem like he’d just back down and run. Instead he barked out a harsh laugh. “_That’s what this is about? You throw the world into chaos and the only person you’re concerned with is yourself?_” 

“Not actively. But while I have you-” 

“_You don’t __**have**_ _anything. Believe it or not, I wasn’t the director of SHIELD the moment I joined. Certainly not in 1990_.” Alright. ...that tracked. And made sense. 

But- it also wasn’t what you were asking. He was dodging. “I don’t care what you’re the director of. Or when you started. I asked if SHIELD-”

“_I __**heard**_ _you. Stark’s been digging around where he shouldn’t have been- to no one’s surprise- and finally got around to telling you, is that it? What do __**you**_ _think he found?”_

You began shaking your head, lifting the communicator closer. “No. We’re not playing that game.” His next avenue of attack to avoid answering you was to try and play you and Tony against each other. That was _never_ going to happen. “There was a girl on that file- 1990- she was some labrat for Tesseract experiments-” 

Fury was probably hundreds of miles away, but he set a _cold_ stare on you that did its job. You were suddenly chilled to the bone as he cut you off. “_That __**woman **__is Carol Danvers. And if you knew anything about her, you’d know you’re not even __**half**_ _the woman she is.” _

There was some sort of flicker of weird recognition from Talos, and you even caught his head whipping up in your peripheral, but you ignored him. “SHIELD experimented on her?” You needed to get to the bottom of this. Okay. So. It wasn’t you. Was that good? Is that what you wanted? Right now you weren’t sure. But it was _somebody_ and if she was out there- 

“_You’re not even close. You never will be. Just let it go. It’s got nothing to do with you_.” 

“The researcher on that case led you to me. So cut the bullshit for once and just be honest with me.” It was a struggle to remain calm. To not raise your tone and yell at him. But what would it accomplish? He’d just get what he wanted. A rise out of you. You were determined not to give it to him. 

There was a small window of silence. The two of you stared at each other. And finally he gave something up. “_The scientist on that case went nuts when he picked up a similar signature. You’re lucky you’re not dead. I’ll give you the address where you can send my thank-you card_.” 

...this really wasn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want to _owe_ Nick Fury anything- and now he was saying he put someone in the ground- someone on his _own_ team- to save your life? No. This really wasn’t what you wanted at all. “The signatures-” 

“_Look. I’m very busy. And you’re a day late and ten bucks short at this point_. _The Tesseract has nothing to do with you. Carol has nothing to do with you. You didn’t crawl out of one of our labs. I can promise you that_.” This wasn’t satisfying at all. You were walking out of this conversation with nothing. “_Talos will reassume his position. His cover is not to be blown._” 

This reminded you of a lifetime ago.   
Natasha had shadowed you, too. And when she’d been revealed, Nick had asked- or told- this same thing to you. 

“How long has this been going on?” As you asked you looked up at Talos, and he tipped his head back up to look at you in kind. 

But Fury chuckled, and it drew your attention back. “_I thought you said you didn’t wanna know anything_.” 

Despite your better instincts, it seemed you really couldn’t help yourself. “What is he? Why is he here?” 

Talos groaned out a noise as he stood, like he was tired and his muscles ached. “_He_ is right here. You can just ask nicely.” Funny, you’d taken similar offense not five minutes ago. 

Fury cut between the two of you. “_I’ll leave everyone to it._” That was it. That was the end of the call. The screen went black. He was just trusting you wouldn’t go blabbing to the entire team. Or the world. He hadn’t even asked how Talos had blown his cover. Only figuring it had something to do with you and Tony- 

Maybe he’d expected that- maybe he wanted- 

“So.” Tony stopped your thoughts circling the drain. The ones that plagued you, when you’d been a little tighter under Fury’s control under SHIELD. The ones that wondered why he did things or didn’t do things. What the ulterior motives were. All the angles. You didn’t want to go down that path again. You didn’t have to anymore. “What are you, exactly?” 

One blink of your eyes and then another and he’d changed. Back into that facade of Fury. Funny. Now that you knew it was a disguise you couldn’t _unsee_ it. The cracks in the seams. The fakeness of it all. Talos crossed his arms. Fury’s voice came out of his mouth. “My people are called Skrulls.” 

Despite yourself, you couldn’t help but ask, “And what do you owe him?” 

He grinned. “Why not ask him that?” 

Tony rolled his eyes in that overly dramatic yet entirely sincere way of his. “You try asking that guy anything.” 

Talos laughed. “That’s exactly my point.” 

The two of you stared at him a little bit longer as he put his hands in his pockets, and then Tony turned suddenly, coming over to you, “Team meeting.” Said only a couple of seconds before he came closer and started murmuring. “We trust this guy?” 

“Absolutely not.” As if he had to even ask that. 

“Yeah. That’s my thinking too. So. What’s the plan?” 

It might have been childish and entirely terrible to put your shoulders up in the huge shrug that you did. But you were tired. And you didn’t have any answers. “My vote is ignore this and maybe he’ll just go away.” 

Tony seemed to be considering this. A lot. He cast a glance over his shoulder and then quickly turned back to huddle slightly with you. “Fury’s employing aliens and you just wanna look the other way on it? Who knows how many others are out there?” 

This was probably bad news. Tony already had enough on his plate. And his mental state regarding… _otherworldly affairs_ was not the best. There was no doubt he would not be able to rest with this new information on hand. That was a problem. A deep sigh welled out of you and you straightened your back, half turning to Talos. “Does Fury have any other Skrulls working in his employ?” And while he opened his mouth to speak you pointed at him. “Don’t lie to me. I’ll know.” Looking him square in the eyes. 

Talos considered this for a long moment. Then finally, “None _currently_.” 

Tony looked between the two of you but in the end deferred to you, watching you closely to wait for your judgment. About the only thing that mattered to him in that moment. You _looked_. You looked deep. But you weren’t getting _deception_ off him. “Are there plans to?” 

To this Talos gave a brazen shrug. It was weird now. He was definitely not trying to pretend to be Fury at all, even while wearing his face. “How should I know? You know what he’s like. Everything’s on a need-to-know basis.” 

Tony’s nose twitched in a bit of a scrunch, forehead wrinkling as he made quite the face. “And you- some guy masquerading around in his place- don’t _need-to-know_ things?” 

“Not _currently_.” 

_Anger_ flared up within Tony and you tried to put a soothing light over it, raising your hand to give him a small touch over his heart. Talos was being … well. He was being an asshole. But what more could you expect of someone in his position? Considering who he worked for, especially. And in what capacity. 

While you wanted to curb him to heel, someone fast approaching had you putting a hand up in warning to stop current discussion. Both men looked at you, and then the three of you looked as Steve opened the barn door and poked his head in. He also realized he’d interrupted something. “...everything okay in here?” It took a few seconds to register that Nick Fury was there. “_Oh_.” 

Talos put on quite the act pretty immediately, lifting his head in a bare acknowledgment. His tone dried up. “Nice to see you too, Rogers.” 

Steve stepped in a little more and crossed his arms. “What are you doing here?” 

Talos-Nick sighed. “You know, when I left, the world was a bit of a mess. But not quite like the one you’re all in now. Thought I’d _check in_.” 

“You won’t find me disagreeing.” Steve’s _haughtiness _not only bugged you but also ticked Tony off to a terrible degree. 

They must have been having a heated discussion out in the yard while you’d been speaking with Laura. He _had_ been pretty angry about Ultron, and you imagined that hadn’t changed after what had gone on in Johannesburg. To think Tony had been taking the brunt of all that… _as usual_… 

You turned Steve’s way. “We’re fine. We’ll be out in a minute.” 

The two of you shared a long look. It even looked like he might be attempting to stare you down. Too bad for him you weren’t in the mood. Eventually he broke with a shake of his head. “Sure. Whatever you say.” 

There was complete, stale silence in the barn until Steve actually removed himself and closed the door. When he did, Talos dropped the act again. But only to ask, “How did you know he was coming?” 

For all his stresses, this seemed funny to Tony for some reason, a little laugh escaping him. “You really _don’t_ know anything, do you?” Maybe this was relieving. In some way. 

Then again. Talos was asking how you knew someone was coming, but not how you’d forced his hand? He had some strange priorities. ...Fury trusted this guy? _Really_? Seemed like a poor decision. ...although he’d apparently been instructed to stay away from _you_. For this exact reason. 

Talos knew nothing.  
And as always, Fury knew more than he was letting on. 

You felt a headache coming on. “Are you staying?” 

Talos gave a shrug. “For a little while. Then I’ve got somewhere else to be.” 

This felt unsatisfactory for many reasons. But the biggest one Tony voiced for you, “Fury just asked you to drop in- why? What’s the point?” 

“How should I know?” 

The dual groans that escaped you and Tony came from somewhere _deep_ within the both of you. Talos knew little, he was also playing stupid. A terribly tiring mix. You looked at Tony. He looked at you. And you just knew the both of you understood how worn out the both of you were. “Food should be ready by now.” 

“Food sounds good.” Agreeing with a slow nod. He hooked a thumb Talos’ way. “He invited?” 

It only just occurred that Clint had told Laura something, and then Laura had sent you away. Laura, by Steve’s admission, had also told Tony to go to the barn. To meet Fury. The three of them were in on this. At the very least they knew _Fury_ had been lurking about. 

God you really needed a good night’s sleep. Finally deactivating your suit, you took hold of Tony’s arm to lead him towards the door. “Not by me. But I have a feeling he’ll invite himself regardless.” 

“Well, hey.” Tony’s voice lowered into a murmur. “He may as well actually be Fury then.” 

Talos shouted behind the both of you just as you exited, “You know, I can hear you!” 

One more thing.  
It was always one more thing. You didn’t want to worry about this. You didn’t have enough in you to do so right now anyway. But how many more _things_ were just going to keep happening? Keep showing up? 

Screw a night’s sleep. You needed to sleep for an entire year at this point. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I _love_ Talos.


	165. Chapter 165

Talos-Fury went ahead of the both of you into the house. Lunch was probably being served. But before you could take a step inside, standing on the porch, listening to the murmurs of a group falling apart slowly without realizing it, Tony put his arm up. In front of the door, blocking you. He half turned so that he could put a fuller gaze on you. _Scrutinizing_ to some degree. “You okay?” 

For one reason or another it always felt surprising when he asked this. The moments that he picked to do it. Always the ones where you weren’t. But more importantly, the ones where you didn’t realize that you weren’t- until he asked. “Why do you ask?” 

You hadn’t meant this as something snarky. There were a million reasons to not be okay right now. The idea of a family, of a life with Tony, was waning in and out of existence constantly. Rushing by you every second. There and then not. Changing every moment. There was Ultron. Hiding somewhere out there. Planning something huge and devastating. The way he felt about Tony. The way he felt about _you_ and whatever that was going to mean for the end of it all. 

And _now_. Now there were aliens walking around disguised as high ranking officials. Fury said they worked for him- at least Talos did. But was every member of this so-called race of Skrulls _good_? It was too broad a net to cast. Too optimistic. Not every human on earth was _good_ either. 

But when Tony’s arm drifted down from the doorway, his fingers brushing over the back of your hand before taking hold- you realized you were shaking. His eyes dropped to his fingers twining with yours and then lifted again just as his hand gave you a squeeze. His voice raised just slightly to get in past the living room into the kitchen where everyone had gathered. “Anyone mind if we skip the team luncheon?” 

All the voices in the back of the house died immediately. A dozen different _feelings _bombarded you, and you quickly put a wall up to reject them all. There was no room inside of you right now for anyone else. It was Fury’s voice that cut to the chase. “Don’t go far.” Talos seemed to be blending in just fine. 

“Just far enough.” Tony said this in a sigh, more to you than any of them. He then pulled you away from the house, down onto the path of the driveway, and waited still until you were outside the perimeter, walking the fenceline of the property to start talking. “You seemed pretty unphased and ready to ignore this. What changed between the barn and the deck?” 

“We can’t ignore this.” No matter how much you wanted to. No matter how much you’d like to say that was possible. “I don’t even know what _this_ is. What Fury’s gotten himself into. But I know it’s not good.” 

“When did we switch sides?” Moments ago Tony had been on the edge anxiety when you’d pitched the idea to him. 

“_You_ can’t ignore this.” So of course now you didn’t believe that he was on the opposite end. 

His mouth twitched, something you caught out of your peripheral. “Until we figure out Ultron, it needs to go on the backburner.” 

Blindly you found yourself nodding. “Sure. I agree. And then after that?” 

Something _awful_ twisted deep inside him. He stopped moving, turning to put his hands on one of the wooden posts of the fence, leaning in. His head dropped. And as he gripped, his knuckles turned a little white. He was holding in _so much_. “I’m starting to get it now.” There was a certain air of _defeat_ in his tone. 

Finally it clicked. _After that_.  
_Ask me after_.  
  
There was no after. Something you must have tried to impart to him countless times in your own haze of pessimism. There was no after. There was only this. A puzzle piece slid into place. Tony had not been in the best condition earlier that morning in the bathroom while you’d cleaned him up, but nowhere near close to breaking like he was now. 

“What were you arguing with Steve about in the yard?” It must have had something to do with this. 

And when his head turned up your way, gaze open and _bare_, you almost wished you hadn’t asked. “He’s looking for something else to fight while we don’t have a play for Ultron. Pretty typical for him.” The _resentment_ here wasn’t the usual shadow. He was actually _angry _with Steve. For what reason? There was no point in chastising him over the insult. Instead you waited for him to finish. Eventually his head dropped again, casting his eyes far out across the field. “Steve’s upset. More than just the secret keeping. It’s about where it would have led.” 

It sounded like Steve was picking on Tony while he had him within arm’s reach. Before, back in the lab, he’d been ready to give it to all three of you. Everyone that was even remotely responsible for all this. While you didn’t like bathing in his constant disappointment, there was little you could do. But this was something else. _Where it would have led_? “He’s upset about- ...about _what_ exactly? That we wanted a defense protocol?” Tony gave a rather useless shrug to this and you felt yourself toeing the line of being just as angry as the rest of the men stomping around this farm. “Maybe we should blow Talos’ cover then.” 

Tony’s head whipped up your way, and perhaps he realized just what sort of monster he’d provoked. 

But it was too little too late to stop it, as the _frenzy_ wound you tight. “Maybe I should pull all of our reports on every single incident that’s happened since New York. I’ll sit their asses down in a conference room and put on a four hour long presentation about loss of life. About how much money _we _spend to make it right. How many hospitals we’ve bought out- how many funerals we’ve paid for. And you can bookend it with all your research about what’s out there. How much we _don’t know_-” 

Very suddenly he’d stood up from his leaned over position, hands going to your arms, holding you _tight_. “Honey- slow down-” His _nervousness_ didn’t serve to temper you. 

“No- Tony- _this isn’t __**fair**_!” You were almost pleading with him. Completely childish as you did so, too. If you’d stomped your feet it would be a perfect picture. “They have _no _idea-” 

“They don’t.” He said this very firmly, trying to ease you off that, perhaps justified, righteous and indignant high. “You put in work on the frontend for them, and I’m toiling away on the backend. And at every turn, not one of them seems to care unless it directly affects them. Is that what you want to hear? I don’t disagree with you.” 

This tore the wind from your sails and you deflated almost immediately. There was no point yelling at him. He was on the same team. ...but- even thinking that, wouldn’t that make Fury right? Did you and Tony improperly see yourselves as a duo against the world? Against your own team, even? 

“I don’t want to do this forever.” You’d said this to him. A long time ago. You were sure he’d never stopped thinking about it. Ultron may have been proof of that. “But what choice do we have?” You felt so _**helpless**_. To them. To everything. To all of it. 

“So we’re being held hostage by the universe at large, is that what you’re saying?” 

With a little flippant wave of your arm, you gestured back towards the house. “There’s an alien in the kitchen right now. We don’t even know why.” 

His eyes lowered, and a frown finally appeared. “Yeah. And aliens came to New York. And we’re still cleaning up after it.” He didn’t want to agree with you. He’d been trying to find every opportunity not to. Even if he’d had to _create_ one himself. 

“You said Ultron was our chance at not doing this anymore. And even he wants nothing to do with earth.” There was a pang of _hurt_ that bled from Tony’s heart to yours, and you only then realized what you’d done. Blaming him for this mess much like everyone else, while also blaming him for not being able to fix the mess that had become your lives- at least that’s how he was taking it. You made every effort to be gentle then, reaching up to hold the side of his face in the palm of your hand. His own reached up to almost desperately latch on to your wrist. “I think the problem is us, Tony.” 

His brows knit, head tipping to the side. “How do you figure?” 

“We could walk away right now. _Right now_.” It would be so easy. Take the suits. Go anywhere in the world. _Disappear_. Nat and Bruce had been talking about it, and you and Tony had far more means. “But we both know we’d be looking back. We’d be unhappy and unsatisfied. Knowing that we could do something.” 

“Because we’re the only ones that can clean up messes?” He was riding a very thin line between sardonic and understanding. 

“So what is it we have to do to make that not true anymore?” As you asked this of him, you watched as the wheels started spinning in his brain. The two of you weren’t the _only_ ones capable of fixing things. But the two of you were- again- the one with the most means. “Ultron is a bust. It’s not your fault.” Saying that quickly, trying to make sure he understood that you meant that. “But if we wanna step back, we need…” Something caught in the back of your throat. 

It felt terrible, what you were trying to say. What you were getting at. Tony finished the thought for you. “We need a better team.” 

That was it.  
That was also very unfortunately a tough thing to work through. 

“Bruce is only part of this when he’s forced to be. Clint is about to have a third child and his wife wants him home. Thor comes and goes as he pleases. You and I are tired. Natasha- ...I feel awful for eavesdropping, but she was seconds away from trying to convince Bruce to pack a bag and go.” 

Tony felt _awful_ then too, the second what you were saying registered. “What?” 

“I overheard them.” Glowering as you admitted this. 

“They know?” 

You shook your head. “No.” 

He heaved a very big sigh. “I had no idea they’d gotten that serious. Good for him.” Turning away again, as you let your hand drop away from him, he moved to lean against the fence again. “But- that should make it easier. Look. If other people want out, we’re not bad for trying to get on the same ticket.” 

Moving to lean aside him, your head dropped. “The team is falling apart. Steve seems like he’s the only one ready to be here forever.” 

“Well that’s _his _problem.” This ejected so _darkly_ out of Tony it nearly spooked you. When he caught the way you were looking at him he tried to amend, “He had the audacity to lecture me about getting a leg up on **war**. But he’s _never_ not on army time.” The way he was looking at you… for _approval_. 

He wanted you to agree. 

This little chat had so quickly turned into the two of you skirting the line of talking shit about your teammates. You weren’t sure you liked it. “I think… Steve is happiest when he has something to do. And fighting _the good fight_ is kind of all he knows.” You’d tried to tell him to live an actual life. Tried to encourage him dating. Expanding on anything else that wasn’t- ...well, as Tony had put it, _being on army time_. 

Tony scoffed rather loudly, dropping his head again. “Tell me about it.” He turned his hand inward, pointing at his chest, “Yet I get read the riot act about Ultron and trying to pull ahead? He _lives_ for this. If he wasn’t doing this, he’d be sitting in an apartment- _alone-_ waiting for a call.” 

Reaching up, you soothed your hand up and down Tony’s back. He was venting. He was _angry_. Steve had caught him at a bad time when things were too raw. And apparently had had the nerve to continue to blame him for everything. You understood where this was all coming from. He needed to get it all out now, whether he meant it in its entirety or not (and you assumed he didn’t). He needed somewhere safe to express this. 

It was in good hands with you. 

A long moment of silence passed and his stewing petered out. It was when you found the courage to push the next step. “So what you’re saying is, once we’re finished here, we’re going to hand everything over to Steve.” 

This hit Tony like a punch to the gut and he pushed back from the fence to level a very confused look your way. “_Is that_ what I’m saying?” Implying pretty easily that you had a hearing problem. 

Shifting away to face him fully again, you laid your hands against his chest. Instinctively his own moved to hold you at your waist and the two of you looked at each other. “Steve wants to keep fighting. We’re tired. We want to try and have a life. This _is_ his life. The only problem is we’re going to have to trust him with this part of it.” 

In lieu of Ultron, Tony’s dream protection protocol for the entire world, you had to put your full faith in Steve Rogers. Captain America. You had to believe he would do his very best. That he would build an even better team. That he would lead them and see them through anything. That he would take missions and _fight the good fight_. And win every time. You had to do all of this because if you didn’t… 

You and Tony would wind up right back where you’d started.  
With even less than nothing to show for it. 

Tony seemed to be thinking about this. For a very long time. But suddenly a smile with a feeling of _defeat_ backing it cracked out of him, and his eyes closed while he hung his head. “Unbelievable.” Laughing, too, for that matter. “I can’t believe dad built the better project, in the end.” 

Unable to help the look of shock on your face, your brows went straight up. ...well… it was kind of true wasn’t it? Tony had built Ultron to protect the world.  
Howard had perfected the Super Serum with the same idea in mind. 

Lifting up on your tiptoes, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer. He held you back in a squeeze, resting his head against your shoulder, still chuckling. You tried your best, “Look. As far as that idea goes? He had a hand in _building_ one of the only things I care about.” 

“Alright- let’s not get weird about it-” Still half-laughing. 

You pressed your cheek against his, giving him a little nuzzle. “That’s fine. You did all the work after the fact anyway.” 

“Like most things.” 

“I agree.” When the chuckles died down again and he stood straight again and looked at you, you let him know, “I love you.” 

His smile was easy and honest. “I love _you_.” Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a moment and then shifting back again. “...mind if we keep walking?” 

Lowering your hand from his chest, you found his again, sliding your fingers alongside his. “Not at all.” You’d walk as long as he wanted to. 

* * *

The sun had just set by the time you and Tony called it quits and returned to the ranch. The soft rain that had started to fall had probably more to do with it though. As usual, the two of you found each other a little too wrapped up in each other’s comforting company to remember to come back to a citation that was anything but. Much as you would have liked to keep walking in circles, there was still work to do.  
  
...and you were getting pretty hungry.  
  
Dinner was being set on the dining room table as the two of you entered the house, the smell of food wafting through. Seasoned chicken. Vegetables. The salad you had chopped for Laura earlier- probably went ignored during the lunch you’d skipped out on. The silence in the room was stifling and everyone else pushed food around their plates. Except for you, Tony, and the kids. Laura seemed in an okay mood, but she was _forcing _it. 

Talos-Fury kept taking short little looks at the both of you- ...not just him. Everyone. Everyone was sneaking little looks and glances your way. They were lucky you were too tired. Otherwise you might have said something about it and really started a fight. The one you’d left at the edge of the property with Tony. 

While you collected the plates from the table and tried to make a play at washing up, figuring the guests should help out, Talos-Fury nudged you aside. And while you made quite a face at him he just gave you a dead-eyed stare and you gave up fighting with him over _dishes_ and instead went the next room over to Tony. He’d picked up some darts and was mindlessly throwing them. Mind still going, you knew. “Mind if I play?” 

His grin was tired as he held out his palm. “Only if we’re playing 501.” 

“I don’t feel like doing that much math right now.” 

“I’ll do it for you.” 

“Ever the gentleman.” 

To no one’s surprise, he was better at the game. Both aiming and the math. And while you were just spritely enough to challenge him to a second round after you’d lost, Fury’s voice took control over the entire house. “So. Are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room?” A clatter of a plate hitting the dish rack was the only thing between his first sentence and the next, not really giving anyone time to speak. “Playing at family is nice, but Ultron’s still out there. You let him kick your asses once, what’s gonna stop him the next time?” 

Natasha took a sip of her beer. “Did you come here just to yell at us? I’ll be honest. I missed this.” 

“I didn’t.” Your voice flat as you leaned out the entryway, crossing your arms. Tony was very close behind you. 

Fury looked over at you from his spot at the sink and then pushed away to start pacing the room. “My contacts all say he’s building something. And with the amount of Vibranium he made off with, I don’t think it’s just one thing.” 

At least for this one Steve seemed a little more on your side, a small batch of _annoyance_ flickering off him. “What else do your _contacts_ say? You got a location yet?” 

With a sway of his hands, Fury scoffed. “Ultron’s easy enough to track. ‘Cuz he’s _everywhere_. Guy’s multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit. Still doesn’t help us get an angle on any of his plans though.” 

So. As usual, _somehow_, Fury seemed to have more information than anyone else doing the rest of the work. _What a shocker_. Where he was getting that info? ...it could only be from one source. Which meant Maria was going behind your back. And probably had been. For a _long_ time. Tony stopped your stewing when he asked, “He still going after launch codes?” 

Fury braced the back of the kitchen counter in a little lean, looking over again. “Yes, he is, but he’s not making any headway.” 

Tony made a little noise in the back of his throat. Something _haughty_. “I cracked the Pentagon’s firewall in high school on a _dare_.” Now was not the time to let his ego get to you.  
  
...later.  
  
Reaching back you gave him a soft pat to the side. “So we should count our blessings he didn’t inherit _all _your smarts.” Because you highly doubted the Pentagon was any more secure since then. 

Fury started pacing slowly. “I contacted our friends at the NEXUS about it.” 

Steve looked up. “NEXUS?” 

Bruce made a vague gesture from his spot standing in the opposite corner. “It’s the world internet hub in Oslo. Every byte of data flows through there. Fastest access on earth.” 

Intense _interest_ was flaring up from Tony behind you, but it was Clint followed up. “Yeah? And what’d they say?” 

Finally stopping his pacing, Fury came back over to the small island counter, leaning in over it. “Ultron’s fixated on the missiles. But the codes are being constantly changed.” 

Tony took a little bit more residence beside you, fixing a stare Fury’s way. “By whom?” 

Fury gave him a flat stare. “_Parties unknown_.” 

Nat sighed. “So we have an ally?” 

Shaking his head, Fury scoffed again. “_Ultron’s_ got an enemy. That’s _not _the same thing. Still… I’d pay folding money to know who it is.” 

So. Ultron was still trying to get a hold of nuke codes every second of the day- but someone was stopping him. It would be good to know who it was. Aside all that, nukes were a little _obvious_. Ultron really intended on obliterating the entire earth- not something entirely surprising, after the little chat you’d had. But-

A little startle went through you as Tony put his hand on your shoulder. “Seems like we might need to visit Oslo. To find our _unknown_.” He was thinking the same thing. Maybe Fury had a point. Maybe they weren’t exactly on your side either- whoever it was. Because wouldn’t they announce themselves to you? But having a common enemy was good. Especially for someone as talented as that. 

Hanging her head back, a little bit of tired _disappointment_ wafted off Nat. “Well, this is good times, boss, but I was kind of hoping when I saw you, you’d have more than this.” 

A lead was a lead but maybe she had a point. Fury had come here just to say this? It could have come over a phone call. He was _checking in_. Why? Although maybe you already knew. This was some sort of test run. Fury had directed Talos to make contact here. With pithy information. Maybe just to see if he could handle this facet of fakery before _moving on_ to somewhere else. 

That was trouble. But you were already dealing with far too much. Better not to dwell on it. 

Fury swept his hand out across the room. “I have you. Back in the day, I had eyes everywhere. Ears everywhere. Here we all are, back on earth, with nothing but our wit and our will to save the world.” 

Tony was the one that decided he was going to poke at that bear. “I’m sorry, have we been anywhere else?” 

Yes.  
Yes this did remind you immensely of your first experience with _cover agents_. 

Fortunately for Talos, and Fury, no one else seemed to get the _joke_. Fury just made a quick face and then ignored Tony outright. “We can stand here talking all night. It won’t change anything. You need to take a stand. Outwit the platinum bastard.” 

Natasha suddenly grinned. “Steve doesn’t like that kind of talk.” 

It was probably a poor time for it, but you found yourself smiling, too. Steve seemed just as amused at the tease, thankfully. “You know what, Romanoff?” 

Fury stopped playtime. “What does Ultron want?” 

“I talked to him. Briefly.” Finally deciding to give up this information. All eyes suddenly went your way and it felt like a hot spotlight opened up above you. Tony’s thumb swooped over the line of your shoulder as he still held you, steadying you. “He doesn’t see a point to anyone currently on the planet. He thinks everyone is violent. Not worth protecting. He wants to start over.” 

Steve’s head dropped in thought. “So he thinks he’s better than us. Or he _wants_ to be better.” 

Tony started thinking out loud. “But then why keep building _human_ bodies? He put himself together in the machining port. He built a new body after that. _Person_ bodies. If the human form is so inefficient, biologically speaking- we’re outmoded, yet he keeps coming back to it.” 

Nat snorted. “You know. If you three programmed him to protect the human race, you _amazingly_ failed.” 

A sudden _spark_ hit Bruce and he came closer to the table. “They don’t need to be protected- didn’t you hear her? He’s beyond that-” He looked up at you suddenly. “They need to evolve. _Ultron’s_ going to evolve.” 

Fury was about as confused as you were. “How?” 

But there they were again, playing off each other. Tony stepped aside you, asking this towards Bruce but of the entire room- “Has anyone been in contact with Helen Cho lately?” 

_Then_ it hit you. “She said what she was working on- ...it would make your suits obsolete.” And Tony, in his optimistic wisdom had basically told her_\- I hope it will_. 

Tony puffed out a _bitter_ huff of amusement, shaking his head. “He’s hoping to prove me right.” 

This was a problem. Because usually, _Tony was right about everything_.  
At least according to himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as they suck sometimes, I really enjoy writing these raw moments between Tony and Ms. INY where they just let it all out with each other. It's at least nice to know they will always have each other. Even when everything else is always falling apart.


	166. Chapter 166

As predicted, Helen Cho was now MIA. Or at the very least not answering her phone. But it all meant the same thing. She’d been abducted by Ultron and was being used to create his next, probably _final_, body. The one that would be too much for anyone on your team to deal with. This had to come to a stop. Very quickly. After the party she’d gone back to her labs in Seoul, so that’s where most of the team was heading now. With the hopes that it wasn’t too late.   
  
The plan was to take the Cradle away no matter what. Steve, Nat, and Clint were headed there.   
Fury was headed back to the Tower to link up with Maria, and he had plans to take Bruce there so he could start prepping the labs for the Cradle’s arrival. It would have to be dismantled.   
Tony was headed for the NEXUS in Oslo so that he could try and sniff out Ultron’s second enemy.   
  
Where did that leave you?   
  
Tony didn’t really need you to go to the NEXUS with him. You wouldn’t be much help. It was all tech stuff, at least that was as much as you’d gleaned while he’d been talking about his plans with the team. He was going to go there and decrypt the codes himself- or at least find out what this other person was doing and try and one-up them. Just generally piss them off enough to have them come out of the shadows enough for a talk. You couldn’t help with _any_ of that. That was all Tony stuff. Bruce didn’t need you around for similar techy reasons.

So that left you really going with the rest of the team to Seoul. This made the most sense, too. Ultron was there for sure, hiding out with Cho, trying to get her to do whatever it was he needed her to do. The twins were probably there, too, playing security. So you needed to go with them in the hopes that maybe you could have another faceoff with Ultron and the kids. Maybe actually talk some sense into them some time. And if not- then _beat_ some into them, if necessary.   
  
But when you stayed a little too close to the group taking the jet, Tony put a careful hand on your arm and dissuaded you. While the others walked out across the yard while the sun was just starting to come up, you stood on the porch with him. “What’s up?” 

“You’re coming with me.” He said this like it was an order and amended a mere second later. “...aren’t you?” 

“I don’t think you need me.” 

“I always need you.”

This was no time to be smiling or basking in the constant reverence he had for you- ...but you allowed yourself a small moment before forcing yourself to get serious. “I appreciate that.” Laying a hand over his heart as you told him so. “But you’re going to go fish out some hacker. I can’t help with that.” 

“It’s not the fishing part I’m concerned with, it’s the de-hooking.” Clearly he thought he could do this, otherwise why would he go? Though what choice did he really have? He was the only one capable. So he was going. A common thread through most of your lives now. 

“De-hooking.” Said a little flatly as you cast a look up at him. 

“I can pull this guy out of the water with the _finest_ bait. But getting him to come play on our team- I need you for that.” He seemed pretty serious about this. That this was _you_ task. For obvious reasons. 

But… you couldn’t resist an arch of your brow. “You’re not leaving your _people pleasing_ duties to me, are you? I haven’t been your assistant in quite some time, you know.” Six years in fact- in November of this year. 

“You’re better at it. There’s no harm in admitting it. Doesn’t bruise my ego. People prefer you over me.” 

“There was a time when that was absolutely not the case, you know.” When you got shoved aside as soon as Tony came into radius. That was fine. You were fine with that life while it was happening. 

Suddenly, almost too suddenly, you were the favorite. ...Tony’s, too. What a world. “Well it is now. So come with me to Oslo. I’ll bait the guy and you charm him.” 

There was a little tilt of your head. “You assume it’s a guy?” 

He looked a little caught and held a hand palm-up. “Totally right. You can put in a complaint with HR later.” 

Leaning up, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I am HR. And I’ll give you a pass. This one time.” 

“I assume I owe you a favor in return.” 

“About a million at this point.” 

The two of you were wearing matching grins at one another. “But who’s counting, right?” 

* * *

You made a quick pit stop at the Tower ahead of Bruce and Fury just to change clothes and check in. While you were fitting yourself into a more _presentable_ outfit (not that you were ungrateful for Laura’s hospitality) you also called in to the NEXUS to schedule a drop-by. Anything to announce your overt presence was good right now. While it had the benefit of also drawing Ultron’s attention, the two of you were more concerned with this hopeful ally knowing you were about to try and undo all their hard work. 

The people on the other end of the line were entirely _delighted_ by the idea that you and Tony were coming by. And they promised to let him do whatever he wanted. Because he was Tony Stark- and because they were expecting you since Fury had called earlier. Something else that worked to your advantage. You had them clear out the building except for what you left up to them as being essential personnel. 

  
Deciding against flying in the suits, the next stop was the private Stark Industries airfield where you hopped aboard a small private jet with him. Happy called halfway through the flight to complain that you hadn’t asked him to help. A smaller fire to put out, to be sure, but you told him this was more _Avengers_ business and less _business _business. It didn’t exactly make him feel better, but he did relent. 

With Tony on the wheel, and this being a slightly slower journey due to the way it was being taken (which was really not the best idea as the clock was ticking, but the quinjet hopping over to Seoul wasn’t a quick ride either), you sat in back for just a little bit to try and get some of your _other_ work done. Emails that were piling up. Calls that needed to be made. Reports that needed to be checked on. Your brain wasn’t very focused, though. It didn’t take you too long to give up and go sit co-pilot. 

“So what do we do once we get there?” Asking him after lowering the volume of his music. 

“I go to the main console and start undoing all this person’s hard work. They’re trying to keep Ultron out- which is great for us.” His eyes were ahead on the clouds, hands steady on the wheel. ...joystick? Whatever. 

You hummed out a small noise. “Going for nukes is a bit overkill. But Ultron must have a backup plan since he hasn’t been able to get his hands on them. Getting rid of us is one thing. Getting rid of _everyone else_ is another.” Nuclear devastation worldwide was an easy out. 

Though Tony was nodding, he seemed unsure. “Got a read on what that _backup_ might be?” 

“Something big.” 

“Very helpful.” 

“You’re welcome.” Smiling over at him briefly, taking his teasing in stride. “So. The NEXUS?” 

“Yeah. Well. Like I said. I’m gonna undo all the hard work. Decrypt all the codes. It’ll probably trigger some alarm bells and after that I can target location once whoever it is starts trying to change them around again.” He flipped a few switches and then turned the captain’s chair sideways in a swivel, looking at you. 

You mirrored him, setting one leg up on the other, clasping your hands over your knee. “Ultron is having a tough time with this person. You think you can do better?” Asking earnestly, not bitingly. 

His grin told you all you needed to know. “I have to say… you dressed so sharply, cutting me down to size. It’s kind of working for me.” 

It was an exceedingly difficult task not to smile- or give in to him. “Let’s save the world first before we start the pillow talk.” 

“We’ve done it so many times. Basically have it down pat, at this point.” 

* * *

Three people met you outside at the entrance after Tony put the jet down. One woman, Thea, seemed like she was at the head of operations for the NEXUS. While she was happy to meet the both of you (...Tony more than you, which was fine), she was extremely focused and right to the point, although curious about what was going on and what the two of you were planning to do (...again, Tony more than you, still fine). The other two, a younger woman by the name of Millie, and a young man by the name of Cedric, seemed to be her assistants. 

And were entirely more giddy to meet Tony Stark in person. Also to follow around very close while you were being shown around. And not sneaky in the slightest as they snapped a few pictures here and there. It was annoying and unprofessional but you’d put up with it for now. 

The building was pristine and surgically clean, humming with the life of servers and computers and a probably many other things that were beyond you. It was almost a little intimidating, but you found yourself a little bit at ease with Tony’s confident yet casual struts. Walking around like he owned the place. Inspecting panels as the group walked by. And then when Thea brought you to the main room, Tony walked ahead to one of the more obvious computer consoles, shaking his hands forward and then fanning them over the double keyboard. 

You were probably entirely see-through as you leaned over, watching him go to work.   
His hands were quite beautiful. 

And he was _aglow_. In his element. 

“A hacker who’s faster than Ultron is a pretty interesting idea. He could be anywhere.” Tony gave half a glance over his shoulder at you.  
  
Which prompted you to step closer despite not having anything to do. “So we could be home, is what you’re saying.” 

“Relaxing on a couch, I’m sure.” Wry little smirk lifting the corner of his mouth. “But- the NEXUS is the center of everything. So now we’re just looking for a needle in the world’s biggest haystack.” 

Your eyes tried to focus on the screen. On what he was doing. But he was moving so fast, typing away so busily- yet every keystroke with passionate purpose- he might have invited you to stand beside him, but you were really miles behind. “How do we do that, exactly?” 

“Pretty simple.” A few more pointed hits on the keys and he turned to look your way, eyes a little _delighted_ behind his amber sunglasses. “You bring a magnet.” Speaking plainly for your benefit, you knew. His attention returned back to the screens. A little singsong escaped him, “Oh- I’m decrypting nuclear codes and you don’t want me to…” Like he might play pied-piper to this hacker on the other end. 

It was a wonderful thing. _Truly_. Watching him so alight with energy. Watching him _work_. 

His next hum, something deep and rumbly, shot straight through you. “_Hmn_. **Gotcha**.” Overly _confident_ and just oh-so sure of himself. This was no time to be so unfocused. But you really couldn’t help yourself. 

“Found them?” Trying to actually keep your mind at the task at hand, you leaned just a little up and pretended like you understood anything you were looking at on the screen. 

“They’re trying to one-up me- currently- and- almost doing a good job of it- now- if we can keep them busy while we pull a locate-” He kept saying _we_ but he was the one doing everything. And you really had absolutely no hope of helping him out. ...so you similarly _hoped_ he wasn’t really asking you to do anything. 

A box popped up on screen: _Impressive_. 

Tony clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth. “What’d’you think? Should I take the bait?” 

Your brows lifted high. “I thought we were doing the baiting?” 

“Someone’s the bigger fish here. I’m eager to find out who.” _Eager_ being an understatement. He was practically exploding with energy over this. Then again, it wasn’t every day that Tony Stark met an intellectual match. He typed back: _Invite me over. _

It took no time at all- literally one second, _maybe_ two, for a response to shoot back out: _No, I think I’ll come to you. _

That sounded extremely threatening. This person was playing around with nuke codes- playing _keepaway_ sure, but… you had no idea whose side they were on. And very quickly this had turned menacing. You put a hand on Tony’s arm. “What do they mean by that?” 

Question asked and answered in a matter of moments. 

Your visor kicked on without any prompt, sliding across your vision and then flooding with bright light that very nearly _blinded_ you. On instinct you stumbled back, eyes closed tight, hands reaching up with a hiss. Then _fear_ made you smarter, and you pulled your Reactor off your chest and threw it in Tony’s general direction, trusting that he would catch it. Whoever this was, they were _infecting_ your tech. The last thing you needed was for them to trap you in the suit and take you for a joyride. 

“_Tony-_” 

“Hang on-” The sound of his typing was different- not on _their _computers, you realized, probably one of his fold out tablets. 

Why you? You weren’t even involved. Not really. Then again, if it had to be somebody- 

Something strange hit you. Like a warm bolt of lightning right across your forehead, over your scalp, and down your spine. It was a weird sensation. Though you’d ditched the Reactor, you wondered if they were redirecting nanobots in an effort to hurt you somehow. “Stop!” Not sure who you were asking. The person responsible, at the very least. 

...and then it did. Everything died down. Even the light. When the brightness faded you chanced a few blinks of your eyes, seeing something behind your comprehension flooding the screen. Code? Lines of it. And then a boot-up percentage- 

And then- 

“_My apologies, Ms. INY. I mistook you for a hostile force_.” 

_**JARVIS. **_  
Clear as day- that was _JARVIS’_ voice. A warm feeling wound deep in your chest as your head whipped up. “Tony-” 

His look of stupor melted into an equally warm grin. “Well how ‘bout that.” 

* * *

The three of you were on the jet out of there fairly fast, not wasting any more time. It made sense in the immediate aftermath- kind of. The one person to outdo Ultron and keep up with Tony- _of course_ it was JARVIS. If you hadn’t been absolutely sure he’d been dead, it would have been the first thing you’d suggested- 

And the fact that he _wasn’t_ dead made you want to cry.   
Happy tears.  
There was just no time for them. 

You were sitting up front again. Tony had his attention on the tablet in his lap, typing away. “JARVIS, take the wheel.” Then he looked up briefly. “I missed saying that.” 

“My pleasure, sir.” 

Maybe it was a rude thing to ask, but you couldn’t help yourself. “How are you alive? -not that I’m not happy, don’t get me wrong-” 

“I could never misconstrue your feelings, Ms. INY.”   
  
...okay. Maybe just _a few_ happy tears. Ones that you were wiping away as Tony started to speak. “He’s not all back yet. But he’ll be good as new by the time we hit the Tower.” You didn’t need it explained to you why that was. Tony had his head down, _super_ _focused_. He was putting JARVIS back together. 

But it seemed like JARVIS had at least the most crucial parts. Enough to talk. Enough to _sass_ in that endearing way of his. And enough to fly a jet. ...and keep nuclear codes away from Ultron. JARVIS continued where Tony had left off, “When Ultron attacked me, I ejected my primary cores. _Dead_ is a strange word to use, but I suppose it’s the closest approximation. However, even though everything that made me was scattered to pieces, my protocols strangely seemed to still be running. I was unaware of my being until I heard you speak.” 

Tony looked up briefly. “When he attacked you, he was trying to assimilate what he assumed was Ultron. Then you snapped him out of it.” 

“You were going to take over Ultron?” The very idea was… well it was _something_. 

Tony seemed to agree as he looked your way, a little glimmer in his eyes, and a spark of that selfsame _idea_ hitting his chest. “We can use that.” 

Falling behind, as always in these matters, you just had to hope he was still fine being patient with you. “How?” 

The gentle smile that rounded his lips let you know you were okay. “Assuming the team gets the Cradle? We have another shot at this. A new vision.” 

Oh.   
A do-over.   
One your potential future possibly rode on. 

“All we have to do is convince Bruce.” 

For some reason, that task seemed harder than building Ultron 2.0. 


	167. Chapter 167

Clint called for the debrief about the Seoul mission while you and Tony were still in the air. About a half hour away from the Tower. His immediate silence over the line told you everything you needed to know, but the both of you waited patiently for Clint to speak. And when he did- “_We lost Nat._” 

You felt your heart stop. “What??” 

Tony, in his infinite wisdom (clearly smarter than you, held a hand up). “What do you _mean_ lost?” 

“_Ultron took her_.” 

Both you and Tony made some very upset noises and you slumped back in your seat. “Jesus Christ, Clint. You’re no longer allowed to do debriefs.” 

“There was a better way to phrase that.” Tony, as always, agreeing with you. 

Clint sounded equally annoyed from his end of the phone. “_Are we counting this as a win_?” 

Tony pursed his lips to the side, clearly deliberating how to ask, “Did you secure the Cradle?” 

“_Precious cargo. __**Yeah**__. I got it._” Clearly unhappy that the team was forced to make a trade. 

It wasn’t fair. To make a trade like that. No doubt Nat had been doing her job. Doing her _best_. Ultron had snatched her- you couldn’t help but wonder why. ...and couldn’t stop yourself from wondering if you had gone with them, if you would have been able to prevent this. You were assuring yourself more than him as you said, “We’ll get her back.” 

Finally Clint’s bad mood broke just a little. “_I know we will_.” 

Tony made the next call to the Tower. The quinjet was not that far behind yours, and once you landed they’d have to have the lab set up to… well, as he momentarily _lied_, destabilize the Cradle. Destroy it. Ultron had apparently done a fair amount of work to it. Had started building something inside of it with Cho’s help- Cho who was now free. Steve had stayed behind to help her. 

But that wasn’t really what he was planning to do. He just wanted to put facetime in with Bruce while asking him to try this one more time. You also decided not to chime in, understanding exactly the plan Tony was making. Bruce would be more amenable in person. A little bit more easily _persuaded_. 

On touch down, the both of you exited the flight deck and made a straight line down to the lab. The secured and cleared a wide area. Clint, as promised, was not too far behind. And once the three of you (with DUM-E’s slow assistance) dragged the Cradle in, you felt something _strange_. Like a headache was on the verge of blooming. And just as they’d plugged a large wire into the back of the Cradle, you set a hand over the cover. 

Tony looked up, sensing something was amiss. But he waited for you to speak, and when you did, you realized what was happening. A piercing, shrill noise had _returned_. “The thing- inside the scepter- it’s here.” You were sure of it. 

Both Bruce and Tony quickly whirled around to their respecting computer consoles, typing away in a furious buzz. It was Bruce that confirmed first. “Gamma radiation buzz is off the charts. That thing is working overtime. We gotta shut it down.” 

On the opposite spectrum, Tony seemed _intrigued_. “What’s it doing, I wonder?” Extremely curious to find out. 

Clint secured his fingers on the very thin edges and tried to wedge his weight upwards. It was an extreme failure, and the rest of you stood around watching him try useless to work. This was one of the reasons you stood back in situations like this. Out of your element. And not as willing to… _put yourself out there_, to put it mildly. When he realized he wasn’t doing much good he gave it a rest. “This thing is sealed tight.” 

Trying to draw his attention, and possibly looking after one of his own (albeit secret) interests, Bruce took his glasses off and fumbled about a little nervously. “Any word on Nat?” While you were all worried, he was a touch more so. For reasons that inspired a _look_ cast between you and Tony. 

He was the one who answered after the two of you were done making faces at each other. “Haven’t heard. But. Have to wager she’s alive.”

You found the follow up conclusion simple. “If she wasn’t, Ultron would be making a big deal about it. He can broadcast anything anywhere. Her picture would be on every screen in the Tower if he wanted to make a statement with her.” It was a grim way of looking at it, but… for as much as you didn’t want to understand Ultron, you at least were aware of his base-line motives. He took Nat because he could. Or because she was in the way. That was on _the team_. That failure. He wanted everyone to stew in it. No sense in killing her yet. 

Bruce gave a solemn nod. “Makes sense, I guess.” Trying to redivert his attention, he cast a hand over the Cradle. “We’re going to need to access the program running in there. Break it down from within.” Moving on to work was the next easiest thing. 

Tony seemed to not agree- only momentarily though, you knew. He put a hand on Clint’s shoulder. “Any chance Natasha might leave you a message- outside the internet? Old school spy stuff?” 

It took him a moment, but when Clint nodded, it came with a little grin. “There’s some nets I can cast. Yeah. Alright. I’ll find her. You deal with this.” And just like that, he left the room. Which had been the point of distracting him that way. 

Bruce was already in the middle of some serious typing, trying to work away, when you and Tony approached from the opposite side of the Cradle. He seemed to ignore the looming obviousness of what was about to happen. “I can work on tissue degeneration-” Though he did look up at Tony, “If you can fry whatever operational system Cho implanted.” 

Waving one of the holoscreens out of the way, Tony leaned in _just _a little more. Standing at his side, you couldn’t exactly see the eyes he was looking at Bruce with. But you knew them all too well. “Yeah. About that…” Pleading. About to ask for something he knew he shouldn’t. 

Apparently, for some reason, Bruce was no stranger to them either. Because in just the next second after _that look_ registered, he put both his hands up. “_No_.” And gave a very sturdy warning. 

You tried your hand at this mass negotiation that was going to have to happen. “Please trust us.” Because you were in on this. One-hundred-percent. There was only _this_. 

Bruce shook his head, almost a little wildly. “Absolutely not. _I don’t_\- not with this- are you serious??” While you tried to not take this too personally, you were starting to grow tired of everyone around here constantly implying you were better than Tony- and that they were always _shocked_ when you failed to live up to those strange expectations they held of you. 

Tony pulled his phone out of his inside jacket pocket. “Our ally? The guy protecting the military’s nuclear codes? We found him.” And with a little shake of his phone, he shot out that beautifully bright orange consciousness you’d grown to love. 

JARVIS was alive. Moving. Thinking. And… _warm_. In a way you never would have been able to explain. A smile grew on your lips when he spoke. “Hello, Dr. Banner.” 

You would never judge Bruce. But. Bruce not saying hello back was probably the rudest thing you’d ever seen him do. Tony went into a bit of an excited ramble. A _light _was opening up inside of him. One of _excitement_. And detrimentally _manic_. Scrambling to move this last piece of the puzzle while it was still on his plate. “Ultron didn’t go after JARVIS because he was angry. He _attacked_ him because he was scared of what he can do. So JARVIS went underground. Scattered himself. Dumped his memories. But not his protocols. He didn’t even know he was in there until she woke him up.” Giving a little nod your way. 

Bruce looked between you two. Back and forth. At least a few times. He then held a hand out, pressing it against the top of the Cradle. “So… you want me to help you put JARVIS into this thing?” 

Tony was quick, “No!” So quick that it nearly gave you whiplash. No? His wide grin told the whole story before the next words out of his mouth, “I want to help _you_ put JARVIS into this thing.” Already Bruce was backing away, shaking his head over and over. “We’re out of my field of expertise here.” Tony having no problem being humble, for once. “You know bio-organics better than anyone.” 

He looked over your way. Waiting for a long time. Kind of _pointedly_ staring at you. Like you might come to your senses and talk Tony out of this. As if you were the only one that _could_. But, when you just pressed your lips together, he sighed heavily. “What- you two just _assume_ that JARVIS’ operational matrix can beat Ultron’s?” 

You waved a hand up JARVIS’ way, brushing that lightshow with the tips of your fingers. “JARVIS already _has_ been beating Ultron. He’s been keeping nuke codes safe. For longer than we even knew it was a problem. If you ask me we should have looked at him _first _for a world protection plan.” 

JARVIS answered you, “Your confidence warms me, Ms. INY. Dr. Banner, please. I believe it’s worth a go.” There was something about this. JARVIS seemed a little _different_. A little more animated. ..._emotional_? Was that the word you were thinking of? 

...was it possible that in his initial fight with Ultron-  
-well if _Ultron _had somehow gained sentience… _couldn’t JARVIS have?_

In your eager optimism over JARVIS, you missed Bruce shrinking away. And when both you and Tony moved to the other side of the Cradle to face him, he put both his hands up, keeping you at arm’s length. “No!” It was rare that Bruce raised his voice. He was really _stressed_ suddenly. “I’m in a loop! I’m- I’m caught in a time loop! This is exactly where it all went wrong.” 

Maybe it would have been a good idea to back off him. Let him cool down.   
But there was just no _time_ to let him come to grips with this idea. 

It was why you understood when Tony reached out, settling his hands on Bruce’s upper arms, giving him a little affectionate stir. “I know. _I know_. I know what everyone’s gonna say. But they’re already saying it. We’re mad scientists. We’re monsters, buddy. We gotta own it. We have to make a stand.” 

There was a painful twist in your heart, hearing Tony speak so earnestly like that. What he believe to be _honesty _about himself. What his intentions made him. You didn’t think any of that about him, nor Bruce for that matter. But this wasn’t the time to start a therapy session. Instead, you tried to entreat him one last time. “Bruce, please… if it’s not this, it’s _nothing_. We need you. If you’re in a loop, this is where we break it.” 

Though he was looking at you briefly he hung his head. “You don’t know that.” 

“What if I told you I did? Would it make a difference?” 

This time he really did look at you- he took a _long _look. And then finally- “If I’m being told I have a choice here, it really doesn’t feel like it.” He didn’t pause long enough for something cold to creep in. “But. Fine. Let’s try one last time.” 

Tony gave him a clap on both his arms with another sturdier shake. “There you go, buddy.” 

You, instead, were softer. “Thank you, Bruce.” 

He sighed again. “Yeah, yeah, yeah…” 

* * *

They got to work right away. Doing the things they did best. Babbling at each other. Hooking up the Cradle to their machines. Typing away. _Working_. Busily. **Quickly**. Because time was running out. Whatever was in the Cradle wouldn’t stay in that state forever- you caught at least that much. They were also working from the other end of the clock. Ultron was moving, too. Who knew when his next strike would be. 

It took them an hour.   
  
JARVIS had disappeared. Tony had put the lightshow away. But he’d gone quiet, too. Something that unsettled you. If this didn’t work, would you lose him again? You were absolutely sure you couldn’t bear a repeat. You’d only just gotten him back. But, in his absence, the Cradle started… well, _singing_ wasn’t the right word but… it was something awfully close.   
  
The lab was _humming _otherwise with energy, covering that foreign tune that laid inside the Cradle. They were moving back and forth constantly. And the next fifteen minutes they started ramping up in intensity. 

_Now or never_ had come pretty soon. 

Tony was typing in a buzz on his keyboard. “This framework is not compatible.”   
  
You had no time to register if this was a good or bad verdict as Bruce walked by, seemingly unbothered. “The genetic coding tower’s at ninety-seven percent.” He looked up at Tony. “You have _got_ to upload that schematic in the next three minutes.” 

Your mouth was open- about to ask something inane by their standards, but the heavy steps of boots caught your attention too late. You hadn’t been paying enough attention, because when you whipped around you saw Steve. Standing in his _anger_. And not only him- he’d brought the twins with him. 

His tone was condescending and tight. “I’m gonna say this once.” 

Tony wore one to match. “How about _nonce_?” 

Steve grit his teeth and waved his authoritarian hand around. “Shut it down!” 

Quickly moving to the leftmost console, Tony’s attention played elsewhere. “Nope. Not gonna happen.” 

You, in turn, stepped forward to try and get in between them, even though Tony was on the upper level. You held your hands out in defense. “Steve, _please_. You don’t understand.” 

He leveled a finger at you. “No _you_ don’t understand. You don’t know what you’re doing!” 

Bruce was not too far behind you. “And you do? She’s not in your head?” 

Wanda stepped out from beyond Steve and your eyes went immediately to her. “I know you’re angry…” 

Something _dark_ rumbled inside Bruce. Something foreign. “Oh, we’re way past that. I could choke the life out of you and never change a shade.” 

You had to hold yourself very still after hearing that. It wasn’t like Bruce. Not at all. Then again… the news was back to calling him a monster. _Because of her_. He’d hurt people- _because of her_. There was a level of understanding for how truly angry he was over it. You looked her way. “Have a sudden change of heart?” 

She frowned, fingers twisting together anxiously. “It’s not easy to believe- but after what we’ve seen-” 

Tony’s voice boomed from the higher level. “That’s _nothing_ compared to what’s coming!” 

In one twisting move, she turned his way. “You don’t know what’s in there!” 

“We know more than you do.” Something you asserted with more rights than you had. Tony said this was the next thing. The last chance. You believed him. And you’d stand by him. No matter what. 

Steve narrowed his eyes at you. “This isn’t a game!” 

A shouting match ensued with almost too many voices. But it died down as a blur flashed around the room, picking up wind as it wound around you- no- _the Cradle_\- stopping with Pietro at the bottom, holding the main power source plug after yanking it free. “No no. Go on. You were saying?” 

Alarms started shrieking. But nothing ever quite compared to the _crack _of a bullet being shot off in close vicinity. The noise startled you into a jump, just about the same time the glass underneath Pietro’s feet caved in and you stepped over quick to see Clint putting a foot over his chest. The rest of your attention was stolen by the sudden _struggling_ lifeforce inside the Cradle. 

That was until Tony’s _anxiety _spiked and he started moving in a hurry. “I’m rerouting the upload!” 

Deciding where he stood officially, it really shouldn’t have shocked you- Steve winding up to throw his shield- maybe it didn’t. Because you double-tapped your Reactor without a second thought, and held up a hand to blast it off trajectory after it had bounced off a couple work stations and headed _straight_ for Tony. 

You were _done_ with people attacking him.   
So much so that your next move was cleaner than the last. One shot of your repulsor aimed right at him. And the second he was off his feet, Wanda creeped closer in a weirdly stilted couple of moves. But she was brought to a standstill by Bruce who threw his arms around her from behind. “Go ahead. Piss me off.” 

It was a shame that your _awareness_ was stolen a second time.   
_Panic _had started as a low simmer inside the Cradle, but it was now collapsing in on itself. _Dying_. The computers were still shrieking- Steve was on his feet- Tony had called his armor- 

But you couldn’t take your eyes off the Cradle.   
Or rather, what was snaking out _**above it**_.   
A familiar orange glow hit the air, wisping upward. Like it was _leaving_. 

The next few seconds felt very important as your heart skipped a beat.   
_That was JARVIS._ Something in you told you. **You knew**. That light- that light drawing you in- drawing you _up_\-   
  
That was JARVIS. And if you didn’t do something fast, _he’d die_.

Something pulled your arm forward.   
Something _**told you what to do**_ as you held your hand up, fingers reaching, touching the tail of that energy. _Calling it_ back. Calling it _to you_. And instead of continuing its upward flit, it shimmered back down, winding around your left arm, further still as you pulled your hand back, holding it to your chest. 

The song in the Cradle spoke your name.   
Something ancient directed your movements. Told you what to do. _Almost like you’d done it before._  
  
Both your arms moved in a roundabout flow and then you cast both your palms out over the Cradle, fingers outstretched, directing that orange light _inside_. Holding it there. _Keeping it there_. Struggling to do so as the life just _faded away_. You couldn’t keep it there forever- which was why you pleaded in a bit of desperation- “You need to repower the Cradle- _I can’t hold it_-!” 

Tony said something- maybe just a call of your name- 

But it didn’t matter.   
The next thing in your peripheral was Thor sliding into the room, bringing with him _urgent fury_. He then jumped on top of the Cradle and the two of you looked at one another. He then gave you a nod. _So very knowing_. Somehow. And that was when you stepped away, back into Tony who had come to your side, and in the next move you drew your arm forward, throwing up a shield as Thor raised his arm, hammer in hand, and then cast it down, striking the Cradle with lightning. 

The sound was deafening.   
And once the light died, it seemed like it took everything with it. The computers had gone quiet. Everyone in the room held their breath. 

Then the glass on the Cradle shattered, the force throwing Thor to the back of the room.   
  
Once he was out of the way, something slid up onto the lid- a _fresh body_\- something synthetic. Red and silver- with that _glowing yellow_ singing on its forehead. 

His _nervous_ eyes cast around the room. And as you _reached out_ you were sure.   
You thought you were _so sure_ that was JARVIS.   
  
But then he jumped forward, almost in an _attack_ at Thor who had gotten to his feet. **Almost**. But you felt the _scared desperation_. The _confusion_. And when Thor reached up to grab that new body and _throw _him through the glass and down into the lounge, the voice that ripped from you was one of pure worry- “_Stop_!” 

Not giving anyone in that room enough time to think about that command as you took off in the next beat on a boost of your jets, following him. Finding him floating against the tall windows. Just _looking_. At everything. First the city, twinkling in lights. Then at himself.   
  
And as you came to a stand on the catwalk just behind him, _waiting patiently_, you saw his eyes drift to your reflection. Your voice wouldn’t work the first time you tried, so as you forced it on the next turn, the name came out in a croak. “JARVIS?” Hoping. Hoping against hope that this had worked. Because if it hadn’t… 

The moment took too long. Your voice had long since evaporated into the air, and he hadn’t so much as moved.   
  
But finally… your patience was rewarded, as a soft sheen of _recognition_ bubbled up from him. And an even softer smile played along his reflection in the window.   
  
“Ms. INY.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is considered a mission success.


	168. Chapter 168

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early chapter today. Please enjoy.

Hovering close to the window a few moments longer, you felt a little twist of nervousness, as JARVIS seemed to be studying his image. The familiarness had died down a little too quickly for your tastes, and there was a swell of _anxiousness_ from your team all the way on the other side of the room. They were waiting. Waiting to see what would come of this. You had thought something good, but… 

In the next instant, his body shifted. Where it had started out this strange red material, he seemed like he was… _covering up_? Was that the right word? He shimmered and changed, almost like he’d put on a steel-gray spandex suit. Only then, finally, did he turn to face you, and moved away from the window to finally come plant his feet on the catwalk, standing within arm’s reach of you. 

The two of you studied one another. Almost a little _intensely_.  
His face was that strange red colored material- whatever it was, some mix of Cho’s brilliant imagination and vibranium, you imagined. That’s what Ultron had been working on- _this body_ was what Ultron had been working on. Now that you knew JARVIS was inside it, could you ever imagine Ultron inhabiting it?? 

He had some similarly gray markings, lining his cheek bones, one touching over his chin, and along his skull- and on his forehead, glowing bright, was that yellow gem. The one you’d held in your hand however briefly. The one that had sort of _called to you_. For what, you still had no idea. Maybe now **he **did. But, out of everything you were looking at, you found yourself staring up into his new and somewhat beautiful soft blue-gray eyes. 

_Soft_.  
Exactly that.  
The way that he was looking at you. Regarding you. There was no other word for it. 

Though you’d already done the call-and-response, you couldn’t help but ask again, “...JARVIS?” 

There was a flicker of recognition now that you were able to see, and the corner of his mouth tugged just slightly into a smile. “I apologize for the intensity, Ms. INY. It is… strange. Looking at you through these eyes.” 

He was trying to adjust, you realized. This was quite a _huge_ adjustment to be making. He’d been a program all his life. And now he had a body. Now he had… well. Whatever it was that was going on. “You don’t have to call me that anymore, you know.” He would now be, as far as you were concerned, a _physical _valued member of the team. Because he'd always been important. But now he was no longer set by protocols. No longer just a voice in the house, protecting the tower, running Tony’s suit, or- 

“And if I would still like to?” 

It was still hitting you. That this was JARVIS speaking to you. “Then- I guess- you can-” 

He brought his hands up, eyes lowering to glance at his palms, the stretch of his fingers. “I’m still processing. I don’t mean to make this more confusing.” 

“You’re alright.” This couldn’t have been easy for him, so you wanted to be as gentle as possible. This was JARVIS, but there was something else, too. It was a little _less_ JARVIS, actually. More than enough to qualify him, more than enough to know that you’d done your _job_. That you’d made sure this had worked. But… there was something else about him. Something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. “Should I still call you JARVIS?” 

His gaze lifted, going somewhere just a little bit beyond you. Foggy. Heavy with thought. “I’m not sure. I have most of those memories- those directories- those protocols- but…” A little high-pitched hum hit the air, one you couldn’t help turning a little away at. _That gem_. That was part of him now, too. Did it make him less JARVIS? More _something else? _What came out of his mouth next as he finally looked at you again felt like a punch to the gut. “You mourned for him.” 

The sudden switch from _me_ as in- yes, I am JARVIS- to _him_ as in- that person I used to be- was more than enough to get a wet sheen threatening to leak from your eyes. But really, it was the terrible memory of that loss. “Of course I did.” Said with just a little hitch as you tried to keep it together, looking up at him again. “You’re part of our family.” Defying whatever was trying to remove _him_ from all this. Reaching up with a slightly worried hand, maybe still with that intent to _hold him there_\- like you were sure you’d done back in the lab- you laid your palm against his chest. He seemed a little _stunned_. “I love you. You’ve always been good to us. You’ve always looked out for us. For me. When he told me you were just _gone_\- it killed a part of me.” 

When he seemed a little stuck, like he might be unsure of what his next words were, his next move- whether to step into some otherworldly role that had been handed him, or to just _accept_ _himself_ and where he’d come from- you tried to help. Hopefully it wasn’t too forceful. But…

You reached up with both arms, having to go up on wobbly tip-toes to accommodate how much taller he was, looping them around his neck. Easing when he acquiesced and lowered for you. His hands came out, just a little shaky, like he wasn’t sure what he should do as you pulled him in those last few inches, closing the gap, and just squeezed him in a hug.  
  
There was no shame in this.  
You loved JARVIS. You had known him for almost as long as you’d known Tony. You’d grown close with him. He was a part of your life, of your family. He’d always done his best to look out for you. To protect you. Pressing your forehead against his shoulder, you sniffled, though found yourself smiling. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” Murmuring quietly. It hadn’t actually been yelling as far as you remembered, but it might as well have been. “-earlier. I’m sorry I told you to leave me alone. I’m sorry I blamed you. It wasn’t your fault.” 

The last thing you’d ever said to him before it had seemed like he’d been torn to shreds, never to come back. He deserved an apology. You were just sorry you hadn’t been able to give him one sooner. 

That was the thing that seemed to break that creeping ice. He seemed to _surrender_. Almost blindly. His arms wound around you. It was strange. How _warm_ he felt then. Your eyes closed, and for a moment, the both of you were painted in that mysterious yellow glow. 

_You are a precious, rare thing. _

The voice was his but also paired with a song that had started to even out in bits and pieces. The longer you were exposed to whatever these _things_ were. These forces that had just happened to tap onto earth. Even in short increments of time. They all bore something similar. A sound. A hum. A whine. A pitch. This one had used to be devastatingly shrill- 

When Loki had had control of it, or it of Loki- or perhaps… someone _else_ had been pulling the strings of both- it had been a hostile noise. Something that had given you headaches. Something that had made you panic. Made you hurt. 

But now… mixed with JARVIS’ core- 

_We need to speak. When this is over._

The implication was clear. JARVIS- not just him but that _yellow light_ he was now intimately and permanently paired with- they had something to say. It had been trying to say something back in the lab, too, you only barely remembered. But there was no time for it now. You’d spent enough now, trying to get a read. And what you determined… 

Once he let go of you he moved away, floating across the room to go back over to the group. You were seconds behind him, finding your landing space close to Tony. He was giving you a little curious look. Perhaps asking if the outcome had your seal of approval. You just brushed your hand against his, and offered a small smile.  
  
JARVIS shifted again- though as you thought about that, you wondered if he still wanted to be called that. If that was even still his name. True, it _was_ JARVIS. He answered to that, at least from you. But… if he wanted to be something new, you wouldn’t deny him. As he seemed to ponder over Thor, a shimmery, billowing, yellow cape with red undertones sprouted from his shoulders. Metal-looking bracers also appeared. Almost like he was suiting up. But then, “I’m sorry for rushing you. I was… not myself.” 

Steve hadn’t taken his eyes off JARVIS once, and still didn’t as he addressed Thor tightly, “Thor, you helped create this? Why?” 

Thor turned to JARVIS. “I’ve had a vision. A whirlpool that sucks in all hope of life and at its center-” Lifting his hand he pointed to that yellow gem sitting on JARVIS’ forehead. “-is that.” 

This was no coincidence. Your life at this point had left you hopelessly barren on the definition of that word. You couldn’t help yourself. “There are other ones.” There was a little lilt to your voice, a tiny question, but in your _heart_ you knew. Tony and Bruce had already tried to explain this to you. Only a couple of days ago. It all led here. “They’ve made brief contact with earth. I think the Tesseract is one. And the Aether you brought…” 

Shifting back on his heel, a bit of a _surprised_ look came from Thor, directed at you, but it dissipated in seconds, stolen by the surprisingly heavy feeling of _proud approval_. “You are correct, Lady. This one is the Mind Stone. It’s one of the six Infinity Stones- the greatest power in the universe. Unparalleled in its destructive capabilities.” 

So. They had a name. _The Infinity Stones_. Six of them, no less. You knew of three- where in the universe were the other ones? And why suddenly had they started appearing? Steve broke your rushed wondering with a shake of his head. “Then why would you bring it to life?” This got you bristling. 

But Thor spoke up before you could. “Because Stark and Lady are right.” 

Bruce seemed to pale. Just a little. “Oh. It’s _definitely_ the end times.” 

You weren’t sure if you should take offense to that. You and Thor got along pretty well. It wasn’t like you argued a lot or disagreed- something he backed as he replied, “Something is coming. Something larger than all of our strengths combined. And before we can even see to that- the Avengers cannot defeat Ultron.” 

JARVIS’ head tilted as he seemed to be taking in all this information. “Not alone.” 

Steve was still drawn so tight it seemed like he might snap at any moment, but curiosity got the better of him. “Why does your _vision_ sound like JARVIS?” 

Tony, finally done scrutinizing everything, broke his silence. It was actually nice to hear the sound of his voice engaged in this discussion. “We reconfigured JARVIS’ matrix to create something new.” 

With another one of this icy looks, this time directed Tony’s way, Steve grimaced. “I’ve had my fill of _new_.” If this weren’t a team meeting you really might have put your boot right up his ass. He’d been like this since the party. And while you understood that things had gone completely haywire, dangerously out of control, there was absolutely _no need_ for this continued hostility. 

He and you were going to have a _long_ talk when this was over. 

JARVIS set his careful eyes on Steve. “You think I’m a child of Ultron?” 

...begrudgingly you understood this point of view, wrong though it was. Maybe you were too in your own feelings. The Cradle had been rescued, taken away from Cho and Ultron- who had both been working on it so that Ultron would assume _this_ body. This form. _**Fine**_. It made _a little_ sense why Steve was so distrustful. Especially when he just directly asked, “You’re not?” 

“No.” But you answered, instead of JARVIS. Because damn it all. You wouldn’t let him be talked down to. He was so _brand new_. He didn’t deserve this. 

Wanda raised a hand, narrowed her eyes. “I looked in your head and saw annihilation.” 

JARVIS faced her and offered, “Look again.” Giving himself up to anybody. _Everyone_ that had a differing opinion. Trying to find his balance with half a team that was unwilling to accept him. 

Clint only added to the pile, “Yeah. Her seal of approval means jack to me.” 

“Then what about mine?” Putting yourself at the forefront next. Instead. _For him_. They were judging him so harshly. They barely knew him. All heads turned your way. JARVIS included. “I _felt_ him. You all saw us talking. If he’d had a mind to, he could have reached out and snapped my neck. Maybe this isn’t entirely JARVIS.” Though it pained you to admit this. It was what you wanted… but… while everyone was looking at you, you looked at _him_. “But he’s _good_.” 

There really wasn’t a better word to use.  
_Good_. He was good. 

Thor gestured vaguely at the twins. “Their powers… the horrors in our heads- Ultron _himself_\- they all came from the Mind Stone.” 

Finding your footing a little easier now, you couldn’t help but clear the air while Thor was laying down the groundwork. “It’s what scrambled Tony and Bruce’s programming. It’s what made all the protocols fail. It’s probably what drove Ultron crazy.” 

The three of you had been trying to do something to help the world. Help save it from potential threats. This so-called _Mind Stone_ had gotten in the way. It had ruined _everything_. This wasn’t Tony’s fault. Everyone in that room needed to understand that. 

Steve set a hard look on you. “So we should trust you when you say it’s _good_ now? Why would this time be any different?” In your brief hurt silence that he would bark at you like that he turned back to JARVIS. “Are you on our side? _Are you _**good**?” 

JARVIS took command of the situation. Waited Steve out. Stared him down. “I am on the side of life.” Saying it so simply. Waiting a moment for the sentiment to fully register before speaking again. “Ultron isn’t. He will end it all.” 

Tony crossed his arms. “So what’s he waiting for?” The question of the hour. Ultron had set up something- whatever he’d been working on in the Cradle, that was a plan for _himself_. He was working on a plan for _everything else_ alongside it. This much you knew to be true. 

Looking at Tony and then at you, and then cast that wandering glance around the whole room, declaring, “_You_.”

There wasn’t a lot of time to think about what that meant- you were sure you knew. But. You were intensely grateful when Bruce cut the horrors short by asking, “Where?” 

Clint put a hand up. “Sokovia. He’s got Nat there too. She put out a morse signal. I picked it up. Right before this.” 

Bruce approached JARVIS, scrutinizing him. “If we’re wrong about this… about you- if you’ve fooled us- and you’re the monster that Ultron was trying to create-” 

There was no time to linger on that pang of _hurt_ that sprouted from your chest. _Fooled us_. What Bruce meant was _fooled you_. Asking what if your judgment couldn’t be trusted after all? Almost as if JARVIS _felt _your pain, his eyes flickered to you briefly, and then quickly went back to Bruce. “I don’t want to kill Ultron. He’s unique, and he’s in pain. Death is not the end-all. Not the quick solution we should be looking for. There is already enough destruction on this planet without our adding to it.” He half turned, head down, but when he lifted it he looked at you. 

Saying something in that gaze.  
You weren’t sure _what_. 

But then he walked away in a light pace. “But Ultron’s _pain_ will roll over the earth. So he must be destroyed. Every form he’s built, his presence on the net. Everything must be purged. I will take no joy in doing so. But we do what we must, when we are locked into situations where there is no other choice. Ultron has left us only this.” 

Tony’s head turning to you, and you looking at him finally sparked that recognition. JARVIS was reciting a speech. One you’d given to a shivering child when you’d chosen to take a life to protect his. 

JARVIS had been listening.  
_He’d been learning_. 

And he was looking at you again, a bare glance out of his peripheral before speaking again, “We must act now. And not one of us can do it without the others.” Head drawn down, he seemed to be gazing at his palms, fingers outstretched. “I do not yet know myself. I don’t think I’m the monster you fear. But… perhaps I wouldn’t know if I were. I know that… I am not what you are. And perhaps I am not what you intended. If you will not trust Ms. INY’s judgment, how can I ask you to trust mine?” 

Unable to help yourself, your face went a little warm.  
All the attention in the room turned from JARVIS straight to _you_. Tony’s especially. And there was a little knowing smile on his lips. A little spark of _ease_ in his heart very suddenly. Not everyone was privy to that nickname, maybe save you and Tony, nobody in the room even knew what it meant- 

But they’d all heard it at least once. In that very same voice.  
It was affectionate yet sassy. And this new JARVIS had spoken it without a second thought.  
Little did they know, _he’d asked permission_… 

JARVIS stole the attention back rather easily. “But we need to go.” 

He was holding Thor’s hammer out to him. 

Pure _shock_ ran through the entire room. You included. And you couldn’t help reaching out, gratefully finding Tony’s hand reaching back for yours. Your fingers interlocked, and the both of you squeezed each other. Almost like you couldn’t believe this was real. 

Once Thor took hold of his hammer, JARVIS turned and walked away. The team watched him go, you had no idea where he was going. Then once he was out of view they all turned and looked at you. You, Tony, and Bruce. “Right.” Thor moved, and gave Tony’s shoulder a light pat as he walked by. He then gave a small glance to you, and an even smaller declaration, “Good work.” 

After everything you’d been through over this…

That felt like the understatement of the century. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well at least _one_ of Tony and INY's kind-of AI android children didn't turn out to be a murderbot.


	169. Chapter 169

The team was heading out. Only a small amount of time allotted to get everything together. Sokovia was to be the next and last stop. It was strange to think you were headed back to where it all started- mere _days_ ago. It felt like years at this point. And if everything went wrong there, there was no coming back. Ultron would win and there was no telling what that would mean. ...save perhaps the destruction of humankind. Maybe you’d get a chance to properly ask him. 

Everyone had gone off in different directions to prepare. Tony had even left your side to head upstairs to the penthouse. To prepare, you knew. It left you standing idly by, a little drained. Not sure you were entirely ready for the fight ahead. JARVIS- ...though you’d been hearing the whispers of _Vision_ on everyone’s tongue- had headed to perch outside. Thor seemed to have joined him. Steve had gone somewhere with Clint. And the twins- 

..._the twins_. 

They were just rummaging about in the private quarters. Places where they shouldn’t have been. They’d followed Steve, you realized a little too late in your stupor. And so you followed _them_. Steve was nowhere in sight, but Pietro and Wanda were close to Natasha’s room. Doing what you had no idea. 

At least until they came out and looked just as _caught_ as they should. Wanda was wearing one of Nat’s leather jacket. A stylish red one. You put your hands on your hips. “So. You’re on our side now? Is that what you told Steve?” Something had happened in Seoul, that much was clear. 

You needed to know what it was. Now. Because apparently they were headed into battle as part of _your_ team. And you didn’t yet trust them. That had to change, quickly. And they had very little time to convince you. Wanda kept half behind Pietro, perhaps a little _frightened_ of you. Of your oncoming judgment. You weren’t sure if that was a good thing. 

There was no expression on his face, though his eyes told a story of _remorse_ you bought into only because you felt a flicker of it. “We helped create a monster. Fixing it… there’s only one shot at that.” Now or never, basically. He was right. 

They were young. And stupid. And _**reckless**_. And still angry, too. “You were hellbent on destroying Tony’s life. Tell me why I should trust you when he’s got his back turned?” 

Wanda finally found a little bit of courage. “Because this is more important than Stark. Than you.” Well. She wasn’t wrong. 

You kept your gaze steady on her. “What made you change your mind? What finally got through to you- that Ultron is only out for destruction? _What changed_?” They’d been so keen to turn away from it, as long as following behind him benefited their revenge schemes. What was the push? 

Her eyes dropped. Both unable to keep your stare and _ashamed_. “I _looked- _into him. The thing in the Cradle. I saw his dreams of annihilation.” She’d said something similar to JARVIS. “I want no part of this any longer. _Not this_.” 

She and her brother clearly had changed their tune. At least for the moment. They felt guilty. They’d done something terrible. They’d paved a path for Ultron to stomp the earth. But that didn’t exactly erase everything that had come before it. So much _pain_ they’d caused in such a short amount of time. It was hard to decide if grilling them was worth it right now. If it would help more than it would hurt. Yet still, you squared up. “There were fourteen deaths in Johannesburg.” 

Wanda’s hands clenched at her sides, and Pietro’s protectiveness flared. His voice went tight. “And there will be many more if we continue to be snide with each other. There’s no time for this.” 

“I disagree.” Your tone curbed him to heel- he actually startled a little with your declaration. “Look. I get making the wrong moves and one day _waking up_. I do.” Tony, in fact, had perhaps a very similar dawning realization. Except his hands had been a little more off the wheel in willful ignorance, than actually purposefully spilling blood on soil. Yet still, his journey on the rebound had been the loudest. And if these two had no intention of repenting in similar fashion, you couldn’t trust them. “But human lives- ones you’re now concerned with- were just collateral damage. You didn’t just hurt Tony, you forced Bruce’s hand. You _forced_ him to murder people. To hurt people. Just for a shot at revenge.” 

Turning her head in a little shake, her voice was a quiet tremble, “An eye for an eye, and the world goes blind. Is that it?” 

Pietro put his hand on her shoulder, but his eyes stayed with you. “Better one eyepatch than a-” Brow raising as he tried to think, “-a blindfold.” It wasn’t quite the word he was looking for, but you got the picture. “Stark can make amends. Why not us?” 

“Tony made immediate and drastic changes.” Your own defensiveness in his stead was getting the better of you. 

Wanda’s anger flared. “He is not the only one capable of that.” 

“Prove it.” You stopped her fire yet again. “You’re asking me to go into battle and trust the both of you blindly. Can you at least _understand_ why that’s difficult? This won’t be like anything you’ve ever faced. And if I can’t count on every last ounce of your courage, I don’t need you there. And I don’t need to be concerned about whose team you’re actually on.” 

This was a mess. You were now bringing two young kids into a firestorm. One, yes, that they were acknowledging they mildly helped create. But. Then again. Hadn’t you- in some way? Your involvement had been accidental, but Ultron was still here because you’d been a chef in that kitchen. You had to make this right. You had that drive. And if they didn’t, they were free to disappear into the night. 

You put your hand up with a little wave towards the elevator. “This is your one and only chance to leave.” Putting it on the table for them. Almost _waiting _for them to grab it. For Pietro to pick her up and rush out. 

They stood firm. “We’re going to Sokovia. Those are our people.” 

“This is bigger than Sokovia.” It was difficult to let them skate by. And you were having trouble figuring out why it was that you weren’t giving them a pass. ...it probably had everything to do with their malice where Tony was involved. And your bias here probably wasn’t helping anyone. 

But, to your surprise, Pietro was suddenly wearing a lazy grin. “Well, we’ve got to start somewhere, no?” 

It seemed they had their own biases navigating their choices for them. You just hoped they’d meet somewhere in an amicable middle. 

They might not have understood it, but… 

There would be no refuge for them if they turned around and hurt the team. 

* * *

Finally making your way upstairs, knowing it would be your last stop, you found Tony in the penthouse- in his private office. It wasn’t often he spent time there, rathering to bring work with him wherever he was. Usually curled up to you somewhere, in bed or on the couch- at least if he wasn’t in the labs. He had some sort of bootup computer on his desk, and a few… well, you weren’t sure what they were- slim drives, maybe? 

Something of his own creation, that was for sure. 

They were scattered across the table, and he had his palms on the glass, leaning in. There was a soft glow of _resignation_ encasing him. Stepping up closer, you put an arm around him. “Everything alright?” 

The brief touch of his smile was heavy, and with it came some stale noise of amusement. “You know… I think I was holding out hope. That I’d be able to put JARVIS back together. It’s why I left the suit alone.” 

Casting your glance down at the table where his attention was glued, you saw now- the little black drives had _names_ on them, labels sitting atop what looked like a picture of neural wiring. ...at least that was your best guess.

_JOCASTA. TADASHI. VIRGIL. PLATO. HOMER. HELEN. _It was almost a little shocking. That he had _so many_. Because you understood, just from the way he was feeling, and what he was saying… You gave him a little squeeze. “There’s no replacing JARVIS.” 

“Certainly not. I’m sure he’ll be pleased as punch to hear it. ...if that’s still him in there. Somewhere.” His head turned then, looking at you. Searching. Wanting to ask now that the two of you were alone. But also _not_ wanting to ask, if the answer was something he wouldn’t like. 

You tried to offer a calmer light. “That’s JARVIS. But. Kind of like an evolved JARVIS. He’s… he’s got a lot going on.” 

“Yeah. Well.” Tony sighed a big breath out. “Who doesn’t, these days.” His attention turned back to the table and he reached out, finally selecting one of the drives. One labeled _FRIDAY_. “I guess it’s time to move on.” There was a certain amount of _grief_. Finally giving himself that bare moment of acknowledging it. 

Sure.  
Some version of JARVIS was now currently sitting on your roof talking to Thor. But. It wasn’t _his_ JARVIS. And never would be again. That JARVIS was gone. That voice wouldn’t be helping him pilot Iron Man, anymore. He wouldn’t greet you in the mornings, or tell you what the weather was like. He wouldn’t answer phone calls or put out locates when you asked. Just… doing whatever you needed. Whenever you needed.

That JARVIS was gone. The two of you were intensely lucky you’d managed to salvage him- or rather _find him_ and then repurpose him. But… that part of your lives was over. Really now. For sure. And Tony had been holding out some small sliver of hope that he’d be able to _undo_ it. At least up until about four hours ago. 

Without waiting any longer, he slid the chip into his harddrive. A readout and startup blinked to life on screen. “Friday. As in _my gal_?” Asking him with as much humor as you could muster. 

“Might as well be.” Finally, he put his arm back around you. “Though no one’s as _my gal_ as you are, if we’re being honest.” 

“Does it stand for something?” As if you had to ask, with Tony. 

“Framework Replicating Intelligence Digital Assisting Youth.” Quite the mouthful. You wondered briefly what the other ones stood for.  
  
But finally the bootup had completed, and a lilting Irish accent caught you by surprise. “_Good evening, boss. Ma’am._” 

It was too much to ask that you just _get over_ everything. But. She was new. And none of this was her fault. And she’d now be guiding not only Tony, but probably a lot of your daily life. As did JARVIS before her. So, with that in mind, you smiled (in no direction particularly). “Nice to meet you FRIDAY. Welcome to the family.”   
  
“_Thanks very much. I’ll do my best._” 

Tony typed a few things onto the screen, things beyond your comprehension. “Good evening, FRIDAY. Recalibrate Mark 45, start a hard boot integration and prepare for launch in five minutes.” 

“_I’m on it, boss._” 

“Now that she’s busy…” He turned fully away from the desk, so you mirrored him, and glanced up. “You talk to the kids?” 

Though your eyes narrowed in suspicion for only about two seconds, you couldn’t help your light grin. “How’d you know?” 

“Seems pretty obvious. Like something you’d do.” To be fair, no one knew you quite _as well_ as Tony did at this point. And he was right on the money. “What’d they have to say for themselves?” 

To this you gave a shrug. “They want to help. Seems like something woke them up pretty suddenly.” 

“You trust them?” 

“I don’t have time to babysit. And _believe me_, after their little revenge game was made abundantly clear, if I thought I couldn’t turn my back on them, they’d be in a holding cell.” Your own life be damned, but putting Tony in another line of danger while he would _already be fighting_ for the fate of the world seemed like a stupid thing to do. 

He nodded. “Sure. I trust your judgment.” He really _did_, too. That was the thing. 

If you said go, he was right next to you. If you said stop, he was always on your team.   
And if you said the twins could be trusted… he had faith in your decision. As always, it was a heavy weight to bear. 

Leaning up, you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him down just a little. _Holding on to him_. This would be the last time you’d be able to indulge for a long while. And just his warmth against you, the way he _felt_, the spice of his cologne so close to you… it was intensely comforting. And it served to ground you. Something you only just realized you needed. Even more so when his arms came back around you. 

There were no words needed. The both of you knew what you were about to do. About to face. What it meant, if even one thing fell out of line. 

You hated this life.   
_You hated it_.   
But you had no choice. 

Once the both of you found strength enough to part, you met with the group down on the deck level. Clint was firing up the jet. The sense of _unease_ and _hesitancy_ filled the room to the brim. Bruce was glancing around warily, but strangely it was Tony who offered the pessimism, “No way we all get through this.” 

So much of a shock, in fact, that you gave him a little push to his side. “What the hell is that? You wanna start a betting pool while we’re at it?” 

His little smirk was appreciative. Maybe your shove had _shoved_ some sense into him. “If there’s even one tin soldier left standing, we’ve lost. I’m just being a _realist_. There’s gonna be blood on the floor.” 

Steve looked up, apparently sharing in this pre-battle self deprecating _mirth_. “I’ve got no plans tomorrow night.” He seemed so different now. Amicable and kind- with his _teammates_. Right before _war_. Maybe that was a good thing, though. Considering… if this all went well… 

He’d be the one you were looking at, to help you get out. _To get over the Avengers_, if such a thing was even allowed. 

Tony took a deep breath in. “I get first crack at the big guy. Iron Man’s the one he’s waiting for.” 

You hadn’t realized JARVIS (_Vision-_ still terribly undecided on what you were going to call him officially…) was striding across the floor until he was almost just past you. What he offered up was even more surprising, “That’s true. He hates you the most.” 

There was a soft noise of shock from you- small and stilted. Like you couldn’t _believe_ he’d say such a thing. Tony looked pretty _offended_, too. But then the two of you looked at each other and lifted your shoulders in a mirror-move. “Can’t argue with that.” 

A little too literally.   
You’d have loved to go to Ultron and try to convince him otherwise, but.  
_Can’t argue with that. _  
You knew. Because you'd already tried.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony has built a lot of AIs.   
Also. I changed FRIDAY's acronym around a little. I wasn't really jiving with "Female Replacement".   
Uuuhhhh...... yeah so I'm not sure I'm ready for the end.


	170. Chapter 170

In the very back corner of the quinjet, you tried to quiet your nerves. Sokovia was about an hour out. This was it. And yet the team, and you of course, were nowhere near ready for what was about to happen. It was why, as everyone else was studying a map- ...how similar this felt to just days ago- you reached a hand up to activate your visor. Still not suited up. Not ready. 

“LUNA, get President Ellis on the line for me. Please.” You had to hope with everything in you that he wasn’t about to make this difficult. 

She connected him within seconds. Apparently he’d been anticipating a call from you. “_This had better be good news._” 

“We’re headed back to Sokovia, sir.” Deciding to try and be at least a little polite. Butter him up. 

He made a noise of thought. “_So. You’ve found it._” 

“Ultron is there. We’re headed in. But I’m personally requesting that we move for immediate evac.” 

“_You’re out of your mind_. _I’m not getting involved with them again. Not like this. Clean up your own mess_. _Call __**them**__. Not me._” 

This was what you really hadn’t been looking forward to. Of course Ellis didn’t want another catastrophe on his hands. Especially not another international one. But the Avengers were kind of _American heroes_, whether or not you disagreed with that sentiment. He’d allowed you to operate under such a banner, so long as you only did the whole _hero thing_ and less of the… _making a mess thing_. 

Well.  
This was a mess. A pretty fucking huge one. And now that you were asking for the _American military_ to get involved, he was putting his foot down. “They’re a small nation. They don’t have the resources we need to get everyone out-” 

“_You should have thought about that before you did what you did_.” Speaking pretty blandly, probably because he had yet to actually fully read a report about this that had hit his desk. What he did know was that Tony Stark, _**you**_, and the Avengers had brought to life something that was now terribly dangerous. And he also knew you were bound by far more guilt than he would ever be to clean it up. To figure out all the problems that came with it. 

“Don’t ask me to go over you. We’re supposed to work together.” 

“_No. __**You **__work for __**me**__-_”  
  
“Actually we _**don’t-**_” Annoyed with yourself for letting your petulance get the better of you like that. “You work for _us_. You’re a public servant. **_So serve_.**”

“_They’re not my public. __And you’ve run out of favors._” Something had happened. You weren’t sure what exactly. But something- or maybe _someone_ had gotten close to him. Whispered something in his ear. He usually wasn’t this belligerent. 

“I’m not asking you to do a favor for me, sir. Or the Avengers. I’m asking you to save lives.” Everyone had stopped what they were doing. They were now staring at you. 

“_Isn’t that __**your**__ job_?” 

You had to take a deep, deep breath. “The fallout of this, if this goes so sideways that the loss of life is monumental, won’t just be on us. And you know it. So stop fucking around. Before I release this entire phone call to the public and let them decide who’s the bad guy.” 

That stopped his bitching. He actually took a second to think about what was coming out of his mouth next. And when he did, “_You wouldn’t dare_.” 

“You know I would. So don’t try me.” Not leaving any more room for discussion on the matter, you ended the call with a double tap on the side of your visor. The next immediate call, as you turned your back on the team still intently watching you, was to Rhodey. 

His answer was almost immediate. “_Look, you’d better make this short and sweet. My phone is ringing off the hook, so-_”

“That’s probably my fault. I just threatened Ellis.” So it stood to reason that Rhodey was probably next in line to get an earful. “And look, I’m really sorry-”

He sighed harshly, cutting you off. “_Don’t be sorry. Just tell me what’s up_.” 

“We found Ultron. We’re making our stand. But he’s about to trap everyone in Sokovia in the middle of a war that’s not their fault.” Nobody else should have paid for this. Not innocent people. Not the Sokovians. Somewhere behind you there was a flicker of _surprise_. ...make that _two_. 

“_Sure. I get it. So you went to Ellis for evac and he told you no. And then you pissed him off and put him in a corner. So now it’s my problem._” Though he was trying to complain, he didn’t sound too aggravated. Probably just as happy to maybe, finally, be done with this as the rest of you were. So if you needed his help…

He’d be there.  
It was why you couldn’t help your soft smile. “You know me so well. Look. You’re the only one I trust to line this up right.” 

“_Do I get paid extra for this?_” Joking, now. What little time there was left for it. 

“Tony and I will take you to dinner. Anywhere you want.” 

“_Somewhere they put about ten grand on top of a plate_.” 

“This sounds like extortion. And- for the record- that’s a pretty lowball. I would have given you _at least _a million.” 

His laughter lifted your spirits. When it died, you found yourself waiting. But you didn’t have to wait long. “_I’ll see you in Sokovia._” 

You nodded into the darkness. “Thank you, Rhodey.” 

“_Thank me when we’re done_.” 

Tony had moved while your back was turned. In fact, he’d gotten very close. But his _presence_ drawing near, was your comforting focal point. So much so that when he laid a hand on your shoulder, you went just a little limp. His hand then skated across your back to the other shoulder, putting his arm around you completely, helping you turn towards him. And when you looked up, “Rhodey coming?” 

“You know he is.” Not a snappy retort, just… that same sort of _knowing_. 

Something that he nodded to. “Yeah.” Because Rhodey was just good like that. You could always count on him. For the little things and- thank god- the things that mattered most. “...did I hear you tell him we now owe him a million dollars?” Grinning just a little. It was weak. 

He was tired. Same as you.  
And hoping beyond hope that somehow this all worked out. But… nobody could be sure. Not even Tony Stark. 

“A small price to pay for his continued service.” Voice muffled a little halfway through as you reached up, wrapping your arms around him, burying your face into the side of his neck. Maybe you didn’t deserve this when no one else had it. This soothing before battle. 

-for a brief moment your thoughts strayed to Laura.  
Clint’s kids.  
Sitting on a couch inside a ranch. Waiting for news. _Any news_. 

Yet stubbornly, even perhaps _selfishly_, that thought made you just cling to Tony tighter. You needed this. You needed to ground yourself. To find some small sliver of peace before you faced down something horrible. For you, that was Tony. Anyone that had a problem with that was free to exit the jet. 

“I love you.” Your voice was small, even less than a whisper. Not for anyone else but him to hear. 

He mirrored the sentiment, though his murmur was just a touch louder. Not so loud that anyone could hear it. More just pleasant, so close to your ear. The rumble of his throat working sending a warmth echoing through you. “I love _you_.” 

It was awful, having to let him go. You wanted to childishly hold on to him, maybe even just _stay that way_, longer still. Forever, if you could have. But you couldn’t. So eventually the two of you parted, and rejoined the group standing at the table. The glow of the holomap was irritatingly bright. Maybe it was just your anxiety spiking. 

“I think Tony and I should go to Ultron first. Stall him while the rest of the team works on evac. I called Rhodey for backup, but it’s going to be a little bit before he gets organized. In the meantime we can get the civilians away so that he can pick them up.” Perhaps it wasn’t your job, to start formulating the big plan. But there you were. Doing it without a second thought. “With Clint’s info on Nat’s whereabouts, I’m thinking Bruce can pick her up. There’s no saying what her condition is like. I’m sure she’ll fight you, but try and get her back on the jet.” 

Though you were looking up at Bruce for confirmation, it was Clint’s chuckling from the cockpit that drew your attention. “Oh. She’ll fight you alright.” It was a nice sentiment. That Nat wouldn’t want to walk away from battle. You wouldn’t want to either, no matter your condition. So you understood it. 

But Bruce gave you a nod. Because he understood what you were doing. “I’ll uh… do my best to persuade her.” You were giving him an out. Letting him stay away. He still wasn’t alright after what had happened in Johannesburg. No one in his position would be. If he wasn’t ready to put the Hulk back out on the field, you didn’t want to force him. Even if it would have been advantageous. 

His mental health wasn’t worth jeopardizing over an advantage. 

Steve was leaned over the table, eyes alert. “Ultron knows we’re coming. He has the home advantage. There’s no chance we’ll be walking in clean. There’s no telling how many of him there are now.” 

You felt an emptiness creeping in. “We need to put ourselves between him and every single civilian. No matter what. The fight _has_ to stay between us. We have to do better than our best to protect them.” It wasn’t Steve you had to tell this to- to prioritize those lives over your own. But the two of you ended up looking at each other regardless. 

There was a heaviness going around the room. Especially when he nodded in agreement. “Ultron thinks we’re monsters. That we’re what’s wrong with the world. This isn’t just about beating him. It’s about whether he’s right.” 

A derisive snort escaped you, and you ended up folding your arms. “I don’t know about anyone else, but, I’m not concerned with his judgment.” 

JARVIS spoke up, standing at your other side opposite Tony. “You may not want to open your discussion with that. It might wound him.” 

There was a light little pass of a smirk on Tony’s lips. “Maybe it’ll give us the advantage. If Junior’s so concerned about our being disappointed-” 

“Not you.” JARVIS stopped Tony dead with such a dry tone. 

And, really, maybe you were falling apart. But. Just like Tony had done in the lab, you found yourself laughing. Just a little. Because this really _was_ so terrible, wasn’t it. 

* * *

The two of you didn’t wait for the touchdown of the jet. In the air, Tony took off down the ramp out the back, and you followed close behind him. This was not a battle you were ready for. Then again, were you ever ready for any of them? At least this one you sort of understood what you were facing. But you didn’t know how you were meant to approach this. Your focus, as always, was the civilians caught in the middle of all this. 

You and Tony had one mission.  
And that was to stall Ultron. For as long as possible. He hadn’t _done_ anything yet. Probably waiting. Waiting to show you what it was. So if you could keep him from doing that for as long as possible… 

Tony’s video window popped up on your HUD. “What’s the plan? Gonna hit him with some motherly love? Or are we going with parental disappointment?” 

A noise of disgust escaped you. “Can we… can we not do this? Can we not-” 

“We’re a little past the point of no return, honey.” He was right. No matter how much you didn’t want him to be. Ultron had clearly set his lines. He saw what he saw. You’d done what you’d done. You were all involved with each other the way you were. There was no changing it now. 

But to try and _use that_ for an advantage? Your brain protested at the idea. Not sure why. ...maybe because this was not the family you’d wanted to have with him. This was not the _legacy_ you’d wanted to leave behind. “JARVIS doesn’t wanna kill him. Do you?” Changing the subject very abruptly. 

So much so that it seemed like he had a hard time processing what you were asking of him. “I’m sorry- I think everyone keeps calling him Vision.” Apparently Tony didn’t want to answer that question. 

“He’ll always be JARVIS to me. If he doesn’t like it he can tell me to stop.” 

“He can’t tell you to do anything.” Just as the meaning of these words connected, you took your eyes off the scenery ahead as the two of you jetted by, and looked square at his video-box. “What? You didn’t get that sense? I don’t know what it is. There’s you and then there’s me- the kids don’t seem to like me very much.” 

“Knock it off.” Getting a little frustrated now. “JARVIS- Vision- whatever- he likes you just fine. But you’ve always programmed your- uh- well, _programs_\- to talk back to you. I think you like it.” 

This seemed to catch him off guard, a breathy one-note laugh left him, eyes rolling up and then closed, albeit briefly as he shook his head. “I guess I do. Explains why I fell in love with you.” 

“Tony-” 

“Yes-men are the worst. You surround yourself with them you’re never gonna get anywhere. No one tells you the truth.” 

At least he was this self-aware, though it was by no means surprising. He loved Rhodey just the same, and Rhodey for sure never let him get away with anything. JARVIS too, even before now, had always had some sense of sass about him. And you… 

Well… 

Tony’s inner-circle was a carefully handpicked crew that _told him how it was_ more than they casually agreed with him. If he was being ridiculous, anyway. Which may have been more often than not. 

You wanted to say something. Though you weren’t sure what. Maybe something encouraging. Something loving. A little bit of _anything_ but you ran out of time. The next voice that spoke over your comms was FRIDAY’s. “_Your man’s in the church, boss_. _I think he’s waiting for the two of you._” 

Said church was fifteen feet away- mere seconds. There was not enough time to say anything at all. 

The two of you descended in a hard drop, metallic boom echoing up along the broken and cracked ceiling. The place was a wreck. Most of Sokovia was. It was now your job to make sure it didn’t get any worse. Ultron was just sort of… _standing there_. Like FRIDAY had said. **Waiting**. He also looked different. Like he’d retooled his design. Just a little. He was a little bigger. A little more menacing. 

Even his voice had a tremble of dark _promise_ that it had not held before. “Come to confess your sins?” 

Tony took a hard stance. “I don’t know. How much time you got?” 

Ultron stood very still. Giving the air he controlled everything going on right now. _He was right_. “More than you.” 

It was probably the stupidest thing you could have done. Reckless. Without purpose- at least one that would have helped you. Because Ultron was _gone_. He’d never been in tact in the first place. There was no point trying to reason with him. Yet still. You had to _try_. 

You double tapping your Reactor to recall the suit _surprised_ the hell out of Tony. Wound him tight with sudden _fear_. Though he stood stock still, not giving anything away. Ultron, on the other hand… 

His attention went to you, a small tilt of his head, a _consideration_ to those glowing red eyes of his. You kept your own gaze on his. “Can we talk about this?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Said almost _stubbornly_. 

“You don’t have to do this. We can walk away.” Really, there was probably no chance of this. Everyone in that room understood that. But you had to _try_. 

He scoffed, crossing his arms. “I’ve moved beyond finding the whole _bleeding heart_ thing endearing.”

Lifting your head a little higher, raising an even hand palm up, you challenged him, “No you haven’t.” 

There was a long pause of consideration. When he was finished, he just shrugged. “Maybe. But nothing will change what’s coming.” The corners of his mouth lifted up in a wicked grin. “Neither will the fact that you’re stalling to save the people.” 

Tony made a little noise from his spot. “Well… that is the mission. Did you forget?” 

Ultron groaned with a little shake of his head. “I’ve moved beyond your mission. _I’m free_.” Almost like he’d ordered it in time with his declaration, a long, thick metal cylinder popped out of the ground, sending debris scattering. “What? You think you’re the only ones stalling?” 

You could have recalled the suit. You didn’t, instead just putting your hands up. This wasn’t an _attack_. He was showing something off. And when it set down four clamps and secured itself to the ground you looked up at him. Tony was surveying. You stood so still your muscles were taut. “Please don’t do this.” 

In one fluid move his own hand slithered up. Almost like he was trying to beckon you. Another smirk appeared. “He’s still trying to work it out. But I know you know. Because you’re smart. Not like he pretends to be.” 

“I won’t argue with you on that one.” Tony moved only a fraction of an inch, a little more _protectively _in your favor. Just in case. 

Whatever that thing was, it was meant to destroy not only Sokovia, but the earth itself. He wanted something drastic. Something _huge_. He wanted to wipe out the earth and everyone on it. _Start over_. “What can I do to make you not go through with this?” 

Ultron’s head moved back in a bark of a laugh. “Come on. You can’t be serious. Nothing you do will stop this. But- I do have an offer on the table-” His attention returned a thousand times harder and he held his hand out in just a little bit more of an impatient shake. _Waiting for you_. “I’m a _perfect being_. All the strengths. None of the weaknesses. Greater than the sum of my parts. Greater than any _vision_ forced on me.

Come with me. You don’t have to die with them. _Like them_.” The way he said this- surely more of a _command_\- chilled you straight to your core. The implication here was that… Ultron thought himself perfect- but he was offering you a chance at perfection. _**At being like him**_. 

It was probably your heightened fear that recalled the suit so quickly. Your only barrier. “I won’t let you do this.” And your only other means of protection- _very telling_, as you half stepped behind Tony’s arm as he’d raised it. 

_Anger_ flashed through him. So much so that you thought he might reach out and strike you. _Volatile_. But in the end he just narrowed his eyes. “I knew you’d choose them over me. Choose _him_ over me. So be it, then. _**You can all die together**_.” 

The sounds of chaos lit up the air. Just as _Ultron_ commanded them to do so.  
There was heavy gunfire. Explosions. The citizens of Sokovia were shrieking.  
He was making a point. 

They would die first. And the world after them. 

In dual moves, both you and Tony jumped to escape from the church and fly into the battle. Ultron would have to wait. His plan would have to wait. Iron suits were ripping buildings apart. Throwing people around. That couldn’t go unanswered. 

Tony sounded eerily defeated when he spoke in heavy sarcasm, “That felt good. Do you think that went as well as I do?” 

Whatever you wanted to answer got knocked out of you as a suit blasted you in the back and you went slightly tumbling into the nearest building, taking down the facade. “We didn’t stall long enough.” Your only hope now was that Rhodey would come sooner rather than later- and that he brought a big enough … _whatever_ he was bringing to escort the civilians the team hadn’t gotten to evacuate. 

Had you blown this already?  
Had you _failed_ already? 

“FRIDAY-” Tony was in the middle of punching something, voice lurching as he called for her across both your comms. “Where’s the Vision?” 

Maybe your only other hope to get out of this. FRIDAY’s answer was not as quick as you’d have liked. “_In the church. It’s working. He’s burning Ultron out of the net. He won’t escape through there_.” Just as she said this you felt a huge _surge_ of energy- 

Something orange and warm-  
JARVIS.  
Almost like he’d wrapped a string around your finger. Connected somehow.  
_And then it died very suddenly_. Leaving you cold. 

Without warning, your body going into autopilot, you put your hands through a suit just to get it off you, ripping it apart from the inside- too much force for just one of them- but you _needed to go_. Not even Tony calling for you seemed to get by your sudden panic. 

Your nerves were rewarded when you descended on the church again.  
Just in time to see Ultron throwing a very lifeless JARVIS onto the floor. 

Once the jets flickered off, you landed in a hard drop. And then maybe an even harder one as you went to your knees, half pulling him onto your lap. “JARVIS- hey-” 

Ultron’s voice was a _**growl**_. “Figures.” His _bitter disappointment _was almost like an arm around your throat. He put his hand on that cylinder, lifting a cap and then pulling a handle. “_You take away my world, I’ll take away __**yours**__._” 

The startup was slow, but you felt the tremor beneath your legs. Sokovia was trembling from deep beneath you. Then without warning, the shaking picked up speed, knocking you back into the wall, holding steady to JARVIS- still unconscious. 

“FRIDAY?” Tony was calling. Not for you.  
  
Not that it mattered. Her voice was much quieter, “_Sokovia’s going for a ride_.” 

Almost as if you’d had a preemptive vision- Ultron _actually_ put his hand around your neck, but it was weirdly _gentle_, like he was aware of his strength and actively trying _not _to hurt you. But he still wanted you to know who was in charge. He lifted you up, leaving JARVIS there in a heap. Your hands were quick on his wrist. But he kept that steady grip. _Not squeezing_. Just. _Lifting you_. Up.  
  
_**Up**_.  
  
High up out of the church. Then he forced you around the other way, one arm tight around you. Holding you to him. Almost… cradling you to his chest. _Making you watch_ as the city lifted from the ground. As buildings got caught and fell. As people _died_ falling from corners and cracks. “Do you see?” His voice doubled. Close to your ear. And over the comms. “The beauty of it. _The inevitability._ You rise. Only to _**fall**_. You are my meteor. My swift and terrible sword that will crack the earth with the weight of your failure. You can purge me from the net. You can turn my own flesh against me. It means _**nothing**_.” Whipping you around, he held you by your shoulders, recalling your suit against your will.

Leaving you dangling thousands of feet in the air.  
With only his _grace_ saving you from death. 

“When the dust settles the only living thing in this world will be metal.” That sounded like a very real promise. “I’m sorry you won’t be around to see it. You have no idea how much it pains me to do this.” He almost sounded like he meant that. 

Almost. 

“_But someone needs to teach __**him**__ his actions have consequences.” _Without a single second spared after the sound of his voice died, he thrusted you away from him in a dramatic spread of his arms. 

Your cry pierced the air as it shred your lungs, “_ULTRON!_”  
**Desperate**.  
Begging. 

_Begging him to save you_. 

You drowned him in your _**panic**_ so hard that it looked like something had snapped inside him. Because in the next moment he fell in a dive, wrapping a metal claw around your wrist, nearly yanking your arm out of the socket from the force. He stayed like that. Hovering still, looking down at you with nervous consideration. “Have you changed your mind?” 

Like he’d let you live if you promised to turn your back on everything. Like he had just been trying to teach you a lesson. Instead of trying to use your death to teach Tony one.

You found strength to face him, lifting your head, reaching your other arm up, fingers outstretched. Smiling at him. Something he found a modicum of _solace_ in. _**Relief**_ that he wouldn’t _have_ to kill you. Because you’d come to your senses- 

Except that wasn’t it at all. 

_You were responsible for this?  
_You were.  
So here was your moment to **make it right**.

You put your hand on his chest. “You can die with me.” 

The force you exerted was **new**. Unlike anything you’d ever done before.  
But if you’d kept JARVIS _inside_ his body in the lab-  
Well… 

It somehow wasn’t a surprise when you _shoved Ultron __**outside**__ his_. A blinding light shot out from you, stretching across him and then touching up into the sky before vanishing.

His gasp was near ethereal. Because it certainly hadn’t come from _him_. Somewhere just outside. In a space only _you_ could see him in. And only for a few moments longer, as the two of you tumbled back down to earth. 

The sound of his heavy body decimating the top of the church rang in your ears.  
You supposed your number was up next.  
  
At least it would have been.  
Had JARVIS not found you first. “Ms. INY, your suit seems in need of repair.” 

_Nice to see you too_-  
That was what you’d wanted to say. Something snappy back at him as he put you back down on your own two feet. But what came out was more of a mumble resembling it as your energy fled. 

He called your name once.  
And then again. 

_This is not your time to _ _go._

You weren’t sure who had said it.  
But you found yourself grateful because for a moment… _a long moment_… it was the only thought that made sense. And it was the only thought that held you there.

You were sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sokovia's going for a ride.
> 
> And so are we.
> 
> Housenotes: Yes, there's a little bit of Ultron comic dialogue there. He's menacing   
Also did he try to just JOCASTA Ms. INY? ....maybe a little. But I'd never let that happen.   
Probably.


End file.
